Dear Matisse,: Recent Episodes
Matisse DuPont
Do you have questions about gender, sexuality, or identity? Wondering about the nature of culture and society? Hankering for a book, media, or content recommendation? Need a bit of clarification or advice? Well, I’ve got your back! Tell me what’s going on!
dearmatisse.substack.com
Dear Matisse,
I identified heavily as a lesbian in 2019 and 2020. I only had crushes on girls and only wanted to date girls. then in December 2020 I came out as a trans guy and dated a girl for 6 months before I realized I had no romantic feelings for her. now I only have feelings for guys and masc-aligned people. was I confusing platonic and romantic attraction? did my sexuality change? I’m so confused…
Thanks,
Confused Cryptid
Check out The Queer Theatre Project on Instagram and grab your tickets to see [title of show] on 8/27 and 8/27 at the Armory in Somerville, MA.
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Dear Matisse,
I've been using they/them pronouns for almost 5 years now, and most people in my life use them for me by this point! However, recently for the first time I was introduced as Mx. Myname. I was a bit caught off guard but didn't think anything of it. But again after that I saw an infographic about alternatives to Mr./Ms. that gave Mx. as the standard gender-neutral honorific.
I never had cause to think about or choose what I would prefer over Mr./Ms., but honestly, if I were asked how I prefer to be respected, my choice would be simply use my full name, or they/them alone. Is that wrong, or too informal? It felt like enough of a struggle getting people to respect my chosen name and pronouns. And honestly using honorifics, I don't vibe with it. It makes me feel misrepresented. How should I navigate this in 'formal' situations, or anywhere people want to introduce me with Mr./Ms./Mx?
Loving your advice and videos
-Mx'ed up
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Dear Matisse,
My little one was AFAB (assigned female at birth) and while I'm making best efforts to present toys, clothing options, and media that don't just fall into "pink/blue" conventions, she seems to gravitate toward the stereotypically feminine aesthetics anyway. Pretty dresses, pink and sparkles, loves unicorns, and the like. This, of course, is not a problem- it seems to be what she likes. My question is: how can a parent keep the gender door wide open, so that she feels free to explore throughout her life (rather than "picking" a gender that she feels constricted by later)?
Thanks,
Mama of a girly girl
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Dear Matisse,
How can binary trans-ness and concepts of gender as a social construct co-exist peacefully? Isn't there a fundamental requirement to view gender as an innate quality in the former, something people just 'know' and inherently are regardless of the world around them, and in the latter a more abstract desire to see gender (and sex to an extent) as nothing more than scripted, performative act which is all but solely influenced by the world around us?
How does either side reckon with the other without unintentionally invalidating the opposing side's existence?
Yours truly,
Lost in the Weeds
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Dear Matisse,
I'm deeply in love with one of my friends who now lives in another state. When we met there was clearly mutual attraction; we spent a lot of time together that was very date-like, going out for meals, spending late nights talking, or even stargazing on my roof. Even when we were hanging out in a group, we gave all our attention just to each other. Our mutual friends have confirmed to me that it seemed like we were in love.
However, until recently she was in a rocky monogamous relationship, so I never talked about it or asked her out on a clearly-stated date. I'm about to visit her, for the first time since she broke up with her ex. If she is indeed interested too, I'd like to develop an intentional, long-term romantic relationship with her. In the few past months, we've talked about love and relationships and nonmonogamy and it seems like it would be possible to broach a conversation about "us."
What should I do? Should I bring up my feelings before I stay with her? Or should I wait to see how we vibe when we're together, if she still seems attracted to me, and then talk to her while there or even after I've returned home?
Hopelessly in love,
Pisces Venus in the First House
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Dear Matisse,
Sometimes I feel like I need self-censor, to pre-emptively prevent myself from offending or coming off as not politically correct. Yet, I don't believe in censorship, even if that lack of censorship results in things I don't believe in or agree with. Why do I feel the constant need to censor myself? How do I better communicate my true feelings without offering caveats? Is self-censorship progressive, or am I preventing my growth (and the growth of others)?
Self-censoring Sally
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Dear Matisse,
Especially since the new season of The Umbrella Academy came out and some people are being awful to him, I want to make sure that I am referring to Elliot Page’s work correctly. When I talk about a character he was in the past (eg Juno) I know I refer to him as an actor, but is Juno she/her?
I want to respect the craft and the crafter!
Dreaming big,
Orange Flavored Tic-Tacs
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Dear Matisse,
In the messy world of trans and queer dating discourse, I sometimes hear opposing takes on whether trans people can themselves be chasers. Some people say no, if you’re trans then you can’t be a chaser, and that’s wanting T4T relationships is not the same as cis people (mostly men) seeking to date trans people. Others say that being trans does not automatically mean you’re in the clear. Do you have thoughts on this? I’m not looking for a fully settled answer, just want to know your opinion.
Thanks,
I Don’t Want to Date Cis People
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Dear Matisse,
I'm feeling really conflicted about watching Drag Race. I've been watching it for a long time, and I really love it, but I feel guilty about tuning in week after week because RuPaul is so problematic. He's been really transphobic in the past, plus the fracking!
Should I sissy that walk away from this show?
No shade,
Shady Queen
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearmatisse.substack.com