The Bridges We Build

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Monica Pruitt Zoll shares her family dynamic approach in her coaching practice. Monica uses her personal experience with her mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis when she had young children and dropped nearly everything to help her mom (and dad). Her parents were living together in the home where Monica grew up.

The Initial Signs: Do not assume that the first signs of Alzheimer’s will be memory loss. In Monica’s situation, she shares how her mom’s energetic/nervous Venezuelan energy shifted. She became really focused on cleaning and organizing. Monica’s mom started pulling away from her friends and always said that she was too busy. Monica believes that her mom knew that something was wrong and was trying to hide and minimize it to others because of the stereotypes and shame. It was unclear what was happening at first because the signs were not obvious. Monica thought it could be a brain tumor because of the new mood swings including anger. The anger and OCD were new. Do NOT Give Up: Her dad was the first one who tried to ask the doctor for tests to get a sense of what was going on with her mom. The doctor said no! Then Monica asked and the doctor refused again! On the third request when they brought her mother in person the doctor finally agreed to scans and testing. This was what led to Monica’s mother finally being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Unfortunately, ageism or insurance formularies can be factors getting the help you need for your loved one. Do not give up, advocate!

As the only child, Monica promised her mom she would take care of her… The sadness arrived with the diagnosis and some fear because one of her mom’s dear friends had been diagnosed prior. Her mom saw the decline, personality changes, and eventually his passing. This made her mom sad and a bit worried.

One Prior Episode of Getting Lost but the doctor was not concerned: She did get lost driving to the mall once. Even with this the doctor was not as concerned because she was able to trouble shoot and make a phone call to create a solution. REMEMBER: Trust your gut and ADVOCATE for your loved one. Being STRETCHED: There was a lot of guilt for Monica. She was not really with her kids/husband 100% and not really with her mom and dad 100%. It was a fire drill she was just trying to make it through initially for all of them. What helped initially was starting medication and having the family move in ESPECIALLY the grandkids…. Also, there was a big shift when her mom started going to the day program from about 9 am – 3pm, initially 2 days a week and eventually 5 days a week. At times, her mom did not want to go…but once there she enjoyed it. Much like when we drop off kids to school.

Monica’s training in Montessori teaching was pivotal. Just like little ones who get scared being dropped off, those with Alzheimer’s are usually fine after they engage with the day care group. Monica taught her dad how to navigate this as well. Monica coached her dad through this process as he became a caregiver to his wife. There is value is one person spear heading and managing the care plan for the Loved One. This person is then divvying up assignments: phone calls, sending packages or cards, videos, or uploading the Nixplay picture frame, etc. BUILD IN BREAKS: 10 minute breaks at a time… TAKE THEM! It is not too small… listen to music for yourself or do an activity together. Music for you and your loved one can bridge the gap when the conversational skills are diminishing. Dancing and listening to music relieved so much stress and brought a lot of laughter to Monica’s whole family! Her mom did yoga too and was even able to do Tree Pose😊. Get up move around in any way, stretch, and get outdoors!

Monica’s mom passed away in 2019. After her passing, Monica knew that she wanted to share her knowledge and help others. Contact https://www.monicazollcoaching.com

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Anna Cantor has 10 + years of experience with Dementia. Her mother was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s & Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia in 2010. Anna was living in Germany at the time and dropped everything to become her mother’s caregiver. About 4 years into the process Anna moved her mother into a Care Home because her mom needed more care. Since then, Anna made it her goal to continue to educate herself on Dementia. She is a Certified Independent Dementia Consultant through Tepa Snow’s PAC program.

Anna focusses on two pillars: the Care Partners (family usually) at their home as they are dealing with day to day challenges with the disease progression AND after moving your loved one to a Care Home by creating a support system and plan for what comes next personally.

Anna’s approach with care as a partnership of friendship and trust to have their back. Post traumatic growth is used to integrate the space of resilience with embracing where they are at now… all the feelings are OK, and to move to acceptance. Then, Anna can help others prepare for the next stages of the disease process. Being vulnerable but empowered to adapt and adjust with agility as needed knowing about next steps is vital.

Tepa Snow program discusses (https://www.tepasnow.com of on Facebook), the brain changes coaching them to discuss which way is best to work with your loved one by using language, sound, music, visual cues. Tips: Break the tasks or challenges into specific steps by looking at the patterns. Routine is good but not having it be too rigid… stay flexible. What was the person doing prior to diagnosis? Create the same scenarios that give them comfort: pack a lunch, go to work (take a walk), doing art or crafts, etc. Are certain times of the day triggers?

Tools to use for self-care- yoga, any physical exercise, learning and connecting with others in community (Alzheimer’s support group Alzheimer's Help & Support | Alzheimer's Association ), and knowing what to expect next can provide comfort…

See the good in this process – see the good! Holding hands, sharing a smile, a hug, music… MUSIC, talking, create the special moments of connection and Anna has seen it still present with her mom during recent visits.

32:30 At what stage do you consider comfort measures only for your loved one? How do you personally make that choice for your loved one? The doctors and medical professionals are trained to continue and preserve life. Anna shares how withdrawal of feeding (by not using/ placing a feeding tube) is very humane and peaceful end of life process.

Getting the diagnosis after the testing process… then what? How to get information? Gain clarity through personal research and reach out to the Alzheimer’s Association for trainings and conferences in addition to getting a second opinion.

Robin Williams’ diagnosis of Lou Body Dementia – as an example of why we need community, resources, support and counseling. THIS is not meant to be done alone. See if you qualify for free counseling in your state if you are a Caregiver for your Loved One!

Anna is very EAGER to help… she fell into this path through her mother’s diagnosis and feels humbled to create this consulting practice: https://www.yourdementiacoach.comand IG @yourdementiacoach. Anna is available 8am – 9pm Pacific to help trouble shoot as well. Contact her for a free consultation!

Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others! Please subscribe, rate, review and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB. Thank You!

https://www.carewithabundance.com/serviceofferings

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Reposting….A rookie move on my part… not sure how this was deleted so I am reposting this episode!

Quincie Novella is a Case Manager for Salus Homecare. She really began her journey when her mom was diagnosed with a terminal condition, then put on hospice at the age 52 years old. Quincie quit her job to take care of her mom and her life was forever changed. From that moment on she decided to serve others in this way.

Salus Homecare provides coverage in Los Angeles, Orange County and San Diego, California. Quincie talks about the types of Caregivers they hire and how giving life back to the clients is always the priority. Everything from the owners being on site each day to the A+ BBB rating, and ongoing background checks that are done on caregivers; this all speaks to the culture and standards of their company. Here is the link to learn more Home Care, Home Health, and Hospice Services | Salus Homecare.

You can also contact Quincie via email at qnovella@salushomecare.com. The services are customized to your loved one's need with a specific plan of care.

I speak at length of the Long Term Care Insurance paperwork that Quincie helped me complete to activate my mom's case! It was a huge burden that she lifted off my shoulders.

Quincie Novella reveals the risks of hiring a caregiver on your own, without an agency. How can there be any risk if a family uses a payroll agency?Listen in to find out!!

(24:47) Quincie reveals how Covid truly changed everything. It is a candid heartfelt description of what she and her company experienced first hand. Quincie even helped with the case load to support the staff and families in need.

Lastly, Quincie talks about how family members get really stretched when trying to do the care themselves resulting in a completely different relationship with your loved one. Do not hesitate to call for a free assessment to see whether your loved one is in need of additional support from Quincie/Salus.

Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others!

Please subscribe, rate, review and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB. You can also message me any thoughts, feedback, or topics you would like covered… possible future guests too!

Thank you for joining me.

Much LOVE!

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Grief Recovery Expert, Shelley McIntyre is a wealth of knowledge as an educator and a coach. She has a very unique perspective on change and challenges we face. During Shelly's work as a corporate strategist and product consultant she recognized a common theme- the obstacle to growth (in companies and individuals) were feelings surrounding CHANGE. Change is so threatening that it elicits a grief response for what once was.... a true sense of missing and yearning to recreate the same situation or experience.

Shelley creates systems and processes to normalize this feeling of loss and grief. In doing so, grief becomes normalized and not as overwhelming. The ability to name the feeling, talk about it, and identify where you feel it in YOUR body is an instrumental part of the acceptance process. In order to do so, we must let go of the myths around grief: that we need to be strong for others; power through it; have a glass of wine or drink to relax; replace it with food/toys/distractions/stay busy; time heals... All of these myths further isolate the individual going through this transition by externalizing the solution vs. turning inward.

There are ways you can have a conversation with your loved one and process some of your grief if they are still here! Three ways to address the grief you are experiencing: 1) Share and discuss positive memories and stories with them. Assume they can hear and understand everything even if they have reduced or no verbal skills. 2) Apologize for a prior situation- if a positive experience- for example, where your loved one deserved praise or recognition for their supportive nature to you. 3) Ask for forgiveness through a letter that you write but do not give them OR find a trusted person to stand in as a heart with ears! Never ask for forgiveness to your loved one's face... because you never know how it will land.

Here are a few reminders of what to do (or not do) as we journey through these transitions with our loved ones with Dementia and their losses in turn become our grief too. 1) Remove expectations- get rid of the shoulds; everyone progresses at their own pace and in their own order! 2) Accept your feelings. The only way to move forward is to go THROUGH it. 3) Calendar the meaningful dates in advance: birthday, anniversary, holidays, etc. Then, plan in advance how you will manage your self care and the activities for the day overall. YOU choose... do not wait for it to just happen. 4) On days when you are having challenging moments, look across a long distance, an open space. This provides a bit of distance, perspective to your vision and creates space and hope. 5) Feet on the floor. Really feel them grounded and rooted. 6) Rub your belly slowly 7) Humming either alone or do so with another person.

Healthy options to Flight, Fight, Freeze, and Fawn: Flight- go for a brisk walk or hike when you feel like you want to bolt. Freeze- lay down, nap, or meditate. Fight- scream in the pillow, jumping jacks, something that gets your heart rate up. Fawn- make a list of gratitude... even the smallest things matter.

If we do not do this work Shelley McIntyre says the pre-existing grief keeps piling up and compounding for each new experience. Our bodies and souls carry and store it at a cellular level. Instead, use these methods and techniques for support as you step into YOUR life with continual radical acceptance of what IS and keep the LOVE! Reach Shelley on IG @griefisnormal or https://shelleymcintyre.com

Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others!

Please subscribe, rate, review, and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG & FB.

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Change is constant. However in 2020 and 2021 we have been thrust into more change than ever with Covid.

Even further, we are navigating tremendous change with our loved one.... Then there is another shift! Our lives are constantly changing... 'tis the Season of Change & Transitions.

School is ending, Summer is coming, perhaps a graduation... How many changes are you or someone in your immediate family experiencing currently? Returning to work in person? Did where you work, live or go to school change? Your body... has it changed? Our inability to see people in person over the last year has impacted relationships with friends and family in ways we never even imagined. What does this look like as we gradually return to these relationships and situations? Is it awkward, lumpy, strange?

N O U R I S H- yourself!

N - needs are met (a place to live/sleep/food to eat)

O- oxygen: just breath and stay open with your heart and mind

U- underachieve ... yes do less!

R- radical empathy, grace for yourself

I- intentional: purpose & priority; what is a MUST do; create a honeydo list for yourself with LOVE on it first!

S- soulful: be real with yourself and go for your dreams and STRETCH or reach but do NOT push.

H- heal: reframe negative chatter; accept where you are (starting point) so you know where you want to reach! HEART- lead with it vs. fear.

Fear is truly the absence of Love. This is when our ego jumps in and gets defensive to preserve itself. The familiar is far more safe and known. But then we do not grow... The resistance and friction from these transitions and challenges makes us stronger and far more resilient. You know how you feel after you do something super scary for work, school, or for yourself! Afterward the feeling of confidence from breaking through this FEAR or challenge... the knowing and internal strength is palpable! Remember this ENERGY as you go through this new Season of Transitions. Nothing is permanent.

Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others!

Thank you for joining me.

Much LOVE!

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Help?! How do I get my mom, dad, grandma, or grandpa on Zoom or to answer my text or email???? Here is how!

Abbie Richie of Senior Savvy is an absolute gift to those she serves. Abbie builds bridges for Seniors as she creates connectivity to maintain relationships and shared experiences. She is known as the Computer Fairy Godmother of technology and continues to help those in their 90’s with many success stories!

Abbie helps you customize what is best for your loved one with 1:1 support, workshops, or programs. Abbie keeps it simple and helps the Senior every step of the way as she speaks to the specific need of each client. Where do I go to get the device? Which device is best? Or What APPS are needed? Should we use Zoom, Skype, FB, or Google meet to communicate? Can’t I just give my mom or dad my old phone or device? Pause before doing so and listen in…

So much great information revealed. Be sure to check out the recent segment that ABC/15 did last week on Abbie Richie: May 14th, 2021 – ABC/15 News spotlight on Senior Savvy!

Please reach out to Abbie Richie of Senior Savvy at www.seniorsavvy.net or on IG @abbie_richie or on Facebook at Abbie Richie Senior Savvy.

Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE as we are The Bridges We Build with and for others!

Thank you for joining me.

Much LOVE!

SAMANTHA DAZEY

samanthadazey@carewithabundance.com

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We forget often that nothing is permanent...

What is the other side of grief?

I think it is a life well lived!! The ability to live a full and abundant life means that we put ourselves out there... with vulnerability and risk! Otherwise this uncomfortable transition, the loss, would not be felt.

I briefly discuss grief in the various forms... whether it is a physical object (home/car); a situation or experience; a relationship ending; or the loss of a loved one through death. Are you experiencing the grief first hand or secondarily as a caregiver/friend/support person? Regardless, the grief is palpable and real!

Realize that this grief is validation of a life well lived! Give yourself permission to have a break and speak this truth to those around you for support. You may be giving others the permission they need to do the same, but they were afraid to do so!

Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE!

Please subscribe, rate, review and follow The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB as well. You can also message me any thoughts, feedback, or topics you would like covered… possible future guests too!

Thank you for joining me.

Much LOVE!

SAMANTHA DAZEY

samanthadazey@carewithabundance.com

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Rebecca Austin is our guest. Her journey to become a nurse was not linear. It began with her experience with first broken bone, to joining the air force at 17 years old, and then becoming a Chinese Cryptologic Linguist!!! Say what?! You can clearly see that Rebecca is a dynamic woman with many layers. She used her GI bill for nursing school and worked in a level II trauma center which was incredibly eye opening. She immediately learned that the healthcare system focused on sickness vs. wellness.

Her mom’s diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia further shifted her perspective as she was the primary caregiver for her mom for that 2-year journey. After Rebecca’s mother passed away, she was determined to use this recent information and experience to help others. Hence, Live Well RN was created by Rebecca and her business partner Lynn!

www.livewellrn.com You can also find her on IG @livewell.rn

Our diagnosis/disease does not define us! But why are these terms used at time? Rebecca sheds light on an especially important point. The distinction between someone has ‘diabetes’, or ‘fat’, or ‘cancer’ but you are NOT ‘diabetes’, ‘fat’, or ‘cancer’!

Live Well RN- Ask a Nurse Program is a multistep process of support. They help decipher the language of medicine through 1) translating it so you understand it in simple terms; 2 )being a tour guide so you know your options; 3) navigating you once you choose your path; and 4) supporting you by being a cheerleader and holding your hand as needed.

Daughters Without Mother’s Day Circle Event was 5/4/21 and will likely be an annual event! It went very well. Contact Rebecca if you want to be included for information next year or for other events. You can also find Beth Goshow’s “Daughters Without Moms” podcast where she interviewed Rebecca on Episode 17!

We are each other’s bridges clearly! More than every we connect and lift each other up as we see that systems and processes are imperfect. We BRIDGE the gap. Rebecca is an incredible example of this work. It was an honor to have her as a guest!

And remember, caring for yourself is not selfish! Continue to CARE WITH ABUNDANCE!

Please subscribe rate and follow and like The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB as well. You can also message me any thoughts, feedback, or topics you would like covered… possible future guests too!

Thank you for joining me.

Much LOVE!

SAMANTHA DAZEY

samanthadazey@carewithabundance.com

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Abundance and Joy with Dementia or other Long Term Care (LTC) conditions? Is it possible?

FYI- This was my first guest interview so bear with my imperfections!!

Michelle Chavez shares her journey. She is a Residential Services Director but did not start there. Her journey is like a lot of ours where one idea or introduction leads to another step.

My experience with Michelle began in 2017 when she assessed my mother’s overall needs and level of care before she was moved into Assisted Living. We discuss all the nuances of how do you begin the process with your loved one? Where do you go? Which agencies? How is this discussion broached with your loved one? Can they be part of the decision-making process? Is your loved one still driving?

Over time my mom and I let our guards down and realized Michelle and the team were our allies. Michelle became one of my strongest resources as I continued to navigate the best needs for my mom after a bad fall in October of 2017. The fall, the surgery, and recovery process for my mom changed her attitude from “them/they” to “we” at the Assisted Living. Mom realized that this was the best place for her and she had a team of support.

We discuss healthy habits of water/hydration, sleep, and movement as it relates the brain and Alzheimer’s. What is memory care and when does your loved one need it?

So much incredible information wrapped up in here! Michelle ends with last thoughts and tips for families. She can be reached on Linked in @ Michelle Chavez | LinkedIn

Please rate and follow and like The Bridges We Build, podcast. You can reach Samantha Dazey @carewithabundance on IG or FB as well.

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Here is a tidbit from my Mother's Day Workshop- I created this acronym to remember the ways to BE. Much Love to ALL!! xo

NOURISH

· Now & Necessary (BE & Hierarchy of needs: Shelter/food/safety)

· Open & Oxygen (Heart & Mind; Breathe-slow it down to your belly)

· Underachieve & Unexpected (Do LESS- shorter to do list; things come up)

· Radical Empathy (Give yourself some grace, your Loved One, & the disease)

· Intentional (Purposeful with specificity- who is this serving? Priority?)

· Stamina & Soulful (Strength physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually)

· Healing (Thoughts, Energy, Lifestyle Choices, Beingness)

1) Acceptance of what is

2) Comparison is a thief of joy / A different chapter

3) We have no control over the disease

4) We cannot control how things are received

5) WE CAN MANAGE OUR RESPONSES (usually- realize you are human)

6) Energetically – Your LO (Loved One) is still in there regardless of responsiveness level

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The Bridges We Build with Samantha Dazey

As Mother's day approaches it is hard to not get nostalgic. What does Mother's Day look like this year? As we think about that, a word keeps popping up.

Nourish!!

Is it food? Is it acts of kindness/doing? How do we nourish others? Most importantly, how do we nourish ourselves? If you don't really, pause and consider why not as you listen and take in ways to start.

Contact: sddazey789@gmail.com or @carewithabundance on IG for details on the MOTHER's Day workshop Zoom invite. Provide your email and any questions you would like addressed for 4/25/21 @ 9am PDT

Much Love... Let's Continue to Build Our Bridges Together

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We are just getting started here but have so much to share. Come on and join us! Let's start sharing the wins we experience, the joy and the abundance of our journey as we support those we love... and continue to discuss The Bridges We Build!

Episodes to be released in the beginning of May, possibly sooner!

Much Love.... chat with you soon.

Samantha

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The Bridges We Build: Recent Episodes

Samantha Dazey