Paws and Reflect: Recent Episodes
Paws and Reflect
Haley and Sean reflect on owning and training our delightful (and delightfully weird) blue heeler Scout. Since adopting her in 2019, we've navigated fear-based dog reactivity, a big move from Wisconsin to Florida, idiopathic epilepsy, being a foster home, and countless ups and downs in between. We’re now gearing up for full-time van life!
We hope our blunders and realizations can encourage fellow dog lovers. Find us @paws.andreflect on Instagram and pawsandreflect.blog.
Sean and I recorded this on December 14th, three days after my eye surgery. Now I'm finally able to look at screens here and there to share it!
Mostly a (somewhat silly) story of trying to make my drops suck less... but as usual the experience did make me think of some real dog connections too.
'Tis the season for holiday family time! We talk about how it can be (counterintuitively) harder to advocate for our dogs around loved ones than strangers, that it's okay to focus on humans-only activities sometimes, what our visits have looked like lately, and my very best advice for anyone who gets overwhelmed at social gatherings 🚐😉
Related links:
- How We Handle Traveling to See Family With Our Dog — older blog post about our logistics before we lived in a van
- Why I’m Risk Averse With Family Dog-Dog Interactions — recent reflections on separating Scout from my parents' pets
- Why I Love to “Leave The Dog Behind” — sometimes it's best for everyone!
- Leaving Our Dog Alone in Our Van: Safety & Temperature Control — how we keep Scout safe if we do stuff without her
Sean and I sit down to talk about the ways I've struggled with ego, self-righteousness, and external opinions in life with Scout, including where I think the pressure came from initially. I feel more confident about our life together today than ever before — but wow, has it been a journey to get here.
Some blog posts that address similar topics:
- What Level of Obedience is "Good Enough" For My Dog?
- Is My Dog My Mirror? Yes and No
- Worst Moments in My Dog Ownership
- Working Through My Biggest Dog Ownership Flaw
- Why Does Your Dog Need To Do… Well, Anything?
Our "What's Right for YOU" Instagram guide compiles related posts, too.
Probably one of our least organized episodes to date (yes, that says something haha...) BUT Sean and I finally recorded another podcast!
We reflect on our recent visit to New York City with Scout. Urban dogs & their people face so many challenges every day — it made me think about how adaptable our companions can be, how much work goes into taking good care of a canine in a city, how our environments affect our training goals & choices, and how different our life with Scout might have looked if we lived in a place like that full time.
Related links:
- I summed some of these high level thoughts up in a blog post called "An Ode to Big City Dogs"
- This article shares overall reflections on navigating NYC with our van
- My friend Karoline (Dog Mom Mentality) did a podcast series not too long ago interviewing dog owners who live in a range of different environments — she & her guests provide some much more organized insights!
Haley and Sean sit down to talk about fulfillment, a topic inspired by a very kind listener in a podcast review. We discuss what biological fulfillment means to us, what it does for us & Scout, how we try to find activities that fulfill our cattle dog, and a bit on how we conceptualize our human fulfillment too.
Related blog links:
- Fulfillment checklist article
- Reasons We Play "Just" to Play
- Our Play blog category
- Q&A From New Cattle Dog Owner on Fulfillment
Sean and Haley sit down to record a podcast for the first time in a while after several weeks of transition. We're officially living full time in our converted van, Hermes! We talk about our first impressions of van life (we absolutely love it so far); how the small space has changed (and not changed) certain parts of our lives; Scout's fulfillment, confidence, and overall routine being on the road; what it's like to leave her alone in the van when we go somewhere that isn't dog-friendly; and a final summary "pros and cons" list.
More about our van life plans and experience so far:
- The Van Life category of our blog
- Van Dog Logistics Instagram guide
Haley and Sean run through a (not comprehensive) list of phrases I've heard often in the dog world — particularly in online training communities — that I think have merit (I see where they're coming from and agree in some contexts) but can also be reductionist (too sweeping of a generalization, misconstrued in unproductive ways, otherwise taken too far). So much depends on our personal connotations with different terms!
We talk about:
- “Let dogs be dogs”
- “Let them sniff”
- “Dogs crave structure”
- “Be a good leader”
- “Don’t coddle your dog"
- “Dogs aren’t humans”
- “This is how it’s done in the wild / this is what’s natural"
- “Dogs do what has been reinforced"
We also roast B.F. Skinner a little at the end. All in good fun, we promise.
Largely inspired by our recent experiences fostering, Sean and Haley sit down to talk about how every dog is an individual even within a single breed or home or other group.
While domestic dogs do share many overarching traits, they also each bring their own quirks and preferences to the table. When we make space for that, it can be so fascinating and fun. When we get caught up in expecting all dogs to be a certain way, though (often subconsciously) we can set ourselves up for disappointment, resentment, or unnecessary conflict.
Related links:
- What Colors Our Perceptions of Dog Training Methods? blog article — talks about how our own dogs' preferences can influence how we feel about things as a whole
- Why Does Your Dog Need to Do... Well, Anything? blog article — addressing how every dog, owner, and situation is different
- "It's All in How You Raise Them" Isn't True (and Truly Hurts) blog article
- Don't Compare Your Dog Reactivity Journey to Others blog article
- What's Right For YOU Instagram guide
Sean and Haley sit down to talk about fostering, which is clearly very top of mind lately. I am absolutely honored to have inspired some people with dogs like Scout (fearful, reactive, otherwise not social butterflies, etc) to open their homes to foster pets. I'd love to normalize the fact that creatures can coexist without directly interacting — it doesn't have to be "throw the dogs in the backyard and they immediately get along" all or nothing!
That said, it's also really important to me that our personal experiences fostering are never used to say "hey this is possible, therefore you have to". Sometimes there can be a lot of pressure in the rescue world — and while I empathize with where those big emotions come from, everyone gets to make the decisions right for their individual pets and situations. We all decide what level of management and risk we're comfortable with. There is no one single way to be a "good" person or animal lover.
In short: The ultimate goal of these rambles is to acknowledge that fostering a dog who is not interacting with resident animals (for whatever reason):
- Can be very hard. A multi-dog household, even if temporary, is never something I'd expect or force.
- But: It also is doable in the right circumstances. Not every animal in a house has to be instant best friends for it to be a successful experience!
Nuance, as always.
Sean and Haley are a little tired and frazzled today after some busy weeks... but we sit down to talk about our current foster dog, a seven-month-old puppy with a broken leg, and the emotional rollercoaster we've lived since picking her up on Monday morning.
We cover: a brief overview of Mystic's condition and what's made this situation challenging, that it's okay to have big emotions and struggle with things (yes, even if you're a self-proclaimed dog person with high standards!), that I've never been more thankful for the strength of my relationships with both Sean and Scout, how we've tried to process our feelings to stay connected as a team, and some logistics of this foster experience overall. Complete with a few other rambles, of course — and gushing about how much we really do love this little dog even if she's given us a run for our money.
Related links:
- Our Foster Mystic story highlight on Instagram details our day-to-day so far
- Our Foster Puppies Instagram guide compiles posts about our initial time with Mystic and her littermate back in July
- The Rescue category of our blog has multiple articles about our fostering journeys
Sean and Haley talk about social / observational learning with our dogs, how incredibly COOL and worthwhile those concepts are to explore, and also how they can fit into advocating for our pets. (Sometimes "showing our dog a person / dog / situation is okay" and "advocating for our dog" might sound contradictory, especially if we hear extreme statements at far ends of either spectrum, but they aren't mutually exclusive!)
Some specific books that inspired these thoughts:
- Dog is Love by Clive Wynne
- The Genius of Dogs by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods
- Dog Sense by John Bradshaw
- (Highly recommend reading the actual studies discussed for more context; all three of the above titles have nicely organized reference sections specific to dogs)
- Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are by Frans de Waal
Some related links:
- Running list of dog ownership books I recommend overall
- Running list of all the animal-related books I've read recently
- Sean's older blog about "just hanging out" with Scout (talks about social relationships, approaching them in a natural way)
- Blog on if my dog wants to please me or not
- Blog on thinking about my dog as a human friend
- Blog on advocating for my dog
- Blog on the line between advocating and "babying" my dog
Our van conversion will be finished in just three months! Sean and I sat down to answer some commonly asked questions about our choice to live in a van full-time along with a few build details.
We go over:
- Why do we want to pursue van life in the first place?
- Why go through a conversion company for our build insteading of converting a van ourselves?
- Why buy our house a year and a half ago, and why sell it now?
- Why a Promaster?
- How is the van temperature controlled?
- How else have we set the van up with Scout in mind?
- Why include a shower?
- How does internet work?
- What are we most looking forward to?
- What are we most nervous about?
Related links:
- "Van Life" category of our blog
Sean and Haley talk about balancing work, dog ownership, and other responsibilities with self care and messy emotions — specifically in the context of working from home.
It's been easy for me to feel like a remote work schedule should automatically mean my days are more productive (I don't have a commute to drain my time, I'm with Scout for more of the day so can fit in short frequent play sessions, etc) especially now that I've gone out on my own with a more flexible schedule. On the one hand? I absolutely do want to make sure I use my time wisely and don't take these opportunities for granted! On the other? My own fulfillment and rest are as important as ever. I don't need to constantly self-sacrifice in order to "deserve" the good things in life, and there is no shame in taking time for myself.
Some related links:
- I Quit an Awesome Job to Write About My Dog? (reflections on going out on my own)
- “Just” an Owner: Do I Have Any Right to Talk About Dogs? (relates to imposter syndrome, wondering if I even deserve to get to write about animals for a living)
Sean and Haley talk about embracing the mythical magic of our relationship with Scout (how incredible is it that we harmoniously share life with a creature of a whole different species?!) while also staying rooted in an accurate perception of what makes our cattle dog, well, a dog.
Sometimes we see animal lovers delving into "folk nonsense" and expecting unfair things from their companions (or creating potentially dangerous situations by assuming our pets automatically understand societal norms, illnesses, or so on in ways they actually might not). On the other hand, we also see trainers try to dismiss the potential depth of connection between dog and owner in favor of a more robotic or negative view of our pets. I personally think the healthiest approach is one in between!
Books mentioned:
- For the Love of a Dog by Patricia McConnell (the first I read this past week)
- Dog Sense by John Bradshaw (the second I read this past week)
- Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are by Frans de Waal (I just can't stop talking about this one!)
- Dog is Love by Clive Wynne (apparently I also can't stop talking about this one...)
Some related blog articles:
- Does My Dog Want to Please Me? Yes and No
- Pros & Cons of Thinking About My Dog as a Human Friend
- What Advocating For My Dog Means & Why It Matters (the first part of this talks about honoring my dog as a canine)
- Imagining My Dog’s “Umwelt” Helps Us Grow as a Team (all about trying to understand how Scout experiences the world)
Sean and Haley talk about dog sports, inspired by a thoughtful friend's question of if not participating in them has ever been at all uncomfortable as a voice in the online dog community (or if we've ever been made to feel weird by others in the space).
We discuss why we don't do organized dog sports with Scout (just personal preference and lifestyle!), whether or not we are "against" them (absolutely not!), some things we've observed about different dog sports communities as outsiders (many awesome merits and a few potential cons), and a few overall reflections about being on social media (like how easy it is for content to be perceived in ways differently than the author intends and how much I care about nuance).
Sean and Haley sit down to chat through some dog ownership myths and generalizations that have personally affected life with Scout. I've felt a lot of internal conflict on different topics, especially in my first year with her — and across-the-board, contradictory statements from different trainers and friends and family members fueled much of that turmoil.
We talk about:
- The false idea that "good dogs have to love other dogs and people"
- It's not "all in how you raise them" and the nuance of nature & nurture working together
- How rehoming is sometimes the best option for everyone involved
- Potentially hurtful statements like "your dog won’t have behavioral problems if.... you’re a good enough leader, they trust you, etc" that put all the onus on us humans (who are trying our best and already feel plenty overwhelmed & insecure)
- Similarly, advice like "if you’re calm your dog will be calm" and variations of "just don’t make a big deal out of things"
- The classic dogs on the furniture debate and a bit about our understanding of dominance
- That "you shouldn’t comfort your dog when they’re scared"
- If taking our dogs on a daily walk is the end all be all and generalizations about exercise
Some related links and references:
- One of our first blogs, asking why your dog needs to do... well, anything
- Blog on how we set impactful goals with Scout
- It's all in how you raise them blog
- Ian Dunbar on the TWC podcast (and our running list of podcast notes)
- Puppies born ready to interpret human signals
- Blog on the balance between advocating for vs babying my dog
- Our personal dogs on the furniture rules
- Books I recommend to dog owners (we specifically mention Dog is Love by Clive Wynne and Frans de Waal's works)
- David Mech dominance articles (I pronounce his name wrong twice in this episode — my apologies! I was quite embarrassed when I realized. That's what I get for primary learning through written works. Oops. But the points about his works still stand.)
- Human control of resources / automatic dominance over dogs
A while ago I answered an "ask me anything" question on our Instagram story saying that no, Sean and I do not want human kids. I was completely floored at the number of messages — and diversity of responses — I received. So Sean and I sat down to dig into the topic further! We explore ways that dogs and kids do feel very similar to us, ways they're different, if having Scout fills the "role" of a kid for us at all, and some other nuance along the way.
Some links:
- Strange Planet comic I reference (unrelated to the actual topic but I said I'd include it, so I did!)
- January Instagram post talking about how I'm no longer completely resisting the "dog mom" label
- July Instagram post about how not wanting my own kids doesn't mean I hate kids
- Books I recommend to fellow dog owners (we mention Dog is Love a few times in this episode)
- My favorite Frans de Waal books for dog owners (seriously, go read Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are!)
- Blog about why it's sometimes helpful to think about my dog as a human friend (tangentially related to the parallels of dogs and kids / us both being social mammals)
Sean and Haley try to distill a massive topic into an hour of conversation: how our training has evolved over time with Scout and whether or not we regret things we did in the past. This topic was initially inspired by someone on Instagram asking us to discuss guilt about previous training methods and snowballed into an attempt to (at least at a high level) reflect on our journey over time. There's a lot to unpack! So many confounding variables. Lots of emotions, too. But above all, we're happy about life with Scout today — and that means a lot to us.
I previously wrote about some of the things we discuss in this episode in an article on our blog. If you're looking for an organized, in-writing version, that's a good place to start. As always, happy to answer any questions or just talk dogs!
Sean and Haley talk about our fostering experiences. I'm thrilled we've been able to welcome new dogs into our home even with Scout's fear / social awkwardness / general discomfort! We get into some of our personal logistics to make sure every creature in our home feels safe and advocated for (you can read more about our initial integration process with our first foster here) as well as the many emotions fostering has brought about and how we manage our own human wellbeing, too.
- Note: “Reactive” is a really broad term. I chose to use it in this episode title since I think it’s the word most fellow owners will resonate with, but it’s important to remember it can mean different things to different people. You can read more of my thoughts on labels in this blog article and more about not comparing our reactivity journey to others in this one!
Sean and Haley sit down to talk about relationships. We briefly touch on our history as a couple (I adopted Scout when we'd been dating for 4-5 months and she was just "my" dog at first), discuss things that went well and things we struggled with as we came to own Scout together, and make multiple connections between dog-human and human-human relationships throughout. At the end I share my very favorite (and rather morbid) way to alleviate feelings of frustration with the creatures I love.
You can read more of our relationship thoughts in this Instagram guide and articles on pawsandreflect.blog.
Drumroll for an official Paws and Reflect podcast! This first episode is a quick introduction to Haley and Sean, our cattle dog Scout, and how we came to be recording a podcast episode instead of just doing Instagram lives.
Take a listen to our previous Haley-Sean dog chats on Instagram at @paws.andreflect or read some of our writing at pawsandreflect.blog.