The Second Cup Podcast: Recent Episodes
Deidre Braley
A podcast series featuring read-aloud content by the author on overcoming anxiety and learning to walk with God.
thesecondcup.substack.com
Hi, I’m Deidre! I’m a poet, a theologian in training, an editor, and author of a forthcoming book on the spiritual discipline of delight. Here you’ll find semi-regular essays, poems, and podcast interviews with people who inspire me.
I also offer a bi-weekly Office Hour with an Editor for paid subscribers of The Second Cup, and a Nonfiction Book Proposal Cohort to give you the tangible support you need to actually pitch and publish a book (now open to new members!).
I’m glad you’re here. I hope you’ll subscribe and stick around.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote this Note:
It just struck me that every 24 hours, the day dies, and every morning, God resurrects it again.
Life is constantly erupting from the darkness.
It seems that all I can think about these days is resurrection, the tenacity of life even in the face of inevitable death. The way that death always comes, but life always follows.
God demonstrates this to us in ways we can understand. In the new rising sun. In the daffodils pushing through dirty snow after winter. In his son, rising from the dead.
This conversation with Jennifer Dukes Lee only made me more obsessed with the idea that ours is the God of reinvention, of newness and possibility and surprises. Of life, against all odds.
We talk about nighttime routines and the joys of breakfast and biphasic sleeping and fresh starts and soul-keeping rituals. It is a delicious and fun conversation, and I hope that now, standing on the edge of summertime, it will give you a sense that resurrection is possible and that God is doing something new, sure as the sun rises every new morning.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a bestselling author, speaker, and morning evangelist from Iowa. She is the author of several books, including Growing Slow, It’s All Under Control, and Stuff I’d Only Tell God. Follow Jennifer on social media @JenniferDukesLee, and order her newest book, How To Love Your Morning, here.
NOW ACCEPTING NEW MEMBERS FOR THE NEXT NONFICTION BOOK PROPOSAL COHORT:
The Nonfiction Book Proposal Cohort is an 8-week collaborative course that teaches members the ins and outs of:
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Which components are required for a nonfiction book proposal, and how to make each of them strong and compelling
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How to get the attention of agents and publishers, including how to write queries, reliable strategies for networking, and intentional platform-building
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Creating a proposal that supports the actual book-writing process down the road
This course uses a flipped classroom approach, which means that members will receive weekly video lessons and assignments through Google Classroom that will be completed outside of class time. During our weekly Zoom meetings, we will use the time to collaborate on each component, generate writing, ask plenty of questions, and interview special guests.
At the end of the course, the goal is that all students who have completed the assignments will have their entire book proposal completed and ready to pitch for traditional publishing.
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
For those who are celebrating this week—Happy Thanksgiving!
This conversation is all about books, and happiness, and theology, and juicy tidbits about writing & research. It felt like the perfect companion for your comings and goings.
Wish I could eat a slice of pumpkin pie with you!
If you’re just arriving here, stick around!
Does God actually want us to be happy?
That’s what we talk about in this episode. Griffin Gooch has been studying the theology of happiness for years, and is currently working on a book on the topic.
And since I’m working on a book about the discipline of delight, how could I not invite him to come nerd out with me over this?
In this conversation, we talk about…
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the task of the theologian
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why great citations are a love language
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how to decide what books to read next
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Griffin’s top five favorite novels (plus mine!)
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what the modern Church has forgotten about happiness, and what the early Christians knew
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how rituals can contribute to our overall happiness
Listen. Enjoy. Restack. Share with a friend! And if you’re feeling extra generous, would you leave a review of the The Second Cup Show wherever you listen? That really, really helps get the word out.
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
“Apathy is informative. And when we get to that point, we have to decide: Are we going to fight to bring that piece of us back that is worth reviving?”
That’s what Lindsay Swoboda asks in this interview and in her book, Holding On and Letting Go: A Life in Motion, a memoir about the two decades of military life she experienced alongside her family and husband, a Marine.
And what I loved about this memoir—what made it resonate so deeply, even though I have no personal frame of reference for life in the service—is that it required me to look inward, to see my own story, to ask the same question that Lindsay challenged herself throughout:
When life is uncomfortable and unexpected, who will I choose to be?
In this episode, we talk about:
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How to greet discomfort with curiosity rather than fear
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The power of rituals to keep us grounded in times of flux
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Figuring out what we do have a say in, even when some of life’s circumstances are beyond our control
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Finding the courage to surrender to the moment even when it is not as we thought it would be
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Discovering beauty even in our most stripped-back seasons
This conversation was heartening and also challenging—but in the best, most wonderful way.
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Subscribe to Lindsay’s publication, The Eleven O’Clock Number, here on Substack: Lindsay Swoboda
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Follow Lindsay on Instagram: @lindsay.swo
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And most importantly, find her book here & order a copy for yourself and a copy for a friend:Holding On and Letting Go: A Life in Motion
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Make sure to leave a review after you listen for a chance to win some Poetry is for Rebels apparel! The winner of last episode’s podcast review was a dear listener by the name of Jsteele9! If that’s you—send me a message today and I’ll send YOU a new piece of Poetry is for Rebels swag.
Hi, I’m Deidre, the author & host behind The Second Cup. Each week, you can expect one podcast or post around theology, poetry, and the re-enchantment of life. Come on in!
Come listen in as poet and theologian Drew Jackson answers my question, “WHY POETRY?”
Drew is the author of God Speaks Through Wombs and Touch the Earth, which are collections of poetic dialogue with the Gospel of Luke. On this episode, you can expect to hear:
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our hot takes on rural versus city living—and the magic (and hassles) of each
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Drew’s thoughtful parallels between the social contexts of Luke and our modern-day world, giving voice to those who know what life is like “on the underside of Empire”
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wise words from Rilke, Miles Davis, and more
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Drew performing one of his new, not-yet-published poems from his latest collection in progress (plus one of my personal
requests from God Speaks Through Wombs!)
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a lively dialogue on the importance of “unproductive,” undervalued things (and people!) in our society
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something that inspires you to go pick up (or write!) a poetry collection
Find more about Drew here:
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Order God Speaks Through Wombs and Touch the Earth
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Follow him on Instagram
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Check out his website
Know someone who would LOVE this episode? Go ahead, share it!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Hold the phone! Have you left a review yet?
Everyone who leaves a review for The Second Cup Show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts gets entered to win some Poetry is for Rebels swag of your choice, so make sure you take a moment to do that and then let me know below in the comments that you have so I don’t miss it.
The winner for last episode’s reviews was Becca Shaw!
Love theology, poetry, and the daily practice of delight? Subscribe to The Second Cup for a weekly essay, poem, or podcast.
Emily Curzon is a writer, a podcaster, a therapist, and friend. She practices the monthly act of remembrance over at her gorgeous publication, We Have This Hope.
I adore Emily. You will too. I told her at the end of this conversation that I felt like we’d just had our own little therapy session—except that we also covered important topics like the art of the “napuccino” and the joys of walking with a weighted vest.
But truly—you don’t want to miss what Emily has to say about practicing remembrance as a spiritual discipline. She talks about:
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How our bodies and brains are wired to remember (Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? A little more on that in this episode.)
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The effect that remembrance has on our mental health
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Practical tips (yes, even for those of us who don’t have time) for incorporating this practice into our lives
Plus, we discuss:
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The “novelty effect” and how to slow down time
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Practicing the important work of FUN
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What you can tell about a person by their coffee order
Gosh, this was a fun one. So come give it a listen, smile all the way through, and afterwards—maybe even give the art of remembrance a try.
And please, share far and wide!
With love,
Deidre
P.S. If you wanted to tune in to the interview Emily & I did over on HER podcast, We Have This Hope, you can listen to that here:
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Welcome to The Second Cup Show! Today, we talk with therapists (and best friends!) Blake Roberts, LMFT and Jamie Haigh, LPC-MHSP of Three Percent Co., a mental health community and podcast that helps men turn emotional walls into deeper relationships.
Send this to a friend who would love it!
Besides bringing their fascinating insights from their professional lives as therapists, Blake and Jamie offer incredible depth and texture to the conversation around creativity as artists in their own rights.
Listen in as we talk about:
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creativity as the act of communicating with God
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following artistic interests for the sheer delight of it
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learning to tell the difference between creating from a place of dysregulation versus a place of security
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creative advice from some of our all-time favorite writers and artists
(Image Pilgrimage w/ Scott Erickson had so many shoutouts, he might as well have been on the show!)
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the benefits of creating with others
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connecting with our inner child
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learning to treat our inner muse like we would another person
Connect with Blake & Jamie on their websiteand follow them on IG @therapy.with.blake and @jameswilliammusic. And make sure to subscribe to Three Percent Co. before you leave!
Make sure to listen & leave a review and—if you know someone else who would LOVE this—send it along, won’t you?
Sending love,
Deidre
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Everybody who leaves a review of The Second Cup Show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts gets entered to win some Poetry is for Rebels swag of your choice, so make sure you take a moment to do that and then let me know below in the comments that you have. The winner for last episode’s reviews was Janet S Abadir!
Welcome to The Second Cup Show! Today, we talk with Chris Wheeler of The Tethered Letters, and the best way I can describe this conversation is a feast for the spirit.
“We want our hands in the earth.
We want our feet on the ground.
We want to be present here.”
Chris Wheeler
Every turn of our conversation felt like tearing off a hunk of sourdough bread and dipping it in soup. We chewed thoughtfully—and I savored it entirely. I woke up the next day stilling feeling full, and nourished. I feel pretty confident suggesting that you will, too.
Chris is one of those people who doesn’t just talk about ideas. He lives them. In a world where everyone online seems to have expert advice for living better lives, Chris is actually living his best life—quietly, unhurriedly, and mostly offline.
[But we can’t say nothing good ever came out of the digital world, because if it wasn’t for Tabitha McDuffee and her gracious introduction, I would never have met Chris.]
He shares all about:
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his intentional detachment from devices & the digital world
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how gardening—like any good spiritual practice—tethers us to the present
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the discontent of striving and learning to embody the realities of incremental change and slow growth
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creating an environment that enables us to reclaim the joy of being attentive all over again.
Make sure to listen & leave a review and—if you know someone else who would LOVE this—send it along, won’t you?
Sending love,
Deidre
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Everybody who leaves a review of The Second Cup Show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts gets entered to win some Poetry is for Rebels swag of your choice, so make sure you take 1 minute to do that and then let me know below in the comments that you have. The winner for last episode’s reviews was Kimberly Kralovic!
Welcome to The Second Cup Show! Today, we talk with author & spoken word poet, Tanner Olson. And oh boy. I think you’re going to love it.
How do I put this? Talking with Tanner is like…eating the center of a cinnamon roll at a diner while drinking your morning coffee. Comforting. Comfortable. Real. Fun. Real fun.
In fact, we talk about Tanner’s love for cinnamon rolls, along with a lot of other things you’ll want to listen in on, like:
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The backstory behind his new children’s book, All the Things I Say to God: Learning to Pray Anytime, Anywhere (you should preorder that, by the way)
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Talking with God—and hearing back from him
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What to do in seasons of life that feel decidedly not okay
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Tanner reading his poem, STAY (which is reason enough to STAY and listen to the whole episode)
Make sure to listen & leave a review and—if you know someone else who would LOVE this—send it along, won’t you?
Sending love,
Deidre
P.S. If you enjoyed our conversation around talking with God, have you read my most recent essay, How to Hear From God yet? I do my best to offer a practical guide for hearing from God, even if you don’t feel like a supernatural, super-spiritual superpower. Check it out!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Welcome back to The Second Cup Show! Today, we kick off Season 02 Episode 01 with none other than my own literary agent, the wonderful Kathy Green.
Kathy is an author, speaker, and literary agent, and in this episode, she drops some serious wisdom on how to wait well (something that I find to be devastatingly hard).
We also discuss the book publishing world, learning to listen for God, and the importance of doing things just for fun.
Make sure to listen & leave a review and—if you know someone else who would LOVE this—send it along, won’t you?
Sending love,
Deidre
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Jessica is a straight-talking writer, pastor, runner (and American Ninja Warrior, whaaaat?!), and mom to five: two adopted, two autistic, and one typical teen boy.
She is a champion for foster care and adoption. She is also a champion for moms discovering their God-given purpose and calling—within AND beyond their mothering.
I have to warn you: you’ve got to listen to this one at your own risk. You will likely feel challenged & convicted to go do whatever it is that you’ve been setting aside for years now, because it hasn’t been the right time.
Do you know someone who would be encouraged by this episode? Please share it with them!
In this episode, we talk about:
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That time Jessica planned a 110-mile run (in 1 DAY) to raise awareness for foster care & adoption
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God’s original intent for men & women & marriage & calling, as evidenced by creation
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P.S. you might be surprised what the Hebrew translation for “helpmate” is when God created woman in Genesis
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Parenting not as the end goal, but as training wheelsfor laying down our lives for others throughout our whole lives
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Doing what we can with what we have, and what happens when God’s exponential nature is applied to it.
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Mom guilt—and how to get free of it
Connect with Jessica:
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Get her book, Unlimited Motherhood
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Listen to her podcast, The Full Spectrum Parent: A Faith-Based Autism Parenting Podcast
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Find out more about her life & the All 4 One Run she cofounded with her husband on her website
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On Instagram, @jessicahurlbut
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Join Matthew Nash , Sarah Steele, Kristi Clark, Kim D. Butler, Mary Folkerts and me for Part II of this conversation where we each share an original, never-before-shared poem and the story behind its conception. Consider this your backstage pass to being part of a community of poets. And if you missed Part I, listen to it below!
I try not to pick favorites, but…
…how can I not be over-the-moon excited to share the rest of this amazing conversation with you?
If you listened to the first part of this conversation in Episode 10, then you know we teased you BIG time by talking about our muses and the evolution of our poetic selves—but left the actual sharing of poetry for THIS EPISODE.
AND THESE POEMS ARE STUNNERS. You NEED them in your life.
So here’s the rest of the conversation, friends. Join our proverbial circle and come get cozy with:
…the poems.
…the stories.
…and the amazing people behind them.
Which poem resonated most with you? Show a little love in the comments below!
The kindest this you could possibly do is to engage with this post. Share it with someone who would love it, comment or click that little heart, and subscribe! Thanks for being here.
Connect with the poets:
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Matthew Nash: On Insta @matthewnash1, on his website for Kardia Community
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Sarah Steele: Buy her book, An Ocean Without
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Kristi Clark: On Insta @pine_and_tide
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Kim Butler: On Insta @kim.d.butler, on her website The Whiteboard Room
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Mary Folkerts: On Insta @maryfolkerts, on her website
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Deidre Braley: On Insta @deidressecondcup, buy her book, The Shape I Take
P.S. Be sure to subscribe to The Second Cup Show wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss our next episode with Jessica Hurlbut, author of Unlimited Motherhood
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
GUYS. It’s National Poetry Month.
Back when I was an elementary school teacher, April was my favorite month because it was a multi-week opportunity to educate kids on the power of poetry and to help them realize that
a.) poetry is for the people
b.) poetry is for rebels
And we did it UP. The kids would work all month on original poetry, and then we’d invite all their families in for Poetry Cafe Night, where we’d pour hot cocoa and pretend we were beatniks. The kids would perform their poetry while we beamed with pride.
Well, being a part of The Second Cup Poetry Jam & Slam community kind of feels like that, except we mostly drink caffeine instead of cocoa.
This episode has major acoustic story hour vibes.
Today, five of my favorite poet friends from our Jam & Slams join The Second Cup Show to talk all things poetry, like:
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Our personal journeys to becoming poets
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How our ideas of poetry are evolving
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Who our muses would be like if they were people
Join , Sarah Steele, , , Mary Folkerts and me for Part 1 of this conversation that honors the art of poetry and the value of sharing it with others. Consider this your backstage pass to being part of a community of poets.
The kindest this you could possibly do is to engage with this post. Share it with someone who would love it, comment or click that little heart, and subscribe! Thanks for being here.
P.S. Be sure to subscribe to The Second Cup Show wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss PART 2 of this episode when it airs next week. Every poet guest will share an original poem, and you won’t want to miss a single one of those stunners.
Connect with the Poets
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Matthew Nash: On Insta @matthewnash1, on his website for Kardia Community
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Sarah Steele: Buy her book, An Ocean Without
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Kristi Clark: On Insta @pine_and_tide
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Kim Butler: On Insta @kim.d.butler, on her website The Whiteboard Room
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Mary Folkerts: On Insta @maryfolkerts, on her website
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Deidre Braley: On Insta @deidressecondcup, buy her book, The Shape I Take
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Share this with a mom who needs to hear it!
God asks me to be faithful with what he’s given me—NOT what he’s given someone else.
Lara d’Entremont
My stance on talking about motherhood is that it should never, never be sugar-coated. When we aren’t honest about the ways our humanness intertwines with parenting, we do a disservice to mothers everywhere.
That’s why I want you to listen to this conversation with Lara d’Entremont. She wrote the book A Mother Held: Essays on Motherhood and Anxiety and she holds nothing back. Lara is super honest and super courageous as she talks about her personal experiences with pregnancy loss, anxiety and depression, difficulties with breastfeeding, obsessive compulsions, and so much more. What I love best is that she doesn’t offer pat answers or false positivity; no, she is a woman who has worked through these struggles with fear and trembling and has come out on the other side, ready to help us through it, too.
In this interview, we talk about:
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What The Velveteen Rabbit can teach us about postpartum body image
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The myth of self-sufficiency
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Learning to stop “shoulding” ourselves
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Why it’s okay to set the bar reeeeeeaalllllly low when it comes to hospitality
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Our rational and irrational fears as parents (and how to handle them as they come)
What resonated most with you? Let us know in the comments below!
Show Notes
Connect with Lara on her website
Connect with Lara on Instagram @lara_dentremont
BuyA Mother Held on Calla Press Publishing
Connect with Deidre on Instagram @deidressecondcup
Buy The Shape I Takeon Bottlecap Press (Deidre’s poetry collection on motherhood)
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Do you remember being a kid and playing outside in the cold?
You’re vaguely aware that your hands are raw and your nose is dripping, but you’ve gotten used to it and so you keep playing, until someone finally calls you in. It’s not until you kick off your boots and feel the warmth of the kitchen that you realize just how cold you really were.
Well, this episode is kind of like that—coming inside after playing out in the cold for a long time.
I don’t know about you, but when it comes to living & loving & creating & dreaming in this big ‘ole world, sometimes I feel like I’m out there playing in the cold. I find myself asking questions like, “Does my day-to-day even matter?” and “Am I doing enough with my life?”
Sometimes I panic and think, “NO! IT DOES NOT, AND I AM NOT!” Then I try to strong-arm my dreams into existence. I try to prove my worth.
It’s exhausting out there. And cold.
But in today’s conversation, it feels like Paige is standing at the doorway of the warm kitchen, saying, “Come in! You’ve been out there too long.”
And so I hope you will.
We talk everything from redefining the constructs of success to the woes of self-promotion.
Paige shares about her 9-year journey to a deal for her book, “He Knows Your Name,” and what she learned after meeting Miss India and some of the country’s most impoverished women—in the same day.
We discuss whether God looks at Instagram #s and how we can reframe the way we see rejection.
And, the part I love best: Paige shares a very practical strategy for feeling (not just knowing about) Jesus’ love for yourself.
So come on in. If you’ve been playing in the cold for a while, too, this one’s for you.
Oh, a p.s.?
I am giving away a copy of He Knows Your Name: How 7 Nameless Women of the Bible Reveal Christ’s Love For You.
Do you want to maybe win it? Just comment “YES” below and I’ll put your name in a hat! I’ll announce the winner in next week’s letter!
SHOW NOTES
Paige’s website
Connect with Paige on Instagram
Connect with Deidre on Instagram
Get a copy of Paige’s book, “He Knows Your Name: How 7 Nameless Women of the Bible Reveal Christ’s Love For You.”
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
I needed a valid excuse to shamelessly reach out to all the people I think are really cool and ask them all my nosy questions. Creating a show seemed like the perfect solution.
So here it is.
You’re the first to see this.
If you’ve been around here for at least 10 minutes, then you know that there’s little I’d rather talk about than really great books. Especially the ones that can challenge us, encourage us, and help us experience God in new ways.
That’s why I am so excited to welcome Walter Shaw as the very first guest onto the show today.
I first discovered Walter on his Instagram account, @wtsreads, and became an instant follower and fan when I realized that he was sharing books on theology that I had never encountered before. He encourages his people to read more, shares key takeaways from the books he’s currently reading, and shares practical tips on prayer and other spiritual disciplines. He also has a YouTube channel that serves as a book vlog.
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
“There is some action that we need to take. It’s not just putting it down, but then—what are you gonna do with that?”
Jennifer Dukes Lee, on journaling
Jennifer Dukes Lee talks about “Stuff I’d Only Tell God” on The Second Cup Show—and no question is off the table
No, seriously. Our conversation took us through some of our favorite questions from her new guided journal, like:
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What is your 6-word memoir?
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If you had a walk-up song, what would it be?
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What’s your dream last meal?
(Hint, Jennifer’s is carb-o-licious, and I’m here for it.)
- Who do you need to forgive? And, from whom do you need to ask forgiveness?
Jennifer shares ideas for finding the right journal for YOU (commonplacing journal, here I come!), talks about how journaling leads to action, which leads to real life change, and gives tips for becoming more generous conversationalists.
Find Jennifer and her books
on Instagram: @jenniferdukeslee and @stuffidonlytellgod
on Facebook: Jennifer Dukes Lee
on her website: https://jenniferdukeslee.com/
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
"𝐅𝐮𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠—𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭." - 𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐑𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫, 𝐏𝐡𝐃, Author of The Fun Habit
Thank you for listening to The Second Cup! This post is free, so feel FREE to share it with someone who might love a little more fun in their life, too!
Oh boy. You KNOW I've been excited to talk all things fun with Mike Rucker, PhD, ever since I picked up a copy of his book The Fun Habit and he gave me permission to schedule fun into my daily grind [life-changing!]. And this interview did. not. disappoint.
So what did we talk about? Everything and anything remotely related to fun.
🤓 Did I nerd out and quote sections of his book back to him and also publicly admit that playing with my kids is sometimes AGONIZING for me? Sure did.
😬 Did we talk about why scrolling the socials and drinking a second glass of wine cannot be defined as actual fun? Yes, we went there, too.
𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬:
👉🏼 We should probably all stop answering our emails on the toilet
👉🏼 You don't have to be a Swiftie to be a fun person
👉🏼 Coolio does cooking videos on YouTube and apparently they're awesome
👉🏼 It might be time to toss your FitBit or Apple Watch (if you're anything like me)
My hope for you is that you’ll walk away from this conversation feeling that you have permission — the prerogative, even — to have a little fun today, too.
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
A couple weeks ago I wrote Prayer is Bloody Hard, and almost instantly, was in my messages asking if she could come onto the show and talk about prayer.
Obviously, the answer was a resounding YES. Jess has been a student of prayer for years, and she shares regular and helpful content about that on her Instagram. Not only that, but she is a beloved contributor for The Truly Co. Magazine and, as the Editorial Content Director for Truly, I can always count on Jess to say something profound and thought-provoking.
So we came together to talk about prayer, and I’d like to point out RIGHT now that if you have preconceived notions that prayer is gentle and soft and timid and hum drum, this is the episode for you.
We talk all about:
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Misunderstandings we have about prayer—and busting them
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Creative ways God speaks to us, and learning to listen to him
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The story of Jacob wrestling with God, and how we can (and should) do the same
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How our hard & negative feelings (anger, doubt, etc) are NOT sins, and how God wants to hear about them
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The silver lining of our brokenness
If you have a friend who would love this podcast, please share!
Prayer, I am beginning to believe, is absolutely essential for living our lives to the fullest. And the concept of wrestling with God until we can walk out of that match with increased peace and clarity? I’ve been practicing and it’s changing me. It’s changing my life.
Listen. Try. Let me know how your wrestling is going. And, if you need backup in some area of your life, email me and I’ll wrestle for you, too.
With a lot of love,
D
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Kimberly Phinney is a night owl. I, on the other hand, prefer to nestle down for the night when most six-year-olds go to bed. When she asked if we could record this podcast at 8:30 P.M., I put on my big-girl pants (and by that I mean my comfy pants), threw back a shot of espresso, and hoped I could keep my eyes open.
I’m happy to report that I had NO trouble staying awake for this conversation. We talked about all of our favorite things, dreamed of being neighbors, and made theoretical plans to come back together for Part II, ASAP.
Kimberly is a poet, professor, endometriosis survivor, and the founder of The Way Back to Ourselves literary journal and community. Her debut poetry book, Of Wings and Dirt, will be released in April, and she just launched a new course on growing your writing life. In short—she’s the kind of person you want to stay up and talk with all night.
We talked:
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Kimberly’s journey with endometriosis and infertility & the way God’s been showing up and redeeming her story
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A Paul & Ananias metaphor that I still can’t stop thinking about
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The Christian celebrity conflict…and possible alternatives
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How on earth to handle social media, self-promotion, and all those other fine lines creatives walk
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Oh, and poetry. LOTS of poetry, including:
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The inside scoop on Kimberly’s new poetry book & Deidre’s new chapbook
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Our processes for writing poetry
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An exclusive reading of some favorite, original poems by Kimberly & Deidre
So buckle up—this is going to be a fun one.
Links you’ll want:
- The Way Back To Ourselves literary journal:
https://www.thewayback2ourselves.com/journal
- Grow Your Writing Life Course:
https://www.thewayback2ourselves.com/store/p/how-to-grow-your-writing-life-course-by-kimberly-phinney
- Kimberly’s Substack, My Way Back
https://substack.com/@thewaybacktoourselves
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Connect with Kimberly on Instagram @thewaybacktoourselves
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Deidre’s Chapbook, The Shape I Take:
https://bottlecap.press/products/shape?keyword=shape%20
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Connect with Deidre on Instagram @deidressecondcup
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The Second Cup website:
https://www.thesecondcup.org/
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
I’m recognizing that my intense longings for peace and joy cannot be satisfied by any amount of festivity or holiday cheer. That would be like trying to patch up a bullet hole with a butterfly stitch. This longing is so deep and wide that all the world’s eggnog couldn’t fill it.
Deidre Braley
I don’t know what year it was when my child-like wonder rubbed off and I realized—much to my horror—that the Christmas spirit was elusive as some rare bird.
It probably started fading circa age 8, when I discovered that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren’t real. “But, but…what about the Tooth Fairy?” I remember asking, clinging desperately to that last magical being even though I knew she was about to be snuffed, too. My mother and sister had looked at each other, then shaken their heads in somber unison. The end of an era.
For a long time, I managed to be jolly enough. Sure, we had to pretend that it was okay that Santa wasn’t real (it wasn’t), but there were plenty of other real Christmas traditions I could cling to. My mother’s marshmallow roll, for example. And Silver Bells and Elf and the lovely anticipation of opening gifts and eating peanut butter balls for breakfast. Those things seemed to work—mostly.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve turned to other comforts of the season. Glitz! Glamour! Champagne! Dinner parties! Cookies upon cookies upon cookies! Imagining Christmas through my children’s eyes!
But I’ve reached the Christmas where those things aren’t working anymore. Not to say that I’m not enjoying them, but rather that I’m recognizing that my intense longings for peace and joy cannot be satisfied by any amount of festivity or holiday cheer. That would be like trying to patch up a bullet hole with a butterfly stitch. This longing is so deep and wide that all the world’s eggnog couldn’t fill it.
I invited Matthew Nash on the show to talk about this longing and so much more. A spiritual director and founder of the Kardia Community, speaking with Matthew about caring for our souls felt like one giant, reassuring hug.
We talked:
✨ aboutsehnsucht, a German word that perfectly sums up so much of what I’m feeling this Christmas
✨how to engage community and why it matters for all of us, even if you’re an introvert who prefers to spend the season reading books in twinkly-lit nooks
✨specific spiritual practices for intentional soul care this Advent season, including the Prayer of Examen and lectio and/or visio divinia
✨the issue of finding time and the Narnia-like magic of stepping into the divine
✨the difference between transactional and transformational leaders (and humans)
So if you’re reaching desperately for the Christmas spirit and it feels like an elusive bird to you too, then listen to this interview and be encouraged. As Matthew says:
“Sitting in the tension and the mystery is exactly where we need to be.”
Merry Christmas, friends. 🎄
Watch here:
Links from the Show:
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Matthew’s Substack Community
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Kardia Community
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Matthew on Instagram, Kardia on Instagram
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Book: Honest Advent by Scott Erickson
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Book: Making Room for Adventby Bette Dickinson
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The Way Back to Ourselves Community
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Guidance for Spiritual Practices (Prayer of Examen, lectio divina, breath prayers), below:
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Quick life update & Second Cup update:
Dear Second Cup Fam:
It’s our last full week of August (how can this be?)! I want to share a few life & writing updates real quick before jumping into this A-MA-ZING conversation with Mike Noriega with you today:
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Vivian will turn 3 next week and we’re celebrating with a tea-for-turning-three party. I’ve been thrifting tea cups and tea pots. My mom sent sparkly shoes. It’s safe to say we’re all very excited for the event.
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Theo starts Pre-K in two weeks. We bought his first pair of brand new sneakers. I cried. [They’re already dirty.]
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I am 34 weeks pregnant and feeling it. I’m looking forward to this baby boy being on the outside. He has the hiccups multiple times a day and I forget everything and I will be flabbergasted if he’s not early [but just watch him prove me wrong and stay all cozy in there].
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There is still time to become a paid subscriber and get your Poetry is for Rebels Sweatshirt to celebrate The Second Cup turning 1 here on Substack (until August 31st)! I ordered a fresh shipment because I KNOW life is wild & Apple Pay doesn’t always cooperate & that there are some of you out there still who WANT THAT SWEATSHIRT but keep forgetting. [Hint, now’s a good time to do that!]
When my mother-in-law died, I remember feeling entirely baffled. How could it be? It didn’t seem to match what I believed about God: that if I prayed and had faith at least as big as a mustard seed (and a mustard seed is small), then she would be healed.
So what? I wondered. Was my faith so puny that it didn’t even reach God? Did I pray for the wrong things, or in the wrong way? Did God even register the sweeping effect her death would have over the rest of us here on earth? And the scariest question of all:
Did he even care?
I know I’m not alone, here. It’s the million dollar question: How can a good God allow suffering?
Mike Noriega—author of “Uncollapseable Soul”—and I grapple with the tension between faith and suffering in our conversation on The Second Cup Show this week.
We talk about:
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The loss of Mike’s grandmother in the infamous Surfside Condo Collapse in Miami, Florida (2021)
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How Jesus didn’t opt out of sorrow here on earth & why that can give us considerable comfort
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The difference between a broken heart & a crushed spirit
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How to love someone well through their tragedy (and what not to say)
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The art of choosing healthy solitude over unhealthy isolation in times of grief
This conversation with Mike is like a tender kick in the pants: he approaches grief and suffering with empathy, and at the same time encourages us to never, never agree with the crushing of our spirits.
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
I stand with my big belly pressed against the glass, watching the rain pool on our patio table and the maple buds unfurl their tiny fists to catch the droplets.
I have spent the day lazing, moving from the couch to our bed and back to the couch again. I have stroked Pablo’s fur and noticed the way he releases his entire weight against me as he curls wherever I curl, his hazel eyes at peace because we’re warm together.
Yesterday was much the same. I’m recovering from something, and my body and my mind refuse to move any faster than this. I think some thoughts, I eat some toast, I feel sick again, I sleep.
There’s a piece of me that wants to enjoy this. That wants to relish the forced slowness, the rhythmic lullaby of rain on the porch and the gray skies that tell my body it’s okay to nestle, to rest, to heal. But a larger piece of me swims around in an angsty fog. I watch the kitchen clock turn the hours over. Morning melts into afternoon, and afternoon becomes evening, and soon another day will have gone by in which I have not tended to the dishes or drawn nearer to my dreams. My inner voice hisses, “Wasted. Lazy. Nothing to show.”
I sit at the kitchen table and watch the birds, who fluff their feathers at the feeder. I open my Bible and graze the words in Isaiah, because it’s the place where the binding happens to naturally render itself.
“For just as rain and snow fall from heaven
and do not return there
without saturating the earth
and making it germinate and sprout,
and providing seed to sow
and food to eat…”
I look up at the rain. I watch it saturate the earth, and see that my flowers are germinating and the grass is sprouting and the strawberry plants already look as though they could bear fruit, and I see that it is it true. I keep reading.
“…so my word that comes from my mouth
will not return to me empty,
but it will accomplish what I please
and will prosper in what I send it to do” (Isaiah 55: 10-11).
I think of what words might be coming from God’s mouth today, what he is accomplishing here in this sluggish body and brain of mine that seem to have no regard for what I want. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and mind. I wish I could crawl out of them, into a body that feels fresher, newer, better.
Into my mind comes the phrase ‘gods of achievement.’ And then, as though that it has unlocked some sort of floodgate, I have a new stream of consciousness that flows within me as freely as the rain pours from the sky outside. I struggle to keep up with it; to jot it all down:
The thing about trying to appease the gods of achievement is that they are not for you—you are only ever for them. They neither feel, nor love. They are not alive, and yet—how easy it is to bow before them. To think that the sacrifices of staying up late and rising early, of leaving soul and body and mind untended, of grinding and pushing to the point of exhaustion—that those sacrifices will be rewarded with the satisfaction of whatever it is we’re hungry for.
I think with suddenly clarity and sadness of the newborn moments, when I wished my children wouldn’t need me so much so that I could get more important things done. Of the times I pushed off engagements with friends so that I could work, and then work some more. Of the joys and delights that I have utterly neglected, because they aren’t useful: The books unread. The meals uncooked. The strolls unwalked. And of the times, day after day after day, that I’ve told God I’ll come see him, just as soon as I finish ‘this one thing.’
I need a whole new way of operating, I realize.
Because bowing to the gods of achievement rids me of joy. It robs me of the ability to delight in creation as a verb, because I believe I have to wrestle it into a product. The process of working and creating can no longer be about communing with my Father when it’s been warped into the worship of achievement.
Achievement is a harsh task-master because it cares nothing for us. And yet. I lament when God pulls me away from it. I kick and scream against his rest and healing. It’s as though he’s dragging me to achievement rehab and I—I must be forced, not at all certain that I want to give up my addiction even though I know it’s destroying me.
My fingers touch the pages of Isaiah again:
“Why do you spend silver on what is not food,
and your wages on what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good,
and you will enjoy the choicest of foods.
Pay attention and come to me;
listen, so that you will live” (Isaiah 55: 1-3).
The Israelites worshipped other gods and walked away from their Father, his hands outstretched with love and provision and satisfaction. Am I all that different? No. Isaiah could just as well be speaking to me here today.
This word—God’s word—it’s still accomplishing what he pleases, like the rain on this wet weekday in Maine, nearly 3,000 years after he spoke it aloud. It’s telling me to turn around. To turn my eyes away from the punishing gods of achievement, who are neither alive nor care anything for me, and to settle—yes, settle!—before my Father, who will whisper secrets this world has never heard and fill me on foods this world has never eaten. And then, then, I will live.
“Teach me how,” I whisper in the deep.
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
It feels lofty to try to capture all that I’m trying to say here in one blog post. I think I have a whole book on this inside of me—one that’s been marinating for a long time and that’s anxious to get out. So let this be a crumb, part of a whole loaf of bread, ready to be ripped into again another time.
Here’s a true thing about me: Some days I am okay with the concept of dying, and some days I am most decidedly not.
I was out walking Pablo the other day, and the sky was gray and my mood was gray. As he poked around the leaves in his insistence to smell the same things he had smelled the day before, I watched water droplets collect on pine needles and stewed on the dismal fact that I’d been flat-out busy all day, but had done nothing that I’d particularly enjoyed. The result was that I was feeling a bit like a robot: useful, but not alive.
It was then that an old, unwelcome thought came into my mind—the stuff existential crises are made of: “Plus, I will die someday.”
I found, at that particular moment, that I was decidedly not okay with that. In fact, it was utterly depressing, and the weight of its truth began to press down on my soul. Pushing, pushing, it was so heavy that I felt my boots could sink down in that muddy ground until I was already half-buried, my fate sealed.
I was bothered by it.
The next day was different, though.
It was a Saturday morning, and Ethan offered to take the kids with him to deliver produce and eat donuts. Once the taillights gleamed in the morning light and I had waved out the window in my pajamas, I sat in the still silence of our home, wondering about the best way to capitalize on my newfound free time.
Should I fold six loads of laundry? Unload and reload the dishwasher? Respond to the growing list of emails I’d been avoiding? Order groceries?
There were a million useful things I could have done in those three hours. But I was tired of being useful. I didn’t want to feel like a robot. I didn’t want to become so consumed by the fragments of my responsibilities that I forgot that this life is meant to be a whole, well-rounded thing of beauty.
So I put on my pants, kissed Pablo on the nose, and hit the road.
I drove directly to Boulangerie, my favorite French bakery in the next town over. As I pulled into the parking lot, my brain began to say, Now Deidre, do you really nee— but I cut her off, too intoxicated by the smell of butter and baked bread to listen to good sense.
I ordered a cappuccino and chocolate croissant and sat alone outside, even though the air was still chilly. I let myself feel the cold on my skin, and my body said, I’m alive.
I tore off a piece of the croissant, and crumbs fell into my lap and hair. The inside was tender and rich, and I rolled it around in my mouth. My taste buds said, We’re alive.
I tucked my phone into my purse, and instead watched some plump little birds hop and chirp along the ground, delighting themselves in bits of muffin and quiche. Daffodils opened their delicate blossoms beside me; a French bulldog sniffed the air. I smiled at his owners, and my soul said, I’m alive.
I didn’t want to become so consumed by the fragments of my responsibilities that I forgot that this life is meant to be a whole, well-rounded thing of beauty.
It was in that moment that my eyes welled up. I remembered once that Oprah said to “Cry up,” to squelch oncoming tears, so I lifted my gaze to the heavens, not wanting to be seen in public crying over croissants and cute dogs.
I realized, all of a sudden, that I was quite literally being ‘delighted to tears.’ The sense of life was so abundant that it was trying to spill out of my eyeballs! I ran to the car and found a pen on the floor, then settled back into my outdoor seat and wrote poetry on the back of my croissant wrapper. I hadn’t intended to—it’s just that I had so much life suddenly churning around inside of me that I needed to get it out, to share it, to make it tangible in two-dimensions!
As I lay in bed that night, the thought of death came into my mind again. This time, though, I wasn’t greeted with a sense of hopelessness or melancholy. Instead I thought,If I lived every day like I did today, I would be ready to die when it was time.
Curious, isn’t it? That over the course of twenty-four hours, my perspective on death could be so drastically different that it could crush me one day, and unphaze me the next? What had caused such a shift?
Delight.
It wasn’t the croissant, exactly, or the bulldog or the daffodils or the cool morning air. It was the momentary suspension of time in which I was allowed to enjoy something without having to earn it, and to be human without being punished for it.
That sudden sense of freedom infused me with such joy that I felt, for a moment, that I had drawn closer to eternity, as though I could envision myself in it and that it was very, very good.
Jesus’ words come to mind now: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10 ESV).
When we begin to get depressed about death, it’s because the thief is pillaging us. It’s because he is telling us that all there is to life is what we can earn and accomplish before we die and are forgotten. So we succumb to grind culture and wait for our rewards, but they either never come or are never enough. We work, we fade, our days pass us by. And at the end, I’ve heard that many people feel an overwhelming sense of regret.
But Jesus says that he came to give life. And not just a little life. Not just life for when the laundry is done, or when our inbox is cleaned up, or when we’ve put in 40 hours or 40 years of hard, punishing work. He doesn’t mention such conditions. He just says that he came for us to have life and have it abundantly.
Delight: The momentary suspension of time in which we’re allowed to enjoy something without having to earn it, and to be human without being punished for it.
I imagine that’s why I feel nearest to God when I’m in a state of delight. When I write, when I blow raspberries on Theo’s tummy, when I pick flowers in the yard. It’s because he has offered an abundant life, and I am finally saying, “Why yes, thank you. I’d like to live this life you’ve offered me. And what’s more, I’ll enjoy it.”
That, I believe, is the secret to being okay with death: Knowing that there is life on this side, and life on that side, and Jesus has offered a way for us to enjoy it abundantly on both sides. And when we seize it, allowing ourselves to be delighted to tears by it, we can go to bed at night without an ounce of regret, knowing that when our time comes for life on the other side, we’ll be ready to enjoy that, too.
Delight is ours for the taking. We aren’t robots, for heavens’ sake. We’re humans. And we were designed for abundant life. It makes sense that anything less would fill us with existential dread.
So this week, may my voice whisper in your head as many times as you need to hear it: “Do it for the delight of it, dear friend. Do it for delight.”
Speaking of delight: I am DELIGHTED to share a new Signature Sweatshirt that I created for all the amazing poets here in this community. It says, “Poetry is for Rebels,” and it’s available for preorder, and if you’re looking for a rad Mother’s Day gift, they’ll be shipping out just in time.
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
I spent most of last night sleeping on Spongebob, his knobby arms and legs poking into my neck and leaving smush marks on my face.
Theo, our three-year-old, was plagued with bouts of coughing all night, and after I went in to check on him around eleven, he wouldn’t let me out of his bed again. I resigned myself to snuggling under the edge of the covers, holding my breath when he hacked in my face and wishing that Spongebob had more stuffing.
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It was fine; I was paying penance for the way I had behaved before bed.
Theo had wanted me to put him to bed, but it was his daddy’s night. The magnitude of that disappointment was more than his little emotions could handle, and he lost it. And I mean LOST. IT. I tried to handle it like a gentle parent should; the Instagram people would have approved. But when the gentle parenting strategies didn’t work, I scrapped ‘em. I had my own meltdown. [Given that I’m ten times older than Theo, I recognize that I should have handled it ten times better than him, too—and that makes the guilt even worse.]
After he finally fell asleep, I slumped on the living room floor and told Ethan I felt like a very poor parent indeed. Then I cried a little, imagining grown-up Theo still traumatized by my inability to hold my temper. I wondered to myself: If I never lose my temper again after this night, will it still be too late? Will I still have done some invisible damage to his little heart and mind and our relationship that I won’t be able to repair?
So when he needed me later in the night, I tried not to humph and grumble like I usually do. I left my own warm bed for his room. I propped his head with another pillow and made honey tea and kissed his hair, his cheeks, his hands. I whispered, I love you, I love you, I love you.
If I never lose my temper again after this night, will it still be too late?
Parenting is impossibly hard. It shows me how unbearably human I am, and has a way of bringing all of my unrefined parts right to the surface, where I have to reckon with them. It is constantly asking me to be kinder than I am, stronger than I am, and better than I am. It is the job in life that is never finished and never graded, which leaves me always wondering—how am I doing?
I saw something really beautiful that Lori Ann Wood wrote in an article for the Truly Co. that I keep turning over and over in my mind, when the doubt and shame about my parenting mistakes keeps creeping in. She said, “But the God who makes us out of nothing whispers through the doubt, When I choose you for something, I already know you are enough.”
Parenting is the job in life that is never finished and never graded, which leaves me always wondering—how am I doing?
Can it be true, that glorious thought that God has chosen me to parent my children and has deemed that what I can offer them is enough? That my fragmented ability to be good is not, in fact, disqualifying me from being their mom? When I grab hold of this idea, I feel enormous relief. I feel like God sees my humanity, says, Yes, I know, and then swoops in and does the thing where he turns a little into more than enough. Like the five loaves and two fishes feeding the five thousand. God takes weak and meager offerings and works miracles.
This morning, I apologized to Theo. He kissed me on the cheek and said, “I love you, Mommy.” And I thanked God for the chance to try again today, and to watch how he will take what I have and somehow, somehow, makes it enough.
The Second Cup is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Get full access to The Second Cup at thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
In this final episode of The Joshua Year Series: Fear, Freedom, and What Happens in Between, Deidre invites listeners to step from the house of Fear into the house of Love [AKA the Promised Land!] and dares deadened hearts to dream once again. She considers the questions:
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Is delight a moral obligation?
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How can we find the courage to step over the threshold from fear into the Promised Land?
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Is letting go of fear just unrealistic, naive, or romantic?
The perfect episode to listen to as you travel for the holidays and begin to set intentions for 2023.
Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!
Resources:
Lifesigns: Intimacy, Fecundity, and Ecstasy in Christian Perspective by Henri J. Nouwen
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Let’s face it: Christmastime can be really hard and really sad when we’re mourning the loss of a loved one. It can be tempting to push our grief aside because we don’t want to bring others down or we think it’s wrong to feel like this during such a ‘happy’ time.
We often think of our feelings in a neat dichotomy: Good feelings (joy, wonder, excitement, peace) or bad feelings (sadness, frustration, anger, grief). But what if we find the courage to obliterate that dichotomy and recognize that all feelings can serve a purpose?
How can we navigate grief at Christmas with God to help us?
Resources:
Simple Christmas: An Advent Guide — use promo code ADVENT to get it for just $2!!
Get full access to The Second Cup at thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
There aren’t many people who aren’t at least a little afraid of death (if they’re brave enough to admit it).
And it makes sense: God put eternity in our hearts, but our bodies have a time limit. Living in this tension - knowing that we will someday die - can be debilitating.
But we aren’t without hope. Let’s take some time to look death in the face, reckon with our finitude, and recognize how Jesus frees us even from this type of slavery - our fear of death.
If we can get a handle on this, we’ll be able to live our lives more uninhibited and filled with joyful abundance.
Resources:
Simple Christmas: An Advent Guideby Deidre Braley - Get it before December 1!
Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caringby Henri Nouwen
Scriptures Cited:
Ecclesiastes 3:11
Hebrews 2:14
1 Corinthians 2:9
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“Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!” I swear no scarier words have ever been spoken. [Thanks a lot, Solomon.]
But he spoke the very fear that is the root of so much that we do. We strive in order to prove we matter. We work and work and work until we feel that we’ve proven ourselves worthy of existing.
But what if it was never our job in the first place to make meaning of our lives?
The Second Cup Website
The Second Cup Newsletter on Substack
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Anyone who has ever lain awake at three in the morning knows that fear doesn’t play by the rules at that hour. In the middle of the darkness, it’s easy to imagine all the worst-case scenarios and be completely overcome by anxiety.
In this episode, we talk about fear of bad news, and how we can learn to commit the things (and ones) we so desperately love into God’s hands so that we can have the freedom to embrace our lives without constantly worrying that they’re on the verge of crumbling.
Get full access to The Second Cup at thesecondcup.substack.com/subscribe
Are you trying to do life apart from God? Has it been a day? A season? Years? Your whole life? Is it because that’s what you really want? Because you don’t believe in him, or you don’t like him, or you don’t need him?
Or are those just the stories that you have told yourself about God because you are too scared to sit in his presence and face the terrible prospect that he would see you, know you, and reject you?
Spoiler alert - he won’t.
References:
Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. Buy this, but first buy the prequel, The Ragamuffin Gospel. Read it. Let it change you. Pass it on.
Exodus 32 - 34
John 10
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The Bible says that there is no fear in love (John 4:18). But aren’t we all a little bit scared of love, if we dare to admit it? Aren’t we all clawing it for it, gasping for it, feeling desperately terrified of how much we need it? Is there a single human heart that doesn’t simultaneously long to be loved, and also fear that it won’t be?
The rest of the verse says that perfect love casts out fear. There is only one perfect love, and only one perfect Lover, and that is Jesus. The rest of us are just trying our best to push our selfish motives and quavering insecurities aside to clear a path wide enough for love to leak in. Lots of times, we fall short. None of us have quite been able to perfect it.
Episode 03 on the Second Cup Podcast Today is called “Why are My Friends So Scary?” Here, we talk about the concept of Otherness, learning to lay down our pride (a survival mechanism for insecurity), and how to find the courage open our hearts to make way for real connection.
References:
John 4:18
Exodus 16-17
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (10/10 recommend!)
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Today, we talk about how to have a ‘burning bush’ moment with God, and how to discern his direction as we prepare for our journey out of fear and into freedom.
Here’s the guided prayer that you may use to ask God for his help and direction on the journey:
God, thank you for being a God who sees, hears, and knows about our suffering. Thank you for knowing and loving me. Today, I’m struggling with so many worries and fears. I know that you see how it’s affecting my heart, my mind, my physical health, my relationships, and my peace. I don’t want to live like this anymore; I want to trust you more and be able to live my days free of this prison that my mind is in. I believe that with you, this is possible. Would you rescue me, God, from this cycle of anxiety?
Wait to hear what God says. Just be silent and still. You might not hear audible words, but can you feel what he’s saying? Sometimes it’s more of a wisp floating through your consciousness, something that you’ve not heard before and you know isn’t coming from yourself. It doesn’t sound like your usual inner dialogue. Or sometimes it’s more of an impression on your heart, like God is stamping his words there. Stay here and listen to God as long as you like. When you’re ready, move on to this next question:
God, what do you ask of me in all this? Please speak to me in a way that I can hear and understand, and please give me enough courage to trust and obey you.
Again, listen. A couple notes on discerning God’s voice: If/when you hear something, consider writing it down. Later you might question and wonder whether God really said that. [Side-note: that’s Satan’s favorite way to play with our minds; it was the very thing he asked Eve in the garden: Did God really say not to eat the apple? It’s like, his OG lie.] It’s helpful to save what God spoke to us in a whisper in writing; that way we can go back and be assured that we heard what we heard. If you’re still not sure if it was God’s voice that you heard, ask yourself: Does it align with what God says in the Bible, and does it align with God’s character? If you’re new in your faith, be encouraged. The more that you read your Bible, the more you’ll know God’s character. The more you know God’s character, the more you’ll be able to hear and discern his voice. As Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27-28). There’s no better time than now to start listening for his voice and savoring the fact that he knows you, because it’s him you’re going to need to follow on your way toward freedom, and you’ll want to stick close to his side.
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I used to be confined - and defined - by my fear and anxiety.
Does this sound familiar to you? You're not alone.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America recorded that nearly 20% of the U.S. adult population have an anxiety disorder. That’s one in five people.
In this age of fast media and bad news and self-sufficiency, and where trauma affects an increasingly large number of people, it’s not surprising that worry has become commonplace, and even expected.
In speaking with friends, especially other women, I find that I’m not the only one who has lain awake at night, imagining worst-case scenarios. We have, somewhere along the way, become wired to believe that something bad is always on the brink of happening. Rationalization and optimism are not helpful tools; when a mind is in fight, flight, or freeze mode, it can’t just “stop worrying.” Those who experience everyday anxiety live in a constant state of hypervigilance, and over time it can seriously affect relationships, decisions, and physical health. Plus, it makes it nearly impossible to experience peace or joy as God intended for us.
So what hope is there for getting out of this cycle? Is there hope?
Yes. A huge, resounding YES.
I know because I’ve lived it. I used to be held totally captive to fear, and now I’m not. And what happened in between?
Listen now!
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