Making Sense of Parenting: Recent Episodes
Kelly K Shoup
Join Kelly Shoup, as she addresses your top parenting concerns from her unique lens and offers wisdom, support, understanding and solutions so parents are fully equipped to handle ALL aspects of raising children in a peaceful and loving way. You'll quickly recognize, she gets it! She's a mother of 3, parenting expert, child behavior specialist and pediatric occupational therapist with over 20 years success helping families.
Are you anxious and afraid? Do you feel ill-equipped to protect your children when they go out into the world? In today’s episode, Kelly is offering three areas to focus on, especially when tragedies occur. As always, she is full of practical suggestions as well as spiritual insights into the way we can choose to show up, no matter what life throws at us. “We know there is a God, we know He loves us. We know we can trust him… Ground your kids in that.” - Kelly ShoupFirst, Kelly addresses how to maintain your calm, and offers multiple concrete ways to deal with the bodily experience of anxiety. As faith-based people, we are well-equipped to handle crises; we don’t need to respond in a frenzy, like the rest of society. She also encourages parents to speak to their children about tragic events in a calm, neutral way. Secondly, Kelly talks about controlling what you can, and letting go of what you can’t. She encourages parents to be discerning about the narrative entering their homes, and touches on God’s perspective in the midst of evil events. She suggests that living in fear is not really living at all, and encourages parents to practice fully entrusting their children to God’s care. She even has a playful way of teaching children to put on the full armor of God every day before leaving the house. Finally, Kelly is encouraging connection. She explains that when you connect with your children, you can also correct, direct, and influence them. As your children watch their friends’ parents collapse into fear-based decisions, they will look at you to see how you are showing up. Imagine being a parent so fully immersed in God’s love that you can respond with calm, control, and connection towards your family. In this way, you can fully model what it looks like to live a life of trust, grounded in Scripture and truth.Kelly Links WebsiteInstagramYoutubeFree Consult CallSensory Profile QuizMonthly Membership One-on-One Coaching
Life is not always blissful when raising a family. And ignorance does not necessarily help create for a blissful experience. In this episode Kelly explains that ignorance in parenting can have negative consequences for the child and the parent if certain issues are not given the proper attention. Kelly will give parents the knowledge they need to bring them out of ignorance and move towards a healthier form of parenting that ultimately leads to better results and better connections with your kids.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Summer is coming and with that comes the "Summer Scaries". What is a parent to do with all their energetic children over the summer? In this episode Kelly will help to give parents the skills they need and the actions to take in order for the whole family to have a fun, smooth, stress-free and delightful summer.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Moms are operating from so many types of over words. Overwhelm. Over functioning. Over exhaustion. Overburdened. Over anxious. And more! Kelly wants moms to know that there is a better way. In this episode Kelly will help moms understand how God made them and how they can use that knowledge to show up better and combat the overwhelm that is taking over.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Sport and kids is big business. It's a lot of time, energy and expense. It's also a huge part of some families lives. But sports can have a huge impact on children as they are developing. In this episode Kelly will open up the bigger role that sports can play in the lives of children and how their God-given abilities, personality, temperament and physical makeup can be respected when it comes to sports.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Kelly takes this episode to discuss the honest truth about moms and meltdowns. With assurance and guidance Kelly will help moms understand their meltdowns and how it can even be a chance for growth if your child can see you having those meltdowns.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Feeling like you are a mom who is always messing up? Kelly understands and takes the opportunity in this episode to go over some of the top mistakes that mothers endure. From leaving God out of the parenting relationship, to the unknown expectations for your spouse, Kelly will bring all these into the discussion.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
In this episode Kelly pauses from the normal topics of preschool aged children and moves ahead in the timeline to college aged kids. Kelly helps parents understand how to best maintain a healthy relationship with these older children that now have independence, critical thinking and are the stages of choosing their own life.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Play is important for kids and for parents. Kelly takes this episode to open up the world of play and the role that is plays in the parent-child relationship. She gives practical tips on how to make play better and explain the importance of playing with our children.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
In this episode Kelly breaks down the importance of play over the holidays. Kids are home from school, so there will be a lot of time to play. Kelly breaks down three to-dos for parents so that they can show up differently this holiday break.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
In this second part of Kelly's series on How-Tos for a Better Holiday, Kelly focuses on ways to make parents and children have a better home-based holiday experience. With communication, allowing children to have a say and parents having presence with their children, the holidays at home can be a wonderful time.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Traveling with your kids this holiday season? Need some help? Kelly gives practical advice and considerations for traveling over the holidays so that you and your children can all enjoy this very special time of year.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Thanksgiving can be overwhelming for adults, especially for parents. Kelly has the answers in this episode as she breaks down the best ways to include children in the Thanksgiving preparations to help everyone have a better and more enjoyable Thanksgiving.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
In this episode Kelly helps parents determine if there is a difference between having an issue with their sensory system or they are having behavior issues. The answer is that the child is demonstrating both since behavior cannot be separated from the sensory system. Kelly breaks down a path forward for parents to be able to help navigate their young children during these young years of development.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly MembershipOne-on-One Coaching
Today, Kelly is asking parents this question: Are you operating from control or creating connection in your relationships with your children? And if the answer was “operating from control,” no judgement! But you’re definitely going to want to hear this episode - it’s a good one.“God created (your children) to want their own independence, to want a choice, to want a say, to live from their uniqueness.” - Kelly ShoupWelcome to Episode 29 of the Making Sense of Parenting Podcast. As moms, we have a natural ability to keep track of multiple things at once - schedules, appointments, menus, illnesses - but this ability can initiate a tendency to control everything. Control is an action born from fear, and it causes kids to push back and fight harder for their God-given need for autonomy. Throughout this episode, Kelly is inviting moms and dads both to release a moment of control to discover a lifetime of connection with their kids.How does controlling feel in your body? What if you could inspire the behavior you want through connection, instead of condemning the behavior you don’t want through consequences? Kelly talks about the behavior that society demands of very young children, who are not naturally made to behave perfectly all of the time. She emphasizes the importance of the ages three to eight, and explains that connection helps you enjoy the entire process of your parenting journey: not just the result. With helpful tips on implementing connection and a quick sketch of what the first few weeks of implementation might look like, this is the best episode for the exhausted parent who is longing for more peace in parenting.LinksWebsiteInstagramFree Consult CallMonthly Membership One-on-One Coaching
In this episode Kelly looks to the true heart of parenting and the very unique and God-given role that a mother plays in raising children.
“There are more neural pathways going from the heart up to the brain than the brain to the heart.”
Do you ever think that your heart has a mind of its own? You might be surprised to learn that you’re not far from the truth. In this episode, Kelly is explaining what the brain and the heart have in common, and how that very trait can lead heads and hearts in different directions in parenting. And if you’re a mom listening to this episode, Kelly has a special appeal to you: be open to working from your heart instead of your head. It’s your God-given, feminine superpower.
Have you heard of heart coherence and heart connection? Kelly explains why these qualities of the heart are vital to parenting, and encourages mothers to explore what this might mean in their interactions with their children. What if you shifted your parenting from control to connection? How might that change your daily experience with your children?
In a world that is constantly feeding our brains with information on how to raise our children, it is easy to lose sight of what our hearts might be trying to tell us. What if you weren’t parenting like that mom on Instagram or the author of that parenting book? What if you were parenting like YOU? What if your natural temperament and tendencies were what your children needed?
This episode is a beautiful opportunity to explore the possibilities of your own unique version of parenting. From Bible verses to practical tips, Kelly is ready with a wealth of wisdom for the parent who is ready to shift the weight of parenting from the head to the heart.
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This episode is the seventh and final part of the Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior series. Kelly digs into the lesser known interoceptive sense or internal body awareness.
“I've been helping parents with what the sensory system looks like for over twenty years, so we can pretty quickly collect clues from how your child is acting.” - Kelly Shoup
Welcome to Part 7 of the Sensory System series! Today, Kelly is discussing the final sense - the interoceptive sense, otherwise known as internal body awareness. Are you hot, cold, itchy, thirsty, hungry, or full? Your interoceptive sense is speaking to you! Does your child tell you that they need to go to the bathroom, while simultaneously having an accident? Then this episode is for you: today, Kelly is teaching you how to work with a child who may have some limitations in their interoceptive sense.
Parents will ask Kelly, “Is this a sensory issue or a behavioral issue?” The truth is, a sensory issue can become a behavioral issue. A child who becomes used to wetting the bed accidentally may start accepting that they wet the bed every night, and stop trying to get up and go to the potty. This sense can also affect emotional regulation: a child who can’t feel that they need to go to the bathroom might also not be able to articulate that they’re feeling scared or anxious, which could lead to emotional outbursts. Does your child seem invincible? Maybe they scrape their knee and handle it like a champ, but then a tickle fight leads to tears. Again, the interoceptive sense may have a kink that needs to be worked out.
Listen in as Kelly explains how the interoceptive sense affects self-regulation - that constant struggle for all humans to get to a place where they feel calm and safe. She’s also explaining the connection between the nervous system and the sensory system, and why both need to be in a good place before a child can engage well in their daily life.
If the situations discussed in this episode sound familiar, check out the links below! Kelly is ready and waiting to be your guide on this journey with your kiddo.
Links
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In this episode Kelly continues the series on Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior. In part VI, Kelly tackles the taste and smell sensory system of children.
“God put them here for His purpose for them, and they are
built with an automatic system to keep them safe.” - Kelly Shoup
Welcome to Part 6 of the Sensory System series! Today, Kelly is talking about two closely-connected senses: taste and smell. She’s not only explaining the sensitivities behind your child’s behavior toward food and smells, but she’s also offering multiple solutions and strategies to face these behaviors with confidence. By the end of this podcast, you will feel equipped to be a parent who knows how to work in collaboration with who your child truly is. And these actions won’t just improve yours and your child’s life now: they’ll pay dividends throughout your child’s adult life.
Most of us were told as children to “Eat everything on your plate, or else!” But Kelly is turning this popular reprimand on its head and explaining why it’s actually wiser not to make your child eat food they don’t want to eat. She’s also discussing why fresh baked cookies sell houses, how over-responders and under-responders react to taste and smell, and why you might want to ask Grandma to blow out her scented candles.
The final moments of the podcast are a treasure-trove of wisdom, as Kelly shares multiple tips and tricks to keep your sensitive kiddo feeling safe and seen by you. From choosing the best time to expose them to new scents and flavors, to advocating for them while you’re visiting family and friends, you’ll learn to be the superhero they need you to be. And if that doesn’t interest you, at least stick around to hear about “snake bites” and “no-thank-you bites.” It’s definitely worth it!
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Reach out to Kelly!
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Monthly Membership (This includes a food webinar to help you with the sensitivities discussed in this podcast.)
Continuing the Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior series, Kelly moves to Part V and focuses on the Touch/Tactile sense of children.
“Kids need to know that they can count on their parents to have their needs met, to feel safe. ” -Kelly Shoup
Do you feel like your child’s behavior is out of control? In today’s episode, Kelly is discussing the sense of touch, and how it relates to your child’s behavior. Believe it or not, this isn’t a behavioral issue: your child is simply learning to regulate their sensory system. And the good news? You can help them accomplish that with a few simple adjustments.
Does your son leave a mess around his mouth after eating? Does your daughter refuse to hug Grandma? Maybe your child is the first boy in several generations who doesn’t want to keep up the family tradition of playing football. Or your daughter acts like a magical Color Run is her personal idea of Hell. Kelly is addressing all of these scenarios, and more.
Beginning with a quick review of the sensory system, Kelly discusses the God-given uniqueness of each child, and explains why touch can be a sensitive area for some children. She also identifies the difference between an over-responder and an under-responder: an insight that can change the outlook of a confused, frustrated parent. Best of all, Kelly has a few simple, practical tips to help you guide your child to interact well with the world around him, effectively eliminating his discomfort while still creatively achieving your own hoped-for goals as a parent.
Reach out to Kelly!
Sensory Profile Quiz
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Episode #24
Trouble Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior Part IV:
Vestibular/Movement Sense
Continuing the Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior series, Part IV, Kelly focuses on the vestibular/movement sense. The vestibular sense is linked to the inner ear. As a general rule children’s bodies need more vestibular stimulation or input to their sensory system than adults do. Children who have a “hiccup” with their vestibular system can sometimes be labeled as being a troublemaker, being out of control or needing firmer discipline from the parents. When in reality, the child is simply seeking proper input for that vestibular sense.
The vestibular system contributes to balance and our sense of where the body is in space. The vestibular system works with our auditory and visual inputs, so our eyes and our hearing work to give accurate information to the brain about what the body is doing.
The vestibular needs of a child are in direct relation to whether they are an under-responder or an over-responder with their sensory system. An under-responder (a sensory-seeker) will need more vestibular input, more movement. The over-responder is movement sensitive, so only a small amount of movement is alarming to the nervous system.
Understanding these sensory systems is very important for parents because if something is off in the child’s sensory system it can cause the child to act out with some behavior that is not ill-intentioned but because their body is automatically responding to what is going on inside them. But with the proper understanding and tools, parents can be prepared. Kelly will help give you the information and strategies you need so that you can help your child develop and find the purpose that God has for them.
Reach out to Kelly!
Sensory Profile Quiz
Monthly Membership
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Episode #23
Do You Have a Kid Labeled a Troublemaker?
Continuing the Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior series, Part III, Kelly focuses on the proprioceptive sense that is crucial in helping to understand and make sense of a child’s behavior. This sense is very important for parents to understand because this particular sense can help parents understand their kids, themselves and even other children if this sense is not a struggle for their own children.
Proprioception refers to the sense or the position of the muscles and joints of our body that enables our brains to know where each of the body parts is and how they are moving. God designed our bodies to be this way and for proprioception to be the way that the nervous system keeps track of and controls the different parts of the body.
Proprioceptive input is considered a “magic pill” that can help any person organize, be calm and be helpful to their nervous system. In addition the proprioceptive sense is the only one that you cannot give too much to.
The proprioceptive sense is seeking heavy work/input into the joints and muscles. These are examples of how that might show itself in a child who is a sensory seeker:
- Crashing into people or things
- Jumping, climbing, wrestling
- Grind teeth
- Crack knuckles
- Walk on toes
- Stomping feet
- Preference for tight clothes
There are many ways that a child can be given healthy and safe input for their proprioceptive sense that will give their nervous system what it needs and also keep the child out of trouble.
Understanding the proprioceptive sense is important because if kids are crashing, bumping, invading personal space, these kids so quickly get labeled the bad kid or the troublemaker and when they start to get labeled like that and their nervous system does not receive the help that it needs the child will simply believe they are indeed the bad kid. And that is not what was meant to be.
Reach out to Kelly!
Sensory Profile Quiz
Monthly Membership
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Episode #22
What's your over-under?
In Part II of her series on Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior, Kelly is talking about the three ways that the sensory system works: over-responsiveness, under-responsiveness, and the just-right point. Understanding the sensory system will heighten your ability to navigate both your own and your child’s behavior.
The body is automatically trying to reach its “just-right” point, but that set point is different for each individual. This is the way God created us, and parents and children will find it easiest to work with the flow that God has created.
Over or under-responsiveness in children can look like misbehavior. Your child is trying to understand and manage what their sensory system needs, but they aren’t equipped to accomplish that task. When parents understand this, they can guide the child through the process, essentially eliminating tantrums.
The set point that every human’s body is trying to get to is also called a sensory threshold. It is where neurochemical changes take place in the brain. There are neurotransmitters that help a person reach their optimum functioning level. You are at your best when you can balance the input that is constantly coming into your sensory system.
For the majority of humans, we’re more or less sensitive in at least one of our senses.
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If you are more sensitive, you are an over-responder.
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A note:
- Usually a person is an over-responder in a couple of senses, just-right in others, and potentially an under-responder in the rest.
- Because of this, the child’s behavior can be very tricky to understand.
- The under-responder is the person who has one or more senses that don’t get enough sensory input to reach the just-right point.
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They need to see, hear, or smell more.
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There are two different ways of being under-responders:
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Passive Under-Responder
- This child gets accused of being lazy, unmotivated, or sluggish.
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This child needs more sensory input but doesn’t pursue it. 2. Sensory-Seeking Under-Responder
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This child is very hyper: climbing walls, yelling, slamming into people.
- They need more input, and they are ON IT.
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God created children like this. Working within the confines that God gave them, parents can acquire the tools to know when their child is going to be overloaded, and respond accordingly. The goal is to set kids up to be able to deal with their own sensory systems well.
Reach out to Kelly!
Sensory Profile Quiz
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Episode #21
Having Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior?
God created humans with a built-in safety mechanism. 95% of what looks like bad behavior is actually a young child trying to make their nervous system feel okay. We know it as self-regulation. As adults, this might come out as clicking a pen, or taking a coffee break.
This episode is Part I of a two-part series on Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior through the lens of the sensory system. Today, Kelly is talking about the senses of sight and hearing, how they could be affecting your child’s behavior, and how you can help your child.
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Vision
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At home
- Face them towards a plain wall.
- Offer a minimum amount of toys.
- Face them away from windows and doors.
- Give them 10-15 minutes to close their eyes or sit in a dark room.
- At the park
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Let them read in the car first.
- Give them sunglasses.
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At school
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Give them a ball cap.
- Join Kelly’s monthly membership for more tools.
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Know yourself and your child.
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Vision might also be a sensitivity for you as a parent.
- Check out Kelly’s free sensory profile assessment.
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Hearing
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Behaviors that may occur include:
- Running out of a room
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Refusing to go into a room
- How to help the child:
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Give them 5-10 minutes to see if they can self-regulate.
- Try headphones/earplugs/noise-canceling earbuds.
- Turn on soothing music.
- Teach your child to give you a signal that means: “Mom, please be quiet.”
- Get curious! Look for clues and don’t override what your child is saying.
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Connect with Kelly!
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Sensory Profile Assessment
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Please subscribe to the podcast
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Episode #20
Are Late Afternoons and Evenings when You Feel like You're Losing Your Mind?
What do the words self-control, self-regulation, self-soothing, and self-care have to do with after-school time, and your child’s out-of-control behavior? That’s exactly what Kelly is addressing in today’s episode.
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Self-control
- Definition: Inhibiting impulses/exercising restraint
- Every human needs to have the ability to practice self-control.
- Self-control is STOPPING or NOT doing something.
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Self-regulation
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This is the umbrella over emotional, physical, social, and mental regulation.
- Definition: being able to identify the causes of the impulse/behavior/feeling in yourself
- Self-regulation is often DOING something.
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Self-regulation keeps us in a state of homeostasis.
- This can be difficult for young kids to figure out in new or different environments.
- They need us to guide them, and to be regulated ourselves.
- Be aware of how you self-regulate.
- Self-soothing
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Definition: a tool that humans use to calm or soothe themselves
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Self-soothing is the first step to learning self-regulation.
- Every human has a different pace/rhythm to accomplish this.
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Empower kids to do this for themselves.
- Note about new routines/new sensory stimulation/new rules (ex. new school year)
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This can be a lot for a small child to deal with.
- These little bodies are exhausted, holding it together all day long.
- Home is safe, so the energy they wanted to get out all day comes out when they’re home after school.
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Their bodies need time to adjust to the new school routine: give them two weeks to a month.
- Self-soothing techniques
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Sometimes these don’t work in the new environment.
- Thumb-sucking
- Blanket
- Stuffed animal 2. Help them to find new ways to self-soothe in the new environment.
- Self-care
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Definition: vital things that you need to do in your day that allow you to show up the best that you can, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally
- Help kids understand what they need to do every day to show up as their best.
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Self care for moms is incredibly important.
- If you are depleted, you don’t have the ability to support everyone else in your world.
Connect with Kelly!
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Episode #19
What's Allowed or the Right Thing to Say or Do in Parenting Your Child
On today’s show, Kelly is talking about four things that are absolutely allowed and good for you to do as a parent.
Two Disclaimers:
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She operates from a foundation of Faith and a baseline of purposeful parenting.
- God made us unique
- God created us for a purpose
- She is playing a long game.
What is Allowable in Parenting?
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Redefine success.
- It can change minute by minute.
- There’s no bottom line.
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Let your child experience upset/discomfort/awkwardness.
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There is not a single human who does not experience these things.
- Parent in a way that gives your child exposure to these experiences.
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Hold boundaries and discipline your kids.
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Be as gentle as possible to get the desired behavior.
- Sometimes parents have to be firm.
- Motivate positively if possible.
- Change tactics to fit each specific child at each specific age.
- Gentle parenting is not pushover or “put-off” parenting.
- Never give your child a choice on their punishment: You decide.
- Physically remove your child from a situation if necessary.
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You can get support.
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Get support early and often.
- Be open to getting support in different ways.
Parenting doesn’t have to feel good or look perfect to be done correctly.
Get in touch with Kelly!
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Episode #18
Ways Your Children Experience Being Seen & Heard Without You Being in the Room
Do you ever feel guilty because you can’t be everywhere and do everything for all the people you care about and love? Maybe you don’t feel guilty, but you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or downright exhausted.
Today, Kelly is going to give you some strategies to help your kids experience being seen and heard without you even needing to be in the room.
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Keeping some of the art projects, pictures, and figurines your kids have made.
- Let them be seen.
- This sends the message to your child: “I matter.”
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A Communication Box
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This is a place where your kids can leave you a note when you aren’t there.
- Set the expectation up front.
- A communication box gives you a chance to think about your response.
- Leave a sticky note!
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Notice something they did well, or tell them you’re looking forward to exclusive time with them.
- Ask them, “What do you want me to know about you today?”
- Give them a choice of how to spend your time together.
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Notice something they did well that was small, or hidden.
- When your kids know you see them doing helpful things, they feel good.
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It inspires kids to want to help more.
- Put a note under their pillow.
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Tell them you had fun with them.
- Tell them they made you laugh.
- Let them help you in some way.
Want to connect with Kelly? Check out the links below!
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One-on-one coaching
Please subscribe to the podcast
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Episode #17
Back To School Behaviors That Backfire
In today’s episode, Kelly is addressing three back-to-school behaviors that frequently backfire.
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Over-enthusiasm
- Mom thinks, “I’m going to have some free time!”
- Your child may be dreading the upcoming school year.
- Don’t negate how they’re feeling by your exuberance.
- Offer to talk to the teacher if necessary.
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Note about preschoolers: moderate your expectations.
- 2-year-olds: parallel play
- 3-4 year-olds: associative play
- New is Fun
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This may not be true, especially for a child with more sensory needs.
- Be mindful: even new clothes could cause sensory alarms.
- We want them to feel comfortable during their first week of school.
- Don’t try to introduce new foods into their lunches during the first few weeks.
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Schedule
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Most parents are excited about the new schedules.
- New school schedule
- New home schedule
- New extracurriculars
- Don’t start all the new schedules at the same time as the school schedule.
- A new school year is taxing on a child’s body.
- Your child may need to release pent-up energies after school.
If this episode was helpful, please share it!
And if you need strategies, Kelly is here for you:
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Episode #16
Could You Be Contributing To Your Child's Bad Behavior By Creating Confusion?
In today’s episode, Kelly is diving into three ways that parents often create confusion for their children, as well as three ways that parents can combat that confusion.
To start this podcast episode, Kelly offers a brief overview of human systems and behaviors: particularly how they pertain to children. She reminds her listeners that each human being is unique, so the way a child needs to hear his/her parents’ message will be unique to that child.
Three ways parents are contributing to confusion:
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Communication - Words
- Mom threatens, but doesn’t follow through - this is confusing to children.
- Young kids need the message to be simple: fewest possible words.
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Please, thank you, I’m so proud of you: Finish the statement.
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When you say “good job!” tell them exactly why you’re saying it.
- You did a good job taking the trash out!
- I’m so proud of you, because…
2. This helps your child feel seen, heard, and validated.
- Our words and our actions need to add up.
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Focus on connection, not instant compliance.
- Communicate with teachers about how you’re handling communication with your child.
- Boundaries
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Words and actions have to go together.
- Have boundaries and hold them: this builds trust with your kids.
- Avoid mixed messages -don’t punish and then give a treat.
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Non-verbal body language is confusing if it doesn’t match the words the parent is saying.
- Give kids the vocabulary of different emotions.
- Husband and Wife Are Not On The Same Page
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Parents should be on the same page about everything for each child.
- Schedule
- Discipline
- Goals
- Find simple ways to talk to kids.
Here are Kelly’s three suggestions for combating the confusion:
- Check out hermonthly membership.
- Consider1-on-1 coaching for 10 weeks.
- Learn your own sensory profile.
Connect with Kelly!
Please subscribe to the podcast
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Episode #15
Why You Should Allow Your Kids to be Naughty
Today, Kelly is admitting that she likes to let kids be naughty, and she’s sharing two ways that it’s beneficial for you and for your child when you allow mischief to occur. She also shares several real-life examples - including her own childhood experience! - to emphasize how giving children the freedom to be “naughty” can help them understand themselves in a deeper way.
Two Ways That Naughtiness Is Beneficial:
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It is healthy, normal growth and development.
- 3-8 year-olds are expanding in multiple ways.
- They’re experiencing independence.
- It’s how God wired them to grow.
- Most kids don’t intend harm: they’re learning and curious.
- There are similarities in ages and stages, but there is a uniqueness to each child.
- They’re learning cause and effect, and how they impact the environment.
- It helps kids figure out if something is right for them.
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Some kids are rule followers.
- These kids need help learning to break rules, to teach them adaptability and that it’s okay to be imperfect.
- When we create a safe way for them to be naughty, we do not get unexpected explosions of naughtiness.
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Kids are learning how to handle emotions.
- We can create ways to help them release frustration without leading to disaster in a social setting.
- Young children can’t be expected to function perfectly for long periods of time without melting down.
- If you give your kids little outlets for their emotions, you’ll avoid the explosions and outbursts.
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And now… Creative ways to let your kids feel like they’re being mischievous!
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Crazy car chase!
- Allow your child to use a hole punch/sharpie/stapler.
- Eat ice cream before dinner.
- Use a loaf of bread like playdough.
- Pillow fights on the bed
- Bubbles inside the house
- Let them jump in the pool with their clothes on.
Connect with Kelly!
Monthly Membership
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Episode #14
How Has Covid Affected Young Kids?
In today’s show, Kelly addresses the effects of the Covid lockdowns on children, beginning with three common responses she saw from parents concerning Covid.
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Denial
- These parents insist, “We’re done, we’re moving on, it’s over.”
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Fear and Anxiety
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These parents are prone to a negative, downward spiral.
- The parent’s energy and stress transfer to the child.
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The Proactive Parent
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This is the parent Kelly is focusing on in this episode.
- This response is about adjusting to new situations.
Covid has impacted children in many areas, and throughout this episode, Kelly breaks down each area through her professional lens.
Areas Impacted By Covid:
- Academic Skills
- Kids are not where they are supposed to be, academically.
- Zoom was not effective.
- There is a body/brain connection - optimal learning happens when children can move and be emotionally engaged, which was impossible during Covid.
- Social/Emotional Skills
- During the ages of 3-8 years-old, children are learning social cues, facial expressions, eye contact, and connection.
- Masks confused this process: you cannot have a personal connection while talking through a shield.
- This lack of connection and disruption of academic standards has caused an increase of frustration and negative behaviors at home and at school.
- Increase in Mental Health Issues
- Currently, records of mental health issues are off the charts.
- Parents are working full-time jobs while being full-time parents and full-time teachers.
- This has impacted the peace and harmony of the family.
- Deficit in Physical Skills
- Many kids have experienced a decrease in energy and vibrancy.
- Zoom exhausted kids.
- They are no longer sitting correctly.
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There has been an even greater decrease in fine motor skills.
- Because of technology, we were already seeing a decline in the ability to cut, hold a pencil, and sit up with appropriate core strength before Covid.
- Some kids didn’t learn at all, or learned incorrectly.
- A lot of teachers don’t acknowledge that there are significant deficits.
- Some kids in middle school continued to wear the mask after mandates were lifted because they learned to hide behind it.
- There were deficits in the sensory system: during Covid, kids needed to learn new ways to regulate their sensory systems.
If you’re dealing with Covid deficits and would like some help, please reach out to Kelly: she has wonderful options to get you the support and tools you need!
Coaching Package
Monthly Membership
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Episode #13
Parenting Is Like Running A Marathon
Parenting is like running a marathon. It takes endurance, strength, and a whole lot of faith to make it along that journey.
On today’s show, Kelly is diving into five reasons why it might make sense for you to work with her on a longer-term, one-on-one basis while you run this life-changing marathon.
Five Reasons Why You Might Want Kelly’s Help Long-Term:
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You have two or more major stressors happening at once.
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For example:
- You just moved to a new town AND have a new baby.
- You’re going through a divorce AND introducing a child to a new school.
- Situations like these can contribute to a child feeling unsettled and unsafe.
- Your child has been exhibiting behavior for a long time that is not age-appropriate.
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Ex. Your eight-year-old has been having extreme tantrums for two years.
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There is a really sensitive, complicated situation.
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Ex. Your child has a unique disease.
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There are multiple professionals involved.
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This can include speech therapists, teachers, learning specialists, tutors, school administration, and even grandparents.
- Kelly will ensure that the child is receiving support from every other professional involved in the environment.
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You have a family that has multiple ages in multiple stages.
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Kelly can help you navigate family dynamics, sibling conflicts, etc.
- Why was last week great and this week isn’t?
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If you’re interested in working with Kelly long-term, check out:
The Empowered Parent Monthly Membership
10 one-on-one sessions with Kelly
Website
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Episode #12
How to Use Discipline Effectively with Your Young Kids
Ahh… the dreaded D word: discipline. Today, Kelly is offering tools to discipline effectively in every situation. However, the tools she offers are based on these two absolutes:
First, every child is unique.Many parents want one kind of discipline that will work for all of their children, but discipline is not “one size fits all”: it should be unique to each child.
Second, discipline should change as a child grows. A time-out may be effective for a four-year-old, but not for a fourteen-year-old.
Based on these Two Absolutes, Kelly is offering five tactics for effective discipline.
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Mindset
- You have to be in the right mindset to be effective in your parenting.
- You’ve got to be firm, consistent, and constant.
- Focus: spend dedicated time on the discipline issue you want to correct.
- Discipline should be “as soft as you can, as much as you need.”
- If you threaten, follow through: don’t confuse your kids.
- Kids need firm boundaries to feel safe.
- Create effective, efficient, unique-to-my-child discipline.
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Connect
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Speak about your children using positive words.
- Connection is key - when you connect with your child, they become open and receptive.
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Family Meeting
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Let your kids know the plan.
- Give them a chance to suggest ways that they can show up well.
- Family meetings help your kids feel heard, even if you aren’t able to give them what they want.
These first three steps (mindset, connection, and family meeting) are all pre-game strategies. If you address these areas beforehand, you establish trust with your child before the issues arise, and harsh discipline won’t be necessary.
- Explain the Plan
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The Carrot
- Work with positive motivators.
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Choose this thought: I’ve established boundaries and will hold firm, so that I can allow for flexibility.
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Be firm in your boundaries, but flexible in how you achieve them.
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Rules for Negatively Disciplining
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Sometimes, even with all the prior steps, you still need to enact negative discipline. In that case:
- Make the discipline unique to that child.
- Understand that it needs to grow and change with him/her.
Here are three ways to connect with Kelly:
Monthly membership
Website
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Episode #11
Safe Kids: Part II
Welcome to Part II in our two-part series on Safe Kids. In this episode, Kelly is discussing the one thought that will be a game-changer for the safety of your children. She then dives into three different scenarios to expound upon this point.
Most kids and adults think that the adult needs to protect the child at all times. This needs to be shifted. There are various situations when the child is capable of getting to safety without an adult’s help, and parents need to teach these skills to their children. And that’s where Kelly’s game-changing thought comes in. Ready? Here it is:
Protect kids by empowering them!!
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First Scenario - Protecting your child at home.
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Teach your child that they can remove themselves from a room that feels “unsafe.”
- Is it too loud?
- Is the movie too scary?
- Are there too many visitors?
- Did something upset you?
- Help your child find a spot in the house that can be their “safe spot.”
- Second Scenario - Protecting your child at the park.
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Have a quick huddle-up when you first arrive at the park to establish a plan.
- Tell the kids to look for you occasionally while they’re playing.
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Make a plan in case they DON’T see you when they look up.
- Look for another mom with kids and ask her for help.
- Look for a security guard/police officer.
- Third Scenario - Protecting your child in an unfamiliar place.
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Have a quick huddle-up to establish a plan.
- Remind them to keep an eye on Mom.
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Tell the young ones that it’s their “job” to keep an eye on Mom.
- A note about swimming pools:
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Do not send your child to a pool with anyone but you, if you do not have a child who can swim at least 30 feet independently.
- Even good swimmers can struggle if they get confused.
-
Link from today’s show:
The Empowered Parent: Monthly Membership Program
Check out Kelly’s website
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Episode #10
Safe Kids: Part I
Today is the first episode in a two-part series about keeping your kids safe. In this episode, Kelly reviews the crisis of violence in schools and discusses ways to keep your children safe in an unpredictable world. Namely, she suggests three ways to create a safe space for your children… and it doesn’t actually start at home!
Three Elements to Creating a Safe Space - Even in the Car
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Connection
- Your car after school is a safe space for your kids to connect with you.
- Connection - not control - is core to a healthy relationship.
- Without connection to their parents, kids do not feel safe.
- From ages 3-8, kids are wired to connect with their parents: this is how lifelong trust is built.
- Kids will try to connect with you in positive ways, like hugging, or negative ways, like misbehavior, just to try to feel safe.
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Accept and Expect
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You will get your child’s worst: the unloading of emotions and energy.
- A child who is doing well in school is exhausted by the effort and needs a release.
- Let yourself be a safe space for them to release their pent-up energy and emotions: you are unconditional love to them.
- Unloading is okay - disrespect is not.
- Model unloading overflow in a healthy way for them: Ex. Taking a walk so you don’t lose your own temper.
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Dialogue about Emotions
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Talk to them about all of the emotions, positive or negative.
- Process your own emotions out loud, so they can hear you do it in a healthy way.
- Be honest if you’re upset, in order to normalize that emotion for them.
- Show them that emotions are neutral: the actions are either good or bad.
- Check out Brene Brown’s book, Atlas of the Heart.
- If parents don’t acknowledge their own angry feelings, kids won’t feel safe to express their negative emotions to their parents.
The Empowered Parent: Monthly Membership Program
Check out Kelly’s website
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Episode #9
How To Get Out Of Overwhelm
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? On today’s podcast, Kelly is talking about overwhelm and how to help you reach a smoother, struggle-free path with your kids.
How to Get Out of Overwhelm:
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Brain dump
- Grab a pen and write down your thoughts.
- Write down expectations you have.
- Write out your own memories of childhood.
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Finish this statement: If I had it all my way…
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Look at these statements and see where you can get support.
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Transition time
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After the brain dump, choose several things you truly want to accomplish.
- Ask for what you need.
- Find a community of moms.
- Prioritize self-care.
Would you like to work with Kelly?
Click here for one-on-one coaching!
Try her long-term option.
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Episode #8
Why Parenting Doesn’t Have To Be A Power Struggle
In today’s episode, Kelly is addressing the reality that healthy parenting is not about power, control, and instant obedience; we are not made to have power over our kids. We are made to be in community, connection, and partnership with them.
Here are three ways to remove power struggles from parenting:
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Choices
- Give lots of choices about things you care nothing about.
- Letting them pick inconsequential things will feel like a win to them.
- We want them to experience freedom.
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Freedoms
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Freedom does not mean all bets are off.
- We are going to hold very firm boundaries.
- We want them to know themselves.
- “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” -Prentis Hemphil
- Let your child have freedom to play within the integrity of your parenting.
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Help and Contribution
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Let your kids help.
- Helping allows them to think “I get some control here.”
- Adjust your expectations to the child’s abilities.
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Bonus suggestion - Motivate with fun!
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We are made for abundance.
- Allow each kid a day to set the schedule, choose the food, the activities, etc.
- Connect with your kids.
Please share this episode!
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Check out Kelly’s website
Episode #7
How to Finally Get Your Kid to Listen
Do you find yourself repeating yourself over and over again? Do you think your child will never listen? Try this counterintuitive suggestion: talk less, and they will listen more.
How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Unnecessary Words:
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Connection
- Connection is the conduit to cooperation.
- Connection moves kids from a defensive state to a receptive one.
- Music
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Alarm Clock
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Create an environment where your kids can be independent.
- Timer
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Make a List
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If your child can’t write, let them draw a picture list.
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Race and competition
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Who can get all the dirty clothes picked up fastest?
- Carrots over consequences: no empty threats
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911 scenario
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When you need instantaneous obedience:
- Reconnect
- Hug
- Make eye-contact.
- Understand their needs.
- Make sure they understand your plan.
- Play!
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Play is hardwired and God-given.
- “Scientists have determined that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in your brain, unless it’s done in play, which takes between 10 and 20 repetitions.”
- The virtue of eutrapelia is the virtue of right recreation.
- Bring play into whatever they need to do.
- Play can help parents de-stress.
Click here to book an SOS call with Kelly!
Find Kelly on YouTube! Click Here
Episode #6
Theology of the Body of Your Child's Tantrums: What the Body Reveals
God designed us to communicate with our bodies first, to “make visible what is invisible,” as JPII said. If your child is throwing a tantrum, he/she is trying to communicate something to you through his/her body.
1st foundation: Who did God make us to be in our bodies?
- The body was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world the mystery hidden in it.
- In order to reveal ourselves, we have to understand ourselves: that tantrum is data!
- Your child is reacting to the systems inside his/her body.
- Know your own systems as well!
2nd foundation: God is love.
- We’re the only creatures who can make a gift of ourselves to another.
- We need to manage ourselves so we can be that gift.
3rd Foundation: Prayer
- “Grace does not destroy nature, but perfects it.” - St. Thomas Aquinas
- Grace is the change agent.
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JPII said there were three key areas to living Theology of the Body:
- Prayer
- Eucharist
- Confession
- Invite the Holy Spirit into your parenting.
- Be demanding and recollect yourself in prayer.
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Moms: pray for the superpowers God gave you!
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Receptivity
- Generosity
Questions, comments, or eager to learn more? Check out Kelly on Instagram!
Want stress-free, fun, enjoyable parenting? Book a coaching call!
Episode #5:
Five Reasons Why a Parenting Coach Call is the Best Mother's Day Gift
Today, Kelly is debunking five thought errors and explaining why a parenting coach call is the best Mother’s Day gift.
Five Common Thought Errors Among Parents:
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How I show up to my child won’t change.
- There is no child/parent dynamic that can’t be healed.
- You CAN change.
- You’ve already changed, adapted, and sacrificed.
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I should know how to do this.
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How?
- A child’s system is complicated.
- The sensory systems greatly influence how 3-to-8-year-olds show up.
- You may need help!
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Parenting is ALWAYS going to be hard.
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You get to do what works for you.
- Certain stages are more challenging.
- This is normal, age-appropriate behavior.
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I should already be the expert on my child.
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This is a process.
- This is God’s design of intentionally growing YOU.
- An outside perspective can be HUGE to families.
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I’m doing this alone.
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You are NEVER in it by yourself.
- God is always there.
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Episode #4
Instead of Time Out, Try This
In today’s episode, Kelly is offering three alternatives to replace the classic “time-out” approach.
Three Alternatives In Place of Time-Out
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Time-In
- A time-out removes - a time-in invests.
- Kids seek attention: even negative attention.
- Initiate connection.
- Invoke the Holy Spirit!
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Time-EN
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Engage to find out what is going on in their world.
- Tell them exactly what is going to happen next.
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Tune-in
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Get tuned in to what kids have going on.
- See their cues of getting tired/frustrated.
- Let them know that you see and value them.
- The Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart (1st Samuel 16:7).
Want more from Kelly? Check out the links below!
Book an SOS call
Simple Six
Episode #3
The Secret of Trusting God When You Have a Difficult Child
In today’s podcast, Kelly is breaking down ways to help parents trust God when parenting is difficult. Focusing on your personal relationship with God and the power of your own thoughts, Kelly offers simple suggestions to help improve your experiences permanently, regardless of the age and stage of your child.
Key Areas to Help Parents Trust God
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Basics about God
- God designed us to rely on Him.
- God designed all humans with the same basic structure, but we are also unique.
- The closest we can get to perfect parenting is by inviting God’s grace into our parenting.
- Because of the Fall, we gravitate to the easiest option: do the opposite!
- Every child is difficult: it’s just a matter of when.
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Your Own Thoughts Errors
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Your thoughts matter.
- We are inclined to have thoughts that do not help us in parenting.
- Acknowledge at least two parenting wins every day.
- Choose a more helpful thought.
If you need extra help, reach out: Kelly would be so happy to help you!
Simple Six Course
Book an SOS call with Kelly!
Episode #2
How To Stay Calm When You Are Losing Your Temper
In today’s podcast, Kelly is sympathetically addressing how easily parents can get stuck in a cycle with their children: Lose temper, yell, feel terrible, repeat. But there is hope! With the intention of decreasing these temper-losing incidents, Kelly is offering parents five tools to combat temper and increase peace.
5 Tools To Stay Calm:
- Pregame Strategy: what do YOU need to show up well?
- Time-out and walk away: When you take a time-out for yourself, you’re modeling healthy behavior to your children.
- Breathe and count.
- Imaginary Duct Tape! (You won’t want to miss this one)
- Pray!
Need more help from Kelly? Reach out! She’d love to talk to you!
Click here to book an SOS call with Kelly
Check out Kelly’s Simple Six Course
Kids and parents alike should also take the Sensory Profile Quiz
Episode #1
Six Simple Things All Children Need To Thrive
In this podcast, Kelly introduces the concept of “The Simple Six,” the six areas she focuses on in every session with every child. These areas are:
- Gross and Fine Motor Skills
- Sensory
- Balance
- Self-Regulation
- Social-Emotional
- Success
Using helpful, real-life examples, Kelly shows parents how to translate their child’s behavior and determine if it is really “bad” behavior, or if it is a developmental stage that is completely appropriate for the child’s age.
In one particularly helpful example, Kelly discusses a three-year-old who after three hours of preschool, without any issues, has a complete meltdown in her mom’s car on the way home. Kelly explains that after three hours of sensory overload, the child is exhibiting a response that is appropriate for the child, given her age.
While validating that these behaviors are normal, Kelly also offers the reassurance that parents can help their children build the skills they need simply by working with them for 5-10 minutes daily.
To learn more, click here for The Simple Six
Take the Sensory Profile Quiz