British – Fusion Patrol: Recent Episodes
Lone Locust Productions
Simon and Eugene look at the Dalek Master Plan, including the newly-recovered episodes 1 and 3, and they discuss companion deaths, the traditional Christmas Dalek, whether Douglas Adams watched this serial, and whether Mavic Chen could have been blue.
In this week’s episode of Fusion Patrol, Simon and Eugene dissect the series finale of Bugs, focusing on the two-part episode “Money Spiders” and “The Enemy Within.”
They argue over which of the many things Alex should have been fired for, they discuss whether the G5 is the chip Apple released five years after the show and why they didn’t use a Pentium chip to run a Windows program, and they talk about how Bugs went out with a whimper, not a bang, not even a single bang.
Join the conversation and revisit the thrilling conclusion of Bugs with them this week!
Next Week: World Beyond Movie Night looks at Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1961)
This week Simon and Eugene look at the Bugs episode Twin Geeks, and discuss their disappointment at the size of this episodes’s explosions, whether lawyers are as scarce as police in Bugs Land, and they lament the lack of eccentric British gauge collectors in this episode.
Next week: Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Escape from Wedded Bliss
Next time when we look at Bugs, it’s the 2-part series finale Money Spiders & The Enemy Within
This week Simon and Eugene look at the last nugget of the Disney-BBC Doctor Who deal, the War Between the Land and the Sea where they discuss parallels between the modern UNIT and Torchwood, whether Kate Lethbridge-Stewart is the true heir to the Brigadier, and Eugene explains why the naming of Homo Aqua is as inappropriate as the naming of the Silurians.
This week we look at “Bugs: Jewel Control” as Simon and Eugene discuss electricity billing, Beckett’s impressive Chinese reading capabilities, and whether Bugs is part of the same universe as Torchwood and whether it shares some of the same strengths and flaws.
Jewel Control“Airdate: ” August 29, 1998
“Runtime:” 50
“Starring: ” Jaye Griffiths, Jesse Birdsall, Steven Houghton
“Guest Stars: ” Naoko Mori
“Director: “John Stroud
“Writer: “Colin Brake
“Synopsis: ” A Colombian emerald baron plans to use an ancient Continuation of Government facility to take control of the world’s jewel market. The team is alerted when Colombian gangster Diaz enters the country and has a connection to an old friend of Ros’.
Simon and Eugene look at Season 4, episode 6 of Bugs — Pandora’s Box.
They discuss why you can’t fix a sixth century plague with modern technology, Beckett’s annoying, sexy upstairs neighbor, and why blowing things up is a much better solution to a contagion than containment.
Pandora’s Box Airdate: April 8, 1995 Runtime: 50 minutes Starring: Jesse Birdsall, Craig McLachlan, Jaye Griffiths Guest Stars: Michael Jenn, Paul Brightwell, Michael Garland Director: Ken Grieve Writer: Stephen Gallagher Synopsis: The Bugs team investigates the theft of an ancient Arthurian sword from a high-security vault. Unbeknownst to the thieves, the blade carries a lethal, long-dormant biological contagion that threatens to devastate London if not contained. Ed, Ros, and Beckett face a race against time to recover the sword, stop its sale on the black market, and prevent an epidemic.
Simon and Eugene look Season 4, Episode 5 of Bugs, Hell and High Water. They discuss how this throws back to earlier Bugs episodes, whether Alex commits the most unethical act seen in the show so far, and if you work on defense contracts and give your computer to a museum, whether you should check what’s on it first.
Hell and High Water Airdate: August 8, 1998 Runtime: 48 minutes Starring: Jaye Griffiths, Jesse Birdsall, Steven Houghton, Jan Harvey, Paula Hunt Guest Stars: TBA Director: Brian Grant Writer: Brian Clemens, Colin Brake Synopsis: When a military satellite threatens to crash into Earth, the Bugs team races against time to reach a remote tracking station and prevent global disaster.
This week Ben and Eugene look at the 1960 movie, Village of the Damned, inspired by the 1957 John Wyndham novel, the Midwich Cuckoos.
This week, Simon and Eugene discuss ultrasonic weapons and whether they are as effective at punching holes in concrete as they are at cleaning dental guards, Ross’s suddenly discovered sensitivity to sexism and Alex being patronized for her age, and Eugene introduces his groundbreaking conception of the three eras of Britain.
The Two Becketts Airdate: August 1, 1998 Runtime: 48 minutes Starring: Jaye Griffiths, Jesse Birdsall, Steven Houghton, Jan Harvey, Paula Hunt Guest Stars: Stephen Yardley (as Matt Beckett), Nick Brimble, Justine Francesca Glenton Director: Brian Grant Writer: Brian Clemens, Terry Borst, Frank De Palma Synopsis: Beckett’s estranged father turns up after ten years, seeking the team’s help against a powerful gangster. As the case unfolds, family secrets and unresolved anger come to the fore.
This week, Simon and Eugene look at Bugs, Series 4, Episode 3, Girl Power.
When they discuss child geniuses being given the idiot ball, how convincingly Ed and Beckett are at getting duped, and when the Intel Pentium 7 chip came out.
Girl Power Airdate: July 25, 1998 Runtime: 48 minutes Starring: Jaye Griffiths, Jesse Birdsall, Steven Houghton, Jan Harvey, Paula Hunt Guest Stars: Joseph May, Milly Gregory, William Scott-Masson Director: Gwennan Sage Writer: Brian Clemens, Colin Brake, Stuart Doughty Synopsis: The team apprehends a young girl who broke into a secure government facility. Ros identifies with the girl, recalling her own youth, while a traitor within the center and a priceless mask become the focus of the investigation.
This week, Simon and Eugene look at Season 4, Episode 2 of Bugs, Sacrifice to Science.
They discuss the naming of government security departments, the difference between boathouses and houseboats, and whether you could be excused for not trusting scientists if you only ever meet the mad ones.
Sacrifice to Science Airdate: July 18, 1998 Runtime: 48 minutes Starring: Jaye Griffiths, Jesse Birdsall, Steven Houghton, Jan Harvey, Paula Hunt Guest Stars: Robert Addie, Tom Butcher, John McGlynn Director: Brian Grant Writer: Colin Brake, Stuart Doughty Synopsis: Ros reveals the truth behind her disappearance as General Russell evicts the team from the bureau. When a deadly biological weapon threatens lives, the team must reunite to save the day.
Simon and Eugene pick up where they left off on their coverage of bugs, this time with the opening episode of series 4, Absent Friends.
Where they rant… er… discuss recasting, retcons, recasting, cliffhangers, and recasting.
Absent Friends Airdate: July 11, 1998 Runtime: 48 minutes Starring: Jaye Griffiths, Jesse Birdsall, Steven Houghton, Jan Harvey, Paula Hunt Guest Stars: TBA Director: Brian Grant Writer: Colin Brake, Brian Clemens Synopsis: Ros has disappeared under mysterious circumstances, prompting Beckett, Alex, and Ed to search for her. Her car is found in a river and Beckett, desperate to find answers, comes into conflict with Jan.
This week, Simon and Eugene finally come to the end of the 2025 season of Doctor Who and the end of the Gatwa era, when they look at the final two episodes, Wish World and The Reality War.
They discuss Ncuti Gatwa’s performance as the Doctor, compare the Deadly Assassin with the Reality War, whether it would have been more or less tasteless to joke about Ernest Borgnine’s death if he was still alive, if it makes Dimensions in Time canon, and oh, so many more things than this story actually deserves.
The Reality War surfaced a lot of anger in Ben and Eugene. So much so that we can’t put this out as a regular podcast episode. They recorded their post-viewing phone call, and this is it. It’s raw, it’s vulgar, it’s sweary, it’s angry, it’s downright mean-spirited at times, and it’s unedited.
It’s not suitable for younger audiences.
Do you get my meaning?
We’ve made this available for our patrons on Patreon, but if you’re not a patron and you’re still interested in listening, we’ve made access to the individual podcast available for purchase at the lowest available price point – no monthly commitment required.
It’s all there at the link below.
Our regular, more reasoned episode on Wish World/The Reality War will be released this coming week.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/fusion-patrol-130445186
This week on Fusion Patrol, Simon and Eugene look at the 2025 season of Doctor Who, episode number six, the Interstellar Song Contest.
They discuss parallels between the ice in the Doctor’s heart and the Time Lord Victorious, the influence of Diamonds Are Forever on this episode, why Eugene’s local sports team is the New Zealand national cricket team, and you can listen to us googling 1970s Eurovision winners.
[Go Black Caps!]
The Doctor lands in Lagos, and Simon and Eugene land on their thoughts about the Story & the Engine.
The consider which continents on Earth the Doctor tends to visit, barbershops in television culture, and give their Fusion Patrol literary recommendations.
Is it Simon and Eugene’s lucky day as they discuss Lucky Day?
They argue over the capability of this incarnation of UN.I.T., they discuss the history of the Think Tank organization and whether Kate Stewart sends the Doctor monthly reports.
Simon and Eugene discuss whether the Well is needed to be a sequel and which episode it should have been a sequel to, whether twice is too many times to play Britney Spears’ Toxic in two decades, and whether dialogue on TV used to be easier to hear.
Doctor Who 2025 barrels on with episode 2, Lux, as Simon and Eugene discuss whether animations have depth, the missing merchandise from this episode, whether they’re seeing a new season template emerging, and how the new TARDIS wardrobe works.
Simon and Eugene kick off the 2025 season of Doctor who looking at the episode, The Robot Revolution, where they discuss meta-paradoxes, RTD using Moffatisms, and how you count hyphenated words when you are missing every ninth word.
Simon and Eugene discuss different forms of mind transference, they rate Steven’s departure against other companions, and they discuss what aspects of animation take us out of a animated reconstructed story.
Come join the conversation as they look at the newly-released animated Doctor Who story, the Savages.
John and Eugene come to the end of Star Maidens with the final two episodes.
In Creatures of the Mind, where they discuss the implications of what happens if AI learned to move without the aid of wheels or legs.
In The Enemy, they ask the question, “was the whole point of this series leading to the revelation that the women of Medusa just needed to ‘man up’?”
They also wrap up their discussion of the series with far more analysis than this series probably warranted.
Join them and say, “farewell,” to Star Maidens.
John and Eugene explore two more episodes of Star Maidens.
First, the President of the planet Medusa dies and it is “The End of Time,” followed by Shem getting a girlfriend, who may just be cray cray in “Hideout.”
John and Eugene look at two more episodes of Star Maidens.
In The Perfect Couple, they find out what happens when bored surburan housewives get a load of the boys from Medusa, and in What Have the Done to the Rain? they ponder how stupid Rudy can be while at the same time being really smart.
This week, Ben and Eugene look at the 1972 British-American pilot movie Baffled!, a supernatural thriller starring Leonard Nimoy.
This week, John and Eugene look at two more episodes of Star Maidens, The Trial, and Test for Love.
They marvel at everyone’s utter incompetence in these episodes.
This week, Simon and Eugene look at the 2024 Doctor Who Christmas special, Joy to the World, where they discuss whether Christmas episodes can break all the show’s usual rules, whether the TARDIS jukebox will be replaced by a chair, and how Doctor Who should treat the politics of the COVID lockdown rules.
Want to know what a proton storm is, or how big it is? You won’t find out by watching the Star Maidens episode The Proton Storm, but you might by listening to John and Eugene discuss the episode.
For the double the fun, they then turn their eye towards the episode Kidnap.
This week John and Eugene look at two episode of the Star Maidens.
They discuss the episodes Nemesis and the Nightmare Cannon, and contemplate if the Medusans are supposed to be so smart, how come they cannot read a room? And they marvel at lightning done on a really small budget.
This week, John and Eugene begin looking at a new series: Star Maidens, a 1976 TV series co-produced by the United Kingdom and West Germany.
It’s a contemporary (for 1976) look at female equality through the lens of a planet run by women.
This week, Simon and Eugene discuss the two-part Doctor Who series finale, #TheLegendOfRubySunday & #EmpireOfDeath.
They discuss why the One Who Waits waited, wanting more Mel, the difference between an anagram and a homophone, and a new UNIT dating controversy.
Simon and Eugene look at the very recently released 3D animated re-creation of the missing 1966 Doctor Who story, #TheCelestialToymaker.
They discuss the new art style for 3D motion-captured animated Doctor Who, the consequences of budgetary constraints in both the original and animated productions of this story, and they finally agree on whether the animation should try to recreate the original or exploit the freedom that animation brings.
This week, Simon, Ben, and Eugene discuss the Doctor’s sexuality and changes in the representation of sexuality on Doctor Who, Gatwa singing the same pitch as Gene Wilder, and Checkov’s psychic earrings as we look at the #DoctorWho episode #Rogue.
This week, Simon and Eugene look at #DotAndBubble, the 5th episode of the 2024 Doctor Who series.
They discuss having sympathy for a homicidal AI, the influence of #BlackMirror on Doctor Who, and they talk about judgment with hindsight as they have a “fierce” argument over whether this episode is better than Kerblam!
Note This episode was originally intended to be released on May 27; however, quotas at my podcast host prevented it from releasing until June 1. This is re-release.
This week, Simon and Eugene look at the 2024 season Doctor Who episode #73Yards and discuss whether a reset makes an episode worthless, whether Doctor Who is really an anthology series, and they identify the influences of Nigel Kneale, Years and Years, 2001, An American Werewolf in London, and The Wild, Wild West.
This week, Simon and Eugene are looking at the 3rd episode of the 2024 series of Doctor Who with the episode Boom.
They discuss different approaches towards the writing of different writers, faith, and the logic of the landmine with the flashy lights.
This week’s second bonus episode looks at the Doctor Who episode, the Devil’s Chord.
Simon and Eugene discuss a missed opportunity for a respectful pastiche of the Beatles, whether bi-generation will be reversed, and whether Ruby is an abominable snowman.
DevilsChord
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Bonus episode discussion this week is the first episode of the 2024 Doctor Who series, Space Babies, by Russell T. Davies.
Simon and Eugene discuss whether the best way to introduce the show to a new audience is a massive info dump, what Ron DeSantis would have thought of the episode, and whether it was written by ChatRTD.
DoctorWho #SpaceBabies
This week’s episode under review: Bugs S03E10 – Renegades.
Simon and Eugene discuss whether this episode was always intended to be the finale of season 3, whether it’s another sequel to the Cybernauts, and Eugene gives us his interpretation of Australian Eric Idle.
This week’s episode under review is Bugs S03E09, Identity Crisis, which first aired September 20, 1997.
Simon and Eugene discuss how a good episode can be diminished by the arc that sets it up, the emptiness of the Bugs universe, and they get nostalgic about Zip and Bernoulli Boxes.
This week’s episode under review is Bugs, Buried Treasure, which first aired September 13, 1997, and was written by Terry Borst and Frank De Palma.
Simon and Eugene discuss the similarities of the visuals in late ’90s SciFi, the aesthetics of prison signage, and whether enough explosions, helicopters and sexy villainesses make up for Bugs’ credibility deficit.
This week, Simon and Eugene look at the Bugs episode Happy Ever After. John Stroud directed this Series Three episode, which first aired on August 30, 1997.
They discuss marrying for love and marrying for control, the implications of a water grid and why this wasn’t explored in a show ostensibly about technology, and whether passion for cricket is the best reason not to go live in the United States.
Under review this week is series 3, episode 6 of Bugs, entitled “Fugitive.” Matthew Evans wrote this episode, which first aired on August 23, 1997.
Hosts Simon and Eugene discuss when giving our heroes vulnerabilities adds interest as opposed to destroying the character, how much the Sci-Fi and Tech dimension (or absence of it) matters to the mainstream audience, and how an episode titled “Fugitive” really ought to involve a lot more running away.
Fugitive Summary
In a high-stakes operation, Team Bugs pursues a seemingly ordinary gunrunner with unexpected twists. A mysterious CD-ROM becomes the center of attention, sparking conflict between the Bureau of Weapons Technology and the SSD. Ros faces suspicion, intensified by a relentless investigation and a mole hunt. A fake video and a stolen compact disc reveal the identity of the mole. Ros outsmarts her pursuers, ultimately uncovering the truth and preventing a major heist. As secrets unravel, relationships are tested, and a surprising proposal awaits at the end. The episode blends action, espionage, and personal drama, keeping viewers on the edge until the final moments.
“Outsmarts” and “keeping viewers on the edge” might be questionable choices of wording.
This week’s episode for discussion is S03E05 of Bugs, entitled “Nuclear Family,” which initially aired in August of 1997 and was written by John Stroud.
Hosts Simon and Eugene discuss whether a weapon might be developed to kill the second person in a conga line, why a writer might withdraw their name from their work, and Eugene relates his Ronald Reagan story.
Bugs, High-Level Synopsis (Mild Spoilers)
In a race against time, Beckett and his team safeguard Rostov, a dying president seeking cardiac surgery with an experimental elixir. Conflicts arise as they uncover a plot involving Medusa missiles, and suspicions fall on Rostov’s wife. Facing assassins and bomb threats, they thwart a deadly conspiracy, ultimately preserving world peace and British interests.
This week’s episode under review is Doctor Who – The Church on Ruby Road, the 2023 Doctor Who Christmas special written by Russell T Davies and directed by Mark Tonderai. Starring Ncuti Gatwa as the Doctor, this episode first aired on December 25, 2023.
Hosts Simon and Eugene discuss the musical conceit of characters producing rhymes out of nothing, Ncuti Gatwa’s performance, and the Doctor committing gobslaughter. They also speculate about Mrs Flood’s identity.
Summary of The Church on Ruby RoadRuby Sunday, a foundling seeking her family, faces mysterious accidents orchestrated by mischievous creatures. A stranger named the Doctor aids her. On her 19th birthday, a foster baby arrives, coincidentally born on the same day. While caring for the baby, Ruby learns her family history search is futile. The creatures snatch the baby, leading Ruby and the Doctor on a rescue mission. Captured on a goblin ship, they escape, but normalcy eludes them. Goblins steal Ruby from her past, prompting the Doctor to intervene. In the end, Ruby discovers the TARDIS, beginning a new chapter in her extraordinary journey.
Simon and Eugene compare the differing reconstructions from this and the previous release, we discuss whether changes in the color version of the animation contradict the dialogue, as well as the sexy fish people, and we argue over our favorite color choice for the Doctor Who original titles.
Come join the conversation.
In this second of two parts, Simon and Eugene continue their chat about #TheGiggle and discuss what type of undershirt Tennant’s Doctor wears, will Donna spill coffee on the Vlinx and get fired from UNIT, and did RTD give us all a massive gift when he turned the Doctor’s history into a Toymaker-created puzzle?
Come join the conversation.
In Part One of two episodes on The Giggle, Simon and Eugene consider if David Tennant’s Doctor is now a discarded snakeskin, is RTD actually the Toymaker, and if Steven Moffat can fix all this mess later.
Simon and Eugene ponder the Wild Blue Yonder and wonder what the US Air Force song tells us about nothing on a spaceship, how and when you need to get the supersonic screwdriver out of the way, and Eugene breaks into song.
Simon and Eugene discuss what kind of government department builds a ridiculous deadly weapons store under London, whether secret agents ever genuinely expect that "when they're out, they're out," and when fictional spies become legends in their own fictional universe.
Simon and Eugene discuss why you can’t go back in time to before you went back in time, the possibilities for using a time machine for committing crimes rather than solving them, and the messages hidden in Crime Traveller, which prove the whole thing takes place in an alternate reality. Episode Synopsis Professor Hayward is ... Read more
Simon and Eugene discuss whether time is a sentient trickster, the ramifications for gambling laws when time travel is possible, and we reminisce about the era of fax machines when mobile phones were as common as jacuzzis. Episode Synopsis Jeff Slade, still in the doghouse with Holly Turner, has brought flowers to apologize. Danny, the ... Read more
Simon and Eugene discuss whether the Uk government has a time machine, we talk about referencing the TARDIS and the Doctor Who theme, and we discuss the technical implications of “…if they’d had mobile phones in this show to time travel with.”
Episode Synopsis
A dangerous gang known as the Apostles is meticulously planning a bank heist, unbeknownst to them, Slade and Turner are watching them from above. They return to the present in time for Grissom, Slade, and the team to thwart the crime like clockwork – mostly.
Back in the office, Grissom ponders Slade’s incredible police record lately. So much so that she details Morris to spy on Slade to find out how he’s doing it.
Meanwhile, it looks like Slade won’t be doing it anytime soon. Another piece of the time machine has broken, and Turner puts her foot down. This machine wasn’t built for doing something productive like maintaining law and order, this machine was built for secret, dusty academic pursuits so that she could someday prove that her father was right about time travel being possible.
Slade agrees to solve the next crime using good old-fashioned detective work.
That next crime comes very soon when retired minister Sir Iain Hawkins is murdered in his home. The case has all those weird hallmarks of a time Tavel intervention, too, like extra blood spots, strange calls to emergency services about a madman on the premises, and a mysterious, unidentified person running away.
Even though retired, Hawkins was a Big Deal, and Grissom wants this solved posthaste. Slade, under the watchful, if incompetent, eye of Morris, follows his leads. First, he questions Kirby, Hawkins former driver, who has recently gone into business with Hawkins selling telephone boxes as art. They reportedly had a fight the morning of the murder. Kirby denies being the killer.
While visiting Kirby’s Phone Box emporium, he spies a battered old Police Box amongst the collection, and he gets an idea. He goes to Turner and tries to get her to let him use The Machine, but she steadfastly refuses, and when he tries to schmooze her with dinner, she turns him down because she’s attending a lecture this evening. Slade also catches Morris acting suspiciously, perhaps listening in, outside Turner’s door.
Slade uses Turner’s lecture appointment to break into her flat and use the machine himself. He cannot possibly expect that to end well, can he? Outside, Morris is distracted from observing Turner’s flat.
Back in time, before the murder, Slade visits Hawkins, pretending to be the window cleaner who had mysteriously turned up 30 minutes early to the job that day. Listening in, he overhears what Kirby and Hawkins argued about – it was just basically incompetence in business matters, and Kirby leaves, with Hawkins very much alive.
Slade finally gets the chance to try something he’s really wanting to do. He confronts Hawkins and tells him the truth: that he has traveled back in time via a Turner Time Machine to warn him that he is about to be killed. Hawkins knows about Turner’s work with Einstein-Rosen Bridges from his days at the Ministry, and he seems to take Slade seriously until he clubs him unconscious and calls emergency services to report a madman, just as someone else shoots him dead.
Slade awakens, gets the license number of a window cleaning truck leaving the premises, and as the police arrive, he hightails it on foot, chased by the police. Unbeknownst to him, he loses the critical watch component of the time machine as he leaps over the wall.
Slade heads to the station to run the license plate, where he bumps into Turner moments after she turned him down. He uses the opportunity to warn her that Morris is spying on them. He gets the name and address of Robert Mather owner of the truck and goes to investigate him. As he’s leaving the station, Morris is witness to multiple instances of Slade being in the building at once.
Nicky comes to Turner with a strange item he found in the grounds at the scene of the crime, and wants her opinion on what it might be. It is the watch component of the time machine, and Turner knows exactly what that means. She has to find Slade now before his time runs out.
Slade meets Robert Mather, who basically confesses to killing Hawkins, his illegitimate father, for failing to save his mother’s life. Slade tries to talk him into turning himself in, but when Slade finally notices the watch component of the time machine is missing, he gets too urgently insistent and Mather shoots him in the leg and ties him up.
Turner and Nicky use good, old-fashion, TV-detective-style police work to chase and force Kirby to reveal that he was blackmailing Hawkins with knowledge of the affair Hawkins had, and his illegitimate adult son, who also happened to be the window cleaner. Turner dumps Nicky and goes to find Mather.
Mather is planning a huge gas explosion to kill Slade, but Turner rescues him, returning the the time machine with moments to spare – Turner distracting Morris so that Slade can enter undetected.
Alls well that ends well, right? But Turner doesn’t think so and is furious, kicking Slade out and swearing he will never use the time machine again. Honestly, Slade, what did you think was going to happen when Turner found out?
Back at the station, Morris gives his report to Grissom. He has concluded that Slade and Turner are hooked up with a secret cabal of informers called The Machine, which is out of town, so that when Slade goes to get information from them, he uses a stand-in double at the station to conceal his absence.
Simon and Eugene discuss massively violating the chain of evidence, the well-known Stockholm Guidelines on hostage situations, and getting to the point where a show can’t be bothered with an in-show explanation for obvious plot contrivances.
Episode Synopsis
There’s a big deal on down at the station. Det. Gareth Oldroyd has come to Chief Grissom with a potentially very high-profile arrest. Lenny Gebler, a major fence from “up north,” is coming to London to purchase a £2,000,000 haul of stolen diamonds. There’s just one problem, Slade is uncomfortable when he hears Oldroyd’s name, just as Oldroyd is similarly unsettled by Slade’s name.
Oldroyd goes to Grissom and asks for Slade to be taken off the case, you know, because of what happened with his father. Grissom refuses because the sins of the father are NOT transferrable to the son.
Oldroyd’s planned raid relies on Turner, a physicist, to validate the diamonds on the spot, which is… odd, but that’s apparently what police science officers are for.
The raid goes a bit poorly, with Oldroyd being taken hostage, but Slade drives through the wall, saves the day, and recovers the diamonds. Turner validates them, then Oldroyd tags them and puts them in an evidence bag. No, strike that, wraps ‘em up in their pretty little velvet pouch and puts ‘em in his coat pocket.
Later he hands a pretty little velvet pouch over to Grissom, who inspects them, tags them, and puts them in an evidence bag. No, strike that; she just hangs on to the unopened pouch until she puts them in the evidence lockup back at the station. No, strike that; she just puts them in her safe in her office.
That night, having a couple of drinks with Turner, Slade cracks just a little. Oldroyd was his father’s partner on the police force before his dad “retired,” but he’ll give no more information. Turner also wonders why Lenny the fence didn’t bother to bring the money if he was planning on buying the diamonds. Well, I guess that doesn’t matter; they caught him. They part ways, and Slade is attacked when he gets home and drugged. He is left on a park bench all night.
The next morning, the diamonds are gone, and for some reason that’s not entirely clear, Slade is the number one suspect, but it must be a good reason because they get a magistrate to sign off on a warrant to search Slade’s house. I mean, I assume they got a search warrant. And rightfully so, too, because they find a token amount of the diamonds hidden inside an ice cube tray.
When confronted with this “evidence,” Slade points out he couldn’t get into the safe because he doesn’t know the combination, but Grissom tries to prompt his memory by saying the combination out loud, which would only be useful at this point if he had a time machine!
Just as he’s about to be arrested, the fire alarm conveniently goes off, Slade makes a break for it, and a convenient office trolley shoots out in front of Morris and Oldroyd, giving Slade some distance. The officer in the evidence lockup is actually locked in, giving Slade an additional edge in his escape.
Someone must be really watching over him because Morris’ car is sitting in the garage, doors unlocked and the motor already running. What a lucky break, as Slade makes a clean getaway.
He heads straight for Turner’s time machine, of course, as does Turner. This is not lost on Morris, who has noticed those two spend a lot of time together. He and Oldroyd follow Turner back to her place.
In the nick of time, they go back in time, about a day. They witness the raid, follow the diamonds, and spend the night in Grissom’s office waiting to see who really steals them, but when they get bored of that, Slade opens the safe – with the combination that Grissom tells him in the future – and finds they’re already gone. They were never in the safe! WTF?! But how can that be? The chain of evidence is so solid and unbroken?
Knowing that Slade has already been knocked unconscious and left in a park, they go to his flat and remove the incriminating diamonds from his ice cube tray. No, strike that; they have a drink and talk about Slade’s father.
He’s not exactly “retired” from the police force in the traditional sense; he’s actually in prison. He was arrested for taking money from a bank robbery investigation and has intentionally estranged himself from Slade.
The next morning, early, they visit Old Man Slade in prison and learn that not only are the circumstances of his arrest almost identical, but the players are also the same, too. What an amazing coincidence. Slade realizes that Gebler must be behind it. He goes to the station and questions Gebler about the missing diamonds – before they’re actually discovered to be missing. Time travel, remember? The questioning fails to produce any results, but while there, Slade helps himself escape by activating the fire alarm and pushing the office trolley infant of Morris.
Turner does her part by getting Morris’ car ready for Slade’s escape.
Next, Turner anonymously calls Grissom and asks her to release Gebler, which she does.
Turner and Slade follow Gebler, overhear a conversation that the real exchange happens that night at 7, and then hoof it back to the time machine just in the nick of time.
While this is going on, Old Man Slade has an idea and wants to call his son. The warden won’t let him, though, so he escapes from prison, as you do when they won’t let you make a phone call.
As time is re-synchronized, Slade gives himself up, and in interrogation, he admits he did it and that he’ll turn over the diamonds at the appointed time and place of Gebler’s meeting. Oldroyd thinks this is BS and refuses, but Grissom overrules him. They go and watch, and when Gebler arrives, they send Oldroyd over to arrest him.
The meeting goes like this: Oldroyd walks… oh god, I can’t even… no, I can do this. I can do this.
Right. One more try.
Oldroyd walks towards Gebler under the watchful eyes of Grissom, Morris, Turner, and Slade. As he approaches Gebler he pulls a gun and shouts loudly at Gebler, “Freeze! Don’t move. Police! You’re under arrest!”
No, one last time, strike that. He walks quietly and slowly towards Gebler. Gebler shouts at the top of his lungs, “we did it; we got away with the diamonds; I can’t believe they’re so stupid to fall for that again, yippy-doo-dah-day! It’s the Bahamas for both of us, my faithful partner in crime, Detective Oldroyd!”
Or something very much like that, and so they go to arrest them, but Oldroyd turns out to be a partner-double-crosser and escapes in Gebler’s car, only to have Old Man Slade, still on the run from prison, run him off the road.
Everyone’s exonerated, and Turner and Slade have newly-released Old Man Slade over for dinner at Holly’s flat. A good detective at all times, Old Man Slade can’t work out how they came to visit him about the crime while he was unconscious in a park before the robbery was discovered. And, Holly Turner… you’re the daughter of Fredrick Turner? The guy who wrote a book in the prison library about Time Travel? He might have to read that book someday.
Simon and Eugene discuss whether and when the show needs to break its own temporal formula, what the advantage might be of having supper in Holly’s time machine, and the effect of temporal physics on the doctrine of act and omission.
Episode Synopsis
Holly Turner is giving a speech at the Institute of Time where she is discussing The Chronology Protection Hypothesis first put forward by Stephen Hawking. Holly maintains that the hypothesis is correct: You can’t rewrite history. Not one line!
Her speech is well-received, but of course, it’s all nonsense because time travel isn’t possible, despite the amazing work her father did in the past.
And then she sees the news. Jeff Slade has been shot by a man named Crowley and is in critical condition awaiting emergency surgery. She finds out when he was shot and uses the time machine to go back and, presumably, prevent Slade from being shot. It’s her day off to be at the Institute of Time, so it doesn’t raise too many eyebrows when she arrives looking for Slade.
Slade has been assigned to a high-profile murder of a famous artist. The only two immediate suspects are the artist’s ex-wife, currently embroiled in an acrimonious legal battle for money, and his art dealer, Levenson.
Holly shows up and wants to tag along, but when she refuses to let Slade use the time machine, he grows suspicious, but he allows her to accompany him anyway.
They visit the ex-wife, and she claims not to have killed him, pointing a finger at Levenson. Holly questions her about Crowley, a name unassociated with this case and unknown to Slade, his suspicions are aroused even further.
Slade spots the time watch on Holly’s wrist and calls the Institute of Time, learning that she’s still there. He confronts her, and eventually, she tells him he’ll be shot at 6:00 PM today by Crowley.
They visit Levenson, who claims to have no further stake in the artist, and he, too, has never heard of Crowley. Outside the store, Holly spots Crowley from the mug shot shown on TV. Slade gives chase, but he escapes.
Now, Slade is going after Crowley. First, he breaks into his apartment but finds nothing connecting him to the murdered artist. Crowley returns, so Slade arrests him. He can have him held for 24 hours without charging him, that will keep Slade safe, and time will be changed.
Morris and the Chief Inspector have had a break in the case. They found threatening letters from the ex-wife, and a search of her place finds blood-stained clothing and a painting stolen from the crime scene. They arrest her, but when they find Slade has arrested someone else with no apparent cause, they let him loose.
Crowley, a career criminal and not the brightest firefly in the swarm, immediately proceeds with his completely unrelated plan to rob a jeweler that just happens to be next door to Levenson’s art dealership. Slade and Holly, also nearby, hear gunshots and rush to the scene just as Crowley tries to escape into Levenson’s shop, taking him and a family hostage.
Seeing Slade outside, he demands that Slade be the officer that comes in to negotiate… as the clock ticks inexorably toward 6:00 PM. Slade cannot refuse, and he sends Holly back to the time machine.
Inside, Slade gets the jump on Crowley, killing him, only to have Levenson shoot Slade because it’s been exposed that he’s hiding the artist’s painting, which have vastly increased in value now that Levenson murdered him.
Holly synchronizes with the present and rushes to the hospital just in time to see Levenson trying to finish off Slade. Slade, however, isn’t actually hurt and jumps Levenson, subduing him.
It was all a ruse to get hard evidence on Levenson… I mean, apart from the hard evidence of actually telling Slade, a police officer, that he did the murder and had the paintings, and then shot said police officer to cover it up, thinking him dead, but he was wrong, then lying about what happened to a police investigation.
The Chronology Protection Hypothesis has been proven once again.
Take a journey with us as we visit the past future history of Everytown, as John and Eugene look at H.G. Wells’ Things to Come.
Synopsis
It is Christmastime in 1940 Everytown. Life at this joyous time of year goes on as it always has, with people laughing, shopping, enjoying the panto, and being with their family and friends, but there is an ever-present reminder that Europe is re-arming and that war seems on the horizon.
At the home of John Cabal, he, his wife, their three children, grandfather, and friends Harding and Passworthy, the celebrations are first ruffled by Cabal’s pessimistic musing about mankind’s inevitable march towards war. Passworthy, the optimist, assures him there will be no war, and even if there were a war, war is not the end of progress; war spurs progress and innovation.
The second interruption in the war which starts that very night with a sneak attack, bombing, and later gassing of the city. Cabal and Passworthy are called into military service. Cabal leaves his wife and children, while his wife wonders if it is fair that they brought their children into the world.
The war drags on, and, true to Passworthy’s words, weapons technology, such as tanks and planes, are spurred forward.
In a dogfight, Cabal shoots down an enemy aviator. Cabal lands to rescue the downed pilot, but his plane is full of lethal gas, and it’s leaking out. The two pilots both have gas masks, but when an unprotected child arrives, the enemy gives up his mask for the child. Cabal rescues the child and leaves the enemy a gun so that he may kill himself rather than succumb to the gas. Before he performs the final act, he sees the joke that he was trying to gas that child and her family in the first place and that maybe he’s already killed her family, and yet he sacrificed his life to save her.
The war continues, and now civilization begins to decline. In 1966, after 26 years of war, a new pestilence struck, a plague called the Wandering Sickness. It is highly contagious and 100% fatal. Victims, just before they die, get up and start wandering, sending the other survivors running away in terror.
Harding, a research doctor, tries to find a cure, but he lacks the equipment to succeed. One man, Rudolph, has a plan; he orders people to shoot the plague victims on sight. By 1970, half the population has died from the Wandering Sickness, but the disease has finally burned itself out – perhaps because of the culling, perhaps not.
Richard Gordon is what’s left of Everytown’s Air Force. They have a dozen planes that will not fly because they do not have the knowledge or equipment to repair them, nor have the fuel to fly them.
That’s not good enough for The Boss, Rudolph, now the warlord chieftain of Everytown and wager of perpetual war against their mortal enemies, the Hill People. He wants his planes, and he wants them now, and he doesn’t like Gordon telling him it’s impossible with the resources they have.
And then a plane appears in the sky. Not an old, falling apart bucket, but a new design. Aboard is an aged John Cabal. He is arrested but generally doesn’t fuss about that. He goes to see his old friend Harding and meets Gordon. He tells them that he is with a group of what’s left of the engineers. A brotherhood of efficiency, the freemasonry of science. Harding and Gordon like the sound of that.
The Boss is less thrilled with what he perceives as a threat. Cabal as much as tells him that his organization, Wings over the World, is building a new world order of builders, but they will not abide by war and warriors, and they will clean up the world.
The Boss puts him under arrest as a hostage so that his people won’t attack.
The Boss is sick of technology; he feels that it has brought the world no good, though he does still covet having a working Air Force so he can destroy the Hill People. He demands that Gordon get the planes working. Gordon makes the case that, with Cabal’s and Harding’s help, he might be able to get the planes working. The Boss allows it, but when Gordon gets a plane aloft, he flies it straight to Basra, were Cabal’s base is.
Wings Over the World launch an aerial attack on Everytown. The bombard the town with “peace bombs” which puts everyone to sleep, and then they send in the paratroopers. The only casualty: The Boss, who dies with his way of life.
Back at Basra, Cabal gives his plan for the world: Aggressive peace, excavating the eternal wealth of the Earth, and the fruits of science.
Time moves on, and great engineering feats vacuum the mineral wealth of the planet, fabricate, and build massive cities for the new world. One such city is Everytown, now the seat of world power.
The 2036 and a descendant of John Cabal, Oswald Cabal is the leader of the world. He pursues a restless, never-ending pursuit of progress for mankind.
But, like all periods of human history, there are those that oppose progress. In 2036 it is Theotocopulos, an artisan who wants progress to stop now. The current symbol of that progress is the giant space gun being built to launch two people into space. The two volunteers are Cabal’s own daughter and the son of a descendent of Passworthy. Passworthy also thinks this is madness and does not want his son to go. He is somewhat sympathetic to Tehotocopulos’ arguments.
Theotocopulos goes on worldwide radio and tries to rally the masses into a rebellion. He succeeds, and they sort towards the space gun. In a race against time, Cabal gets the two astronauts to the gun and launches them into space.
Cabal and Passworthy watch the ship fly on. Cabal explains that mankind can go on always progressing, always striving, and always exploring forever, and ever or he is just an animal that lives and dies without meaning.
Simon and Eugene discuss the “Big Lie” in fiction, the Oscar-winning music of Anne Dudley, the difference between train length in the UK and the US, and how foreknowledge might affect your behavior in a time paradox.
Episode Synopsis
Fashion designer Sonia Duval is being interviewed about her upcoming show and about negative feelings about her in the fashion industry. About this time, the world’s absolute worst assassin takes a series of wildly accurate potshots at her that never seem to hit the target, despite her cool-under-fire sloth-like reactions.
The next day at cop headquarters Chief Inspector Grisham takes this seriously. Diana, Princess of Wales, has some of Sonia Duval’s fashions, plus somebody was shooting a gun. It’s all hands on deck to protect Sonia’s life at her upcoming fashion show.
The all-hands-on-deck call includes Holly Turner, Chief Science Officer, who also happens to be a girl and, therefore, can go undercover as a seamstress. Turner isn’t happy about this. Slade has the plumb assignment: He’s personally guarding the beautiful Sonia.
During preparations for the show, it becomes obvious why someone wants to kill Sonia – she’s not a nice person to anyone, including her sister, Linda, who also works for Sonia as a seamstress.
It’s not strictly true that she is awful to everyone – she’s taken quite a shine to Slade, and Turner doesn’t like it one bit. When Slade leaves with Sonia after another death threat, Turner seethes even more, but she also discovers that Linda Duval seems to have plans to get out of her sister’s shadow. Could she be planning a murder?
The next day and it seems Slade may have succumbed to Ms. Duval’s attentions and spent the night out. Slade, ever the brilliant detective, has picked up on Turner’s particularly chilly mood towards him, but before he can find out more, a new lead comes in.
Clifford James, Sonia’s partner, recently took out a £3,000,000 corporate insurance policy on Sonia, perhaps without her knowledge, naming himself as the sole beneficiary.
It’s almost time for the show, and a stupid argument causes Linda to quit. James takes her aside to the office to try to calm her down. Meanwhile, Slade is attacked in the car park, rendered unconscious, and placed in the boot of a burning car – which he manages to just escape from because it’s somehow unlocked. Now he must get back to the show before it is too late.
It’s too late. As the show ends, the sound of gunshots ring out, and Sonia falls to the floor. Morris and the other cops espy someone with a rifle in the chapel and give chase, but ultimately lose him on foot. As Turner, who has some medical training, attempts to examine Sonia, a convenient doctor appears from the crowd pushing her out of the way. Taking Sonia into the office to examine her, he soon pronounces her dead.
Linda is missing, and her clothes are all gone; plus, Turner finds her fingerprint on the rifle. It’s an open and shut case, and one that doesn’t even require the use of a time machine to solve; however, we wouldn’t have a show if they didn’t use the time machine, and so they do, traveling back in time 20 hours.
First, they investigate the venue and the chapel where the alleged shooter was seen. Luckily, the security guard on duty is incompetent and doesn’t spot them. There’s not much they can do until tomorrow, so they’ve got to find a place to sleep. Turner’s flat is not an option, since she’s there right now sleeping. They don’t have money for a hotel, but luckily Slade didn’t spend the night at home last night, so his place is available.
Turner is really digging his flat, which is well beyond his means, and his cooking skills, and she’s really getting into a nice evening with Slade until she comes to the realization that Slade isn’t home tonight because he’s sleeping elsewhere with Sonia.
And so the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head again, and they end the evening in a snit.
In the morning, the snit continues, and Turner won’t hear a word of explanation from Slade. They get on with the job. First, they surreptitiously check out Linda’s flat and discover she hasn’t packed up her clothes yet, despite having left already for the fateful show. Sonia catches them, but they talk their way out of it. Slade also tries to warn her not to go out on the catwalk during the show. It is advice she obviously ignored.
Turner watches to see who attacked Slade, and Slade watches to see who shot Sonia.
The convenient doctor in the crowd was Slade’s attempted murderer. Turner follows them, and when she realizes Slade cannot escape the burning car without help, she unlocks the car, which allows him to escape.
At the show, concealed in the chapel, Slade witnesses a man enter and leave the rifle on the floor and leave. He picks up and examines the rifle as the sound of gunshots ring out, and Sonia falls to the floor. Morris and the other cops espy Slade with a rifle in the chapel and give chase, but ultimately lose him on foot without ever properly seeing his face.
Soon thereafter, Turner witnesses the convenient doctor pick up someone from the office and drive off. Could that have been Linda? She snaps photos. When she shows them to Slade, he knows what happened.
Returning to the present with no drama whatsoever this week, Slade arranges a stakeout, and when the suspects start to move, they arrest Clifford James, the convenient doctor (whose name is Hopkins), and Sonia Duval. They staged the entire thing as insurance fraud, with poor murdered Linda standing in for her sister’s corpse.
Back at Slade’s swinging bachelor pad, he finally explains to Turner that he did not spend the night with Sonia, he spent the night at the venue, and he was the incompetent security guard that didn’t spot them that night.
Also, he’s laid on wine and clean glasses, all for Turner’s benefit.
Simon and Eugene discuss their previous encounters with this missing story, pure historicals and historical accuracy, and the editorial decisions around reconstructing a story where there is insufficient original material to convey the narrative.
Foreword
You’ll often hear that the world you create in the mind’s eye when listening to audio adventures is in every way superior to what can be created on TV or in movies. I find that argument wanting. That said, that is mostly what we have here in these reconstructions where two episodes are telesnaps. Later I found out that William Russell had a separate narrative track explaining some of the more obscure bits, but by this time, I’d already written my summary – and I’m sticking to it. Enjoy my mind’s eye.
Serial Synopsis
The TARDIS arrives near Jaffa in the 12th century. Nearby is King Richard the Lionheart and his party of men named William. They all come under attack by the Saracens under the command of Emir El Akir. Barbara is captured, and Sir William Des Preaux is captured, pretending to be the King as a diversion to allow the real king to escape.
The Doctor, Vickie, and Ian recover the wounded Sir William De Tornebu, giving him medical attention and eventually returning him and the King’s belt, which was in Sir William’s possession, back to the King in Jaffa. Before meeting the King, they must steal some clothes, which the Doctor and Vickie accomplish. These clothes, however, are no doubt already stolen from the Crusaders. Hopefully, that won’t cause any problems.
In El Akir’s camp, Sir William meets Barbara. After proper introductions, Sir William maintains his ruse, and he adds cover for Barbara by claiming she is his sister, Joanna, and they claim the treatment to which they are entitled as royalty. El Akir makes to take them to Ramlah, where Saladin, the Sultan, has his camp, to gain his favor.
Saladin isn’t deceived and knows immediately this is neither King Richard nor Princess Joanna, and El Akir looks a fool. Sir William is sent back to El Akir’s, but, as a knight, he is to be well treated in his captivity. Barbara will remain to entertain Saladin with tales of her travels.
In King Richard’s court, he is beholden to the Doctor and fam but not inclined to help Barbara. Sir William and the Doctor make the King see the humor of Sir William’s ruse.
The Doctor is a wily old bird and soon has the King thinking of a swap and perhaps something more.
The King’s sister, Joanna, meets the Doctor, Vickie, and Ian, and she is suspicious of them. Especially of Vickie, who is pretending to be Victor, a boy.
El Akir wants to do terrible things to Barbara, so he arranges for her to be kidnapped from Saladin’s encampment and taken to his place in Lydda to suffer her fate.
The King has decided to offer his sister in marriage to Saladin’s brother, Saphadin, to make a peace deal, and he sends Ian to convey the message, but first, he knights him, Sir Ian of Jaffa.
The stolen clothes have come back to haunt the Doctor as the Chamberlain recognizes them, but a 12th-century human brain is no match for a Time Lord brain, and the Doctor soon has this smoothed over to his satisfaction, if not everyone else’s.
Barbara arrives at Lydda, and then some noises happen. There are pictures of guards, apparently molesting a chicken, Barbara wandering the streets, and dramatic music, so I think she escaped.
Sir Ian arrives at Saladin’s camp and presents the King’s proposal. They aren’t going to let Sir William go, and he learns of Barbara’s kidnapping, so Saladin allows him to go after her.
Yes, Barbara did escape, and as she is about to be recaptured, Haroun Ed-Din rescues her and gives her shelter in his home.
Joanna discovers that Victor is a girl and, while upset, accepts that the Doctor only perpetrated the deception for the girl’s protection. She takes Vickie into her protection. In return, she suspects that her brother is up to something involving herself and asks the Doctor to tell her if he learns anything. He agrees.
Haroun tells Barbara his tale: His eldest daughter was taken by El Akir for his harem, and Ek Akir murdered his son and wife. For this, Haroun lives only to kill El Akir. He has not told his other daughter, Safiya, about the fate of their family, and she believes they have gone missing. Haroun goes out but is captured or maybe beaten and left in the street by the guards searching for Barbara. This ultimately leads them to search Haroun’s house, and Barbara surrenders to them to protect Safiya.
Saladin has received Richard’s peace offer and agrees to it, but still makes ready his armies, just in case it falls through or is a deception.
While sleeping in the desert, Sir Ian is taken prisoner by Ibrahim and his mostly-missing brother.
In court, the Doctor is not making friends with the Earl of Leicester, who wants war, not peace. When asked directly by Joanna what the King has planned for her, the Doctor demures, so Leicester tells her, and she is furious at both the Doctor and the King, and she flatly refuses, citing that the Pope is ultimately in charge, not the King, and he wouldn’t allow it.
The King thinks the Doctor spilled the beans to Joanna and kicks him out.
Now trapped in El Akir’s palace, Barbara is going to be treated very poorly indeed by El Akir, but she escapes again, this time into the palace.
Sir Ian is tied up and staked to the ground. His captor, Ibrahim, wants him to hand over his money, and when Sir Ian refuses, he covers parts of him in honey and leads ants to him. Ibrahim can wait until Sir Ian tells him what he wants to know.
Leicester is questioning Vickie, and the Doctor is less than complimentary to Leicester and his desire to fight. The King overhears and puts an end to the questioning. He also tells the Doctor that he knows he didn’t betray his plan but that it was expedient to pretend that he did. Leicester is a good fighter, and he’s going to need him. Having made an enemy of Leicester, the King sends the Doctor and Vickie to Acre. The Doctor readily agrees, and they leave immediately, although he’s actually planning to return to the TARDIS.
Barbara has found sanctuary in El Akir’s Harem. She meets Haroun’s eldest daughter, who tells her they all (apparently) hate El Akir and agree to hide her. All, save for one, who betrays Barbara in for a ruby ring.
In the desert, with the ants ever closer, Sir Ian cracks under pressure and agrees to turn over his gold. He convinces Ibrahim that it is in his boots, but when they are removed, Sir Ian’s foot odor overpowers Ibrahim and rots the ropes binding Sir Ian’s wrists. He subdues Ibrahim and forces him to take him to Lydda.
In Jaffa, Leicester learns of the Doctor’s departure and sends his men to follow them. Unfortunately. The TARDIS lies in the direction of Saladin’s camp, not in the direction of Acre. This gives Leicester all the proof he needs that the Doctor is a spy.
El Akir finds Barbara; this time, he’s really cross, but simultaneously two things happen. Haroun, who was just left in the streets, bursts in and… I don’t know, probably kills El Akir, and then Sir Ian shows up to non-lethally thump a few heads. They are both safe and head back to the TARDIS.
The Doctor and Vickie are aware that Leicester’s men are trying to entrap them, so the Doctor comes up with a picture-perfect plan for a telesnap reconstruction – they must make absolutely no sound whatsoever!
This doesn’t work, and the Doctor is captured and about to be killed when Sir Ian arrives and claims the right to kill the Doctor for himself. They get in the TARDIS and leave to the bewilderment of Leicester and his men.
Simon and Eugene discuss the similarities between Holly Turner and Romana I, whether you could plug a time machine into a 30 amp ring main, and what the conviction rate is like in the world of Crime Traveller.
Episode Synopsis
Holly and Slade are at the bank. Holly is looking for a loan to pay for her expensive electronics addiction and Slade is tagging along because… well, who wouldn’t want to follow Holly around?
Holly has no luck getting a loan, but she does get a lecture from the bank drone on her spending habits.
Slade has better luck, thwarting an attempted bank robbery.
Holly has made a decision, she doesn’t make enough money as a cop to support her habit and she’s decided to quit. Slade tries to convince her not to quit and gives her some alternative ideas, such as having a rich relative die and leave her a ton of cash.
…and faster than you can say, “we’ve got a time machine and could easily arrange this,” Holly’s rich aunt Mary whom she has not seen in over a year has been murdered, leaving her a potential fortune.
Because she’s related to the victim, and in a truly surprising act of identifying and dealing with a conflict of interest, Holly and Slade are not put on the investigation.
This rankles Slade, and he guilts Holly into using the time machine to go back and find out who killed her Aunt Mary, or, better yet, prevent it.
They go back in time to about an hour or so before the murder, and they meet with Aunt Mary at her home, as well as her live-in boy toy, Alex. She is a beautiful, lonely, rich widow after all.
Holly is absolutely dead set against trying to stop the murder until Slade guilts her into trying.
They go to the restaurant, Slade poses as the wine waiter, and Holly poses as a health inspector. They know that Mary was poisoned with potassium cyanide in her wine glass. Between them, Holly makes sure that the wine glass hasn’t been tampered with, and Slade makes sure that the wine bottle is unadulterated.
Slade, hovering near the table overhears a potential motive. The three people Aunt Mary is having lunch with are being blackmailed by her, and they want it stopped. And stopped it is, as Mary gasps and falls dead of cyanide poisoning.
Slade and Holly hoof it back to the station – where Holly is promptly arrested on suspicion of murder.
Boy toy Alex has informed them that Holly and Slade came to visit Aunt Mary just before the murder, despite Holly saying she’d not seen her aunt in over a year. Holly has been identified as the bogus health inspector at the restaurant, and her fingerprints are on the glass where traces of poison were found. Oh, and they know she’s expected to inherit millions, and that Mary was planning to change her will very soon, possibly removing Holly.
Arrested, placed in the holding cells, personal possessions, including the time watch, confiscated, and with only a few hours to go before they are trapped in the Loop of Infinity forever, Slade goes to work to solve the murder.
Slade confronts each of the suspects, and they confirm they were being blackmailed, but each points the finger of suspicion to the next.
The dentist points out that the author of murder fiction novels was the one that suggested the lunch meeting. The author points out that she has no access to potassium cyanide, but the owner of the chemical manufacturing company does. The chemical mogul points out that there’s one more person with a motive – Alex.
With the suspects having done all of Slade’s detective work for him, he questions Alex and decides it must have been him.
Meanwhile, Holly escapes, desperately trying to get back to the time machine before it is too late. One wonders if she’d bother to wait for Slade at this point; however, the question need not be answered as the two of them, in speeding cars, collide head-on with one another.
Back to the apartment they go, just beating out Chief Inspector Grisham who is trapped in an elevator when the time machine blew out the power during an earlier part of the episode.
Synchronized back in their own time, Slade reveals that Alex is the murderer. He poisoned Mary’s medication, and then post-murder placed cyanide in the wine glass to cast suspicion on her lunch companions.
It looks like Alex is out of the will and Holly gets it all… unfortunately, it’s all debt. Aunt Mary was blackmailing the others because she’d gone broke on a bad investment. At least Holly got a cash bonus for false arrest and a raise. Also, she’s still got Slade.
Just in time for Christmas, it’s a new series here on Fusion Patrol! (And this is one we’ve been looking forward to for a very long time – for at least seven years!)
We’re beginning our journey through Anthony Horowitz’s 1997 time-traveling* detective series, Crime Traveller.
Simon and Eugene get our first look at our heroes and the premise of this oft-forgotten BBC series and we discuss how all crime drama is essentially time travel, actors trying to break out of soaps, and if time can make value judgments in the intersection between the laws of economics and the law of physics.
It’s episode one of Crime Traveller, entitled Jeff Slade and the Loop of Infinity.
Episode Synopsis
Detective Jeff Slade and his detectives are on a stakeout, surveilling a train station. Their job is to observe a slippery character they suspect of committing multiple murders but have no evidence to convict.
To the horror of his boss, Chief Inspector Grisham, Slade thinks the suspect has spotted them, and he gives chase, first in the station and then by motorcycle on the streets of a great metropolitan British city. In the end, the suspect’s car plummets several stories into the river and almost certain death. Slade is going to be cashiered over this one. If only they knew why the suspect was at the station.
Police Science Officer Holly Turner does not want to see Slade gone, so secretly, she heads home, where part of her flat is a time machine. She travels back in time, goes to the train station, and observes the suspect at the train lockers. With that information, she returns to the present, gives the info to Slade, and they discover that the locker contained the very evidence needed to convict – if he’s even still alive. Slade can keep his job.
He’s curious how Holly got the information, and eventually, she tells him. She only works for the police to make money to help perfect her father’s time machine. He doesn’t believe it.
Slade is called away to the scene of an alleged suicide. Industrialist Guy Lombard has been found dead of a gunshot wound in a locked room at his home. He was about to make a ton of money at a meeting this very evening; it didn’t seem likely that he’d commit suicide at this time.
Some suspicious caterers were trying to escape the scene and have been detained for later questioning by Slade, but they’ve escaped.
Slade returns to see Holly and apologizes for his skepticism; he convinces her to demonstrate the time machine.
She explains how it works to him:
- They will go back a random number of hours
- They will live through those hours again
- They must return to the time machine at exactly the moment they departed
- If they fail to do so, they will be trapped in the loop of Infinity and relive those hours forever.
- They must not meet themselves
- They cannot change anything
The machine sends them back 10 hours, and Slade immediately starts acting like a bull in a china shop. He confiscates a catering van and clothes, and they head to the Lombard house, posing as the caterers. While Holly tries to pull off the catering, Slade snoops around and learns that Lombard is a complete ass to everyone, and they all might have motives to kill him. Eventually, he witnesses part of the crime and, in the process, gets shot. He doesn’t know who the killer is, but he does know Lombard wasn’t alone in the room and that the suicide was staged.
Now, as the police are arriving, they must return to the time machine, but their actions trying to flee the scene are suspicious, and they are held by the local police for questioning when Detective Slade arrives. They manage to escape with the police hot on their tails.
Once in town, they split up, planning to rendezvous at Holy’s flat. Slade takes a moment to bet on a horse, planning to collect when he returns.
They make it in the nick of time, and Slade’s gunshot wound is miraculously healed. Holly explains that everything resets when they return to the present.
Armed now with what he knows, Slade returns to the scene of the crimes and reveals that the murderer is Lombard’s business partner. It’s a fair cop, and Chief Inspector Grisham is impressed with Slade’s detectiving.
Slade takes Holly out to a very expensive dinner to thank her and also to try to convince her to let him use the time machine more. Nope, that’s never happening, she says.
Slade gets one more surprise. His betting ticket is blank. Holly explains: Time won’t let you cheat.
*There seems to be a distinct dislike of American spell-checkers to the British spelling of the word “traveller” as in the series title, favoring the American spelling “traveler.” I’m not going to lie; this has caused constant grief and back and forth on how things got spelled in the notes, the graphics, the write-ups – you name it. As an internal style guide, I have adopted the practice of spelling the series name as credited on screen, but I will use the American spelling elsewhere unless something gets mixed up. Again.
Simon and Eugene discuss what happens when the police finally appear at a crime scene in Bugs, the best way to deal with any inconvenient build-up of anti-matter, and whether the definition given of viruses adequately explains the infection of man by machine. (Spoiler: it doesn’t)
Episode Synopsis: The Bureau of Weapons
Military types are mildly distressed to learn that CyberAX, a top-secret project, has escaped. The creators explain: “We created an AI that can learn and grow, and somebody hacked in and showed it a better playground, and it left to go play.”
Of course, we all know that Jean Daniel Marcel is the hacker with a better playground with his super-conducting Naobium computer processors. Far from wanting to control the child-like CyberAx, he sends it out into the world to grow and develop.
Roland, from the Bureau of Weapons Technology, and Ros’ friend contacts the Bugs to show them this cool new technology they’ve intercepted: a CyberAx headset, which allows direct mental control of electronic systems. Two-way, it seems, for when Ed raises the possibility that such a system could infect the user with a computer virus, Roland aims a howitzer at his chest and shoots himself at point-blank range.
With a shell mass of 5kg and a muzzle velocity of 770 m/s (or 1,722 mph) at a total distance of only 3 or 4 meters, Roland is instantly killed.
Except he isn’t.
Four groups of people rush to the top secret location: Team Bugs, paramedics, the police, and Jean Daniel’s extraction team disguised as sexy paramedics.
I know what you’re thinking: “There’s a policeman in this episode?!” Don’t worry, he only delivers one line and then leaves.
As you would expect, the responding parties arrive in the following order: sexy fake paramedics, Team Bugs, the lone policeman, and finally, much later, the actual paramedics. By then, the sexy paramedics have already spirited away Roland’s somehow still-living corpse.
But let’s not get caught up in the details, or we’ll be here all day.
Team Bugs surmise that the headset implanted a computer virus that lays dormant until detected – detected in this case being the infected person thinking about the idea that they might be infected – and then the virus takes steps to protect itself, causing the infected person to destroy the physical device and either kill themselves or collapse in a comatose heap.
We’d better not tell the rest of the Bureau’s team that they might be infected. Too late, they’re all down and have, again, been collected by the sexy paramedics. And this time, they’ve planted a bomb, which Ed disables by dropping it in the swimming pool.
An analysis of the wrecked headset equipment shows Naobium, which was what Jean Daniel was all hot and bothered to obtain. Ros checks out his former prison home while Ed checks a particle accelerator to see if Naobium can be made.
Ros learns that Jean Daniel had an entire empire of companies interlinked but ignorant of one another, including a company called CyberAx.
Ed learns that if you make Naobium in a particle accelerator, the only way modern science knows how you create anti-matter and destroy the world. As such, experimentation on the creation of Naobium has been stopped. No loss, anyway, says Dr. Briggs of the particle lab, since, despite being a superconductor, it has no practical uses.
Jean Daniel has a diabolical plan. He has allowed CyberAx (the AI) to grow and flourish. Now he plans to build a Naobium-powered data center at Technopolis, where he will double-cross CyberAx, trapping it, then forcing it to do his bidding. There’s just one problem, he’s used up all the Naobium and he needs more. Time to get some made at the particle accelerator.
Beckett goes undercover as a CyberAx victim, hoping he’ll be collected and taken to their secret lair. This works until Jean Daniel hears it’s Beckett, and he decides that it must be a trick. Beckett is captured and taken to the particle accelerator.
Dr. Briggs has already been unknowingly infected with CyberAx. Creating the Naobium will cause a massive explosion, killing thousands, but, for some inadequately explained reason, that won’t happen until after Jean Daniel has the opportunity to escape with the newly-created Niobium.
Ed and Ros come to the rescue. Briggs kills himself as the virus takes hold of him. Jean Daniel and his sexy paramedic Cassandra escape down the evacuation tunnel.
It’s only a matter of time before the anti-matter collides with matter and matter-anti-matter annihilation occurs, killing thousands in the area. Ros must put on the CyberAx headset to control the particle accelerator. She’s able to deflect the path of the anti-matter so that instead of hitting matter, it hits solid rock, punching a hole through it and trapping Jean Daniel in the rubble. Sexy paramedic Cassandra escapes with the Naobium.
Ros is now knowingly infected with the virus. Luckily, she forgets all this and the events leading up to this, more or less, and now, Ed and Beckett must keep it a secret from her and prevent her from ever finding out, all while investigating and solving the problem of CyberAx, without their computer expert’s help.
Episode Synopsis: A Cage for Satan
Some time has passed, and Ros is baffled by the mystery of her missing memories, deleted computer files, and the disappearance of her friend Roland and his team. She is disturbed and deeply suspicious of Ed and Beckett, who are obviously keeping secrets from her while pretending nothing happened.
She takes her old mentor, Dr. Talbot, into her confidence, and when she discovers Ed following her, she sets a trap and captures Ed and Beckett in their basement.
Ros leaves to investigate on her own.
Dr. Talbot calls Ed and Beckett and says he’s figured out that Ros is infected. CyberAx has been giving their headsets out to research and education facilities all over, his facility included.
He understands why they’re keeping secrets from he and he didn’t tell Ros either because of what would happen. In an effort to gain intel on the enemy, he puts the headset on and infects himself. Gleaning enough information to send Ed and Beckett to follow Ros to Technopolis.
Ros has gone to this planned techno-community in Eastern Europe to visit their top security prison, where Jean Daniel is imprisoned in induced electronic sleep. He’s pleased and amused to see her and hear her plight. He sets her on the path to find out for herself, knowing it will trigger the virus.
Cassandra has completed the construction of the world’s largest data center, the future home (or prison) of CyberAx. Before getting things going, she convinces CyberAx to get Jean Daniel out of prison, by inducing his death, then reviving him medically. This works.
Ed and Beckett are chased around Technopolis by armed guards while Ros continues her investigation. Ed lands upon Jean Daniel’s plan, with one difference. Ed suggests destroying the power lines after CyberAx has taken up residence in the data center, killing it.
As the tower goes live, CyberAx moves into its new home. Jean Daniel starts killing people. Beckett is captured, and we learn that Jean Daniel is allowing CyberAx to use the comatose victims as future servers for itself.
Ros’ virus gets activated, and Beckett heads to plant the bomb but gets captured again. Ed kills sexy paramedic Cassandra and then, just for good measure, kills Ros. Also, Beckett escapes again.
But he’s not really killing Ros, he’s just rebooting her. Ed runs, carrying Ros’ corpse, two blocks to the medical center.
Beckett returns to plant the bomb but is captured once again by Jean Daniel, but the bomb goes off, kills Jean Daniel, and kills CyberAx.
Beckett then runs the two blocks to the medical center, where Ros has been declared dead after about… what? 30-40 minutes of no heartbeat? That’s when they realize the CyberAx revival chamber isn’t working because CyberAx is dead, so they try traditional revival technics, and Ros wakes up after hearing Beckett’s voice calling her back from the light.
Later, we see Roland and the others remain comatose and brain-dead. Ros bids her friend farewell. Then his eyes open after she leaves.
The End
Jodie Whitaker’s Doctor’s era comes to a close. Simon and Eugene conclude a two-part discussion of the fall of the Thirteenth.
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