Coffee Calm Connection: Recent Episodes
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CCC is about being human. It’s about you choosing to prioritise your well being, putting the time to strengthen your resilience to adversity and being part of a community that holds you accountable and offers support when the going gets tough. Our podcasts bring expert insight and real experiences together for you to enjoy and learn what it is that makes us human and how to work with it.
What is Endometriosis and how does it manifest? Why is it so important to broaden the national conversation about this debilitating condition? What can you do if you think you may be a sufferer?
For an episode 18 months in the making, we’re thrilled to welcome insurance business founder and keynote speaker Sandra Lewin back to the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast! In this episode, Sandra discusses her experience of living with Endometriosis, from years of suffering with the condition before her eventual diagnosis and lifechanging surgery. In an open, frank and inspiring conversation with Sarah Myerscough, she explains the symptoms of Endometriosis and the debilitating impact it can have on one’s daily life. Listen now to find out more about this lamentably undiscussed condition and to help us raise awareness!
Quote of the Episode
“I consider myself very lucky. I never knew you could live like this. [People] did not realise how much pain I used to live in. So, my story, I’d say, is very positive. But for many women it is not positive. Many women suffer in silence, [and] many women don't even know they have it. And once they do know, they have no way of getting the right treatment.”
After years of enduring the physical torment of Endometriosis without a diagnosis, when Sandra finally received surgical treatment, her life was changed irrevocably. For years she had been deprived of so many basic things many of us accept as standard, from a decent amount of uninterrupted sleep each night to being able to go about one’s day for long periods without a constant need to use the bathroom. Yet, one in ten women suffer from endometriosis, and a considerable amount of them are yet to even be diagnosed with the condition. It takes, on average, eight years before a woman is diagnosed with the condition due to its complexity, leaving so many women to suffer without any significant forms of treatment.
Key Takeaways
Endometriosis is where tissue similar to that within one’s womb grows in other areas of the body. It is most commonly associated with painful periods, although this can lead it to be confused with another condition, adenomyosis (when womb tissue grows outside of the womb). The condition is also often misdiagnosed as IBS, as both conditions are accompanied by digestion issues. Sufferers may also endure severe mood swings which can lead to depressive episodes, alongside fertility issues and painful intercourse.
While it is often understood only as a form of extensive period pain, it is much more than that. When you have your period, the tissue breaks down and is released through bleeding. With Endometriosis, this same tissue is trapped in other areas of the body. It also eventually breaks down and bleeds, but it has nowhere to escape. In the long term, this can create tumours and lead to cancer (although there is not yet sufficient medical evidence to explain how this transition occurs).
Due to its complexity and the ease with which it can be misdiagnosed, many women suffer with Endometriosis without even knowing it, or alternatively continue to suffer for extensive periods without receiving a formal diagnosis, and thus no treatment. The impact on one’s day to day life is considerable, and the dual brunt of this physical pain and the mental anguish of being denied a diagnosis is woeful. Many women suffer in silence, and therefore it is crucial that the national conversation about Endometriosis is changed, and that people become more aware about exactly what it is and how it affects those who suffer from it.
Sandra offers four key pieces of advice to those who think they may have Endometriosis:
- Trust your body – if you are hurting in the ways described above, trust your judgement.
- Find a community – there are plenty of endo-sisters spread across the country and globally, who share resources and support.
- Identify the care that is most suitable for you. Every woman is different, and every woman suffers differently from this condition. The right thing for someone else might not be right for you.
- Look for Endometriosis specialists who can offer bespoke care for this condition.
Sandra is happy for anyone who thinks they may be suffering to reach out to her for support.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“The laparoscopy is important to really diagnose it. But try and look for a doctor that does the scans first to really build that picture of where it is.”
“On average, it takes eight years for a woman to be diagnosed with endometriosis. And most women, by the time they get diagnosed, are so mentally drained by this and feel like they are absolutely crazy.”
“I couldn't walk, I couldn't function, I couldn't really get out of bed. It was really tough. I was a broker, and being a broker […] is all about being on your feet and I really couldn’t. I was taking droves of painkillers but then your brain basically switches off. So, I looked to a nutritionist, and we'd done a lot of work on my nutrition because I was told I had IBS. She said, ‘There's something else,’ and she goes, ‘Have you heard of this thing, endometriosis?’”
“The first thing I always say to everyone is don't give up. Trust your body, and if it's hurting, and if it's saying to you, ‘There's something wrong’, and it’s not IBS, trust it. I know it's hard because you are in pain. And everyone is telling you, ‘You're crazy and you're not feeling that pain’. Trust your feeling; really tune in with your body.”
Resources
Endometriosis UK: https://www.endometriosis-uk.org/
About the Guest
Sandra Lewin is the founder of InsurSocial, an agency offering social media management solutions for the insurance industry.
Sandra’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/sandralewin
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Do you find yourself constantly chasing ‘success’? Do you feel a desire for control over everything that you do? Is it possible to outstep your own thought processes, and if so, how?
We’re thrilled to welcome back anxiety specialist Stuart Thompson for the latest episode of the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast! In this episode, he explores the prevalent societal desire for control over everything within one’s life, and the damaging consequences of such a mindset. Furthermore, in conversation with Sarah Myerscough, he discusses how the cultural zeitgeist of ‘success’ has been corrupted by superficial ideals, and the importance of prioritizing your personal development.
Quote of the Episode
“I'm always suspicious of people that write five-year and ten-year plans. I'm certainly not where I expected to be five years ago. In fact, I'm doing something completely different most days now to what I thought I'd be doing five years ago. Actually, even since Christmas, my plan has changed. I'm doing different stuff to what I thought I would be doing. Those five-year plans and ten- year plans do feel a bit controlled. If you look at most people that are successful… an awful lot of it was luck.”
Stuart is suspicious of five-year plans as a strategy for achieving your goals. He suggests that these plans are rooted in the projection both outwardly and inwardly of a sense of control over your life that does not, and cannot, really exist. It is impossible to outline five or ten years of your life, and the assumption that you can do so is the result of a desire for control which is both unachievable and unhealthy. Furthermore, these long-term plans feed into a broader cultural narrative about success; namely that anything is achievable with the right amount of hard work. In reality, things can and do go wrong. External factors get in the way of your plans. Buying into this success narrative can be hugely detrimental to your personal wellbeing, as it can lead to the belief that any roadblocks to your success are your own fault, and that you can only be happy when you have reached an arbitrary, superficial benchmark of ‘success’ that will not really bring you contentment.
Key Takeaways
Everyone wishes to assert a degree of control over their lives. However, this need for control over everything can be damaging to us, because it is derived from a fiction that everything and anything is within our grasp. Stuart emphasises that a great deal of our stress and dissatisfaction is the result of attempting to exert control over things we cannot change. If and when such things go awry, we may feel that pain personally, as though it were a direct result of our own actions.
You can try to micromanage your life by making meticulous plans, setting numerous goals, following predetermined strategies, but as long as you hang the pressure of external factors you cannot control or change over your head, your stress will not stabilise. Trying to be overly regimented merely lulls yourself into the misguided belief that you can control everything. This mindset is a security blanket, but it can become harmful when you are presented with curveballs or unexpected scenarios.
If, like many people, you have a mindset driven by the achievement of goals, is it possible to address and change that? Is your subconscious belief system malleable? For Stuart, this process must begin by reflecting on what exactly you are chasing via these goals and plans, and to what end you are chasing it. Otherwise, it can become really difficult to feel content. ‘Success’ on a superficial, goal-oriented basis always slides. Once you have achieved one thing, you will simply move onto the next. Instead, you should consider, what do you really want to get out of things? What fulfilment will those things bring to your life? For the most part, fulfilment is not achieved with money or power, but achieving a connection with others.
Thus, to begin to change your mindset, ask yourself ‘am I okay’? Furthermore, treat yourself with the same kindness that you would other people. If you can’t do that, that must be the first mission in your personal development.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“I think, in the 90s, this concept of goals and targets and outcomes became very fashionable. But actually, they owe more to evangelical religious beliefs than they do to personal development. They're really very much focused on ‘achieve your goals, hit your outcomes’, but there isn't much personal development science behind that. There's much more about guilting yourself into success.”
“Happiness isn't in the goal. It's in the striving towards the goal. It's in doing the activity, it's in doing the thing you enjoy. But we've been sold, I think, a marketer's dream, that we've all got to retire at 30. And that, if we've not achieved that, we're failing a little bit. But actually, most people don't get that. Most people don't achieve that. It's just a very, very wonky metric, but it's become very much our culture.”
“Read a few less self-help books. Because they tend to be written by people that want to sell books, not necessarily people that want to make a massive difference.”
Resources
https://www.stuartthompson.co.uk/
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
About the Guest
Stuart Thompson is an anxiety specialist, and started his career working as a social worker. He has been a therapist in private practice for 20 years. Stuart is the creator of The STILL Method: a system designed to help both children and adults overcome anxiety. Stuart leads a team of around 50 anxiety coaches working in schools in the UK, USA, and Australia. In 2019, Stuart was recognised one of the most influential disabled people in the UK.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
(9) Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
(9) Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
How do you maintain good mental wellbeing when the going gets tough? Is there any way to prepare for unexpected bumps in the road?
In this episode of Coffee, Calm & Connection, we’re very pleased to be speaking with Alistair Fraser, CEO of Marsh Commercial & Corporate UK. Having faced some health challenges in 2022, in this episode, Alistair reflects on how to remain good mental wellbeing despite an awareness that unexpected obstacles may be right around the corner. In conversation with Sarah Myerscough, he highlights the importance of recognising that you are human, and outlines some strategies for dealing with periods of stress, anxiety, and low mood.
Quote of the Episode
“Be human. I think perfection doesn't exist. And I am the worst at going, ‘I want to be perfect at everything.’ I'm my own worst enemy. But [perfection] doesn't exist. You're going to be great at different things at different times. And life is going to be great in different ways at different times.”
Many of us place a great deal of pressure on ourselves, be it at work or in our personal lives, to achieve perfection. Such a mindset will almost inevitably lead to disappointment, as, Alistair highlights, human perfection is utterly unattainable. There will be imperfections in everything you do and every situation you encounter. For Alistair, it is key to recognise that you’re not guaranteed tomorrow, and to keep your mind focused on the present. What can you do to make today the best it can be? In doing so, even when things do go wrong, you will still be able to reflect on the efforts you made to make positive progress.
Key Takeaways
Throughout the episode, Alistair emphasises the fact that you will always face pockets of stress throughout your life, and encounter unanticipated obstacles that may throw you off-course. A key means of dealing with this and overcoming these issues is to share your feelings with others. Building a strong support network, both in your personal life and in the workplace, is fundamental to maintaining a positive mindset, and keeping your feelings bottled up will only further elongate your stress or anxiety. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Furthermore, when you are dealing with certain situations, be it a challenge to your health, or bereavement, or a variety of different stressors, it is key to recognise that sometimes you need a break. Taking an hour, or even a day, for yourself, to reflect on what you are going through or to do the activities you enjoy, can be hugely beneficial to your wellbeing.
As much as we may want it to be, and as much as people pretend it to be on social media, life is never perfect. Bad things happen, and often quite regularly. Recognising and acknowledging this can be quite challenging, but for Alistair, it is key to note that you can deal with this, but ‘everyone has to find their mechanism to deal with it’. For him, playing hockey, doing jigsaws and occasionally lying on his floor are powerful strategies for decompressing and reducing his stress levels. He argues that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to mental wellbeing. Through trial-and-error, you have to find what works for you. For Alistair, just as exercise is required to become physically fitter, we also need to stretch the muscle of mental wellness, which requires identifying and applying whichever practice is most suitable to your life and needs.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“It's been a great year of learning, for me, about myself about the challenges around ensuring you have mental wellness. I don't particularly like the phrase ‘mental illness’. I think it's about looking after our mental wellness, and that will fluctuate depending on things. And then having that realisation that you're a human.”
“I think you have to realise that you're going to have pockets of stress. A problem shared is a problem halved. It's true. And sometimes it's either because people can give you advice on it, can empathise with you, or can actually just say ‘Yeah, don't worry about it’.”
“For me, it's that constant realisation and I kind of understanding that life isn't perfect. As much as we want it to be. Stuff’s gonna happen. And you can deal with it. Everyone can deal with it. But everyone has to find their mechanism to deal with it.”
“I'm very proud of the business I lead. And I want us to be successful. But it's only successful if we've got happy, healthy, motivated colleagues in it. And at any given time, you know, when I've got two-and-a-half thousand colleagues, some of those colleagues will be having a bad day. And if you treat them with kindness, when they come back to the work tomorrow, or next week, they'll be happier, there'll be more motivated, which is good for the business.”
Resources
https://www.marshcommercial.co.uk/
About the Guest
Alistair Fraser is the CEO of Marsh Commercial & Corporate UK, a business with 49 locations and over 2,600 colleagues. He has over 25 years’ experience in the insurance industry and has worked in various roles within Marsh for 15 years.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Welcome back to the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast!
How do we maintain good mental wellbeing in the aftermath of challenging or traumatic events? How do we reckon with the curveballs that may be round the corner?
In January of 2022, our Sarah suffered from a stroke. Fortunately, she has made significant strides in her recovery, and so one year later, in this episode she and Coffee, Calm & Connection co-founder Stuart Thompson discuss how Sarah’s stroke has affected her wellbeing, along with the changes to her perspective and the personal development that she has undergone since. Stuart and Sarah explore how, despite our best efforts to plan things meticulously, sometimes things simply do not go as expected. Circumstances beyond our control can, and often do, get in the way of our goals. How do you come to terms with and overcome these curveballs?
Quote of the Episode
“We surround ourselves with information and knowledge that matches our understanding of the world. I was reading about an American psychologist recently who had been criticised because they asked him what his 10 books beside his bed were. And one of them was a book that was quite right-wing. So, people had said, ‘Well, that must mean you've not actually got a more sensitive perspective, you're reading this right-wing book’. And he said, ‘I'm reading it, because I need to understand that perspective’. But as we get older, we do it anyway. The internet and data allows us to just do things that confirm what we believe and never, never challenge it.”
In the episode, Stuart highlights the importance of becoming open to other perspectives in relation to one’s wellbeing. It is easy to operate within an echo chamber of self-doubt and self-criticism, and to try to search for solutions within your own headspace, but it can be hugely beneficial to turn to alternative approaches to wellbeing in order to make significant progress. The importance of exploring multiple points of view is true of everything, of course, and wellbeing is no exception. Your own mindset can feel like a very interior thing that nobody else is capable of understanding, leading to the view that no external input is worth listening to, but finding new ways of thinking about it and overcoming problems can be highly insightful and instrumental to one’s personal growth.
Key Takeaways
In the episode, Stuart pinpoints the psychological concept of ontological grief. This occurs when one’s view of oneself, and thus of the world around them, is fundamentally challenged. If something happens to you that you couldn’t have predicted, or if you act in a way that you didn’t think yourself capable of, it can shatter your self-image. There are many ways of coping with this phenomenon.
For Stuart, when bad things happen, it is key not to retreat into self-preserving beliefs that may be more harmful than beneficial, but to become open to alternative perspectives. Perhaps you need to put less pressure on yourself, or to set fewer goals. It’s easy and natural to try to search for solutions to your wellness problems within your own headspace, but sometimes turning to alternative perspectives can be helpful.
Stuart pinpoints the psychological phenomenon of Pollyanna Syndrome, which refers to a children’s story about a little girl who was told that, however bad you feel, there’s always somebody worse off. It’s true – many of us do live objectively easier lives than others – we do not all suffer from poverty or malnourishment, for example. However, if you are undergoing some hardship, you shouldn’t minimise it, or dismiss it as insignificant compared to other traumas. It is key for one’s general wellbeing to accept when things go wrong that bad things can happen, and that it’s okay to grieve them or feel low about them, so long as you give yourself time and then move forwards.
Although it can be difficult to abstractedly recognise it, bad things can and do happen. That is something that, conceptually, we understand, but in practice, we do not necessarily truly believe until we are forced to believe it, until tragedy strikes, or hard curveballs come out of nowhere.
When such events do come to pass, acceptance of this fact can become immensely difficult. Yet, you can’t allow yourself to shut down completely because of what may or may not lie around the corner, otherwise you’d never advance towards your goals or make progress. Equally, it is damaging to try and maintain a sense of control over the bad things that happen to you by attributing them to some fault within yourself – e.g., not having enough drive, not working enough, not exercising enough – when really, there is no correlation between them.
For Stuart, the way to confront the revelation that anything can happen is to consider, ‘Is what I’m doing right now good enough?’ Beyond that, there’s not very much you can do. We shouldn’t run away from the prospect that bad things can happen, but accept it. In doing so, you shouldn’t put yourself under so much pressure. You should allow yourself time to breathe. And when bad things do happen, you should give yourself the time and space to process them.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“I think we've all fallen for that myth that everything is solvable, and we've just got to buy a solution that fixes everything. It's so much harder to accept that actually, this thing is going to take me ages. It's not shiny, it's not sellable. It’s to say, ‘I'm working on this project. And guess what? I'm not going to be a millionaire by next week. I'm not going to get four dragons invest in it. It's going to take me a long time and I'm gonna have to get there.’”
“I think one of the hardest things is to accept that bad stuff can happen. We tend to think well, ‘It's not gonna happen to me’ or ‘I won't think about what I would do if that happens’. And in a in a challenging way, you become the worst of Pandora's boxes, which says anything can happen at any time.”
“The stoics had a system where you should wake up every morning and just say that might happen today. That might happen today, and then move on and accept it. And I do think there's something in that of just saying, ‘Yeah, bad stuff can happen.’”
Resources
https://www.stuartthompson.co.uk/
About the Guest
Stuart Thompson is an anxiety specialist, and started his career working as a social worker. He has been a therapist in private practice for 20 years. Stuart is the creator of The STILL Method: a system designed to help both children and adults overcome anxiety. Stuart leads a team of around 50 anxiety coaches working in schools in the UK, USA, and Australia. In 2019, Stuart was recognised one of the most influential disabled people in the UK.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
The correlation between physical health and mental wellbeing is well-documented and scientifically proven. The improvement of one is inextricably bound up with the improvement of the other, and if one begins to dip, inevitably, so will the other. We often tend to believe that we are unable to improve our physical wellness as our bodies are simply incapable of the goals we are aspiring towards. However, precision coach Sam Cleaver suggests that most of what is holding you back physically is in fact mental roadblocks. In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with Sam about his ‘wholistic’ approach to health and fitness. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he elucidates how every aspect of our lives is interconnected in the journey to improving overall wellbeing.
Are you aiming to improve your physical (and by extension, mental) health? Are you trapped in a cycle of maintaining your fitness without seeing any wellbeing benefits from it? Listen now to find out how to optimize your body and in turn, your life.
Quote of the Episode
“You cannot outperform your belief of self… Everyone tells me, ‘I want to lose weight’, ‘I want to be optimised’, and all this, but deep down, they don’t believe they can. The thing is, if you genuinely think that you’re never going to rise above that expectation.”
For Sam Cleaver, a fundamental aspect of the journey to improved physical health consists in a reorientation of one’s goals and beliefs. You will never achieve a health goal if, deep down, you don’t truly believe you are capable of it. Ultimately, it’s your internal belief system, rather than any supposed deficiencies you may perceive in your body, which hold you back and prevent you from adhering to and achieving your health goals. The curse of every health journey is self-sabotage. However, it is, of course, not enough simply to believe in yourself more without putting in place physical and mental strategies to facilitate this boosted self-belief. By implementing new behaviours and protocols pertaining to eating, sleeping and training, you will subsequently be able to (re)align your beliefs with the physical, mental, and emotional health goals you are aspiring towards.
Key Takeaways
During the episode, Sam notes that the discourse surrounding health and fitness is labyrinthine, difficult to navigate, and often self-contradictory. A key principle which often gets lost as we engage in a journey of physical improvement is that of ‘health’ itself. By focusing solely on a maintenance or improvement of fitness, you may not feel any satisfaction or benefits from this journey.
In order to curtail this, when embarking on a health journey you must consider what your fundamental values and incentives are. Your health journey will be entirely unique, just as your body is, and therefore, comparing yourself to others can only ever be restrictive. As everyone’s journey is different, you should first and foremost identify the priorities in your health that matter the most to you and focus on these rather than a generalised pursuit to ‘fitness’. Working with a fitness coach can be profoundly beneficial in identifying what these values and their correlating goals might be.
Once you have identified these values and goals, for Sam, you must subsequently evaluate your basic human routines – namely, your eating and sleeping patterns. This is the first step in the process he employs with all his clients. The brain is a pattern-creator. As such, he suggests that it is essential to create rigid eating and sleeping routines which you can stick to, thereby granting you a sense of focus and distinction between work and rest. It is only after an optimisation of eating and sleeping, the fundamental facets of our very survival, that you can begin to introduce the complexities of building emotional health and developing your mental state. Indeed, these will naturally be strengthened by a more rigid and scheduled approach to eating and sleep.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“When we look at this journey, what we would initially start on is get very clear on what you are actually after at the end of this, because nobody's looking to lose two dress sizes or drop a stone or two stone because of what the scale says. We’re often looking for something at the end: how do we want to feel?”
“This entire journey includes all the components of health, not just the mental and not just the physical, there's a lot more to it.”
“You do not need to become some little health guru… It's not about that. It's about finding whatever is applicable to you. Some things are non-negotiable because you need them right now… But some things are going to help you, but you may not necessarily fit them into your day easily.”
Resources
East Anglian Daily Times – Veteran’s bid to become Essex’s answer to Joe Wicks - https://www.eadt.co.uk/news/sam-cleaver-colchester-launches-health-and-fitness-firm-stoic-performance-2554368
Nuffield Health – What is aerobic vs anaerobic training? - https://www.nuffieldhealth.com/article/what-is-aerobic-vs-anaerobic-training
Journey to 100: How to Run Your First 100km Ultramarathon - and Love It by Nick Muxlow
Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy by Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at GoogleX
About the Guest
Sam Cleaver is a Precision Coach who works with thousands of professional women each year through seminars/webinars and workshops. He is an expert on female health and fitness and gives his tips and tricks in his Health First podcast. To contact Sam or find out more, visit his Linktree below.
Sam’s LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/company/coachsamcleaver
Sam’s Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachsamcleaver
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough - Sales & Marketing Director - Boston Tullis | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Have you ever opened up about your feelings and felt heard, but not listened to? Do you want to learn how to be a better listener in order to help others when they open up about their personal struggles?
In this episode, we’re very grateful to be speaking with Robert from the Manchester and Salford branch of Samaritans, a telephone helpline offering support to people who are struggling from emotional distress, mental health difficulties, or contemplating suicide. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, Robert elucidates the immense power of listening as the most fundamental tool for supporting people experiencing all forms of emotional anguish. He suggests that each and every one of us has the power to become part of the solution to tackling the mental health pandemic which has enveloped the nation and, indeed, the world, over the past decade, which has been particularly emboldened over the past two years. By striving to actively listen and giving people space to articulate their thoughts when discussing their struggles, we can actively make the world a better place.
Quote of the Episode
“As humans, we are meaning-seeking creatures. We're constantly looking to understand who we are, and how we fit into the world. We do that through language. But there's also something that's absolutely fundamentally healing and empowering: by feeling heard by another human being.”
Robert emphasises that, as social beings, we all derive a deep sense of fulfilment and connection through conversation with those we love and trust. He suggests that this is further emboldened when we endeavour to always actively listen to what someone is saying when they are expressing how they feel, rather than merely hearing the words. To create an environment in which someone can feel truly safe and empowered to express their feelings, we must create the space for them to speak freely and uninterrupted. In doing so, we can enable them to actively process whatever it may be that they are going through, emboldened by the presence of someone who is paying attention to and understanding every word they are saying.
Key Takeaways
When someone you love informs you of a troublesome experience they have undergone, or emotional difficulties they are experiencing, you may feel inclined to offer practical solutions to the issues they are raising. You might approach these difficult encounters with pre-prepared answers, with which you interject, to invite your loved one to stop feeling distressed, or sad, or anguished. In doing so, you are only hearing what this person is saying, and not truly listening to them.
In the episode, Robert lists the various issues which can arise from interrupting someone with these, albeit well-intentioned, interruptions:
- They can derail the person’s train of thought
- They can undercut what they have just said or are about to say
- They can swerve the direction of the conversation to avoid discussing anything that we may find uncomfortable
In order to avoid these pitfalls, you must understand that the purpose of this conversation is not to provide solutions or practical advice, but merely to assure the speaker that you are listening to them, understanding what they are saying, and by doing so assuring them that their feelings are valid. We all occasionally experience worries or troubles that we can’t yet fully comprehend, and it is only when we articulate them out loud that we understand what is truly going on within ourselves. As such, by creating an environment in which someone feels able to speak freely and uninterrupted, you are enabling them to say things they haven’t predetermined, which can often be profoundly enlightening for them.
It can sometimes be difficult to know what to do or say in these situations. They need not arouse panic or dread. The other person doesn’t need anything from you other than the comfort of divulging information to someone they trust, and the validation of receiving your full attention.
Robert notes that the most common complaint when someone has experienced a distressing situation or injustice is that ‘Nobody listened to me’. The feeling that often hurts the most is the belief that no one has listened to how you feel, or cares to listen. Therefore, giving your undivided attention to someone in distress, providing them the space to speak freely, and allowing silences in the conversation to breathe, can be the most powerful form of support you can offer.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“When we jump in with a fix, we're often thinking of a fix that would work for us. Because we're looking at the situation through the lens of our own experience.”
‘The most powerful part of the Samaritans’ listening style is the rule of silence.’
“One of the big things is silence and learning to use silence is really, really powerful… We often feel quite uncomfortable with silence, partly because we want to help you, we want to give advice. Silence is just a bit uncomfortable. But if we if we just sit with that discomfort for a while, then it does pay dividends, because the work is being done in the silence.”
“For Samaritans, listening is literally our only tool. We're talking to people, we've no idea who they are, where they are… we can't intervene, we can't enforce anything. All we can do is listen.”
‘It's never a mistake to ask somebody, ‘are you okay?’, and to stay around and listen for the answer.’
Resources
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/
If you need help or support, contact the Samaritans by calling 0800 116 123
About the Guest
Samaritans is a British charity offering emotional and mental health support to people across the UK and Ireland via a telephone helpline, which is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. The charity has 200 branches across the country, 20,000 volunteers, and answers around 10,000 calls every day.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough - Sales & Marketing Director - Boston Tullis | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Are you concerned about how stress may be affecting your productivity, wellbeing, and relationships? Are you keen to relinquish the grip that stress holds over your everyday life?
In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with Brendan McManus, CEO of PIB Insurance Brokers. Brendan is prolific within the insurance industry, having worked in the market for over 40 years in a range of successful companies. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he shares wisdom about managing stress in both your career and relationships, offering methods to help you start improving your wellbeing today.
Quote of the Episode
“If ever you are feeling down, fed up, whatever, you’ve got to bust out of it. You've got to change the situation. And everybody can do that. Even if it's only changing your behaviour for a short period of time, and taking a risk with your behaviour.”
Our wellbeing is dominated by the behaviours with which we conduct our daily lives. Brendan McManus suggests that these behaviours are not always productive or beneficial, and can have a detrimental effect on us, proliferating the effects of stress, if we fail to challenge them sufficiently. Such behaviours can not only negatively impact ourselves, but those we love. Indeed, for many of us, a greater source of stress is derived from our relationships than from work. To counteract this, you should endeavour to understand yourself more deeply. This can be achieved by engaging in mindful practices, such as the 5-minute daily exercises offered by Coffee Calm & Connection’s packages. This will enable you to reorient your habits and gradually adjust your behaviours in a manner which is beneficial both for your own wellbeing and for the strength of your relationships with others.
Key Takeaways
In being determined and driven, you need to be able to acknowledge and accept responsibility for your own success or failure. A good way to deal with this is by planning. However, if you are a temporary planner, and you find yourself running out of a plan, or that your plan is not working, you may feel deeply disappointed. For Brendan, you must simply acknowledge how you can rework, or perhaps even entirely overhaul your plan into something that can and will succeed for you and your business, and begin working towards it.
When our plans are forced to change, as was the case throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, we should not consider ourselves as being personally affronted or denied something. This pandemic affects everyone; you are not unique in the struggles it has brought upon you, although some people have unfortunately been affected more directly than others. In the circumstances brought about by the pandemic, and the associated uncertainty it brings, it can often be easy to lose sight of this bigger picture.
Stress is derived from the feeling of a lack of control. Never has this sentiment been more bluntly realised than in the past two years. As the pandemic winds down, eventually, other stressors will emerge. Making small changes in your life to improve your situation, from exercising more regularly, to engaging with the activities you enjoy more frequently in order to reorient your work-life balance, can improve your ability to manage stress. By actively seeking to change your situation, you can more easily retake control of it.
Stress is a spectrum. Some people have been deeply affected by the pandemic, suffering from grief, economic struggles, or the debilitating effects of long COVID. Similarly, in everyday life, certain jobs are undeniably more stressful than others, be they physically burdening or inadequately paid. Those lucky enough not to face these conditions, or who have been fortunate enough not to be profoundly and personally affected by the pandemic, need to recognise their catastrophising of their own circumstances and the false victimhood that can accompany it.
Brendan suggests that the key way to do this is to ‘be grateful for what you've got, and not be striving for something else all the time’. Another key source of stress for many derives from comparing yourself to others. However, many athletes pride themselves not on the accomplishment of world record titles which are almost impossible to achieve, but on the repeated triumph over their own former personal bests. Similarly, doing your personal best every day is the best that you can do. Envisioning yourself in competition with others will inevitably result in unneeded stress, as your ultimate competitor should always be your own former self.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“I occasionally find it stressful if you run out of a plan... You must work hard to re-engage your vision and focus on what you're trying to achieve, whether it's longer term or short term… Once I've got the plan going again, then the stress tends to disappear.”
“Over the last year or so, many people have assumed that they're somehow victims of this, when in fact, the effect is all the same… We've all missed socializing with friends, or traveling on holiday or whatever. It isn't unfair to a particular individual. It's just been a bit miserable for everybody. Whenever I have a down moment, or whenever I'm feeling fed up or depressed, what I've learned over the years is I've got to change my situation. And I can take control of that.”
‘If you’re just distracting yourself from the problem, you're not solving the problem.’
“You can't do better than a personal best every day. I've always been struck by that personal best cliché. You know, if you're constantly striving to do your best, your competition is you, not anybody else. I never feel competitive against other people.”
Resources
PIB Insurance Group: https://www.pib-insurance.com/
About the Guest
Brendan McManus is the CEO of PIB Insurance Group, which he started in 2015, and which has since acquired forty businesses, and amassed 2,500 employees across the globe. He has worked in the insurance industry for 42 years, and has run several successful businesses over the past two decades.
Brendan’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/brendan-mcmanus-05432a7
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough - Sales & Marketing Director - Boston Tullis | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Are you keen to make genuine progress in your mental health journey, but finding conventional routes to doing so unsatisfactory? You are not alone in this. Many of us find that traditional methods of mental health support and wellbeing practices fail to provide any significant change in our everyday lives. This doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, or that your feelings are invalid. Perhaps, you simply are yet to find the method that will best help you to cope with the extremities and uncertainties of the modern world.
In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with Claire Benson, a Manchester-based mental health campaigner, about how singing has proven highly beneficial in her personal journey, and how she is using it to help others with theirs. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, she discusses the importance of finding a practical means by which you can take control of your mental health and actively progress through your struggles.
Quote of the Episode
‘When I joined choir, it was like, I've been asleep for 100 years. And singing has woken me up and given me the confidence to be able to talk about my own mental health.’
Throughout the episode, Claire emphasises the immense importance of locating a specific method by which you can feel empowered to talk about your mental health. She found singing to be profoundly beneficial in her personal life – the simple act of singing boosts her everyday wellbeing, and through her choir, she found a community with whom she felt safe and empowered to discuss her struggles. Singing may or may not carry the same benefits for you – but there will be an activity out there that does, be it running, cycling, writing, painting, performing yoga, just to name a few!
Key Takeaways
Whether we like to admit it or not, all of us like to sing when we are alone. It lifts our spirits, enabling to express ourselves in a uniquely powerful way. Singing can be profoundly beneficial both as an individual exercise or as part of a communal activity.
Even if singing isn’t for you, there are a vast array of different activities you can get involved with which are accompanied by significant mental health benefits. In building these practices into our daily lives, whatever they may be, you will gradually develop a sense of power over your mental health, rather than letting it control you.
Sharing matters. The self-expression that accompanies singing, along with painting, writing, many forms of exercise, and more, can also act as a form of self-acceptance, and provide a guidance through whatever struggles you may be enduring at a given time. Such struggles have been particularly intensified throughout our collective experience of COVID-19, which has separated us from our loved ones, forcing us to perform these beloved activities alone. Now, more than ever, the importance of maintaining a sense of connection with others (even if it is through digital means) is extremely important. For example, Claire’s choir, Bee Vocal, continued its rehearsals throughout the pandemic via Zoom, providing its members the same benefits of communal self-expression despite their digital separation.
Thus, through singing, and many other self-expressive activities, you can engage in the human connection which is integral to our lives, both with your inner self and with others in a community.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“When we did our ‘Raise Your Voice’, we had a lady that said, ‘It's like wearing a coat: you have your job, and then you have another coat as mum and then you have another coat as wife and as a daughter and an auntie and a housemaid and cook, and there's only so many coats that you can wear before you're actually weighed down and you can't go anywhere.”
“It could be as simple as running a bath, it could be as simple as going out for a walk, having that five-minute cup of coffee to yourself, and just turning off your brain for those five minutes of being clear, of just being Sarah, just forgetting everything else. And for me, singing is the thing that does that.”
‘Singing is like meditation because you're, you're, you're focusing your mind and you're using your breath.’
‘Singing is like breathing like breathing air for me.’
Resources
Claire Benson – Butterfly Effect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_dnvvksh2c&t=17s&ab_channel=Deloitte
ITV News – Bee Vocal: mental health support choir going from strength to strength: https://www.itv.com/news/granada/update/2018-09-28/bee-vocal-mental-health-support-choir-going-from-strength-to-strength/
Papyrus – Just One More Step by Claire Benson: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/just-one-more-step/
Mental Health Choir ‘Bee Vocal’ Perform ‘The Wall in My Head’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=S1CIBHLgk1M&ab_channel=TheChoirProjectMCR
ITV News: The choir that’s turned to online rehearsals during the coronavirus pandemic: https://www.itv.com/news/granada/2020-04-20/the-choir-that-s-turned-to-online-rehearsals-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic
This Is Me – Deloitte North West edition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=rI3mzVpTKFU&ab_channel=DeloitteUK
Buzz Manchester – Introducing Guest Blogger Claire Benson: https://buzzmanchester.co.uk/blog/2020/introducing-guest-blogger-claire-benson
About the Guest
Claire Benson is a multi-talented mental health campaigner and radio presenter who in October 2019 organised an event called Raise Your Voice, which aimed to unite people who weren’t typically inclined to speak about their mental health to express themselves through singing and poetry, and was attended by over 100 women and men. Claire also works as an Office Manager and hosts a show on Radio Northenden.
Claire’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/claire-benson-64575a196?trk=people-guest_people_search-card
Follow Claire on Twitter: https://twitter.com/castlefield1642
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
With perhaps more clarity than any other major world event in recent memory, our collective experience of COVID-19 in the past 18 months has demonstrated that the future is never predictable. Certain curveball events will inevitably manifest, and completely sweep aside our plans and aspirations, forcing us to reorient ourselves and our focuses. How do you respond to the unsettling sense of uncertainty that accompanies this revelation? What practical tools can you implement in your daily life to ensure that you are not completely destabilised when the uncertain strikes again?
We’re very pleased to be speaking with Martin Robert Hall, a mindset and leadership coach with a keen interest in the driving factors behind success and high performance, the problem of uncertainty and how we can deal with it. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he highlights the profound value of establishing clear goals with which to visualise our future success, and around which we can orient our focus. Listen to how, in setting such goals, you can undertake tasks in your daily life with a sense unyielding drive, all in pursuit of an achievement either in your own personal development, in your work, or in your mental and/or physical health.
Quote of the Episode
‘One of the things which business [leaders] can learn from sport is that within sport, you've often got very clear goals and deadlines.’
Martin suggests that we can learn from sport in many facets of our lives, namely in business and in the personal aspirations we set for ourselves. He explains that athletes have clear goals and definitive deadlines to adhere to. He offers the example of Carly Tait, a woman born with cerebral palsy who, after being inspired by the 2012 Paralympic Games, dedicated herself to reaching the wheelchair race final at the 2016 Games, and she succeeded. Martin attributes this to the fact that she had a fixed moment in time to aspire towards, and she could easily visualise that event. She had a clear, tangible goal, and this gave her a sense of certainty which negated the innumerable uncertainties of the world. Thus, developing clear goals and sticking to them can create feelings of confidence and control, consequently producing motivation and drive.
Key Takeaways
In conjunction with setting clear, tangible goals, it is also important to visualise exactly what it is you wish to achieve. In doing so, you will begin to think about your goals not as hypothetical possibilities, but achievable certainties. Whether these goals are actually achieved or not is somewhat irrelevant; merely conceptualising them will give you the motivational tools necessary for manifesting success and becoming a better version of yourself.
However, how do we retain that sense of focus, when there are so many things occurring in our lives simultaneously. We might have such goals in mind, but how do we ensure that they don’t become lost in the quagmire of all our other activities and responsibilities?
Martin argues that you should take a step back to assess yourself and your goals. Consider whether they truly align with your personal values, and if you are giving yourself enough time to actualise them. Sometimes, you may discover that a goal no longer aligns with your values, or perhaps it never did, but you have only just understood why you were unable to truly manifest it. It’s okay to let these things go; you will only hold yourself back by juggling multiple different ideal versions of yourself simultaneously, some of which may contradict one another.
A significant contributing factor to our success revolves around how we explain events to ourselves. Martin suggests that we should endeavour to become our own inner coach. Occasionally, external events or circumstances may curtail our progress or success. We should attribute these things not to a failure in our performance, but to the uncertainties of the wider world, which we are not responsible for and have no control over. Yet, even with the most positive attitude and an immense amount of self-belief, you can still fail, or perform underwhelmingly. However, this does not define you; what matters is how you respond to such setbacks.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
‘As the last 18 months has taught us, there's a lot of uncertainty in the world. But uncertainty has always been present.’
“Without that clarity, we can get lost in the challenges or the uncertainties or the things that go wrong, especially when events happen. global events like the pandemic over the last 18 months, you know, and those things we can't account for, we can't predict, they can come out of nowhere. But the people I've worked with during that period, the ones that have coped the best with it, have within the confinements of what's in their control during that time, they have created clear goals and a clear pathway for what they're going to do.”
“Our body gives us signs. My coaching philosophy is very much that people have all the answers that they need within themselves. And people's potential is about tapping into that, understanding ourselves more, and learning to listen to our intuition.”
“I like to give the analogy often that the brain is like a muscle. And if you want to train your muscles to be stronger, to be more resilient, you go to the gym. And what you do essentially is you break them down, you put a huge resistance against them. It's the same with our mind. Without challenges, we cannot build that resilience.”
“Everyone has that inner critic, but we can develop and turn the volume up on our inner coach, it takes a bit of practice, but everything does. But when once we do that, we're laying the foundations then to build resilience; to be more resilient; to handle setbacks; to handle uncertainty.”
Resources
Coffee, Calm & Connection, Episode 3: You are not a computer – with Azi Berzengi https://coffeecalmconnection.podbean.com/e/ccc-azi-berzengi/
University of Glasgow – Flexible Optimism: https://www.psy.gla.ac.uk/~steve/courses/archive/Pos09-10-safari-archive/Optimism/webarchive-index.html
Martin Seligman, The New Era of Positive Psychology: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBxfd7DL3E&ab_channel=TED
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman
https://www.martinroberthall.co.uk/
Optimise Yourself: ‘To Be the Best You Can Be’ by Martin Robert Hall
About the Guest
After gaining a degree in Sport Science, Martin Robert Hall became interested in why some people fulfil their talent and others squander it. After working in sales for a few years, he started his own coaching company, working with business leaders and with elite athletes and coaches, helping them to perform at their best and to understand the psychology of what drives high performance.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Are you keen to begin your journey of self-improvement, but unsure of where to start? Are you struggling to identify the type of person you wish to be and to set tangible, achievable goals towards this end?
In this unique episode, we’re very pleased to be speaking with mindset coach Sandra Lewin. Throughout the episode, Sandra conducts a coaching session with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough as her subject! Throughout, we gain insights into the nature of coaching sessions, and about the progression of Sandra's own journey of self-discovery. Sandra offers an array of helpful tips for building confidence in ourselves and mitigating the guilts and anxieties which many of us can identify with.
Quote of the Episode
‘'One of the ways to see where the anxiety is coming from, and where the guilt is coming from is actually going back to the core of ‘am I comfortable with me?'’’
''Many of our anxieties and feelings of guilt are derived from an uncertainty as to who we are and whether we feel comfortable in our own skin. We often spend so much time concerning ourselves with how we imagine other people perceive us that we don’t always take the time to look at ourselves and consider, am I comfortable with myself?''
Key Takeaways
A key cause of dissatisfaction with oneself can be attributed to the expectations we set for ourselves, and fail to meet. When setting goals for ourselves, we often employ a rhetoric of ‘should’. This is problematic in two respects. Firstly, due to its hypothetical nature, it is built with the possibility of failure or relapse, it contains an acknowledgement or acceptance that you will not be able to adhere to it.
Additionally, it is rooted in logic rather than desire. The things we ostensibly ‘should’ do tend not to match up with those which we ‘want’ to do. In attempting to improve yourself, you should prioritise practices that emotionally engage you and provide you with enjoyment. Thus, you will begin to feel the positive impact of their implementation immediately, and you will not want to stop them.
This principle can also be valuable when we experience feelings related to impostor syndrome. Many of us have a tendency to put labels on ourselves about the type of person we are, which can lead to profound disappointment and frustration when we do not live up to this aspirational notion.
If you are struggling to find focus in your life and to truly identify the changes you wish to make in yourself, speaking to a professional coach may be beneficial.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“You take mindfulness, you read a book and you're like, okay, unless I'm a guru as of tomorrow it’s like, what's the point? So, it becomes yet another task, another overwhelming thing, which is counterproductive to what is supposed to be doing.”
‘'Rather than leading with logic and to do of all of these things, if you lead with emotion, positive emotion, interest and enjoyment, just perhaps the other stuff will come in.’'
“Do not try to change 100 things at the same time… Pick one or two.”
Resources
Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, by Lois P. Frankel
Talking to the Wild: The Bedtime Stories We Never Knew We Needed, by Becky Hemsley
About the Guest
Having previously worked in the insurance industry, in 2020, Sandra set up her own business, Pair2Grow, a coaching service combining expertise in coaching, mindfulness and project management.
Sandra’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/sandralewin
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Do you often find yourself languished and dejected, unable or unwilling to make progress with your goals? Do you ever find yourself in conversation with someone who seems profoundly and robustly happy, and wonder how they do it? Are you unsure about how it is possible to remain positive when faced by the difficulties of our present predicament, from climate change to COVID-19?
In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with ‘Doctor of Happiness’ Andy Cope, a bestselling author who has a PhD in Positive Psychology from Loughborough University. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he discusses the changes you can make today to build positivity into your mindset. In doing so, he suggests that you can develop tenacity and resilience, and make genuine progress towards becoming the person you wish to be.
Quote of the Episode
“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’.” (Yoda)
In the episode, Andy invokes the learned Jedi wisdom of Yoda. In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker has crashed his spaceship into a swamp. He tells Yoda that he will ‘try’ to use the Force to raise his ship from the water; he is uncertain in his ability, and believes he will fail. He is unable to lift the ship, and gives up. Yoda, however, manages. He does not ‘try’ to lift the ship, he simply does. This principle can also be applied to self-care. If you would like to eat healthily, or start a new fitness regime, or learn a new language, do not tell yourself that you will simply ‘try’ to achieve these things. To discuss ‘trying’ is to allow for the possibility of failure while merely considering the prospect of your goal. If you decide to do something, you will be far more likely to commit to it, by assuming a more resilient attitude. You become able to use the Force.
Key Takeaways
Andy Cope argues that while much of modern psychology entails the treatment of mental health problems once they have developed, ‘positive psychology’ is a branch of research focused on preventative strategies. He suggests that there is an array of ‘intentional strategies’ we can learn, which imbue us with a persistently positive attitude even when we are inevitably faced with undesirable circumstances or misfortune.
‘Sisu’ is a Finnish term which lacks a comprehensive equivalent in English translation, but essentially refers to a tenacity and grit characteristic of the Finns, which enables them to face and overcome adversity with unyielding determination. Andy suggests that, by actively undertaking a positive attitude, we can begin to build a similar resilience within ourselves, which will enable us to power through tough times that may otherwise seem insurmountable.
This is due to the fact that, for Andy, there is an important distinction between positivity and happiness. It is impossible to be happy all the time; happiness is a temporary emotional state which is created by external phenomena. There is often a somewhat cynical tendency to tell miserable or depressed people to ‘choose to be happy’. This is fallacious and offensive. Happiness is not a choice. However, positivity is an attitude that can be actively undertaken, and which, in conjunction with self-care practices, can profoundly help you to overcome your personal trials and tribulations, and to actualise your aspirations.
The power of a positive attitude is highlighted by the fact that ultimately, our lives are a story we tell ourselves. That story is malleable and changeable; the way we recollect it is down to a matter of perspective. We possess the power to change the narrative of our own lives, both in the past and in the present.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“Positive psychology is a preventative thing. What we're currently doing… is we're waiting for people to break, and then we're fixing them. Whereas positive psychology gives you some strategies, and some knowhow, and some tools and techniques, so that when the world does get worse… we might bend, but we don't have to break, if we know how to be more resilient, and we know how to be mindful and grateful.”
“People have got different explanatory styles… We're all one big story, we are a story that we tell ourselves, who we are is just what we accumulation of stories that we've told ourselves. And therefore… I think it's never too late to have a good childhood, even at age 54. I can let some bullying at age 7 ruin my life at age 54. If I think about it now, at age 54, I can still feel insecure about that. Or I can change the story. I can change the narrative. And once I change the story, which again is in my head and not an external thing. ‘You know what, I survived that bully, and I’ve grown’.”
“My two percenters… watch less news, they know it makes them feel bad, so they watch less of it. Whereas most people know it makes them feel bad, but watch it anyway and continue to watch it. By restricting the use, or consumption of it, you're restricting the opportunity to [be exposed to] bad stuff.”
‘The biggest single thing that my two percenters do is they consciously and deliberately choose to have a positive attitude’.
Resources
Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy by Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at GoogleX
Star Wars - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
About the Guest
Andy Cope, ‘Doctor of Happiness’, is a bestselling author and keynote speaker, with a PhD from Loughborough University in Positive Psychology. He has worked with several large businesses, including Kellogg’s, Nationwide and UEFA, and is a prominent authority regarding wellbeing and employee engagement.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Good mental health is essential to our general wellbeing. Depending on how we manage it, it can be highly conducive, or deeply destructive to our productive output. As we gradually approach the aftermath of a world-changing pandemic, incorporating such awareness into the workplace, and indeed, all areas of our lives, has never been more urgent.
In this special hybrid episode, the worlds of the Insurance Brokers Podcast and Coffee, Calm & Connection merge. We are delighted to be speaking with Adrian Saunders, Commercial Director of Ecclesiastical Insurance, which recently conducted its annual survey regarding mental health within the insurance broker market. In conversation with Boston Tullis’ Sarah Myerscough, he discusses the often-surprising results of the survey, which suggest that while considerable strides have been made towards boosting mental health awareness and support at work, there remains progress to be made.
Quote of the Episode
“If, as most people have been doing, they've been working remotely, perhaps there's that sense of detachment where they don't feel able [to talk about mental health] … There's no observation going on. So, you know, there's probably less of managers actually seeing their teams, and seeing individuals, or being able to pick up any upon any signs, or just asking that question: ‘Are you okay?’”
The experience of the pandemic completely shattered the way in which we work, our general sense of separation between our public and private lives, and the way we engage with others. In forcing us apart for so long, it could be argued that the pandemic eroded much of the progress being made towards greater mental health awareness and support within the workplace. The artificiality of a digital environment with which many of us were forced to acclimatise in order to continue working, while highly productive for some, left others feeling dejected and struggling to cope. Therefore, it is crucial that we understand the profound importance of providing mental health support in the workplace as we emerge from the chaos of multiple lockdowns, and enter 2022.
Key Takeaways
‘Less than half of people [now] feel comfortable talking about mental health in the workplace, whereas, back in 2019, it was actually really pretty high… three quarters of people felt comfortable.”
Since 2019, Ecclesiastical Insurance has annually conducted a survey in order to identify general sentiments towards mental health within the insurance broker market, namely:
- How are people feeling?
- What are the causes of any mental health issues?
- How supported do brokers feel?
- How comfortable are they in talking about mental health at work?
Several intriguing comparisons can be made between this year’s results and of those from 2019, pre-pandemic. A particularly concerning trend noted by Adrian in the episode was a significant drop in colleagues feeling comfortable with discussing mental health in the workplace, despite awareness of it and the provision of support for it reportedly increasing profoundly. Adrian suggests that this could be a result of remote working, due to which it isn’t necessarily as easy to share one’s private thoughts and feelings with a trusted colleague. Perhaps, also, this could be attributed to the pandemic, and our unanimous recognition that someone, somewhere, must have it worse than us, and therefore we may find our own problems folly or insignificant. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Everyone has problems, and they are all important and worth discussing with people you can trust. Therefore, we should endeavour to double down in our efforts to make the workplace a safe environment for employees to share their mental health woes, and from which they can receive valuable and meaningful support and advice.
An additional problem highlighted by the survey was stress being at an all-time high among brokers. This could arguably be caused by our increased inability to separate work from our personal lives. They have become deeply intertwined, perhaps irreversibly, particularly given the extent to which working from home has continued to prosper even as COVID regulations have relaxed in recent months.
Adrian and Ecclesiastical’s UK intermediary leadership team have just completed their Mental Health First Aid training. If you would be interested in undergoing similar training, Adrian encourages brokers to speak with their account manager about it, or indeed to reach out to him directly.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“A really worrying trend that came through this time is quite a significant drop in individuals feeling able to talk about mental health issues in the workplace, especially being able to talk about it with their line manager. So, you've got this really interesting thing going on. The businesses are providing more support, there is more awareness. But at an individual level, people are feeling less able to actually talk about it. And when I say a drop, I don't mean just a few percentage points… it's almost a third of a drop since we started the survey in 2019.”
“Myself and the intermediary leadership team in the UK, have all just completed our Mental Health First Aid training. And I think that's really important… If it means that we have one more conversation, or one better conversation, or somebody feels more able to come to any one of us to start that conversation, [then] that has been worth it.”
Resources
Ecclesiastical Insurance – Adrian Saunders’ ‘About’ page: https://www.ecclesiastical.com/bios/adrian-saunders/
Ecclesiastical Insurance – Mental Health and Wellbeing Insights: https://www.ecclesiastical.com/insights/mental-health/
Ecclesiastical Insurance – ‘Work-related mental health issues for brokers are at their highest-ever recorded levels’: https://www.ecclesiastical.com/insights/broker-mental-health/
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships by John Gray
About the Guest
Adrian Saunders is the Commercial Director of Ecclesiastical Insurance. He’s worked in both the company and broker markets, and specialises in developing new enterprises within organisations, and re-engineering existing processes to develop strategy and increase ROL.
Connect with the Guest:
Adrian Saunders | LinkedIn
Specialist Insurance & Financial Services | Ecclesiastical
Ecclesiastical Insurance Group: Overview | LinkedIn
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Website: https://bostontullis.co.uk/
Are you keen to discover how the journey of Coffee, Calm & Connection thus far has impacted its very creators? Are you interested in finding out how to actively implement the habits and principles the platform promotes in your everyday life?
In this unique episode, Coffee, Calm & Connection co-founders Stuart Thompson and Sarah Myerscough flip the script, and Sarah switches from interviewer to interviewee! They discuss how Sarah’s personal journey of self-discovery has already begun to challenge many of the fundamental methodologies with which she approaches the world, many of which revolve around a desire to control every aspect of her life. Stuart and Sarah discuss how attempting to relinquish that control can be instrumental in improving your wellbeing, and in curtailing our common tendency to perpetually worry about what may lie around the corner.
Quote of the Episode
“Keep seeking those moments in life, where you're out of control, where the control is surrendered, whether it be the smallest of things like letting somebody else drive, but also the bigger things about being disconnected for a few hours, not having the phone switched on, not knowing where everything is and what's going to happen. Letting some of that control drop over time can be really renewing and quite refreshing.”
Anxiety specialist Stuart Thompson suggests that many of those who were most deeply affected by the experience of lockdown were those who are least accustomed to surrendering control over their own lives. He suggests that the complete debilitation that accompanies such unpredictable events can completely disrupt our way of understanding the world, which is so often rooted in our seemingly robust control over it. He suggests that in order to offset our common desire for complete control over our lives, we should seek out and treasure those times in our daily lives when we can relinquish it. He argues that the freedom this gives inadvertently boosts your mental wellbeing and enable you to be simultaneously both more wary of and more mentally prepared for the inevitable, unpredictable events that occasionally shake our world.
Key Takeaways
The COVID-19 pandemic is the ultimate testament to the fact that we cannot predict everything, or indeed, anything, with absolute certainty. Yet, when we set goals, we seek control, and take comfort from the ostensible knowledge that, upon fulfilling these goals, we will feel happier.
Stuart Thompson suggests that this tendency towards constant superficial goal-setting often prevents us from seeing or seeking to identify the reasons why we have set such goals. We need to consider the reasons why we pursue certain things, be it to give up alcohol for a year; to train for a marathon; to learn a new language. If we try to achieve such goals for the wrong reasons, we will likely not achieve them, which will land us in an inevitable slump of dissatisfaction and self-flagellation.
This tendency can even extend to mindfulness itself: many of us attempt to make a goal out of self-improvement and self-discovery, an entirely nebulous and individualistic entity. Mindfulness cannot be approached merely as yet another task to tick off on the to-do list. It cannot be regimented or controlled in the way that other aspects of our lives can be. Stuart suggests that we can learn from our children in this respect. By reigniting our imaginations, and spontaneously deciding to do things merely because they appeal to us, without any other motivation, we can inadvertently boost our own wellbeing. This is the intention behind Coffee, Calm & Connection: to subtly integrate mindful practices in short, manageable bursts into your daily routine, thereby creating a habit out of them.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“Chasing the goal can be quite attractive. But there's something also quite puritanical underneath it, of saying, ‘Well, why haven't you reached that goal yet?’ And I think it's something that's crept into our culture… the ‘I'm successful, because I work hard’ mindset. But what that does to some people is, it makes them believe that good things have to be goal-driven. It can't be fun. ‘I must be a terrible person. Because today, all I did was watch TV. Well, that didn't have an outcome to it.’ Where, actually, sometimes it's about maybe looking at the outcome of doing nothing, as a reward in itself.”
“When someone's a high achiever they've been programmed to get a little buzz each time they hit a goal… [They] carry on seeking those little buzzes, rather than realizing that there's as much pleasure in just being present. But as we commercialize and commodify lots of things, mindfulness then becomes a thing we have to follow instructions to do, rather than just something we can enjoy doing and enjoy moving along with.”
“It's quite brave to step out into the world and say, I don't know what's happening today. I don’t know what’s going to happen later.”
‘There's lots of evidence that if we practice with kindness to other people, if we try and understand other people's actions, actually what we do start being a bit kinder to ourselves.’
Resources
Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy by Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at GoogleX
Coffee, Calm & Connection Podcast, Episode 023: Forming New Habits for Happiness with Laura DiBenedetto, https://coffeecalmconnection.podbean.com/e/forming-new-habits-for-happiness-with-laura-dibenedetto/
Picture This – Online plant identifier: https://www.picturethisai.com/
Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari
About the Guest
Stuart Thompson is an anxiety specialist, and started his career working as a social worker. He has been a therapist in private practice for 20 years. Stuart is the creator of The STILL Method: a system designed to help both children and adults overcome anxiety. Stuart leads a team of around 50 anxiety coaches working in schools in the UK, USA, and Australia. In 2019, Stuart was recognised one of the most influential disabled people in the UK.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Given the work-intensive, stress-inducing nature of modern society, our lives are a composite of various pressures swirling together simultaneously: friends, family, relationships, work, ascending the job ladder, and so on. Each of us understands and can relate to these challenges. But how can we overcome them without being consumed by stress? Steve White, CEO of insurance powerhouse BIBA (British Insurance Brokers Association), has led an illustrious career in the insurance industry. In this episode, he details his personal journey of self-improvement, emphasising the critical importance of self-awareness in order to make genuine progress. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he shares his wisdom regarding how you can overcome your personal trials and tribulations by engaging in meaningful dialogue with others to identify your strengths and weaknesses.
Quote of the Episode
“Never assume that you are perceived the way you think you are. You are what people perceive you to be. Perception is reality, at the end of the day.”
Many of us hold views about ourselves (many of which are heavily self-deprecating) that give no reflection of our true selves. We often struggle to see ourselves organically, trapped in an echo chamber of self-recriminations and abuse. Steve White suggests that the perspective of other, trusted people can be highly enlightening in this regard. He argues that we should approach those we trust, who need not necessarily be friends or family, but reliable sources who will speak the truth, and ask for their genuine, unfiltered perceptions about ourselves, and how we can improve. Steve claims that this process can be both vindicating and insightful, and that while doing so requires you to be vulnerable and receptive of criticism, it can help us better understand the person that we truly are, as opposed to who we perceive ourselves to be. We cannot see ourselves clearly; it is only others who can provide unfiltered insight about who we truly are, and thus, how we can improve.
Key Takeaways
Self-knowledge is perhaps the most crucial characteristic required when beginning the journey of self-discovery. It can be harnessed through mindful and meditative practices such as the quick, easy courses offered by Coffee, Calm & Connection. Ultimately, to identify what is holding you back from reaching your goals, you need to be able to ask yourself questions. What are my strengths and weaknesses? What am I good at? What can I lean on when times are tough? In answering these questions, you can begin to learn more about how you tick, and the habits which may either fuel your progress or potentially obstruct it.
As human beings, we naturally approach many of our conversations throughout the day with an agenda, which we may or may not be actively aware of. This is particularly important in the workplace, where we have certain tasks to complete and goals to achieve. However, in doing so, we have a tendency to anticipate how these conversations will unfold before they have even occurred, preventing us from actively listening to what the other party is saying. In letting our conversations unfold naturally and authentically, you may learn things about yourself which may never have surfaced otherwise.
This requires a certain amount of vulnerability. We all have a ‘work persona’ that might be different to our regular persona. But we shouldn’t be afraid to let the latter shine through sometimes, especially when we are struggling. If we feel comfortable in work environments, we can be more productive, as we are not trying to live up to an expectation of ourselves that likely cannot be fulfilled, if it isn’t true to who we are. Many of us have a tendency to erect a solid brick wall between our home and work lives. It’s important, essential, even, to have that sense of separation, and it’s inevitable that in those different settings, our different priorities will bring out different parts of our personalities. However, if we can retain a sense of the comfortability with ourselves that we have at home in the workplace, we could see improved results in productivity, and a boost in our overall wellbeing.
Steve White suggests that actively asking others how we are perceived is essential to self-improvement and overcoming the stressful challenges we embark on every day. If there is a disjoint between how you would like to be perceived and how you are perceived, you can do something about it. Therefore, you should weigh up what you believe about yourself with what others see in you. In doing so, you will better understand what is truly holding you back. Sometimes it takes someone directly vocalising a trait we hold for us to be able to recognise it within ourselves.
There is so much to learn from others. We can never hold all the answers, not even about ourselves. But we can endeavour to find them, if we ask the right people, and if we dig deep enough by asking the right questions.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“Make sure you have a clear understanding of what your strengths and your weaknesses are. That's a pretty good start point for life I think is understanding what it is you're good at. What are you not so good at? What do you what are your What do you lean on when time when times are tough?”
‘We all put on a work persona, that may be a little different to the personal persona.’
“None of none of us have got the Complete Book of learning. It's a personality strength to recognise that you don't know… When it comes to learning, I've met a few people down the years who would take the suggestion of training as a personal insult. Well, I'm sorry. As I say that the book is never full when it comes to learning.”
“Self perception is just as important as other people's perception. And I think how you perceive yourself is how you project yourself.”
“I'm going to challenge everybody listening to go and speak to one family member, one friend and one trusted source, whether it's work or some other community that you're involved in and ask them, tell me what you think of me. What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? And how do you perceive me?”
Resources
https://www.picturethisai.com/
About the Guest
Steve White is the CEO of the British Insurance Brokers Association (BIBA), with an extensive career in the insurance industry. He previously worked for Norwich Union, followed by a 21 year stint at Orion Insurance Company, a few years with the General Insurance Standards Council, and subsequently, the Financial Services Authority.
Steve’s LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/steve-white-437107a
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Do you find that when you achieve a goal, a sense of deep dissatisfaction sets in soon afterwards? Do you constantly compare yourself to others, and yearn to replicate their happiness in your own life? Are you hyper-critical of yourself no matter what you do?
In this episode of the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast, we’re very excited to be speaking with Laura DiBenedetto, the bestselling author of ‘The Six Habits’, about why so many of us feel discontent with ourselves, even when we achieve our goals. Laura attributes this to the habitual thoughts that many of us share, which are overwhelmingly geared towards the negative, perpetually berating you for your self-perceived failures with little respite. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, she explains how we can reorient our minds by forming new, positive habits which can make you calmer, kinder to yourself, and cultivate inner fulfilment.
Quote of the Episode
“I know lots of accomplished people who are miserable. I know lots of fulfilled people who have all different kinds of accomplishment, and it doesn't matter.”
After we achieve a goal, be it an important presentation or running a marathon, many of us feel utterly deflated. Soon afterwards, we attempt to replace that goal with a new one, so that we can achieve the momentary happiness that success brings. Laura DiBenedetto argues that there is a monumental difference between superficial achievement and genuine contentment. The former is entirely irrelevant to the latter. The goals we set ourselves in life, in themselves, cannot make us happy. They may provide a temporary rush of satisfaction, but that is fleeting, and will soon give way to negative thoughts, frustration, and unhappiness. This is a vicious cycle, which can eventually lead to burnout, or indeed, depression. To achieve the contentment we all yearn for, we need to assess our internal drivers, and try to motivate ourselves with positivity and kindness, rather than the fear of failure.
Key Takeaways
To begin the journey towards happiness and fulfilment, we need to make a conscious choice to focus on the positive things that surround us. The human mind produces between 50-60,000 thoughts per day. However, a significant proportion of these thoughts are repeated from the previous day, and a considerable percentage of those thoughts are negative. We carry the baggage of our self-perceived failures with ourselves wherever we go, and through whatever we do. It is impossible to relinquish these thoughts altogether. However, by actively forming a habit of being kind to oneself, treating one’s ideas and feelings with respect, and accepting former failures, one will begin to experience more inner peace and joy.
The mind is fuelled by certain habitual processes and thoughts that motivate our actions and determine our emotions and responses to different stimuli. Laura DiBenedetto argues that many of these habits are detrimental to our potential contentment, and that to achieve it, they must be superseded by new habits which can create a happier, healthier lifestyle. Coffee, Calm & Connection operates under a similar principle. By providing easy, five-minute-a-day courses in meditative and mindful practices, it can help you to zone in on certain aspects of your inner monologue which are curtailing your contentment.
Each and every one of us has the right to be happy, but we are deeply reluctant to initiate the process of living a better life, as it demands that you be vulnerable with yourself and, indeed, with others. The best way to turn your self-flagellation into self-approbation is by actively making a habit out of being kind to yourself, by recognising when you are not, and the impact this has on your daily life.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
‘If you change the quality of your thoughts and develop a new mental habit, in six key areas, you can change your life.’
“What do happy people have in common? What is it that really makes people happy? And what did I miss? I've read all these books over the years, and I've done all these things, and that wasn't it. You know, like, you could be as thin as you want, you can have all the money you want, but if you're still unhappy, then it's probably because you're missing something.”
“It wasn't like stuff like yoga, I love yoga, by the way, it wasn't even church, and I love church. It wasn't like, you know, eating your veggies, or going to the gym, or having a lot of money and all those things. They're nice, but they give you a great temporary high, but then you're just left with yourself when the novelty wears off.”
“High achievement is not fulfilment. They are different things, and living a life of genuine happiness is one that is fulfilled. When you're constantly just chasing the next apex, and like the next huge accomplishment, it's very exhausting, particularly when you do it from a place of constantly beating yourself to get there, versus inspiring yourself to get there. You can still be a high achiever. But when it comes from a place of joy, it's easier. You don't have to try as hard.”
Resources
The Six Habits: Practical Tools for Bringing Your Dreams to Life by Laura DiBenedetto
TedX - The Six Habits of the Happiest People by Laura DiBenedetto - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rYes2CHFIM&ab_channel=TEDxTalks
https://www.thesixhabits.com/
https://lauradibenedetto.com/
About the Guest
Laura DiBenedetto is the bestselling author of The Six Habits, a TEDx speaker and ‘America’s Happiness Coach’. She is also the CEO of Vision Advertising, which focuses on social media and digital marketing.
Laura’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lldibenedetto
Contact Laura: inquiries@lauradibenedetto.com
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Are you keen to start making progress towards improving your mental wellbeing? Are you concerned by the substantial wait-times for therapy provided by the NHS, or the extensive cost of private sessions? In this episode, we’re excited to be speaking with Dr Gregory Warwick, a counselling psychologist, about the current availability of alternatives to these traditional services. These include text-based online therapy, AI-based counselling and self-help solutions. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he discusses how these latter options could in some cases be considered equally as effective as traditional approaches to mental wellbeing, and how they may assist you in taking control of your own mental health.
Quote of the Episode
“When I look at the data, in terms of effectiveness, the outcomes are largely the same as working with someone.”
Counselling psychologist Dr Gregory Warwick suggests that online therapies and self-help services have, in recent studies, proven to be nearly and often equally as effective as in-person, traditional Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. The ability to actively improve one’s mental health need not lie solely in the hands of a mental health professional, but rather, can be assumed by yourself, in conjunction with services such as Coffee, Calm & Connection. These can actively foster changes in your habits and mentality and empower you to become the person you want to be.
Key Takeaways
COVID-19 has exacerbated changes pertaining to interaction and communication which were already inevitable in light of the rapid developments in social media and technology. However, simultaneously, an array of self-help resources is emerging, which may become instrumental in improving or maintaining one’s mental health and wellbeing.
There is an array of options for improving your mental health beyond conventional talk therapy, the demand for which has only skyrocketed in recent months due to the pandemic, despite an infrastructure which was already struggling to meet demand. As Dr Warwick explains in this episode, these alternative methods are by no means second-rate, and indeed can accrue similar results to those achievable with traditional therapy. These methods may range from meditation to the individualised courses provided by Coffee Calm Connection, and will continue to expand in the future.
In the next decade, if developed in the right hands, AI-based counselling could become a hugely beneficial resource which would cater to our current culture of immediacy. This would enable us to start therapy in the same amount of time it takes to order a product on Amazon, curtailing 18-month+ wait times for NHS therapy, or the extensive costs of private services.
A key concern raised by those who are sceptical of self-help platforms in contrast with traditional therapy is an ostensible lack of accountability, and the difficulty of seeing genuine progress manifested without another professional individual in the room to assist oneself in seeing it. Coffee, Calm & Connection overcomes this barrier by providing easy, five-minute-a-day courses with which you can zone-in on a particular element of your mental wellbeing. The ease-of-access these provide ensures that you can actively take control of your mental health and achieve your goals with bite-sized content that will gradually encourage you to make the changes you wish to see in yourself. As Dr Warwick mentions in the podcast, some self-help materials are created in a one-size-fits-all type model, which is not necessarily conducive to genuine personal growth, as it isn’t tailored to one’s unique, individual needs. Meanwhile, Coffee, Calm & Connection allows you to actively take control of the aspects of your mental wellbeing which you seek to improve, rendering the process highly individualised and capable of catering to your specific needs.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“Part of my thesis and interest was around internet Relay Chat, and I did an experiment where people would do therapy with one another, just using text. And it found that it didn't matter that you didn't have these gestures, the facial expressions, if the connection was there…”
“A common criticism of these kinds of self-help materials is that they can be marketed as a one-size-fits-all. And as a result, is not very tailored. So, I think the benefit of Coffee, Calm & Connection is that as you sort of split modules up as you split each sort of lesson up, that's where some of that individualization can come to help with that.”
“There's a theory called like the dreaded drama triangle. So this idea that you have on a triangle, you have victim persecutor rescuer, so the victim is someone who goes into that rhetorically, they played that role. The rescuer was it sounds nice is what actually keeps them in that role. Someone who doesn't coach them to find ways of doing it, they do it for them. […] How do you recognise if you're in that triangle and what can you do? […] You'd want the victim to become the Creator, so they come up with solutions.”
Resources
Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy by Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at GoogleX
About the Guest
Dr Gregory Warwick is a practicing counselling psychologist who operates in Salford, Manchester, for Quest Psychology Services, which won Counselling Service of the Year 2020 in the Greater Manchester region. While the service specialises in PTSD, it also provides expert talking therapy for the general public, catering to individuals’ specific support requirements.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
What do you really know about the menopause? Are you, as a woman, approaching your change and you’re worried about what you’ve heard? Are you a male looking to learn a little more and want to know more about the ins and outs of what the menopause really is?
In this episode, we chat with Debbie. Debbie is a Pub Landlady, Actress, Writer, Blogger and Menopause Advocate all in one, alongside being the creator of ‘’Her and the change in me’’ - a one woman show with 4 voices. In this episode, we talk about... well, you guessed it, the menopause(!) and what this means for men AND women as well as what the future holds for awareness and support.
Best Quote
‘’I think where we've come in the last 50 years is incredible in terms of equality, and again, I mean, feminism is so wide, and there's so many different trenches, and there's so many quite extreme versions. Whether or not one buys into that kind of stuff, you can't argue that we've come quite a long way.’’
Resources
Debbie’s Linkedin profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debbie-baisden-2a467a182/
Menopause Support campaign: https://www.menopausesupport.co.uk
Menopause: study on the brain with Dr Lisa Mosconi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJZ8z_nTCZQ
Killer whales and menopause: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2017/jan/15/killer-whales-explain-meaning-of-the-menopause
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Are you someone who struggles to be who you really are in everyday life? Perhaps you’ve discovered your true self and for many reasons feel this cannot be shared with the outside world? Maybe you’ve opened yourself up to your life choices being accepted and feel that you are judged, bullied and hated on for being who you want to be?
In this episode, we chat with Rikki. Rikki is transgender and openly talks about her experiences from very early childhood. In this episode she specifically opens up about discovering herself, how she got to where she is today and why it’s important we change the stigma on sexual orientation and gender stereotypes.
Best Quote
‘’When a trans person comes out, they don't just out themselves, they out the family and everybody who is connected. When I came out, around half the people just thought ‘no, no, I don't want that, I don't want to have to explain that I have a brother who is now my sister' etc – and that just put a whole amount of pressure on me.’’
Resources
Rikki’s Linkedin profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rikkiarundel/
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Have you suffered a traumatic event that did or still does affect your everyday life? Perhaps your experiences have changed your opinions and made you become a different person better or worse? How does this tie in with facing your fears and smashing your confidence?
In this episode, we chat with Susan. Susan is the Founder of Superstar Communicator and every day works with global companies, supporting teams across the world. She chats with us about how her very own experiences has shaped the person she is today and is a large part of why she does what she does both personally and in business...
Best Quote
‘’Looking back, I was in a particular survivors’ syndrome and not acknowledging the trauma that I had had, or the impact I had had, and feeling that I shouldn't be complaining about what I’m going through myself. I think a lot more is known now than what it was back in the 1980s...’’
Resources
Susan’s Linkedin profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanheatonwright/
Pole Pole: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgqAOCtwLOo&feature=youtu.be
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
018: What is happiness and where do we find it – with Hannah Wilson
Is your idea of happiness realistic? Do you find yourself pondering amongst thoughts of an idyllic fantasy where happiness exists and you feel personally, you can never find it?
In this episode, we chat with Hannah - a professional psychologist who talks with us today about happiness and how often or not, our perception of happiness can be distorted. Hannah tells us about her experience of happiness, what it means to her and how we can learn to understand what happiness means to us.
Best Quote
‘’Something someone once said to me is try to use the word ‘and’ instead of ‘but’. So, quite often we will describe something and then we say ‘but’ and then by doing that, we kind of put a line through everything that came before the ‘but’ and we only really focus on the bit after. So, it might be I had a really good day - BUT then I came home and we had an argument or things were going really well BUT then there was a tragedy or loss… and it sort of means I don't need that bit after the ‘but’ exists, almost. Whereas if we can use ‘and’ then they can coexist.’’
Resources
Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat: https://www.solveforhappy.com/
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Do you find you try to implement new habits and changes for the routine to ‘drop off’ after a few weeks? Do you feel that you focus more on when something goes wrong than the things that actually went right? Well, you’re not alone.
In this episode, we chat with Stuart. Stuart is the founder of The Still Method - a complete system, using a step-by-step approach, to understand and manage anxiety and low self-esteem. We chat about habits, change and our own beliefs. Why this means we set unrealistic expectations, fall off the bandwagon and why we live with guilt.
Best Quote
‘’I remember once being in a meeting in a restaurant and listening to two people having a conversation over a breakfast meeting and they said ‘well, now I've had that cooked breakfast, that's my diet out the window for the rest of the day’ - and I remember thinking, well, why? Why can't you just think that was a great breakfast, celebrate the pleasure you got from it and then go back to doing what you were doing? - it's that loaded guilt that makes us drop off the curb completely and we've got to try and find a way to get rid of that.’’
Resources
Stuart’s Linkedin profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stuart-thompson-b8b66b1/
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Have you ever just had a lightbulb moment when you think ‘aha - that’s what that was’, or perhaps you’ve given your inner voice a name? Are you and your alter ego friends?
In this episode, we chat with Fay - a busy professional, working in a fast-paced regional manager role in the insurance industry. With a young son in tow, Fay shares with us the ‘aha’ moments she had when thinking back to how she got to the place of resilience and patience that she’s at today – mainly through recognising her own coping mechanisms, tools and mental stress triggers.
Best Quote
‘’When I was at my very lowest, I remember just thinking to myself one morning, I need to change. I need to make some changes here and just focus on finding a way to be happy every day, like, that's my objective.’’
Resources
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_7_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People
Sapiens: A Brief History of Human Kind by Yuval Noah Harari: https://www.ynharari.com/book/sapiens-2/
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Have you ever felt resentful, tearful, or stressed as a result of life juggle? Do you know when your body is telling you something isn't right?
Helen is a mum of 7 year old twins, working full time in the insurance industry. Helen chats with us about the role of male and female in a family setting and how she copes with juggling work and Mum life, especially during COVID.
Best Quotes
‘’…You just cope and get on with things and then you find that you've been coping and getting on with things for I don't know, weeks, and then all of a sudden, a little switch inside you goes ‘I'm not happy - I'm not myself, I'm not right’ and it takes a while to realise that.’’
RESOURCES
You Should’ve Asked, The Mental Load: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KGtUvAuwCo
ABOUT THE HOST
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Do you use essential oils? Have you ever tried them? I have long been fascinated by the medicine of ye-olde-times and so have teamed up with Nicole Watling to find out a little bit more about how essential oils have helped her life juggle. Nicole is a mum of three who struggled mentally after the birth of her second and third child. Nicole searched for ways in which she could better manage and support her emotions and soon after, became gripped by the essential oil concept… so much so that she teaches classes about them now! An interesting story that helps us to learn a little more about her holistic approach to mental wellbeing.
Best Quotes
‘’We are processing our emotions from the get-go, whether we wake up naturally and it’s a more calming experience, or whether we wake up with our child shouting at us or opening our eyeballs for us – we are processing straightaway.’’
‘’This isn't us saying not to use modern day medicine. I stand strongly that there is place for both and how I view the holistic approach with a modern day medicine is like a riverbank - the essential oils and the holistic approach could be the riverbank or the underlying statistical support and the modern day medicine is the river. They work hand in hand they support each other.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Moving counties, leaving friends, and rebuilding yourself takes guts. Isolation is hard. Who you were in your 20's isn't always who you are in your 30's. What challenges have you overcome and how did it change you as a person?
In this episode, we are chatting with Jennifer. Jennifer is a married mum of two, working in insurance for the past 17 years and balancing the balls of life like many of us. Jennifer has recently embarked on a meditation and mindfulness journey and shares with us her experience and why she began in the first place!
Best Quotes
‘’To begin with the thought of ‘just breathe’ and ‘it's all about the breathing’ and all these positive affirmations, it was a bit like, is this really true? Is that really going to happen? Can I really focus that much? But I found that it actually, it really did.’’
‘’I have heard a few people have had that very same experience where all of a sudden, the home dynamic has changed… not just because more people are in the home every day all day because the home is now also the work environment and the home so the separation is not there.’’
‘’I went to the doctors, and they will always anxiety. And I'm like no, no, no, I don't suffer with anxiety. I think that I'm quite strong headed person, I don't think that would affect me in that way. It must be related to my asthma or something like that.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Do you work with your family? Would you? Have you ever had that "aha moment" with someone close to you to find you're both walking the same life journey of discovery at the same time? In this episode, we are chatting with Wes and Bex, a spectacularly amazing couple who run insurance brokerage Glowsure together. They have two children and have felt the pain of running a business, raising a family, and juggling all the life balls simultaneously. Listen to how they manage their time, what mechanisms they have put in place (celery juice anyone?) and challenges they have faced.
Best Quotes:
‘’You've hit the nail on the head there as a society, the way we think and the way we behave and what what's been happening to our sort of mental state, our physiological state our emotional state over COVID has perhaps just highlighted some of the real problems as a society we're dealing with.’’
‘’I remember just having a meltdown one day – I was arranging people's cards and I just felt like why am I the one that has to sort out everybody's birthday cards?... and it's always the same things isn't it that make you break.’’
‘’When I kind of hit the wall, and probably not many people apart from Who would have known about it, because I'm always very good at putting a smile on my face. And for me, I suddenly realized that I was kind of almost going a bit numb to things.’’
‘’When I get really stressed, I get burning sensations in my head, which sounds quite bad, but I know at that point I'm in total overwhelm, and I need to go and do something.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Did you have a clear idea as a child of who you were going to be when you grew up? Was it a pilot, a ballerina, an astronaut, or a hairdresser? Jayden was joining the army, defying all the medical odds, until life really put its foot down. In this episode, Jayden talks about his rare medical condition, life challenges, mental health battles, and how early life has paved the way for who and where he is now.
Best Quotes:
‘’…the doctor said, you're never going to be able to do that, you're going to have to have a stoma, and I was like, I'm just not having that… everybody's going to see this is not going to be my life.’’
‘’I never got in trouble with the police, I was good in school, so it was a rebellion on my own terms… does that make sense? If it suited me then I would.’’
‘’I think maybe that's what led me to the entrepreneur thing, because it was the ability to control that I can create my own path, so to speak, and I can be as determined as I want.’’
‘’…but I was like, no, this is going to happen. I was just, when I saw something - for me, it was going to happen. I kind of had that visualisation at a young age.’’
‘’If everybody helped each other, we’d all be less messy.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Was homeschooling during lockdown something that affected you? Are you a single parent? Have you been through a bad breakup? Do people in your life know how you really feel or is your mask so firmly in place that no one could even guess? In this episode, we are chatting to Jemma Coates. Jemma is a single mum, working within the financial planning industry and is currently working from home. She talks to us about how the last year has impacted her mentally and how she has coped with the changes she’s endured.
Best Quotes:
‘’I'm not a teacher, so for me to try and teach him something that I do not understand myself was stressful and trying to teach in the way they're teaching, to the way I got taught to do things was just impossible.’’
‘’I actually think the fallout from the burnout of people juggling all these balls over the last year is going to last well into, you know, the future.’’
‘’…that affected mine and Alfie's relationship because I was trying so hard to get him to do schoolwork and things like that. I just forgot to have a little bit of fun with him.’’
‘’The positive that's come out of it is, you've got nobody else to attribute your success to but you - that's got to be a hell of a boost for you.’’
RESOURCES
Alan Watkins: Ted Talks – https://youtu.be/h-rRgpPbR5w
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
Redundancy, as many of you will relate, can have a huge impact on life, both in practical terms but also in terms of how you identify and feel about yourself and the relationships around you. Today we are talking to Ian, a remarkable person with an incredible view on life, who has been made redundant not once, not twice but three times over his life. Ian is an insurance professional who has worked in the industry for most of his working life. Ian talks to us today about his experiences of redundancy, how he coped and how this impacted him.
Best Quotes:
‘’I guess back in those early days, not having a means of income for us as a family, when we were just starting out, was really difficult to comprehend.’’
‘’…the poor unfortunate people who work in retail, and all those other businesses that were affected by COVID, I kind of thought, well, my position I'll count myself lucky because I'll probably find something.’’
‘’My wife would love to talk about her job and I just never felt like that. It wasn't because I felt, you know, I use the word inferior, I guess, because I didn't… I didn't feel inferior about it, but I just felt my job was just a job.’’
‘’I think everybody masks to some extent in everyday life and what I've seen before is the mask stays in place permanently and is where maybe some additional worries and anxieties come up.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
What experience can you look back on as being pivotal in the game of life? How did you feel at the time? How do you feel about it now? Life experience can come in all shapes and sizes - grief, challenge, failed expectations. Coronavirus has changed many people's direction. Chloe has faced many challenges in her 27 years of life including losing two loved ones to COVID-19, becoming a carer for her mother, and holding down a stressful job as a veterinary nurse. Chloe talks with us about her experiences, her coping strategies and how this has impacted her mental wellness.
Best Quotes:
‘’I've always struggled. I think I've always struggled kind of with validation of thoughts like is this right? Am I doing this right? Am I feeling this right? Is somebody going to judge me for this? And I think, at home, we did get judged a lot.’’
‘’I think you maybe mirror it back on yourself to corroborate maybe a belief about yourself that you have that I wouldn't have about you, and I suspect nobody in the whole world would have about you…‘’
‘’The thing I can control is how clean stuff is around me so, it's like a control if my rooms tidy it’s because I've controlled that. All the animals are clean, the cars are clean… it’s because it's something I can control.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
So many people are at 'the height of life's juggle', myself included. Working, raising a family, staying fit (or trying), remembering to do the shopping, buy the birthday card, and put the rubbish out #firstworldrpoblems, right? I actually think - wrong! There is a better way. Stop juggling and start enjoying. Otherwise, we are getting through life rather than fully appreciating it.
In this episode, our Founder Sarah, talks to us about her juggling game and plan to stop juggling and start enjoying life now.
Best Quotes:
‘’I've struggled with mental health on a level that's not diagnoseable. It's not critical, and it doesn't stop me progressing in my day-to-day life, but it does impact me on a day-to-day basis. So… it's like the modern-day flu - you're always feel just a little bit unwell. I'm never ill, I'm never like, I need to get into bed and stay there for three days. I don't get sickness bugs, I don't get temperatures, I don't get any of that stuff… but I always feel just a little bit ill.’’
‘’…the Coffee Calm & Connection things really helped me with that - talking about kindness and gratitude and self-awareness and emotional signalling and how to understand what your body's trying to tell you… because you need to live more in your body and not so much in your mind.’’
‘’That's what this is about. That's what I want to be able to do… just a generalised, let's not be poised and professional and proper and blah. Let's just be normal human beings that have problems and vulnerabilities and crazy custard brain and all of that kind of stuff.’’
‘’I am not a clinical psychologist, or a mental health wellbeing or a meditation coach, or a hypnosis coach, or a habits coach or any other kind of coach. I'm an entrepreneurial mum with three kids, right? But I know what needs to be done for me and I'm hoping that is helpful for others.’’
‘’This is not about mental illness. This is about mental wellness… we've developed the team, we've developed the methodology to get the message out and we've got people that want to share their stories. That's the power of this, the power of it is that we've got the team with lots of different perspectives.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
What is the clinical difference between feeling a bit low and depression? Within the diagnosis of depression, how many different types are there? When do the lines blur and when should you seek help? In this episode, we are chatting to Consultant Psychiatrist, Dr. Ahmed Ismail. Dr Ismail has over 20 years’ experience in a mental health setting and is not just a consultant psychiatrist – he’s also a fully qualified cognitive behavioural therapist too! He chats with us today about depression, both clinical and non-clinical and helps us to understand the difference between the two as well as what CBT therapy is, his experience and how it can help.
Best Quotes:
‘’We can all become a bit depressed from time to time, we can feel a bit low, but often than not, then we're able to shake it off, we're able to come out of it, we are able to talk ourselves up a bit about the way we feel - and that normally works for a lot of people in many situations… but for some people, that drop in mood can be quite significant.’’
‘’Loss sometimes doesn't have to be the physical loss or losing a person, it could be loss of status, loss of meanings, loss of something that you hold dear to yourself. It could be many, many things.’’
‘’I think psychological treatment, like talking therapy, trying to really look at the reason you feel that way is important because often those feelings are triggered by negative views about yourself or about other people and about the world.’’
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
ABOUT THE GUEST
Dr Ismail has over 20 years’ experience in a mental health setting. Being not just a consultant psychiatrist but also a fully qualified cognitive behavioural therapist too, he leads the Continuous Professional Development for East Kent and is Deputy Regional Academic Advisor to the Royal College of Psychiatrists for Kent, Surrey and Sussex too. He teaches students from Kings College, London and Brighton University and has an active role in writing code of practice for Sudan Mental Health Act.
Have you ever experience hot sweats, shaking, dizziness, and panic in a public place? Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks regularly? Zoe did, and this is her story from a young age of feeling this way, through early adulthood and ultimately her journey of self-discovery. Although Zoe works predominantly in the mental health, wellness, and positive psychological space, she also has a very influential personal story. Zoe shares with us her personal experience of stress, depression and anxiety as well as her feelings of overwhelm and her experience with panic attacks from a very young age.
Trigger warning: this particular podcast episode mentions self-harming and suicide.
Best Quotes:
‘’One of the hardest things is the exhaustion… just feeling as if, I can remember describing it to my boss at the time, as if my body was made of lead. I was walking through treacle and every step was just exhausting.’’
‘’People self-harm for different reasons but for me, it was a suicide prevention. I felt absolute despair and like I’m completely backed into a corner but self-harming shocked that out of me a little bit.’’
‘’If you open your vulnerabilities, and I'm just going to qualify that sentence to say, our perception is that we are as judged for both of those things and in actual fact, maybe not.’’
RESOURCES:
- Action for Happiness: https://www.actionforhappiness.org/
- Ikigai: The Japanese secret to a long and happy life - https://www.waterstones.com/book/ikigai/hector-garcia/francesc-miralles/9781786330895
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
ABOUT THE GUEST
Zoe Flint is the Managing Director of Work.Live.Thrive . – an expert wellbeing consultancy that works based on the latest developments within mindfulness, positive psychology and neuroscience. She specialises in training, subscription services and policy writing as well as being able to provide tools and techniques that help you to manage your own mental health personally or within an organisation.
Website: https://worklivethrive.co.uk/
Are you a perfectionist? What does that even mean? Do you suffer from anxiety or burnout? What does that even mean? Join me in chatting to the amazing Leisha Davies, a Clinical Psychologist, on different types of people and the triggers to look for when stress hits the tipping point.
Best Quotes:
- Burnout is getting caught up in things driven by the words ‘should’, ‘ought’, ‘must’ and not always the word ‘want’.
- The kinds of people most at risk of burnout is the ‘perfectionists’ – people who have unrelenting standards and judge themselves and others without mercy.
- Our brains are set up to focus on the survival system and because of this, our unconscious beliefs drive our compulsion to keep things going.
- We don’t always realise when we get into a new habit. It becomes a procedural memory and an automated function of the body system.
RESOURCES:
- Judy Klipin on Burnout: https://judyklipin.com/blog/
- Victor Frankel’s Stimulous and Response: https://quoteinvestigator.com/2018/02/18/response/
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
ABOUT THE GUEST
Leisha is a Chartered Clinical Psychologist and has been performing this role since qualifying with a First-Class Honours at the University of Stellenbosch in South Africa in 2008. Leisha has worked within a number of large corporations including private and public health sectors, student counselling and the South African National Defence Force.
Website: www.nafshealth.com
Do you worry about the impact social media and technology have on you and on your family? Have you ever felt like a computer with too many tabs open? Do you reflect on your own behaviour and emotions? Listening to this fascinating episode with Clinical Psychologist Azi reflecting on the modern need to pathologise emotions, superficial expectations of the modern world and how we can rewire our brains to a more peaceful existence.
Best Quotes:
- Whilst majorly linked to the Middle East; mindfulness traditions exist in every major religion. They provide massive emphasis on slowing down and engaging and encourage you to pay attention to breathing.
- Just concentrating on the day to day impacts on your own life can improve your focus in just 10 minutes a day.
- The isolation that came from the COVID pandemic has increased the honesty of people.
- Social media plays a massive part in people thinking they’re failing, underachieving and being lazy.
- The mindfulness principles about doing one thing at a time is acknowledging that the human mind is designed to be distracted.
RESOURCES:
- Mindfulness in the Middle East - https://www.livehealthymag.com/rediscovering-the-real-meaning-of-mindfulness-in-the-middle-east/
- The Prophet – Kahlil Gibran - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prophet_(book)
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
ABOUT THE GUEST
Azi is a Clinical Psychologist and has been performing this role since qualifying at the University of East Anglia in 2015. Azi is electric in his practice and is particularly influenced by existential, psychodynamic and third-wave Cognitive Behavioural Therapies (CBT). His key interests include trauma-related problems such as PTSD, anxiety, low mood and relationship difficulties.
Website: www.nafshealth.com
The COVID-19 pandemic has really shaken us all, both physically and mentally and it’s a topic that’s hot on everyone’s lips. What challenges did you face and what opportunities did you find within the COVID 19 period?
Mukhtar Nasir, Managing Director of Nafs Health Consultancy & Training Limited explains why he thinks the pandemic is having such a slide on our mental health, even when we haven’t been directly impacted and how he feels this will shape other mental health services in the future.
Best Quotes:
- As a society, the way we behave in relation to the pandemic has highlighted some of the real problems as a society we deal with psychologically.
- The pandemic has been a blessing in disguise, despite the sadness and loss.
- Having a good understanding of why your emotions are so magnified is the first step in emotional healing.
- A lack of control is one of the biggest issues people face when struggling with their own mental health.
RESOURCES:
- https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/
- https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/coronavirus/
CONNECT WITH Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org
ABOUT THE GUEST
Mukhtar Nasir is a Clinical Psychologist and Managing Director of Nafs Health Consultancy & Training Limited – a mental health provider centre in England. Mukhtar has a wealth of experience in psychiatrist and psychological disorders and specialises in perinatal, anxiety and mood disorders as well as PTSD.
Website: www.nafshealth.com
Have you ever put the milk in the shoe cupboard and wondered why? Have you ever felt like you are juggling too many balls and dropping most of them? Have you ever yelled at your kids and felt guilty, knowing the yelling was more to do with your emotional state than the fact that they left the cereal bowl in the lounge again! You are not alone. This is my life too. And CCC is my journey to change, and I hope you will join me.
CCC is about being human. It’s about you choosing to prioritise your well-being, putting the time to strengthen your resilience and be part of a community that holds you accountable and offers support when the going gets tough. Our podcasts bring expert insight and real experiences together for you to enjoy and learn what it is that makes us human and how to work with it.
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HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org