Dad In A Daughter's World: Recent Episodes
Brandon Ray
Encouraging men with daughters to take up the mantle of Dad. My family has taught me more about myself and being a man than anything else. I am here to share stories, interviews, and life lessons to let other #girldads know that they are not alone, you are valued, and you are critically important. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/dadinadaughtersworld/support
This is the end of my passion project. I have learned a lot. I won't say I won't come back to this sometime in the future, but for now, I'm stepping away to focus on life with my girls.
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This may be controversial, but I have chosen to bolster their courage instead of dispel their fears. We can't always know what it is we are facing, so instead of trying to explain it away, lets just punch it in the face.
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Is anyone else sick and tired of the kids shows being filled with adult content? I sure am.
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I'm back from my time away. I had some big projects to focus on. I left off with my advice on preparing for Disney and I'm sorry I didn't my update out sooner, but here it is. We had a great time, but also learned some lessons.
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It has been a few years, but we are going back to Disneyland. I thought I would share some of the tips that help us be successful on our Disney outings. We have gone enough times that these are tried and true. I hope they help.
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I finish up my bit on health by interviewing my coach for the last 15 months. Bernard has been a huge blessing in my life. I am so grateful for his influence. I am an advocate for getting a coach. We need people in our lives who are pushing for the same things.
If you would like to connect with Bernard, you can find him on Instagram at @bernard_crohns_warrior
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Everyone tells us we should all have goals. I don't disagree, but the goal is not really important. The goal is just something to get us on a journey. Once we are on a journey, striving to succeed, then we will change and grow. Then...we'll keep going.
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A key to success on my health journey was removing the mental burden of feeling like, "I HAVE to work out today." I don't have to do anything....I GET to work out today. Making this change helps remove the mental burden, which allows us to sustain our habit longer.
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Negative self talk is causing more damage than you think. We think it only impacts us because it is our brain, but it doesn't. It impacts our whole family. I'm not asking you to instantly switch from negative self talk to being a positive person walking on clouds and sunshine. Lets just take the first step and from negative to neutral.
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A health journey is the best way to train ourselves for being good dads. The first step in getting healthy, learning to show up every day. If you can master that, then you can build a foundation of trust with yourself and with your kids.
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Are you stuck trying to figure out how to start getting healthy as a busy parent? It's hard, but it's important. My friend Joey joins us again to talk about what it takes to get started on a health journey. Please be sure to find Joey on IG (@joeyszolowics)
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I hope you are on a health journey. I am and wanted to share the beginning steps. There was so much mindset work that had to be done before I could really get results. I'm going to continue sharing insights from my journey in hopes that it will help you on yours.
If you aren't on a health journey yet, get on one. You need to be alive and as strong as your girls need.
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It's 2023 and time to set your vision. There is no "new year, new you." There is just you and you will either move forward, backward, or stay the same. Just remember, whatever you do, you are modeling how to live for your girls.
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We took a day trip up to the snow and nothing went as planned. That's alright though, because it was not about anything other than family time. So, keep the spirit of adventure and you'll be okay.
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I hope your holiday has much less sickness than mine. With all this time spent being sick, I had some time to reflect on the negative impacts on how we treat our sick friends and family as well as how we need to change this going forward.
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Keep the magic of Santa and the Scout Elf alive for as long as you possibly can. The kids will have plenty of time to be jaded. But, be prepared for the transition, it won't last forever.
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I finally got struck with the "rona" and got some separation, which really helped me clarify some things, like my kids are just doing what kids do. The forced separation was good time for me to reflect.
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I had a moment when I really needed my daughter to listen to me, but I have yelled too much and she has become desensitized to it.
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It is critically important to keep as many family traditions as possible. I know Thanksgiving gets overshadowed by Christmas, but it is one that my family loves. I make sure we are there too. These traditions keep us connected to something much larger than ourselves.
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We have to stop raising a nation of squibs! I don't really say that, but if you watch Bluey as much as I do, then you know what I'm talking about. It's true though. These generations are soft. We need to do our part to make sure our kids are ready to be adults.
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We are the summary of the 5 people closest to us. This is why the friend group is so important. I share how I ask about the friend group and encourage her to pick good influences and separate from the negative ones.
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Our young girls are caught between two worlds. They are too old for Disney music, but not old enough for Katy Perry. Where are they supposed to go? This is a challenge I've been working through and, to be honest, not completely figured out. We can't shelter them from every burden, but we can't force onto them more than they can handle.
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Feedback is so important for our kids because they want to learn everything they can from us (even if they act like they don't). The problem is we can get stuck in a negative rut and only see the bad things they do. We have to be clear and positive with our kids when providing feedback.
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Ever since having daughters I have become much more aware of the presentation of women. Now that football season is back up, I have to ask, "what is the point of cheerleaders?" They don't actually do anything at the game. They do force me to address concepts of what beauty is with my kids though, so I guess there's that.
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My daughter asked me, "why do we eat the same thing for breakfast every day?" Well, I'm so glad you asked, let me tell you....
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Have you ever found yourself adding things to your "honey do" list, or working longer hours then necessary? Have you ever asked yourself why? I did this and realized I was using my work as a distraction so I didn't have to deal with something that made me uncomfortable.
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Some dads are good at playing with Barbies, I am not one of them. I have frustrated my kids more than once because I'm not good at imagination games. I think we, as dads, need to be honest with ourselves about our strengths and weaknesses as well as candid with our kids regarding them.
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Sometimes we miss things. No one's going to bat 1.000. A childish disagreement on the playground is a great opportunity to help separate the dignity of the person from their ideas, thoughts, or beliefs. If we can teach this one thing, our future will be brighter.
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We all know that phase when you hear, "hey, dad! Watch this!" or, "Hey, dad. Look at me!" It is a fun stage where they really think you are the coolest dude ever, but it comes with it's challenges, like the constant demand for your attention. We have to consider a few things during this stage to help maintain the status of coolest dude ever to our little girls.
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It is critically important that we read to our kids every day. It is also important for dads to be involved in that. The kids benefit from seeing us read to them as well as from the books we will favor over what they will typically choose.
If you need some help getting a good bedtime story, please consider my first children's story The Great Wolf. The Amazon link is here
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I have put quite a bit of time into reading parenting books this year. I wanted to sum up some lessons from those books and the first one is "The Strong Willed Child." There are some good tidbits in this book, but overall, you could probably save quite a bit of time just by listening to this podcast.
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I got to sit down with a local Christian apologist and father 4 and we discussed bringing up kids in the faith and how important it is to live out our faith. I highly recommend connecting with Robby. He is insightful and doing great work with Stand To Reason.
https://www.str.org/robby-lashua
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Are you a dad and an entrepreneur? If so, then you probably have a really good idea about how hard it is to do meet all of the obligations. Miguel Chavez is a coach that helps with exactly that. We talk about discipline. I think there is some info that will serve you here. Also, if you need some extra help, reach out to Miguel for coaching.
Reach out on Instagram @hardworkdiscipline or to Miguel directly @chavo_3
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My daughter came home upset one day after school and explained that she was on a girl's "hate list." It was sad, but also a good teaching moment for her and for me.
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Have you seen the #protectwren stuff going on? It was in the headlines, so I read a bit about it. I thought, "this is crazy!" Then I thought about it a little more and realized most of us do the same thing, just maybe to a lesser degree. We need to protect our children from the internet.
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We can't control everything that happens and we can't live in fear of everything we can't control. So, what are we to do? Focus on the only thing we can control, which is our response.
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After 50 episodes, what is the number one lesson, most important lesson I have learned?
Listen and find out!
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If it hadn't been for the gentle nudge of my loving daughter's, I would have never realized how much life passed me by as I stared watching nonsense on social media. I have been on a social media fast (removed it completely from my phone). This is the story that has motivated it.
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No, I am not going to tell you how to become the ideal dad. You have to figure that out for yourself. This is about how I have received a bunch of different approaches and advice on having an ideal self envisioned. This is the approach that I use and it helps me get over my pride and work towards being the dad I want to be remembered as.
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Have you ever felt physically drained? Exhausted? But, yet, satisfied at the same time? Working hard is important. The sense of pride we get providing for our families is a tangible currency. It has real value. I also think we judge ourselves incorrectly as it pertains to the work we do for our families. We need to give ourselves more credit for the intention. We need to care about the hard work. Lastly, we need to remove judgment on the results. If we do these things, we will be able to put our head down at the end of a long day and truly rest.
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In celebration of Father's Day, I share a story about my girls throwing me a "best dad ever" party. That expression of love was enough to keep me going. I hope you had a wonderful Father's Day. If no one else told you, you are appreciated, even if they don't know it yet.
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Despite the warnings we received, we made the decision to get my daughter a dog. It's been hard, but what my daughter is learning is worth it.
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We got back from our epic trip to New York City. These are the 3 biggest lessons I learned traveling across the country with my kids.
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What is the key to traveling with kids? Planning, planning, and over planning. It is too much work to try and figure stuff out while managing a family. Plan everything out and make room for unexpected things to happen, then be present with your family.
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I don't think I censor my kids, but I do manage what they experience. There are certain things that require a certain level of maturity to handle. I can't control everything, and for those instances I make it ok for them to ask questions. That is how we foster a healthy pursuit of understanding.
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You would think that it was deeply satisfying, but it was not. It was actually extremely disappointing. These girls need to do things that suck so they know how to grind and not quit. Those are key elements to success in life.
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I have discussed discipline before, but I lay out our method for discipline here.
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If we force our dreams onto our kids, it becomes their burden. Our children are not our mission. Our children cannot bear the weight of our dependency on their shoulders. We are bringing up co-pilgrims to walk this road with us (and make it a little further down than we did).
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Comparison is the thief of joy. Please stop robbing yourself and you kids of the joy of knowing them uniquely and individually. We have to work hard to remove comparison.
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One of the most difficult topics to discuss with our kids is our bodies. This conversation is so important to ensuring our girls have a healthy image of themselves and of others. We can't shy away from this conversation. It might be awkward. It might be uncomfortable. It will also be the most random inappropriate times, but we have to capitalize on every opportunity to have meaningful conversations with our girls.
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It is important to have a solid family unit. It is equally important to have solid individual relationships. We need to break away from the group once in a while so we can develop a unique relationship with each of our kids. I do that through camping. It is the perfect way to see how different each kid is and how you can create a bond that lasts.
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Real talk: being a dad is NOT glorious. It's exhausting and underappreciated. BUT...it's worth it. We don't do this for our own glory, we do this for our kids, whom we love. That is all the reason we need.
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We all have to do things we don't want to do so we can have the things we want. There is no way to get the reward without the hard work. How do we get our kids, who can't think past the end of their nose, to see a future that is better than their immediate either more or less than their current situation? We have to set a vision that is to scale with our kids.
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Have you ever felt like you want to relive your vacation but can't afford to constantly be on vacation? Of course. You're a dad. You have work to do. If we can't always be on vacation, how else can we generate that same dynamic at home? One solution is a breakfast dance party, the other is fire. Both are good options.
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Parenting is hard and there are stages in our child's life that are REALLY hard. Don't look past this current difficulty though. It is there to teach you, to prepare you for what's next. I have been learning this in my own life. Be sure you learn the lesson today because there is a test tomorrow.
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Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I still believe in good manners. I teach my kids manners and hold them to a high standard. This is the foundation on which I am building the both the understanding that we must acknowledge the dignity of other people, but that we, and our daughters, demand respect for our own dignity from others.
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I'm not good at play. I just carry around too much crap in my head to let go and play with my girls. One way that I have gotten around that is by subjecting my kids to my childhood favorites. The one we recently watched was 3 Ninjas. I love that movie so much. It brought out my inner child and I was able to really play with my girls. Play is so healthy. I swear it cleared a year's worth of stress out of my body. I recommend finding a way to connect your inner childhood to their actual childhood and then playing together.
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Have you ever looked at your daughter and thought, "holy crap, when did she get so big?" Of course you have. We all have, because time flies. It doesn't have to be that way though. If we put in the effort to commit more of our life to our long term memory, our life will feel longer and more rich because our brain is storing memories instead of discarding them. I offer a few tips, along with what I do, to help hold on to those precious moments with our daughters.
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I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day. I am a fan of how much my girls love me, though. They really pour it on and I have to admit that it feels good. I share my Valentine's Day cards that my daughters made me and reflect on 1) how awesome it is to be recognized for what I do, and 2) how important it is that they are recognizing these things in me.
If you are feeling a bit down, spend some time with your kid. Let them love on you. It does wonders for our perspective.
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I am blessed to speak with a marriage and family counselor, Chris Scott. He brings a ton of value with his experience speaking to both men and women. I did not consider how much there is to learn about being a dad of daughters by listening to other women. That was an eye opening statement. I hope you find some actionable information in this episode. Far above that though, I hope it encourages you to get help. Chris said it best, "the men who come the therapy and put in the work are better than most."
You can connect with Chris via email at chris@chrisscottmft.com
And the resources he referenced are:
https://www.fatherhood.org/
https://guideposttherapy.com
https://www.loveandlogic.com
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Rebecca joined the show a couple week and afterwards, I was blessed to be on her show. This is a different style interview as her podcast is much more focused on mindset and entrepreneurs. The wonderful thing about this podcast is that it allowed me to take some of the tactical theories I have for parenting and pull them back up to a strategic level that can be more universally applied.
My daughters have been my best teachers and I hope the lessons they taught me will help some others as well.
If you would like to connect with Rebecca, you can find her on Instagram at @rebeccasonuga
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Joey is a role model when it comes to girl dads. I have learned so much from him regarding my own health as well as health for my family. He is the reason my kids eat a protein, a carb, and piece of fruit for breakfast every morning before school. Joey's approach to building a healthy family is very accessible. If you are trying to figure out how to increase the general health of your family, this is the episode to help kick start that.
Please connect with Joey on Instagram @joeyszolowicz. Not only will you get excellent advice (even if its "non-solicited" ;), but some very entertaining content from the island he and his family live on.
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Rebecca started a business in the midst of solo parenting and having a day job. She is a great example to demonstrate that yes, we can stat that business we've always wanted. Also, I love how she incorporates her daughter. Hustle culture tells us we have to sacrifice everything, which simply isn't true. You don't have to sacrifice your kids. Just incorporate them in what you do and go after it. If you are a parent and have a great idea, then I hope this interview encourages you to take that first step. We are the models for our kids. We can only model for them through action.
Be sure to connect with Rebecca on Instagram @rebeccasonuga. The link in her bio will take you to everything she is doing.
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My daughter is smart...a little too smart...not really, there is no such thing. We had an opportunity to teach our daughter about making value based decisions (vs emotional decisions). This lesson came around to bite me in the butt at Christmas time, but it was worth it if she learns how to be self-aware and consider the people around her when she makes decisions.
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Ever since I had kids and determined to be better for them, I have been on a journey filled with failed goals. I started to ask myself, "why is goal setting not working for me?" If you are like me and struggle with keeping to goals, then I think these 3 steps will help you get closer to that person you want me.
Go get 'em, Dads!
Connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, and Gettr
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I realized that I was put into a box of other people's expectations. I realized I was a wolf that had been pressed down into the shape of a sheep. Here's the thing...we aren't sheep. In this episode, I give my 3 steps to escape the box that we have been put in while remaining a good dad. 2022 is our year if we make it our year. Let's go!
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I thought it would be fun to bring my girls on the show and ask them some questions. We find out what they asked Santa for, as well as what their favorite and least favorite things about dad are. I laughed while recording it and I chuckled listening to it. I hope it brings some joy to your day.
***In case you are wondering, it is my youngest in the cover photo.
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Emotional intelligence is not something most of our dads taught as as young men. This is a critical skill for being a dad, because it is relational. We need to be able to process and understand our own emotions if we are going to help our children process theirs. Mike finishes the conversation with his recommendation on how to get started working on this skill.
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I'm joined by another podcaster to talk about the two extremes we tend to generalize dads as. The absentee or the "spoil her rotten" dads. Paul shares his experience as a dad and we talk about what we should do to keep from being either one of those two stereotypes.
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I am joined by a soon to be dad who has some pretty normal questions, like, "where do I even begin?" We talk about how we can support our wife and kids before, during, and the few months after our child is born. I hope this helps some other soon to be dads. Remember, Fate Favors the Prepared!
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Dr. Shyam joins me to talk about the importance of brain training and why that is important for us dads. He gives us some great tools to help us be better dads, so make sure you take notes because this will be worth implementing.
If you would like to connect with Dr. Shyam, you can find him on Instagram @shyamgotfitat40 and be sure to join his Facebook Group, https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadbodbraincoaching/about.
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There came a point in my life where I realized I was carrying some baggage and how negatively that impacted me. I didn't want that for my girls. Is it possible for them to make it out without any baggage though?
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We all feel uncertainty and anxiety. The main reason? We don't want to screw this up. Are you going to do it right? Probably not, but do it anyway.
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Death is a difficult topic to discuss with our kids. I have found Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day to be a great way to approach the topic from a generational standpoint that focuses on honoring our history and hope for our future.
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Do your kids copy everything another kid does? My youngest copies everything my oldest does. This behavior is natural, but it is a slippery slope. There is a big difference between mirroring people (like a mentor), being a copycat (harmless copying done by a younger sibling), and a sell out (not being true to self for the approval of others).
We're not here to raise sell outs.
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Disciplining our kids at church, or any other social setting, needs to stay focused on their future and your commitment to your family. It is NOT about making you look like you are the best dad ever. Don't get mad, be consistent.
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Dad's don't like emotions, I get that. I don't either. We have to embrace it though because that is how we create lasting bonds with our daughters. It is never too late to bond with your daughters. If you aren't sure how to start, this is an easy way to begin.
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How prepared are you as a dad? I have learned that the sick sisters of fate tend to be gentler with those who are prepared. Actually, that's a load of crap. Success is when preparation meets timing. How prepared are you for the next stage in your daughter's life?
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We all make mistakes, that's a given. We don't all handle it well though. Are you a dad who has to appear like they have all their crap together all the time? Are mistakes a risk to your reputation? Or are you able to be vulnerable and communicate with your daughters? I was forced to choose between these two types and I'm glad for the decision I made because it helps me as a dad.
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Dad-isms is one of my favorite things about being dad. I get to say whatever pops into my head and act like it is profound wisdom. One dad-ism, that has all but become a mantra, is: you can have fun, but you gotta get stuff done. We have to teach our kids to balance play and responsibility. If they can balance those two well, they will be set up for success in life.
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I sit down and talk to an old friend about being a girl dad. His experience is a little different than mine. He had twins, a boy and a girl. Talk about zero to 60 right out of the gate. Having both at the same time gives him some unique insight.
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Dad's are magical wizards of healing! Dad magic is the greatest and it is an important step in the growth of our girls.
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My youngest was sick this weekend and I oddly volunteered to stay with her. I knew it was going to be a long terrible night, but a Girl Dad is there through the sucky times.
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One thing I found when my wife and I were pregnant is that women took every opportunity to belittle me and diminish the role that I played. Our role is critically important and we should not let anyone make us feel otherwise.
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I couldn't imagine having a dad podcast without talking about farts. I mean it is part of my identity as a dad. I take embarrassing my kids seriously, plus farts make me laugh #sorrynotsorry. What boils down to for us girl-dads is that it is our job to toughen them up and help our girls see that they don't have to be embarrassed with who they are or how much chili they eat.
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Have you ever been startled away by a little face staring at you in the middle of the night? Yeah, me too. Made me think, this is probably why they correlate kids and demons in scary movies. Brings our guard down, then sneaks in and scares the crap out of us. Life lesson, there is nothing scary about letting your guard down and being vulnerable with your daughters.
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Welcome to the podcast! I'm here to talk about being a dad of girls. Children really are the best mirrors and we learn so much from them. We learn so we can get better, be better...for them. We want our girls to grow up and be better than us. That is the goal, the mission of this podcast.
Please be sure to connect with me on Instagram at Brandon_C_Ray
Thank you to InkleDeux for making this podcast possible. If you would like to join their meaningful conversations, you can find their podcast wherever you stream your podcast or at InkleDeux.com
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