Overcoming Bullying Together with Gemma Hills: Recent Episodes
Gemma Hills
Welcome to Overcoming Bullying Together, a podcast for those whose lives have been effected by childhood bullying. I am Gemma Hills and I mentor individuals and parents through dealing with childhood bullying whether that's while it is happening or in later years when they find it is still having an effect on their lives. No one should ever feel alone when dealing with bullying or the consequences of having been bullied. Together we can overcome bullying.
How can you help a child if you don’t even know they need the help?
What if you’re happily dropping your kids off at school in the morning oblivious to what they’re about to experience?
Or what if you’ve a feeling something is wrong but they just won’t open up?
If you wake in the night worrying your child wouldn’t tell you if they were a target for bullying then this is for you.
We’ve all heard people recount stories of how the quiet kids snapped one day in class after months of torment from the class bully and lashed out, put the other kids on their butt and there in that single defining moment was the last time someone picked on them.
It happens. We all know it does. Fighting back is what a lot of people resort to in order to make the bullying stop.
Many parents sign their kids up for self-defence or martial arts lessons in hope they’ll build their confidence and make them more physically capable of defending themselves. While this may work for some it doesn’t work for everyone. If your child doesn’t want to physically fight back or you’re not comfortable with it then this episode is to reassure you it’s not the only option. Actually, there’s another way which is far more effective.
Your child’s being bullied at school and you’re about to speak with the teacher. Here are 3 essential steps when approaching the school if you want a successful outcome.
You’ve wondered day and night why on earth your child is having to deal with this nightmare. You’ve wracked your brains as to what has caused this.
Is your child too sensitive? Should you help them toughen up?
Maybe they need to physically fight back? But you can’t imagine them ever doing that.
Maybe if they had more fashionable clothes, were part of the popular group, didn’t have that one thing which makes them stand out?
Here is the freebie mentioned for the first steps you need to take: https://gemmahills.com/my-child-is-being-bullied/
The Beat the Bullies mini programme will guide you through each step you need to take to make the bullying stop. It even includes what to expect from the school and what to do if they're not doing what they should: https://gemmahills.com/beat-the-bullies/
We all know that bullies thrive on a reaction. When they can see their words and actions are having an impact it fuels them and they keep going. They thrive on feeling powerful and dominant. As a result we often tell kids to not show they are bothered by what is being said or done. But that can be easier said than done particularly when the bully is using something they know you are already self-conscious about such as your appearance.
The best defence against bullying is a strong sense of self (self-confidence, self-esteem, self-belief and self-worth) yet most kids understandably struggle to feel good about themselves in the face of someone bullying them. So what can they do instead? I’m getting to that I just want to remind you of something first.
Join me over on Facebook: facebook.com/gemmaehills
Being bullied as a kid means we live with the effects throughout our whole adult lives meaning we often mistake them as just who we are.
In this weeks episode I hope to open your eyes to a the 20 most common things you are most likely putting up with that you don't actually have to.
If you'd like to join the free class mentioned click here: http://eepurl.com/ciIC-j
Confident Parents, Confident Kids is for parents who were bullied themselves and want to feel confident in protecting their kids from the same happening to them.
We often wear emotional strength as a badge of honour.
“I don’t need anyone. I can cope. I don’t do it then who will?”
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me.”
Sound familiar?
These statements all have a defensive tone and if we take a moment to dwell on it it we’ll find they’re not completely true.
If we’re honest with ourselves everyone cares what other people think of them to some degree. No, we know we shouldn’t let it dictate who we are or what we say and do BUT there is still a part of all of us which does care what others think.
Are you an extremely emotionally strong person? In case you’re not sure let me share the 3 of the most common signs of an extremely emotionally strong person
-
extreme independence
-
appear to be able to cope with anything
-
everyone’s ‘rock’
Does that sounds like you?
Find more on Facebook (facebook.com/gemmaehills) or at www.GemmaHills.com.
I’m yet to meet anyone who has been bullied that doesn’t continue to believe, even if it’s only in a small way, that they were bullied for a reason. They usually feel that reason is something about them.
Either they were too much or not enough of something or they were different in some way. Some examples are too tall, too short, not clever enough, not popular enough, not pretty enough. Maybe they believe it was the colour of their hair, the way they dressed. The list goes on.
And so these kids grow into adults believing they need to be more or less of these things, they need to change in some way. I’m sure you can very easily identify how you did this yourself. I’m also sure that deep down you know as well as I do that changing those things about you doesn’t make you less likely to be bullied.
Your physical appearance, how popular you are or how well you fit in may be the reason you were given by the person who bullied you but you know that’s not true.
When you’ve had a lifetime of people letting you down, humiliating you or treating you badly in any way it’s easy to begin to believe there’s something wrong with you.
"Why do I keep letting people treat me this way?"
"What is wrong with me that I attract these people?"
"Why can’t I have supportive and loving friends like other people do?"
Trusting others becomes an every day challenge. So much so that it’s just easier to rely on those closest to you within your inner circle and not allow anyone else in. It feels like too much hard work. And what’s the point when it will only back fire eventually anyway?
Repeatedly experiencing relationships and friendships where you end up disappointed and hurt isn’t a personality trait.
There isn’t anything wrong with you and this episode I'm going to explain why it keeps happening.
Want access to more? Visit me at facebook.com/gemmaehills or gemmahills.com.
Do you use your experience of being bullied to drive you? In this weeks episode Michala and I discuss what that means and how she did it.
_______________
Michala Leyland is an accredited Performance Management and Mindset Coach, a motivational speaker, author of Bounce Back from Burnout, founder of the The Mental Wealth Club - Solution Focused Sisterhood & creator of the 90 Days to Thrive - Energy Management Movement. She has 18 years’ experience teaching, training and coaching in the education/business and third sector. As well as 5 years as an Award winning accredited coach. She is passionate about helping purpose driven women overcome overwhelm in order to increase their emotional resilience, confidence and manage their energy and time for increased productivity to perform at their best. She loves helping them create a definition of success that works for them.
All 5 of the most common cycles I’m sharing here today can be so subtle that until you read this or someone points them out to you, you keep on keeping on simply believing they are a part of who you are and not paying them much attention at all.
After all life is busy and there’s more important things to focus on, right?
Yet what can be more important than us being our best selves? Because when we’re that it doesn’t just benefit us it benefits everyone around us too. It benefits every. single. person. we come into contact with.
Are you trapped in a cycle which is holding you back in work or life?
Here's the link mentioned for the free mini-workshop: ww.GemmaHills.com/free
Is your experience of being bullied still holding you back years later? In this episode Emma and I discuss how that shows up and what we can do about it.
If you loved today's episode you'll love my latest free mini masterclass. Get instant access here: www.GemmaHills.com/free
___________________
You can find out more about Emma and contact her via her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/innersmilecoach
With the return to school next week here in the UK I invited Jacinta to share with us some simple ways we can help our kids feel less anxious.
You can contact Jacinta at innerpeacecollective.com or via Facebook.com/mypeacefulplacewithjacinta
I'd like to note here that if your child's anxiety is due to bullying or the potential of being bullied there are things you can do as well as support them to feel less anxious. Visit www.GemmaHills.com or contact me directly via Facebook.com/gemmaehills