The Reverend John Wheeler Podcast: Recent Episodes
John Wheeler
A fierce motivational podcast by legendary musician, producer, and agent of chaos: Rev. John Wheeler. He will get you fired up and filled to the brim with a reckless amount of confrontational energy. Tour stories about Blue Felix and Screaming Monkey Boner, tales about stand up comedy, film production, art, adventure, drugs and madness. Earth is hell, there are no rules, do whatever you want until the day you die.
...Dead serious about project 2025! Ha, gotcha with an old school Simpsons reference! Seriously though, we kinda think The Heritage Foundation is actually trying to get him. Put on your Alex Jones official branded tin foil hat and join us, won't you?
I couldn't think of a better title, but my actual dad was here so it's good enough. We didn't actually sing though. More like, spoke about the blues. Towards the end. Kinda.
Rev. John Wheeler and Chris "Xhail" Masimore attempt to stay on topic long enough to explain Dead Internet Theory, and god bless them, they almost do.
If the Boeing whistle blower is found alive, does that mean the cost is clear and I can apply for his old job? Fly the friendly skies with John Wheeler, Chris Masimore, and Satan.
Sometimes you get Taylor Swift swag in your easter basket, and sometimes you get Jack Schitt.
Most women would rather run into a bear in the woods than a man. I think I would as well, as long as it isn't a polar bear. In that case, I'd rather run into a bunch of dudes driving a tank. I feel like my odds would be better.
I was reminded that I shouldn't make light of things like this, at least not if I want everyone on the internet to agree that I'm doing my best to be a good person. Which I'm not.
Humor is a tool of oppression used to invalidate the very serious concerns of women and nothing more. Wait, maybe I'm thinking of propaganda... nah. No one that spends all day online and went to college for ten years ever falls for that stuff.
OJ Simpson was the Jackie Robinson of getting away with murder, and Obama was the OJ of being elected President.
John and Derek remember the good times.
Featuring Chris Masimore and Derek Zubich, this episode dives deep into the two most important news stories of 2024: That weird crappy Willy Wonka thing that happened in Scotland like a month ago, and some dude marrying a lady with two heads, right here in Minnesota!
This hour of ranting eventually ends in: AI is a tool that we will use to shoot our own legs off.
Of course by "we" I mean our corporate overlords- but we as a people will allow them to do it, and turn on each other rather than them, as usual, as is always the plan.
And no, screaming on Facebook about how no one should use AI image generators won't help anything either.
Screaming on Facebook never helps anything. More than anything it just makes people hate you and all the barely reasonable if not outright dumb stuff that you believe is so important.
What? You going to toss a penny into a wishing well and hope the guy on your truck gets to be your new daddy? That's beta-cuck nonsense. Be a real man and go start your own country!
Is he going to start The Adult Baby Wrestling Federation?
X-Hail and Reverend John think YES.
The main take away on this episode is that music, art, and entertainment are three different things. Art is definitely for laundering dirty crime money, and music is for fucking shit up.I'll just let you watch for yourself to see Greg's appraisal of the entertainment industry and who runs it.
Aliens have been coming to earth, and it's all because we have the best drugs. Specifically crack.
I don't make the rules, but it does explain why they were in Miami.
Sidney Oxboro AKA New Sid joins us by the fire as we go over the long list of disappointing and idiotic things you've all done over the past year.
Everyone is getting one of Donald Trump's used diapers for Christmas this year, and frankly that's better than a lot of you deserve.
I was originally going to call this one "Hot Homeless Pussy" but I chickened out.
Had a pretty good thumbnail and everything.
Ah well.
In this episode I sit with known industrial felon and old friend Tracy Setterlund.
I actually don't talk as much as usual in this one, so you're welcome.
I think we are living in a time where the American Propaganda Machine is imploding. Chris "X-Hail" Masimore joins Rev. John on a real head scratcher of an episode.
We recorded this in a live theater and it devolved into political discourse about robots and aliens running the country. Jason Krueger was there.
John's friend and fellow comedian/weirdo, Sidney Oxboro, takes the bus to visit him. They both get incredibly faded and try to figure out the meaning of life.
It's an extra long one, so you know they succeed!
Big Top Pee Wee is hands down the worst movie ever made by anyone in any time period, for any reason.
We try to explain so you don't have to watch it, but you should watch it anyways because you hate yourself and you deserve to be miserable.
It died long before the flood.
Your beliefs are loose puppet strings waiting to be pulled.
Believe it or not, you can't believe everything you read, and believe me this story is unbelievable!
What did it mean to be a 1990s Goth Kid? For me it meant subversion and violence and toying around with the idea of controlling the way others perceived me in order to leverage them. My therapist once told me that this was unhealthy, so I almost ate his liver with fave beans and a nice Chianti, but I didn't because he made a really good point.
In Minneapolis, the art of creating glass pipes, spoons, bowls, headies, whatever- was once a dangerous and illicit business.Now it's just a day job with a paid time off and insurance.This podcast sort of gets into that, but it's mostly about forcing myself to make an actual documentary about it before everyone dies.
We are merging into a better timeline and leaving some people behind.
Are you coming with us?
Chris @xhailglass and I will help you figure it out.
That's right, DEAD serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land!
Andrew Danger Brungalson and I discuss our grim reality.
Barbbenheimer Grind-house! I don't recommend drinking and theater hopping to watch both of these movies. It's like when I saw Grind-house in the theater. I thought Death Proof was boring, but later when I watched it by itself and realized that it is a far better movie than Planet Terror.
I'm also quitting caffeine and kinda losing my mind.
NPC streamers model their behavior after video game NPCs, often performing repetitive, almost robotic gestures and phrases.
It is the result of multiple years worth of personal data mining and social media behavioral studies to funnel as much money as possible out of users for the absolute least amount of worthwhile content.
It is a major sign of the apocalypse. I'm not kidding. Boiling human interaction down to the molecular level for maximum profit extraction has an end point, and it's not pretty.
On a flight to visit her home in North Korea, standup comic and far-right nationalist radio personality, Morgan Pearson, saw some kind of inter dimensional reptilian alien ghost thing. We have a long conversation about mental health in America, that will someday be used as “exhibit A” in a war crimes tribunal.
Prominent Butt Scientist, Peter Pepper, joins Reverend John Wheeler to discuss the impact of Big Bathroom’s corporate agenda, and the role they played in this most recent tragedy. The ocean is God’s toilet, and they are interfering in matters that mankind could never hope to comprehend…
Wasn’t that wild? Chris Masimore and I get violently high and drunk, respectively, and have a frank and straightforward conversation about the nonhuman spacemen from beyond the moon!
And then they run for president. This podcast is manly about my most recent trip to Colorado wherein I discovered how sloppy, rude, stupid, and inconsiderate most of Minnesota is. Being in a big city where businesses were staffed, shelves were stocked, and people didn’t let their unruly kids run wild was rather staggering. I’m mad about it. But at least we are finally getting weed, so that’s fun.
I’ll tell you how: when you stay up too late, get too drunk, and do a sprawling aimless podcast about nothing, and are man enough to know not to put it on YouTube, and just put out the audio here. It’s the grown up thing to do.
For example, he claims to have a car that runs on wine. Actually, that’s probably the extent of what you need to know. Nevertheless, this week I am joined by Chris “X-Hail” Masimore of Blue Felix and Minnesota Legit fame, and we discuss the joy of monarchy.
Rather then forcing people out, robots are filling in the gaps left by a shrinking labor force. This is actually a pretty thoughtful episode about technology logical progress and society. Ya know, In between the rambling and yelling.
I’m seriously asking. I don’t think the official talking points have been sent out yet, and I love these golden times of listening to heavily propagandized simps shooting in the dark trying to come up with their OWN reasons for continuing to worship those who lie to them for profit. It’s usually pretty great stuff. Feel free to share!
People throw one beer away and buy another one owned by the same company to prove a point to no one about how they don’t like to have to look at certain kinds of people. We are doing great as a species.
It did for me. Adderall and ketamine helped a lot, and I explain the whole mess right here.
We review, rewrite, and plan several sequels for Cocaine Bear. Also our friend Jason Krueger joins us. He’s the art director for Fearless Comedy, and the sound engineer for The Monday Night Comedy Show. Also our first ever guest.
- Remove reproductive rights. 2. Remove education. 3. Remove child labor laws. 4. Our Ponzi scheme economy that is based on constant population growth and exploitation flourishes for a bunch of rich people that are not you. 5. Your dumb ass celebrates.
YES! As long as you tell your insurance company that you are depressed. Which, if you are me, you are not. Good thing you can also cross your fingers behind your back every now and again to gain access to the spiritual realm.
Reaction to Static X Terrible Lie Cover: it’s not good. It caused a train accident and chemical spill that no one noticed because Ohio is already a train wreck AND a chemical toilet.
Minnesota schools are closed! But who cares, because snow days mean remote learning, and by learning I mean hearing about fractions and other bull crap that will never help you get a real job, unless you count the high powered space scientist job your parents think math class will help you get, but that ish ain’t happening.
Listen. There are some weird smutty books out there for lonely weirdo in all of us, but I don’t know who this is for. I suspect it’s no one, and this is some sort of troll goof attention grab. We fell for it. Now so can you.
And by “schools” I mean Florida. And by “What” I mean Ron Desantis. And by “currently” I mean fuck you.
Find out in this forbidden lost episode of Rick and Morty! Where we pick apart the deranged nature of early fame and beyond.
Ectolife: The Worlds First Artificial Womb Facility is a video that a lot of dumb people have gotten angry about. People that don’t want other people having a fun and pain free childbearing experience because theirs sucked so now everyone else’s has to… and people who are afraid that allowing everyone to pick their child’s genetics will lead to a world without the fat, ugly, mentally disabled population that is so very important to the diversity of our culture, or whatever. Also there is some concern about a potential racial eugenics factor, but since this factory is in Germany, I can’t really see any precedent for that scenario. Enjoy!
We are damn over due for this, and I’m not even a fan of a cannabis high, but I still want this to happen for a myriad of reasons, some of which I don’t even have a personal vested interest in.
It’s our Christmas special. Buckle up for all kinds of surprises and special guests and…. Yeah it’s just a regular episode where John kinda references Christmas in his ramblings. Sue me.
John talks about his wedding in Las Vegas one year ago, and his recent diagnosis. You might learn a lot from this one.
John figures out a lot of things in this episode. Biblical floods, company mining towns, why old money hates new money, life on mars, and lead in weed. Have fun focusing on any of this.
On this podcast, we discuss Ye’s new record. We also get into artificial intelligence and how to tackle an active shooter.
Or did Ray Charles HIJACK it? The answer to this question may boggle your mind! And lucky for you it is contained somewhere within this very podcast.
Search engines don’t answer your questions anymore. The answers are out there, and they can easily be found, but because if capitalism all you get are sales pitches related to part of what you wrote in the search bar. You don’t get the best response, you get a response from whoever paid the most to get their response heard. It’s infuriating. Also, bone broth can kill you.
This one is vaguely political. The “red wave” is derivative, almost as dumb as Lets Go Brandon (almost) and brings to mind The Red Army, The Red Scare, and other such antithetical concepts. Also it didn’t work. Good job, dummies.
Because he’s Donald Trump, and he’s having a midlife crisis. He’s not running for president, but he’s not going to Mars either. He had to buy something.
Is it friendly snakes? Is it Gin? Is it DEATH???? John’s wife joins him on this very special episode and we figure it out.
This is from an official statement I made after some extremely gross behavior from a local club here in Minnesota caused me to take a long hard look at whether the whole “playing music” thing is worth it anymore. Spoiler: it’s not.
I’m going to level with you: John did this podcast AFTER his brother-in-law’s birthday party and was far drunker than usual. The documentary definitely gets reviewed. Kinda. Eventually. Is that even really why you’re listening to this? Probably not. Also it’s late.
Regular weed solves none of my problems, but will a weird mutation do the trick? We find out on the air.
The lovable Herman Munster is tasked with helping Lizzo find James Madison’s enchanted crystal flute, so she can use it to break the terrible curse that has befallen the United States of America.
Food neutrality is the hot new co-opted social movement designed to get kids back to eating Oreos for breakfast because Oreo was losing money due to all these healthy food trends so the best thing for them to do was astroturf in the idea that judging people’s repulsive food choices is somehow racist. How do I work Dahmer into this? You’ll see…
The rallies are empty, the merch tents are scattered and sad, your extended family won’t come to thanksgiving anymore, people roll their eyes at you whenever you speak. It’s time to pack it in. Being a part of a completely impotent cult is probably fun for a while, but it’s over. It’s time to go home. Brandon…
Get up get, get with the get down-9/11 is a joke in your town!! We also tried to make reservations at The Clubhouse at Aquia Harbor for Patriot Day, only to find out that it’s cancelled! Our September 11th super spectacular also delves into chat roulette, Danny Devito, and the evils of the royal family.
KETAMINE: Delicious or DEADLY?! That’s the other title. Honestly this is just a frank and open discussion based on John’s casual use and Meredith’s actual clinical use of good old Special K. And about 40 minutes of other stuff. Which if you listen to this podcast, you have to be used to by now.
In this episode, John responds to garbage-ass theories on Facebook about what’s going on with all this UFO business lately. I won’t give it away, but it really seems like we finally got to the bottom of it.
John recaps the notorious Toys R Us Black Friday Acid Story to eulogize Danny Andrews, the main accomplice in that fiasco, whom recently passed away under mysterious circumstances. Also John answers some audience questions. There were many, but only about four that weren’t painfully cringey and pointless. Listen to hear your name!
You are going to learn the real way to build wealth or make a perfect dry martini or smoke a cigarette or maybe where some bodies are. Whatever.
John discovers that releasing a cover song can be a way to gain attention for one’s other releases. John also discovers that he is very out of touch, so he has Bill read audience suggestions while he makes fun of them. If you listen, you may hear your name!
John accidentally makes a new song that everyone loves, AND plays a gig for the first time since 2019. No he has to get back in the music game and it is probably going to ruin his life. Speaking of ruining lives, bill now has to take the bus to the podcast because he got a dwi. And I guess it’s hell, so we are adding a segment called BILLS BUS TIME STORIES! Kinda.
People leaving oppressive religions to start their own oppressive religions around toxic ideologies astroturfed by outside forces bent on destabilization don’t tend to realize the irony and I’m getting tired of trying explain it. Also I finally caught Covid. It sucks, but not that bad. That’s life.
Do you hate all these new rules and regulations? Then don’t follow them. Ever see anyone on 60 Days In because they collected too much rainwater or lied to their doctor? No. Get it together!
Just google the thing I scream about for a solid hour here, and it will blow your mind. If you watch the YouTube version, you can watch Bill’s brain explode in real time!
There are going to be a lot of very obnoxious and empowered pro life protests outside of Planned Parenthood. Remember when the cops would drive by George Floyd demonstrations and spray them with bear mace out of their window? Did you know that you can buy bear mace? We learn a lot of random fun facts on todays episode!
Long story short, it’s way easier to buy an AK47 than it is to get a Xanax prescription, John wouldn’t need the former if he could get the later.
The audio on our big 10th episode extravaganza got totally effed up, so here’s me explaining it for like 20 minutes. Worth a listen? You decide.
John tries to remember what the plot of Top Gun was, and is pretty sure it didn’t have one outside of the whole volleyball scene. Then I think most of the rest of it is about the similarities between Mortal Kombat and Big Trouble in Little China.
The gang got together to go do an escape room, and it sucked. After everyone else went to bed, John kept drinking and made Bill do a late night podcast. It is our job to make sure YOU don’t get ripped off on your way to the TOP!
John gears up for a career in local city government as he is a man of a certain age as well as no longer a homeless drifter. Listen for tips on how YOU can also get more involved in your community.
Learn to lie your way through a book report, become a master of “close enough math”, and never be afraid to coast through life.
Fertility clinics flush more viable embryos than planned parenthood, but you don’t care because no one has told you to care, because they don’t need you to care.
John is going to start working shit jobs just to sue them. A real 21st century business plan. AND YOU CAN TOO!
John motivates you on how to take out evangelical Christians who are ruining your flight WITHOUT ending up on the no fly list. Also all that stuff in the title and MORE.
This is now officially a motivational podcast. We talk about engaging with your community by feeding psychedelic drugs to the local police, having the strong follow through of a child soldier, and how Tipper Gore solved crime forever by censoring music. Also John won’t shut up about how YMH played his industrial metal song about Fed Smoker, which is available on Spotify.
John takes a huge dose of kratom, and talks about all the times he’s over done it with Delta 8 and wound up freaking out on an airplane. He also tries to figure out if, like Jesus, the Easter bunny was originally Jewish. His producer Bill is no help in this matter.