Real Good Recovery: Recent Episodes
Katt Annie
Because I started picking up addictive substances and behaviors at a young age, in an attempt to comfort myself in an environment not conducive to my well-being, I didn't learn certain survival skills that many of us might take for granted. Because I was numbing myself when bad things happened, I didn't learn that very basic skill of learning who was bad for me to be around and who was good for me to be around. Worse than that, I often gravitated toward harsh people who didn't support me in an attempt to convince them that I was worthy.
In this exercise, I learn how to determine who is good for me, and I create a visual reminder for myself. I can graphically see that I am loved by many, and rejected or worse by just a few.
To understand how I do this, give it a listen.
Not too long ago, I was excluded from a very important, sacred family event. It was shocking to my soul that my presence was not wanted. But it was also a familiar feeling of being rejected and not valued from an early age, of having no worth. Of course back then I picked up addictive substances and behaviors. I had to survive and it was the best I could do. Over the past decades I've been so loved up by my recovery community that it has more than made up for the lack of affection early on. I feel so loved and cherished. But when this thing happened, this rejection, I was no longer without tools. While I felt the shock and hurt of being rejected, I now had so many ways to process this event and comfort myself and move on. So what did I do?
Give it a listen.
What starts the recovery process? Is it being saved? Being dragged into a new way of life? From what I can see, this is not the way. The way is to be so broken and desperate that we reach out for help. Something inside us needs to hit bottom and realize we cannot on our resources face this challenge. We must get help. And we cry out for help. We share with another. We go to a meeting. We are broken and we need help.
Give it a listen.
Recovery is tricky at any time, to hit bottom and reach out for help, and to be willing to do what it takes to craft a life in sobriety/abstinence/solvency.
So how are we doing in the recovery community? You might be surprised. Give it a listen.
The winds were ferocious last night at the high mountain campground and I was filled with terror. What if a tree fell on my trailer? What if the trailer flipped over? What to do? What to do? My misery went on for hours. And then the miracle happened.
When everything goes sideways, it's too late to get ready. We have to daily strengthen our habits and practices so we are ready when big stuff happens.
I had a lot of amends to make when I got into recovery. Mostly, I needed to make amends to myself.