Eating disorder recovery – Michelle Sparkes: Recent Episodes
Michelle Sparkes
Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: info@michellesparkes.com
*The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.
Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the last, I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today.
To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing. For more information go to: michellesparkes.com
Getting free from the bondage of an eating disorder is a journey. In this episode I want to share an experience that helps illustrate how this journey (from bondage to freedom) has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature, and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor […]
No matter how long you’ve been struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, you can get free of the attitudes and behaviours that keep you feeling stuck, hopeless and despairing. You can get off the food and weight control treadmill and recover your life. Hear the stories of four women experiencing this transformation in […]
Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says […]
Jeanne, 51, has struggled with disordered eating for decades. In this podcast she talks with Michelle Sparkes about finding hope and freedom from behaviors she thought she would have to live with. You can watch a video of the interview here : https://youtu.be/wZaNw_LzJdM info@michellesparkes.com
Freda, 38, has struggled with anorexia and disordered eating for 19 years. In this podcast she talks about the process of finding freedom from the obsessive thoughts and rules that circumscribed her life until recently. You can watch a video of the interview here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMV-qqqlXs info@michellesparkes.com
Kate is a 42 year old mother of two who struggled for decades with restrictive eating and over-exercise. In this podcast she talks with Michelle about discovering a sense of freedom that she says is “hard to put into words unless you experience it – it’s just a sigh of relief that overwhelms you.” This […]
The fear that drives us down the scales and into the self-destructive behaviours characteristic of anorexia and other eating disorders can grow into a terror that is difficult to articulate. I believe there is a spiritual dimension to this fear, that it grows from the seeds of lies believed in the crucible of life experience […]
I believe at the heart of an eating disorder lies a deep-seated hunger for acceptance and security. How we see our “self” and what we believe about our worth, value and entitlement (to life, nurture and good things) are critical issues in both the development of, and recovery from, an eating disorder. In this podcast […]
I got caught in an ocean current on the weekend and it got me thinking how quickly we can go from being in control (“I’m okay”) to being out of control (“I’m in danger”). The slide from disordered or unhealthy (even sub-optimal) eating patterns and behaviours into a full blown eating disorder can happen […]
Paralysing fear. Feeling stuck and terrified. Afraid to make a “wrong” decision; afraid to make any decision. Acute anxiety is a major feature of anorexia and something most of us will relate to in some measure. Even when you’re recovered from anorexia (as I am), there are times when situations trigger that old emotional response. […]
When it comes to communicating around a difficult situation or personal challenge I find the following piece of wisdom most helpful.
What do you say to two brave women now both in their 40s, struggling to stay ‘well enough’ to stay out of hospital after a long journey with anorexia, both traumatised by previous hospital admissions and struggling to know who to trust and where to turn. This is my response. I welcome your feedback and […]
A listener requests help “not to revert back to old bad habits” and to learn to eat when hungry. Here are some thoughts. Feel free to email your questions to: michelle@michellesparkes.com
I recently asked people what their greatest challenge or concern was when it came to their struggle in the ED/DE landscape. One respondent asked how to combat her fear of gaining weight when she “knew she must.” It got me thinking about the importance of compassion. If you are scared of gaining weight but know […]
There are a number of things to embody and embrace (skills to learn, knowledge to apply) to get free from disordered eating behaviours and beliefs but at the heart of it all, I believe there are 3 pillars that are foundational to living a life that is whole and free… “Value is your birthright, your […]
We binge because we’re hungry –physically, emotionally, spiritually We binge because we’ve been restricting – possibly even starving ourselves – of nurture – physical and emotional We restrict because we believe we don’t deserve (more food, love, affection, belonging) – or that we should be different somehow (better, perfect) – and until then, we’ll keep […]
If you struggle with disordered eating, self and body concerns 3 key things you will need to recover a life worth living are compassion, curiosity and support. Listen here for more…
Dear Carer you are a lifeline to the one you love. I know it can be tremendously challenging to watch someone you love restricting, starving, bingeing, purging or punishing their body. You KNOW these behaviours do not produce health, well-being or happiness. How can you assist your loved one move away from damaging behaviours and […]
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or discouraged by an eating disorder ‘label’ or diagnosis this podcast will help you see that you are not alone, unusual or beyond help…and if you need more encouragement or ‘hard evidence’ get hold of my free ebook and begin your journey to freedom.
When pain comes our way it is natural to protect against it. And a very understandable way to protect against pain directed at the self or experienced within the self, is to try and control it. Food/body/weight control in this respect make ‘sense’ because it gives us a tangible way to make ourselves feel more […]
Freedom from disordered eating comes as we cease food restrictions and nurture body and soul. The first step on our road to freedom requires that we SEE that our current disordered eating behaviours, although originally well-intentioned, will never take us where we want to go. They will never bring us the inner peace, self acceptance […]
I traveled through an eating disorder in my teen and early adult years (as illustrated) and lost ~ 15 years of my life spinning my wheels on the eating disorder treadmill because I couldn’t SEE what I was dealing with or why I was struggling and I didn’t have the knowledge, skills or support to […]
In the last episode I was saying that in my experience of anorexia prior to my hospital admission, I had become enmeshed, hyper-vigilant and ‘trigger-happy’ in my family environment. I was physically and emotionally starving but could not receive the nurture that existed in the relationships around me. Admission to hospital was the beginning of […]
When you have fallen for, and are isolated by the lie that you are not worthy or good enough you need to reach out…to connections that can affirm, nurture, and encourage YOU. It’s important to say here that anorexia itself isolates a person and lies to them about their worth and value in such a […]
Embrace is a wonderful documentary (film) that celebrates body shape, size, and ethnic diversity. The brainchild of Taryn Brumfitt, a wife and mother of 3 who almost went under the knife in her quest to overcome body loathing, the message she brings goes beyond acceptance to embracing the skin you’re in whatever your shape, size, […]
“Pornified messages are bombarding our young people and giving them distorted ideas about their bodies, about relationships, and about sexuality,” says Melinda Tankard Reist, in this podcast interview, “According to global research, (this is) making our kids very unwell.” We are seeing a rise in negative physical and mental health outcomes, eating disorders, anxiety and […]
Grace, a podcast listener asks, “Do you have any insight on the impacts of not only the media, but porn as well. For the folks in relationships (I am married, second time around) is it such an issue for most people with ED? I recently found a great deal of it on a computer history […]
This series is designed to inspire you and help you dream again; to recover the hopes and aspirations deep inside you that may have got lost in your battle with an ED. When your eyes are cast down, lost in the life-consuming territory of an ED, you need a vision of the future that will […]
When you’re fighting anorexia, you become afraid to eat. The terror of losing control and getting fat is REAL and is created by the eating disorder itself. I want to tell you, food is not your enemy; the fear of food and what it can do to you is your enemy. The ED voice lies […]
A great chat with Julie Duffy Dillon RD, dietitian, writer, speaker and host of the popular Love Food podcast, covering everything from her approach in working with people affected by ED/DE, to problems larger bodies experience in getting timely diagnoses, to her thoughts around mealplans and veganism, and her top 3 tips for making peace […]
Have you ever found yourself on a backroad by mistake or design? It’s a great opportunity to discover things you would otherwise miss. When we come away from mainstream messages about our worth and value, we have the opportunity to explore and discover (or recover) those things that are unique and special to us. When […]
“Love is On”…says Revlon and the message is that your lovability is dependent on appearance. Don’t be sold a lie. More on this in this podcast. Gwen a podcast listener expressed her frustration at being “bombarded by images that make normal people look horrible.” Apart from unplugging what else can we do? Here’s a few […]
Binge-eating is a common feature in the disordered eating landscape. Binge-Eating Disorder as a diagnosis affects around 3.5% women, 2% men and 1.6% adolescents. Today I speak with Ryan Sheldon, a male who has struggled with binge-eating disorder and is using his experience to help others through his blog, Confessions of a Binge-eater. Important take […]
As we move into 2017 I will be bringing new voices, ideas and inspiration to help you SEE and GET FREE from your ED – voices of people struggling with ED, voices of people who have recovered from ED, voices of people working with ED, and voices from related fields that impact upon ED. Coming […]
AMBIVALENCE refers to the tug of war that exists inside us when we feel pulled in two directions. Perhaps we know that something is not quite right (or perhaps people around us are reflecting this to us by expressing their concern). Until we are aware that we have a problem and ready to do something […]
Are you believing a lie about your worth and value? As you journey out of your eating disorder (or any life consuming/life controlling problem) you will “hit” some of the deeper (painful) self experience that sits below the surface of your (disordered eating) behaviours. This is a difficult but necessary part of recovery. At such times, […]
To know our worth and value at a deep level sets us up to do life in ways that are health-promoting and life-affirming. In this podcast I explore how our self concept develops using the analogy of building a house. We all have different experiences growing up and some people appear to have better “foundations” […]
Self Esteem Vs Self Worth. Are they different? How are they different? And what difference does that make? I believe they are different and that the difference is significant to our mental health and well being. Here’s why… Self esteem refers to how we esteem (or value) ourselves and is made up of all our […]
Where we sit today (inside our skin; at home in our bodies) will be a reflection of our experiences – how we have internalised and processed our experiences and how these have shaped our beliefs, attitudes and behaviours – towards our body, our self, other people, our world. As we continue to act on, and […]
Louise, a podcast listener wrote in to say, “Thank you to this podcast for illustrating that people with eating disorders are still human and deserve to be treated kindly, still – thank you.” To be honest I was kinda shocked. To me it is so obvious that eating disorders are one of many ways we […]
I love the way newness (fresh hope and expectation) are woven into the very fabric of our existence in the natural world. We get a new day every 24 hours, a new season every 3 months and a new year every 365 days. I want to encourage you whatever your past year has been, whatever […]
My journey through anorexia, EDNOS and binge eating exposed the LIE that I needed to be perfect to be worthy and deserving of life. It may sound so obvious (we all know perfection is it is impossible right?), but as the lie grows it creates such a bind, it DISCONNECTS the heart and mind of […]
In this podcast I explore the lie at the heart of an eating disorder – how it starts in seed form and develops over time, being reinforced by the food control ‘solution.’ I explore why I believe human and divine connection is so important in breaking through the lie and helping a person move towards […]
I believe there are a handful of key truths that (experienced) will take us forward into LIFE, and that are essential to the health and well-BEing of every person. These truths relate to our core needs to know we have worth and value, that we are loved and lovable, and that we can experience security […]
It’s Christmas Eve and I’m mindful that this can be a challenging time for people depending on where they sit in their relationships with family and friends. Regardless of your circumstances or emotions right now, here’s a truth that can bring such peace and nurture to your soul. You are chosen, choice and cherished. Feedback […]
“Eating Disorders are not a choice” is a half truth that is unhelpful because it suggests that a person is powerless to get free from their ED. Nothing could be further from the truth. No one and nothing is more powerful than the affected person’s choice (over time and in situation after situation) in getting […]
How do you re-establish your sense of worth and value when you don’t believe you deserve (or are entitled) to these things? The eating disorder lie that says you are not good enough/not worthy/don’t deserve to take up space, can shame, isolate, bind and blind a person to the point where it becomes very difficult […]
Eating disorders are not a mystery. They reflect a way of dealing with emotional pain; pain in the heart or core “self.” You are not WRONG. Your hunger is not wrong, but because it’s origin is emotional (of the soul or psyche), your physical (food control) ‘solution’ will never take you where you want to […]
My ED shifted from anorexia to EDNOS to binge-eating, but the core truth I needed to know and experience at a deep gut level at EVERY stage of my ED was that I had worth and value as a person irrespective of my problematic behaviours. Not knowing this kept me stuck in an ED for […]
Your future is in front of you and is being shaped by your present. If you’re struggling with disordered eating in your present and you don’t want to carry this into your future you will need help to deal with what’s going on below the surface that’s driving unhelpful behaviours. At the same time understand […]