Agonising Uncle: Recent Episodes
Agonising Uncle - Beams.fm
Irish Comedian with great ears.
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fastened Breeze announced more of its line. Of course, the biggest one so far has been Billy. I'll ish onboard. Well, there's a few other ones with Paul McCartney. If you know who he is, there's a couple of others been announced like no, Gallagher's high flying birds on bond. Yeah, who was there was from last year. There was Sam Fender, who's easier. Came across playing some computer game, a camera. But itwas which was really good. The point being I just remembered you in lock down. Just really wanted to get back to a festival. I've never been to class debris and never sort of had any sort of major desire to get there. But there's one festival in Denmark I've been to a few times called Roskilde on. It's just but 100,000 Scandinavians, just sort of having a good time. You know, there's sort of the older crowd have been there for, like, 40 years going, and it's, I don't know, it's there's a nice five when I really want to get there this July. I don't even know what the line applause, but that looks like it's not going to happen, but hopefully you know, one of the things I really missed you on lock down was music festivals, and I know this is the summer. A lot of people get to go back out there, but for one reason other with work and my wife's work commitments. I don't get to go out there, but that's fine. It's all good. It's all good. But hopefully next year I would like to get to Roskilde, and if you get a chance to get to the one outside Copenhagen, get to Roskilde. It is class.
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Theo Cannes Film Festival just finished and awarded the Pam door to Triangle of Sadness by the same director. But it's the square a few years ago on guard Ruben Iceland. If I'm getting that right now, obviously he loves geometry with the old square in the triangle stuff going on. I've never seen a square this the thing with Cannes film and Sundance and all these films that come on. I'm not a film snob, but I try to think, OK, if I watch more of these sorts of films, maybe my taste will improve or change or be sophisticated. And sometimes I watched him and I go for and you know, there's people. Remember that the first time I showed Hidden Hanoch a film which is, you know, a lot of people love. I really enjoyed, remember, sure, he's my brother who's not really into films at all. And in the end, he just he was really angry at me because he didn't he was that What was that on dice? Think that happens with a lot of can films that come out and everyone else goes, Oh, you've given that the award. We don't understand why, but there's a it's nice to try these things, at least in sort of these films, you know? I mean, apparently the new one is that the triangle of sadness is all about super rich people on the art being brought to disaster by Woody Harrelson. So you know what's not to like and I'm supposed to kind of thing you can actually look forward to, but really Well, it's hard to I mean, parasite. Everyone loved it. I really, you know, just yea well done. But I don't know any way back despite her man.
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This is really just a note to myself. Sometimes I think that you need a voice in your own head. That sort of takes care of you when you have a sort of meltdown. I think a lot of us needed that during the lock down, especially when things were going south through. Somebody was in comedy and the arts and everything just closed. We had no clubs. Anything without you sort of have to develop this voicing head. That's sort of like the one going, you know, the sensible voice that wasn't the one who went into comedy or or did something stupid like have a freelance job that depended on, you know, the world not being a pandemic on Bond. I suppose it's just again. It's funny. I found myself after having survived the pandemic, with various contracts coming to an end on having to look out again at the very different horizon of what it's like to be a stand up and just creating new shows and trying to get stuff pushed out there. So I suppose this is just a sort of a moment to sort of say, you know, yeah, everything. It's not that everything's gonna be fine. It's like, Look, you know, just because something ends doesn't mean that you changes a person and that there will be other things will come up. So this'll is Ah, dear Keith to me and probably anyone else who needs sort of a voice in their head to say Look, you know, you are the person you while you worked hard to get here Something else. Something changes. Don't worry about it. You'll find something else, you know, Do worry about it. Don't just sit around and go already to come. It won't come. You need to get out there, but get some sleep. You sleep, sleep, get some sleep. Whatever sleek is, get some rest and I'm off to have pancakes with friends because that's what you need sometimes.
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There's been another school shooting in Texas. In America, this is probably the first or the worst school shooting. There's been 27 shootings in schools this year alone, apparently in America. I mean, we don't really keep up with it over here in the UK This quite a lot going on in. The school's over here, but there's no guns, so we don't hear of any mass Laura's. There's attacks, Yes, but there's nothing like what's happened near San Antonio, where it appears an 18 year old went in, bought two machine guns, a rifle or handgun, something like that on drove off and just attacked kids in an elementary school. Now the big question is what happens? Same thing again. Lots of pressure on Republicans. Lots of noise from Republican supporters and gun owners saying, You know, you never take away our guns. I don't know. I genuinely don't understand how this keeps happening and how people keep getting elected. I understand there's a massive gun lobby. There's a lot of money at stake, but you gotta think in some stage or another, the political scales going to tip the balance of Children not dying. Every a couple of years or every year. I mean, you know, there's been there's been so many that have been reported over here on. So next week there's going to be a meeting of the National Rifle Association on Ted Cruz, and the governor of Texas will be there as well. Donald Trump. So we'll see what happens. Nothing much. Probably. It's same old, same old.
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the football season's closing time, Bar shouted to of some finals here and there by that, I'm looking at you Champions League. But while the Giants battle it out at the top, end of things, a far more interesting storeys played out the other end of the league's when news came through earlier in the year that Wrexham FC were to be bought by Ryan Reynolds and Rob McKellen. Me, Rob McElhenney. Sorry. Ryan Reynolds, you know, is Deadpool Green lantern, those of romcom she'd rather forget, but generally seems like a nice Hollywood guy with self deprecating style. On about McElhenney was Mac, and it's always sunny in Philadelphia, so I've never seen, but apparently should now two comedians buying a Welsh football team sounds like a setup for comedy, Siri's and elaborate and expensive prank. This is what a lot of bystanders thought and wondered for the health of Rex and fans that they would have to cope with the variety of pranks in the coming months. The Wrexham storey of the past 20 years is a fascinating one. If you ever get a chance to look it up on 44 to do involves amount of shady characters trying to take advantage of the property boom, a community rising up to take back the club In a sense of how important this was to the town and the community, it must have felt like they were about to become a punchline. Some Hollywood dinner party. But no, it seems there are some heroes out there, after all, due to the actor and writer working with Michael, any at the time who was a Liverpool fan and introduced him to a documentary, Simple Until I Die, which totally enraptured him about football and sent him off. And then he sent of the acting to the UK to find a club with four criteria facilities, fanbase, history in finance. That was the deal, and Wrexham came in with the most points received a windfall international attention but most importantly, seems to guardian angels who want to invest in community. They made it to the trophy final, but will they make it to the next league will find out soon
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is monkey pox. The new cove It I would like to say no and just leave it at that. It's a virus. Yes, on There are some dramatic pictures of blisters on people's skin that resemble the kind of made of skin infections you might have seen the Hollywood movies on. There's always that movie outbreak where a monkey was carrying a deadly virus, but it seems to be not easily transmissible. It's just down to household sharers, and those have had sexual contact. So that rules out most married couples. Boom. There you go, little joke in the middle of another possible global pandemic. I didn't feel very funny or creative the first year of the Last Pandemic, but I feel more prepared mentally to start a podcast to do some funny take talks. This time. That's a total. I'm never going to do any of those things. I have an INSTAGRAM account with followers and everything, and I've never posted ever. So, yes, when it comes to all things viral, I'm not likely to think of a box. It's a known wise popped up now, but pre pandemic could probably not even have been bothered by this. It's just that after everything we've all been through, anything remotely new and infectious is going to cause a little bit of alarm. There's been a few deaths across the globe, but tiny amount Thean faction shares of itself within 14 to 20 days. So as a secret for world ending event, it's pretty mild. But in terms of what it means for the pure department for monkeys, they are going to have to start working overtime. Doing more cute videos and posting them online while dressed up are something like that so that we can trust him again. Monkey box grating for band though please welcome the stage monkeypox.
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Australia have just had their elections. Here's how it breaks down because I know we're on this side of the world in Well, I'm in London. I don't know where you are right now, but over there I just haven't been paying much attention. So the Liberal Party are out, led by a man by the name of Scott Morrison, who was pretty much your bloke's bloke on bond once carried a piece Colin to Parliament. So climate change wasn't really a thing for him. Now you might think, Oh, it's a Labour party or taking over that's gonna be completely different. A man by the name of Anthony Albanese, who apparently was raised by a single mother, another state in Sydney. So his storeys always pretty compelling, although apparently he does seem to drop in on all the time. No, what we have in Australia are the growth of independence, which is interesting because it's all about well, what do we want a supposed to? I'm with the left or the right, or I'm with that party that against this party site, all right, we really need to think about what we want, where we are and Sydney has has begun to turn to that Also, greens in Queensland. Now this is sort of wear on the I'm not going to say it's not in the sticks, really, but it's sort of compared to maybe Sidney's, regardless out in the sticks but again, a place where they haven't really taken on the idea of climate change in any way. But the fact is, I'm in Australia suffered some of the worst droughts and fires on floods on. I mean everything else you'd associate with Robert R. Who directed all of the day after tomorrow. Anyway, that guy, that film Australia's been through it. So it's interesting to see that they're turning fear into hope. Maybe I should really work for a political slogan company.
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Sweden and Finland want to join NATO. They've put in all the paperwork and they say, No, let's join NATO. And who could blame them after watching what's happened in the Ukraine in the last while thinking, You know what? Maybe we do need some cover because I'm sure Vladimir's plan originally was just Let's take Ukraine. Then let's take, you know, Estonia on its way in the last year. All that and then let's move on to Finland, Sweden. Or maybe that was in his plan. Maybe it was just Ukraine, and that's it. But whatever he's done, he scampered everyone together on one side and him on the other side. Maybe with Bella Reese and I don't know China. Who knows about China time? We've been so quiet lately, but definitely Sweden and Finland have decided. Enough's enough now, in response, to get the usual stuff and rushes halted the gas supplies to Finland. That's right, they're taken away the football because of their football, of losing the game. Nobody can play, so that's least it's the summer. I mean, the real questions. What's going to happen when it comes around to wintertime, and did they just sort of say, Well, here's a bit more gas here, some gas. We're really sorry. Can we be friends again? That's not going to happen. But at least he's made everyone in the West to unite a bit more. But around NATO, I mean, you know, what do we know about NATO? I don't know. It's It's a treaty organisation. That means that if one of the country's is attacked in the other countries get to get involved. Well, you know, it's not like any world wars have been started that way. Oh, dear. What was that? There have been
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even if we didn't think we were in the era of a bond supervillain, we have got to be there now. It's just been announced by the deputy prime minister in charge of military development, which is just, you know, another way of saying henchman Yuri Borisov for Russia has told everyone that they've got a laser prototype. I mean, every time you hear the word laser, you can't help but think of every Austin Powers movie and Dr Evil Lazer. So they have a laser prototype which is able to burn up a drone within five seconds at a distance of three miles. I mean, maybe they do. But if they don't, if they don't and he I mean I mean, maybe it's the emperor's new clothes. Maybe he just points something at the sky and then, you know, says to puting, Look, look, a thing has fallen from the sky three miles away. My laser works on Pete. Just test the laser is amazing, despite the fact that it's probably a cardboard box painted in very cool, dark military colour. But Yuri Borisov, I mean poor, bold claims, saying that you've got a laser on da Wonder weapon because, you know, if if it doesn't, you know, I get the feeling that there's gonna be a day when they're going to turn to go quick. You get out your laser and you're gonna go on, You're going to run away, and that's it. Oh, good luck, Yuri.
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Tom Cruise is doing the rounds at the moment because of his of coming film Top Gun Maverick. This is the sequel to the Top gun film from 36 years ago, 36 years ago, and they're doing a sequel to the film with Tom Cruise returning as the pilot Maverick. I mean, it was the film that was so epic that it actually spawned its own hotshots party with Charlie Sheen, which is I used to love you. Look back at them. They haven't aged well, but at the time I thought they were the funniest thing ever. But he was recently asked by a journalist on a fan Why did he do his own stunts? Because he flew his home jets and he made the other actors fly the Jets as well. I mean, you know, I sort of, you know, I'm sure that the actors were happy to get the gig. But when somebody turns around, says, and now you have to get to a plane and you have to fly it yourself, you kind of be like, Well, why don't get an extra who can fly a plane to do it and somebody said, Why do you do your own stunts? Your family man with Children? And he said, Would you ask Gene Kelly why he does all his own dancing? I mean, in fairness to the likelihood of Gene Kelly's dancing ending up with him sort of coming out of a four G spin around that gets him killed in the middle of Pacific Ocean is fairly low. So you know, doing his own dancing doesn't really compare with getting yourself into immediate on making your co stars do it as well. But anyway, maybe we'll see the film. Good luck.
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I haven't talked about the war in Ukraine for one, as all there was to talk about for a long time was just horrendous news. All the news seem to be bad news, he, because the Russian forces were pushed back, you just revealed devastation in human rights abuses that all amounted war crimes. The support continues from around the world to the point that Ukraine won the Eurovision song contest. But also, I think they prefer this. The manners of intelligence, ammunitions being shared with their army and helping push back Russia. But what of Moscow? The message radiant into the people of Russia is simply that there is a special military operation going on in Ukraine. At the moment, there's been very little resistance, it seems, from anyone in the media to this message as they know which side their bread is buttered on. Control of the message is so absolute that the centres of either fired or, well, worse, who knows now? A retired Russian colonel, Mikhail Khurana, speaking on the daily 60 Minutes show, which continues to speak out the press release from the crown and just threw a stick into the mud on this one he said. The situation for us will clearly get worse rushes in total geopolitical isolation. The situation is not normal. The other guests were solid, subdued. Well, they might be Mr Conroy. Cut around. Look, I gotta get that right. Review last February that an armed conflict is Ukraine was not in Russia's interest in that war would not be won easily. Now it's unlikely was invited on because they thought he was going to eat his words. So is there a softening of the ground to reveal to the Russian people that things have been gone all that well on our the opponents of puting feeling emboldened? Or is he just drawing them all out so we can dispose of them later? Whatever else happens, Mr Khurana has probably predicted that as well.
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Jake Daniels is the first professional footballer in women's football to come out his game. There are plenty of football players and women's professional footballer open again. It's never been a problem, but this feels they use cultural moment for football, especially join a year when the World Cup is in Guitar Country, where homosexuality is illegal on can result in imprisonment. J plays for Blackpool is only 17. I've never been to a football match in any of the leagues in the UK except for the women's Super League, where the experience was open and family friendly. And let me to take my daughter to see your favourite team. And just, you know, there's no heckling of the opposition players. When I say heckling, I'm coming. From a comedian's point of view, it's a lot more visit. Suspicious than that. I've been to a lot of Gaelic football and hurling and rugby matches with this plenty of banter, but you don't experience the same ritual. You can experience it football games in England. There's a really hate in there somewhere. Real anger. I mean, I've interviewed former hooligans for podcasts and understand that this aggression is part of fitting in a certain way on, despite the progress of the past 20 years towards the middle class it there's no doubt that what Jake has done will have used ramifications for him and his team has regresses to his career. This is his statement. I feel the time is right to be myself before you'd be confident. I'm hoping that by coming out I could be a role model. I'm only 17, but I'm clear that this is what I want to do. It's extraordinary that this could even be an issue in any profession. But in football it seems to be the way. Growing up in Cork, the greatest hurling goalkeeper over age was Donald Cusack and it came out as gay. There was a certain amount of shock from fellow players and then acceptance that ever seem to just get on with it. No doubt they've been many, many more who was thinking of doing the same. Hopefully this will push everyone from the terraces to the boardroom in the right direction
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For the most part, I don't like to hammer away at one political party at the party that has not sinned, Cast the first tabloid headline. But they've all got their faults right now. Right now, the Tory party seems to be trying to run up some record of comments by ministers and MPs on a daily basis to show just how it's not even out of touch. Out of touch implies there slightly misjudging things. It's like we're back in. The times have let them eat cake if there's no bread. Rachel McLean is a government minister for safeguarding at the Home Office. In interview with Sky News, she told them that in the long term, to grow the economy, people need to look at and I quote taking on more hours are moving to a better paid job. I feel exhausted trying to even answer this one. As someone who didn't get any government granted bail out wasn't entitled to one of the lock down. I'm beyond exhausted, have scrambled. Is a freelancer comedian, a voice of artist to get whatever worker could, as did my wife and we were incredibly lucky, but we have not stopped because We've had to make trips to Ireland to see my family. We had to do all that and get ready for the cost of living crisis that's coming upon us. I don't know. Maybe we could be doing more. But certainly our Storey is not a solitary one of their people are working all manner of jobs to get there right now to get by, just get boys to be told by minister, get more jobs. Are better jobs going right back to the time of looking at the people a slacker's? You're all a bunch of slackers. You know what? A lot of us aren't actually slackers retired. We're really tired. You know what? I usually do a letter from the person saying, Dear Keith, but I don't want to hear from Rachel McClane ever again. I'm sure I will. And she'll be. Tell me how I'm not doing enough. Thanks
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Jack Monroe is a food writer and journalist and activist. I haven't read any of her cookbooks, and I don't know much about her activism. But in a crossover episode of Dear Keith, she is suing MP Lee Anderson. You might recall MP Mr Anderson is the politician who I spoke about a few days ago, after you argue that food poverty could be alleviated by learning to cook properly and that he had a food bank that was teaching people to operate on 30 p a day from which I took away the message learned to live on nothing because we're not going to fix anything soon. Jack Monroe's incredibly well known for cookbooks that about cooking on a budget. So you think that we would be a fan, but he's not. He may or may not know that Jack spent years struggling with the young child and benefits before getting a job. Is that journalists and took her own personal experiences of living on little to inspire her cookbooks? Basically, she's experienced the life of tough choices that he has not So what, he said. Dear Keith and P. Anderson was doing an interview with the reclaimed party when he said, and I quote that she's taking money off some of the most vulnerable people in society on making an absolute fortune on the backs of people. I've been liable before by Katie Hopkins, who I successfully sued despite politely asking for the interview to be taken down. It remains up, therefore, have no choice but to instruct lawyers. Dear Jack, libel laws are well. I was going to try to talk to about how complex they are, but you've already on one for one. So let's see if you could take on another case on Go two for two.
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North Korea has just reported its first of a covert outbreak. That's right, its first ever outbreak. It's like hearing a 40 year old friend of yours just lost their virginity. That would be a great year for a film about the country's best prepared to lock down. North Korea was probably best place to camp down its borders, and it had to be, according to outside observers, diplomats, relief workers, the health system is in no state to deal with anything on this scale. On If it fails, we may never know how many die, as in the case of a famine in the early nineties were international figures for how many data unknown, although it's rumoured that nearly two million died. Survivor storeys resemble scenes from the Dark Ages. This is a country built on propaganda. Forget the fake news and fake book with storeys of vaccine scare mongers for the past two years. This is a place where a photograph of everyone sitting around the table terribly happy after having covered, could replace the horror of millions dying. The paranoia of an outbreak reached such levels that North Korea refused any invites danger. National events on reduced imports from China by 99%. That's right. It's main ally in the world, and it's still cutting it off. Did Keith. Everything's fine here. Nothing to see here. What are you looking at? Dear Kim? In the last few years, if the last few years has demonstrated anything, it's the ability for countries from around the world to come together to face a global crisis. Working together help the vaccine to be developed quickly along with market forces. Of course, his companies, like AstraZeneca, sort of the forefront of global markets. But let's just pretend for the sake of money. It sounds like there's no possibility you could develop such a vaccine on. The population is largely on vaccinated, so the strains that are attacking our very, incredibly very, very lead there's a word all that might be left of the population would be a photograph of the tagline saying Everything's fine, so be careful
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Ireland has failed to get into the final of the Eurovision song contest. We should be sad. But in fairness we wanted so many time in the nineties it seemed only fair to hand it over to someone else. And also it gave birth to residence. Which means that most people of the world just think his Irish people standing in a line, jumping up and down. Although evidence, Woz and huge international success and made billions for Goodall flatly issues. So what does that mean? Ireland's seventh year, I think Not a row, but out of eight that they haven't made it to the final. A lot of people don't care about these things. A lot of people think, Oh, you know, it's a feel good night and, you know, part of Europe coming together, which was important, especially after Brexit. But at the end of the day, who really cares? Brooke Scallion, the singer does care. She was our candidate, Dear Keith. We did everything we could was so, so happy with what we did. Maybe next time, maybe next time, but hopefully we'll go on to bigger things. Who knows? But it is great on D. I wonder who will been Deer Brook. Ukraine will win. That's going to be pretty obvious. There's been a huge call out for votes for Ukraine since the beginning. And why wouldn't you give it to them? Considering the best thing that could be given the Ukraine? Sorry, Ukraine. Not the Ukraine, his arms and weapons and bullets. But look, let's give them a few votes in Eurovision. Song contest is well, and the UK might get some votes, but probably not as after they've ended up last in the last two sessions.
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Hey Tory MP by the name of Lee Anderson has decided to take on the baton of controversy that the party seemed to be passing along every week at this rate. Like Tory MP Neil Parrish, who was watching porn in the Commons a few weeks ago and then covered it up by saying he was Googling tractors when something else entirely came up empty. Lee Anderson has stated that food poverty is due to a lack of cooking skills on claims that people can't survive on 30 p a day if they know how to. Coakley, thankfully, doesn't have to as he gets £80,000 a year. I don't disagree by paying in MP property should hopefully make them less prone to bribery. But he also gets expenses of 222,000, which makes it a little bit harder to swallow. He's a former Labour MP who switch sides in 2019. His claim that the food bank is an area was a much better food bank than everyone else's in that it teaches, people had to live unless this to him seems to be the future you're going to have, it s so learn to live with that, as opposed to maybe reassessing his own government's policies on a wide range of issues that could help people struggling with the vast rise in the cost of living that shows no signs of slowing. Dear Keith, Come to my areas Food Bank, and I was sure you just have to cook meals for 30 p a day. It's easy all the one that I cooked myself and really don't need to be, I'm assured. It's easy, dearly in comedy. We learn how to read a room on the country right now is not a room that needs a lecture on cooking as a solution to the vast inequalities it's facing. I'm sure what you say is right in your ears. Food Bank has done well put in a country of such relative wealth that the food bank exists at all of that there are more than ever should be your main concern
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Thebes trailer for Avatar two has just come out. So if you want to take a step away from reality, now is the time. Go and have a look at it. And just think yourself. What was the Avatar again? I can't remember the first film because that's what popped into my head. I don't remember anything about the first film because it's over 10 years ago. Also, I think there was a very, very lovely jellyfish that floated right in front of me. So the treaty that three D was really good. It was really good. I thought, You know, there's a jellyfish right in front of me on this. So maybe maybe, I don't know. We're judging of of, ah, trailer, maybe in the cinemas. It's going to be amazing. But James Cameron I mean, James Commander, He spent so long in it, and I really wanted to go well, because I loved, you know, Terminator, Terminator two aliens, even to lies. I love to realise, I mean the list Schwarzenegger sort of aspiring Jamie Lee Curtis. That was just I don't know. That was sort of like top popcorn movie. It's a top corn movie, but you know. Now it's James. Dear Keith, your mind will be blown. Just read the reviews from Cinema Con from exhibitors. Do James Exhibit is, of course, they wanted to work. Everyone is desperate for someone to continue in an upward spiral on DK. People want to get away from their laptops and streaming, as the recent dip in Netflix stock has shown. But please, for the love of all things blue, give us something other than a beautifully rendered computer came that we can't even play because that's what it looks like right now. Just something that came out in PlayStation six, but you can't even hit a controller.
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here, Storm was the leader of the opposition in Britain. I haven't really spoken about him much or at all, because it's been hard to find a reason to. He's had numerous opportunities to take down. The prime minister has been at the forefront of so many scandals is like watching Mohammed Ali do rope a dope and see his opponent flailing in the air while he essentially wears himself out. Despite misappropriation of funds for PP, two friends of the party, questionable funding of personal property, previous links to Russian oligarchs to a charity. And, well, let's not forget that he actually broke the law here. Storm has not been able to land a knockout blow on Boris Johnson, which is remarkable considering he himself was once a lawyer. He's simply been not, you know, not even outmanoeuvred. Butt out Blustered is probably the right word, and now he seems to continue. In that vein, photographs have been released showing he may have broken cover. It rules as well that he may have seemed a simple tit for tat operation by whatever Tori had been around them. Now he's taken one step further, said he's willing to resign if found guilty. Dear Keith, I will hold up my hand is the leader of the party and of the people and say that I cannot continue in this role. If I'm found guilty, who doesn't think that's the right thing to do and who will follow me? Do you work here? Let me tell you who doesn't think that's the right thing to do? Boris Johnson. And he's not going to follow you. This is a manoeuvre to shame him into resigning. I'm afraid it won't work, I'm afraid. Powers too powerful and aphrodisiac for a man like that to give up for something as basic as honour. So we applaud your sentiment. But like a lot of what you've done, I don't think it's going to have all that much effect.
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the Amazon rainforest has just hit another unlikely and unwanted recording that it's been deforested at a record rate in April of this year. Now the thing is, we all know, and I'm not environmental scientist. But I think most people know that the Amazon supplies roughly 6% of the world's oxygen. That's quite a lot on. It's also a lot of dough to being emitted into the atmosphere when these trees were cut down. Now I hate to say it again. What feels like while the world is looking at Ukraine, what Putin's up to a lot of world leaders and just using this excuse to just do whatever the hell they like and plough on President Bolton Arrow says that the money from the deforestation would be used for the people of Brazil. Really, that old chestnut, Here's all the money for you people, and not just for me and my cabal. I mean, come on, accept. This time you could have deadly consequences for 6% of the world's population. Well, actually, more than that, I mean, let's be fair. I mean, if there was a machine that physically made oxygen and there's all these machines around the world on this. Somebody started taking apart pieces of it and selling it off. Whatever way I know either call them terrorists or invade or whatever. But trees don't seem to have that same sort of importance. Dear Keith. Only when the last tree has gone we discovered that you can't breathe. Dear rainforest. I wonder if there's some sort of way the world could annex you in the name of humanity. But right now there's a lot going on, and annexation is not the good idea that everyone seems to think it might be. I may be nice to think that sanctions might stop about sanctions, can't even save people, so how can they save trees?
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after recent elections, Sinn Fein are now the party with the majority in Northern Ireland. There, led by Michelle O'Neill, a woman has her own personal history, deeply embedded in the growth of Northern Ireland as its own state. Her father was an IRA prisoner who went on to be a Sinn Fein counsellor in Dungannon and see what she took over before becoming manoeuvred on getting. She joined Martin McGuinness and became the party spokeswoman for health. And this meant she took on one of the most challenging portfolios and trying to fix an ailing health system in Northern Ireland. This may have given her a greater insight on how to canvass. The recent election, according to most reports, was no talk of a united Ireland, which is Sinn Fein's basic platform. Instead, it was simply based on issues like cost of living on how to help the practical day to day survival after the past few years. It may be some time before there's actually Parliament in Northern Ireland, though, is the D. U P Wanted brings the trade border with the rest of the UK scraps. So just when you thought Brexit was something that everyone was just dealing with you. Find out that maybe that's not the case. Either way, she's just one of a record 87 women who ran. This term is the face of Northern Ireland. Politics starts to move away from division or unity and hopefully starts moving towards helping people survive the difficult few years that seem to be a long day ahead of us. Dear Keith. I look forward to working for everybody, and that means everybody. Dear Michele, that's great. Of course, we'll need everybody else to listen, to hear what you're saying. That can often be difficult considering the history of conflict and loss. But it feels like Sinn Fein's focus on retail politics, helping communities and people is paying off, just as it's done in the south of Ireland. So if nothing else, political parties may start to pay attention to dividends that came out of simply helping people as opposed to ideologies that divide in Indian eight
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It's been over 10 years since Rianna was filming a music video in Northern Ireland when a farmer decided to shut it all down because he didn't think that she was wearing the appropriate clothing on his land. Now, in the last 10 years, obviously she's going into this global label brand market, everything but the most of one of the moments that she's pregnant. Now there's, you know, Pop star being pregnant. Who cares? But she has gone all out in terms of wearing whatever she wants and wearing whatever clothing she wants and, you know, much to the shock of. I'm sure it's some conservatives out there, but for the rest of world, sort of like Why haven't women being wearing stuff like this while they're pregnant? And why have women being in the way? I mean, you have to think that women were hidden away, literally hidden away when they were pregnant four centuries. So it's quite the revelation that we sort of went, Oh, I see that maybe you should be allowed to wear whatever you want because you're about to have a baby, and that's a lot tougher than anything any man has ever done. probably. Dear Keith. I just like to wear what I wear on day. I will do that, Andre, if I want to wear an umbrella, well, are There is a reference to one of my most favourite songs. And I look forward to my baby arriving on. Please feel free to look up any of my beauty brands. Thank you, dear Rhianna never stopping. Always working on it. Yeah, with a baby on the way. The EMP. It's always good to be working away and trying to make a bit more money, but good luck with the bump.
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Obi Wan Kenobi. That's right. There's a serious coming out from Disney at the end of the month because they cannot stop drilling down into the mine of nostalgia. They're bringing you and McGregor back from the original trilogy to see if they can, I don't know, get some more money out of the whole thing. The big question, Really. Let's come up with the latest trailer is the return of Hayden Christensen. I mean, that's a question. I mean, he's coming back. So the question really is just how are people going to react? I don't know. Who cares at this stage? I mean, I know there's all this excitement that you know the serious is going to link into not just the films, but also games and comics and things like that. And, yeah, I could once have been excited about this, But everything feels so. Disney fied anyway. And now, Poor world. Hayden Christensen, who really hasn't had the career he might have had and kind of got blamed for the original trilogy not being because it should have been, but he didn't write it. He didn't come up with it, but he got a lot of flak for not being the ultimate sort of dark actor who could come in and be the boy villain before being the darkest villain ever. Anyway. Here's hated there, Keith. I'm so happy to be back. It's part of the Stormers family. I'm going to do my very best to be the greatest villain ever, at least on the way to being James Earl Jones voiced character of Darth Vader. Their Hayden. Listen, you know, it wasn't your fault. As as Robert, what you have said in good will hunting, it's not your fault, s so you know, I hope this comes off as well. And that look, you know, I don't think anybody should really care. It's just a start. We're serious at this stage, you know? Yeah.
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Andrew Lloyd Webber just closed the musical Cinderella in London. This would normally be a big deal, except for two things. First of all, this was a big show that was the first to reopen in the West End as a beacon of hope. Secondly, and most damaging, the company told the newspapers before they told the cast and crew. So various members of the cast were getting messages from friends commiserating about the bad news despite not having been told themselves as the message was sent over the weekend. This is devastated. With so many people employed, barely scraped through the lock down, we could talk about the horrendous, inhumane manner which was done. But this is Andrew Lloyd Webber who wants sent out a Christmas card, which had a photograph of him and Vladimir Putin on the front. He later claimed it was a terrifying experience, but not so terrifying as to use it for himself. A grand dousing, festive wishes. The issue really is the Trade union for Actors Equity. What can they do? Any employer who treated members of union like this would be in serious trouble. But what can equity do seriously? Dear Keith were demanding compensation for the president. Future workers on will be seeking compensation for their distress. Dear Equity. I appreciate the spirit of what you do. I'm a member who's been helped by you in the past. The problem is, in terms of taking produces to task, it seems a difficult proposition. Can you ask for a walk out of actors? Know why many couldn't afford it wouldn't risk their rep or no. They will be replaced within an instant. Picket lines would be useless against the tide of understudies. Who would step in without even thinking twice? It is a ruthless business, but please do your best to get a happily ever after for some of the workers.
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Roe versus Wade was a decision by the Supreme Court in America in 1973. The guarantee. The right to abortion. It's less in line between conservatives and liberals in America and marble wall between them. It is an absolute, on the one side privacy and a woman's right to choose on the other the argument that life begins at conception into the practises murder. It's an idealistic battleground like no other. This week, the Supreme Court's leaked a draught decision overturning it. There's no way I'm going to be able to discuss something as complex as this in 90 seconds. But the leaking of the draught decision bythe sitting Supreme Court seems odd, so odd, like they wanted to test the waters air, cover themselves in terms of what's coming up. Or maybe an intern in the office saw the decision and decided people need to see it before the court overturned it. I really can't make sense of it. His majority support for the Roe versus Wade decision, although it's constantly being attacked by conservative and Christians in the courts, this'll be a massive victory for them over represented another massive divide. It's not even a divide it's more like an abyss. But what are the supreme for thinking now? To Keith were appalled that the decision has been leaked. It's not decision as of yet. It's simply a draught. We have not yet discovered how it was leader who leaked, but we will find them. We are the law, dear Supreme Court. I'm sure you're familiar with the Salem trials, so try not to launch another witch hunt too quickly. I'm sure you're all well educated, Good, upstanding. People were chosen for the position with no agenda in mind. But it feels awfully soon after the appointment of three judges by President Donald Trump that there were no don't lobbied hard for that that's such a decision would be made. The words that come with this decision included tax and privacy and civil rights and gay marriage and, well, who knows what else I would say Tread carefully, but I don't know if you're even listening
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the Met gala is this massive Bahamas of a fashion event in New York at the Met Museum. With all manner of you know, it's always about all what they're wearing and who was there and who got on the guests know that The weird thing this year, though, is that everyone got slightly political with whatever they were wearing. Like politics was big, like everyone was wearing something that either celebrated trade unions or celebrated, you know, basic transit system in the York or Woz from I think Hillary Clinton had something from friendship quilts from gutsy women of the 19th and 20th century liberation movements, that sort of thing. The thing is fashion kinds, and it knows it's in trouble right now. It's It's sort of kind of, you know, in a time when everyone's running out of money and the world is running out of resource is fashion thrives on everything happening and being new and all that. But the Met gala. I don't know what kind of what's going to do. Dear Keith. We are, of course, all about recycling legacy, on making sure that the Earth is a better place for our great Children, grandchildren whatever you want to call them on. We just want to make sure that you know that and to please feel free to subscribe to vogue dot com, which is what this event was all about. Dear Met Gala. You guys are way. I'll give you about five years before you're all dressing like it's the walking dead on pretending that it was your choice because nobody's got any products anymore, so good luck with that.
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Is it possible to feel sorry for a super yacht? Manufacturers the people who build these super yachts for the oligarchs that are now on the run across the world because of Russia's invasion of Ukraine? Thes sanctions that have come down on across the globe of meant that oligarchs have literally been racing across the sea to hide their precious moving layers to wherever they can hide them without anyone. Catch that. I mean, they've been caught in all sorts of places like Fiji and across Europe, and they're just trying to hide thes on at the same time that the industry, you know, it's a genuine industry. They make you. It's it's not like they make the death star, but they do make, you know, giant layers, you know? I mean, if somebody comes in and says, Hey, build me a 200 ft, Yeah, here's all the money you need. You kind of like Well, okay, I'm just the guy building the up, but the same time, surely you must think yourself. Am I building a layer for a supervillain? It's 200 ft with the casino on the tank for sharks. That's not good. So you're Keith. We are just simple yacht designers who are given more money to build better yard's bigger yachts, maybe out super yachts. So we feel like it's unfair to be in any way punished for this. And there's a lot of people rely on the money in our industry. Andre, we hoped when they build more yachts for other people, dear. Yeah, maybe just build more yachts for people who could afford them know is that to socialist of me is their socialism in the world? I don't know. But you know it's the sea, and I'm sure you'll find lots of other people who will pay you money to build your yard, so you know you'll be fine, thanks.
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How would you feel if the person you had elected to Parliament to represent you in your interest in your community and your family and everything around you on the person you look to when you need help? What if you found out they were watching porn at work? I mean, not even at work in an office. I mean, not that that's all right either, but right in Parliament, next to other MPs, this is the storey of Neil Parish, the MP, the Tory MP. I mean, could've been a Labour MP. Who cares? Just an MP who decided to watch porn in the House of Commons not once, but twice his excuse the second time around was that he was looking for tractors. I mean, the problem really is that there's such a divorced from reality. It's like, Oh, you know, maybe I can trick people into thinking, you know, that I was looking for tractors when I found the porn on def. That's what they're thinking. Then they do genuinely think their followers are thick on. Do you've got to sort of ask yourself Well, who you voting for? What exactly what sort of respected to have when they go to work. I mean, you know, anybody in work watches anything remotely not safe for work, but to watch it in front of the other sort of MPs as well. Now he's resigned, which I think means that he gets to keep his pension and everything else said that. So, you know, his gets to watch a lot more porn in the spare time on the taxpayers pay for. It s so well done to the Tory voters in his parish.
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Jason's the Day cases in Carmel Jail this weekend. He's in karma Trouble. The calmer police. They're going to arrest this man, He talks in maths. He buzzes like a fridge, a little bit of radio head there for a Saturday to get you in the right mood. Jason Sudeikis is a comedian you'll recognise from all manner of films and bit parts over the years. But it was playing the football coach Ted Lasso that made him global. A character he invented him played in, which just took old fashioned optimism on brought him along at a time when the world needed a bit of that. Besides, doing some great prom was involved in a variety of Premier League superstars. Siri's also came to international attention when comedian Brickell seemed very nice. Man was accused of being so good looking. He must be a computer avatar now. What could he do wrong? He seems like a nice guy. Everyone speaks nicely. What did he do wrong? Look, there is his ex wife, Olivia Wilde, on stage at Cinemacon, presenting her latest project. Don't worry, darling, and she is being served with an envelope, and it is papers from a custody battle with Jason. That's right. At the highlight of a career, this woman is handed custody papers on stage in front of 4000 people, and she handled it like a pro. So where you want to start to dig a way of Jason. Dear Keith have condemned these actions that had no idea the papers. We're going to be served in that way. My legal team took the action, Jason. Well, this is interesting. On the one hand, Quite a possibility. If you say it's your legal team served the papers, served them now, then you hand over control to them and maybe somebody thought this was a good idea. But you're going to have to fire your legal team to show you really don't approve. This will cost you big in the car mystics. Otherwise, my friend, this is what you get when you mess with them.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I have marvelled fatigue after years and years of looking forward to each new release, regardless of whether I knew the source material or not, I'm looking at you. Guardians of the galaxy. I finally have no excitement about whatever they're doing now. In fairness, when it started, I wasn't a massive Marvel fan. I really had to read up on the Avengers when Iran Man came out and there was this talk of a team up. But once I got into it, I really got into it. Crossover after cross over the clues and the credits was also exciting. Kept it all the way up to the end game despite a few missteps. Iron Man to Thor. Too much. But it felt like a great storey. We've, together with the help of the endless imagination, the Russo brothers, who were key to the final lap being such a successful one, anyway, It's only this week that a friend mentioned they were going to see Dr Strange next week, and I realised that I hadn't even planned to see it in North. I care very much prior to that pandemic thing that would happen around, I would always be on the road with. Giggs was always a great treat to go and see the early screening of whatever was coming out. Now I'm probably not alone. The fatigue department, I'm sure not, but I feel like there's not much left in the way of surprises. Dear Keith, don't fret. We'll bring you so much. The multi verse. Yes, you loved three Spiderman. Look ahead to X Men. Fantastic Four Dead pool. Come on, The next 10 years are going to be amazing. Deer marvel. I think when you release the schedule of movies for the next four years, I decided I needed to concentrate on achieving more than just having watched all those films. By then, I'll probably see some of them. But I have to say I saw internals and that might have been the beginning of the end for me.
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what's going on in the Solomon Islands? It rings a bell. Sure, it's a great name for any island. I seem to recall some friends going on a trip there and having a great time. But in terms of international Sakina re, I wasn't aware of anything too dodgy like the Cayman Islands, home to lots of dark money. But then China formulated a security agreement with Solomon Islands. Okay, first of all, geography someone. Islands were about 1000 miles up to the right of Australia next to happy beginning. So essentially a long way from China. The prime ministers who let me get this right saga Vera has been agreement. China, that was completely secret wasn't willing to tell anyone about it. Not even MPs. But then someone lied to copy on. Basically, Solomon Islands can call up in China for armed police and military personnel to maintain social order or provide other task agreed upon by the parties to the agreement or provide other tasks agreed upon by the parties. Now, for those of you have never before been prior to comedy. I worked as a lawyer. A vague phrase like that is something you don't want in the contract, you can hire a cleaning company and, like, basically, say other assassins because, you know, we agreed to the task after that. Now this has consequences for the security of the entire Pacific region on everything else. No, I don't know what the world is Distracted by Russian atrocities. It looks like China's made a power play for the Solomon Islands and basically considered camp. They pay enough money. Dear Keith were simply looking ahead to any potential disruptions and have been offered assistance by the Chinese government. We hope we don't have to use it, but it's comforting to know it's there. Dear Solomon Islands. The only thing worse than being in a country where there's no democracy has been in the country pretending to have a democracy with outsourcing the security concerns to a country where there is no democracy,
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I must be losing their minds right now. Or should that be mind? I always feel like there's only one moderator on Twitter who's trying their best to moderate the billions of shouty shouty voices on there. But there's only so much moderate and so much shouty shouty out there. The reason they're losing their minds is Elon Musk. He is a signature or two away from collecting the card that is Twitter on the giant monopoly board he calls Earth. He is a self declared free speech. Absolute is to say anything, anything at all about anyone within the law, of course. So that's fair enough, although there is the question of which laws as it is an international platform. So there are a lot of laws to navigate a different countries on. A lot of cases have been fought to protect the identity of the twitters in the past. So what lies ahead for the moderators if he'll, unless the brakes of the truth is, he probably want her at least will find himself restricted by a lot of regulation that governments are trying to bring in relation to anonymity online. On the one hand, this can reduce the amount of hate speech out there. On the other hand, it does to how the hands of those trying to protest cover governments while hiding behind random online handles like Boo the government. Where? What else will moderators be doing? Dear Keith, look forward to the challenge ahead. Yes, there are more than one of us. The U has recently provisionally agreed to institute the Digital Services Act, where online services will be forced to be transparent about activities on assessed and mitigate the harms their products may cause. Wow, when I said I look forward to the challenge ahead, I do not. That was a lie. I quit their moderators. I'm surprised you lasted this long, but well done. I'm sure Dylan will whip up an algorithm to replace moderators anyway and spot anything remotely outside the legal bounds of harassment. Because who needs people when you have code
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Bennifer. I don't remember benefit at the terrible amalgamation of names with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez about together nearly 20 years after they called off the wedding. This makes us all wondering. Go digging in that memory bank of past relationships with this, the white person was just the wrong time. If the next contact you after 20 years, you'd be flattered but surely be creeped out. You've also gonna win had another family and Children that time. Probably like in the case of African Lopez, who's also have also maintained a global profile that must have taken a lot away from home life because being famous as well as being an actor on a musician is a full on job in itself. And add, on top of that, the role of husband, wife, father, mother not a lot of spare time to go around, smell the roses, raising Children stressful. Even you've a lot of money. Apparently, I wouldn't know, but many of the Hollywood arts didn't come from money, so there's a question of values you pass on to your Children while allowing them to enjoy the luxuries you didn't have as and and if you get divorced. Everything gets multiplied tenfold in terms of what you have to deal with. What I'm saying is that in between an old flame being real kindle, that's an awful lot of change. Goes on in a person's life you could wear with the young, enthusiastic vision of yourself you had. Dear Keith, we're very happy to announce our engagement and glad to pronounce it. Love continues to exist in the world and all its strange forms. Who wouldn't want a second chance of free love? Dear Lopez Affleck. As I'm not going with Bennifer, I see the attraction. I just hope it doesn't deal. As you head into the flatlands of dealing with life as it is daily, monotonous and grown up. I hope it works out who doesn't wish to see a relationship that might have been better than it was. Become something more now than you're older and better prepared for the world. Now pardon me while I reminisce for a few hours
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William Shakespeare may have been a thief. I didn't even realise there was such a thing as a Shakespeare dinner until I read. There's a book about a man by the name of Sir Thomas. Note. It seems that a rare 16th century book has some notes in the margin otherwise known as Margin. A Liam where that was unfamiliar with the demonstrators could possibly form the basis of Shakespeare. Play Simba Lean. Now I'll be the first to put my hand up and say, I'm not that familiar with Simba Lean. Expect a lot of time reading plays over Locked down. They were easy to keep track of the novels because I didn't have the brain capacity for novels because I thought it was the end of the world and a bit more satisfying than short storeys. But symbol means one of them not has not crossed my desk yet. I say desk. It's more like a bedside table with slightly longer legs anyway. Like always, I digress. Michael Blanding is the name of the man who, on earth with the book and putting aside his rather unexciting surname. It's exciting times for hymns, as his notes show that six we may indeed have complete. Sir Thomas is no exact idea. There's apparently some misspelling of a British king. Kasa Bellen aan is both Miss Belt in the notes on in Shakespeare's first ever draught. So but Shakespeare scholars have come out fighting, saying that the plot comes from McCann CEOs to Cameron. But then they would say it's not true. Wouldn't there is. They will torture here all over the Internet. Dear Keith, I don't wish to downplay William Shakespeare's writing as much as I want to have credit brought to those who deserve it. I've spent years trying through the archives of the North family. I think there's more in there that influences Shakespeare. Do we not all want credit for our work? Do Mr Blanding? We do want credit, and plagiarism is rife in comedy, and it's noble that you want to have certain. North received some of the praise. But as I wrote in my first show, they may all be sound and fury, signifying nothing
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If you're a pop star, should you be able to dodge military service? This seems to be the debate in Gulf in Korea at the moment. Their biggest export, BTS, a boy band with about four or five but seven members are apparently worth billions to the Korean economy. That's right. Billions. They're all in their twenties and creates still officially at war with North Korea on so all able bodied men and aged 18 to 28 must serve military service. There are some exemptions life for Olympic on Asian Games medallists and award winning classical musicians, which seems like a very simple group to define the debate centres around whether or not lesser deserving musicians and pop stars would apply for such treatment. Where do you draw the line in terms of who could be exempt from services that the next band down the line have sold half a million albums? What if you want to hold 100,000, but you're a huge hit on twitch? How do you measure success these days? Success enough to keep you out of the firing line? Quite literally. What if you're involved in a scandal that denigrates the name should the exemption be lifted. How would you feel if you're someone who works for charity or your doctor or nurse and your value to the community you live for far away's? Then he valued having the heart of the military machine that would probably be wiped out by a nuclear attack anyway. Because let's face it, if Kim Young is going to go, he's going to go Big. Dear Keith, we really don't mind military service. Elvis had to do his and he's still a legend. People boost morale and for there is a war, if only be handed to have some training at the same time, I'm sure we could come to some sort of arrangement about accommodation and dietary requirements and everything else that allows us to continue being pop stars. Deal BTS. It would be a nice example to the pop stars of the world if you did something for your country and would make you popular against amongst all young men in the world, have no choice but to do it possibly be the most decent king of pop star has done. I was going to sign off by using a line for one of your songs, but I don't know any. But after your Army years, I might find some
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the Large Hadron Collider is about to be turned back on. I'm very much a science fiction fan, and so ever since there was talk of a massive 20 miles circular do being built in Switzerland to make important scientific discoveries, I kept the line because it's the sort of thing that should feature in all manner of movies about a villain taking over the world by building a large tube underneath mountains that could change how we think about the universe. It's part of a mission to discover the nature of dark matter, which makes up 30% of the matter energy composition of the universe. And yet we only know about it through its gravitational attraction. So, no, we don't know anything about it. I did a gig into naval once where the collider is, and I met some of the young scientists working there, and they were so young. When you look at the policeman of doctor and think they're young, but then realised they have the power to potentially tear a hole in the time space continuum because that's what could happen. I was in Geneva just before they turned on the collider for the first time on, the young physicist seemed to be drinking quite a lot, and I asked them where they worried about what could happen. And then they laughed and drank a lot more Thekla and is about to be turned on again by CERN. Dear Keith. The last time we turned on the flight, we found particles that could not be explained by the standard model of particle physics has been around since the seventies. We looked at the decay of particles called beauty corks, which seem to turn into something called humans 50% less than electrons. There could be a new force tipping the scales. We aren't sure yet. There have been results from Fermilab in America that indicate there could be another force of nature. If there is, we go back to the drawing board to find it. Dear Service. With all scientific breakthroughs, it's hard to know what will heal. But that's half the fun. The history of science is full of happy accidents, insulin and X rays. So go forth with the positively charged hearth and try not to destroy the universe.
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you know, I have appointed a new manager. Now let's be clear. I'm no pundit button interest by a member of my family and said Team is that I've started to have various tidbits of information ready. So let's get into this. His name is 10 Hug now. I was really hoping that Hug was going to me Dutch for trophies, but when I looked it up, it was told that hag is another word for which, so that's really not helpful. You don't need 10, which is that you can't just united. That's not going to help. 10 Hag is not uninterested her name and football. Apparently, he manages Iraq's who've done pretty well for themselves. But for global Bahamas, like Manchester United, you would expect someone to be poached from somewhere like Barcelona, RPS gear, Bayern Munich or the International Senior space. I don't know somewhere like that, but instead they've gone. For a man who's most attractive quality in the interview was his rather frank assessment of United. They are sixth in the league. Mid table is not somewhere for a player of Ronaldo stature. For instance, he's 37 being paid nearly half a million a week to be Ronaldo on. While he still has skills and ability, he's 37 in football, that's surely not worth 50 million over two years. But what do I know? On top of that, there's a defensive problem, apparently with Harry Maguire not the quickest nor the most feared, defended to Grace United stage. But look, there is this to be said, United aren't owned by Russian oligarch who was handed his money by man is probably going to end the world on their not owned by Saudi Arabia. They're owned by a family known as the Glazers and all five siblings or in America. And they have to sign off on everything which doesn't lend itself to a slick operation. Dear Keith, it's a great honour to be appointed captain of the sinking ship. I hope to empty out the bowels of the hole and get a floating and sailing again. 10 Hot would be nice if United went to into Islam for a while, because then tickets could be affordable and I could bring someone to Old Trafford and that would be great. So don't try too hard. Thanks
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Netflix, Netflix and Netflix. What could possibly go wrong with Netflix? It's everywhere. It's the Coca Cola of streaming. Everyone has. It has a friend to myself. I maybe even a password for it from a family member. But there's always a But just like every boom, there's a bust. And yesterday, big graph one of those things we've learned to love and hate since the pandemic started, as they give us an idea of how the apocalypse is going. So Netflix is surging to the sky. Fall off a cliff. Who knew this could happen? I mean, most people surely, there will always come a day of reckoning for every company, because that's the nature of the marketplace. Today's instagram was yesterday's MySpace, which many of you will have to Google to figure that out. How bad was it? 40% lost. Okay, that seems bad. But wait for the figure. $60 billion. That's right, $60 billion. That's what they lost. It sent shock waves across all the stream Is Disney Warner Spotify. Dear Keith, it's fine. Everybody, everything's fine. Nobody panic for the first time, we don't have a growth crap, but that's fine. We actually had a loss. That's fine. We have plans no more nor the sharing of passwords. Okay, that's gone. Maybe some advertising. That's fine. Who doesn't like a bit of advertising the middle of a binge? Come on. We're fine, really. Who's up for some endless scrolling through thousands of titles to point something, anything you might like doing that fix, chill? Or should that be chilly? They must be chilly. Now that you've plummeted into the cold depths of reality, everything ends VHS DVD stream. What's next? Who knows? Maybe we go back. Maybe we revert. Maybe the world goes back to enjoying the look of a hard thought DVD collection on the wall. Or maybe we have an algorithm implanted in awry on Call it I movie trademark mine.
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Julian the Sand is a name that no longer appears in the paper. It's no longer the ongoing drama of Man and an embassy in London, trapped on an island of foreign soil within the UK trying to avoid extradition to the US They're really, really, really angry at him over the wiki leaks affair. I want to put him in prison forever. As I was writing this, the news came in that a U. K K court has just decided he can be extradited to the U. S. And the final decision will come down to the home secretary. Pretty Patel, exactly. Renowned for a compassion, Assange's, currently in Belmarsh prison, was married last month in a prison ceremony just on Morris. A documentary entitled Ithaca has recently been shown in Sydney outlining his family efforts to have him freed on has been gathering support in Australia. His infamy came about after his website WIKILEAKS published documents have been made by U. S intelligence analyst Chelsea Manning. They outlined the fatal shooting of civilians by U. S soldier was proving US espionage against the U. N. On exposed corruption in countries throughout the world is documented by U. S diplomats. Theo Obama administration did not indict a sand because they believed his actions were those of a journalist. However, that changed under Trump. Dear Keith. I will continue to fight for the truth. The truth cannot be imprisoned. I'm being used in his example of what will happen to any journalist who publishes. I've been charged under the Espionage Act of 1917 in the U. S. District Court for Virginia. The maximum sentence is 170 years. This'll has never been tried to guess the jealous before I might be the warning to all investigative journalists out there. Do Julian? Yes, appears to be the short answer.
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Jack Dorsey is the co founder of Twitter. Man has just condemned the media for creating conflict. It's hard to know where to start with that statement, because Twitter wasn't set up to create conflict in itself or divide society along polarising lines are encouraged trolling to such an extent. You wonder what's happened to humanity or have discourse in all manner of complex subjects reduced to a lot of shouting and words and caps. It wasn't meant to make people's attention span reduced down to the time it took to post to give her ruin people's lives who posted something that they did without even thinking and without context made them look like the worst person in the world. Or maybe even with context, they still look like the worst person in the world. It's hard to know whether the tail is wagging the dog of the other way around. His news networks chased the ads and the clicks and the youth market, and whether or not Twitter could really be held responsible for creating this atmosphere of desperation, along with Facebook and Instagram, that has made the network so desperate that they've started swinging wildly to the left and right on reporting opinions instead of news to keep hold of whatever following our revenue stream they have news is almost becoming bespoke. The stage where you're like we're sending you down particular rabbit holes to give you the news you'd like rather than the news as it is. Do you, Keith? I take the point that's valid. That Twitter may not be much better than the news challenge, but surely we should be holding them up to a better standard Jacquot. I just heard the word standards there. This is something that is always going to be tricky in terms of free speech. Who, exactly decides the standard of comment that's allowed online? That's what a massive issue for Twitter that has allowed for some quite out there groups to coagulate together. That's reaffirming whatever massive bias to have towards or against whatever it is they hate. So, hey, why don't we just shut Twitter all for a while? You've retired and see if news could become news again.
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every day. We hope that we get better as people, and some of us hope that we get better as parents. Often times there are storeys of other parents, which make you reflect for a moment that maybe you're not the worst parent in the world right now. There's a drama called The Thief, his Wife and the Canoe, starring Eddie Marston and Monica Doe, known as a real life couple, John and Darwin, who conspired to fake his death and claim the insurance money to clear them mortgage and start a new life debt free diss involved him canoeing to an island, abandoning the canoe and then living in the woods hole in their war, which enjoyed the bed sit and heading around different parts of the world looking for somewhere to live. This is where it all came on Donna's. They went to Panama, where property dealer took a picture of them and posted on the website, which you could find by putting John and in Panama in the search engine. Eventually, visa requirements meant John had to return, but claimed amnesia. The police didn't believe they were sentenced to six years in prison. The show focuses on while wife would go along with this. But what about the Sun's market? Anthony Darwin, who didn't know anything about it? Dear Keith would rather not speak about this event in our lives. We'd much rather just forget the whole thing. If anything, we wish we had amnesia. How can anyone put their Children through the trauma of dying to claim insurance money only not to be dead? No one's perfect parents, But this has to wait up there as it wasn't just one parent. It was both them. Maybe they thought they were protecting us. Maybe they just didn't want anything to do with this anymore. Either way, we hope the better than they were. We've managed to rebuild a relationship with our mother, which was hard, a lot of work on our part. But that's what we're probably going to stop. And who could blame us? Dear Mark Anthony, who could blame you if it's any consolation? Your father was last seen on the news claiming he was going to the Ukraine to fight the Russians with the support of a second wife. But let's be honest. After his previous actions, he could be anywhere
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Nicolas Cage is about to play Nic Cage. In the film The Unbearable Weight of Massive Tenant. Cage will play fictionalize version of himself, where career Children requires him to turn up the birthday party of a fan for the princely sum of £1 million. Film fans in general Public will have little is caging this site for various reasons, whether it be a funny video compilation, cage rage, moments from his films or the ongoing streaming services having a cage film pop up every couple of months. Regardless of this, the recent high concept project is receiving a lot of praise, and his interviews alone, Showman, grounded and working hard to pay off the debt accrued you to some unfortunate purchases, which included a castle on some dinosaur bones here. Keith, I just want to thank people for being interested in my work is the most terrifying thing I've ever done. But I want everyone to know I don't funded in. I've never found in some of the films of the last 10 years. I think it's, um, my best, but I feel like a be judged by some invisible algorithm that hasn't seen the films it has only seen the name Nicolas Cage come to its own judgement about me. Is that fair? Dear Nick Cage, Apparently last year's release Paige is exceptional. Also, Joe and Colour out of space. But more than anything is the sense you give us much now as you've ever given. And it's your own fault for not paying attention. So sorry about that. How can I have no ignored someone who gave me raising Arizona Con here wild at Heart of the Rock? I mean, the rock Stanley Goodspeed face of Where did that idea even come from? And carting tests, which was a very sweet remember both as well. So I look forward to making the world a fair place on dignity. You're straight to stream hits of the past 10 years and catching up with Nicholas on Nic Cage.
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phone hacking Feels like one of those questions will be asked when you're old. What was phone hacking? Granddad? Why was it such a big deal? Well, it was such a big deal because one of the biggest newspapers What's in newspaper Granddad owned by Rupert Murdoch. Don't you mean Emperor Murdoch? Granddad, News of the World was eventually shut down after it was discovered They've been illegally hacking the phones and full messages of various celebrities. But of course, most despicably the phones of victims of the London bombings on the murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler, also some members of the royal family. But we're not as concerned about them really are way. What's the Royal family granddad, Anyway? This is back to the news again, as you Grant has taken a case against the Sun, one of Rupert Murdoch's other empires, a paper hated by Liverpool for the way portrayed the victims of the Hillsborough tragedy and hate in other places for other reasons. Its arrival in the British scene was brilliantly portrayed by playwright James Graham on The Play Inc. I'm a fan of Graham, so if you haven't seen it, read it now. The thing is, he was following on from Sienna Miller and Paul Gas kind of settled cases against the sun. And this is a big deal as the news, the world, I said that the illegal activity was only there and nowhere else. You plays for keeps, so he may find out the truth. Dear Keith. Ah, well, you see, it's the principle of the thing, and a lot of the main players in the discussing pantomime a phone hacking survived like Piers Morgan, Rebecca Brooks. We're all still out there working way, so it's important to keep digging for the truth as to how far they went for a storey. How far is too far? I ask you, do you? You're a charming old here on the worst person the sun could be facing. Right now, Everyone loves you, if for nothing else than Paddington to the Sun is awarding money and damages despite saying it did nothing wrong. So, yes, it's doing a Prince Andrew. Anyway, here's to a second possible funeral of a newspaper gone rogue
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Rwanda is the new destination for unauthorised asylum seekers in Britain. Let me say that again. In case you didn't quite understand it the same way, I didn't understand it. When unauthorised asylum seeker arrives in Britain will be sent to Rwanda for the privilege of being the human rights dumping ground for Britain, for one will be given initial down payment of 120 million. That feels a bit like to me. I'm not sure there is a number to be in the place that has to deal with any number of displaced to dispossessed, but they're on. The government have prepared a building that can hold up to 300 people. Unauthorised crossings have already reached over 5000. It's only April, so if it keeps up, that's around 15,000. At the very least. Theo idea of a large new population being thrust upon the country that is still struggling to come to terms with this recent bloody past that was really on. Suspicion of sectarianism seems to put it mildly. Bunkers. There was, however, precedents for this bonkers scheme, as there always is because there's someone bonkers out there who's tried it first. Australia but let's hear from the Rwandan government. First, Dear Keith, we're looking forward to working hand in hand with their British counterparts and assisting with the processing of a silence because we already host around 100 40,000 refugees and six camps are president himself. Paul Cammie was a refugee. We will do what we can to make this work the over wanted government. The sounds noble, but let's take a step back. First of all, there are refugees out there from your very own regime, for secondly, as hard as you might try to sell this, this will work. Let's look at the Australian model briefly. Yuen said the system violated the Convention against Torture. A study by Sydney University concluded that the processing system was cool, costly and ineffective. It would be nice if we didn't have to wait until 2042 because, you know, that was 20 years in Australia to discover the same thing. But it seems important that the UK say this is not the place to land. If you are in trouble,
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professional women's football took two steps back after taking a huge step forward in Northern Ireland when their team took on the English national team to a sold out crowd of over 15,000. There should have been a great moment in the team's progress, despite the fact Northern Ireland last five nil. The step backward came as a result of comments made by their own manager, Kenny Feels. After the game, he was asked about the resulting at one point. When a team concedes a goal, they concede a second in a very short space of time because girls and women are more emotional than men right there, right there is a statement has been made to explain away women's right to anything. Women aren't to that property or the right to vote or drive a car because they're too emotional. Women can't be trusted with anything. This is what Kenny has to say for himself to Keith. I'm sorry for the offence that may have been caused, Dear Kenny, Let's stop the non apology right there for offence that may have been caused really doesn't mean you're going to review your behaviour attitudes to women, especially professional women who? You, coach, you've trapped them. Now your players can't argue with you about any decision you make, even though you may be wildly wide of the mark, because you could look at them and they'll know you're thinking there too emotional. Let's not even bring up the many, many, many, many men who have cried on a football pitch out of passion or desperation, that's different. That's passion, not hysteria. You yourself stepped away from postmatch duties while managing critic Morton in 2014 because you became too emotional before So please, before I get emotional, stop demeaning and of the world's population for caring about sport the same way you do.
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party gate is a lot less fun than it sounds. Who wouldn't want to open the party gates? Surely, there's only one place it could lead to the party of all parties. But for the leader of the UK and his chancellor has led down the political culture sack. All political scandals have gained after them following Richard Nixon's resignation due to the Watergate scandal. So you know you're in trouble when a leader appears to have less integrity than Nixon. When brushing off the idea that he might resign, the only possible fly in the ointment of Boris Johnson continued to rule throughout a variety of political apocalypse is apocalypse side, let's say, is that is number two, which is sure that soon as considered resigning after being found guilty of bridging covered rules and agreeing to a fixed penalty for the breach. The biggest problem facing both is the amount of times they lied about not attending parties in the middle of lockdowns. Sorry, I say, that's the biggest problem. It's not, obviously, but it's hard to identify just which of the many problems are the biggest problems. They arranged for the rage of the bereaved across the country who couldn't say goodbye to loved ones because they had here with the law, which is something that could very well inspire grassroots revival of an opposition that is not done much under cased armour to land any sort of knockout blow to a prime minister is now guilty of criminal misconduct. At the same time, maybe we can hear from party gate about what's going on here. Keith Who? Party? That's the only celebration part of this letter. The rest is all about the guilt remorse felt by everyone's having a good time while the rest of the country was dealing with all manner of horrors, apparently 50 fixed penalty notices were issued. So there are 48 other people released thinking, I don't have to resign if they don't. We need a new gate, maybe a gate made of integrity or gate. That clearly states the rules as to what a party constitutes. So there's no confusion as to what that is because there's a lot of confusion, according to Prime Minister, your party. Get yes, put the rules up by all means, but don't expect them to be followed until then. Party embarrass party and Rishi
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Britney Spears is about to have a baby. This would normally be something that would be found way at the back with showbiz section of a newspaper. But for fans of the singer, and indeed for fans of basic human rights or something of the victory, she found herself under an arrangement notice. A conservative ship where her father had not just control of our finances and career, but also her ability to marry her control, her own right to reproduction. The conservative ship was brought into effect in 2000 and eight after she lost custody of her two Children, shaved her head and hit a photographer's car with an umbrella. In a way, we could see how far we've come in such a short time that the late night show comedians will no longer get away with simply making fun of someone who is clearly having trouble with the mental health. They'll be castigated for punching down on someone who is not handling the world well on If nothing else, the pandemic further help society at large game more of a sensitivity to the difference between so called diva behaviour and genuine signs of distress. Unfortunately, the conservative ship that which started with genuine could intent, morphed into a caf gassed nightmare. She found herself unable to manage her own bodily integrity, and Evans was given that she had no privacy. Is her phone and bedroom or boat. Although essential to assisting people going through a difficult time, it seems her dad put himself under nearly $16,000 a month, which doesn't exactly week of parental care concern. Dear Keith, I'm happy to announce him having a baby, which was prevented for doing when I was in my thirties. I'm grateful for those who supported me through such a difficult time. I don't think I can yet formulate what it meant to be without control for so many years, something which is so important to anyone's mental health. Dear Britney, congratulations. It's quite something to apply the court to have the freedom from UVA contraceptive device from your body, people, Good pregnancy, Good luck with the baby, baby
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I visited Shanghai a few times in my life. I was there as a child when my father was escaping with the Irish bunch of Navy at a time when skippers were allowed to bring their family to see because they could be at sea for years at a time. More recently, I landed. There is a comedian or an expert tour of China that also took in Hong Kong and Beijing thistles right before the pushback against democratic demonstrations in Hong Kong was often any pro democracy movement being crushed. It felt that the West was having more of an influence on Chinese way of life than Beijing may have liked, especially in places like Shanghai and Hong Kong. On while Hong Kong was obviously influenced by the British way of life, Shanghai had more of a European field that felt, I don't know, like a healthier and healthier mix of influences that could lead to attitudes changing in Chinese politics. As we've seen since the start of the pandemic, nothing could be further from the truth. And while many in the West have seen life back to normal for several months now, Shanghai has been one of the most severe lock down since the start of the pandemic. Dear Keith. Mere starving. We're dying. We've had a storm. We've had two storm supermarkets and supply points to help our family survive. There are in forces in the streets, some of not survive. There are horrific videos of how people have taken their own lives because they're starving to death. How has this happened? While the rest of the world seems to be operating relatively normally, Dear Shanghai. There's a history of brutal sacrifice in the name of the greater good, and it's hard to imagine there'll be a lot of trust for authorities when this is all over in China, where mistakes are made at this level, hundreds of thousands could die. The rest of the world is dealing with a lot right now, and not much in the way of assistance could be offered. But on top of this time, once carrying out military Jules is, they're worried about an opportunity invasion. Maybe when this is all over, questions will be asked. Revolts will continue, but for now, all we can do is continue to watch in the harbour
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I'm not one for celebrity weddings. They do seem, for the most part, to be wasteful exercises in excess and poor taste at a time when the world is trying to figure out the economic landslide that's about to engulf us in the next year. On the other hand, there are total distraction for anything remotely connected to reality, and I briefly, what people with lots of money do when they want to make the perfect day. So, in essence, it's like the psychological profiling someone you thought you knew through their PR machine. David and Victoria Beckham's pure machine is extraordinary is that carries it on the entire family, including Brooklyn, who just got married in the cold, healthy heirs to a billionaire's fortune, there seems to be perfectly happily signed prenup in place to protect everyone's money around the youthful urge to tie the knot. Brooklyn is 23 years old to Keith. I'm so excited to get married to the love of my life. I can't wait to spend all our time together building a life in the future. I could only wish this happiness and everyone, Why doesn't everyone get married this young day broken. Everyone's happy for you and hope you found someone will spend the rest of your life. But you are just 23. The odds are not in your favour for a number of reasons. You're both aspiring to be a chef andan actress. Two careers which under any normal circumstances, will put a strain on a relationship. Both of you will no doubt have very high standards. You want to meet? It feels like too much. Maybe we'll help each other through the frustrations. I don't know. Maybe I understand your position in the world better than anyone. I hope that's the case. Like I said, I'm not one for celebrity weddings, but I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
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Boris Becker might be going to jail a hero to so many in the UK in the tennis world in general. After winning Wimbledon as an unseeded 17 year old many years ago, he was once worth 38 million. Now he's not only bankrupt but guilty of hiding assets to avoid tax. This is not the end of a hero. It's just the act of a man, any man and would find himself in possession of so much money at a young age. But he wasn't young when he did these things. This is the first time he's been in trouble with tax. So just because you're gifted in sports doesn't mean you're gifted in businesses we've seen by so many sportsmen and women ended up in bankruptcy court later in life after discovering that the money tap does actually get turned off and some advisers, and not as well meaning is that they should be. Dear Keith. I never meant to break the line ever meant to do anything wrong. I was following advice from people who knew better than me, and now I have nothing. What can you be when you were once great? It's been very hard to cope with being an ex tennis player for longer than I was a tennis player. I've coached commentated, but the main part of my life, felt over a long time ago on for too long have been tabloid fodder. I didn't mean to do anything wrong, Dear Boris. In 2000 and two, you received a suspended prison sentence and a fine for tax evasion. It's one thing to say you didn't mean to do anything wrong. It's another to have done it before and continue to do so. Taxes, complex and innocents get caught up. But it's also possible to recognise the language being used to prompt such deception. Then you're not a stupid man. I'm sure it's hard to lose the status of hero when your career ended. But paying tax isn't even heroic. It's boring, unnecessary. But by this active evasion, you will surely never again gain the status of hero
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when I said award season meant nothing to me because I completely forgot there's such a thing as the bath. Two games, awards thistles probably divided when it was first announced in 2000 and four is over, blowing a much maligned industry that wanted to be seen his artistic. But in recent years, and particularly during the pandemic, there's been a subtle change in attitudes. Has the mental wellbeing aspect of gaming became so important to millions of people around the world who found themselves cut off from friends and family? Aunt, particularly young people have found themselves stranded and cheap accommodation in cities where they were less than wonderful jobs. All unknown games become a way to cope with day to day life and have a small Galway. You didn't read the news realised he didn't have to focus to read a book. A game occupies a perfect hinterland between passivity and engagement for so many who wanted to escape the horrors and loneliness of the world showing down. Dear Keith, thanks for remembering us. We're sort of at the end of the award season could be forgotten about, but more and more people are recognising the creativity and genuine quality of performance that brings these games to life. There is, of course, plenty of people who just like the first person shooters, and that's fine. But like every cultural corner, there's the blockbusters. And then there's the small Indies. They bring their own sort of joy to everyone. Dear, back to games, awards. I've never been a serious game. I've never had a council. But there was always the PC with the little Graphics card that allowed a little escape. Escape was needed, so I appreciate the range of games as much as anyone. It's lovely to have the games that would otherwise have escaped my attention and that may one day play when my Children have grown up and I get time to play on how nice the performers are getting recognised for the performances in a game. The Big one. It was a game called Return. I don't know anything about it, but one day maybe I'll make it to a casual game or status just below serious game of status,
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funny is disappearing. Hope is disappearing. Costs are rising. Fear is growing. None of this is good news for anyone. Everyone is looking to their leaders for any sign. There may be a way through this. It must be particularly galling for British people, then to have been handed notice of a poor future by the chancellor of the Exchequer recently on Lee to know Discover his wife. Actually Murthy, whose father is one of India's richest man, is registered as non domiciled. This doesn't have to pay tax and overseas earnings. Let me break that down for you. In terms of last year, she reportedly received a dividend from her father's company with 11 million on has avoided paying 4.5 million tax. This is the woman who sits at the table with the man responsible for taking away people's chances of any sort of security or comfort because there's not enough money to go around. Keith. On the advice of my lawyers, I do not feel it appropriate to discuss my tax affairs at this time. I will say this. I've broken no laws, you've broken no laws. That's right. But here's my new favourite word optics. Let's look at the optics on this. You no doubt see your husband going all the way to the top of by avoiding tax to the tune of 4.5 million. When millions of people will at some stage in the next year in the UK decide between food or heat theon chicks are How do I put this delicately? Shit. Oh, of course you did. Nothing illegal. When money like that is at stake, you pay the best lies to cover your ass. Unfortunately, the rest of the country is domiciled afterwards, ears in debt, but well done on not breaking the law.
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channel for May or may not be familiar to people outside of the U. K. I think that all TV content in the country's produced by the BBC theme Fish government has just announced, is about to sell it off privatizes probably to a huge conglomerate who will do what they want. Channel four's been around since theeighties and has been seen as a great success. Storey, for no other reason for putting for the different take on the world on trying to find his many different voices in the wilderness as possible. Does it make its own shows? And so independent production companies thrive under its umbrella? All this to say that could be about to change the issue at the core is that of public service broadcasting. It's a public service town. It's agendas to try to get at the truth of historian, not serve the agenda any minister who may or may not control his purse strings. Dear Keith. We make money from advertising, the minister for culture, Nadine Doris, last year said before committee and incorrectly said, We get our money from the public conference. We don't and the person in charge of this enormous decision doesn't understand us. It's deeply upsetting and, quite frankly, unsurprising from a government that seems to make decisions to cover his own ass in every situation. In this situation appears that we're getting some payback for how we've reported on Brexit on how we've reported on everything really were that loud voice in the back of the hall, heckling and shouting with Minister stand up to read. The press release is gospel, and now we're being disappeared. Dear Channel four. It's probably the worst time to lose an independent voice, and yet it seems the best time to get rid of an independent voice because there's so many of the things happening in the world that you might just disappear without anyone noticing. I really hope that isn't the case, but if you are subsumed into box or Disney, you'll soon be channelled for gotten
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I'm a TV snob. It wasn't always this way. It never is. I think TV snobbery is born out of the insecurity you feel when you realise just how terrible some of the TV used to love. Woz Slobbery is a parent of the shame. You feel that you were so easily entertained and amused and you wouldn't know a sophisticated storyline storyline. It became a longing, screamed succession at you. But there's such comfort there for so many in the world of soaps long to write it and dismissed as the melodramatic punch line to the daily TV schedule. But it's where he used to start. When you used to watch TV with your parents, you'd see them enraptured by these tales of terrible on great relationships falling apart, coming together in the midst of a community filled with all manner of familiar characters. One of the most famous faces from EastEnders, June Brown, played scandalmonger dot cotton for 35 years, and she passed away yesterday, 35 years playing the same character with a slice of comment in the middle of that, to try other things. She was a classically trained in her skills, were rewarded with the never before or ever seen since character monologue that lasted an entire episode. Dear Keith, I drank, I smoked. I acted. I earned. I partied. I played. I mourned. I wept. I danced. I gossiped a garnet. I lost. I won. I played and smiled and laughed and left. Dear Joon, you somehow avoided the cliche, familiarity, breeding contempt, Which is remarkable considering how many decades you played the same character. We can week out with hundreds of different writers and directors and other actors making up the scaffolding of your career around you. You gave comfort, and you gave what you had reminded some of us to cheque our snobbishness at the door.
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the Grammys are not something that have had been preoccupied in the past few days. The engine has been broken by Slap Gate, but one of the main crossover characters between the two awards ceremonies has been Questlove. Questlove is the director of Summer of Soul, which won the Academy Award for best documentary feature minutes after the Slap that was heard around the world. He is the person who's probably been robbed of the most of the spotlight. That should relieve state for even longer on him on his achievement. His professions are listed as musician, songwriter, disc jockey, record producer, music journalist, author, actor and film director. There was probably some point which he sleeps is well, besides being someone with the ridiculous work out that he also called Fronts the House band for The Late Show, with Jimmy Fallon on Brought to Joy to millions by playing songs of the artist, including Metallica, while using only classroom instruments. So, yes, you should cheque it out Butt first Quest, Love, Dear Keith, I would just like people to see some of soul. It's a film about the Harlem Cultural festival that took place in 1969 and well, Harlem, obviously 50,000 people attended weeks of concerts by the likes of Nina Simone, B B. King and Stevie Wonder. No news channels reported on it. No syndicates showed it. It was ignored or forgotten for 50 years. Until we got our hands on some footage. It was overshadowed by Woodstock. Have some understanding of this is I was overshadowed by will Slap. But it is a beautiful movie. So why not find it? Dear Questlove? Sounds good. Will do. Sorry. Did me to bring up his name again?
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scandal Sunday. So you were probably thinking the British royal family has had quite enough scandal for this year and that Prince Andrew paying millions of pounds to a girl he claims he never to have met was the worst thing that could have happened. But he is the duke that just keeps on giving. He's been named in high court battle between a Turkish millionaire s and an alleged fraudster by the name of Selman Turk. That's right. There's a case where Prince is in trouble because of Mr Turk, even Guy Ritchie's thinking. This is a bit far fetched for a film, but bear with us. There's more. It seems. The alleged fraudster helped move millions of pounds from Turkey to the UK on behalf of this millionaire s. Some of that money may have been diverted to Prince Andrew to be used for Wait for it, Princess Beatrice, his wedding and there's Mawr. It appears that Mr Turk is living in a flat owned by the Queen and hasn't paid any rent. I'm not even sure if I'm reading this writer from having some sort of fever dream. Apparently, the high court proceedings reveal a phone call from the Duke's personal secretary because that's the kind of thing you have when you were a duke. There's a transfer of three quarters of a million to the Duke's personal account, and the personal secretary specifically says it's a wedding gift we hear from the Duke now. Dear Keith, what father wouldn't do everything he could to make sure his daughter had has the perfect wedding day, even if it involves taking money from just about anyone who's probably using their contact with me to defraud elderly millionaire s is Dear Prince of Darkness. You just need to stop everything you're doing because it's just wrong everything. Everything you're doing right now, whatever thought is going through your head that you think is right, it's wrong. So just stop and maybe maybe that will help you get out of trouble. Stop doing anything
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Sean Penn is becoming an international arms dealer. It seems I couldn't post this yesterday's It was April Fools Day and you can't really post any storey that has a sensational headline. Even though it might have been true on April Fool's Day on a general note. How hard is it for people who received genuinely amazing news about their lives that catapult them into the stratosphere? What happens on April 1st, you have to spend weeks explain to people that, yes, the news was riel. And yes, I'm giving the thing I've always wanted more than anything, but it happened in the worst possible day of the year. Anyway, I digress. Entertainment will still get his head around. Will Smith's lap, which is the only reason that Sean Penn is an arms dealer, is not a bigger draw. Dear Keith. The Ukrainian air force are still putting up resistance in the skies above their country and such odds in a way that harks back to the Battle of Britain. I've asked for someone such as a billionaire to buy two squadrons of F fifteens or F sixteen's because they're designed goes back to the fifties and sixties on pilots could be out of the skies in 2 to 3 weeks. This may seem impossible, but the fact that Ukrainian Air Force is still in the sky all is equally impossible. Dear Shawn. First thing most people don't know. You've been making a documentary about the Ukrainian president before all this kicked off. So you should really make that clear that you're not on some ego trip and that you just happen to be the guy in the place that was making this thing when it all kicked off. It's admirable that you're doing this. I thought about how planes could be crowdfunded for the Air Force. But apparently only governments consult planes to governments. No one wants to be seen to sell them. But if billionaires are good at anything, it's finding loopholes. So who knows?
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football. I haven't really followed football since Roy Keane hung up his boots, but even when he hung up his boots, I followed him into his management here. Roy Keane played for Ireland and Manchester United on was the captain at the same time the English captain David Beckham played. But there was no doubt that Keen would be the choice to lead anyone out. Most importantly, he played for Kovar. Amber's, which was my hometown on, was from Cork. So with the fierce loyalty expected, of course, people, we followed him as he managed the likes of Sunderland. But then he managed the place called Ipswich and we all thought that's a bit far and a bit much. I only bring this up because the loyalty inspired by his leadership must have been something to behold. The same thing must be happening now is the manager of the Ukrainian football team. Alexander Petric of management team has remained in his home in Kiev, refusing to leave and even trying to enlist in the reserves at the age of 64. Dear Keith, if they will not let me fight because I would not be good at taking orders, I understand I was took to my job and try to get Ukraine into the World Cup in November. But first we must organise a training camp full of players in the domestic league of scattered across the country. Now competitive football is allowed for those between 18 sixties. We need men to fight. I will try to inspire, but it will be tough. We need five or six games before we can play Scotland and the qualifier. The players in the UK are worried about me, but I'll be fine. I was simply simply bring my country to the World Cup or I will fight Russians. Dear Alexander, considering the obstacles ahead of you just to organise your team in the same place and relative safety if you make it to the World Cup, I think you would pretty much be favourite to win most popular second team of every nation supporter on If you ever need a co manager, you should look at Bright Keen. I'm sure he'd get in the trenches with you
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Bruce Willis has announced he is retiring from acting. A lot of heart comedians were about to write. He retired a long time ago if he ever acted at all. But then I would have stopped on reading that his retirement was due to a brain disorder, a phase EUM. It's one thing to make a grandiose statement about retiring from acting to whom some it registers as barely a job. It's another thing to have the choice of being able to do your job taken away from you. The past two years have seen actors and writers and comedians flail about as they try to find income streams to keep them going until everything opened up again. Ah, lot of people didn't come back from having to get a 9 to 5 job that no longer allowed them to freedom to additional tour. The UK chancellor even told everyone in the arts they had to retrain, give up, move on without even blinking. I don't think a lot of people will forget how abandoned they felt when they were told the dream is over. Now get out of the arts and find a real job. So what now? For Bruce, Dear Keith, have had a great career but a great time. I'm 67 years old, for Pete's sake. 67. I've just tried asteroids made the word epic. I am my own. His head's down his mind. I've even been seen by someone who saw dead people. If nothing else, maybe people become aware of Asia. Maybe some more money will be put in to research and funding. I'll be fine are not, but it's been a good ride. Dear Bruce, it's hard to have you working in life in the future. You would have planned for yourself taken away from you. Whatever the circumstance, There's a lot of people out there who can relate to what you're going through, at least to you. But at least you have a family to look out for you. When I naturally eyes of retires, you always searching for the favourite film. For me, it was unbreakable, so thanks for that I could have wished you stayed on broken for a little bit longer.
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and HS workers were applauded every week for the bravery during the pandemic. At a time when we know very little about the damage, the virus could do with the treatment for it on a long time before there's any sign of vaccine and the chase workers went in to work to assist with the job that were given free parking. Now, for anyone who doesn't live in the UK, this might seem strange that they would have to pay for parking at the workplace in the first place. But this is what has been for years. There was the argument that expensive parking, the hospital stops people from this parking there when they're not using the hospital and so genuine patients and staff can access the hospital. But surely there's some way to give N hs a past, the park or discount where they work, so they could do the job that for nearly two years, with one the most dangerous in the country. Dear Keith, where do we start where exhausted we're undermanned because of the short is caused by Brexit, the decline in European health professionals coming to this country? We appreciate that everyone appreciated what we did when we were doing it on put rainbows and the windows and capturing their doorsteps. But the rainbow zehr faded. The applause is silent, and now, after all that, we just go back to doing what we do, and we don't ask for much. But being able to park in the place we work without having to spend a fortune will be nice. Gearing HS staff. I don't think car park spaces are enough. You shall be given a holiday and some sort of daily distressing rating. But that's not going to happen. Having one less thing to worry about would be the least they could be done for you. And while environmentalists might argue about cars not being used to get to work, they would also argue against not having enough doctors and nurses on hand when they need an operation, especially a time of public transport still struggling with numbers and staffing. I hope you each get your own car park space with your name and how many days you risked your lives in it. That would be better
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a trade union in an Amazon warehouse. That's like saying there's a unicorn in my super. There's a peaceful you're ahead. But this may be about to happen because of one man, Chris Smalls, a former worker Amazon. He organised a small protest that, for employees underneath him, started getting six. During the pandemic. He was fired with Amazon site in quarantine violations. They have been walk out in protest across the U. S. With workers of three warehouses about to decide whether to join a union or not in the coming days. Dear Keith, I didn't mean to start a fight with the biggest company in the world. I tried to protect those working for me. I was fired for something unrelated. But then there was a memo leaked a member from Amazon which said that I was and I quote, not smart, articulate on which said that if I became the face of the entire union organising movement, it would help undermine it. I'm not sure where to start with that, but I know that I'll try to finish it in court with people being allowed the chance of better working conditions. The question is this. How can one man be allowed to amass such a fortune on the backs of workers with no rights. How can this world allow the existence of what are essentially cardboard plantations? Dear Chris, this is bravery on a different scale and ironic that you are small is against the biggest company in the world. Union membership has been in decline for years. Big businesses found ways to undermine the role of work on the strength of trade unions has been constantly eroded. Granted, trade unions have not helped themselves of the behaviour of some of their leaders. But you're right. How can we let someone who makes a $175 billion while workers at his company died trying to make what is essentially less than the minimum wage?
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Chris Rock got slapped in the face by Will Smith at the Oscars. Chris Rock made a joke about Will's wife, and he said, I was looking forward to Jada. Starting in G I. Jane to the thing is, Status had his ball because of a medical condition. If you watched the video, Chris makes the joke. Will Smith laughs. His wife does not. And there's a moment where Will looks around, must see his wife not laughing, and everything that has been leading to the biggest night of his life disappears. As he decides to slap. The man has insulted his wife. It became clear that it was not a stunt. When Will Smith shouted to keep your wife's name out of your mouth? So what is Chris Walk do now? Dear Keith, it was a joke. It wasn't a great joke, but it was a joke. I've made worst jokes about people, does not give anyone the right to walk on stage and attack me. I'm not pressing assault charges for now. I am, however, in the middle of a comedy tour, so I may have to rewrite some of my set to address this. Dear Chris as a comedian. I've never been attacked on state. I've been threatened by a man who thought I was insulting his wife because she was Polish and I was getting her to teach me Polish words that were rude. He thought I was being rude to her because he didn't understand what was going on. He was huge, stood right in front of me, shouting He was not pleasant. Whatever about Will Smith attending his achievement of winning an Oscar. You've just been slapped for crossing the line in insulting someone and face the consequences. Comedians around the world now wonder well, other people follow suit. If Will Smith can slap Chris, what can I slap you? Well, comedy now retreat in the face of possible assault. And what will you say when you go back on stage? Will you fire the writer who wrote that lame joke in the first place and hire a boxing coach? Instead? We look forward to the next flick special. You're going to get out of this
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hope. Let's just find a little hope on a Sunday morning because it's something we all need every day. Hope that work doesn't fire us. Hope that we find a partner, that the partner we have doesn't fire us and hope the world is an end and hope that we figure out how to stop the world and he might do something about it rather than just worrying about it. So take about Danish football of Christian Eriksen, who scored last night against the Netherlands with his very first touch for the team 287 days after suffering a cardiac arrest. On the picture. You're 2020. Dear Keith had been back playing football for one hour Branford, but it was special. Come back and play from my national team for the first time since the day my heart stopped and they stood around Mayfield in me from the world will, no doubt praying for my heart to start again. They are like my family, and so in many ways they have suffered more than me. It's one thing to go through this. It's another thing to stand to the side, feel helpless. His medical professionals do their best to bring you back. I'm glad to be here. We lost against the Netherlands, but I'm still glad to be here. Dare question just to clarify. So people don't think you're being cavalier with your health. After such a scare, your playing days returned because you had an implantable cardioverter. Let me try that again. Cardioverter defibrillator fitted after the collapse This sense of impulse to the heart of it needs it. Football could be as divisive as it could be unifying. But in a moment like yours, where was literally life or death? It puts it into focus is again to be enjoyed. Not only should be hijacked for any nationalistic or jingoistic reasons, it's at times like this when it's at its best, we all feel a bit more hope so Welcome back.
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the worst person in the world is not who you think it is right now, although we probably all think to ourselves. There was a unanimous vote on the man committing war crimes as we speak. No, the worst person in the world is Norwegian. Film that's been released this week has been nominated for Oscars is best foreign film and best screenplay. So it's getting all of attention, which is great. There's been a lot of gushing about how good it is. But then, of course, there has to be some anti gushing, as it is the storey of a young woman and the uncertainty of her life. That particular truck has been covered by the likes of fleabag on most critical week films. I've always been a sucker for the underdog small European film with the good idea of taking on the massive Hollywood acting showcase of the fantastic budget. So let's hear from the director Joachim Trier. Dear Keith, I want to return to a golden age of romantic comedies. But in doing so, I also wanted to celebrate the idea that loving oneself is more important than being loved by more people than anyone else are the monogamous, the rail, Romantic heroes of our times Dear You, Akeem. It's Admiral. How you want to reserve a freshness of romance in an era of swiping for sex and women, where multiple encounters could sometimes be seen is replacing meaningful ones. I love film a while. Some find flaws with whether or not it's a comedy be found in years. I mean, it's not hilarious, but this plenty of charm on the lead. Renata rents for Hold the whole thing together effortlessly while being compared to fleabag. Is it helpful? It's no harm to anyone. Career being compared to Phoebe Waller Bridge. Seen how it's done for her? For me, it's got this beautiful cinematic moment into the kind of moment that's missing from thousands of Netflix and Amazon streamers coming out every week. It's got the kind of Cinema Paradiso moment you love to see Cut it preserves over this. It deserves to be swiped right on. Thank you
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piano ferries. Last week's Act 800 workers out of the Blue. No consultation. Nothing totally broke the law, totally without doubt. Illegal, so illegal, the chief executive said in front of the committee of Politicians. When grilled about it, Aunt admitted that essentially, they broke the law. They looked at the options in front of them and while trying to figure out the cost benefit of getting eight under positions filled by what essentially will be zero always, workers thought, Let's break the law. It was approved by many lawyers and many higher reps, but the man in front of the camera was a man by the name of Peter Hebert Thwaite. Now I know I'm Irish were always suspicious of certain types of English names, but there is something of the dickens villain when it comes to getting fired by Mr Hepworth. Wait there, Keith. We broke the law. We knew we were going to break the law and no doubt would be fine. But in the end we'll stay still, save money on what we have some sympathy for the working man or woman. We really have no sympathy for the working man and woman. I did my job, I rationalized. What's the problem? Dear Mr Hepworth, wait. Where to start? As hard as it is for any sort of works to set up a union while working for modern corporation and, yes, Amazon McDonald's. We're looking at you after going to the trouble of adhering to the letter of the law today, up the unions and protecting workers. Why UK law? You just admitted that ignoring the law was in your best interest. This is a terrible example. Terrible precedent. And while that may sound naive, the lack of any sort of remorse is cold, chilling and hopefully to the point that MPs and those in positions of power will start to tighten regulations. But of course, you took advantage of something else. Brexit. Any chance the workers could have taken you to the European Court of Human Rights is gone because of that, and ironically, and unfortunately, the union in charge of all those workers urges workers to vote for Brexit. So all that's left to say is well played on Yuck!
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the chancellor of the Exchequer in the UK, and yesterday he delivered a spring statement, which is essentially a budget on a statement of intent to advise everyone what will be happening in terms of their household finances. I am not a financial expert by any stretch of the imagination, but for the most part of you budgets as opportunities for political parties in power to shore up their support from the base while giving a token not to their opponents, constituents and those that may or may not vote for them in the future. From all accounts, this is exactly what happened. Dear Keith. We hope that the various dear Richie, let me stop you there. You don't need to explain yourself. You are seen by many and certainly by yourself as the next leader of the country to take over from Boris Johnson. You've been lining himself up to be his successor for so long. You must feel like you're lining up your own successor. At this stage, your budget was just another step along the road to you becoming prime minister. Sure, you have to weigh in the fact that fuel prices and food prices are rising in such a rate that society may be about to regress by a century, with the poor literally living on the scraps from the table of the upper class, the panic in the middle classes where your votes lined and that's the word they will be comport. So there are rewards for them within the budget. The road to success and leadership appears, has always to be a road of bones, and it seems to be no different for you.
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Ashleigh Barty, world tennis women's number one, has just retired at the age of 25. She has retired at the age of 25. Say it one more time now the shock of the sports world. But there shouldn't be because a few shows ago I spoke about the pressure and the heckling put on Naomi Osaka while playing in Indian Wells. We should really look carefully at how we treat sports people, especially women. But I mean local. Let's talk about how we treat women generally and will never stop, so this really shouldn't come as a surprise. Dear Keith, I am leaving. Tell us to chase other dreams. I won three Grand Slam singles events, including this year's Australians Open, becoming the first home player to win on Australian Open in 44 years. I've just collected over 17 million in prize money. I'm proud and I'm fulfilled. Dear Ashley Wow, just wow. This is perhaps the most elegant exit ever from any sport ever. You're in your mid twenties, your top of your game, lots of money in the bank. Ah, hero in Australia and somehow in the midst of what might be the most incredible adrenaline rush ever. You were able to calmly say, That's all, folks. I'm going on to enjoy the rest of my life immediately. People are going to speculate that you're playing with sport. Excel somewhere else is Michael Jordan tried to when he moved from basketball to baseball. But why would you? What a beautiful way to go out now. You could just go find another life to live and hopefully enjoy that, because it's clear that you've earned it well done.
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Alexei Navalny is Russia's most prominent opposition figure. Saying You're an opponent of Putin in Russia is like senior like bungee jumping without a court. It's one way took it to a good leg, even just to think opposition thoughts. So by actually funding in front of an opposition to puting, this man's found himself on the way to the coldest corner of Russia. He was tailed when he returned last year of two, surviving a poisoning that has all the hallmarks have been an operation sanctioned by the Kremlin. He's just been found guilty of fraud charges brought by Russian prosecutors accusing him of stealing millions of dollars in donations given to us now banned political organisations. Dear Keith, I'm not going to say I told you so when I started leading in opposition to puting all those years ago that he needed to be stopped. And even when it was clear he tried to poison me, where leaders and politicians and Alcide sidled up to him in the Russian elite who directly benefited from his illegal acquisition and redistribution of state assets. I'm currently in the penal colony of Pa Crab. That's right, a penal colony attorney normally only here is part of some science fiction from That's where I am trying to oppose the tyrant. I suppose my only question is, why did it take everyone else so long to wake up to him? And when is anyone going to come get me out of this penal colony? Dear Alexei, When I started, Dear Keith, I didn't expect to be writing so much about Russia until world events change that. The problem with the leader committing a massive atrocity that's beginning to veer towards the national genocide is it covers up some other crimes you might want to get away with, like putting you in prison for a crime he didn't commit how to count to. Someone accuses foreign province of interference when the question of Marie in prisons or tries to kill Russian nationals when they question him, I don't know how you do it. I hope you don't stay in the penal colony for 13 years, but you seem to be somewhere where the rule of law is no more
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it's World Poetry Day, which is not a bad way to spend on Monday. I was always a fan of poetry, mostly because poems were short except for the epic poems, which were literally epic. But it's the equivalent of liking short films instead of TV Siri's that are 22 hours long. You read it in a short time, and you may or may not like it, but it's all over so quickly. So I'm a fan of brevity, especially the soul of wit. Even shorter than the poem is the aphorism. Something I didn't even know existed till I came across the work of Don Patterson, a Scottish poet and lecturer at ST Andrews whose book The Book of Shadows, was something I came across in later life. Growing up, I had this great English teacher called Mrs Hurley, who loved teaching and talking about to BB Yates in any interest I had. The subject was down to her. Unfortunately, she died before her work with me was finished on. I had to go on and sit my exams alone, but did so well just because of her. It's one of the teachers like that could leave an echo for so many years. Some time ago, my family bought a boat on. They wanted a name. So I decided, Hey, call it buys anti because then you're sailing on by Santa. I'm not sailing to Byzantium. I thought was very clever and they all just stared at me. But then ask me later, How do you spell by Santa? So from Don Patterson, jazz musician, poets and obese and wisdom. Dear Keith. All my teachers have been women, though several men have taken me aside for now, er to tell me things they know if I try to write anything longer than a single sentence. I found myself just making things up. Consolations of egomania, how often in his life to the mother to himself grit your teeth and think of the biographer's Dear Don, Thank you for writing books, I can admit. Now that is a younger man. I gifted your book to young women. I was willing, in the healthy mystic, your wisdom for mine. It worked sometimes
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colonialism. Now there's a word to make your Sunday go a bit sideways, just tucking in to a nice stack of pancakes with just a light breakfast with the copy that I throw the word colonialism at you. Not just that. It's also related to everyone's perfect prince. Prince William is often a tour of the Caribbean, the purpose of the tourist to strengthen ties with Commonwealth countries, which can often feel like an exercise in. Don't forget who your head of state is from a purely ceremonial point of view. So Prince William, what's on your mind? Dear Keith, At this time in the world you can imagine unity is important. We want to show how strong we feel, a connection with some of the great nations of the Commonwealth of this time. Thea Queen, celebrating 70 years on the throne. While some might accuse us of parking back to a near of empire and colonisation, that couldn't be further from the truth. We just like to remind these countries that we're thinking of them out there thinking about us. Deal with him as a member of a former colony. I appreciate the lack of harking back to colonial times. It's a tricky one, though. The term Commonwealth itself feels like a tread on a jumper, and if you pull it hard enough, it'll strip the jumper away to reveal a T shirt with the word colonies on it. But that's probably just me. Prince Harry was the last world to visit. He danced in the streets and raced, You saying bold but was generally seen as a fun chap to have around. Might be better to keep it at that. Just a fun visit from someone like him. Keep it light on. Friendly on DNA on Colonial
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three Russian cosmonauts just arrived at the International space station wearing Ukrainian colours. Dennis again Sergey are the first new rivals on space station, where they joined other Russian American and German crew members of the station for the mission in space. The flight to the station from Kazakhstan only took them three hours, which is extraordinary and quicker than it normally takes me to get from court to Dublin. So I need to find a new travel Booker. Dear Keith, we're happy to be in space and to be on our mission were wearing bright yellow instead of the normal blue suits because, well, we had a lot of yellow material, so we thought I might as well use it. We are joking. Of course, we thought it was time to choose a side. Dear Dennis, Oliech and Sergey, Everyone will applaud your bravery. You are in space and you have to come down eventually on presumably, If Russian state officials aren't happy with your actions, they might not send a shuttle to pick you up any time soon. So fair play to you for doing this. I just hope it doesn't backfire. It's hard not to think that space is one place where politics should play no part to give the world some perspective and just help you nearly complex are in the face of the infinite. But unfortunately, that's not how we see the world on a day to day basis as we navigate the consequences of someone's massive ego on wish to go down in history as some sort of conquering hero. At least if everything really goes sideways down here, you guys will have friends on the space station to hang out with while humanity knocks itself out with its own stupidity anyway, say floating, take care.
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ST Patrick's Day was yesterday, and President Joe Biden woke up with a bit of the political hangover this morning after he insulted the Irish war in China. Not to muck about with Russia on called Russian President Vladimir Putin a war criminal. They say Don't fight a war on two fronts. But three fronts is just careless, whatever. But finding wedding into a battle has already been raging for over three weeks, with some words of warning that, quite frankly are so little and so late. You kind of wonder why he bothered. While we all appreciate the lack of wanting a nuclear war right now, if everyone backs off when the bully waves the stick, then the bully keeps waving. This statement is taken. Everyone's lunch money in terms of the Irish. This is what President Jo said. I may be Irish, but I'm not stupid. I married Dominic. You compose daughter. This is angered all of the Irish descendants in America, which I think numbers somewhere close to 60 million and counting because we breed so quickly. Jackie, there's a lot going on right now. I didn't mean to insult anyone. I know the Irish is sometimes seen a stupid and that's a stereotype. I didn't mean to enhance that and hope that my apology could be accepted. You know that You're all my lucky charms, You little leprechauns. Dear President Jo, that's fine. You keep up the stereotype. The Irish really aren't all that quick witted. We like it. No, we really do, because no one sees us coming. It would just thinks we're so charming and lovely on. Before we know it, we've infiltrated the very fabric of society without even a whisper. Look at those Irish coming over here to steal everything. So don't worry, Joe. You keep doddering along. And when you need someone to infiltrate Russian society and pass on a little bit of democracy without being noticed, you know who to call.
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remember Fire Island, the greatest party that never happened. Now influences have been warned to stop promoting dangerous tanning products. Nasal sprays injectables known as melon. That tone Let me try again melon the town to this because it's dangerous and untested and link to skin cancer thistles. Not the first time that influence has been asked to stop promoting products or even events that are not legitimate. But wait, let's hear from them. Dear Keith, We're just ordinary people with an extraordinary gift for getting people to follow us and give us free things as well as a fortune of money to advertised the millions of other people. Because we have such strong and well founded opinions, can we help it? If sometimes these opinions were in direct contradiction of medical facts, I ask you, dear influences, yes is the short answer. You have the Internet obviously on, so you can cheque out the medical warnings that may accompany any of the products you're pitching out there. In the case of melon attan to you, just put that in a search box and the search box starts screaming at you. Oh, how it hurts so that some sort of coup. In fairness, I have to respect your robustness, considering that the documentary Fire Island what it did for your reputation of the influence or industrial machine. But no, you managed to skate around the fact that you could be promoting any old bologna on. Also, there's also influence. There is pushing products that they don't even use themselves. Apparently, the only things that stands in the way of all this deception is the Advertising Standards Agency, who so scared saying that all influences must act responsibly, to which we say, here comes Fire Island to the town that shouldn't have been.
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now, as the names of Gary Radcliffe was in prison six years ago, she was essentially held hostage so around could put pressure on the UK. Now no one likes being referred to as a pawn, but there was no other real reason to keep her until Boris Johnson, of course, claims she was there to train journalist, which wasn't true. But this allowed around to press press charges. This was a false claim. So thanks for that, Boris. This was all about money, apparently for some tanks, millions and millions of pounds for tanks. But this is why Nazanin was held. Dear Keith, I am just glad to be going home to my family and grateful for my freedom. I have not seen my daughter in six years. Our child has been taken from me, but I would have claimed the rest of her life with his much joy as possible. Dear has a name. Welcome home. It's hard to say how much has changed since you were arrested, but regardless just need us to say The dirty pool of world politics has become even dirtier and innocent people are still continuing to suffer. Your husband has put himself on the line in every way possible, even going on hunger strike last October outside the Foreign Office, which hopefully added some way to the international outrage about what was happening. All this is apparently over money over some tanks and none of that will matter to you. All the Minister, you now would be the time you'll spend on the speed. You can get back to your family. Good luck.
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Marina of Sienna. Cova is an editor of Channel One Russia State Channel. She interrupted a live broadcast to say the war is a lie and to ask people to support her in opposing the war she is missing. As of now, when we say Russia's State Channel, we really mean it. It's basically the same as really impressed releases from the Kremlin, by all accounts, and it's hard to imagine what it's like living in a problem with the information about what's going on in the world has been selected for you. Or maybe we forget that's what we live with online a lot of the time. By her actions, Marine is probably condemned itself to prison or worse. But before she made the interruption, she prove recorded the following. I am ashamed that I allowed myself to tell lies from the television screen, ashamed that I allowed Russians to be turned into zombies. We just silently watch this inhumane regime. Dear Marina, at this point you've now been missing for 12 hours. Your lawyers have tried calling you, but assume you're under arrest and being threatened with prosecution under new laws that don't allow the Ukraine action to be called an invasion, and we'll find her in prison. Those accused of fake news Your bravery has already been recognised by the Ukrainian president as well as other journalists around the world. For the past few years, we've taken journalism for granted and have seen how fake news has come to distort and polarise societies interactions. But today it seems we've taken on a brighter light. There is little known about you as a political activist, and apparently you had no such leanings before this moment. We do know that your father is Ukrainian and no doubt he is proud of you at this very moment, wherever you are.
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Cove in cases around the rise across Britain. After all, rules have been scrapped. Everything. No testing, no tracing, no masks, no clothes. Well, okay, maybe the last one is a little bit. Niche could get you into trouble. There. Here is that now we're just everyone in Britain is going to live with Kobe. That's it. It's all over. We have other things to be getting on with, as we all wonder, with Russian foot in Poland is even by accident, going to start the next World War except Switzerland, who will remain neutral along with probably Ireland as it's tradition anyway, Cove, it's feeling a bit ignored. So it's written a brief letter. Dear Britain, I'm not going away. I don't care if you ignore me. I don't care if you don't take my calls. I will stand outside your window every night and you shouted to come down here and talk with me. You can't just leave me like that and you won't leave me. I'm here to stay. Even if you think you can sneak off for the floozy of the flu, I won't be getting there. He go flew in floozy. That won't be gotten rid of that easy. We've been going out for two years now. If you think you could just I say it's over and walk away, you've got another thing coming. Who does Britain think it is now? We've all gone through some tough breakup, and nobody's saying you're not important that you don't exist. It's just that Britain is not going to be spending any time with you anymore, or if they are, they're not going to be recording that time spent together our reporting, anyone there simply getting on with their lives. And you should, too. I mean, who knows you and Britain might get back together properly. There's nothing stopping you, flirting with millions of people every day. And who knows, maybe one day you're just overwhelmed Britain and it'll be masks on testing and tracing, and everything will be back to the way you like it
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Naomi Osaka. The 24 year old former number one tennis star was knocked out of the Indian Wells tournament in the second round but was also brought to tears as she was heckled during the match. This was the same tournament where the Williams sisters were heckled in 2000 and one on who refused to play there for almost 14 years after the events. Naomi Osaka was also in the news last year when she refused to speak to the media after matches, citing her struggles with her mental health. Keith, I don't understand why someone would have called me. Why would someone come to imagine Shout, You suck? Don't they think I know that? What's wrong with Indian Wells? I did my best and had a bad day. I hate crying in public, but sometimes it's all a bit much. I know I'm a professional sports person and that's it seems I'm fair game for anyone to have a swing at, but I wish that wasn't the case. Dear Naomi. As a comedian, I get heckled all the time, sometimes the heckles or even positive or encouraging. But the people heckling are aware that I can turn it back in them almost instantly. And so there's an even playing field. Unfortunately, you met with the most cowardly of hecklers. Who knows that you can't just pick up a microphone and start to be a little him in front of an audience for being so rude and selfish, although that said it might be worth packing a megaphone in your tennis bag. So the next time it happens you can shock the idiot by roaring back in his face. But the thing is, now only you're betterthan that. But maybe once, just once, it might feel nice to turn around and shout, No, you suck! You're sitting in the stands, paying to watch people sucking, so your life sucks. Ah, lot more.
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BAFTA awards happened this weekend in the way the world is at the moment. They service about something without a lot of meaning for most people, but maybe is a bit of a distraction from the way the world is at the moment. The big talk is all about the power of the dog and Benedict Cumberbatch. But there's also talk about Will Smith in his performance as Richard Williams in King Richard. Way plays the father to Venus and Serena Williams films produced by the Sisters. So it has the William Seal of approval, and it's a bit rose tinted. But it's still an extraordinary storey that I didn't really know about how they grew up in Compton being trained to play tennis by their father, Richard, who wasn't a tennis player and still learned enough so we could train them. The film doesn't shine away from how he could rub people the wrong way, and this is where will Smith gets to put his hands on the awards season. Dear Keith, I am truly humbled to be nominated for a bath down an Academy Award after my win at the Screen Actors Guild on the Golden Globes and It doesn't matter if I win or not. It's just an honour to be nominated. That's all I could ask for, dear. Well, that's nonsense. You want this? You deserve this. You've been a bad boy for life. You've punched aliens in the face and Independence Day. You get a number one music. Start with one of your oldest friends, Jazzy Jeff, you've had it all. Your man has never stopped working. You had a few missteps where you say, for instance, you took the film Wild Wild West instead of being neo in the Matrix. But you are very gracious about how Ken Reeves is actually Neo, you've been nominated twice, is an actor for Allie and the pursuit of happiness, but missed out. But it may be This is the year that the pursuit of the Oscars over But first up, the baftas go on, you legend. I also enjoyed you in I am legend. By the way,
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Mariana Pad Chris Kaya has come to the world's attention. As she was photographed leaving the Marry Paul Maternity Hospital that was bombed, she was covered in blood and heavily pregnant. Russian officials accused her of faking her injuries. She gave birth to a baby girl today, Dear Keith, I've had my baby. It is cold, and there was constant bombing on top of delivering a child and being accused of faking my injuries in staging this. I have so many questions, mostly. Why would I do that? How would I do that? But mostly I'm tired. Do Mariana. Congratulations on your baby girl. The answer to your questions are simple in a way. For a while now, news reporting has become a precarious business, especially when it might influence your own population that what you're doing is not entirely honourable or legal or humane. It's no surprise the photograph has been accused of being staged that you're accused of not being real. The photographer is a famous propagandist. This will continue. It is gas lighting on a massive scale. The Russian state machine will continue to claim that nothing is real and that they do not put that they do not approve of. They will try to rewrite history as it's happening. There will be those will embrace the deceptions. There will be those who question, And we could only hope someone on the line. The truth survives anyway, For now, get some rest. Enjoy your new revival on stay safe.
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Ernest Shackleton was an explorer who shipped. The endurance has just been discovered in almost perfect condition for what is a wooden ship at the bottom of an icy See. For 100 years, the ship was lost. Is he attempted a trans Antarctic voyage after losing the race to reach the South Pole? It was mostly forgotten is a hero of the time as opposed to his rival, captain Robert Scott, who would go on to become here. We're representing adventure and fortitude in the face of overwhelming odds, so much so he would eventually just become known as Scott of the entire together. Although Shackleton celebrate is one of the most influential Britain's of all time, whose ability to lead under incredible conditions, Irish people like to certainly remind people that Ernest was actually born in Ireland. And when I say suddenly, I mean not suddenly it all. Today's Dear Keith isn't a letter, but an ad that was placed by Ernest Shackleton 100 years ago. Men wanted for hazardous journey, small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return, doubtful honour and recognition in case of success. Ernest Shackleton, Dear Ernest as attractive as this sounds. I have to admire your honesty. But I also have to admire the bravery of the man who set foot on that ship with, you know, when this was all they could expect, another man might have highlighted great fortune or honour, but you told it as it was going to be on. That may have been helpful when you found yourself marooned. Having lost your ship to the ice, your men were able to look atyou when know that you could be honest with them. However grave the circumstance, which may explain why the ship sank. But you and your men survived. We could only wish that there was more like you around today.
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Ukrainian people arriving in the UK will have heard that yesterday, Vladimir Putin Zelinsky addressed the House of Commons in the UK with an emotional speech which invoked Churchill where, he promised, Ukrainian people will fight in the forest, feels the shores and in the streets. Unfortunately, if the UK government have anything to do with it, that's where Ukrainian people will sleep if they make it to the UK in the forest fields and streets. Because the visa issue has been dealt with so badly. A new minister for refugees, Richard Harris, has been appointed to deal with the situation. Dear Keith, we're dealing with this issue as best we can have only just taken on the job as of yesterday. So let me get up to speed. Thank you, dear Richard. I'm sorry, but there's no time for niceties are getting your feet under the table at this stage of the UK is only issued somewhere in the region of 500 visas for Ukrainians. Millions of fleeing their homes, not because they want to come over here and take jobs. I get benefits. But because the homes have been bombed out of existence, you might remind the Home secretary, Pretty Patel, of this who came there was actually UK Visa Centre. That had been a setup for Ukrainians in Calais. There was no such centre. There was an out and out lie. So you're off to a bad start, Richard. Don't waste time talking to me. Help the people who don't want to be here while they're here so that they're okay when hopefully they get to go home. That's all you have to do not make their visa applications something that resembles a sudoku with no numbers to start off with at all. That's it.
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today is International Women's Day. I was expecting to hear from a woman, but then I received a letter from all women. Dear Keith. Yes, we know it's impossible for anyone voice to represent all women on Earth and all the different life experiences in life stages that were at as well as the different ways were treated by societies across the world. We won't even start with religion, although we do give a shadow to pagans who are fans of the goddess rather than the gold. Every year. The day provoked similar responses. First of all, when his International Men's Day, it's the 19th of November. So let's move on. Secondly, why aren't women celebrated every day? The answer to that as well, may not celebrated every day. They just get on with things while being paid, on average 20% more than the women around them. Equality has always measured against men like they're the gold standard of behaviour. And if you look around the world, I think you'll find that's not the case. I mean, look at the state of the place. Why would we want to be measured against that? Do women? Why, indeed, were awful you need to invent a new index of doing well in the world. That has nothing to do with us anyway. It may be that you think that being celebrated is not a good thing or you should have, although you should have one day here when you take start to do inventory of where you are. If nothing else, to work with women in the world right now is put the next generation on notice that they'll have to fight for everything they want on that it will not be an easy fighting. It may never be over. The progress for quality continues this slowly, so maybe the day should be rebranded as international. The fight's not over a day.
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coughed on Alia from Ukraine, is the gold medalist at a gymnastics World Cup event in Doha. You've never heard of him. It's gymnastics, not a massive crowd sport with something we look at every couple of years when the Olympics pops up and we marvel at what the body can achieve. We hear from Covington not just because he achieved this against the backdrop of the war, but because he didn't punch the bronze medal winner who's from Russia. Dear Keith, I just want to thank my coaches and all the people around me for their support at this difficult time. I appreciate that sport is one of the arenas that should bring people together and I hope to continue to represent Ukraine with dignity on grace. On the one hand, it's just sport. On the other hand, it is a stage where we represent ourselves at our best, that his own Dear captain, I have to admire you. You walked onto the podium after keeping your concentration throughout the event to take the top prize. Maybe you didn't see what the bronze medal winner had done. The Russian gymnast had taped his head to his chest, which is a pro war symbol. There are many moments throughout the history of sports, where oppressed people were able to remind the world of who they could be on while they did that, the competitors usually applauded them. In this case, your opponents sought to support the invaders. Now he's young, and he's no doubt funded by Russian institutions, and he may not have had a choice. But we may never know. This may have gone somewhere to you thinking when you didn't punch him. But if he did have a choice, well, Zed's dead baby says dead.
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Brittney Greiner is an Olympic basketball champion as well as a seven time W N B a gold star. I didn't really know much about her until I heard about her arrest in Moscow on the way out of the country. She plays for a team called a Katarina Berg and was arrested because her Vape cartridges contained hashish oil. She could face 10 years in prison. Dear Keith, Help Dear Brittany, this is not great. It seems you've essentially been detained by Moscow. Was a high profile pone on a greater game. The possibility that you did actually do anything wrong by normal standards is unbelievably low. However, normal standards have unfortunately gone out the window. It is probably that your detention will be useful in any negotiations with America in the coming weeks. This is essentially a legalised kidnapping and a warning to any sports person in the world playing in a regime where laws were like favours that could be given and taken away. Many football players have been tempted to China in the past few years because of the massive benefits of a retirement payday. In exchange for the reputation. It's no surprise then, considering how much less women's sports tries get paid that their male counterparts that you attempted to head east for a payday. I wish it weren't so on so many levels. And hopefully this will make of the sports stars. Think twice before heading to parts of the world. Governance. Let's say a lesson, democratic way. Whether presence gives way to a regime. Let's hope it also gives another way to the argument that women in sports need to be paid better. But besides all of that, that's what you get back out on the court somewhere soon. Take care.
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the Oscars. That's right. The Oscars. Let's take a moment away from the horrors of the world for a professionally relevant survey of the soul is that time of year when a lot of films that no one has seen or will ever see have a group of people who no one knows presenting awarded them in a ceremony that no one will watch. So it's sort of a distraction. The big name, this year's Power of the Dog, which is actually quite accessible as it's on Netflix. It has Benedict Cumberbatch, innit? So that'll bring along Sherlock and Doctor Strange fans. One person who's not a fan of Sam Elliott. The actor was interviewed during the week and referred to the film as a piece of shit and seemed to have a real problem with the possibility that maybe some gay people in the Wild West. This reminds me of the time that former president of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said there were no gay people in Iran and everyone just sort of roll their eyes or wrote released funny songs about anyway. We hear from the Oscars, Dear Keith. We've decided to make the Oscars even more accessible by opening up a new award, a People's Award Ah hashtag award on Twitter to recognise a film that may not have been recognised by voters in the academy. Dear Oscars, Oh dear, oh dear. Somehow you've not been paying attention to the Internet since it was invented, and you think it's lots of sensible people who will just given opportunity to Spider Man No way home or maybe even June. But no, you've forgotten The Internet is filled with people whose job it is to get more people to follow them. That populism isn't always great, which is how Cinderella is now in the running. I have not seen this film. I cannot comment. But I have been told that if it wins an Oscar, it could be another sign of the end times. And do we really need that really
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Elon Musk is an entrepreneur worth around 224 billion, or 100 billion, depending on whether he goes on a podcast and gets a little bit stone and starts talking about, well, anything. And then the shares dipped. But then they go up again as soon as he puts his mind to something he has. Let's call it a complex personal life. But now he's been called upon by the Ukrainian people to roll out Starling terminals across Ukraine to allow communications to continue, particularly for the government. Dear Keith, I'm a bit busy right now is I think I'm in a head to head game of online war games with Vladimir, but I'm happy to talk about electric cars because I'm pretty good at multi tasking. Look there. I just beat Wladimir Online, at least in the PR department. And, hey, did you want to hang out sometime and talk about Oh, there's another company have just launched. I might be needed somewhere else to do some good with this stuff by dear Ellen, our oak tree, which is what Ellen stands for in Hebrew. So your name would actually the oak tree musk, which is still cool. Look, I'm a much of a comic book fan is the next one I love 2000 and growing up strong Team dog was the coolest thing ever. So yes, tha comparison between you and Tony Stark right now, Iron Man is pretty close. If you flew out of a Tesla compound in a flying to Armand, say that would stop what's going on. The Ukraine would only be a little bit surprised on, By the way, if you wanted to do that, now is the time. If you want to crowd fund some air defence for the Ukraine or send over some drones that might help them out as well. Some of the besieged cities that would be great, but as it is, thanks for just sending some hope.
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Roman Abramovich, owner of Chelsea Football Club for 19 years and now suddenly not owner of Chelsea Football Club, has, despite the profile of the club in London, managed to keep himself out of the limelight on looks sort of board, sort of rueful like only the club was a duty. He went from being the governor of the to conquer region of Russia to only one of the biggest football clubs in England. And now this week he's just giving it away after agreeing to write off 1.5 billion dead of the book. So now we hear from Roman, Dear Keith, Goodbye. Well, Norman, you are consistent. I'll give you that as quickly as he appeared on the scene, You disappear. Having one of the biggest clubs in London being owned by a Russian billionaire who's consistently denied ties to the Kremlin and yet now is literally walking out the door the week that his non friend Vladimir has invaded Ukraine, resulting in sanctions left, right and centre. It's worth remembering that you, Roman were deemed to be a reputation of his to Switzerland when you were refused a Swiss residency permanent a reputational risk to Switzerland I'm reminded of the end of the TV show the Americans. When the Russian spies go home to an uncertain future on, I wonder what's waiting for you and the other tentacles of Russian power when you return? Because I doubt it's a ticker tape parade on a bus holding up a trophy, probably a red card, because impudence Russia, I reckon all the cards are red.
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the London Underground carries millions of people each day around one of the busiest cities in the world. So is it record this? I'm sitting waiting for one of the few trains it's actually running on the line, as the trade unions have decided called Strike Action Over Pay and Pensions. Today's letter is from one of the shop stewards. Do you? Keith? We've worked hard all through the pandemic to keep the city going. We work all manner of ships in what is often a thankless in boring job. But someone has to do it. We don't feel like we're asking for the world, but we're just asking for our members to be respected, and they will see what they deserve in terms of pay and pensions. Dear Union, you don't sound unreasonable, but I've been waiting for a train for quite a while, so maybe that I start to sound unreasonable. This is unfortunately how response to trade union strike action works. In theory, we, of course, want fair pay for workers and when pro but But when protests interfere with our daily commute, after two years of anxiety about money and jobs and health and now the possibility of World War. It's a little bit hard to find sympathy, I suppose. I'm saying your timing could have been better, but there's never been a good time for a strike. My only warnings that I grew up in a town with trade unions overplayed their hand in relation to a dockyard in a steel mill in the town. Lost both the London Underground can't move, but I can file for bankruptcy. Is it has already done several times and if it goes under, it may be the unions are not regarded too kindly in such a result. Anyway, my train is here now, so I'm back on your side. Viva la Resistance.
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cranium. President Vladimir Zelinsky is the son of a professor of cybernetics and an engineer, so he's clearly a smart guy. He was also a law student, but also a former actor and comedian. This is what people have focused on. During this time, he was the Ukrainian voice of Paddington Bear. Right now, he's probably in a safe house in Ukraine. Is he's refused to leave despite the advances of the Russian army. He's just signed an application to join the European Union. Dear Keith, we would like to join Europe because let me stop you there. You really don't need to give any reasons as to why you'd like to join Europe from Ireland. And if it wasn't for the U and you money, we wouldn't have one of those Roman things called roads. We wouldn't have roads. They transformed our country's infrastructure. Now, while your primary concerns not roads, it is the fact that you have well deserved cover from the U. But the problem is the you. It's built in bureaucracy and also would essentially mean all of Europe declaring war on Russia, while at the same time all of Europe can barely agreed to ban Russia from its banking systems. It's a big ask, but keep asking. Many people have focused on your comedian past that somehow it's an aberration of nature. You should be a leader of people. But when the king is corrupt, sometimes it's only the gesture could be relied upon to call out the King. You came to prominence because of a TV show where you play the president, but now you're playing more than a president, a symbol of hope and resistance. And we hope that whatever safe house you're in remains safe. And if you learned anything from Paddington, you clearly learned the value of a hard stare. Goodluck Godspeed.
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it's Monday morning, and over the weekend, Vladimir decided to increase the blood pressure of everyone in the world by saying he set up a special mode of combat duty of the deterrence forces. That's implying he's ready for nuclear war, although it's not really nuclear war, its nuclear invasion. But what's the point of invading anywhere, if you just going to nuke it? So while the world tries to reassure each other, he's just kidding, Right, guys? One of the few world leaders that could probably take him aside and have a word is being very quiet, too quiet. But today the president of China, Xi Jinping, has decided to write to me. Dear Keith, I was going to write to you, but then something else came up. So I'm afraid I'm going to have to abstain. Sorry. Get back to you later, dear. She The real problem with being a world leader is that every now and then you have to lead. It's not enough to do nothing and call that leading. A friend of mine and I were talking about neutral countries in the last war, like Ireland and Switzerland, and he brought up the quote from Desmond Tutu. If it element has its foot on the tail of the most, and you say you were neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality if the rest of the world in Ukraine can manage to navigate the next couple of days and weeks without the world ending. But with China doing nothing, you will not be is appreciated by the world is the leader, as you once were. And maybe, just maybe, we'll start to look at how much better China would look with a little bit of democracy mixed in there.
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and then and then and then and then and then and then and then a Batman. This is how it used to be fun and cartoonish in outlandish and cool and chilled TV. Batman on the sixties was all power and Kapow one Cub, Lam. And then it all changed in the eighties when Michael Keaton was asked to take on the mantle by Tim Burton. Just got a little bit darker on That started us Down the road, where we recently had a nor rated Joker film with Joaquin Phoenix is an unhinged clown who's pushed so far down the way we only see the horror at the end of the film. So thanks, Tim Burton. Now we have Robert Pattinson. Starting is the Batman this week. Dear Keith, I'm Batman. Dear Robert, let me stop you there. This is quite the turn of events. You are Batman, and what a ride it's been. People are excited because we have Christian Bale who made it super serious. Ben Affleck made it super Ben Affleck, but you are an interesting choice. You started out as a vampire could have been a teen idol, but then you went off the track and did films like Cosmopolis, where you sat in the back of a limo for the entire film. The lost city of said We didn't recognise You in Indiana Jones horror. You were spaced out in high life, a scumbag in good time. You ended up in Lighthouse with Willem Dafoe losing your mind completely as we all did, watching that film in a wild French King of the King and Agent of Time and Christopher Nolan's tennis, which is the film that's a palindrome in itself, and I still don't quite understand if I finished it another. I'm going back in time. I didn't understand that at all, but now you're Batman. Let's hope it's going to be a bit dark, but also a bit fun, because, let's be honest, the world could do with a little bit of fun right now, then and then and then and then and then and then and then And But man
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when the Olympics were in London in 2012, Danny Boyle directed the opening ceremony, which included an enormous song and dance number involving members of the National Health Service. I didn't understand why this was happening. I didn't understand how important the HSE was in the UK until I moved to the U. K seven years ago and found myself relying on the system since, and not just because I'm a total hypochondriac. Services free the residents. It's underfunded. And for the past two years, like every other health service in the world has been overwhelmed. A recent report has just confirmed that staff have been departing the energies of the rate of 400 a week. That's 400 staff at every level. Quinn in the health service every week. So here we are, a letter from the N. H s. Dear Keith, we're sorry, but we are Brent out. The phrase working on the front line may seem overused, but we face the daily anxiety unlike no other from the first reports of covered across the world across the country. We've done all we can, and now we just need to stop. Maybe some of us will come back. But that would probably not be the case for all of us. We know that we've been appreciated. But dear Hannah Chess, let me stop you there. Thank you. First of all, second of all, there's no reason for excuses. While the world coward in the homes for the first few months the pandemic you risked your lives were going into hospitals every day at a time of no vaccines and no testing and no knowledge as to when it might all end, you've given more than could be asked to the pandemic that has been mentally and physically draining. And every week we clapped on your doorstep, and it's nice. That is the thank you signs of fate, and everyone's gotten on with their life. Also, I don't want to bring up the B word, but Brexit probably resulted in thousands of potential staff not arriving on the shores to help relieve. You all have to say these things
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It's Ukraine. It's not the Ukraine that was short for the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist republic. It's huge, It's really huge. And no one's really looked at Ukraine on the map for a long time except puting while salivating. Now everyone's looking at it and going, Wow, it's huge! How is he invading that wise invading that? How is this happening? Where did all here was going? In the midst of all this are the Ukrainian people. So today's letter is from them. Do you, Keith? We are under attack. Our lives have been transformed overnight. We also there was no way Russia could do this. But he has. A few nights ago, we were all sitting around chatting, drinking, planning school trips for our Children, worrying about their future, threatening them with no iPad if they didn't behave. Now we're under attack. We were out on dates. We were in bars and coffee shops and seeing friends and family and worrying. But thinking it can't really happen, can it? And now we're under attack. I suppose the real question I want to ask is when are you all going to get off your ass and do something? We're under attack. dear Ukrainian people. I wish I had good news. Ireland doesn't really have a massive army or naval. We consent. But even if we did, we remain neutral in the second World War because we hated England more than we hated Nazis through our track record is awful. UK is being led by, well, I use the word lead, but that's not the right word anyway. He's not going to do much. The American president is a bit confused about everything. China's playing a long game in the u can't even agreed to ban Russia from an international payment system. It feels like we failed you on like we're all we're doing now is reading in horror and tweeting and shaking our heads that who we have leading us. I hope we wake up and figure out how to be better than this for you. But for now, I think you're on your own
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Macron is a straight line placed above a letter and in the international phonetic alphabet. The macron is used to indicate a midtown thistles where the president of France is nearly always placed himself. Emmanuel Macron lives somewhere in the mid tones of politics, neither left or right, although he has been a member of the Socialist Party. But he claims to be liberal, and that's about it. His enemies in France, or having a rare old time at the moment after so called peace convention with Vladimir Putin failed to materialise. Now Russia is on the move. Emanuel has a lot of face to save, so let's hear what he has to say. Keith on. Do my enemies. They're calling this a catastrophe. I laugh in their faces of How does Monty Python put it? The's pig dogs. I did all I could to stop a war. The French people stand united behind me in my efforts to not just lead this country, to not just lead this Europe, but to leave the world. I say this knowing that some will say I'm playing politics while the world stands on the brink of war and France stands on the brink of an election. But it's important to have someone, my integrity, on good looks to bring France through this difficult times. I've done so over the past few years. My only question, Keith, and that is a terrible name you should really invest in. A better one is why, to my enemies even bother dear manual. While it's clear you don't have any problems in the confidence department, your career in investment banking has clearly been valuable for something like any good politician. You refuse to see the colossal turd that's been left on your doorstep by the Russian bear who pranced off through the woods of war while you've been left preparing a souffle of potential Nobel Awards that will never rise. Theo. Only consolation, I suppose that you're not the first Frenchman to tussle with Russia on Blues, but at least Napoleon give it a bit more of the old college try
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Credit Suisse Bank has just experienced a massive leak of the details of 30,000 accounts by an anonymous whistleblower. Reports revealed that despite promises to perform due diligence and anyone having an account a cancer held by the likes of a human trafficker. Stock exchange Bostian for bribery on a billionaire who ordered the murder of his girlfriend. These were just the nicer people on the list. We have received a letter from Credit Suisse. It's signed anonymous because banking laws in Switzerland are so secretive, you're not actually allowed to have a name. Dear Keith. We here at Credit Suisse rejected the allegations and inferences about our business practises were just simple people doing a simple job. We go to work every day, same as you or your listeners on. People ask us to mind their money, and we do. We don't want to be rude about who they are. We assume they're good people. That's the right thing to do. But sometimes just sometimes one or two bad apples get into the gold plated barrel and spoil it for the rest of our customers. Dear Credit Suisse. I understand I do. I once tried to open up a Swiss bank account or, as you call them in Switzerland, bank accounts. I've never been jailed for bribery or traffic humans or looted a state oil company. I set up a fortunate investment worth millions. I've worked hard for my money and pay taxes. I think was the moment I said, I've paid my taxes that I was laughed out of the bank. No one in Switzerland will lobby to change these laws. No banks will refuse your business. No international organisation of law stand in your way. We bank account holders in normal banks or peasants, as you probably call us, can only hope that you'll finally get a call from the Bank of Karma saying, You're overdrawn and you're going to be foreclosed on your gold plated ass.
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so horrible. I like word games. I'm not pro. There are people who can tell you the thousands of two letter words that can open up a Scrabble board. I'm not one of those people, like the moment I use a ball seven letters, even though it might only be seven points. As always, the 50 father was being used on like games generally income while away hours days in eight years. I'm not sure if I've wasted years, but this is probably one of the reasons I'm not succumbed to word all. Today's letter is from Josh Wardle, the inventor of Word all who recently sold his game to The New York Times for a seven figure sum. Dear Keith, I just sold the word game I invented for my partner, who really likes word games for a lot of money. I should be happy, but I can't help but feel that I've created a monster rather than just enjoying the daily dose. And I kept the dose small, just one game a day. People around the world have used it as an excuse to show off how clever they are, and I feel I've just added to the look at me. State of the world. Dear Josh, you have. There is no doubt every social media, platforms, films, people showing off just how quick they gets the word. But the origin Storey is very sweet. You did something nice. It's going on the world. It makes people happy and it's not really hurting anyone. And you've made some money. Competitive nature of word games has been around since the alphabet was invented and will be around till the end of the world. That's not like the end of the world is going to be caused by a word game unless some countries decide to change their nuclear launch codes to a word game that would truly be a Wardle gone mad.
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Unfortunately, with every Olympics, there's the obligatory doping scandal. And this time it was the figure skate of Camilla, believer from Russia, who was at the centre of the scandal. She made history when she landed a quad in the team event in Beijing, which apparently means four complete rotations in the air and not ramping a beach buggy onto the ice, for which I would have given her a medal anyway. A drugs test from December last year revealed T M Z in her blood, which is a banned substance, as well as a dodgy website. Dear Keith, I was born in 2000 and six in Kazan and Russia. I love ice skating. I will never compete again. What now, Dear Camilla, you are a 15 year old girl to each. The Olympics at this age means you've dedicated most your childhood to a sport that would have meant you have had no childhood. If there was a substance you brought last year probably meant you were taking it before that when you were 14 13 on. Most people understand that as a child you could be easily influenced by those around you, especially a coach. Terry took bread. I'm going to dedicate the rest of this to her, so I hope you get to enjoy your life. Maybe claw back some of the joy that was taken from you Dear a Terry. What in the name of sweet ice skating Jesus have you done? Let me tell you over the years you've produced a convertible to ice skating champions who all retire by the time they're 18 because you've broken them. Your reputations built in the bodies and minds of Children, have done everything you asked of them when Camilla and walked off the ice after her dream ended, your idea of consolation was to ask her why she stopped fighting. No doubt you'll continue a conveyor belt. You'll train more on break morgaine war, but it'll be a cold day in hell before anyone forgets your name. For all the wrong reasons, Terry Derive from the Turkish utterly meaning enough. But who knows how many Children's lives would be enough for you?
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on. So the UK finds itself about to be embraced by storm units with all the confidence you'd expect from a unit which is derived from the Greek, you meaning good night for victory. So a storm that's about to devastate the country has been named good victory by the British Met office. As an Irishman living in this country, I'm beginning to see why the Empire didn't last. So in a surreal turn of events, we have a letter from units. Dear Keith. All right, seriously, dear Eunice, there's no need for that sort of language. I understand that you're aware a warning from the future that extreme storms are going to find themselves in all parts of the world. You are, as you say, yourself, a distant cousin of the extreme cold and extreme heat now playing in the world on an annual basis. You've never going to get a starring role in Roland Emmerich movie. The Man who directed The Day After Tomorrow, which basically was a disaster movie about the tide's turning a different way and causing an instant ice age on it, was just released the movie called Moon Fall, which, as you guessed it is about a moon falling on the Earth. If aliens ever arrive on this planet after being decimated by an ice agent, find these DVDs of the day after tomorrow they're going to be so puzzled and disappointed. Imagine finding a herd of gazelles watching a nature documentary about a cheetah hunting a gazelle, and they didn't just watch it, but also produced and directed that film. You wouldn't think much about those gazelles anyway. I only say this myself. I'm about to drive from London to Sheffield, in the north of London or in north of England to do a comedy gigs. What I'm asking units is that you take it easy on me. I know humanity is probably doomed, but if you could just let me get to my hotel in one piece, I promise to beam or environmentally friendly from now on.
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today is all about awards here on Dear Keith. As the Oscars have just announced, they will be hosted by three multi award winning women Regina King, Amy Schumer and Wanda Sykes. They have a tough job on their hands, though, as the Golden Globes pretty much disappeared from view with no TV coverage after year of scandals due to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's lack of diversity and allegations of corruption, de Baftas are imminent and seemed to be the only British institution not mired in controversy right now. But let's see what we can do to help Amy want to and for Gina. Dear Keith, we're writing to you because we would like to make the Oscars a memorable one for all the right reasons. Let me stop you there. Want to Amy and Regina? First of all, you don't really need my help. You'll do great. You're all incredibly talented. Established performance will hit the mark. Say your lines, bring the house down as it is and will be polished and professional as we could ever ask for. The problem's not with you. That's what the relevance of award ceremonies that awards people awards for pretending to be other people or for the facilitators of that pretence. The world is still reeling from a global pandemic on the fact that a TV series about Starr was favourite. Boba Fett wasn't very good. We're on the brink of another world war on, so it's such it's hard to focus on this show regardless of who's presenting it. Also, the fact you initials Wanda, Amy and Regina spell war isn't going to help. It's right to celebrate the art of cinema, but it rarely coincide with the need for mindless escapism. While Spider Man No Way Home was the highest grossing film of the year on for Fans, it was not in any way mindless. It was the Spider Man film we all wanted to needed. Audiences don't necessarily want to celebrate the cerebral right now. There's too much going on, and we want distraction. Whatever happens, we wish you all the best on what with great power. Hosting the Oscars comes great responsibility. You could probably afford to just relax and enjoy yourselves a little bit
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hi there. And welcome to Dear Keith, where figures from around the world seek advice and clarity with some of the problems in their lives. In a way, this should be a comfort to all of us as it shows us humility of even the most powerful brands. Or is there sometimes known? People were all broken and in perfect except for Ryan manuals, but we'll talk about him another day. Today's letter is from Vladimir Putin, president of Russia since the last century, who will no doubt find a way to lead Russia into the next century. Dear Keith, where do I begin? I am a simple man, a proud man, a fertile man. I have many Children. Children need land. Ukraine has land. I need that land more than anyone you can think of. It is true. Since Ukraine left Mother Russia, I have not been happy, and it frequently asked Ukraine to come round for drinks on to maybe stay a little bit longer each time, but to no avail. Some call it stalking or harassing or even influencing through the appointment of political allies to sever ties between Ukraine and the U. But I simply call it a candle that has never stopped burning. We should be together. But the world is against us. Why? Dear president and future emperor of Europe, You tin! There's nothing as powerful as love except the 6400 nuclear warheads your country possesses. You say you need so you will take. But maybe instead of take, you could give. I'm not saying give peace a chance, but give everyone a chance to cash in Bitcoin before you do anything hasty. Nobody in the UK really cares about the Ukraine, but they do worry about whether you're invading countries alphabetically on their next on the list. Just remember, whatever happens if war does break out on Irish on We stayed neutral in the last world war. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
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