The Tightrope of Trauma: Recent Episodes
Arran Patel
Join Arran Patel, a 26 year old, gay man of British-Gujarati heritage, born in Leicester speak his truth. You are beautiful. You are not alone. It takes time to heal. Please subscribe here: https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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Arran reads his personal impact statement from the sentencing of his abuser, Graham Butterworth on 12th December 2011.
Subscribe to The Tightrope to Work to hear how Arran was able to heal. It's okay to not be okay. You are not alone. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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On 18 November 2022, Arran talks about his transition from cutting the Tightrope of Trauma on 1 November 2022 to the present. He speaks about all the feelings he has been experiencing and is ready for what is to come. Subscribe to The Tightrope to Work to hear how Arran was able to heal. It's okay to not be okay. You are not alone. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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I cannot begin to fathom how one justifies putting #Sober as a tribe or community on their dating application profile.
The term sober refers to abstaining from drinking alcohol or taking intoxicating drugs. A drug is a substance that alters one’s mind or body.
However, the truth is they are ‘sober’ whilst working out during the week or on weekdays, and at night, they are frequenting the plethora of chemsex or circuit parties around the world writing ‘HnH’ or ‘PnP' on their profiles and having ‘fuck fests’ or ‘orgies’ where drug taking ike MKat & G are encouraged, to name a couple.
How can one be sober during the week? Eating a low carb or keto diet, going to Third Space, Barry’s or F45 during the working week? Then attending these ‘group seshes’ at night. Many begin on Friday nights and end on Monday mornings.
I believe these substances are ruining the community. Applications like Grindr and Scruff are implicit & advertise these events where these drugs are readily available and taken.
Is it cool to attend chemsex parties? No, it is worrying for those surrounding these people.
Is it cute to post shirtless pictures & sweaty videos on your instagram or alt twitter account of your attendance at these circuit parties across the globe? No.
Should drug taking be encouraged to those who are young, vulnerable & finding their identity as queer people? No.
So why do we as a queer community think it’s cool to be working hard but playing hard as addicts to drugs and sex?
It is harrowing to know that many people lose their life because they are influenced by addicts and overdose as a consequence. I hope this episode can show people that it is not behaviour to be proud of.
What happens when your mum, dad, brother, sister, friend or loved one gets a call of your admission to hospital? Is it cool then? This is the world of chemsex, HnH, and circuit parties.
Subscribe to The Tightrope to Work to hear how Arran was able to heal. It's okay to not be okay. You are not alone. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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Meet me at midnight on Thursday November 10th. I'm recording this from an Airbnb in the city of Paris in France. Thank you Maddi Coles for taking this picture at The Standard, London on your 35mm film camera. Sending hugs & Lotus Biscoff milkshakes from Tinseltown to you in Australia.
Arran could not eat, sleep, or socialise. He was in exile. In his day-to-day life, he was forced to build a façade. A sky-high wall around his castle to keep all threats out. He had no other choice but to protect himself from being sent to the bottomless pits of his mind.
He was a victim to the abuse, manipulation & disposal of toxic gay men he encountered on dating applications like Grindr, Scruff, Hornet, Tinder and Chappy.
The gay men he met at his university were similar to that of the bitchy cliques of teenage dramas in the 2000s.
Writing their burn books & enjoying their calculated exploitation of Arran in his most traumatised state. This facade was the only thing saving him in his exile. He could never be himself as he was terrified of those that sought to abuse him further.
Are we actually a community?
Subscribe to The Tightrope to Work to hear how Arran was able to heal. It's okay to not be okay. You are not alone. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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If you are in a position of power, please do not vote against the minorities in the midterm elections.
Do good with your power, don't abuse it.
Subscribe to The Tightrope to Work to hear how Arran was able to heal. It's okay to not be okay. You are not alone. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
On November 1st 2022 in Vienna, Arran cut his eleven-year @tightropeoftrauma & speaks from his vulnerability, trauma, & through his heart & soul on the morning of Friday November 4th 2022.
Please do not listen or read further if you are a victim or survivor of an abuse of power or experienced non consensual rape or a sexual offence.
’my mind was a prison for eleven years from the age of 15 as a victim of a sexual offence. i overthought every little thing. i lied awake in turmoil. i hid my true self from everyone. avoiding love & my trauma after reeling from an emotionally abusive relationship at the age of 20. i could be slim but hated myself & my body. gay men called me ‘broken, unlovable, damaged goods, fuckable, paki’ to name a few. an eleven-year tightrope walk of trauma: to become comfortable in myself, of being fetishised, sexually objectified, being told i’m attractive to sleep with but not hot enough or too culturally conscious to date. it was soul-destroying. i felt alone, i was self-sabotaging. drinking gin, bourbon & tequila to survive. meeting strangers off of dating apps to temporarily feel okay!
Always #BeKind #ItsOkaytoNotbeOkay #TreatPeopleWithKindness #TightropeofTrauma
Subscribe to TightropeofTrauma+ to hear Arran's raw emotions in his survival of his eleven-year tightrope of trauma. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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Hello. My name is Matthew Chew, and I am a close friend of Arran Patel, having met one evening in London's Soho back in summer 2019. Since that meeting, we have both experienced some incredible highs as well as very low points in our lives.
Indeed, the past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster for Arran, and he thanks everyone for their kind words and messages of support since announcing the Tightrope of Trauma.
Support has certainly helped guide him along this tightrope, but it has not been and continues not to be easy. Indeed, a lot of the work leading up to this point has led to retraumatisation: the reliving of previous trauma, as if it were all occurring again, as a result of exposure to people, incidents, or environments. People recovering from and living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) experience retraumatisation in different ways, impacting one's physical state as well as one's mental state. For Arran, this has been particularly stressful since his move to London in May.
Arran has lost 3.5 stone (22kg) since his move to the capital, initially from strength training and hot yoga. Recent weight loss, however, is a result of eating disorders, including bulimia nervosa, which were triggered. Night terrors every night have reduced his sleeping pattern to 2-3 hours a night, 4 at best. He himself notes that he has become the worst versions of himself, the eye of the storm which is his trauma, hurting anything in its path. He apologies to those that were affected by that.
After spending 6 months in London, Arran has come to realise he must start a new chapter in his life, to find love and happiness. He leaves the UK permanently at the beginning of November to embrace a nomadic life. Arran would like to thank his mother, father, niece, sister and brother-in-law for their unconditional love and emotional support. He also thanks his closest friends for helping him face and survive these difficult months.
This has been Arran's Tightrope of Trauma. Thank you for listening.
Subscribe to TightropeofTrauma+ to hear Arran's raw emotions in his survival of his eleven-year tightrope of trauma. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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On 22 September, it marked the eleventh anniversary of the day Arran Patel was sexually assaulted in 2011. His Mother’s battle for justice led to a Crown Court case years later.
His older Sister and Brother have always been like his modern day parents to him. Their unconditional love through his darkest times will always be like two sculptures in the monument, that is full of the human beings that have saved him from his own destruction since 2011. As his family grew, he found greater love from his Sister-in-Law and Brother-in-Law, which then grew to Arran becoming an uncle (mama and kaka) twice in 2012 & once in 2015. Those three little beautiful humans have provided revival and happy memories to Arran on his tightrope walk of trauma.
He is very thankful and appreciative to the sacrifices made and struggles faced by his inspiring mother and father. They emigrated to the UK from once impoverished times in India. His mother at the age of 5, and his father at the age of 12. Their story will forever motivate him to do this project - their beautiful love story, their survival of the darkest times for North Indian people emigrating and living in the United Kingdom in the 70s. They dedicated their lives to giving Arran and his siblings every opportunity they didn’t have.
For every hypothetical room in an art gallery, there is a photo album. Each photo album is filled with watercolour paintings, polaroids, concert tickets, 35mm film and digital photographic prints, and keepsakes.
Each album has been hand embellished by Arran with drawings, quotes, phrases, and journal entries from the past eleven years of his life.
Each celebrating the people of that time period that made him laugh, kiki, and cry.
All the memes sent, all the messages exchanged, all the heartbreak and sadness.
All the interesting cultured gentleman in rendezvous in art galleries, theatres, nightclubs, restaurants and cocktail bars of the world, and late nights talking on Hurst St, Canal St and in Soho and Hell’s Kitchen.
It is a tribute to all those who have been heartbroken, used, abused, manipulated, ghosted, or left on read. To all those who have been stood up or have been treated by someone who makes them feel like they have no power or voice.
All human beings should have a voice - regardless of their gender, race, religion, ethnicity, social status, sexuality, kink, disability, family, or their level of education.
Pura Vida. Good vibes only.
Please join Arran in his retrospective celebration of all these human beings he is in awe of. What has been a pilgrimage for him, Arran Patel.
Thank you AD Studio (@adstudioprive) for photographing me. You are an inspiration and a vibe. I had the best time with you in a studio close to King’s Cross.
Subscribe to TightropeofTrauma+ to hear Arran's raw emotions in his survival of his eleven-year tightrope of trauma. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
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This first episode is called the Perpetual Modern Loneliness.
If you are triggered by words like ghosting, left on read, post hook up depression, manipulation, and gaslighting. Please do not listen.
Subscribe to TightropeofTrauma+ to hear Arran's raw emotions in his survival of his eleven-year tightrope of trauma. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
This is the trailer of the Arran Patel's debut podcast, The Monotony of the Ordinary. Arran offers a teaser of what is to come. He allows listeners to discover his first-hand account of breaking out of his life's monotony with the perpetual repetition of his routine and how he has now become a full time, self funded artist. Subscribe to TightropeofTrauma+ to hear Arran's raw emotions in his survival of his eleven-year tightrope of trauma. https://plus.acast.com/s/tightropeoftrauma.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.