Late Night Thoughts With Me Myself And I: Recent Episodes
LatenightConfusions
Basically I got this thought at either 00:00 or just as I was about to fall sleep and now I can't stop thinking about it so .... I might as well tell you.
I feel like we say to ourselves 'enjoy life' and then go ahead and put stress in the fact that we should be enjoying life that we forget to enjoy it all.
Life cannot be rushed. You'll realise that you've missed the smile on the babies face, or the extra foam on top of your coffee because of the barista in the cafe. You'll miss the melody the guitarist created or the way your friend turned to hug you. You'll miss it all and regret that you didn't slow down. So be patient, with people, events and life in general.
I feel as though when things get hard and we are going through a hard time, no matter how many people we know and how many people we are close too, we tend to keep it all inside. And all the stuff we bottle up inside gathers and gathers until it bursts. But a way to stop that is talking. So talk to others let them know what is happening. And no you are not annoying nor a burden, you are simply a person, a human.
There's always a different happiness present when you share your story, your success and your passion with others.
As much as I go on about routine and habits, sometimes it's okay to break them for a greater good. But it's up to you to make that choice.
We all have a purpose and we all have our own goals. But life is busy and things move at a fast pace. Sometimes it's worth taking a break and rectifying your intention and reminding yourself of your own final destination.
I feel as though sometimes we fall down such a big and deep spiral that we forget to be aware of all that is around us.
We should all try and understand one another. We all try and know our academic knowledge and our future success yet amongst all that we forget to understand the people around us.
Sometimes the things we do don't need to bring us some sort of benefit. Sometimes we should do things just because.
Success is not a one time thing. We can't expect ourselves to be masters of everything on our first try. We have to make mistakes and experience smaller achievements, before we can understand the overall success we have achieved.
There is no harm in asking. Life throws towards us so many opportunities and events where we can thrive and show the world who we are. But there are also many times were we may miss a certain golden opportunity simply because we were too afraid to ask. How do I do this ? Where is that and what time ? Ask, and continue to ask, who knows where the asking may take you. However I also believe that we shouldn't always question. As to me there's a difference in the two. The first asking being out of curiosity and the second, questioning can both be out of great respect and the need to clarify or also to mock. What do you think?
There is a wisdom and sense of maturity that comes with each of us when we are with peace. The world, what we do and the people with us are all chaotic and I wouldn't change s thing about it, but sometimes a bit of peace is what we need.
Nothing is ever easy, especially when it means something to you, then it seems like it's 10x harder. But the worse thing to do to yourself after facing something you've never faced before or doing something that scares you is being harsh on yourself. You don't deserve that. Be kind and understanding, just like how you treat a friend.
Giving back is something I think we all should do. There a different kind of happiness one gets when you've made someone else's day by giving something back to the world. Give back and see how many doors the world opens for you.
Appreciate it all. From the materialistic goods to the people around you. Appreciate it all. You never know just how much your words may mean to someone, so tell them and say with such a passion that they can't question your appreciation.
Whether you woke up and decided to have a stay in bed kind of day or you decided to face your demons - give yourself credit. Give yourself credit for all you have done.
Though we can't control what the universe throws at us, we can control how we approach that something and how we leave that something. Not everything is in our control, but what is in our control we should try and make the best of.
There are moments in life where there are so many things happening and so many feelings that you are trying to comprehend, that you can only get such a rush when it all happens together. However as soon as you are unable to understand and comprehend the information and emotions around you, that's when your brain starts to shut down and you stop seeing the beauty in the way things may be done. So let things speed up but allow your mind to slow down and take each experiance for what it is.
Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and have only the clearest and best intentions for you. No secret agenda ! Make sure you don't let yourself worry about people who are not worth the time. Recognise your worth.
I love helping others, that feeling that you get, it's indescribable, but it's amazing. But as much as one loves helping everyone and anyone, should you help if your own happiness is at cost or can you always go halfway ?
Being able to make a choice is such an amazing ability to have. But also understanding you don't have to say yes all the time is a good thing to acknowledge too. Make a choice for you, because they all have an impact, even if the impact is the smallest impact one could have.
How do you know that what your chasing after is right and for you ? The truth is you don't know that its right. You only know that you feel happy and good about what your going after.
As much as I panic and worry about doing things that I'm unsure about, I do still believe that one can learn alot from just throwing themselves in there.
Have faith and hope, but I dont think it should ever be blind faith. You can't have faith and expect it all to be fine and dandy having done no work alongside it. You should try hard and put in the work and when partnered with faith that is when you hope things work and with all that, even if things go alittle off track, know that its always for the best as you did try. Maybe something better is around the corner for you.
There comes a time where you have to learn to hold your own fort. Whether you've been bought up in a world where you are well shielded or not, this is a skill I think is needed. Learn to hold your own and alongside learn to be accountable for yourself too. You can make your future as you please.
I think okay is a word we use just like fine that has lost its meaning over time. But as much as we say okay, as people, about ourselves we don't really let things be just okay. When in reality okay is sometimes great in that position. You juts don't know it. Things don't have to be grade A all the time and OKAY is good.
We all have our own final destinations and goals that we want to reach, but no two peoples journey and pathway will be the same. We can't expect it to the same because if that was the case then we'd all be doing everything, however difficulty within a journey doesn't mean change your final destination. It means hold on and carry on but keep your eyes open for new paths in-between. For you never know where a hidden path for you may be.
It's so odd to see the difference in what we choose, between varying ages. I went out today and to see how those younger are more likely to pick whatever, compared to the methodical approach an older person may make is quite funny to be fair. But then again, it's all good to have a variety of things to pick from, but when we have too many things to choose from too, we are less likely to make a choice we like. Do you agree ?
Everything that life gives us, be that good or bad, will fade away. So why wouldn't you want to feel and fall so deeply into everything, for one day it will all go and it will be us that will question whether they will come back again or not ... not them.
I had nothing today. My thoughts were at a stop and I was just doing stuff and having fun and that's normal. But it got to this evening and as I prepared for my night care I was bombarded with waves of emotion. And though this podcast doesn't make sense - because I don't really say anything but still say something - atleast it showcases that it's okay when things get too much. It's okay for your smile to stretch and your eyes to fill with tears that threatened to drop for absolute no reason. Too much doesn't mean you have to have a reason, sometimes, too much can be as simple as standing and remembering all the characters that have taught you how to be a human.
Sometimes you have to take a few step backwards to then move forwards. Maybe that path isn't the easiest or the fastest. Maybe it isn't the way to go as you have a fear of judgement. But sometimes we have to just go backwards. It's the way things are. I also forgot to say 'remember being sane is overrated and I shall see you all tomorrow byee' in the podcast as someone walked into the room, so I said it now !! Byee
May has come and gone and what a rollercoaster it has been. I finished onsite work without actually finishing the work. The sun came out and went back and has now decided to stay and that to for awhile hopefully. Alot and nothing has occurred, yet the biggest thing May allowed me to do was solidify my own pace.
I'm tired and my body hurts. I spent nearly the whole day on my feet, but though there's a tiredness present right now, my day was great. It was sunny, I was productive, but most off all I spent time with the people closest to me and I've not done that in a long time. It made me realise that I've unconsciously neglected certain factors in my life, due to other priorities and that I need to start making a conscious effort in seeing where I could put in more effort and time and where could I leave behind something that's just extra baggage. Do you make a conscious effort ?
We spend so much of our time in the waiting phase not really doing anything. We plan and we want, yet don't act and so much of the time we have is wasted. Now whether that time be wasted in the waiting phase, due to fear, anxiousness or just plain confusion, now is the time to act. Don't wait for things to happen, do stuff so things can happen. Stop waiting as time doesn't wait for anyone.
You are what your company is so be aware. Aware of who is around you for they hold the power to change you.
Just lived today. Which is different to my set routine that I have, but sometimes I think you need to just live to experience a new type of pleasure.
We are all human. It is that phrase that sometimes keeps me going. It allows me to understand that no matter who, be that they are ahead in life or slowly catching up, we are all, at the end of the day, human. And this simply keeps me going ... where, I'm not sure. But I'm going.
I never know just how far someone has pushed me and my morals until I feel like I've fallen over the edge. I'm still learning to set boundaries. For having boundaries isn't bad and neither does it keep people away. They are there so you know whose good for you and who isn't.
I know I cannot say no. Its my flaw, a fatal I've been told. My need to please others sometimes overtakes the rational side of my thinking and it leads to me taking on more then I probably do. But saying no doesn't have to be such a big thing. Saying no doesn't make you any less of a person or friend. It doesn't mean that you are incapable. It simply means that you have enough on your plate already ... and that is a normal, we should all come to accept. So say no the next time you can't take on anymore and don't listen to the irrational side of yourself. You have more power then you think.
Today felt like a huge chore and responsibility. It wasn't that I did anything different. I just feel like I had more to take on my shoulder today, but I will say that I didn't give myself enough leeway. I believe that as we grow older and mature, we unconsciously take on more and more responsibilities with the thought that we HAVE to follow an exact order to do them correctly. When infact giving yourself that leeway and time to reschedule would've been a better idea. Having some time to think and re-arrange doesn't mean you've done any less of a job. It might be exactly what you need.
I made a cake today - all on my own. Don't get me wrong I cook and bake, but in my house, if one of us siblings is in the kitchen so are the rest of us and my job tends to just then be the cleaning. But today all it took was one split second of 'i can bake on my own and as long as I'm trying whatever I bake wil be fine' to push me into the kitchen. And I believe that this is also like every opportunity in life. All it takes is a split second change in mentality from I can't do it to I can, from overthinking every scenario to just doing what you love, for something, anything to turn out right. To turn out the way you want it to.
I'm unofficially finished for this summer. Due to covid I finished earlier but the ending was just as intense, if not more. I thought that a weeks rest before trying to have some good adventures would be enough. But it hit 5 and all of a sudden I was so tired and my 10 min lay down was a 10 min sleep. So honour your rest and listen to your body. More then often you may need more rest then you need and that is normal.
Being honest to yourself is actually quite hard. I think we unconsciously try and hide away from things that can potentially hurt us. But if we tried to be honest to ourselves, no matter how big or small the truth is, I think we'd find to be in happier places then we are now. So here's to being truthful from today.
I felt really emotional today. I didn't cry but I felt everything. I've also talked about how you have an impact on other people and I know how others have impacted me, but today someone sent me the nicest message and I realised that I have an impact just like others. I also mattered and still do. We all do.
I sometimes think that I'm just a little fleck in a world that's always buzzing. But what I forget is that I'm not just a little fleck. I'm alittle fleck that is a catalyst and a cause for so many other things happening in other people life's. I'm a little fleck that is also buzzing.
I normally talk about how being anxious and allowing yourself to feel is a good thing, post the event or situation, as a lesson I have learnt. But today I talk about my current anxiousness about an event about to happen. Today was less of a lesson but more of just a night time talk. I hope today I gave you a shoulder to lean on as you slowly understand that you are not alone.
If only we spoke our feelings out aloud and said what we really wanted to, to the people that mean the most to us and the objects the we hold close to our heart. Wouldn't our life just seemingly be more brighter and the lives of others be saved.
Alittle hope can go a long way. When things go wrong and I feel like I've lost everything, I find hope amongst the words on an old page and the broken spine of a recently read book. I find hope in the most randomest of places that accumulates to give me the brightest light. Hope is a beautiful danger.
We are a mosaic of everyone we meet and everything we do. It all has an impact. You have an impact.
I personally need reassurance that I am enough, and that what I've done is enough too. And that isn't a bad, infact it's far from bad, getting help from someone else and allowing them to tell you that you are good, is fine. But I want yo work on telling myself that I am enough and that I am fine. I'm not there yet, but I will be.
I personally stay away from looking back at my past and what I did because it leads to unwanted thoughts that seem to constantly play in my mind. But a friend asked me today to look back at my past and instead of seeing what I did and didn't do, just to take a look at how far I had actually come. It was a new take on looking at the past for me and I was amazed, I have come far.
Today I did everything without guilt. I ate chocolate, rice and chicken without guilt. I got up and got dressed and wore new clothes without guilt. Without the guilt of knowing that I may not have had the most productive day. I just did it all without guilt - because life is too short and fast paced to restrict and feel guilty. Enjoy it, enjoy it all, who knows when you'll get it next.
I think that we are all so caught up in making others happy that we forget that our happiness matters too. I am guilty of this - always ! But I want to make a change, I want to do things because I want to. I want to see sunsets and learn how to make art. I want to overcome expectations that hold me down and be better - be me.
We have all learnt skills via people, events, teamwork and more, but what we haven't done is put them to use in new experiences. Know you have done it once, but you can do it again, just in a new way.
I often am guilty for apologising for other people and at times when I shouldn't need to. Now whether thats a habit I've picked up as I've grown up - that I must be the one to apologise - or not, the one thing I now want to work on is recognising when I should actually be sorry and not feeling guilty that I didn't say sorry when I wasn't at fault.
Today wasn't silent, but neither was it loud. Today was simply just quiet and it was nice. In a world where the life around us is so chaotic, sometimes silence isn't what you need. Quiet is. Where the voices and the people are there but are unaffecting.
I feel like we all are so busy working towards this giangantic goal, which is great, but along the way we forget to celebrate our small achievements and targets that we have reached. Recognise you small successes and allow yourself to celebrate without feeling guilty. Small achievements mean as much as the last target.
Had a better day then yesterday, but my lay down ended up turning into a 15 min nap. And there's nothing bad about that. I feel like saying that you had nap when others are working more often then not makes you seem lazy and unbothered, however most of the time it's for you and your body to rest and that should be more important then anything. Self- care sleeping is not you wasting time, but resting up to put yourself through what seems to be big hard barriers.
Amongst learning from mistakes and letting things go, I sometimes forget that to work towards a better future I have to breathe. And today that is exactly what i forgot to do - Breathe.
It's shouldn't be that the people you surround yourself with drain your energy. There's a difference between someone being on your mind and then them draining you. Recognise this and allow yourself to step away from their presence and alongside this make relationships that mean the world and also learn to be at one with yourself.
I'm a person who likes to know what's coming their way. I need to be ready and prepared. But recently I've come to a point in my life, where I just don't know where I'm heading. And as unlike me as it is, that's fine. This unknown has allowed me to venture in to new adventures and open up to things i didn't expect myself to try. Not knowing is fine. Not knowing is normal. Not knowing is still you trying.
I put my hands up and say that I am the first person to rush into things and get all panicky. But today I feel like I've slowed things down and it felt ... nice. Therefore the first lesson of May is, learn to slow things down and be at peace with wherever you are. Be one with everything.
April has come and gone. But I do feel like it's taught me some very valuable lessons. One of the biggest being, that there is still time, time to do whatever makes you happy.
Self guilt is a harsh pill to swallow. You're almost falling down a spiral but you're not at the bottom yet. Learn to recognise the signs and move away. It's not worth the trip down the spiral. Trust me I know.
I feel like subconsciously I knew just how hard it can be to forgive yourself, but today after an small realisation, I wanted to talk about how we differ forgiving others and then forgiving ourselves.
I had an intense today. From an 8 o'clock start to a 4 o'clock finish, followed by another 2 hours of working at home. Being tired is an understatement, but truth be told its all closer to be being over with then it started. And I can do it, we can do it.
Getting out of bed has such an odd thinking process. Like I want to get out, but i also don't want to get. But everyday I do still get out, because eventhough there may be alittle motivation in me. There is still motivation there. Its just so odd.
We all make mistakes. It's what makes us human. It's what gives us memories and emotions that we can look back on and reminisce about. But what mistakes should not do is make us overthink and feel sick. Mistakes are normal.
Today for some reason I went into a really deep thought about how we say everyone is unique, but then are able to generalise things to other people without taking into account changing variables. None of what I said, makes sense today !
There are some days I have where I feel like my day has passed like a warm summers breeze. Where my mind hasn't felt the need to justify every action it does. Today was one of those days. Sometimes it helps to just do, rather then finding and giving someone else a reason to why you did what you had to do. This probably didn't make sense.
Sleeping is so odd. For some sleep is just that - Sleep. But for some, sleep, a good sleep is a rare luxury where for once their demons haven't seeped through. What an odd thing is falling asleep.
My mind hasn't stopped on one thought today. Its been swarming will all sorts, jumping from one conclusion to another and not allowing time for a break. But it is what it is.
I feel like we think we need to reach all our goals by a certain age. Be that getting a degree, a job or even getting married - everything has a set age we need to reach it by and if we don't we aren't doing the best in life. When in actual fact taking a step back and admiring the beauty that you have brought along may be exactly what you need to take a bigger leap forward. Who knows? There is no order to life.
You are affected by the energy the people around you give off. Whether they give energy off or drain away yours it all has an effect on us personally. It's what we do about that, that matters.
Alot of our time is spent doing things whilst keeping what other think of us in mind. We never just do something without thinking 'well what are they going to say?' Be Unapologetically yourself. Accept yourself as you and see how the world will change to love you too.
Today's one is short. Talked about not letting fear eat you up and cloud your mind. Its once that happens that you fall down a dark spiral. Don't let it consume you.
I feel like i burnt out ages ago in terms of doing work. I now think it's the amount of discipline I've gained over time that is pushing me ahead. I also think that its not right.
Imagine the hero that everyone looks up to is infact the villain in your story. But then again is a hero the one that saves everyone once or the one that never gives up ?
Today's been busy. Really busy. I've not had time to think about random thoughts as I've been jumping from one thing to another. But i guess that though there is beauty in peace, there is also beauty in chaos.
How on earth do you move on from any type of loss ? Be it a person an animal or even if its a failure your moving on from - how do you do it? And also when on earth did my mentality change from wondering what my hair will look like and how far the balloon will go in the air to wondering about taxes and how the next choice i made was better for me financially? Have you had a change ?
To move on and to live we can't allow ourselves to make choices based on wounds we've closed in our past. Move forward but stop touching those wounds.
You should never feel bad for making a choice that makes others upset with you. You have your own morals and expectations, fulfill them on your own accord and make yourself happy. Your happiness will always and should always stem from you first and others next.
I cared too much once and it destroyed me. Now I don't think i care at all. Is that a bad thing ?
We spend so much of our time waiting for life to happen, when in reality its us who have to change and do things to make life happen. Stop waiting around and waiting to live life when there is so much out there !
Many times then not, I feel myself retreat into a place that is only reserved for me and it only exists in my mind. This is where I am still.
My hearts been heavy today and my mind a cloud but I'm accepting that the fact that today will be a slow day. Be at peace with yourself and im sure you'll find everything being alright. I'm not at peace, but I'm learning to find it somewhere in my life. I think you should too.
I feel like everything now is a competition. If you aren't suffering then you aren't doing well. Phrases like not having enough sleep and missing meals are normalised when they shouldn't be. Not everything is a competition. Moving forward at your own pace is fine. Its enough.
So many of my nights are spent thinking about the 'what ifs' and 'remember whens' that i forget sometimes to just let things be and exist. Let things go in life but hold yourself accountable, you did something it had its effects and thats that. Dont let it manipulate your life. Only you, the person now, can do that.
Kept it really short today, but what does growth mean to you. Seems like i don't really celebrate my little achievements, but I think I shall I start to and you should do !
Started my morning with some saddening news that lead on to some deeper thoughts. It got me thinking how the biggest spoiler in life is that death awaits.
I started to actually do some work after a good 4 days off and realised instead of actually doing what I needed to do, I was procrastinating. But I mean its not really procrastination, but a higher form of planning.
April starts tomorrow and March will be old news. I'm the same yet not the same. What has March taught me ?
I saw the sun today after what seems like agess. Did nothing, but i guess my body needed the rest more then I assumed - and that's fine.
If someone has all the characteristics of what one would class as good, can that person still be bad for you ?
We can find 20 different solutions for one issue we face, but as soon as the circumstances change then we need to adapt. Things are never black and white. Remember perspective is key.
Anxiety isn't something that i give time to, so it can do it thing. Anxiety is something that just takes and takes and takes without asking. Anxiety is a thief.
If we take the phrase that there are people out there that have it worse then you and apply it our happiness, does that mean we can never be happy because someone else has what we either need or want and we are behind?
I find trust odd, I say to other trust the process and trust life yet as I try and practice what I preach, I find trust to be the hardest and letting go of control to be difficult.
I never realised just how heavy actions can be compared to words. You don't need to be told you are enough, the actions tell you that you are. The smile once the lady has turned away whilst you pass by to the birds who wait for you to come and feed them. You matter, the signs are all there.
Ooooh this is a new time for me!! But had this quote running through my mind all morning, and I started to question what it really meant and whether conformity actually begins with not conforming.
Ended up having a nap and woke up to this thought - are we all playing the game called 'life' ?
To be honest this was such a random thought, but here we are. But today I question (well I think I question) if I'm making a difference. Because if we continue to say 'well we can't do anything because these people have done better' then how can we expect to make a change. Even the littlest action can have the greatest response.
This was such a non-random, random thought, but personally I class being alone and then loneliness as 2 different things. Do you ?
I did nothing ... but was sooo tired. That doesn't mean I dont deserve the break I was having or the time to have good comfort or chill. I do deserve all that and more. Why ? Because mental exhaustion is real.
And we were strangers Are we all really friends or do we create freinships to take something away from them. Something as simple as company or maybe something even darker ... but again does it really matter as we are all strangers.
Life is hard in every aspect and finding a way to escape is important. I have my way - books.
They say live in silence and breathe it in, but its in silence that my thoughts are the loudest.
Why is it that there is a true passion for learning, but when it comes to education there is a lack of care and enthusiasm. Whats wrong in the set system of teaching ?
Isn't life's greatest paradox ... the fact that death is the meaning of life? And if so then shouldn't we invest in ourselves.
Woke up and didn't really feel like I knew who I was. I guess my whole week has been a bunch if I don't knows and we shall sees, so I guess ... we shall see 😌
Was overthinking my overthinking last night, so I'm currently very sleep deprived. The world seemed alittle hazy today.