Hope For Wives: Recent Episodes
Pam Blizzard, Lyschel Burket, Bonny Burns
For wives enduring the pain of sexual betrayal. Conversations that acknowledge the devastation of sexual betrayal through pornography addictions, unwanted sexual behaviors, and infidelity while offering practical insight and hope for healing through a Christian lens.
Equips wives to see the next steps in their recovery, and find hope in the mess of this situation. New episodes release every 2 weeks! Find additional resources at hopeforwives.com.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we continue our discussion with Natalie Hoffman. Natalie is the author of, “Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual abuse,” and “All the Scary Little Gods.” She’s also the host of the Flying Free Podcast.
She is a passionate advocate for Christian women in abusive homes and churches. Through the Flying Free Sisterhood, she empowers Christian women to use their voices and gifts for their spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
We Will be Discussing: 1. Discussion around the roles within a system with emotional and spiritual abuse. 2. If she chooses, how can she shift her role? 3. Lyschel’s wrestle and decision 4. What does the path from emotional and spiritual abuse look like?
Resources mentioned in this show: * “Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse”
-
“All The Scary Little Gods: A Memoir”
-
Flying Free Sisterhood Community
-
Episode 59: “So What, Lord?”
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we welcome Natalie Hoffman to the podcast. Natalie is the author of, “Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual abuse,” and “All the Scary Little Gods.” She’s also the host of the Flying Free Podcast.
She is a passionate advocate for Christian women in abusive homes and churches. Through the Flying Free Sisterhood, she empowers Christian women to use their voices and gifts for their spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
We Will be Discussing: 1. Can you share the key signs of covert emotional and spiritual abuse? How can women see these subtle tactics in their marriage or environment? 2. Has he always been this way and I just didn’t see it? 3. What are some of the key things you need that an abusive relationship cannot provide? 4. What hope can we offer our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Emotional Abuse Quiz
-
Is it Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse
-
All the Scary Little Gods: A Memoir
-
Natalie’s Website, Flying Free Now
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we continue our conversation with Cat Etherington.
Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international Christian charity opening eyes and freeing lives from the damaging impacts of pornography and other problematic sexual behaviours.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What support do you offer globally? 2. How can we empower global listeners to advocate for themselves to uneducated support people? 3. Is no support better than damaging support?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Naked Truth Recovery
cat@nakedtruthrecovery.com
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international Christian charity opening eyes and freeing lives from the damaging impacts of pornography and other problematic sexual behaviours.
We Will be Discussing: 1. The importance of grief in the recovery process. 2. What happens if you try to skip the grief process? 3. What grief does the betrayer experience? 4. How do you help couples get “un-stuck” and move into mourning?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Naked Truth Project
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we are concluding our discussion around the tender topic of forgiveness after betrayal.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What about when we are reminded from Matthew 6:14-15,”For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins?” 2. What about intellectual forgiveness versus a felt sense (embodied) of forgiveness?
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we are moving solidly into the second phase of healing by discussing all the ramifications of forgiveness.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some definitions of forgiveness? 2. What are some myths about forgiveness?
Resources mentioned in this show: * What is a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
Full Therapeutic Disclosure (part 2)
Scripture references: 2 Peter 3:9
2 Chronicles 7:14
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we continue our discussion with Dr. Christy Bauman.
Christy is an author, teacher and psychotherapist. A mother of 4, fierce dreamer and passionate about advocating for women.
Christy received her Bachelors degree in Communication at Texas A&M in 2002 and then her Masters in Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in 2007. She published the book Unearth in 2008, A Brave Lament in 2018, and Her Rites in 2024. She is certified in Medical Family Therapy and Trauma and Abuse. She earned her doctorate at Seattle Pacific University. Her dissertation topic was Shame and Sexuality in Women.
We Will be Discussing: 1. Overcoming the shame of female sexuality 2. What’s the first practical thing I can do to overcome shame?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Her Rites by Dr. Christy Bauman * Safe Church Book , Safe Church Conference
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we are talking with Dr. Christy Bauman about the female body, sexuality, and theology with the added layer of trauma.
Christy is an author, teacher and psychotherapist. A mother of 4, fierce dreamer and passionate about advocating for women.
Christy received her Bachelors degree in Communication at Texas A&M in 2002 and then her Masters in Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in 2007. She published the book Unearth in 2008, A Brave Lament in 2018, and Her Rites in 2024. She is certified in Medical Family Therapy and Trauma and Abuse. She earned her doctorate at Seattle Pacific University. Her dissertation topic was Shame and Sexuality in Women.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What would you want a betrayed woman to know about her identity as being a woman? 2. Anger is misunderstood. 3. Rootedness – Our Identity
Resources mentioned in this show: * Contact Dr. Christy Bauman
- Book: Her Rites: A Sacred Journey for the Mind, Body, and Soul
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we are continuing our conversation around relational safety with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith.
From their website, “It is a privilege that we get to use our experience, training, and talents to help others find what they have been desperately searching for: safe and supportive relationships which empowers them to not just survive, but thrive. Our growing team represents a community of dedicated professionals who passionately pursue a greater mastery of the very best tools and techniques to serve our clients faithfully.”
We Will be Discussing: 1. Personal responsibility for each spouse 2. Can she use her voice? How? 3. What is a realistic healthy relationship? 4. Core values and boundaries
Resources mentioned in this show: * + Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith + Connect with Matthew and Joanna’s Couples Work Here + Free Resource Material from the Raabsmiths!
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we discuss the very important topic of relational safety with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith.
From their website, "It is a privilege that we get to use our experience, training, and talents to help others find what they have been desperately searching for: safe and supportive relationships which empowers them to not just survive, but thrive. Our growing team represents a community of dedicated professionals who passionately pursue a greater mastery of the very best tools and techniques to serve our clients faithfully."
We Will be Discussing: 1. Definition around relational safety 2. A scenario to explain relational safety more in depth 3. How to unpack an episode of disconnect/conflict 4. Practical ideas to grow self-awareness
Resources mentioned in this show: * Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake, Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith
- Connect with Matthew and Joanna - https://www.raabsmithteam.com
- Free Resource Material from the Raabsmiths!
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today we discuss the upcoming Christmas season and how to, “Experiencing Christmas Well.”
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some things you navigated or things you’ve heard you clients navigate during Christmas while trying to heal from betrayal? 2. What are some ways you or your clients have navigated Christmas and found peace? 3. What hope would you like to leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * The Hidden Wounds Behind Triggers (ep. 27)
The Spectrum of Triggers (ep. 28) * Navigating the Holidays after Betrayal
Scripture references: Matthew 12:20
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking with Stacey Smith, Chief Clinical Officer at Daring Ventures, about attachment and its role in healing. Stacey is an EMDR Certified Therapist and a Trainer for The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). In this 4-Day training she teaches coaches and clinicians how to ethically treat partners of sex addicts who are suffering from betrayal trauma. She is also a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) Candidate as well as PACT level one trained.
Stacey also speaks to groups on topics like betrayal trauma, single womanhood, divorce and intimacy in marriage. Her first book, Understanding and Loving Your Child as a Single Parent, co-authored with Steve Arterburn, was published in 2022. She received her undergraduate degree from Texas State in 1988. Her graduate degree is from Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. She became an LPC in late 2010. She is recently married and lives in Galveston, Texas and spends her spare time fishing & enjoying the beach.
We Will be Discussing: 1. Does attachment styles affect all kinds of relationships? 2. How do you see a woman working on her identity in Christ help her to move toward a healthy attachment style? 3. How does our attachment style relate to our attachment to the Lord? 4. How can I self-assess to find my attachment style? 5. What’s the goal when it comes to attachment?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Love Sculpture by Alexander Milov (Ukranian)
- Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience by Krispin Mayfield
Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, we are approaching another type of betrayal we hear far too often from women navigating their healing journey, being missed when going to their community of faith after betrayal. We thought we would approach this conversation a little differently and encourage faith communities. Many of us don’t know what we don’t know. When we learn and know better we can do better.
Dr. Barb Steffens is joining us today and helping us understand how a faith community can be a safe and responsive community for betrayed partners.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some common experiences for women being “missed” by their faith community. 2. What should a care pastor/faith leader/community do when meeting with a betrayed wife or the couple after discovery? 3. What to do when they want you to fix it? What resources can they offer? 4. What do you do when a woman doesn’t understand her impact, yet? 5. What if a woman reaches a brick wall with getting support from her faith community, should she stay where is, or to seek a new faith community? Other options? 6. What hope can we leave for our listeners today?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Dr. Barb Steffens
Scripture references: Deuteronomy 31:8
Philippians 1:6
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: In episode 12, we first explored the concept of therapeutic or healing separations. Since two years has passed since we published that episode, we want to revisit this topic and share a little more around a couple of questions. We Will be Discussing: 1. She kicked him out in the heat of the moment and now she wants to transform the separation into therapeutic, what would you say to her? 2. How is a therapeutic separation a form of mental health care? 3. What do you tell the kids about the separation? 4. What hope can we leave?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Episode 12: Therapeutic or Healing Separation
- Separation Documents and Guides to purchase by Shawna Meek
Healing Separation Document example – pdf
Covenant Eyes blog – Can A Therapeutic Separation Help?
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds, APSATS-cpc/PSAP, finish their discussion around the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What about stay shame? 2. What if your decision changes? 3. What hope can we offer our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds
- Serenity Prayer
Scripture references: Psalm 18:1-2
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds are talking about the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes.
Kathy is our special guest today! Her training under renowned professionals such as Dr. Barbara Steffens and Dr. Jake Porter has equipped her with expertise in the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model and the Couple-Centered Recovery Model. She also holds certification as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).
Her work includes facilitating therapeutic disclosure intensives, grief work intensives for couples, individual coaching for betrayed partners, and couples coaching with her husband, Conrad. Kathy is also the lead facilitator of ‘Returning to You,’ an innovative and intensive week-long program for betrayed partners hosted at Daring Ventures’ beautiful retreat center, The Magnolia House.
Kathy is passionate about empowering and equipping betrayed partners with the tools to heal, grow, and reclaim their shattered lives with grit and grace.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What is “stay shame” and “go shame” and how will a woman know she’s experiencing one of these? 2. What was Kathy’s defining moment where she let go of that shame?
Join us next week for part 2!
Resources mentioned in this show: * Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking with Crystal Botero-Rand and her work supporting partners whose husbands are attending Boulder Recovery, 14-Day healing intensive.
Crystal lives in the Chicago suburbs with her husband Jon. She is a betrayal trauma coach, trained through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She group coaches the wives/partners of men undergoing intensives at Boulder Recovery, a Christ-Centered sex addiction treatment program. She also coaches women one on one in her private practice, Rooted and Established Coaching. Her passion for working with betrayed women began with her own healing journey and has grown as she has coached many women. She is honored to help her clients connect to their worth, make sense of their story, and set the healthy boundaries. She is deeply rooted in her Christian faith, and so are many of her clients, but not all. She helps them through crises of faith or breakdowns in their faith community, which are so common in this experience. Helping women understand their story and put one step in front of the other is her most worthwhile pursuit.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What is Boulder Recovery? 2. What are the pros and cons of a husband doing an intensive? 3. Does Boulder do any assess the betrayed partner? Do you prep her to understand to it might not have a positive outcome? 4. What can a wife expect of herself while he is gone in the program and when he gets back? 5. While he is gone is there any contact between husband and wife? 6. What hope can we leave?
Resources mentioned in this show: * The Boulder Recovery 14-Day Christian Intensive
TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction
Partner’s Healing 5-Day Intensive
Scripture references: John 1:5
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are continuing our discussion with Vicki Tiede. Vicki is a certified APSATS partner coach whose specialty is walking with wives who have same sex attraction in their story with their sexually addicted spouse.
Vicki is a betrayal trauma recovery coach, speaker, and the author of “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” Vicki has a passion for helping women navigate the pain of betrayal, particularly in relationships impacted by infidelity and pornography. She has a particular interest in supporting women whose husbands struggle with same-sex attraction. Vicki and her husband Mike also work with couples ready for relationship restoration.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What is the value of being in community with other women who have this aspect in their story? 2. What hope can we leave our listeners this week?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Life Renovation Counseling and Coaching – Learn more about Vicki and/or make an appointment through this website.
When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede.
Homosexuality and the Christian by Mark Yarhouse.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are talking through a specific betrayal for many women. Over the course of the 10+ years I have been walking through betrayal stories with other women, many have a story that includes Same Sex Attraction. During discovery or disclosure women learn that their husband has been acting out with men or viewing same sex pornography. Typically, we approach our topics with a broad stroke to discuss betrayal as a whole. Today we wanted to sit with author and recovery coach, Vicki Tiede, who has walked this path and bring hope to women who are trying to heal from their husbands' SSA and addiction.
Vicki is a betrayal trauma recovery coach, speaker, and the author of “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” Vicki has a passion for helping women navigate the pain of betrayal, particularly in relationships impacted by infidelity and pornography. She has a particular interest in supporting women whose husbands struggle with same-sex attraction. Vicki and her husband Mike also work with couples ready for relationship restoration.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some of the fears that come up for a partner when they discover same-sex attraction and their husband’s story 2. Does recovery look different for women whose stories involve same-sex addiction?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Life Renovation Counseling and Coaching – Learn more about Vicki and/or make an appointment through this website. * When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede. * Homosexuality and the Christian by Mark Yarhouse.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are discussing and important piece of coupleship recovery, grieving together.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What place does grief have in trauma healing? 2. What place does grief have in coupleship healing? 3. What are some practical tips or suggestions to help couples understand mourning and grieving as a couple?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Episode 15: Full Therapeutic Disclosure
- Daring Ventures – Grieving Together Webinar
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Before we get started, we just want to make sure to say that we are not licensed therapists. We are ethically credentialled coaches.
As coaches, we pick up on patterns. One of the patterns we see in recovering couples is that the person with problematic sexual behavior exhibit being avoidant of connecting with his wife.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some reasons the person with problematic behavior avoids? 2. How does a woman experience living with a man who is in very early recovery and avoids intimacy. 3. How does she stay sane when living with a man who does not want or does not have the skill set, yet, to connect with her in a way that is meaningful to her?
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are continuing our discussion around how trauma negatively impacts our self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth. We are going to explore ways to gain the confidence you lost after discovery and empower yourselves in truth.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some ways you personally found your way to empowerment? 2. What are some other practical tools we can offer our listeners in order for them to grow in empowerment? 3. What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show: * God’s Love Letter * Episode 59, “So What, Lord?” * Pete and Geri Scazzero Books
Susie Larson Books
Robert S. McGee Books
Brene Brown Books Scripture references: Zephaniah 3:17
Jeremiah 17:14-18
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are discussing why and how a betrayed partner’s self-esteem decreases after discovery. Self-esteem is your sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes. One of the criteria for post traumatic stress in the DSM-5 is “Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world.” So, it makes sense that a large percentage of betrayed wives experience this drastic drop in their confidence. We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some experiences betrayed partners have with loss of self-esteem? 2. How does this lack of self-esteem affect recovery from betrayal trauma? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Lauren Daigle – You Say
- God’s Love Letter to You
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: We are continuing our exploration of how to navigate when friends or family in this episode. Today, we are sharing practical tools and tips when friends and family are unintentionally insensitive to complexities of pain involved in betrayal from sex addiction.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What can a betrayed wife put in place or think about before she interacts with friends and family to pro-actively care for herself if this kind of situation comes up? 2. What are some other practical tips or tools we can share that have worked for you or your clients in navigating insensitive friends and family? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources mentioned in this show: 3C Family and Friends Understand BT
2B PSB Family and Friends Understand PSBSA (1)
P Affects Community Family and Friends Understand
Clarity and Peace with Boundaries (Pam Blizzard
Scripture references: Philippians 4:7-9
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation We Will be Discussing: Today, we are exploring the reality of the insensitivity of some friends or family to complexities of pain involved in betrayal from sex addiction. 1. What are some experiences either you or your clients have shared regarding insensitive friends and family? 2. Why is this kind of situation so uncomfortable? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources mentioned in this show: Visit episode 68's website at hopeforwives.com for access to two PDFs. Facts sheets that explains simply the reality of betrayal trauma and problematic sexual behavior.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Support HFW through a donation Today, Lyschel and Bonny continue the discussion, because Pam is away with other obligations, about Option C. We talk about staying well through choice, change, the complexities, and Christ.
We Will be Discussing: 1. How do we stay well in Option C? 2. What if she starts to feel hopeless? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources mentioned in this show: * “Do I Stay Well or Leave Well?” – Blog Post
“‘Staying Well,’ Is it even possible?”
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: Today, we are discussing what it means to stay while waiting in the hallway between pre-discovery and true solid recovery in the betrayer.
Option C includes choice, change, complexity, and Christ.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What is Option A and Option B? 2. What is Option C? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources: https://leslievernick.com/blog/do-i-stay-well-or-leave-well/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpsBx-rWHtw
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: Lyschel and Pam had other obligations, so I, Bonny will be speaking with a special guest today – Dr. Barb Steffens!
Barb is the retired founder of the association of partners of sex addicts trauma specialists, or APSATS. APSATS was a response to her empirically supported work that betrayed partners are traumatized by the discovery of their spouses problematic sexual behavior and should be supported through the lens of trauma, not co-dependence. Barb now focuses on helping better equip religious leaders to care for marriages that are struggling through the discovery of problematic sexual behavior.
Today, our topic is “How Religious Leaders Can Serve Betrayed Couples Well.”
We Will be Discussing: 1. What is institutional trauma or institutional betrayal? 2. What are some things that religious leaders could do to minimize spiritual trauma when they are working with a marriage that has deceptive sexuality? 3. What are some obstacles that keep religious leaders from following up with a couple where the wife has newly discovered sexually problematic behavior? 4. What are some resources that religious leaders could tap into to learn more? 5. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal,” by Dr. Barb Steffens and Marsha Means.
-
Why did God let this Happen? Assessing the Spiritual Impacts of Sexual Addiction on Intimate Female Partners: A Qualitative Investigation
-
Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training Information (July, 2024, dates)
-
“The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It,” By Sam Black.
-
“Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores,” by Dr. Diane Langberg.
Coming November, 2024 – “When the Church Harms God’s People: Becoming Faith Communities That Resist Abuse, Pursue Truth, and Care for the Wounded,” by Dr. Diane Langberg.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: We are continuing to tenderly discussing sexual abuse in marriage and today we are moving into the intense end of the spectrum and will be talking about marital rape. So, again, we invite you to check in with yourself. Are you in a grounded enough place to listen to this conversation? If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now. In our last episode we talked about your right to give consent to sexual engagement in marriage. Marriage does not nullify your right to say yes or no to having sex with your husband.
It was only 31 years ago that marital rape became illegal in all 50 states. And today, in 2024, 9 states still have legal loopholes that allow rapist husbands to receive as little as probation as a punishment for this heinous crime. These states are Idaho, Nevada, California, Oklahoma, Mississippi, South Carolina, Virginia, Ohio, and Michigan (https://www.newsweek.com/spousal-rape-loophole-map-1892924 ) . I’m talking about the US because that is where we are based. Worldwide, 150 countries have criminalized marital rape and 48 countries it is not criminalized and 6 it is unclear. So, women around the world are still fighting against archaic laws that harken back to when women were considered property. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape_laws_by_country ) We Will be Discussing: 1. When does sexual coercion cross the line into marital rape? 2. What would you say to the woman listening who has experienced marital rape? 3. How does Jesus see women, especially those who are abused? 4. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Scripture references: Luke 1:38
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: The next two episodes we are tenderly discussing topics around sexual abuse in marriage. So, we invite you to assess whether you are in a grounded enough state to listen to this conversation. If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now. It’s hard to consider that sexual abuse can happen in marriage, and yet it does. It is one of the most confusing and distressing things a wife can process. It is a double betrayal.Sexual abuse is not uncommon in marriages where the spouse with problematic sexual behavior has not embraced the reality of their damaging behaviors. Sexual abuse can fall on a spectrum from objectification and light coercion on one end to marital rape on the other end. Today, we are discussing consent and sexual coercion. According to The Law Insider website, sexual coercion is defined as the use of unreasonable pressure in an effort to compel another individual to initiate or continue sexual activity against the individual’s will. Sexual coercion wrongfully impairs the other individual’s freedom of will (like using threats, making them pay afterwards with pouting behavior or abandonment for a time, drugs and alcohol to inhibit them from refusing) or impairs their ability to choose whether to engage in sexual activity (an example of this is having sex with someone who is asleep or is so sick or unhealthy and cannot stop what is happening, this to me, borderlines on rape, but that’s for our next episode). We Will be Discussing: 1. What is consent? 2. What are some faulty messages women have received about her right to say no to sex in marriage? (faulty messages from church and culture) 3. So thinking back to the faulty message, how have these faulty messages enabled sexual coercion in marriage? 4. What is the truth for a woman who has been coerced? What grace can she give herself? 5. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * How Not to be an A** by Andrew J. Bauman The Sexually Healthy Man by Andrew J. Bauman Practicing Full Consent – blog post by Andrew J. Bauman
-
Authentic Intimacy ministry with Dr. Juli Slattery Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery
-
Sexual Clarity for Christian Women – class led by Bonny Logsdon Burns (Strong Wives)
Scripture references: 1 Corinthians 7:4-5
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: We often work with women who experience a lack of understanding from their husbands on what it takes to heal from sexual betrayal trauma. So, today, we are discussing, “When the husband is frustrated with her slow healing process.” We Will be Discussing: 1. Let’s revisit the definition and experience of betrayal trauma. What are the definitions and how betrayal trauma impacts a woman’s functioning? 2. How long, typically, does a woman take to heal from betrayal trauma? 3. What is important for a husband to know when he experiences frustration due to her healing process? (Can address him trying to control her recovery here.) 4. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Adding Attunement to Empathy (APSATS radio)
-
What is EMDR to help memories fade?
-
How Betrayal Trauma Manifests Itself with Dr. Kevin Skinner
Scripture references: 2 Timothy 1:6-7
Jeremiah 29:11-14
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: If you’ve been with us from the beginning, or have binged us up until this point, you’ll know that we have purposely laid out content to follow a trajectory from first discovery, through safety and stability, grief and mourning, and at some point we will move through post-traumatic growth.
The past episode and this one deal with coupleship recovery and lands in the space of when you feel safe enough, especially if your husband has jumped into recovery with a full commitment. We know that some husbands take a longer time to come out of denial to embrace recovery and some never get there.
Today, Pam and I are talking about 3 more keys to coupleship recovery.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What is coupleship recovery? 2. When can a couple start recovery? 3. What importance does friendship have in recovery? 4. What other couple resources are out there? 5. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Learn Empathy: Help Your Betrayed Wife Heal by Marsha Means
-
Help Her Heal by Carol J. Sheets and Allan J. Katz
-
Help Them Heal by Carol J. Sheets
-
Daring Ventures’ Couples Centered Recovery
-
7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by the Gottmans (NOT betrayal focused, general audience)
-
Podcast – Helping Couples Heal (secular, great content)
Podcast – Human Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Kevin Skinner
Podcast – From Crisis to Connection with Geoff & Jody Steurers
-
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
-
Build True Intimacy by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith and Dan Drake
Scripture references: Malachi 4:2
Proverbs 27:17
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others
Listen now: Pam and Bonny discuss 3 Keys to Coupleship Recovery – Safety/stability, Prioritizing the Relationship, and Radical Honesty.
We Will be Discussing: What would you like couples to know about safety and stability? What does it mean to prioritize the relationship? What’s the definition of Radical Honesty and how does it play out? What hope can we leave our listeners?
Scripture references: 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others
Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Bonny discuss, "So What, Lord?" or Prove it, Lord.
This isn't our typical episode. It's a conversation as Lyschel shares a devotional she recently connected with on a deeper level and wants to share with you.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What attribute of God has meaning for the emotions in our story. 2. What does a praise party look like? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show Subscribe to The Father's Business for more devotionals like this.
- The I AM For Your Every Need
Sooner or later, everyone will be beaten up, battered, bruised, and burned out by the dailies of life. Good news! God is the Lord of all of your life. List every need and emotion that you are feeling, no matter how small they seem. After you have acknowledged all your emotions and needs, go through the names of God until you find the expression of His character that meets each need. For every need, there is a corresponding attribute of God. Affirm that God is still God, no matter how you feel. Have a praise party, not a pity party, for your loving Father is a big God. He is able to do much more than you need or can think or ask.
He is the I AM for our needs He is Abba Father when we need fathering. He is acceptance when we feel unwanted. He is adequacy for our inadequacy. He is all-sufficient in our hardest situations. He is the Amen, the true witness. He is the Answer for our uncertainty and questions. He is the Author of faith for our unbelief or doubt. He is the Bread of life for our spiritual hunger. He is broken and spilled out for us when we’ve been used. He is the Burden-bearer when we are heavy laden. He is before all things when we’re surprised. He is cleansing for our defilement and shame. He is closer than a brother when we are lonely. He is our Comforter who wipes away tears in our griefs and sorrows. He is our Defender when we are under attack. He is our Deliverer from our bondage or captivity. He is our Door-opener when it looks like there’s no way out. He is our sure Foundation, when we’re insecure. He is our Faithful Friend when friends fail us. He is Fullness when we’re empty. He is God of love when we feel unloved and need a hug. He is God who is there when we feel alone or abandoned. He is our Guide and the Way when we’re confused and need direction. He is grace when we’re too hard on ourselves or others. He is our Healer for woundedness, rejection, and sickness. He is Hope when we are discouraged and want to quit. He is Humility for our pride. He is Joy when we are depressed. He is our Keeper and Protector when we are vulnerable. He is the Lifter of our heads when we feel weighed down. He is long-suffering, slow to anger when we have blown it again. He is Mercy for criticism and unkindness. He is Mighty God, our strength for our weakness or temptation. He is Never-failing, always the same when we are fickle and faithless. He is Overcoming victory for defeat and depression. He is the Plumb Line to stand against the world’s situational ethics. He is the Prince of peace when we are stressed, worried, and confused. He is the Provider for every financial need. He is the Quieter of the storm for afflictions without and struggles within. He is Reconciliation for breaches in relationships. He is Rest when we’re tired. He is the Restorer of our souls when we’re bruised and beaten down. He is the Reviver, living water when we are depleted and thirsty. He is Satisfaction when we’ve tried everything and come up empty. He is the Song, our praise when we’re joyless and heavy of heart. He is the Spirit of the Lord when we need to be set free. He is our Strength when we’re weak. He is Truth for the world’s warped opinions. He is True Riches when we’re tempted to covet the world’s wealth. He is Vengeance when we are angry and wronged. He is Wisdom for our hard choices.
This is only a beginning. Make your own list as a personal affirmation that God is your Need-meeter. He is the Most High God who reigns over all. To whom else would we go? He alone is the Word of eternal life.
Taken from Prayer Portions, ©1991 and from For The Family ©1995 by Sylvia Gunter. Available at www.thefathersbusiness.com. An archive of past devotionals is available on the website.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Help Us Help Others
Listen now: Today, we are discussing faulty messages women have received from church or society’s teachings and how these teachings have impacted betrayed wives.
Proverbs 31:8-9 in the message says, “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of the down-and-outers. Speak up for justice, for the poor and needy!” That’s what this episode is about, giving you words and a voice to move toward clarity.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some faulty teachings women have been exposed to? 2. How do these faulty teachings influence a woman? 3. What is the truth that counters these faulty teachings? (Suggestion – find scripture that refutes the faulty teachings) 4. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Redemptive Divorce: A Biblical Process that Offers Guidance for the Suffering Partner, Healing for the Offending Spouse, and the Best Catalyst for Restoration by Mark W. Gaither
-
Redeeming Power understand authority and abuse in the church by Dr. Diane Langberg
-
The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth by Beth Allison Barr
- Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Natalie Hoffman
- Leslie Vernick Blog
- Juli Slattery - Java with Juli Podcast
Scripture references: Jeremiah 29:11
Galatians 3:28
Genesis 2:18
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today, we are continuing our discussion around, “How to Make Time for Healing.” In the last episode, we walked through how she can care for herself through the first phase of healing, safety and stability. Our incredible guest, Casey Allison, is back with us today! In our questions now, we will focus on the second stage of healing, remembering and mourning. We Will be Discussing: 1.What are some experiences busy women have when they enter into grief?
-
What are some practical tools we can offer women in this season?
-
What hope can we leave our listeners today?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Episode 20: Healing from the Impact of Sexual Betrayal Through Grief * Come Awake with Coach Casey Allison
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today, we are discussing how to make time for healing, especially when you are a busy, maybe you’re a mom with a full-time career, or a woman who runs her own small business, or a woman who has a passion for volunteering. We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some experiences busy women have when first discovery rocks her world? 2. What are some first steps for her to consider to move toward stability and safety? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners today?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Come Awake with Casey Allison * So Help Me God by Benjamin Hastings
Scripture references: 1 Peter 5:7
Romans 5:3-5
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today, Lyschel has a conversation with Kim Hansen Petroni around the question of divorce. Kim is an APSATS certified partner coach and has experienced divorce. She is in the process of becoming a certified divorce coach.
We Will be Discussing: * What should a wife ask herself when she’s struggling around the decision of divorce? * What about the tension between the grief/the emotions and the next right thing? * What are some free or cost-friendly legal resources? * What are some free or cost-friendly resources for women who have already divorced? * What is the number one thing a woman needs to heal? * What does God really say about divorce?
Resources mentioned in this show: * To find all of Kim’s resources and blog posts, check out her website, Coaching Hope 4 U.
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today, Pam and I are finishing our conversation around “How Do I Know That I’m Healing.” (Lyschel still isn’t with us, but she will be back soon! We have a practical conversation, about things you can do to assess are you healing or stuck? We Will be Discussing: 1. What can she practically do to help her move forward in her healing and recovery? 2. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Writing to Heal by James Pennebaker, Ph.D
- Clearing Cognitive Distortions by Pam Blizzard
22 Examples of Cognitive Distortions and Worksheet from Positive Psychology
Scripture references: 2 Corinthians 10:5
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today, Pam and I are discussing, “How Do I Know I’m Healing?” (Lyschel isn’t here because she is taking a very small sabbatical because her plate is very full at the moment. She will be back soon, promise! I know we will all miss her!) Back to our topic, “How Do I Know I’m healing?” sometimes, in the worst of the pain or when we have a day full of triggers it can feel like we are going to be raw and seeping for the rest of our lives. We want to give you validate your experience and give perspective on how healing happens. We Will be Discussing: 1. What can a woman experience that makes her feel stuck? 2. What questions can she ask herself to assess if she is in fact stuck? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today we are continuing our discussion around, “When Your Husband Keeps Lying,” adding practical tools to care for yourself while navigating continued deception. So, the scenario is, she keeps discovering his deception (and possibly it is not deception about his acting out behaviors, it can be deception about anything), whether it’s through words or actions. We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some things she should ask herself? 2. What are some practical strategies to help her stay sane? 3. What is some hope we can leave her?
Resources mentioned in this show: * For Hope Redefined’s small group listing and retreat information go to: Hope Redefined * For Strong Wives’ Sexual Clarity Class go to: Sexual Clarity Class
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today we discuss, "When Your Husband Keeps Lying." We understand that experiencing constant deception is not only emotionally exhausting, but can keep us in a state of complex trauma. . We Discuss: 1. Let's talk about what women are desiring when it comes to honesty in their marriage relaitonship. 2. What is complex trauma and how does continual deception promote it? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners of People with Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior
Episode 21: Q&A - Boundaries and Why do I Stay?
Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake and Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, Bonny continues her conversation with Jessica Eidens, a betrayed families specialist.
We Discuss: 1. How does a betrayed partner (wife) navigate when the person with SA has been objectifying their own child (not in a physical manner, just in the brain). 2. What does a healthy family in recovery look like? 3. What hope can we leave our friends?
Resources * You can find Jessica through her practice’s website: https://www.eidenstherapy.com/jessica-eidens-lmhc-cmhs-csat-ccps * “Come As You Are,” Emily Nagoski, book. * “Before the Sex Talk,” by Linda Noble and Linda Stewart, book.
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Our previous episode, “What about the kids?” is one of our most downloaded episodes. This tells us there is a need for more insight and understanding around how problematic sexual behavior affects the family.
So, today, I’d like to welcome Jessica Eidens, a betrayed families specialist.
We Discuss: 1. What are the red flags children exhibit from the dynamics of a marriage in conflict over problematic sexual behavior? 2. What are some tools for children to learn how to navigate their emotions? 3. What is a family disclosure and when is it appropriate?
Resources * You can find Jessica through her practice’s website: https://www.eidenstherapy.com/jessica-eidens-lmhc-cmhs-csat-ccps
- Big Little Feelings
- Gottman Emotion Coaching
- Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child by Dr. John Gottman
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we continue our discussion around how a wife can heal even when her husband is not in good emotional and behavioral health, yet. We will be focusing on practical tools and ideas you can use to care for yourself and move into personal growth in spite of her husband's lag in recovery. We Discuss: 1. Why should a wife focus on herself in this season? 2. What are some ways a wife can care for herself in this tough season? (Self-assess your safety, get into a support group for validation and education, do your own personal therapy work for childhood trauma, join a boundaries group if boundaries are hard for you) 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources Episode 8: Self Care with Practical Ideas
Episode 33: Why are Cognitive Distortions Important to Understand when Healing from Betrayal Trauma?
Episode 34: How Do We Navigate or Heal From Cognitive Distortions
Pam's Clarity and Peace with Boundaries Group
Lyschel's Hope Redefined Boundaries Group
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
In today's episode, we are discussing how your healing is not dependent on your husband's recovery. This conversation has wives in mind that have been on this road for several years now and there is still a good bit of relational conflict in the marriage. In our next episode, we will talk about practical tools you can consider to care for yourself while he is still moving toward solid emotional health. For today, we are talking about what it means for you, that your healing is not dependent on his recovery. We Discuss: 1. What kind of situations and feelings can come up for a wife when his recovery is slow going? 2. Let's talk about the concept that a wife's healing is not dependent on his recovery. 3. What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation?
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
With the holidays right around the corner, we talk about how to navigate this season that can be tricky for betrayed wives. We Discuss: 1. What makes the holidays hard to navigate after a recent discovery? 2. What are some practical tools for finding stability and sanity during a holiday season? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * True Cotton Etsy Store
-
The Huberman Lab: The Science of Gratitude and How to Build a Practice of Gratitude
-
The Shepherd from The Chosen series
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we continue our discussion of how sobriety isn't enough to build a mutually connected relationship in marriage. We Discuss: 1. What can a wife do to help him in his recovery? 2. What are some practical tools a wife can implement if her husband is sober and still displaying dysfunctional ways of coping and relating to others? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Clarity and Peace through Boundaries with Pam Blizzard
Help Us Help Others
Help Us Help Others With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we unpack recovery just a little more. In episode 35 we had an insightful discussion with Dr. Jake Porter about the three legged stool of recovery - her recovery, his self-discovery, and the coupleships relational repair and growth. We are calling this episode sobriety isn't enough because we are exploring a wife's experience with a husband who may be sober but is not in a space of self-discovery. We Discuss: 1. What's a quick understanding of sobriety versus recovery? 2. What perspectives have you had or heard from your clients about a husband who is not in a place of recovery? (i.e. no skills to cope and no capacity, window of tolerance) 3. What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Episode 35: A Recovery Conversation with Dr. Jake Porter
Scripture references: James 1:16
Romans 15:13
With: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today: We have our special friend back, Shawna Meek. She shares her own recovery journey and wisdom/training around neurodivergent couples.
"Here's what my husband would say, 'Neurodivergence is not an excuse. It's an insight,'" Shawna Meek.
We discuss: 1. What is neurodiversity? 2. What are some common concerns in neurodiverse couples' dynamics? 3. What are some of the challenges a neurodiverse couple will face? 4. How does a couple go around getting testing for the person who appears neurodiverse? 5. What hope can you leave for our listeners?
Resources mentioned: * ASD Couples Tools
- ASD Resource List
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are continuing the discussion around sexual experience for wives healing form betrayal. Sexual intimacy is a part of a healthy marriage. However, how can a wife want to engage sexually after infidelity or betrayal. We discuss: 1. Let’s talk about what a wife should ask herself before considering whether to engage sexually with her husband in recovery? 2. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned: * Disclaimer: The following recommendation was written for the general population and general marriages. Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples
The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal
Scripture references: 1 Corinthians 7:1-6
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
TRIGGER WARNING. This content may be trigger your threat response. Please use your self-compassion and decide whether this is right for you to hear at this time. NOT SAFE FOR SMALL EARS. Please wear your ear buds for privacy and to protect small ones. Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today, we are discussing a very important topic, the impact sexual betrayal has on a wife’s sexuality. We Will be Discussing: 1. What is a sexual identity? 2. are some ways wives are impacted in the area of their sexual identity after infidelity or sexual betrayal? 3. What are some ways a wife can heal from the rupture to their sexual identity? 4. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Sexual Clarity for Christian Women, class led by Bonny L. Burns (Strong Wives).
Scripture references: Genesis 4:1
Psalm 139:23
Philippians 4:6
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are continuing our conversation around the church’s response to betrayal trauma, sex addiction, and sexual issues in marriage. Last episode we shared stories of churches that have responded well and churches that responded poorly. We finish this topic by brainstorming solutions for the leadership of churches to consider in this vulnerable and tender area of sex and betrayal.
We Discuss: 1. What would you tell Pastors about the consequence problematic porn viewing has on the husband? 2. What would you tell Pastors about couples who come to them with sexual issues in their marriage? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources * Brain, Heart, World is a Docuseries about the harmful effects of pornography
-
Fight the New Drug is a non-profit, non-religious, non-political entity that stands against the harms of porn.
-
Heart of Man is a movie that Pam mentioned regarding father wounds. Here is a link to watch it on Amazon for 1.99.
-
Here is a journal article on the topic mentioned by Lyschel, Compulsive Internet Pornography Use and Mental Health.
-
The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It.
-
APSATS (association of partners of sex addicts trauma specialists) have a special training for religious leaders, BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader). Find out more about it here.
-
The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
-
For Christian Wives podcast – a tasteful round table discussion about sexual experience and sexuality. Disclaimer: the audience is intended to be the general population of Christian wives (not necessarily betrayed partners), trauma informed.
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are diving into a hard conversation. How can the church better navigate walking with wives trying to heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, husbands struggling with problematic sexual behavior, and couples presenting with sexual problems?
We are engaging in this conversation to help you have richer understanding of this complicated plague of pornography and the fall-out it has on the wives and families of men struggling with problematic sexual behavior. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou.
We Discuss: 1. We start by sharing what we’ve seen done well in this area and poorly in this area. 2. What would you tell Pastors about the consequence of problematic porn viewing on the wife? On the family? 3. What hope can we leave?
Resources Mentioned:
-
Pirate Monk podcast with Sam Black (author of, The Healing Church)
-
The Prepared Ministry, a free resource from Covenant Eyes.
-
The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It
-
Trauma Reboot – free resources for churches to learn to care for trauma survivors well.
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are continuing our discussion around the “work of recovery” for the wife overcoming the impact of sexual betrayal. Last episode we generally defined what it means to work out our recovery and what it looks like in the days immediately following discovery. In this episode, let’s discuss what recovery work entails when we are further down the healing path? “Grief is a luxury for the brain that knows it’s safe,” Dr. Jake Porter. We Discuss: 1. What is the work she encounters after she’s found stability and is moving into grief and mourning? 2. Does the “work of recovery” ever end? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
Verses Mentioned:
James 1:2, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." Romans 5:1-5, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are discussing the “work of recovery.” For ladies who have newly discovered their husbands’ sexually problematic behavior, the idea that they can somehow heal from this intolerable devastation seems impossible. As they contemplate this, the question, “What is the work of recovery?” often comes up.
We Discuss: 1, So, ladies, let’s generally define, “The work of recovery,” concept. 2. Now, let’s talk about what this work looks like in the days immediately following discovery. 3. What hope can we leave our listeners?
The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. − Reinhold Niebuh
Resources mentioned in this show: * “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature,” by Pete Scazzero.
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are discussing intuition or gut instinct. Intuition is a type of unconscious reasoning. For example, when I have a hunch that it’s better to avoid the highway today when I run my errands, that’s intuition. It oftentimes disappears after a discovery or disclosure because trauma can block intuition for a time. Typically, women are tuned into their intuition and when it goes offline we can feel that everything is unsafe, even when it is not. This is a scary place to be in.
We Discuss: 1. So, ladies let’s talk about your personal stories where intuition was affected. Did it go offline for you? 2. What practical tools can we offer our listeners if she’s struggling to hear her inner voice? 3. What hope can we leave our listeners around the topic of intuition?
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
We are so excited that, today, Dr. Jake Porter is joining our candid conversation. Jake is the founder of Daring Ventures and is both an APSATS certified clinical partner specialist and a CSAT (among other things).
Our discussion with Jake, today, revolves around what recovery looks like. We all know that recovery is the goal for a marriage trying to heal from problematic sexual behavior. However, recovery is an elusive entity. I get asked all the time, “What does recovery look like? How will I know he’s in recovery?” I asked those same questions and the answer I got, “You’ll know it when you see it,” felt very unsatisfying. While Pam, Lyschel, and I have definite ideas about recovery, we decided to Jake in to enrich this conversation.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What do you define as recovery? (her recovery, his recovery – he may be doing internal stuff but he’s not doing anything relationally – and the relationship’s recovery) 2. What is “managing his recovery?” Is this good or bad? 3. How do I help my husband in his recovery? (Or Do I help my husband with his recovery?)
Resources mentioned in this show: * Free Couples-Centered Recovery Webinar, Scroll to the middle of the page and sign-in.
- Returning to You Intensive Retreat Weekend for Betrayed Partners through Daring Ventures.
Help Us Help Others
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are continuing our discussion around cognitive distortions. How do we navigate or overcome them as we grow and heal?
There are over 13 common cognitive distortions that we navigate over and over in daily thoughts. CDs are important to understand because they can negatively affect our emotions and choices. They can keep us stuck and interfere with our ability to set boundaries, gain self awareness, and live in community. We are bringing this to our listeners today because we agree with M. Scott Peck when he said, “Mental health is dedication to reality at all costs.”
As a reminder, we are not mental health professionals. We are professionals and leaders navigating the waters of betrayal trauma with you. Our knowledge comes from the countless hours of training and personal experience each of us have accumulated over the years.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some ways you can navigate around CDs or eliminate them? 2. Can you ever change or heal CD? 3. What hope can we leave for a betrayed partner feeling crazy from the wide array of thoughts and emotions that she cycles through?
Resources mentioned in this show: * “Who I Am In Christ,” scripture list compiled by Neil T. Anderson.
Bible Verses Referenced:Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—thin about such things." Ephesians 6:10-17, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
- Learn more about changing cognitive distortions in this short online course by Pam Blizzard of Recovered Peace, "Clearing Cognitive Distortions: A Practical Guide to Clarity of Reality"
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today, we are discussing Cognitive Distortions.
There are over 13 common cognitive distortions that we navigate over and over in daily thoughts. CDs are important to understand because they can negatively affect our emotions and choices. They can keep us stuck and interfere with our ability to set boundaries, gain self awareness, and live in community.
We are bringing this to our listeners today because we agree with M. Scott Peck when he said, “Mental health is dedication to reality at all costs.”
As a reminder, we are not mental health professionals. We are professionals and leaders navigating the waters of betrayal trauma with you. Our knowledge comes from the countless hours of training and personal experience each of us have accumulated over the years.
We Discuss: 1. What are they? ANTs, Unwanted Neg Thoughts 2. Why would it be important for me to learn about CB as a person who is healing from betrayal trauma? 3. What have been some of your personal experiences with cognitive distortions? 4. What HOPE can we leave our listeners?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Here is a short blog post on cognitive distortions from Psych Central. * Take this short course, "Clearing Cognitive Distortions: A Practical Guide to Clarity of Reality" from Pam Blizzard at Recoverd Peace
Scripture references: Philippians 4:8
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Since we know that many spouses in recovery are listening to our podcast, today we are talking to you. We are continuing the discussion around, "How to share my recovery work with my spouse?" This is sometimes tricky to navigate as balance is needed between oversharing and possibly triggering her, and undersharing or just appearing to check boxes and not truly have your heart in it.
We Will be Discussing: With special guest, Shawna Meek, of Living Stones Coaching. Shawna also contract coaches with Hope Redefined.
- What if she wants to know everything, including his thought life? (How do we coach the husband when she wants to know all of his thoughts without him doing more harm? What do we say to the post-disclosure client who wants to know all his thoughts?)
- What if he continues to cross the line because he is an over-sharer?
- What hope can we leave our listeners around this topic?
Resources: Pam Blizzard's Betrayal Trauma and Recovery Basics
Lyschel Burket's Hope Redefined Online Groups
Bonny Burns' Strong Wives Sexual Clarity Class
Help Us Help Others
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Since we know that many spouses in recovery are listening to our podcast, today we are talking to you. We are discussing, “How to share my recovery work with my spouse?” This is sometimes tricky to navigate as balance is needed between oversharing and possibly triggering her, and undersharing or just appearing to check boxes and not truly have your heart in it.
We Will be Discussing: 1. From your story, how much information did you want to know about his recovery work? 2. What does she really want to know?
And, as always, we end with a word of hope for our listeners.
Resources: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer
The Journey Course: Freedom from Sexual Brokenness
Help Us Help Others
With Your Co-Hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today we are continuing our discussion around the emotional roller coaster nearly all betrayed wives experience after discovering sexual betrayal in their marriage. We explore practical, real life ways to surf the wave of these intense feelings. As always, we share from our professional and personal experience. We Will be Discussing: 1. What are some practical ways to navigate the intense roller coaster of emotions?
Resources mentioned in this show: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Contact any of us through our websites listed above for information on where to find one-to-one support or a community of women healing from betrayal trauma.
Help Us Help Others:
If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!
Click Here to Donate
With Your Co-Hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today we are discussing the emotional roller coaster nearly all betrayed wives experience after discovering sexual betrayal in their marriage. These intense emotions aren’t due to triggers, which we’ve recently explored on some previous episode. What we are going to focus on today are the random waves of big emotions that seem to flood us out of nowhere. We Will be Discussing: 1. Why are we on such an emotional roller coaster the first few months after discovery? 2. What is your personal experience with the emotional roller coaster or the intensity of emotions that seem to appear out of nowhere?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Redeemed Hope Intensive Healing Retreat (sponsored by Hope Redefined) – More Info Here
Contact any of us through our websites listed above for information on where to find a community of women healing from betrayal trauma.
Help Us Help Others:
If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!
Click Here to Donate
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are finalizing our conversation around the more nuanced aspects of triggers.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What are the spectrum of triggers? 2. What about when someone else in her world is triggered?
Resources mentioned in this show: * Intimate Deception by Dr. Sheri Keffer * Hope For Wives Episode 11: What are triggers? How to navigate them?
Scripture references: Psalm 16:1-11
Help Us Help Others:
If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!
Click Here to Donate
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are further exploring triggers. We talked about triggers last season in episode 11. Our discussion now will include the sneaky aspect of triggers, more subtle effects. Triggers are annoying and tend to stick around longer than we want them, too. I often hear how my clients are exhausted from the triggers.
We Will be Discussing: 1. Will triggers ever end? 2. What are your thoughts around Dr. Sheri Keffer’s quote that says, “Under every trigger is an unhealed wound?”
Resources mentioned in this show: * Hope For Wives Episode 11: What are Triggers and How to Navigate Them? * Intimate Deception by Dr. Sheri Keffer
Help Us Help Others:
If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!
Click Here to Donate
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Listen now: Today, we continue our discussion around denial (or betrayal blindness) and how to navigate the big emotions that surface when denial starts to dissipate.
We Will be Discussing: 1. What happens when she is starting to see reality and come after denial? What’s the plan out of the darkness? 2. What grace/hope can we offer our listeners around denial?
And, as always, we end with a word of hope for our listeners.
Scripture references: Psalm 18:28-30
Help Us Help Others:
If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!
Click Here to Donate
With your Co-Hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Welcome to Season 2: At Hope For Wives where we acknowledge the devastation of sexual betrayal and infidelity while offering practical insight and hope for healing, all through a Christian lens. We also hope you’ll find some joy through laughter in spite of our serious subject. Pam, Lyschel, and I are returning to the recording studio from a 6 month hiatus which was loudly protested by many of our precious listeners. We heard you! and We also want to model for you what excellent self-care and self-containtment boundaries look like.Before we get into the meat of our discussion today, which is around Denial and Betrayal Blindness, we are going to first briefly remind you all of who we are and our mission with this podcast. Pam – We’ve seen through the last season that our audience includes not only betrayed partners, but husbands in recovery, CSATs, APSATs, marriage and family therapists, and religious leaders. Lyschel – We commit to continuing to intentionally format this podcast as a “road map to recovery.” Bonny – As mentioned in the intro, our mission is to acknowledge the devastation of sex betrayal and infidelity while offering practical insight and hope for healing it’s all through a Christian lens and we also hope you’ll find some joy through laughter in spite of our serious subject. We will be discussing:
- When we talk about a betrayed wife possibly experiencing denial, what do we mean?
- Did you ever experience denial or “betrayal blindness?”
- What grace/hope we can offer our listeners?
Catch the rest of this discussion in our next episode. Thanks for joining us for Season 2! If you want to help others find our podcast, please leave a 5 star rating and a positive review. Also, if our discussions have helped you in any way, would you consider donating to the expenses of this podcast, podcast production and syndication all involves fees that we have been paying out of pocket? It would help us tons if you would like to help with production costs.
Help Us Help Others:
If you have found our discussions helpful, please consider contributing to the cost of production and syndication. Thank you very much!
Click Here to Donate
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are discussing a very tender and complicated topic. What is appropriate to disclose to your children about your husband's problematic sexual behavior?
We want to remind you that we are not therapists, we are coaches. We will be giving you what we understand as best practices. You can reach out to us for further discussion, or you can contact a licensed therapist who is APSATS certified to explore this topic. The link to the database of APSATS certified clinicians will be in the show notes.
We will be discussing
- Our personal experience with navigating telling the children
- What is appropriate to tell the children?
- What hope can we leave you with?
Resources
-
Banyan Therapy – How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex Addiction
-
Disclosing Sex Addiction to Children with Carley Pool and Dr. Jake Porter
-
APSATS Clinician Database Search
-
Sex Addiction Disclosure to Children: The Parent’s Perspective
As a podcast team, we will be taking a hiatus through the holidays and well into 2023.
Thank you for your listenership this far. We value each and every one of you and pray that you are doing the hard work of recovery.
Please reach out to any of us if you have further questions or need care.
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are discussing how to handle anger in a responsible way.
Anger is a part of our make-up as human beings and God put it there. God, himself, displays anger throughout the Bible.
Anger is a part of the threat response when we face a traumatic experience. We either fight, flee or freeze. That fight part is anger.
Anger is also a part of the grief process. We are angry at the injustice of our losses.
The Christian community has a complicated relationship with anger because, let’s face it, anger is hard to navigate in a godly way.
We discuss:
- What comes up for you ladies, when thinking about your own story and how anger played a part?
- What purpose does anger serve a betrayed wife?
- When is the line crossed and anger becomes a sin?
- What hope can we leave our listeners about anger?
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are discussing values. Values are a person's beliefs that motivate the way they behave and live out their life. They are also a guide for your behavior.
- What are your definition of values?
- What are our personal two top values and why?
- How can a betrayed wife start to figure out what her values are?
- How are knowing your top values important for establishing boundaries?
Bible References:
Matthew 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."
Resources:
Redeemed Hope Intensive Healing Retreat Information
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are answering two questions that have been submitted to us in the recent months.
The questions are:
- Can you give me some examples of boundaries and consequences?
- I really do not feel co-dependent. So, can you please answer why I want to stay and make this marriage work?
Books mentioned:
Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No and Take Control of Your Life by Cloud & Townsend
Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It by Leslie Vernick
Welcome to Hope For Wives. With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today we are discussing how grief plays a part in our healing from the impact of sexual betrayal.
As I've mentioned in previous podcasts, when the main person in your life betrays you, he murders the trust you had in him. Neurologically, your brain does not know the difference between the death of a person and the death of trust. So, the same process that brings about healing from the death of a loved one is the same process that brings about healing after the death of trust. It's painful, and messy, and often times doesn't make sense.
- We each give a short definition of grief.
- What were your personal experience with betrayal and grief?
- What are some ways you've seen your clients experience grief or things you've learned about grief?
- What practical tools and hope can we leave our friends with, especially for the ones who are fearful of the pain of grief?
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we finish our discussion revolving around trust. How do I restore trust with God?
This may sound a little different as we are having more of a conversation than just answering questions.
We will be discussing:
- Our personal experiences with loss of trust with God
- Is it okay not to trust God?
- How do we hear women talk about their lack of trust with God?
Scripture References:
Matthew 5
Judges 5 - 7
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are continuing our discussion around trust. Our specific topic is, “How do I ever trust My partner, again? How will I ever trust that he loves me, will protect me, won’t do this to me again. If I were hurting and sick how do I trust he won’t abandon me?”
- We share some of our personal experiences in losing trust with our husbands
- What do we need to rebuild trust in our relationships?
- We explaining the acronym VOWS
- We offer you some hope
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we are beginning a series of discussions about Trust.
Trust is defined as an assured reliance, or firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. After discovery, typically, a betrayed partner feels a loss of trust in any or all of the following areas: With yourself, your spouse, with others around us, and God.
Our first discussion will revolve around, “How do I trust myself, again?” I trust him and I was completely wrong. I gaslit myself by tamping down my intuition. So, how can I ever trust my own perceptions, again?”
We discuss:
- Personal experiences we had with losing trust in ourselves.
- How do you know when you’ve lost trust with yourself? Or, how do we see lack of self-trust in our clients?
- How do you know when you are starting to trust yourself?
- How can we offer hope to our listeners that it is possible to build or rebuild trust in themselves after betrayal.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.
Today we extend our discussion around Full Therapeutic Disclosure. We explore some myths around Full Therapeutic Disclosures. We also talk about preparation work and post after-care typically looks.
We will be discussing:
- Myths around Full Therapeutic Disclosure
- What preparation work looks like for the betrayed partner and the truth teller.
- What after-care looks like for the betrayed partner and the truth teller.
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Welcome to another episode of Hope for Wives. Today, we are discussing Full Therapeutic Disclosure.
In the Pyramid of Intimacy, the foundational piece of any relationship is honesty and truth.
The full therapeutic disclosure includes many parts, not just the sharing of truth. Overall, it is a guided process usually led by trained professionals who will help couples get to a level playing field of truth. The intent is to replace lies with honesty so that a new foundation of truth can be re-established and the relationship can begin to rebuild.
- What is the definition of a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
- If you are a betrayed wife, is there any reason not to have a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
- Why have a Full Therapeutic Disclosure?
- Hope we offer you around Full Therapeutic Disclosure.
Betrayed Partner Workbook: Full Disclosure: Volume Two (Preparing for Disclosure on your terms)
Truth Teller Workbook: Full Disclosure: How to Tell the Truth after Sexual Betrayal
APSATS radio with Dr. Jake Porter interviewing Stephen Cabler, polygrapher
Welcome to Hope for Wives
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we're going to do something a little different. We are inviting some of our professional male colleagues to share on the topic of, "Is it a struggle, a compulsion, or an addiction?"
The root of this topic comes from questions we get most often, "Do I really need a group when he is just struggling?" Or, "My husband refuses to call it an addiction."
What is underneath this question, is her trying to assess, "What kind of help do I need? He's only struggling? Or, is the help I need different because he's addicted?"
Your healing looks very similar whether it is a struggle or an addiction because you are healing from the impact of his behavior, not the severity of his behavior.
We are so thankful to the following male colleagues for joining our conversation.
- Jonathan Daugherty of BeBroken Ministries
- Nick Stumbo of Pure Desire
- Clinton Munoz of Restored2More
- Joanna and Matthew Raabsmith of Restoration Marriage
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.
Today, we are discussing why support groups are important for women overcoming sexual betrayal. For over 50 years support groups have been empirically supported as a place of healing for trauma survivors.
Groups offer partners an opportunity to connect with other partners who really get it because they have been through very similar experiences. Groups help ease partners’ emotional stress, including feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, helplessness and hopelessness. Groups will help strengthen you to cope with the pain and move toward healing.
We discuss:
- Our personal group experiences.
- What types of groups are there?
- What makes a healthy group?
- What are some questions to ask the leader?
- How do I know when it’s time to join a group?
- How do I know when it’s time to leave a group?
- Identify what you hope to get a group
- What hope do we want to leave with our listeners about groups
Resources mentioned in this show:
+ Door of Hope trauma informed and professionally trained Peer Facilitators: https://www.lifeisahead.com/info-partners
+ 12 Step based support groups for family members of addicts and other problematic behaviors: Sanon.org , salifeline.com, celebraterecovery.com
+ Lyschel’s organization Hope Redefined provides many services to betrayed wives, including different types of support groups, https://hoperedefined.org/online-groups/
+ Pam’s “Clarity and Peace with Boundaries” 8 week education and support group for boundaries with your sexually addicted spouse https://recoveredpeace.com/join-the-boundaries-for-clarity-and-peace-course-and-community-experience/
+ The Sarah Society is a safe place for Christian women to share their stories of how a loved one’s sex addiction has affected their sense of self, their relationships/marriages, their children, and their outlook on the world. https://sarahsociety.com/newcomers-meeting/
Thank you for joining us. We hope to be a bright spot on your recovery journey. If you’d like to leave us a question or comment, please go through the contact button on our website. Also, help a friend by leaving a 5 star review on iTunes so others can find us.
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.
Today we are discussing therapeutic separation otherwise known as a healing separation.
- What are some myths about therapeutic or healing separation?
- In your personal story, what role did therapeutic separation play, if any?
- What are some practical thoughts or suggestions for our listeners in regards to therapeutic separation?
- How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to therapeutic separation?
Recovered Peace (Pam Blizzard) - Boundaries Group
Hope Redefined (Lyschel Burket) - Online Support
Strong Wives (Bonny Burns) - To be notified of the next open registration for, "Reclaim Your Sexual Identity after Betrayal," email bonny@strongwives.com
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we will be discussing, Trauma Triggers. A trigger is an event that rings an alarm bell that sends our body into fight, flight, or, freeze response. sense of safety to evaporate. You may experience the consequence of a trigger as a flashback, panic attack, intense of emotions, feelings of anxiety and/or grief. These are common to the betrayal trauma experience.
- How have triggers shown up for you personally?
- What are some things we want our listeners to know about causes triggers?
- What are some practical tools we can offer our listeners to navigate triggers?
- What hope can we leave our listeners with about triggers.
Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners in Marriages with Sex Addiction or Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior
Episode 8: Self-Care with Practical Ideas to Care for Yourself after Discovery
Book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Paperback by Barbara Steffens
15 Simple Tips for Conquering Your Betrayal Trauma Triggers - free tip sheet download
A trigger-log so you can track your triggers, times, etc.
With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Today, we are answering listener questions regarding the 90-Day Sex Fast for marriages overcoming the impact of sexual betrayal and trying to build a new sexually intimate life.
We answer:
- Under what circumstances is the fast helpful and when might it be harmful/unnecessary? How does this differ from a betrayed partner who doesn't desire physical intimacy and needs boundaries to feel safe?
- What if we don't make it? Do we mess everything up?
- Does this begin on day 1 of sobriety? Or at the start of recovery? If your spouse has been sober for a while (but not yet in recovery), is celibacy still effective/beneficial?
- What if you’re spouse hasn’t desired you in months, since his last slip up and therefore you’re in a forced sexual fast that wasn’t mutually planned?
With co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
Today, we discuss the intimacy building experience called the 90-Day Sex Fast. It is also known as the celibacy statement or plan.
Many couples approach this as they step into their recovery journey. We want to start the conversation about what it is, how you navigate through it, and share some of our personal experiences.
We explore these questions:
- What is the purpose of a 90 day sex fast for her? For him?
- In your personal story, how did this play a part in your recovery journey?
- What does the couple do while in a 90 day sex fast?
- How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to 90 day sex fast?
Resources mentioned:
Recreational Inventory to Build Friendship
A Mind Map for Sex and Porn Addiction
Sensate Focus Youtube
Sensate Focus pdf
Sexual Reintegration podcast Bloom for Women
Couple's Guide to Intimacy
Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today we are discussing self-care. Self-care is a popular term these days for a reason. It is an important concept in our chaotic lives, especially if you are healing from the effects of unwanted sexual behavior in your marriage. Self-care refers to behaviours performed to improve your well-being, to preserve your health, or to maintain your physical and emotional stability. For a betrayed partner, self-care if important because it helps your body build reserves in order to heal from the trauma of sexual betrayal.
Basically, self-care helps you cope with mentally with big emotions and physically to safeguard against poor health as you heal from sexual betrayal trauma.
Today we discuss:
- What are some myths about self-care?
- In your personal story, what role did self-care play?
- PIESS (physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual) categories of self-care with practical ideas
- What hope can we offer our listeners about self-care?
Resources
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero
Feelings Wheel - Nonviolent Communication
Bible Verses
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
With:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Today, we talk through the acronyms, terms, and definitions surrounding the topics of betrayal, addiction, and couples recovery.
We will specifically focus on the middle stages of discovery and healing. You may have heard our previous episode where we discussed the early stages of recovery.
1-3 years post disclosure/discovery.
In a future episode, you will hear us share ac that are common in the later stages of healing.
Welcome to Hope for Wives. With your co-hostesses:
- Pam Blizzard from recoveredpeace.com
- Lyschel Burket from hoperedefined.org
- Bonny Burns from strongwives.com
Today we are discussing how to build safety around ourselves when living with a person with problematic sexual behavior. This safety measure is oftentimes called boundaries. Boundaries are basically a way to ensure your personal values are respected. I repeat, Boundaries are basically a way to ensure your personal values are respected, in such things as sexual integrity.
Recovered Peace Boundaries Quick Start Tip Sheet (Pam Blizzard) - Receive a Boundaries Quick Start Guide and sign up to learn about her upcoming Boundaries Course.
Naked Truth Project - Boundaries Training
Hope Redefined - Boundaries Support Group
Welcome to Hope for Wives With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com
In coaching betrayed wives, we see that some betrayed partners lean into the Lord hard and some are tremendously angry at him.
So, today, we are going to discuss suffering and God. Where is he in all of this?
-
Can you pick one moment where you saw God caring for you in your suffering
as a betrayed partner? -
Can you pick one moment where you were angry at God in your suffering?
-
How is trusting God different than trusting a person?
-
How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to trusting God in our
pain?
Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Thank you for joining us. We hope to be a bright spot on your recovery journey. If you’d like to leave us a question or comment, please go through the contact button on our website. Also, help a friend by leaving a 5-star review on iTunes so others can find us.
Welcome to Hope for Wives. With your co-hostesses:
- Pam Blizzard from recoveredpeace.com
- Lyschel Burket from hoperedefined.org
- Bonny Burns from strongwives.com
In Today's episode, we are going to discuss emotional or relational safety. What is it? How do you navigate it? How do you try to rebuild it?
We Discuss
- What is relational or emotional safety to you?
- How is emotional or relational safety ruptured when one spouse has a sex addiction?
- How does a betrayed partner start to rebuild emotional safety?
- How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to emotional or relational safety?
Nuggets of Wisdom:
"...not to feel better, but to get better at feeling," Pam Blizzard.
"Both of you are responsible for rebuilding this emotional safety with each other," Lyschel Burket.
Resources
VOWS - acronym of thoughts to help build new emotional and relational safety.
- V - Vulnerability
- O - Ownership
- W - do your Work
- S - create Safety for yourself and your spouse
Emotional Safety definition found in wikipedia
King & Country - God Only Knows
Final Thoughts
Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks.
Welcome to Hope for Wives. With your co-hostesses:
- Pam Blizzard from recoveredpeace.com
- Lyschel Burket from hoperedefined.org
- Bonny Burns from strongwives.com
Today, we're going to talk through acronyms, terms, and definitions revolving around early stages of recovery and healing. There will be future episodes where we discuss acronyms, terms, and definitions associated with middle and late stages of recovery and healing.
We Discuss
- Lyschel discusses acronyms, terms, and definitions connected with the Betrayed Wife/Fiance/Girlfriend
- Pam discusses acronyms, terms, and definitions connected with the Person with Problematic Sexual Behavior
- Bonny discusses acronyms, terms, and definitions connected with the coupleship in early stages of recovery and healing.
Resources
APSATS.org - Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
Common Acronyms - Recovered Peace by Pam Blizzard
Daring Ventures - Couples Intensives with Dr. Jake Porter
Final Thought
Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks.
In this episode we discuss Discovery Day, one of the most painful days in the life of a wife who discovers her husband has been viewing pornography or is compulsively acting out sexually. The day of discovery is typically called D-Day, because just like the Normandy Beach invasion during WWII, this day is full of death, wounding, and trauma.
D-Day is not the end of the story, though! We will leave you with hope.
Your hosts are:
Pam Blizzard of Recovered Peace
Lyschel Burket of Hope Redefined
Bonny Burns of Strong Wives
We will be discussing:
- What comes to mind for each of us personally as we think of Discovery Day?
- What patterns do we see in partners immediately after discovery?
- What is the best thing a wife can do for herself immediately after discovering her husband's problematic sexual behavior?
- What hope can we leave our listeners with?
Resources:
- APSATS.org - The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists Find a specially trained therapist or coach who understands betrayal, trauma and recovery.
- Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts
- Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
- A Door of Hope A Door of Hope Peer Facilitator Training Community
Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks.
We all offer 1 to 1 coaching, groups, and other resources on our individual websites. Check us out and get to know us better!
Transcript Hope for Wives Episode 2
Welcome to the very first episode of Hope For Wives, where three Christian recovery experts candidly discuss the journey to overcome the impact of sexual betrayal. With your co-hostesses:
- Pam Blizzard from recoveredpeace.com
- Lyschel Burket from hoperedefined.org
- Bonny Burns from strongwives.com
We will be discussing:
- Who we are
- Why we have a heart for betrayed wives
- Our mission
- Who will benefit from listening to our podcast
- How we are intentionally formatting the podcast for our listeners
Learn more about us at our website, Hope For Wives.