ThriveologyEmotions and Feelings – Thriveology: Recent Episodes
Emotions and Feelings – Thriveology
How Neuroscience, Mindset, and Action Work Together
Good intentions pave a road to nowhere good… right? But why is it that even our best of intentions, our best plans, do not get us the results we want? Why is it that we stall out (assuming we even get a good start)?
It turns out that success (and thriving) takes far more than just the desire to get there. It takes far more than simply starting.
And yet, we humans seem to just get our own selves into trouble. We trip ourselves up!
Fortunately, there are ways we can get out of our own way… and neuroscience can help us.
Which is why I am bringing you an interview with John Assaraf. You may be familiar with him from his various media appearances, or from his books, or even from a few documentary movies he’s been in. And if you haven’t seen him yet, you will love hearing from him.
RELATED RESOURCES
John’s Website (with free ebook for you)
Innercise (check out the app)
Have you failed?
Did that failure stop you from moving forward? Did it get you stuck?
Failure is a part of life. Ever watched a child learn to walk? Success only comes after repeated failures. Yet that same child keeps on trying, until the child gets it right.
What happens in adulthood? Why does a fear of failing keep us from acting?
When we don’t take action for fear of failing, we have pre-emptively failed.
We have already decided we would fail, so we never even start, guaranteeing we don’t get to where you want to go.
A few decades ago, I started a business. It failed miserably. And it kept me stuck for awhile. But one day, I realized there was something else to consider about that failure. There were some lessons I learned.
Those are lessons I apply every single day.
Let me suggest 3 questions that will help you turn a failure around, and make the failure simply another opportunity.
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One of my favorite sayings is “Not my circus, not my monkey.”
Evidently, this is a Polish proverb: Not my circus, not my monkey.
Maybe it is because I have an affinity for monkeys, but I love the meaning of that.
Am I caught up trying to deal with someone else’s circus or monkey? Am I trying to deal with an issue over which I have no control, and maybe not even a stake?
We do that.
Friends are fighting, and we get in the middle. Family members are angry with each other, and we intervene. Office squabbles (in which we have no stake) pull us in. We make the circus our own, and try to take over that monkey.
When I was growing up, we had another saying: “I don’t have a dog in that fight.”
Something is happening around us, and we involve ourselves.
But if we involve ourselves when it is not our issue, not our fight, and has little bearing on our own lives, we usually end up on the losing side.
Communication theorists talk about this as creating a triangle. The reason for the triangle is an attempt to lower the level of conflict. It is an attempt to stabilize the situation. But instead of stabilizing, it only serves to destabilize, pull energy, and entrap bystanders.
We can thank our ancient ancestors for this tendency. But it is up to us to not pretend we have a dog in the fight. It is up to us to remember it is someone else’s circus, someone else’s monkey.
Learn how to distinguish your involvement in this podcast. Listen below.
Let’s just say it and get it out of the way. You, I, and everyone else, is going to die. An inescapable fact of life. We will die.
A morbid thought? I don’t think it has to be a morbid thought, as much as an organizing thought.
Reality.
It brings things into focus.
Years ago, I met a man who was dying from cancer. He was focused, determined. His prognosis was terminal, so that was not his determination. He was determined to live out the rest of his life to the fullest. He spent his time working on projects dear to him. He made apologies and amends to those whom he felt he had hurt. He was letting his loved ones know they were loved.
His imminent death gave him focus.
One day, he turned to me, after I told him how much I respected how he was facing death, and said, “What about YOUR death?”
“What?,” I asked. I wasn’t the one dying, after all.
Then he said, “YOU are going to die, too. Maybe after me, maybe before me. But you will die, too. Don’t wait. There may be no waiting.”
Death has a way of rearranging your priorities.
Listen to this week’s podcast to ponder death and YOUR life.
It’s just human nature. We like things finished
And when they’re not, they can often tug at us, pulling energy and focus away. When things are left hanging, we feel (oh, by the way, the last word from that first line is “finished”) incomplete, unfinished, unsatisfied. Did you feel that sensation when you realized a word was missing… and it bugged you? Unfinished loop.
So, what is a “Loop?” Great question. This one concept, if you understand it, will help you get free. If you feel stuck, this is something you need to understand. More than that, this is one of the most. . .
Tell you what, I’ll let you listen and hear for yourself.
RELATED RESOURCES
Intro To Getting Unstuck
How You Get Stuck
You Are Not As Stuck As You Think
Give Up Your Goals & Get Unstuck
Have you heard of Kaizen? It is the principle of continuous improvement.
Continuous improvement is a great model for change. It is based on constant changes toward a better outcome. No need for sudden upheaval or change (although that is sometimes necessary). Instead, course corrections are made along the way, nudging something toward improvement.
That “something”? It might be a product (like Japanese automobiles, where Kaizen became the method of them becoming excellent automobiles), companies, or even individuals.
But how, you might wonder, do you actually DO that continuous improvement?
Let me offer a super-simple tool that you can apply to your own life, to your company or workplace, or even to a relationship or organization.
SSC – Start, Stop, ContinueThree benchmarks: What do you need to Start? What do you need to Stop? What do you need to Continue?
In this week’s episode, I discuss how to apply SSC to your own life… and to other areas in your life.
Listen in for a new tool.
RELATED RESOURCES
Dealing with Change
Why We Avoid Change
Paradigms
Limiting Beliefs
Life is tough.
Not always. But along the way. And even after you get past one struggle, that doesn’t mean there isn’t another one up ahead. That’s just the nature of life.
It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong or that the world, God, or the Universe is out to teach you a lesson. It’s just the nature of life.
You may notice 2 crowds. First is the “Grind Culture” that just says to suck it up, keep on grinding, and MAKE it work. They have a point that you have to get through some tough times. But sometimes, it is wise to step back and ask if the fight is worth it.
Then there is the “Sign Culture.” That group tells you that any struggle is an indication you are on the wrong path, that something is wrong with you, and that life “should” be easy… if you are doing it right. They have a point that sometimes, a struggle is pointing to you moving the wrong way… swimming upstream. But the fact is, life means struggles… at times.
So what do you do to hold up when life gets you down?
We discuss it… and 5 things to do… on this episode of the Thriveology Podcast. Listen below.
RELATED RESOURCES
Does Everything Happen for a Reason?
Dealing with Emotional Pain
Facing Fears
Accepting What Is
Book: Thrive Principles – 15 Strategies for Building YOUR Thriving Life
Blame is rampant in today’s world. We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”
Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.
They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.
We live in a “culture of blame.”
Which is what often keeps us from growing. From changing. From learning from our mistakes. If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do? Not my fault… not my problem.
Change requires us to change the equation. To take responsibility, when we are responsibible. To share credit when others deserve credit.
Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes.
So, how do we turn the equation around? I discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.
RELATED RESOURCES
Responsibility
NMF Syndrome In Marriage
Showing Up
Thrive Principles Book
Immutable Laws of Living Book
Here we go! The old year has passed, and the new year stretches before us… full of possibility and potential. Let’s talk about how to Thrive in ’25!
In this episode, I’ll tell you where I have been, and where the podcast is headed. I’ve got lots of great stuff coming your way, and am excited to share it with you.
Also in this episode, I tell you the 3 A’s of what you can control, so you can start applying that RIGHT NOW.
Stay tuned for future episodes!
And listen to this episode below.
RELATED RESOURCES:
My Books, Click HERE
Episode Synopsis, Click HERE
Thanksgiving, the holiday, is often lost in food and family. What is lost? Our opportunity to experience gratitude. The chance to really give thanks. Many times, it can feel like an obligation. Instead, I suggest we see it as an opportunity. Even in tough moments (actually, especially in tough moments), we can make a shift […]
Just a little rant here: philosophy classes turn off many college students for a simple reason — they never get around to saying how philosophy can shake your living. Some classes might teach more on “how to think philosophically,” or “here are the old philosophers.” Some may speak to ethics or arguments, logic or some […]
Do you ever do something that breaks a rule (or even a law), thinking to yourself that it doesn’t apply to you? I do. Sometimes, I use that speed limit sign as a suggestion. I’m a good driver, I tell myself. What harm could +5mph do? Except the sign is a law, not a guideline […]
All around the news, we are hearing about algorithms built into our social media. It directs what we see and hear. It is how all social media decides what to feed you next. If you like this video, then you might like this one. If you know this person, then you may know this person. […]
“Where should I start?”, my client asked. Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different. And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes. We want a different starting point. If you’ve ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure […]
“Why don’t they treat me the way I want to be treated?”, my client asked me. So, I asked, “Have you taught them how to treat you?” The silence let me know. But after a pause, my client said, “I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that.” The fact is that […]
A few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt. I told her that was not at all true. In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt! But not forgiving? It offers no protection. It does, however, prolong the pain caused by […]
Have you seen the meme that caught my eye?: I really wish I weren’t living through a major historical event right now! I feel that! But here is the thing I am realizing — historic events are happening on a very regular basis. We aren’t living through the first pandemic (nor will it be the […]
Over the past 7 episodes, we have been building our Thrive Code. The code to follow that allows us to thrive, and also the code that runs your system, like computer code. And we are closing in on the finish line! We bring the series to an end in this episode. The final piece of […]
Did you ever have one of those Magic 8-Balls when you were growing up? I never had one, but a friend down the street did. You were supposed to ask Yes/No questions of the ball, then turn it over and a die would float to the surface, revealing your answer. For whatever reason, we could […]