Parenting Together Apart Podcast: Recent Episodes
Ellie Lemons and Monique Barry
We are Ellie Lemons and Monique Barry; two mothers who currently successfully co-parent. This is a space for people to relearn what parenting after separation looks like. We draw on our experiences, journeys and the lessons we've learned to help people see that having a coparenting relationship where being friends is not only possible but a rewarding experience for everyone. We are creating the resource we wish we had when we began our co-parenting journeys and we hope you'll join us as we help parents transition from a romantic relationship to a co-parenting one, rewrite the narrative of what parenting after separation looks like and continue to unfold our own journeys — discussing all things co-parenting, relationships, separation, child development, communication, conflict and healing.
IG: @parentingtogetherapart Web: togetherapartpodcast.com
Last episode for the season!! This episode we share our thoughts on all the things we found hard when we first separated but got easier over time...owning our co-parenting status and not caring if people didn't understand it, letting go of that "perfect" fantasy of 2.5 children, dating and not having to see your co-parent everyday [or having to see them everyday] all takes some getting used to....
EPISODE RESOURCES
Podcast:Circularity - The Redesign of Everything
Read: Esther Perel - The State of Affairs : Rethinking Infidelity
FOLLOW ALONG
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG: @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
On this episode Moni chats with Serafin Upton, a NZ based psychotherapist who specialises in recovering from narcissistic relationships and emotional abuse. She helps us understand narcissistic personality disorder vs narcissistic traits, identify and manage a relationship with a narcissist and how to support and protect your children from narcissistic abuse.
EPISODE RESOURCES
Read: Mark Ettensohn - Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life
Read: Esther Perel - Mating in Captivity : Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
Read: Esther Perel - The State of Affairs : Rethinking Infidelity
Podcast: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Podcast Episode: Brené with Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
Our Family Wizard App
FOLLOW ALONG
Serafin Upton's Wesbite: www.serafinupton.co.nz
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG: @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
On this episode Ellie chats with her co-parent Charlie Goldsmith. Hear what Charlie has to say about the importance of respecting and supporting the mother of your child/ren and the positive programming around relationships and communication this can create for them, why it’s better (and easier) to get along, building a community around your child as well as rewriting the narrative that being friends with your ex is “weird”.
SHOW LINKS
Charlies IG: @charliegoldsmith
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG: @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
We share some tips for what to do next once the decision to separate has been made when you share children and one or both of you are thinking about how to start the co-parenting journey.
- Introduction
- Being clear about the decision to separate
- Deciding the best living and child-sharing arrangements for your family
- Managing communication and maintaining privacy
- Finding a support person in a professional or trusted friend
- Establishing early boundaries around parental decisions, sex and dating
- Respecting someone else’s grieving period might be different to yours
- How to manage your alone time when your child/ren is with the other parent
- Honouring your feelings and resourcing / supporting yourself through them
Disclaimer: This episode is relevant to situations where there are two capable parents and children are safe in each parents hands.
SHOW LINKS
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG: @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
We talk about handling arguments and conflict in your co-parenting / parenting relationship and how to come out of an argument better than when you went in.
- Introduction
- Arguments can be a good thing providing awareness about what your wounds are, where expectations aren’t being met or holes in your communication.
- Arguments vs discussion
- How attachment styles influence your ability to have hard discussions and handle conflict and knowing your co-parents attachment style is a sign of love.
- Strategies to help when you’re in the midst of an argument
- How to recover after an argument so you finish better off, not worse off.
SHOW LINKS
Book: Attached by Amir Levine HERE
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG: @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
Join Ellie and Monique as they discuss how important letting go of the stories you tell yourself is to your co-parenting journey.
- How to identify the difference between what is ACTUALLY happening vs the stories you’re telling yourself about what you THINK is happening.
- Why we need to let go of unhelpful stories from our romantic relationships so we can transition into a co-parenting relationship
- Common held beliefs such as ‘The white picket fence’ and ‘single mum’ narratives and letting go of years of conditioning and societal expectations around what successful relationships and self-worth looks like.
- When two co-parents are stuck in their stories and no-one is willing to budge.
- At home practices to help you rewrite the stories you tell yourself
SHOW LINKS
5 Journaling prompts to help rewrite unhelpful stories HERE
Ted Talk: How to Get Your Brain to Focus by Chris Bailey HERE
Subscribe to the Holistic Psychologist's newsletter for her free future self journal
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
We share 5 principles that we believe form a healthy co-parenting relationship including practical tips and tools you can implement and practice in your life.
- Rule 1: Respect and how to be considerate of differing needs, feelings, experiences or expectations.
- Rule 2: Avoiding exposing children to parental conflict
- Teaching kids that not all romantic relationships work out and creating a new narrative around navigation relationships and separation.
- Rule 3: Willingness to do self-work
- Daily practices you could incorporate to help you do self-work
- Rule 4: Check in with your kids frequently
- Tips to help teach your kids how to express their emotions
- Rule 5: Determined shared parenting values and goals
SHOW LINKS
See the Parenting Triangle on Instagram HERE
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_
We are Ellie Lemons and Monique Barry and our podcast Parenting Together Apart is a resource for co-parents, by co-parents. We share our co-parenting / co-living journeys and our intentions for this resource.
- Who is Together Apart for?
- Defining co-parenting
- 3:12 Ellie’s co-parenting story
- The timeline of the co-parenting journey and where we are now is not where we started
- Monique’s co-parenting story
- Taking responsibility for our healing and taking a child centred approach to parenting after separation
- Questioning the stories you tell yourself about what breakups look like
Show Links
Our Website: www.togetherapartpodcast.com
Find us on IG: @parentingtogetherapart
Follow Ellie: @ellielemons
Follow Moni: @moniquebarry_