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IMPOSTOR SYNDROME Episode 2

(How to deal with impostor syndrome)

One of the first steps to overcoming impostor feelings is to acknowledge the thoughts and put them in perspective. “We can help teach people to let go and more critically question those thoughts.

Dr. Ervin says, "I encourage clients to ask ‘Does that thought help or hinder me?’”

You can also reframe your thoughts. Dr. Young says she reminds people that the only difference between someone who experiences impostor syndrome and someone who does not is how they respond to challenges. “People who don’t feel like impostors are no more intelligent or competent or capable than the rest of us,” Dr. Young says. “It’s very good news, because it means we just have to learn to think like non-impostors.” Learning to value constructive criticism, understanding that you’re actually slowing your team down when you don’t ask for help, or remembering that the more you practice a skill, the better you will get at it can all help.

It can also be helpful to share what you’re feeling with trusted friends or mentors. People who have more experience can reassure you that what you’re feeling is normal, and knowing others have been in your position can make it seem less scary.

Most people experience moments of doubt, and that’s normal. The important part is not to let that doubt control your actions, says Young. “The goal is not to never feel like an impostor. The goal for me is to give people the tools and the insight and information to talk themselves down faster,” she says. “They can still have an impostor moment, but not an impostor life.”

use this like to listen to IMPOSTOR SYNDROME Episode 1

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IMPOSTOR SYNDROME (Episode 1)

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong?

Like your friends or colleagues are going to discover you’re a fraud, and you don’t actually deserve your job and accomplishments?

These feelings are known as impostor syndrome, or what psychologists often call impostor phenomenon.

• When you begin to doubt your abilities, and start feeling like a fraud,
• When you find it difficult to accept your accomplishments,
• when you start asking if you're deserving of accolades,

Then you are suffering from IMPOSTER SYNDROME

The English dictionary defined impostor syndrome as "A psychological phenomenon in which a person is unable to internalize his or her accomplishments, remaining convinced that he or she does not deserve any accompanying success".

You have IMPOSTOR SYNDROME when you have persistent doubt concerning your abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success.

SIGNS OF IMPOSTOR SYNDROME

It is estimated that 70% of people will experience at least one episode of this phenomenon at some point in their lives.

If you wonder whether you might have imposter syndrome, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?
• Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?
• Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?
• Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony?
• Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?

If you often find yourself feeling like you are a fraud or an imposter, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist. The negative thinking, self-doubt, and self-sabotage that often characterize imposter syndrome can affect many areas of your life.

WHY DO PEOPLE EXPERIENCE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME?

There’s no single answer. Some experts believe it has to do with personality traits—like anxiety or neuroticism—while others focus on family or behavioral causes, Sometimes childhood memories, such as feeling that your grades were never good enough for your parents or that your siblings outshone you in certain areas, can leave a lasting impact. “People often internalize these ideas: that in order to be loved or be lovable, ‘I need to achieve,’” says Ervin. “It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.”

Factors outside of a person, such as their environment or institutionalized discrimination, can also play a major role in spurring impostor feelings. “A sense of belonging fosters confidence.” “The more people who look or sound like you, the more confident you feel. And conversely, the fewer people who look or sound like you, it can and does for many people impact their confidence.”

So, don't look down on yourself take out that self-doubt, that self-discrimination and embrace yourself.

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TRUST THE PROCESS

You're afraid to meet people's expectations of you

you're afraid to disappoint your parents

you're scared that they might not be around anymore and you're not yet successful

there are lots of thought going on in your head

you feel tired of chasing your dreams sometimes because the journey is never easy

you feel tired of people who never see your worth and all the efforts you make

There are times you just breakdown from everything going on in your life 

sometimes you just feel hopeless, you feel like better days are never gonna come but you should always trust the process because the journey towards your dreams will never be easy,

It's surely a tough battle but you can make it, you didn't come this far in life to just bluntly fail

You're not far from reaching your goals, there will be times that things won't  happen the way you want them to be  but you must keep believing in your abilities

Nothing can stop you.

☝️

THIS IS AN OPEN LETTER TO SOMEONE WHO OVER THINKS A LOT

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HOW DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM

1. Hesitate before reacting

When you're being criticized, the first thing you should do is hesitate. hesitating for a brief moment can help you process what you are being told and allows you to prevent any reflex reaction or defensiveness. This also gives you a chance to remain calm and aware of your facial expressions.

2. Be willing to consider new ideas

Remember that the person offering criticism is likely doing so because they have identified what they see as a gap in your work and want to help you improve. Try to keep an open mind while they are talking to truly hear their message and do your best to see the situation from the other person's point of view. It can help you recognize the validity of their concerns.

3. Don’t let it get personal

More often than not, the person offering criticism is not trying to attack who you are as a person, but rather offering feedback about a specific action or task. If you find the criticism troubling, schedule a time to follow up via in-person meeting, phone call or even via email. Be polite and direct in the meeting when you discuss their feedback and look at it as an opportunity to grow.

4. Distract yourself

Sometimes it can be difficult to accept criticism, especially if your emotions are taking over. If this happens, decide to reconsider the criticism in the near future when you're feeling calm and distract yourself by doing something you enjoy, something that makes you feel good. This could mean going for a walk or calling a friend who can make you laugh.

For Further Reading click the link below

https://myvoicewithchenemi.wordpress.com

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THE BEAUTY OF CRITICISM

CRITICISM Is a critical observation or detailed examination and review or it is an expression of a critical judgement.

However, being open to accepting criticism will:

1. Show you that managers, colleagues and peers care about the quality of your work
2. Help you maintain and/or strengthen your professional relationships
3. Reduce the likelihood of errors and increases your efficiency
4. Enable you to improve or learn new skills quickly and effectively

Ultimately, criticism is a form of feedback. It provides a space to evaluate past performance, highlight areas for improvement, and identify possible solutions.

All of which are vital stepping stones on the path to success.

The truth is being criticized isn't a beautiful thing

ah ah but then being better is what makes it beautiful

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SPEAK UP (Episode 2)

The true value of speech is in saying something different

It might take quite a long time for me  to find my voice, but when I eventually do, I am never going to be silent.”

I'll speak up when it’s needed, ”because I know that "Only by speaking out can I create lasting change."

I will Never be afraid to speak my mind, I have one for a reason.”

When I see something that is not right, not fair, not just, I have to speak up. I have to say something; I have to do something I have to speak your mind and do the stuff that makes me laugh."

I'll always be myself and I won't be afraid to speak my mind to others."

When I have something to say, silence is a lie—and tyranny feeds on lies.”

What is the source of my first suffering?

It lies in the fact that I hesitated to speak. It was born in the moment when I accumulated silent things within me.”

I've realized that nothing strengthens the  authority of my oppressors so much as my  silence.”

"It takes courage and honor to stand up for myself. I stand in honor and no longer in fear of speaking out."

-Catherine Jane Fisher.

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SPEAK UP (Episode 1)

Welcome to another episode of MyVoice, I am your host Chenemi.

I have a special guest here with me. He is versatile in art, an excellent graphic designer, a video advertiser, a social activist, the anchor of "Night talks" and of course the best voice over artist I've ever known. He is my lovely brother Gabriel James also known as "Mr Semaj".

Today we'll be having a very beautiful piece by Mr Semaj, so sit back relax, keep your comments coming as you listen.

you're welcome Sir.

SEMAJ: Why?

Why would you rather die than allow the wind Carry your cry for help?

Why do you defend your oppressors?

why do you excuse their aggressive percussions?

What are you scared of?

What are you scared of losing?

What's what protecting than your life?

What's what obtaining than your peace of mind and moments without strife.

The greatest power a bully has over its victim is its victim's inability to speak out.

No one can help you because though you're dying, you're dying in silence.

So from today, Refuse to join the lots of people who are caved in with fear.

Though they languish and shed a lot of tears, no one can help them because their regular reply to the How are you question is always "I am fine"

It's time to play this game differently.

These predators have been at their peak for so long and your inability to speak up has done nothing but made them strong.

So please Avoid this wine of silence you are being forced to drink up.

It is time to speak up.

CHENEMI: Wow 😲😳! Thank you so much Mr Semaj for that beautiful piece.

Germany Kent said "To say nothing is saying something. You must denounce things you are against or one might believe that you support things you really do not"

Just incase you need to speak to someone and there's no one around,

"talk to Jesus, He loves to hear you speak"

Lailah Gifty Akita,

You can follow Mr Semaj on all social media platforms on

Instagram @mrsemajofficial

Facebook @Semaj James and subscribe to His YouTube channel @semajesties

Thank you so much for always listening,

please don't forget to subscribe to my podcast channel, like, comment and share to your friends. Until next week, do have a blessed day bye.

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WHAT IF?

What if I was able to read my own obituary, listen to the eulogy at my funeral and attend my own wake?

• What will my obituary say?
• What would the speaker say about me during the eulogy?
• How would I be remembered?

Even more, how do I want to be spend my days? so that at the end of my life I can look back and say " If I had my life to live over, I'd do it all the same".

Give some thoughts to how you want to spend the rest of your life and the legacy you'd leave.

Some people won't have a lot of money to live behind but even if I could, is that what I want to be remembered for?

"To change your life, start immediately, do it flamboyantly. No exceptions, no excuses" (William James).

Accept the pain, cheers to the joys, resolve the regrets, then can come the best of benedictions-- "If I have my life to live over, I'd do it all he same (Joan McIntosh)

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COURAGE

Nelson Mandela said that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

Being courageous can be found even in the little choices that we make each day, in carrying out a task despite being afraid of it.

It’s facing a fear or jumping into something, even if we are unsure of the outcome.

It doesn't matter how wise you are, Without courage, your wisdom bears no fruit.- Baltasar Gracian

Let me share a short story:

John and his friends used to go mountain climbing once every year. This time they have decided to climb mountains in the Swiss Alps.

They reached the famous mountain spot in the Swiss Alps and were surprised to see many people climbing the mountains, all the mountain climbing gear and started climbing. In no time, they reached the top of the hill. After reaching there, friends decided to camp there.

Then John saw another mountain where only a handful of people were trying to climb it. He told his friends, Let us go and climb that mountain also. It will be fun and challenging instead of camping here.

A friend replied, No way, I have heard people talking about that mountain. It seems the path is difficult to climb, and only a few people can able to climb.

People nearby hearing the conversation made fun of John and said, If it was easy to climb, why are we sitting idle here.

Hearing them, John took that as a challenge and went alone towards climbing the peak.

Two hours later, he reached the top of the hill. People who were already there welcomed John with a round of applause. John was happy having climbed the peak. He could see the beautiful views of nature from the top.

He started a conversation with people and asked them, While climbing this peak, I felt it was not so difficult. Then why only a handful of people here?

If people could climb the below peak, they can climb here also if they put in some effort. A veteran climber replied, “Most people in the crowd right there are happy with what they find easy. They never think that they have the potential to achieve more. Even people who are not happy there do not want to take any risk. They think if we take risks, they will lose what they already have. But to reach a new peak, we need to put in our effort. Many of them do not show any courage and they remain part of the crowd their whole life and keep complaining about the handful of courageous people and call them lucky.”

Hearing this, John thanked the veteran for explaining the importance of courage in our life.

Moral of the story

In our life, many of us stay in our comfort zone. But to achieve something big, we need effort and courage.

We should never stop, have the courage to push ourselves out of the crowd.

Focus on moving to the handful of people, whom the people called Courageous People. "(Winners Story)"

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SAYING NO

Sometimes the most powerful word you can say is NO. No to drama, No to foods that are not good for you, No to the negative voice inside your head that says you're not good enough, No to that victim mentality and allowing others to dictate what you should do when your heart tells you something else.

Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

Sometimes I even find myself thinking “no, no, no, no” and then I blurt out “yes.”

I'll give you two reasons to say NO

Firstly; Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person

Saying no doesn’t mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all unhelpful beliefs that make it hard to say no. Well, as children, we learned that saying no was impolite or inappropriate.

If you said no to your mom, dad, teacher, uncle, grandparents, and so on, you were most certainly considered to be being rude, and you would have probably been told off for it.

Secondly: Know Your Value

The second step to learning to say no is realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion about yourself over others.

I have learned that if you live your life depending on other people’s approval, you will never feel free and truly happy.

If you depend on other people’s approval, what you are basically saying is “Their opinion of me is more important than my opinion about myself.”

Helpful Tips for Saying No

1. Be direct, such as “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to.”

2. Don’t apologize and give all sorts of reasons.

3. Don’t lie. Lying will most likely lead to guilt—and remember, this is what you are trying to avoid feeling.

4. Remember that it is better to say no now than be resentful later.

5. Practice saying no either by yourself or with a friend.

6. Don’t say, “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it.

Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for other people.

Warren Buffet famously said: “Successful people say no to almost everything.” Saying no allows you to say yes to what is important to you. It allows you to be a better person because when you say yes, it comes from a good place, not from resentment or fear. It creates space for what matters most to you, rather than drowning in busyness.

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ANGER

Anger is a powerful emotion and if it isn't handled appropriately, it may have a destructive result for you and those closest to you. Well managed anger can be a useful emotion that motivates you to make positive changes. Uncontrolled anger 🤬 can lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and self- harm.

LET ME TELL YOU A SHORT STORY:

There once was a little boy who had a very bad temper. His father decided to hand him a bag of nails and said that every time the boy lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the fence.

On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails into that fence.

The boy gradually began to control his temper over the next few weeks, and the number of nails he was hammering into the fence slowly decreased.

He discovered it was easier to control his temper than to hammer those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father the news and the father suggested that the boy should now pull out a nail every day he kept his temper under control.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

Moral of the story:

Control your anger, and don’t say things to people in the heat of the moment, that you may later regret. Some things in life, you are unable to take back

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MY FEARS

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — (Marianne Williamson)

Welcome everyone to another episode of my voice, the first ever in this year.

I was afraid I'd lose my audience but thank you for always being here for me

We all battle with fears. Fear of failing, fear of poverty, fear of not being loved, fear of getting married to the wrong person, fear of letting go of past relationships, fear of admitting your faults, I can go on and on and on.

No one gets a free pass when it comes to fear regardless of age, gender, race, nationality or social status.

Being afraid doesn't matter but what matters is how you respond or deal with such fears

Your fear might be telling you to accept your perfect imperfections and give yourself room to stumble and fall especially if you're trying something new.

Let me share a short story of myself.

I used to be afraid of cameras, spotlights anything that has to do with speaking in public, I can get so scared that I won't be able to express myself and most times I stutter, well I made a decision that this has to stop. In 2021 I did my first music audition organized by my local church, I had to face the judges, the lights and of course the cameras, I didn't make it to the main competition but I was glad I auditioned. That same year I joined the broadcasting unit in my local church, That's a unit where I'd have to cast news and take interviews with cameras in front of me. I was given an assignment to speak to young female secondary school children, I wanted to decline because I felt I wasn't good enough for the assignment, I was scared I'd embarrass myself but I accepted it and I was amazed at my performance at the end. I did all these to improve and grow. I am not where I was in 2021 and the years before. I am still growing.

You see, use your fear as a guide to help you grow and become better than who you are now. Don't resist your fear face it.

"Remember your largest fear carries your greatest growth" ( Maria Stenvinkel).

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“Mistakes are gateways of discovery”, and they offer a way to attempt something new.

What should you do if you make a mistake?

1. Accept responsibility for your error.

2. Allow yourself to experience negative

emotions.

1. Examine what occurred

2. reflect on the blunder.

Mistakes are a part of life.

It's how you respond to mistakes that counts.

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Forgiveness means to let go of resentments, offences, it is to choose to let go of the grudge you have towards someone.

We do not choose our parents, if we have the choice a lot of us wouldn't choose the parents we have presently. Over the years I've observed that there are no perfect parent, they all try their best to raise us in the way they felt was best and in the process, they might hurt us kids, in one way or the other. Most of them might have been abusive both emotionally and physically. They might have ripped you off your favourite toys while you were still a kid, made you sit on the floor instead of the couch, made you eat stalled meals instead of fresh meals, compared you with others and made you felt you were not good enough and that made you hold a grudge against them.

Forgiving our parents is one of the most crucial kinds of forgiveness. We see our parent in our bosses, in our mates, even our friends and children. Letting our parent off the hook is the first step towards maturity, self acceptance and happiness .

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There's  a little bit of crazy in all of us, so simply know and accept your craziness

That way, you control it and it doesn't control you.

Take a Look at a picture of yourself as a baby,

Would you ever criticize that child for being flawed? Of course not.

So why do that to yourself now?

Part of knowing ourselves is  also being able to accept who we are and to value

ourselves regardless of our flaws. Accepting who we are allows us to value

our worth without condition or reservation.

(Diane Greene)

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My heart speaks to me when I'm silent

I find myself in my silence

I chastise myself in the silence of my heart

In my silence I experience my own divinity

In my silence I experience my own beauty and perfection

I have learned more from being quiet and embracing silence than I've learned from talking and thinking

Silence is my greatest teacher

My silence whispers things in my ear helping me know things I won't be able to discover from anywhere else

In silence there is eloquence

In my silence stress is extinguished

My sensitivity is heightened in my silence

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PAIN IS BEAUTIFUL because according to Angelina Jolie: Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it, there is no way of life. Decide today to rise above your pain and take hold of your future. Enjoy the rest of your day. 

mypain #victory #myvoice

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