Chapter 23 by James Garside: Recent Episodes
James Garside
Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit.
jamesgarside.substack.com
A manifesto for cutting down on everything
“But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Sally she’s going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can’t stand it. I been there before.”
― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Light out for the Territory.
Practical advice for writers who are drowning in the internet.
The internet is a glitterball of distraction. You know how much you like shiny things. It’s a wonder you ever get any work done.
Unplug. Disappear. Turn off the news. Come off social media. Let your phone go to voicemail.
Friendship doesn’t scale online. The news is the same handful of stories on repeat. The only relationship worth cultivating is between you and your muse.
Obsess about your characters instead of celebrities. It’s more interesting and less illegal.
No Buddhism required. Though I do quote a wise Buddhist monk nonetheless. Ok, so I may be lying about that.
Trust me, I’m a professional.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Writer’s Notebook: Some Thoughts on a Media Diet
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Give my regards to Regardie
“We’re all just space-monkeys, really.”
— James Garside
Ultra short off-the-cuff review of an obscure recording about a legendary occultist. I enjoyed it way more than I let on at the time.
It’s a little more about Hyatt than Regardie but still worth your time.
What to expect? Aliens, magick, the Golden Dawn. You know. The usual.
It might help if you know who Israel Regardie is. But if you don’t know then listen anyway. Then you will know.
You see how this works.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Review: The Magic of Israel Regardie
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Hate self-help but read it anyway
“I’ve got sand in my dreamcatcher.”
— James Garside
This is a short review of a book that I didn’t like very much. Barely a few lines and an insult. I feel bad about it. But not enough to read the book again or write a longer review.
To be honest I wasn’t sure whether to bother reading it out. But I’ve committed to reading everything out loud at least once so here we are.
Am I being unfair? Is the book any good? Read it and make up your own mind.
I’m not your mom.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Review: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
I have the inexplicable urge to start painting again
“The worst thing to do is put your whole life into one drawing.”
— Dave McKean
Dave McKean is a legend. Illustrator, photographer, filmmaker, musician, and artist.
He’s also responsible for the album art for a suspiciously large number of bands that I loved as a teen.
Here’s a handful of quotes from him that lived in my notebook for many years. That’s it. That’s the post.
He doesn’t believe in talent so much as hand-eye coordination, hard work, and showing up.
He worked nights in the middle of nowhere. He put off buying a computer for years because he liked getting his hands dirty.
His advice is practical: Make an image every day. Carry a sketchbook. Go to art school. Work your ass off. Get better.
That’s better advice than the content of most online courses.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Dave McKean on his Creative Process
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Notes from a book that rewired my brain
“If I hear one more person who brags about their trips with Terence McKenna or Timothy Leary I might become what people refer to as evil.”
— Rachel Haywire
In the early noughties I read Generation Hex: New Voices from Outside Reality. It was a magick antholocy edited by Jason Louv and published by Disinformation.
Back when I was still young, beautiful, and hopeful. Well, at least one of those things. I mean kinda.
This is where I first encountered James Curcio and Rachel Haywire. People whose works I still love and admire to this day.
I scribbled notes at the time like a normal person. Then years later I published them as a blog post like some sort of deranged anthropologist.
This is that post. Best read in a darkened room with the lights out and your eyes shut.
I’ve no idea what’s what anymore so please consider it a great big messy misquote and go buy the actual book.
Thoth is the god of magick and writing. Coincidence? I think not. Make of that what you will.
Come back 2005, all is forgiven.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Notes: Generation Hex
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Notes from a public speaking workshop that actually helped
“Words are like sweets.”
— Jane Oakshott
Notes from a presentation skills workshop I took with the wonderful Jane Oakshott. Taken years ago when public speaking used to give me full-blown panic attacks.
Now I never speak to anyone. Problem solved. Hold for laugh. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
This workshop included the most useful advice I’d ever received about public speaking.
Practical advice on breathing, posture, and voice. How to stop fear from eating you alive in front of an audience.
Recommended if you’ve ever had a panic attack in front of a microphone, a keyboard, or both.
Some of it works as well for writing as it does for public speaking.
Ten percent is what you say. Ninety percent is everything else.
Stop monitoring what you’re producing. Start thinking about who you’re producing it for.
This advice could save your life. If fear of public speaking is killing you. Not so much if you’re pursued by a bear.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Some Notes on Presentation Skills
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
My answer to a question you should never try to answer
“All writers are shamans and creativity is a magickal act.”
— James Garside
This was the closest I ever came to writing a mission statement. It was a long time ago, I promise!
What do you write? Why do you write? There are questions no writer wants to answer.
File next to: “Where do you get your ideas from?” “Have you written anything I’ve heard of?” And “Do you like Harry Potter?”
I want to show the world its own dreams. That’s the phrase I came up with when forced to explain why I write. I know how it sounds. But I said what I said.
This piece was my attempt to explain what I meant without making things worse. Which is a hard line to walk when your philosophy sounds like it belongs on a t-shirt.
Magick shows up. Shamanism shows up. Bill Hicks shows up. Whether any of it lands or not depends on you.
Are you the sort of person who growls when asked why they write or do you have a two-hour answer ready? I’m a bit of both and / or neither depending on the day.
What do you write? Why do you write? Answers on a postcard please.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Why Do You Write? To Show the World its Own Dreams
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Deranged monkeys, shiny things, and the madness of writers not writing
“A non-writing writer is, in fact, a monster courting insanity.”
— Franz Kafka
There’s a specific misery of wanting to write and not writing. What that does to a writer.
If you know, you know. If you don’t, you will.
Kafka said it better than I ever could. I only quoted him so that you’d keep reading.
This is a handful of fragments. Post-it notes from inside my head.
It isn’t a polished piece. That’s sort of the point.
What do you mean lazy? I’m not lazy. I’m efficient.
There’s also a monkey. Did I mention the monkey? Look at the monkey!
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: The Post-it Notes of a Non-writing Writer
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
The wish list I wish I didn’t need to write
“I’d gladly trade a long life for a life well lived.”
— James Garside
Fear is the only thing standing between you and the life you want. Hesitation in the gap between knowing what you want and having the nerve to go after it.
This is a list post. Which I hate. Ok it’s less a list and more a confession with line breaks. I mean that in a good way.
Written years ago. Back when the gap between who I was and who I wanted to be was so wide you could lose a horse in it. Several horses even. So it could just as easily have been last Tuesday.
What would you do if you weren’t a fraud or afraid? Spoiler alert: In my case quite a lot. Apparently. Including moving to Japan, paying my taxes, and brushing my teeth twice a day.
Some of these things have happened. Some of them haven’t yet. I’ll leave you to work out which is which.
If you’ve ever made a list of excuses instead of actually doing the thing then this one’s for you.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: If I Wasn’t a Fraud or Afraid
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Raw drafts and the fear of people reading them
“Typing up old notebooks is a bit like injecting heroin into your eyeball — addictive, painful, and not very good for your eyes. Fun though!”
— James Garside
This was a list post. Back when I laboured under the false assumption that Medium was like a blog and that people read my work. It’s about as much fun as it sounds.
It wasn’t worth writing. It isn’t worth reading. I don’t even recommend listening to it now. But I’ve committed to reading everything that I published on Medium out loud at least once. If only to train the software before I’m cloned by AI and can go live on a beach somewhere whilst the robots write for me.
This piece is about the terror and strange joy of revisiting old notebooks. Or it would be if it was an actual piece and not a list post. Highlights include don’t be silly there are no highlights.
Writing is hard. This is what I’m saying.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: Writer’s Notebook: Read Once and Destroy!
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
There's gold in them there hills
“Then I read my blog and realised that most of it was shit. Luckily, I have no shame.”
— James Garside
This episode is the sign-off for the original home of my writing on the net. It’s a self-deprecating bumper index of every post I ever wrote there — prefaced with the admission that most of it was shit. The definitive guide to the archives of my old blog. Dead but dreaming — and still out there on WordPress if you know where to look.
The original post is organised by theme with links to everything worth reading and some stuff that isn’t. Dirty tricks for writers, notes from the trenches, photos of Japan. All that good stuff.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/r-i-p-graffiti-living-1d47a989f835?sk=7388eb2afe3e22fc0a5b5f8b9ad87c49
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
An open invite to ask me anything (preferably about writing)
“Ask me anything. Over to you.”
— James Garside
Back when the internet was a much friendlier place I put out an open invite to ask me anything. It went better than you might expect.
This episode is proof that sometimes the best way to figure out what to write next is to chat with your friends. I returned to my blog after a hiatus and threw open the doors to questions about writing and whatever else people wanted to know. What do you mean I was out of ideas and hoped that my audience would do the work for me?
For the record, people asked lots of smart, witty, intelligent questions. It was a happier time. The internet is a trash fire now, and my days of being chatty are long gone, but for the handful of people who still care there’s an easy way to get hold of me. I don’t have all the answers but I do have lots of half-arsed opinions and that’s almost the same thing.
Want to chat? Buy me a coffee and you can ask me anything: buymeacoffee.com/jamesgarside
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/notes-from-the-trenches-ask-me-anything-2fece9e3c165?sk=f1a5ef27435ba49bab888eb7608ba6c9
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Buy Me A Coffee: buymeacoffee.com/jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Jerry Seinfeld’s productivity secret and why it works even for lazy writers like me
“A little stubbornness goes a long way, but I wish that I had more.”
— James Garside
Consistency is more important than inspiration.
This episode is short and sweet. It sings the praises of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Don’t Break the Chain” productivity method. It’s genius in its simplicity. It works — even when you don’t.
It also features virtual hugs, sexy wall calendars, and stubborn goat energy. Metaphorically I mean.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/notes-from-the-trenches-dont-break-the-chain-5fcc14c27642?sk=d5261a0b5241b8096c0cbc4f875e3e92
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
How to lose friends and offend lovely writers who are also keen gardeners
“If it’s funny in your head, that’s probably the best place to keep it.”
— James Garside
Back in the day I was unfriended on social media for defending NaNoWriMo by a published writer I admired. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. It had nothing to do with me being rude about their shed. Nothing at all. You’d be a liar and a Communist for suggesting otherwise.
This episode is a light-hearted cautionary tale about how jokes can backfire. I was trying to be witty and start a debate. I failed spectacularly.
It was a long time ago, for what it’s worth, and I still love the writer who I didn’t offend nearly as much as I made out.
To be clear: I’m the villain here.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/notes-from-the-trenches-unfriendified-flying-pig-poo-45114d78f592?sk=43325465dfdd736185cb5fcfcdf62a75
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
In defense of NaNoWriMo and writing badly
“The biggest obstacle to writing well isn’t a lack of talent, it’s a fear of ‘writing badly’ so crippling that you don’t write at all.”
— James Garside
Does anyone remember when NaNoWrimo was a thing and also fun? That’s when I wrote this. Good times.
This episode is a gentle well-intentioned rant about professional writers who shit on NaNoWriMo participants. It’s a dispatch from the front lines of the madness. Why do it, why it’s worth it, and why it’s mostly harmless.
Fear of failure is worse than actual failure. Anything that gets people writing and having fun has got to be a good thing. Fight me if you disagree.
‘Elitist snob who hates fun’ isn’t a good look for you.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/notes-from-the-trenches-nano-why-mo-8b2855d924a7?sk=ebe46dd6a6a0eb098e333d6fb86b8c84
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
A 'Do Not Disturb' sign for writers
“People won’t disturb a typing monkey — at least not if they know what’s good for them.”
— James Garside
The infinite monkey theorem suggests that given enough monkeys, and enough time, a monkey hitting typewriter keys at random will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare. You’re that monkey.
Writing is the process of turning tea into words and words into money. A writer is just a typewriting monkey who hasn’t had their big break yet.
This episode started as a joke. Have you ever wanted a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign for writers? Here’s something fun that I made. It’s a ‘do not disturb the typewriting monkey’ sign for your door.
Let people know that you’re hard at work on your novel and don’t want to be disturbed. At least no more disturbed than you are already. Next time you want to get some work done just pop the monkey on your door.
If the sign doesn’t work you can always throw shit at people.
Download it here: https://jamesgarside.gumroad.com/l/do-not-disturb-sign-for-writers
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/nothing-says-i-love-you-like-a-typewriting-monkey-8f7bd80420a3?sk=75553f3c1c1098f3f2fb3bcc79d9173b
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Gumroad: jamesgarside.gumroad.com
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
If you want to write then you have to outsmart your Evil Pixie
“It is the Evil Pixie’s job to guard the chests and stop you from looking inside of them.”
— James Garside
A novelist friend once told me that in order to write she has to outsmart her Evil Pixie. I think that she’s a genius. I’ve been telling this story ever since.
Your head is a room filled with treasure chests containing all the novels you’ll ever write. An Evil Pixie guards them. You have to outsmart it.
This episode is all about how to outsmart your Evil Pixie. Everyone’s Evil Pixie is different. Learn to embrace yours. Then figure out how to kick its ass.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: https://medium.com/graffitiliving/evil-pixies-and-how-to-beat-them-81ef580f3dce?sk=e9e34fd76ebd6ab13207b98aab0d22cb
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
How to find your writing groove
“Sleep deprivation is a wonderful thing.”
— James Garside
Music sounds best at three in the morning. I will die on this hill.
What can scratched vinyl teach you about writing in the hour of the wolf?
This episode is a sleep-deprived look at the hidden mechanics of creativity.
How to get your brain to shut up. How to get into flow. How to use pressure, weight, and rhythm to move past the scratches in your head.
It’s all about the needle, the groove, and the click.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/pictures-of-scratched-vinyl-6252522cdf79?sk=14a8a79b7e6e5eb5127056ec3159ed91
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Writers write, right?
“If you throw enough shit against a wall, eventually some of it will stick.”
— James Garside
Long ago, I taught creative writing to young people on residential courses. I called it graffiti living.
This episode is my original manifesto for graffiti living. Adapted from my creative writing workshops and talks.
It includes my writing rules, how to overcome your creative roadblocks, and how to build a sustainable writing practice.
If you want to write to live, you have to live to write. Writers write, right?
Download the handout here: jamesgarside.gumroad.com/l/graffiti-living-manifesto
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/graffiti-living-write-to-live-live-to-write-6144523f37d?sk=4ab52823e60d4d396e7f3b04321633ea
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Gumroad: jamesgarside.gumroad.com
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Writers, shamans, creativity and magick
“It has roots in myth and magick. From shamans walking between worlds and stealing fire from the gods, to writers hunched over their typewriters at four in the morning.”
— James Garside
Everyone is born with a spark inside them. Show me your light.
This episode is a creative visualisation about nurturing the spark of creativity in yourself and others.
Art is a shamanic act and a survival tactic. These should not be thought of as separate things.
You’ve got to tend the flame. Even when the whole wide world tries to piss on your bonfire.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/sparky-writers-shamans-creativity-and-magick-7bc6919de278?sk=dac3bdbd36696e87d95a5731dfdb2e31
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Stop lying to yourself about what you want to write
“If you love reading it, you’re much more likely to have fun writing it.”
— James Garside
In this episode I tell you how to use reading data to find your true genre and why you should stop fighting your natural interests.
I used geeky web stuff to identify my literary preoccupations. Turns out that what you read tells you a lot about what you should be writing.
Write what you enjoy reading, not what you think you should.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/what-do-your-reading-habits-say-about-what-you-should-be-writing-201ebbd8e73e?sk=1a11f3a43619545f3b9eda8219656059
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
How to sit with your novel when you'd rather do anything else“It is better to sit there and struggle and stare at it than to avoid it altogether for fear of what will happen.”
— James Garside
Do you want some writing advice that’s actually useful? Show up, sit down, shut up, and stare at your work until you can’t stand it any more. Then write.
This episode is about what to do when trying to write feels like a hostage situation.
The hardest part of writing isn’t writing. It’s showing up in the first place. Showing up is half the battle. The other half is waiting for the screaming in your head to stop.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/dont-just-do-something-sit-there-7e193cffb4bc?sk=6726491d855f131c3bb23a767c9dd866
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Strangers on a train: How many stops does it take for a death to be forgotten?
“You have to try and figure out where you are at the moment — in the moment, moment to moment, for all moments. This is harder than it sounds.”
— James Garside
This piece is about a train journey interrupted by a suicide. I was struck by how quickly human tragedy becomes a scheduling inconvenience and death gets demoted to a logistical footnote.
It’s more upbeat than it sounds, I promise.
There’s something strangely intimate about strangers sat next to each other on a train. The way we muddle on and try to make the journey bearable.
Highlights include anecdotes about grumpy passengers, a gay asthmatic cat, and an elven princess.
Life is weird. This is what I’m saying.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: https://medium.com/graffitiliving/38-minutes-delayed-by-a-fatality-1e94028e2e68?sk=a742f8add45542e9cf4bcb838cf3977d
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
An archival rant about hedgehogs, fascists, and why not voting is a stupid idea.
"Now, there are a lot of ways that democracy is like a hedgehog but two immediately spring to mind. First, there are a lot of pricks involved, and second, its preferred method of defense when under threat is to curl up into a ball."— James Garside
A furious but hopefully funny rant against protest votes, political disenchantment, and the BNP. Quite possibly the first blog post I ever wrote. Also the first time I publicly described my 'Sooty and Sweep' theory of politics. Shut up I'm still right.
This episode is brought to you by:
Nobody.
Links:
Original: medium.com/graffitiliving/save-the-hedgehog-of-democracy-6214096faca0?sk=b452d6d711036f24a3ebd36ebe28523a
Substack: jamesgarside.substack.com
Medium: medium.com/@jamesgarside_
Youtube: www.youtube.com/@jamesgarside
Web: jamesgarside.net
Chapter 23 by James Garside. A regular series of irregular thoughts. Could be anything. Mostly rants. Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm. Chapter 23 is a multimedia project by James Garside. Journalist, Author, Writer. Part-time vagabond, full-time grumpy arse. Would you care for a cup of tea? I write about everything from art, culture, and politics to tech, travel, and the occult. Sometimes in ways that get me into trouble. I’m also funny — I probably should’ve led with that. I help writers and artists to do their best work. Let’s be part of each other’s stories. More at: jamesgarside.net
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
I finally plucked up the courage to record a recruitment video of myself.
I’ve been meaning to start on YouTube for years. I keep putting it off. Why? Because I’m a nervous wreck and can’t stand the way I look.
Then one of those godawful recruitment things came along where they’re ‘excited’ to offer you the ‘opportunity’ to record yourself because that’s easier than interviewing people.
After I’d finished swearing about it I decided to have a go.
This isn’t the best I can do. It’s the least bad I could manage at the time.
Instead of humiliating myself privately I decided to share it with you.
I’m sure you can tell why I left my camera off. Why I hate my voice. And why I’m not on YouTube yet despite having a channel for years.
But here it is warts and all. I even took a couple of behind-the-scenes shots for your amusement and edification.
Trust me, I’m a professional!
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
Would you listen to a podcast of robots reading my writing?This article was read by a robot.
Ok, ok, it was read by an artificial voice. But you know what I mean.Do you think people would listen to a podcast of audio articles read using text-to-speech? Because I could totally make that happen.
I could certainly make it happen a lot faster than reading everything myself when I don’t have a microphone, or money, or know the first thing about podcasting yet.
Be honest. Would you listen to it? People keep telling me I should start a podcast or a YouTube channel or both. Ok, one of those people who keeps telling me that is me. But I’m not sure the world is ready for my Yorkshire accent or a podcast of me sat by myself reading things out aloud.
Maybe that’s just the imposter syndrome talking.Did I mention that I get scared when I do public speaking and have in the past gone to great lengths to avoid it? I think that might be key.
But in my head this makes total sense:Phase 1: Use text-to-speech to do audio articles of all my work. Podcast that, turn it into YouTube videos, or whatever. Learn how to use each platform.
Phase 2: At some point start recording stuff myself. Once I’ve learnt the ropes.
Phase 3: Profit.
Please let me know what you think. Both to the idea and to the recording.
I used a freebie from ElevenLabs for this story. The voice sounds posher than Stephen Fry. Whatever I do end up dong it will be cobbled together with bits of string.
I’m just a monkey with a typewriter and a head full of dreams.
Lots of love,
James
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Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
This unedited first take is my first attempt at podcasting. I’m trying to decide between me reading stuff or letting a robot do it for me. Anyway, please have a good laugh at my expense before I delete it. I’d love to hear your comments regardless.
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
I’m considering recording audio versions of my articles.
What would you prefer?
A synthetic voice using text to speech.
An audio-only podcast of just me reading.
A YouTube video of me reading.
Or a YouTube video of me talking about a piece as well as, or instead of, reading it.
In any case, I used AI to clone my voice. It’s pretty spooky actually.
It’s only a short demo, sadly, but you get the idea.
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
I love Mur Lafferty — the Hugo award-winning writer and all round badass. Her podcast I Should Be Writing kept me company many nights when I should, you know, be writing. So I was delighted when she gave me some writing feedback on her show. This was about five years ago. I still feel every day like it’s over, everything is hopeless, and that I might as well quit. Then I remember the advice that she gave to me and I keep going.Why do I tell you this? Because you should be writing.
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe
A bit back I recorded my voice without the aid of an external microphone.
It sounded horrendous, as you might imagine, but I wasn’t allowed to buy an external microphone until I read something out loud and recorded it.
How did it sound?
Let’s just say I’m available for voice-over work if anyone needs the voice of a creepy serial killer Clown that lost his voice in a scuba-diving accident.
I hate the sound of my own voice but I wanted to test the default microphone that’s built into my laptop.
It's me reading The Journey by Mary Oliver. Badly. In the bath. Or at least that's what it sounds like.
I did it in one take.
Why am I sharing it with you?
To highlight that I can send you audio — in the newsletter and as a podcast.
So that you can hear my voice.
So that when I record with a microphone you have something to compare it to.
I want to know what you think of the sound quality.
I want to know if you’d like to hear from me more often.
If I had a podcast what would you most like to hear?
I’ve got a microphone and I’m not afraid to use it.
Ok, that last bit isn’t true.
I do have a microphone but I’m terrified to use it.
That’s why I’m testing the waters.
Testing, testing, one two three…
Get full access to Chapter 23 by James Garside at jamesgarside.substack.com/subscribe