Behind Our Smiles Marriage Podcast: Recent Episodes
Joe and Tara Buchanan
Welcome to the Behind Our Smiles Podcast! We’re your hosts, Joe & Tara Buchanan. We were married in 1997, we have four amazing children, and we want to share with you the real-life behind our smiles... The things we still struggle with, the things we finally have victory over, and the truth from God’s Word that we know will always carry us. Join us for some candid conversations as we look for ways to pursue a connection with God and each other and find joy even in the struggle.
What's your first reaction when you remember being in classroom as a child? Did you enjoy getting those good grades or was it just another way to feel inadequate? Our school experiences often shape how "smart" we feel. Then we can bring those feelings into our marriage and how we treat our husband or wife. In this week's episode, we share how needing to feel smarter affects the intimacy in our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
If you've been to any weddings this summer, you can see it in the faces of a new bride and groom- the spark! It's that special attraction that keeps you and your spouse connected. But ten, twenty year later the spark often dies out. This episode we're sharing five ways (SPARK) to ignite or re-ignite- the spark in your marriage!
S: Smile
P: Pursue
A: Admire
R: Repair
K: Kiss
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We have called the process of raising our teenage sons as pulling the man out of the boy. In Part 2 fo this series, we finish sharing our man-building principles in our PULLING acrostic!
P: Pray
U: Understand
L: Lead your heart
L; Look out for others
I: Influence
N: No excuses
G: Grit
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Following Father's Day, we want to dig deeper into the influence of fathers, and especially on sons. We have been raising teenage boys for the past ten years and we've seen how critical Dad's role is during that time. We call that process pulling the man out. It's not always easy, but it is necessary. In this episode, we share how we parented to help our boys become men.
A Father's Role in Homeschooling
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Happy Father's Day! What are the traits that make a good father and what is their significance in our lives? In this episode we reflect on the differences between how Joe was fathered and how he has fathered our children.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
There's something comforting when you know you have equity in your home. It may not be immediately touchable, but it represents something you will benefit from in the future. Over the years, we have seen how the equity in our marriage has helped keep us afloat us during rough patches. In this episode, we share about the value of growing equity in your relationships.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you like to plan for what you want your life and relationships to look like in five years? The small decisions we make every day can set us on a trajectory that make it easier- or harder- to get us where we want to be. In this episode, we share about what some of our five-year-plans have looked like and keeping perspective helps us to stay the course.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
As Mother's Day approaches, what kind of emotions come to the surface? Specifically, when you think of your mother, what do you hear her saying? The messages we hear as a child can often stay with us for life, especially if those messages were negative or hurtful. This week we're sharing our emotions around Mother's Day and the importance of replacing negative voices with God's truth.
Older episodes on Mother's Day:
Can We Just Skip Mother's Day?
Can We Just Skip Mother's Day Pt 2
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you ever been told, "it's not you, it's me"? It may be true but it can still make us feeling awkward. In our marriages though, many times the issue is really not our spouse, but something we're just dealing with as an individual. In this episode, we share the tension of working through "it's not you" in our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
How can you make your spouse smile? Let us count the ways! In this episode we're letting several of our listeners share what that looks like in their marriages. You might learn a new way to make your spouse smile, too! Thank you to the husbands and wives for setting a great example for us!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Experience the story of Jesus like never before in THE CHRIST, a four-part Easter audio epic.
THE CHRIST brings the gospel narrative vividly to life—from the humble manger to the victorious resurrection—through world-class voice talent, cinematic soundscapes, and stirring music.
From the halls of Roman power to the wilderness of Judea and the hills of Galilee, this immersive audio drama follows the life, ministry, sacrifice, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth—and the people forever changed by Him.
Follow the podcast now so you hear each new episode the moment it releases.
Listen here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-christ-an-easter-audio-epic/id1870710176
Or here: https://open.spotify.com/show/6oaFRx79AiROdosDof8FME
Learn more at TheChristPodcast.com
Do you ever wish your spouse could just cut you some slack? We've all had those times where we know we messed up, but we don't want anyone on our case about it making it worse. We have walked through many seasons where neither of us had much grace to give. Why is offering grace so hard, yet we want it for ourselves so badly? In this episode we share our journey and process of growing a grace-filled marriage.
Our episode on Living the Grace Life with Jennifer Sakata
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
There's something really fun about hearing from a married couple that's still at the beginning of their journey. In this episode we talk with recording artist Hannah Kerr and her husband Jason. In their short time of being married, they have had to tackle the real stuff of life, from a Covid wedding to life on the road to unexpected losses. They've learned early on what it looks like to surrender your plans to the Lord and how to lean into each other in the hard times. And they shared one simple habit they discovered that is setting their marriage on the path to success. Their story will challenge and encourage you!
More about Hannah Kerr's Music
Hannah's Podcast: In the Middle of It
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you consider your spouse's opinions as valid your own? Marriage would be so much easier if we always had the same preferences and thoughts. Instead, as we choose to let our spouse's opinion truly matter to us, we grow respect and trust in our marriage. In this episode we're sharing some of our opinions… and try to figure out whose opinion matters more!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you ever forgotten a significant day in your relationship? Taking extra effort to celebrate each other can grow trust and romance in our marriage. In this episode, we share our times of wrong expectations and mishandling our romantic holidays.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
So much of our relationship is defined by what happens in private, between the two of us. But a lot of our relationship is also how we function together in public. In this episode we're sharing how we try to look out for each other in social settings (and the times we haven't!)
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Happy New Year! The new year can give us new hope- the promise of the change we so desperately want to see. Other times the new year can be discouraging. Here we are with a brand new year, yet here we are, having the same conversation. In this episode we share some of our "same conversations" in our marriage and how we work past that feeling of being stuck.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Tara and Joe share a short devotional about God's goodness. We hope you and your family have much to celebrate this Christmas! This week we share a short article from one of our favorite writers about seeing God in the hard places.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We all know that person who starts listening to Christmas music in October… who fills their home with multiple Christmas trees and has decorations on every shelf and lights in every window. They are "Christmas people" through and through. But maybe you feel more like a Grinch and don't care for all the holiday trappings. Does that mean Christmas is not for you? In this episode we share our struggles with the Christmas season and what it really means to celebrate Christ during Christmas.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
There are so many needs around us and so many opportunities to give that it can feel overwhelming! We know that God wants us to be generous, but what if we don't have much? And but, and what if? In this episode we share our struggles with being generous and how our marriage has benefitted from letting God's blessings flow through us!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
There's so much joy in welcoming a baby into the family, but there's also so much work, and the dynamics in our relationship often drastically shift. In this episode we look back and share how we protected our marriage through the addition of children.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
First comes love, then comes marriage… then comes a baby in a baby carriage! A big part of marriage usually involves the welcoming of children into the family. It's very so exciting, so very draining, and has a huge impact our marriage. In this week's episode we discuss how parenting has affected our marriage…and what we want to share to our kids as they become parents themselves! Buchanan grandbabies are coming soon!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever struggles with saying "yes" too much? Or maybe your first instinct is to say, no I can't do that! Our marriages thrive when we can find the happy medium when we can stay involved but not burnt out. In this episode we talk about how we determine our capacity and draw healthy boundaries for ourselves.
Note: We are switching to releasing a new episode every other week, giving you more time to catch up on any episodes you've missed :)
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Part of strong marriage also includes having fun together!! But that isn’t always easy to do if you each have different ideas of what sounds fun. Or maybe you have just forgotten how to have fun together. In this week’s episode, we talk about keeping a spirit of fun alive in your marriage!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Move over Joe, the ladies are talking- I mean taking over this episode! Does your marriage have a combination of a very talkative, excitable wife, and a quiet, steady husband? Verbal processor vs internal processor? Then you’ll relate to the fabulous conversation I had with three of my friends who have similar marriage dynamics.
But this is not an episode where the wives get together to complain about their husbands. Instead we're celebrating the way God made them and learning how to extend grace and love them better. Even when they don’t talk as much as we do!
Hope’s YouTube Channel, Under the Median
Jennifer’s podcast, Living the Grace Life
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Work is such a huge part of our marriages that it finds a way to work its way into our marriage. Maybe you can’t find that elusive work-life balance or there’s resentment that one spouse is has a harder job or more pressure. That all puts more pressure on our marriages. In this episode we share how we support each other in our work and the place that work plays in our spiritual life.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We’d all have more time if we didn’t have jobs! Whether paid or unpaid, our work can take a lot from us and leave less for our spouse. Sorry, I would, but I have to go to work! In this week’s episode we remember some of our first jobs and the impact work can have on our family and marriages.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We’ve all been there… when someone has called us to account for something we did and our first instinct is to make an excuse, or maybe two or three. It was the dog who ate our homework, not our forgetfulness. In this week’s episode, we share about how learning to own our mistakes and not blame shift has helped minimize conflict and strengthen our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Kids are back in school and that means time to get that homework done! Even though most of us groan at the thought of homework, there is so much value and even purpose in doing homework. In this week’s episode, we share the value of “doing the work” and what that looks like in our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We love sharing the stories of what makes you smile when you think about your spouse. But we also know many of our listeners are in tough marriages and may not have much if anything to smile about. This week we spend a few minutes to pray for our listeners who are in marriages that feel hopeless.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We can’t seem to help it- the words we speak are often clothed in this invisible layer we call tone- sometimes that tone makes us understand each other there better, and other times, those tones make things worse. Especially when tones are misread and then we assume things that aren’t there. In this week’s episode, we share our struggle with tone and how we keep them from getting misread.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
How do family vacations look for your family? They often are a mix of rushing, relaxing, and new adventures. In this week’s episode, we share some of our favorite memories traveling as a family and how we learned to trust God in the unexpected twists and turns!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you taken a vacation recently? Getting away can be really fun and healthy or it can be full of stress and anxiety. In this week’s episode, we’re sharing and how we feel about vacations and our struggles around traveling.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
In honor of our 200th episode, we’re celebrating TWOs and the ways we are better TWO-gether. Batman and Robin, Woody and Buzz, Paul and Silas - all dynamic duos where you can’t imagine one without the other! In this week’s episode we share what makes a good partnership so that our marriage can be a dynamic duo!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you have Fan Wars in your house? One person who prefers the fan be on, and the other one who needs it to be off? In this episode, we laugh about our dilemma with the fan and how we work through our differing preferences.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
How do you feel about birthdays? Maybe you love celebrating yours or maybe it brings up a host of negative emotions about your worth. In honor of Joe’s birthday this week, we share some of our “birthday baggage” and how our identity is not tied to the circumstances surrounding our birth, nor who we are born to!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
In this last session of summer school, we share about another foundational skill that benefits our marriage: kindness. Once you’ve mastered forgiveness and offered grace, being kind is a great next step. It may be a simple skill to learn, but it can have a huge impact! Join us this week as we share about the ABC’s of being kind!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This week we’re tackling another foundational skill that we need for healthy relationships: grace! Grace is one of those things that we love to receive but we are more hesitant to freely give. In our second session of Summer School we share the ABC’s of showing grace in our marriages.
These are the Conversation Cards that we mentioned :)
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
School’s out so that means it’s time for…. summer school! Sometimes summer school is all about brushing up on foundational skills so you’re ready to move on to the next level. In our marriage, one foundational skill we need to know is how to forgive. In this week’s summer school episode, we’re sharing the “ABC’s” of forgiveness!
Previous epidsodes on forgiveness:
Will You Forgive Me? Part 1
Will You Forgive Me? Part 2
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Did you have a “good Dad”? Are you, or your husband, a good dad? Joe and I have vastly different experiences with our own fathers but we can agree on the characteristics of what makes a good dad. In this episode, we talk about the positive and negative influences our fathers have on us.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We’re celebrating our 28th anniversary this month! Like many couples, we look back and remember the ups and downs, and all highs and lows in our marriage. This week we share some of those moments and what we learned through each season.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you like to be pursued by your spouse? What does it even mean to pursue each other? In this episode we share about the value of pursuit in marriage and what it is that we are pursuing.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We have added another daughter to our family! We recently celebrated the wedding of our son, Jeremiah, to his bride, Evangeline. In this week’s episode we share highlights of the wedding day and a few things we shared with our newlyweds about marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
What makes you smile when you think about your husband or wife? Sometimes what makes us smile is the most random quirks and imperfections. This week we’re sharing fun comments and stories we received from you that make us smile!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Is Mother’s Day a “loaded” holiday for you or your spouse? Does it bring up emotions and memories you’d rather not deal with? In this episode, Joe shares openly about the scars he still carries from an abusive mother and how he has found healing in Christ.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
As Mother’s Day approaches, what kind of emotions come to the surface? Specifically, when you think of your mother, what do you hear her saying? The messages we hear as a child can often stay with us for life, especially if those messages were negative or hurtful. This week we’re sharing our emotions around Mother’s Day and the importance of replacing negative voices with God's truth.
As Mother’s Day approaches, what kind of emotions come to the surface? Specifically, when you think of your mother, what do you hear her saying? The messages we hear as a child can often stay with us for life, especially if those messages were negative or hurtful. This week we’re sharing our emotions around Mother’s Day and the importance of replacing negative voices with God's truth.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
What makes someone a good manager at work? As Joe stepped into a management role, we saw that some of the same tools that make for a good work manager can be just as helpful in context of marriage. This week we share the last three principles of managing your marriage well as a husband.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
What makes someone a good manager at work? As Joe stepped into a management role, we saw that some of the same tools that make for a good work manager can be just as helpful in context of marriage. Joe recently had an opportunity to share with a group of men at a local marriage conference about this topic. This week we share the first two principles of managing your marriage well as a husband.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
One of the most impactful types of “body language” that God has given husbands and wives is sexual intimacy. But like other areas of communication, sometimes our messages get lost in translation and cause disconnection. We’ve seen in our own story how our own relationship with physical touch and our past traumas can greatly affect our ability to give and receive physical love. This week we share how we learned to communicate our desires and our fears, and how we worked together to overcome those barriers to intimacy.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
What is the message that your body language is sending to your spouse? The experts say that 70% of communication is non-verbal communication: facial expressions, gestures, body language. Just like our words, we can use our body language to build up or tear down. In this week’s episode we share how we use body language to pursue connection.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
myfaithpodcasts.com/podcasts/behind-our-smiles
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
It’s the game that drives you crazy! Both options seem so extreme but you have to pick one. Besides having a little fun, this game also helps us to learn about each other and what makes us tick. In this episode, we play a few rounds of Would You Rather and discovered what our answers reveal about what we each value.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Dustin Lolli is the lead singer of Sanctus Real.
Have you ever faced challenges in your marriage that didn’t make any sense, but they were still very, very real? Dustin is the lead singer of Sanctus Real and he and his wife Sarah make up the folk duo, This Way Home. They shared with us their love story and the hardships that they have had to walk through together, including financial struggles, depression, and near-constant moving. So much of their story, from how they met to Dustin joining Sanctus Real, didn’t always seem logical, but looking back, they can see God’s guiding hand in it all.
Bonus: Dustin and Sarah play one of their new songs for us at the end of the podcast!
Learn more about Dustin & Sarah:
This Way Home on Spotify
This Way Home on Instagram
This episode's theme, "Smile," was perfromed by This Way Home.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
In recent times, smart phones have become the one thing that consumes most of our attention. Almost every thing and every person can be brushed aside when we hear any type of “ding” coming from our phones. How do we give our spouse our undivided attention with all the distraction that these devices bring? It can feel like an impossible task. This week we talk about how not to let our screens and devices pull us away from our husband or wife.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Attention is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person due to the fact that it is such a limited resource. We all only have 24 hours in a day, and we all only have so much mental energy to share with another person. So many other people and things can demand our attention that it can leave our husband or wife feeling lonely.
In this week’s episode we talk about how to steward our attention.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Are you in a season where you feel completely overwhelmed? Or maybe several back-to-back seasons? Living in overwhelm can leave us drained and can put a strain on our marriage. In this episode we share ways to combat the overwhelm together and find refuge in the ROCK!
O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings! Psalm 61:1-4
R-Rest
O-Organize
C-Communicate
K- Kick out discouragement
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This week we’re talking with Lee and Terry Burnham, as they share how they found hope and renewed faith after the loss of their 3 year old daughter, Amanda. Their story is one of sorrow, faith, and the unlikely survival of their marriage despite overwhelming loss. In this episode, Lee and Terry share the painful journey leading up to Amanda’s diagnosis, the heartbreak of losing her, and how their faith was tested in unimaginable ways.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
When we go overboard with giving good gifts, it’s often called spoiling someone. But spoiling isn’t just for the grandkids: we can also show that abundant, extravagant love to our spouse! We can find ways to make him or her feel super special and cherished. In this episode, we share ways what that “spoiling” can look like and common pitfalls to avoid.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you have special pet names for your spouse? Babe, sweetheart, honey, darling? One easy way to grow our connection and intimacy in marriage is using those special names that only we can use! This week we’re sharing our history with pet names and sharing a few new ones you might want to add to your vocabulary!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
How does it affect your marriage when you or your spouse are going through a hard time? That could be grief, depression, or feeling directionless. This week we’re following up on the last two episodes and share what that struggle looked like for us and how we got through it with our faith and our relationship in tact.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
What happens when your perfect plan falls completely apart and you have to start from scratch? We’re sharing about a time in our lives when Joe was figuring out what to do with his future and nothing went as he planned. But God was faithful even in the rock bottom, walking with us and teaching us to trust. In this week’s episode we share what we learned how we learned to trust God in that painful season.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you remember a time you felt hopeless and weren’t sure you were going to make it? When your world seemed to be falling apart and you doubted if God would pull you through? In this episode we revisit a pre-marriage season of our life that shook our world and our relationship. And how God used those painful moments to bring us to where we are now!
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Happy New Year! The start of the year is a great time to set goals and reflect on the areas we need to improve. Sometimes our spouse is the first person to notice and be affected by those weaknesses and then we react in defensiveness. But when we own our weaknesses and commit to change, that benefits both ourselves and our marriage! In this week’s episode, we share about how to give and receive grace as we work on our personal shortcomings.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Our special guests today are Larry and Hope Ware, hosts of the popular YouTube Channel, Under the Median. Even though they specialize in helping families with practical frugality and getting our of debt, they also have a lot to share from their 35 years of marriage. From a rocky start to infertility to having babies “past their prime” to major financial hurdles, Larry and Hope have had to lean on God and learn to work together though it all. Join us as share their wisdom and hear how God has provided for them in every season.
Check out Hope and Larry’s frugal resources on their website
https://underthemedian.com/
Under the Median YouTube Channel
(We also talked to just Hope on Episode 155, "I'm a Verbal Processor!"
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Joe and Tara are stopping in to wish and your family a Merry Christmas and to share about where they find joy when Christmas isn't everything we're dreaming it should be. We hope you and your family are enjoying a joyous and hope-filled Christmas season.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
To quote C.S. Lewis, “The central miracle asserted by Christians is the Incarnation. They say that God became Man.” At the heart of the Christmas story is the “word becoming flesh” and without that first miracle, the rest of the story doesn’t matter! In this week’s episode we talk about the significance of that primary miracle and our place in that story.
Read more of Lewis’ thoughts on the incarnation:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Are you so excited it’s Christmas? Will you get to see family?” Have you ever wanted to answer: well, it’s complicated. The holiday season can be a magnifying glass to whatever joys and hurts you’re experiencing in your life. For many people, it is a time that can be isolating and painful. So even though the reason for the season hasn’t changed, our circumstances and feelings around it can vary widely. In this week’s episode, we talk about how Christmas has been complicated for us and how we navigate our differing emotions.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
One common source of marital contention is when one spouse is more interested in being on time than the other. This simple difference can end up adding more tension to already stressful days. In this episode, we share about growing love and unity even when we’re running late!
If you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late. That’s what they say, and I agree with them! I really don’t like being late. I’m sure some of that is a combination of some “fomo” plus I do like to respect people’s plans by being there at start time. I can relax and feel less stressed when I’m early.
But Joe doesn’t have the same dedication to being early. He wants to be on time in a general sense. But he’s not going to hurry like a crazy person to make it happen. He’s the slow and steady, check-double-check kind of guy. Everyone chill, we’ll get there when we get there.
No surprise that those differences cause conflict for us on those days we have somewhere to be. Who’s right? And how do we keep that conflict from hurting our marriage?
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever feel like you deserve more than you’re currently getting in your marriage? Look at the facts, it’s in the contract, I’m getting the short end of the stick and deserve just a little more. Even though marriage involves a promise and even a legal document, feeling entitled will destroy the intimacy and connection in marriage. In this episode, we share how we’re growing true gratitude in our marriage by eliminating the phrase, “I deserve”.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you ever thought, I don’t deserve this? When you have experienced pain and suffering, you are often quick to think, I deserve better. But the more we feel entitled to the good things that God has for us, the less we can truly appreciate them. In this week’s episode we share how understanding God’s grace and mercy helps move us to a place of true gratitude.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you ever just wanted to be given the benefit of the doubt? It feels awful when someone, especially your spouse, assumes the worst of you in a doubtful or unclear situation. When it’s assumed that our intentions are off, we get defensive and less likely to offer grace in return. This week we’re sharing how we’re learning to give each other benefit of the doubt and how to grow in grace in your marriage.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Behind Our Smiles just celebrated three years of podcasting! And over 160 episodes!! Many listeners have asked us if we enjoy podcasting together (we do!) and where we find our topics for each episode. This week we’re giving you a behind the scenes look at our podcast- how we plan our episodes and why we love spending time with you each week! Thank you so much for listening these past three years!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
By this time in an elections season, we can become worn out from all the divisive rhetoric both from the politicians and their followers. Sometimes it makes you want to scream, can’t we all just get along? Why is everyone talking and no one actually listening? We can have similar issues in our marriages and relationships, where we become more and more polarized when someone doesn’t agree with us. Then we can fall into the same trap of divisive rhetoric and me-vs-you language that makes unity impossible. In this episode we share how we can find unity and consensus in our marriage so that we both win.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
As adults we may not dress up in costumes as often as our kids do. But we do wear our own kinds of masks that keeps people from seeing who we really are. In this week’s episode we’re sharing how to live without the masks and have more authenticity in our marriage.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
How do you feel when someone asks you to share a cup of coffee with them? That request indicates that they want to connect with you and get to know you on a deeper level. In our experience, coffee dates promote conversations that are both comforting, encouraging, and full of laughter. Our marriages can benefit from coffee-fueled conversations too!! In this episode, we share from sharing about our daily habit of sharing a cup of coffee and how it strengthens our marriage!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Sometimes conflict is necessary and other times we just need to pause and say, does this fight even make any sense? We both want to be close an grow our connection… but we are sabotaging that very goal by fighting over something silly. In this episode we’re working to avoid super silly arguments that serve no purpose but to divide us.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Sexual intimacy requires a vulnerability and giving of ourselves like nothing else that we share in our marriage. Then throw in previous trauma, marital disconnection, and the demands of modern life, and it’s not surprising that we’re not always “in the mood”. In this episode, we talk about how we overcome our obstacles to sexual intimacy.
Content note: Although we do discuss the effects of trauma on sexual intimacy, there are no explicit descriptions of abuse or sexual activities.
More resources:
J at Hot, Holy, and Humorous
The Body Keeps the Score
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Happy Fall! Instead of bringing you a new episode of our podcast, we want to share with you some of the podcasts we’re listening to! If you’re looking for other podcasts to binge on, these are a great start!
WowGod.com
Morning Focus Daily Devotional
Manly with Andy (The Sex Talk You Never Got w/ Sam Jolman)
I Love that Song (Consumed by Fire)
Mental Health w Dr. Mork (Panic Attacks)
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
After an episode full of verbal processors, we’re letting Joe, our resident internal processor, respond to that conversation. What exactly is going on inside the mind of a man who has less words to say? And why do steady men like him tend to not respond as expressively as their wives would like them to? What is the nothing box and how does it work? We try to find the answers to those questions in this episode!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Move over Joe, the ladies are talking- I mean taking over this episode! Does your marriage have a dynamic with a very talkative, excitable wife, and a quiet, steady husband? Verbal processor vs internal processor?? Then you’ll relate to the conversation I had with three of my friends who have similar marriage dynamics.
But this is not an episode where the wives get together to complain about their husbands. This is about celebrating the way God made them and learning how to extend grace and love them better. Even when they don’t talk as much as we do. We hope you are encouraged and can laugh with us well!
Hope’s YouTube Channel, Under the Median
Jennifer’s podcast, Living the Grace Life
Listen to Kristy on weekends at WCIC
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We love to look back at those key moments that have radically changed the trajectory of our marriage- those times the lightbulb comes on and you’re able to see things more clearly. Over our 27 years, there have been many lightbulb moments, most of which we wished we had had earlier! In this episode we share some of those times in our marriage that we thought Aha!!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you ever experienced that A-ha!! moment? So often, we hit the same wall, again and again, until God gets a hold of us and A-ha! The light goes on. We see what we were too blind to see before. Ignorance to understanding. In this episode we share about why we all need a good lightbulb moment!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Our marriage is affected by the many decisions that arise in parenting. One of those big decisions that we need to find unity on is how are kids are educated. Even though we had very different educational experiences, we were in agreement early in our desire to home educate our kids. Looking back on almost two decades of homeschooling, we’re sharing how that decision has benefitted our family and our children.
Tara’s Homeschooling Resources
My favorite homeschool supplier
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Are your expectations of your spouse realistic? We may all answer, of course they are! I mean, I don’s ask for much, right? We usually consider ourselves to “not ask for much” while also thinking that our spouse is asking too much of us. In this episode we talk about the danger in thinking “But I don’t ask for much!” And how to navigate those expectations with grace.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever feel like your ideas are dismissed by your spouse, often from the get-go? We’ve been there way too many times! This week we’re re-visting our very favorite phrase that we use to strengthen our marriage. We’re sharing how adding “That’s a great idea” to our vocabulary has helped our marriage in so many ways!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you and your spouse ever disagree? That’s a silly question. No one agrees with one person 100% of the time. But disagreements can become a source of tension and conflict in our marriage when they’re fueled by stubbornness and disrespect. In this episode we talk about to keep disagreements from weakening your marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Before our son, Stephen, got married to Anna, we shared a special evening together with them and the parents of the bride. It was a night of prayer and blessing for Stephen & Anna. In this episode, we share how that conversation went as the four of us prepared our kids to build a marriage, and not just a wedding.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you love weddings? We have always loved weddings, but a wedding as the parents of the groom was a whole different experience! In this episode, we reflect on our son’s wedding day and how attending weddings encourage our marriage (and make me cry….)
Stephen & Anna’s First Dance Video
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you feel “free” in your marriage? That might depend on on your definition of freedom! There are many cliches about marriage being the end of freedom, but the right kind of freedom makes a marriage healthy. In this week’s episode we talk about the importance of both freedom and boundaries in building a strong marriage.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Interview w/Brian and Carole Pucel
We are so excited for you to meet our friends Brian and Carole Pucel. When they married in 1982, everything seemed to be bliss until Brian began to follow Jesus. Brian’s new-found faith almost destroyed their marriage, until Carole slowly became curious about what had caused this change in her husband. For several years, they had a picture-perfect marriage, raising their three children, involved in church. Then a church split triggered a spiritual battle within Brian that threatened to divide them. You’ll love hearing how God redeemed their marriage even when things seemed hopeless!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you remember all the little things you would do for your spouse when you first met and got married? We took such joy in giving an receiving those small acts of love. As the years go by, we can let the little things go. In this episode, we talk about how keeping up with the little things has grown our marriage.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
How do you feel when someone starts a sentence with “you should…” No one likes being told what to do. Some of that comes from our own aversion to being corrected, and some of that is when someone is talking to us as if they know more. This dynamic shows up in our marriage as well and we start sentences with “you should…” more often than we should! In this episode we share our struggle with “shoulding” each other and share healthier alternatives!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We’re celebrating 27 years of marriage this week! In honor or our anniversary, (and our son’s upcoming wedding!) we’re sharing the 27 things we would tell our newly-wed selves!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have mental health struggles affected your marriage? When one spouse is struggling, both spouses are affected, often in different ways. After our conversation with Dr. Mork last week, we wanted to reflect on what she shared how it relates to what we have experienced in our marriage.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we wanted to talk to the mental health expert and our fellow podcaster, Dr. Melissa Mork. Dr. Mork is a clinical psychotherapist, speaker, author, and professor who speaks clearly to issues of mental health. In this interview, we tackled the hard questions that arise when one spouse is struggling with mental health issues.
Mental Health with Dr. Mork podcast
More about Dr. Mork
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Does your spouse’s driving drive you crazy? Can you get through a road trip without feeling very frustrated? Many of our worst traits show up when we’re on the road and in stressful driving conditions. In this week’s episode, we share how we avoid driving each other crazy while driving!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This week we are talking to our new friends Shawn and Jayneen, and theirs is a unique and powerful story. How does a marriage survive when one spouse is self-destructing? After their marriage was almost completely destroyed by infidelity and a five-year separation, God redeemed not just their marriage, but healed them as individuals. Hear all the skills and wisdom they learned on their journey from brokenness to wholeness.
Shawn & Jayneen's Needs Posters
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Ladies, do you want to receive a Mother’s Day gift from your husband? Even though we are not their mothers, we do need their encouragement! In this episode, we talk about one of the best gifts you can give the mother of you children: unwavering dedication to your family. We share 6 principles that Joe has practiced in supporting Tara as a mother.
M- Model Respect
O- Offer Resources
T- Talk about the kids
H- How can I help?
E- Encourage her
R- Radical Involvement
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you like to cuddle with your spouse? Cuddling isn’t just for babies and puppies! Taking time each day to hold each other and enjoy that physical closeness is great for our physical and mental health! In this episode we share about why we love cuddling and how it has benefitted our marriage!
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This is our final week in our series on the Gottmans’ Four Horsemen. Our final horseman is stonewalling, which is when one person withdraws and refuses to engage in a conversation. When is stonewalling harmful and when is it helpful? How do we handle conflict when we are flooded with uncomfortable emotions? In this episode we share our experience with stonewalling and how we keep it from hurting our connection.
Gotmman's Four Horseman: Stonewalling
More about Stonewalling from the Cleveland Clinic
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We are in third week of our series on the Gottman’s Four Horsemen. One of the most dangerous of all the horsemen is contempt, which John Gottman calls the “sulfuric acid for love”. Contempt begins when simmering negative thoughts about our spouse grow into a belief that our spouse is inferior to us and is insignificant. In this episode we share about the dangers of contempt and how it can creep into our marriage.
The Gotmman Institute: Contempt
Contempt in Marriage: Greg Smalley
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This is our second episode in our series on Gottman’s 4 horseman as we tackle to the topic of defensiveness. When the horse of defensiveness is running wild in our marriage, we go into self-protection mode and take responsibility for our behavior. In this episode we’re sharing our struggle with defensiveness and some of the ways to combat it.
Gottmans' Four Horsemen: Defensiveness
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This episode is our first in a series where we are discussing the Gottmans’ work on the “Four Horsemen”: the four conflict patterns that can cause damage in our relationships and marriages. We’re starting with criticism, which is bringing up a concern by describing our partner (You always you never) and attacking them as a person. When the horse of criticism is running wild in our marriage, we will feel devalued, rejected, and hurt. In this episode, we share our struggle with criticism and some of the ways to combat it.
What is Criticism?
How to complain without criticizing
How Criticism poisons your marriage
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Every week, we love to share the stories behind our smiles. We talk about how we pursue connection and find joy even in the struggle. But we know that you have a story behind your smiles, as well! Have you and your spouse overcome obstacles in your marriage? Is there a time God intervened in an otherwise hopeless situation? We’d love to hear about it! We’re handing you the mic so you can share your story. You can click HERE to use our new WowGod microphone. Just click on the microphone, talk into your phone, enter your email, and press SEND!
Or just share with us what makes you smile about your husband or wife!
When sharing your Wow God Story:
- Keep it a true story from your own life!
- Aim for about nine minutes.
- Tell us about a time when God provided the strength or resources to conquer a seemingly insurmountable challenge.
- What was the obstacle and what was the turning point? How is your life different now?
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This week we are so excited for you to meet our new friends, Craig and Jennifer Sakata. After marrying later in life, they have learned to love well despite their different childhoods and expectations for marriage. They share their story of becoming one and living in grace even when facing miscarriage and grief. Their love story is a beautiful testimony of God’s grace in marriage!
Jennifer Sakata is a speaker, author, and podcaster who nurtures joy at the corner of real grace and real life. Her passion is helping distracted women overcome the overwhelm of 'doing more' so they can receive God's grace to live God's grace. Her favorite moments as a workshop and retreat leader are those thin-veiled glimpses when someone recognizes God's grace rewriting their story.
Learn more about Jennifer's ministry HERE!
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
We all carry burdens and in marriage, we each have unique struggles. The problem is when we fall into the trap of comparing our loads and wanting to be the one who has it harder. In this episode, we talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy and how it affects our ability to love.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Does your spouse understand the hardships you have been through and how it has affected you? Joe and I have both often failed in understanding the ways we each have suffered. In this episode, we talk about the role of empathy in growing true intimacy.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever feel like the odds are stacked against you? The odds against us are real and we all have challenges that affect our marriage. We recently we had an opportunity to speak at a marriage event about how God has worked in our marriage to help us face the odds that were against us. In this episode, we share the audio from that live event titled, “Beating the Odds”!
To learn more about the ACE score:
Dr. Gottman’s Ice Bucket
The Deepest Place by Dr. Curt Thompson
Reflection Questions:
What are the odds against us?
What do we have going for us?
What has been hard for you that I maybe don’t know about or haven’t acknowledged? How can I help?
What does God need us to surrender more fully?
How are we going to beat the odds that have been or are against us now? Any ideas from what we heard in this episode?
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
One easy and fun activity Joe and I both enjoy is reading together! There are so many books we’ve read that have sparked great discussions or even just gave us a good laugh. In this episode, we discuss a few books we've read that have really impacted us.
The Space Trilogy by C.S. Lewis
The Body Keeps the Score
Hope is the First Dose
Orthodoxy
The Deepest Place
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you remember those times when you missed someone you love? When you felt like couldn’t spend another minute without them being nearby? Even though it can be painful, missing each other is a result loving and being loved! Telling each other "I missed you" is a beautiful expression of love! In this week’s episode, we’re talking about those times when we miss each other!
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
It’s the season of romance, expectations, and disappointments. Has finding ways to show romance ever been difficult for you and your spouse? We haven’t always got romance right either, but it’s never too late to learn! In this week’s episode we share about our struggle with getting romance right!
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
One common barrier to healthy communication is interrupting. In a world overly full of distractions and interruptions, it’s getting harder and harder to finish a sentence when you are in a conversation. In this week’s episode, we talk about our struggle with interrupting… while trying not to interrupt each other!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you like the cold? It’s the time of year for us when the temperatures are dropping and it gets cold! The cold can feel miserable! But besides the weather, how does it feel when your spouse is being “cold” with you? When there’s a chilliness in your relationship? In this week’s episode we’re talking about being cold and how to add warmth and heat to your marriage.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
When we see so many people around us hurting, it can feel overwhelming. No one individual can do it all, but we can start with one! Whether we’re speaking in a microphone or just a telephone, it always comes down to our impact on one person. And that often is the most rewarding kind of help we can give. Who is that one person that God has put in your path that you can offer hope to? In this episode, we share the value of helping one-on-one and how to impact one child’s life through the ministry of One Child.
Learn more about child sponsorship here!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Happy New Year!! So it’s that time… when many of us are thinking about what goals we have for the new year. No matter how long you’ve been married, there’s always room to grow. In this episode, we discuss some of the ways we want to grow as individuals and as a couple in 2024.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Growing intimacy and connection in your marriage is impossible if all we do is shut each other down. Joe and I fall in that trap when we stay in the mindset of, “That won’t work”! In this episode we share a better phrase to use that will build your marriage instead of tearing it down. (In Case You Missed it Ep. #2)
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
This week we want to introduce you to our new friends, Elisabeth Klein and her husband, Buzz. They share the difficult parts of their story with wisdom and grace, a story that includes living in an abusive marriage, separation, and divorce. Their transparency is refreshing as they share the challenges from their first marriages, in their courtship and remarriage, and in blending families. Hear how they moved from brokenness to healing and how God brought them together for a second chance.
Elisabeth is an author and speaker at Elisabeth Klein. If you are currently in or are healing from an abusive marriage, or if you are struggling after divorce, she has so many resources to remind you that you are not alone and there is hope.
A Few of Elisabeth’s Resources:
All That to Say Podcast
Are you separated or divorced or a single mom? Elisabeth’s book, Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage Lies We Tell Ourselves webcast
3-month e-course, Marriage Methods (for women in difficult marriages- now pay what you can) 3-month e-course, Heartbreak to Hope (for women who are separated or divorced)
If you’re in a difficult marriage with biblical grounds to divorce and you’re trying to decide whether to stay or go, check out her 5-week e-course, Decision Time.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Merry Christmas!! We hope you’re having a beautiful Christmas season with your family! We wanted to take a quick moment to say hi, wish you a Merry Christmas and share some good news in our family’s lives!
If this season has been hard for you, please check out Episode 9, Why don’t you like Christmas?
If you’re looking for a fresh way to hear the story of Jesus with your family, check out the In Fulfillment podcast!
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Maybe you’re in the middle of your Christmas season wondering how your schedule got so packed. Looking ahead, all you see expectation to do more. If that’s where you are, join us this week as we talk about the value of doing less!
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
During the holiday season, we often hear the question, what do you want for Christmas? What is it that we really want, in our lives, or in our marriages? Are we wanting the right things? And what happens when we don’t get what we want? In this episode, we talk about what it is we really want and how to rightly order our desires.
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wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
When we get married, my story and your story merge together to make our story. Have you ever shared your marriage story with anyone else? Do you even agree on what your marriage story is? In this episode we share how we learned to tell our story and the value in sharing it.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! We’re hopping in your podcast feed this week to talk briefly about the holiday season and the things we are most thankful for.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Everyone loves a good story. But not all stories are good stories, and many stories are not easy to tell. One secret to intimacy in marriage is knowing each other’s stories and those events in our lives that have shaped us. How do we tell each other our stories in ways that are honest and helpful? In this episode we’re sharing how we have told our stories to each other.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Stretching our bodies physically allows us to move in ways we haven’t moved before and allows us to be more effective and prepared for future activities. But even the simple act of stretching is work and is about being willing to get in positions your body may not be used to! It can be uncomfortable. Relationally, we can experience the same discomfort in our marriages when we are stretched. In this week’s episode, we share the ways we stretch each other that have allowed us to grow.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you or your spouse struggle with fear? In the second part of “I’m afraid” we continue our conversation about fear. Even though fear is a spiritual battle, that battle also affects our marriages. We may fear different things. We may respond to fear differently. In this episode, we talk about how to support each other in those times we are afraid.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you even been afraid? Everyone deals with fear at some point in our lives. And we all have to figure out how to deal with it. In this week’s episode we’re talking how we have been affected by fear and how we submit those fears to God.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Holding hands is often one of our first of expressions of physical affection. And even though we may be married for many years now, holding hands is a powerful type of nonverbal communication that can help us in our pursuit of connection. What does holding hands communicate to you?
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
In this episode, we are going behind the smiles of authors/speakers, Mark and Jill Savage. After 28 years of marriage, they experienced one of the hardest challenges a marriage can face: infidelity. Mark and Jill share some of the slow fades and the spiritual and emotional battles that preceded the near death of their marriage. Most importantly, they share how they found restoration and healing as they let God transform them into “Mark and Jill 2.0”
Jill is the host of the No More Perfect Podcast and the author of twelve books including Real Moms…Real Jesus and No More Perfect Moms. Together Mark and Jill have authored two books, Living With Less So Your Family Has More and No More Perfect Marriages. You can find out more at Markandjill.org
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Have you ever had that moment in your life where all you could manage to say was, Wow, God? We have experienced many moments like that in our lives and it never gets old seeing God at work. In this episode we share some of our favorite Wow God! moments as well as share about the new Wow God Stories podcast.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Many times our differences in marriage is what stands out the most. But it’s also helpful to notice the values and goals that we have in common. What are the areas that we should aim to be on the same page? In this week’s episode, we’re sharing our common values and the times that we both say, “SAME!!”
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Almost very couple has said at some point in their marriage, “We’re just so different!!” Our differences can be a major source of conflict, or a source of strength. In this episode, we share some our differences and how they have have learned to lean into them.
To connect with us on social media:
behindoursmiles.com
wowgod.com
Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever have to fix things for your spouse? Modern life means there are lots of things that can break and lots of things that need to be fixed! In this week’s episode, we talk about the things we can fix for each other- and the things we can’t.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Would you rather go out, or stay home? Many times the answer for us is “stay home” because there’s something comforting about being in a place where we can let our hair down and just be. In our marriage, even though we don’t always agree about whether to go out or stay in, we both agree on the value of a happy home life. In this week’s episode, we talk about creating a home that we want to stay in!
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
What kind of school did you go to as a child? Was life pretty easy or was it more often filled with hard knocks? Many of the lessons that school teaches us stay with us for a long time. Especially if your childhood had a lot of hardship, you may end up being more street-smart than book-smart. In this week’s episode, we talk about the effects of going to “The School of Hard Knocks.”
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you like to party? This week is our 100th episode so it’s time to celebrate! In honor of this milestone, we are sharing about the value of celebration (and parties) in our marriages!
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
The $100,000 Question: do we get a dog? For some couples, this may be an easy answer, but for others, it can be a source of conflict. After twenty years of saying “We’re never getting a dog,” well, we got a dog. In this episode, we share our story from being a no-dog family to a dog family and how it affected our marriage and family.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Even though we came from different socio-economic backgrounds, Joe and I had similar goals for our finances. But financial pressures and tough decisions can make that difficult to achieve. In this episode, we share the biblical principles we followed to stay out of debt, live on less, and grow our marriage in the process.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you and your spouse agree on how the household money should be spent? No two people agree perfectly which means money can be a huge source of conflict! In this episode, we talk about what it means to steward our money together and why we use a budget.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Hear the brand-new podcast called "Wow God Stories", with hosts, Lisa WIlliams and Ann Sorenson. This podcast reminds us of a God who is able, alive, and active in our lives. https://www.wowgod.com/podcasts/wow-god-stories/ Click the link, or subscribe on Apple, Google, or Spotify today.
Our special guests today are Larry and Hope Ware, hosts of the popular YouTube Channel, Under the Median. Even though they specialize in helping families with practical frugality and getting out of debt, they also have a lot to share from their 35 years of marriage. From a rocky start to infertility to having babies “past their prime” to major financial hurdles, Larry and Hope have had to lean on God and learn to work together through it all. Join us as they share their wisdom and hear how God has provided for them in every season.
Check out Hope and Larry’s frugal resources on their website:
https://underthemedian.com/
Under the Median YouTube Channel
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Trauma does have far-reaching effects on how we think, feel, and
behave. But is the trauma we have experienced the only lens we look through? In this episode, Joe and I discuss the difficult task of discerning between the effects of trauma and our own sinful hearts.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Happy Summer! Instead of bringing you a new episode of our podcast, we want to share with you some of the podcasts we’re listening to! If you’re looking for other podcasts to binge on, these are a great start!
The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Joe Buchanan)
The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Joe and Tara Buchanan)
The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Scott Spiezio)
Manly with Andy (guest: Kenny Luck)
Mental Health with Dr. Melissa Mork (guest: Tia)
I Love that Song! with Keith Stevens (guest: Danny Gokey)
A Widow's Heart with Pam Lundell (guest: Susan Spalding)
Learn more at WowGod.com!
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
In this episode, we sit down with Chad and Katie Mattson to hear the stories behind their smiles. You may be familiar with Chad Mattson as the lead singer of the band, Unspoken. Their early years of marriage were filled with the stress of life on the road,
poverty, and uncertainty, as Chad threw his all into his music. As things began to stabilize, Katie began suffering with debilitating anxiety. This eventually led them to a breaking point where
they were forced to re-evaluate priorities and make some tough decisions. Their faith in God and love for each other through it all will inspire and encourage you!
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
In recent times, smartphones have become the one thing that
consumes most of our attention. Almost everything and every person can be brushed aside when we hear any type of “ding” coming from our phones. How do we give our spouse our
undivided attention with all the distractions that these devices bring? It can feel like an impossible task. This week we talk about how not to let our screens and devices pull us away from our husband or wife.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Attention is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person due to the fact that it is such a limited resource. We all only have 24 hours in a day, and we all only have so much mental energy to share with another person. So many other people and things can demand our attention that it can leave our husband or wife feeling lonely. In this week’s episode, we talk about how to steward our attention.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Did you have a “good dad”? Are you, or your husband, a good dad? Joe and I have vastly different experiences with our own fathers but we can agree on the characteristics of what makes a good dad. In this episode, we talk about the positive and negative influences our fathers have on us.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you enjoy waiting? God often works the most when we are in the “waiting rooms” of life. In this episode, Joe and I share what we learned about waiting during our five-year courtship.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Many of the patterns we have in our relationships have their start in our childhoods. In the book "How We Love", Milan and Kay Yerkovich write about how our differing “love styles” cause conflict in our marriages. In the second part of this series, we talk about how we have used the How We Love principles to understand each other better and strengthen our marriage.
How We Love book
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
How do you love? According to Milan and Kay Yerkovich, much of how we love began in our childhood. The patterns we learn from our parents affect our ability to form healthy attachments as adults. In this episode, we talk about the core principles in the Yerkoviches’ book, "How We Love", and share how they have played out in our marriage.
How We Love book
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
How often do you and your spouse laugh together? In this episode, we talk about laughing AND we share stories from you about how your spouse makes you laugh!
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Ladies, do you want to receive a Mother’s Day gift from your husband? Even though we are not their mothers, we do need their encouragement! In this episode, we talk about one of the best gifts you can give the mother of your children: unwavering dedication to your family. We share six principles that Joe has practiced in supporting Tara as a mother.
M - Model Respect O - Offer Resources T - Talk about the kids H - How can I help? E - Encourage her R - Radical Involvement
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Mother’s Day can trigger different feelings for both of us. For Joe, he doesn’t like the reminder of what he lost as a child while I love to be celebrated for the role I have played in our children’s lives. In this episode, we talk about how Joe’s struggle with Mother’s Day has impacted our marriage and how we love each other through it.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Is Mother’s Day a “loaded” holiday for you or your spouse? Does it bring up emotions and memories you’d rather not deal with? In this episode, Joe shares openly about the scars he still carries from an abusive mother and how he has found healing in Christ.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Almost every relationship has a moment where either person asks for “space”. Joe and I have been there and our marriage suffered the most when there was a lack of emotional space. That was hard to learn because it involved laying down self to serve another, and being truly willing to surrender my husband to God rather than insisting I hold the reins all the time. In this episode, we talk about the need for space and what healthy space-giving looks like.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
What do you say about your spouse when they are not around? Do those things we say affect our marriage? In this episode, we share about the power of speaking positively about each other.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do your emotions ever come out through tears? Do you feel awkward and helpless when your spouse cries? Crying is a very human way of expressing feelings and we don’t have to fear our tears. In this episode, we share about when we cry and how to love each other when emotions are raw.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever feel like the world is only filled with bad news? The season of Easter and celebrating Jesus’ resurrection is a great reminder that we have the best news we’ll ever need. In this episode, we are sharing good news for you and your marriage!
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We often think of flirting as something we do as part of the dating process. But flirting with each other doesn’t have to end just because we’re married. In this episode, we share how to grow romance and connection by being more flirtatious with your spouse.
More Info on the DESIRE conference for Higher-Drive Wives: https://hotholyhumorous.com/product/desire-con-2023/ref/TaraB
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We are so excited to let you listen in on the conversation we had with Jordan and Heather St. Cyr. You may recognize Jordan as the voice behind the songs, “Fires”, “Weary Traveler”, and “No Matter What”. Jordan and Heather share their love story as well as how God worked in their lives and marriage after the birth of a medically fragile child. Your faith will be strengthened as you hear what it’s like when God walks through the fires with you.
You can check out Jordan's music here: https://www.jordanstcyr.com
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever feel that me vs. you thinking seep into your marriage? Who will win, who will lose, who is right, and who is wrong? Even though we do have differing opinions and preferences, we need to remember that God put us on the same team. We’re using our different strengths to head in the same direction. In this episode, we talk about what working as a team looks like in our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
If we don’t address the hurts in our marriage, they can pile up, create resentment, and block our connection. Forgiving each other isn’t just something we have to do once or twice, but a continual posture in choosing not to seek revenge. In this episode, we share how humility and honesty help us create a culture of forgiveness in our marriage.
This is a re-cast of Episode 23.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We believe that forgiving those who have hurt us is a key ingredient to healing from our past wounds. When we follow God in forgiving others as He has forgiven us, we find true freedom! In this week’s episode, we talk about what forgiveness is, why we forgive, and how Joe found healing in forgiving his abusers.
This is a re-cast of Episode 22
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
How do you feel when your spouse does something for you, but you suspect it’s really for them? How do we know if we truly are doing something for others or just for ourselves? In this episode, we talk about examining our own motivations in how we love our spouse.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Sometimes we walk into our marriages and relationships with a “what have you done for me lately” attitude. But in God’s kingdom, it’s upside down and the greatest is the one who serves. In this episode, we discuss the whys of serving each other and some practical ways we incorporate serving into our daily relationship.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you like to dance? Dancing with your spouse is a great way to grow your communication and intimacy as well as get some exercise! In this episode, we share how dancing together has added romance and laughter to our marriage.
Dancing Instruction Website: https://showheroff.com/
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
When we first get married we love and crave being alone! But as we add children to our family, events to our calendar, and grow in our hospitality, it can become increasingly difficult to find times that we are truly alone. Our relationship can suffer and become more shallow without that time when it is just us. In this episode, we talk about the role of being alone in growing intimacy.
To connect with us on Social Media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
When’s the last time you discovered something you didn’t know about your spouse? One way to keep our relationships from feeling stale is to learn something new about each other. In this episode, we’re sharing parts of our story that you might not have known before.
To connect with us on Social Media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Do you ever feel like a failure? Facing our own failures is one of the hardest things God asks us to do as individuals. But that fear of failure also affects our marriages and close relationships. In this episode, Joe and I talk about how failure and the fear of failure have affected our marriage.
So much of our experiences in our childhood follow us into adulthood. In this episode, we talk about Joe’s experience of neglect as a child and how that has negatively affected him. We also share the role that child sponsorship plays in helping other vulnerable children avoid those negative outcomes.
Learn more about OneChild and become a Child Sponsor!
This week we want to introduce you to our new friends, Elisabeth Klein and her husband, Buzz. They share the difficult parts of their story with wisdom and grace, a story that includes living in an abusive marriage, separation, and divorce. Their transparency is refreshing as they share the challenges from their first marriages, in their courtship and remarriage, and in blending families. Hear how they moved from brokenness to healing and how God brought them together for a second chance.
Elisabeth is an author and speaker at Elisabeth Klein. If you are currently in or are healing from an abusive marriage, or if you are struggling after divorce, she has so many resources to remind you that you are not alone and there is hope.
A Few of Elisabeth’s Resources:
All That to Say Podcast
Are you separated or divorced or a single mom?
- Elisabeth’s book, Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage
- Lies We Tell Ourselves webcast
- 3-month e-course, Marriage Methods (now pay what you can)
- 3-month e-course, Heartbreak to Hope
If you’re in a difficult marriage with biblical grounds to divorce and you’re trying to decide whether to stay or go check out her 5-week e-course, Decision Time
Asking your spouse, “Can we just let it go?” rarely ends a conversation peacefully. Many of our arguments have been about when and how to end a tense conversation. He wants to let it go, I’m nowhere near ready to let it go. In this episode, we share how we have learned to “let go” of that phrase in our marriage.
In this week’s episode, we talk with Pastor Cal and Susan Rychener, an amazing couple who have been married and in pastoral ministry for over 40 years. From the time they met at a small Bible college in Indiana to founding one of the largest churches in Peoria, IL, and now moving into their golden years, they have learned what surrender to God looks like in every season. Their love story shows how when we understand our own brokenness and find freedom in Christ from our past wounds, our marriages can flourish. (This is a re-cast from Episode 20)
Content warning: infant loss
https://puredesire.org | https://northwoods.church
Stopping in to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! We hope you and your family are enjoying a joyous and hope-filled Christmas season. We also share about another great podcast that you’ll want to listen to this season, In Fulfillment.
Listen to In Fulfillment on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
One of our favorite words that we hear in the Christmas season is Emmanuel.... Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. In this mini-episode, we talk about the significance of the hymn, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" as we celebrate Emmanuel, God With Us.
From the outside, Joe “enjoys” the holidays but I know inside it’s a much bigger struggle trying not to let the pain and sadness overwhelm him. It’s like a huge magnifying glass — this spotlight on everything he missed out on that it’s like he can’t even relate to it all.
It can feel complicated. Trying to honor God in this season, hoping to give our children great holiday memories, yet also acknowledging the deep losses in my husband’s life. It’s not always easy to figure out and it’s hard to even talk about. Sometimes our best way to celebrate Christ’s birth is just to bring him that brokenness.
This episode is a re-cast of Episode 9.
Read our blog post here.
During the holiday season, we often hear the question, what do you want for Christmas? What is it that we really want, in our lives, or in our marriages? Are we wanting the right things? And what happens when we don’t get what we want? In this episode, we talk about what it is we really want and how to rightly order our desires.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp
One common source of marital contention is when one spouse is more interested in being on time than the other. This simple difference can end up adding more tension to already stressful days. In this episode, we share about growing love and unity even when we’re running late!
We all have things about our spouse that we want to change or improve. But sometimes those desires can turn into a desire to control, and when that doesn’t work we turn to manipulation. In this episode, we’re talking about how to affect change through our influence instead of manipulation.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We all have a lot going on and it’s easy to lose track of each other on a practical level. Checking with our spouses is not just about communicating better, but caring for each other. In this episode, we talk about showing consideration for each other through communication and shared decision-making.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Sexual intimacy requires a vulnerability and giving of ourselves like nothing else that we share in our marriage. Then throw in previous trauma, marital disconnection, and the demands of modern life, and it’s not surprising that we’re not always “in the mood.” In this episode, we talk about how we overcome our obstacles to sexual intimacy.
Content note: Although we do discuss the effects of trauma on sexual intimacy, there are no explicit descriptions of abuse or sexual activities.
More resources:
J at Hot, Holy, and Humorous
The Body Keeps the Score
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Friendship is one of God’s greatest blessings when we’re willing to love others as we love ourselves. And although we can claim thousands of friends thanks to social media, real friendships are still hard to find. In this episode, we talk about the value of growing real friendship in and out of our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We’re celebrating one year of podcasting! In honor of our podcast-aversary, we’re taking you behind the scenes of Behind Our Smiles. It was not easy learning to work together- we usually have different opinions about how things should be done and when. In this anniversary episode, we talk about the challenges and benefits of working together as a married couple.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We all have a desire to be noticed and admired. Don’t we all want to be amazing? In our marriage, we can be our spouse’s #1 fan and remind them of all the ways they are amazing. In this episode, Joe and I talk about the power of admiration.
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I’m attracted to you.”
- “I’m impressed by you.”
- “I like you.”
- “I’m proud of the way you _____.”
- “I’m attracted to your _____ (inside and out).”
- “I am impressed that you _____.”
- “I like how you _____.”
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
In this episode, we’re talking about some of our favorite episodes from our first year of podcasting. Whether you are new to our podcast or a regular listener, we hope you enjoy this quick look back on some of the lessons that have most impacted our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
So much of life requires us to trust God, especially when things look a bit crazy. Adventure is always a mix of fun with a little risk mixed in. In this episode, we talk about those faith-building situations we have walked through and the power of a positive attitude in the face of uncertainty.
Studio C's "An Unfortunate Fortune" skit
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We are so excited to introduce you to a very special couple in our lives: Tara’s parents, Tim and Lynette Kosloskus! They have been married for almost 54 years and have so much godly wisdom to share. We’ve talked about their influence in our lives in previous episodes but now you get to hear from them and see why we love them so much. They share their early love story, Tim’s struggle with alcohol, and how starting a relationship with Jesus completely changed the trajectory of their marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
We all have needs, and God has given us the ability to meet needs as well. But when we don’t know what those needs are, we lose the opportunity to build love and trust into our relationships. In this episode, we talk about communicating and meeting needs in marriage.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
KEEP YOUR LOVE ON Book
To connect with us on Social Media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
Sitting on the couch and watching TV is a super popular and easy way to spend time with your spouse. But screens can prevent us from spending quality time together, and we can easily waste valuable time just surfing Netflix if we’re not careful! In this episode, we talk about how we use TV time to grow our connection and how to honor God in what we watch.
To connect with us on Social Media:
Or at behindoursmiles.com
One common way to grow communication with your spouse is to “talk about your day." But what if one spouse is not particularly interested in talking about their day right when they walk in the door? Do we have to talk about our day? In this episode, we talk about how to “talk about our day” in a way that respects both spouses’ needs.
No matter how long we have been married, there is always more to learn about each other. It’s like we’re always in school! Every day is an opportunity for God to teach us how to love better if we’re willing to learn. In this episode, we talk about becoming a student of your spouse.
We all carry burdens and in marriage, we each have unique struggles. The problem is when we fall into the trap of comparing our loads and wanting to be the one who has it harder. In this episode, we talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy and how it affects our ability to love.
Does your spouse understand the hardships you have been through and how it has affected you? Joe and I have both often failed in understanding the ways we each have suffered. In this episode, we talk about the role of empathy in growing true intimacy.
In this episode, we are going behind the smiles of authors/speakers, Mark and Jill Savage. After 28 years of marriage, they experienced one of the hardest challenges a marriage can face: infidelity. Mark and Jill share some of the slow fades and the spiritual and emotional battles that preceded the near death of their marriage. Most importantly, they share how they found restoration and healing as they let God transform them into “Mark and Jill 2.0”
Jill is the host of the No More Perfect Podcast and the author of twelve books including Real Moms...Real Jesus and No More Perfect Moms. Together Mark and Jill have authored two books, Living With Less So Your Family Has More and No More Perfect Marriages. You can find out more at markandjill.org.
And a great opportunity to enrich your marriage!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and how we think about our husband or wife affects how attractive they are to us. In this episode, we share the habits and attitudes that help us to grow our physical attraction to each other.
Do you know the right way to do something? Is your way better than your spouse’s? But what if your spouse thinks his way is better? In this episode we try to figure out whose way is the “right” way and where humility fits into that question.
We’ve all been taught to say please and thank you. But how often do we say thank you to our spouses? Don’t they already know I appreciate them? In this episode we talk about the value of showing appreciation to your spouse.
Whether you have experienced trauma or not, it’s common to “feel triggered.” In our marriage, we have had to learn to understand Joe’s triggers from the abuse he experienced as a child. In this episode, we share how God has helped us to name and mitigate the triggers we both experience.
Do you have Fan Wars in your house? One person who prefers the fan be on, and the other one who needs it to be off? In this episode, we laugh about our dilemma with the fan and how we work through our differing preferences.
In honor of Father’s Day, we are talking about one key characteristic of a good father: loving their children’s mother well. In this episode, we share why it’s important to prioritize your marriage above your children and how that has helped us build a strong family. https://www.wcicfm.org/a-higher-priority/
Happy 25th Anniversary to us!! As we celebrate 25 years of marriage, Joe and I reflect on our wedding day and what we’ve learned about marriage through the eyes of our four children.
As we approach our 25th anniversary, we can look back and remember the times when we wanted to give up. When our conflicts seemed unresolvable. But as we trusted God, and leaned into each other, we learned to reconcile in a God-honoring way. In this episode, we share about the power of perseverance in marriage and what it looks like to “work it out.”
We are so excited for you to meet our friends Brian and Carole Pucel. When they married in 1982, everything seemed to be bliss until Brian began to follow Jesus, much to Carole’s dismay. Brian’s new-found faith almost destroyed their marriage, until Carole slowly became curious about what had caused this change in her husband. Years later, another crisis hit when anger and pride almost destroyed their marriage. You’ll love hearing how God redeemed their marriage even when things seemed hopeless!
Do you ever get in a season when busyness takes over and there’s no breathing room in your schedule? Often when that happens, our marriages are the first to suffer. We’re more impatient, show less grace, and become disconnected from each other. In this episode, Joe and I share how protecting the margin in our lives has grown our marriage and sexual intimacy.
With our habit of multitasking, truly listening is a skill that we must continually work on. Listening to each other is one of the most selfless things we can do and grows our connection in massive ways. In this episode, we share our struggles with learning to listen well.
Do you ever struggle with the question that plagues modern marriages: where do you want to eat? This episode we laugh at ourselves a bit as we try to get closer to an answer to that simple question, and show love to each other in the process.
Mother’s Day can trigger different feelings for both of us. For Joe, he doesn’t like the reminder of what he lost as a child while I love to be celebrated for the role I have played in our children’s lives. In this episode, we talk about how Joe’s struggle with Mother’s Day has impacted our marriage and how we love each other through it.
Is Mother’s Day a “loaded” holiday for you or your spouse? Does it bring up emotions and memories you’d rather not deal with? In this episode, Joe shares openly about the scars he still carries from an abusive mother and how he has found healing in Christ.
Our modern busy lives often include plenty of comings and goings. In this episode, we share how our hello and goodbye rituals grow our connection and help us to show honor to each other. Read more here: https://www.wcicfm.org/you-had-me-at-hello/
As we celebrate the Resurrection, we are reminded of the greatest Love that the world has ever been given. Jesus, who walked this earth, and showed us what truth, humility, and love looked like. Then He chose to become the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Our desire is that we can reflect this kind of love to our spouse. But we also need to recognize the ways that we cannot be Jesus to each other. When we ask our spouse to give us the things only Jesus can give, we will end up disconnected from our spouse and from the real Savior.
In this episode, we sit down with Chad and Katie Mattson to hear the stories behind their smiles. You may be familiar with Chad Mattson as the lead singer of the band, Unspoken. Their early years of marriage were filled with the stress of life on the road, poverty, and uncertainty, as Chad threw his all into his music. As things began to stabilize, Katie began suffering with debilitating anxiety. This eventually led them to a breaking point where they were forced to re-evaluate priorities and make some tough decisions. Their faith in God and love for each other through it all will inspire and encourage you!
As each year goes by, we’re reminded that time only goes faster. We look up and realize we’re getting older, and hopefully wiser. But just because we’re older doesn’t mean God is done with us. We can look back at what He’s done and look to what He has for our future. In this episode, we celebrate the joys of growing older together, even when we still have more growing to do!
Do you ever just need a hug from your spouse? Physical affection is a great way to grow your connection and communicate God’s love to each other. Although in our marriage, with Joe having experienced child abuse, it felt complicated and could trigger unwelcome feelings. We had to learn to approach physical affection with sensitivity and understanding.
If we don’t address the hurts in our marriage, they can pile up, create resentment, and block our connection. Forgiving each other isn’t just something we have to do once or twice, but a continual posture in choosing not to seek revenge. In this week’s episode, we share how humility and honesty help us create a culture of forgiveness in our marriage.
We believe that forgiving those who have hurt us is a key ingredient to healing from our past wounds. When we follow God in forgiving others as He has forgiven us, we find true freedom! In this week’s episode, we talk about what forgiveness is, why we forgive, and how Joe found healing in forgiving his abusers.
There’s a temporary satisfaction in being right and especially in proving to your spouse that you are in the right. But in the long run, insisting on being right only brings destruction and disconnection. In this week’s episode, we talk about how to grow in humility within your marriage.
In this week’s episode, we talk with Pastor Cal and Susan Rychener, an amazing couple who have been married and in pastoral ministry for over 40 years. From the time they met at a small Bible college in Indiana to founding one of the largest churches in Peoria, IL, and now moving into the golden years, they have learned what surrender to God looks like in every season. Their love story shows how when we understand our own brokenness and find freedom in Christ from our past wounds, our marriages can flourish. Content warning: infant loss https://puredesire.org https://northwoods.church
Anyone else married to a safety freak? In this week’s episode, we share how Joe’s desire to control every element of our safety caused tension in our early relationship. And we throw in some of Joe’s best tips for keeping your family and home safe! https://www.wcicfm.org/are-you-also-a-safety-freak/
Valentine’s Day brings up so many images of love and romance, many of which may feel unrealistic. In this week’s episode, we discuss the key ingredients to keeping true romance and intimacy alive within your marriage.
Valentine's Day isn’t the only time to plan a romantic date with your spouse! In this episode, we share the challenges and benefits of dating as a married couple. And we discuss some creative date ideas from the book, 52 Uncommon Dates.
Joe tends to be simple and to the point, whereas I like my emoji, exclamation points, and lots of words. In this episode, we share how to love each other well even when our many differences make it hard to feel connected.
In Part 2 of Ready or Not Here I Come, we share the story of how Joe’s house of cards fell and our marriage found healing. After a period of depression and facing his childhood wounds, Joe began to see his story in new ways. It took being real and vulnerable with God about the pain he carried that gave him have a greater capacity to love. The game of hide and seek was coming to an end.
In this episode, Joe and I share one of the biggest challenges we faced in the early years of our marriage. The pain from Joe’s past wasn’t going to go away magically because we married, and it affected the very thing we both wanted out of marriage: intimacy. We couldn’t play hide and seek forever.
Do you enjoy the “Reset” feature on your devices when they're acting up? Joe and I like to use our own Reset Button when a conversation needs a do-over. In this episode, we share how the reset button allows us to put our pride away and offer grace in tense conversations.
In this episode, we sit down with Adam and Christina Hannan as they share the stories behind their smiles. Only 6 years into marriage, with three little kids, they were faced with a life-changing diagnosis of their fourth child, Myles, on the day he was born. After a twenty-month fight to survive, baby Myles passed into the arms of Jesus, leaving Adam and Christina heartbroken but not hopeless. They share how their pursuit of Jesus at every step kept their marriage strong while healing from this devastating loss. For the resources mentioned in this episode, please click here: https://www.wcicfm.org/behind-our-smiles-podcast-episode-12-how-could-this-be-good-with-adam-and-christina-hannan
Things may or may not slow down next week, or next month, or even next year. So we have to learn to manage our stress in a way that doesn’t damage our marriage. In this episode, Joe and I share how to pursue connection and love each other well through the crazy seasons. https://www.wcicfm.org/when-stress-pulls-at-your-marriage/
Do you or your spouse have any habits that you find highly annoying? Often those conversations can do more damage than actually solve the original problem. In this episode, we discuss how to attack a problem without de-valuing each other.
Do difficult experiences in your past make it hard for you to truly enjoy the Christmas season? Or maybe you’re struggling this Christmas but don’t want to bring down the ones you love. In this episode, Joe and I share our different feelings around the holidays and how it impacts our marriage. Read our blog post here: https://www.wcicfm.org/why-is-christmas-complicated/
Finding the perfect gift for your spouse can be tough, so in this episode, we’re here to help. Joe and I share about gift-giving, failed expectations, and some of our favorite gifts we’ve given each other. And we have some fun adding our personal opinions on some popular gift ideas for spouses.
Everyone has blind spots in their lives that only others can see. In this episode, we share about how we are learning to help each other when we’re struggling with figurative and literal blind spots.
Has your spouse ever asked you if you’re mad at them? In our marriage, it either makes things worse or sweeps the issue under the rug! In this episode, we share some better ways to figure out the mystery of the “mad."
Trauma does have far-reaching effects on how we think, feel, and behave. But is the trauma we have experienced the only lens we look through? In this episode, Joe and I discuss the difficult task of discerning between the effects of trauma and our own sinful hearts. NOTE: the Samaritan Ministries promotion mentioned in this episode is not available. Please accept our sincerest apologies for any confusion this may have caused.
Do you ever feel disconnected from your spouse? That you’re just not as close as you once were? If you don’t address what is causing the disconnection, the distance will only grow in your marriage. Fight for connection! NOTE: the Samaritan Ministries promotion mentioned in this episode is not available. Please accept our sincerest apologies for any confusion this may have caused.
Who wants to be married to a loser? In this episode, we talk about the power of finding a way for you both to be winners in a disagreement.
Growing intimacy and connection in your marriage is impossible if all we do is shut each other down. Joe and I fall in that trap when we stay in the mindset of, “That won’t work”! In this episode we share a better phrase to use that will build your marriage instead of tearing it down.
“Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite." In our first episode, we want to share why we started this podcast, and how we first met and fell in love. I might have been too young, and Joe might have had too much baggage to really make it work. But by pursuing God and each other, we were able to see God work miracles in our love story.