The Toxicity Survival Guide: Recent Episodes
Dr. Louise Williams
As we roll into 2024 you might have noticed that your healing journey didn't look exactly the way you had hoped in 2023. You might be having some feelings about what that means for you going into the new year. With the help of philosopher J. Aaron Simmons and his new book Camping with Kierkegarrd, I explore what it means to confront the reality of where we are on our journey.
Blackburn suggests you need good mental health in order to do philosophy. I say he's got it all wrong. In this episode, I share how philosophy can directly improve your mental health and some of the best ways to accomplish that!
Subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskPhilosophyFAQ/comments/4ifqi3/im_interested_in_philosophy_where_should_i_start/
Books:
Think by Simon Blackburn
Sophie's World
A Very Short Introduction Series
Plato's Dialogues
Podcasts:
A History of Philosophy Without Any Gaps
Philosophy Bites
Youtube Philosophy:
https://www.youtube.com/user/IOFrimpong
https://www.youtube.com/user/gbisadler
My Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Some topics demand nuance and not everyone is going to have the capcity to hold onto that nuance. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't express what needs to be said. I explore the value of expressing nuance in light of the Israel-Hamas war and as someone who regularly speaks about child abuse.
Here is the Charlotte Clymer piece
Here is a link to the Instagram post I mention in this episode
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
I explore the wisdom existential philosopher and holocaust survivor Victor Frankl has to offer in these turbulent times. I share how his wisdom is helping me navigate the current increase of antisemitism and how it can help everyone working hard to break cycles.
UPDATE: Since the recording of this episode, I have learned that the specific incident that directly inspired it was inaccurately reported on. You can read the details of what happened here https://www.uclahillel.org/stateofjewishbruinlifeoct2023
There have been other incidents recently at instutions of higher education including Columbia University and Cooper Union. Learn about those specifics here: https://www.nydailynews.com/2023/10/30/jewish-students-at-columbia-other-ny-colleges-facing-anti-semitism-say-they-feel-unsafe-abandoned/
To learn more about the increasing rate of antisemitism around the world you can see the Anti Defamation League's recent report here: https://www.adl.org/resources/blog/global-antisemitic-incidents-wake-hamas-war-israel
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
While I am no expert on world politics, I am a Jew thanks to my abusive mother. As a result, I am involved in the Israel and Palestine conflict. I talk about the cycles I see taking place in this conflict and reflect on how these events really reveal just how needed and critical your cycle breaking work really is.
I don't have a cure all for the strugglebus, but I do have a few ideas about what might help you.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Check out the sermon I refer to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP_sid9UUNg
Message me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Want to avoid spiraling into a deep pit of emotions everytime you start to think critically? In this episode I share how pairing Radical Permission with your critical thinking time can help you focus your energy on the important decision making work you've got to do on your cycle breaking journey!
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Join my email list: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/ig-link-in-bio
Its more important than you might guess. I cover the role of intution as well as some tips on how to strengthen and heal your relationship with your intution.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
In this epiesode I reveal one of my favorite strategies for learning to integrate your thining brain while listening to the wisdom of your emotions.
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
I breakdown specifically what benefits Sabbath had for me as a survivor of long term abuse, and what other survivors might want to think about on their own healing journey.
Life doesn't stop for Sabbath, but I am doing my best to honor my intention to take this time for rest!
Your best chance of hearing about what's happening is to join my email list.
You can do that by filling out your name and email at the bottom of this link https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/ig-link-in-bio
After recapping my father's passing, I explore how my life has changed one year later. Toward the end I share one of the most surprising outcomes of these past 12 months.
Instagram: www.empowermentthroughthought.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Working on subtle levels of healing and befriending my triggers, I have noticed how some of the reasoning my abusive father used were shared beliefs with folks of his same generation.
In this episode, I explore some of these shared beliefs and how my generation (Millennials) might be critical of the reasoning behind these ideas, while at the same time we may be repeating the very same reasoning pattern.
This is an invitation to reflect on our survivor tendency to stare at the darkness, and redefine our relationship with rainbows.
I say I value safety but do I act that way? Here is a walk through my brain and how I'm unleashing the power of philosophy to help guide me through this chaos.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Inspired by the introduction to Skye Cleary's How To Be Authentic, I explore the tension self-help has with core features of our identity as cycle breakers, and some of the reasons philosophy might be a better choice for us.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought.com
Email Me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Transcript: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/blog/thepowerofphilosophyforcyclebreakers
When you grow up in chaos, you often crave chaos later in life. In this episode, I talk about how to manage that craving for familiarity without engaging in the more self-destructive side of this tendency.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Website: www.empowermentthroughthought.com
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
I have been struggling to articulate exactly why philosophy is so freaking powerful to folks who are going against the status quo. On the heels of running the world's first ever Practical Philosophy course, I finally figured it out. In this episode I break it all down.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/dr-louise-williams
Come with me as I wrestle with the realization that creating raw vulnerable healing content on social media can be both healing and harmful. I have no clear answers in this episode, just a real exploration of the reality of being a survivor content creator online.
In this episode I explore the ancient wisdom of "Know Thyself." I discuss exactly what this phrase means, and why this is a critical step in making difficult decisions. I then show how difficult decisions in my own life have been much easier to make because I did the work to know myself.
I am spilling the tea on my colleagues! In this episode I explain why you tend to see a lot more psychology in cycle breaker spaces than you see philosophy, and what I am doing about the situation.
Check out my new work with me page: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/work-with-me
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/dr-louise-williams
Facebook: www.facebook.com/dr.louisewilliams
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Its taken me a long time to try to tackle this question head on here on the podcast since there really are so many different ways people define philosophy. However, I am finally laying out exactly how I think about this in my own work.
I break down the two main ways to understand exactly what philosophy is and where I think the real magic of philosophy lies for cycle breakers.
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After some hard thinking about what the real secret sauce is to philosophy, some changes are coming to Empowerment Through Thought. Inspired by the struggles with flying monkeys, I'll continue to serve my fellow survivors and call in all those seeking to go against the norms.
Website: www.empowermentthroughthought.com
Contact me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
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There is trend in the healing space to reject psychology's talk therapy and embrace that healing must come at the level of the subconscious. In this episode, I explore how we can acknowledge the limitations of psychology's talk therapy without necessarily moving to the much more vulnerable space of the subconscious. I share how philosophy can is another way to engage in conscious dialogue that can produce extensive healing. And I share why I think philosophy has some intense benefits over psychology's approach to talk therapy.
Get the details on the Grey Rock Masterclass here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MzDm6GHRwBcurFFdejcFK45-xMLkjzKKVveHk7e6LJQ/edit?usp=sharing
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
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Suffering follows us wherever we are on the survivor journey. We might as well learn how to live well within its presence. In this episode, I share some of Marcus Auerilius' thoughts on how to deal with inevitable suffering.
Learn more about the Grey Rock Masterclass here
Catch me on IG: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
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You may have heard of grey rock, but I bet you haven't heard of Stoic Philosophy or Marcus Auerilius. In this episode, I explain why understanding the philosophic foundation of this popular technique for navigating toxic people can help you immensely. I share how it helped me on my journey and why it can help you deal with both guilt and anger.
Learn more about the Grey Rock Masterclass here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MzDm6GHRwBcurFFdejcFK45-xMLkjzKKVveHk7e6LJQ/edit?usp=sharing
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
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I pull insights on the value of listening to yourself as I reflect on what the holidays are looking like for me. Its a weird season and here are some good reasons to think that is totally okay.
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
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Started playing with my current angst in the form of a fiction piece and I have discovered that it is wildly difficult to live in the peace that so many of us strive for on the journey.
The post on IG that I refer to is here: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cl9z_a3jGnr/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
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We often strive to be the version of ourselves that are no longer burdened by the challenges of long-term abuse, but this idealization of our fully healed selves may be causing more harm than good. I explain why I think that there is no such thing as being fully healed and what survivors can focus on instead.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
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Survivors often assume that they are busted and in need of immediate healing. In this episode I invite you to challenge that assumption and get really curious about when it is appropriate to seek real deep growth on your healing journey and when it is best to switch into a maintenance phase. I discuss how this perspective shift can especially serve us as we are making our choices about navigating this holiday season.
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Have you ever thought about how much power the algorithm has when it comes to your healing work? The more we rely on social media to help us on our healing journey, the more susceptible we are to the preferences of this robot.
In this episode I explore the potential shortcomings of social media as a tool for healing from abuse and what you can do about it.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email Me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Learning to allow emotions that once brought us a lot of heartache back into our lives in the wake of healing from toxic people can be a CHALLENGE. In this episode I reflect on my own recent experience crying in a public space and what us survivors can do who want to learn to heal our relationship to these formerly dangerous feelings.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought.com
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
This episode is all about the identity crisis that comes up for us survivors of narcissistic abuse. Often we cling to old parts of ourselves since that served us well in navigating abusive environments, but as we make progress on the healing journey, we can struggle to make sense of these older parts of ourselves and the new folks that we are becoming.
As a fellow survivor currently going through some big identity shifts, I am sharing some of what I plan to do to help myself make peace with these ghosts from my past. You can follow my journey through this space over on my Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
In this episode, I talk about the final communication my toxic father ever sent me. I discuss a particular "witnessing" technique that I have been using to help ease the absolute horror and dismay his final cruel words have created in me.
I do not share any direct quotes from the letter, but I do discuss death and many of the harsh realities sacrifices we make to toxic parents.
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Ready for some fun healing! In this episode, I invite you to consider the stuff that toxic people forbid you from doing. I also share how this has been quite liberating on my own journey, including some spicy talk on the paranormal.
When you are ready for some one-on-one support, reach out
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Radical Curiosity can help you transform our tendency to judge ourselves harshly into something fun and playful. As survivors of narcissistic abuse, we internalized a lot of the negative judgements that toxic people handed out to us. Through radical curiosity we can let go of these habits to judge ourselves so harshly and instead learn to explore and play with ideas. I think that this is essential in our healing process.
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
IG: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
In this very raw episode, I share with you my recent experience of losing a friendship and how this too is part of the healing journey as survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Email: Dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Sometimes feeling ok isn't enough. At some point on your healing journey, you are likely to want to actually feel GOOD. But how the heck do we accomplish that after navigating so much darkness? I share my recently developed ideas on how exactly to do that.
Learn about working one-on-one with me here: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/work-with-me
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Much to my surprise, the memorial service of my toxic father was overall a good experience. In this episode I recap how the event went and unpack some of the reasons I think it was an overall good experience.
If you would like to join me for the 5 day guilt-free boundaries challenge you can do so here: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/guilt-free-challenge
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
In this episode I walk you through my reasoning process to attend the memorial service for my recently deceased toxic father. Consider this a sort of case study of one survivor's journey through this part of the experience of being the adult child of a toxic person.
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My first thoughts on some big takeaways from the recent passing of my father. It turns out the way people said this experience would go were wrong...
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Loneliness and isolation is one of the hardest things to deal with on our survivor journey. The bigger our boundaries get the more distant we can feel from the folks around us. In this episode, I talk about how I am working to ensure that us survivors never have to feel lonely again!
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Toxic people taught us directly that we are not worthy of goodness and beauty in our lives. Unfortunately, survivors have likely interanlized these messages and are likely to have self-worth issues popping up in unexpected places. Listen to this episode to hear what I'm talking about and what you can do about it!
Join the waitlist for my new survivor experience: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/brand-new-survivor-experience
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Hot of the heels of shutting down this house, I am bringing you a recap and the biggest lessons I learned along the way. If you have worried about what it will be like shutting down the house of a toxic person, this episode is for you.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
This episode original published in September 2021 covers such an important topic that I really wanted to bring it back to y'all. It is was a very difficult episode for me to originally come up with, and it hits on topics that are so so important in the abuse recovery journey. Hope you enjoy!
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
In this episode I share a piece I wrote on explaining what exactly philosophical counseling is. I explore how it differs from mental health services and how it compares to life-coaching.
You can read the original piece here https://theprofessorisin.com/2022/03/31/what-the-heck-is-philosophical-counseling/?fbclid=IwAR3rbDoHHfHPAKSnly6U0ZMwlMVv4KXWBTxp5OFsea0WtjrybKqcF4dFbc4
Find me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
After a recent explosion on Instagram, it was clearly time to do a deep dive on the controversial topic of forgiveness. Many folks in the survivor community seem to think that you must forgive toxic people in order to heal. In this episode, I bring in the work of Aristotle, Kant, Hume, and a contemporary philosopher named John Kekes to show why forgiveness really is optional.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Resources I used in this show:
- Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy Entry: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/forgiveness/
- Kekes, John. “Blame versus Forgiveness.” The Monist 92, no. 4 (2009): 488–506. http://www.jstor.org/stable/27904141.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
While the standard advice for dealing with toxic people is to go no-contact, what enables a person to be able to do that often depends on a bunch of things that are outside their control. In this episode I explore how privilege plays into the decision to go no-contact, and why those folks who are not able to do so can still make a lot of progress on their journey.
If you are ready for some support navigating toxic people in your life, reach out to me
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
This episode I turn to the wisdom of Aristotle to help us unpack why anger is totally good and appropriate for us survivors of toxic family. I break down Aristotle's views on when anger is good into three main criteria and show how almost everyone who has experienced long term abuse at the hands of toxic family will benefit from being angry.
Let me know what you think of this episode:
www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
dr.louise@empowermentthorughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
So many survivors just want to officially close the chapter on this toxic relationship. Many of us imagine that if we just got an apology from the toxic person we could move forward with our lives. In this episode, I explore why this apology, even if you got it, is unlikely to bring you what you are looking for.
Email: dr.louise @ empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
It is hard to figure out what the right thing to do is when it comes to siblings. Whether you are navigating a younger sibling who is still legally in the custody of toxic parents or your adult sibling is acting as a flying monkey for your toxic parents, these situations are ethically complex! In this episode I give you three big ways that you can successfully navigate this situation.
If you want to know more about philosophical counseling reach out:
Email: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We hear it all the time - "Don't talk bad about your parents, they were only doing their best."
And it is a bunch of BS. Here is a deep dive look at why these sorts of comments are harmful.
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: @empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Overachieving survivors are amazing at getting focused to achieve their goals. But sometimes this ability can create a challenge in our pursuit of becoming a thriving survivor. I explore what those challenges look like and what you can do about it.
Contact me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
It can be very disruptive to be triggered as a survivor. In this episode, I talk about why triggers are hard to handle and also why they can actually help us advance on our healing journey. The answer might surprise you!
Contact me: dr.louise @ empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Three big ideas on why you should be setting those boundaries even if it is coming from a place of overreacting.
Grab the boundary setting guide here: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/GuidetoNoContact
Chat with me over on Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
It is not irrational to be suspicious of love for survivors. We have tons of lived experience to support the fact that love is not trustworthy and we have nervous systems that reminds us that love has historically been dangerous for us. The good news is we absolutely can learn to authentically feel the love.
Learn about working with me on my website: www.empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
I explore whether it make sense to be bitter and give some concrete tips on what you can do if you decide you want to let go of bitterness.
Learn more about working with me: www.empowermentthroughthought.com/work-with-me
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Learn more about working with me: www.empowermentthroughthought.com/work-with-me
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
This is tricky thing that many survivors have to deal with. I've got some concrete things you can do as a survivor to help your partner make the realizations that you have already discovered.
Website: www.empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
This one might be controversial, but that supposed need to have somebody else tell you that you did the right thing might not be helping you on your healing journey.
Learn more about working with me here: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/work-with-me
Email me: dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Toxic people abused us by controlling us, so turning around and exerting control over ourselves doesn't seem like a good plan. But then how do we push ourselves to do stuff outside of our comfort zone? The answer lies in recognizing our agency and really getting in touch with all the many choices that are available to us.
Work with me: www.empowermentthroughthought.com/work-with-me
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
The glories of January are upon us and so comes the horrible entourage of diet ads and exhausting exercise regimes. Here are three big reasons survivors should think twice before the jump on board the diet train.
Want to know more about HOW to listen to your body? Join us over at The Survivor's Plaza over on Facebook for a free training on doing exactly that.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Three big things to be aware of as you move through the New Year Hype for 2022. These ideas can keep you from undermining your own healing work on this survivor journey.
Survivor's Roadmap: www.empowermentthroughthought.com/roadmap
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Three big reasons that you might be doing the morally right thing by choosing not to spend your holidays with toxic people.
Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
Email me: dr.louise @ empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
I cover three big reasons it is totally ok as a survivor to not be into the holidays. Survivors are on a complex journey and sometimes that holiday energy hits us differently depending on where we are in our healing journey.
Be sure to get your complementary session booked.
Instagram: @empowermentthroughthought
Email: dr louise @ empowermentthroughthought.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Inspired by a recent experience of having another coach steal my work over on Instagram, this episode covers red flags for working with professionals on your healing journey.
If you have been considering hoping on a complementary call with me, do so here.
If you want to join me over on Instagram, do so here.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
After explaining how I am not totally healed when it comes to the holidays myself, I explain how I have done a bit better with Christmas. I lay out three big things you can do in order to heal your relationship to the holidays, even if you are still actively dealing with toxic people in your face.
Grab the masterclass here: https://www.empowermentthroughthought.com/offers/Tp9PjLDo/checkout
Hit me up on Instagram: www.instagram.com/empowermentthroughthought
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Three big strategies for getting through that dreaded holiday meal.
If you are looking for more support, be sure to check out "Surviving the Holidays: How to Deal When You Are Navigating Toxic People"
You can check it out here
In this episode, I mention a reel over on my IG, you can find it here
Email me: dr.louise @ empowermentthroughthought.com
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This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Toxic people are super challenging to deal with as an adult. They can be even more challenging to deal with as a kid. In this episode, I reflect on some of the things I would have liked as a child of toxic parents, and some concrete things you can do to help the kids in your life navigate these difficult topics.
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So its a bit controversial, but honestly, I believe becoming an expert in how psychologists unpack toxic people is not the best move as survivor. Be sure to listen to the end to hear what I think is a much better strategy for survivors.
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Three things I wish I knew before setting those big boundaries. The last one is so so important so be sure to listen till the end.
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You might not have thought of it, but taking time to envision a future where we are no longer under the control of toxic people is so important. This act of dreaming can really help us undermine the power of toxic people and reclaim our agency along the way. I this episode I cover why dreaming is so important and some concrete ideas to help you jump start your own dreaming habit.
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One reason we sometimes hold back from going no-contact is this fear that someday we will regret cutting these folks out of our lives. The first person I ever went no-contact with was my toxic mother. Its been 12 years since that day and I can honestly report to you, I have never regretted it for a minute. I hurt a lot but its not because I miss her - it is because I miss having someone to be the mother role in my life. Take a listen to learn more about my journey and the things to look out for as you walk your own path with toxic people.
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Meditating and staying busy might have a role to play in the healing journey, but in general they aren't the end all be all solution that some folks make them out to be. In this episode, I pull on my background in Buddhist philosophy and my lived experience as a survivor to do a bit of a reality check on these methods.
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You hear all over the internet that you need to go no-contact the second you realize you are dealing with a toxic person. But that just isn't realistic. In this episode, I cover four indications that you may be ready to start exploring going no-contact.
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Are there any circumstances where the potential harm to us would be justified? I cover three conditions that might make it appropriate for you to have a meeting with a toxic person. There are a lot of variables to sort out to determine whether this is the right sort of move for you.
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Its pretty common for toxic people to use body shaming as a tool to exert control over us. In this episode, I explore how the norms of diet culture actually help toxic people cause us harm and the challenge this creates for us survivors on our healing journey.
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I asked over on my IG if folks had a general roadmap of what the journey looks like for survivors of toxic people. Today I share with you my first thoughts on what that journey looks like. Turns out its 7 steps and if you think I missed anything or have any feedback shoot me an email dr.louise@empowermentthroughthought.com
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After a bad experience with someone who was supposed to help me, I started to think about what things people should just never say to the survivors of toxic people. This episode is about three of them!
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So maybe its not actually being a jerk, but it can definitely feel like being a jerk. Most survivors tend to be people who care a lot about taking care of the folks around them. While that is a beautiful thing, reclaiming our agency post-abuse sometimes requires stepping outside of that role.
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Three reasons to think the reason you keep finding yourself surrounded by toxic people has less to do with something fundamental about you and more to do with our tendency to seek out the familiar.
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I lay out three criteria for being a high functioning survivor. I also share several reflection on how the survivor community needs and deserves more vocabulary to characterize their experiences.
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I get real vulnerable here and talk about three big reasons every survivor should be so freaking proud of the ridiculously difficult stuff that we've all had to navigate. While some of these may feel basic, they really can be super important to keep in mind on our journey.
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Survivors are often told that they shouldn't share their stories because it is stigmatizing to folks who have the same mental illnesses as their abuser. In this episode, I explore whether that has any merit and what, if any, conditions survivors should be open to revising their beliefs about toxic people.
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When you can balance being data driven while honoring your feelings, you have a powerful method for navigating toxic people. I contrast this method with being an emotion based survivor and discuss three reasons being an Evidence Based Survivor can help you on your journey.
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After sharing a bit on the timelines of my journey through my toxic parents, I share three things you can do to soothe the frustration we all feel about our speed of recovery from toxic people.
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This past Sunday was Father's day and this holiday, like so many for those of us with toxic family, can be a real struggle. I share my three-question debrief after every holiday to help myself get out of despair and into action.
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Three concrete things you can do to get the closure that you deserve without having to put yourself in harm's way.
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Making peace is an often overlooked part of the boundaries journey. In this episode, I explore three of the major payoffs of doing the work to make peace. I also introduce a tool that I have designed to help folks make peace with their boundaries.
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When you start out, it looks like all we need to do is establish some firm boundaries with toxic people and we can just go on with our lives. It is right that we need those firm boundaries, but it turns out we probably need a lot more smaller boundaries along the way. I go over three different spaces you may not expect to need boundaries when you start out, but you are probably going to discover as you work through your journey.
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These characters are some of the hardest to deal with on our journey with toxic people. After exploring what exactly flying monkeys are, I talk about some of the ways that I have found to be effective in dealing with them.
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I know this might make you feel uncomfortable, but seriously every bit of work you can put toward this one is absolutely worth it!
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I am officially announcing the start of my newest challenge - Boundaries Maintenance! This 5-day challenge is all about helping you advance on your journey by maintaining the boundaries that you've established to protect yourself against toxicity. Besides announcing the challenge, I give some general tips and tricks on how to navigate the boundaries maintenance stage of navigating toxic people!
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It's high time I talked about what you should actually do when you are ready to get the toxic people out of your life. In this episode, I break it down into a 5 step process.
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Sometimes the way we think about toxic people in the survivor community can bring us to some uncomfortable spaces when we are thinking about the children of these folks. In this episode, I explore that dynamic all thanks to a convo I had with a follower over on my Instagram page!
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I've made some pretty big mistakes on my journey. Take a listen to this one and you might be able to save yourself from some of the same errors!
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Going no contact may not be the right choice for everyone, but it has some definitely benefits. In this episode, I cover three of the best reasons for folks to build that no contact boundary.
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Three concrete things you can do to start regaining a bit of control, even if its just small chunks at a time. If you want support as you implement these strategies, you can work with me by signing up at www.empowermentthroughthought.com
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Once you accept that you cannot control the behavior of toxic people, you have to start looking at the things you can control. Expectations are one of those things.
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I'm being real real in this one. Some experiences with toxic people in my life recently made me think hard about the exhaustion they create and the consequences to my ability to crush my goals.
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This tool has been so powerful on my journey navigating toxic people. It takes a bit of adjustment to get into using it regularly, but it really is so powerful.
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This wisdom wasn't originally about navigating toxic relationships, but with a little bit of work, we can fasten it into an incredibly powerful tool to protect ourselves against toxicity.
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This is an often misunderstood tool that has made a HUGE difference in my own life and navigating toxic people.
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In this teaser episode, I briefly cover all four of this season's big topics!
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BONUS Episode inspired by some recent events in the abuse recovery space. My thoughts on whether it makes sense to call NPD a mental illness and how Buddhism shows us there is another way.
These are just a few nuggets that I have walked away with from my years of navigating toxic relationships
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If you've ever tried chatting with family about toxic people, you might have been disappointed in the results. Here are three tips to make the process less painful
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10 nuggets that can help save you a lot of hurt in the future
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Here I lay out TWO different things you can do to start sorting this out for yourself.
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The story of Shannon, a thirty-five-year-old elementary school teacher who is ready to get some serious answers.
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If this question is really important to you, you really can get good answers. We explore what that looks like in this episode!
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Two things you can do to start unpacking what it really means if you are asking "Am I the toxic one?"
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Follow Cindy, a toxic person, and Jessie, a non-toxic person, on their journey through the question "Am I the toxic one?"
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You actually know more about the answer to this question simply by exploring the way you ask it.
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Two concrete things you can do to begin exploring the reasons behind your own journey with the question "Am I the Toxic One?"
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Here we explore the interactions of Cindy, a toxic person, and Jessie, a non-toxic person. We see how Cindy utilizes Jessie's concern about toxicity ultimately as a way to control Jessie.
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There are lots of different reasons we might be asking ourselves whether we are the toxic one. Some of those reasons are more problematic than others. In this episode, we cover the theory behind asking this question.
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We cover some basic things you can start doing today to investigate your relationship with toxic behavior. This is an absolute gold mine for anyone who is seriously wondering if they are the toxic ones in their relationships.
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It's all fine and good to know the theory, but what does it actually look like in real life? We explore the case studies of Cindy, a toxic person, and Jessie, someone who sometimes does toxic things, while they both independently try to plan a party.
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Together we walk through what exactly a toxic person and how that is different from someone who just occasionally engages in toxic behavior. We cover some definitions and some of the tricky ways these groups overlap.
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This overview episode gives you a glimpse into all of the good stuff that we are going to cover in the very first season of our Podcast: Am I the Toxic One?
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I cover who I am, what this podcast is about, and some of the goodies you have to look forward to!
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