The Online Therapist: Recent Episodes
Dr. Nicholas Jenner (Online Therapy)
Today you are one step closer to a new you where you feel empowered and on a positive path to growth and well-being. My name is Dr. Nicholas Jenner, I offer online therapy and phone counseling in the comfort of your own home or office. Contact me today attherapy@drnjenner.com.Website: www.drnjenner.comBlog: www.boundariesofthesoul.comFree From Codependency: www.freefromcodependency.com
We repeat what is known. Even though we know the behaviour is dysfunctional and not serving us well, we repeat it because it feels familiar and we know what to expect. This is what I refer to as the devil you know, and we frequently choose it over the unknown because it is familiar.
We practise what we were taught as children. Because we learned them when we were vulnerable and our brains weren't fully developed, the beliefs, coping skills, and behaviour patterns that we acquired in childhood become deeply ingrained. Moreover, they are difficult to alter after years of use.
Ideally, the authentic self manifests during the process of individual development, commonly referred to as "individuation," enabling individuals to differentiate their own emotions, thoughts, desires, perceptions, and behaviours as distinct from those of their family and others. The presence of a dysfunctional family can hinder the process of individuation to different extents. The formation of a "false" codependent self occurs during childhood due to the transgenerational nature of codependency.
Many individuals who exhibit codependent tendencies often struggle with acknowledging their situation due to their long-standing habit of orienting their thoughts and actions around external factors or individuals. Certain individuals who exhibit codependent tendencies may struggle with the ability to discern and articulate their personal values and opinions. Individuals who possess a high degree of suggestibility are prone to being easily influenced and persuaded into engaging in actions that they may subsequently come to regret. Individuals involved in a conflict often struggle to maintain their perspectives when they are confronted with opposing viewpoints. The presence of projection as a defence mechanism in a partner can significantly complicate relationships, turning them into a metaphorical minefield. In such cases, the partner may resort to blaming or accusing their significant other for their own faults or behaviours. One might harbour suspicions of being subjected to abuse; however, when faced with accusations, a state of confusion ensues, leading to the questioning of one's own perceptions. There is a possibility that one may find oneself compelled to offer an apology for having provoked the ire of an individual who engages in abusive behaviour.
During the process of recovery, it is imperative to engage in the rediscovery of one's identity. The process of natural and unconscious development, which typically occurs during childhood, now necessitates a deliberate and introspective reorientation in adulthood. The exertion of effort is imperative due to the inherent inclination to engage in denial and externalise one's self. Denial manifests across various levels, ranging from complete repression to the act of minimising.
Karpman’s Drama Triangle describes dysfunctional relationships where the people in the relationship shift between three roles, Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim, all held in place by guilt and blame. Learn more about this and how it has affected my life personally. In addition, what I am doing about it. Generally, the factors below are helpful:
1.Get your needs met in a healthy way without control by asking directly for what you want. This is healthy and gives the other person clear and direct information about you. This will mean working on and giving up a victim status.
2.Consciously refuse to rescue others. Tell yourself that you will only do this if you are asked or you have been given permission to do so. This will mean taking a step back and working on your Inner Dictator thoughts.
3.Look at how you judge others and any projections you have. This is where an awareness of anger and self-esteem is essential. Projections often give us valuable information concerning the way we see ourselves. It could be that anger and projection were part of the family system of childhood and these issues have been adopted.
4.Become aware of any developmental trauma and triggers. We can often see the presence of unhealed trauma in the drama triangle due to over-reaction and instant anger.
5.Learn to express thoughts and feelings clearly in the moment rather than saving them up until an explosion happens.
6.Become aware of how the drama triangle has served your needs as a codependent to enable, control and play the victim. Learn about the roots of your codependency.
7.Learn the value of setting and accepting healthy boundaries in any relationship and look at the type of people you are normally drawn to.
In a world that constantly urges us to define ourselves through our relationships and interactions with others, finding our own purpose can be an overwhelming challenge, especially for those struggling with codependency. Codependency, characterized by an excessive reliance on others for validation and self-worth, often leads to a blurred sense of self and a diminished capacity to pursue personal aspirations. However, there is a powerful approach that can aid individuals in untangling themselves from codependent patterns and rediscovering their true purpose: Conscious Detachment.
Conscious Detachment is a powerful tool for individuals on a quest to break free from codependency and discover their unique purpose. By unraveling the threads of codependency, embracing their own selves, and fostering healthy relationships, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery that leads to a fulfilled, purposeful life. The slogan encapsulates this transformative process, reminding us that within the embrace of conscious detachment lies the key to unlocking our true potential.
Join me on my latest podcast where I will be looking at the types of codependent I have observed over the years and the behaviour associated with each type. This is not a formal diagnosis.
For more information:
Dr Jenner's Website: https://www.drnjenner.com
Dr Jenner's Blog: https://www.theonlinetherapist.blog
Dr Jenner's Codependency Hub: https://www.freefromcodependency.com
FB Support Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/freef...
Contact: therapy@drnjenner.com
00:00 - Intro & Resources
00:58 - Intro Into Codependency
03:58 - The Definition of Codependency
05:30 - The Compliant Codependent
07:18 - The Masochistic Codependent
10:10 - The Drama Triangle - Codependent Version 1
11:15 - The Fixer
12:48 - The Drama Triangle - Codependent Version 2
14:18 - The Drama Triangle - Codependent Version 3
16:11 - The Controlling Codependent
18:52 - Codependency Management
The voices in our head that guide us are not always functional. Many of these protector voices were formed in childhood to keep us away from hurt and trauma. They follow us into adulthood and they are powerful influences on our lives. However, they stop us moving forward and facing our real fears. Learn how to identify and work with the protectors to move yourself forward.For more resources and articles:www.drnjenner.comwww.boundariesofthesoul.comwww.freefromcodependency.comor contact Dr Jenner: therapy@drnjenner.com
When you are knowingly aware that you are doing or not doing something that could move you forward, you are living a lie. It starts as a small lie and turns into a much larger lie that tells you "I can't". While living this lie, we look only for the evidence that will uphold this lie and reject counter evidence. Start telling yourself the truth and take at least one issue forward using our 7 Day Challenge. Good Luck!Links below:- (PODCAST) Doing The Right Thing https://youtu.be/YcFsoZr2h9w- (Blog) https://boundariesofthesoul.com/- (Blog dedicated to Codependency Issues) https://freefromcodependency.com/- (Website) https://www.drnjenner.com/Contact Dr. Jenner at therapy@drnjenner.com