Disrupt Your Life After 50: Recent Episodes
Melissa Madden
I'm Melissa, I help women over 50 disrupt their story in the most courageous, beautiful way.That dream you've had for awhile keeps sneaking into your subconscious on a very regular basis. Now it’s time to get this dream out of your head and start making it real. You’ve checked all the expectation boxes (college, marriage, kids), now what?Realizing your dreams and leaning into your life is all about digging into the deepest part of you and finding out who you are and create a new version of you.Let's figure out what bullshit is standing in your way.Sounds scary, but it's not. Let's do this together!
"Desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience. And the acceptance of a negative experience is itself a positive experience."
I got this great quote from Mark Manson. I saw on this YouTube video the other day.
And, I think that's totally true. If you keep trying to be happy, you keep desiring to be happier than you are, then that's a negative experience.
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Learn about a tool called The Model that lets you see how your thoughts and feelings lead to your actions and the results you create in your life.
Often it only takes a small change in perspective to make a large change in your life.
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The reason it's difficult to be happy is because our brain is programmed to listen to the Motivational Triad:
- seek pleasure
- avoid pain
- conserve energy
Learn how our primitive brain affects our decisions in today's modern world.
Here's the book we mention in this episode; The Pleasure Trap by Doug Lisle.
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Do you ever think, "I really want to create more happiness in my life, but I feel stuck. I just can't get going. I want things to be different, but I have no idea where to begin. I want positive change, but I feel like I'm in a rut. What should I do?"
Listen to hear Melissa's three steps to begin to change your life.
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Today, we're going to answer a listener question. She says, Every time I get involved in
an activity, something in me takes over saying that I'm not good enough, or something is wrong in the way I'm doing it. Then I immediately stop and start wondering where I made the mistake. When I continue. All I can see are mistakes. There are so many projects. I've abandoned because of this. And it makes me feel like a failure. How do I get rid of my self doubts?
We can all see ourselves in this person.
Right. First, I want to say good job for even recognizing what's happening. That takes self awareness to be thinking what went through instead of just I'm a failure, if you actually thought through what is leading up to that feeling.
You're right, she's actually paying attention to
her thoughts and feelings. So that's, that's a big step number one.
So I think a good way to counter the self doubt is by setting and achieving, like, small goals, very small peoples want to look at the big picture and say, I'm not good at it. But if you look at Oh, I made it through today. You know, I even I continued without what Yeah, I even went on with with my mistakes. That is the best way to build your confidence is saying I can even do it with mistakes. Because, you know, mistakes are how I learned. Celebrating the small things, the small wins.
Listen to hear more about self doubt...
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The 5th Component of Emotional Intelligence: Social Skills
- do not let other people's emotions rub off on you
- someone who has stronger emotional intelligence tends to be happier
- you have to understand yourself first to be able to understand everybody else
- remember you have no idea what someone else is going through
And it all circles back to self awareness!
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The fourth part of emotional intelligence is Empathy.
The definition that we have for empathy as it relates to emotional intelligence is having a high EQ, versus an IQ, meaning being able to understand what others may be feeling and are going through and responding kindly and thoughtfully.
You have no idea what someone else is going through, what is going on their world. Approaching conversations and interactions with empathy, with a mutual respect, putting yourself in some one else's shoes shows a depth of understanding and maturity.
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Today we are talking about another core part of Emotional Intelligence: Motivation.
The definition for motivation is: emotionally intelligent people are motivated by things beyond money, fame or success. They're also able to understand and desire the need to fulfill their own inner needs and goals.
What do you think about this? What motivates you?
What can you learn about yourself as you uncover the role motivation plays in your life?
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How Self Regulation can Change your Life
There's 5 different components that make up the broader definition of Emotional Intelligence. Today we are talking about #2, Self Regulation.
Definition: being able to regulate and manage the emotions you are feeling while waiting for the appropriate time and avenue on how to express them.
Self Regulation starts when you recognize after what you did before, so that you can change it the next time or try to get at least a little bit better the next time.
Self Regulation can be trying to solve an emotional problem with an action. And that doesn't work because emotions are caused by our thoughts. So trying to solve the problem with an action never actually works.
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Why Self Awareness is Critical to your HappinessToday we are talking about Emotional Intelligence. A very big topic.
What is emotional intelligence? It is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control and use emotions to communicate with and to relate to others effectively and constructively.
But why are we talking about this?
There's 5 different components that make up the broader definition.
In this episode we will start with the first component: Self Awareness. What it is and why it is critical to your happiness.
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Welcome to Happy Life Story, I’m Melissa. And I’m Lani. We’re discussing how to create your Better Life Story.
In our first episode, we discuss what is your happy life story. What is happiness to you? And what story do we tell ourselves about our own sense of being happy? And did you realize that you are in complete control of how you think?
Exercise:
Describe yourself in three sentences. And then later, look at what you wrote down? Did you pick the three best things about yourself? Did you pick the three neutral things? Or did you pick the three worst negative traits that you can think of?
Those are all stories that you're telling. They're all what you believe, but you have the choice of picking which one you want to think about.
Hey, I'm Lani Yamafuji. I help unhappy people learn the habits of being happy. You can learn happy habits, just like you learned how to brush your teeth every morning.
I'm Melissa Madden and I help women live the life they want and stop pushing away their dreams.
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