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The reason why I love myself is not because of 

Who I am 🤨
Who I was 🤓
Who I’ve been 😏
Who I’ll become 🥰

But because of,
Who I am being 🌈

As I turn to like myself, I realize that I am stunningly sexy.

umychang #warm_umy

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“I have to get better.”
“I should be healthier.”
“And so I must do abc123…”

👆Look! Those are the words that make me puzzled with myself.

Alright.

„I can’t utter a word 🙂“
„I can’t shed a drop 🙃“
„I am feeling terribly depressed.“

To me, that is more frightening than me yelling and crying out loud 😭

True.

umychang #warm_umy

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I am in love.

I love you, I love her, I love him, I love them, and of course. Uh-huh?
I am indulging myself in Love.

umychang #warm_umy

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I do care. I care a lot. I care too much. I care what people will keep in mind for me to talk about “just love”. I thought talking purely about love will gain me simplicity and stupidity, and thus makes me an easy-sex-related girl. 

Let me try: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️…
I feel no ups, no downs, just fine.

Cleared, the fantasy in my mind.

umychang #warm_umy

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When I feel down, I find out that it is a good chance for wondering in my mind. When I am cheered up, I know that it is simply a slight vibe dancing in my heart❣️

umychang #warm_umy

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The essence of arts is relieving.
When I wrote down the sense of security, 
I began acquiring my own sense of security.
As I mentioned the sense of existence,
At that moment, I start admiring my being.
After I talked about the sense of belonging, 
I kept widening my concept of belongingness. 

The original intention of my books never changed,
I am presenting a true human from heart to mind.
My warmth is sincere and practical. This is me.

I cherish my warmth:
I understand my emotions,
I appreciate my responses.

The real me is? I love to care, I love feeling touched, I love being helped, I love trust, I love empathy, and I love bravery.  
And the actual responses of me are?
I couldn't help acquiring lights within relationships.

The End of „Warm Umy“.

umychang #warm_umy

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My books are written for children. In the beginning, they were just for my children, I hope they can have multiple materials accompanying them when developing their own personalities. The development includes aesthetic enjoyment, emotion relief, and self-exploration.

A while after the first book was written, I realized that I could stop mentioning the content. Because I’ve made these ideas as my instinct reactions. So as I am nurturing my kids, they will take on these concepts directly, and then I don't necessarily have them read my books.

But later on, I noticed that one day, when my children are no longer staying home, they will listen to diverse voices and come out in various directions to keep their own pace. 

„They have to become the one they want to be.“ 

Thus I have to let go of my books. I shouldn’t keep hiding my books at home, 
They have to be spotted by the next generation, and the generations after.

So what is the most straightforward way?
It’s the way I am holding on: Reversing Society.

umychang #warm_umy

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Time is the anchor. I turn to it, and see what I’ve passed: 
"Oh! I was hurt at that time, and now I recover.“ 
I call this duration a process.

This is a process for me to keep making many simple decisions. They are the decisions in the moment of me becoming braver, be braver than me just a second before. 

Then, I name these decisions my self-confirmation.

I'm always confirming,
I confirm my current status.
I confirm my current state of mind.
I affirm my emotions, including my current feelings of people and things.
I confirm my relationships, including my connections with all people and things.

My Intuition occurs, it says: „My bravery affirms my decision to give lights, within all kinds of relationships.“

umychang #warm_umy

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Since I was a child,
I’ve always got annoyed with myself. 
I’ve often got mad at my actions easily!

I felt mistaken for being „freak, irritated, face-saving“, so I decided to be sullen for a long time.

Sometimes, I got people asking me why I was upset?
I lied, because I haven't heard anyone as upset as me for these reasons:

I always try to understand myself:
I can't help but evaluate my behaviors.
I can't help but confess my mistakes.
I can't help but turn everything towards me.
I can't help but face the crux of my problem.

All right. Now I admit: "I understand myself in order to solidify all the relationships in my living.“

umychang #warm_umy

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[Paragraph 1]
I thought I was a liar, for I was forced to hide my true feelings. I thought I was a danger, as I was restricted to reverse my true lovings.
Sentence 1) I kept self-modifying.
Sentence 2) I lost in self-puzzling.
Sentence 3) I am obsessed with self-lying.

[Paragraph 2]
„The three sentences above are my classical lies.“ - This sentence tells me: I have been so clear-headed to come up with all these wordings. If it is not for the sober me, how can I type out this paragraph to fight back the first paragraph?  

Enough. Too much. I must pause this wording game.
Do not change my mind too often, I may break it.
Play with my mind, instead. 

umychang #warm_umy

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I don’t trust myself. So I compare with others.
I trust myself, but I still compare with others.

Is there really a connection between trusting me and comparing others?
This is the question I forgot to ask myself. That’s why I always felt guilty after comparing myself with people around me. I equaled my comparison with the loss of self-trust, I became so blue.

When I am blue,
I feel my teardrops coming from my mind.
I echo with the teardrops from the sky.
I listen to the tears roaring in the sea.
I sense the drops from the sky to the sea. 

I realize that it is just nature.
It’s my nature to compare with beings.
It’s my nature to look at beings.
It’s my nature to compare with people so that I see our similarities.
It’s my nature to look at each other so that I read our differences.

So? Is there really a connection between self-trust and comparison?
Of course, yes. „Loving to trust, let us compare our natures with our understandings.“

umychang #warm_umy

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EP.3 I love being helped.

I was in a dilemma called self-indulgence.
I love myself. Yes, It becomes a truth now.
I adore myself. Cool, I treat myself better.

I admired myself. Because of your comments below.
I spoiled myself. By giving so many chances to excuse.
I overindulged myself. But I thought I was not in a dilemma.

Therefore, I decided to initiate this experiment.
The experiment is called „Being Me“.

For undergoing the experiment, I have to think 100% only myself both online and offline. I was not allowed to think about other people. I paid full attention to my current status, my being. How did I make it happen online? In my social media, the only subject I can use for a sentence is „I“; the only object I can use is „myself“; the only verb I can write is my action; and the only modifier, are descriptions of my appearance or my mind. 

Finally, I survived with this conclusion:
I do favors to myself.
I give hands to myself.
I sometimes do favors to beings, in order to treat myself.
I usually give hands to beings, in order to be myself. 

Frankly speaking, „Loving helps gains me the sense of belonging within relationships.“

umychang #warm_umy

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I am collecting my every self-pride. 
Even if it is just a tiny „victory“.
⋯⋯⋯
I got nothing.

I failed. I can’t capture my sense of superiority. 
I am unable to gain my sense of arrogance. 

I dropped my shame, 
I forgot my emptiness, 
I missed my sense of defeat. 

Am I a total loser?
Should I answer this question?

I quit. 

umychang #warm_umy

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I am serious about my personal trait: „Why am I easily moved by beings or things?“

This question is so ridiculous, to answer it, I must keep myself calm. 
I am able to become super-sensual. I am an empath. I am also a synesthete. So when I am open to any kind of emotions, I absorb anger, I walk over sorrow, I drink calmness, I devour excitement, and I savor bittersweet. From my point of view, this is how I record details of beings, of the beings beyond my own living.

To say it more precisely, „Loving to be moved, develops my ability of mindfully touching people within relationships.“

umychang #warm_umy

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Self-training

When I am mindfully breathless, I swallow my tears. I eat up my sudden emotions. All of the sudden, I am standing in front of myself. I can’t tell whether is She or Me in the mirror. 

But there is one thing I know for sure: “I am focusing only on my personal issues, right now.” 

What am I feeling now?
I got a finger cramp, on my middle one again. 
What am I thinking now?
„I really don’t know whether to laugh or cry“
What am I doing now?
Stay hydrated, inhale, lower walking pace, 

I am not paying attention to other beings.
I intend to think only about my situation.
I pretend to overlook any other person.
I make myself no time to watch others.

It is time for me to do self-training. Since this training happens as naturally as drinking water, I practice it as quickly as downing a swallow, and I train it right on my every swallow.  

For this, I can only do it by myself.
I am not able to ask for others’ help.
I can’t help focusing on my situation.

Fine. I go ahead.
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Self-Fulfilling

When I can fully express „who I am“, „what am I doing“, and „why did I decide to do this“, I have attended to my self-fulfillment as a being.

At the time, I sit in the auditorium. I respect my sayings, my words, my arts. I take a careful look into whether the contents are content or condemned.

Step onto the harsh platform, 
Ready? Go.

umychang #warm_umy

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EP1. I Love Cares.

The present writing process does not begin from „because I fear…“.

But as an audience, you may feel uneasy, as if I am targeting you. If this makes you depressed or anxious, then please swipe this post away. Because this time, the content is going to be more current, more frank, and contains more self-revealings.

The content is here —
„About yesterday’s introductory post of this book… I only got one view. I am conscious that I posted it online in public, as if I just uttered a clear announcement on the public square, and I was totally aware that people can hear me, but no one watched me. No one. I feel so lonely.“

This content is so direct, so true, so not me. I’ve never posted this kind of wording in public. This is not Umy.

No, this IS me in the present. I don’t quote philosophical dialogues, I don’t mention aesthetics, arts, or any spiritual level of human beings. I have no superpowers, I am not an alien, I have no willingness to curve any sci-fi or fantasies.

Yes. I got it. Writing this book is a „challenge to my personality“. The personality that I care about the most is? I over-care people.

I put too much cares between my behaviors and others’ responses. I used to overthink people’s actions, over-blame my reaction, and over-explain things happening around me.

In order to get rid of this burden of „overDOing“, I deleted my instant emotion, I killed my current needs, I added nods to your opinions, I multiplied messages to get close to you. I was establishing my self-image firmly, an image of a charmingly adorable girl. I kept it firmly enough to suit my family, educational, and social backgrounds.

I was wrapped tightly.
I muted my voice.
I was absent.
I breathed.
I relaxed.
I unleashed.
I took off my wrap.
I let go of my self-image.

I am heartedly naked.

Frankly speaking, to me the telling of relationship is about „Loving Cares“

I_am_caring_about_human_beings

I_am_caring_about_issues_of_beings

I_am_doing_my_best_to_give_cares_to_certain_beings

I_am_doing_my_best_to_give_cares_to_beings_under_certain_issues

To say it more specifically,
„Giving care stabilizes my sense of security in relationships“

End of Episode 1.
———————————————
I am caring about my present behavior and thinking:

Standing on the stage of art-creation again,
I am having a strong sense of uncertainty,
My sense of security is becoming null,
I am walking into the unknown⋯

My heart is beating fast, I am nervous…
But I feel so excited, I look forward to my book.

I am caring about my mind and feeling in the present.

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A Book of Relationships.

How do I define „relationship“?
To be honest, I haven’t got any clue. And that is why I decided to write this book, to figure out all warmth I encountered in life, and catch each detail in it, if I dare.

This book talks about an individual’s relationships, simply one’s relationships. That is, there are no interpersonal contacts, no romantic communications, nor party-like conversing. I only record the „oh-my-god“, „ha-ha“, and „uh-huh“ from relationships, and I name these contents „the warmth of humanity.“

How will I play with this mission?

Keep reading, keep following,
My second book „Warm Umy“
A Book of Relationships.

I am Umy, an artist, a writer, an individual.

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