The Divorce Reset™

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Boundaries are often misunderstood. Some see them as a way to gain power over someone or to try and control other people. But the truth is that a properly set boundary creates trust and intimacy and invites people in because it establishes the space where there is no confusion for you or for them about respect or expectations. Boundary setting is a form of deep self-respect and a part of having healthy relationships.

In today's episode, we're gonna go through a summary of what boundaries are and what they aren't. And we'll talk a bit about some of the specific challenges of setting boundaries with an ex during separation, divorce and life after divorce, especially if you have children together.

You’ll come away from this episode empowered with the ability to more clearly see boundaries that need to be strengthened, and how you can step into a more honest version of yourself by honoring those boundaries.

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Click here for TDR's Ep 15 Spotify Playlist: "Boundaries"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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Ever wished that people came with an instruction book?

Whether we are aware of it or not, most of us have manuals for the way that we believe the people in our life should behave and what they should do. And when people don’t follow our script or our manuals, we get upset at them. The irony is that the people in our lives often aren’t even aware that there is a manual or rule book to be followed; yet we tie our own emotional wellbeing to their ability to follow our rules and expectations.

Even though it’s perfectly okay to have expectations of other people, we create emotional turmoil, strain relationships and ruin our own life experience when we start tying our happiness to those expectations. We are often completely unaware that we have a manual for others (or ourselves).

Listen to this episode to discover ways in which you might be creating manuals for people in your life. I’ll give you some keys to identifying manuals that aren’t serving you and how to lay your manuals down. We’ll also talk about how to set expectations from a place of clarity and strength, create greater intimacy and trust with yourself and the people in your life, and how to become a woman who simply loves her life and creates her own emotional weather regardless of how things outside might be going.

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Click here for TDR's Ep 14 Spotify Playlist: "The Manual"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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What's your reaction when you see that someone is "playing the victim"? It's often easier to see in other people than ourselves.

Most of us at different points in our lives may have slipped into this common pattern. While some of us may have been victimized at some point in our lives, we can use the feelings we experienced then to re-create suffering now.

Victim mentality pretends to be useful and true, but is hurting you more than anyone. Today, I’ll explain what victim mentality really is and all the various ways it shows up. It can seem very justified, but it can cause all kinds of unnecessary and continual pain and suffering.

As you step into this new chapter of your life, I want to share some steps on how we can both recognize and avoid the victim mentality in order to create greater FREEDOM in your life.

If you've ever thought, "life is against me" then this episode is for you! Tune into to learn how to step into a new and more powerful version of yourself.

If you are a survivor of domestic violence or abuse, please don't brush past that by thinking that you just have victim mentality. Here are resources for victims and survivors of domestic violenceand more information on recognizing the signs of abuse and the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

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Clickhere for TDR's Ep 13 Spotify Playlist: "Victim Mentality"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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Today's episode is a lot of fun and a bit different. Recently, I watched the documentary film, "The Biggest Little Farm" and I was struck by how many parallels there are between it and the process of rebuilding your life after divorce, loss or big life change.

You might feel like a lot of the life was extracted from you during your marriage or during your divorce experience. And that's okay, that's so normal. But I also want you to know that this does not have to define the next season of your life. And you can create something that's sustainable, regenerative and can give you a new life and a new perspective.

Listen in as I look at how we can learn from some of the obstacles they overcame, and the mindset they had—and sharing how it might apply to your life journey.

The Biggest Little Farm

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Click here for TDR's Ep 12 Spotify Playlist: "The Biggest Little Farm"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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On today's podcast, we are going to talk about all or nothing thinking.

We are conditioned to think in absolutes. It's something we all struggle with at times. Our brains are kind of wired that way. It either IS or it ISN'T. It's BLACK or it's WHITE. We want to know if something's either GOOD or BAD. We want to know if other people are good or bad.

And in this episode, I'll be diving into why it's worth leaning into what psychologists call cognitive dissonance, or the space in between the black and white, where things feel a little more fuzzy or gray. And it is in this space that we grow. We try new ideas. We understand others on a deeper level. And we create a safe place for ourselves, even when we don't have all the answers.

And even more importantly, we can allow the discomfort of this gray area to take place and to create new questions around our lives. That's when healing can take place. If we can believe that someone who hurt us is both good and bad. It becomes possible to heal the relationship and to give ourselves that same consideration and grace.

So listen to gain a deeper understanding of where you may be stuck in all or nothing thinking and what you can do to create some space and broaden your view. And I do want to say it's worked and it can be really helpful to each of us when we start to examine the ways that all or nothing thinking holds us back in our lives and our relationships, our goals and moving forward and healing after divorce in particular.

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

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Click here for TDR's Ep 11 Spotify Playlist: "All or Nothing Thinking"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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Sometimes divorce and life post divorce can feel like being stuck in the Denver Airport when you expected to already be in Montana, Cancun or another more exciting destination.

So today we're going to talk about the mess and the fact that sometimes our expectations don't match up with reality. We all have ideas about our life and the way it's going to be. We think things are going to work out a certain way with our live, our futures, our family, kids or marriages. And when those things don't happen the way we planned, it's sometimes hard to know how to navigate. We try to control things and people that our outside of our control. In doing so, we waste energy and create a lot of stress... and because of the mess we may lose the opportunity to experience being present with ourselves and the people we love.

How do we find those perfect moments? They are in the middle of the imperfect messiness of our very human -- yet very beautiful -- lives.

I will show you three ways to create more perfect moments, more space in the midst of your life and to know that whatever is happening and wherever you have landed -- whether it's a long layover in the Denver Airport or chasing a toddler or dealing with your divorce -- it's going to be alright.

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

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Click here for TDR's Ep 10 Spotify Playlist: "Imperfect Days, Perfect Moments"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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In a perfect world, what do you want?

What do YOU really want?

When I start with a client, one of the first things they get clear about is their highest desires, the things that get them excited about their life… the thoughts and desires that light them up. It is so common to deny what you want. Sometimes we don't even want to admit it because it's scary.

It's perfectly normal to be scared to admit what you want. It takes courage to tune in and allow your true desires to bubble to the surface.

For those of us who have gone through divorce or loss or another big life change, these experiences give us an opportunity to connect with our own individuality -- with our soul -- in a new way.

I want to suggest that these experiences -- what some may think of us as ordeals or trials or dark moments in life -- are actually doors that are opening for you into a new way of being present in your life and stepping more fully into your individuality. And as a coach, that’s what I do for my clients. In a way, a coach is a person who helps you recognize and care for your soul that part of you that is unique and soulful and perhaps has been neglected in your life.

If you’re willing to become aware of your wants and live your life in accordance with them, you will always be growing. I wish this for each and every one of you.

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

Please rate and share with others:
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Click here for TDR's Ep 9 Spotify Playlist: "How to Want More"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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Having some stress in life is normal, and our bodies are programmed to deal effectively with short bouts of stress, but it’s when stress is ongoing over a long period of time that our nervous system starts to burn out. So, today, we are going to talk about how to manage your nervous system during an Instapot day: one of those days where you feel like you are under pressure and everything is coming at you fast.

I have some really useful tips to help you manage anxiety. We are also going to talk about your parasympathetic nervous system (PSN), your vagus nerve and why you are basically hardwired to respond this way under a perceived threat. Once you realize what is happening, you can shift your stress and change the quality and experience of your life.
Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

Please rate and share with others:
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Click here for TDR's Ep 8 Spotify Playlist: "InstaPot Days"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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Today, we're gonna talk about an important exercise I’ve done for myself and I teach to others and I really think it can be a big help to you. I call it my Bucket List Goals or Dream List.

The thing about this exercise is when you let your mind dream you really find out who you are and what you want. You start to live into your future. These conversations with yourself are helpful and can be amazing because this exercise can get you excited about your life, who you are and who you can become.

Tune in to learn more about this important tool, the story of how I started doing this in my own life and my results (to date), and find out the three steps to creating your own Bucket List.

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

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Click here for TDR's Ep 7 Spotify Playlist: "Bucket List Goals"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset Podcast was recently selected as one of the Top Divorce Podcasts of 2022. Check it out at FeedSpot.

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So, today we’re going to be talking about the idea of changing your story. And we’ll talk a bit about the stories we tell ourselves. The stories we’ve adopted from others and what we are making our story means. We will also talk about what changing your story means, how to do it and what holds many of us back from changing our story.

’ll teach you how to examine what is working for you and what isn’t and I’ll walk you through some steps that can help you change your story… especially the story you are telling yourself around your divorce and your life post-divorce.

We often think that rewriting our story is about creating falsehoods about our past. But, what if the story we’re holding onto is the actual lie?

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

Please rate and share with others:
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Click here for TDR's Ep 6 Spotify Playlist: "The Stories We Tell"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

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Today on “The Divorce Reset” podcast, we’re talking about an emotion that is the reason that most of us don’t do what we want to do in our lives – fear.

Throughout human history, fear has helped humans survive genuine threats, but it also is something that can keep you stuck in place. It’s a dilemma: we want to survive, but we need to grow. So for an individual or group of people to advance, they actually have to step forward. actually have to face their fear, recognize it, and then decide to step outside of it, and to move forward. That takes courage.

For most people, there are moments in divorce, where you just feel stuck, maybe almost frozen in fear. And there's just not knowing how to go forward. And so many different scenarios, your brain will give you all of the reasons why you need to stay basically under the covers, and not go out into the world and, and take the next step. And so much of moving forward in life is just developing the courage to take that next little step.

Join me this week to gain a better understanding of fear and the importance of taking small steps towards building courage, so that you can create a future that serves you.Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

Please rate and share with others:
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Click here for TDR's Ep 5 Hip Hop Playlist: "Facing Your Fears"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

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If you are ready to feel better, then you’re definitely in the right place. By the end of this episode, you will think about your emotions in a whole new way. Stick with me as I walk through three simple steps that can help you both to understand yourself and also to feel better.

Most of us have never been taught how to feel our emotions. We often resist, react or try to numb out by avoiding our feelings. All of this actually amplifies our experience of suffering and can create a lot of extra pain particularly around divorce.

Learning and practicing the skill that I teach in this episode is something that will serve you forever, and if you have children it can serve them too. You can create a better emotional legacy for them by learning and modeling these skills yourself. You will no longer have to turn to anything outside of yourself for comfort: not food, not alcohol, not your to-do list or social media or online shopping. Find out in this episode how to feel better. I promise you it's the ultimate superpower.
Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others:

Please rate and share with others:
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Click here for TDR's Ep 4 Spotify Playlist: "How to Feel Better"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

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On today's episode, we talk about how to live with uncertainty and change and how arguing with reality and believing that it should be different can create a whole other level of pain and suffering when you are dealing with a challenging circumstance: whether it be a a natural disaster or divorce or illness or other situations in your life.

Did you know that there are three steps that can help you get through this? Tune in to find out more.Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others!

Please rate and share with others:
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Click here for TDR's Ep 3 Spotify Playlist: "Resisting Reality"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

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Are you feeling stuck? Do you ever get frustrated and wonder what is wrong with you?

At some point in our lives we get to a place where we may feel stuck in our current situation or even in our past. We don’t know what decision to make and we aren’t sure what the future holds for us. We want to change. We want to step out with faith and confidence into the future, yet we end up repeating old patterns.

We all get stuck at times… stuck in place, stuck in our thoughts, stuck in the past, stuck in an emotion. For those of us who are recovering and rebuilding our lives after divorce, we can often feel stuck in place.

But, I have good news for you: It's NORMAL to feel this way. You are normal. You are NOT broken. You are a human and your brain is going exactly what it was designed to do. In this episode, we'll explore why you may be feeling stuck, why that happens to us as humans… and also how we can get unstuck… and how the decision to get unstuck can shift everything in your life into a different and more positive direction. Together, we'll explore some steps that will help you move forward.

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others!

Please rate and share with others:
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Fun Freebies (aka Lagniappe):
Recipe for Cranberry Chutney

Recipe for Cranberry Mocktail

Click here for TDR's Ep 2 Spotify Playlist: "How to Get Unstuck"

Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

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Welcome to the very first episode of The Divorce Reset Podcast. Hosted by Allyson Cole: a certified coach, a single mother to three kids and a woman who through her own divorce has gained perspective and has used this experience as a springboard to reinvent and create a life full of peace, joy, faith and acceptance. This podcast will be a place where we will talk about divorce and especially life after divorce and how to manage your mind and your emotions.

"My deepest hope is to help you find a better way forward, to change the culture of ongoing conflict and toxic division around divorce and to shift the conversation in a way that serves you and creates a new way to think about yourself and your future. BUT, in this podcast… I’m going to be more than a friend… I’m going to be a coach and maybe a mentor or guide who is standing on the other side of divorce… life after divorce… and showing you that things can be better. Your life can be transformed into something amazing. I believe in you. I believe that you are stronger than you can imagine and that having come out the other side of this and as you look at your life post-divorce, oh my friend, it’s going to be okay."

Like what you hear? Awesome! There are three ways to connect with me and share with others!

Please rate and share with others:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-divorce-reset
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Click here for the TDR's Ep1: Epic Country Breakup Songs
Produced by Podcast Edition for Red Bird Media, Inc.

The Divorce Reset™: Recent Episodes

Allyson Cole