Tales From the Chair: Recent Episodes
Carlos Cardenas
I've seen a lot things in my many years of providing therapy. And I have a lot of stories. I share thoughts on topics present in mental health, and bring up funny and sometimes more serious stories to look into various issues. I will be looking at stats to understand trends and behaviors better, and we'll follow some how-to’s on managing issues. We'll also be having some guests on for Fireside chats - story time with knowledgeable insight, intertwined with casual banter about our daily lives.
Everyone has that person in their lives. You know the one; they don't think about anyone but themselves and wreak havoc on family and loved ones. And the default explanation and Google search confirmation is.... they must be a narcissist. But what is a narcissist, and what exactly are you supposed to do about it?
5:45 - Qualities of a Narcissist
9:57 - A Pure Narcissist
15:08 - A Jerk...But not a Narcissist.
"You should relax", a cardinal sin in relational arguments. But what's so wrong with this nonchalant phrase? Well, let's talk about it.
Sometimes an argument isnt over; even when you thought you escaped it! That's why you need the Double tap - the handy, dandy, useful tool that makes sure arguments are over, or your money back.
So how does one measure that a relationship is coming to an end? How many signs can there be? This episode looks into all the familiar cues that usually gather when a relationship is beginning to fade.
In working with infidelity, you start to notice that patterns often follow such behaviors. You've got obvious red flags - coworkers, someone from the gym, long hours at "business meetings." But how many does it take to recognize there's a potential danger on the horizon, and how does one stop it.
This is the episode about my infidelity bingo card; a neat little culmination of factors and triggers that put together, often signal trouble in a relationship.
This will be the sister episode to the "dissolution bingo card," the telltale factors of a relationship heading astray. Stayed tuned next week for that one.
Therapy is a conversation. So what happens when, for an hour, the therapist doesn't get a word in? Here's a story about when that happened to me.
Sometimes, clients enter my atmosphere and genuinely throw out some wild stuff. So today its a story episode, because why not?
Story Time
1:57 - Accidental, totally not intentional, infidelity.
8:57 - I give up, I'm getting a mail order bride.
17:51 - Not having a receptionist.....now that's suspicious.
Something different is afoot. Over the course of the last few years, American teens are developing relationships with partners online. But these relationships are not destined to meet in person. So what's going on, and how concerned should parents be?
Story Time:
3:35 - A Boy Adrift on Discord
7:27 - a Girlfriend in VR
9:35 - A Future Together, Apart
Working in a therapeutic setting, you generally deal with patient's problems that can range from minimal to considerable. And every so often, they'll be some concerning instances that can get out of control fast. So this episode, I'll be sharing tales from different times where things escalated quickly.
Story TimeStamps:
1:20 - How Clare de Lune got weird
7:03 - Being In the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time
11:17 - The Bloody Shirt
16:13 - Rage Against Mr. Carlos
Running a business in America is hard. But what happens when you're selling something that is intangible, and makes the client do all the work? Let's talk about charging for therapy, and the delicate dance of providing therapeutic services.
Therapy can get expensive, but is it worth it? Today we talk about the cost of therapy, how it adds up, and how you quantify it's value. Turns out, its a little more complicated than you think.
Tune in next week, as we reverse the mirror and wonder about - The Plight of Charging for Therapy.
Getting a divorce is rough, and adding kids to the mix just makes matters worse. There's a lot of things you should do when facing this issue, and a lot of things you shouldn't. So let's talk about a few of those today.
Lately, gun violence in America has been met by calls for reform or change. But the recent trope of "Gun violence is a mental health problem," has blurred the conversation away from solutions, and left us with a futility for change. So lets talk today about what a mental health solution would look like, and why we as therapists are right now outmatched when being able to tackle this problem .
My favorite kind of patients are ghost kids. It's like sorting through a creepy puzzle, and hoping you don't get haunted when you're done with it. But what's going on, and why do kids see ghosts?
You guys did it again. A slew of questions to address......publicly. But hey, it's fun to dialogue these things.
Keep asking questions via sometalesfromthechair@gmail.com, and heck, share your stories.
There are great patients. There are tough patients.
There are ones who reached a wall and couldn't get past it.
There are ones who conquered their obstacles.
And then there's the worst patient I ever had. How did they achieve this feat? Well, have a listen, and enjoy the whirlwind that spanned 5 years of my career.
"Calm Down," the cardinal sin of conflict. Ever tried telling someone to "relax" when they are irritated? Do you ever recall it working? Of course not, because it never does. So, what is one to do instead?
Grief is overwhelming, complicated, and intense. It follows a set path, and diverts when it wants to. Today, we're talking about variants in grieving, and why folks sometimes handle it differently than others.
Relationships constantly change and evolve. But a running question sometimes arises - should you experiment to spice things up? Well, let's talk about that, because sometimes its brought up as a actual issue to curiously answers, and many other times, its an excuse for shenanigans.
Panic attacks are random, awful, unexpected, and terrifying. And when you face an unseen foe, how do you ever feel safe? Well, let's talk about it! Lots of stats in this episode, along with guidance and common things to look out for to break away from a panic trap.
This episode isn't a primer. It is to show the trends used to justify and gloss over cheating. And you know what? It works. Except it doesn't; because you get away with it, and then you're stuck.
Storytime:
6:20 - The Shieldbearer
10:11 - The Cocky Bull
13:07 - The Empath
Therapy is a great bastion to dig deep, and search within ones deepest, darkness thoughts. But can you safely say things without them getting out? We're going to talk about it! From the rules of confidentiality, to the discretionary line that therapists' tow. We'll review how confidentiality is withdrawn, and how things like murder can even be discussed in therapy, and kept within the therapist's walls.
Asking why questions are a great resource for finding answers right? But did you know its an agitant, defensive question? So today's bonus episode tackles why not to ask why, and instead, ANYTHING else.
Take out the stats. Take the discussion out. Its all stories today.
This episode is just putting up tales on some of the things coming through my door. is there some wisdom to be shared, or a pearl of knowledge to be gained? Sure! But I'm off the clock, so there's that.
Story Time:
00:40 - The Accidental Threesome
4:00 - No, It is not a Hex
8:47 - Ghosts, Aliens, and Trolls at the window
12:52 - Changing Your Baby's Name; a Year Later
Its funny how much those around you have thoughts and concerns with respect to your therapy, and sometimes they are very obvious about it. So why do you get asked and probe about this private matter, and what does that mean? Well, let's get into that.
Reminder to like, subscribe, or review on your podcast provider, and write to us at SomeTalesFromtheChair@gmail.com
When a relationship is blessed with a child, it is usually a momentous, wonderful occasion. But often times - whether because of false expectations, feeling overwhelmed, or naive absentmindedness - mistakes are made. So we're going to talk about it today; what not to do, what to look out for, and how to make things smoother during this tumultuous, blessed time.
Reminder to like,subscribe, or review on your podcast provider, and write to us at SomeTalesFromtheChair@gmail.com\
Story Time:
2:55 - Now You Gain a Hobby?
6:35 - But I Did it For You!
9:00 - The Plight of the Professional
No! Yes? I guess....? Threesomes aren't just a fun fantasy tucked away in the minds of college aged males. It can be a complex experience that affects the dynamics of a relationship; for better and for worse. But how do you know if its a good idea, or a bad idea? Neat stats, rules to consider, and more, on today's episode!
Story Time:
4:15 - Shooting His Shot, Because Why Not?
9:01 - Once You Start, You Might Not Stop
You can chat along via twitter, on @SomeTalesFrom, or email us at SomeTalesFromTheChair@gmail.com.
What is Santeria? Witchcraft, Religion, spiritual superpower? Often times, folks talk about santeria in my office as if its the cause of all that ails them (or what makes things better). So, let's have a chat about it. What's it about, what does it do, and what to do if you find yourself with a small doll of your likeness.
Have you ever thought about what goes into a cheese puff? Chester Cheetah is a liar; there's no cheese! Today, we touch base on the history of cheese puffs, and how flippant, good natured comments can often be devastating to ones' emotional state. Have a listen, and see what I mean.
Do you know often I'm asked if someone's partner, spouse or kid is a narcissist? Its a lot. But narcissists are relatively rare, and its hard to discern who is a clinical narcissist, and who is not. So let's talk about it! We'll look at the traits that make a narcissist, and then its story time!
Story Time:
9:55 - Its Not Me, Its You
15:00 - That's Dr. Narcissist to You
Follow us on Twitter - @SomeTalesFrom
Email Us - SomeTalesFromTheChair@Gmail.com
Its great to see your kids grow up.....until adult issues start to make their way into your lives. But what do you do when you find out they are thinking about having sex? What can you do? Listen in, and lets dive into the horrifying world of being a parent of a teenager.
Story Time:
2:45 - A Tale of Two Teenagers
7:57 - Backpedaling When Its Too Late
13:10 - Cultural Complications
Remember to follow us on twitter @sometalesfrom , or email us at SomeTalesFromTheChair@Gmail.com.
The bag is light, but we've got questions! Listen in on some viewer questions and if you want to have your question posted on a future mailbag, you can write to us at sometalesfromthechair@gmail.com, or send them to Twitter @SomeTalesFrom.
Decisions are hard. And sometimes we are so torn by the best course of action. The good things and the bad things are all rolled into one. So what do you do? Well, you ask the three questions. Listen in and I'll explain.
Cheating is bad, real bad! And the damage it causes seems insurmountable. Or is it? Lets talk about it, because there's a lot to be looked at in how to recover from cheating. And spotting when one is just trying to cool the heat they cast on themselves.
Story Time for this episode:
3:22 - Getting Friendly
14:30 - The Danger of a Boys' Trip
Break ups are hard and often, not friendly. Sometimes things are left behind, you want them back, and they don't want to give it back. When those items are of a personal or intimate nature, what do you do? So let's talk about it, because this happens a lot more than you think.
3:20 - The "Tape"
6:22 - Another "Tape", but its worse.
8:30 - BONUS - Dogs in mediation.
The LBQT community has plenty of hurdles to deal with, and one of the hardest is telling those they love about who they are. And the question continues to come up; should they? So let's look into it a little, and see what you do with such a sensitive experience.
Story Time:
3:35 - The Nightmare Scenario
6:02 - "Turns Out They Knew"
Sometimes, the way people act is reminiscent of a mental health condition. But what happens when people act of a certain way, and there's nothing wrong? Can you spot the difference? This episode dives into differentiating the two, and shows examples of when an illness is clearly present and driving the issue, and when you're dealing with a jerk.
Story Time features two tales today:
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The "Director" (4:18)
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The Ticking Time Bomb (15:59)
It seems a lot of folks will use therapy as a last resort when trouble arises. And it tends not to work. So.....is therapy futile, a matter of timing ,or something else?
Today's Storytime:
3:15 - Fix The Serial Cheater
5:45 - The Weed Entrepreneur
Bonus episode time! No stats, no moral or discussion, just stories of what not to do. These streams of thought sometimes come to mind, and I figured, "hey, may as well record and share it."
At 2:19, "Karen Needs Yelp"
At 10:45, "Interview with a Therapist"
Show Note - Sorry for the background noise. Had to use a backup mic.
So, it turns out there's a difference between studying and cramming. One is to soak knowledge. The other, to get by an obstacle. Let's get into which one will work better for you, and find the answer to the age old question - Are you a Bart, or are you a Lisa?
Sometimes, its hard to say goodbye. But in therapy, its actually a good thing. But folks dont now when to stop, or if they should. So, let's talk about it. See if we can clear things up a bit.
So it turns out, therapists are people too! And in being people, that means they have people problems. So, what happens if those issues ooze into your own therapy? Should you ignore it, work with it, or run straight out the door?
Today's episode will begin the story time segment , which begins at 4:43 ("Knives Out") and then continues at 8:41 ("Professor X")
There are an awful lot of letters behind therapists' names. But it makes you wonder; what do they mean, and how many are there to mislead you? This episode, we'll go through some, and sort through what to look for - and what to avoid - when you're looking for your own therapist.
So who's talking behind the mic? Listen in, and get a little background on me and where I've been.
Tales From the Chair is a mental health podcast talking about different stories brought up in therapy. Listen in to hear some wild tales, mental health and lifestyle statistics, how-tos on problem solving, and guest conversations.