Relationships Done Different

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Honouring Self With Kindness
Kindness Is Having Your Own Back
Kindness Versus Being Nice
Judgement Versus Empowerment
Ask For More Kindness To Show Up

Honouring Self With Kindness

There is an honouring of self in Simone Milasas’ world, cofounder of Relationships Done Different. There is a demand in her world which does not sway, yet it is delivered with kindness. Even letting someone go from her team is a kindness. It is kinder to everyone, and creates greater, if you just tell people what you are aware of and ask questions, rather than put up with something that is not working.

Most people think that kindness has to look a certain way. For years Paula thought she wasn’t kind because she wasn’t this soft, sing songy kind of lady.

Kindness Is Having Your Own Back

As a mum, Becky always gave her kids a lot of choice. They don't always fit in, but they definitely have kindness to themselves. If they don’t want to hug, for example, they say so, and that’s okay. Becky’s mum, however, takes it personally; “If you don't hug me, you don't love me.” Rather than put up with this, they will tell her “Don’t manipulate me.” They have this sense of self where they have their own back. They're not giving themselves up even when Becky’s mum is guilt tripping them.

Kindness Versus Being Nice

How often are you unkind to yourself to maintain the illusion of being nice? The amount of things we've all done in our lives to be nice, which are not kind to you, is staggering.

More often, what people think is being kind is actually being ‘nice’. Being nice usually means you lose yourself in order to take care of others’ happiness. Kindness is more about allowance and the willingness to be what's required; which includes yourself.

Chris just ended a relationship that wasn't working. The ‘nice’ thing would have been to put up with it and not create any sort of conflict or discomfort. The kind thing for everyone involved was to end it. It may not have seemed it at the time, but it was so required and there lies the kindness. Kindness doesn’t mean comfortable. Chris had to look at it and ask, "Where and how is this actually contributing to me?"

There is a way to do it with kindness that creates greater for everyone. And, when you are willing to be that energy for you, you show other people that it's possible.

A friend of Chris’, Kass, waiting for a table at a restaurant with a friend. When the next table became available, they were dismissed and passed over for a white couple behind them. Kass’ friend got really angry, saying it was because they were black. Kass, however, dealt with it with kindness, whilst still asking for what she desired and deserved; "I'm sorry dear, you must not have seen that we were here before them. Would it be possible for you to serve us now?"

Judgement versus Empowerment

One of the biggest areas where relationships seem to fall apart is communication and knowing how to say something. If there is no judgement, what does communication look like?

A retail shop owner that Chris knows was complaining to him about his staff. Chris asked him, “Are you judging them? Is managing your shop with a loaded gun how you can communicate and empower your staff?”

Chris is always interested in what his friends and staff know, rather than micromanaging and dictating to them. Kindness is empowering people to what they know and to have the greatest life they possibly can.

He is not interested in having relationships with people who constantly judge and nitpick and make everything wrong. If you take the judgement and the wrongness out, what is there to nitpick at?

Ask for what you require and be that energy of what you demand and what you are reaching for, without judgement.

We can all be unkind and we can all be really kind; it's a combination. If you are making yourself wrong for the times you are not kind, look at all aspects. What kindness can you be? What kindness can you see?

Ask For More Kindness To Show Up

Ask and you shall receive is how the universe works. You can ask for anything. Keep asking for more kind and fun people to show up. Chris asks for the following, "What would it take to surround myself with kind, caring, creative people?"

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Are you grateful for your body? Do you have allowance for it? For years Simone used to dismiss her body and find it annoying, until she realised that judging your body does not create anything greater!

In this episode, Simone Milasas discusses two chapters from the book, Divorceless Relationships, with Paula Peralta; Getting To Know Your Body and Secrets To Great Sex.

If you have total communion with your body, then you can have great sex; because it’s your body that copulates. Embodiment should be about joy in your body, and your body being a contribution to you and you being a contribution to your body and being. Treat your body like a best friend.

There is only one thing you want hard in life!

Keys to success

Stop Judging Your Body
Greater Communion With Your Body
Have Gratitude For Your Body
Communion & Relationship
Holding Onto A Relationship
Winners, Losers & No Counts
Sex, Sexuality, Copulation & Intimacy
Great Copulation
Your Body Doesn’t Have A Judgement
Too Tired To Copulate
Positive Judgements
Being Orgasmic Energy
The Joy of Embodiment

Stop Judging Your Body

For years Simone used to view her body as annoying. She dismissed her body and would have judgments such as, "I could get so much more done if I didn't have a body," as well as judging its size and shape. And, when she stopped judging her body for its size and shape, she started judging it for ageing.

Judging your body doesn't create change.

In the last 5 years, Simone has stopped judging her body so harshly. She asked herself, “What if I stopped judging it and was just super happy to have a body in this lifetime and be in communion with it?”

A whole space is available when you stop judging your body. It's like a muscle. The second you go to judge, catch yourself and stop. No one else can do it for you. Simone says that even though she has less judgement of her body now, she still has to practice.

Greater Communion With Your Body

Be in tune with what your body is asking for. A while ago, Simone hurt herself in pilates and was talking to Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, about it. He told her that she needs to stop doing whatever it is she is doing the moment something gets so much fun. It seems counterintuitive but for Simone, that is when she stopped asking her body questions and just continues doing what she finds so much fun. You really have to pay attention to what your body is asking for and listen. Now Simone catches herself when she does this and asks, "Have I stopped asking my body?"

It's about asking your body what it requires. Listen to your body and follow the energy. There is no right or wrong. Your body might desire something for 2 days, 1 day, 2 weeks, 1 month; it's not a longevity thing. Listening to your body and being in communion with it will create greater.

Start your day by conversing with your body. Put your hands on your body and have a little chat; “Hey body, how’s it going?” Put your attention on a part of the body, or on your organs or cells and ask it, “What do you require?”

Being in communion with your body also leads to greater sex. You can't have great sex if you are not in communion with your body; because it's your body that copulates!

Have Gratitude For Your Body

Your body is your best friend, and we treat it like crap by constantly judging it and getting frustrated. What if we changed that to constant gratitude?

What part of your body do you love, find wonderful? What if you looked at your body through someone else's eyes?

Communion And Relationship

The greatest relationship you can have is with you and your body; then you can pick and choose in a really different way because you are not looking for someone to fulfil you. Only you can fulfil you.

Hollywood movies portray themes like, "you complete me" and "soul mate." What if everything you have been told is a lie?

If you have communion with you, you can add somebody to your life. If you don't, you'll be looking for someone to fulfil you or to complete you. No one else can complete you; only you can complete you. Other people can be a contribution, but they don't complete you.

It is way more fun to be with someone who is being all of them. One of the most attractive things in the world is someone who is being them.

If you are looking to put your trust in someone else before you have it with you, you will never have all of you. If you have trust in you, then you can trust someone else; but it's not blind faith. It's you in allowance of who they be and you can make choice.

Holding Onto A Relationship

Everything you've decided is the 'right' choice, take a breath and let it go.

What are you avoiding by holding on to a relationship so tight? What if instead, you choose to be with them each and every day? And then, if it's time for something different, what if you could choose that?

Winners, Losers & No Counts

In relationships, a ‘Winner’ is someone who you would feel like you have ‘won’ if you hooked up with them, but the catch is that they typically judge you or your body. A ‘Loser’ is someone who wants to hook up with you, but you judge them (because they must be a loser if they want to be with you). And a ‘No count’ is someone who has no judgement in their world.

For Simone, anyone who didn't want to have sex with her was a winner; ie if she had sex with them, she had scored a winner. There was no question in her world of, "Will this be fun?"; just the desire to score a ‘win’. Anyone who wanted to have sex with her, she put in the loser category; it was just too easy! And, the no counts just didn’t count.

She would choose men who would judge her body based on the same judgement she had of her body. It would validate the limitation she was choosing for herself.

Now, she asks, "What would it take to choose lovers who are nurturing, who are fun?"

Sex, Sexuality, Copulation & Intimacy

‘Sex’ is where you are walking tall, feeling good and strutting your stuff.

‘Sexuality’ is a judgement and a definition of you based on your sexual preferences.

‘Copulation’ is where you put your body parts together.

Copulation is not intimacy. The 5 elements of intimacy are gratitude, trust, honour, vulnerability and allowance. For Simone, having that level of intimacy with someone was a lot harder than copulation. What if you were willing to have the 5 elements of intimacy with everyone, including yourself and your body?

Great Copulation

People make having sex right or wrong. There was a time when Simone was willing to never have sex again. She also knows people who havent had sex for years. It doesn't matter! None of it is right or wrong; you are not right if you have sex and wrong if you don't, or if you masturbate or not. If you are being really present with your body, then you get to choose; that's when the joy and the pleasure with it all exceeds.

Great sex is a level of contribution and receiving. Sometimes you want fast and furious sex. Sometimes you want slow sex. If you are willing to have it all and play with it all, you'll have more communion with your body.

The first time that Simone had sex, it was about ticking a box; “Now I've had sex. I can tell my friends,” rather than an exploration; "Ooo, is this nice? Is that nice?" etc.

Then, for years, she never chose who to have sex with from the space of, "Will this person be nurturing for me?" She didn’t ask, “Is this working for me and my body? Is this fun for me? Is this joyful?”

Create communion by asking your body questions. Even with long term partners, ask “Will this be nurturing?” before copulating; rather than this judgement that you have decided needs to be fulfilled.

Your Body Doesn’t Have A Judgement

When looking for a person to copulate with, what if you asked for a particular energy, such as somebody who is going to contribute to you, be kind to you and your body and doesn’t judge your body, rather than stipulate physical appearances like size, weight, height, etc.?

Your body doens't have a judgement about who it wants to have sex with. Ask, “Body, who would you like to have sex with?" It could be lots of different people. It's you who judges whether it’s right or wrong, good or bad, and has all these reasons and justifications about whether you can or can’t have sex with someone. It’s not that you go and have sex with everyone your body would like to copulate with; it's about identifying the energy of that person that your body finds nurturing, and asking for that in a sex partner.

Your body is really smart. You are the one who is sometimes a little crazy. Let your body show you the way and listen to that. Then you might have a different reality show up.

Too Tired To Copulate

How much of your life are you forcing yourself to do things you don't really want to do?

The energy you put into making yourself do things is what makes you feel tired. You have to expend more energy doing things you don't want to do.

You get to choose. If you are tired due to working too much and don't want to have sex, acknowledge that, and what else is possible? For example, could you go away together for three days?

Positive Judgments

A positive judgement is going to lock you up just as much as a negative judgement.

Perfection is a judgement; "I've got the perfect partner," or "that was the best sex I've ever had." Positive judgement leads into this place where you do not choose anything different or greater.

If you have great sex, enjoy it and ask, "How does it get any better than that? What else is possible?"

It's not about getting rid of the positive or negative judgements; what if you were interesting point of view about it all?

Being Orgasmic Energy

You don't just get turned on when you copulate. When you are willing to have the energy of sexualness, there is a turn on that occurs. The more you play with that, the more you feel those vibrant energies. But you have to be willing to receive all of those generative, fun, exciting energies. At what age did you turn your body off? There will be a decision you've made about the wrongness of your body.

Get the energy of orgasm; it doesn’t matter how long ago it was, we all know the energy of it - even if it was in another lifetime. Pull that energy up from the Earth and up through your feet and body, and tap into that orgasmic energy through your entire body. Allow the heartbeat or pulse of orgasmic energy throughout your body.

Everything that doesn't allow you to perceive, know, be and receive that, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and wrong, good and bad, POD and POC, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds.

You can do this exercise at any time. Orgasmic energy is a really alive energy. It doesn't mean you have to copulate, but you can walk around everyday with that energy. What if that's how you be in the world?

Everything that doesn't allow you to choose to live with that orgasmic energy, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and wrong, good and bad, POD and POC, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds.

The Joy Of Embodiment

Embodiment is not just about your body but your whole reality. If you are willing to receive this whole reality, a different embodiment can occur.

It should be about joy and happy in your body, and your body being a contribution to you and you being a contribution to your body and being.

Ask every day, "What else is possible for me and my body today?"

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

Simone Milasas, Worldwide Business Coordinator of Access Consciousness, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator, Business Done Different Facilitator, 3-day Body & Advanced Body Facilitator

Simone's Website

Simone’s Instagram

Simone’s Facebook

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Do you get annoyed with your partner? Can your partner never do anything right? Or, do you judge yourself as being wrong all the time within your relationship? What if there was another possibility?

On this show, your host, Christopher Hughes, has a raw and vulnerable discussion with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Carolyn Sinclair, about her marriage and their relationship together; including her husband’s last days.

What if your interaction with all the people you are in relationship with wasn't a reaction but a choice to create something?

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Your Point of View Creates Your Reality
Love Is Always A Judgement
Gratitude & Creationship
Allowance
You Get To Choose To Be Happy Every Day

Your Point of View Creates Your Reality

When you decide your partner is wrong, nothing they ever do will be right.

A few years back, Carolyn had decided her husband was wrong and was considering getting a divorce. After attending a Choice of Possibilities class with Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, she began to realise that it was her point of view that needed to change, not the situation.

It was she who had decided things he did were annoying, and she realised that it was she who was creating the problems because she had to be right all the time and everything he did was wrong.

Carolyn began to ask questions of herself; “What was it about me that I only saw the things that were irking me, when previously we used to have so much fun together?”

She also started using the tool, interesting point of view, every time she felt annoyed. Saying “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” over and over in your head dissipated all the mind stuff that was going on and made everything so much better and happier.

What if you didn’t have to be right and you used the tool, interesting point of view?

Love Is Always A Judgement

When someone says, “I love you,” it can mean so many different things; and, it is always a judgement. When you love someone or something, there is generally a ‘because’ attached; I love you because x, y or z.

What if instead you used gratitude? When you are in gratitude, you can't be annoyed; the things or behaviours that previously annoyed you no longer matter.

Gratitude doesn't need a ‘because’; it's an appreciation for what is without any expectation of anything that could be different.

Gratitude And Creationship

For Carolyn, everything got better with gratitude; even her sex life.

In this world, you have to spend quality time together and have meaningful moments to maintain your love and to prove your love. But when you take all that away and are just enjoying each other, it's a different thing.

When you look at the definition of ‘relationship’, it means the distance between two things. Instead of being in a relationship, be in a creationship. You want to have a partner that together you create 20 times more than you do individually.

Allowance

We can't live on this planet without relating to or interacting with others; ie without having something to do with other people.

As head of Customer Service for Access Consciousness, Carolyn possibly interacts with a lot more people than most; and, many of those involve ‘complaints’, where the customer is annoyed. The two tools that Carolyn uses for greater ease in this customer service role, and in life, are allowance and interesting point of view.

Allowance is like being a big rock in the middle of a stream. Do you get banged around and have to avoid everybody, or are you just letting everything flow by? The choice is yours. When you don't resist and react or align and agree, it changes the energy between you and the other person; because every molecule is consciousness, and we all interact.

Having allowance for others is not just kind for them, it's kind for yourself too. If you don't do trauma and drama and you are in allowance of what other people say and do, life is so much easier for you. Imagine a world where absolutely nothing we did or chose was in reaction.

What if your interaction with people wasn't a reaction but a choice to create something?

Play with it.

You Get To Choose To Be Happy Every Day

If Carolyn is not happy, she uses an Access tool to clear it, change it, or realise it's not hers but someone else’s that she is just aware of.

Choosing to be happy no matter what affects all of her relationships; if Carolyn is happy, it's hard for others to be snarly and rude. And if they are snarly and rude, she can just walk away.

It’s like the mantra of Access - all of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory. That's all of life; even the yucky stuff.

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

Carolyn Sinclair, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator

Carolyn’s Website

Carolyn’s Instagram

Carolyn’s Facebook

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Have you ever asked your body to contribute to you? When you are in communion with your body, without judgement, magic can happen.

On this show, your host, Becky Vannes, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Chrissy Dorn, about your relationship with your body and ways to enhance it.

Your body is talking, are you listening?

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Start Asking Your Body
Get Out Of Your Mind
Have Allowance With Your Body
Gratitude
There Are Two Ways You Can Live Your Life
Ask Your Body To Contribute

Start Asking Your Body

When you don't have a relationship with your body, you choose with your mind and you don't ask your body what your body requires.

Chrissy had a skiing accident and realised her body had tried to warn her many times beforehand not to go, but she wasn't communicating with her body.

How many times does your body tell you that you are not involving it in the equation and not asking it what it wants to eat, who it wants to be with, etc.?

What does your body require?

Every morning when Chrissy wakes up she asks her body "Body, what do you require?" "What can I contribute to you today?"

We all come from the Earth, so when you contribute to your body you are also contributing to the Earth; it's the same energy.

Get Out Of Your Mind

When you are in your mind, you are trying to control everything. As soon as you try to control with your mind, you can’t hear the whispers of the Earth. What if you were out of control with no definitions, conclusions, judgements and separations?

How do you know if you're using your mind? It could be a headache, it could be that you are really tired, etc.

Chrissy was tripping a lot. Her body was trying to tell her to be present in this 10 seconds rather than in the future.

How often is disease a sign from your body to be present enough to look at it?

Hold your hands somewhere on your body and really earth yourself and connect yourself with your feet on the ground. That's when you start sensing what it is like to be in your body, then you can ask "Hey body, what do you require now?"

Other great questions when you have pain or dis-ease are:

"Who does this belong to? Is it mine?" "What is it, what can I do with it, can I change it, if so what is the next step?"

Your body shows you the way, the Earth shows you the way.

Have Allowance With Your Body

Your point of view creates your reality. What are you creating when you keep judging your body all the time?

What if you were in allowance of whatever your body chooses to be, rather than looking in the mirror and judging it?

Your body always keeps changing, just like the Earth keeps changing, every 10 seconds.

Whatever your body looks like, when you are so in oneness with your body, you can wear anything and have so much presence; you don't need a modal shape for that.

Once you are in allowance of your body, you can honour your body with whatever it wants. Trust your body that it will show you the way of what is a greater contribution for both you and your body and the entire Earth.

What if that is trust with your body; that it always knows what will create greater right now?

It’s not just trusting that your body knows, but also that your body trusts you; you are all oneness. It’s like a tango where sometimes the body leads and sometimes you lead.

What can you create with the tango called your life?

Gratitude

Once you create this communion with your body and it becomes your best friend, gratitude falls into place much more easily.

Even in the shittiest situation, your body shows you how you can deal with that. Be grateful for every single situation that you and your body have allowed yourself to have; even cancer. Your body is showing you where some changes are needed and giving you something totally different to look at.

"Thank you for showing me, body."

Your body is also grateful for you. What signs can you look for that show you your body's gratitude for you?

When you have a sensation of ease and relaxation, that is gratitude from your body for you. Relaxation is the energy of gratitude, and it's also when you are truly vulnerable; the vulnerability of being totally present and seeing what is and just receiving whatever comes out of it.

Ask your body to show you what gratitude is from your body if you are not aware of it; and just see what shows up.

There Are Two Ways You Can Live Your Life

1/ like a puzzle with edges that you live within, and each piece being predetermined where it fits by the maker of the puzzle. It gets denser and denser as you work your way inwards from the edges, and once done, you destroy it and make exactly the same puzzle again.

2/ see what shows up. Your body is a piece of a huge mosaic, greater than the universe. It's you, your energy, your infinite being and your body. Then you add whatever you like, wherever the energy is going, and you move it around wherever you like; wherever it creates more. Ask, "What's going to create greater here?"

Ask Your Body To Contribute

When you truly truly desire something, have you ever asked your body to contribute to it?

Get connected with your body. Lower your barriers, connect with the earth eg feet on grass. It’s good to have 3 points of focus, eg your feet on the floor, your back against something, hands on body somewhere, and then ask, "Body what do you know here?" and listen to the whispers.

You can only hear when you are out of control and out of your mind.

Chrissy used this question to find her an apartment in an area where it's normally difficult to rent; "Body, show me what's next. Where do I need to go, who do I need to talk to, what energy can I be?"

Your body knows.

Chrissy’s body also told her to book a first class ticket, and the money just showed up. It also turned out the points she got from that ticket paid for 6 other flights. That's what can happen when you are so congruent with your body!

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

Chrissy Dorn, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator

Chrissy’s Website

Chrissy’s Instagram

Chrissy’s Facebook

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Are you currently deciding whether to leave a relationship or to stay? Indecision can hang over you like a dark cloud and can be paralysing, keeping you from taking any action at all. What if you could have ease, joy and glory with this choice?

On this show, your host, Paula Peralta, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Heiderose Scheerer, about the question, to go or not to go.

If you are at a crossroads with any of your relationships and you don't know what's required or how to go about it, this episode can assist you to know that there are possibilities available; even when you don’t feel like there are.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Stop Over Thinking It
What’s Really Going On?
Do You Function From Compromise?
What Else Is Possible?
Compatibility
What Does Your Body Know?
An Invitation To Something Different
It Starts With Your Relationship With You

Stop Over Thinking It

Your mind will never be able to give you the answer you are looking for. There is no one fits all answer.

When you start asking should I stay or should I go, it's something that has been going on for a while. There is something that doesn't work for you.

Ask, “What is it that doesn't work for me? What is it that makes me ask the question?” and “How can I change it?”; or “Whose responsibility is it to change it?”, as we so often go to blame.

What is it that you actually would like to have? What's true for you?

You can ask the question, “What will my life be like in 5 years time if I stay? What will my life be like in 5 years time if I go?”, but what do you know? Once you get to that point of asking should I stay or should I go, you already know the answer.

If you are overthinking it and coming up with a pros and cons list, you are trying to justify your choice. If didn't need to justify, what do you know? What do you desire, what do you require? What is true for you? What is it you would actually like to create?

Two questions to end the indecision are,

1/ “Am I in an abusive relationship?”; whether it’s you abusing them or they are abusing you.

2/ Has your health been suffering in the relationship?

What’s Really Going On?

What if your partner's annoying behaviours are a gift and they are there to be your teacher? What if perfection is pure fiction? How can you love an imperfect person perfectly?

Who were you when you started the relationship? Who are you now? And what would you really like to create in your life?

So often we go to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Outside of abuse, you don't necessarily have to end the relationship just because you find something annoying that you don't think will change. There is always something else possible. A great question to ask is, “What would it take to change this?” or “What would it take for me to have ease with this?”

Another thing we often do is look to other relationships as an example of how a relationship should be, or how to deal with conflict, etc. But what is it that works for you?

When you carry traumas with you, it keeps you from having true intimate relationships. If your partner wants more intimacy and you want to run, it’s not wrong to run - but know what you are doing. If you are the one who wants more intimacy, what can you do to get it?

What are you asking for and can you be and do everything that is required to do that?

For example, if you desire the 5 elements of intimacy - honour, trust, allowance, vulnerability and gratitude in a relationship, is that something that is easy for you to do? Or would you benefit from talking to someone about that?

Do you want to stay in an unhealthy relationship or create a healthy relationship? and how do you know the difference?

The key is to look at yourself and be really honest with yourself.

Do You Function From Compromise?

Compromise means giving up something valuable to you for the sake of the other person. And, you will expect the other person to do the same. With compromise, no one ever gets what they want. Prefer to ask, “What else can we choose that works for both of us?”

What Else Is Possible?

Being in a relationship, or not, is a choice. You can choose it or not choose it. Not choosing your relationship is still a choice.

However, if you find yourself leaving relationships a lot rather than putting the work in, are you doing relationship hopping; i.e. going from relationship to relationship with always the same things that don't work? Maybe it's time to look at yourself and ask, “What can I be and do different here?”

When you're both choosing to be in the relationship, even though not perfect, you can make it work.

Make a list of things you are grateful for for that person. In that space of starting to choose gratitude, things can start to change.

Compatibility

Have you ever even checked if you and your partner are compatible? So often we think if we love each other, it'll just work.

Compatibility is, when you are authentically being your true self it makes the other person feel well or be well or contributes to their life and what they do, and vice versa.

Does the other person truly contribute to you?

What if relationships were about contribution and were an expansion to our lives?

Most of us don't even know that is a possibility, as we were raised to believe conflict and drama and struggle were the norm. Ask, "What have I learned about relationship that is actually a total lie?"

What if compatibility is not about the excitement, what if it was your body relaxing and you feel well and safe and welcome and you welcome the other person? From that point you can create whatever you like.

What Does Your Body Know?

A lot of people are so disconnected from their bodies. Mindfulness is a wonderful thing but what if it requires bodyfulness to know whether to stay or go?

What is your body telling you about the relationship? What is your body telling you when you are with the other person? Are you getting sick, do you stop breathing when the other person shows up, etc.? Or is it something you'd like more of?

An Invitation To Something Different

Relationship Done Different classes are an invitation to look at everything you thought you knew about relationship and everything you thought you knew about you in relationship; not just romantic relationships, but families, colleagues, money, bodies, etc. It’s about the willingness to look at what currently is and the willingness to have your own reality. What could you create that is not available to anyone else?

It all starts with getting to know yourself.

From the time we are a little kid, we are told what to think and how to behave and we are never encouraged to look at what we really want. When you were on the playground, you knew what you liked and you had fun. You didn’t think about it. Then we were taught that we have to think about things, and we ended up leaving ourselves and our knowing behind.

It Starts With Your Relationship With You

So often we think the indecision is about the relationship, when really the indecision comes from a lack of knowing yourself and a lack of intimacy with you.

If you are willing to be really honest with yourself, and willing to know what you and your body requires, you can have so much more ease.

End the fight with yourself. Start being brutally honest with yourself and what you like, and start communicating that. Stop demanding the other person changes and making them wrong. What if there was no more judgement and a lot more questions like, "What else is possible?"

When we start communicating what is going on with us and asking for more possibilities to show up, your partner actually starts to feel closer and you start to be intimate again.

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

Heiderose Scheerer, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator

Heiderose’s Website

Heiderose’s Instagram

Heiderose’s Facebook

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Do you ignore your body until it’s screaming at you? What would happen if you were more present with your body, listened to it and took action, rather than putting up with pain, illness or things just not being right?

On this show, your host, Justine McKell, talks with 3-day Body Facilitator and Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Danielle Tooley, about creating a relationship with your body.

It's up to you to choose something different; and to choose to know that something different is available.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What Is A 3-Day Body Facilitator?
Being In Communion With Your Body
Tools For Teenagers
What Joy Can Your Body Bring To The World?
The Difference Between Body & Being

What Is A 3-Day Body Facilitator?

A 3-Day Body Facilitator is someone who can facilitate other people's bodies to create something different; whatever that is for them. Ultimately it's about having a communion with your body.

Danielle says that her job as a facilitator is for you to get awareness around your body and what you are creating with your body. It could simply be a question you haven't asked yet. It’s about empowering you to get what that is for you; to have all the awarenesses so you can have more communion, more presence with your body.

Our hands are built to nurture and heal. As a baby you are cuddled and kissed and touched, but as an adult, unless you have a partner, you don't really get that, yet that is what bodies require. A 3-day body class gives you that touch the bodies are screaming for.

It's innate for our bodies to heal themselves. When you become more present with your body, the side effect of that is healing. Danielle stated that she will never get bored of listening to people's shifts and changes after a 3 day body class.

Being In Communion With Your Body

A lot of people ignore their body; it’s not a priority for them. If something is going on with your car, like a flat tire, you'll attend to it straight away, but if something's going on with your body, you’ll more likely put it off and only attend to it when it's screaming at you through some sort of pain or illness.

What if you made a conscious effort to really be intune with your body and what it's asking of you, so that you can attend to it before it gets to that stage?

Danielle said that she raised her kids to have a good relationship with their bodies. Danielle's daughter has a great relationship with her body; she loves it, enjoys it, has a sense of peace with it and tells Danielle whenever something is going on with her body and what it requires, like booking into a chiropractor because her shoulders are sore or asking Danielle to run a body process on her.

They've learnt that communion with their bodies from a very young age.

Tools For Teenagers

"Who does this belong to?" is a great tool for teenagers. Look at who the teenager is amongst. Most of them are all thinking the same thing. Ask them, “Is it possible there is someone in your class that could be thinking that?” Danielle has had the experience where the teenager realises that there actually is someone and they get to know that they are just really aware of what’s going on for other people; that they are aware of other people's thoughts and the pain and suffering in other people's bodies. They can ask themselves, "Does this actually belong to me?" 99% of the time it's not theirs. Return it back to sender.

Another great tool is Interesting Point of View. It assists you to become more of the observer than reacting to whatever is going on around you.

Teach your teenagers to have gratitude with their body; waking up each day with a sense of gratitude.

Maybe start a journal - what can they write that they enjoy about their body?

Explain to them that there is no cookie cutter mould with bodies, and we all want something different than what we've got. Dr Dain Heer, the co-creator of Access Consciousness, talks a lot about embracing your supposed ‘wrongness’; because it's actually your strongness.

What Joy Can Your Body Bring To The World?

You chose this body. you chose to be on this Earth in this physical form, so what if it's about the joy and enjoyment of it?

If you come from a family where your mum judged herself profusely, most likely you will too; unless you go "This is crazy. I am going to do something different."

Get a pen and write on your mirror something to remind you of the beauty that you be.

You got this vehicle for life. You chose it. What beauty is it going to bring to the world?

It doesn't mean you have to be beautiful; beauty comes from all angles. How would you like to engage with the world? Your body is part of that engagement. We require bodies to do that.

What would you like to bring to the world with your beautiful body?

The Difference Between Your Body & Being

Your body and Being are two different things, and they work together.

The body is what is sitting in the chair, and your being has been here many lifetimes and experienced many different things. Once this body dies, the being chooses another body.

This exercise will assist you to get a sense of the difference between the being and the body:

Find 3 points of contact when you are sitting in a chair, such as your feet on the floor, your bottom on the chair and your back against the chair. Breathe into this space, noticing those 3 points of contact.

Now, expand your Being out 180 degrees in all directions and occupy the space of the room you are in. Keep expanding and occupy the space of the world. Keep expanding out and occupy the space of the universe.

You will have a lot of awareness from this space. You may notice there is no pain or suffering in your body. It’s also a great exercise if you are feeling really contracted, or when in crowds.

Use this exercise when you are out in public and the awareness of other bodies becomes way too much for your body. You can be aware of other bodies but you don't have to take it into your body.

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

Danielle Tooley, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator & 3-Day Body Facilitator

Danielle’s Website

Danielle’s Instagram

Danielle’s Facebook

Access Consciousness Body Classes

View Details

Do you use relationship as a standard by which to judge yourself? Or is relationship for you something that adds more kindness into your life?

Most of us are brought up to be kind to others, but if the kindness is not flowing in both directions, there is not true kindness there. If you are only being kind to the other person, you are limiting the kindness to you.

On this show, your host, Paula Peralta, talks with Dr. Dain Heer, cofounder of Access Consciousness, about kindness, and how it all starts with being kind to you.

Kindness to us which allows kindness to others is a massive strength, that if we would choose it would change every relationship we have, and change the face of the world.

If everybody chose to be the kindness that they can, how diff would the world be? It starts with you.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Does Your Relationship Add To Your Life?
How Do You Treat Yourself?
Taking Steps Towards Kindness With Self
Kindness To Self Changes Everything
Make Time For You
Value The Lightness And Space
Kindness To Self Is Not Wrong
The Difference Between Nice And Kind
Ask For More Kindness

Does Your Relationship Add To Your Life?

99% of rel is energetic; not cognitive. If you are going to be in a relationship, it should add to your lives dynamically, otherwise why would you have one?

Most of what we learned about relationships we learnt from other people who did relationship poorly and we think we’ll do it better. Or we have the idea that relationship is going to solve all our problems. It doesn't. But it will point out our points of views about us in the world.

We seldom go to that place of liking us, so we get in relationship with somebody who also doesn't like us. We assume that’s the way it has to be because we assume there is something inherently wrong with us.

Dain was engaged to someone who didn't like him. When he realised that, he asked, "Where do I not care about me? What is this showing me?"

You can either have kindness for you or the wrongness of you. Think of when you are around a friend who doesn't judge you, how much kindness does that give you for you?

What if you just asked to be shown more kind people?

How Do You Treat Yourself?

The more I am willing to be kind to me, the more kind people show up in my life. No matter what relationship we are in, if you can be that kindness to yourself that starts to allow us to receive that from the world too.

A lot of people have no idea what it is to be kind to them. Dain gave the example of someone who could never please her parents. As a result, all she could ever do was look at what she hadn't been or hadn't done, so then she repeated that in her relationships.

You need to look at how you are treating you and how are you being for you. When you notice that you are not being kind to you, just stop; and POC and POD everything that is.

To know kindness more, think of what it's like to be around a puppy, or a friend who doesn't judge you.

Taking Steps Towards Kindness To Self

Take that leap of treating yourself the way you should of been treated, not the way you were treated, and see what shows up. Try it for a couple of hours and see if you like yourself more at the end. If you do, extend the time.

Just one step in that direction creates a space where, rather than putting up with people who don't like us and trying to get them to validate you, you can go "Love me or hate me, I'm going to love myself."

What you focus on grows, so make the demand that no matter what shows up, you will love yourself.

Start small. 10 seconds of not judging you. 10 seconds of actually liking you. The more you can celebrate those small steps the greater it becomes.

write down every single day one thing you

It doesn't have to be monumental; it's a marathon not a sprint

Kindness To Self Changes Everything

We all probably have a lot of things we'd like to change. Changing how kind you are to yourself changes everything!

Every time you say "I can't" you are being unkind to you. Kindness to you would be aksing, "How can I create this? What can I change? What can I do?"

It's such a game changer; if you do the work. Dain says that he likes himself, because he has done the work.

Make Time For You

Each day make one different choice for you.

Most of our lives are about other people, because you want to make their lives better; which is an element of kindness. Let’s start to have some of that kindness coming inwards and fill up your whole battery.

Take 20 minutes a day just for you. Even if you have to get up a little early to fit it in. Do something that is nurturing for you. It may just be taking the time to sip your coffee.

It results in you having space, so when you interact with others, you don't have to go down this whole cesspool of reaction. You become a source for something greater.

The ultimate kindness you can be is always elevating the space of the interaction to something that contributes more to everybody; including you.

Value The Lightness & Space

Start to value the lightness and the space; that's another kindness. If you can start actively choosing that, which creates more of that, we become a different invitation; we change the game so to speak.

So often we walk through the world with all these barriers up. If you are willing to be that energy for you, willing to be kind to you, you actually realise you don't require the walls and barriers.

That's when people start to perceive the difference you be. It puts them in question; "Why are you so happy?" and allows that energy to truly permeate the world. Kindness to you changes the world!

When things are clunky in relationship, pause for a minute and lower your walls and barriers. Remind yourself that you are just feeling clunky right now, and that you really enjoy this person. It has a ripple effect that is instantaneous.

Kindness To Self Is Not Wrong

One of the lies of being kind to you is that everything is then going to be all about you. We are taught this as kids; be kind to others otherwise you are a bad person, selfish, etc.

However, it's only when you are kind to you that you can be present for kindness to others. Kindness is also a presence and a strength. We are taught that kindness is a weakness. No. Niceness is a weakness

The Difference Between Nice And Kind

Kindness is a willingness to look into somebody's world, see what they require and deliver it if you can.

Being nice is when you are trying to prove that you are not bad, wrong, evil; so you let people walk on your head to prove that you don't secretly want to kill them. We always try to prove the opposite of what we believe we are.

Somebody who is nice, you want to kick in the head. Somebody who is kind, you want to be around.

Ask For More Kindness

One of the laws of the universe is ask and you shall receive. Be kind enough to ask for what you truly desire. Choice is "I'll have that". That's it. The universe's job is to show you the how. Your job is to live your life and do your best to ask for it.

Get the sense of what it would be if you were totally kind to you and ask for that, it will show up. It shows up little by little until we don't even realise it, but if you look back in say 2 years, you'll notice the difference.

The ultimate kindness to you is being willing to receive from everything and everyone around you.

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

Dr. Dain Heer, Cocreator of Access Consciousness

Dain’s Website

Dain’s Instagram

Dain’s Facebook

Being You Changing The World Book

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Do you think that something is wrong with you if you are not in a relationship? If you are in a relationship, do you remain yourself or do you put on an image to keep the relationship, because if you are true to you you think your partner won’t like it?

On this show, your host, Becky Vannes, talks with John Wheeler about being enough and valuing yourself both in and out of all relationships - intimate relationships, work relationships, friendships, etc.

If you value you, others will value you too, and valuing yourself allows you to not be affected by what others say and do. Relationships should add to your life, not detract from it.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Get Clear On The Fact That You Are Enough
Receive Compliments
Be You In Relationship
Be Honest With Yourself About Your Current Relationships
Does It Work?
Relationships Should Increase Your Value
A Relationship Takes Two People
When You Value You, Nothing Outside Of You Can Impact You
Laugh At What People Say
Ask A Question
Call Someone
What Are You Aware Of?

Get Clear On The Fact That You Are Enough

So many people think they have to have a relationship and that if they don't they are wrong. You are actually enough how you are, where you are, by yourself. You are a whole person. You are enough exactly as you are today. There is nothing wrong with you if you are not in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with you at all.

If you are looking to add a relationship in your life, whether it's a relationship with a person or a business or a project or whatever, it should be a bonus. You are already a gift. Anything else that interacts with you is a bonus.

You just being here is enough!

Receive Compliments

John realised that he was enough by having conversations with people who had his back; and actually hearing them. How often do you receive compliments?

Be You In Relationship

If you get clear on what you would like to create or what future you would like to have, people can say or do whatever they want and, as long as you hold true to valuing you, you don't become less.

Look at your values and what you have to offer, then make the demand of yourself, "I'm going to be me in this relationship. I have this list of things I'd like to create."

Be Honest With Yourself About Your Current Relationships

Look at all the relationships you've created in your life; business, friendships, intimate partners, family, etc.. Lower your barriers, get out of the judgement of yourself and ask questions like “Who am I? Who do I want to speak to?”

Be willing to hear the feedback that comes with those relationships. For example, does the person treat you in a way that is kind, do they value you, are they using you?

How do you see yourself in that relationship? Ask,

"Where am I in regards to this relationship and where would I like to be? Is it working for me?” If not, “Do I want to stay in this relationship?”

Get clear on what works and be willing to actually demand what works. You don't become a doormat just because you are in relationship. Have conversations and be willing to address what's going on.

If you start to value you, the world will too.

Does It Work?

If you get a no when you ask, "Does it work?" with regards to your current relationship, it doesn't mean you have to leave it.

Ask, "Can I make this work?" If you get a yes, ask, "Am I willing to do the work to make it work?"

If it's not easy and fun to do that, do you want to stay in that relationship? It's also not wrong to leave.

Relationships Should Increase Your Value

When you add a relationship to your life, that relationship should be generating more. Relationships should make you excited, make you want to live, make you want to go out and create; they should increase your value and what you are creating.

If they make you want to do the opposite to that, you might want to look at what you are choosing it for. What are you desiring to create with the relationship?

And, it shouldn't cost you; you shouldn't have to give something up to be in a relationship.

This doesn't mean that relationships should be all rainbows all the time. You are going to have things that come up.

It’s about asking questions and communicating, and being willing to have those conversations.

A Relationship Takes Two People

You also have to look at what you did to create the relationships you currently have. If someone says you are mean, for example, were you being mean? It’s not about making yourself wrong if you were; just acknowledge it and look at what you want to do from there.

When You Value You, Nothing Outside Of You Can Impact You

People say things to you based on how they see you; not on how you are. And, most of that comes from judgement.

If someone thinks you are mean, all they will see is how you are mean. If someone sees you as kind, all they will see is kind behaviours.

Acknowledge that's how they see you, and that's it.

You also do this with others. You see them through eyes of judgement.

Laugh At What People Say

Don't take what people say to you seriously. A great tool to use is to laugh at what is being said.

Also be aware that if you are with a friend when someone lashes out at you, they will try and align with you; "I can't believe they said that". Tell them it's not an issue and that you find it funny; "That's funny that they think that."

Ask A Question

Another great tool is to ask a question eg what is their agenda? A lot of times they are saying things about you to manipulate and control you.

Call Someone

If something is sticking you, call someone and get them to ask you questions. If you don't buy it, it doesn't stick you.

What Are You Aware Of?

Just because it's there doesn't mean it's true. It doesn't mean something has to be said, and it doesn't mean something needs to be done.

Ask, "What's going on here?" And, sometimes that's enough.

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Guest

John Wheeler, Relationships Done Different Facilitator and Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator

John’s Website

John’s Instagram

John’s Facebook

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Do you react to what your family or culture expects of you? What if you could have peace and ease with saying “No,” when something doesn’t work for you, no matter what other people are choosing?

On this show, your host, Justine McKell, talks with Anaa Abulfaraj from Jedi, Saudi Arabia, who is unmarried at 36 in a culture where family expects a woman to marry. Learn how she uses the tools of Access Consciousness to create ease in this situation rather than go into reaction by fighting their beliefs.

Anaa says it starts with you and your relationship with you, then it spreads to everyone else, shining ease, joy and glory in every step. Using the Access Consciousness tools for relationship is a journey of learning about yourself and everyone else around you.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

It Starts With Honoring You
Interesting Point of View
“No” Is Not a Bad Word

It Starts With Honoring You

The 5 elements of intimacy are honor, trust, allowance, vulnerability and gratitude. Anaa reminds herself of these every day because they give her herself first. When she has that, it is easier to be pragmatic with everyone else.

One of her favorite tools is honoring herself.

Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, says, "We are always fighting against us. Why don't we fight for us?"

What if you started each and every day with honoring you? When you wake up in the morning ask, “How can I honor me today?”; not from a space of separation, but from inclusion. Then, if possible, spend your first hour of the day doing nurturing things just for you. Anaa has found that when you follow this, no matter what goes on in your day, you always have that space of you.

Interesting Point of View

Using the 'interesting point of view’ tool is great for families. It allows you to let them talk and be in allowance of whatever they say, because it’s not about if they are right or wrong; it’s about not going into reaction.

Be smarter about it. Just let them talk. They don’t want advice or for you to fix anything; they just want to talk. You don't even need to listen, just show them you are interested in what they have to say. How do you be in allowance and not react? In your head say, “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” as they talk.

Anaa says you can use interesting point of view for your whole culture. The tool has given her much ease and peace being 36 and not married in Saudi; a culture that has many points of view about that. She says that with this tool, she doesn’t need to fight everyone to have herself.

“No” Is Not A Bad Word

Part of honoring you is being able to say no to others when what they desire doesn’t work for you. Anaa used to say yes to everything because she thought she had to, but this caused her to fight everyone around her. She was doing it out of obligation and was reacting to that because it was not honoring of herself. It was not kind to herself or the other person.

Say “No” with no expectation. If you say “No” when you are in reaction and resistance, it becomes a fight.

If you are willing to say “No” to others, you also have ease when others tell you “No”. You have no sense of wrongness around it. If someone says no, it's about them. It's not rejecting you or saying anything about you. If they say no, it's just a no.

Practise allowance with others telling you “No” by deliberately asking for things you think the person will answer “No” to. How much fun can you have with it?

Put yourself out there with no expectation. When dating, if a man doesn't call you, just ask them. For Justine, the rejection or the not calling back was the hardest thing for her when she was dating. As a result, she would pretend to be what she thought the guys wanted, and answer questions accordingly, rather than being herself on dates.

Anaa did too. She used to shut herself down and did everything they wanted; “There was no me”. In receiving a “No” with no expectation, she can be her more. For example, she used to hide that she traveled because she thought others would judge that. Now that she is being herself, she can talk about all the things that make her happy, including travel.

She can now also say “No” too. It's not about personal rejection. If you don't say no when you don't want to do something, you are only hurting yourself. It's about having a great relationship with you. If you can have a great relationship with self, it is easier to be with everyone.

Anaa believes that if she doesn’t have something it's because she didn't ask for it or she is not willing to be it; it's not about bad luck or being a victim. Rather, it opens the door for acknowledging what is so we can do something about it.

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

What if you didn't have to divorce you to create an intimate relationship? Most of us cut off parts and pieces of ourselves for our partners, our kids, our colleagues, etc., in all the different ways that we don’t choose us.

On this show, you are treated to the recordings of a recent zoom with the founder of Access Consciousness, Gary Douglas, and Paula Peralta as part of the Divorceless Relationships book club.

Gary sees guys bend, fold and mutilate themselves to get into a relationship. He sees women bend, fold and mutilate themselves to stay in a relationship. Neither one of them is about "Is this happy? Is this fun?"

Relationships should be fun; not relationshit. Stop divorcing yourself to get into or maintain a relationship.

What would it be like if you gave up your life of misery in favour of a life of fun, joy, happiness, possibilities, choices, questions and contributions? Most people don't even think that way.

Key points from this episode’s conversation

Be You
The Image Of Relationship
What Are You Choosing?
10 Second Increments
What Would You Like In A Relationship?
Creating A Great Relationship
The Relationship With Your Body
Four Things You Need In A Relationship
Sex
The 5 Elements of Intimacy
Do You Really Want A Relationship?
What Can A Horse Teach You About Relationship?

Be You

People think there are certain things they can't share about themselves, and cut that off thinking they can be without it. You can’t.

You can't do without being you.

You can't be without being you.

You can't accomplish without being you.

You can't create without being you.

The Image Of Relationship

This reality portrays relationships as you fall in love and live happily ever after. Is it the truth or a figment of your imagination?

Relationship is never always easy; you are going to have stormy weather as well as great sailing. You've got to have the ability to sail through life without needing to believe something that is not true.

What Are You Choosing?

To have a good relationship, you need to be aware of what you are choosing and be aware of the possibilities you are not choosing.

When Gary's relationship wasn't working he asked, “What are 8 things that would have to change for this to work for me?" Then he went down the list and asked, "If I ask her to change this, could she do it?”

He discovered that only two of the things on his list she would be able to change, because for the other six, she had decided that was who she was. What if you could create yourself in every moment? What kind of amazing things could you create? What would you choose?

You've got to have choice in relationship and you've got to know you are doing it by choice. The people Gary knows in good relationships, they chose their relationship and they choose it every 10 seconds.

When you can't come to agreement, just move on. That's the way you want to live your life; "You're not going to change my point of view, I'm not going to change your point of view. Let's move on."

10 Second Increments

If you live in 10 second increments, you're not trying to come to conclusion about what a relationship is.

Gary knew someone who thought their relationship was perfect and didn't want it to change, whereas her husband was having an affair for 2 years and wanted to leave her. The greatest mistake we make is going "This is the most perfect person for me." What makes them the perfect person?

You keep looking for the perfect person to be with as though that creates the perfect relationship. It doesn't. All it creates is the biggest fuck up on planet earth.

What Would You Like In A Relationship?

You have to look at what you want in a relationship, not what other people have. There are people Gary knows who have a great relationship, but he wouldn't want that relationship for himself.

What are you currently choosing with regards to relationships? What would you like to choose?

If you write a list of what you want in a relationship, also list what you do not want. When you ask for what you don't desire in a relationship as much as you ask for what you do desire, you will get everything you desire and everything you don't desire won't show up.

If you have a list, get clear on the list and make sure you are asking for what you actually desire. If you are not aware you will ask for something that is exactly the opposite of what you desire.

Creating A Great Relationship

So often we look at the end game with relationship. For example, “It's perfect, don't touch it,” attitude. But when you are willing to look at your relationship constantly and see what needs to change, it can become greater. Constantly ask, "How can this get greater?"

It’s not about wrongness. If Gary sees a weed, he doesn't have the point of view that it's wrong. He has the point of view that it needs to come out.

The Relationship With Your Body

Dressing your body and wearing what your body wants to wear is a contribution to us.

If you listen to your body and you do what it asks, and you dress according to what it desires, you will look better and get more compliments and people will think better of you.

You want people to think better of you, not worse of you.

People dress according to their front side whereas people see you from all aspects, not just the image they are creating. It’s about having an awareness of the effect we have on the world and what invitation we can be, and the willingness to have ease with our relationship with our bodies.

This applies to all relationships. You want to have multiple points of view, rather than just one point of view. Metaphorically sit in a different place and view your relationship. How is it going, what is it like, what is this going to create, what do you truly want in a relationship, what is going to work for you?

Four Things You Need In A Relationship

There are four things you need in an intimate relationship:

It provides some contribution to your money flows - they either give you money, add money or their presence allows you to make more money.
Your partner allows you to do whatever you want to do, the way you want to do it, whenever you want to do it and doesn’t expect you to change.
You allow them to do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it, the way they want to do it and you don't expect them to change.
They are good in bed (if not, bye bye - there's always someone better)

Sex

Ask, "Would this person be fun to have sex with?" Ask it, whether you are going to have sex or not. If you ask it about a friend, you will be freer with them and they will be freer with you. You don't have to have sex; sex is always a choice.

Sex is about receiving; not putting body parts together. When you can have sex with someone, you can receive all of who they are without a judgment. When you can receive all of someone without a judgement they will like you better than other people.

5 Elements Of Intimacy

The 5 Elements of Intimacy are vulnerability, honour, trust, allowance and gratitude.

Vulnerability is putting up no barriers to the other person; you don't have to stop being who you are. Why would you care what people think about you? Very few people actually think good of you, and yet you think they do.

If people use info against you, they are not honouring.

Honour is to treat people with regard, as if they are a good person, on your side to fight life's battles together; not fight life's battles against you.

Trust is trusting that the person will do what they do. It is also to trust that they will have your back.

Allowance is interesting point of view.

Gratitude: you cannot have gratitude and judgement in the same world. If you spend your time judging you, you cannot function as you; you will be functioning as less than. If you are grateful for someone you will trust they will do the things they do and have allowance for it and have the gratitude of the fact that they live their lives the way they choose.

Do You Really Want A Relationship?

Gary sees people very unhappy in relationships sticking together.

Do you really want a relationship or are you pretending you want one because that is what you are supposed to do; especially if you are a girl? If you are a girl, you are supposed to want one. If you are a boy you are supposed to be wanted by one.

What Can A Horse Teach You About Relationship?

If a horse is friends with the person they will eat with them. If they are not, they'll kick them. Why wouldn't you kick the person to the side that is bugging you?

Horses stand head to tail to take care of the flies on each other. That's a different way of being in the world.

Gary trusts his horse. He always asks the horse when he gets on, "Will you take care of me?" If the horse says yes, he gets on. If it says no, he doesn't ride.

Paula wasn’t asking her horse; she would get on and say, “Take care of me." That’s a demand, not a question. How well will that work out? Anyone will meet your demand for a short period of time, but what then?

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Do you focus on all the things your partner doesn’t do, or does ‘bad’? Are you tired, frazzled, cranky or stressed? If you answered yes to either of these, you relationship spark is more likely to be fizzling than sparking.

On this show, your hosts speak about keeping the spark alive in relationship, whether it’s an intimate relationship or a business relationship, or simply the relationship you have with yourself.

You might be surprised that as well as gratitude for your partner and ensuring that you nurture yourself within the relationship, destroying and uncreating your relationship and instilling chaos are also key tools to keep the spark alive. Listen to this week’s episode to find out more.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Have Gratitude For The Small Things
Destroy and Uncreate Your Relationship With Everyone
Introduce Chaos Into Your Relationships
Keeping The Spark Alive With Yourself
Know When To Stop A Relationship

Have Gratitude For The Small Things

Becky has been married for 27 years and her husband still gives her butterflies when he walks in the room. He is an amazing man and she is so grateful for him. But it wasn’t always like that. Initially, there was a whole lot of nit picking and she was focused on the small things and what she hated about her husband and what got on her nerves. Until she realised that she had to stop doing that and started to focus on what she adored about him and grew it from there.

Gratitude for the small things makes everything grow!

Destroy And Uncreate Your Relationship With Everyone

This also applies to relationships in business. Anyone you work with on a regular basis, you end up with this level of intimacy and you start making assumptions about them; what their preferences are going to be and how they are going to choose things, etc. Once you get into that routine, for some people it becomes maintenance rather than moving the relationship forward.

The greatest gift and tool to keeping it fresh is to destroy and uncreate your relationship with everyone you work with every day - as well as intimate partners, friends and family. Everything you have decided your relationship is with them, based on yesterday and based on history, erase all of that, so you don’t carry it into what you choose today".

"Everything that my relationship was and everything I have decided it's going to be, I destroy and uncreate it all. Right and wrong, good and bad, POC and POD, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds."

Introduce Chaos Into Your Relationships

Everyone has their agenda, whether they are honest about it or not. They are trying to direct things in a particular way. Every now and again, throw in a wild cad to not following the path

they are trying to lead you down. Then they have to step out of their projections and go into question about what is actually occurring and what will be created.

Keeping The Spark Alive With Yourself

It's not about what you need to deliver with this person to keep the spark alive as much as it is about what you require to have the spark alive for you.

So often we look to what's outside of us in relationship conversations. You've got to start with what works for you; and it may be something that has never existed in the history of relationships before!

You've got to look at what you are bringing to the party, whether your relationship is business or personal. If you're exhausted or tired and cranky and stressed, how much fun is that for the other person? We are all busy people with lots going on and if you are not doing the things that feed you and give you that enthusiasm for living, then you're probably not a whole lot of fun to hang out with.

How do you keep the spark alive with you?

Paula has a lot of businesses that make her money; they are her primary relationships. And they take up a lot of time. Recently, she has made the demand to do something that is fun and is just for her, for at least one hour a day and one day a week.

Being a busy business woman, she originally thought "How can I possibly spend one whole day to myself?" However, she discovered that the more she actually does that, the more she can deliver in all the other areas; and truly keep the spark alive for yourself. You think you don't have time for yourself, but you actually don't have time to not have time for yourself! You've got to include yourself in the creation of your life.

Becky hasn't been including her body lately, and is now making the demand to. She loves to move, whether it's working out or being in the creation of it. When she gets out and moves and takes time for herself, her molecules are all dancing.

In Divorceless Relationships, Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, says to do something for one hour a day and one day a week that nurtures your soul. It doesn't mean you don't do anything; but you can if you choose to. There are other things you can be, do, have, create in that day. What you do on that day is up to you, and can show up in ways you wouldn't expect, such as checking work emails because you know that will create a future that you

desire. You get to choose. You get to do whatever you want. Ask,

"What actually would nurture me today?"

Know When To Stop A Relationship

So often when you are married or in long term relationships, the expectation is that you ‘roll together’; are on the same page and do everything together. Ask, “"Can this person deliver what I desire? and am I capable or desiring to deliver what they are asking for?"

Paula’s friend was in a relationship with someone who didn’t actually want to be in relationship. If she hadn't ended the relationship when she realised this, she would have been continually beating herself against a wall and divorcing more and more of herself to try and keep the spark alive, when she could just go and choose someone that would contribute to her. She would have way more fun and not bend, fold and mutilate herself for something that was not even possible (because he didn’t want a relationship).

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Do you tiptoe around people, trying not to offend, keeping the peace and avoiding conflict and confrontation at the expense of asking for what you want? If you are able to just say it, not from judgment or attacking, it makes everyone’s life so much easier.

On this show, your hosts speak about having a voice in your relationship, and share tools and anecdotes that you can use to assist you to ask for what you want.

It’s a gift to both the other person and yourself when you are actually willing to say what is for you and ask for what it is you desire. There is a great relief that comes with that for you, and an ease for the other person in knowing what it actually is that you want.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What’s Stopping You?
What Else Is Possible?
What Have You Decided You Can’t Ask For?

What’s Stopping You?

Oftentimes people are worried that if they say the wrong thing or say what is actually true for them, they might lose the attention of the person they have decided is so valuable; they tiptoe around what it is they actually want because they don't want to lose them or offend them. If you actually just say it, there is a great relief that comes with it.

People are so averse to conflict and confrontation that they prefer to keep the peace and tiptoe around on eggshells rather than ask for what they want. It’s a constant worry that you will offend someone or hurt their feelings if you say what it is you desire. We end up building an imaginary reaction in our head.

The gift in being straightforward and saying what you want is in the elimination of that worry. It's never what we think; it's always so much easier. And, how much easier is it for you when you know exactly what your partner desires, rather than trying to read into the subtext of their actions to figure out what their expectations are and guess the subliminal messages? That is the gift to them when you say what you desire.

What Else Is Possible?

Have the conversation; "This is what I require. I'm noticing that it is not occurring. Is it possible for you to do those things or do we need to change the situation?"

It's valuable to be aware of the other person's world; what they can receive and what they can hear. However, it’s not about 'sharing your truth', which is more often than not about sharing judgement.

Look at the person you are talking to and ask, "What can they receive? What can they hear?" and then ask for what you would like from the place of making it about yourself; not what they are doing wrong. If you are trying to correct their behaviour, you might actually be judging them.

It is also helpful to make the thing or situation outside of your relationship with that person; like looking at something outside of you together, rather than it being a symptom of a bigger problem.

A lot of the time you are dealing with people dynamics rather than the situation or thing itself. For example, they can be reactionary from things in their past; step back and ask questions and realise it's not personal.

What Have You Decided You Can’t Ask For?

What have you decided you can't ask for that is actually just waiting to be delivered? It's usually the assumption that you can't ask, that you shouldn't ask, that is stopping you from receiving these things that you want. So many people live by these strange rules and codes of conduct and we are told at a young age that we can't ask for what we'd like. There are also all these moments where you feel like you were wrong for asking for what you want as a child.

It's an ongoing adventure to have more of you; it's a process of unlearing. Ask, "If I was showing up as me today, what would that be like? If I was to ask for what I wanted, what would that be?"

People are also averse to receiving a “No,” when they ask for what they want. A great exercise to start having your voice is to practise receiving “No”s by going out and asking 3 or 4 people for something you know they will refuse.

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Are you addicted to judgment when it comes to choosing a partner? Do you normally go for someone who may be great looking but dismisses you or judges your body, etc.?

On this show, your hosts speak about their past dating habits and the topic of ‘untyping’; a 2022 trend to ditch your usual dating ‘type’ and start looking beyond it.

Until you start to explore outside your usual dating type, you won’t even be able to see the other people who are available for you; and who are possibly a lot kinder and more capable of a healthy, nurturing relationship.

Is it time to get vulnerable with yourself and start paying attention to who you are actually attracting and dismissing with your ‘type’?

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Are You Looking For Validation?
Are You Actually Willing To Receive Kindness?
Winners, Loser, No Counts
Does List Writing Work?

Are You Looking For Validation?

Christopher Hughes realises now that he used to look for guys that weren’t really interested in him, so he could be rejected; until he met someone who was different. He was looking for the validation from other people’s attention that he had value, yet he didn’t actually believe he had value himself so he attracted people who mirrored that to him.

It's almost like we are looking for these partners to heal something in us that we think is wrong. Stop and take an honest and vulnerable look at yourself. Are you really such a terrible person? Focus on the joy of who you are rather than the burden of who you are; “I have value here. I am not the conglomeration of judgements I have of me.”

It take practise.

Are You Actually Willing To Receive Kindness?

This is another area to get really vulnerable and honest with yourself, because judgment is so familiar, we can be more comfortable with others judging us than being kind to us. Are you willing to receive kindness? Are you willing for someone to adore you? Because a lot of us aren’t trained to receive.

It does take courage because it can be uncomfortable if you are not familiar with people treating you kindly. Is it time to step outside your comfort zone and out of your usual ‘typing’ and try something different?

You've got to start investing your time with the people who honour you, see the value of you and don't judge you.

Winners, Losers, No Counts

Winners are those people you want to get together with and who usually dismiss or judge you. There is something that you idealise about them, like their looks or being great at sports, etc. You feel like a winner because when you get together with them because of the attribute that you are idealising, but you don’t pay attention to things like kindness being missing; so is it actually a win?

Losers are those people that you judge and as a result don’t want to have anything to do with.

No counts are the ones who don’t fall into either of the above categories and as such are usually ignored by you. They are most likely to be the ones who will be kind to you, as they dont’ judge you.

Until you explore outside of the 'winners' you can’t actually see that it is possible for you to have an amazing relationship.

Does List Writing Work?

Justine McKell used to write lists, and she realised they were mainly centered around physical attributes. Physical attributes have nothing to do with who they are as a person, or creating a life, or someone who is actually going to be nice to you, take care of you and be kind to you; someone who can actually see you, and contribute to you. It’s more of a projection onto the person of what they are going to be in your life, and nothing to do with who they are and what capacity they have to be in a healthy honest kind relationship.

If you do write lists of what you would like in a partner, also take a look at what shows up with regards to that list. You will start to notice where you reject people.

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different

Instagram

Facebook

Website

Book

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Have you ever had sex with someone where there was an expectation of performance; eg “You did this with my body so I need to do that with your body?” etc. It's no fun and there is little to no benefit in it.

On this show, your hosts speak about the topic of friends with benefits, beyond a transaction; both in the carnal connection sense and within other friendships where the benefits are more about contribution on a different level.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Does It Work For You?
Mixed Relationships
Transactional Realities
The Greatness Of You

Does It Work For You?

Outside of the carnal connections, 'friends with benefits' is an invitation to look at all your friendships, and whether or not they actually work for you and are creating greater eg who are your friends, do they contribute to you, do you contribute to them?

For each relationship - friends, work colleagues, etc. - get really honest about whether it invites you to more of you or not, whether it works for you or your business or your life, and whether it creates greater in your life.

What if all of our friendships could be these brilliant creationships that contribute to each other, where you create more? What are your friends doing that is inspiring to you? What do you know that you can contribute to them?

The ultimate benefit with your friends is to make sure that everyone is winning!

Mixed Relationships

Most of the times when you mix business and friendships and they come into difficulty, there is some sort of expectation that wasn't really communicated. For example, they may function a certain way in the friendship and there was an uncommunicated expectation that that would cross over into the business and it didn't.

A great question to ask that will save a lot of heartache is, 'Will this work?" That and clear communication are essential before entering into a business relationship with friends - you may adore them as a friend but it may not work with ease in business.

And again, you need to be honest with yourself. It’s not, “Do I want this to work?” it’s, “Will this work?”

Transactional Realities

In this reality, people tend to go to 'tit for tat'. That is what we refer to as a transactional reality in Access Consciousness, where you create a reality with somebody based on a transaction that occurs between you and what you think you are owed and what you think you are obliged to do based on each other’s actions.

Most people do contribution because they feel they have to contribute to pay for something they've already got or something they want; which is very different to just receiving, where you enjoy the gift of it and it enriches your life.

What if you could contribute to one another and contribute to the world we want to live in and never expect what we are going to get in return?

How do you function outside of a transactional reality? You have to create a new reality.

When you truly gift something to someone and they receive it, it's an immediate gifting back to you. The gift you receive back is the energy you created and the gratitude that ensues.

In carnal connections, the more you are willing to gift without an expectation of receiving, you actually receive well above and beyond what you would have received if it was transactional; the gifting inspires something that takes people to another level.

In friendship, it's never this linear thing of “Here's what I contribute and here's what you contribute;” it's knowing that you are both a contribution when you are both showing up, and it's the joy you receive when you see your friends receive contribution.

The Greatness Of You

Once you are willing to receive the greatness of you, more shows up everywhere. That's what allows us to be so excited for people when we see them receiving; the willingness to acknowledge that it shows up for you as well and asking for it, "I'll have that too!" Half of the fights would no longer be relevant if people looked at things that way.

What if the world was a little more contributory? And, what if it was a contribution just to receive?

Daily Questions

“Will this work?”

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

There are many points of view around doing business with a partner you are in an intimate relationship with, ie your ‘Honey’, one of the most prevalent being that you should never do business with an intimate partner. What if nothing ever meant you should never do it again? What if instead, you asked a question and followed your awareness in each circumstance?

The difference between a relationship and a creationship is that a creationship allows you to create greater, no matter what the circumstances.

On this show, your hosts speak about the potential pitfalls of doing business with your honey. Listen to their personal experiences in this area, and the tools they used to create more ease.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Melody & Harmony
Honor your partner
Don’t make it all about the business
Nurture the relationship you have with yourself
The success or failure of the business doesn’t mean anything to the relationship

Melody & Harmony One of the potential pitfalls of doing business with your honey is when you disagree on something in the business. Work out whose choice and decision is the trump card in different areas. If they have more knowledge and experience in a particular area, will it create greater to concede to their choices in this area?

Recognise who is driving things forward (Melody) and who harmonizes with that choice and adds to it. Acknowledge where each other is strong and where you can contribute to the other person being even stronger; “You have an awareness of something I don’t, you run with it.”

Honor Your Partner Honor your partner by acknowledging their choices that are different to yours, and trusting that they are going to create more. Trust that everything will work out in the long term.

Also, allow them the freedom and the space to fail. If it's an area they feel strongly about, let them choose; let them make their own mistakes and develop their own awareness.

Don’t Make It All About The Business Another potential pitfall is that all conversations become about the business; when you’re at home, when you are out to dinner, etc. Create some space just for the relationship, such as ‘date night’.

Nurture The Relationship You Have With Yourself Look after the relationship you have with yourself in regards to the relationship you have with you in business. Value yourself.

Your life is your business. What brings you joy, what creates more in your life, and what adds to it?

The Success Or Failure Of The Business Doesn’t Mean Anything to The Relationship Just because a business fails doesn't mean the relationship fails. It doesn't mean anything for the relationship; the relationship can still be glorious.

Likewise, the business can be really successful and that doesn't mean your relationship is going to be great. It doesn't mean anything about you, them, your life, the business… It’s just an experience you are going into together. They are two separate things that we tend to bring together and not know where one starts and stops.

Ask questions like, "Is this going to work?"

Daily Questions

“What will create greater?”
"Is this going to work?"

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Have you ever said, or been told, “We need to talk, within your relationship” It’s that dreaded time when you just know something's wrong and, likely, the relationship breaks up soon after.

On this show, your hosts speak about break ups. Break ups don't need to be messy. What if it could be as easy as knowing when you're done with your dinner?

The tools you use to create a relationship that works for you can also be used to navigate a break up with ease. You don’t have to do messy and dramatic. Listen to Justine and Melanie for tools and tips you can apply straight away.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Are We done?
Is There Something Wrong With Me?
Have Gratitude For Your Ex
Give Yourself Time To Process
Don’t Stop Creating Your Life

Are We Done? How often do you try to force things to keep going for reasons such as loneliness or you are too old to be finding someone else?

You actually know when it's time for a relationship to end, but a lot of us try to keep it going beyond that; you think the safety of what you have trumps the adventure of finding what would make you more alive, and inviting people into your lives that are more congruent with where you're going.

Trust that awareness that you have and address the break up before it hits. A great question to ask is, “Are we done? Have we done everything we were meant to do together?” It's not cold and callous.

Is There Something Wrong With Me? When a relationship breaks up,often people get stuck in thoughts like, “What did I do wrong for the relationship to not continue? Is there something wrong with me?” There is a stigma with the person who is left.

Just because a relationship has broken up, doesn't mean you are broken. No, it's just done. You're not wrong at all; you're not broken.

Have Gratitude For Your Ex Acknowledge the gift that your ex was in your life and remember the good times together, instead of going, "He was such an asshole, he did this and this." Nobody can do anything to you.

Every communication we have, we get something from it. It was a choice you made. And, at some stage there was something that did it for you.

And, you are not responsible or the trigger for what they do.

Give Yourself Time To Process When you handle your shit, greater things show up. Give yourself some time to get over your ex, but don't extend it to a year. If it's off, it's off.

You process it, you shift it, allow yourself to have a look at it, and then you move on. It doesn't have to be perfect though. Don't try to find the ‘right’ process. Nobody has the awarenesses that you have.

A lot of things that show up are inexplicable, but we try to attach meaning to it.

Ask, “What is it, what can I do with it, can I change it, if so how?”

Give yourself a break; don't beat yourself up. Enjoy the process. If you are angry or crying, turn it up and enjoy it. Allow it out and just move on.

The universe always has your back. Things always turn out better; even though it doesn't seem like it when you are in the middle of it.

Don’t Stop Creating Your Life Make sure you do something you would love to do. Don't stop creating your life just because you are not with that person. Use this time to reevaluate your life. What is it you really want to do? Were you choosing things because that's what your ex wanted?

Really look at what is true for you and step into more.

Daily Questions * “Are we done? Have we done everything we were meant to do together?” * "How does it get any better than this?” * “What is this, what can I do with it, can I change it, If so, how?”

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

No matter what relationship you are in, there come times when you have to navigate different points of views.

On this show, the hosts speak about mixed marriages. A mixed marriage is anywhere you and your partner come from totally different points of view and background and are different in what you choose and value.

Whether you are in a mixed marriage or not, there is going to come a time where there will be a discrepancy in opinions; it's going to happen, what do you want to choose? How much peace do you want to have? Or do you want to have the drama and the conflict? Neither is right or wrong; it's just a choice. What possibilities haven't you considered?

Listen to the discussion for tools and tips to navigate differing points of view in your own relationships.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation * What does being right create? * What if agreeing to disagree and tolerance are not the answer? * The 5 Elements of Intimacy * What am I not willing to receive?

What Does Being Right Create? In times of disagreement, it's easy to go "I'm right," but there is no peace or freedom in that. Would you rather be right or free? What is being right going to create? What is going to create the greatest?

And, some people just really love conflict. That's where you have to be really honest with yourself. It's not wrong, and, there's an easier way.

What If Agreeing to Disagree & Tolerance Are Not The Answer? When you agree to disagree, it has this energy of tolerating each other and the topic becomes ‘off limits’, but it's still there festering. Tolerance is like saying, "That's okay," but it’s actually not. It has a level of superiority to it, that doesn’t work in relationships long term

Rather than tolerate it, what if you could honor and respect that they have a different choice, and don't try to make them wrong for it or try and talk them around to your point of view.

The 5 Elements of Intimacy The 5 elements of intimacy - allowance, trust, gratitude, vulnerability and honor - is one tool for dealing with conflict or differences in a way that works:

Have gratitude for your partner,
Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner, have a look at it and be honest with yourself rather than go straight to fight,
Honor your partner and want them to continue to be them in the world and support that, rather than trying to make them see things your way or making them wrong for their points of view.
Have allowance for them, and
Trust that they will do what they do.

What Am I Not Willing To Receive? It can be difficult to receive what's good about you from another. Your partner doesn’t have the judgment of your body that you do, or the points of view about you that you do; they actually just adore you. Creating fights can be a way to push them away or remain separate to them in some way; it's all about annihilating the intimacy that is possible. Asking questions will start to unravel that separation. Ask, "What am I not willing to receive from them?"

Daily Questions * "What am I not willing to receive from them?"

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links: * The Clearing Statement explained * Access Consciousness Website

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If you make it about the money, it will never work. At the end of the day, you have to look at “Are you having fun?" Not only does that make for a greater relationship, money actually follows joy.

On this show, the hosts speak about contribution and gratitude in relationships as opposed to looking at who does and doesn’t earn what. If you go beyond the money, it becomes more about creationship.

Listen to the hosts’ relationship examples to gain a greater awareness of having gratitude for the contribution you and your partner be, beyond money, and creating the life you desire together.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What does contribution look like in relationship?
What do you want to create as your life?
How did your parents do money in relationship?

What Does Contribution Look Like In Relationship?

The contribution side of who is contributing what isn't necessarily about where the most money is earned. Look at what the person is contributing to the whole. And it's not just about what your partner chooses to do within the relationship, it's the energy they are that adds something different and allows you to go further, faster.

When you make it about the money, and traditional gender roles you are limiting what you can create together. Start to question what you may have been taught in this area; "Does this work for me? Is this the relationship I want to create for me?" Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t.

There are so many different ways to negotiate this and create contribution within relationships. Look at where you and your partner are contributing in other ways - anything from being a great lover, to cooking, cleaning, looking after the kids; so many other things - and have gratitude for them. For example, would you have the same ease if your partner didn’t contribute to keeping the house clean, etc.?

If you are determined to hold onto the traditional gender roles in your relationship dynamics, what does that create? Would it create more ease to let them go?

What Do You Want To Create As Your Life?

Have a look at what you want to create as your life. It’s not about falling into roles because a role needed to be filled. Nor is it about just rolling with what is at the time. You have to create your life. Ask, "What would I like to create as my life?" and choose towards creation. And you don’t both have to be on the same page. When you are both choosing to create your life as greater, it becomes a creationship. It's about what can you both contribute to creating the future you know is possible?

And, it doesn't matter how long the relationship lasts, the creationship is so much what makes relationships fun! "What can we create? What would be fun? What are our strengths? What can we create together as we are moving through life?" Without that, it's boring

How Did Your Parents Do Money In Relationship?

Are you creating the same in your relationships that your parents did? Or are you creating to not do what your parents did? With either one, you are not truly choosing something that works for you. You are either rejecting something or aligning and agreeing with something to create a reality that is not even yours.

What if you stopped and had a look at your relationship and ask, "Does behaving in this way actually really work for me?"

Daily Questions

"Does this work for me? Is this the relationship I want to create for me?"
“What am I grateful for?"
"What would I like to create as my life?"
"What can we create? What would be fun? What are our strengths? What can we create together as we are moving through life?"

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

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Having the 5 Elements of Intimacy, which are allowance, gratitude, vulnerability, trust and honor, with yourself and with others makes relationships so much easier.

On this show, the hosts speak more on two of the elements of intimacy, trust and honor, and how all of the elements intertwine and work together to create greater in relationships; rather than just ‘tick the box’ of having a relationship.

Once you go beyond how relationships ‘should’ look and how it ‘should’ be, it becomes so freeing; you get to explore it in a different way and discover what it could be. You get to discover what works for you and what you could create together.

Listen to the hosts’ relationship examples to gain a greater awareness of how you can apply these elements within your own relationships. If you have the 5 Elements of Intimacy, especially with yourself, you get to create anything at all.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What is trust?
Go with what you know
When you don’t trust others
What is honor?
The 5 Elements of Intimacy are all intertwined
How do you trust and honor yourself?

What Is Trust?

Most people think trust is having blind faith; that the person you trust has your back. This may or may not be true, however, in Access Consciousness, the concept of trust is actually knowing that someone will do what they are going to do. Expecting them to do otherwise is not kind or honoring and just causes stress for you.

When you make a lot of decisions about people rather than trusting they will do what they do, when it goes off track from your expectations, you feel like you've been let down.

Trust invites you to your awareness. If you are willing to have your awareness, you can go into the relationship with eyes wide open and create something that actually works for you. Then it's not about the boundaries and the “Will he/she/they? Won't he/she/they?”

Most people use trust to annihilate their awareness. "I can trust this person." That is not trust but blind faith. When you say that, you are limiting what you truly know about the person and what they will or will not choose.

Are you going into your relationships with blinkers on or blinkers off? What are they actually going to choose and what works for you?

Go With What You Know

How often do you listen to what you really know? Or do you just blindly go in anyway and hope it all works out okay?

Most people ignore their knowing rather than trust it. For example, if you have been divorced, did you know the rel was not going to work out beforehand? Trust you and what you know.

You are aware of what you are aware of, but oftentimes you don't trust it or you forsake it. Ask, “What do I know is actually going to occur in this relationship?" When you are willing to acknowledge it, you can change it. It empowers you to have a conversation with your partner, a conversation with yourself, your coworker or whatever, and start to make choices that will work for both of you and create greater for both of you.

When You Don’t Trust Others

When you don't trust other people and are afraid they will do something to you, what is it that you don't trust about yourself? A lot of time we project our behaviors on to other people who might not actually ever do that.

Have a look at where you think you might do that behavior, or where you judge that behavior as wrong, or where you are not willing to be or do that behavior for yourself.

If we don't trust ourselves and don't trust that people are going to choose what they are going to choose, you go into all the trauma and drama and upset of relationship. This is when you say things like, 'I can't believe you did that," and you get really mad at them, etc.

If you truly get that people really do choose what they choose, you get to see that it's not against you or it’s not to prove a point; it's just who they be. Often there is no reason; they just choose it because they can.

It's not about understanding why someone did something; most people don't even have a clue - they can't even explain why they chose what they chose, it's just what they chose in the moment. When you don't go to the why, it's so much easier.

What Is Honor?

Within the context of Access Consciousness, honor is to treat someone with regard. With honor, you don't have the point of view that things should be different; you honor it for what it is, you acknowledge it for what it is and allow it to just be.

Honor is going, "Cool, that's what you want? Here;" rather than trying to change their point of view to be the same as you.

The 5 Elements of Intimacy Are All Intertwined

The 5 Elements of intimacy all melt into one another - it all works together and makes relationships so much easier; where you struggle with one, the others assist you to work through it and see ways that you can actually have so much more.

For example, vulnerability allows you to see what is true for you, then you get to trust what is true for you. When you are willing to trust people to choose what they are going to choose, you are never surprised by what they choose, so it's easier to honor them and be interesting point of view for what they are choosing.

How Do You Trust And Honor Yourself?

Trusting yourself is knowing that you are going to choose what you are going to choose, and honoring yourself is not trying to change that, or yourself, for someone else. Instead of making yourself wrong for things, give yourself some allowance and permission and honor that you are going to choose what you are going to choose, and giddyup! It makes your life so much easier.

Daily Questions

“What do I know is actually going to occur in this relationship?"

Tools

Everywhere you don't have the 5 Elements of Intimacy with yourself, would you be willing to let it all go, and what can you do to choose that and have more allowance, gratitude, vulnerability, trust and honor with yourself?

Your Hosts Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

Different countries have different traditions for Valentine’s Day, nevertheless, it can be a contentious issue anywhere. Is it a celebration of love or a day that highlights how single and miserable you are?

In this show, our four hosts discuss what Valentine’s day means for them and present you with some simple tools to enjoy Valentine’s day no matter what your relationship status.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What if nothing was wrong with you?
Having gratitude for yourself is key
Sometimes you do have to do a little bit of looking inward
Allowance

What If Nothing Was Wrong With You?

A lot of people desperately seeking a partner will go to that place where they think the reason they don’t have a partner is because there is something wrong with themselves. What if it wasn't about changing or fixing anything about you? What if you could, instead, have allowance for you? Allowance is having no point of view; where nothing is wrong with you and nothing is right with you, and everything just is. When you have that equanimity, there is so much peace in your world.

Having Gratitude For Yourself Is Key

If you don't have gratitude for yourself, it’s hard for someone else to have that towards you. Gratitude grows things and you can’t have judgment in gratitude. Start with baby steps - not going to the wrongness, stopping it every time you find yourself doing that and replacing it with, “I am grateful for me.” Things change and move so fast. Enjoy every moment you have, whether it’s being single or with someone else.

Sometimes You Have To Do A Little Bit Of Looking Inward

This reality tells us to look for someone who will complete us; as if you are in some way lacking without a partner. In actuality, you've got to be willing to give yourself whatever it is you think you lack. What are you not willing to receive? If you look to a partner to provide everything for you, that’s a lot of pressure. If you are in a relationship, is that sustainable? If you are not, is it attractive?

Allowance

We tend to get so fixed in the way we look at relationship - how things ‘should’ be instead of seeing the difference of everyone and how they actually add to our lives.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the willingness to be present with and look at everything, and just receive it all with no point of view. It is a very seductive quality. The willingness to have no point of view invites people into your life who are willing to receive you with no judgment.

Vulnerability opens the door to so much receiving and a much more vivid experience of actually being alive; you are receptive to everything and everything that comes into your life is more intense. You can change a lot in the world when you are willing to look at what is true for you.

The unwillingness to be vulnerable cutts yourself off from you and from your receiving

Vulnerability in relationships is where nothing about you or your partner is right or wrong. Everything is just information. It takes away what you think things should be, allowing you to look at them in a different way. It also removes all the walls and barriers that you had up, creating a space for more intimacy. Magic can show up when you are willing to no longer have any walls and barriers up.

Who Does It Belong To?

If you are feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day, is it actually yours? We are all so aware. Are you actually picking up on someone else’s feelings? Ask, “Who does it belong to?”

This reality places a whole lot of significance on Valentine’s Day and having someone who loves you. And if you don't, what does that mean? Is any of that actually your point of view, or is it just the culture you are in? You are told you need to care about it, but do you actually care about it?

You are aware of all the different points of view around you, such as “You need a man” - but is that actually your point of view?

Do You Actually Want A Relationship?

If you say you want a relationship and you don't have one, you don't actually want a relationship. You've got to be willing to look at that in order to change it.

What If Your Fixed Point Of View Wasn’t Actually True?

If you don't get what you wanted on Valentine’s Day eg the right number of flowers, is your relationship doomed? What could be different if you no longer had any fixed points of view?

For those of you looking for a relationship, it is noteworthy that fixed points of view about relationship and the ‘right’ partner can actually be why you are staying single. When someone comes into your life who actually could contribute and form a relationship, they may not match the projection you have of what you think a relationship is supposed to be, so you reject it and them.

Get Clear On What You Desire

Make a list of what you want and also what you don't want in a relationship. It’s not about what they should look like, etc., but the energy of what you desire, such as kindness, thoughtful, and so on.

This list assists you to get really clear on the energy of what you desire, and the clarity assists in creating and attracting it. Being clear on what you don't want also helps you get more present with what it is you actually desire.

With every item on your list, ask, “Where am I not willing to be that for me?”

Daily Questions

"Who does it belong to?
"Where am I not willing to be what I desire for me?"
"I am grateful for me"

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta

Christopher Hughes

Melanie Meade

Justine McKell

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

The Clearing Statement explained
Access Consciousness Website

View Details

What Does Relationships Done Different Mean?

Have you spent your whole life trying to figure out what relationship is all about? There actually is no right way, or ideal way, to do relationship. What if your relationship didn't have to look like anyone else's? Relationships done different is about creating all your relationships in a way that works for you.

Relationship Killers: Expectation, Judgment & Completion

A lot of time, people spend their life seeking relationships - friendships, intimate relationships, having children - only to find out that when they actually achieve that, it is not what they expected; it’s wonderful (or not), and there are challenges.

Expectation stops the adventure of exploring what else is possible. And, when expectations aren’t met, it kills relationships.

When you meet other people, they also have expectations of you. When you don't meet those, they tend to judge you because you don't have it 'right'. A great tool in these circumstances is to flip it by asking questions; it enables you to look at yourself from a different place to whatever their projections are of you.

The other aspect of seeking a relationship is that once you are in one, you’re done; you’ve achieved your goal, so there is a sense of completion rather than continuation. That sense of being done stops creation and growth. Relationship should be a contribution to your life; an addition, not a completion. You can still continue to create something different even after you 'tick the box', you can still grow, learn and have fun, by continuing to ask questions. A great question to ask is, “What else is possible here?”

Relationship Tools: Gratitude, Creationship.

Gratitude is the most powerful and overlooked tool. You can change anything with gratitude. One of the biggest killers of relationship is judgment; it really erodes the possibilities that are available in relationship. Whereas, in the face of gratitude, judgment cannot exist. Taking the time to have gratitude for the people you are in relationship with is a great tool against the routine of life, where you tend to forget it.

Another great tool is the idea of creationship, where you keep creating together as opposed to that sense of completion or routine. It is a constant exploration, which is far more fun and generative than trying to get the perfect relationship.

Maintaining Fun & Play In A Relationship.

The dirty dishes are never actually the issue; they are a symptom of something else that is going on. To avoid this, you need to be willing to be really vulnerable together and totally honest with each other without being confrontational, and say what is going on in your world, what's up for you. The niggly things that you tend to nag about kill the fun and the joy in the everyday.

Let the dirty dishes be the dirty dishes.

Remember why you like this person. Ask, "What is the overall contribution this person is to my life?"

Take a moment to actually be together. So many relationships these days get into a rut of sitting together and mindlessly scrolling on their phones, rather than actually engaging together.

Managing Multiple Relationships In A Busy Life.

When you have a business and a family and a partner and are very busy, the key is to stop making yourself wrong. Eliminate the guilt that can occur with things like working rather than playing with your kids, or when multitasking when you're with them. Nobody has relationship right. Whatever you are doing, really enjoy it and be in the moment. Don’t spend the time you do have with your partner or kids worrying about your ‘to do’ list.

Clarity Creates.

Get clear on what it is you would like to create, move forward, live your life, and just allow those energies or those people to show up for you.

Write down the different areas of your life where you would like to create greater eg body, relationship, sex, etc. and list all of the things you actually desire in each of those areas, not from judgment, but to get clarity on what will contribute to the creation of your life.

It starts with you. Anywhere you are not willing to be anything for you, you can't really invite into your life.

Daily Questions

"What does this person contribute to my life?
"What else is possible?"
"Where is my energy required today?"

Relationships Done Different: Recent Episodes

Relationships Done Different, Access Consciousness