Understanding The Male Mind - Evan Marc Katz Blog: Recent Episodes
Evan Marc Katz
Sheryl is my newest client. Early sixties. Attractive. Works in law. Has a few entrepreneurial side hustles. Never married. Hasn’t dated for twenty years.
If you heard her full story, you’d understand why. Without getting into the details, Sheryl has only known abusive men. She was sexually assaulted by her first boyfriend. Her father was physically abusive to her mother. For decades, Sheryl stood by men who were in and out of prison, men who resolved conflict through displays of power.
Sheryl’s entire personality is a reaction to her challenging upbringing. While she laughs easily, she also angers easily. Anger is her way of surviving, taking control, and making it clear that no one will hurt her.
Last week, Sheryl and I had a disagreement that I would consider minor, yet it threatened to derail our entire relationship. With her permission, I want to share this interaction so that perhaps, you can see yourself and maybe even learn from her story.
It happened on our small group mastermind – an intimate weekly gathering of 5-10 clients who get answers to all of their dating and relationship questions. This group has historically been known for its closeness – women often stay friends after coaching.
Anyway, Sheryl shared her feelings that men should be willing to wait 3-4 months before having sex and that, in order to qualify for sex, he needs to come down to the clinic to get STD tested with her.
I shared that while I understood her reasoning, this was a relatively high bar to expect men to jump. Since men generally move faster, a more realistic time frame would be to make a guy wait 4-6 weeks until he’s committed to her as a boyfriend before having sex.
Sheryl wasn’t sold. She pushed back that you can’t really know a guy in 4-6 weeks (which is true). I pushed back that if you’ve gone out with him 7-10 times and he’s requesting commitment, that’s reasonable. You can’t expect a guy to take you out for 4 months and not have sex. Very few men would be left, myself included.
This disagreement left Sheryl feeling upset, as if my opinion invalidated her opinion. I retreated to my line that dating advice is not about right vs wrong but effective vs. ineffective. I, for one, don’t think it’s effective to make a man with options wait that long for sex or commitment. But because Sheryl has never met a man she can trust, it’s hard to convince her to let down her guard any faster.
That’s when another client chimed in. She’s a doctor and she pointed out that STD screenings and results are available almost immediately, thus, it’s silly for Sheryl to insist that the two of them go to a clinic together. When Sheryl heard the word “silly” (a poor choice of words), she hit the roof and started cursing. I muted her on Zoom. She unmuted herself to continue the harangue. I muted her again and ended the call soon thereafter.
The next day, I got an email with this passage:
You asked me to trust you, and I kind of blindly did. I won’t say I regret it, but I’m paying close attention to what you’re saying and how you act. I’m starting to wonder if I made the right decision…I thought you had a lot of damn nerve to say that because for the money I spent, I have the absolute right to ask questions about the topic at hand, and you don’t get to shut me down. So no – it’s not your space. I paid for that space….The truth is, you shut down the conversation because you felt uncomfortable, couldn’t sit with your own discomfort and feared everyone else would become uncomfortable.
The other thing I don’t like is that you used my past against me. Don’t do that again.
I’m sharing this because it’s Sheryl’s version of events, and, in the moment, this is exactly as she felt. In reality, Sheryl overreacted to a perfectly reasonable difference of opinion (and questionable word choice) by lashing out at everyone on the call, including me.
Being quick to anger is the way Sheryl’s learned to communicate from her past relationships – a way that is not at all conducive to lasting love.
So, while I was in the car at my son’s basketball practice, I got on the phone with Sheryl for a half hour to demonstrate a few things about our coaching relationship.
I’m going to share them here because they’re important.
- The only way to have a healthy relationship is to come from a place of full trust. In Sheryl’s world, full trust is naive. And yet, a healthy man will NEVER stay in a relationship where he’s not trusted.
- As her coach, I don’t have to prove that I’m trustworthy. I’m trustworthy until I do something to lose her trust.
- Having a different opinion is not a breach of trust. Two people can agree to disagree without it turning into a fight.
- I didn’t shut down the conversation because I was afraid of Sheryl’s opinions; it was because her attacking language threatened to ruin the group dynamic.
- My main job as a coach is to show Sheryl what it’s like to be loved. I won’t yell at her. I won’t judge her. I won’t cut her off. I won’t abandon her. Whatever she does, I’m going to demonstrate to her that she is safe with me.
This is NOT most women’s life experience with men. That’s why you build up an arsenal of defense mechanisms designed to protect you from the worst men: get angry at him, tell him what he’s doing wrong, communicate your disappointment via email and text, engage in protest behavior, threaten to cut him off if he doesn’t change.
In multiple emails, Sheryl has told me that I’m failing her, that she doesn’t trust me, that she questions her choice to work with me, that she expects me to stop working with her, that she wants her money back. All because I think she should choose a boyfriend after 6 weeks instead of 12 weeks. 🙂
As you can see, Sheryl and I don’t have an actual problem. Sheryl’s issue is learning to treat me as a trusted source whose only agenda is to help her. Once she does that, she can calm her nervous system instead of overreacting to every perceived slight.
As Sheryl’s coach, I become a stand in for her future dates, boyfriends, and long-term romantic partners. My theory: if I can treat her with love, patience, and respect – even when we disagree – maybe some other guys will, too. And maybe Sheryl will do better by assuming they’re trustworthy people, not enemies to be discarded immediately.
It’s only been a month but I’m proud of Sheryl. She could have escalated the conflict, refused to listen to my explanations, or gone to Amex to request a refund.
She didn’t. This morning, she wrote to me, “I’m starting to feel more comfortable with you and starting to feel like you’re my friend.” I replied: “I AM your friend.”
I write, text, or talk to Sheryl almost every day as I lead her from a place of fear to a place of trust and confidence.
Love,
Evan
There are plenty of men who come on way too strong at the beginning.
They write to you online and think that it entitles them to a phone call.
The phone call entitles them to a date.
The date entitles them to sex.
And their desire for commitment entitles them to claim you as a girlfriend after a couple of dates and insist that you take down your profile. Yeah, that’s not how things work.
The problem is that men and women often have different agendas in dating. In general, men want speed and women want comfort.
Which is why men complain that women take forever to meet and women complain that men move too fast. A man who’s been dating online has likely been rejected by 90% of women. He’s matched with women who wanted to text but never meet. He’s shown up for dates only to discover that the woman looked very different from her photos. He’s invested time and energy in women who disappeared just as quickly as they arrived.
After enough experiences like that, his agenda becomes simple: move quickly, meet quickly, see if there’s chemistry, and avoid wasting time.
There’s also another factor that women often overlook: many men are lonely.
You probably have people you can call, text, and lean on when things get difficult. Many men don’t. They put their energy into work, marriage, and family. Then the marriage ends, the kids grow up, and they discover their emotional support system has largely disappeared.
THAT’s why some men talk so much on dates.
THAT’s why dates sometimes feel like therapy.
THAT’s why a man can become attached surprisingly quickly.
You’re the first person who’s listened to him in ages.
When you understand this, his behavior makes a lot more sense. The question is what do you do now? Since you can’t tell if he’s a good guy or a lovebombing lunatic, you may have to become his dating coach and teach him how to court you. Here’s how.
Step 1: Validate Him
Most women skip this step because they’re so focused on correcting the behavior that they forget to acknowledge the intention behind it.
Start by letting him know that you like him.
Tell him you’re attracted to him. Tell him you appreciate his effort. Tell him you can see that he’s serious about finding a relationship.
This matters because people become defensive when they think they’re being rejected. If he hears, “Slow down,” without hearing, “I like you,” he’s likely to interpret it as disinterest.
The goal is to make sure he understands that you’re not pushing him away. You’re trying to create the conditions under which this relationship actually has a chance to succeed.
Step 2: Tell Him He’s Going 100 MPH
Once he understands that you’re interested, you can explain the problem.
You might say something like: “I really like you, but I feel like you’re going 100 miles per hour and I need you to go about 65.”
Then explain why.
“The irony is that I actually want this to work. That’s why I need you to slow down. If things move too quickly, I start to feel pressured. And when I feel pressured, I pull away.”
You’re not telling him to stop pursuing you.
You’re telling him how to successfully pursue you.
Step 3: Help Him See It From Your Perspective
If he still doesn’t understand, give him a hypothetical.
Ask him how he’d feel if a woman met him online, went on one date, and immediately started acting like they were a couple. What if she wanted constant communication? What if she pressured him to delete his profile? What if she assumed exclusivity because she really liked him?
He might be flattered. He’d also think she was a Stage 5 clinger and run away.
The same way he doesn’t want a woman to book a chapel on Date 3, you don’t want to be coerced into turning a virtual stranger into your boyfriend.
Step 4: Show Him Exactly How to Please YouMost men aren’t mind readers. The good ones genuinely want to make you happy. They just don’t know what that looks like.
So tell him.
Tell him that in the beginning, you’d prefer a text every few days and a date about once a week. Tell him that if things continue to go well, you’ll naturally talk more. You’ll naturally become more physical. You’ll naturally spend more time together.
Then paint the picture of where this leads.
“Sometime over the next four to six weeks, I’ll probably realize that you’re the person I want to spend all my time with. I’ll stop talking to other men. I’ll focus on you. I just can’t do that today because I barely know you.”
He’ll laugh because it’s true. Then ask him a simple question:
“If moving at this pace gives us the best chance of working out, can you meet me there?”
Most quality men will say yes.
The men who argue are the ones you need to worry about. The men who insist that because they like you, you should immediately commit to them.
The right man understands that if he wants a relationship with you, he has to create an environment where you feel safe, heard, and understood.
Love,
Evan
Once upon a time, there was a Facebook account that had millions of followers.
It was called “The Problem With Women…Is Men.”
Pure marketing genius. Flatter your audience (women). Find a common enemy (men). Wash, rinse, repeat. And hey, it’s kind of fun to point out the worst behaviors of the opposite sex, because there is some truth to stereotypes. Here are ten semi-true examples
Men think about sex a lot
Crude but accurate. Frequency varies, but the baseline is higher than most women expect.
Men will sleep with women they wouldn’t seriously date
Sexual standards and relationship standards are often different.
Men avoid difficult conversations
Especially emotional or relationship-defining ones. Many will delay or minimize rather than engage directly.
Men can be emotionally immature
Not all, but a meaningful percentage haven’t developed the same level of emotional awareness or communication skills.
Men are territorial/possessive
Jealousy, protectiveness, ego around their partner. This shows up across cultures.
Men overestimate their own attractiveness or value
Confidence sometimes drifts into delusion. You see it in dating apps constantly.
Men are lazy in relationships once they feel secure
Effort during pursuit can drop off after commitment.
Men struggle with subtlety
Hints, indirect communication, nuance: many miss it. Men respond better to directness.
Men bond through activity more than conversation
Connection often centers around doing things, not talking things through.
Men’s self-worth is tied heavily to status and success
Money, career, respect from men—these matter deeply, often more than relationships.
Remember, I’m a guy and I’m saying that these negative stereotypes are often true. Not always. But enough that when you scan that list, you probably nod your head.
Sex-crazed, emotionally undeveloped, delusional, jealous, controlling, insecure.
“THIS is what I’m dealing with,” you think. What’s the point of dating if men – across the board, stereotypically – are so highly flawed?
That’s what content like “The Problem with Women…Is Men” would suggest.
Here’s the problem with such dating advice: it teaches you nothing. It validates what we all want to believe: we’re perfect and everyone else out there sucks.
It’s just not true. If you’re a heterosexual woman who dates men, the above list may hit a little too close to home. But if you were a heterosexual man, you’d have a different list, wouldn’t you? One that would look a little more like this:
Women say they want one thing but respond to another
Stated preferences (kind, stable, nice) don’t always match actual attraction (confidence, edge, status).
Women are more selective than men
Across apps and real life, women filter harder and reject more quickly.
Women can be indirect communicators
Hints, implications, reading between the lines. Saying something without saying it outright.
Women talk about relationships…a lot
Processing with friends, analyzing interactions, replaying conversations.
Women compare themselves to other women
Looks, lifestyle, relationship status. Social comparison drives behavior.
Women can lose attraction quickly
A single moment – neediness, weakness, inconsistency – THE ICK – can flip a switch.
Women can hold onto resentment longer
You may forgive, but you won’t forget. Most guys get over fights faster.
I’m not saying these all apply to you (no more than the entire men’s list applied to me) but I hope you can see how some men might draw such conclusions.
In fact, they have – in the Manosphere. That’s the sad corner of the Internet where men overemphasize the worst stereotypes of women and live as if they’re 100% true.
If women are into looks more than nice guys, you should biohack and work out 2 hrs/day.
If women are into money, you should be an influencer who drives a Lamborghini.
If women are into “masculine men,” you should act like a douche who has no feelings.
It’s ridiculous.
Naturally, women see men who act like this and conclude the worst stereotypes of men are true. And around and around we go.
So let’s put down our swords and speak reasonably. We don’t want a world where women demonize men and men demonize women. We want a world in which we can acknowledge the differences between men and women and even celebrate (or laugh at) them.
This is the world so many of my happily married clients inhabit.
I invite you to join us.
Love,
Evan
Early in my career, I realized that as a male dating coach for women, I would spend no time giving advice on women’s appearance. My thoughts were this:
- A man offering feedback on women’s appearance could come across as misogynistic. At the very least, I could be accused of “centering the male gaze” or “being a creep.” And I’m pretty sure I didn’t want any of those outcomes.
- Everyone else in the world offers advice on women’s appearance. Primarily women! The beauty industrial complex is for women and by women. If women’s magazines and social media have made women feel more insecure about their looks, I was not about to contribute to that conversation.
The only time I offer my opinion is if I’m explicitly asked or if I’m paying for my clients’ professional photos as part of their coaching package.
Today is different. Not because I have a hot new take on things or because I’m trying to be controversial. God knows, I am NOT. I share things in this space because I think they’re important to share – and because I think they’re beneficial to you.
To begin, I’m going to start with a true story that predates my time as a dating coach. I was working in customer service at JDate in the year 2000. Guy calls up to cancel his subscription. Says he’s not getting any attention. I check out his profile to see why.
Turns out that this man is a guitar teacher – and he has long curly hair like a rock idol. This is his signature look. There’s only one problem: he’s on a Jewish dating site. And generally speaking, Jewish women are looking for clean-cut doctors and lawyers, not Peter Frampton, circa 1976. I gently break the news to him. He does not receive it well.
“This is who I AM! I’m not going to change for other people!”
The other people, of course, are the women he was hoping to date.
There’s something brave about standing strong in the face of societal expectations. “To thine own self be true” and whatnot. There’s also something stubbornly foolish about it. You may have a deep sense of integrity but you don’t get to singlehandedly rewrite the expectations of society, as unfair as society might be.
If a man were interviewing at a bank wearing a T-shirt and flip flops, he would be unlikely to get the job, even if he’s highly competent. If he wasn’t aware of that and you pointed it out to him and recommended a suit, you’re not attacking his character. You’re helping him.
Today, I’m helping you – by saying something you already know: it matters how you dress.
This dawned upon me during a recent conversation with a client who shared her dating profile with me after being frustrated with the tepid response from men.
In one of the photos, she was wearing an outfit that looked like Diane Keaton in Annie Hall. In another, she was wearing an outfit with a horizontal striped tee-shirt that seemed vaguely nautical. Think The Hamburglar.
This woman is 70. She knows who she is and what she likes. This is her style and I’m not one to play fashion police. But if her desire is to attract men online, it’s not working very well. When I brought this to her attention, she immediately got defensive.
“Why are you trying to turn me into someone I’m not?”
This is almost exactly what the guitar teacher said to me almost 20 years ago. And while I’m emotionally more sympathetic to my client, the concept is basically the same.
This is why people turn to experts.
Michelle Obama is not Michelle Obama without a stylist, you know? Hell, I used a stylist to help me prepare for a photo shoot I did for my website in 2020. (Her name is Kimmy Seltzer and if you talk to her, tell her that I sent you!)
Anyway, at risk of giving away any trade secrets, here is what stylists will tell you: You’re dressing for the opposite sex. To go on a date without any consideration of what men think would be like a man going on a date without caring what YOU think. No bueno.
So, what do men think? You already know. They want you to be feminine. While smart men are attracted to your intelligence, they still want you to look sexy.
Is it wrong to say the word “sexy”? I sure hope not, because that’s the right word. Sexy doesn’t have to be over the top. It’s a date-night outfit. It’s a dress.
If you have nice legs, show your legs. If you have nice arms, show your arms. If you have nice cleavage, show your cleavage.
If you refuse to do any of these things because it’s not you, that is your prerogative, just like it’s some dude’s prerogative to show up to dinner with long hair and flip flops.
The point is not about fashion. It’s about a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset.
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, the definition of success is this: when something isn’t working, try something else and see if it works better.
What if I told you that you can wear a solid color dress that accentuates your best features and have 25% more men and 25% “better” men writing to you?
Would you take that to heart? Or will you double down on a look that is not attracting the kind of men you desire?
I’ll conclude by saying the same thing to you as I said to my client:
I’m not trying to turn you into someone you’re not. I’m trying to make the most of who you ARE.
Coaching isn’t about changing you. But if one tip can immediately boost your status online, what else do you think we can do in the next six months to get you an amazing partner?
Love,
Evan
Learn more about coaching with me
His name is Adam.
He’s 53. He’s 5’9”. He’s got greying hair. He’s in decent shape, but he’s not going to post shirtless photos on Instagram. He has a college education. He makes six figures but isn’t filthy rich. He has two kids and lives in the suburbs.
He’s probably a 7.
After taking time to heal post-divorce, Adam finally decided to put himself back out there. He posted his profile on Hinge. The results have been discouraging.
Adam swipes right on nearly 50% of women’s profiles, basically matching with anyone he finds remotely attractive. Yet the percentage of women who are open to meeting him seems disproportionately low.
While Adam considers himself a relatively cute, upper-middle class professional with a lot to offer, it feels like only 1 out of 10 women match with him.
So he does what any mildly neurotic adult does: he Googles and he discovers that this is normal: men like 46% of women’s profiles while women only like 14% of men.
Turns out, the top 10% of men get over half of all likes. And Adam, evidently, is not in the top 10%.
Not only that, but most of the women who do like him are not what he’s looking for. Adam isn’t searching for a fantasy. He’s searching for an equal. A peer. Someone with similar culture and values. Instead, he’s seeing women from random neighborhoods 30 miles away that he’s not attracted to.
When he does match with someone, the conversation invariably peters out. Either she has nothing in her profile, she responds with a series of one-line texts, she disappears for days at a time, or she vanishes without a trace, presumably to date a guy who is taller or richer. From this experience, Adam draws two conclusions:
1) Dating apps are terrible. Everyone’s on them, but the people he’s attracted to don’t swipe right on him, while the ones who swipe right on him feel like a total mismatch.
2) Women are shallow. When a cute, educated, upper-middle class divorcé can’t seem to get or keep anyone’s attention, something feels wrong with the world.
Adam didn’t have trouble dating in his 20’s when he was being judged for his looks and personality in real life. Online, it feels impossible to break through.
Even in the rare instance where he gets a first date, the women seem so guarded, skeptical, or burned out that it’s hard to make a real connection.
So Adam does even more research and discovers groups of other men who are having the exact same problems meeting women on the apps. The tone in those groups is bitter. Accusatory. They blame women for being unrealistic and materialistic.
Because, after all, if every woman is holding out for a 6’5” finance guy, what hope do normal guys have? To move to Thailand? To join Ukrainian dating apps? Or, more likely, to declare a strike on dating apps, women, and love, and focus on career and children?
Seems kind of sad, doesn’t it?
Here’s the twist: I deliberately gave Adam the same traits that I have.
When I was dating on Match 20 years ago, I enjoyed it. Even though I was 5’9” and didn’t make much money, I was good with words. Back then, that mattered.
Today, that facility with words doesn’t matter as much because dating apps are fueled by algorithms and checklists. And average guys like me would not make the cut.
Now, I’m not saying you need to shed any tears for Adam.
I’m saying that you and he have more in common than you think.
Both of you are decent, emotionally functional people trying to find love in a system that rewards the hottest, flashiest singles.
Both of you feel like the opposite sex is unfair and unrealistic.
And both of you are tempted to give up.
It would be a shame if you never met Adam because you deleted the apps, decided all men are terrible, or swiped left on every “7” who is currently being overlooked.
Because the truth is: most great relationships don’t come from “the top 1%.”
They come from someone who might not jump off the screen in 0.6 seconds, but shows up well when you actually give him a chance.
Which is why the goal isn’t to “win dating apps” and land the most impressive man.
The goal is to date smart so you can find a man who’s actually capable of taking care of you.
If you want real strategy, real feedback, and real results: book a call with me here.
You don’t need more swiping. You need a smarter plan and accountability to that plan.
Love,
Evan
Learn more about coaching with me
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My closest guy friend is gorgeous. Alpha male, silver fox, effortlessly confident. He owns multiple businesses. He runs triathlons. He flies planes.
He’s THAT guy.
I once discovered Billy Joel was playing at the new stadium in Las Vegas and asked my buddy if he wanted to go.
The next thing I knew, he’d purchased second-row tickets for $1500 each.
As I said, he’s THAT guy.
Yet nobody I know embodies the pain of having it all and not being happy.
Click here to join Lovesplaining and read the full article.
Any woman who clings to a relationship in hopes that it returns to the bliss of the first three months is at high risk for a lifetime of disappointment.
You should be living gloriously in the present and actively seeking a man who wants to share it all with you.
how much is your happiness worth? Is happiness being a prisoner in your home? Or is happiness having the freedom to reinvent your life from scratch?
The thing to pay attention to right now is not whether he’s guaranteed to be your husband, but rather, how you feel with him. In a good relationship, you don’t always know he’s the one. But in a failing relationship, you pretty much always know when he’s not.
Men are different than women and, as Sullivan said, cannot be expected to think or act exactly like women do. This demonization of all things masculine is unfair and unhealthy.
I don’t think you know what a healthy relationship looks like or feels like. I’m going to guess you didn’t witness it with your parents, you certainly didn’t have it with your ex-husband
The feeling of having a soulmate connection is a rare and powerful one. But the odds that this guy is your guy for the next 60 years is exceedingly unlikely in the BEST circumstances given your age and life experience.
You’re NEVER going to stop being drawn to emotionally unavailable men. EVER. The same way someone who is an alcoholic still craves a drink or someone who is on a diet still craves something sweet, emotionally unavailable men are YOUR drug.
Instead of judging and focusing only on the negative, I try to get my clients to see things from all sides.
Your boyfriend wants to be a cuckold. Cuckolding is a fetish that’s rare but growing (as evidenced by a doubling of Google searches for the term).
Because I have a girlie girl daughter, I don't want to make her "wrong" for quitting soccer or not caring about the outcome of board games like my competitive son. But there's a lot of backlash to promoting "femininity" in a world where masculine is perceived as good.
The conclusion that there is NOT a man for you is false. I mean, it may be true, but if it is, it’s a function of your desire to quit dating as opposed to persevering, rather than any objective statement about all the men on earth.
In many cases, the stereotype is spot on. In plenty of cases, it’s not. That’s why we judge people as individuals, not as groups.
They say the personal is political. One look at the news - or the comments section on this blog - and it would be hard to deny.
I think because men are wired a little differently, they are often willing to run into the arms of a nurturing woman even if the man is feeling fat, sad, or overwrought. These guys may not be ready for commitment but they are more than willing to find some sex and emotional support to get them through their tough times.
Please don’t do this. I agree with you in principle, as I wrote above. That doesn’t mean you should advertise it. “Moving slowly” or “Friends first” is easily read as “I’m fearful. I have issues with trust and sex. You won’t get laid for at least a few months.” You can move slow, but don’t take away the thrill of the chase by explaining this in your profile.
That describes my marriage entirely. My wife had the same job for 16 years and loved it. Then she got pregnant. She asked for a 3-month maternity leave. Then she asked for a 3-month extension. Then she told her boss she was going on "Eternity Leave."
First is how much you trust him as a man, a human being, and your future husband. If you believe in him because he did the right thing three years ago, I don’t think it’s a terrible idea to loosen the rules a little bit. If it becomes a problem, you always have the right to walk away from the relationship...
Honestly, if either of the two genders was looking for a partner to "have it all," couldn't we agree that it's women? Contrast that with my job, talking to women every day for 16 years and you'll quickly realize that these cute, nice and accepting won't get you anywhere with my clients.
That's like 40% of the readers of Golf Digest NOT playing golf. You don't get better at golf by just reading about it; at a certain point, you have to pick up a club.
You can make all the excuses in the world for him – what a great man he is – how charming, fun, and energetic – but that is just to ignore his big design flaw: he’s a shitty partner.
I hear this question every single day. And I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer I can give you that everyone will agree with
Yes, masculine is about doing and feminine is about receiving, and masculine men prefer women who receive their advances. But neither men nor women are so monolithic that you have to live in fear of reaching out to a guy.
But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means you’re human. It means you wanted to be ready but weren’t really ready. It means you were sensitive enough to call attention to it after two months instead of letting it go on for two years before pulling the plug.
Sex appeal doesn’t mean laying on a bed in lingerie with a rose in your teeth. It just means posting photos that appeal to men’s basest impulses. If he clicks on your profile and is turned on, a good man will then read about you and write based on your content rather than your looks.
We do our sons no favors when we tell them that they don't have to answer that voice inside them that tells them to be strong, to be brave, and to lead.
My take as a 46-year-old former slut in a 10+ year marriage is this: I think the obsession with “hot” is largely a maturity thing. Which is why I can be attracted to so many people and be the world’s safest husband. It doesn’t occur to me for one second that I’d be happier with anyone other than my wife. That’s what I mean by maturity.
You may get really down that you’re still without that deep, lasting love you seek.You may get really frustrated when you see other couples holding hands at the movies.You may get really self-conscious when you see happy families walking down the street.
What? You didn't get a chance to watch my Facebook Live on Thursday? Was it because you were too busy? Was it because you had too much work? Listen, I understand that a smart, busy woman like you has a life outside of me. Still, you missed out on some really powerful stuff.
"There can be no question, ever, that the victims suffer more than the perpetrators. However, if we are to make any significant progress on this monumental societal problem, the perpetrators must learn to be unflinchingly honest with themselves and those around them. That requires the trust that their tentative efforts won’t be belittled."
There are plenty of men who are too insecure for smart, strong, successful women. We're not talking about them.
I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. We met online, actually slept together on the first date, and ended up liking each other so much we decided to see it through. At 2 weeks he finally told me he was a father to a 4 year old. Coming from divorced parents and growing up with a step mom I didn’t get along with, this was the exact situation I never wanted to be in.
Very recently, my boyfriend and I were looking at Instagram together on his phone, and when he opened up his photo gallery, I spotted a picture of a woman wearing a bra. I was immediately unnerved and I asked if he could show me that photo again. He acted oddly and said he didn't want to share the photo and how I'd be infringing on his privacy.
I think this article by Rose Surnow is...interesting. "Women Teach Men, an $895 July wellness retreat features talks, lectures and workshops taught by accomplished female experts. The speakers ranged from well-known media personalities like Perel to lesser-known gurus like "body poetess" Mari Sierra.
Neat article in Business Insider confirms what most of us already suspect: Looks matter. Clothes matter. Non-verbal cues matter. Eye contact matters. Perception matters.
I read this New York Times piece, word-for-word. On a Friday afternoon, September 21st, The New York Times invited male readers to tell us about their high school experiences. Had you, we asked, ever behaved toward girls or women in ways you now regret? By Monday morning, we had more than 750 responses.
In the never-ending gender wars that take place in the media (and on blogs), I think it's important to continue to gather more information and listen to different voices. As a reader, your perspective is largely limited by your own gender and experience.
My sister is a beautiful, smart, and funny 29-year-old woman. She wants to get married and have a family someday, but her problem is that she’s not attracted to anyone.
If it ever sounds like I’m beating the same drum over and over, that’s because every year it seems there is new research that validates conclusions drawn by this blog over the years.
So, I was dating a guy for two months and things were going pretty great in my opinion! However, he started to do the slow fade after spending the night (no sex). I recognized what this was early on, and just let it be!
I am a long time reader. I am a tall, educated, beyond athletic, attractive woman who is successful and age 42. I entered college to get my higher level degrees later in life, and my classmates assumed I was in my 20s (whilst in my late 30s) and I was asked out often by them
FiveThirtyEight and WNYC partnered with SurveyMonkey for a nationwide survey of 1,615 adults who identify as men. We asked respondents to reflect on their ideas of masculinity, workplace culture and intimacy, among other things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVB2CJjwDgM Bret Weinstein (@BretWeinstein) and Heather Heying (HeatherEHeying) are husband and wife evolutionary... READ POST