No Flowers In This Attic: Recent Episodes
No Flowers in Attic
A very honest podcast from a survivor of trauma, specifically incest. Basically just me talking about what I’m going through on any given day.
Discussed through my own life stuff and the Percy Annabeth Luke dynamic in Percy Jackson.
Some thoughts about my birthday this year and whether being vulnerable is worth it sometimes and also me ranting about how much better Percy Jackson is than Harry Potter.
I discuss how hard it is to see signs of who I always was as a kid but was never allowed to be. How much happier would I be now if I was allowed to do that?
Free Palestine. A bit about that in the beginning. Then talking through my own life shit.
And so does every incest/CSA survivor who followed this case. And her surviving family. The justice system is a farce.
Always a surprise with complex ptsd. I’m shannonigans on tiktok if you want to follow me!
Life is hard and sometimes you fall back on coping skills you don’t do anymore. Its okay. I talk about that here
Grieving someone when they are also a public figure must be so hard so I talk about Chester’s loved ones here and how I think they dealt with that well.
I talk about things I do to look back at life after so much of life not being something I want to remember and progress I’ve made so far.
You don’t have to celebrate Christmas if you don’t want to. And an EMDR breakthrough of how I finally saw my Mom clearly.
Hi. This is a emdr update episode of me truly realizing how my mom having an emotional incest/parentification/enmeshed thing happening with me truly affected me. Please be aware of triggers. If its too heavy to wade into that, just come back for the next one.
My latest friendship epiphany: realizing a past friend saw me as a charity case as opposed to a friend.
Hope your Thanksgiving will be okay! Here I talk about the things I’ve realized and things I’m doing, like planning to cook and painting, that I never thought I would do again after doing internal family systems work in therapy.
I discuss what that means for me since gender roles are never the same for anyone and how I dealt with that this week.
More of unpacking internal family systems stuff after talking about how to handle the Holidays when your family sucks ass.
A rant. Specifically about the court sanctioned child abuse account that made a lot of people look like a damn fool.
This week I discuss confronting things in internal family systems that I feel has kept me safe and how terrifying it is to think of letting that stuff go.
I go through all the bullying I went through which was a lot and the very cruel, honest truth that some people I thought were nice, were not.
Yes this was a traumatic situation and no, Alex could never give Ned consent. Ned is the worst. Lets discuss.
This is a follow up of a situation I discussed in March when someone left Monat, joined anti mlm and as of yesterday rejoined a new company. I talk about how hard seeing someone do that is and the hope that they’ll get away soon.
This is me having epiphanies for an hour or so about patterns that I keep doing with friends in my life.
Todays ep is a hodgepodge of a bunch of different things I wanted to talk about. If you have adhd or autism or both bouncing around will be very familiar to you hahah. Follow me on IG if you want under:noflowersinthisattic
I am starting EMDR this Monday so the first 20 some minutes is that. After that, I discuss the netflix documentary about new age spirituality, how dire it can go and explain how easy it is to get sucked into it when you’re vulnerable and alone.
I discuss how I read this series when I needed it most and now that I’m years past it, I can see how much it helped me. Gansey 4 life.
Big changes coming soon and me resenting how I can’t just be excited about it because of how complicated generational trauma makes it.
My no contact anniversary of sorts was last week and I found some old emails and voice notes I left myself then thats giving me more perspective.
Follow me on IG and Tiktok under the name noflowersinthisattic! This week I discuss my work threatening to cut our work/hours and how much that affected me and being so frustrated that it still does.
I talk about that after a life checkin. If you don’t care about that go to about 25 minutes in.
MLM’s have been more exposed since COVID and the Lularich documentary. I talk here about the tactics they use to confront the Anti MLM movement and how those tactics expose their manipulation tactics every time.
More of me figuring out friends when I’m not people pleasing and the struggle of how to distract myself when Roe V Wade has made social media so triggering.
Talking candidly about when I was at my lowest and being flabbergasted by the progress I’ve made and just, how did I make it through all of that?
True crime has a habit of demonizing family members. I talk about why I think they do it and why it needs to stop.
First 20 minutes is being frustrated by being triggered by things I wish I wasn’t. The rest is more EMDR work having to do with how my Mom parentified me to the point of shaming me for having emotions.
Also discussion of Roe v Wade stuff. A lot of this ep discusses child sexual abuse, abortion, miscarriages. Please take care of yourself if that’s too much for you.
I have no idea. But EMDR this week, which included lots of crying, had me confronting this. Cover art is so true to me making art its scary so I had to share. Made by milkstrology on YT Twitter IG Tiktok.
First 40 minutes is a marvel rant. Last half hour is an astrology rant. Enjoy living off my vicarious annoyance.
Big TW for mention of big suicidal ideation. I talk about the process of getting into it, getting short term disability at my job and what kind of treatment we did.
I talk about how hard it is to hear stories where someone was able to report their abuse to the Police when I was never able to.
Yeah I did an episode like this two weeks ago but I still wanted to add onto this already.
I got sick (not covid) this week and my sleep sucked so here are some tips from me of what to try when Insomnia is killing you. My spotify playlist of calming songs: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/25fKDzRbiHt19hmdfSs1qz?si=dXsXS7oxSV2m6k92UEKwcg and the youtube channel I like: https://youtu.be/jVKEcUPEF8M
And how weird that is to figure out. Today’s the 8th anniversary (??) I suppose that’s the word for it of my Dad dying. I discuss the journey I went on since then and how the grief I feel has vastly changed.
This is discussing the MLM Monat and how their abusive tactics have been on full display this week which I find fascinating. Angelique interview here: https://youtu.be/qlecgOYZsAQ
TW for mentions of CSA throughout this. I go through how I had a big breakthrough remembering again why certain things happened in session this week. I can’t tell this without some details for fair warning. Its awful but worth it to talk about how validating this is. Cover art is a painting by me.
TW for talk of suicide. This is my yearly episode on Chester’s birthday of discussing why I love him so much and how despite his death, he is someone child sexual abuse victims can hang onto.
First 20 minutes or so is some nice positive things from the last week before getting into some heavy trauma talk about EMDR. No specifics but still a lot to listen to. Cover art is a painting by me.
Hello! First 20 minutes or so of this episode is about me seeing my Aunt and how that went and why I’m glad I didn’t tell my dads family even if it felt good imaging doing the Scorched Earth method. The rest is in the title. Why I think those accounts implode in the worst way.
This is me talking about the trigger fest that is the Lance Chelsea situation and how it helped me realize things.
Half is me talking about seeing extended family soon and figuring out when to see them. Second half is how I regret that I used Star Wars as a comfort when I was super struggling so now I don’t want to watch it anymore.
This is me rambling about how frustrating agoraphobia is and how I wish I could get away from social media for a break but can’t. Because agoraphobia. Sigh.
This is episode 3 I believe of talking about my EMDR experience and the leaps and bounds I’ve already made.
I have noticed how people victim blame new victims of a known abuser as if they aren’t being groomed by them. Its fucked up. This is a rant about that.
Yes I rerecorded this one too. Here is my best way to explain how and why this happens. I hope it helps no matter what role you happen to hold in your family.
First 20 minutes is a life update. Then its my best explanation about why golden children does that. Not to make it better but to purely explain why. I hope it helps.
Part one: a rant about why I hate that book inspired by A Clockwork Reader’s video here: https://youtu.be/vEGOhzf6FWA Part two: me talking about being nervous about wanting to reach out to an old friend of mine.
Exactly what it says. From the perspective of an incest survivor who likely sees spirituality different than the norm because of that.
The current scandal is the last thing in a long line of things happening at that school that shows that its not the place Miss Val acted like it was.
This is a rant by me. I redid the episode I posted last night after I slept some and could be more coherent with my points, hahah. Fuck Joss Whedon.
I did the above in therapy this week. Here is my overview of what it was like and how it was for me. TRIGGER WARNING: casual mentions of choking, past suicidal feelings are mentioned vaguely. As vague as I can be. If that’s too much come back around. Otherwise, hope it helps.
This episode is kinda all over the place, not gonna lie! 😆 I talk about regressing a bit and how its hard falling back into habits I haven’t done in a long time. I go into a bit more how hard I struggled before and how that’s helping me now and also a ramble about enjoying doing oracle cards readings on myself again at the end. Like I said, kinda word salad! Hope you enjoy.
I had one come back this week for the first time in two years so here is some hard earned advice of what they really are, what its like when they’re coming back, why they show up when they do and how to handle it.
I really loved this movie! Here is a gush of a review of the movie and how well it depicted the roles in dysfunctional families and the effects intergenerational trauma has.
Hope everyone had a okay Christmas! This time I talk about things I do on my own to make my alone time easier to handle and what its like getting Christmas gifts from the Mom I cut off 4 christmases ago.
This is a rant about why all the trauma coaches/life coaches online scare me and why they can really hurt traumatized people. Protect yourself where you can! follow me on IG! @noflowersinattic
I talk about the cognitive dissonance I feel around Christmas and why its so hard to deal with this every year.
I had an adventure today on the clock app. But! I also discuss how that taught me how I can handle negative comments way better than I thought!
I finally paid off a credit card this week after EIGHTEEN FUCKING YEARS. So this is me talking about how that happened and the financial abuse my family engaged in that created this situation.
The side of Spirituality that is very fear mongery pissed me off today so here’s a rant about that. Also! a thank you after looking at my spotify wrapped.
Add me on IG @noflowersinattic. I discuss the extremely complicated role that is the Golden Child and how even though they can do some horrible things, they are also being abused too.
Taylor Swift exposed grooming and I am HERE FOR IT. Add me on IG if you would like at : noflowersattic
And also includes bits about Chester Bennington videos going viral showing what artists should do.
Now that its over lets talk about how horrendous people were in the process of this case.
I talk about therapy this week, a bit of introspection involving Gabbie Hanna for some reason and I discuss the Texas law.
Lots of talk about what i want to change about my life this week. Inspired by my therapist.
I talk about the Finding Cleo podcast regarding residential schools and how it reminded me of my own trauma, trauma dumping and why it ruins friendships, why I don’t have any friends and Agoraphobia.
I spend most of this ep discussing why I haven’t told extended family anything. My fears with it. How to know if you’re ready.
This is different than my usual. Going through how Tony is the perfect example of someone going from the victim to the abuser.
First 20 minutes is rambly things about money. Then I discuss how my relationship with media has changed.
Second half is about Bucky and PTSD and the rep people who have been through severe trauma need.
First part is me screaming about the excitement of the Falcon and Winter Soldier show. Second part is venting frustration about my job.
I just found out about this AMAZING coffee shop thats baristas are trained in handling someone in crisis. I talk about it here.
People don’t like to see the messiness of doing the work of dealing with trauma. Taking things out on people who don’t deserve it etc. I talk about how I did that here.
This ep has a rant about 20 min in about periods and hating my body. TW if that will trigger you.
I talk about what book I decided to read. My hope that actual change may happen in the US and a super great letter writing technique that has helped me a ton.
I went from reading 50ish books a year to nothing the last couple. I talk about why and how I realized I want to now but am looking at it very different.
This one got really deep and wide reaching of what society learned in 2020. Also, what I think the next thing for me to tackle in 2021.
TW: the first 15 minutes I talk out whether I want to get champagne for NYE. Discussion of family alcoholism there. The rest is me thinking back on 2020 and dealing with friendships and codependency.
Its okay if your experiences don’t fit with some of what people discuss in the trauma community. We’re just special.
First part of this I am in a good mood. Second part I am dealing with emotions from the death of Daisy Coleman.
Victims deserve love when they exhibit anger, lashing out when they’re fighting against denial as they get when they ask for help.
What I’ve learned so far in how to make Thanksgiving and Christmas the least triggering time that I can.
I reached some big goals and I am trying to be grateful for them and acknowledge instead of perfectionizing them to death.
big TW for description of suicide attempt when I was young. Sorry, said it before I realized.
My take on what’s important when it comes to how you feel about your body. As in, fuck counting calories. How you feel when you’re in your body is more important.
An episode that is literally just me crying about things in my life that I cannot change.
My health anxiety after surgery one but more importantly: Breonna Taylor. How completely devastating it is to live in a country that made that choice. And thinks its okay.
It has to start somewhere. Here is my start. Discussing spirituality. The esoteric kind.
Trigger warning for talking about being actively suicide. In this episode I talk about what I think people can do to help those suffering by telling the honest truth of what I saw happen when I was in that place.
I got very triggered by listening to a true crime story. This is me going through that. TW for more specific descriptions of abuse.
Food could not be more complicated for me. I talk about that for awhile. That and the realities of PTSD when life changes and how I handle it.