Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl: Recent Episodes
Cheryl Fraser
Ever notice that everything you thought would make you happy ever after...didn’t?
Me too. Turns out Shaun Cassidy was NOT my soulmate, orgasms only last a few seconds, and happiness is an inside job.
As a psychologist, Buddhist teacher, sex therapist & author of Buddha’s Bedroom my mission is to kick you off the couch and into your unfolded life. But first, you gotta meet your elephant. So let’s go.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
We’ve all been there: Your sweetheart is on your last nerve and you feel like you just can’t be with this person any longer. Yes, even sex and love professional Dr. Cheryl isn’t immune to the negative thoughts that tend to circle a relationship. But we have to rise above all the noise, embrace the greater wisdom and realize that our problems only follow us when we walk away from them.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll hear part four of my recent Dharma Talk, given at a meditation retreat that I taught.
In the next few weeks, I’ll be opening the doors to my Become Passion online immersion program for couples. The 12 week course will begin the—end of October - just in time for you and your sweetheart to get ready to enter 2024 more passionate and in love than ever before.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Don’t miss out on my free 1.5 hour Passion Masterclass this October! Dates TBA (06:26)
- Today’s LoveByte (09:36)
- The truth of impermanence is that nothing, nothing, nothing ever lasts (15:55)
- Be wise about the difference between the data and the story, because the stories are generally the source of our suffering (19:40)
- All we ever have is the present moment (24:57)
Listen to parts one, two and three of my Dharma Talk series.
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You’ve burned your toast, spilled coffee on your brand new shirt, and now you’re stuck in a line of traffic—all before you even get to work. But it’s not about what’s happened, it’s about how you react to it. Reaction is unconscious, immediate, not-our-best self, and maybe not very patient. When we just take a beat and take a breath, we can choose a better response. We may still feel just as agitated, but we can make the choice not to live in that anger.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll hear part three of my recent Dharma Talk, given at a meditation retreat that I taught.
Tune in and learn about patience, energy, and concentration—three of the six qualities of the heart and mind that are so beneficial for us to cultivate if we want to be happier, more peaceful, and a better partner and lover.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When we act in alignment with our deeper values, our life flows more easily (05:56)
- There is more than one antidote to anger: loving kindness and patience are both great ones (11:38}
- Your enemy is your greatest teacher (13:29)
- We're not really living when we're living in distraction (47:11)
- Concentration can lead to brilliant focus, but it doesn't reduce suffering (50:23)
Listen to parts 1 & 2 of my Dharma Talk series here and here.
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Grown-up content alert! In this episode, I use explicit language to talk in depth about sexual exercises that you and your honey can experiment with. This content is not appropriate for little ears—this is grown-up content that will help you grow in the bedroom.
Let’s face it: when two lovers have been in a committed relationship for any long term length of time, one of the first things that can fade is the passion. It’s so easy to become stuck in the rut of “Marriage Incorporated,” so how do we dig our way out? There’s no magic wand wave that can bring back the thrill, but with intentionality and the proper tools, it can absolutely be done.
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m returning to some of the questions covered in last week’s episode and doing a bit more of a deep dive on thrill and sensuality in relationships.
Today, I’m challenging you to toast some marshmallows and enjoy a s’mores with your honey on the beach—and if you don’t live near a beach, create one!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Reigniting the thrill in a relationship is all about creating the mind of a lover (05:26)
- Relationships are complicated and everyone has emotional baggage (07:10)
- Scheduling intimacy can totally change your sex life (09:00)
- Some intimate exercise ideas if your honey is resistant to scheduling sex (13:49)
- Today’s LoveByte (18:11)
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Imagine you're out trying to recover from a betrayal. You're relaxing on the couch with your sweetheart watching a comedy special, your defenses are down, and the comedian starts talking about affairs. BOOM. You're triggered, right? You’ve just experienced a physiological response, but it’s what we do when we become triggered that’s the important part.
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m once again answering some of the most burning questions written in by real listeners just like you!
Today, I’m answering questions about deep forgiveness, how to break free from Relationship Incorporated, and what happens when we keep squeezing that hot coal tighter instead of letting go.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- It’s nearly impossible to cultivate intimacy and passion with your partner when you can’t let go of your baggage (05:29)
- We tend to hang onto old pain without meaning to because it’s difficult to let go (15:47)
- Being triggered is a physiological response—the best way to help it pass is to acknowledge it (23:22)
- Until you deeply understand your partner’s point of view, you can't heal together (26:51)
- Today’s LoveByte (30:14)
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Generosity is a two way street. It has both an outflow and an inflow; it's giving and it’s receiving. When we think of ourselves as generous, we think about being good at giving: We’re the ones who show up to help a loved one move house when everyone else flakes, the ones who pay a little bit closer attention when a friend is struggling through a loss. But the truth is, so many of us who are good at giving still struggle with being generous receivers.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll hear part two of my recent Dharma Talk, given at a meditation retreat that I taught.
Tune in and learn why receiving is such an incredibly important aspect of generosity—and what you can do to hone that skill if you’re feeling a little rusty.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- This week’s LoveByte (03:42)
- The monkey may be annoying, but you can still learn from it (06:33)
- It’s not just about being a generous giver, you must be a generous receiver, too (29:28)
- I challenge you to go out and say “thank you” whenever you receive a compliment (34:30)
- Before we can become generous, we need awareness (50:35)
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do you feel like everyone is getting laid but you? Or like if you just knew how to do that thing, you would be able to keep your partner engaged in hot and sexy time? Maybe your partner can’t seem to keep their hands off of you but you secretly find this exhausting or even overwhelming…
Well, your secret is safe with me but I must remind you that navigating how we approach the expression of our sexual energy is a journey that is unique to every individual. Regardless of how society may make it seem, there is no universal blueprint (surprise!). One thing is for sure though, it's nearly impossible to get in the mood, let alone stay in the mood when we are constantly on different pages with our partners because of mismatched desires around sensuality and expressions of sexuality.
In today’s episode, I invite you and your sweetie to reconnect by celebrating National Bowling Day and National Book Lovers Day. I go on to unpack the complicated topic of Sensuality as the third side of the Passion Triangle as I continue to answer your most frequently asked love and sex questions.
Find out how you can rediscover the sacred delight of basking in your own magnetic Sensuality and listen in to hear my answers to Deandra and Dr. T’s questions: "I have a high sex drive that often leaves me disappointed because of my husband's avoidance of sex and erection difficulty - What do I do?" and "How do I work through my ambivalent feelings around sex with my husband because of sexual trauma from a past relationship?"
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
This Tuesday, August 8th, get your best balls and go bowling with your sweetheart for National Bowling Day (3:53)
This Wednesday, August 9th, read aloud the most erotic story you can find to your lover for National Book Lovers Day (5:51)
The third side of the passion triangle: Sensuality (6:13)
How Deanna and Dr. T’s questions are two sides of the same coin (7:17)
My answer to Deanna's and Dr. T's questions (10:54)
It's important that we create arousal for ourselves before we begin attempting to create arousal with our partners (18:56)
This week's LoveByte (24:21)
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We often hear lots of couples talk about the whirlwind passionate romance that led them to commit to one another for the long haul and for some, go as far as getting the government involved. But how often do we hear about the kind of love that had to be grown over time? Like the ones that never experienced what Beyoncè is always on about with being crazy in love…You know, the kind of love story that may not be very romantic and exciting to some people but it works and therefore is just as valid as any. I mean, who says a slow burn can't still be hot and spicy anyway?
Whether your partnership is a classic friends-to-lovers dynamic that's a little more friends than it is lovers, an arranged marriage on behalf of your culture, or simply the product of finding someone you liked and trusted enough to make your nuclear family dream come true in a timely fashion, you deserve to know that you are not alone.
In today’s episode, I invite you to reconnect with your partners in celebration of National White Wine Day and National Water Balloon Day. I go on to review the three aspects of the Passion Triangle, which we discussed in depth in episodes 9 through 12 and is the basis of what I teach in my signature immersion program. I also continue to focus on your top love and sex questions.
Hear how you can work with Intimacy, Thrill, and Sensuality as three keys of the Passion Triangle, and tune in for my answer to our Anonymous sender’s question:
What about long-term couples that weren't in love at the beginning of their relationship?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
I dive deeper into the Passion Triangle during Become Passion – my signature immersion program coming out in mid-October (1:38)
I challenge you this Thursday, August 3rd to share, in a romantic evening with your sweetheart, a nice glass of wine on National White Wine Day (5:33)
I challenge you this Friday, August 4th to get silly with your partner on National Water Balloon Day (6:34)
A review of the Passion Triangle (8:06)
My answer for the Anonymous questioner: What about long-term couples that weren’t in love at the beginning of their relationship? (12:52)
When we do something different and exciting, it makes us feel more attracted to our partner (20:41)
I want you to watch the video testimony of the various couples that have gone through my Becoming Passion program (22:48)
This week’s LoveByte (24:34)
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
If you're like me, your most sarcastic remarks were never made with the intention to cause harm. You're simply a linguist with an eye for irony and a secret belief you should really be a comedian, right? Well, although that could very well be the case… Do you know the line between comedy and cruelty? It’s important we remember that wielding the sword of sarcasm requires dexterity, spacial awareness, and most of all, care. We don’t want to accidentally cut someone because we were playing fast and loose with our words…But as perfectly imperfect beings, we have a tendency to do this all the time, especially with our partners.
Would you talk to your most treasured friend the way you talk to your partner? Would you be so quick to criticize your friends the way you might criticize your partner? When we start speaking to our spouse the way we would a dear friend, we find out how important platonic intimacy is to sustaining a thriving connection.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I invite you and your beloved to reconnect by celebrating National Refreshment Day and National Friendship Day. I am also beyond excited to be answering the first of your most burning and frequently asked questions.
Tune in to find out why we need to work harder to treat our spouses more like a friend and how I answer Carol’s question: How do I handle one-sided sarcasm?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
I challenge you this Thursday, July 27 to have an ice-cold refreshment with your honey (2:49)
Your second challenge this Sunday, July 30 is to show your partner and close friends how much you cherish their friendship (6:54)
My answer to Carol’s question: How do I handle one-sided sarcasm? (10:24)
The difference between gentle fun sarcasm and contempt disguised as sarcasm (17:00)
The first step to cleaning up your verbal exchanges is by extending genuine apologies (20:44)
This week’s LoveByte (21:55)
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Imagine having no anxiety ever again. Imagine having no sadness, despair, or grief ever again. No anger, hatred or even irritability. Is it possible to be liberated from suffering? It doesn’t mean we don't get sick and die or that we never break a bone or have a headache or pain. But it is possible that the human body could be in physical pain while the mind is fresh, calm, bright, and aware.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’re invited to hear my recent Dharma Talk given at a meditation retreat that I taught. Our minds can often default to crazy monkey brain, but underneath that is a type of compassion and kindness and wisdom that can help us be better human beings and better partners.
Tune in and learn all about the monkey and the elephant—and our egos, hearts, and minds.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- This week’s LoveByte (02:35)
- The difference between the monkey and the elephant (20:14)
- You can’t hate or punish the monkey, even when it’s your instinct to do just that (21:23)
- Our essential nature is the wise, kind, compassionate, and all knowing elephant (37:11)
- Our concerns, worries, fears, and even grief are ultimately nothing in the vastness of compassion and wisdom (42:31)
- If you've suffered trauma in your life that’s still being carried, it’s never too late to let it go (50:28)
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Have you ever arrived home with a new house plant and admired its glossy leaves and beautiful flowers… only to forget about its care for the next few months? When you went back to it, was it still radiating beauty? Or was it a sad, shriveled, droopy shell of its former self?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m going back to answer some of the most burning questions you sent in after my New Years episode.
Today, I’ve got a sexy, hilarious, and very tasty relationship challenge for you and your honey. You’re definitely going to want to participate in this one… just make sure you don’t have the good sheets on your bed!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I got to spend an incredible weekend with some of my Become Passion community (03:43)
- I challenge you this Wednesday, July 12 to have a deep conversation with your honey (06:08)
- The answers to some of the questions I received after Sex, Love & Elephants episode 88 (06:55)
- Your relationship can’t improve if you’re constantly neglecting it (12:43)
- Today’s LoveByte (16:34)
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
So often on special occasions— whether it’s Thanksgiving, a birthday, or a graduation— celebrations become about family and friends. There’s nothing wrong with that, but rarely do we see the couple hosting a barbecue, a dinner party, or even a wedding having fun together. Often, we even see a bit of friction instead of love and connection and joyful celebration of a relationship in the midst of a big event.
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I get to brag a bit about an incredible group of my Become Passion students and the very special way we’re celebrating together.
Today, I’m talking all about celebration, why we celebrate special events, how we mark those events, and why it’s so important to have a reason to come together in a community to break bread, to share food, to laugh, to dance, and to play.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- My Become Passion online immersion program has helped over 450 couples so far (03:26)
- Our Become Passion community is just coming off of an impromptu, in-person celebration for the first time (08:19)
- Make special occasions special for the two of you (13:37)
- Today's LoveByte (13:53)
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com your most burning love & sex questions—you could hear them answered on air!
Download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
If you have trouble looking your partner in the eyes and telling them how much you love them, you're not broken or weird or screwed up. We all have different levels of comfort expressing our emotions and it can be hard letting our guard down and showing off our mushy, sweet, vulnerable side. But what if, just once, you trust yourself enough to let that side show through?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants,I’m celebrating the final episode dedicated to making your love life your favorite hobby.
It can feel absolutely delightful to celebrate your partner in a sincere, tasteful, glorious social media post… but if public displays of affection aren’t for you, why not try expressing those emotions to them privately? It doesn’t have to be out there for the world—but you can still let your sweetheart know how amazing they are.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Wednesday, June 28 is Happy Heart Hugs Day—and it’s your excuse to get down right mushy with the one you love (05:36)
- One person can make a real change in a relationship (07:40)
- Double date nights with another couple can be a great way to bond with your honey (11:32)
- Today's LoveByte (16:38)
Find and download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Follow @drcherylfraser on IG to get more Make Your Lovelife a Hobby challenges and to download your game card.
Send us a selfie of you kissing for no reason or a photo of your Best Friends list!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com to enter to win.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When we pay attention and bring thrill to each other, when we have more fun and do more silly, outside of the box things, we’re putting in the work to bust Marriage Incorporated. When we get stuck running our relationship like a business, all the fun and joy are sapped. You can parent well, work hard, pay off the mortgage… But where are the two of you? Where's the ROMANCE?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m giving you a few more relationship challenges to bust your boredom and make your love life your favorite hobby.
Just a few days from now, those of us in the Northern Hemisphere will experience the summer solstice… So, what are your plans to celebrate? How about downloading a sexy, sultry playlist and dancing in the moonlight?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I’m back this week with another round of challenges for National Make Music Day and National Selfie Day (03:47)
- Sometimes, like Elsa says, you’ve just got to Let. It. Go. and release old wounds (08:43)
- By hanging on to things that hurt you, you’re only burning yourself (14:06)
- The three breath hug is a great way to practice forgiveness (16:39)
- Today's LoveByte (18:06)
Find and download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Send us a selfie of you kissing for no reason or a photo of your Best Friends list!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com to enter to win and follow along on IG @drcherylfraser
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What does an exceptional relationship look like to you? Does it add more spark? More passion? More happiness and life? Don't you want to feel great in the morning when you wake up and look at your sweetheart? Don't you want to have a giggle? Don't you want to enjoy your morning coffee together instead of just jumping into the next to-do list?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, we’re celebrating a trio of holidays. It’s National Loving Day, National Peanut Butter Cookie Day, and National Red Rose Day.
Today, I’m giving you four different activities to celebrate your relationship with your sweetheart. In honor of National Loving Day, I want you to get together with another couple or two and celebrate your love, your relationships, and your right to be together. I guarantee you’ll hear some hilarious, sexy, and heartwarming stories from your friends.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The reason our relationships get boring is because we’re being boring (02:52)
- There's no excuse for continuing to be ignorant when we have knowledge (12:06)
- I’m not against Divorce when it is well thought out - but I’m a huge fan of fixing what we’ve got, when we can but I’m also pro learning to be a better partner (13:19)
- Smiling is a universal expression across cultures and even species - so DO IT MORE! (20:07)
- Today's LoveByte ((23:01)
Find and download the Great Summer Relationship Reconnect Game Card HERE
Send us a selfie of you kissing for no reason or a photo of your Best Friends list!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com to enter to win and follow along on IG @drcherylfraser
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Imagine you’re on a quiz show and the host asks you to define the word “hobby.”What would you say?
Well, Dr. Cheryl, first of all, it's something we do because we want to—it's fun, it's something we want to get better at.
Okay,somaybe your hobby is baking or painting or going on hikes with the dog… But here's another question for you: Have you ever considered making your love life your hobby?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about dedicating the same amount of time, energy, and commitment to your love life as you would any other hobby.
Are you treating spending special time with your sweetheart like a hobby? Back when you were falling in love with your honey, I guarantee you treated your relationship like a hobby. You planned, you rearranged your schedules, you stood on your heads to find a time when you were both free to get together. Well, this is your sign to go back to that place and make the time to bring back that fun and intentionality.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Make your love life a hobby (03:33)
- There are ways to date more and have more fun and be more playful without spending a ton of time or money (08:44)
- Treating your relationship like a hobby acts to interrupt the bad patterns of laziness and complacency you and your sweetheart have fallen into (13:23)
- Where you put in the work and take action—that's where you'll get results (19:45)
- Today's LoveByte (21:05)
Send us a selfie of you kissing for no reason or a photo of your Best Friends list!
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com to enter to win and follow along on IG @drcherylfraser
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When you’re scrolling through the dating apps and see a picture of a man with a dog, what comes to mind? That he’s loyal, that he can make a commitment? That he’ll make a good parent one day? Are you kidding me, people? Having a dog means you want a pet who worships you, who never thinks you're wrong, who's so excited to see you all the time… This is not what any self respecting human should be looking for in a guy.
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m dispelling the myth of the undateable cat daddy.
I was recently contacted by a major publication to make some comments on a study. It turns out that men who pose on dating apps with dogs are more successful than those who pose with a cat. Apparently, heterosexual women tend to favor a guy with a cat far less than a guy with a dog or without any pet in his profile pictures. This is blatant pet racism, people!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I’m crazy about dogs, but any fool can have one (07:21)
- When I saw my now husband's dating profile pic, I was charmed, smitten, and attracted to the fact that he had a cat looking over his shoulder (10:47)
- Men with cats on dating sites are seen as more neurotic, less dateable, and less masculine—That is so not true (11:59)
- Get rid of the stories about what's dateable or not… get rid of the stories and just show up and purr (12:49)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
I don't know if you've ever noticed, but relationships are a hard gig! Love, sexuality, long term passion… These are not easy. They don't come naturally all the time, but they do tend to come naturally when we're falling in love; when it's simple, when it feels fluid, when things are cooking. The question is, how can we recapture that feeling after the honeymoon is over?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants you’ll hear the number one tip from my Become Passion online couples’ immersion program—and it’s definitely not what you’re thinking.
Today, I’m teaching you all about the Three Breath Hug, AKA my holy grail tip for couples. When we hug our sweetheart with a three breath hug, we’re re-grounded… even when we're disconnected and angry, annoyed or upset with each other. It lets our bodies drink in the ease of each other in, the safety of each other, and the bigger, higher self of each of us.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- How to do the Three Breath Hug (03:51)
- Anytime is a great time to practice the Three Breath Hug (05:31)
- One of the best times to use the Three Breath Hug is when you least want to because of hurt, anger, or frustration (07:59)
- Today’s LoveByte (13:21)
Take my May challenge!Kiss your partner every day this month and win a prize - email hello@drcherylfraser.com to be entered!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Think of your first kiss with your current partner. (And if you're unpartnered, think of the first kiss with a previous partner—even if the relationship didn't end so well.)? How did that first kiss feel?
First kisses can be pretty powerful, pretty exciting, and sometimes almost orgasmically explosive.
Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephantsis all about the kiss. You’ll hear all about my origin story with my now-husband and why our first kiss changed everything for our relationship.
Kissing is a funny thing. When we first start out in a relationship, we put so much energy, so much mindfulness, so much focus and so much eroticism into the act… But then something happens. You get years into a long term relationship and kissing starts to seem like an almost trivial act—but it is so much more than that.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When I went on my first date with my now-husband, I had no intention of being partnered (02:29)
- My honey reacted with only positivity when I told him about my 90-day meditation retreats and that’s when I knew he was different (13:53)
- An amazing kiss can be an erotic, emotional, spiritual, energetic movement of energy through your entire body (17:56)
- First kisses, for almost all of us, are incredibly exciting because of the anticipation (19:23)
- Today’s LoveByte (21:04)
Take my May challenge!Kiss your partner every day this month and win a prize - email hello@drcherylfraser.com to be entered!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The source of all of your unhappiness is in your own mind. Excuse me, Dr. Cheryl?! It may sound harsh, but it’s true. Our expectations about how we think things should be, how we want things to be, how we believe things should go in our life… Those are expectations, not reality. And reality is a bitch. It’s one of the toughest aspects of being alive.
Today on Sex, Love, and ElephantsI’m talking about your expectations vs the real world - and how much this can hurt your relationship! Have you ever noticed that your expectations and reality often clash in a major way?
It can be difficult to accept that things won’t always go your way—in fact, I still have to work on it myself sometimes. We all have expectations, we all have plans, and we all have desires… There are ways we want things to go and reality often has other ideas. You can be angry and vindictive all you want, but in the end, you’re only prolonging your own suffering.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I recently had an airplane trip from hell - my expectations were certainly not met! But…I adjusted to relaity and made lemonade from the lemons…(02:12)
- Be nice to the people who just happen to be bystanders when reality fails to meet your wishes (10:23)
- Be kind to yourself, your mind, and your partner when reality isn’t going your way (14:27)
- You can always change the story you’re making up about your partner and change your expectations (16:58)
- Happiness or unhappiness is completely up to us (21:26)
- Today’s LoveByte (22:07)
Take my May challenge!Kiss your partner every day this month and win a prize - email hello@drcherylfraser.com to be entered!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When you're feeling irritated toward your partner or you’re anxious about something that you think is just not working in your relationship, do you notice that it can feel as though your heart is closed down? As though you’re a little bit guarded and trying to gain a bit of protection? Most of us don't do it deliberately, but subconsciously a protective mechanism can kick in. And that’s a problem…
In the last chapter of my 3-part Spring into Love series, I’m rounding out our talks on kindness and gratitude by teaching you all about generosity and the incredible power it has in our relationships. And I’m not talking about giving gifts - I’m talking about thinking generous thoughts.
Do you consider yourself a generous person? How do you personally define generosity? You may be a perfectly giving person in your day-to-day life, but what about when it comes to your long-term romantic relationships? How generous are you really to your sweetheart?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- A quick thought experiment about generosity (05:57)
- When we cultivate generosity about our partner, we will feel more at ease. We will feel happier, we will feel a softening in our heart. (11:13)
- How you cultivate generous thoughts towards your partner is 100% up to you. Happiness is all in your own head (14:54)
- It’s up to us to interpret the data—it’s up to us to choose kindness and generosity (15:59)
- Today’s LoveByte (17:19)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do you have a mind that's always looking for what's not working? Maybe you’re really good at picking out things that are wrong or incorrect and it might make you a terrific accountant or a skilled surgeon or a fantastic editor. Of course there's nothing wrong with being bright—but what about when our bright little minds bring that same critical energy to our relationships? That’s when the love trouble can start.
In this 3-part Spring into Love series on Sex, Love, and ElephantsI’m talking about three deceptively simple things that each of us needs to nurture in order to have an extraordinary relationship: Kindness, Gratitude, and Generosity. Today, I’m covering gratitude.
There are a number of scientific studies that show that people who practice gratitude have a better overall state of mental well being. They feel calmer and they tend to have a more optimistic outlook on things. Gratitude isn't some trend—when we train our mind to look for what's right instead of what's wrong, we achieve a more positive emotional state. Especially when we do it toward our partner.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- As humans, we’ve evolved to have a mind that looks for what’s wrong (09:45)
- There are things you are grateful for even on your worst relationship day (11:50)
- When you cultivate gratitude in your mind by looking for what's right in your relationship , you'll feel more at ease (16:07)
- ACTION STEP - Ideally in person,snuggled up in bed together, share with your partner one thing you're grateful for. Because if you don't take action, nothing ever changes (17:28)
- Today’s LoveByte (18:46)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
For so many of us in long term relationships, we start to take each other for granted. Complacency creeps in on its sneaky little feet—we get bored, we cease to find our partner exciting, we no longer romance them. Sometimes, we even stop being kind to them and wind up treating thembadly- unkind tone, sharp words - instead of treating them like a good friend.
For the next three weeks on Sex, Love, and Elephantsit’s all about springing into love. I’m talking about three deceptively simple things that each of us needs to nurture in order to have an extraordinary relationshi - Kindness, Gratitude, and Generosity. Today is all about kindness.
In these short, powerful episodes I'm teaching you and your honey about some subtle yet profound aspects of developing great emotional and psychological intimacy. I also talk about the three aspects of what I call the passion triangle: intimacy, thrill, and sensuality—the cornerstones of every extraordinary relationship.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Very few couples are strong in all three key relationship areas (04:40)
- Medical testing has shown that the feeling of falling in love is very similar in the brain to actual obsession (06:28)
- We often need a reboot for our long term relationships—we become lazy at the things we were good at in the beginning (09:23)
- The critical importance of simply Being Kind
- Do better. Bit by bit, moment by moment (16:02)
- Prevention is key. Vow to prevent some of the unkind words, vow to prevent some of the unkind tone of voice (17:53)
- Today’s LoveByte (21:19)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Today, you’ll hear one of my favorite Classic SLE episodes on love, relationships, and the sex you’re not having.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, how often do you and your partner have sex? Having a temporary dry spell is different than being in a sexless marriage - which is when you are having sex less than 6 times a year. If this sounds like the current state of your partnership, then it’s time to start talking about the sex you’re not having.
You’re thinking, “But isn’t it normal for couples to stop having sex as they get older?” This is a HUGE myth that too many couples have normalized in order to avoid addressing the lack of sex in their partnership. It’s possible to return to the sexual beings you were at the beginning of your relationship, no matter your age.
I’m talking about what a sexless marriage is and how to begin talking about the sex you’re not having with your partner. I share stories and lessons learned from the couples in my Become Passion course, in which part of what I help them with is reigniting the sexual aspect of their relationship.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- What defines a sexless marriage and the statistics & myths associated (06:09)
- The first step for addressing ANY problem - not just lack of sex (10:41)
- An example of how to acknowledge the lack of sex with your partner (11:52)
- It takes time and commitment to go from sexless to sexual (23:09)
- This week’s LoveByte (26:53)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When you've had a hope or a plan and that hasn't played out the way you thought—you’ve been disappointed or angry or deeply hurt—it behooves you to be a good scientist. Ask yourself: When do I get upset when things change? When am I more at ease when things change?
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m giving you a front row seat to my most recent Dharma talk.I’m teaching you the importance of rolling with the punches and staying at ease when your plans don’t meet your original expectations, and I’m also exploring the journey of aging with a treasured companion and ultimately working toward letting them go at the end of their life.
Tune in and learn that whether it’s a burnt casserole, a rain-drenched hike, or a profoundly broken heart, we all have the choice to manage our reactions.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I recently had an incredible opportunity to spend two weeks housesitting in Hawaii with my dear friend (03:17)
- You can’t let plans gone awry ruin your beautiful day (06:00)
- Think of a time when you were deeply disappointed—how did you react? (12:45)
- We've got the ability to choose and to work with our reaction (18:55)
- In the present moment, there's no pain, there's no sadness, there's no clinging and wanting things to be different (26:26)
- Look at the waves in life and realize that this is only temporary turbulence (36:27)
- This week’s LoveByte (01:01:27)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Today on Sex, Love, and Elephants I’m sharing my gratitude for all of you on this special episode––episode 100! It’s time to remind all of us why the word ELEPHANT is in the title of this podcast.
How are you doing with Happy Ever After?
Not so good, huh? Well, remember, happiness is an inside job. You have the ability to control your contentment regardless of outside circumstances. At any point everything in our lives can change, right? So, if you base your happiness on your job, health, relationship, or anything other than yourself, you are in big trouble when something challenging or even tragic occurs. In this episode, you’ll learn why you will not find happiness, well-being, or contentment outside of yourself. If you are not positive inside your heart, you may crumble when life throws something bad at you. The good news? When you ride on the back of your elephant, you can handle anything.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Why the hell is love such a hard gig? (03:56)
- A description of the Passion Triangle and why it can save your relationship (04:55)
- Why you definitely need to meet your elephant…and take its advice (07:59)
- Why we’re screwed if we seek happiness outside of ourselves (10:27)
- If you ran for your life while your whole neighborhood was burning down…would you still be happy? (13:09)
- What you can expect from Sex, Love, and Elephants going forward (21:08)
- Today's LoveByte (23:45)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode, or would you like to send me some love? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
How does it make you feel when your partner says, “I love you”? What about when your partner calls you your favorite romantic pet name? And how do you feel when your partner says, “We’re late and it’s all your fault!!”
Today on Sex, Love, and ElephantsI’m talking all about watching your tongue! Okay, so maybe you haven’t had anyone tell you that in a few decades, but I’m teaching you why thinking before you speak is such an important skill to have—regardless of your age.
Language and how we speak to each other is incredibly important. In fact, research shows that our bodies actually measurably react depending on the words being spoken to us… Even if we’re not even aware of it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Words really do matter (03:17)
- Our body can’t tell if what our mind is telling us is real (07:40)
- When you tell yourself, “I can’t,” you're creating a physical stress response (10:07)
- We tend to let negative language flow much more freely with our partner than anyone else (12:13)
- Speak to your beloved more kindly (16:01)
- Today’s LoveByte (17:53)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You’ve booked your flight, made a hotel reservation, and you’re just about packed for the big trip—and then it happens. That big blow up you’ve avoided this far finally comes to a head and suddenly you find yourself happy to leave your sweetie behind.
Today on Sex, Love, and Elephants I’m talking all about those big fights we have with our partner right before we leave to go on a trip.
I’m teaching you why our predictable patterns are the result of our whole life’s experiences which can trigger us emotionally even when we’re not expecting it. I’m also confessing my own experience picking fights with my sweetie, the subconscious reason these fights happen, and how to deal with it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Even my hubby and I used to fall in to the “fight before the flight” pattern (03:16)
- When we become emotionally flooded, we lose our rationality (08:47)
- We’re in training—to be a better partner and a better person (10:05)
- When we have an argument with our beloved we're often arguing about old wounds (13:12)
- Sometimes you pick a fight because it's easier to leave when you're mad at each other (18:59)
- Today’s LoveByte (24:06)
Read my full blog post here—then check out the article in The Boston Globe!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You brush your teeth, get into bed to do a little reading, and then kiss your partner goodnight as they leave for their room across the hall. Wait—what?!
Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants is all about sleeping with your partner—in the literal sense! If you’re anything like 20% of Americans, you and your sweetheart may sleep in separate rooms for any number of reasons.
Sleeping apart can often be a “pink flag” and it’s rarely the only solution. The key is to remember how important the intimacy of sleep is to a healthy, happy relationship. Whether you’ve been in separate beds for years or you’re considering the change, this episode is for you.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- It's really freaking important to sleep in the same bed most of the time (02:51)
- Far too often a couple sleeps apart for a few days because of sleep issues and then it becomes habit (04:12)
- Cuddling matters! (07:07)
- Even if you can’t go to bed at the same time, you still need to practice a nighttime ritual with your sweetheart (09:32)
- You’re much more likely to make love regularly if you sleep in the same bed (13:44)
- Today’s LoveByte (16:18)
Read the full article in The New York Times here—then listen to my interview on AirTalk!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Have you ever felt your heart fill with pure, unconditional love at the drop of a hat? Maybe you’ve rescued a poor, helpless kitten on the side of the road, derailing your morning commute to get him to the shelter. That selflessness and kindness is true, altruistic elephant love.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll hear part two of my Love Like an Elephant talk. Today is all about true love versus desire love and what that distinction can mean for you and your sweetheart.
Tune in and learn if you love from the typical place—desire love - which can be selfish and cause painful relationship issues—or if you love from true, unconditional elephant love. Don’t believe you can’t love like an elephant - you can. It takes work - and you need to think more about WE than ME.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Your weekly LoveByte (02:32)
- How the typical style of love contrasts with the Buddhist elephant ideal of love (04:46)
- Elephant love is the way we hope a great parent will love their child (12:35)
- Desire love says, “What about ME?!” Elephant love says, “Anything I can do to help YOUR freedom delights me.” (14:04)
- Elephant love is loving more freely accepting the imperfections in your beautiful partner (22:08)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Resources mentioned:
- Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When we want something more from our partner, we create our own suffering. I know, right? Okay, Cheryl then how do we STOP suffering? Accept that things will not always be the way you want. Be kind. Let go of wanting things to be different - that’s where peace and happiness lie.
It's when we let go of wanting things to be different that we’re truly at peace.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll have a front-row seat to part one of my Love Like an Elephant talk. If you can learn to love more like an elephant, you can become a better partner and reap the rewards of having a much better relationship.
Tune in and learn that if you focus your mind on all the things your partner does wrong, it's going to have a lot more power in your life than if you're doing the other thing. If you focus your mind on the positive things about your honey, you're going to be happier and you're going to be a better partner.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Your weekly LoveByte (01:55)
- The more we train our mind and heart, the more we let go of our fear and our selfishness (05:06)
- If we're really honest, what we call love is often the way you make me feel when you make me feel good (07:56)
- How we feel is actually up to us (22:30)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
February 14th… a date that strikes fear into the hearts of millions the world over! But it doesn’t need to be scary. Instead of making it all about me and we, why not try making it about generosity instead?
Welcome to episode 94 of Sex, Love, and Elephants. Today, I’m suggesting a different kind of Valentine’s Day: Try paying it forward. Pick a couple you know who are young, in love, and broke… and think of a way to make February 14th special for them.
This Vday, don’t worry about not booking that reservation. It’s not too late to write a love letter or buy a sweet, cheesy card. It's not too late to get flowers and chocolates, pick up a new toy or to woo them with a bottle of bubbly. It’s never too late to make your sweetheart feel loved and special.
Paying it forward this Vday? Email hello@drcherylfraser.com with the deets for a chance to win a prize!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- You can use Valentine’s Day as a reminder to make love intentional (04:29)
- I want you to design a pay it forward Valentine’s Day for someone in your circle (06:01)
- Use this as an opportunity to buy a gift card to support a great local business (07:30)
- Valentine's can be a very we centric holiday—make it a generosity holiday instead (09:26)
- Valentine’s Day is kind of stupid—but love isn’t! (12:02)
Q&A:
- How can I celebrate Valentine’s Day in a new, fun way? Try paying it forward this Valentine’s Day. Pick a couple you know who might not be able to afford their ideal Valentine’s celebration and get them a gift card to a nice restaurant or a great spa.
Take the Passion Quiz NOW and rate your relationship on the Three Keys to Passion!
Interested in the 2023 session of my Become Passion 12-week online immersion program for couples? Learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Try as we might, every relationship gets stuck in lazy patterns—Yes, even mine. Relationships are a hard gig and it can be incredibly easy to grow complacent, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be stuck without romance or sensuality in your life.
Welcome to episode 93 of Sex, Love, and Elephants. During my 2023 Relationship Reboot, I’m giving you real, actionable steps you can take to improve your relationship with your mate.Today, your homework assignment is to learn to schedule sex with your honey.
Tune in today and hear the final episode of my 2023 Relationship Reboot. This past six weeks, I’ve given you a number of challenges to complete with your sweetheart—I want you to take everything you’ve learned and make sure you put it to good use.
Take the Passion Quiz NOW and rate your relationship on the Three Keys to Passion!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- There’s still hope! You can always reboot your sexual relationship (03:57)
- If you’re in a sexless relationship, you are normal (05:47)
- Sexuality is a powerful, beautiful part of being alive. Sharing it with someone is one of the most sacred things we can do with our bodies (08:48)
- Scheduling sex isn’t romantic—but it will give your sex life a boost (11:05)
- The majority of long term couples start making love from a place of sexual neutrality (14:38)
Q&A:
- How can my partner and I boost our non-existant sex life? Try scheduling sex. It may not sound romantic, but having scheduled sex can help create desire where it wasn’t before.
Take the quiz near the top as well as win a prize—email hello@drcherylfraser.com your relationship reboot results and be entered in the prize draw!
If you’re interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
So often we have good intentions about our health, about our career, about being more patient with our children… But we may not follow through because—guess what?—we're human! The truth is that we're just bozos on this bus trying to get there the best way we can. None of us are perfect. We're all striving to be better, forgive, and begin again.
Welcome to episode 91 of Sex, Love, and Elephants. Every Monday inJanuary, I’m giving you real, actionable steps you can take to improve your relationship with your mate.Today, your homework is to work on the Three Breath Hug.
Tune in today and learn about the Three Breath Hug—and how it could be key to changing your relationship for the better. I’m teaching all about physical, nonsexual touch and why it’s so important to our sense of intimacy.
Take the Passion Quiz NOW and rate your relationship on the Three Keys to Passion!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- A quick review of this month’s teachings so far (05:29)
- The majority of couples have very little physical contact outside of sex (06:26)
- Intimate touch is hugging, holding hands on a walk, snuggling while you watch a movie (08:15)
- Exactly how to practice the Three Breath Hug (10:52)
- Today’s LoveByte (14:33)
Q&A:
- How can my partner and I connect on a more intimate level? Try practicing the Three Breath Hug. You’ll feel intimately connected both psychologically and emotionally.
Take the quiz near the top as well as win a prize—email hello@drcherylfraser.com your relationship reboot results and be entered in the prize draw!
If you’re interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Remember the butterflies and crazy lust you felt when you and your sweetie first started dating? When your honey gets home at the end of a long day, do you greet her at the door, practically bouncing with excitement? And what about deep communication—do you feel known on a spiritual level by your spouse? Not to mention having a rich satisfying sex life…
Welcome to episode 91 of Sex, Love, and Elephants.every Monday in January, I’m giving you real, actionable steps you can take to improve your relationship with your mate. Today, your homework is to take my Passion quiz, an important tool for evaluating your relationship
Tune in and hear a short lesson on what I call the Passion Triangle—AKA the three main predictors of an exceptional relationship - Intimacy, Thrill, & Sensuality . After that, you can take my quiz to learn about one another AND rate your relationship.
Take the Passion Quiz NOW and rate your relationship on the Three Keys to Passion!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Your Relationship Reboot task for this week (04:11)
- A Passion Triangle mini teaching (05:56)
- Passion is a teachable skill (08:23)
- Today’s LoveByte (13:04)
Q&A:
- Is there a way to figure out what’s wrong in my relation ship? H Check out the Passion Quiz and find out how your relationship rates in the three key areas great couples master —then learn the steps to making an okay partnership exceptional.
If you’re interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Your bedroom. The room you use to sleep, store your clothes, get intimate with your honey—is it living up to its full potential? Does it bring you peace and mental clarity to spend time there, or is it a mess of clutter, chaos, and laundry?
Welcome to episode 90 of Sex, Love, and Elephants. For the month of January, I’m giving you real, actionable steps you can take to improve your relationship with your honey. Today’s episode is all about the bedroom—and how small changes behind closed doors can make for big changes in the rest of your life.
Tune in and learn why my challenge this week is for you to give your bedroom a makeover. For couples, the majority of sexy time takes place in bed. If that space is disorganized and disarranged, it can be impossible to let go of your daytime stressors once you hit the sheets.
Win a prize! Send a selfie of your Before and After Bedroom makeover to hello@drcherylfraser.com
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I challenged my Become Passion students to redo their bedrooms—and their results shocked them (02:55)
- If you want to take your makeover a step further, check out Netflix’s How to Build a Sex Room for steamy inspiration (05:31)
- No devices in the bedroom… Ever! (06:40)
- Your bedroom should become your sanctuary (09:10)
- Today’s LoveByte (16:33)
Q&A:
- How can I make my bedroom more relaxing and more sensual? Declutter, ban devices, and rid yourself of anything extra in that room. You’ll quickly see how these simple changes affect your love life.
If you’re interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Resources mentioned:
- How to Build a Sex Room
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
“New Year, new you!” Don’t you just hate being overwhelmed by a million different calls for a fresh start every year? Resolutions to get fit or to get rich or to transform your relationship are fine, but what about when it comes to actually taking action?
Welcome to episode 89 of Sex, Love, and Elephants. For the month of January, I’m giving you real, actionable steps you can take to improve your relationship with your honey. Today, I’ve got two actions for you to jump-start your Relationship Reboot
Tune in and ask yourself: how can I be a better partner this year? How can I be more mindful in my relationship? And how can I set better intentions? Then take action and plan an adventure date.
Win a prize! Send a selfie of your adventure date to hello@drcherylfraser.com
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If all we do is consume information without setting intentions and turning them into action, nothing changes (03:50)
- I actively work to speak more kindly to my partner (05:12)
- I’m taking my husband on a sexy adventure date (09:34)
- Make an appointment and a plan to be more romantic (11:18)
- Today’s LoveByte (15:20)
Q&A:
- What can I do to spice things up with my honey? Take your partner on an adventure date. Try something new and share the experience with your sweetheart.
If you’re interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You can sign up for all the triathlons you want, but if you don't buy a bike, get some running shoes, find a bathing suit, and do your research, there’s very little chance at success. Whether it's fitness or your career or your relationship, if you don't take action, nothing happens.
Welcome to 2023’s first episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants. For the month of January, I’m giving you real, actionable steps you can take to improve your relationship with your honey. Today, I’m talking about change and why the future of your relationship may be at stake unless you can create it.
Tune in and learn how to ask yourself and your partner the tough questions: Where would I like my relationship to be in 12 months? How would I like to feel? How can I be a better partner?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- A thought experiment involving the future of your romantic relationship (01:47)
- As difficult as relationships can be, you can create change (03:20)
- One of the most critical questions to ask yourself: “How do I want to be as a partner?” (06:07)
- 97% of resolutions fail—so we’re calling them intentions, instead (08:53)
- Action you can take to start your journey to a better relationship right now (09:55)
- Today’s LoveByte (14:14)
Email hello@drcherylfraser.com with your answers to the 3 questions and win a prize!
If you are interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You may be feeling an emotional letdown now that all the hype, joy and connection of the holiday season is nearly over. Or maybe you’re feeling the aftershocks of the disappointment, the difficulties, and the arguments. Unwinding the lights from the tree, taking out the wrapping-filled trash, and getting back to real life can feel like total whiplash at this time of year—but it doesn’t have to be that way.
This month, I’m rereleasing some of my favorite episodes about topics that crop up around the holiday season. In this episode, I’m talking about the dreaded Christmas hangover and the reason why so many of us suffer from it.
Join me in entering 2023 with the commitment to figure out how to be happy for no reason, how to nurture our heart, and how to throw ourselves into the great experiences that life offers us in the coming year.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When we're geared toward the big hype of one particular day, it’s easy to feel profoundly depressed and confused after it’s over (06:39)
- We’re allowed to have beautiful things and experiences—the trouble comes when we hang on to those things and we want them to make us happy, because everything ends (07:18)
- New Year’s Eve is just a day, but it’s a really helpful symbol of renewal for a fresh beginning (10:37)
- Today’s LoveByte (12:25)
Q&A:
- Why am I so depressed after the holidays are over? If we’re hanging our sense of happiness on one particular day or time of year, it’s only natural that we’ll feel a deep letdown when it’s over.
Enter to win a copy of my book Buddha’s Bedroom! Send a picture of your own polar bear plunge and tell me one resolution you have for your relationship. Email both to hello@drcherylfraser.com for your chance!
Let’s Connect!
- Interested in the 12- week Become Passion online couples program with Cheryl? Learn more and join the waitlist for 2023 HERE
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
At this time of year in the Pacific Northwest, we only experience about 8 hours of sunlight a day. That can be draining, but it makes way for something magical. On the Winter Solstice, the days start getting just slightly longer once again. Minute by minute and day by day, we get a little more light in our lives once again.
This month, I’m rereleasing some of my favorite episodes about topics that crop up around the holiday season. Let’s use the Winter Solstice as a reason to enter the new year with a renewed and refreshed mindset.
Like the earth circling back around the sun, our relationships also experience seasons—some of them not so pleasant. From infidelity to financial betrayal, we know that even in our darkest times there’s light coming just around the corner.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Almost every January 1, I jump in the freezing cold Pacific Ocean for a polar bear plunge (03:03)
- Sometimes all we have is the intellectual knowledge that this too shall pass, this too shall move into the light, this too will shift (11:22)
- During the Solstice, I like to take stock of the darkness I’m carrying in my life and try to let go of that heaviness (14:47)
- Today’s LoveByte (22:45)
- A daily gratitude practice that takes under five minutes—and you can start right now (23:15)
Q&A:
- It’s the holiday season and my life is a mess, what can I do? Remember that we all experience different seasons in our lives and the most important thing is to remember to look for the light,.
Enter to win a copy of my book Buddha’s Bedroom! Send a picture of your own polar bear plunge and tell me one resolution you have for your relationship. Email both to hello@drcherylfraser.com for your chance!
Let’s Connect!
- Interested in the 12- week Become Passion online couples program with Cheryl? Learn more and join the waitlist for 2023 HERE
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This season, remember that gifts don’t have to have a monetary value. Show your partner you care by being intentional and letting them know how much they matter to you. A happy, healthy relationship involves shared rituals—why not give your lover the gift of presence?
This month, I’m rereleasing some of my favorite episodes about topics that crop up around the holiday season. Today, I’m focusing on the sex and love part of Christmas and showing you some special ways to make this time together magical.
Remember being a kid on Christmas morning, waking up even before the sun… overwhelmed and giddy at the idea of what Santa Claus might’ve brought? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to recapture that special, magical feeling, even long after we stop believing in St. Nick?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Yes, you CAN make the holidays more romantic and sexy and avoid becoming totally burnt out by the end of the season (03:43)
- It’s not about the presents, it’s about the presence (10:10)
- If you've got little inquiring eyes and ears around, put your stocking stuffer in an envelope or add an IOU for an erotic massage (11:44)
- If you don't celebrate Christmas, you don't have to put your gifts in a stocking. You can individually wrap each thing—even try a treasure hunt and hide gifts around the house (13:02)
- Why not try out The 12 Days of Christmas for Couples? Instead of a partridge in a pear tree, what about dancing to a romantic song together in the living room? (17:18)
- Today’s LoveByte (25:02)
Q&A:
- How can I make Christmas with my partner sexy and special? A fun way to liven up Christmas with your honey is to pick out some sexy treats to fill their stocking and sharing them together in private.
If YOU have a question or topics you’d like me to cover on the podcast, email it to me hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- Interested in the 12- week Become Passion online couples program with Cheryl? Learn more and join the waitlist for 2023 HERE
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It’s mid-December. You’ve just finished work and you’re excited to get into your comfy clothes and flop down on the couch for some much deserved TV time. Suddenly, your little night in by yourself suddenly seems a whole lot lonelier, exacerbated by the good cheer playing on every channel.
This month, I’m rereleasing some of my favorite episodes about topics that crop up around the holiday season. Whether you’re deeply religious, agnostic, celebrate out of cultural identity or leave yourself out of all of it, these episodes are for you.
In this episode, I discuss how gatherings of celebration can leave us feeling lonely, depressed, anxious or worse, why those feelings are completely normal, and why it’s so important to differentiate between being alone and feeling lonely.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- We don't all go into December with everything in our life lined up, like some happy little obedient ducks in a row (05:25)
- “Alone” and “lonely” aren’t synonymous—we’ve all been very, very lonely when we haven't been alone (07:00)
- Allow yourself to acknowledge the truth of the difficulty in this moment and practice self compassion (21:01)
- Sometimes it’s too painful to go through the rituals and family routines—it’s okay to excuse yourself from them (25:57)
- Your weekly LoveByte (28:06)
Q&A:
- How can I get my mind off my loneliness when everyone else is out celebrating? A great way to make yourself feel better during the holidays is to volunteer or join a cause for those in need who are less fortunate than you.
If YOU have a question or topics you’d like me to cover on the podcast, email it to me hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- Interested in the 12- week Become Passion online couples program with Cheryl? Learn more and join the waitlist for 2023 HERE
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Want to know the two saddest words in the English language? “Too late.” We’ve all experienced it—realizing something too late to repair a relationship. Wishing we hadn’t made that decision that was against our inner ethical compass or there was a sense of misalignment, but now it's too late.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m talking all about forgiveness and making amends.
Tune in and learn that we all screw up, but it’s our responsibility to make it right. I also tell the story of a beautiful couple with an incredible marriage that came to a tragic end—and the wife was left knowing what it is to be too late.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- One of the most dignified, loving, and brave things we can do is to own our mistakes, to apologize, and to make amends (02:55)
- About a real-life couple that I worked with who had a damaging, destructive argument style (04:18)
- None of us should ever wait until it’s too late to apologize or say ‘I love you’ (05:36)
- Make parting sacred so you never have to say it’s too late (09:55)
- This week’s LoveByte (14:59)
If you are interested in the 2023 session of my 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion learn more and get on the waitlist to be notified HERE!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
A rift in a previously trusting, loving, open hearted relationship is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. Whether it’s between family members, friends, or lovers, the sense of loss and grief can be absolutely profound—but there is a possibility for redemption, for healing, and for change.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m telling you about what happens when we make up stories and how a misunderstanding can completely ruin a relationship.
Tune in and learnabout how we all have our own unconscious blocks, projections, and hangups and why you should never say goodbye without understanding WHY.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- A recent conflict I had with a very close friend (06:23)
- Texting is the best medium to ruin relationships (09:19)
- A text exchange created a rift in my long-term, loving friendship (17:10)
- It’s bullshit when we love people but we won't get together and talk about what’s bothering us (19:36)
- For most females, our first major heartbreak is from a female friend (23:46)
- Love hurts because we're brave enough to let people into our hearts and our lives and our inner circles (32:43)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What do we do when the tough stuff happens? How do we draw on our inner elephant courage and wisdom to help us get through the biggest losses in our life?
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll have a front row seat to one of my dharma talks. I’m talking about what we can do during our toughest times, where we can find strength, and the Four Noble Truths.
Tune in and learn that no matter what the winds blow into our life, we don't get to be the weather person. We don't get to choose a fair and sunny day every single day, but we can choose to appreciate those days.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- My patient, Janice, is a wonderful example of grace under great duress (03:24)
- Into our life repeatedly come pleasurable things and unpleasurable things (11:43)
- The first Noble Truth: Nothing stays the same (15:14)
- Things change and some of those changes are not going to be what you want (16:30)
- The second Noble Truth: The cause of our suffering is wanting things to be different (23:50)
- We can only solve our Dukkha by accepting the truth of what is and letting go (30:03)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Wouldn't you like to be happier? Wouldn't you like to have more ease in your home? More playfulness with your sweetheart? Wouldn't you like to take it to the next step? Be one of the few select couples who join me inside the Become Passion – Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime 12-week online immersion program for couples. To learn more and to join, click here! We begin THIS Friday, November 4, 2022 and go until January 15, 2023
Today, I’m telling you the real stories of actual couples who have attended my Become Passion program and completely turned their relationships around. You’ll hear about Ed and Jeanine and Jay and Cindy and how they were able to revamp their entire marriages, rediscover their love for one another, and bring back the passion and romance that had been missing for so long.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
Q&A:
My sex life with my sweetheart hasn’t been the same since we’ve had kids—what can we do to spice things up? Making each other priority number one is the best thing you can do to reignite the spark you once had. Make time for love AND lovemaking. Don’t be afraid to schedule dates. Want to learn more? Join my once yearly course, Become Passion — Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime!
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m going to give you a look inside my Passion Masterclass - a FREE couples workshop I do ONCE a year. It’s packed with information about the 3 Keys to Passion and much more. I also give you the opportunity to take the next steps in your relationship journey with me as your guide and romance cheerleader! (Yes, you can be both a hopeless romantic and a scientist—fun combination.)
Here’s the good news: You are NOT alone and it's NOT too late… even if it feels like it! In fact, on average, over 30% of the long-term couples I see in my practice aren’t having any sex whatsoever.
In this exclusive Passion Masterclass, you’ll learn about Passion and how you can shift your relationship from where it is to where you want it to be. You’ll learn that extraordinary Lifelong Passion is 100% Possible, but you must beware of Marriage Inc. (AKA running your relationship like a business). You’ll also learn how to create much more intimacy, thrill, and sensuality—no matter where your relationship is currently.
Intrigued? Be one of the few select couples who join me inside the Become Passion – Create Love that Lasts a Lifetime 12-week online immersion program for couples. To learn more and to join, click here! We begin November 4th 2022 and go until January 15th 2023
Want to watch the actual masterclass with video? Click here!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The 3 Keys to Passion – What they are, and Why mastering them will help you cultivate great love and sex that last a lifetime
- Intimacy: “Marital Friendship” Why Learning to Fight Fair is so important. Painful repeating arguments
- Thrill: Why it is so difficult to keep the excitement, attraction, and romance going – and what you need to do about it. Getting real
- Sensuality: How to wake up your erotic life. Did you know most long-term couples make love only a few times a month?
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Interested in joining the Become Passion Program? Doors close in a few days! The program with Dr. Cheryl starts November 4th. Click here to learn more and to register. This is the only time this year Cheryl is teaching Become Passion!
It’s a very special week here at Sex, Love, and Elephants because it marks the launch of my 12 week Become Passion couples immersion program. Today, I’m telling you what I know to be true about sex, love, and relationships. Relationships don’t just take care of themselves—they need an investment of time, energy, perseverance, and LOVE.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Relationships are a hard gig (04:32)
- Sometimes it takes a beautiful example to find the inspiration to love again (08:47)
- Great partnership takes effort, indulgence, love, forgiveness, and the acceptance of differences (11:52)
- A brief rundown of my Become Passion program (14:19)
- If we do nothing, things stay the same—or they get worse (21:00)
- This week’s LoveByte (22:26)
Q&A:
How can I liven up my relationship? My honey and I are so boring—help! Relationships take hard work! Think of your relationship like a hobby and put the effort in that you both deserve. Want more? Check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetimecoursestarting November 4 and learn how to bring the spark back to your love life.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
On today’s minisode, I’m extending you a very special invitation to join me for my FREE Passion Masterclass. Dates start October 25th! Choose the date and time that works best for you. I’m teaching the Three Keys to Great Relationships—and stay for an extensive Q&A! NOW is the only time in 2022 I’m holding this course!
Wouldn't you like to be happier? Wouldn't you like to have more ease in your home? More playfulness with your sweetheart? Wouldn't you like to take it to the next step? Then join me for the Become Passion program. This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
JOIN Dr. Cheryl’s FREE Passion Masterclass - beginning October 25th! Choose the date and time that works best for you. She’s teaching the Three Keys to Great Relationships—and stay for an extensive Q&A! NOW is the only time in 2022 Dr. Cheryl is holding this course!
Today, I’m sharing an excerpt from last week’s live Q&A class. You’ll hear answers to real questions from listeners just like you, like: What should you do when your partner doesn't want to make love? How do you win back your wife's affection when she's three quarters of the way out the door? How much fighting is too much fighting? Listen in on this rare opportunity—you’ll find out all these answers and much, much more.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
Some Questions You’ll Hear Answered Today:
- Should I continue to try after 17 years with a man who won’t make simple changes to bring more spark to our love life?
- When you keep having the same argument and you’re never able to talk through it, how do you move forward?
- How can I tell my lady friend to put her phone down so that we can have foreplay when we go to bed?
- How do I accept that my husband prioritizes his children from his first marriage over me?
- My partner is totally emotionally unavailable and has a temper tantrum when we argue… How can I communicate with someone who resorts to this behavior?
- How do I recognize when I'm triggered? How can I hit the pause button and wait for my nervous system to settle?
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
JOIN the free Passion masterclass - choose the date and time that work best for you. This is the only time this year Dr.C Cheryl is teaching it.
Today, I’m talking about Relationship Incorporated and exactly WHY you and your sweetheart don’t need to settle for it. I’m here to tell you that the thrill can last forever— you just have to be equipped with the right tools. It’s time to treat your love life like a hobby, weather your romantic storms, and get back to the thrill and passion you’ve been missing.
Register here for Dr. Cheryl’s FREE Passion Masterclass - beginning October 25th! Pick the time that works for you. Cheryl will teach the Three Keys to Great Relationship and stay for an extensive Q&A. Choose your time NOW!
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
Our culture gives us no real skills to be in a romantic relationship (06:29)
If you've chosen a person and they've chosen you, don’t settle for relationship incorporated (12:23)
The spontaneous lust of early attraction will fade, but thrill can be recreated (13:41)
Our romantic sexual relationship is one of the biggest predictors of our well being, happiness, and even longevity (17:19)
When the sun shine unexpectedly turns to rain, it’s all in what you make of it (21:36)
No matter what life dishes up, it’s up to each of us to choose who we're going to be as a partner (26:56)
This week’s LoveByte (27:37)
Q&A:
How can I keep the thrill alive with my honey? We used to have so much passion but lately the spark is missing. You have to be willing to make your love life your hobby. Focus on building your passion and revel in the romance. To learn more about the keys to passion and my Passion Triangle, check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course and learn how couples just like you have learned to create and maintain relationships that stand the test of time.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
JOIN the free Passion masterclass - choose the date and time that work best for you. This is the only time this year Dr.C Cheryl is teaching it.
Today, I’m telling you all about my ill-fated first marriage in my 20’s. I’m talking all about how I fell for my ex, the story behind our incredibly beautiful, big, fat Greek elopement, AND all the reasons our marriage didn’t work out!
Join me on the couch! For the first time ever, I’m offering exclusive office hours. Jump on and ask me YOUR love & sex questions, LIVE.
Tune in every Monday in October and listen to the Fall Into Love, Fall Into Like series. And don’t forget to mark your calendar for October 25! That’s when the first free LIVE online couples workshop begins. Registration coming soon!
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
How my first husband and I met and got together (02:19)
My ex gave me an incredibly romantic spiel that brought my guard down (07:23)
Our little elopement turned into an actual BBC production (10:41)
We had a full-on Mamma Mia!-style wedding—complete with a flutist and stage design from the West End (12:00)
We battled and argued for a year and a half of marriage because we did not have the tools to grow together (14:51)
The incredibly powerful divorce ritual that my ex and I created together (17:29)
Love isn't enough. It’s a learned skill (22:09)
This week’s LoveByte (25:44)
Q&A:
How can my partner and I stop fighting constantly—over big things and little things? It can be difficult to grow together as a couple without the correct tools. To learn more about the keys to passion and my Passion Triangle, check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetimecourseand learn how couples just like you have learned to create and maintain relationships that stand the test of time.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Today, I’m introducing you to my grandparents Norm and Evelyn, an incredible couple who radically changed my view of what was possible in life and in love. They’re proof that it is possible to keep the thrill, romance, respect, and passion in their relationship alive for more than six decades. I’m telling you all about their awe-inspiring relationship, the beautiful, sensual way they treated each other until the end, and the lesson I learned from them about the absolute power of true love. This October, I’m going to help you fall back into like and fall passionately, thrillingly, sexily in love with your honey.
Join me on the couch! For the first time ever, I’m offering exclusive office hours. Stay tuned for the date of the first exclusive chat!
Tune in every Monday in October and listen to the Fall Into Love, Fall Into Like series. And don’t forget to mark your calendar for October 25! Registration coming soon!
To make sure you don’t miss ANY of these announcements and links, join the no-obligation waitlist so you will be there first to know!
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
Norm emigrated from Wales to Saskatchewan and immediately set his sights on Evelyn (04:41)
My grandmother and grandfather had a truly extraordinary love affair (09:23)
It’s a learned skill to continue to romance each other, keep the thrill alive, and make sure our sweetheart knows they’re number one (10:33)
After Evelyn died, it became even more evident how in sync she was with Norm—in every way (14:22)
True love has the power to transcend anything, even Alzheimer’s and death (16:16)
This week’s LoveByte (21:09)
Q&A:
How can I keep the thrill alive with my sweetheart even after so many years together? It seems impossible! Keeping the passion, excitement and romance alive is totally possible. My Passion Triangle—intimacy, thrill, and sensuality—outlines the three keys to a great relationship. Want to learn more? Check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course and learn how couples just like you have learned to create and maintain relationships that stand the test of time.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This fall, I’m helping you fall back in love with the one you're already with. I’m going to take you through the 3 keys to passion—AKA The Passion Triangle—and show you exactly how you can use each element to bring back the spark with your sweetheart and take your relationship from dull to exceptional. This October, let me help you fall back into like and fall passionately, sexily, beautifully in love—or at least get a glimmer of how that may be possible for you and your honey.
Tune in every Monday in October and listen to the Fall Into Love, Fall Into Like series. And don’t forget to mark your calendar for October 25! That’s when the first free LIVE online couples workshop begins. Stay tuned to hear how to sign up.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The first side of the Passion Triangle is intimacy (05:20)
- The second side of the Passion Triangle is thrill (07:14)
- The Passion Triangle is the three keys to great relationship (09:55)
- The third side of the Passion Triangle is sensuality (11:10)
- This week’s LoveByte (18:05)
Q&A:
How can I reignite the spark with my partner and bring back the passion that we used to have? The Passion Triangle—intimacy, thrill, and sensuality—are the three keys to a great relationship. Want to learn more?Check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetimeand learn how to bring intimacy and excitement back to the bedroom and back to your relationship.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
“Dr. Cheryl, we fight all the time and constantly blame one another… Is there any hope for our relationship?” Today, I’m talking all about negative sentiment override. It’s a tough, sad, painful topic and so many of us have experienced it in our relationships, whether or not we knew how to put a name to it. But there is hope—as long as both partners are willing to take 100% responsibility.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- People who are refusing to take any responsibility for the relationship problems have very little hope of long-term relationship success (04:07)
- If you are busy blaming your partner for their BS, you're putting the power of your relationship’s success in someone else’s hands (07:21)
- The minefield of negative sentiment can override your relationship (12:24)
- When you are in negative sentiment override, it’s hard to remember who you fell in love with (18:04)
- If both partners are at least a little bit willing to work on accepting responsibility, there is hope (27:35)
- This week’s LoveByte (28:29)
Q&A:
My partner calls me names and disrespects me—how can I get them to change their behavior? You need to stop blaming your partner for your relationship’s failure and take responsibility yourself. Check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime to learn how to stop blaming others and to start taking responsibility for your relationship issues.
People mentioned:
John Gottman
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Why are relationships so hard?Today, I’m pressing pause on my Summer of Love couples Q&A series for a little bit of reflection. I’m talking about why we struggle so much with the thing we longed for AND why that struggle doesn’t make us a bad person.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast during my Summer of Love series? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts November 4.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- We all are with the wrong person if we expect them to make us happy all the time (04:07)
- In my Become Passion program, you’ll learn to how to fall back in love with the one you're already with (07:41)
- Having a great relationship isn’t easy—it takes real, hard work (10:24)
- We’ve all got baggage, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing (21:26)
- Love Stinks and it's not your fault (24:03)
- This week’s LoveByte (28:06)
Q&A:
How can I make my relationship easier? I love my partner, but connecting is so much work!Great relationships take hard work, they don’t just happen. Learning how to have a real connection with your sweetheart takes practice and accountability. Check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course to learn what it takes to build a lasting, exceptional relationship.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
“Dr. Cheryl… How can mindfulness and meditation help my sex life?” Welcome to part 8 of my Summer of Love couples Q&A series. For the last two months, I’ve been answering real questions from listeners just like you.Today, I’m talking about being more mindful in relationships and how NOT to make up stories about your sweetheart. You can look at the story, rewrite the story, and change the story that you’re telling yourself.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- You don't have to know anything about Buddhism to do a better job of working with your mind (07:02)
- It's not your fault that you're making up data about your partner, but you can change that behavior (12:42)
- We are wise, compassionate, loving beings underneath the stories (14:48)
- You're happy or not happy in your mind. Your mate cannot make you happy. (20:42)
- This week’s LoveByte (31:13)
Episodes mentioned:
- Change Your Mind, Not Your Mate
- Be the Surfboard, Not the Log
Q&A:
How can I stop my partner from doing things wrong and making me upset? Is your partner really doing these things on purpose, or are you just filling in the blanks? Take a step back and assess whether you’re telling yourself stories or if they’re really trying to hurt you. Check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course to learn how to build a more mindful relationship.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.
“Dr. Cheryl… Our sex life is so boring! How can we bring fun and sexiness back to the bedroom?” Today marks part 7 of my Summer of Love couples Q&A series, where I’ve been answering real questions from listeners just like you all summer long.Summer may be almost over, but my Q&A is just heating up. I’m telling you about my 3 predictors of a great relationship and sharing some really dire stats on the sex lives of the average North Americans—that you DON’T have to fall into!
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- “Nipple, nipple, crotch, good-night” sex is totally common… and totally boring (05:10)
- The three keys to a great relationship: intimacy, communication, conflict resolution (07:37)
- We all want sex to be spontaneous… but scheduling intimacy is one of the major keys to getting your spark back (10:17)
- The majority of long term couples make love from a place of sexual neutrality—and it’s actually very sexy! (15:30)
- Waiting around for spontaneous desire is kind of like waiting around for your teenager to spontaneously offer to clean out the garage (18:04)
- This week’s LoveByte (28:45)
Q&A:
My sex life with my partner has become so boring. How can we bring back the spark? Stop being a lazy, complacent lover and start scheduling sex in order to reclaim your intimacy and bring back the spark. Learn more about reigniting that lost flame with my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.
“Dr. Cheryl… I feel like my wife and I are more friends and roommates than lovers. How can I bring some of that excitement that we had when we were falling in love?”
I’m back with part 6 of my Summer of Love couples Q&A series, answering another real question from one of my listeners.Today, I’m busting the myth that men don’t care about romance and telling you why dates are one of the most exciting parts of dating. I also cover why the thrill of the chase is so important evolutionarily, why we have to learn to make time alone with one another, and why it’s so easy to fall into a pattern of relationship complacency.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- It’s not just women who miss the romance when it leaves a relationship (07:59)
- The excitement of dating comes from the chase and the courtship (12:40)
- Dates aren’t a place to talk about the kids or the household concerns, they’re a place to connect on a one-on-one level (15:57)
- The adventure date, the cooperation date, and the curiosity date are all great ideas for reconnecting with your sweetheart (17:14)
- This week’s LoveByte (34:30)
Q&A:
My relationship has lost its spark, how can I bring back our excitement and romance? One of the easiest ways to bring back the passion is to recreate the circumstances and excitement of your early relationship. Learn more about bringing the sexy back to your relationship in my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.
“Dr. Cheryl… My partner and I are not compatible. Are we doomed??” My Summer of Love couples Q&A series is back for part 5, answering another question from a listener just like you.Today, I’m talking about introverts, extroverts, and extroverted introverts. I’m also telling you that YES, it is possible to make things work between two very different people and how compatibility begins in the mind.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- An introvert replenishes with quiet and solitude (03:20)
- Compatibility with your partner is all in your head (10:08)
- You can be rapturously happy, deeply in love, and have an extraordinary relationship—even if you are wildly different people (11:39)
- Oftentimes the differences aren’t the problem... The problems come when we fail at our approach (16:40)
- If you focus on the ways you’re not compatible—on the big and small irritations—you will fester a growing wound (19:22)
- This week’s LoveByte (26:31)
Q&A:
I’m an introverted homebody and my partner is an extroverted social butterfly… will our relationship last? Compatibility is a choice and a behavior that begins in the mind. It’s completely up to the two of you whether you can make things work. Learn more about the decision to be compatible in my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Resources mentioned:
How to Build a Sex Room on Netflix
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.
Grown-up content alert! In this episode I talk about sexual fantasies in some depth, using some explicit language and I talk about concepts that are not appropriate for tiny little ears so make sure that small kids are not hearing this episode. This is grown-up content and it’ll help you grow in the bedroom.
“Dr. Cheryl… Why am I so turned on by the idea of being sexually dominated?” I’m back this week answering more of YOUR questions in my Summer of Love couples Q&A series. Today, I’m talking all about the beauty of sexual fantasies, why they’re healthy, and I’m debunking some ideas from that popular erotic book series.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- 50 Shades of Grey is a dumb book—but there’s a reason it captured so many imaginations (5:04)
- The number one heterosexual female fantasy? Ravishment (08:24)
- The ravishment fantasy is so pervasive because it gives women a way to justify their raw sexual energy (12:20)
- Exploring your sexual fantasies is healthy and empowering as long as it's not hurting anyone and everyone gives consent (20:58)
- My new favorite Netflix show features the Mary Poppins of sex and makes couples’ fantasies a reality (24:45)
- This week’s LoveByte (27:49)
Q&A:
- Is it normal that my biggest sexual fantasy is to be sexually dominated? Ravishment is the most common fantasy reported by hetero women. It’s normal and healthy to act on as long as it’s between consenting adults. If you’d like to learn to embrace and embolden your fantasies, check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Resources mentioned:
- How to Build a Sex Room on Netflix
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“Dr. Cheryl…Should I break up with my verbally abusive partner?” Welcome back to the third installment in my Summer of Love couples Q&A series. Today, I’m sharing my advice for those of you that are wondering if verbal abuse in a relationship can ever be overcome .
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- How to identify verbal abuse (4:34)
- The importance of taking a time out when you’re flooded (11:57)
- An example of a non-verbally abusive, highly emotional person (16:39)
- That there are countless ways to learn how to fight fair, apologize, and forgive (24:46)
- If you should break up with your verbally abusive partner (27:50)
- This week’s LoveByte (30:39)
Q&A:
- My partner and I fall into verbally abusive patterns, can we overcome this? It is really difficult to be able to control ourselves when we are highly emotional, so taking a time out will be the greatest help to rehabilitating the pattern in addition to becoming more skillful at speaking during these moments. If you’re having issues like these, check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course.
- Should I break up with my verbally abusive partner? If your partner is unwilling to do the work and get help to address their verbally abusive tendencies, then yes, you should break up with them.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
This week, I’m taking some time off so that my sweetheart and I can have some much needed R&R. But I’m not leaving you high and dry! While we’re having quality time with one another and slowing down to appreciate the beautiful Vancouver Island summer, I’ve put together some questions—asked by real couples—that you can hear me answer in upcoming episodes of my Summer of Love Series.
Click here to sign up for my weekly Lovebytes - Weekly science-based love and sex tips & techniques along with exclusive content—delivered right to your email box every Tuesday.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Some of the REAL questions from couples just like you that I’ll be answering in upcoming episodes of Sex, Love, and Elephants:
- My partner is addicted to porn, is there any way our relationship can recover?
- You talk about tantric sexuality in your book, Buddha’s Bedroom—can you tell us more about it?
- My guy won't talk about the sex we're not having, can you help us?
- Should I break up with my verbally abusive partner? Is there a way my relationship can recover from verbal abuse?
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“My sweetie and I never fight… Is that okay?” Welcome back to the second installment in my Summer of Love couples Q&A series. Today, I’m telling you why lack of conflict can spell major issues for your relationship—and what you can do to help before it’s too late.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Zero conflict can spell trouble for your relationship (04:29)
- Everyone has a different communication style—which isn’t necessarily a bad thing (05:29)
- Your health and happiness in your relationship may be in trouble if you don't learn how to talk about the difficult topics (07:02)
- There’s nothing wrong with you if your nature is to avoid conflict, but it isn’t healthy to sweep things under the rug (09:31)
- A technique to begin cleaning out all that crap under the rug (14:49)
- This week’s LoveByte (21:05)
Q&A:
- My partner refuses to talk about difficult things and avoids all conflict. What can I do? Completely avoiding conflict to the detriment of your own happiness isn’t helpful for anyone—it is a problem if you can’t talk about the tough stuff! If you’re having issues like these, check out my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime course.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“If I go there will be trouble and if I stay there will be double…” Today, I’m kicking off my 2022 Summer of Love couples Q&A series with one of my number one most asked questions: “How do I know when it’s time to leave?” Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast this summer? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question.” Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and tell me if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This ten-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When is it time to leave a relationship? Only you and your partner can answer that …but I can help you decide (03:47)
- But…If you are in a dangerous, sexually coercive, physically or otherwise abusive relationship, this episode is not for you. Please seek crisis help immediately (07:05)
- Research shows that about 50% of people who leave a committed relationship DO regret it. Maybe it’s not too late to begin again (12:03)
- Chances are, if you leave one committed relationship, you’ll recouple. That’s our nature as a species. (13:53)
- So much of our relationship misery can be rehabilitated (23:04)
- This week’s LoveByte (33:58)
Q&A:
- Is it time for me to leave my relationship? As long as your partner is still willing to play ball, it is really a decision between the two of you. But chances are you need some help to work through the problems…my couples program is designed to give you the tools you need.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Do YOU have a question about Sex, Love, and Relationships you would like me to answer on the podcast? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question”
Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and let me know if I can use your name or if you’d like to remain anonymous. :)
Summer lovin’ had us a blast… or maybe you are overwhelmed with relationship anxiety, communication problems, and questioning whether or not you should break up with your partner. If this sounds more like your situation, then I would love to help you. For the rest of summer, I will be answering listener questions about challenging romantic situations on the podcast in a Summer of Love Series.
Today, I am talking about a recent disagreement with my sweetheart that had me spiraling into relationship doom. You will hear about the specific situation that led me to spin a story out of nothing. Do you ever do that? I know that you do… I talk about HOW to work through these feelings when they happen to you. And…drumroll, please…I introduce the upcoming, Summer of Love Series - based entirely on YOUR burning relationship issues.
Don’t forget to send your questions to me via email hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question” so I can answer them.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- What you need to do for me to answer YOUR Love and Sex questions (3:15)
- About a recent fight I had with my sweetheart …and what we did about it (5:10)
- How I spun the story of relationship doom into a bigger deal than it was (12:15)
- What to expect for the Summer of Love Series (15:16)
- This week’s LoveByte (18:00)
Q&A:
- How can I stop spiraling when my partner frustrates me? Learn how to accommodate your differing styles through humor, acceptance, and clear communication. And CHANGE THE STORY
- How can I submit a love, relationship, or sex question for the Summer of Love series? Email it to hello@drcherylfraser.com with the subject line “Podcast Question”. Give me a little background about your relationship, ask your question, and let me know if I can use your name or you’d like to remain anonymous
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
When was the last time you were bothered, hurt, or frustrated by something a friend, colleague, neighbor, coach, or anyone else you care about said or did? The idea of confronting this person often leaves us with a pit in our stomach and rising levels of discomfort.
Difficult conversations, whether they are with our romantic partner or anyone else, are always uncomfortable. However, when they are someone we genuinely care about, don’t talk about your frustrations behind their back. Instead, approach these difficult conversations with wrathful compassion. This is how we can successfully communicate our emotions about a tough topic and show that we care about them, and our relationship, enough to be brave.
Today, I am talking about how to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations with the important people in our life. In my previous episodes, I’ve talked about how to have these conversations with our romantic partners, but it is just as important and most of the time harder, to confront the other people we care about outside of our sweetheart. You will hear how a little boy had more courage than all the adults around him when the tough truth needed to be confronted. You’ll also learn why it’s more difficult to confront our friends than our lovers, why we are afraid to speak the truth, and how to approach these conversations with wrathful compassion.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The difference between difficult conversations with our sweethearts and other people we care about (3:25)
- A story of a brave boy who told the truth - no matter what (5:40)
- Why we are afraid to speak the difficult truth (14:22)
- How to approach these conversations with wrathful compassion (17:05)
- This week’s LoveByte (22:10)
Q&A:
- Why is it harder to confront friends than our romantic partners? With our romantic partners, we have faith that despite confronting them with a difficult conversation, the relationship will not end because of it. But when it is someone else that we care about, we are nervous because we don’t have enough faith in the strength of the relationship. We fear we will lose their love if we tell the truth. So we don’t.
- What is wrathful compassion? Wrathful compassion means confronting people about their frustrating and hurtful actions and behaviors for their own sake out of love, not anger. It’s BRAVE BOLD compassion - not cowardly “being nice so I don’t upset you”
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What tough emotions do you battle on a consistent basis? The more we pay attention to what incites our feelings of anger, insecurity, jealousy, and others, the more self-awareness we will gain and our understanding of how to shift our mindset.
You may think that the situations that make us feel negative emotions on a smaller scale are completely different from the bigger situations. Just because the negative emotions may not last as long, the root emotion is often the same. We will never be able to control the external situations or circumstances that may spark us to feel negative emotions, but we ARE able to control the action we take when these emotions come up.
Today, I am talking about the three root negative emotions from the Buddhist perspective. You will learn what the three poisonous emotions are that are ruining your life and the intentional ways you can reframe your mind and apply the antidotes for these emotions. If you’re interested in watching this episode instead of listening, you can check out the video here.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- About the three root poisonous emotions (4:37)
- How the Greedy Demon shows up in our lives and relationships (11:43)
- Why our lives are full of thinking either “I want this” or “I don’t want that” (20:10)
- To stop trying to control and micromanage external circumstances (31:07)
- This week’s LoveByte (47:05)
Q&A:
- What are the three root poisonous emotions? In English, the three root poisonous emotions that Buddha Dharma describes are greed, anger, and confusion.
- How can I stop feeling negative emotions? The antidotes for the three root poisonous emotions are love, generosity, and clear seeing.
- How can I stop feeling irritable? Meditation! Close your eyes, imagine that there are gray clouds covering the sun, and slowly dissolve the clouds to uncover the warmth and brightness of the sun. Many times when we are annoyed or irritable, we just need a reminder that it is in our control to stop feeling that way.
Want to learn more about Buddhism and Love relationships? Check out my book Buddha’s Bedroom
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Do negative thoughts such as, “I’m so tired from a long day of work” or “I don’t have any free time balancing kids, work, and errands” creep into your mind daily? We often complain about our life. But hey - we did CHOOSE the life we are living. If you want to be happy, remember to focus on the positive.
As humans, we love to create stories. I’m not talking about any sort of creative storytelling, I’m talking about the stories that we make up in our heads that make us feel bad about ourselves and the current state of our life. When we believe these stories, we are living in a victim mindset, holding ourselves back from happiness and gratitude.
Today, I am talking about how you can reframe your mindset to escape thinking like a victim and open your eyes to the blessings from the life you have chosen to live. I talk about a pivotal reframing moment I had with a couple I work with, why we tell ourselves stories that make us feel bad, and how to flip your thoughts to be more grateful. If you’re interested in watching instead of listening, you can check out the video here.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- A story about how couples “scorekeep” (3:30)
- How to reframe the story that we tell ourselves (9:28)
- Why we love to create stories through our experiences and interpretations (22:16)
- A profound reminder about rewriting our story (29:42)
- This week’s LoveByte (32:33)
Q&A:
- How can I practice gratitude? Instead of thinking about how tired, overwhelmed, or stressed you are, reframe your mindset to identify the blessings in your life that you have CHOSEN.
- How do I stop thinking with a victim mindset? Turn “I have to” into “I get to” and you will feel the difference!
- Why do we believe the stories that we tell ourselves? Humans are story-making machines. We take our experiences and interpret them by building a story around our limited context and fear. Just as quickly as we can convince ourselves that certain negative thoughts are true, we can also rewrite the story to give ourselves grace, love, support, and clarity on what is true and what is not.
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What are the common thoughts of doubt that come up when you think about your romantic partner? All of us have a “Doubt Demon” in our head that likes to spread poisonous thoughts about our partner. These thoughts can cause us to pick fights and end a great relationship, just because our Doubt Demon got the best of us.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t address the legitimate concerns you have with your partner. It is so important to communicate whenever their behavior, patterns, choices, and so on, are negatively impacting your relationship. So while some of your doubts may be valid, our Doubt Demons are fear and control based.
Today, I am talking about how to battle and befriend the Doubt Demon that makes you think negatively about your romantic partner. I share how you can recognize your Doubt Demon when it shows up in your thought patterns, why it’s human nature to look for what is wrong, ways to combat these doubtful thoughts, and more. It’s time to stop letting these thoughts build up in your head and instead understand why they show up and how you can reframe them to look at the positive!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- What a “Doubt Demon” is and examples of thoughts it creates (2:52)
- Why it’s human nature to look for what is wrong (6:17)
- How to combat your thoughts by befriending your Doubt Demon (13:23)
- This week’s LoveByte (18:44)
Q&A:
- Why do we tend to look for what is wrong? It’s human nature! If our cavemen ancestors didn’t look for what could go wrong and try to prevent it, then we wouldn’t be here today.
- Why are we more doubtful about our love relationships than others? We are often our most vulnerable selves in our romantic relationships, leading us to creating a strong bond with one another, and in turn, making us feel like the stakes are higher.
- What can I do to stop my doubtful thoughts about my relationship? Don’t try to kill your Doubt Demon but instead catch it! The more you can identify the doubtful thinking patterns in your mind the more you’ll be able to recognize what triggers your thoughts so you can stop them in their tracks.
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you are in a long-term relationship, how often do you and your partner have sex? Having a temporary dry spell is different than being in a sexless marriage - which is when you are having sex less than 6 times a year. If this sounds like the current state of your partnership, then it is time to start talking about the sex you’re not having.
You may think, but isn’t it normal for couples to stop having sex as they get older and have been together for a long time? This is a HUGE myth that too many couples have normalized in order to avoid addressing the lack of sex in their partnership. It is possible to return to the sexual beings you were at the beginning of your relationship, no matter what age you and your partner are.
Today, I am talking about what a sexless marriage is and how to begin talking about the sex you’re not having with your partner. I share stories and lessons learned from the couples in my Become Passion course, in which part of what I help them with is reigniting the sexual aspect of their relationship. If you are interested in joining the next course of Become Passion, you can join the waitlist here.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- What defines a sexless marriage and the statistics & myths associated (5:16)
- The first step for addressing ANY problem - not just lack of sex (10:01)
- An example of how to acknowledge the lack of sex with your partner (11:26)
- It takes time and commitment to go from sexless to sexual (22:37)
- This week’s LoveByte (26:18)
Q&A:
- When can I consider I am in a sexless marriage? When you're having sex less than 6 times a year.
- How do I tell my partner that I want to have more sex? Don’t overwhelm them, blame them, or approach the conversation with anger. Be brave for both of you by acknowledging the lack of sex and opening up the conversation. You need to have the conversation about the sex you are not having.
- Why do couples stop having sex as they get older? This is a MYTH. Not all couples stop having sex as they get older. If you have stopped having sex as you have gotten older, don’t lose hope. With commitment and time, you can sexually reconnect with your partner.
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Got a question or topic you’d like me to cover in an upcoming episode? Email me at cheryl@drcherylfraser.com
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Have you ever looked at someone who exudes happiness despite all they have gone through and wondered, how can I be like that? Or, that has to be a facade? Spoiler alert: it IS possible to always be in a state of grace, even happiness - no matter what is going on in your life.
Now wait. I’m not saying that the difficulties and hardships you go through in life aren’t a valid cause for sad or difficult emotions. What I am saying is, we control the impact that external factors have on our happiness. Whether that is losing a loved one or getting a promotion, if we depend on events that are outside of our control to bring us happiness, we are playing a losing game.
But this is GREAT news. It’s liberating to discover that our minds are 100% in control of our happiness. So happiness is an inside job.
Today, I am talking about how we can all be happy for no reason…yes, that means you too. Throughout this episode, I share my thoughts on happiness from two main sources: science and Buddhist psychology. I talk about a personal experience with my best friend (she has 4 legs) that is currently reminding me that happiness is a choice, how to stop depending on external factors for happiness, questions to ask yourself, and more. When you choose to be happy in your mind, you will find happiness. Enjoy!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Why nothing can ruin your happiness but you (03:38)
- My dying dog and how that is currently challenging me to choose happiness, not grief (05:23)
- To stop depending on external factors to bring you happiness (10:10)
- To become curious about what is currently bothering you (17:55)
- This week’s LoveByte (22:32)
Q&A:
- How can I be happy despite loss? Life is special because it is not guaranteed. Remember that we are all destined to die and although it is sad when we lose someone, that sadness does not need to define our happiness. These emotions are not mutually exclusive.
- What can make me happy? Choosing happiness is how you can be genuinely happy amidst events outside of your control. Depending on other people, things, and events to be the source of your happiness will only result in a temporary high followed by a depressive crash.
- Is it possible to be happy for no reason? YES! It is possible to be happy for no reason when you understand that happiness only comes when you are happy in your mind.
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What qualities do you consider the most important to cultivate as a human being? While we each have our unique characteristics and personality differences, there are specific traits that distinguish human beings as good or… not so good.
Sometimes, moral ethics can seem blatantly obvious. You may think, “Of course being honest is a quality of a morally ethical person!” or “No one is THAT perfect”. However, moral ethics is not that easy to remember to do when actually applied in our everyday situations. Consistently going to the “Gym of Ethics” will help you to grow your ethical muscles and show up as a better person in all aspects of your life.
Today, I am sharing with you the Six Perfections from Buddha Dharma and how practicing them can transform your life. I talk about what each of the perfections are and some examples of how you can begin to effectively apply them within your life. Practicing the Six Perfections will help you be kinder, more compassionate, awakened, and ultimately lead you to embracing your elephant. This recording is from a talk I gave last week on Vancouver Island and if you are interested, you can watch the talk here.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
The common actions taken by people we consider as generous (06:27)
My interpretation of the second perfection, Integrity (15:20)
Why patience may be considered an antidote to anger (23:30)
Examples of when you should apply diligence and energy (29:47)
How meditation and wisdom require the other perfections to be productive (41:27)
This week’s LoveByte (53:42)
Q&A:
What are the six perfections to practice from Buddha Dharma? Generosity, Integrity, Patience, Energy, Meditation, Wisdom
What is the antidote to anger? Patience! Before you send that snarky text or say that petty remark to your partner, take some time for yourself. Just like when you find yourself flooded - which I spoke about in a recent episode - patience helps us to take a step back from the heightened adrenaline and irrational thinking that comes with being angry.
How can I control my thoughts during meditation? Does it seem like all of your thoughts wait to show themselves until you are trying to meditate? One of the great lessons that meditation teaches us is to be more diligent and focused towards our thoughts. Meditation isn’t about avoiding our thoughts, it’s about learning to be in the moment and apply the right energy so we can be in control of them.
Resources mentioned:
YouTube Video - The Six Perfections
Become Passion Testimonials
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What do you think of when you see an elephant? When I am hurt, in pain, confused, or frustrated, I turn to the symbol of the elephant. Elephants are an analogy for our inner wisdom, and nothing can stop yours from moving towards awakening and freedom.
One year ago, I made a commitment to myself to release one podcast episode a week for a year. I have always loved being behind the microphone from my years on talk radio, so it wasn’t a coincidence that I was drawn to podcasting. Throughout this podcasting journey, I have incorporated my education and experience with psychology, psychotherapy, meditation, sex therapy, Buddhism, and countless other tools to help individuals and couples tap into their elephants and transform.
Today, I’m reflecting on why I began this podcast 52 weeks ago, what the elephant symbol means to me, and how I hope to continue helping listeners. Now that I have accomplished my commitment of releasing a podcast episode a week for a year, I would like to thank each and every one of you who have tuned in and been a part of this incredible journey. If this podcast has impacted you, please send an email to cheryl@drcherylfraser.com with your feedback, suggested topic, or questions. I will select 3 lucky winners to send a personalized copy of Buddha’s Bedroom!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- About the commitment I made to myself a year ago (02:38)
- The reason that I began this podcast (07:45)
- The reassuring analogy and meaning behind the elephant symbol (09:36)
- Why the sun is there to dissolve the clouds of confusion (16:24)
- This week’s LoveByte (18:10)
Q&A:
- What does the elephant symbol represent? The elephant symbol represents our inner wisdom, plodding along, continuously moving towards awakening and freedom.
- What is monkey mind? Our monkey mind is our ego trying to keep us safe. When you're in fear, in selfishness, in greed, confused, hurt or you feel you're the only person on the planet right now, that is monkey talk, my friend.
- How can I get an autographed copy of Buddha’s Bedroom? Email cheryl@drcherylfraser.com with your feedback about the podcast and suggested topics or questions you’d like answered. We will select 3 lucky winners and send you a personalized copy of Buddha’s Bedroom!
Resources mentioned:
- Become Passion Testimonials
- Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Are you guilty of judging others for their primary response when they are flooded? Next time you find yourself judging a friend, couple, ex, or anyone else for acting irrationally when experiencing high emotions, STOP and take a good look in the mirror! Think back on a fight with your current or previous partner - what was the ugliest, most hurtful thing that you said or did when you were flooded? What did they say or do to you? Was your primary response fight, flight, or freeze?
On last week’s episode, I talked all about the science behind why Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars. To sum it up: Will Smith was triggered when Chris Rock spoke about his wife. Will, became flooded by his emotions and went into the primary response of FIGHT. If you want to learn more about what flooding is and the role it played in the infamous slap, be sure to check out last week’s episode.
Today, I’m talking all about what couples can do when either one or both partners are flooded. Having the tools to handle difficult, emotional arguments with your partner can completely transform your relationship. I can almost guarantee if you learn this ONE powerful relationship tool - that you will never have an ugly, irrational, hurtful fight again. I explain how logic takes over our brain when we are flooded, why we are most likely to become flooded in our romantic relationships, the three ways our body reacts when we are flooded, what the Time Out technique is, and when couples should utilize it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
How logic flees the building so we can make bad decisions when we are flooded (4:33)
To look back on an example in your current or previous relationship where you or your partner were flooded (6:31)
Why situations surrounding our romantic and sexual relationships are where we are most likely to become flooded (8:32)
The three ways that our body may decide to react when we are flooded (11:10)
What the Time Out technique is and when couples should use it (21:01)
This week’s LoveByte (31:34)
Q&A:
In what situations am I most likely to become flooded? Because we are our most vulnerable in our romantic and sexual relationships, our emotions are more likely to become triggered surrounding conversations or situations that involve them. This is another factor as to why Will Smith became flooded when Chris Rock spoke about his wife.
What are the reactions and behaviors when we are flooded? Our body can respond in one of three different ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Whichever response you find yourself doing most often is your primary response, this is our animal brain taking over.
What can I do when I become flooded while communicating with my romantic partner? The Time Out technique! If you are flooded, it is likely that you are not able to communicate effectively. Agree with your partner on a symbol or word that means “We need to take a timeout” that can be used when one or both of you is flooded - and yes, the “We” is necessary. When either of you use this symbol or word, you then both take 30 minutes by yourself to do things that soothe you, in order to return to the issue in a more calm, and reasonable mindset.
Resources mentioned:
Become Passion Testimonials
Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
When I got back from my retreat,I caught up on some of the world news and events that I missed - including the now infamous slap that Will Smith gave Chris Rock at the Oscars. Will losing his mind for a moment is a fantastic example of the irrational actions we ALL can take when we become flooded. Yup, you are just like Will…so stop judging him and look in the mirror. What is the worst thing YOU’VE ever done when you got triggered?
Today, I’m talking all about flooding - that fight-or-flight feeling we all experience at certain times. But most of us do it behind closed doors, and avoid the ugly backlash that comes with being in the public eye. I share my definition of flooding, some examples of common scenarios that may cause flooding, how to recognize when you are flooded, what to do in these situations, and more. I hope this episode reminds you to watch the judgment that you pass on to others and reflect on the times in your life that you have been flooded.
When was the last time that you were cool, calm, and collected until something suddenly happened - maybe you thought someone insulted your wife - to cause feelings of distress or danger? Our body believes what our brain tells us and in these moments of being triggered, we either fight, flee, or freeze. This bodily state is one that I like to call being “flooded”. Think back and reflect on moments in past situations in relationships that you became flooded. How did you react and what actions did you end up taking? And would you like to be judged by a billion people for your worst mistakes?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
Why the Will Smith incident is a perfect example of flooding (02:21)
My definition of flooding and a few examples that we can all relate to (4:12)
Why we might take regrettable action - in other words, screw up badly - when our body is flooded (09:50)
How to recognize when you are flooded while in an argument with your romantic partner (15:52)
Why it’s important to understand whether your own reaction to distress is to fight, flight, or freeze (18:15)
Why everybody should stop passing judgment or criticism on Will’s reaction to Chris Rock and work on your own damn self (23:30)
This week’s LoveByte (29:14)
Q&A:
What does it mean to be flooded with emotions? Flooding is the layman's term for Diffuse Physiological Arousal. This is when you get so stressed during an argument that your body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. In this state, you are unable to make rational decisions or actions. A great example of this is Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars.
How can I recognize when I am flooded with emotions? Next time you are in a stressful situation or conversation, check your pulse. If your heart rate is above 100 beats a minute then you are flooded and that means you are not entirely rational.
How long does it take to get back to a calmer state after an argument? After the cortisol and adrenaline are in our bloodstream, it takes 20-30 minutes for your body to unflood itself.
Want more of Cheryl talking about Will’s Slap? Watch this video now - https://youtu.be/syZPGseAArA
Resources mentioned:
Become Passion Testimonials
Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
About Me
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
All of us have an expiration date. It’s a simple reality… None of us know exactly how long we're here for. Maybe you find that frightening, maybe you find it downright depressing. But here’s the thing: we can take it as simple fact and an inspiration to really live life fully—to tilt our lives to doing more of that which deeply matters to us. Instead of wasting time on the things that are more trivial or distracting or not important, we can use it as a catalyst to live the way we really want to.
Today, I’m sharing a Dharma Talk I recently gave to my own group here on Vancouver Island. I hope it is of great value to you and I’ll be back with a fresh episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants next week.
In this class, I talk about how we would live if we knew our time was limited. We also play with the concept of birthdays and how they may mean we’re a little closer to death, but that we can use that idea as a call to action to live life fully.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- A short, simple exercise to prepare your for mind for this talk (04:38)
- Notice when you’re thinking about things from the past: is it wholesome? Or is it unwholesome? (06:17)
- To help educate the mind and have a better sense of your experience, meditate, brief review, and move on (10:33)
- What if, instead of calling it our “birthday,” we called it our “one year closer to death day”? (15:13)
- We're busy because we have patterns, because we're trained, because our minds are used to running down sets of stairs… and we often miss the alternate path. (38:49)
Q&A:
- How can I make my thoughts of death and dying less scary? One of the roots of suffering, sadness, loss, loneliness, despair, confusion, anger, irritation, and hurt is that we're not living enough. Spend time with those you love, do interesting things— take advantage of it all.
- How can I start my day without stress and anxiety? If you want to reprogram patterns, you need to practice new patterns. Look carefully at how you start the first 30 minutes of your day. Don't look at your phone, put on a bit of music, brew yourself a beautiful cup of something, and have an extra long shower and see what difference it might make.
- Is there an easy way to make the changes I want to see in my life? Ask yourself, “How do I want to live this day?” All of us in our lives can make changes today, no matter how small. Watch one less episode of your show, go for a walk and look for a daffodil, phone a friend and have a chat and really hear what's going on in their life.
Watch Cheryl's live Dharma Talk
Head to Island Dharma for more information on Cheryl’s meditation and Buddhist teachings and retreats.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Have you ever noticed the incredible effect that total, utter silence has? It can enable us to see shades of nature we’ve never noticed before, connect to the song of the treefrogs, and even form a never-before-had appreciation for the gentle buds on the springtime trees. Maybe the thought of being alone with your mind for a month makes you a little uncomfortable, maybe it makes you introspective—or maybe it scares the hell out of you! Whatever your feelings on it, we can all agree that silence can be incredibly powerful… if we slow down and listen.
For the last month,I’ve been on a solo, silent meditation retreat and I’m ready to share with you what I learned while I was 100% off the grid. Join me as I break down my experience and talk about some of the realizations I had while I was alone with just me, my thoughts, and my 18-year-old dog.
Today, I’m talking about the power of slowing down, the power of being present, and the power of silence. And here’s the not-always-pleasant truth: when we strip away the distractions of life, we will experience some of the beauty of a calm, settled mind—but we also experience the stuff we’ve been avoiding.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
A bit about the silent meditation retreatI’ve recently returned from (05:04)
When we are running for a distraction to make us feel better, we're not setting ourselves up for success (07:00)
If you're not able to feel happy, open hearted, and compassionate without your phone, you're in trouble (10:38)
The transcendent experience of a simple, solo birthday (12:42)
Not being able to allow the mind to settle—like not allowing the dirt and in a glass of water o settle out—is a cause for concern (15:06)
This week’s LoveByte (22:39)
Q&A:
I can only turn my brain off when I’m scrolling on my phone—help! Research shows that if you have difficulty turning off your mind, you tend to sleep poorly, which may cause cognitive anxiety, physiological anxiety, moodiness, etc. Training your mind to embrace silence and stillness is imperative.
Why can’t I get myself to meditate when I try? Most people meditate unsuccessfully because they haven't been properly instructed. Instead of trying to completely clear your mind in the first go, try letting your thoughts gently dissipate.
Why do I feel anxiety as soon as I let go of distraction? Many of us use distractions as a bandaid to avoid thinking thoughts that need to be addressed. Instead of ignoring them, try to gently acknowledge what you’re trying to avoid and then explore why you feel compelled to do that.
Resources mentioned:
The Jewel Ornament of Liberation: The Wish-Fulfilling Gem of the Noble Teachings
Misery or Happiness? The Buddha's Four Facts of Life
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“Dr. Cheryl, I want sex more than my partner does… help!” You wouldn’t believe how often I get this question in its many forms. Whether you’re the partner feeling guilty for your lacking libido or the partner with the insatiable drive—YOU. ARE. NORMAL. Yes, both of you!
For the next few weeks, I’m sharing answers to some of the most asked sex and love questions I’ve heard in my career. These are the questions I hear over and over again, regardless of the time or place, answered for you and your honey.
Today, I’m talking all about sex drive. I’m busting myths about the libido differences in men and women, the idea that men are dogs who crave constant sex, and that women have fundamentally different sex drives. Spoiler alert: It’s all bullshit!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you and your partner have sex drive differences, you are normal (02:39)
- Despite the prevailing popular belief, gender has no real bearing on one’s sex drive (04:31)
- It’s totally normal for spontaneous lust to wane over the course of a long term relationship (07:15)
- Cultivating responsive desire involves scheduling sex—even when we don’t feel like it (08:10)
- There is no quick fix to sexual desire differences, but there are a number of steps that you can utilise to help reignite a fizzling flame (10:28)
- Never say “I'm not in the mood” ever again (11:53)
- This week’s LoveByte (17:51)
Q&A:
- My partner and I never have spontaneous sex anymore, is this normal? In long term relationships, it’s completely normal for spontaneous desire to wane. Try scheduling love making into your routine.
- Help! I feel so guilty when my sweetheart wants sex and I don’t! There’s no quick fix for a difference in sexual desire, but realize that it has nothing personally to do with either of you.
- How can I get my mate to want sex as much as I do? While you and your honey may always have differences in sex drive, start out by trying regularly sechduled “sex dates” and see where you evolve from there.
Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What’s the most lonely feeling in the world? Laying in bed next year snoozing sweetheart thinking, “Am I with the wrong person? Is this it? Where's the passion?” Believe me, I get it. You love them, but you’re just not feeling in love with them anymore.
For the next few weeks, I’m sharing answers to some of the most asked sex and love questions I’ve heard in my career. These are the questions I hear over and over again, regardless of the time or place, answered for you and your honey.
Today, I’m taking down the soulmate myth—because none of us should be longing for someone with half a soul! The truth is, when we are bored with our mate we are bored in our mind, AKA we've forgotten to find them interesting. But here’s what we have to keep in mind: just because the grass looks greener on the other side doesn’t mean it will stay that way if you hop the fence. Sometimes the grass is just different grass.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
We're all with the wrong person if we expect them to make us happy all the time (02:52)
We get bored with our partner because of complacency and because of familiarity (04:25)
In one study, about half of people who initiated leaving a committed relationship regretted it two years later and in retrospect, felt they'd made a mistake (06:34)
If you expect the prince or princess that rode in on that damn horse to fix things for you, I can guarantee you're not very happy (08:40)
We feel a lot happier, a lot more positive, and a lot more fulfilled when we focus on what's working instead of what's not (11:52)
This week’s action step: spend some time and find the 10 most important qualities you want in your relationship (14:22)
This week’s LoveByte (18:40)
Q&A:
My mate is no longer making me happy or excited—is it time to split? Many people leave perfectly cromulent relationships just because they feel the excitement has gone. Ask yourself: what about the partnership has changed? Is there something I could be doing to help bring those feelings back?
What can I do to make my relationship more like it used to be? Take some time to write down the 10 most important qualities you value in a relationship. Share them with your partner and see what dialogue this sparks.
I want to leave my partner for someone I find more exciting, but I’m afraid to take the leap. What should I do? Half of couples who split end up regretting it, take some time to realize why you’re feeling this way before you make any major decisions.
Resources mentioned:
- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum
- Buddha's Bedroom by Dr. Cheryl Fraser
- Become Passion waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“Dr. Cheryl, I have a wild sexual fantasy, should I share it with my partner?”
“Dr. Cheryl, how can I explain my dark, lusty sexual energy to my sweetheart?”
“Dr. Cheryl, sometimes I have crazy fantasies that I would never do in real life, does that mean I am somehow messed up?”
These are all very real and very valid questions that I get all the time. Sometimes, even those of us who would consider ourselves sexually progressive and liberated have trouble accepting what we’ve come to see as taboo.
For the next few weeks, I’m sharing answers to some of the most asked sex and love questions I’ve heard in my career. These are the questions I hear over and over again, regardless of the time or place, answered for you and your honey.
Today, I'm answering your questions about sexual taboos, sexual fantasy, and what I call dark sexual energy—and guess what? These are all positive things!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Many folks are way more comfortable early on in the relationship sharing about past lovers, past experiences, and things they'd like to try (02:52)
- You can bring the fantasy energy—that dark erotic energy—into your lovemaking with your sweetheart without acting it out explicitly if you’re unsure (04:49)
- The word “libido,” which we think of as being a word that refers to sex drive, actually draws from a Latin root that means life force (05:55)
- There's nothing wrong with routine sex, but how beautiful is it to shake things up and choose to share some of our deep dark longings with our partner? (07:01)
- Dark sexual energy isn’t just male territory—everyone’s got a right to it! (10:48)
- Share a sexual fantasy with your sweetheart. If it’s something you already do, go ahead and act it out (15:16)
- This week’s LoveByte (17:22)
Q&A:
- I’m ashamed to tell my partner about my erotic fantasies, what should I do? Even if you don’t think your partner feels the same way, think of it this way: every human being has the capacity for deep, lusty, spicy, really hot, triple X sexuality. Maybe you’re just not giving your sweetheart enough credit.
- Help! I don’t want to scare my partner by telling them about my deepest sexual fantasies. Remember that it’s possible for you to bring the exploratory erotic energy into your intimate moments without necessarily acting your fantasies out explicitly.
- I’m a male, does my female partner have the same dark sexual energy I do? Just because your genders are different doesn’t mean your sexual drive is. Women (gay, straight, and trans) are just as likely to have dark erotic fantasies as their male counterparts.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you're very young and foolish—or maybe you're old and foolish—falling in love early on might feel like your sweetheart understands you and can see inside your soul like no one has ever done before. Of course, some of this may be true. That’s why you feel such an intense bond. But love is a hard gig. You and your mate are not actually the same person, disagreements will happen, and they do not have to indicate a bigger problem.
For the next few weeks, I’m sharing answers to some of the most asked sex and love questions I’ve heard in my career. These are the questions I hear over and over again, regardless of the time or place, answered for you and your honey.
Do healthy couples argue? That’s the question I’m taking on today—and the answer is hell yes. There are two ways to argue. One is destructive and can even predict breakup and divorce, while the other is constructive, healthy, and can even help you understand one another better.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you're a flesh and blood human being attempting to be in love with another flesh and blood human being, you are going to disagree (03:07)
- The Big 3 issues that couples argue over: finances, kids, and sex (04:34)
- The two most destructive behaviors when arguing: criticism and defensiveness (05:38)
- If you don't learn to take responsibility when you make mistakes, it’s a predictor of breakup (11:53)
- Healthy couples argue well, fight fair, and they don't resort to the personal ugly global criticism and defensiveness (12:35)
- A few relationship hacks to help improve your communication (13:07)
- This week’s LoveByte (15:39)
Q&A:
- What are some things I can do to improve communication with my partner? When you're going to talk about something a little challenging, touch each other before you start talking. It can be as simple as holding hands, or facing each other in two chairs and making sure your knees are touching.
- How can my partner and I have difficult discussions without it turning into a fight? Learn to make sympathetic noises during a discussion. When you're listening to your partner, instead of jumping in and interrupting or disagreeing, noises as simple as, “Oh really?” Or, “Oh, that sounds tough.” As the speaker, you'll feel much more connected, respected, and understood.
- My partner and I always end up in a shouting match—help! Learn to fight fair before you start your talk. Remember: they're not your enemy, they're your very best friend.
Episodes mentioned:
- Don't Make Excuses for Bad Behaviour—Instead, Apologize Like a MoFo
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What would you do if you could pop out of your current life and into all of the multiple lives you could have had? What if you'd married the person you said no to? What if you turned down the job that you don't like? What if you’d actually pursued your dreams?
Today,I’m sharing a talk that I gave to a Buddhist group that I teach here in Canada. I’m talking all about why it’s so hard to be happy for no reason, and why we can’t seem to help but imagine the grass being greener on the other side.
In this episode,I’m talking all about learning to live with dissatisfaction in our lives through the lens of a book called The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I ask you to consider some pretty tough questions, like: how much of your life do you spend thinking about an alternate version of your timeline? Many of us spend so much time and energy on the “shoulda, woulda, couldas” that we barely leave time to love and appreciate the amazing things we do have in this life.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
Your weekly LoveByte (03:02)
A quick synopsis of The Midnight Library (04:39)
Take a moment and consider: what would be in your book of regrets? What are some things that you regret not doing? (14:15)
You shouldn't stop planning or enjoying thinking about the future, but imagine how much of our lives are wasted thinking about something beyond our current state (26:24)
One of the reasons that many of us meditate is to remind ourselves to remain in the present (31:04)
The profound perfection of a perfect life is lived in each moment (33:22)
Stop living as though the good stuff is gonna be later (37:20)
Q&A:
I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in the past. How can I stop dwelling on them? So much of our lives are wasted by thinking about alternate timelines or things we can’t change. We’ll only truly be happy when we learn to live in the present and focus on the life that we have right now.
How can I stop living for the future and live in the present? One of the greatest tools we have to remind the mind to stay focused on our current state is meditation. Try starting with 10-15 minutes a few times a week.
Why do I always feel like I can’t wait for my “real life” to start? If you’re constantly living in the future, you’ll never be happy in the present. It’s time to recognize that you’re wasting precious time by wishing yourself out of your current state.
Resources mentioned:
Watch my Dharma Talk here on YouTube
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
When you are unhappy, why are you unhappy? Life would be a heck of a lot simpler if there was a go-to answer to that question, wouldn’t it? Generally, we’re unhappy when something in our lives isn’t going quite right. You might be in pain, you might be mourning a loss, you might be worrying about money or your career or your love life. But even that last one is a little tricky: When we're unhappy in our romantic relationship, why are we unhappy?
Today,I'm talking about the number one cause of relationship misery—and for that matter, all misery—in our lives.
In this episode, we’re exploring how the mind is responsible for whether or not an event is positive or negative and what story you’re telling yourself about it. I’m also telling you about the cure for disappointment in your relationship that will be your key for freedom and happiness and your one way ticket out of Marriage, Inc.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- We are happy or not happy in our mind (02:25)
- How we interpret, how we react to, and how we think about the thing that's happening is the cause of our happiness or unhappiness (04:26)
- “If only” are two of the most dangerous words in relationship—and in life (13:38)
- My husband made our first Valentine’s Day together absolutely magical… that doesn’t mean they’ve all been that way! (15:38)
- The story in your head is what will determine whether you have a great relationship— with all its imperfections and all the ways your mate “disappoints” you (18:03)
- Rewrite the story of your relationship in your mind (20:46)
- Your weekly LoveByte (26:24)
Q&A:
- My spouse is driving me crazy lately, what should I do? Ask yourself why they’re making you unhappy. Is it something they’re intentionally doing or is it something you’ve made your mind up to be annoyed by?
- My partner neglected Valentine's Day again this year… how do I tell them I’m disappointed? Whether or not you’re disappointed is a choice you’ve made in your mind. Realize that it’s highly unlikely that they set out to upset you and temper your expectations for next time.
- I’m always let down by others, how can I make my life happier? How we interpret, how we react to, and how we think about the thing that's happening is the cause of our happiness or unhappiness. Learn to stop relying on others for your own happiness.
Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts A Lifetime immersion program waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Picture it: a gorgeous, tanned man with huge, hulking muscles and long flowing hair clutches a beautiful waif wearing an artfully tattered dress… maybe they’re in front of a fire or in a picturesque field or sea side. There’s an obvious reason these types of books have an everlasting fan-base, but the fact is, relying on fantasy for your expectations of real life simply isn’t healthy—nor is it sustainable.
Today, I’m talking about fantasy, fiction, and why avoiding living in the real world is one of the most damaging things you can do to yourself.
In this episode, I’m giving it to you straight because the truth is there is no happily ever after in any of our lives, in any of our relationships—the price of love is loss. There's an inherent risk in love, but you only need to suffer when you buy into the idiocy that there's something perfect that will keep you happy ever after.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When you get lost in fantasy and you're dreaming about something other than what you have, you are unhappy (04:02)
- One of the most glorious parts of falling in love is believing we’ve found someone who is perfect—even if we know deep down it’s not true (07:19)
- Stop longing for what you don't have, stop believing there's something better out there. There's something different out there, but different doesn’t mean happy ever after (09:36)
- Try and think of Valentine's Day as a great excuse to do something romantic and fun with and for your sweet heart (14:00)
- One of the best ways to be unhappy and wreck your relationship is to long for what you don't have (18:31)
- Kill the soulmate in your head. Look at the perfectly imperfect, glorious person standing right in front of you (24:14)
- Your weekly LoveByte (26:57)
Q&A:
- The only satisfaction I get is when I read/watch sexual fantasies, should I be worried? When you’re engrossed in fantasy, it generally means that you’re unhappy in your “real” life. Try exploring this and see what’s making you so unsatisfied.
- My partner is constantly disappointing me, what can I do to make them change? If you’re constantly longing for what you don’t have in a relationship, you’re never going to be happy.
- I’m never happy in my relationships, what’s wrong with me? When you long for something that isn't present, you're not living this moment and you will never find happiness doing it.
Resources:
- This Valentine’s Day Burn Your Romance Novels by Cheryl Fraser
- Fear of Flying by Erica Jong
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Do you know the saddest phrase in the English language? "Too late."
I speak with so many couples who are splitting up because, “The passion is gone,” “We just drifted apart… somehow,” “I love them but I’m not in love with them,” “We never make love,” or, “It’s just too late.” But here’s the thing: it’s not too late, and there are still many things you can do to recapture that spark.
For the past three weeks, I’ve invited you to join me for a series of chats, culminating today, in order to help you recharge, reinvigorate, and reboot the passion that’s been missing in your relationship. As long as you are willing to TAKE ACTION and implement the daily challenges, you can cultivate passion. Is your relationship worth 5 minutes a day? You bet it is.
Today, I’m covering Tantalize, the final of the four steps to reboot your relationship in five minutes a day. According to the statistics, most couple’s sex lives are non existent or lousy. This Valentine’s Day, let’s change the trend of most long-term relationships and explore tantalizing meals, more eroticism, more imagination, step the heck up, and do something a little sexier than what we’re used to.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The greatest drop in marital satisfaction tends to come after the birth of the first child but the beautiful journey of parenthood doesn't have to take away from the connection between the two of you (06:04)
- Tantalize is the ability to promise pleasure to your partner in a slow way that is intriguing and enticing (13:11)
- An exercise to practice tantalizing your partner involving a simple hand or foot rub (14:09)
- The idea of practicing erotic touch is to tantalizee—to build up connection. Whether you take that into making love or not is not actually the point (17:00)
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed by these assignments, don’t be. This reboot is meant to refocus us to make love intentional, so start where you’re comfortable (20:03)
- Today’s LoveByte (24:41)
Q&A:
- What’s a fun way to get my partner in the mood? Send your honey sexy texts or leave them a sensual note on the mirror while they shower to get them excited for later.
- Is it okay that sometimes my partner and I would rather cuddle than have sex? Intimacy and connection does not have to equal intercourse. Sometimes the best way to connect is through erotic touch without it leading to sex.
- How can I make Valentine’s Day special for my spouse? Try a sensual massage, sending a sexy, teasing text, or kissing them deeply and passionately to ignite their desire.
Download your Relationship Checklist HERE
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Remember when you and your sweetheart first met and a day spent apart felt like an eternity? Remember the electricity you’d feel whenever you thought about seeing them at the end of the day? That chill that you got when you’d get that sexy, anticipatory text from them? Even if we’re settled in a long relationship, even if we see each other every day, there’s still a way to bring that anticipation back—it just takes a little practice.
For the next four weeks, I invite you to join me for a series of chats, culminating on Valentine’s Day, that will help you recharge, reinvigorate, and reboot the passion that’s been missing in your relationship. As long as you are willing to TAKE ACTION and implement the daily challenges, you can cultivate passion. Is your relationship worth 5 minutes a day? You bet it is.
Today, I’m covering Tease, the third of the four steps to reboot your relationship in five minutes a day. We’re talking all about bringing sexy back with the art of the tease. The truth is, it’s a myth that great love and sex are only for the young and it's a myth that great romance and passion is only for when we're falling in love. If you make your love life intentional and invest time, energy, and intentionality in your love life, you’ll have a great return on investment.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If we want anything in our life to improve, we must learn to invest time and energy and effort—and this includes sex (04:36)
- When you first started dating your sweetheart, you had that delicious sense of anticipation… that’s where the “tease” comes in (08:28)
- Research shows that the majority of long term couples suffer from significant lack of sexual desire (11:13)
- Some homework ideas to practice five minutes a day of sexy teasing with your partner (13:03)
- Whatever your current comfort zone is, bringing anticipation back is really important for your relationship—especially if you don’t want to fall into “Marriage, Inc” (16:26)
- Today’s LoveByte (23:56)
Q&A:
- What can I do to reignite the spark in my relationship? Try practicing the art of the tease. Send sexy texts while you’re apart, leave sensual notes for them, or play a tantalizing game.
- My partner and I never have sex anymore, what’s wrong with us? It’s incredibly common for couples in long term relationships to lose the element of passion. Try starting with small changes like sharing a nightly erotic kiss or sending sexy, teasing texts.
- My marriage isn’t that same as it was at the beginning, is it over? All relationships suffer from the loss of initial sensuality, bring it back by being intentional about your sex life.
Download your Relationship Checklist HERE
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“Honey, we need to talk.” If you’re anything like me, just reading that probably sent a little chill down your spine or maybe even made a pit in your stomach. It’s one of the most dreaded phrases in a relationship for a reason—but there’s no need for it to be that way. Talking doesn’t have to be scary at all. In fact, learning how to talk to your sweetheart about the tough stuff in a productive way is a major key to relationship happiness and longevity.
For the next four weeks, I invite you to join me for a series of chats, culminating on Valentine’s Day, that will help you recharge, reinvigorate, and reboot the passion that’s been missing in your relationship. As long as you are willing to TAKE ACTION and implement the daily challenges, you can cultivate passion. Is your relationship worth 5 minutes a day? You bet it is.
Today, I’m covering Talk, the second of the four steps to reboot your relationship in five minutes a day.We all have things we love and appreciate about our honey, but most of us are pretty crappy at actually expressing those feelings to them. I tell you why you need to invest in your relationship—and just how to do it. It’s all about appreciating your partner, and it’s a total game changer.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- One of the best ways to change behavior is to create small significant actions—what's called a streak. Ideally, you’ll repeat that action daily for 30-60 days (05:31)
- Every day for the next seven days, I want you to write down and share an appreciation about your sweetheart with them (08:50)
- A few real life appreciation examples from my own relationship (12:48)
- Your homework so far: the Three Breath Hug, a nightly sensual kiss, and daily appreciations (15:45)
- Nobody makes significant changes successfully without choosing to do them, setting steps, and executing (20:33)
- Today’s LoveByte (21:54)
Q&A:
- I love my partner, but how can I show them that? To show your partner how much you care for them, try writing down daily appreciations for them to read.
- How can I successfully change my habits? The key to changing your behavior for good is making small, significant changes and then sticking to them.
- How can my sweetheart and I reinvigorate our love life? Try starting with a small changes, like practicing a Three Breath Hug every day or sharing an erotic French kiss nightly.
Download your Relationship Checklist HERE
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you’re anything like most of us, by now you’ve probably kissed most of your New Year’s resolutions goodbye… but what if I told you there was another way to use this year to renovate your relationship? And it would only take five minutes a day? AND at the end of four weeks, you’d walk away with a sexier, steamier, more loving, more romantic relationship? Okay, sure, Cheryl, this sounds just a little too good to be true. But what if it’s not?
For the next four weeks, I invite you to join me for a series of chats, culminating on Valentine’s Day, that will help you recharge, reinvigorate, and reboot the passion that’s been missing in your relationship. As long as you are willing to TAKE ACTION and implement the daily challenges, you can cultivate passion. Is your relationship worth 5 minutes a day? You bet it is.
Today, I’m covering Touch, the first of the four steps to reboot your relationship in five minutes a day. I tell you exactly how to help your relationship reach its potential without adding to that dreaded new year stress that we’re all dealing with. I also walk you through simple and useable techniques to practice with your sweetheart that will help you reconnect and reignite.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- To change behavior, we need a goal or an intention that we can follow through on (06:05)
- A simple, 5 minute-a-day homework assignment that will help you maintain the changes you’re striving for (07:42)
- The Three Breath Hug, a practical exercise for connecting with your honey through touch (8:38)
- Your second sexy homework assignment for this week: kiss goodnight every night—with tongue! (10:38)
- Today’s LoveByte (17:23)
Q&A:
- How can stick to my New Year's resolutions? Instead of making sweeping resolutions, try making small, tangible changes regularly. They will start to set up your psyche, your subconscious mind, your intention, and it will improve and help move you forward.
- My sweetheart and I aren’t feeling connected lately, what can I do? Try committing to an erotic goodnight French kiss for a week and see how your connection strengthens.
- What should I do if I feel like my relationship needs a complete overhaul? Try starting small with your partner and making incremental changes. And remember, you’re in it together, so make sure you’re working as a team.
Download your Relationship Checklist HERE
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you understand THIS ONE THING, it can radically improve your life. Don’t hang on to pain— it is in the past. Just Let Go. Here’s a story to illustrate that -
One day, there were two monks walking a path. They came to a stream where there was a noblewoman looking to cross, but with no way of doing so. The monks were not allowed to touch a woman, yet the older monk picked the woman up and carried her across the stream, put her down, and walked on. The younger monk, scandalized, was beside himself that the older monk had broken his vows. After a while, he finally asked, “Why did you touch that woman? You're going to get kicked out of the order!” The elder monk, who was wiser, more awake, and more enlightened, replied, “I put that woman down hours ago, why are you still carrying her?”
This story is not a Dr. Cheryl original, it’s a well-known Buddhist parable, but it serves to show us exactly what happens when we refuse to let go and live in the present.
Today, I’m sharing the second part of a talk I gave at a silent meditation retreat a few weeks ago in December 2021. The retreat was centered around the themes of: How can we replenish? How can we heal? How can we let go of what's hurting us? I’m excited to share this with my listeners as a lesson and a reminder that happiness in your love, relationships, and sexuality goes hand in hand with being happier, healthier, and free of suffering in your everyday lives.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
Close your eyes and focus on a particular part of your body. What’s the direct experience you’re feeling there right now? (07:08)
Catastrophizing only gets us wrung out with cortisol and less equipped to handle the challenges that come in the uncertain future (12:06)
Trouble letting go is human. We’re trained to dwell and hang on to negative experiences (18:28)
Most of our suffering comes from how we expect things to happen (31:47)
Today’s LoveByte (41:17)
Q&A:
How can I stop myself from dwelling on past pain and suffering? Practice letting go and remember to always ground yourself in the current moment. Ask yourself: “What is the direct experience I’m feeling right now?”
I’m so anxious all the time, what can I do to help myself? The practice of letting go is very effective for minds obsessed with compulsive thinking. Practice meditation and simplify your practice down to two words: Let go.
How do I stop myself from constantly being let down by my friends and loved ones? We create pain and suffering for ourselves when we put too much stock into expectations, especially when we rely on others. Next time, take a step back and adjust your expectations before you allow yourself to be disappointed.
Let’s Connect!
About Me
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Facebook Page
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
For more of Cheryl’s Dharma talks, check out islanddharma.com
Check out the full video of my Buddhist talk here!
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Sometimes our best laid plans and intentions go awry, not because of anything we’ve done, but through forces completely beyond our control. A meticulously planned holiday is disrupted by inclimate travel weather, a special occasion is ruined by a partner’s foul mood, a long-awaited trip is brought down by bad news from a friend… of course we’re left upset and disappointed. But have you ever noticed that the more we dwell on a negative situation, the worse our situation becomes? Instead of feeding into the disappointment and stress, what if you simply allowed yourself to be at peace and let your head and your heart accept the change?
Today, I’m sharing the first part of a talk I gave at a silent meditation retreat a few weeks ago in December 2021. The retreat was centered around the themes of: How can we replenish? How can we heal? How can we let go of what's hurting us? I’m excited to share this with my listeners as a lesson and a reminder that happiness in your love, relationships, and sexuality goes hand in hand with being happier, healthier, and free of suffering in your everyday lives.
In this episode, I’m talking about the most simple and profound thing any of us can develop if we want to be happier and healthier, if we want to recover from the inevitable pains and losses of life… And that is the practice of learning to let go.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The restrictions and isolation of the last two years have made us feel, in some ways, trapped… but it doesn’t have to be that way (05:43)
- If we are in the mind state of not wanting to be here, we're in trouble. We're in suffering. We're in Dukkha (09:00)
- When we feed stress, negativity, and disappointment, it only gets worse (13:25)
- We can be so full of our ideas about what should or shouldn’t be, our ideas of what others should and shouldn't do, and our ideas of what we need to be happy that sometimes we can't just simply enjoy what is (20:05)
- If someone is causing you emotional pain, you’re not being self-pitying or desperate by hanging on, but practicing letting go is the best thing to do to ease that pain (24:41)
- Today’s LoveByte (34:23)
Q&A:
- How can learn to I be happy where I’m stuck? Normalize that anything that’s happening is okay. Observe it, allow it to rise, and let it pass away.
- How can I stop myself from overthinking everything? Practice letting go and making room when your mind is too full. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on things you cannot change and that don’t affect you.
- How do I get over the pain of someone betraying me? When we feel physical pain, we avoid or let go of the thing that’s causing it to happen. Try to follow the same logic with emotional pain.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
Check out the full video of my talk here!
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Welcome to the first episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants of 2022.Today, I talk about how you can be happy, content, and filled with loving kindness and grace… even when things are incredibly difficult in your circumstances, financially, and emotionally.
Have you ever found yourself hedging your happiness on one tangible thing? It could’ve been something small, like a really beautiful outfit for a special occasion, or maybe you bought a new bike for mountain biking. Maybe you finally bought that new pair of shoes you’d been eyeing for months or maybe you’re even guilty of telling yourself: “After this vacation, I’ll come back a whole person, rested and changed.” There's nothing wrong with seeking things that bring us pleasure, the problem comes when we expect that object or person or experience to keep us happy ever after.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When we work with our minds through meditation, through faith based practice, through psychology, through contemplation, philosophy, etc, it can give us a vaster perspective we can actually learn to be happy for no reason (04:48)
- We get confused when we think that there’s a thing that will keep us happy ever after (05:48)
- We need to learn and cultivate the ability to be happy for no reason in order to have a strong flexible mind, a strong flexible heart, and a strong flexible spirit (10:54)
- In 2022, I’m going to focus on action steps and giving you small steps to work on in almost every episode, starting with the Passion Quiz that you can take right now (13:47)
- This week’s LoveByte (19:25)
Q&A:
- I finally have the house/job/relationship I’ve always wanted… why am I still unhappy? When we chase after shiny objects and expect and hope for them to make us happy, we're in trouble. The key is to learn to be happy from the inside out.
- What is the key to happiness? The key to happiness is learning that it is not based on one singular object or experience and that it comes from finding peace within yourself.
- How can I be happy even if my circumstances are making me depressed? By expanding our perspective we can actually learn to be happy for no reason. You can be happy, and content regardless of your circumstances.
Do you have questions or topics for me to cover in 2022? Send your thoughts to cheryl@drcherylfraser.com!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- The website for the Buddhist group where I teach
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In this episode, I’m talking about the dreaded Christmas hangover and the reason why so many of us suffer from it. I explain that the reason we feel it so strongly is because so many of us hedge our happiness on this one singular event, and I cover how we can use Buddhist elephant teachings to avoid that drizzly, gray, letdown feeling.
For the month of December, I’ll be covering different topics that crop up around the holiday season. You may be feeling an emotional letdown now that all the hype, joy and connection of the holiday season is nearly over. Or maybe you’re feeling the aftershocks of the disappointment, the difficulties, and the arguments. Unwinding the lights from the tree, taking out the wrapping-filled trash, and getting back to real life can feel like total whiplash at this time of year—but it doesn’t have to be that way.
So, join me in entering 2022 with the commitment to figure out how to be happy for no reason, how to nurture our heart, and how to throw ourselves into the great experiences that life offers us in the coming year.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- When we're geared toward the big hype of one particular day, it’s easy to feel profoundly depressed and confused after it’s over (06:39)
- We’re allowed to have beautiful things and experiences—the trouble comes when we hang on to those things and we want them to make us happy, because everything ends (07:18)
- New Year’s Eve is just a day, but it’s a really helpful symbol of renewal for a fresh beginning (10:37)
- Today’s LoveByte (12:25)
Q&A:
- Why am I so depressed after the holidays are over? If we’re hanging our sense of happiness on one particular day or time of year, it’s only natural that we’ll feel a deep letdown when it’s over.
- What can I do to avoid the letdown feeling after Christmas? Remember that everything is temporary. Don’t hang on to one particular season or event for your happiness, because everything has an ending.
- How can I learn to be happy for no reason? Learning to be happy for no reason takes plenty of work and training for your mind and heart, but with enough effort it is possible.
Want to enter to win a copy of my book Buddha’s Bedroom? Send a picture of yourself and your sweetheart doing your own polar bear plunge and tell me one resolution you have for your relationship. Email both to cheryl@drcherylfraser.com for your chance!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- The waitlist for the Buddhist group where I teach
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In this episode, I talk about how the holiday season should be an opportunity for us to slow down, yet most of us speed up. Join me in using the Winter Solstice as a reason to let go of the darkness you’ve been carrying, reevaluate what matters, and enter the new year with a renewed and refreshed mindset.
At this time of year in the Pacific Northwest, we only experience about 8 hours of sunlight a day. That can be draining, yes, but it also makes way for something magical. On December 21, the Northern Hemisphere’s Winter Solstice, the days start getting just slightly longer once again. Minute by minute and day by day, we get a little more sunshine, a little more warmth, and a little more light in our lives once again.
For the month of December, I’ll be covering different topics that crop up around the holiday season. Like the earth circling back around the sun, our relationships also experience seasons—some of them not so pleasant. Whether it be infidelity, a financial betrayal, or even external factors like a sick or struggling loved one, we know that even in our darkest times there’s light coming just around the corner.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Almost every January 1, I jump in the freezing cold Pacific Ocean for a polar bear plunge. I use it as a symbolic washing off the past year and a cleansing, clarifying experience to make room for a new beginning (03:03)
- Sometimes all we have is the intellectual knowledge that this too shall pass, this too shall move into the light, this too will shift (11:22)
- During the Solstice, I like to take stock of the darkness I’m carrying in my life and try to let go of that heaviness (14:47)
- Today’s LoveByte (22:45)
- A daily gratitude practice that takes under five minutes—and you can start right now (23:15)
Q&A:
- It’s the holiday season and my life is a mess, what can I do? Remember that we all experience different seasons in our lives and the most important thing is to remember to look for the light,.
- What can I do to make Christmastime less stressful? It’s okay for the holidays to feel overwhelming, Allow yourself to step back, slow down, and take a break if you need to.
- How can I feel more grateful during the holidays? Starting a simple, five-minute gratitude ritual is one of the best ways to remind yourself of all the things you have to be thankful for during a busy season.
Want to enter to win a copy of my book Buddha’s Bedroom? Send a picture of yourself and your sweetheart doing your own polar bear plunge and tell me one resolution you have for your relationship. Email both to cheryl@drcherylfraser.com for your chance!
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- The waitlist for the Buddhist group where I teach
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In this episode, I talk about sharing a fun, sexy, exciting holiday season with your lover and the ways my sweetheart and I have been celebrating together for almost a decade. This season, it’s important to remember that gifts don’t have to have a monetary value. Show your partner you care by being intentional and thoughtful and letting them know how much they matter to you. A happy, healthy relationship involves shared rituals—why not give your lover the gift of presence, thoughtfulness, and planning?
If your childhood was anything like mine, you remember that feeling of being a kid on Christmas morning, waking up even before the sun. You were practically jumping out of your skin—overwhelmed and giddy at the idea of what Santa Claus might’ve brought. Of course, those emotions get less intense as we age… but wouldn’t it be nice to be able to recapture that special, magical feeling, even long after we stop believing in St. Nick?
For the month of December, I’ll be covering different topics that crop up around the holiday season. Whether you’re deeply religious, agnostic, celebrate out of cultural identity, or leave yourself out of all of it, these episodes are for you. Today, I’m focusing on the sex and love part of Christmas and showing you some special ways to make this time together magical.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Yes, you CAN make the holidays more romantic and sexy and avoid becoming totally burnt out by the end of the season (03:43)
- It’s not about the presents, it’s about the presence (10:10)
- If you've got little inquiring eyes and ears around, put your stocking stuffer in an envelope or add an IOU for an erotic massage (11:44)
- If you don't celebrate Christmas, you don't have to put your gifts in a stocking. You can individually wrap each thing—even try a treasure hunt and hide gifts around the house (13:02)
- Why not try out The 12 Days of Christmas for Couples? Instead of a partridge in a pear tree, what about dancing to a romantic song together in the living room? (17:18)
- Today’s LoveByte (25:02)
Q&A:
- How can I make Christmas with my partner sexy and special? A fun way to liven up Christmas with your honey is to pick out some sexy treats to fill their stocking and sharing them together in private.
- How can I give my sweetheart a sexy gift with our kids around? To keep prying eyes at bay, try putting your erotic gifts in a bag or envelope, or even slipping in a sexy IOU for later on.
- What’s a way to show my partner I care if I don’t have a lot of money to spend? GIfts don’t have to be expensive or even cost a penny! Try something like a sexy massage, a sensual love letter, or a sweet slow dance.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you’ve ever spent a holiday season nursing a sad or broken heart, you know how lonely it can be. And you definitely can relate to this...Imagine a December day. The sun is already down. You’ve just finished work and you’re excited to get into your comfy clothes and flop down on the couch for some much-deserved TV time. You flick the “ON” button and the first image you see is of a soldier returning from deployment, kneeling with open arms to envelop her beloved children, ecstatic at her presence. The dog, the Christmas lights the...togetherness...what follows is a corny message about “The Season” and suddenly, you’re not in such a great mood. Your little night in by yourself suddenly seems a whole lot lonelier, only exacerbated by the good cheer playing on every channel.
For the month of December, I’ll be covering different topics that crop up around the holiday season. Whether you’re deeply religious, agnostic, celebrate out of cultural identity, or leave yourself out of all of it, these episodes are for you. This can be an incredibly tough month for those of us who are divorcing or divorced, those of us who are in struggling romantic relationships, and many times those of us who are single—whether it be through our own choice or not.
In this episode, I talk about what to do over the holiday season when we're grieving, when we're lonely, when we're sad. I discuss how gatherings of celebration can leave us feeling lonely, depressed, anxious or worse, why those feelings are completely normal, and why it’s so important to differentiate between being alone and feeling lonely.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- We don't all go into December with everything in our life lined up, like some happy little obedient ducks in a row (05:25)
- “Alone” and “lonely” aren’t synonymous—we’ve all been very, very lonely when we haven't been alone (07:00)
- Consider the story you're telling yourself about your loneliness (13:38)
- You can choose to focus on what you have instead of what you don't (19:08)
- Allow yourself to acknowledge the truth of the difficulty in this moment and practice self-compassion (21:01)
- Sometimes it’s too painful to go through the rituals and family routines—it’s okay to excuse yourself from them (25:57)
- Your weekly LoveByte (28:06)
Q&A:
- What can I do to feel better about being alone this holiday season? Being alone doesn’t mean having to be lonely. You have a choice to decide whether or not to cling to what you don’t have.
- Is there a way to get through the holidays without feeling depressed? Remember to be incredibly kind to yourself. Show yourself the same compassion you show to others.
- How can I get my mind off my loneliness when everyone else is out celebrating? A great way to make yourself feel better during the holidays is to volunteer or join a cause for those in need who are less fortunate than you.
Let’s Connect!
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Has this ever happened to you? If so, did it make you want to strangle your partner?! You’ve spent DAYS planning a beautiful, relaxing getaway for you and your sweetheart. You’ve researched the best restaurants, the most affordable airfare rates, the highest-reviewed hotels, even the most perfect, secluded spot to watch the sunset. You finally arrive on this special getaway, enjoying each others’ company as you bask in the rewards of your meticulous itinerary, when your sweetheart looks over at you, smiles, and says, “Isn’t it amazing how well everything has fallen into place for this trip?” Cue the record scratch— Excuse me?!
But here’s the thing… everyone brings different quirks, superpowers, and weaknesses to a relationship. If you want to be happy? It comes down to your willingness to stop believing your own expectations. Today, I’m delving a little deeper into those differences that make every relationship unique and the way that exceptional couples use them to their advantage.
In this episode, I tell you a few (embarrassing) anecdotes from my own marriage that show even a Buddhist relationship therapist can lose her temper sometimes. I also teach about how important it is to keep the lines of communication open in order to be honest about your expectations and how we can’t take personally the fact that our brains run differently.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- One of the saddest things is how we take each other, and our relationship, for granted. Not because we're ignorant, selfish or egotistical—but because we don't really take a serious look at the danger of our expectations(02:17)
- Everyone brings different strengths and weaknesses to a relationship—and no one is “better” than their partner (08:31)
- A story about my husband and I that shows NOT to do it (10:23)
- It’s all about learning to temper your expectations - sometimes, A LOT (13:39)
- If you love someone who has struggled with managing time, reevaluate your expectations and realize it’s not an intentional slight (23:47)
- Your weekly LoveByte (28:25)
Q&A:
- My sweetheart is always running behind, what can I do to help them be on time? The key to coping with a partner with time management issues is to temper your expectations and realize they aren’t purposely slighting you.
- My partner and I are so different, how can we make it work? It’s important to recognize that everyone and every relationship is unique, it’s unrealistic to expect your honey to automatically adjust to your way of life
- My honey is always late, why are they disrespecting my time? Realize that your partner isn’t intentionally disrespecting you, but that their strengths and weaknesses differ from yours.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Imagine you’re walking down the beach when you see a huge wave crash, the spray soaking your clothes. In the wave is a log bobbing desperately up and down, constantly swept back and forth in the undertow. At that moment, it seems like that wave represents the entirety of the sea. That rough, churning water feels intimidating and vast and even destructive. Now picture that same wave, but gracefully perched atop is a surfboarder, riding it expertly to shore, barely dipping below the surface. In reality, we understand that that one wave is just a miniscule drop in the grand vastness of an entire ocean, but as we stand in front of it, that’s difficult to grasp.
Our emotions can grab us and throw us around like an undertow, then crash and pound us into the sand. The trick? We must learn to serenely ride the wave instead of desperately scrambling to keep our heads above water.
Today, I’m delighted to share with you a live recording of a meditation talk I recently gave where I focus on emotions from a Buddhist psychology perspective. It is possible to learn to be nonreactive and avoid clinging to the things that make us feel good momentarily while the bad experiences stick in our minds.
In this episode,I teach about the baseline mental/emotional state of a mind, including the difference between the ‘mind’ and the ‘Mind.’ I talk about equanimity and what it’s like to stop chasing and running, and accept things as they are, the way they come. The fact is, when the mind is more flexible and you’re able to roll with life’s changes, life is better than when you’re waiting with anxious vulnerability, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Your weekly LoveByte (02:42)
- In Pali, the language of the historical Buddha, there was no word for ‘emotion’ (03:24)
- When the mind is in a state of calm, alert, gentle equanimity, it can be very nonreactive, but not sluggish or zoned out (10:08)
- Equanimity gives us the grace to no longer have to run around looking for good stuff in order to feel good (15:24)
- You can be happy, you can be unhappy, you can be neutral—it’s your pick (24:28)
- Under the pain there is calm; there’s opportunity for grace at any moment (32:31)
Q&A:
- How can I suffer less in life? To suffer less, learn to practice equanimity and accept those things you cannot change.
- Why can’t I stay happy? If you’re basing your happiness solely on fleeting things or experiences, you’ll be left always searching.
- How can I get through a devastating loss? Remember that even in the worst times, there are moments of peace. This experience is just one storm in the ocean of your life.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Want more of Cheryl’s Buddhist talks? Check out IslandDharma.com
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
What defines a deep friendship to you? Is it someone you keep in touch with on a daily basis? Is it your spouse or partner who you trust with your deepest secrets? Maybe it’s that person you can go months without talking to and pick up exactly where you left off. Or it could be that friend who always knows the perfect way to show you love and support.
Today, I’m talking about friendship in all its forms.From decades-long childhood friendships, to our friendships with our partners, to friendships we’ve outgrown or come to realize are no longer productive.
In this episode, I break down my definition of a healthy friendship that stands the tests, trials, and tribulations of time. I tell you about my enduring friendships with three of my very closest friends from childhood, why a good friend accepts the other for all of their flaws and weaknesses, and the way I use snail mail as one of my favorite ways to stay in touch and connect with my long distance friends.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- I was a bright, thoughtful, creative kid—and I was bullied severely enough to switch schools (02:46)
- I often don’t talk to my closest friends for several months at a time, but when we get together it’s like no time has passed (07:10)
- A deep, healthy friendship is loyal, elastic, flexible, and forgiving (08:26)
- It’s possible to love to communicate, connect, and spend time with others as an extrovert while still replenishing in solitude and silence as an introvert (11:46)
- You are profoundly lucky if you've been brave enough, foolish enough, and compassionate enough to have been hurt in love (16:49)
- Your weekly LoveByte (20:24)
Q&A:
- How can I keep up long distance friendships? A great way to maintain a long distance friendship is to use snail mail to send an impromptu “thinking of you” card or letter to surprise the recipient.
- Is it okay that my friends and I don’t keep in constant touch? Strong, loyal friendships don’t need constant contact to stay healthy,
- How can I be a great friend? A great friend is loyal, caring, and not afraid to show their friends love.
Resources:
- Buddha's Bedroom
People mentioned:
- Khalil Gibran
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
It’s a gorgeous, warm spring day. You're sitting out on a beautiful deck in a comfortable chair, you've got a perfect glass of lemonade, and a fascinating book that you just can’t put down. You can’t imagine a more content scenario. And then, you hear it… the buzzing of a single mosquito. Your first reaction: “Ugh! Why is this stupid mosquito ruining my perfect afternoon?” Just this tiny bit of wanting something else, something different than your present reality, has caused you suffering.
Although aiding sexual romantic relationships is what I do by trade, that’s not the only thing this podcast is about. I’m also a student of Buddhism and a Buddhist teacher and today we’re focusing in on the teachings of the Elephant.
In this episode, I guide you through the Buddhist teachings of The Three Poisons—and their antidotes!—and show you how you can learn to be happy for no reason. Even if the love of your life just left you or you’ve lost your home or you’re in the throes of a difficult illness—these are all big challenges, but they don't have to destroy your peace of mind.We’re all prone to these poisonous emotions, but it isn’t about fighting reality, it’s about using these lessons to learn, grow, and achieve a greater peace by following the elephant… even if the journey is long and arduous.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The elephant is like your inner knowing—except it’s much bigger than me and you (03:01)
- The Three Poisonous Emotions: 1) Greed, 2) Hatred, 3) Delusion (07:32)
- When we want anything other than what is presently happening, we suffer (11:45)
- We suffer because things change and we don't like it (14:23)
- We suffer when we don’t look at the world the way it truly is and don’t accept that things change (19:53)
- Good news! There are antidotes to the Three Poisons (24:56)
- Your weekly LoveByte (30:44)
Q&A:
- What are the Three Poisons in Buddhism? The three poisons of the mind and behaviour of a human are: greed or wanting, anger or aversion, and bewilderment or confusion, often called ignorance.
- What are the antidotes to the Three Poisons? The antidotes to the three poisons are: 1) Greed—Generosity, 2) Hatred—Loving Kindness, 3) Ignorance—Wisdom
- Why am I dissatisfied and miserable? According to Buddhism, suffering comes from wanting things to be different from our current reality. To ease suffering, follow the teachings of the Three Poisons and learn their antidotes.
Episode Mentioned:
- Meditation Sucks—But You Should Do It Anyway, Pt 2: Dr Cheryl's Long, Strange Trip
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In episode 25 of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll hear real couples ask the burning questions you’re dying to ask: “How can we learn to fight fair?” “We fight all the time, will we get divorced?” “I have very little sexual desire for my partner, how can I get it back?” You’ll also hear some testimonials from former students who have gone through my Become Passionprogram.
Today, I’m sharing with you an exclusive glimpse into an open Q&A forum from a very recent session featuring 100 couples who finally said, “Enough!” And decided to do something to change their lackluster, passionless love lives. Some of them will continue on to embark on a 10 week, totally immersive couples program to restore their spark, fall back in love with love, and join me on the extraordinary journey to Becoming Passion. By the end of this twice a year course, they’ll have attended 10 classes, had their burning questions answered, and received coaching—all from yours truly.
I’ve had brave couples join my Become Passion- Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program and make absolutely incredible changes to their relationships by finally investing the heart, love, and care that they had been depriving one another. I have seen couples go from no intimacy at all to making love again! Whether it’s affairs, nasty fights, or just complete and total boredom, the program has seen it all AND helped it all.
If you're listening on November 1, 2021, there may still be a chance for you to join the Become Passion program in the next couple of days. Please send an email to support@DrCherylFraser.com.
Some Questions Answered:
- How do I get my spouse to focus on us as a couple and not just be part of our family? (06:57)
- Is it possible to feel sexual desire for my partner again? (11:28)
- We fight a lot. Are we doomed? (16:53)
- When I do things for my sweetheart, he discounts them and says he doesn't deserve it—what can I do? (27:41)
- My partner had an emotional affair. He says it's over and he's not sure he wants to stay married. Is there any hope for us? (43:59)
- Am I a fool to forgive an affair? (56:01)
- Can verbal abuse be fixed? (1:01:46)
Q&A:
- What should I do if I feel like my partner has fallen out of love with me? You only ever have three options in a relationship: stay the way it is, break up, or stay and try again. Look to the Three Keys to Intimacy.
- We haven’t had fun since we've had kids. Is that normal? While this is incredibly “normal” in the sense that it’s typical, it certainly doesn’t have to be. The key is to separate yourselves from being parents vs being lovers—make scheduled time to cherish your romantic relationship, away from the kids.
- Will going to couples therapy save my relationship? A couples coach is like a personal trainer. They can't fix you or make you fit, but they can guide you on what needs to be done to move forward.
Let’s Connect!
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Today, I’m extending you an invitation to join me and a select small group of couples on an extraordinary, three-month-long journey into Becoming Passion. This is my signature Become Passion - Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime couples immersion program where I teach you live weekly for 10 weeks, and I also answer your questions, give you and your partner coaching, and provide extensive immersive video lessons.
In this episode, I’m sharing details about the Become Passion program, as well as a personal story about my first marriage and how much I learned and grew from my mistakes. Unless you and your sweetheart live lightyears apart, conflict is unavoidable—but with a little work and some help from the Three Keys to Passion, you can create a love that is exceptional.
If you want to be one of the few couples who join me for a life-changing relationship journey, click HERE to join Become Passion. Got questions? Email hello@drcherylfraser.com
Kick off for the Become Passion program is this Saturday, October 30, 2021. Act fast. If not, you'll have to wait until summer 2022!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- All about my Become Passion program (00:45)
- Your weekly LoveByte (02:38)
- Exceptional couples develop intimacy and the ability to communicate deeply by cultivating the Three Keys to Passion (03:59)
- Most long-term couples make love because one of them decides, “Hey—we should probably make love.” (07:17)
- My purpose with this course! (14:41)
- A little story about my fairytale first wedding… and how the marriage was over less than 2 years later (18:00)
Q&A:
- My partner and I never have sex… what’s wrong with us? More than a third of couples are sexless…so you are not alone. Try focusing your energy on intentional, scheduled intimacy.
- Should I be worried that my partner and I fight? Disagreements are a normal and healthy aspect of any relationship. It’s when your fights become nasty and cruel that you need to reassess your reactions and how you can temper them.
- What does it take to maintain a healthy romantic relationship? The three main keys to a healthy love relationship are: Intimacy, Thrill, Sensuality
Resources mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
- Rosemary Basson
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m going to give you a look inside my Passion Masterclass - a FREE couples workshop I do twice a year. It’s packed with information about the 3 Keys to Passion and much more. I also give you the opportunity to take the next steps in your relationship journey with me as your guide and Romance Cheerleader! (Yes, you can be both a hopeless romantic and a scientist - fun combination.) If you want to join one of the LIVE classes - happening in October and March - click here to register! (or get on the waitlist)
If you and your sweetheart are in a relationship rut - listen to this special episode.
Here’s the good news: You are NOT alone and it's NOT too late… even if it feels like it! In fact, on average, over 30% of the long-term couples I see in my practice aren’t having any sex whatsoever.
In this exclusive Passion Masterclass, you’ll learn about Passion and how you can shift your relationship from where it is to where you want it to be. You’ll learn that extraordinary Lifelong Passion is 100% Possible, but you must beware of Marriage Inc. (AKA running your relationship like a business)... and learn how to create much more Intimacy, Thrill, and Sensuality, no matter where your relationship is currently.
Intrigued? Well, be one of the few select couples who join me inside the Become Passion – Create Love that Lasts a Lifetime 10-week online immersion program for couples—and receive the incredible set of bonuses I‘ll be offering (over $2500 worth), master classes with world experts in Couples Therapy and Sexuality, TEN live coaching calls with me, and much more.
The Become Passion Couples Immersion Program begins October 30th! Want to learn more? Email support@drcherylfraser.com
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Your weekly LoveByte (3:21)
- The 3 Keys to Passion – What they are, and Why mastering them will help you cultivate great love and sex that last a lifetime (21:11)
- Intimacy: “Marital Friendship” Why Learning to Fight Fair is so important. Painful repeating arguments. Bonus teaching on the 4 Predictors of Divorce, “flooding,” and more. (21:23)
- Thrill: Why it is so difficult to keep the excitement, attraction, and romance going – and what you need to do about it. Getting real. Are you bored with your mate? Almost everyone said YES. And I tell you what you can do about that. (35:57)
- Sensuality: How to wake up your erotic life. Did you know most long-term couples make love only a few times a month? I tell you why... and what to do—Yup! We get a little sexy together, multiple orgasms and all... (45:43)
Our extensive Q&A session! Some questions I answer:
- The two types of sensual desire and why you are NORMAL if you rarely feel “in the mood”
- If we never had much attraction, can we create it now?
- Does arguing predict divorce?
- What should we do if we have little or no emotional intimacy? Can your program help us?
- What can I do about the post-menopausal loss of sex drive? Husband with erection problems?
- How can we recover from an affair? Is it possible?
- We are friends, not lovers – help!
- Taboo sexuality – should we pursue our deepest desires?
- And many, many more.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Remember those days when you and your sweetheart first got together: the electricity of your first shared kiss, the butterflies of the first time you made love? Remember how obsessed you felt—how you couldn’t bear to imagine a day without seeing them? If you’re anything like most long-term couples, those days of all-encompassing romance are probably well in your rear-view. But do you still feel connected to your honey as a lover, or have you formed more of a partnership?
“Okay, Dr. Cheryl,” you’re saying, “We don’t yell, we don’t scream, we don’t really even disagree that often… we just aren’t really clicking the way we used to.” And here’s the thing: if there isn’t any major conflict, any knock-down-drag-out nasty fighting, no huge emotional trauma, it may be hard to realize just how much trouble you and your partner are in.
Welcome to episode five of my “On the Couch with Dr. Cheryl” series. This fall, my podcast episodes focus on the Passion Triangle. I’m featuring real-life couples from my Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program, an online immersion couples program. If you and your sweetie have felt a lot more like friends and roommates than partners and lovers lately, I’ll teach you exactly how to reignite the spark. I coach you live every week and answer YOUR questions and give you the tools to create a stronger, more passionate, more successful long-term relationship.
In this episode, I introduce you to Bob and Sue, a couple in a 14-year marriage who had fallen into a pattern of taking one another for granted. Luckily for them, they discovered my Become Passion program before their parallel lives became totally separate lives.Bob and Sue, unlike most of my coaching couples, weren’t fighters in the traditional sense, yet they experienced a deep emotional disconnect. Thriving relationships are rooted in the elements of the Passion Triangle, and I teach you exactly what those are and how you can put them to use. Great couples aren’t just the ones having regular sex and managing a successful household. Great couples share their hopes and dreams, they plan for the future, and they try to help make each other’s goals and aspirations come true.
Register HERE for Dr. Cheryl’s FREE couples workshop - the Passion Masterclass. In this in-depth training, Cheryl will teach you the three key ingredients couples need if they want to re-create more love, connection, passion and happiness. Plus she will tell you about her upcoming Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts a Lifetime couples immersion program AND she will stick around for an extensive Q&A and answer your specific questions about YOUR relationship! Select the time that works best for you HERE
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
You’re returning home from a long workday and you notice it: your sweetheart forgot to put out the trash again! Now that stinky mess is gonna sit around for two MORE weeks. What’s your first reaction? Are you pissed off, remembering every time your partner has failed to keep a promise? Or...are you annoyed at their absentmindedness, yet you understand and forgive the simple mistake? Your answer here is VERY important. Why? Because your reaction to relationship disappointment is integral to your relationship. It’s never just about the trash. It’s about whether you are going to stay together or break up.
You may be thinking, “Gee whiz, Dr. Cheryl, that’s a lot of doom and gloom over something so trivial!” But here’s the thing: your reaction to problems with your honey— your default fighting style—has a major effect on the future of your union, whether you realize it or not. Yup - how you fight can predict destruction, despair, and divorce.
Welcome to episode four of my “On the Couch with Dr. Cheryl” series. This fall, my podcast episodes focus on the Passion Triangle. I’m featuring real-life couples from my Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program, a 1-week online immersion couples program. In this exclusive small group course, I give you and your sweetheart the real-world tools needed to fight fair, cut out the condescension and ugliness, and learn how to have meaningful, productive arguments instead of nasty fights. And I coach you live every week and answer YOUR questions, too.
In this episode, we meet Julio and Jen, a couple in their 40s that I had the pleasure of teaching in myBecome Passion program. Like most couples I coach, these two were in serious need of a change in their fighting style. I talked to them about the wealth of research that demonstrates that certain fighting styles can predict divorce up to 90% of the time… and the steps Jen and Julio had to take to avoid being part of that sad statistic. There are four killer behaviors that feed into that toxic fighting style, and I teach you not only how to identify them, but also how to eradicate them from your relationship. It's not about how much you fight—or even if it's loud, passionate, angry, and emotional. It's how you fight that matters.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Great couples fight. Great couples disagree. Exceptionally happy couples have arguments. Not agreeing with your honey 100% of the time is a completely healthy and normal part of any relationship. (06:34)
- How Julio and Jen, a real-life couple in my Become Passion course, had no conflict resolution skills. Their killer fighting style put them in serious jeopardy of splitting up ...luckily, they turned to me first. (07:27)
- What happens when you become “flooded”—AKA that heart racing, extreme anxiety, all-encompassing anger feeling—and how the fight or flight response affects your arguing style. (09:33)
- The Four Horsemen of the (relationship!) Apocalypse: personal criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. (16:12)
- Why contempt is the most damaging and the most dangerous fighting style in any relationship - and how to stop it. (24:39)
- Even if you’ve recognized some or all of these fighting styles in your relationship, there’s still room to learn, grow, and build back a better one. (29:49)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (33:10)
Q&A:
- My partner and I fight all the time, does this mean we’re in trouble? Every couple fights. Disagreements are perfectly natural and normal. To decide if you are in trouble, you need to look at what those fights look like. If you and your partner fight dirty - you hurl personal insults, act in a passive-aggressive manner, or just plain shut down, it’s definitely time to change the way you argue. These fighting styles can end your relationship unless you change them.
- Is it a problem that I often find myself condescending to my partner when we fight? Contempt, or criticizing in a highly superior way and acting with disgust, is the most toxic style of fighting in any relationship. This nasty fighting style can destroy relationships if you’re not mindful of it. First, own it. Then, work hard to stop behaving in this way.
- What can I do if my partner and I are always fighting? The most important step to changing any relationship is to identify and accept the problems you are having. If you are constantly fighting with your sweetheart, assess your fighting style and learn whether your arguments are fair...or toxic... Criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt are all extremely damaging ways of fighting.
Resources mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
- John Gottman
- Paul Ekman
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
See what couples—and Jack Canfield—have to say about Dr. Cheryl’s Become Passion couples program HERE
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
No matter your age, you CAN have a great sex life. But it’s not going to happen without a little help. Tips, toys, tools and techniques - there are many methods to help you perform better, connect more fully, and have more and better sex with your sweetheart. At any age.
Have you been with your partner awhile and noticed that your sexual energy has… well, slowed down a little? Maybe you noticed it more after your first baby, or after you both turned 40, or maybe it’s even been a post-menopausal drop in action. If you’re sitting there thinking, “Okay, that’s totally us, but it’s too embarrassing to admit!” Here’s the good news: major life events, physical changes, aging… they’re all completely normal reasons for a change in your sex life. The even better news: I’m going to tell you exactly what needs to happen to pull you and your sweetheart outof the rut and into bed.
Welcome to episode three of my “On the Couch with Dr. Cheryl” series. For the month of September, my episodes will focus on the Passion Triangle. I’m featuring a real-life couple from my Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program, a 10-week online immersion couples program. In this exclusive immersion program, I teach real tools and techniques that will help you and your partner learn to embrace your ever-evolving, ever-maturing relationship and rediscover the passion you’ve been missing.
In this episode, I introduce you to Dean and Marina, a couple in their 60s who have been together for more than four decades, and how I taught them to reconnect sexually, embrace their aging bodies, and Become Passion. I also bust the pervasive cultural myth that all men are sex-obsessed, perpetually horny dogs—because guess what? Not only is it untrue, it’s taking a toll on your own sex life! Every long-term couple experiences life-altering events, every long-term couple ages, and every long-term couple deals with changes in their intimacy. So, yes, the struggle is real… but the struggle is common, and the struggle is also totally normal.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The story of one of the couples from the Become Passion online program and how they were able to overcome the physical and mental obstacles that were standing in the way of a healthy sex life. (04:45)
- In order to create passion, romance, and reignite your sex life, you have to be honest with yourself and with your honey first—so get those elephants out in the open! (06:43)
- Our bodies change as we age… and it is totally okay to modify the way we have sex to accommodate those changes. (10:52)
- The “Good Enough” sex model AKA why every sexual encounter doesn’t have to be a pinnacle experience. (19:50)
- Rings, vibration, and lube—oh my! Some solutions, tips, and techniques that really work for those experiencing sexual dysfunction. (22:43)
- Treat your sex life like you would any other can’t-miss appointment. (25:21)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (32:24)
Q&A:
- If my partner has trouble with their erections, does that mean they’re no longer attracted to me? The cultural myth that all people possessing a penis are horny all the time and are always ready and willing to have sex is simply untrue. Those with penises experience changes in their body and sexual lives due to stress, aging, and physical issues just the same as those with vaginas.
- Sex with my partner has recently become physically uncomfortable, but I don’t want to tell them and hurt their feelings. What should I do? The most important aspect to emotional and physical intimacy is openness and honesty. If something has changed for you sexually, tell your sweetheart and get it out in the open. If you keep it a secret, it will make it that much harder to solve the problem and may even create distance between you.
- What does it take to maintain a healthy romantic relationship? The three main keys to a healthy love relationship are:
- Intimacy, i.e. communication, conflict resolution, spiritual connection
- Thrill, i.e. creating romance and interest and ensuring your partner feels appreciated and special
- Sensuality, i.e. the erotic aspect; an intimate relationship with a partner is basically friendship plus nudity
Resources mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
- Dr. Barry McCarthy
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
See what couples—and Jack Canfield—have to say about Dr. Cheryl’s Become Passion couples program HERE
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you know how things can start to get a little… well… stale. Your routine becomes more and more typical until you can’t quite remember when the last time was that you had sex with your honey. Sounds familiar? Of course, there are also those of us who practice serial monogamy, trading in the old partner every 18 or 24 months—a little like leasing a car so there’s always a shiny new one in the driveway, waiting to be driven. It’s not that we don’t like the old, reliable, comfortable car... it’s just that we’re in the mood for some of that thrill we used to have.
For the third round of my “On the Couch with Dr. Cheryl” series, we’re talking all things complacency. Complacency is one of the saddest things that happens to almost all of us in long-term love. We get used to something—a lover, a relationship—and it’s just no longer as interesting or exciting. As part of this month-long series, I’m going to use the Passion Triangle to focus on experiences of real-life couples from my exclusive 10-week immersion program Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime. In this exclusive program, I teach tips, techniques, and actual tools that help you and your sweetheart fall in love all over again and kick complacency to the curb.
In this episode, I talk about you can be great parents, fabulous business partners, and all-around excellent at running a household—but still be lousy lovers. The kids are fed, the mortgage is paid, the dog is walked, you should be in domestic bliss, right? But where you really are is stuck in Marriage Incorporated. I also teach you why the worst thing you could possibly do if you’re in a Marriage Inc. situation is to blame the other person because here’s the thing: it’s not their fault. The truth is, if you’re expecting radical change from a partner, you’re setting yourself up for failure. In order to live a passionate life, you must Become Passion.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- More than 30% of long-term couples are in a sexless relationship. That means they’re having sex less than six times a year. (05:44)
- Sexuality is super freaking important… but the orgasm is just one perk of the experience. (08:40)
- If you want a great relationship, you need to Become Passion—not expect it to happen on its own. (15:15)
- Trust betrayals aren’t always about unfaithfulness and affairs; lies surrounding finances and responsibility can do just as much damage. (17:43)
- Don’t wait for a wake-up call. Don’t assume you have months, years, decades left… create the life and the relationship you want right now. (20:42)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (23:16)
Q&A:
- Why don’t I feel like I’m “in Love” with my partner anymore? Familiarity can often breed complacency. It’s natural to lose interest in your sweetheart during a long-term relationship, but it’s also important to strive to make the time for intentional intimacy with them.
- Why has my wife stopped having sex with me? More than a third of couples are in sexless relationships. The lust and passion that come with a new relationship will always fade, but identifying the problem and working toward a way to bring the magic back into the bedroom is half the battle.
- I have a great job, a loving family, and a great partner... but I’m not satisfied in my marriage. What can I do? One can have the very picture of domestic bliss and still be unhappy in their intimate life. Many couples fall into domestic patterns that turn what should be their romantic life into something more akin to a corporation. If you’re stuck in Marriage Inc. spice things up with a romantic date night or even a night away—without the kids!
Resources mentioned:
- Green Lights by Matthew McConaughey
- Buddha's Bedroom
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
When someone tells you that their partner has cheated on them, what’s your first reaction? Better yet, what would your reaction be if your sweetheart admitted that they had betrayed you? Many of us immediately hear that tired old line: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” We’ve been taught by pop culture that once a betrayal happens, the relationship is kaput. Over. No hope, baby. But what if I told you that doesn’t have to be true? In fact, research shows that over 50% of couples who experience an affair stay together. Plus, I’ve personally helped many couples through that painful, rewarding, brave healing process and to the other side - what I call Marriage 2.0 - the new relationship, post affair.
Welcome to the second installment of my “On the Couch with Dr. Cheryl” series. As with last week, all of my episodes for the month of September are going to focus on the Passion Triangle. I’m going to feature a real couple from my Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program, a 10-week online immersion couples program. In this exclusive immersion program, I teach tips, techniques, and actual tools that help you and your honey fall in love all over again, and reignite the passion you had in the beginning.
In this episode, I teach you how most relationship betrayals are discovered, not disclosed, that the majority of long-term, committed relationships don’t just self-destruct after an affair, and the emotional toll that these transgressions can take on both partners. I also talk about how both people involved in a betrayal need to learn what relationship issues allowed the betrayal to happen. We are all human. We all mess up. Been betrayed? Yes, you can be angry or hurt or condemn the behavior... but don't condemn the human being.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The reason I stay away from the cultural terminology of “cheating” and “affairs”—and why the phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is total bollocks. (03:58)
- Secret relationships - even seemingly innocent ones - are a very bad idea. If you’ve met an exciting new friend, you should be comfortable talking about them to your partner, regardless of their gender. (07:30)
- It’s incredibly important to use full disclosure when admitting relationship transgressions, but it’s also important to avoid getting into the nitty-gritty, explicit sexual details. I explain why. (12:39)
- The reason many people have affairs isn’t always because their relationship is lacking sex or passion. Often, the attraction begins simply because someone new finds you intriguing, interesting, and special. (18:18)
- Instead of letting Netflix take the place of love-making, having a date, passionate conversation, or just a romantic night together, drop the remote and make love intentional. Don’t be one of those couples who forgets how to fall back in love with each other. (20:48)
- Been betrayed? Don't listen to your friends’ advice, unless they've walked a similar path and done it with compassion. (24:33)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (28:15)
Q&A:
- Can my marriage survive my spouse’s infidelity? Coming back from betrayal in a long-term relationship is a complicated and difficult road, but it is totally possible. Make sure you’re being as open and honest with each other as possible, but spare the lurid details. You may not have the same marriage as you did before, but it is possible to move forward with version 2.0 of your relationship.
- Why do people cheat in relationships? People cheat in relationships for many reasons, but it’s not always why you think. Sometimes it’s because of lack of sex with their long-term partner, but it could also be simply because they’ve found someone else who finds them interesting and exciting. This is why it’s so important to make sure you’re regularly scheduling romantic time with one another.
- Should I stay with my cheating partner? Staying with a partner who has betrayed your relationship can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. In fact, more than half of couples survive an affair. It will take a ton of hard work to build your trust back up, but often those one-time “cheaters” are the least likely to ever cheat again.
Resources mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Do you and your partner have a loving, sweet relationship? One where you make their favorite white-bread-and-meatloaf sandwiches and they cuddle and caress you when you’re not feeling your best? The bills are paid, the kids are happy, the dogs are fed… but what about after the lights go out? Is there passion, lust, and desire? Or are you more of the spooning-in-front-of-the-tv type? Harsh truth time: You can be in an incredibly caring, nurturing, and admiring relationship but still be missing that key sexual component. And yeah—that’s kind of a big deal.
For the month of September, all of my episodes are going to focus on the Passion Triangle. Each week, I’m going to feature a real couple from my 10-week online immersion couples program. My Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program explores what to do if you’ve found yourself in a Marriage Incorporated type of relationship—one where your sweetheart has become less of a lover and more of a business partner—and how to move forward when you realize it’s way past time to pull out of that comfortable, responsible rut and learn how to fall in love again, over and over, with the one you're already with.
In this episode, I talk about how newer research indicates that when we're falling in love, our brain chemistry actually mimics the biochemistry of obsessive-compulsive disorder—and what that means about the lusty infatuation we find ourselves in at the beginning of a new romance. I also teach you how my Passion Triangle applies to real-life couples with the same intimacy issues as you and me. (Yes, even Dr. Cheryl, sex therapist, has these problems when I’m not being intentional!) Here’s the thing: It's not about waiting around for a whirlwind romance and love that sweeps you off your feet. It's definitely not about fixing your partner so that they fit your specifications...A fantastic, rare, passionate relationship is actually about learning to BECOME an amazing partner yourself.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The doors open on my 10-week Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime program later this month. I’ve had 212 couples complete the program in the last 18 months, check out the link at the bottom of the page to be next! (04:07)
- The perils of what I call Marriage Inc. and why you can’t run your relationship like you’d run a corporation. (07:58)
- Even my sexy, 6’1” hunk of a husband and I fall into Marriage Inc. (and forget to have sex!) if we’re not intentional about our love life. (10:58)
- Ed and Jeanine had an incredibly sweet, loving, cuddly, drop-your-favorite-sandwich-off-at-work, hot-water-bottle-for-your-cramps relationship — but they were still stuck in a sexless marriage. (13:16)
- With the right tools and techniques, I got Ed and Jeanine to move on from Marriage Inc. to Passion Inc. (18:03)
- The key to a great date night: leave talk of the daily stressors and mundane problems at home. (24:02)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (27:30)
Q&A:
- Since we’ve had kids, our sex life has totally dried up. Help! Many couples experience a change in their sex lives after children come into the picture. One way to change things up and get to know each other all over again is to schedule regular date nights and try new things together. Try hitting up a cool new restaurant or exploring a new-to-you hiking trail—and make a promise not to talk about the kids, the vet bills, or the work that needs to be done on the car.
- How can I spice up my sex life with my partner? In order to have more passionate sex more frequently, it’s important to be intentional about your sexual intimacy. Try booking a hotel room away from the kids, pets, and daily stressors—a strange location away from it all may be just the thing you need to rediscover your passion for one another.
- My partner and I never have sex… what’s wrong with us? Experiencing intense lust and passion at the beginning of a new relationship is incredibly normal. More than a third of couples are sexless….so you are not alone. Recent research even suggests that the brain’s chemistry mimics that of obsessive-compulsive disorder at the beginning of a new romance. To avoid the drop-off that many couples experience, try focusing your energy on intentional, scheduled intimacy.
Resources mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
- Dr. Cheryl's Recipe for a Perfect Valentine's Day
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion—Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Another birthday? Another anniversary? Another Valentine’s Day? The longer we’re with our partners, the more monotonous it can seem to engage in genuine celebration. But what if, instead of taking these mile markers for granted, we treat them as opportunities to acknowledge, love, and honor one another?
It turns out that, while those greeting card holidays can often inspire some serious eye-rolls, so-called ‘rituals of connection’ are actually one of the seven predictors of happy and committed relationships. So wait, Dr. Cheryl, it really is all about flowers and chocolates and teddy bears? Well, not exactly. Rituals of connection aren’t necessarily about pricey candlelit dinners and bottles of fancy wine—they’re actually a tool that you can use on a monthly, weekly, even daily basis to foster and strengthen the bond that you share... But a few surprise bottles of nice champagne and a big bunch of flowers sure won’t hurt anything, either.
In this episode,I talk about what matters with celebrations—not a big surprise, not anything extravagant, but the intentionality, the planning, and the thoughtfulness that goes into it all. Celebrations don’t have to be extravagant and elaborate to show someone that you’re thinking about them and that you care.I explain the Buddhist concept of dāna that says that you’re not good at being generous unless you’re also good at receiving generosity... and tell about how I almost broke my dad’s heart when I learned the meaning of dāna the hard way. I teach you how important it is to stop resisting celebrations, and how sincere acknowledgment of special events can be totally life-changing. Buy a card, go on a random weekday date night, show up unexpectedly on a great friend’s doorstep with a gorgeous bouquet from your garden—all of it says to the receiver: “Look how much you mean to me.”
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- There are a lot of empty rituals that we go through out of habit—but there are just as many causes for genuine and sincere celebration. (03:22)
- My husband and I are big on celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. We even celebrate the anniversary of our fabulous first date! (08:16)
- Celebrations, rituals, anniversaries, birthdays, and (even!) Valentine's Day are really good excuses in our busy world to slow down, show up, and do something thoughtful, meaningful, selfless, and kind for the ones we love. (12:58)
- If you can’t be given an unexpected gift without apologizing for not giving one in return, you are crappy at receiving and not truly generous. (19:41)
- We all live extraordinarily busy lives—take some time to make sure celebrations of life’s important moments are front and center. Today's happy homework: plan some celebrations. (25:27)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (28:33)
Q&A:
- Why should I celebrate my anniversary? Sharing in celebrations with your partner makes them feel loved and appreciated. Celebrating and planning for life’s special moments together is a way to tangibly show them that you care.
- What should I do for my partner for Valentine’s Day? No matter what you do with your partner to celebrate with them, make sure it’s intentional and thoughtful. Showing them that you care enough to make the day special is the most important part.
- How can I make a celebration special for my loved one? Celebrations don’t have to be elaborate surprises, they can be as simple and meaningful as a special bottle of wine or a bouquet from your garden. As long as there is thought and care put into a celebration, it will be a special moment.
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion - Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
Resources:
- Buddha's Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Imagine I install a camera in your home and record everything you say to your partner for a week—would you be comfortable sharing that footage with your nearest and dearest? The good, the bad, and the ugly? Or would you be ashamed and embarrassed at how you speak and interact with your sweetheart, especially in times of anger or frustration?
Human beings in relationships are going to have disagreements—that’s a fact of life. It sounds harsh, but if most people actually recorded themselves for a week and listened back to the way they spoke to their partner, they would be very disappointed in themselves. The trick is to make sure you and your honey both have the tools to have disagreements that aren’t destructive - disagreements that actually help bring you closer together. I know, right?
In this episode,I talk about why a sincere vow to do better is one of the most important tools in your relationship arsenal, and why a mindful apology is an art in and of itself. I teach you the value of what I call “do-over". This love hack is super beneficial when you’re arguing with your sweetie. In fact, I’ll show you how you can start practicing the technique today. Speaking kindly and thoughtfully to your partner is an integral part of a successful relationship. We can’t just sit back and wait for our relationships to become fabulous and earth-shattering—we’re responsible for creating that ourselves...
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you’re just sitting around and waiting for passion—good luck with that! YOU are responsible for creating a great relationship. (04:26)
- When you're agitated, your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol, creating temporary aggression and irrationality. (06:24)
- The opposite of kind speech is ugly speech. This includes name-calling, swearing at one another, and using absolute language. (09:50)
- If you’re in a relationship with a real, live human being who’s not six feet under, you’re going to have disagreements… and that’s totally fine. (12:45)
- Don’t make excuses—apologize like a mofo. (14:44)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (24:29)
Q&A:
- What does it mean to be emotionally ‘flooded’? Being emotionally flooded means that you might feel agitated, negatively emotional, anxious, frightened, angry, grief-stricken, and/or sad. The feeling happens when your body dumps adrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream and your biochemistry changes.
- Should I be worried that my partner and I fight? Arguments and disagreements are a totally normal and healthy aspect of any relationship. It’s when your fights become nasty and cruel that you need to reassess your reactions and how you can temper them.
- How can I make up with my partner after a fight? If you have an intense, ugly fight with your partner, take it as a learning experience. Remember what you did in those moments and then take the opportunity to apologize, apologize, apologize and vow to do better in the future.
Resources mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion - Create Love that Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl - be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses - https://drcherylfraser.mykajabi.com/become-passion-waitlist
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
This week, I’m continuing the story of my freaking difficult, painful, real spiritual path that led me to the (relatively) peaceful and far wiser place I am today. Again, I’m not special—absolutely anyone can learn to meditate. And it will suck at first! But once you get the hang of it and commit to following an enlightened path, you’ll be more able to quiet that jittering, caffeinated monkey mind of yours and learn to bask in the tranquility, wisdom, and compassion of the gentle, quiet elephant mind.
Join me as I talk about the pressure and expectations I endured during my Ph.D. studies and my transcontinental search for mental clarity and serenity and the meaning of life. Come journey with me through some of the most incredible places I’ve had the privilege of visiting. And believe me, the spiritual path is freaking dangerous - I’ll tell you about a tiny Thai island and a homicidal premenstrual monkey that taught me a lot about the monkey mind and more.
When I first committed to studying meditation, I had just graduated from an extraordinarily elite program with my Ph.D. and expected to begin the tenure track at a top university. Instead, I pulled a Kerouac and booked a one-way ticket to Asia. At each stop and each Buddhist retreat, I continued to have my mind opened and my perspective broadened. I started to hear the footsteps of my elephant. Today, I hope to give you just a taste of what that sort of journey can do for you.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you think that meditation means to stop thinking, you’ve been taught incorrectly. (04:06)
- I am not enlightened. Right now, I'm just another bozo on this bus… but I have grown leaps and bounds from the exhausted, downtrodden grad student I was 25 years ago. (08:01)
- I took a tough and powerful 7-month post-grad journey across Asia, got bit by a homicidal premenstrual monkey, and lived to tell the tale. (10:51)
- If I survived a maybe-rabies and still made it to my retreat, then what are you going to let stand between you and your goal? (27:44)
- The monkey wins way too often—but every time I think I can't change it, I'm reminded that underneath the biggest storms we ever encounter, there is calm, and there is peace. (30:42)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (31:25)
Q&A:
- Why do I hate meditating? Meditation sucks at first! The more you try to stop thinking, the more you'll turn up the mind. But persevere and you’ll catch glimpses of the calm, tranquil mind-frame that you’ll be able to achieve with practice.
- How can I stop thinking while I meditate? It is a complete misunderstanding that meditation means that you shouldn't be thinking.
- Can meditation help me sleep? When your mind can’t sleep at night it's obsessing about something— positive, negative, or neutral. With mediation, you can teach the mind to remain calm and peaceful.
Places mentioned:
- The Stupa of Boudhanath
- The Full Moon Party on Koh Pha-ngan
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Today, I’m back from a month-long silent meditation retreat. Now, I’m not special. Anyone can learn to meditate - even you... So to help you out, I’m pulling the curtain back and sharing with you the pain that brought me to the Buddhist path and how that led to the peaceful I am today.
Have you struggled with anxiety since adolescence—or even for what feels like your whole life? Do you ever feel so wound up, in such a state of almost constant fight or flight adrenaline, that it feels as though your life is being physically threatened? The fact is, these experiences are true for so many people, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer forever. You can free yourself from the seemingly endless spiral—and I’m going to show you exactly how.
In this episode, I explain my personal experiences with anxiety, from my late childhood all the way through graduate school, and the mental, emotional, and physical suffering that it caused me. I also talk about how I learned to be comfortable in mutual silence, that just about anyone can learn and benefit from meditation, and all about my initial experience at a meditation retreat—and how it wasn’t such a walk in the park!
So… 28 days, alone, in the woods, no speaking. Sounds a little outrageous, right? Truth be told, I was wary of meditation, too, initially. I couldn’t even imagine doing it for 60 minutes at a time, let alone the weeks or months on end I do now. I promise you, even if right now you’re thinking, “Gee whiz, 28 days of silence—Dr. Cheryl, you must be nuts!” you’ll eventually realize that training your mind is the most important thing you will ever do.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- You can be the best student in the country with the perfect GPA, but still be a mess on the inside. (05:42)
- When Western medicine failed to help my anxiety, my eyes were opened to Buddhism by a friend… and boy, I was skeptical at first. (07:37)
- The common thread that ran between two of the most calming, patient people in my life and how that lead me to my first experience with structured meditation. (9:53)
- Both my physical body and my monkey mind were screaming at me when I first tried meditation—I hated it! (13:41)
- Meditation isn’t a one-and-done cure-all and you won’t feel high or blissed out on the first try, but what you will come away with is a sense of ease, calm, and peace. (20:06)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (31:16)
Q&A:
- How can I help ease my suffering from anxiety? One way to help ease anxiety is to regularly practice meditation.
- What are the benefits of meditation? Focused and practiced meditation can bring a sense of calm and peace to the student. It can help people experiencing stress and anxiety to achieve a sense of mental clarity and contentment.
- Why can’t I meditate? Am I meditating wrong? Anyone can benefit from meditation, but it isn’t one-size-fits-all and it’s not an immediate fix. It takes time, practice, and energy and you will get out of it what you put into it. If you’re not feeling the benefits at first, keep trying and ask a qualified teacher for help.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
You wouldn’t try to summit a mountain without a rope, carabiners, a heavy-duty pair of boots, and the proper training, right? So… why would you enter into a life-long commitment with a partner without the right tools and knowledge? Today’s show is the final episode of a four-part series on the Keys to Passion and how to be part of an exceptional couple. If you haven’t listened to the previous episodes, I encourage you to go back and listen—I know you’ll be glad you did.
To achieve a truly exceptional relationship, a holistic approach is imperative. To be an exceptional couple, you should be open to the entire erotic spectrum. Uh-huh, suuure, Dr. Cheryl… what exactly does that mean? After years of working with real couples, I’ve learned that most people, even when faced with a veritable rainbow of sensuality, are only sticking to their tried and true favorite colors. If you’re ready to make a change to your relationship and recapture that heart-thumping, crotch-tingling, position-switching electricity that you’ve lost over the years, it’s time to focus on Sensuality. On average, 30% of the long-term relationships that come into my practice aren’t having sex at all—that shouldn’t be you and your sweetheart!
In this episode,I talk about Sensuality, the third side of what I call the Passion Triangle. I cover why the road to recovering the magic can sometimes be a long one, the importance of engaging all five senses, and I talk about sensuality vs sexuality—and why they’re not the same.I also teach you how you can be sensual without sex, the value of swapping erotic fantasies with your sweetie, and I bust some myths involving the clitoris and the female orgasm. Sensuality is critically important to an exceptional relationship. It’s often one of the first things that fade, but with the right tools and techniques, there’s a way to get back on track.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If your typical encounter with your sweetie is of the “nipple, nipple, crotch, goodnight!” variety, you’re not alone—but there is more out there. (05:29)
- A short exercise that sheds light on the simple but intense power of touch and sensuality. (07:18)
- Sensuality isn’t all about sex, intercourse, and orgasms. It’s also foot rubs, hugs, intense kisses, snuggling, and going to bed naked. (09:25)
- Please learn to Love. Your. Body. Dance naked, shower with your honey, reclaim your sensuality. (12:00)
- Tantric sex allows for a climax orgasm much, much longer than is typical… and it’s totally worth the effort to get there. (15:24)
- Friendship + Nudity = Relationship. Couples who don’t have sexual relationships are rarely both completely content in the situation. (20:03)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (26:43)
Q&A:
- How can I spice up my sex life with my partner? Great sex is sensuous. Engage all 5 senses, leave your typical comfort zone, and explore the erotic spectrum.
- What if I don’t feel like having sex with my partner? If you and your partner are trying to recapture the magic after a period of disinterest, small and gentle steps are often the key. Try showering together and feeling their skin beneath the slippery soap—enjoy the sensuous connection without necessarily leading to intercourse.
- What is tantric sex? Tantric sex is the practice of training your orgasmic response through muscle control and eye contact. Though it may not be easy to master, it can lead to orgasms lasting three or four times longer than average.
Resources:
- Join the waitlist for my Become Passion couple's program
- Buddha's Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Don’t you just love falling in love? The butterflies, the goosebumps, the chills down your spine... and elsewhere! That feeling can be like lightning in a bottle—exciting as hell but almost impossible to capture and maintain.
In my years of practice with real couples, the most common complaint in long-term relationships is boredom. They love their honey, but they’re not in love with them anymore. The thrill is gone, the excitement just isn’t there anymore, they wish they felt the way they did at the beginning. This is the place affairs start—whether it’s emotional or physical, a one night stand, secret sexts, or long-term infidelity—more often than not, it’s caused by boredom. Okay, Dr. Cheryl... you’re starting to freak me out a little. But here’s the thing: during my time working with those couples, I’ve developed actionable steps, exercises, and tools that you can bring home to your sweetheart and practice. You can start bringing thrill back into the picture—tonight.
In this episode, I talk about Thrill, the second of the three keys to passion. I show how thrill is the missing piece in so many long-term relationships, andhow a study involving a suspension bridge, a sexy fake psychologist, and arousal explains it all. I also discuss why I don’t like to use the term “affair,” why exceptional relationships are not an accident, and how habit is the enemy of interest in a long-term relationship. Do yourself and your sweetheart a favor—put the effort in to make thrill intentional, and STOP waiting around for the passion to come and sweep you off your feet.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- To pump up your relationship thrill level, try my ridiculous-but-meaningful exercise with your sweetheart: Greet them like an overexcited Labrador Retriever when they get home from work tonight (Yes, really!) (08:49)
- Great sex and great relationships aren’t created by tired gimmicks—they’re made by using research-based success tips and techniques. (10:08)
- If you’re bored of your partner, it’s not because they’re boring. It’s because you’ve stopped trying to find them interesting. (12:20)
- Dr. Cheryl’s 50 First Dates Challenge: If your sweetheart didn't have a clue who you were, how would you try to woo them? (15:59)
- If you want thrill, you need to create it. (19:20)
- When we do something exciting or when we're more aroused physically from excitement, we find people more attractive, and we're more likely to act on it—and how you can test this theory out with your honey. (21:49)
- Even skiing and horseback riding can get old if they’re a daily habit. The key to thrill is variety and a break in monotony. (22:53)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (25:35)
Q&A:
- What is the number one cause of cheating in long-term relationships? Most people in otherwise healthy long-term relationships stray because they become bored with their mate. Once the thrill is gone, they lose interest.
- How can I make my relationship more exciting? If you’re trying to bring the thrill back to your relationship, try breaking your set habits. Plan a new activity like horseback riding, salsa dancing lessons, or hiking. Better still, take your honey on a surprise outing that they’d never expect.
- Why is my marriage so boring? Relationships become boring when the people in them begin to lose interest and give in to the monotony. In order to crush the boredom, make thrill intentional and actively work on seeing all the interest your partner holds.
Resources:
- Join the waitlist for my Become Passion couple's program
- Buddha's Bedroom
- 50 First Dates (movie)
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
How many exceptional couples do you know that have been together for more than a year? Couples that really seem to be in love, still get excited when their partner walks into a room, and have that sexual spark between them? Chances are, there aren’t a ton of people coming to mind right now.
The harsh truth is, exceptional couples are pretty rare. In my practice as a psychologist and sex therapist, only about 5% of the couples I meet are what I would consider exceptional. Way to be a Debbie Downer, Cheryl! Well, stay with me, because I’ve also got good news: I’m going to teach you the three keys to a passionate relationship and give you real, actionable steps to elevate your own love affair to exceptional status. Great couples are not an accident, and Passion is a teachable skill.
In this episode, I talk about Intimacy, the first of the three keys to passion. I cover why it’s so important to achieve emotional and psychological closeness with your partner and exactly what that looks like. I also teach you why conflict resolution is so integral to achieving deep trust and intimacy with your partner, as well as how to recognize the four most destructive argument tactics—and howNOT to make the same mistakes that I did! Exceptional relationships are rare, but with the right tools, teachings, and a healthy dose of hard work, they are achievable.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Exceptional couples are exceptional because they’re strong in three key areas - the first is emotional and communicative intimacy. (04:40)
- Intimacy is about psychological and emotional closeness—having your own, personal cheerleader and knowing they’re the person you want to immediately call when you get good - or bad - news (06:24)
- Everybody fights. Learning to fight fair is what predicts relationship success - and your own happiness. (09:25)
- The four destructive arguing styles - criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt - predict divorce if you don’t fix them (11:37)
- Anger is part of the human experience. You can still be emotional and even holler in your arguments—as long as you’re mindful of how you say what you say (19:40)
- I share the story of a real-life couple who reignited their passion after they found themselves in a platonic” Marriage, Inc” relationship (21:09)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (26:45)
Q&A:
- How can I build a stronger relationship with my partner? Couples in exceptional relationships have strength in three key areas. The first is psychological and emotional closeness - which includes skillful conflict management.
- How do I reignite the spark in my marriage? In order to recapture the passion and romance you felt in your early relationship, you need to focus on the Three Keys to Passion: Intimacy, Thrill, and Sensuality.
- What should I do if my partner and I are always fighting? Arguing in a relationship is natural, everyone does it. It’s important to pay attention to how you’re fighting and to make sure you’re not using damaging tactics that predict divorce.
People Mentioned:
- John Gottman
Resources:
- Join the waitlist for my Become Passion couple's program
- Buddha's Bedroom
- Bounce (movie)
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
If you find yourself laying in bed at night next to your snoring sweetheart wondering “Where has the Passion gone?” you are not alone. The good news? Once you know the Three Keys to Passion you can recapture the magic and put the pep back into your sex life. Because great relationships are not an accident.
So, if you find yourself looking at other couples with envy and longing for something different in your relationship, You Are Normal. Heck, perhaps you even daydream about some 50 Shades of Grey style excitement to liven things up…
Today, I teach you the Three Keys to Passion. Maybe you’ve got a good relationship, you’re getting along well, but lately, you’ve noticed that the sex and romance have faded. You wonder, “Who is this person, and where the heck all the fire has gone?!” Well, I’m happy to tell you, you’re in the right place.
In this episode, I explain why most couples don’t do what it takes to create long-term passion, romance, and love—not because they’re lazy or masochistic, but because they don’t have the tools they need. I explain why you must avoid the dreaded Marriage, Inc (AKA how not to run your relationship like a corporation), what to do when the obsession with your lover wanes, and how intimacy, thrill, and sensuality all play equal parts in bringing the passion back to your relationship.
Here’s the thing, this isn’t some dopey article in a women’s magazine offering shallow, quick tips for the bedroom. I’m focused on science-based techniques and proven couples therapy lessons that actually work in the long term. So, if you’re ready to get down and dirty and fall back in love and lust with the one you’re already with, listen in today.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Our early crushes lay down a template for what we believe love can be—but it turns out I’m not married to Shaun Cassidy. (06:55)
- When we find ourselves longing for what we don't have, we forget to look at what’s standing right in front of us. (08:54)
- Most couples will never do what it takes to create long-lasting passion because most couples don’t know how. (11:38)
- The Three Keys to Passion: Intimacy, Thrill, and Sensuality. (15:51)
- Eroticism isn’t just about genitals—it can be as simple as admiring the curve of your lover’s eyebrow. (23:31)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (29:15)
Q&A:
- How can I bring the passion back to my relationship? You have to learn and practice the Three Keys to Passion: intimacy, thrill, and sensuality.
- How can my partner and I become more connected? In order to master intimacy and emotional connection, you have got to learn to fight fair. Successful conflict management is key to closeness.
- Why do I get butterflies at the beginning of a romantic relationship? There is a biochemical and hormonal reaction in our bodies when we first fall in love with a new partner. But if you want to maintain that feeling long term, you need the Three Keys to Passion
People Mentioned:
- Tony Robbins
- Jack Canfield
- Esther Perel
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Why meditate? Well, do you LIKE being miserable? Or would you prefer to be happier, less judgmental, and to have more clarity and love in your heart? If you said yes to any of these things, it’s time for you to train your mind. And meditation is key.
Why meditate? The better question is ….Well... why not?
I’m getting a little controversial today, and the truth is you might not be too happy with me. But here it is: if you’re miserable, it’s fundamentally your fault. Say what Cheryl?! Yup. If you're unhappy today because of something crappy that's happened - maybe you got fired - it’s actually your MIND that is making you miserable, not getting fired. Your unhappiness is a reaction to whatever has occurred. That confusion you’re experiencing is mind made. Say it with me: happiness is an inside job.
In this episode, I talk about why it’s so important to have a well-trained mind. As someone who’s dealt with her own journey through depression, anxiety, sleepless nights, and the pressure of perfectionism, I trained my mind so I could change my life. And I trained hard. Like - 4 months in silence hard. So you might want to listen to my advice. Since I started meditating regularly, even my brother has noticed how much more positive my outlook is. And believe me, it didn’t use to be. So join me today and learn why taming your brain is the key to happiness.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you want to be happy, it's up to you to react to reality in ways that mean you suffer less. (04:09)
- You have control over your reaction to an adverse situation—please don’t make it into Facebook chaos and feed the demon! (06:29)
- It’s not you that can’t meditate, it’s just your brain: the majority of us need a lot of help to train our minds. (13:05)
- No matter how brilliant you are, if your mind is untrained, anxiety and depression can still wreak havoc on you. (16:48)
- I was in big emotional trouble when I first started meditating… and I’m so grateful that my stubborn self wouldn’t let me quit. (17:56)
- Your weekly LoveByte. (23:10)
Q&A:
- Why should I meditate? You should meditate to be less judgmental, to gain more mental clarity, and to train your mind for deeper happiness.
- How can I control my angry reactions? In order to control your mind’s response to an unpleasant situation, create a gap—take a deep breath or count to three, and consider what an appropriate reaction would be.
- What can I do to alleviate my depression and anxiety? If you want to improve depression and anxiety, focus on meditation and training your mind.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Why is it so much easier to become happy than to stay happy?Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a set of teachings, specifically designed to apply to our own lives in times of pain and suffering? Some rules to live by that could guide us to a happier, more fulfilled, less troubled life? If these questions feel like opening a giant can of worms—that’s the point!
Today, I talk about Buddhism’s Four Facts of Life (AKA the Four Noble Truths) and how we can apply them to our hectic, modern world. The great thing about these simple but life-changing teachings is that all of us can apply them to our lives—even without following a specific faith. I can say, in all honesty, that these are the four most important facts of life you’re ever going to know—so, my darlings, listen up...
By exploring the Four Facts of Life, we can acknowledge that our suffering comes from wanting to change reality, and then—here’s the really important part—we can let go of wanting reality to change. It’s up to US how we react to the crappy things in life. Happiness is an inside job. If this all sounds like a little too much to ask, stay with me, because I also want you to learn this truth: pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
In this episode, we’re focusing on the elephant—otherwise known as our deep, inner wisdom and compassion. I go into a little more depth about how the Facts of Life explain the cause of our suffering, and also how they teach us to set ourselves free. I also expand briefly on the fourth Fact of Life, the principles of the Eightfold Path, and the ways we can use the Path to cultivate and improve our lives. Join me and learn how to begin applying these teachings so you can live in grace and suffer less, even in your most painful moments.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- If you apply the Four Facts of Life to your own life, you will suffer less, have more contentment, and a more open heart. (05:25)
- The first Fact of Life: Everything changes—sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, and sometimes it doesn’t affect us at all. (06:03)
- The second Fact of Life: When we resist the truth of change, we suffer. (09:04)
- The third Fact of Life: If you don’t want to suffer—Let. It. Go! (14:18)
- The fourth Fact of Life is a path that everyone can follow in order to live a happier, more understanding, more compassionate life. (22:21)
- Your weekly LoveByte (28:30)
Q&A:
- How can I avoid suffering? Suffering is optional. To avoid it, stop resisting change and learn to embrace it.
- How can I live a happier life? Let go of your desire to change reality.
- How can I learn to live a more fulfilling life? Follow the principles of the Eightfold Path and apply them to your current situation.
Resources Mentioned:
- Buddha's Bedroom
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” We’ve all heard that once or twice. And boy oh boy, that applies to our love relationships. We MEAN to be more romantic, caring, sexy, or fun...but then we forget.
Today, I describe a unique relationship technique that can—in less than five minutes a day— start to turn your good intentions into actions that really improve your relationship. Let’s get real - you need some help turning what you think you could, should, or will do for your partner into relationship results.
Welcome to the Mindful Loving Daily Aspiration technique. I created this love hack together with my partner. This powerful tool draws from our own efforts to create an exceptional relationship, as well as Buddhist teachings.
In Buddhism, Right Intention is an important step toward taking Right Action. In other words: intention is when we look at the nature of things and decide what matters most to us. By viewing our love relationships through this lens, we can set intentions like being a better listener, making love more often, being nicer to one another, or even restoring joy and playfulness to our time with our sweetheart.
In this episode, I talk about how to avoid what I call “Marriage Incorporated”—that feeling of “I love you but I’m not “In Love” with you anymore”. I show you how to get off that road of good intentions and take a right hand turn onto the bridge of aspiration. By creating a bridge between intention and action, you can start walking the talk and creating love that lasts a lifetime...instead of just waiting for it to happen. Join me as I break down some examples of the sort of sexy, romantic, and completely doable aspirations that you and your honey can start to set in just 5 minutes a day... as early as tomorrow morning!
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Knowledge gives us the tools, the ideas, the structures… but the power is in taking action. (5:00)
- Setting mindful love intentions will improve your relationship. (08:40)
- Why my husband and I set a daily love aspiration—and you can use the tool in your own relationship. (12:09)
- Scheduled sex is a realistic, achievable goal - if you want a great sex life. (17:37)
- Great couples are not an accident. It takes effort and energy to create the love you desire.. (21:36)
- If you don't set cues to help you turn your aspiration into action, you'll tend to fail. Yup, the road to hell… (24:53)
- Your weekly LoveByte (27:17)
Q&A:
- How can I improve my flagging relationship? Set clear love intentions so you can take a conscious step toward better relationship skills.
- What can I do to make my partner feel more important and loved? By making an effort to DO something that makes them feel special each and every day. Setting loving aspirations is a perfect tool.
- How can I succeed at turning my best intentions into actual action steps? To succeed at something you want to do, it’s important to use clear cues to help yourself execute and take it into action.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Ever been told, “You need to calm down”? One of the most complicated parts of an anxiety disorder is having a sweetheart, best friend, or boss that just does not get it.
We’re all painfully aware of the physical toll the COVID-19 pandemic has taken on us over the last 15 months, but we also have to acknowledge the mental toll we’ve suffered. There are actually two pandemics working in tandem: one is viral, the other is anxiety and emotional suffering.
Today, I talk about how the pandemic has affected not just our physical health, but our mental health, too. I’ll explain what exactly anxiety is, how we experience it in our bodies and in our minds, and what we can do about it. I’ve suffered from anxiety myself, and I know exactly how nasty it can get. We’ll take a look at how we can approach the issue from a Buddhist perspective and incorporate some valuable psychological teachings, as well.
In this episode, I talk about how we’re descended from anxious cave people! The instincts that once kept us alive now manifest as catastrophizing - in other words, we freak out AS IF we are in mortal danger. I discuss how the body can’t separate fact from fiction, and how knowing this is your super power to start helping yourself calm your mind. Learn to accept that anxiety isn’t something you do to yourself for fun, that the pain is real, and how to separate the story from the reality...so you can manage your mind and live your best life.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- An anxiety disorder is a pattern of anxiety that interferes with daily life (03:17)
- Telling someone with anxiety to “just relax” is one of the worst things you can do (08:12)
- How our genes evolved to use anxiety as a means to survive (10:30)
- The body believes everything the brain tells it - So change your brain! (13:58)
- That you can rewrite the story your anxiety is telling you (18:58)
- It takes the body much less time to become anxious than it does to come down from it (24:53)
- Your weekly LoveByte (26:37)
Q&A:
- What are some physical symptoms of anxiety? Anxiety can present physically as the urge to evacuate bowels or bladder, stomach discomfort, body aches, headaches, chills, and sweating, just to name a few.
- What are some psychological symptoms of anxiety? Mental symptoms of anxiety include pervasive worry over trivial issues as well as being unable to sleep.
- Why do humans experience anxiety? Anxiety stems from the way humans evolved to think to ensure their survival millions of years ago.
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Have you ever felt like your mind has two modes? On the surface, there’s a tendency for a lot of us to be neurotic and impulsive and a little erratic. But if we dig deep down, it’s possible to find stability, contentment, and gratitude. If this all sounds familiar, then congratulations-- you’ve already met your monkey and your elephant.
The bad news? You’re giving your monkey way too much attention. Of course, in the Western world, it’s the way many of us have been conditioned to think: bigger, prettier, richer, more. The good news? The elephant is patiently, gently, compassionately waiting for you to discover it, even if you don’t realize it's already there.
Today, I talk about the grief, pain, and rage the monkey feels when things don't go our way - whether that is heartbreak or a nasty work client. I explain how the monkey feeds us big dramatic stories...and how, if we don't pay attention, those horror stories become our version of reality. We’ll take a look at how the elephant handles everything from the pain of a breakup to an inconvenience with grace, confidence, and kindness.
In this episode, I use some ancient—and not so ancient—teachings to explain the monkey/elephant mind duality and explore how to maintain placidity in the face of turmoil. Learn why giving in to anxious, doubting questions is the perfect spark to put your monkey into hyperdrive, and how the elephant forces you to hit the brakes and rest easily, right where you are.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Don’t let your monkey run your life (02:22)
- The slow, gentle elephant’s path to contentment (05:48)
- How the monkey chooses the clouds and forgets the sun (09:05)
- Liberate yourself from the crazy stories - consider the worst-case scenario (15:33)
- The difference between actual reality and the story you’ve written (19:14)
- The elephant has all the answers - be still and listen (28:04)
- Your weekly LoveByte (30:20)
Q&A:
- How can I deal with heartbreak and loss? The decision is totally up to you - you cannot change reality but you can choose how to deal with reality
- What is monkey mind and what is the elephant? The monkey is your anxious, egotistical mind. The elephant is your innate wisdom and compassion.
- How do I quiet my mind? Slow down, show up, give your monkey mind love and grace, and don’t listen to its nonsense. X
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
- Book: Buddha's Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy By Cheryl Fraser PhD
Let’s Connect!
- About Me
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
We know that there’s no Prince(ss) Charming, there’s no white horse, and we’re not living in a magical fairytale. Then why, if we all know this in our intelligent adult brains, are we still waiting for someone to sweep us off our feet and keep us Happy Ever After?
Are you in love with falling in love? If you’re perpetually seeking “the one”, you’re looking for your fictional soulmate, not a real person. You read that right. You need to kill your soulmate if you want to be happy.
Today, I’m talking about what happens after you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling. Unlike what we might’ve learned from pop music or romcoms, a sense of complacency-- and maybe even boredom-- in a relationship doesn’t have to be its death knell. We’re exploring the life changing realization that your unhappiness in love may not be because of your partner, but because of you.
In this episode, I talk about how Walt Disney was wrong when he made us think that our happiness is our sweetheart’s job. I point out that your partner is not psychic and why the key to relationship bliss is to change your mind, not your mate. Most importantly, we’ll talk about what to do when that roller coaster of lust pulls into the station and the ride ends, and what you can do to create thrill and fun with the one you are already with.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- You. Are. Normal. (03:32)
- How my husband’s brush with death served as my wake up call (04:07)
- Why I’m calling Disney out for the “Happily Ever After” myth (08:32)
- Change your mind, not your mate (09:17)
- Marital misery in action (10:23)
- Why your unhappiness is your fault...and what to do about it (13:05)
- Kill the soulmate, save the relationship (15:50)
- The Soulmate and the Doubt Worm (18:40)
- “Why” affairs happen - because we all know “how” (23:02)
- Your weekly LoveByte (26:24)
Q&A:
- What causes marital misery? Your partner not catering to your every want or whim
- Why is the soulmate myth dangerous? Because it creates unachievable expectations for your partner
- What’s the number one cause of sexual or romantic affairs in a committed relationship? Feeling bored with your relationship and longing for passion and excitement
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
- Book: Buddha's Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy By Cheryl Fraser PhD
Let’s Connect!
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Bio
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
So, you’re in a long-term relationship and it feels like that honeymoon lust has disappeared. When you first got together, you couldn’t keep your tongues out of each other’s mouths and your hands off of each other’s bodies, right? These days, do you ever find yourself laying in bed next to your snoring spouse and wondering “Where did the passion go?”
Today, we’re going to bust two major myths about long-term lust and love. Because despite what the romantic comedies say, think like that in terms of your sex life, your relationship, and how we just aren’t built to stay crazy in lust forever.
Here’s the thing: life includes a lot of stages, and falling in love is only one of them. After dating comes real life, along with careers, mortgages, babies, aging… It's a pretty wild ride. And the bedroom is only one part of it.
But there is a bright side. I have a plan to help you reignite your erotic relationship, even after those perpetual googly eyes have left the building. :)
In this episode, I answer a question from a couple in my online immersion program who are super worried that their relationship didn't stay in the Rip-Each-Other’s-Clothes-Off stage forever. You’ll learn why scheduling sex is notunsexy and why exceptional couples plan for passion. Most importantly, I talk about how the natural evolution of long-term relationships is to lose spontaneous desire, so you and your partner are NOT broken. Good news - there is a second type of desire - and you can learn to master it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The three most important words I will ever say to you about love and sex (01:40)
- Jose and Talisha’s question-- and why their “desire problem” is completely NORMAL (03:05)
- I bust the myth of the human “sex drive” (05:14)
- The biochemical cocktail behind spontaneous desire-- AKA why lust can't last (06:58)
- A prehistoric love story of lust, romance and… commitment? (12:04)
- Lack of spontaneous sex ≠ A broken relationship (14:32)
- To the rescue! Responsive Desire-- and how to use it (15:30)
- The surprising definition of a “sexless” relationship (18:33)
- Adding sex as an item on your calendar-- and why that’s NOT a bad thing (20:42)
- A little wisdom in the form of this week’s LoveByte (25:39)
People Mentioned in this Episode:
- Tony Robbins
- Jack Canfield
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
- Book: Buddha's Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy By Cheryl Fraser PhD
- Book: Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life By Emily Nagoski
- Article about Lust and Love Myths
Let’s Connect!
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
- Bio
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Have you ever walked down the street and, out of the corner of your eye, noticed someone with a grin and a glow? Someone who seemed content, open hearted, and like they’ve figured out something you haven’t? Imagine walking up to that person and asking “What’s your secret?” and they reply “My Elephant!”
Hmm...you’d want to know more, right?
Think about what you’ve always believed would make your life fantastic - perhaps a winning lottery ticket, a wildly erotic sex life, an incredible soulmate, or your dream job. How’s that working out? You used to think that external fortunes meant happiness, but deep down, you know there’s more to it. You understand that love, wealth, and even health cannot last forever. The good news? You CAN learn to be Happy for No Reason.
In this episode, I’ll introduce concepts and tools to challenge you to take responsibility for your mindstates and then to take action to uncover curiosity & happiness in every aspect of your life. Calling upon my experience in Buddhism, sexuality, couples therapy, and mental & physical health, we’ll explore the blocks and confusions that are keeping you from experiencing the joy and fullness of life, sex, and your own spirituality. Plus, I’ll tell you what Joey Ramone, a premenstrual monkey, and a sexy toothbrush have in common. If you are sick and tired of feeling like something is missing, and are ready for a breakthrough journey that’s irreverently fun, deeply revealing, occasionally uncomfortable, and always inspiring, join me as we stumble along the path to awakening, together.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- How the word “S-E-X” limits eroticism - Putting play into foreplay (2:03)
- Love is a Hard Gig - Why “happily ever after” doesn’t work (4:02)
- Becoming the enlightened elephant in the room (8:19)
- We’re all just bozos on the bus - Wisdom from my ex (11:08)
- Why I ditched the beaten path and fled to India (PS - the spiritual path has cobras!) (16:12)
- Knowledge is not power - Power is in taking action (20:06)
- Why insight into your patterns isn’t enough - Freud was right! (23:18)
- Weird facts about me - punk rock, sex toys, and more (25:16)
- Your weekly LoveByte - The take-home message of this episode (27:24)
People Mentioned in this Episode:
- Tony Robbins
- Jack Canfield
- Esther Perel
- Trudy Goodman
- Sigmund Freud
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
- Book: Buddha's Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy By Cheryl Fraser PhD
Let’s Connect!
- Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
- Facebook Page
- Youtube
- If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.