The Late Show: Recent Episodes
dorothy holder
A show where any topic is up for grabs including most importantly the relationships we have with current events, are we too attached to what goes on in the world or even in our community? Our lives revolve around the relationships we have, romance, family, friendships and our jobs create complex situations. Even how we relate to strangers determines whether our days are positive or challenging. Pearls of Wisdom gained from over 20 years of guiding others whose lives have come to an impasse, Dorothy offers some straight talk and new perspectives Ask your questions in the live chat 11pm EST 30 minutes Thursdays
Is this a toxic trait? Quite possibly. Self determination starts with Self Realization.
Seeking answers can be frustrating if you don't know how to learn what you need to know.
Longer term relationships, gift expectations and more for Valentines day. Building better relationships.
Creativity comes from being prepared to recognize how you impact those around you. Do you inspire another person to be committed and caring? Do you inspire anger or jealousy? Are you inspired to be either or both? Relationship dynamics are varied, are you equipped to have a healthy relationship?
When therapists speak therapy for couples too often they are suggesting sessions to 'get past' trust issues due to infidelity and relationship issues that contributed, but is this really fair?
Sometimes you need help but knowing what kind of help and where to get it can be the difference between creating potential and nailing down the ending.
Regardless of the past you get to take yourself into your future, who else are you dragging along with you?
Who really is responsible for an affair? Is couples therapy needed to heal? Let's find out.
It is pretty hard to ghost people you know and love, even harder if not impossible to ghost people you work with every day. What we used to call ignoring has become something of a needy response or statement of anger in the minds of many. Yet,, we do it every single day in a variety of ways without any intention or thought at all.
The things we get ourselves into are largely consensual. What do you consent to and what impact can it have?
These are just not straightforward ideas but complex dynamics that you may not be aware you are engaged in. It may surprise you to know that they aren't all good and they aren't all bad.
Should you confront a cheater? How do you respond when you find intimate texts on your partner's phone?
When meeting someone new this is a normal topic for conversation, it is better had sooner rather than later.
You think it would be self explanatory but many seem to struggle with the idea of no contact
Confusion in marriage can happen when attractions strikes can come from misplacing what it is and why you are exposed to it. A bigger mistake is assuming this never happens to your partner.
The often missed part of all successful relationships whether business, friendship or romantic is trust. Many things can happen but there is a line in the sand where trust is concerned and once broken, feelings never really go back to what they were before. The greater the breach of trust, the greater the divide.
Dishonesty and planning bad behaviours is humiliating for partners. This and not intimacy is often what leads to trust issues in life.
Learning about another person's character, their weakness or their willingness to damage you is valuable information. You wouldn't trust a person to stand behind you with a knife if you knew they were the type to stab you in the back.
How does past betrayal or infidelity affect how you see future relationships? Is it reasonable caution or unreasonable fear? Are you equipped to have a trusting relationship with another person?
Catastrophizing is a common thing to do as is playing the victim. It will lead to painful and toxic relationships, learn to recognize it early and save yourself time. If you are the one doing it, have a listen and find ways to create relationships that inspire trust.
Victim statements are pretty common when starting relationships or even in one's thought processes when thinking about the. Is it really your job to deal with someone elses issues? Is it their life purpose to deal with yours?
Today Dorothy discusses fear of rejection and becoming overinvested in non existent relationships.
messaging and texting, emailing and online calling all leave you without the tools to determine a persons character and even whether you are safe. It is up to the other person to prove they are trustworthy over time it isn't up to you to trust a stranger
Never a great time but should it be a confrontation? Know what you intend, what you will do and where you will take things next.
Gaining closure comes from accepting where you are, how things are and how you got where you are.
Having a bad run in relationships or struggling to find common ground or happiness in your marriage? Maybe you are part of the problem or the common ground is the problem.
Gaslighting isn't a casual experience in an argument. Catasrophizing is exagerrating to get attention. If you want to build solid relationships know what these two things are and reframe how you think and speak to partners and those who care about you. Narcissists are rarer than you realize if social media is dictating your attitude.
Communication is a big issue in many relationships, today Dorothy has a look at why and what you can do about it.
If you haven't had the conversation, you haven't got the agreement, contract or intention. Take that to the bank.
These can ruin any relationship, we notice them in others but maybe don't respond effectively at the outset to ensure they aren't used on us or by us. Recognizing them in yourself is vital if you want healthy relationships.
A lot of feelings come into play when a relationship breaks down. When kids are involved it requires more adulting and less ME..
When life changes so do relationships, are you ready to build a trust bond or are you still seeking the excitement of beginnings.
There are good reasons to manage social media connections when it comes to exes and ex friends or even family.
Misunderstanding relationship dynamics can lead to a world of pain. Trusting yourself comes with experience and knowing what you are getting yourself into and consciously agreeing to the terms.
misconceptions over what love is tends to cause a lot of problems. Saying i love you means nothing at all.. how do you show it and how do you receive it?
There are two sides to every equation, if you aren't the narc, who are you in that relationship? To spot a narc you need a clear perspective
When do you need to explore forgiving yourself? It really isn't about you being a victim. Self Forgiveness starts with recognizing your own behaviours and how they might impact others via knowing how you would feel.
it is a bit easy to get caught up in a transgression or target an area of dissatisfaction, but before something difficult happens there are a number of warnings that indicate the other person may not be caring about you.
When someone asks to be forgiven they are asking for a free pass. There is a difference between offering forgiveness, to being asked for it.
Forgiveness of past events isn't a free pass, it is understanding that being angry or victimized is of no benefit when trying to live a peaceful life.
there are people who want what they want at your expense but how do you recognize them and what is your role in being decieved?
how you manage rejections small and large determines how resilient you are, how long it takes you to accept current circumstances and how capable you are of having healthy relationships in any area of your life.
when you lie to yourself it is reflected in everything you do, your attitude and your outcomes. Call it Karma if you must but bonding with others and making good choices can only happen when you are honest about your motivations.
All or nothing isn't a working model in relationships making changes in ourselves can bring great rewards over time.
On and off relationships are emotionally distressing, not accepting where you are at can be anxiety provoking.
A person who isn't offering something positive into a potential or newer relationship will seek others to enable their status, usually a vicitm status. Be alert to this and create better relationships.
The two top reported causes of relationship breakdowns are money and communication. Maybe someone is being unreasonable but there are plenty of ways to deal with it as a couple without fighting.
It is easy to let things go but if feeling frustrated or generally unhappy it isn't the wisest way to go about things.
You may think you are a good listener but in relationships too often we hear what we want to hear and miss the important bits.
You or your partner have made a choice and one of you is angry about that. Do you have the right to be angry, do they? Maybe not...
Do you have the right to say no to your partners aspirations and hold back their ambitions? Do they have the authority to say no to yours?
Whether in personal or business relationships when you want to discuss use of resources or time it is a negotiation you aren't asking for permission.
When we don't address issues early with a view to having healthier relationships we end up expressing our displeasure and sometimes it is all that gets expressed.
We all understand the principle but do we really pay enough attention to how we wind ourselves up?
blaming can be a never ending story that leads to breakdowns but is your partner really responsible for your experience of life? Let's find out.
After a failure in marriage or defacto what next? Do you trust again? Do you try to recapture your past? Do you become defensive? How do you trust again?
When you don't know what to do when a relationship is in trouble, what are the options? if your partner doesn''t want to go to relationship counselling does that mean they don't want to repair the relationship?
Dealing with a jealous partners takes some finesse and before you consign them to the problem basket there are a few things you can check in on first.
Are you equipped to inspire caring and love in others or even another? Negative thinking finds others who think the same and can taint your ability to think clearly. Live 9pm Sundays EST/ 2pm Monday NZDT
There are many ways to be betrayed in a relationship, tonight we are discussion what to do after you have found yourself the victim of a cheater.
It may seem overwhelming to take control of the relationships that use your weakness to gain strength but it is far easier than you think.
How do you know if the person you are seeing is a match for your future expectations and desires?
What is your purpose in using a dating app. We can meet plenty of people by having an active social life, joining groups in town and even having friends and family..
Some things have slipped in the last 20 years, expectations of someones behaviours, respect and compassion in dating environments is one of them.
Most people can't help but warn you of their intentions, but do we listen? If you don't want to waste time, IE your life, it is wise to do so.
Over the years I have seen so many posts and heard so many comments, listened to so many people labelling their partner as a narcissist. They may be, Tonight Dorothy gives you the rundown on what isn't a narc and what is.
Beung progressive is open and offers opportunities but many people are negative geared and don't even realize it.
putting your partner down in your mind or behind their back creates an attitude that they will feel, don't doubt it.
Waht methods do you or your partner use to avoid serious conversations when you are scared that they may be hurtful or unpleasant?
We sometimes confuse a social belief and construct with self esteem. Do you have what it takes to create the relationship you dream of?
When nice people try to set boundaries at the early stages of dating or relationships, needy people, narcissists and selfish types don't get it. Take note and save yourself some time.
Trust goes deep when you understand that the other person has to earn your trust for sure, but you also need to earn theirs.
Very few reunions work out for long, Dorothy believes that this is due to rushing it and not understanding what went wrong in the first place. Wanting to appease grief feelings isn't going to bring about success, there is a small window that can work so getting it right matters.
Is trust developing or growing in your relationship? Was trust eroding long ago or was it never a true focus as the relationship became more committed.Dorothy offers you a trust checklist to ensure you are on track in this vital area of long term commitments.
LDR's are problematic for many reasons, while the stats are clear that meeting someone the traditional way is more likely to lead to commitment, many engage in long distance relationships and sometimes for years.
Breaking down a committed long term relationship isn't easy but it is time to stop calling a date the ex. We also explore the long weekend, how a man has described a girl coming to stay and not leaving.
You may be surprised to discover you want more than you are able to offer, in that case, things are likely to go south,,, repeatedly
What do you do if your partner tells you that one of your friends fancies you? What are the red flags in how your partner responds to you telling them the same thing?
What do you do when your partner hangs out with an ex as a bestie or spends a lot of time with them in ways that threaten your security and trust? Listen and find out.
It is a bit too easy to put the blame for your present on the past. Recognize the feeling you reinforce every single day and give yourself the opportunity to release your heart and mind.
It is common to see some terms used in ways that don't match their true meaning. Social Media is tyrannical in its ability to grab a real term and help individuals misunderstand their own relationships.
Looking for reasoning to another persons mind set could be the biggest relationship issue of all.
Saying I love you is one of the least effective ways of getting the message across. Do you know what you or your partner see as expressions of love? listen and discover why.saying the words isn't always enough.
Saying I love you is one of the least effective ways of getting the message across, listen and discover why.
Living with someone or being with someone over a long term shouldn't be a trial, exploring love, devotion and respect v neediness, fear and low self esteem
People are people. it is a truth that escapes many, when you know who you are, there is less focus on what you want, but what you need.
Developing relationships can be tempting areas for sending mixed messages. In this area we are talking about sending a message to someone that doesn't reflect the real you in some way.
It can become a lose lose situation for both parties when we aren't clear in our own minds what we want from another person, also what we are prepared to give.
Managing relationships includes being able to understand why you give a gift as well as how to recieve one or reject the unwanted gift.
creating a relationship is the beginning but how do you go about developing an existing relationship to ensure a long term commitment.
when you drop your standards there is always a price to pay, when you compromise your values you won't like yourself very much..
If you are blaming your partners past for the relationship you are having with them now, think again
Aside from what causes the argument, there is that awkward time afterward, what do you do when the heat of the moment has passed?
Commonly heard in a modern world, are you giving too much or do you count everything you do give based on what you get back?
Intimacy isn't just physical and it isn't deep and meaningfuls every day, Is your relationship struggling with the 3 intimacies required for a happy and balanced life?
Resentment doesn't always come from where we place it's origins. Is the problem really with the other person or are we responsibile for not being truthful.
With a trend toward neediness and a lack of resilience are we getting weak and losing the ability to have mutually satisfying relationships? Where is the line between asking for emotional support and simply wanting someone to put up with our BS..
There are appropriate sacrifices and inappropriate yeilding for reward, what do you do?
Having an effective communiction is not the easiest thing, but it is something that can't be done in anger. Tackling issues doesn't have to be confrontational, but it does need to confront the underlying issues.
Comptetiiveness is more common than you might think in all relationships. It isn't necessary and prevents a partnerhip. friendship or family from becoming a team. It damages kids the most which makes it worth looking at.
Understanding the difference between need and desire offers up the ability to make sound choices that work for you, not just now, but into the future. When we confuse the two, we tend to act desperate inviting a certain amount of angst and difficulty that we just don't need.
Do you live your values? Do you hold grudges? Are you justified in your words and behaviours? Maybe, maybe not. this show is a guide to misery and how you can help yourself live the worst possible life.
Whether it is yours or someone around you, it is important to assess the impact of anger on those who matter and on those who don't. The way we walk in the world determines our experiences, how others treat us and the quality of life itself.
What do you do after an argument? How can you have fewer disagreements? How can you communicate essentials and not get personal? Feeling awkard after having an argument can take a fairly minor issue and make it last all day.
Not everyone has them but are they depression or are they a reflection of not understanding feelings, habits and life. Maybe being happy isn't the catailyst for moving beyond suicidal thoughts. Dorothy shares a challenging period of her life where thinking of ending her life, almost overwhelmed her.
Do your expectations exceed reality? After the first 6 months or so relations turn real, You may find yourself bored for a day or have that first argument, if feelings haven't built this is often where it all ends.
Social media, chat apps, dating apps and pretty much any tech means a person you love can flirt and be emotionally connected to someone down the street or in another country, there are those who think this isn't cheating.
There are a few types of cheaters in relationships, the one night stand, the drunken fumble, the serial cheater and the long term affair. Should you forgive and forget?
Should you block and old flame? Is sexting really safe? Is messenging someone the best way to handle a relationship? This and more in tonights show.
Are you kidding yourself thinking someone who is in a relationship with someone else is your soulmate? Are you delusional by believing that a crush is a twin flame? If you are triggered by this show, it could be that you are living a lie. Great relationships happen when an individual takes responsibility for not only their feelings, but their behaviours.
If you are the recipient of extremism and ultimatums the chances are you aren't having much fun. it can become habitual and leave you constantly wondering why you are with your partner. Why are you? What can you do about it?
Is it good practice to threaten a relationship or another person in a relationship? Can you trust someone who does? Do you have extreme thoughts when things go wrong or an argument is in play? What can you do about it if it is a habit?
Women tend to think of themselves as the fixers in relationships but is this a genuine truth? It can be, but women can be as selfish as any man and sometimes need to be held to account for that 'we need to talk' speech that puts fear into the minds of men.
So many men find themselves not understanding what is going on with their wives or girlfriends but mostly this is because she is unable to communicate the actual problem or He is unable to look to himself as the cause.
Any conflict is an invitation to finding solutions but sometimes from the early stages of a partnership one or both parties fall back on old habits and get caught in a damaging trait that can derail solid love stories.
There i's often an overriding sense of being taken advantage of when relationships don't motivate into a committed love relationship, but is that really someone elses responsibility? There is a difference between playing hard to get and throwing everything you have at someone that could bring you to a point of effectively living on a false promise.
Building a strong caring relationship isn't too hard, but you do need to focus on developing areas that you may already know are weak from past experience. The foundations of a happy union are simple to see and execute.
Mostly the answer to this question is a resounding no, there are great reasons and knowing what they are can help you be more clear in your mind. There are circumstances that indicate that yes, in certain cases having another go is worth the effort.
What is an EX? How do you manage exes online or in person, is it even an EX if you have only been dating? How do you have a relationship with an EX when you have kids??? let's find out.
Should your partner have access to your phone, social media accounts or messaging apps? Should you have access to theirs? Sometimes the answer is no, but sometimes it is yes, tonight we distinguish between the two options.
This word gets bandied around a lot but often doesn't reflect the truth of a person, narcissists do exist but they are not the norm in fact they are fairly rare.
This newish word for being ignored pops up a lot when someone isn't responding to messages online or perhaps not even liking posts. Are we learning to use the methods of communication online properly or are we more than a little naive.
In relationships it isn't difficult to see who the cheater is, they reveal themselves pretty quickly and tend to think no one else spots the inconsistencies, but in truth, it is one of the most loveless things anyone can do to someone else.
The most damaging thing we do is tell ourselves little lies. With every new year there are a mountain of them. What do you tell yourself that damages your chances of creating the life you want?
Creating great relationships with depth and commitment requires honesty and integrity, not that of others, but of yourself. We have a natural attraction to those who hold similar values and standards, likes and dislikes. When we pretend to be who we are not, we can only invite others who do the same into our world.
Guilt plays a big role in all relationships. Many are taught it young and don't deal with it or even recognize it as adults. Moving past guilt allows you to follow your heart and your mind.
Red Flags are the key to avoiding the pitfalls of online relationships. With only 20% of these getting to meetings or the initial dating stage, you can save a lot of time by being savvy about how the game is played.
Communicating emotionally can cause problems, big problem. What do you do about it and how can you moderate the way you speak to others?
People lie for a variety of reasons, now and again they are harmless and useful but when used often they tell a lot about a persons character leaving you with the opportunity to decide how important a role should they play in your life. Addressing lies can create conflict but it is a necessary one if you are to have trust and growth.
A complex area that everyone knows about but seem to be unable to understand. Today Dorothy looks at why difficult areas in relationship stay the same or get worse even when you don't want them to.
Our Debut show answers 3 particular relationship questions. Our whole life is dictated by the relationships we are capable of having and the people we have them with, at work, at home, or even those we interact with every day. Listen to the late show for some insights and Pearls of Wisdom. Thursdays 11pm EST live