Zsolt Zsemba: Recent Episodes
Zsolt Zsemba
I am a published author in Canada and Indonesia. This podcast is set up to fill in the blanks of topics I may not want to write about but would care to discuss.
Have you seen The Fat Hog?
No, you may have not seen The Fat Hog. However, there is a restaurant called The Fat Hog that is owned by friends of mine. What is The Fat Hog? Well TFH is a restaurant here in Bali.
It is owned by my friend and his family. The brief history is this. It is up for sale at the moment. If you are seeking to get away from it all and be 300 meters from the beach it can be yours. Drop me a line and we can arrange a viewing.
The place is very close to Pantai Cinta or as I explained in a previous blog, Lovers Beach. The story does not end there. While we take care of their social media and content, I hope that it is partially that as well as Bali reopening, that business has picked up. I would love to take all the credit but I am sure it was not all our doing.
Porky's or Porkies
If you are my age... Ahem, young with a good memory, you will remember the great Canadian movie with the same title but different spelling. The movie was a huge hit with a minimal budget, if you don't know it, please do look it up.
Anyhow the deal is that this was our first restaurant account. We have done movies, real estate, property, and piles of YouTube content and photography but never food.
We helped them set up reels, regular postings and connected their Facebook accounts to Instagram and created a webpage. This is also part of my go local and help locals initiative. If you are ever in Bali and in the mood for some amazing ribs and a pulled pork burger, do drop by.
Near the beach.
No, I do not get paid for an advertorial, I kinda wish I did. However, this place is quite amazing. When you are near TFH you will notice one thing. Lack of traffic. As small as Bali is, it is a maze of roads. There are very few 90-degree intersections or four-way stops anywhere on the island.
It is a spaghetti bowl of roads and with the lack of advanced green lights and no turning on red lights like in Canada, it gets frustrating at times. Yet out in the country so to speak near the TFH life is calm.
Getting there can be trying yet with a pile of patience and a driver if you are lucky it is worth the trip and worth staying there. I will be heading to the Balian beach area and it is one hour past TFH. I will be as isolated as I have ever been in Bali. So feel free to comment and chat with me if you have time.
Part of the journey.
This outing and getting away from it all is a journey in itself. It is a test for me at the same time. I am forced to use my local language as much as possible which makes for great writing material.
I will see how far away I can get and how I yearn for some real company in the days and weeks to come. In the meantime, I will continue meeting locals and getting out in the middle of nowhere. In the process, I may need to come down to TFH for some ribs or a burger.
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I got to work in a coconut processing location.
I got to work at a coconut processing location. The coconut husks are removed here, the coconuts are then taken to be made into oil, charcoal, etc.
One coconut from the forest is worth 10 to 15 cents. When the work is done, they are sold for 25-30 cents.
Each person processes about a thousand coconuts per day and gets paid $20. They do not work every day but do manage 4-5 days a week. I tried it, it's not about strength, but skill and technique. I am sure the safety standards in Canada would prevent me from standing in front of a spear that could kill me. Oh, and I did wipe out on the coconuts. All good though.
Interestingly, all the workers but one is a woman.
I do not know why, nor did I want to ask. Husking these coconuts and bending all day is not an easy task. Most have their arms and wrists bandaged up with a cloth. It is their form of tensor bandage I assume.
Working through up to 1000 coconuts per day will surely take its toll on the body. Yet my visit was fun, the ladies all laughed at me and loved the fact that I tried.
I was at it for about 20 min in total, while we shot the video. I was covered in sweat. Needless to say, I was not prepared for the task at hand.
The owner.
Bu Desa who owns this place has two locations and has been at this for 15 years. She employs 8-10 people in total. The trucks come and go, and coconuts are worked per order.
The coconuts are collected by the locals in the jungle and brought to this site where they are paid for them. In many ways, this is recycling because otherwise the nuts would go bad and rot. Locals wander into the jungle, where all kinds of animals reside. I did see one small snake but there are some massive ones... So, I have heard, I do not want to see one.
What I learned.
My Airbnb host is also a priest, he has a large amount of land, part of which I am residing on. The coconut trees are planted by cutting off the top of the nut, I am unsure of the exact details. Then they are planted 30 cm or so in the ground. If you miss this process the nut grows on top of the soil and is not as sturdy.
The trees take about 4 years to bear fruit and grow 10-15 meters in height.
There are many different fruits on the property, it seems impossible to eat all of them. They do sell the fruit to the local markets. Nothing here goes to waste.
I had fun.
I had fun working here for a day, but I tell you this is hard work. At the same time, it keeps the whole community active. From the harvesting of fruit to beach cleanup these people keep active and eat healthy food.
I loved my stay here, learned so much. I hope to return soon, to meet up with all my friends in Balian Beach Tabanan.
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The last week in Tabanan
This is my last week in Tabanan. It has been quite the journey, I have loved getting to know people in the community. So far the community and Tabanan the village, I’m staying in, has been absolutely amazing.
I think the biggest thing for me is the sense of community. There are chores to be done and people get together for clean-ups of the beach, and prayers at the temple. What I have found is that there’s peace amongst everybody and they are happy, although I’m sure they have their own problems.
This is a place where children run free, play on the beach, and get dirty, and muddy and no one gets upset. It’s part of life and getting together for sunset is something that everybody enjoys. The other interesting part was that everybody brings snacks, but not the type of snacks that you and I would think of, it’s fruit.
The kids run around on the beach, collecting wood, playing with sticks, riding in the sand, and getting all dirty in general playing in the river it’s all part of life.
I think of myself as coming from Toronto. It’s a big city, yet I lived in Caledon, a smaller community outside of Toronto. It feels more like the countryside in North America, with less competition here and everybody’s happy with what they have. It’s all they can get, as there is very little job hunting here. There is nothing that to strive for that is out of their league because they will not attain it.
What I have found is that what little they have doesn’t mean that they’re poor. They are content and it’s a big difference from what I found in other places in the world. When the community gets together, they share everything from food to fish and collecting of firewood and wood for recycling and decoration.
They consider the beach is there a beach it’s the community is the temple near there where they do the prayers it’s considered their beach. People are welcome to use it or borrow it to surf on the waves, but it’s considered theirs.
I have worked in a laundromat, done interviews, and met some very interesting people. Today I’m going to work in the coconut factory and I’m ready to get dirty.
People say that my hands will be sore and I’m sure I’ll be sweating like a pig but I’m going to have fun. All this is going to go into the blog, onto my TikTok and I’m going to live like a local which I’ve been doing as best as I could up to now.
From riding a scooter, and mixing and mingling with local villagers, it has been quite the adventure in Tabanan. I look forward to my next stop, which is to be in Jimbaran Bali.
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To the beach
So today I went to the beach. That would be a normal thing, except today I was invited. I was asked to be there around 5:30 PM. I was invited by a local person in the community to witness the collection of firewood and wood for recycling.
This was interesting to me because I always wondered what happened to all the wood that washed up on the beach. We had a very large storm a few days ago and the beach was absolutely littered with wood.
Logs and branches have washed up on the beach where they will be collected and recycled. Shipped off to a place called Gianyar in Bali. Here the wood is recycled into furniture, decorations, restaurants, as well as small carvings. What was interesting about the experience was that the community gets together and collects the wood. What was even more interesting was that they collect and sell by weight. The recycling program benefits the community and individuals.
Every family has its own piles of wood. These piles are left on the beach and anybody can take them but there’s no worry about stealing or cheating. The beach is cleaned by the locals. It’s their beach, not the government.
Families gather and involve the kids in the clean-up and recycling. Sorted, roughly by size, and of course, the bigger the pieces are worth more.
Having been to many beaches I have seen this collection of wood with tractors and individuals. However, I have never witnessed a public beach cleaned up by community members. The interesting thing was that this community gathering brings families together. Along with the kids and neighbors, they all participate in this massive clean-up of washed-up deadwood debris. The rivers carry them downstream into the ocean, and the ocean then pushes them back onto the beach. The beach tends to look dirty, and the clean-up never stops, the community always has a place to gather.
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Business, Indonesia. Bali Indonesia 42
The spirit of entrepreneurship is alive and well. The knowledge behind the spirit is lacking.
This is not an insult, nor is it meant to be. However, the lack of knowledge is hindering the growth and strength of business-minded individuals.
I only assume that because there are many small street-side and curbside vendors in Indonesia, that is quite easy to set up shop and do business. Best of all this is done with minimum investment. All is well and good, but when a legitimate business is opened and space is rented yearly, and the spot by the side of the road is dirt cheap, circumstances change.
Pay Yourself.
This point is missed quite often. Many small business owners do not realize that they need to pay themselves. That they are employees in their business.
Often this point is missed because they see the cash at the end of the day. Yet when all is said and done, raw materials are paid, and they made very little money for the hours they put in. This point is not only valid for the locals in Indonesia but worldwide. How much did you as a business owner make after taxes and all your overhead costs?
Planning and marketing.
The local little shop has to have return customers that are used to grabbing a bite on the way to work. It is much like watching a sitcom on TV. The regulars come and the vendor makes a dollar or two. Yet they are stagnant. They are not growing and expanding their customer base. It is nearly impossible because the local streetside vendor has the same customers day in and day out.
They do pick up drive-by traffic and so there is a survival rate for most of these places. However, a real business, a real brick-and-mortar-style shop needs a plan.
Bali is Different.
I have touched on this before. But imagine people pouring into your restaurant. Like those towers of champagne flutes that get filled at parties from the top down.
When one place is full there is a trickle-down effect in Bali. From one restaurant to another at peak time you will not get a table. Most places are first come first serve. So, people go from one place to another until they find a table.
People in Bali never had to fight for business. Even crappy restaurants survived until they were weeded out by the pandemic. This has made a huge change in business operations and planning. People are still coming to grips with the fact that their place is empty while others thrive. Planning, planning, and more planning, in this case, marketing will give you an edge.
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A business without a plan. Bali Indonesia 41
The other day I got a message from a lady on Instagram. She said she saw me on TikTok and would like help with her business in Bali. I asked for some details and off she went.
She wants to open a bakery/coffee shop in Bali, particularly in the Jimbaran area. I know the area very well, I do hang around the local coffee shops quite often. She told me her plan and I began to ask questions. To which she had very few answers. She wants to open a coffee shop and a landscaping business as well. The two are unrelated but in many ways, they do relate.
No Plan.
So far she has not done much if any market research. I can help with this because a few key places are missing in the area. One, there is no coffee shop with a view. Mostly because places with a view are expensive. However, there are many empty places in the area so negotiations could take place.
I mentioned to her the top things I look for as a foreigner. I need lots of individual tables. Usually, there are no more than two people seated in a coffee shop and many are alone, much like myself. Tables can always be pushed together for larger parties and at the same time, a few larger tables can be installed.
- Tables and plugs are important for the many digital nomads and small business meetings that happen in Bali.
- A clean minimalist simple modern coffee shop is the rage here. People will travel for a cool place to chill and spend a few hours there working.
- A good WIFI connection is a must and of course, it needs to be free. By good I mean decent and stable. Most places do accommodate this need.
- Cleanliness of the place and the washrooms... Oh boy, I cannot stress this enough. In Indonesia, the washrooms are usually neglected. This always makes me wonder if the kitchen is as well.
- Indoor and outdoor space. People that have been in Bali for a while get used to being outside and as long as there is a breeze we can manage. However, a nice air-conditioned indoor space with outdoor space is a must.
Those points are crucial and of course, a good cup of coffee, pastries, and sandwiches will always bring people back. Not to mention polite well-trained staff.
One place I go to, always offers free water. Yes here, unlike in Canada where water is free, here they charge. A small glass of water with the menu is welcomed, especially after a hot scooter ride.
Basic Points.
When I mentioned all these little things, the lady I spoke to was a little taken aback. She had no plan, no look and feel for the place, and zero ideas about what she wanted.
On top of this, there had been no thought given to marketing, branding, or long-term strategy. I may have scared her a little. However, it is better than her pouring a pile of money into something that she will regret. Even if she never gets back to me, I know I have given her something to think about. Whether a coffee shop or a landscaping business it makes no difference. One needs to have a plan.
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A business outline, helping locals. Bali Indonesia 40
This is how I start nearly anything.
Assuming I wanted to write a book or open a restaurant my process is simple. I start with my title. Yes, most of my poems start with inspiration from a movie, a line of a song, or conversations I hear.
I start with a word or two and like the title of a book, it brews within me.
This process takes weeks and sometimes months. The idea sits somewhere in my brain, I come back to visit it occasionally and add more to that folder. Let us start with a restaurant. We will call it Wild Burger. Now let that sink in a bit and come up with a logo.
The Logo.
For me, this is important because my logo will dictate the look and feel of the place I am going to create. Please do not hate, this is my process that I am sharing.
Wild Burger's logo will be devilish and spicy with a touch of fire. My logo cannot look upscale and fancy. That is not what I would go for here unless I called it Gourmet Burger or something like that. Then I can feature people eating burgers with a knife and fork.
Wild Burger is fun and exciting so my logo colors and interior colors will have to have some sort of cohesion. This will also impact my menu and prices to a point because I am competing with other fast-food outlets.
The interior.
Now that I have my look, I want to create the look and feel of the place along with my uniforms. All this for me needs to relate to my logo and my style.
This will pull together the menu, the layout, and the interior design of my place. Don't think big, think of this as a small intimate little place where it feels like a small diner and yet it is fun and exciting. A place where root beer floats are served and the burgers look and taste homemade with a wild style. Maybe special buns and a signature sauce to boot. This all ties together with the colors and decorations on the wall. Wild Burger could even have a mascot or a fun feature to the uniforms.
To Tie it all Together.
Sure, there is so much more to a business. Equipment, space, raw materials, and so forth. I am dumbing this down as this is not a business 101 blog. Once you have established your look and feel you can then tell the painters, and the decorators what you want.
Otherwise, you will be trying to explain yourself and that is a frustrating process. If you cannot do it, go online, to look for the examples you want to follow.
Now that it is all set and you have an idea for the big picture, you need to think about marketing, and costing and come up with a business plan that you can afford and make work.
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Top questions on TikTok. Bali Indonesia 39
My top free online tools.
As I get deeper and deeper into the comments on TikTok, the more I sense that there is a very basic need for online education. People are asking questions that have very simple answers, yet they do not know. I am not quite sure how this applies to the rest of the world but here is my take on the very basic online tools. With an abundance of online tools and most out for free the only excuse for not being able to do what you want is laziness.
Google, love them or hate them...
It is all there before you in the lovely Google colors and it's free. That should be the end of the tutorial. Go online, go to YouTube and browse the millions and millions of hours of content. If you are not lazy you will learn a thing or two. I do, I did, and will continue to do so.
Yes, I am sending people away from my platform to theirs. I cannot and do not want to reproduce the content that they have made. Yet I am somewhat forced to because my viewers I assume are lazy.
Google has it all, nicely gift-wrapped and ready for you to make nearly anything you need for a business.
Canva, love it or hate it.
It seems nearly impossible that this is for free. Yet it is and I use it all the time. For basic logos and basic graphics, this tool is incredible. Yes, there are limitations, but for the average person or business user, this tool will do.
Now that they have added a decent video editor, now that you can record your voice, there is not much Canva cannot do. You can also make a resume, menu, logos, book covers, and so on. There is no excuse for anyone, if you need more than that then you need a pro. So do it yourself or get a pro to do it but it is there if you need it. With the QR code feature, you can look like a pro without spending a penny. So why not give it a try?
Next up is VN
This tool is a simple video editor that is available for your phone or in my case my Mac. Yes, the free version has 100 projects for free. I get around it by making myself a template and reusing the layout. I download the video and make a new one.
This is a basic video editor that once more easily suits small business and influencer needs. Unless you are a pro there is little need for anything else and best of all it's free.
Yes, you do need to learn it and it is not hard at all. The best advice I have is to use it and learn by making mistakes. Once more there are thousands of tutorials on how to use it on YouTube.
This is the next point, YouTube.
For nearly anything from how to fix a refrigerator to how the satellites work, you will find it on YouTube! Why do people ask me silly questions when they can ask YouTube instead? Laziness I assume.
But there it is, my top tools for nearly everything in my content creation. I am not going to recommend tools and go into features. I have a whole page of links that I use to help with background removal, voice enhancement, and more. Have fun and learn online.
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Where has TikTok taken me?
So, what I have learned about Tik Tok is that many local people really do not have any idea about how to start a business. By this I don’t mean that they don’t have any ideas on how to start a business, they just don’t know how to go about starting that business. Many of them want to start a business. They say they have no idea what to do. However, many of them already sort of have a business. At the same time, they don’t know what to do next. What I’m trying to do is, lead them down a path of thinking in a way that they can then help themselves create a business.
I’ve gone about this by laying out the fact that when you start a business, a restaurant, or a shop, it doesn’t have to be huge. All they’re thinking about is this is a massive investment in starting a business, but it is not necessarily valid in Indonesia. There are very few rules and regulations to starting a business. Some people have sandal/bag businesses, restaurants, food, and catering, and nobody is actually licensed as a business. They may open a business under a name but it’s not what would we consider in North America as opening a business. Yet at the same time, I find myself kind of guiding them as to how to take the next steps.
For example, the number one TikTok video I did, showed that you do not need this whole business plan in the way that you think of when you open a business in North America. When you think of opening a restaurant, you think of buying tables, chairs and kitchen equipment, etc. That would work in North America and would require a huge investment.
In Indonesia however, this does not happen. They might have a tiny little space; 5 m x 5 m with a gas cooktop, the chicken, and other ingredients. The vegetables are bought as needed, as they are not stored in freezers. They open tiny, tiny little places where they can do business.
What I’ve done is kind of guide them and say hey, you can open this business. You don’t need a huge amount of capital if you’re good at cooking. You can start cooking, and see if people like what you cook. Then start giving the food to friends, inviting friends to test the food. Then you could open a tiny little place. In Indonesia, some of these tiny places are close to a thousand dollars a year to rent, not a huge amount of money even for local people.
I met this lady the other day. She sells sandals. Her sandals are being made by a group of little guys. They sit on the floor in a big mess of leather, glue, and wood for heels, and all kinds of pieces and bits and pieces for shoes. They make these custom sandals, custom lady sandals. They have huge potential but there’s zero marketing behind it. So, then I got into the marketing end of this.
The branding of the shoes is where it kind of falls all apart. These people have a business, they do not follow up with a logo, website or any information. They just say WhatsApp me, message me and I’ll give you what I have. I’ll send you pictures. These pictures are not professional. They are just pictures that were taken on someone’s shelf, there is no business logo. There is no business branding and there’s no way of growing this business outside word of mouth. Which they probably do because they tend to survive.
The sandals I looked at, cost anywhere from two dollars to $10. So, $10 at $20 retail given the different specs. The market for them is huge. Delivery is absolutely peanuts, but there isn’t any real thought of branding the business behind it. This is what puzzled me about all my conversations and all the messages I’ve read on TikTok.
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Where TikTok Takes me. Bali Indonesia 36
On the way to Bu Dewi
I rode my scooter through the Bali countryside, I awaited my next meeting. These are always fun, I never know where I will end up. I could be driving down a dead-end street and the next be out in the rice fields.
In this case, I ended up at a very small family-owned factory. The term factory is used sparingly here. It was a large family compound of about 3000 square meters. The front of which had a shack of about 10 meters by 10 meters. The walls and the roof is constructed of corrugated metal. Upon pulling up I didn't expect much of a factory to begin with but this was rather small.
Meeting Bu Dewi and Pak Rio
This was a family business and it showed. The wife Dewi contacted me on TikTok and asked for help. Here I was as they invited me to the back of the compound.
They did have a restaurant but it closed with Covid so they tried to make a go of it with a furniture business Pak Rio's father had. This was the reason for me to be here. Let's help this business...
Bu Dewi was eager to learn and we jumped right into it. But after we did our content we talked. I feel this is what the video should be and not the content I post. Yet most people will not watch the most interesting parts.
The compound.
In this Balinese compound, lives 70 people. Yes, 70 people. Ages 8 to 80 and all lived in their little homes in a large Balinese-style setting. They have lived here for generations and will continue to do so as the family expands.
This way of living has many benefits. Most of these homes are paid off and are easy to maintain. The family can get by on very little since these roofs over their heads are paid for. It was easy to see how the lack of education and the lack of knowledge can simply pass over to the entire family. I am proud of Bu Dewi for reaching out to me and letting me help her. My assistance with her business can raise the wealth of her compound considerably. This is where I began to think even deeper.
Helping
I am helping not only one or two people. I am helping so many people at the same time. Up to now, I have helped out about 10 different people.
But as I see in this case, it goes way past that. It didn't dawn on me until I walked into this compound. I can see how a little goes a long way and how mutual respect goes even further.
During my ride home, I felt happy with myself. I felt as if I have accomplished something even though I did very little. I felt I am able to build a bigger and better business for these people and others, one interview at a time.
I hope they follow through with their plans and promote their business a little more.
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Where TikTok Takes me. Bali Indonesia 35
Never would have thunk it.
I was riding my tiny little Honda Scoopy to a remote place in Tabanan Bali. I started thinking to myself as I rode and realized quite a few things.
Nope never in a million years. First, I never would have believed that I would be a tiktoker.
I mean it did sort of happen. As things often happen in life we are not prepared, I sure wasn't. When I began this journey, I put out a simple statement that I am willing to help locals by visiting them and making content with them to boost their business.
It all started by not wanting to take on a yearly rental in Bali. It began because I thought I had the silly idea of moving around Bali and this way I would get know Bali and the people I encounter. Well, My idea was correct and so was my hunch about the content.
Lost in translation
I first thought it was an accident and I misspoke. But I didn't, no I was very clear and I said what I said. Yet as my video nears 100,000 views and soars past 5000 comments, I find myself chasing my tail a little.
I got myself into a pickle here. I cannot help so many people on my own. I began looking for a team and finding ways that we could make a living out of helping people. Explaining to people the circumstances are not so simple. Once they get it they too see the light.
There are hoards of people who are willing to work but do not know where to start. They need to be led and given instructions on their level and with that, they too can be inspired to open their businesses.
Inspiration.
This is the key here my friends. This here is where people are failing. I am hoping that by going out to interview others people can see the light. As I write and edit videos, I find myself wanting to give more and more but I am limited. My interviews with others who have started and succeeded will have to do.
As I try and assemble some sort of team, I hope that I can continue giving away money and free consultation to those who need it. In the meantime, I do my best to say hello and keep the spirits of my followers up with sometimes funny and sometimes serious content.
Maybe inspiration coming from a foreigner is different. Maybe the interaction between myself and the locals makes a difference.
It makes no difference to me at the moment. If I am able to inspire people and make things happen for others, I will continue to try and make this happen. At times the travel through the Bali traffic is a bit difficult but I feel it’s worth it.
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The next step
What are the next steps on TikTok? So far what I’ve done is, create a video that encourages people to open businesses. I’ve interviewed people who have started businesses and are continuing to do business. Though the business may not be a North American standard, they’re like home businesses. Yet their home businesses are products that we would never ever attempt to make ourselves. We would not have this little shop, making custom sandals and have people selling it for us, because we wouldn’t know where to get those sandals, they would have to be made in China or overseas. Where here, they are made in local shops. All along the streets are little shops, some make the sandals, and some stores sell the sandals. That’s the way the business is run.
This is what kind of puzzles me about this whole business model that I’ve accidentally stumbled into. Indonesian small business is very very small, yet even smaller businesses like these little shops, supplying sandals to these other little stores have immense potential. When I sit there and look at a sandal, I’m thinking you could make maybe one style of sandal make it really good make it really unique, and take some beautiful professional photos. Marketing them in the right way they have the potential to be big. They have the potential for production, if they can’t be produced in the local little shop, they could go to other places in Java, where they could be made for possibly even less cost with a larger labor force.
This whole little business thing I stumbled onto, I’ve been offered everything from sandals, bags, clothes, sugar, oil, land, and 1 million other items that I totally forget what they are. The point is that there’s a massive amount of people willing to put in the work to get these little businesses up and running, they just don’t know how, but they have ideas. I want to cook; I want to sell bags but that’s it. They take the bag and try to sell it to their friends, but their market is limited. As opposed to branding it a little bit and making this business a legit business. This is the information I’ve gathered on TikTok, and surprisingly, I find myself wanting to help these people, wanting to make the product better, and more efficient than not working on the floor. Start businesses that have an actual viable future and could actually generate a profit because these people make a living even despite themselves, despite the fact that they have no knowledge, on how to run a business.
So, the next steps on TikTok for me will be to try and guide these now almost 5500 followers I gained in a week and nearly 200,000 views that have been watched from my content. The people are immensely responsive in the chat, they’re wanting to know more, it’s almost like the Internet before I had not existed for them, which is absurd, but it feels like the information I’m giving them they’ve never heard before. I don’t know why that is I don’t know if it’s a lack of education or lack of energy maybe on their part. I’m not really sure where to go with it after. I’m just going to keep giving them hints using other businesses to draw from. Using them as examples of people that can do it and people that have done it. Encouraging them because, at the end of the day, Indonesia has over 300 million people. There’s a huge amount of resources here, and I think the future of business here will be the power of small business.
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The possession at the temple.
This gathering and these prayers consist of the priest chanting. As in nearly all religions, there is some reciting of these chants/prayers. I didn't understand a word since it was all in the ancient Balinese language.
The dancing and the gathering went on and one group of people had already finished their prayers. We had to wait since we had a rain delay earlier and our turn was to be at 6:30 and turned out to be more like 7:15.
As the night fell the temple took on a very different look and feel. These temples are all locked during the day. Unlike churches, one cannot freely enter.
The prayer.
We did our prayers, and I followed along as much as I could. I was given a small handmade offering box with flower petals. There were five chants and for each one, I had to pick a different flower and it goes as such. We are all seated cross-legged facing the statues and offerings. The priests and us are all seated and facing in one direction. No preachers are talking to you in Bali. As the locals picked up the different color flowers I followed along and placed my palms together with the tips of my fingers holding the petals.
They do this chant 5 times. At the end of each chat, we put a petal in either your headdress or tuck them in your ear. At the end of the chants the priest comes and uses a grass-type wand and sprays you with three flicks of the wand. With your hands cupped together, he places holy water in your hand and you drink it. This is done three times and then you are given some rice to stick on your forehead and your neck.
Then came the possession.
When this was all said and done, suddenly there was a commotion. At one of the temple gates and in came a small group of people. The lady next to me said that she is possessed and is in a trance. The lady that was said to be in a trance was crying, whining, and possibly screaming or chanting, I couldn't tell.
She was somewhat helped and dragged before the priest and another man did a Balinese walk and dance of sorts. This was a form of exorcism. I have never witnessed such a thing in my life. I have heard about it. I have seen videos but never have I seen one in person.
The lady seemed to be in pain, she cried out as if she was and I was told that a spirit is talking through her. I asked if this happened often, and they said no. Later the lady that was possessed sat near me. I was taken aback a little because she was in tears. She had to be about 55 so it was not someone wanting attention. She wept openly about her experience. I was told that they remember these experiences and it changes a person permanently. I assume it would and as she wept, all I could think of was wow and I wish I could talk to her. Maybe next time.
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My ceremony experience.
Since I changed locations, this area is even quieter than the last one, I like it. However, remote the location is, the Balinese people are welcoming and inclusive.
My Airbnb host is a local priest and when I asked him if there would be any ceremonies, he invited me to one. It was rather unexpected and quick, but I also promptly accepted his invitation.
On the day of the ceremony, he delivered the sarong that I needed to enter the temple and I was all set to go. I did mention I would like to take photos and videos; everyone was fine with that.
This was going to be a new experience. I have been to a temple before, but this was different.
I was getting strange looks.
At the agreed time I walked to the temple. There was hardly anyone there. I sat and waited under the gazebo in my sarong and my phone in hand.
I was given some strange looks by the men and women passing by, but it was ok. I was a little anxious and nervous. This soon passed when a group of women smiled and asked me what I was doing. I explained and I went with them.
We went about 50 meters and down some stairs where I saw this large statue. She was surrounded by what seemed to be a well. I then witnessed them taking the water out of the well and placing them into cups. This was to be a blessing with holy water.
The rain poured down.
Unfortunately, the ceremony was a touch delayed. It began to drizzle and rain. Then it was pouring rain and not only did we get holy water on us but also tons of rainwater.
Our journey was to be two stops. One here at the local temple. It would be the village temple and then head over to the large temple by the road. The ceremony itself would not have been too long but the rain certainly delayed it.
I must admit I was a wimp, the men all went and got soaked on their way to the temple. My friend's wife said to stay, I didn't argue. After about 30 min the rain eased up and we went to the larger temple.
This was a beautiful experience.
The temple we went to was large. There are many small ones and even some personal family temples that could pass for public ones. The temple could hold a few hundred people and unlike churches, these temples are all outdoors, with most having some sheltered areas for the Gamelan musicians and areas for the priests to sit.
While I have visited large temples in Denpasar, they felt like a shopping mall rather than a ceremony. This place was slow and quiet, not 100 people at one pushing and shoving to get the chore of the prayers over with.
This was a family occasion. Everyone in the village knows everyone else. They are a large family-style community. Everyone is dressed in colorful outfits and as the music played, I saw the young ladies dancing away to the Gamelan music. This was an amazing ceremony to witness. It got even more exciting when a possession happened to three people.
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A simple way of life.
Being in Tabanan is a bit far from everything. I do not have the restaurants I am used to. I do not have an ATM anywhere near me and it will take me 30 minutes to drive to the nearest one.
My food choices are limited. Mostly local food and the portions are smaller. That is not a bad thing though. I am finding my way around these minor inconveniences. Though I should not call them inconveniences. They are more like challenges. I need to make breakfast and I usually go and find lunch and skip dinner. I have made it a two-meal day sort of.
Living by the ocean.
I am a 12-14 minute walk from the ocean. The road that leads to my place here is a major road that handles all the traffic from the ferry. This is a major artery. If this were shut down, the supplies to the island would be too. I need to be careful with my scooter and be mindful of the slightly crazy truckers at the same time.
Every truck takes some wild risks to pass and get one car ahead. At times the truck and scooters are close enough to touch when they pass. Yet at nearly every turn I am seeing incredible rice fields on one side and the ocean on the other. These sights I need to pull over at and I always wonder what is around the next bend. Everywhere I stop is near the ocean with small roads that look like walkways that lead to amazing views
This to them is normal.
I am amazed at all this because this location is new to me. Oddly enough many people in Bali do not know how to swim. I have heard this from other islands as well. Seems off to me but it is kinda weird.
When I talk to people, they are surprised to hear that I am here for a month. Most people who come here, come to surf and stay a week at most.
The more I get to know the locals the more I love the small villages and the atmosphere. It feels a lot like living in the country in Canada with the added benefit of the ocean and the tropical climate. As I mentioned about the little girl earlier. Her parents went off to make money abroad. They send their money back home and save it, investing it into land and farms. Yet the Balinese will return to their home after their stint abroad and be with their family.
My ceremony experience.
Since I changed locations, this area is even quieter than the last one, I like it. However remote the location is, the Balinese people are welcoming and inclusive.
My Airbnb host is a local priest and when I asked him if there would be any ceremonies, he invited me to one. It was rather unexpected and quick, but I also promptly accepted his invitation.
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Tabanan update.
Certain things in life are a given. Love, death, happiness, sadness, joy, tears, and heartbreak would also be on the top of that list.
At the moment, I will confess I am in the joy part of my journey. Part of that has to do with experiences. Being in a foreign country and scooting around on my scooter from place to place has given me insight into a very different world.
While I would say this is a personal journey, I also feel it is an enlightening one. Mostly because I am welcomed everywhere. I must say that I get such a kick out of this... Sometimes I say hello to the grumpiest looking man. However, when I say hello to them in their language they smile and suddenly, I am accepted.
Welcoming people.
While I will blog about this later, I was invited to a temple by my Airbnb host. I wanted to experience the local ceremony, so I took the chance, more on that later.
Yet the best part was that once the word got around that I can speak the local language I had several people come up to me and we chatted.
At the end of the ceremony, Pak Agung came up to me and said, "you are now part of the family" While the little voice inside my head went to "So are you going to charge your family rent." I of course thanked him so much for the opportunity to take part in the ceremony.
Not like church.
While this is religious, and I had to wear a sarong and do the prayers with the locals it was very different than a church. Yes, there is a dress code. Sarongs are a must and women cannot enter during their menstrual cycle.
The vibe is calm and relaxed, welcoming, and children along with dogs run around the temple. The families do not seem artificial and pretentious. There is a calmness about them and with the ceremony. Not preaching, God this and God that and Jesus this and all the commercialized aspects of the religions I know.
As I chatted with locals, they warmed up to me quickly and random people came to talk to me.
One little girl.
One of the locals was taking care of a young girl who is 13. She spoke to me in fluent English and a slight accent. Her parents work on a cruise ship and travel around the world. She is taken care of by her grandparents and of course, misses her mom and dad.
Locals sometimes do this, I will have a similar story on another person I met at the ceremony as well. This little girl is without her parents for nearly 6 months at a time. Yet she knows and fully understands that her parents are working to provide for her. This is also made possible by the Balinese way of life.
Living in large compounds with several small buildings on them, the Balinese live a very simple yet structured life. They do not fall into the many traps that their North American counterparts do.
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Overwhelmed by TikTok and support.
There I was, after a month of deliberation, posting on TikTok. Being blown away by the results. I did a few videos as a trial and then I posted a video of what I truly wanted to use TikTok for.
As I mentioned in a previous blog, it was to help and promote small businesses in Bali. My video is now nearing 70,000 views and thousands of messages. So many people are reaching out for help and nearly all of them are missing huge opportunities.
They all lack the get-go or confidence to create their own free social media accounts. I am not sure how and I do not understand all this yet.
Free tools.
Free tools such as Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Google sites are under-utilized. The basic argument is, "I am a village person." I do not know how to do this. There is a small amount of truth to it. Yet if they search on Google they would know. That is the problem, they do not know, no one has told them and they do not know what they do not know.
You don't know what you don't know.
I am spending hours on end now talking to individuals on various platforms such as WhatsApp, Instagram, and TikTok, it is simply amazing.
The next steps.
The next steps will be to put together packages and show them how to create and use these free and simple marketing tools. This is where the business end of the plan will come into place.
Much of the marketing I will be doing for free. Much of this will be a simple process to guide the locals. The bigger step will be to take on larger accounts that can afford to pay for site visits and advertising. All the while, I continue to gather data and phone numbers from the locals.
The big step I am hoping to achieve is that in the future I may be able to use my website as a portal for eCommerce. To have a place to put all the products and links on my website.
How do we benefit?
We will all benefit from a community of small businesses. We can all be the little guys banding together for a common cause. Follow each other and support each other.
I am unsure if my plan will come true. For now, I am sure of this. I can make a difference in the lives of these people as a foreigner in Bali. This far, the support has been overwhelming and I hope the trend continues.
However, I am a little concerned about people following up. Like many people, these small businesses are excited and ready to go. I am unsure if they will follow up and keep their end of the bargain by posting and creating content to keep going.
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I jumped into TikTok!
Alright by all admission I have a pen name here in Indonesia that I publish my books under. No, I cannot say it as it is a secret. However, I have been struggling with my TikTok account and I only have a few hundred followers.
However, over the weekend I launched my very own, very personal TikTok content so feel free to click on it and see for yourself. I posted a few videos and then I posted the one I wanted to.
The one I wanted to post had to wait so it was not the only post in my eyes.
What did I post?
Well, I posted content about wanting to help local businesses. I posted a 30-second video and in a matter of two days, I have over 55 thousand views. Needless to say, it went a little crazy and way beyond what I was expecting.
But that was not the end of it. I have had hundreds of shares and nearly a thousand comments. The post went crazy and I neared 3000 followers in a matter of two days.
This was the desired effect. Except I was not ready to answer the comments and the posts. I was not ready for my phone to blow up. I had to turn off the notifications because It was going insane. I was trying hard to like and respond to every post but it was impossible.
What is the goal?
The goal is to create content for free for small businesses. To have the free giveaways sponsored by larger companies as a form of advertising and it seems to be working.
I have had several people reach out to me wanting to not only sponsor but giveaway cash to locals I bump into. It had been very overwhelming and honestly, I am not prepared. I found myself glued to my phone all day trying hard to keep up with messages and likes. Many of them spilled over into my Instagram and messaged me there as well.
What's next?
First of all, I found out that a foreigner who speaks the Indonesian language is a hit. I didn't know this before but here we are. Thus, I am working on a business plan as we speak so that I may harness the power of TikTok and use it to help the needy and help local businesses.
As for what's next? I may need at least one staff to help out and book appointments as well as follow up on all the messages pouring in on both TikTok and Instagram. Let's see how the next week pans out and how we can help the smaller local businesses.
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The first days in Tabanan. Bali Indonesia 30
If you have been following my journey in the past few months you will have noticed that I am in Bali Indonesia. You may have also noticed that I have been putting quite a bit of effort into keeping things focused on the locals.
I feel this is important as it is considered a developing country. At the same time often, I need to wonder if it should be considered as such. From my point of view, it is almost as if we don't need to make it any more westernized as it is.
Bali is...
Bali is not equal to the rest of Indonesia. Bali has to be the most western-influenced province of Indonesia. Many foreigners often do not know that Bali is not a country of its own. It most likely could be and it would most likely survive and thrive on its own.
Bali grows its own crops and has plenty of foreign currency coming in. It would most likely not have enough resources as far as raw materials to keep the building industry going. Not without destroying Bali itself.
I am in the Tabanan area this month. I have chosen this area because it is quite remote and I get to live in a village setting. I wanted to experience that. In Indonesian, it is referred to as a Kampung which means village.
Off to the village I go and my first two days have been amazing. The sights and places I have seen have impressed me even though I have been coming here since 1998.
The lush vegetation, the large gorges, and the rocky rivers are a thrill for the senses. They make you question life and admire such beauty that pictures and videos do not give nature enough credit.
Meeting more people
This has also been part of my journey. To meet more and more locals. Such as the man who has 50 hives of bees and lived here in the village all his life.
The Balinese way is as such. The eldest child, especially the son must stay with the land and house he inherited. He cannot sell the main house, it must remain in the family.
Now check this out and see how this all makes sense. The house and the land have been paid off generations ago in most cases. The family that I am talking about has a few hectares of land that is worked. There are so many fruits and vegetables here that I have been eating bananas for two days and I still have some left. Life is different here. people live life and do not chase positions on a business level. They live a simple life and yet we call them a third-world society.
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The last Blog from Ubud. Bali Indonesia 29
First of all, I would like to say thank you to Pak Made. Mr. Made at MM House in Ubud. I spent the month at his location, which overlooks the beautiful rice field in the blog. I have a Tik Tok video with him as well. If you are ever in Ubud and need a place to stay, give him a shout.
So, this is it, the last blog from Ubud. My first long-term stay in Ubud and let's say that my review of Ubud is a positive one. I am sure it's not just me, but I found it to be refreshing.
I mean that in both the weather and the area itself. I love the Bukit and Jimbaran area. I love the views overlooking the island and the fact that I know the area.
Ubud was very new for me, but I felt good despite being out of my element. I am a fish out of water in more ways than one. I am far from fluent in Bahasa Indonesia, the Indonesian language. With a little help from the locals who usually understand a word or two, I have made it.
What makes Ubud special?
For me, it was a touch less traffic because I was not right in Ubud. I wouldn't want to be in the thick of things. It's too busy. I am not a drinker or a bargoer so being out from Central Ubud suited me just fine.
Nothing is far, I was 11 minutes from the downtown area of Ubud. I did have to visit when my Mac called it quits on me. I have been meaning to get this laptop fixed but I always put it off. I was sure that Ubud would have been the last place I would have the battery replaced but I did.
A small local shop did a great job, and I had the laptop back before I could finish my apple crumble and latte. I was halfway done when they messaged me that I could pick it up. So, there you have it. All you writers with Macs, I've got you.
Meeting locals.
I have several blogs where I met locals here. It has been a wonderful experience. Even today, I had to get the oil changed on my scooter and a couple of guys in the shop had it done in five minutes and $5 Canadian later I was gone.
It's the simplicity of many things here that are simply awesome. Sure, there is traffic, but it comes in spurts. There are barely any lineups anywhere.
With a million little restaurants, there is always a unique place to visit and eat at. There are no nightclubs here, those are reserved for the Kuta, Seminyak, and Canggu areas.
So, what's in Ubud?
Lots of fun and quirky places... That is the quick answer. The longer one is... Many rice fields surround Ubud though there are bigger areas such as Tabanan and Jati Luwih which is a UNESCO site.
The pace of life in Bali is slow in general. It is even slower here in Ubud. Things get done, like my laptop and oil change. The most amazing thing I found in Ubud was the amount of hidden little places. One truly needs to look for and zoom in on Google maps to find some hidden gems.
These little places and restaurants that belong to villa complexes or small resorts have amazing views. Tanahdewah was one such place for example. A boutique hotel with incredible views. Or Bebek Sari which is an incredible restaurant that is so worth the trip if you are here.
Where to next?
Well, I have picked out a place in the Balian area of Tabanan. I am somewhat at the base of a mountain and yet 14 min walk to the beach. I am sure I will visit the beach quite often and have more adventures to tell once I am settled in.
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Kopi Luwak, coffee lovers, this one is for you.
I am not going to go into the whole process but the washing and roasting of poop-covered coffee beans come at a price.
Wait, that is the process. There, now you know the process, poops, I mean oops.
I tasted 13 different coffees and teas this morning. So you will have to excuse the caffeine-driven blog of mine. If you like coffee, and who doesn't? I mean seriously, how do you get going without that lovely aroma and taste first thing in the morning? Alright, it's not the be-all and end-all, but if you are into coffee, then come with me on this tasting trip.
Entering the location is a maze of local plants. From vanilla, cocoa, coffee, bananas, mango, saffron, mangosteen, avocado, roselle, ginger, rice, lemongrass, coconut, and ginseng. A complete variety of teas and coffees are available here and the best part is, it is free!
Wait did I say it is free? Yes, all the tasters you see in the photo are free. They would be larger than a shot glass and I would have been fine having all the tasters but I felt bad, to be honest. I ordered a vanilla coffee because it is as close as I can get to a latte. Sacrilege, I know but such is life.
Authentic.
Authentic Bali teas and coffees are made on-site at Satria Agrowisata. Located in a lush jungle setting with winding walkways for at least 70 meters lead us to a 30-meter-long grass roof shelter. Under the shelter are connected tables just as long.
This plantation remains best known for offering kopi luwak or civet coffee, produced with beans previously eaten, partially digested, and then excreted by the Asian palm civet, a small tree-climbing animal.
Because of its undeniably unappealing production method, Kopi Luwak remains among the most expensive coffees on the planet. If you choose to take a guided walk around the jungle plantation there are plenty of guides on hand.
Kopi Luwak
By definition: https://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_luwak
The origin of civet coffee is motivated by the history of coffee cultivation in Indonesia. In the early 18th century, the Dutch established commercial plantations in their colonies in the Dutch East Indies, especially on the islands of Java and Sumatra. One of them is Arabica coffee plantations with seeds imported from Yemen. In the era of "Forced Cultivation" or Cultuurstelsel(1830-1870), the Dutch forbade indigenous plantation workers from picking coffee cherries for personal consumption, but the locals wanted to try the famous coffee drink. Then the plantation workers finally found that there was a kind of weasel who liked to eat coffee cherries, but only the flesh of the fruit was digested, the epidermis and coffee beans were still intact and undigested. The coffee beans in the civet droppings are then picked up, washed, roasted, ground, then brewed with hot water, creating civet coffee. [2] The news about the enjoyment of this aromatic coffee finally caught the attention of the Dutch plantation owners, and then this coffee became the favorite of the rich Dutch people. Due to its rarity and unusual manufacturing process, Kopi Luwak has also been an expensive coffee since colonial times.
Kopi Luwak in reality.
I have had it on more than one occasion. I have tasted it on its own and with my usual milk and sugar added. All I can personally say is that it seems creamier and smoother than regular coffee. However, my sense of taste may be off as much as my musical skills are non-existent. I can't tell the difference between a $5 or a $1000 bottle of wine.
Don't take my word for it. Hop on a plane and visit Indonesia yourself. Or go buy some online and make it yourself if you wish. The point is that there must be something to it. There must be something to the real and authentic, non-watered down Kopi Luwak. Please check out all the teas and coffees as this is a pretty cool place for coffee and nature lovers alike.
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KIM Foundation. Bali Indonesia 22
Every time you meet someone, you have a chance to change a life.
That is a bold statement. Pause right here, go back and read that again, please. That statement is the takeaway from my meeting/interview with Mrs. Renata of the Kim Foundation here in Bali. Even if you do not read one more word of this blog, I believe I have given you food for thought.
This was to be a simple meet and greet. I was merely checking out the facility. It was to be about the children and what the facility offers the youth in Ubud Bali. Instead, I was graciously offered coffee, nasi goreng (fried rice), and fried bananas.
It was around lunchtime, but I was not expecting any of that. Of course, it was not about the food, there was so much more to our conversation and I felt as if we had known each other for years. While we didn't change the world, we did come to terms with what is wrong with much of it. Nearly two hours of conversation and it didn't seem that our conversation about life, changes, and understanding was enough. With that thought, I will be returning in the next few days to see the children and the staff.
What can we offer to others?
Most of us have something we are good at. It could be math, language, geography, or something more personal like singing and dancing. No matter what you are good or bad at, you can offer something so much more. That is your time, compassion, and understanding towards others. This is exactly what I found at the Kim foundation.
Mrs. Renata is from Czechoslovakia and I am from Hungary. Since we were both born in eastern Europe I believe we were raised with very much the same core values. This was pretty evident even though I grew up in Canada.
The best part of the conversation for me was that with her organization, she was and is able to change the future. While this made her pause and even deny this, I believe this to be true. No, she does not have a magic wand. What she does have is patience, caring, love, and compassion towards the children and staff in the organization. This also extends to others around her and it shows.
With this, she gives more than she takes and changes lives in the present, therefore, changing the future. What she takes away is the pain and the stigma that is associated with physically and mentally challenged individuals.
You are accepted and loved just the way you are.
This is what the world needs to come to terms with. This is what the world needs. We need this so we can all live in a better world under better circumstances. This is the butterfly effect for these needy children. With a warm hug and a smile, the children's future is already brighter.
What does this all mean?
When one travels there will always be some sort of story that pops up. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and other times we simply create great memories.
This could involve people and places or both. Having had the pleasure to have met with Mrs. Renata at the Kim Foundation in Ubud Bali here is my brief backstory.
I had bumped into this organization during a small event they were having at a local restaurant and being a curious person I asked if I could visit, which I did. I am glad I reached out because it is a life-changing story for me as well. Meeting caring and passionate people only adds further to the charm of Bali.
A very unique place.
The Kim Foundation supports the Sari Hati School. An educational facility for children and adults with special needs and Tur Youth Centre. Here they encourage entrepreneurship with social impact.
I was very interested in the Sari Hati School because I have yet to see a special needs facility in Bali.
The facility is much larger than I thought it was going to be. It has a large kitchen and several spots where the children can congregate. From outings to in-house encouragement and day care. These children are not necessarily in school. This is not a school pe
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Visiting The Kim foundation kids.
Today I spent nearly an entire day with mentally and physically handicapped children. I must admit I am tired. Not because of the work I did or because I had a long day.
I am tired because there was so much going on at the facility. First of all, the place is bigger than it appears from the outside. Second, the Kim Foundation caters to the young and the old. The age range is from 8 to 18. This was surprising and at the same time, it made so much sense. There aren’t enough resources to separate the young and old. As it stands even with the less expensive labor rate in Indonesia the bills do pile up. What was most tiring was the constant buzz of the kids and the children. I must say that the staff works very hard to manage the kids and activities throughout the day.
Focus.
The word of the day was “focus” but before we go there, I need an intro. What goes on in a place such as this, was my initial question. With a group of 15 to 18 kids and young adults, it was certainly busier than I thought it would be.
Kids will be kids and these kids are so much the same and yet so different. The word of the day “focus” came up a few times throughout the day. This was because that is what most of the kids' lack. Not because they cannot focus, but because they are easily distracted.
My presence with my phone and snapping pictures and taking videos was already a distraction. It is difficult to explain in simple terms. Yet the word focus also applies to the teachers. They need to be vigilant and always on the lookout for kids wandering off and hurting themselves or others.
It was amazing how much certain children can focus when they were putting beads on the strings to make bracelets. They were totally into it.
I am sure there was nothing else on their minds at that very moment.
Yet when one of them spotted the fact that I was recording or taking a photo I was an instant diversion from their activity.
Kids and activities.
As I mentioned, there is so much going on. From the beginning to the end of the day it is nonstop. There are no breaks for the kids, no nap time it is full on.
The kids are often split into groups such as painting, arts and crafts and making bracelets. Dancing is also a part of the curriculum and so is music. The kids and the instructor were both creating music and dancing up a storm. When the drums sounded off it sounded like a marching band was approaching. Some kids wish not to participate or are in a sudden change of mood, they are sometimes removed from the group activity. This is to calm them down and also to keep the others from possibly acting up. Therefore, there are options for them to have quiet time in the chill-out room or to switch activities. At these times the kids may also be given one on one activities to calm down.
The locals
I am a father of two healthy happy, well-adjusted children who are now young adults. I am very grateful for that. Of course, there are plenty of reasons to be grateful in life. Yet in this part of the world, these kids are so lucky to be able to have a place like the Kim Foundation. We all know how challenging these situations can be. Most of us have had children that were sick from the flu or other illnesses, we know how hard it is to look after them. The infrastructure for disabled children and young adults is simply not in place in Indonesia.
The locals in Indonesia lack the education and shall I say the compassion in ways that we do in North America. The stigma for the mentally and physically challenged linger here due to the lack of knowledge and ignorance of the fact. Hence, a place such as this is a blessing.
Food for thought.
This was a silly thought of mine, I may have even sounded like a fool. But when I asked Renata about this, that is what I realized how it sounded.
There is no graduati
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Being a nomad in Bali. Bali Indonesia 25
What is it like to not having a home? Let me clarify... It's been nearly four years since I left Canada. It was to be a year of living and working abroad. Life, being life that was extended a little, and then COVID happened.
With COVID and the lockdowns, I remained in Jakarta. In the process, like many other companies, we restructured. Work from home became a thing and travel became nonexistent. We all know the story all too well.
With that said, I do have a home in Canada. It is a condo that overlooks Lake Ontario and a bit of the downtown skyline. However, life is life, we all do what we need to.
Heading to Bali
My life goal and dream was to eventually retire in Bali. That was accelerated a little by taking on a position in Bali with a skincare company.
Here is where the nomad life comes in. While I do own a home in Canada, and I am not stuck in Bali, it has become home. In the meantime, I have changed jobs and do freelance that allows me to travel on the Island and that is what I am doing.
I planned to rent something as a yearly rental. I was close to signing a yearly deal when the idea came to me. Rather than being locked to one place, I decided to move around.
Living out of a backpack.
I have a large suitcase that holds all my belongings in Bali. However, I move about the island with two backpacks. The other day my laptop died, and I realized, my whole life is in that thing. Thisis true. I have backups online and on an external hard drive, but my life is in and on my laptop.
What is it like to live out of two backpacks? Since my divorce and the closure of my family business, I have downsized and downsized. From a house to a condo in Toronto and trust me that is a big move. Then I moved to Jakarta and gave away a pile of things. I lived out of a suitcase and my backpack in Jakarta. Now I am down to two backpacks. Oh, and the space under the seat of my scooter also counts since I usually stuff a pile of things there. It is quite amazing how little we can get by with. Also, how little we actually need when we think about it.
Nomad is amazing.
As seen, if you follow the blog, I get to meet some amazing people and be able to write about my experiences. I have moved from central Bali to Jimbaran and then north to Ubud. The next stop is very northwest and near to the beach in the Balian area of Bali. Now for one, Bali is set up for this 100%. The surfers and the backpackers do this all the time. For as little as $12 a night one can get a bed to sleep on and spend little to no money on food if you are happy to grab bananas off the trees by the side of the road. I am not quite there yet.
Nomad it is for now. I will be moving this weekend to the other side of the island, out to the country and near the beach. While it is interesting to live out of two backpacks, Bali offers laundry service on nearly every street corner. There are little shacks of local food everywhere.
In preparation, I have reused coffee jars and filled them with oatmeal as well as sugar. I have a small jar of salt and pepper as well. I have my own mug and I take whatever food I may have in the fridge. The rest is in the backpacks. One sweater, it gets cold on the scooter at times, and to prevent sunburn. The rest are clothes, phones, and chargers.
Consumables are easy to replace. As long as I have my laptop, my phone, and friends I visit on weekends, I am a happy nomad, homeless in Bali.
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Pantai Cinta, Love beach
The words Pantai Cinta translate directly to Beach love. While that should be more like Lover's Beach or beach of love it sure is a beautiful place.
It is quite incredible because it is a mixture of sandy beaches, rocky cliffs, and a beautiful sloping green terrace area where little shops are set up.
In Bali, the sun sets at nearly the same time every day. It does vary a bit here and there with the season. When the roads get busy it is because of two things. People are either getting off work or heading out to see the sunset.
The ritual of a sunset.
To me, every sunset is special to watch. It never gets old because I love to people-watch during this time. The kids, the teenagers, couples, and families young and old all come out to experience the end of another day.
One cannot blame them. At times I have witnessed incredible colors and even lightning and sunset at the same time. This was something incredible to witness. Watching the sunset and the brilliant orange and gold colors light up the ocean. Yet as the sun was poking out the lightning could be seen in the clouds to the right.
No matter where you are the beach is not far.
Bali is not huge, so in general, the beach is close. Yet the farther you are from the main tourist attractions the more special the sunsets become.
Yes, besides the obvious of having fewer people around, the most amazing part for me is the locals. When you wander off the beaten path and head out further and further, you can experience the simple life.
Local families come out to the beach, with kids playing in the rivers as the freshwater rivers meet the ocean. These inlets are incredible. They carve their way down the mountain and towards the ocean, but they transform the beach every day. The sandy shores get moved, pushed, and eroded in different ways each day. The beach is alive, so each visit is different.
The sunset.
It is a calm and romantic time. Couples and families dance in the shadows while dogs chase each other up and down the beach. Kids playing soccer, throwing a Frisbee or just chilling with coconut drinks.
Pantai Cinta is not different. But it is a special place for couples because of the stadium-like terraced plots that have been carved out. Usually seated on beanbags, it is a special time for locals to chill and watch the end of another day.
Then after the sunset, there is traffic to get back home. In the end, it is worth it. If one sticks around for another hour or so, they may witness further light shows when the sky turns an orange, turquoise blue before darkness sets in. If you are in Bali, you would be a fool to miss the amazing sunsets in Uluwatu, Pantai Cinta, or the ones in Seminyak and Canggu.
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Today I went flying, sort of.
I am a kid at heart, I cannot help it. I am curious and when I want to know something I will dive right into it. One of my pet peeves in school and with the teaching or regurgitating curriculum is just that. The education system does not spark interest in kids. The one size fits all system with a lack of teachers will need to wait for another day. Back to my curiosity and being a kid at heart.
Adults and kids alike are fascinated with flying and airplanes. From paper airplanes to model airplanes and now drones, flying machines are everywhere. So, I had to follow this path of curiosity of mine and see where it takes me.
Oh, the things you find in Bali
I have driven past this plane on one of the major roads in Bali dozens of times. Every time I want to stop it was either closed or I was in hurry. One day I decided to stop and visit.
My curiosity got the best of me. I had to know what it was like to be on this plane and the location.
This is when I met Pak Arif or Mr. Arif. When I met Pak Arif, I didn't know he was the owner. I began to ask questions. I may be more curious than other passersby since he only revealed to me that he was the owner later. This place, this attraction, has a full-size plane up off the ground and you can walk right up. Take pictures both on and off the plane. Yup, walk out on the wing, which is a strange feeling, believe me.
The big question was, what is this place?
If you are in Bali and have even the slightest fascination with aircraft, planes, or flying. Make sure you check out the great big plane on Jl. Sunset, you can't miss it. Visit Pak Arif and the crew at AirCrew Sensation Bali for something different.
Besides being an amazing venue for birthday parties and kids in general it is a great experience for adults. You get to fly a 737, be in a real cockpit of a plane. An added bonus, you get to walk on the wing for great pics. Go visit, stay for coffee/food, and learn something at the same time.
It's the real thing.
The AirCrew Sensation Bali Instagram is full of cool pictures and even pre-wedding photography shoots. One of them was a pilot from Emirates airlines who did his photo shoot at the location.
In general, one would be hard-pressed to rent a plane and take one's time to take pictures, but not here. Here you can touch the jet engine, sit and play with the buttons in a cockpit and even open and close the sliding window. I never knew the planes had windows that opened.
When you are done playing, you can take real lessons in the other cockpit. While the visit is free, the lessons, the coffee and food do cost money. However, the experience alone is worth it. Bring the kids and adults to AirCrew Sensation Bali. You will not be disappointed and in the end, you may learn a thing or two in the flying simulator where you can fly to nearly anywhere in the world.
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Don't put things off, tomorrow may never come.
Appreciate the little things.
Today I went to grab lunch at a small restaurant near me in Ubud. Just goes to show you that a simple Google and a few photos are not enough in today's world.
The map showed the restaurant and the lovely views so I took off on my scooter. My backpack as always was filled with my laptop, chargers, two phones, and my glasses are a must. I never know where I will end up.
Having two phones sucks but it's the only way to separate business from personal use. My battery on the Mac is dead, it will last about 15 seconds without the charger. Same deal with the other phone, so it always needs to be near a charger or very little use before it dies. I had to bite the bullet on the new iPhone because it was simply a necessity.
Off I went.
As I said, I never know where I will end up. This time I visited Sommy restaurant in Ubud and wouldn't you know it, it was part of a small resort.
There were individual cabins in the middle of a rice field and the restaurant belonged to the resort. No matter, I was impressed by the view and as seen in the photo. I am sure the locals think the rice fields look nice. When I was a kid I loved the rolling hills of corn fields and how we used to run around and get lost in them. Somehow, this all feels different and this leads to an interesting chat with Pak Made or Mr. Made.
Never explore Bali.
As I mentioned, I was getting ready to leave for lunch, when Mr. Made stopped me. He is a very gracious host and I like to chat with him.
He casually asked where I was headed, and I said I was going for lunch he told me of a place where the locals like to go. This was not the point. I check out from this lovely little place on September the third 2022. I was telling him I want to go to Candidasa. It is a sleepy little town near the ocean and he said it is a lovely place.
While talking, I told him how members of my small team never get out and explore Bali.
For example, the places we shot content and social media videos for villas and clients were about an hour and a half from my team's home. When they said they have never been I was shocked. I mean Uluwatu is by the cliffs with incredibly stunning sunsets. Yet my husband and wife team had never been.
Bedugul, a place that I have written about several times was so far off their radar that they had only gone there when we took some photos for an Airbnb villa. Feel free to check out that link.
We think we have time.
We all do it. We procrastinate and wait, we put things off another day and we plan for tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come. A friend of the family was in Thailand, he stepped off the curb, looked the wrong way and got hit by a bus.
To this day his wife feels he is alive and does not believe his death because she never got to say goodbye. A sad story to end the blog on but such is life. I told my team that they are living in Bali, Island of the Gods and they have seen way less of it than I have.
I am their tour guide and I am the one who makes them get out of the house and that is because of work and the content we are shooting for others. Don't put things off, tomorrow may never come.
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I would like to say thank you...
Thank you, to you and you, and yes even you:)
To get to know each other even better, please join me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook and the blog.
The funny thing about life is this. You truly never know where you will end up, who you will meet, and when. I am very grateful for the many people who are interacting with my blog.
My journey began a few years back when I wrote my first book. The book writing got a great big shove with COVID and the lockdowns. So thank you COVID, I guess?
My mom always used to say, "In everything good, there is something bad and in everything bad, there is something good."
A bad breakup, getting fired, let go and numerous other things sometimes have a silver lining. Missing a bus for example was a blessing for some on 9/11.
Life goes on.
While it is hard to pick up the pieces, things will usually work out in the end. I never thought I would be a writer when my family business closed. I never imagined that I would live in Bali at this point in my life.
Sometimes fate will make things happen. I am far from religious but I do believe in the idea of things are moving in the right direction. I don't attribute that to any single thing but here is an example.
I had my books, they were written and stored on my laptop and in the cloud when I reconnected with Janet a high school friend. We got talking and I told her about the books/novels I had. She agreed to edit them for me and bam, we had some books.
Shit happens.
Shit happens and often we get down when it does. However, if we look around, things could be worse.
We ask ourselves why me...
If I knew, I would be in a very different profession. I don't, so I am here writing about this instead. Anyway, the idea is that we can all be grateful towards each other and support one another. We have all had different experiences in life and we draw upon those experiences for our creativity.
I made it a goal for myself to blog every day for a year. It has not been easy. At times it has been hard to blog about something more than what I had for breakfast. Nothing is easy but we need to push ourselves to break out of the comfort zone we are in. So here is to you, you and you... Yes, even you at the back hiding behind your laptop screen at Starbucks. Oh yes and you in the dark with the laptop... oh sorry I didn't mean to interrupt.
But yes that is today's blog. I am at 232 blogs at the moment. I can see the finish line to 365.
Thank you once more for the support.
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The Bali Jungle. Bali Indonesia 21
While I mentioned Bedugul earlier, I didn't mention the amazing golf course that is set inside this amazing volcano crater. I am not a golfer; I don't mind watching it. But as we left our cosy villa this morning, my friend said he will show us a few amazing villas on our walk.
Well, our walk turned out to be an hour of trekking through the jungle. This was not a tropical jungle. This location was 1300 meters or 4265 feet above sea level. Thus, the tropical vegetation changed quite a bit and I could have found myself in northern Ontario or Vancouver Canada.
There shouldn't be...
You learn something new every day. My friend brought along some bug spray, when I asked if there will be mosquitoes he calmly said, "There shouldn't be." I kind of thought to myself that he is the local guy here, he should know.
We trekked through farm fields and then ended up at the edge of the forest. We were greeted by amazing views of the lake and the mountains. A total unobstructed view of the lake that was the mouth of the extinct volcano.
There was not much time to admire the scenery as we went deep into the jungle and went even higher than our initial elevation. This is where things got a little interesting.
There are leeches in a forest?
Well, I didn't know this... So, when my friend stopped and pulled one off of his sandal, I was very happy I was wearing shoes. The bottoms and the soles of our shoes were filed with 12 millimeters or half in length leeches.
This is where the mosquito spray came into use. Nope not for the mosquitoes, we never encountered a single one. But instead, the spray was used for the leeches. See, I learned that today. But I also learned that these little suckers, pun intended lined the floor of the forest, waiting for people like us to feed on. I was lucky since I had shoes, or so I thought...
These little suckers were crawling into my shoes on the tiny little ventilation areas right through the nylon mesh. We had to pull hard to get them out. We sprayed our ankles and shoes. Luckily, we were all wearing pants.
Worth the walk.
Near the end of our walk, we popped out at the Hendara golf course. This place is also inside this massive crater. Totally worth checking out the golf course if you are in the area. This is not your typical golf course. You would need to be superman to hit the ball past any of the surrounding volcano edges.
The beautifully manicured lawns of the golf course are surrounded by jungle and some interesting inhabitants such as snakes and monkeys.
We didn't see any wildlife other than birds, yet I am sure the wildlife watched us as we passed by. That fact was a little disturbing since very large snakes are present in the area. Large as in ones that would be as long as a two-lane road. Needless to say, we were tired and headed back home for lunch. But this weekend was full on with many amazing views, travel photos, and more Bali exploration that I am normally used to.
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A weekend in Bedugul. Bali Indonesia 20.
1300 meters or 4265 feet above sea level is where I spent my weekend. Some of the time we were part of the clouds and some of the time they barely floated above us. Yet other times they slowly rolled in on the town of Bedugul itself below us.
This excursion was to visit a friend of mine who has just listed his villa on Airbnb. There are a few villas in his area listed currently on Airbnb but they are mostly older wooden cottages or as we call them Joglo's.
Bedugul is located in Bali but you would think it is in Vancouver Canada. First of all, Bedugul is an incredible place for farming and organic farming in Bali. 1 kilogram of bok choy is .20 in Canadian dollars or .15 cents in US currency. That is if you buy vegetables directly from the farmers.
The crops.
In Bedugul, one can find raspberries, strawberries, bok choy, lettuce, peppers, broccoli, oranges, onions, bananas, and numerous herbs alongside them and many other crops that I am sure I missed.
The amazing part is... While Bali is normally 25-33 degrees Celsius or 77 or 92 Fahrenheit, here in Bedugul the temperature range is it is 14 Celsius or 57.5 to 25 or 77 Fahrenheit.
This makes Bedugul an incredible place to shop for all one's needs while staying here or to take to other parts of Bali. The moisture and temperature in the area make it an ideal spot to set up farms.
But the most amazing thing is, is that we were in the center of an extinct volcano and straddled by two lakes, one on either side of us.
The Villa.
The villa we stayed in is available on Airbnb, just follow the link for more photos. They are certainly worth the extra click. In the afternoon we did not see the two large mountains before us. They were covered in clouds.
But as the sun set to the right of us in the west, we could see the bases. Not until the sunrise did we see the amazing size of the two mountains directly before us. Our villa has space for up to 12 people and offers complete privacy with its five bedrooms.
This is where my friend spent the first COVID lockdowns. He had the luxury of trekking through the mountains and taking advantage of the secluded villa on the side of a volcano crater. If you are ever in Bedugul and plan to stay a night or two, do check it out and take advantage of the amazing hot tub and enjoy the amazing views.
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What is life like for foreigners in Bali?
Often people ask what is life like in Bali. The quick answer is.
It's the same as anywhere else
The longer more in-depth answer is a touch more convoluted. Most people who live and work in Bali are owners of properties, businesses, and digital nomads.
As I said life is pretty normal, as normal as people running businesses in other parts of the world.
What sets Bali and Indonesia apart is how businesses operate. Sure labour is less expensive. This allows owners to step back, with the qualified people in place, they may be able to enjoy more of the lifestyle Bali has to offer.
There is a catch.
What I have learned by being involved in a few Indonesian businesses is that there are or there should be many checks in place.
Checks and balances here mean lots and lots of backups. For example, in North America, we may give a salesperson a credit card for gas. Here it is a reimbursement, no one will give money upfront.
You pay, take a picture of the receipt with your phone, pictures of the car or scooter and track your expenses.
Those pictures and receipts would be then submitted to the appropriate person for approval.
This constant check and double check drives me crazy. The way people have been tricked to beat the system is a workload of checking in itself.
The quotations.
One funny story is that of a quotation process by most bigger companies. We needed three quotes for every job that we were undertaking.
Yet many people will dodge the system by having friends quote high and low and in the end, only one company is real. They all have the correct quotes and phone numbers to call for verification.
Cheating on the thickness of asphalt is nothing new. This scandal happened in Canada and is run by a mafia of sorts in many parts of the world. Here it happens on a larger scale.
The kickbacks.
This is where Indonesia is different. Nearly everyone gets a tip along the way. From renting a property to selling a scooter. Everyone jumps in to find a buyer and hope for a small percentage if they sell. This makes for interesting conversations when a car or villa is sold. Everyone from the security guard to the maid will claim they helped. In many ways they did, the security opened the gate for the buyers of the car. The maid cleaned, may have served coffee for the guests and cleaned up after them.
The funny part is, that people will expect money from the owners as well as say the driver who brought the original client. These little titbits’ of information are things one needs to know to navigate the Indonesian kickbacks. Give a little, receive a lot.
To answer the original question, what it is like to live in Indonesia?
Pack your patience, be nice, be kind and help where you can within reason. The small kind gestures will come back to you down the road. It is fun, entertaining, and at times a bit trying. In the end, you will have the time of your life and you will be glad you tried something new.
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A Passion for Bali. Bali Indonesia 17
Please stare at the attached photo for a moment. I am not a photographer. But for this series, I am trying hard to provide photographs that I have taken, rather than borrowing from the available stock shots.
But this photo here somehow stuck with me. I stood at the edge of the rice field and the contrast between the green vegetation before me and the sunset was magical. The blue skies to the left, the sunset to the right... This was such a balanced moment and then I began to think.
This is Bali.
There is no doubt that I have a passion for Bali. I love the way of life here. I don't mean the life of foreigners. I love the way the locals blend in, in the villages. I love how dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, and cows are all part of the landscape.
Cats and dogs walk about with the local farm life. Yes, there are barking contests with the local dogs at times. Yes, some roosters will not shut up and thus I have purchased earplugs. Yet there is a simplicity here. Having worked in real estate in Bali it is amazing how families own large parcels of land and how it is split up, or rather how it will be split up among the families.
Decisions are made by brothers, uncles, and family members...
Is Bali perfect?
Oh, heck no, not by any means. Governments, corruption, and other interesting facts arise quite often. In general, everything is for sale in Bali. Every property and person has a price. I don't necessarily mean in the prostitution way, though that too is available if you are so inclined.
I am more leaning towards property and general corruption here. From a travel visa, that can be had a little quicker if you pay a little more. Driver's licenses can also be had in an expedited manner if you choose and so on.
Money talks all over the world, not only in Bali...
Yet here it is a little different. Slipping someone as little as $5 can get things done or open a door for you that otherwise may have been left closed.
There are complications.
Yet at moments like these... Please go back to the top and stare at the photo for another moment. Take in the beauty of Bali and the simplicity of life. Do not pay attention to the garbage that floats down the rivers to the ocean. Do not bother with the stray dogs and the corruption.
Enjoy the view and then ask yourself. What can I do to help preserve views such as this? How can I make the world a better place? Not only here but all around the planet.
Life is filled with complications, trials, and tribulations. Yet when I can stop and stare out to the rice fields and appreciate the moment such as this it makes life worth living.
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Bali Animal Welfare Association. Bali Indonesia 17
I bumped into B.A.W.A at a local restaurant while I was having lunch. Some small fencing was being erected and fake grass was being rolled out when I asked the waitress what was about to happen.
She informed me that a local adoption agency was holding an event.
Soon enough, the dogs were brought in. The restaurant's outside area was soon filled with the wagging tails and barking of about 14 dogs. I have focused on the human side of Bali, but this also encompasses the human side of Bali.
The animal welfare on the island.
While there are countless cases of humans helping humans in Bali, let's not forget the animals that live on the island. Ask anyone that visits Bali and they will surely comment on the many dogs and cats here.
The Bali dog is not the most elusive animal on the island. The Bali dog is a Bali dog. Sitting, sleeping, chilling nearly anywhere he or she wants. Reminds me of the cows in India, except here at least we can get the dogs to move.
The Bali dog is much like a regular dog with extreme street smarts and a sixth sense of the traffic around them. They will gladly lay down in the middle of a street or chase each other on the beach. There is something about the Bali dog that one can only know by observing them. Calm, chill, lazy and smart, are what would describe these dogs the best. The funniest thing I have seen was a Doberman with the attitude of a Bali dog. It is something that needs to be seen and experienced.
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Meeting Kevien and his family.
On my first morning in Ubud, I noticed a man sludging in the water and mud-covered rice field. He, being nearly knee-deep in the mud, I immediately thought, he does not need to use a stair climber in the gym.
Kevien is a slim man with shoulder length long hair, very typical of the local Indonesian population. But the work he puts in would rival a man three times his size. I ventured out to the rice field and eventually after he noticed me we began to chat. After the usual questions of where I am from and all, we talked a bit more about where he is from and the work he is doing.
Kevien works in farming. He goes from one rice field to another and uses a machine to turn the mud and prep the rice paddies so the rice can be planted. Kevien has worked in farming for most of his life, it is a hard job but this is what he knows...
I wanted to hear his story.
I have a curiosity about people. Where they came from, where they are headed and how life is. I wanted to know his story and so I asked him if I could interview him. He gave me his number and I messaged him. Immediately I got a call from a rather confused woman. She was wondering why I am messaging her. Turns out, that Kevien does not own a phone, only his wife does. (feel free to send me a phone so I may give it to Kevien) After an initial confusion and language barrier, we set a time and date.
Off I went to meet Kevien and his family.
Being a foreigner in Bali is no big deal. There are many long-term and short-term foreigners here. But visiting a local in their little rental unit, referred to as a Kost is not normal.
I searched for his location; it was 8 minutes from mine. Easy scooter ride to the village. It was not a place of villas and large houses. When I arrived an old man asked me what I was doing here. I was kind of lost and he assumed I was looking for the yoga retreat down the road. I assured him I was not and I was looking for a local named Kevien. He had no clue what I was talking about because Kevien sounds much like Kevin, a North American name with a slight variation in the spelling.
In the Kost
I finally found Kevien after he called me and told me about the cell tower I was to look for. I looked up and drove a little further and there he was. The regular rental units in Indonesia usually consist of a single-story set of buildings all joined together like townhouses.
Usually, one single room with an area for a kitchen and a washroom. It is a small unit usually occupied by migrant workers who travel from one area of Indonesia to another for work.
As I approached, his wife was in the process of cleaning up the kost. I immediately saw the two little boys. Amazing how kids are kids, no matter where you go. Surprisingly neither of them was shy, their eyes were filled with curiosity and one was playing with a Styrofoam airplane. I am sure they were wondering what I was doing at their modest little home.
Typical family.
The dad goes out and works hard all day to put food on the table. The wife stays home and works equally hard, cooking, cleaning and tending to the children. That's is the basis of how life is and how life was for most people in the world. In Kevien's case, he tills the fields in the hot Bali sun while burning tons of calories doing knee raises all day. This is very hard work, he works from about 7-8 am to about 4-5 pm each day.
Let's face it, we messed up the system and confused the world ages ago. However, here the man takes care of the family by earning a wage so he can put food on the table. Kevien's wife Samiatus Samsiye also comes from Java. She originates from Jember and stays at home and tends to the children, cooks and cleans. This couple has been married for 9 years and their boys are 2 and 7. They are the typical family one would find in Indonesia. Not mean to be insulting, but the education level in most places is low. Yet here I am speaking to a
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Going deeper into social media. Bali Indonesia 15
I have never been one to enjoy being in front of a camera. I am not so fond of my voice either. But I am going to take this step into the great unknown of the TikTok world.
All the interviews and photo's I have taken as of late are also going to be available as TikTok and YouTube content. Yup, I am going to take a giant leap of faith and put myself out there. I feel that this is a big step for me. I would consider myself an introvert and while I am not shy, I would say I am reserved.
Not for nothing, but when we played soccer, I had absolutely no reservations about getting changed at the side of the field. I guess that is a different type of shyness or lack thereof than appearing in front of a camera.
Public speaking.
This one is a hit and misses with me and sometimes I am fine with it and sometimes I am nervous as hell. When I gave a two-and-a-half-hour lecture to a class of college students at Humber Collage I loved it. Yet certain settings are more nerve-racking than others.
So being on camera one on one with the locals seems to be alright for me for now. If I get into bigger settings who knows what will happen? For the time being, I am going to make my YouTube and TikTok links available here, and let's see how things go in the future.
It is informative and fun.
Having locals like Arik, Kevien and Pak Nyoman on my channel has given me great insights into the locals and their lives. While we are all so similar, we are all so different with many commonalities that should make us appreciate each other.
What I find is that when we look at the small picture, we are all so close...
It is when we open up to bigger concepts and talk about things such as large-scale business or bigger conversations about the world, is when things change. They are less inclined to look at other parts of the world on social media and usually follow locals on the platforms.
Traction.
I am very unsure how my #countercontent movement will go. Most if not all social media in Bali is based on the wow factor. The beaches the sunset, the waterfalls, and the food.
My focus will be locals and it will be the very opposite of what is currently out there. Most of the content revolves around tourists bragging about where they have been, how cheap things are, and complaining about the traffic.
Let's see if the local language, the content, and my delivery will get me any views. Bali is hot, so on some videos, I am clearly overheating. Not so much because of the heat but more because of the nerves. If you do follow up and watch some of my content, get ready to see a bald white man sweating on some of the videos
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Meeting Mrs. Arik
"Saya ketemu Bu Arik."
Is saying I met Mrs. Arik in the Indonesian language. Mrs. Arik is a local shopkeeper and seamstress in Ubud Bali. She owns and runs a small shop here located at the entrance to my villa where I am currently staying. The store's name is Arta Dika Kebaya. It is located on the outskirts of Ubud, not in the main tourist area. Her target market is local people, made-to-order and custom traditional clothing. They are the Kebaya that is worn to the local ceremonies in Bali.
I have seen her a few times and decided to stop by and ask if she would be kind enough to make some video content with me. At the same time, we did an interview for the blog.
She was thrilled to talk about her business and her family. But what surprised me the most was that she was taking care of all this on her own.
The small business.
My background is in cutting and sewing. So yes, I can cut, sew and make patterns. My family business began making aprons and cushions for wicker and rattan furniture before it grew into a large-scale operation over the years. She has no such aspirations...
She is happy and very content in her little shop that is probably no bigger than 7m x 7m. She has a place to cut and sew and make some patterns. There is one sewing machine placed to one side of the shop with a few mannequins displaying her work. Bali is known for its numerous monthly ceremonies. There is some sort of ceremony in Bali every day. It could be deaths, births, and the rest of the regular ceremonies that go on in Bali. Of course, there is plenty of competition, and getting to the temple during Covid was not allowed. Though Bali was quite lenient on all this during Covid businesses suffered greatly.
The family.
Mrs. Arik has a great attitude and each time I saw her she had a great big smile. While it is the general attitude of most Balinese, she was truly happy.
Her story is one of many in Bali. Her husband is a driver, yet he is unemployed at the moment. He lost his job during Covid. Pre-covid being a driver was a very sought-after position in Bali and a very common job in Indonesia. Nearly all the foreigners in Indonesia employ a driver/guide because a local license or an international driver's license is needed.
Her husband is local and was born right here in the Ubud area, while Mrs. Arik was born in the capital city of Bali, Denpasar.
She is the sole provider for her family which includes three children.
Wayan Ariska is 17 years old girl, Kade 15-year-old girl, and one boy named Komang Andika is 12 years old.
No small undertaking.
Now the food in Ubud and the surrounding area is rather inexpensive even by local standards. But having three teenagers whose needs are let's say those of modern families is not easy.
Every kid needs a cellphone, they need decent clothes and of course, they need to be dressed and fed as well. A small one-person shop can only do so much. Arik works hard in her small shop and yet she is content and happy in her own little world.
This is one reason I feel the need to tell the stories of such individuals. My story on Kevien, who was a farmer and Arik are only a few of many stories to come.
As usual, I gave her a chance to ask me a few questions, and here they are.
Arik:
Where are you from?
Me: Toronto Canada.
Arik:
Why are you so happy?
Me:
I am just a generally happy person. Life is easier that way than being miserable.
Arik:
What made you successful?
Me:
I just work hard at what I do and I am happy to be able to be a writer.
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The gang’s all here
I had messaged my friend Edhy from Kintamani that I would be in Ubud and that we should meet up. Yes, that is how Edhy is spelled… Seems like the names like Kevin and Eddie become Kevien and Edhy here. Rather strange but Bahasa Indonesia is spoken phonetically, so that is the way they hear the name, thus that is the way it is written down.
While Edhy was on his way, Agus, another local that I am helping also messaged me. Something to know here, because it will be important in a bit is that Dika is the man that originally introduced us.
Dika my first friend from this group of Suzuki Off-road drivers and regular drivers. Now Edhy was always standoffish when I met with him before now, he is the one that is the closest to me from the group.
Who’s your momma?
That is not meant to be a joke, it is rather interesting. As I found out Agus is Dika’s half-brother from the same mother and different father. Their mom got divorced and they are only a year or so apart in age.
It was an interesting fact that I didn’t know, so Dika gave Agus my contact to help him with his social media. As the guys were making their way to meet me, I decided to meet them at a local Babi Guling restaurant. Babi Guling means suckling pig. This a dish that is I love, with the yummy crispy skin and all.
Since the guys picked me up, I wanted to go to the closest restaurant to my place, so we didn’t travel far.
The only thing I missed, was that the guys were all Muslim. Who knew, I thought they were from Bali, and they were Balinese. I felt rather small at the moment, but they ordered chicken, and all was good.
Social media
Since all these guys are trying to grow their businesses, the meeting was about social media and what they need to do. Edhy has a website and wants to gain clients and grow his business.
Agus wants his Instagram to grow but for some reason all his likes are coming from India. He does not know why. Putu, who has a Balinese name is a driver and kind of depends on the other two guys to haul passengers and would-be clients from the airport or the hotel to other attractions.
Their relationship is a symbiotic one. They depend on each other to put food on the table, yet they operate independently and sometimes together.
Showing them how to get likes on the webpage and how we can see the views and likes from the different countries blew their mind. It was much like going back to school and they all head a headache afterwards. Too much information, but information they need to know.
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Meeting Pak Nyoman Pandi
The art of Bali.
I have always wanted to see the artists working on the carved statues in Bali. Today I had a chance to connect with Mr. Nyoman or as we say here, Pak Nyoman.
I saw him as I rode past him on the side of the road and decided to ask him if I could interview him. He was kind enough to give me his time and let me have a chance to see what his life has been all about.
Ubud is known as the cultural center of Bali. There are numerous museums and studios for carving, painting, and jewelry making. Many of these classes can be paid for and attended by locals but this was no classroom setting.
Pak Nyoman.
At the age of 54, Pak Nyoman has been professionally carving/sculpting these Balinese statues for 12 years. I say professionally because for many years before that he was an apprentice. Though he has worked with wood as well he prefers this medium.
There are hundreds of carved statues all over Bali. I often wondered about the material the statue is made of. One major thing that I learned was the fact that these statues are very different from the first original statues that were carved in Bali.
It was news to me that the government no longer allows true river rocks to be carved into statues. It is due to environmental reasons and if you think about it, yes it makes sense. So the statues are cut, carved, and sculpted using knives and specialty tools. This skill is what Pak Nyoman had to learn.
How it's made.
The basics of this are simple. They use a mixture of materials like sand from the riverbeds and cement and pour it all into a mold that will match the final size of the statue.
Pak Nyoman said that anything past 1.5m is hard work because he only has about 5 days until this mixture sets. Changing color from a dark grey to a light grey to the final product that looks like an off-white stone. The larger pieces need to be carved faster and thus it is much more demanding on the artist.
A smaller piece under 1m takes 5-7 days to finish. This of course depends on the amount of detail demanded by the customer. Pak Nyoman also does his sketches and works off of the sketches to the final product. The small ones can weigh 50-70kg and the large ones over 150kg.
Runs in the family.
Pak Nyoman has two kids, one boy who is 24 and one girl who are 22. His son is a tattoo artist and is not interested in carving stones. Yet his art is not far from his dad's. The medium he uses just happens to be human skin.
While the father and son are artists. Pak Nyoman's daughter is in finance and his wife who is 34 works for the government. This is very interesting since the son took after the dad and the daughter took after the mom.
For this interview, I didn't get a chance to have Pak Nyoman ask me questions because we were interrupted by a friend of his that happened to be a mutual friend. It is a small world I tell you. I know no one in Ubud.
Yet the person that walked in on our interview was the person I had met at a restaurant months ago. He is a restaurant owner and he happens to own the shop I visited.
We will meet again.
We did our interview by the side of the road. It was rather noisy and so we decided to meet up at the restaurant the following week. So I guess there will be a continuation to the blog as soon as I am done with that.
I guess the moral of this story is, to treat people well and treat them with kindness. You simply never know when you will bump into someone you know. It's best to leave a good impression on everyone throughout your life.
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Is living in a bubble a good thing?
This is not something that most people talk about. Yet I am one who is very much into my own bubble as well. For the longest time, I listened to Canadian talk radio while in Jakarta and even on trips to Bali. I would say it was a good year and a half. I was an avid listener in Canada and would often text the station when the topics got heated.
Especially after Covid hit, I am sure we all wanted to know as much as possible. Day by day the constant Covid news of the time and the uncertainty of things got on my nerves. Experts this and that, nothing made sense. I had to turn off the damn radio because I was getting upset. Knowing every bit of news, verified or not, was driving me crazy and making me mad, upset, and irritated.
They are aware.
So while they are aware, they are in most cases unless it's a massive news item, will find out days later. It is more like...
Oh my, that war in Russia is terrible.
Would be more of a concern about the Russians staying in Bali. The worry would be extending visas and paying their bills than the death of the people in Ukraine. I am in such a toss-up on what attitude is better. Be all in and follow anything and everything 24/7 on CNN or let it be. Not like you or I are going to solve it. Go to the beach and enjoy the sunset because me worrying about it...
Just ain't gonna do one damn thing, dear.
Bali could be a very self-sustaining island and in general, grow much of its own crops in both organic and nonorganic farming. Plenty of seafood as well. So as long as the locals are happy not much else matters. The people in the villages would certainly be the least affected by the sudden isolation.
Life goes on.
When we visited Hungary after communism fell, we often wondered how people got by. Prices were skyrocketing and the people were severely stressed out.
Sure, businesses and individuals suffer and suffered here in Bali as well. Hundreds of thousands of people were laid off and forced to go home to Java and other parts of Indonesia. Bali was a ghost town and is still recovering.
Crime shot up and yet it subsided once things settled and we all got used to the lockdowns and restrictions...
This recovery stage we are all in is an adjustment period. Islands such as Bali and other highly sought-after tourist destinations deal with what we have all been dealt.
The road to recovery is slow, and while I try to support locals and local businesses, it is a drop in the bucket. Yet I feel satisfied in helping the little that I can. Living in a bubble is not all bad, Bali got a bit of a wake-up call and we now know that some industry on the island is necessary. When tourism waivers or stops, migrant workers can go home but the locals certainly need jobs, this is their island and their home.
photo credit: https://www.aier.org/article/dont-live-your-life-in-a-bubble/
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Today I met Kevien
That is the way he spells his name; it is not a typo. As you can tell from the photo, I am in Ubud and the rice fields are my view. When I looked out in the morning, I saw two local men tending the fields.
One of them was planting in the field on the far left and the other was operating a noisy machine. It is a way of tilling the fields and breaking up the mud after the fields have been flooded. I watched for a while and saw that the man tilling was surfing the mud. This intrigued me and I had to take a closer look. I was trying to find a way to get the rice field to get a better look.
While the rice fields are private property, it is quite common for people to wander in a little and take a better look. Currently, it is all large mud puddles anyway. I searched on Google at first and then I decided to go for a walk.
Just use the door.
Wouldn’t you know it… My unit here had direct access to the rice fields and as soon as I reached for the door, the owners two little dogs darted toward the metal gate. The 1m drop deterred the little guys from going down but not me.
I took the opportunity to take some great pics. The large bodies of water and the flooded fields made for some amazing reflections of the sky. Anyway, I made it and wandered the field carefully since it was covered in grass and mud.
As I was taking my pics, I saw the man who was tilling look over occasionally. When I finished my photos, I walked a little closer. Slowly the man came over and said, “Morning Mister” In my best Bahasa I asked him how he was doing. Our conversation was cut short because his friend called him.
Coffee break.
Funny how that happens everywhere in the world. The man came back with a small plastic bag that had his coffee in it. He bit the bag and sucked on the coffee. It was rather unusual but to many, that is normal here.
We then introduced ourselves and that is how I met Kevien. I asked him if he was from around here. While he lives in Bali he was born in Java and now lives in a small rental unit with his two boys 2 and 7 and of course his wife.
I didn’t want to hold him up, so I handed him my card and he then quickly punched his number into my phone.
As soon as I returned to my place, I messaged him in hopes to connect later. Within a minute I had a call from the number and a woman was talking to me. Well, Kevien, does not own a phone… But his wife does. She called in a bit of a panic. I bet she was wondering why this white man is messaging this number and how the hell does he know her husband. Needless to say, I will be visiting Kevien and his family and get a much better idea on how a local farmer lives in Bali, stay tuned.
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Read with caution. Contains sarcasm.
In 2013, I spent three weeks in India. I went there with a group of people to do volunteer work with the now shamed Me to We organization.
Upon completing our three weeks I felt great to have been able to take part in this trip and a fantastic experience. Now keep in mind, that India was not a shock to me. I have lived in Indonesia and I have seen some pretty incredible, disturbing, and amazing things. I have traveled extensively. However, to some, this was a mind-blowing experience. India is by far one of my favorite places because of the people and its history. I have also managed to pick up a few words from the hundreds of employees we had working for us at the time.
Upon leaving India, I knew I could spend months exploring this country if I had a chance to do it, maybe one day. But months after my return, I noticed a Me to We store in the Toronto Eton's Centre. They are the same as any other NGO. Profit off the less fortunate.
This let all the air out of my bubble because I felt cheated. I went to India and I felt good about it. Yet at that moment I felt terrible. It all sank in and I felt like I had been kicked in the nuts.
All we did was help them assimilate to our way of life. Changing the goats that they have raised for "better ones". Giving out micro-loans to the women of the household to empower them. This I agree with in part, but the loans?
The Western way.
I felt terrible, we were there to "help" yet all we were doing is forcing change and spoon feeding the locals in a tiny village that barely has electricity.
We were slowly assimilating them into us. A stressed-out 9-5 society with loans, cars, oversized houses, and pissing away money on things we do not need. Mental health issues are driven into our brains with social media, the news, the 24-hour cycle of text messages emails, and the chaos we call life.
Their way.
Get up work the land, the kids go to school and yet in the afternoon the kids are leading the cow down the road and we wave hello to the little boy we were building a school for.
Sure, these people have nothing. But do they have nothing? They also do not have to deal with the shit we deal with. High cell phone bills, insurance payments, house, and car payments, and so forth.
Their food is not filled with all the chemicals we stuff ourselves with and is allowed by governments.
Their life is relatively simple, yet we were here to help. Reeling them into our Western ways. We looked at them as "the poor Indian" people that need help.
They need help.
I am not saying they don't need help. But not the type of help we were giving. They need help from the local corrupt government which does not give a shit about them.
They need help but we do not need to change their way of life. The land they have worked for hundreds of years. We do not need to add stress and loan payments to their lives. Stress is a killer, is it worse than not having enough food or water?
Now the main story.
So Tim Horton's, the Canadian icon is now entering the Indian market. Will they be the failure that Target was in Canada, or the failed Domino's attempt to conquer the pizza world of Italy?
Will we have Diwali cups instead of Christmas cups in India?
Will we have paneer bits instead of Timbits?
I assume they should have great Chai tea... But this cross contamination of corporate cultural appropriation... Do we need this? Do we need every corner of the world to look the same? Starbucks, McDonald's, Domino's pizza, Burgerking, and the list goes on.
From Toronto to London, Germany to Italy, and all the way to Australia and Ireland oh my God! Will the Taj Mahal be sponsored by Tim Horton's to create awareness?
Please stop.
India is an incredible country. History that makes Europe look like a baby and a culture that is much deeper than nearly anywhere on the planet. Do we need this corporate approp
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This is all I will ever be.
Those words are taboo, never to be spoken by anyone in the "modern" world. But this is the truth about many people on this planet.
Most people who live in the modern world are told that they can be anything. Heck, you can even be a man a woman, or anywhere in between. We won't get into that today.
As Iluh cleaned my little place in Ubud today, I looked at her and asked myself... "I wonder if she knew?" Does she know, has she ever been told that she can be more than a maid, a cleaner, or a staff for this little place I am staying in?
No, she has not.
The one thing we need to understand is contentment. When these local people find a job, they will work at this job until they get old or the job no longer exists.
They do not know that they could be a doctor or a lawyer because their aspiration is so different. I am not in a big city here. This is village life by all accounts and that is whom I am dealing with here. Simple people seek nothing more than to put food on the table for the family.
A little goes a long way.
The main area that peoples focus on is well-being and happiness. Is that the meaning of life? Or is it owning a big house a nice car, the newest gadgets, and fancy restaurants?
These people work, some work very hard and some have easier jobs. As my new friend Kevien knows, his life is to take care of the family. That's it, very traditional roles here and the man is the breadwinner and the woman takes care of the family.
What else is there?
The drive to do better, be better is here to a point. But not the same way as the North American drive. Here people will be involved in land sales and get some commission.
If they are involved in some small business such as selling a scooter, they may make a little bit of money on the side. The drive to open a business is also here. Small restaurants are everywhere. But the drive to become a franchise and make more and more money is not in the mindset of the local villager. They are happy to make enough money to get by and put food on the table.
No, they do not have the same goals as "we" do. But our, our goals so much better than theirs? In the end, it is the quality of life that matters and not what we die with that does.
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Off I go.
countercontent
I am creating a new hashtag. #countercontent and here is why.
Funny enough, I missed my departure from Alindra Villas by a day. I had to evacuate in a few hours pretty much since I was off by 24 hours. It was a mad rush to pack up things and clean out the fridge to the best of my abilities. Pack the laundry up that my bro had left, saying he will be back. When I am not sure, but his stuff will be clean at least.
I am taking off to Ubud with two backpacks and whatever fits under my scooters seat since I am travelling light. I will eventually get around to buying a car. Now I am much more comfortable using a scooter and it sure cuts down on travel time.
I had bought a few things such as a tripod and a phone holder so I can record a few more things for social media content. The same content I complained about in the earlier episode. I am going to call this counter content. I just came up with that as I was typing and I kinda like it. #countercontent that is not about what the foreigners see. It is content aimed at what the locals see about foreigners. How they see their life, business and how things have changed.
How will it all go?
I have no clue. I know that locals find it interesting when foreigners speak Bahasa, the local language. I know locals find it funny when the Bule people eat spicy food and all. But I am going to try and interview them and that is a bit of a twist.
Calling it #countercontent is all about how they live versus the content of sightseeing as a foreigner. Thus, I may fall flat on my face, but we shall see how it all ties together. I am going to set up my friends for content and see if they want to join. Being asked questions by a foreigner is something they are used to, but we are not shopping and haggling. Since I have a few friends in Jimbaran, Kuta, Ubud and Kintamani area, I am going to start with them.
Getting settled.
One key thing to know about Bali is that nothing is far by kilometers/distance. It is far by commute times. It may be 14 kilometers, but you will take 30 minutes to get there. Yet today in Bali the traffic is fraction of what it used to be. I laugh at people complaining about travel after COVID since pre COVID it was 10 times worse.
I am staying 10 minutes outside the hustle and bustle of Ubud and as I settle in, I’ll let you know how things are going. So far, I know the air conditioner is working and I have hot water for a shower. I know, I know, I am Canadian, but I hate the cold. Call me a wimp, I don’t care.
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This is the first time I am posting my poetry on the blog.
I have been writing since I was 12. Poetry is how I began this writing path of mine. I have thousands of poems in booklets, on my phone, and files all over on hard drives. Yet I have not written poetry for a while.
As I thought more and more about the current batch of posts a poem decided to pop out of my head. This relates to the location I am in and the environment I assume. I look out to the rice fields being worked before me and so this came to me this morning.
I awake with the sunrise.
My job is to work the land.
I work in paradise but I wouldn’t know.
I trod in the mud; I labor each day.
The sun beats down on me.
Sucking the strength from my body.
My muscles should ache.
I no longer feel them.
Each day I walk in the path of others.
Today it is me, but I know.
Before me, it was my father.
I have no skill I have no future.
For my kids, I pray, for labor other than this.
For my wife, I wish for food on the table.
I am a poor farmer, yet richer than most.
I lead my life, with honesty and fairness.
I believe in myself and my prayers.
To be listened to and understood.
With the sunset, I settle, and my body aches.
I am happy to see my family around me.
May they take care of me once I am old.
When I can no longer tend to the fields.
I hope to be content and happy.
I am who I am, a man in the fields.
This is my take on the locals at this time. As I have been getting closer and closer to the men and women around me there is one constant.
That is the fact that we are all the same. We seek security, love, and laughter. We seek the same basic things all over the world. However, the big difference is... These people's minds have yet to be complicated by the world as much as ours has.
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Where do locals need help?
Poor self-representation.
So far, I have been helping with social media setup, creating small websites and simple things such as connecting Instagram and Facebook.
There are a few key points to touch upon. Self-representation and branding. Now I am not talking about becoming a celebrity. I am not one to brand you and suddenly you become InstaFamous.
Nope, this is far simpler than that, but you will walk away knowing how others see you. So many times, I have seen very qualified individuals, miss out on great opportunities. All because their resume was extremely poor.
Search for a chef.
In one case a very qualified individual had such a poor resume that it was barely worth looking at. Yet if you did look, as we did, their qualifications were amazing.
What people need to understand is the age old saying... You only get one chance to make a first impression. Since Bali and businesses are re-opening, expanding and restructuring, put your best foot forward.
This not only includes information about yourself but the footprints you leave along the way. Your social media and your LinkedIn professional account say a lot about you.
Be ready
We see so many locals in desperate search of work. Yet when they are asked to attend an interview, they want to interview on a schedule that fits their time and date.
This attitude is wrong. If you are seeking a personal assistant position, your job is to tend to and assist your future boss. This does not mean that you work 24/7. This means you need to tend to and assist your boss.
If your priority is heading out with your friends or family when you are in search of a job, what will your priorities be when you are hired? Once more, you are not a slave to your job. Yet if you are in search of one, show that you want this position.
Follow up.
Often when you are working, you have several ways of communicating. You put your email on the resume and your phone number as a way for companies to contact you. More often than not, when we email individuals, they do not reply to emails.
This means they are either not checking or do not care about the jobs they have applied for. Once more, your personal behavior is coming through and this reflects on the position you applied for.
At work, you are expected to communicate. This communication could be in person, via email, phone calls or messages.
When applying for a job, make sure you tick off all the boxes and that lines of communication are open. In the end, I would rather hire a competent eager individual than a well-educated careless one.
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Living the Ubud life.
I have never stayed in Ubud for any great length of time. I have stayed at Padma Resort and Gran Bekas but the stays were short. This time it’s already been a few days and I am unsure if it is in my head but sure feels cooler than staying in Jimbaran.
The other difference is that I am surrounded by small shops. There is a great little place called Coconut Kitchen. It is but two tables, 4 chairs at each table and two ladies in a small kitchen that is no more than four meters by four meters. This would be the outside measurement of this place.
I kid you not, banana pancakes for $1.50 Canadian dollars. Yes, I hear and see us foreigners brag about cheap food here and there but wow. I had 600ml of coconut water and a pancake for breakfast and it cost $3.50.
Now these ladies hustle, they have a juicer and people order food online and some will drop by, pay and come back for the juice later. I mean it is hardly worth cracking and egg for the pancake at the prices that they are charging.
Life here is a little different.
Ubud is a little bit farther from the airport than most tourist attractions it is busy but only certain areas. Even though Bali is open people may or may not come this far out on a weekend getaway.
The recovery is slow, the competition is tough, life is not easy by any means. Many shops are still closed, it is hard to understand how a once so vibrant island is still in recovery.
This location is home for a month, I am happy to see the smiling faces on the locals when I enter their establishment. The two ladies that take care of Coconut Kitchen for example, work long hours and I am sure their profits are slim, but they make a living and support their family, that is what matters.
Traffic
In Bali traffic is everywhere and even though one would think it should be nearly nonexistent, well one would be wrong. Sure, currently it comes and goes in short spurts. There is a school nearby my place and when school is out, all the parents are right there to pick up the kids.
I am sure they could walk home, like I could walk to the restaurant, the problem is that there is nowhere else to walk except the road. It is risky and for the pile of kids coming out of school to cross the road is kinda scary.
Rice fields
This is one thing I love to see. My view is not of the lush green rice fields at the moment. It is large muddy puddles; the rice was planted today. Yup watched the 5 men planting away at a rapid pace. By tomorrow they will all be done, and I look forward to the rice field turning green before my eyes this month.
It is a process I have seen often, men and women planting. However, I never watched the process from the preparation to the finished product. This time I get to see it all.
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Bali as it was.
As one knows, change is inevitable. My first trip to Bali was in December 1998. I spent Christmas and the New Year here and while it was very memorable, it matters more to me now than it did back then.
When I first arrived, there were no travel restrictions, no bomb threats and certainly decades away from our friend COVID. Simpler times they were, and I wish to return but I have forgotten where I parked my time machine.
Oddly enough Bali was busy even back then. It was a different type of busy. I remember sitting in the coffee shop, people walking past as they do today. Their focus however is very different. Back then families walked together, talked laughed and shopped. The advent of social media was not the be-all and end-all of our daily focus. The days passed slower, and I feel I enjoyed the island so much more back then than I do today. Not because I don’t enjoy it today, it is however very different.
Not just me, I assume.
We hear of the crazy stories of people passing away to get that perfect Instagram photo. The entitled social media influencer was nowhere to be seen in 1999. Right now, the focus on TikTok by mostly younger women is what they did, what they ate and who wore the smallest bikini.
This pressure to create and generate endless hours of content is rampant. Not only is social media anxiety inducing, but I am sure it plays a great deal with the mental health of every individual involved. Today’s tourist sets out to get great content and does not pay attention to the life around the content itself. Go, film, edit, post and repeat. Tourism used to be about getting away from it all, not getting faxes, phone calls and attending meetings. Today you can go away on vacation, and get any number of emails, calls and zoom meetings from the office. Work from home, work from abroad, work from anywhere and relax nowhere.
In the Bali of old.
Oddly enough on one of my trips to Bali we had gotten an offer on our house in Canada and had to wait for the faxes to come through. Signed PDF email copies were not yet acceptable as a real offer. Communication was hard and the connection on the island was mostly terrible and yet that was a good thing. How times have changed in both business and personal life.
My now retired family doctor from Canada always came to Bali for holidays in January or February. He always stayed at Four Seasons Ubud and came only to relax. Those days of relaxation and disconnect are no longer available. We are all too easily reachable and we reach out much the same. Take this pic and that pic, post it here and there, hours pass before you stop scrolling and get back to your supposed relaxation. Until you see that other post-able pic and repeat the process.
No longer do we take rolls of film to be processed and wait anxiously to sit and look through the photos and relive the memories of the family trip. Now the trip is documented nearly by the minute or the hour, the day or at least the week. When our fingers are not busy scrolling our minds do it for us. There is no disconnect.
I miss heading out to the middle of nowhere and not being anywhere near a phone, getting home and listening to voicemails from my aunt and uncle.
Way back.
While it happens to this day, if you travel far enough off the beaten path, you can experience the Bali of old, sort of. In the villages, kids will still play outside and run around naked to the rivers and bathe.
Families will take their kids to the rivers and gather around sunset. While there is always a cell phone or hand phone as they refer to it here it feels different. Their purpose of being there is not to take that perfect selfie and wait for it to get likes, their purpose is to enjoy the time with family. We should all strive to get back to those times.
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Ubud
Off we go… My first stay is outside of Ubud. It is a small one-room plus kitchen setup at the cost of $500 (CAD) per month.
No, it is not the lap of luxury. For the first time ever, I am in a place without a pool and television. To be fair and honest I never watch TV. I’ll watch Netflix and YouTube. The small unit faces the rice fields, but one never knows what stage and rice will be at when I am moving in. At some point, the locals burn the fields and I am hoping that I’ll avoid that during my stay but no guarantees. Especially not in Bali.
So, what will I do?
Much the same as I usually do. Blogging and putting up ads for my books and my many small jobs. Managing marketing for a skin care company. Helping locals with their social media and taking care of Airbnb accounts on the side. However, my goal as I mentioned before was to help locals and I have several meetings set up with my new friends from Kintamani. This has become a pet project of mine. I never saw myself working with locals like this, but I feel I am helping/contributing and making positive changes.
Helping locals (really!)
My friends will visit me from Kintamani. We already have a plan to fix and market two websites and help with their Airbnb marketing. This group of 6 people is happy to work but cannot be bothered with all the minutia of social media. So, my team and I will take over the marketing and social media of their small business and help them grow.
Visiting and working with locals has different rewards. I get to see how they live, and what is important to them and get a very different outlook on life. I feel it is something that not everyone can experience.
What else?
I will be having conversations with the locals. People such as Gojek (think Uber) drivers and having fun while connecting with them on a very different level than other foreigners would.
This is the goal of moving around and figuring out what else life has to offer. Watching people around us thrive is incredible. The hardship that has hit with Covid is hard to understand. I am sure there will be many interesting stories.
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The first stay.
My first stay was at Alindra Villas in the Jimbaran, Nusa Dua and Bukit area. My brother and I stayed in a Joglo (small traditional wooden cottage) while he visited me from Canada.
This place was part of a much bigger complex but has 6 little cottages in a nice hidden area with a shared pool. A lovely place to stay and yet be close enough to nearly all the beaches in the area.
The Joglo’s are 30 years old, and well taken care of, no bug infestations or termites. The one thing in Bali is that nearly every place has air conditioning, but no place has insulation. The air conditioning units run and run cooling down the wooden cabin. The instant you turn off the units, humidity sets in. In a Joglo like ours, the cracks in the walls are evident and during a sunset the golden glow can light up parts of a room.
Alindra villas
At the time I booked this cute little cottage I was lucky enough to book for three months. Now that Bali is opening up again, they no longer take on monthly clients. This is a mistake in my opinion. Everyone in Bali jumps on the bandwagon and makes the same decisions. The hotels I can totally understand. They are chains set up to accommodate people for short stints at a time with daily cleaning etc.
The big BUT…
But the big but here is… there are thousands upon thousands of homestays, hostels, hotels and villas. Thousands of other places such as glamping, camping, and shared accommodations.
With places like Airbnb and hundreds of Facebook groups online your villa will not be rented. This leads to people eventually lowering prices. Sure, the hot area with a decent villa has the advantage. That is not where I am planning on staying. I have been in Bali long enough to know how to get around and where I want to be.
Off to Ubud
While Ubud is a hotspot for tourists. I shall not be staying in the thick of it all. I will be off the beaten path in a small room with a kitchen on the outskirts of Ubud. Far enough away that I am not bothered by the main areas of traffic. My plan is to follow through with my social media on the locals and not just the “Bules” (slang for white foreigners) posting about themselves.
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Onwards
Here we start a bit of a journey. Not sure if anyone from Indonesia reads my blogs as this is a rather small blog.
I have been living in Indonesia for a few years. I took a COO position at MD Pictures in 2018. I arrived in July of that year and then extended my stay when Covid hit. Our company restructured and responsibilities shifted. I started managing Jakarta Film Studios and RDM Publishing.
The goal.
I had always seen myself living in Indonesia from the very first trip I took to Bali in 1998/1999.
When I arrived, it was the end of the very troubled and turbulent times the country was going through.
Nevertheless, I loved it. I loved the people, the culture and above all, I fell in love with Bali. I don’t want to give credit to my ex-wife Zara Zettira ZR but by all accounts, I must.
She introduced me to Bali, and we spent 1998/1999 New Year’s Eve in Bali. This was the start of something… a decade and a divorce later things changed but the goal to live in Bali had not.
Goal achieved.
While we all know that Covid changed the world, it so changed my position at MD Pictures. I took on the job at the time because it was available. I continued to search for other options.
When an opportunity arose, I took it. A marketing position in Bali was the perfect option. While I was not an expert in marketing I knew enough and did the job well enough to get the job and be able to assist the business in other areas of growth.
The next step.
I had made it to Bali, and at the same time I made friends here. Now with some book sales and my current job, I saw a niche developing here.
Some ex-pats and locals alike with small businesses needed help. After getting together with people, I noticed that they didn’t keep up with social media at all. Simple things like setting up Instagram, Facebook and Airbnb accounts seemed to be too much for them.
What’s next?
I have decided to help. I will be moving around Bali in the coming months and hopefully creating content about my experiences with locals.
Honestly, I am so sick and tired of tourists posting…
“How little they pay for food”
“I can’t believe this place”
“I don’t like this about Bali”
It goes on and on. My content will be about the locals. Me giving them a shot to speak their minds about the place they live in.
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Boycott BMW!
How messed up is BMW for even thinking this? How messed up is Oliver Zipse?,
the CEO that approved this. Who in their right mind is going to buy a BMW in the future? The thought of knowing that unless I gift my kids my condo, they may never be able to afford one… The thought of every single thing in this world to become subscription based is sad. Why don’t we all strive to be better do better and use some form of COMMON SENSE!?
This angers me to like level 10 out of 10! Instead of coming up with schemes like this here. Try making some pretty cars again and not make ugly disproportioned ones!
Please have a read below.
Seriously this makes me angry and upset when no one will ever own a thing!
These days, no area of life seems immune to the concept of the subscription model. The music we listen to, the films we watch, the food we buy, and even our cars can all be sorted via a monthly or annual fee.
Now, though, BMW is charging its customers monthly fees to use heated seats and other features that may already be physically installed in the car. Heated seats are the equivalent of £15 per month. It’s worth noting that customers can also pay for a £150 ($178) yearly subscription, £250 ($296) three-year subscription or buy the heated seat functionality permanently for £350 ($414).
BMW also offers a subscription service for use of software which helps detect speed cameras which costs £25 per year. You can also add a feature called High Beam Assistant, which automatically turns off your high beam headlights when there’s oncoming traffic (costing £10 a month or £100 a year). Other safety features like Driving Assistant Plus, which bundles together adaptive cruise control and automatic braking can be paid for on a monthly basis for £35, annually for £350, every three years for £550 or unlocked permanently for £750… That’s a lot for something already installed on your car.
Now if this does not make your blood boil than you must be also in favor of higher taxes. Maybe you are also in favor of abortion ban and Trump. A car is the second largest purchase in most people's life. Soon to be the largest purchase because no average young person will ever be able to afford a new home.
The other large part of the puzzle here is the aftermarket scene. You know damn well that someone out there will hack in to the systems of these cars. They can do it to a Tesla, then they can do it to a BMW. BMW is asking for trouble here. I sure hope that Hyundai and others are watching a listening. Don’t be BMW. Reach out to customers and say “We oppose subscription-based options” you will gain a shit load of new customers!”
Now these assholes want to make option on cars to be a pay/month option? Go $uck yourselves BMW!
You should all be very, very ashamed of yourselves for ripping people/customers off.
Are you going to pay for the repairs when things go wrong? I mean if it were some car insurance schemes where you can pay and then you do not need to pay for service and all. Yah I may be on board. However, this is just you pieces of shit taking a bite out of your customers.
Please, no one and I mean no one take a BMW for a test drive and no one buy a car from these assholes!
BMW and others who think this is a good idea… think again!
Credit to https://www.carthrottle.com/post/bmw-now-charges-15-per-month-for-heated-seats-already-installed-in-your-car/
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Whatever happened to honesty?
Helping local small businesses in Bali Indonesia. This is going to be my headline, I thought to myself.
But before that, I need to elaborate. I have come across some interesting characters as of late. People in business ask for help, assistance, proposals and the like. However, the reality is that most information gets so murky that the client is lost.
After an hour of consulting a Chinese base business, last week confirmed my gut feeling. A large Chinese company was seeking consultation on the local Indonesian entertainment market. Most of the information they were after is available online. Yet they needed an in-person consultation to verify the answers to their questions. Where can some of these businesses and individuals get real answers?
The truth is out there.
But in the end, it's all a load of crap and a waste of time. I have seen businesses struggle and seek help. Yet when you give real solutions the business shies away from the main idea of change. Part of this is the confusion that is being thrown back and forth by the millions of new "experts" online. From healthcare, weight loss, social media and marketing "experts are at the tip of your finger on TikTok for example. Making money online with no investment in the world of Crypto and NFT causes major headaches for everyone.
Businesses and individuals do not know whom and what to rely on and to pay attention to. This mass confusion will not only slowly cause a leaky ship to sink but cause procrastination.
Following examples?
Where can you get legit information from? How are young people supposed to learn? Where does the average person look to for honesty? How can we be honest with each other and to each other when the world is filled with lies?
From lying politicians to the Tinder Swindler right down to the fake photo filters on phone apps... We are bombarded with lies, propaganda and loads of fake news?
How can we lead our children down a path of honesty and integrity when there are no role models to look to? Everyone and every site/post you scroll through is pitching something. How can we both young and old make sense of it all?
The little guys.
I have also chatted with and consulted a few local business owners in Kintamani Bali on the weekend. They had websites made and hoped that the website will bring them business. But a website alone is useless. Someone took their money and made a website and the poor guy received nothing in return.
For one, haste makes waste. Two, you don't know what you don't know. How can a poor guy from the middle of a volcano learn and be knowledgeable about full-on social media marketing? These poor individuals have grade 8 education at best. They rarely leave their village and venture off the mountain.
Once again, they need to trust someone and trust is hard to come by these days. So, here we are proceeding to help local businesses in Bali Indonesia. Everyone caters to the foreigners opening up businesses and companies. Property sales and visa extensions are all pointed at the foreign market. Who is helping the locals? Well, we are trying.
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Smoking is a fire hazard?
No shit Sherlock!
So if this not the definition of stupidity I do not know what is. First of all, my mom passed away from lung cancer over a decade ago. So yes, I am biased to start with and I admit it. She had cancer in her right lung and only found out because she was coughing up phlegm and coughed quite a bit. There was no pain or discomfort at all. Either way, the issue was most likely that she had been a smoker since her 20s and she passed away when she was 65. She never enjoyed retirement, and the relaxation she should have had in her 60s didn't happen. Instead, it was one thing after another with cancer treatments.
Quit smoking will you?
While the argument is that other people can and do have all types of cancer, including lung cancer and they don't smoke, does not mean you should. My mom's journey to death began with cancer in the right lung, then the left. The doctors than said she had small cell cancer and that it usually goes to the brain. We should never have agreed to the radiation to her head but what did we know? Either way, it was done and after all that she was going for check-ups.
She eventually died of starvation. One hell of a way to go ha? How can one die of starvation in this day and age? We lived in Canada with good healthcare. No, cancer didn't spread to her stomach, no she didn't have any other complications, what she did have is an MRI.
MRI...
When she was being checked for cancer she had an MRI and the liquid that she needed to drink was the issue. The liquid for the MRI is called VoLumen. Most MRI scan contrast agents contain a metal called gadolinium. I am not a specialist but it does not matter. What happened was, that she drank this liquid and then didn't pass the liquid for nearly two weeks. She didn't and couldn't have a bowel movement. No one warned us, no one thought about this issue. Not until it was much too late. The liquid was trapped in her small intestine and in her very weak state, she had to have a stoma. The operation was with great risk because she was so weak. It didn't matter because she was dying anyway. With her stoma in and her guts out, she couldn't process any sort of nutrition to keep herself alive.
Do not smoke! Period.
While I started with the absurd headline about cigarette packages being a fire hazard, let's say they are always a health hazard. The stupidity of the whole damn thing seems comedic.
Let's face it, with pollution today and the multitude of chemicals we ingest via "regulated" chemicals in food, let's not add more fuel to the fire. Vaping, smoking, drinking and drugs should not be something we need to add to our bodies.
My mom weighed just over 40kg (88 lbs) at the time of death. She weighed less than my German Shepherd. She passed away completely bald and looked like someone from a concentration camp. So please, yes cigarettes are bad, they are a fire hazard. But above all, they are a terrible health hazard. Take care of your body, you only have one and replacement parts are hard to come by.
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Book 13. How to be a better boss?
WTF you may ask?
So as things go in business we need to face a few facts. Sometimes things do not go according to plan. In fact most of the time things will challenge us and put us off the track we thought we would go on. Such is the case when it comes to management and the staff. Have you ever wondered what you should do and how you should approach things?
While this is not a self-help book, it is an in-your-face type of HR manual that one can learn from.
I don't know why certain people who think they are leaders are actually dictators or just dicks. Actually do know why, the question is how come they do not know that they are dicks?
How to not be a dick?
Yes, that is what the main idea of this book is. A way to tell a boss that they are wrong. A way to educate the so-called leaders that they are dictators rather than a person to look to for leadership.
There is a huge difference between one and another. You cannot push and push without getting pushback. Eventually, something will break. Most likely it will be the valuable employee that will toss in the towel and go tell you f-yourself and walks off. This leaves a hole that needs to be plugged in time and time again as your trained staff takes off.
Working for a company like Google is a dream for many. Yet at one point you must ask yourself. Is it worth it? Now that is not to say that one cannot learn from a demanding boss. But working for an asshole of a boss is different.
Are you the asshole?
That is what this book is about. It is rather simple. It is a short book and more like a guide. It is a short read to reflect on yourself to see if you are an asshole.
You may or may not be. You may discover that you are on the verge of becoming one. Maybe you just became one and you can turn back and make a good leader out of yourself.
Ah, yes... That is the part of the book I want you to pick up on. Are you the asshole that everyone hates? Discover for yourself in the privacy of your own home and see if you can make a change.
Be a leader, and help your staff and HR to create better employees. That is your job. You are the coach of a team and your job is to put the best team on the field. Are you up for the challenge?
The back of the book.
Are you struggling to make sense of it all at the workplace? What HR does not or cannot tell you... This is a no-nonsense approach guide to creating good employees will help. From playing the blame game to simple team building, this short but comprehensive guide will get you on your way to seeing through and past the office politics. Because most likely, it's not your fault. Short and to the point, is the point.
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Book 12. Food Truck 777
Life takes some unexpected turns sometimes. In life, we also meet some very interesting characters and that is what inspires me. Have you ever had a person that you looked at and wondered...
How do you manage to function at all in society?
That is the basic premise of this book. Taking a fish out of water story of a very rich, snobbish arrogant individual and putting them in a highly unlikely situation. To torture them with mundane, everyday life sort of shit that we all need to do but he does not.
Being rich means having privileges, let's face that fact. But what happens when you never had to deal with any of the average things that "normal" people need to deal with.
The stress
This is how the novel goes for the most part. To torture and upset the arrogant son of a bitch to the point where he needs to give up. Yet with an ego the size of a small country, he knows he cannot give up. This tension between arrogance, ego and failure is where this character is plopped into. He is not a fish out of water really. He is just living his life on a very upper level of society and does not see the way others live.
This oversight is not his problem. He has been brought up with a silver spoon in his mouth and therefore he doesn't know better even though he should.
He must endure the stress of everyday life in order to learn. This is where he grows as a character and learns that being nice is not a weakness.
Real life.
Tossing a Kardashian into the "real" world and making them lose every privilege in their life would surely bring them to their knees. I know what you are thinking. This could never happen, yet you could be wrong. There are plenty of athletes and celebrities that have had it all and lost it.
Some have even ended up on the streets and forgotten. So yes it can happen. But how does one recuperate after hitting rock bottom? Well, that is where I as the writer come in and fix up a life I have torn down.
While this book's main character is based on a real-life character, he has yet to lose it all. Even though at times I feel he should, so he too could learn a valuable life lesson.
The back of the book.
A rich young man falls from grace and must find a way to fend for himself when he loses everything. Unlikely friendships are formed when Maaz loses his father, his family business and his friends. Being poor does not always mean having nothing. Maaz must learn real-life lessons the hard way when he ends up with nothing and must start over alone. Life is hard when you have no friends and family to depend on. Friendships are formed when Maaz realizes that there is more to life than money. However, his road to realization is not as simple as he thinks. Compassion, friendships and giving back have very different effects on the mind and body. Maaz's realization of what life is can only come through living it.
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Book 11. The Girl in the Willow
Daddy, I love you.
Alright, so this is where I felt that I have grown up so to speak as a writer. This was such an incredible journey to go on. I came up with this idea and immediately I knew it had to be in the States. Serial killers belong to the USA, right?
Once more I felt that I needed a female character. Even though she was not yet strong, I was going to make her strong. She will grow with the story and evolve into an incredibly strong young lady. That was the grand plan. However, she needed to suffer greatly before being strong and growing up. In many ways, I felt the story could be real.
The setting.
By far I feel I have researched the location of this story very well. The story takes place in Utah and I had so much fun and interest in finding out how long it took to walk from one place to another and where things were on the map.
This story was one that I was in. I was slowly getting further and further drawn in and as I got near the end I didn't want it to end. Believe me, there is an incredible rush when you get to the end of a novel. It seems as if you have been running and running for days on end and then you can cross the finish line.
Well in this novel I felt like writing the sequel immediately. One day I will and the story of The Girl in the Willow will continue.
A serial killer.
Up to now, I have written in several genres. Horror, drama, suspense and a children's novel. I have yet to stick to one genre even though I feel horror is my thing. As I mentioned, I am not a horror movie fan. I do love writing it though.
Yet this serial killer business was fun and not so much for the killing, but the journey of the character. Her terrible childhood and how it messes her up and how it changes her. Her strength comes from love, her love for her father is what encourages her to make changes in her life. The loss of her mother early on also pushes her to be stronger. The apparition she sees and her twisted mind that needs to evolve makes this story interesting on my part as the writer.
I feel that this is the first true novel. Now I can call myself a writer.
The back of the book.
Cindy is a 13-year-old girl who adores her father that works as a travelling life insurance salesman in Utah. After the death of her mother, Cindy is tormented by her stepmom to the breaking point. With encouragement from the girl who appears in her bedroom, she discovers the hidden truth about her dad and her family... The only way to end it is to take matters into their hands. However, the deeper she digs the more terrifying the past gets. While the past slowly unwinds, her crush on a policeman, her foster family, murder and her new discoveries only make life more difficult. The only person that can shed light on this is the father she loves more than life itself... The father she loves is her only saviour...
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Book 10. The Invitation
A collection of short stories.
When you have so much inspiration the stories need to go somewhere right? So, this is where they went. Much of it is horror inspired with a touch of the Twilight Zone and Black Mirror. The idea behind The Invitation is that as the author I can sense the deceased. I can sense the story of the dead but not have a conversation with them.
I cannot see ghosts, nor do I claim to. Yet I do have a great sense of feeling the surroundings around me and picking up the vibes. I have visited several supposed haunted places. I have never experienced a haunting in Unit 12A-05. That is completely true. But I have yet to knowingly see a ghost.
The twists.
I love to have stories with wicked and evil characters. I love to have a twisted plot go one way and turn around and go in the other.
A simple sentence can change the whole outcome of the story.
An example of this is the Ugly Ghost. The ghost haunts a man and his child in a Jakarta apartment. Yet as we learn of the ghost and their haunting, we slowly realize that the ghost is the man's wife, the wife that he killed. But the ghost is not there to harm him or the child. Instead, she is there to make sure that even though he killed her, he takes care of the child, or else... While it is a little more complicated than that, that is the idea behind the stories.
Beginning, middle and end.
All this time I keep in mind that all these stories can be extended to a full-on book whenever I need them to. This book was almost as if I have a library to go back to so I can pick and choose the next book. In a way, this is the way I write. I will write a long synopsis and then break them out and extend and extend until I have a full book. Filling in the blanks.
Keep in mind that I have never had any formal training in writing except for movie scripts. Having written hundreds of soap operas and dozens of made-for-TV movies, a book is very different. It is a marathon and not a sprint. I tend to like to sprint and get into the thick of things and get into trouble early on.
The back of the book.
What happens when we die? The Invitation from beyond the living explores a collection of 13 short stories. This is not a conversation with the dead but rather the feeling that is received from beyond the grave. Exploring the stories of how and why people died in twisted and interesting tales. Some come to say goodbye, some to tell a story and others wish to be found.
While they do not all come with good intentions, they all want to be able to tell their story and only want their stories to be heard. The Invitation explores the evil that lurks and the pain that is present even when we die. Some messages come in dreams; others come by establishing a connection. The Invitation invites you to explore the dead…
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The pyramids, now you know.
Now we know how the pyramids were built. Like many of you, I too have watched nearly all the programs I could on the pyramids. I have spent way too much time racking my brain on how anyone could build such massive structures. The sheer idea and the organization of food, labour, and accommodations alone are mind-blowing. Never mind the math behind it all. But and this is the big but, I wanted it to be aliens so badly that this program kind of disappointed me. Yet it is so enlightening.
There is only one thing you need to believe and you are set.
I always thought of the building process being, chiselling and polishing along with the ropes and manpower. Men constructing massive ramps and getting hundreds and thousands of people working in unison for 20 years and all. That has all changed now with this program.
This is it... It has to be.
My dad, had this funny saying "is this is it?" Well, this is it. It is three and a half hours of very engaging programming that begins with a rather unlikable character. Fehmi Krasniqi is not the best presenter and I was not going to watch his poker face for very long but then, this happened.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMAtkjy_YK4 So, if it isn't for Mr. Fehmi Krasniqi, do it for yourself and watch this program. Watch with an open mind and allow yourself to believe in the only technology the Egyptians needed. It seems that the Egyptian authorities feel that anything else other than ropes and chisels will take away from the pyramids. This isn’t so...
We need to believe in two things, concrete and glass. Once you let yourself believe these things the process makes sense. I know I am disappointed too...
A very powerful magnifying glass.
Once you do that and once you believe in that single process the rest makes sense. No soot on the walls from kerosene lamps. No slavery and no need for thousands of people hauling millions of rocks.
They answer it all.
Now it makes sense and while it comes off as anti-Egyptian in the beginning it seems that Egypt alone is responsible for everything on the planet, including the metric system. All stemming from a drop of water that is a constant around the world? Well, I tried but my drops of water were not 1 cm as they stated. I know I didn't try too hard, but this video explains the world in a way that I never thought was possible. Also, it seems that the black vs white race bit is so out of balance that you will shake your head.
You gotta see it.
Now as much as you may or may not want this to be true. You should keep an open mind about this program because it all makes sense. I was a little shocked that the stonemasons and the creation of cement and polymers are the answer. It is so amazing that something like this can actually make sense. So, give this program a shot and please comment on what you think.
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Book 6. Indebted
At times we all bite off more than we can chew, that is how I felt after I began writing this. This book began as a synopsis for a movie. We reviewed a movie at the office and we wanted to buy the IP for it from Korea.
We couldn't pull off the exact movie so I went about writing a synopsis for something a little different. It was comprehensive and ended up with about 15-20 pages to start with. In the end, the project went nowhere.
Sticking with the idea of Finish what you started it was time to dust this story off and get on with it.
Simple enough.
Nothing is ever easy or simple. With a little bit of thinking and many hours of typing, I was able to get through it. No, it wasn't a complete struggle... But it was not something I wanted to write. It came about out of circumstance and essentially I had the framework for it with the long synopsis and it was only a matter of effort to make it into a book.
However, I had to add to the story and develop the main character to make him likable and give him a strong silent type feel.
The result.
I will admit that it is not my favourite book/story. Not because I don't like the outcome. Only because I felt I was constrained. Now that may sound weird but I didn't want to step outside my synopsis since I liked what I had written.
As a writer, you can do whatever you want you say? That is very true. But I felt as if I had to stick to the main throughline of the story. So while it was not a complete struggle it was not the story I would have outlined for myself. In many ways, it was a bit of a challenge to go through it all with a certain amount of constraint. Having one hand tied behind my back so to speak.
The back of the book.
When a back alley deal goes bad, Bakti’s younger brother Buddy dies in his arms. After serving 5 years for his involvement, Bakti gets out of prison. He sets out to keep a promise he made to his dying brother. Bakti tries to make a fresh start but starting over is not as easy as it seems. Taking care of Cinta and Lilly is difficult, trust must be earned, and the past needs to be dealt with. With the help of unlikely friends, Bakti does his best to look after his only family. Getting a job at the docks isn’t making ends meet, so Bakti starts boxing for extra cash. When he gets framed by a co-worker he ends up endangering the family he promised to protect.
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Book 5. My Laiba
How far would you go to save the one you love?
This is one of my favourite novels, it is a horror, suspense, and love story. Not because I wrote it, but because I feel it was amazing in which it came about. I was writing out a story about Maxine. Maxine was to be another young female lead whose family moved to a new neighbourhood.
The subdivision was at the edge of the forest and because Maxine didn't have any friends she went along with some local girls. The girls dared her to go to a cabin and to make a long story short her brother ends up getting killed by something in the cabin.
The monster is Laiba. Now I needed a complete backstory for Laiba and when I began to write the backstory the novel My Laiba was born.
My Laiba
Because of the above explanation, I began to craft the backstory and as I did, I fell in love with the 1970's feel of Indonesia and the lure of white and black magic. The darkness that came over me and the feeling I got from the story worked so well.
As I mentioned before I, see the movie in my head. As I write and I can feel how the story darkened and yet it felt amazingly good to be in the darkness.
The love story between a Witchdoctor and his wife goes sideways. The Witchdoctor must turn to black magic to save his wife. It would be like a priest turning to the devil to save someone. Now the likelihood of that happening is small. Yet it is a book after all and a creative one at that.
The evil.
When white and dark magic are used in Indonesia it is said that one needs to be very careful. Individuals are warned that things can go wrong. Such is the case in this novel. When our main character chooses to save his wife at all costs there will be consequences. Unfortunately, mistakes are made and things unravel in very dark ways.
Now this story all came about from the idea of Maxine's monster having a cool backstory. The backstory took me to a place that I never expected to go. It was dark and in some parts I was not sure how it would all play out. As far as I was concerned it all played out quite well and I love the journey I took the characters on.
The back of the book.
1970s Indonesia… Nasir, the village Dukun (Witchdoctor) has tried everything in his power to save his wife Laiba. In a last ditch effort, he seeks out his estranged brother Jan to use the powers of black magic to save his wife. Following his brother's instruction, he must take a virgin's life with a special Keris and bathe his wife in her blood. When the girl turns out not to be a virgin, disastrous results emerge and Nasir must try and save himself and others with the help of Khalid, his trusted apprentice.
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Book 4. Four Letters
Revenge, this is fun.
Revenge is never the answer, but at times it is the only solution.
What a twisted mind I had writing this book. How would you get revenge on a person who cheated on you? I mean come on. If there were no consequences, I am sure we would have millions of ways to achieve this.
I don't know why this is, but I have a streak of using strong, young female leads. This was the first of 3 I believe. In this book a young woman takes revenge on the last four guys she dated because the last one hurt her badly.
Sounds easy enough. Ah, but how she took each one and how she manipulated them is where it got interesting. Our character used her wit and manipulation to gain the upper hand over her male victims.
I had fun.
I assume that in a way I really did channel my inner young woman somehow. The fun ways I came up with to get revenge on the boys were creative even if I do say so myself.
There was no hidden inspiration behind this book. Honestly, I came up with the concept of the Four Letters and how the main character writes letters to the four boys that hurt her. It was to be simple enough but it turned into a much more elaborate story. Instead of a weak young woman forgiving and moving on, she fought back.
While I am hoping that I do not give inspiration for revenge, I hope it gives an outlet for young women to read about revenge instead of acting it out.
Being a single dad.
For much of the book, I was able to relate because I was a single dad of two. In a way I still am. My son and daughter are older now but when they were young, I sure heard some interesting stories. I assume that my daughter's heartbreaks came through in this story of revenge and how she may have wanted to treat her exes. Being a single dad of a teenage daughter had its challenges and its share of stories.
So here I had fun and went back in time to high school and remembered what was important to myself and my friends at the time. Also, what was unique about this book was the four boys. They are all different and come from different backgrounds. I was able to reach into different psychological aspects of their lives.
I was also incredibly happy with how the story took a few unexpected turns and how it comes full circle in the end.
The back of the book.
Lina learns the dangers of social media when her ex-boyfriend posts some of her private pictures online. Although devastated and hurt, Lina develops a plan for revenge. Enduring pain and ridicule from classmates at school she plots her scheme for the four boys she dated in the past year. Lina decides to get even with her exes and kidnaps them. During their captivity, she teaches the boys a few lessons and forces them to read out the letters she had prepared for them. While each boy reads out the letters under torturous conditions, she contemplates the end as the boys hang on for dear life.
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Book 1. Organ House
My first book.
I was living in Indonesia between 2000 and 2003. I heard a story that a Chinese Indonesian couple had lost a child in China at some point and I found the story to be interesting.
Not knowing if this was a true story or not I decided to believe it so I could take it to the next level. The story went as such. A couple had lost their son on the streets of some city in China. Years later a friend spotted the child on the street and recognized the son. Long story short, the child was alive but had his tongue cut out and a scar on his side.
The child was abducted and had an organ removed and yet somehow was alive and on the street. Maybe he was to be cut up again before being killed. I do not know if the story were true but that is how Organ House was born.
The book.
I picture the setting of a large Manor and the story to be taking place in some Eastern European country or Britain. Either one would do.
A large manor where the grounds are kept as neat and as clean as though they belonged to royalty. The idea of Harry Potter comes to mind. Where kids are eating in a large hall with uniforms in silence. Whenever visitors came, the kids would never dare to look up or look around. The idea was that outside and in certain areas inside the manor, the place is seemingly perfect. Yet behind closed doors and in private, the kids are treated in horrible and horrific ways.
While I am very proud of my first book, admittedly it is odd. It has four chapters. More like a movie script with a beginning, middle and end. Hey, it was my first book, right?
The title.
Just as it implies Organ House is a place where children are catalogued and kept for waiting recipients. The slogan, "No child leaves alive." is also the mission statement for the facility.
The idea of organ harvesting and children seems to fit very well for a twisted mind and a horror story. Oddly enough I am not a horror movie fan, nor am I one who has a twisted mind. Let's call it a creative process. Yes, that seems to work well.
The back of the book.
Sam is an ordinary 12- year-old boy, living an ordinary life until it comes to a screeching halt. Sam’s immediate family dies in a terrible accident, and he is sent to an orphanage. He soon learns that in this orphanage no one ever gets adopted and no one ever leaves alive. He befriends Fred the gardener at the orphanage, learning the secrets of this strange new place. When one of Sam’s friends goes missing, he decides to investigate. When further horrific events happen, Sam and his friends plot an escape. Soon Sam discovers that Fred's roots grow much deeper than being a gardener. When a couple comes to adopt a child, Sam sees that Fred suddenly changes. Within the confusion, Sam and his friends make plans to escape the hellhole they are in.
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Book 8. Unit 12A-05
I never believed in ghosts. I have still yet to see one, but I sure have heard them. Let me explain. I was in my apartment at Mitra Oasis apartments in Jakarta. If you care to search for it, it is right next to The Oasis hotel and Plaza Atrium in Senen.
I have been staying in this apartment for over a year. It was a normal weekend when I was woken up by what sounded like massive thunder. During the rainy season, the thunder echoed like crazy between towers A, B and C. It was so loud that I jumped out of bed. When another and another sound rung out from above me I freaked out a little. The noise was coming from the apartment above me.
Didn't end there...
This went on for a few minutes and at 2:30 am I just wanted to go back to bed. I did and that weekend the noises began. I was sure people above me were moving in. The sounds of furniture being pushed around and sliding on the floor above were my guess.
The sounds started on a Friday and Monday at 2:30 am I went to the security to complain. They came up with me and of course, the noises stopped.
I freaked out when he assured me that the apartment above me was indeed empty. Yes, empty and therefore I should not be hearing things. Well, I kind of let it go and chatted with my tennis buddies the next day. After that, I also met with the building management and they too assured me that the unit above me has been empty for a year and a half.
How did the story go?
To this day I feel weird. I began to write about the sounds. From what sounded like bowling balls hitting the ground. Marbles bouncing, high heels clicking and furniture being pushed around, it was all happening.
It was loud enough to hear over a video call with my brother. Anyway, I began to write and the story came to me. To this day I feel that that story is not my story. It is the story of whatever, whoever guided me to write the book. As strange as that sounds I only tried to connect the dots/noises and how they could make sense to me. I did check out the apartment several times. There was no one there.
The back of the book.
Based on true events. On April 9, 2019, Zack began hearing loud noises from apartment 12-A 05 (13th floor). Each morning at 2:30 am an array of noises wakes Zack. When Zack is told by security and building management that the unit above is unoccupied, he begins to investigate. The supposedly empty apartment unit above becomes a curiosity that Zack cannot let go of. Strange occurrences and clues begin to unravel when he discovers a young child with Angelman’s syndrome and an old gardener. His investigation leads him down a path of murder and hauntings. Zack learns of several deaths, becoming obsessed with finding the truth.
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Book 9. John Doe vs Evil
Don't shop at IKEA
This was in many ways the hardest book to write. The story of my family and how we escaped Hungary to start a better life. Well, that's the beginning. The story is basically about how one of the world's largest retailers screwed us over.
Let me explain. Doing business with IKEA was not easy. But with over 25 years of working with them, we had developed a relationship with them. There was trust with them to the point where they moved their North American office to Houston Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas they say. So is the bullshit and lies that came from the yellow and blue (YB) as I refer to them in my book.
Lies upon lies.
Am I calling them liars? Yes, I am. Why? Simple. When you make a product according to their specs and their approvals on signed-off samples all we needed to do was to manufacture each piece according to the signed-off piece which we did.
All was great for years until someone from head office came to North America and basically told the Houston office that everything needs to be made to the European specs and not the ones that were approved for Canadian manufacturing.
In essence, the Houston technicians were at fault for their price cutting and changing of the specs. This halted our production as they inspected every piece of furniture for over a month.
The ship began to sink.
We were wounded. Badly wounded and terribly saddened as we were thrown under the bus. At the same time, my dad nearly died due to a bicycle accident and so the perfect storm came our way.
With my dad in the hospital, my brother and I juggled the visits with my dad. We also tended to the 22 IKEA people camped out at our place for over a week.
The European technicians looked under every rock at our facility and decided that we need to switch production back to the original way of manufacturing. Well, that's one thing but they didn't want to pay the additional costs of 20 percent. This is where the fight began. So the book is about us starting the business in 1979 to the time of closing.
The back of the book.
Based on a true story of a family who immigrated from Hungary in 1979. The story of their escape, their hardship and hard work building a life and a family business. After the daring escape to freedom, their life and business were devastated by the world's largest retailer, the Yellow and Blue we all know.
Who is John Doe? Anyone one of us could be John Doe... All our lives could turn on a dime. How would you deal with your life-changing overnight? This is the true story of a family who lived and built the American dream. The story of how they escaped from Communist Hungary and how they built their business. A business they bought for $150 in 1979 turned into a multi-million dollar-a-year manufacturing facility over 35 years. A story of struggle, hardship and determination. A man following his dream... A dream to be living free in a free country and to provide for his family. A dream halted by a company we all know and the colours of Yellow and Blue you all associate with good and not EVIL. A company that not only sabotaged this family but killed their business because of greed and a witch hunt.
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But how?
I feel that there is going to be a gap in simple tech. My aunt who is over 86 still uses her flip phone to take calls and make calls. We all know that smartphones are easier. Yet with her frail fingers, she touches the wrong buttons and launches the wrong app. Even with a simple setup, it is very frustrating. But she would love to be able to Facetime and call us. One cannot come without the other. This tech is also something that my dad uses. He is 76 and has embraced this technology and will continue to use it. But these are simple things that one can learn.
Falling behind
It seems that people who were interested in the tech and embraced it followed it. The ones that were squeamish and hesitant are falling behind. Surprisingly even some of my very successful friends never type their emails.
Someone types it up and sends it to them, they approve it and copy-paste it. Even in Whatsapp conversations, they have someone type it all up and they only copy-paste the info.
This one person I know would never be able to post a single thing on Instagram. Yet they run a multi-million dollar business. They have people to do it. However, they couldn't order food on Uber if their life depended on it.
This disconnect.
There seems to be a fear of tech in many ways. Posting on Facebook is easy. Posting a reel with all the proper music and hashtags is a bit harder.
Our team manages and set up 3 off-road adventure guides with their Instagram accounts in Bali. However, these were for locals with little education but a willingness to work. All they want to do is drive the clients around and go to work. They don't want to deal with social media. Get up at 4 am, greet the guests, work until 2-3 pm and go fishing, smoke and hang out. Booking guests and all is not their forte but part of their business.
It is interesting that two separate groups of people. One being foreigners and the others being local Balinese end up at the same conclusion. Maybe tech is too much... Maybe we should go back to the day of fax machines. Maybe not, but it seems that the more advanced we get the busier our lives are and that is possibly the takeaway from here.
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Book 7 Dormant.
Ah, Dormant... Done that's it, that should be all I need to say. One of my absolute favourite books. Dormant is my editor Janet’s favourite book. This was an idea I have been toying with for a long time. I had this idea of touching the dead and being transported to someplace. The dark places this book takes you to are incredible and super unique. It is dark yet at all times you feel as if you are a drone overlooking the story and not just reading it.
Well, that someplace is Dormant.
This was one story that poured out of my head. I struggled to keep up with the ideas and I worked very long hours on making this happen. It seemed that even I as the writer was being led along and was completely unsure where I would end up.
Write itself.
I wish the story would have written itself but in a way, I was strung along by my brain. No, I was not possessed but I may as well have been. I had so much fun writing this that I honestly wasn't sure where I would end up.
So as I said before, I know the beginning, middle and end of the story. The story arc is in my head, yet the in-between of it all in this book grew and grew very organically. It developed slowly and in a way that as the reader your mind is so messed up with who is where and what is happening that it only makes complete sense in the end.
Proud of this.
In many ways, I felt that this book helped me grow as a writer. I was the God of my little world and truly taking writing to another level. I was braver then before and felt very much at home in my Dormant novel.
Nothing can happen/improve without practice. This book felt as if I was taking myself to another place and another level of scary. While not a horror novel, it is one of fear and suspense with added terrifying bits. It also touches on life lessons and humans/humanity. I find that all of my stories have been some form of lesson. Agree or not there is something to be learned from each of my novels.
The back of the book
Alia’s Grandmother has a heart attack on her 90th birthday, Alia rushes to help. When Alia touches her Grandma, she is thrown into a world of darkness, terror and monsters. With soldiers and ancient villagers by her side, she must put together clues and endure terror that shakes her to her core.
The psychological and physical terror pushes her to the brink of self-destruction. Trapped in a dark terrifying world, she must learn how to deal with the red-eyed beast that haunts her in a world filled with strange phenomena and past relatives. Alia endures days and nights of constant rain and terror as the pieces of the puzzle slowly fall into place. She must escape before she loses her mind.
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Older people and tech.
I am by far not the most advanced person when it comes to tech. Yet here I find myself in today's world surrounded by people who have not kept up.
I am working with people who do not know the basics of google sheets, and people who do not know how to set up a Facebook page and make Instagram work.
This is sad but at the same time, it is a sign of the times. With Covid, many people have cut staff and now these individuals and business owners are trying to make it all happen on their own.
They have not kept up.
Not keeping up with today's platforms and the new tech is hindering today's gen x and Boomers who are entrepreneurs. I am not a whiz kid, but having been involved in setting up YouTube channels, Amazon publishing and managing several Instagram accounts have helped to keep me in the loop.
It came to me by accident when one of my hired individuals vanished. Yes, he vanished to the point of no one ever knowing where he went to this day, two years later.
His disappearance was a blessing. I had to deal with and learn the social media aspect of my business. I was not green but his disappearance helped advance my knowledge.
Afraid of tech.
We all know that change is hard. Everyone wants it and expects it but very few embrace it. Recently we took over a small restaurant's Instagram account and set up several Airbnb accounts for the simple reason that it was too much tech for the owners to embrace. Once set up they were overwhelmed by emails and questions from clients and they wanted nothing to do with it. Hire someone, I cannot do this.
"Do you mind managing my accounts? I'll pay you; I don't want this."
It is understandable. It's not the way business was done in the good old days. People are booking, cancelling and doing more and more research on places by the second. Change of mind and attitude are one thing but some requests will make you want to pull your hair out.
The most common Airbnb question,
"Is your place available between this and this date?"
You absolute idiot, if it is not booked yet in the calendar it is available. That's the answer you want to throw back at the person. Yet I am sure the person asking the question is an older person who once again, does not know. They just do not understand that if it is not booked it is available.
The next thing for everyone involved would be to have a simple brush-up course on the general workings of today's tech. It benefits myself and my staff. Yet people in business should be in the know.
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The old and the new.
Here we are in 2022. What has changed? What has improved over 1970, 1980, 1990 or the year 2000? Off the top of my head, smartphones and computers.
That's it, nothing else improved the world has gotten worse.
With the advancement in tech, we know about shit much faster and our reaction times are immediate. Lashing out at one another and disrupting businesses, organizations and individuals. A celebrity or a politician; farts and the whole world knows in 15 seconds. The 15 seconds of fame is now fueled by media and on we go.
Politics.
With all these changes, the politicians such as Joe Biden who is nearly 80 are expected to understand how the world turns? Crypto and NFTs and the WEB 3 are moving so quickly that people in the business can hardly keep up. How are the old people who are to be winding down expected to keep up with the fast-paced world of today?
Yet at the same time, Joe Biden fits into his political demographics of old farts in politics. The lawmakers, the senate and the average member of parliament are old. How can these old people keep up with today's world? Get rid of them all and have an age limit of at least retirement age to not be able to be in politics.
Weed them out.
Weed out the old, deeply rooted well greased and well-connected individuals. Bring in fresh thinking and fresh ideas. From education to politics, we need to revamp the system starting from the old fuddy-duddy individuals. The ones who cannot string two sentences together to the ones making incredibly stupid decisions like the ones on abortion.
We cannot have old people run a modern country. Not ones that cannot and do not understand the fast-paced world of today.
I have mentioned this many times. Education is old, it is educating the minds of the 80-year-olds and not the advanced minds of today's children.
Children who can navigate TikTok at the age of 3 are not the same kids that watched cartoons in the 60s and 70s or the 80s. Sure we have all learned and adapted but the people teaching these kids are old school.
But how?
Quite easy to be honest. Hire new up-and-coming teachers' aids to supplement the old. Bring everyone up to the same level and then boost the young and eager minds with content that keeps them engaged.
Visual aids are what it is all about. Look how quickly kids learn when they are being thought on their level. A teacher regurgitating information in the front of a classroom is not sufficient. It never was in my opinion. We could watch a great documentary in an hour and a half... Yet a teacher will go on about for a week and teach less than the movie would have.
Out with the old and in with the new. Oh and do not even mention budgets. We find money to give away, piss away and pour into ridiculous programs. The money is there, go find it!
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Create and destroy.
Having been somewhat hooked on ancient mysteries and ancient civilizations all my life, I love watching the programs associated with it.
One thing that seems to ring true no matter what program one watches is the destruction of the human race. The rise and fall of civilizations and their decimation along the timeline. It seems that no matter how big or powerful a king or a leader gets, they either get overthrown or killed.
It seems that no matter what era of civilization one focuses on, the result is destruction. It is a constant throughline from the Sumerians to today's war in Ukraine.
Why?
This is what I have been thinking of for a long time now. Why is peace impossible to achieve? I would have always bet that it was money, power and greed. However, looking back in history it seems that the killing never ended.
For sure there were riches beyond belief in the old days. But how did we place such value on worthless rocks/gems like diamonds? How did we end up putting metals before crops and food?
How did we end up with business and greed being the things we want the most over health and wellbeing? This puzzles me. It would seem that anyone with a logical mind could place health and wellbeing over riches and fame. Maybe not, but in the end, I bet they would regret the choices when an individual was on their death bed.
Before the bible.
Even before the bible... Let's not debate this but we all know the dinosaurs and all were around long before the bible. But certain teachings in all religious texts make sense and many do not. Therefore, it is clear and logical to conclude that even then with all the religions being at their strongest, terrible things happened. Some in the name of religion and some not.
Though most wars in the old days would have been fought in the name of God. Either way, it seems that we have been waging this battle for thousands of years. We all say we want peace but no one ever truly wants it.
All good until?
Everyone wants peace, yet no one goes all out and makes it happen. Why not? Too much politics and way too much religion involved. No one wants to give in. They fear that they will lose and the other party will come and have the upper hand or be backstabbed.
Nothing will ever change on earth until there is a monetary value placed on things. Business will always rule and money will always be the end goal. Every single thing is monetized and therefore we are the slaves to the world we have created. But going back in time, how did this all evolve? My guess would be, that once we settled and we no longer acted as a hunter-gatherer society, this system was set in place. Since then, it has become a convoluted system that has been etched into our DNA.
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Book 3. Elax & the White Witch
This was fun. I never thought I would be able to go from a horror novel to a drama and then off to a fantasy land. I think in this book I truly grew attached to the characters. It was all about what they were going to do and how they would do it. I liked the small details at the beginning and how the two kids find out about their past at the same time.
It was unravelling before me as if a ball of yarn were tossed on the ground and the story came to me quite easily. I had my beginning, middle and end. This was due to the script-writing history I had. So, I always wanted those three parts to be present. I could not start without those elements. The rest of the story sort of filled in itself.
I used the map.
I was living in Jakarta Indonesia at the time and so I used real places and Google Earth to search out the places I wanted to use. I love ancient history, so I decided to check out megalithic structures and places of interest.
The White Witch lives in a place near Bandung and since there are many volcanoes in Indonesia it made sense to put the Fire People on top of one.
The amazing thing with this book for me and I believe for my editor Janet as well, was that it took us out of reality. Now of course all books are supposed to do that but this was my first fantasy novel.
Not Lord of the Rings.
It is not as epic and long as Lord of the Rings. It was never supposed to be. I was always thinking of a movie. The typical three acts and so most of my books will play out as a movie in my head. The interesting part of this book for me was, that I was in a different world.
I could picture my characters with the Water People and the Fire People as well as Elax. Elax is my first ever wizard character and I loved him. I could picture him with the kids and teaching them magic while at the same time being very powerful. Overall, I felt that this book took me to places that I never thought I could go.
The back of the book.
Budi and Putri’s life takes a wild and crazy turn on their 10th birthday. They find out that they are not just friends but in fact, twins. For their birthday they receive two identical wooden boxes filled with mysterious trinkets. While they try to figure out what's happening, they get swept down the river to a strange new magical world. During their exploration, they meet a wise old wizard named Elax who informs them that they are not here by accident. When Budi and Putri learn that they must unite the Water People and the Fire People to defeat the White Witch they cannot believe that this is a task that they can take on. With Elax’s help, they learn magic and set out on a journey to save their world. The magical world tests Putri and Budi mentally and physically as they learn more about their past.
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Rules?
I recently watched an interview with Nick Kyrgios about the dress code at Wimbledon. This mentality of "I do what I want" is great publicity for him but it is the tip of the iceberg in today's world.
Much like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and all the others, no one forces you to join. You sign up and agree to the terms and conditions.
If you join a nudist club, I am pretty sure you know the rules. So why are individuals joining clubs, events and platforms and then going on about the rules being unfair or wrong?
Because you are a star? A Formula One driver is not about to drive without a helmet. Yes, one is for protection and one is our pure attitude and attention-seeking self-entitlement. You get the idea.
Why have rules?
Shoplifting and stealing are against the law. Yet people all over the US and Canada walk out of a store with goods every day. No one can run after them and chase them.
Why have rules in the first place?
This attitude of breaking rules without consequences is spreading. Not a single person can be disciplined, smacked upside the head and kicked out.
There will be lawsuits, social media backlash and the rule maker will be forced to back down. Women-only, men-only places are all challenged for being sexist, racist and so forth. Let them be. See how long they survive. If they do, good for them. Why challenge an establishment such as Wimbledon?
Unless they are being sexist or racist, they are the rules and if you don't like it, get out.
What's the problem?
Most of the time this kind of crap is pure promotion. The attitude that I am all that is what is being pushed. Nick Kyrgios is great at self-promotion and allowing youth to disrespect authority.
By allowing, I of course mean setting an example and a bad one at that. I would respect him so much more if he said, Yup, I am wrong, this event demands respect because it is the be-all of all events. Instead, he pushes his I don't give a shit attitude and here we are. All his young fanbase looks up to him for breaking the rules and getting fined. Poking fun of, and at the same time degrading the event and the status.
Setting an example.
People in positions of power or at least seemingly powerful on social media are all about the outrage. LOOK at me! Look what I can do now that I am famous.
Usually, the negative aspect of this is what is being promoted. When was the last time you saw young entitled social media presence come and help an old lady across the street and tweet about that? Oh yes, they give food to the homeless when on camera, what happens when the cameras are off? How about Bruce Springsteen helping out at a homeless shelter in disguise because he wanted to. He got caught doing it. However, he didn't do it as a publicity stunt. Even if he did, he was clever about it and let people catch him rather than doing it on camera for more fame and fortune. Please let there be a certain amount of discipline and respect in society. We are already falling apart, no reason to keep pushing.
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Please come by.
No hate, it's all in good fun... In part 6, I promised to believe in God, if God would come and spend some time with his over 7 billion children. I assume that with that many rotten little kids there will be a few million runts in that litter.
Speaking of runts, Hitler, Trump, Saddam Hussain, and Kim Jong-Un, the list is too long.
Qin Shi Huang, Julius Caesar, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan
Queen Mary I (aka Bloody Mary), Vladimir Lenin, Timurid Empire, Vlad the Impaler, Joseph Stalin, Benito Mussolini, Mao Zedong, and General Idi Amin.
Those are some and there are more. Surely God could see all the terrible things the children did in the playground! Come on now, let's get some law and order here since we sure can't seem to get it right!
If not now, when?
Look my old dude in heaven. We passed the COVID test, we survived, nice try at the population control by the way. We seemed to have managed, even though we are not sure if it was caused by bats, the Chinese or the Americans and the CDC. But we get a passing grade right?
I mean we wore masks, behaved well for a couple years and we deserve a break. Like candy, gold or diamonds? Money in our bank accounts and maybe a stop to the war?
Oh but you must be upset because of the court rulings? Yes, it's in your children's favour, right? I mean the more of us little rotten kids there are on the planet the more followers you must have.
I got it now!
That's it, it's all about the followers. You must love social media and maybe, just maybe you and Mark Zuckerberg have a plan. I bet you came up with the thumbs-up icon and, and, and the heart symbol?
It all makes sense. I mean you are about the followers and all. Why else would you let us invent the internet and all the apps to have likes, follows and shares?
It all went sideways in a big way!
God please, I mean it had to be you. All the evidence is religion based. You created all these platforms to spread the word, yet we used them for porn. Good job, well done, that was a major fail. You still have time to fix it and fix the mistakes of your children. Put an end to starvation, mass killings and mental illness.
Oh God, you Devil, we got you on this one. Please while you are at it... If I may ask a personal favour. I would love it if you would allow my mom to send a message to me. Just to let me know that she is alright up there and as for the rest of the world? Please save us from ourselves. Amen.
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Book 2. Scars
"Zsolt, you are not a writer!" Those words came from my boss's mouth at the time we were discussing a series. What my boss forgot was that when he started his company, he relied on my writing for the 3 first series he launched.
Funny how people forget things. Anyway, after that interaction, I set my sight on writing another book. Honestly, it's been years since my first book. But this book came about out of spite. Yes, I know, it was probably not the best of intentions for writing a book but I had to do it.
Technically I think of this book as my first real book. It has chapters and all and I had a plan. It was a bit of a sprint. I was not sure how I would make it out alive but I did it. Plenty of days sitting at my desk and often staring out towards the city wondering if I could do it.
I didn't know if I could write another book.
I had to try. I was insulted and totally not happy with being told I couldn't do something, so I decided to prove him wrong. Prove him wrong I did.
I wrote a book titled Scars.
I'll admit it, I did draw plenty of my life into this book. My ex-wife was an alcoholic, my mom passed away from cancer and a touch of creativity. This story is about love and perseverance. It is about overcoming the terrible things that can happen in life and coming out of it. Albeit we do not escape unscathed. We emerge but with scars. We all have them. Often those scars are visible and often they are not. Some come through as mental illness, PTSD or visible scars. This book is about both.
Yet it is about life and the shit that can and does happen to individuals and families. I am proud of the fact that I was able to get in touch with my inner feelings and dig deep to get the results I wanted.
The back of the book.
Dia and Aris have been friends since the age of six. They have always had a fantastic relationship and an unbreakable friendship. When Dia’s mother dies of cancer, her dad took up drinking to cope with the loss of his wife and life itself. At the same time, Aris is involved in a terrible accident that mangles one side of his face. Their relationship is tested and changed forever as they try to overcome the difficulties and drama that life has thrown at them. While Dia relies on music and dance to calm herself, Aris risks his life doing Parkour to feel alive and tempt fate during his miserable recovery.
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Scolds Bridle
Is that next?
Well...I came across this a few days ago and I had a thought. Okay, I had many, many thoughts. What crossed my mind was... Is this next?
What you are seeing is a photo of a contraption called, "Scolds Bridle" A way to keep your woman disciplined back in the 17th century. I mean how demeaning is that? Damn, we are terrible people and then the abortion rights. Is this next? Are we going back that far?
- I mean, how far will we set back women's rights?
- How far will we devolve?
- How cruel can we be?
Then I had another thought. A much better thought and one that we should vote on.
The politicians wearing that?
How about we do this to the politicians? How about when we catch a politician lying, cheating or misbehaving we make them put one on. We pay them, we elect them, so why the hell not?
The one inherent problem is that we have no way of knowing the truth anymore. Everything being blurry and all. Let's put that aside for a minute, dare to dream. How much traction could we get if this were one of the rules?
We the voting public implement and demand this!
How about we hold them accountable with our new "modern" way of discipline? While we are at it, why don't we restrict their sex lives as well and make them wear a chastity belt? We get to say when you have sex and with whom.
They are taking away women's rights. Let's see how they feel. It's either that or public stoning. Could this be a way to hold accountable lying, cheating and misleading politicians that have not an ounce of decency, and loyalty in their blood.
However...
This is one of the numerous ways we have treated each other. How far do we go back? How far will the government reach back in the archives of history?
Already schools are making kids cover up because it is unsafe to show cleavage and skin. Instead of education, we have regulations. Rules are meant to be broken. The more rules you make, the more people feel constrained.
How about this? If we were all naked all the time we would not care about breasts, vaginas or a penis on TV. If porn was on TV 24/7 no one would care. We would become so desensitized that it wouldn't matter.
Saddam Hussein
The US invaded Iraq over Kuwait, and Afghanistan over the Taliban. Iraq for weapons of mass destruction and Afghanistan against the Taliban. We condemn the Taliban for their treatment of women and yet here we are. Do we poke at the Muslims for covering up? We make a stand for human rights in North Korea and China and yet here we are.
Look at the torture chambers found in Saddam Hussein’s estate. We condemn him and his people yet we are no different... Get your heads out of the sand. Can we start a petition? Or would that be too inhuman?
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Something to think about.
With nearly 6.4 million views please check this video out. I got stuck on YouTube on a channel titled Unexplained Mysteries. The link and channel below are far more entertaining than any Netflix series anyone could watch. I do not suggest watching all seven hours at once. However, if you have the time please do take a look.
200 Unsolved Mysteries That Cannot Be Explained | Compilation
What is so fascinating about these seven hours is the fact that there is no debate, no argument or bias. The program lists 200 unexplained mysteries. The biggest takeaway is, that we know very little about the past. Plus, the addition of facts that we do not know the answers to.
Fascinating.
The incredible content takes a look at everything from Egypt, Noah's Ark, Atlantis, Nazca Lines, Romans, Aliens, Bigfoot, UFOs, Mayans, space, planets, astrology and Incas for example.
Amazing and mind-blowing content that no matter how you look at, it makes you think. It makes no difference whether you are religious or an atheist. It does not go for or against God. While most of the content makes you shrug your shoulders and toss your hands in the air, it does make you think very deeply.
The seven hours go by quite fast, but as you watch and listen there is one constant that you are being reminded of. We think of ourselves as advanced, yet there are 200 separate things tossed at you and yet we have no explanation for any of them. We have guesses and a hypothesis or two but that's it.
Lost knowledge
I am not going to repeat the 200 topics but it is fascinating how dumb the program makes you feel. It is not often I site a program I am watching but this blows your mind. Of course, we all know of the pyramids, but how about a battery that had been ringing a bell since 1800?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_Electric_Bell
What kind of wizardry is this? My phone cannot last a day on a charge. So seriously, what sort of knowledge have we lost? If we were to try and save our knowledge and pass it on for a thousand years, how would we do it?
We couldn't save it in the cloud, books can be destroyed, so can buildings. We could make vaults of "knowledge" and bury them, hide them or mark them. Eventually, everything could be destroyed. Where would our tech be in 1000 years if the world was to flood tomorrow? If the volcanos of the world were to bury us in ash and soot what means could we pass on all the knowledge we have today? From space, medicine, research, tech music, entertainment and so on. How would we store what we know today for people in the future?
So small
Simply put, the program makes me feel small and insignificant. The world has spun round and round for millions of years. If we were to get wiped out tomorrow, every memory we have would be wiped out in an instant.
Floating through space, all we have left of ourselves, in the end, is the body that we leave behind on this planet. Makes me sad for a moment, yet in the end, it won't matter one bit.
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Acceptance 5
Too intelligent for peace.
Yes, we are too intelligent. If we could be simple beings and be happy with whatever happens we would not be barbaric.
Instead, we reach for more, want more and need more. We strive to be the best first, and most powerful. In the process we kill each other.
We are far from accepting. We are lightyears from compassionate without wanting something back. Who does good these days without recording themselves and getting some sort of satisfaction?
Too smart for our own good.
We create tricky contracts. Loopholes are explored in ways that they were never meant to be exploited.
People cheat, steal and lie on the stock exchange to make an extra buck. We are too smart and yet look at how stupid we all are.
Let’s boycott gas. Let’s not fly anywhere and show the big companies that we mean business. No, instead we complain without action. Show the bully who is boss.
Destiny
We tell ourselves that we are in charge of our destiny. Bullshit, we are on a leash.
So here we have it. We are not in charge. Others are. We don’t forge our own destiny and yet we accept it.
We accept it all.
I was preaching how we are not accepting and yet here I am saying how accepting we are.
We sit back and play dead to the government, the gas companies and phone companies, airlines and unions.
We allow them to overpower us and accept the gas prices the high electricity costs and above all the uncontrollable government spending.
I must have lied.
Did I lie in the previous parts? Did I make up a pile of shit? No, I stated facts and yet here I am stating other facts. Why are we so accepting of an Apple iPhone contract? Because we want it!
Simple human traits. We turn a blind eye to the world when it does not concern us. We turn a blind eye to the evil and murder when it does not hurt us.
Sadly... We are accepting of all except of each other.
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Acceptance. 4
Why never?
I could just say, because…. But that would leave my blog very short today. I will say never because we have been at war with ourselves since the beginning of time.
We have never had peace on the planet and never will unless we all parish. Yet even then. Predators and the food chain will continue to be ruled by the one single rule. The rules and the simple idea that world lives by. We depend on evolution because we cannot depend on religion. Religion itself divides. So, unless we all become the same, peace cannot be had.
Survival of the fittest.
Religion or not, it still depends on survival. Even if all religion and religious texts were to vanish. People will find other reasons to hate.
Survival of the fittest means, wherever or whatever survives wins. But what’s the prize? There is no tangible prize. An ape or lion will fight for the right to mate. Their reign is only there to pass on the strongest genes. Humans are no different. The only variable is that we try hard to be civilized.
I would get grilled over this.
To suggest that the “bad” people were lacking the “normal” gene would get me hung. One must admit that they are only a throwback to the animalistic behavior.
Yet here is the catch. In the wild they would most likely have been killed off long before they could commit rape, murder or other demeaning acts. Because they would have been so different, they would have been shunned from the tribe, village or the family. They would have been outcast and not have had the ability breed.
The bully in the school.
Such would be the bully in the school. The bully would do well if and when the team was around. Yet a real fight would have put him or her in their place.
Mother Nature did not and does not have the means of separating the weak from the strong.
This is another topic that would get me grilled. The weakest in society are allowed to live. Not to mean they need to be gotten rid of. But in the animal kingdom they are either left to die or others will have killed them. No, this is not a popular topic and no, I am not saying we need to act in such a barbaric way. I am preaching acceptance, remember?
All I am saying is, because these animalistic behaviors and the need to breed is so strong we cannot and will not be able to have peace.
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Acceptance part 3
Looking back.
I cannot think of one time in history when “hard feelings” were no longer hard feelings. Has the world ever forgiven the Germans? Yes and no but the Germans are still paying the price.
Is forgiveness like a divorce that comes with a settlement? It must be a bit like acceptance. I accept your apology. However, I want this, that and the other. Why? Because you owe me for the past sins. Accepted but not forgiven also makes sense.
Yet here we are.
Slavery, the Nazi’s and the Aboriginal abuse in Canada are great examples.
The residential schools would be something that comes to mind. It’s a great example because it is recent. This separation of church and state was an example of where it was not. Even though this goes back to only 1995 or so when it was abolished the state is full of shit for not acting on it in modern times.
Acceptance understanding, compassion and caring are not part of our identity. Not yet anyway.
Aliens won’t visit.
They tease us, they poke and prod us, but they will not show themselves. As much as we want to know, they know better.
They know that we will create division and new wars will ensue.
New problems will arise, and it will be humans against aliens.
They know that we cannot be trusted and introduced to another race. Not yet, not now, not ever.
Humans will never be ready to accept, understand and above all be peaceful. It is not in our animalistic nature.
It is in no one’s benefit for us to be at peace. Yet we find ourselves saying we want to be all inclusive accepting and understanding.
We are liars and cheaters at best.
Can we evolve?
We haven’t yet evolved to any sort of level where we can say we have succeeded.
Look at Russia and the Ukraine. Look at North and South Korea. Take a look at the Middle East and other parts of the world where world peace could not, cannot and will never be spoken. No matter what we as humans post on our social media accounts, we are not good people.
We can say… Acceptance and understanding should be words spoken by leaders and people of power. Without backing up these claims with real measurable results and without backlash this will never happen, never.
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You don't have to like it.
I rant about things that irk me. However, I strongly feel that my rants are different from acceptance.
The government wasting money pisses me off to no avail. Yet the transgender dude dressed like a woman is his choice, not hers. Yes, his and not hers... I also feel strongly about that. I don't have to like it, yet I need to accept it.
This is where society does a complete faceplant. Yes, the ones you see in memes and the shorts you watch on YouTube. You know, the ones where people walk into poles and lakes or into the path of moving cars.
Why are people so up in arms?
Long ago but not so long ago, I worked with a group of gay individuals. This was quite a while ago in Indonesia. Indonesia is a Muslim country and not exactly a benchmark for LGBTQ+. However, no matter how you tried to stir up shit they were accepting of the gay organization.
No, they do not approve, but they accept.
This is my point... Why do we fight over religion and race? Why do we not accept it? People are different, they always and forever will be. Yet why are we so damn thick-headed that we cannot, will not and do not accept others?
It's all in the propaganda.
Someone yells I hate _ _ _ _ _. Then they back it up with something, most likely false. People hop on the bandwagon. Following is easier than making up their minds.
Trust.
I had this conversation with a client of mine just the other day. I told him, "I trust everyone until there is a reason not to" Have we all been burnt by a deal? Have we all been told that "I don't do business with them because..." That's hearsay.
I would rather find out for myself and take it from there. Yet, when most people hear something bad about someone, what do we do? We pre-judge them, we walk into a situation with prejudice.
This is why cops are killing people all over the United States. They prejudge the situation. And hell no, I am not defending them. But they are up in arms over nothing and turn into assholes because they are already wound up.
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Acceptance. Part 2
Why are we not forgiving?
Are there truly such differences between us that we cannot put differences aside? Hard to tell. One day at my plant we had huge argument break out between a person from Afghanistan and the other was from Iraq or Iran I believe.
They went at it with a pair of scissors and while they didn’t cause any harm to each other it was close.
The argument broke out over a misunderstanding but was diffused quickly by the people around them.
Is that it?
Maybe this world is just one big misunderstanding? Maybe we get our communication and wires crossed at times and this developed anger?
I know in Indonesia the language is simple and there are simple phases that sound rude in English but are not in the local language.
The phrase “would you like some more” translates to “you want again, or simply, “you want?”
To a person in a bad mood or someone having a bad day, this could be quite a shock.
You want, as opposed to a polite would you like some more can cause a fight.
Such was the case with the two middle eastern people. They were partners in packaging and worked together all the time. But one spark started a fire.
Can we not see?
Life would be so simple if we as individuals would put our differences, egos and pride aside for a minute.
Acceptance and the idea of acceptance is like this…
ac· cep· tance | \ ik-ˈsep-tən(t)s
Definition of acceptance
1
: the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable
His theories have gained widespread acceptance.
2
: the act of accepting something or someone: the fact of being accepted: APPROVAL
acceptance of responsibility
3
law: an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound
4
a
: the act of accepting a time draft or bill of exchange for payment when due according to the specified terms
b
: an accepted draft or bill of exchange
If we were to understand the simple meanings within the definitions above, we could have peace.
This sounds so overly simple and yet we cannot even accept our next-door neighbor because they are a different skin color or the smell of their cuisine.
Stop it.
Could we educate the young and teach the old? No, I don’t believe we can because of outside forces.
Yes, we could teach them if they were aware that they need to be more understanding and accepting.
They would not be asked to like nor embrace the other party. They would be asked to accept the other party, that’s all. That is the hurdle that I feel we could no longer cross.
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Off the rails.
Normally I name my blogs with something relatable and something with continuity. Usually, 5-10 parts are where my brain will take me to. But no, not today! Now, this is not writers' block or any other form of a block but there is too much crap going on.
The world as I have mentioned a million times here is a mess. It's a total freak show with presidents falling off their bikes, forgetting topics on hand and making terrible decisions.
Gas prices are at an all-time high and interest rates are rising faster than a hooker's skirt along with inflation. So what is there to be worried about? Oh, your investments, your house price and life savings. Nothing all that much, yah right.
So what's next?
Well, Elon Musk is a mess, he too is becoming a freak, is that a prerequisite? Rich people must eventually go off the rails because they are rich? I mean can rich people be normal?
I know a few well-off people and a few very wealthy ones. They tend to be entitled and somewhat eclectic and controlling and bossy and, and there are too many and so maybe...
The world is going to face numerous challenges from the war between Russia and Ukraine.
The picture is not pretty. It's one hell of an ugly portrait of all of us. Look at us, we have once again created nothing more than a complete mess to make a mess of a mess that we already had.
I recently watched a YouTube movie on the Sumerians along with the wars that they took part in. The slavery that they were proud of and the religions that they imposed on others. The show then moved on to Egypt and well the rest is all history. Not herstory, just saying...
So there you have it.
We have been killing, torturing people and screwing things up since before the Bible was even written. Then along came God, or did God come at all?
I don't have the time nor the patience to go on about whether God is real or not. Surely God would step in, and slap us upside the head as a good parent should.
I mean please for the love of the holy father, the holy ghost, Allah or whoever. Please come down from space, heaven or whatever galaxy or cloud you are on and set us straight. I am far from religious, but if you could come down to earth and give us a swift kick in the ass, I'll listen, I promise! Just come and help us, will you?
The religious types have been waiting for a very long time. This is as good a time as any for a religious or alien intervention for humanity.
I am waiting...
Yes... Still waiting and waiting. #sarcasm
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Let it be.
This blog is brought to you by the abortion ban/time travel and the new rulings from the greatest country in the world! This one is a little rough so hang on!
Let it be, let it be.
I guess the Beatles had it right all along. Let it be. Let it freaking be, will you just let it be? I cannot comprehend why the world is so F%cked up.
I may or may not agree with the LGBTQ movement Transgender people or Gay/Lesbian organizations. Nor do I need to agree with any of the pronouns people use or want me to use. I do not have to and neither do you.
We need to mind our own business, let people identify as a potato, and have their genitals removed or not. For all I care, you can run around naked, dress like a man or woman.
Why oh, why?
Why do we need to make a big deal of this? Why do we need to make a big deal of any of this? Why can we not let people be? The recent ruling from the US pissed me off and billions of people across the planet agree.
Why do old shitheads have to poke their heads and noses where they do not belong? What business is of theirs what women or men do? Don't go all religious on them or me because whether they are or not, it won't matter. If they are religious let God judge them on the way up. If they are not then so be it.
You, not you personally but the Government cannot and should not be playing God! They are not almighty or all-powerful.
Let people be.
If you want to lob off your penis and become a woman... go for it. Go ahead and lob off your sausage and be happy. However, do not stuff your agenda down my throat or anyone else's. I don't care and neither should the damn government.
This new ruling is and will be detrimental to the government and to women across the US. What does not make sense is... It's none of their business. Sure, we need rules, but to overturn a ruling that has been around for half a century is surely that of people with an agenda!
Wake up, it's 2022 and men dress as women. They, them and whatever and people marry horses, dogs and dolls. It's a messed-up world so don't go around trying to impose your will on others.
The bottom line is... We do not all like brussels sprouts, broccoli or meat. Don't go telling others that they have to. Let people be, if it bothers you, that's your problem and not the other person.
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#abortion The state of America
I need to and I must touch upon the recent abortion bans in America. A place where guns, racism and to state it simply… Idiotic politics are now the norm. The use of any and all forms of common sense have been thrown out the window.
This decision to take away the rights of women is appalling, disgusting and brutal. How can a society that deemed itself to be “modern” be in such a terrible state? How can the simple-minded people of America let this happen? How can any American standby and watch this all go down?
This should be the reason to storm Washington DC.
The people accountable for this should be the ones carrying an unwanted baby. They should be the ones who is raped or fallen ill. Their decisions do not impact them, yet they impact millions of others. Aren’t there enough fatherless children around already? Aren’t they going to be a burden on a system of healthcare, infrastructure, crime and families?
The unwanted.
What happens to the children of rapists? How is a woman/mother to look at that child and see the face of a rapist grow up before her very eyes? How can we ask a mother as such to take care of, love and tend to a child she didn’t want? She is being gifted a baby? No, did she ask to be raped? No, no, no! So why bother with such insanity.
It angers me to see a society that is so God damn STUPID!
Are these simple questions not enough to halt the government? A murderer can get off with reasonable doubt of their crime. Yet the one that commits a crime is not held accountable and their babies cannot be aborted? In that case why hold them accountable to the crime of rape if the result of the rape is a child?
Imagine if, all pro-life people should be given an unwanted child. Well, that won’t happen but Imagine if it did. Could you see the outrage among them? Oh no, well I didn’t take on this sort of commitment, yet we ask mothers all over the USA to do so!
How can you love?
Love, from a mother to a child. An unbreakable bond. Even on death row after committing murder and other unspeakable crimes a woman/mother can and does love their children. Yet here were are in this unthinkable state.
Will the rapist of a woman be forced to pay child support for the non-aborted baby?
Asking a woman to love a child that she hates. Will she grow to love the child? Will she commit suicide knowing that this thing, this unwanted living thing is inside her. It is of alien origin. Impregnated under false pretenses. Drunk, drugged, raped or even consensual. Nothing seems to be off the books to these selfish, entitled, snobbish assholes in government and the senate. To pass laws on to folks that can barely speak for themselves and now to mute them under such discriminating laws is not what the so-called greatest country in the world should be based on.
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Project-X. Part 3
I am fed up with governments.
The rant continues with... The amount of red tape, rules and regulations the government is spewing out. Look at the millions and millions of government employees eating away our tax dollars. They eat it and shit it out in the forms of policy, policing and wasted projects, all because they want to make our lives better?
Pissing away money and pouring millions into weapons, secret government projects and men in black suits.
The stupidity of transgender movements. The illegality of abortions in certain states and the non-existing gun control laws that are being held up. Wanna argue, let's go... Get in the ring and see what the hell goes down.
Waste of time and effort.
Why is it that we as regular citizens cannot do a thing about high gas prices? High ticket costs from the airlines and the waste in government?
We vote for one dude who says he will fix things. The next thing you know, things are worse than ever. He lied only to get elected and be the same...
Here comes the old boss, the same as the new boss.
Name a few incredible things that governments have done for us. Nothing? Nothing changes for the better. Everything they touch turns to crap and waste. Where is the accountability? Where is the legitimacy of the elected official?
What a mess!
The world is said to have secret societies, the Illuminati and the Freemasons. Are they benefiting from turning the race into stupid fools with regulations and laws? Eventually, one day this world will revolt against all irresponsible governments and create a war that we have never seen before.
Not the world wars that we have had, not the war with Russia and Ukraine but a revolt of stressed out, abused humans that we are being turned into.
There is no truth anymore.
Every bit of information needs to be double-checked and fact-checked. But checked against what? How do you know the truth? Because one website or one book says so? How do we know which source is right?
How do we know that all of the information is not false, to begin with? Sure we can use common sense. But sometimes the information seems so legit that we believe it and take a stand on it. This is what causes fights to break out in a bar. I am confused, please help.
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Project X 2
Get rid of the internet.
Yes, take it all down. I am sick and tired of instant gratification and seeing fake ads, fake news and fake boobs. Ok, not the latter but everything else must go!
I know, I know... It won't happen because the porn industry that props up the backbone of the internet would revolt. There would be stiff penalties that would be hard to impose and erecting more firewalls would be futile. There is no stopping horny men...
While I think the internet should go, it won't. How about we get rid of smartphones, dumb phones, smart TVs and dumb TVs?
Yup, no Snapchat for you!
I may see a problem here... Am I alone in this quest. No, this is not a quest, it's merely a test. I am seeing how many people are absolutely fed up with the way we see the world. We all view it on a small screen that fits in the palm of our hand and causes chaos.
People tracking people. People recording people and of course blackmailing each other with racy photos of each other and sending trolls to troll accounts etc. You see how we are doing more and more damage to each other and we call it smart tech?
Too fast yah...
The world is moving too quickly, our tech is no longer our tech. Everything you do is seen and posted somewhere. Someone is collecting your data, tracking your movements and so on.
Why are we doing this to ourselves? Somewhere out in the interwebs there is a study that shows this amazing fact. We pesky little humans perform best as a society if we all lived in a small town of about 150 people.
We could get along, and have friends and there would be no need for this bullshit place of fast-moving tech that consumes our every waking hour.
Imagine, no work emails?
Oh, how nice would it be to be back in the age of the rotary phone? The days when paper files were on your desk and you couldn't take home a flash drive and google drive was not a thing.
The good old days of living a "normal" life. When people didn't fall off cliffs taking selfies...
All the tech could go into saving the planet rather than destroying it. We scour the earth for minerals to put into our smartphones. We extend the lives of humans... We should go back in time when the average age of a human was 65. We could have a billion or so fewer people on the planet. We would all die sooner, I would most likely not be able to complain about this and you may not be here to read me complaining. Next, the GOVERNMENT.
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Project X. Part 1
Social media is today's butterfly effect
What we see and hear.
We have all seen it, read it, and experienced it. It catches your eyes as clickbait.
You see the headline:
Alien craft seen in Mexico!
The stock market is crashing!
Elon Musk dies of cancer!
Michael Jackson was spotted fondling himself!
Jesus was spotted walking across the pond!
A grandmother is 201, and runs marathons!
Yes, you get the idea. The problem here is this. You fart right now and you can tell anyone and everyone halfway around the world. They can tweet it out and millions of people may or may not react to it.
This is the modern social media butterfly effect. You know how it works, a butterfly flaps its wings and creates a small amount of wind and the wind blows the leaf of a tree. The next thing you know, Russia is launching a nuke! If you don't get it, watch the movie, look it up, you need to.
The thing is...
The problem with information travelling at the speed of the internet is that not all of it is true. To re-call such news becomes impossible. Spotting a large furry bear that looks like a Sasquatch is far easier to believe than a man out for Halloween.
Here’s the thing. Back in the day, a messenger would run like hell, holding a piece of paper. "Sir, sir a man spotted a large hairy animal over the ridge in the North County" The editor of the newspaper printed this and after printing realizes... The man spotted was uncle Buck who lived in a cave and had not shaved or showered for 50 years.
But the newspaper has only 100 subscribers and the nearest town is 50 miles away. So the news didn't travel very far. Today that "news" would butterfly effect on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Large ape-like figure spotted over, blah, blah, blah...
Do you see where I am going with this? News travels too fast and never runs out of steam. The messenger is you and I and we send messages, and photo's to all our friends. This cycle and continuous bombardment of information can send the planet into a tailspin.
One tweet can crash stocks, tank businesses and or make people tons of money in a matter of seconds.
News and information travel far too quickly for our human brains to comprehend. Even when we see a news article that is true and complete with all the facts, we sensationalize the parts we like.
We are such simple creatures that this butterfly effect can take the world by storm as it does every day.
The fake news.
This is a big problem. Lies, lies and more lies are the only way people can hear. Look at Trump... Ok, I'll stop. But you get the idea.
So how can we stop this?
Take down the internet... Case closed. Let's go back to living like the Amish and we would all be better off than to see another cat pic on Facebook and another stripper on TikTok. Oh, and yeah get rid of all the influencers and yes, the blogs I am writing. Sigh... The world is complicated, we shouldn't be.
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What did we learn?
As a business... We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. We can all do an analysis and make plans. We can all try and become successful but it all takes planning.
Social media is part of the business. It is no longer an add-on or an afterthought. How will this meal be presented? Will it look good on a plate? Will the photographs I took to be good enough to post or are they below the standard of my brand. Do I want to be associated with this person or that person?
The right fit.
As individuals, we all try and work with or should work with like-minded people. When you ask someone for help, to look at your business, be ready to be ripped apart, poked and prodded. To get the plan right and to look into the future, a consultant or an individual like myself will ask hard questions.
To make social media work for you, you need to know where you are headed. Posting sales goals alone will not get you there. Not having the right people in the right roles will only hinder your efforts. Paying social media companies and influencers will not get you results.
So?
So in the end, we all need to rely on social media, influencers and online platforms. My experience with various people and brands has been incredibly enlightening.
Working with small businesses and more of the micro-influencers always makes me think... It is so exciting and very challenging to grow or help save a struggling business.
Social media itself cannot save a struggling business. Unless you fix the underlying problem even cash injections are temporary. Seeing the big picture and working with a proper plan along with social media is the answer.
The influencer.
As I outlined... Finding a good influencer and working with them will only help if you are both ready to work together. Creating content seems easy but it is not. Creating good content is even harder... Sorry, but not everyone is cut out to be before the camera and flaunting their shit.
Everyone can find their niche market no matter how good you look or how much you lack talent. You can learn, you can act but at the end of the day, content, consistency and creativity will be the solution to all your problems. How you go about creating all that, well that's your problem. Stay honest, stay grounded, stay safe, but above all be nice, and humble.
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What do I know about skincare?
On this topic of influencers came one amazing experience. Here we have an Amazon equivalent called Shopee. It is a very well-run online shopping platform.
I was hired by a skincare company that asked to help them streamline their business and create efficiencies. They didn't make their products, they didn't own the manufacturing facilities. They created, branded and sold skincare goods.
I didn't know much about whitening cream, diet teas and teeth whitening. I didn't need to honestly. All I needed to know was, what are the challenges and where are the bottlenecks.
Seeing the light.
The incredible thing about this company was... The influencer's ability to blow up the sales. There are over 600 TikTokers on a spreadsheet. When content was posted, the sales numbers spiked. It was an incredible event to witness.
They were mostly separated into an A, B, and C type category. The top ranking ones made great money, but only when they performed. This is the catch, this is what I have said in previous episodes. Performance matters. It matters to you and the client. This is where the confusion came from. When the sales took off the company ran out of products. When the consumers were ready to buy, the company couldn't supply.
Lack of planning.
Creating a plan, along with the knowledge of the influencer's influence was missing. This is where we came in. Creating plans, customer service and streamlining.
Sales mean very little if you cannot supply. The influencers did their job. Social media influencers are everywhere, but they were selling something that was unavailable.
You cannot push and pull at the same time. Lack of planning will make the effort useless and a waste of resources. Customer complaints are not a good road to success.
What can be done?
To work with and support the social media aspect of your business you also need the back end. Your business's "behind the scenes" must look as great as the front you are putting out there. Having all your ducks in a row and having all your efforts pointing in one direction seems easy enough until it's not.
Your sleek minimalist brand, along with the models, and content you are creating must match the products you are promoting.
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The good and the bad.
We all know how social media works. Someone posts about something and people may or may not rush to buy the product or service.
Be careful who you promote. Money isn't everything. Associate yourself with the person and the business. They may offer you great money for a one-shot deal and yet they may make a mess of the product or service you recommend.
I worked for a property company once... It didn't last long. How could that be you say? Well, we created content, we created the posts and all was well.
All was well until...
Let's just say that one day at a meeting I noticed some strange behaviour from the client. I will not mention his name or the company name. But let us say that the one day we met, he seemed to have some baby powder on his nose.
Except it was not baby powder or icing sugar. I thought long and hard for a moment and realized very quickly that he didn't have a baby and he didn't just eat a donut with icing sugar.
Run like the wind.
In such a circle where everyone knows every else, I could no longer see myself or the company associating with this person. For his company, we created blogs, updated his website and rebranded the company.
The project itself was great. We learned so much and created a fantastic new look and feel for a very outdated company.
I ran like the wind for several reasons. One was the drug use... Two the association with the brand and above all, I didn't want to be associated with him. To top this off, he was not treating his staff very well and it was only a matter of time until it came down to me/us.
Due diligence...
Live and learn right? As far as the normal influencers go, taking photos and posting is not always enough. Having tons of followers whether you bought them or earned them, how you keep them is up to you.
If you are flaunting all you've got in your thong and it's working, make sure you plan for the beer belly and wrinkles. The same goes for your brand and business. Create a strategy, and create the look and feel for your brand so people want to be associated with you. Do your due diligence on others as they will do theirs on you.
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Where social media fails.
The people that push themselves onto businesses and ask for perks such as free meals, or accommodations are jerks. If no one called you, hired you or asked you, shut the hell up about who you think you are.
You are no one to the person you are trying to influence. If you think of yourself as "powerful" prove yourself and then go back to the business and say see;
My post did this, this and this. Care to hire me for more of the same?
Aha, but no one wants to give away a freebie. It pays to be nice, pays to be polite and honest. Don't be the entitled, millennial asshole who thinks that they are all that when you may not be. If you are a good person and see potential, offer your services, and prove yourself.
Hire me!
That's the goal, right? Hire me, so I can make money. So that I may become famous and make more and more money. When was the last time people threw money at you? If you are a stripper or a hooker... well you don't count, sorry.
Most business owners want an ROI. So if you are an "influencer" or want to become one, make a business plan and approach the businesses. This is where I made a difference. My personal account has 1000 followers. It goes up and down but I post photos of sunsets, cars and travel. Sometimes I post food, but no one would pay me to post on my account. My goal is not to be an influencer, my goal is to help small businesses grow.
Once you got the gig.
The small restaurant account that we manage worked out so well. Met with the very reluctant old-school owner twice before we rolled out our limited plan for them.
Today we have gotten to the point where the little restaurant has a website, and great reviews on TripAdvisor and they are happy they chose to work with us. Helping small businesses grow makes me feel good. It helps to know that we made a difference. Think about what you as an influencer are offering.
The reason we got the business was… I explained the numbers to the owner.
Seems hilarious right? He had over 5 people offering him their services... They all missed one crucial point. I took a look at their Instagram analytics and I told them what we can do for them. I guarantee that I can do better, and we did, we are. Be the person that makes a difference, don't be stupid.
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New normal.
I hate the term... Let's just call it the future. The new normal blah, blah... Normally I do not reference my past posts... In this series, I feel that if you are trying to grow your business, you should read all of them. Let's call this "future." The future of all businesses, but especially the small ones will be very dependent on the traction they make on social media.
My brother and I went on a sunrise tour with these guys...I mention them for one reason only. It is very normal for people to ask for a down payment for their services. Why not, they rented two jeeps, and possibly could have lost other clients if we didn't show. This particular person didn't ask a thing. So here is what I did.
Trust.
Since the above account that I booked my trek with trusted me, it is only fair that I give back. I paid the man for the whole experience after the trek. From 5 am to nearly 1 pm we were out and he never asked for a penny. Now you see why I did what I did.
When I got home, I made them a simple logo for their account and a very simple WIX-based free site. Also, I mentioned a few things about his posts and reels to try and get more business. To look more trustworthy essentially. This little experiment of mine seemed to have worked.
This person trusted me with his email and Instagram passwords but barely knew me.
His account grew. In the next few weeks, I saw his posts, watching as he went from working a day or two per week to 4-5 times per week.
The little things.
By creating a slightly better Instagram page, consistent posts and a simple website and contact info the little off-road business took off. We even dropped a pin for them on Google maps since the meeting point was horrendous to get to without it.
The little things matter from a customer's point of view. This individual had great customer service and offered incredible prices. My social media experiment worked, and it also made money for the company. While I poked fun at a couple at Starbucks in the first instalment of this blog, social media can and does work.
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Old world thinking.
I mentioned the old-world thinking of business owners in part 4 of this blog series. The short-sited business outlook that many owners have puzzles me.
The "extra" cost of social media and the extra cost of influencers is a cost they do not insert into their business plan is downright weird.
Many owners still see social media as an added expense and not a part of their original business plan. This is especially true for a place like Bali. When you are used to people coming by the millions it was not seen as essential. Now that people are fighting for the business, your business or service must stand out.
Standing out.
This is from my perspective and the niche I have chosen to take on. Small accounts that are struggling are where I saw growth. Some accounts may not be small but the owners are missing out. The problem is that they may not be "Instagrammable". A real estate company may not be able to attract clients by taking photos of their location. They can however create amazing content about the properties they sell. Ah yes... But that costs money. How much money? Remember, the costs in Bali for a shoot are not comparable to that of Canada. This does not mean it cannot be achieved. It means it will be different. However, a few leads from the content that we create, can. That will pay for our services and more if there is only one extra sale in a year from our efforts.
Understanding the spending.
This little bit of simple math will explain it all. If we charged $1000/month to run an account and create a few reels, it may seem expensive. $12,000.00 per year.
If our content generates 5 leads per year, our cost is back within the one transaction in commission. Keeping the math simple and not counting other minimum costs, the rest of the money spent by the owner will be purely a return on their investment in us.
This is where the social media aspect of Facebook, TikTok and Instagram play a huge part in the small business we look after. The business owners can now see the benefits and they want more. Run contests, generate traffic and see the results. But this takes time and patience.
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The powers that be!
Putting aside the fact that most individuals that think of themselves as influencers will never make a living out of it... Why don't we look at the power of their splash in the big ocean of influencers?
A small team and I run a few social media accounts in Bali. There is a phenomenon that I see with the small accounts in this part of the world.
Bali is a place where normally, pre-pandemic the tourism flowed to the island and very little promo was needed to keep one's business alive. Post pandemic, if I dare to say, is very different.
The blip.
There is a certain amount of tourism that has returned. It is growing by the day but it is nowhere near normal. This little blip in tourism has sent prices for accommodations on an upward trend. Yet what people have yet to realize is that not everyone's villa and the room will be rented.
They jumped the gun on this so quickly, only to realize later that their place will not be rented.
Everyone wants a piece of the pie but not everyone will get a piece.
The same rings true for restaurants, shops and other attractions. Here is where we need the targeted ads, and influencers and this is where my story is going.
The influence of...
The few small accounts that we have, belong to restaurants, and real estate mainly. They have both experienced this small blip in business and that is where we came in.
It seems that the owners of these establishments are rather backward-thinking individuals and have not seen the power of the internet.
Not until we took over. Keep in mind that we do not spend a ton of money on ads, we do not hire big influencers. What we do is create content and posts that attract traffic.
With limited budgets comes limited content.
However, what we have managed to achieve with the limited budget and limited content is a great uptick in business. Good, inexpensive content and...
Consistency.
The word "consistent" is what makes us work for our clients. Property, restaurant or clothing store. You hear this all the time on YouTube, TikTok and other platforms. We have managed to drum up enough business for the client that our cost to them has become negligible. They are now seeing that even without the influencers we can generate traffic and sales.
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Almost got banned on Medium.
Are you a blogger? Do you write? Do you voice your opinion? I get it, I get it. I offended a few people with an article I dared to write. While I was serious about the title, it had to be taken with a grain of salt. I offended a pile of snowflakes and the Medium platform deemed it to be "hateful". Actually, they didn’t, the complainers did.
I honest to goodness didn't mean to offend but so it was. If you look through all my blogs, I am sure you will not find a hateful one, because I am not a hateful person. Except for one exception... IKEA! Read John Doe vs Evil for more on that battle. So yes, I can say I hate IKEA. Other than that, I don't hate much. One more thing, celery, yes I hate that. If you identify as celery, I apologize in advance. That's it, I love you, you and yes even you. Yes, even you even though you smell.
Kidding.
I am not hateful, but Medium says so, so I must be right? Because 2 (precious snowflakes) people complained and they wrote to me as well. They claimed that I don't understand the transgender community. They were right... How can I fully understand something that I am not?
I am a straight white male with a girlfriend, yet no one can claim to understand me. I could be very different under my skin. I could be identifying as a pickle... I could have phobias and nasty habits.
When it comes to shit like this, I can understand the outrage, hate and dislike. Yet we are all entitled to our opinions. Hence there wouldn't be millions/billions of bloggers out there, right? Many comedians and many individuals voice actual hate speech online and on social media platforms.
Do I apologize?
No, because I don't need to. Same reason you don't need to apologize for being you. You are you and you have as much right as I have every right to voice your opinion. Others do not have to like it, read it or even acknowledge it.
So why the hate? Because they do not know me. They do not know that my dry sense of humour and my outlook on life or smart remarks are just that. Why don't the comedians apologize after a joke? They don't apologize before the joke? They say shit that would make your skin crawl and yet it is funny.
That's life...
People must have tons of time on their hands... So many people will write long letters of hate. But how many write long letters of praise? How many people will reach out and tell you how much they enjoyed the blog?
Nope, none.
But let me post something that remotely offends them or they think it should offend them, then they need that long letter. They need to let you know that they do not love you but hate you in long form. Not the short form of you are an idiot. But the long 3-4 paragraph letter on how they do not agree and I don't understand the point of something. Oh, I do understand, more than you think. I only choose to write about it so I can hear from morons such as them.
I got a long-form hate letter! Woohoo!
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Walking billboards.
Make it stop, please... When will this stop? All these people taking photos and advertising businesses for free? Where can we be free from the constant selfies and model wannabes?
Every young girl is flaunting some part of themselves on TikTok, Only-Fans and Instagram for attention. Now don't get me wrong, this does not only apply to young women, men and anyone else in between. Some are successful business people, and others have something decent to share besides body parts... But what happens when the beer belly and sagging asses set in.
The downfall.
The downfall for all these people will happen when the six-pack and the sagging boobs hit their knees. Do you think we have mental health problems now? Wait a decade... you will not be able to find a psychiatrist anywhere.
Listen up, go to school now to be a shrink. These people are gonna need it. We are all a bunch of data monsters for others. The sooner we all understand that the better. The next pic you take of your extra hot vanilla latte made with oat milk will only be the tool Starbucks uses. Yes, sadly they will discontinue it because you, yes you are the only one drinking it on the planet.
We like, likes. #likes
Why is it that everyone wants likes and yet no one wants to give them? We are such selfish little pesky humans, aren't we! We can give virtual fake hugs, we can send virtual fake smiles and yet we cannot all like each other's posts?
Why, why for the love of God do you all follow the fake people like the Kardashians and give them the tools to be super rich? Ah, the outrage. They do outrageous stuff and we all want to be as loved as they are. Why are you loving fake, idiotic people like them?
We love to hate.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? The Kardashians must have millions of haters that keep an eye on them. This must be it! I mean I am sure they have better legs than Elon Musk. Nicer smiles and have nicer hair too.
At least Mr. Musk contributes to society.
So why are we so obsessed with being influencers and walking data robots? Because for one we want to be noticed. That sexy photo, or the sunset we witnessed. Oh everyone needs to see. So please follow me on @zsoltzsemba on both Instagram and Twitter. I have no sexy pics of me, but I have sunsets, sunrises, and a few cars along with photos of Bali. Please say hello so I can get one more follower and a few more likes. I will of course follow and like back!
Oh, and please, please buy my books, check out my website, please. www.zsoltzsemba.com
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Let's all be influencers!
The other day at an average Starbucks, I saw a young couple walk in and document the whole process of buying two drinks. After the drinks were placed on the counter, the young lady sort of somewhat undid her top a little and her boyfriend or friend snapped a pic of her. The top being undone was because she must have been feeling warm. I mean it is Bali after all and it is hot out. Or maybe she had a fever, that must be it. Maybe she had COVID and was feeling hot, hot, hot.
Or it may possibly have been for a few extra likes? Who am I kidding? It must have been bloody warm in her bosom and she needed some air. No, it had to be for likes, I think…
Let's all be influenced by influencers!
Why not? We are all influencers. In a way we are, we do influence, right? The only problem is, that not all of us get paid. Let me correct that, we are all influencers but very few of us get paid. The problem here, as I see it, is that all young people want to be the next big thing. Posing for photos anywhere. The issue I see here is... This drive for the next best photo by billions of cell phone owners. I doubt she was trying to achieve anything else but a nice post at Starbucks. She is not going to be the next big thing...
Why bother?
There is only one reason... You just never know. I will say that for one reason only... A close family member of mine, my son, was seen posting many years ago now on Instagram. He ended up getting a job out of it at the age of 13 and a half! Yes, he was hired by a high-end wheel shop in Ontario Canada and to this day, many years later he still works there.
This is not the norm. Sure, millions of people are out there trying their luck. He wasn't, he was only making content for fun with a cheap camera and Go-pro. Being lucky is part of the game, being good at what you do is another. Often, being lucky is also being good. Professional people, do recognize talent. Influencers that are good photographers will generally have more likes and followers. Why? Because they are good.
Being good at it.
What is social media anyway? Today it is a tool to get business, awareness and fame. Fame? It depends on what you post and the timing of it all. On my other blog platform, I posted a certain thought of mine on the LGBT community and transgender people in general. Let's just say I happened to get the wrong sort of boost on my opinion. So there are several ways to be famous.
The Kardashian way, the Paris Hilton way or actually being good at something besides blow-jobs. Good luck to you all.
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And on we go.
You see how this works now right? Part one and part two tells you how this brain works... But now to the organized brain part. No matter what anyone tells you, we as humans cannot think of two things at once. We cannot be in two places at one physically or mentally.
However, we do trigger ideas as fireworks go off in our heads.
This trigger response to stimuli is how I see it all working. The sparks that trigger other thoughts for some people are non-existent.
That does not mean that their brain is or is not working, it just means that they are wired differently.
Thinking...
The drive for solutions to problems or creating articles, scripts or poetry does need to be driven by one thing or another. There has to be interest in topics or an interest in what you are doing. Your thoughts need to be motivated and inspired. Without that drive, I think the speed of creativity is lowered and the sparks do not fly without that drive.
Does this mean that lazy people do not have fireworks? No, it does not, it means they are thinking differently and maybe coming up with solutions, articles, scripts or other things in a different process. Maybe a progression of pros and cons or a written methodical method. So the term lazy is wrong, their thought process is different as well as their approach.
Methodical
Funny enough, ideas and methodical thinking do connect. Ideas are one thing but to organize them, we do need to write them down. The order of operations and the arc of a story, eventually need to be put to paper, a whiteboard or an excel sheet.
A place where we can look at it and tweak it further...
The thoughts need to exit the brain and be put before us in a different medium to eventually all make sense. See where the mistakes are.
They don't teach this in school.
I wish they would teach these little things in school earlier on in life. I wish they would explain how to get ideas on paper from a much earlier stage. It helps to put things on a spreadsheet but only and only once the brainstorming is done.
School itself stifles the imagination and the creative process. Rules, rules and more rules. Rules should never be applied to thinking. The teachers should never say "you can't".
What they should teach in school is that there are so many ways to get the right answer. Much like math is thought differently around the world. But God forbid one system should adopt another. So the monkey brain stops and is put to a stop early on in life...
I love my monkey brain and the way it snowballs things in a matter of seconds.
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Do you Monkey Brain?
Alright, we all know it is nothing to do with monkeys or their brains. It is a human thing to run from one idea to another and sometimes finish and sometimes not to finish one idea, sentence or thought.
As I was only going to do one little blurb about Monkey Brain, it is turning into two. I am trying to limit it to only two now because this is ending up as a topic about my brain.
Who cares about my brain or my thoughts right? So let's make it about you instead.
Writer's block.
I have addressed this topic in other blogs...
Go look it up, but not now, maybe later, please.
I used to sit with my guys, Samin, Dindo and Vikram, who were CAD programmers that worked for us. When we designed things with each of them, they couldn't keep up with how fast my brain was moving forward. It took them each a good 6 months to understand my instructions... I assume my instructions were propelled by Monkey Brain as well. Thus keeping up with designs and modifications of those designs was extremely hard.
But back to writer's block. Because my brain always seems to be on fast forward I will see, solve, fix and come up with new problems I may see all in one sweeping view. So there is never a blockage. My brain is like a sieve, sometimes I can contain it and sometimes I cannot.
I love this part.
I love problem-solving.
I love coming up with solutions.
I love to improve on things that work.
I love to make things and simplify things.
This is why I love to write. Am I good at it? I don't know. Do I entertain anyone with any of my writing? I don't know, I care a little but not enough to let it bother me. As you can see I do think about it but I move on quickly since my fingers cannot keep up with my brain. There is something about coming up with solutions. Creating a scrambled mess in my brain and then making sense of it all in the end.
So that ends my Monkey Brain section and I hope you learned something, maybe nothing... But wait, there's more.
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Do you Monkey Brain?
Alright, we all know it is nothing to do with monkeys or their brains. It is a human thing to run from one idea to another and sometimes finish and sometimes not to finish one idea, sentence or thought.
As I was only going to do one little blurb about Monkey Brain, it is turning into two. I am trying to limit it to only two now because this is ending up as a topic about my brain.
Who cares about my brain or my thoughts right? So let's make it about you instead.
Writer's block.
I have addressed this topic in other blogs...
Go look it up, but not now, maybe later, please.
I used to sit with my guys, Samin, Dindo and Vikram, who were CAD programmers that worked for us. When we designed things with each of them, they couldn't keep up with how fast my brain was moving forward. It took them each a good 6 months to understand my instructions... I assume my instructions were propelled by Monkey Brain as well. Thus keeping up with designs and modifications of those designs was extremely hard.
But back to writer's block. Because my brain always seems to be on fast forward I will see, solve, fix and come up with new problems I may see all in one sweeping view. So there is never a blockage. My brain is like a sieve, sometimes I can contain it and sometimes I cannot.
I love this part.
I love problem-solving.
I love coming up with solutions.
I love to improve on things that work.
I love to make things and simplify things.
This is why I love to write. Am I good at it? I don't know. Do I entertain anyone with any of my writing? I don't know, I care a little but not enough to let it bother me. As you can see I do think about it but I move on quickly since my fingers cannot keep up with my brain. There is something about coming up with solutions. Creating a scrambled mess in my brain and then making sense of it all in the end.
So that ends my Monkey Brain section and I hope you learned something, maybe nothing... But wait, there's more.
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Kind words
Amazingly enough, especially in the workplace, kind words are far and few between. Why is it so hard for bosses, colleagues and co-workers to say nice things?
Why is it easier to put people down rather than to pull them up? Is it fear, or is it a caste system at work? Like jail, the newbie gets picked on, pushed around and bullied until you see that there is some reason to befriend them? Maybe you realize that their skills complement yours or you fear them because they know more than you.
Bosses often fall into this misguided step. Bosses cannot do everything and cannot know everything. That is why they have you.
Remember this.
You are at your job, at the position you have because there is a job to be done. You could be a data entry person or a librarian. It makes no difference... if you are a librarian, please find another form of employment, the libraries are in danger.
Regardless you are there at your job because you are needed and wanted. You were hired to fill a role. Your boss and the people around you need you. To be a good employee, you must bring value to the team around you. You must fit it...
If you do not, or feel that you can do more or be able to improve, let's hope you have managers and people around you to talk to. Hopefully, you have a boss that welcomes input and does not dismiss your insight.
The approach.
All bosses should be approachable. Do you fear your boss or your supervisor? Don't forget, you are a cog in the wheel... If you break or break down the machine will hopefully miss you. If the machine moves noticeably better without you then you also have an issue. However, let's hope that you are a valued member of a team with brilliant ideas. Let's also hope that you have a great boss that is equally good at receiving those ideas. These little things are what make a good team.
The ideas.
Sometimes you need to convince people. One little technique I often use when presenting something goes like this.
I have an idea to improve this in this and this way. I wait for someone to say negative things and someone to say positive things. I give them both a chance to speak as to why one is positive and why one is negative.
I give the negative commenter a chance to improve my idea. I also give a positive commenter to further improve my idea. Once they both contributed, I turn my idea into their idea. As Janet said and as Tim also commented, how can we further improve on their suggestions. This gives them ownership of my idea and helps me move forward with the team.
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The who?
When people hear the word consultant, they automatically think of the ones hired by the government. Yes, overpaid, expensive consultants that do very little but spend and receive tax money.
In a private business, they are hired with other goals in mind. They are hired sometimes in haste because the company is bleeding and other times in amazing foresight.
The reasons need not matter. The outcome and the cooperation between the consultant and the company are what need to be clear. The consultant will find red tape, loopholes, inefficiencies and redundancies within an organization.
The average employee will not be the blame for most problems. Management will need to keep their eyes and ears open so that they may see the forest from the trees. Generally speaking, this is where the shit hits the fan.
The simplicity of it all.
The overcomplication of certain things is where the fault usually lies. Something that could be eradicated with Google drive or Monday.com may be as simple as teaching a supervisor how to use an app. Something simple could be left out or not looked into because it was deemed complicated. This is where the consultant can and will help if you let them.
Back to basics.
In any company, there will be an input and an output. In come the orders and out go the products. In come, the requests and out go the answers, the projects, the digital creations and so forth.
The crap in between is what needs to be streamlined.
So many companies will have a few deep-rooted people who are terrified of giving up their knowledge because of fear. They fear that they will be kicked out, replaced or slowly pushed out. They fear the release of knowledge and teaching a fellow employee. Something is wrong there. Maybe they are the most hated employee and they know it. Maybe the management has not communicated with them in a proper, clear manner.
Asking why?
A consultant needs to be an expert in your field. They need to be knowledgeable and open-minded to understand, but their job is to ask why.
Why this and why that? Why, why and why are you repeating these tasks? Why isn't finance notified of certain events, happenings or goals for example? When people get a load of work dropped on them and they didn't know, they will be pissed off. Especially if their job or position needs to pick up the pieces and the details of an unorganized "chicken with their head cut off" manner.
Knee jerk reaction.
This right here is the biggest pet peeve of mine. A former boss and still current friend were amazing at this. "I got an idea" so everyone run and do it.
All this from a wealthy boss that could and can afford to make mistakes. He has made plenty and will make plenty more. This is also the boss that will hire a consultant to find out the problems he is already aware of but refuses to fix.
The insecure, top boss that can scream and yell but he will not be the face of change in fear of people being pissed off. Let's blame that jerk of a consultant and make the changes or not make the suggested changes.
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Moving forward as a team.
In part 14 I mentioned about the ownership of ideas. Having an idea or coming up with great ideas is amazing. I had so many ideas that I thought were amazing, but... Not everyone thought so.
A great example of this was at the family business where even though we owned the business, we needed to make sure the supervisors understood the ideas.
There was no better way to bring them on board than to show them. This is one aspect of any business that a boss should be able to do. You must be able to stand behind your claims. When we made product changes and reduced piecework times I was able to perform the job within the allowed time. Stand behind your work, idea or claims with proof.
Speak softly.
Another great aspect of a good boss in my eyes the one who is always on an even keel. Being known for staying calm under pressure and keeping an even tone at all times gives others confidence. Yet if that boss, the one who is calm yells at someone one day, they know the shit has hit the fan.
The boss who always screams and yells and puts people down is a scared dog. There is no right or merit for screaming and yelling. If that is the case, find another job.
Speaking in a calm manner also dictates authority and calmness and provides others with a better lane of communication. Since communication is key, your job, business and future depend on it.
Let's communicate.
Being a good boss and creating great employees can only come when people communicate.
Just because there is a boss or a CEO they should not be above anyone and looked upon as Gods.
No boss is above anyone else in reality. They may be above you by title but not above you in any other way. The janitor, the cook, the security guard and you are all the same just performing a different job. The cogs in the wheel of life and the cogs in the company itself should have no hierarchy. As parts of a car must work together so must the company.
Most people forget that they are part of so much more. From morning coffee to the bus or Uber ride, to the contribution to society, you are part of something so much bigger.
Look at the big picture.
Most people forget and often feel small. Most people do not realize that we are floating in space on this marble of ours. So look up at the skyscrapers, look around at the beauty of this planet and forgive the things that do not necessarily work.
Look at the big picture and see how you fit in. Often people get stuck in a rut, they stay still and are afraid to move forward. It could be your job, your personal life. Look at the big picture and see if you are where you thought you would be. Career and personal choices go hand in hand. Be the boss of your life and be the person you wish to be.
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Who have you hurt?
How many times has your decision or indecision hurt someone in life or business? How many times did you know 100% that you could have done something amazing if you had only stepped up and done the right thing? Did the thing that your gut told you to do but missed that opportunity?
Maybe it was in a cash lane when a little old lady didn't have the extra 5 bucks to buy something? Maybe it was something simple like telling someone that they had toilet paper stuck to their shoes. Or it could be something as simple as a "Hey you look amazing today" Who have you indirectly hurt by not telling them that they did a great job? That's the point I am trying to make. You could have helped yet indirectly hurt that intern by not telling them how good a job they did.
Why is it so difficult?
Why are humans so self-centred and obnoxious to others. We all wish to be treated nicely. Yet we do not treat others the way we wish to be treated, but we all expect others to treat us nicely. This is a revolving door that we could spin positivity on vs negativity. A simple hello and a smile can brighten someone's day.
A box of donuts at work can send spirits soaring and maybe even create a sugar rush for an extra boost in the morning. Just make sure you have coffee as well on standby when the sugar rush turns into sleepy staff.
Giving a little.
A great workplace is not only doing the work and getting paid for it. A great workplace creates or rather should create a positive nurturing environment. A team of people all pulling the cart in the same direction. An orchestra playing that wonderful symphony not a single member is out of step or out of tune.
This takes a tremendous amount of effort. This takes foresight and knowledge. But not the university background, several degrees type knowledge.
Reading people.
So many "stupid" people graduate from all kinds of schools and educational facilities every day. Stupid is a strong word. Let's call it something else. Let's call them book smart and not stupid. Reading and learning are one thing, but having intelligence is another. Being able to fit into a workplace and being able to read people and cater to them accordingly is on another level.
Everyone must fit in... In some way, shape or form we conform to a place. We take baby steps until we can eventually tip-toe our way into a group where we can then be ourselves. Expose our true selves so to speak.
This is where leaders and a people person can help. They can sense this easing in and can greatly help with simple introductions and kind words.
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The helicopter view.
Most of us do not own one. Most of us do not need one. However, at times the helicopter view will be as close as anyone will get to a crystal ball.
None of us can see the future and as much as I would love to trust a palm reader or tarot cards... Well, I am afraid that it is not going to cut it.
Sometimes the company must be seen for what it is. It must be looked at from an overhead view. A map of how things are or are not moving forward. Where the bottlenecks are and where improvements can be made.
Improvements.
This is one of the many downfalls of business. Every day there is an opportunity for improvement. These improvements cannot and must not be confused with rules or SOP.
We cannot live on an SOP. We must be able to use our brains as well as be guided. An SOP is just that. A Standard Operating Procedure. However, if there is one and only one case where it may not fit or be out of line it does not mean it is wrong.
Our SOP was to have payments twice a week. Tuesday and Thursday. Our boss himself would break this regularly because he wanted a down payment on some things immediately. He had every right to do so. The SOP remained in place for all others and sometimes accounting argued that "we only pay on Tuesday and Thursday". Well the boss, your boss wants it now to lock in the deal.
Common sense.
Oh for the love of God why do we all not have this sense? It should be common and it should be one of your senses. Everyone knows that Friday afternoons would be the worst time to schedule a meeting, make a payment or schedule an important phone call. So why do it?
Ok, so a terrible boss may schedule one to piss people off and hold them late. But would it be worth it? Ours did, and he was an asshole at times because he didn't care. Did it pay off in the end? Of course not because all he did was build resentment and people would do less or screw him where they could for being a jerk. Please, please use your common sense and your gut instinct in everyday life.
Back to the view.
The helicopter view and common sense can pull together a very wide variety of improvements in a company. Leniency and going that extra mile to make things smooth mean so much to individuals and clients/customers alike.
How often has a headline come across of airlines standing by certain policies and SOP to their detriment? Eventually, buckling to public outrage and looking awful to the world? Too many to mention I am afraid and this comes down to the lack of empathy, common sense and downright stupidity. In the end, they lost a battle that they could have come out of as a hero. Look at the big picture and look at small improvements every day.
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Creating good employees. Part 11
Blame the boss.
Most problems will arise from the top. Irrational decisions, ego and personal gain will be the culprits. At some point, the "boss" can lose sight of the world and think that they are the king of the castle.
This is when the team will no longer matter to them. Their ego and longstanding in the company can be positive or detrimental.
The boss should be a boss for a reason... They should be good leaders, supportive colleagues and the ones with the vision. They could or should have a business-first attitude. Yet they must not lose sight of the world and the people around them.
This is the downfall.
I cleaned toilets and swept the floors when our business started. I am not sure that many of the top CEOs or bosses can say that. Remember where you came from, remember how you struggled and relate to those around you.
Money is the game here... But it isn't everything. Power and greed rule the world. But it shouldn't. A little goes a long way. A helping hand or a small token of appreciation can be the boost everyone needs at a struggling company. At a successful one, the extra gestures and positive attitude will only encourage those around you. When things are not moving forward...
Blame the boss and then work backwards.
How can this be you ask? It is easy. When the company is failing, struggling or having a hard time, the boss gets the big bucks to be the fixer.
The company may have missed the boat on some innovative technology and is playing catchup. A product or a product launch went sideways and now the profits and business are dwindling. One cannot blame the janitor, the purchaser or the team if all ideas were passed through to the boss. Sure, the team must have failed somewhere but the execution of the brand, and the company will lay in the boss's hands.
They are the ones overlooking the whole team, the entire outfit and if they are not seeing the faults in the process they need to take a second look.
Laziness or complacency
We all get caught with our pants down once in a while. We all get too comfortable in places, relationships or business. The boss on the other hand cannot. Not unless they are pulling back and relinquishing some of the major responsibilities to others who are entrusted with certain tasks.
Market research for products could alleviate the stress from the design teams or creative teams but that is only research. Full-blown ideas and products must be developed. If laziness or complacency kicks in, others will come and overrun you. The boss is the boss for this reason. They must have a helicopter view for the business to succeed.
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Getting the job done.
This is often the most important thing in a workplace. Someone drops the ball. An individual calls in sick and the show must go on. In this company, the show had to go on.
While the company was and is micromanaged to an intolerable level... The job gets done even with the disorganized chaos that happens each day. I was not a consultant here, I was part of the system.
A very broken, very totalitarian, dictatorship of a system...
If I knew then, what I know today, "Covid" excluded from that knowledge I may never have made the move. But then I would not be writing about this particular endeavour. Also, I would not have done so many other things. Shit happens and everything happens for a reason.
The dictator.
After having been brought in to fix the internals of this massive company... I quickly found out that no one had a job here. Everyone had several jobs and yet it seemed that everyone had their jobs done by others.
This particular company was and is so layered and jobs are so covered up that half the employees could be and should be dismissed.
That is not the point. The employees are the point and this was a place that brewed bad employees. It was and is a cesspool of excuses, absent-mindedness and disorganization all because of the way this company is run.
The boss!
While the job gets done in nearly all companies, the what, where and how of it all is where the buck stops...
Imagine a healthy wealthy company that could and should tweak its systems. Do not wait to blame your staff for the inadequacies and inefficiencies that you as a boss have created. Instead, imagine a good or bad company having its internals cleaned and serviced. It is the only way to truly know how good your staff is.
I do not blame the workers, I blame the leaders.
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Making changes.
Suppose there has been consulting done as mentioned and reported by a consultant or an individual. "What to do next?" is the big question. It is all in the hands of management. Does investment need to be made into new tech?
A simple example here: 8 people and 8 computers. Working 8 hours a day at 50% efficiency because the computers would render for 4 hours a day. The computers were slow, yes this is a true example.
50% of the time the employee played on their phones because they had to watch the computer in case it crashed. A simple time study and a very simple equation would show that half the employees and new computers were the solutions.
In my case, this was presented and never acted on. You can lead a horse to water... It made no difference to me, my job was done. However simple things like this can make a big difference in the bottom line of a company. Imagine such inefficiencies in several departments.
How do the employees benefit?
This question is easy, yet hard if you have hard headed members on your staff. The biggest hurdle is fear. How will this affect me? How will I adjust and will I need to change my ways? Do I need to do things differently? It’s all about me, me, me.
We want our break at 10 am but let's say we need to change it to 9:45 am. A simple 15-minute change will cause massive problems. However, it may help people be on time or leave at a less busy time as far as bus routes or traffic.
These stupid simple examples are what can cause heated arguments in the workplace. Not one but two separate companies I adjusted start times to better accommodate employee needs. We all left 30 minutes earlier and avoided traffic.
Happy people/employees
Small changes can raise morale in a workplace. Good morale means happy people and better performance. Much like buying comfortable chairs for people to sit in. If your staff is tired, sore and grumpy, an investment in good chairs and better posture could be your saving grace.
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Creating good employees. Part 6
Where do we start?
Start at the beginning... That would be the correct answer. Often, changes are not made within a company because:
Positions may need to be shuffled.
The owner/CEO could be at fault.
Senior people may not be happy.
Noses will be out of joint.
Feathers will be ruffled.
Asses will be kicked.
HR is incompetent.
There could be so many reasons for the procrastination but in the end, there needs to be a beginning. Having completed a few stints in a consulting position this is where some big problems arise. Fights and arguments can and will break out. People will be upset because they fear the outcome. This should not be the case and that fear shows weakness.
When someone is looking in from the outside, the company's secret or not-so-secret inadequacies and inefficiencies will be discovered. This could be efficiencies, systems, overlapping production, and crisscrossing of employees. There maybe unsafe working conditions, repetitive tasks and so forth.
The money...
When looking at any internal issues, we need to focus on the money. The waste, the possible gains and the efficiencies or lack thereof. People use S.W.O.T. to analyse themselves, however, these tasks are completed by the employees from within the company. They are already blinded by the trees. They cannot see the forest for the trees.
This is where things get interesting and often out of hand internally.
This is when the consultant becomes hated. The truth or the lies from within are uprooted. The root cause of the problem will clearly be found and changes should be made.
This is the simple version of dark secrets and hidden red tape that will slowly rise to the top. On many occasions, it is not the fault of the employees but rather poor systems or poor communication from within.
But we have done it this way for...
The best and most common answer is, "We have always done it this way". That is the correct answer because there is no one looking in on your sorry ass to tell you otherwise.
This is the fault of the business, management, owner/CEO and not that of the employee. This new explorative consulting need not be feared. This should be embraced because it will bring positive results.
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Creating the dream team.
Do not forget. The only way people's noses will not be out of joint when hiring new team members is when there is a strong team. A good team will recognize that they need a new associate or an upgrade to the next level.
This can be done internally if the talent is there. If more sales, social media and marketing are needed because your team cannot keep up, or this is a new role, you need to make sure you fill the position.
The team needs to know that it is not "that" they are not doing a good job. They need to know that social media for example is a way to make the company more visible to the public or other businesses. This needs to be expressed clearly when your ass is getting kicked by your competition online or in e-commerce.
Pivoting.
Maybe your company needs a very quick point to pivot and turn on. Take one of your staff that does not know much about social media but has the product knowledge to guide a new member. Let them express what is lacking to quickly launch an attack on social media with a certain budget in mind.
Bringing on new members can only be done with an open willing mind. One cannot take on a role with a closed, ignorant careless attitude. This will fail from step one and such ventures need to be monitored so the benefit is seen by all.
Ultimately the boss/leader/CEO or the owner rules but, they need to see the team from a helicopter view.
The big picture.
Once the players are on the pitch they need to know that each member has support and that calling out for a pass or a time out is ok. Even when the team is playing, a huddle can be called to make sure this is the correct direction. Assess the competition, do a double check.
Maybe the ship needs to be steered to the left or the right due to recent market, social or economic conditions. A bad decision is better than no decision. Any decision can be corrected and yes, it may cost money now but save money down the road.
What is really needed?
A good coach is what's needed. The bottom line is that a fish stinks from the head down. If the head stinks or the company is on the wrong path it will rarely succeed.
It is the job of the team to also report and communicate openly, honestly and respectfully when the direction seems to be off. Everyone should be able to ask why openly. Not with backlash and anger but with curiosity and concern. Why are we spending funds here when we are already spending it there. Why are we retreating when we could be attacking?
A good boss depends on their team and a good team depends on their coach. Establishing this balance is not easy. Creating the perfect team may never happen. However, fielding the best team you are capable of and coaching them can happen.
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Who will guide and support?
This is the fail, the ultimate fail when it comes to hiring staff. Once a person is hired, they are left to fend for themselves. Do you have the support system in your organization to bring those people to the next level?
Is your company filled with envy, jealousy and mean people?
If your company does not create a good, thriving work environment you will fail. Sooner or later there will be holes here and there and you will slowly sink.
What the employee wants...
People want to go to work, finish tasks, projects, and presentations and do their job. An assembly worker is a robot, bottles come by and they slap on labels or do a quality inspection. Job done and go home. It is a simple job but someone needs to do it. Now outside of the assembly line, there better be something interesting or good at the company so they keep coming back.
Maybe they have great team-building exercises, fun activities or amazing performance-based bonuses. A boring job needs to have something tied to it to keep that person in a thriving workplace.
How about the office?
The same thing applies to an office or the work-from-home culture. There needs to be achievable incentives and high performance-oriented ones.
If an individual goal is attained, the team's overall goal will also be achieved because I may be able to chip into the overall goal. I may be incentivized to make the company shine and by helping others I can do that.
The small goals need to be measured and calculated so the team can put something amazing together. This is where most teams fail. The one bad apple that would cost the company too much to get rid of. Yet that person may be bored at their job. Has HR or their boss used them to their full potential? What and why is this person so bad, and whose fault is it?
The blame game.
Very common at work to be blaming someone for your mistakes. Sure, sometimes it is warranted and there are bad people. Knowing why and how they became so nasty and catching it before it happens is the fault and the job of the managers.
The senior people must also be trained to be good leaders and not only depend on the boss.
An employee wants to do a good job. Yet you have created monsters because you as the boss are too lazy to do your job. Listen to assess and get to know your staff. Do not blame others because you are not doing yours.
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The onboarding.
Assuming that you are hired and you are happy at the new workplace, what's next? How did the company bring you on board? Did they have several interviews? Did they bring in one or two people that you will need to be working closely with?
Maybe, maybe not, depending on your position and what the company needs. Is there, or was there training, is it clear what the expectations are?
The expectations.
What is my job exactly? If you were brought on as a receptionist, does your job include filing documents? Are you essentially a personal assistant to the boss? Did these details get discussed or are you simply a receptionist at a desk?
While there are so many things to discuss with a new hire, the expectations vs reality are where things fall apart...
People will often be hired, then the truth comes out. This is not fair to either party. On one hand, you hired someone for a job that you have now piled on or taken away responsibilities.
My one new start.
I was hired at a particular company and I showed up for work in dress shoes, dress pants and a short sleeve golf shirt. It was business casual, not suit and tie.
I was led to my office and sat there staring out the window as people slowly walked in at 10 am. The start time was at 9 am, or so I was told...
I waited for a little bit and poked my head out once in a while. A large man came to my office, I will leave his name out for now and introduce himself.
He then led me out of the office and yelled at nearly 20 people.
"This is Zsolt, he is your new boss."
The new boss?
Well, this was some introduction. I never got to know what the individual jobs were for the 20 employees under my care. I was their boss but never once did I know or have an individual job description for them.
This was because the man that introduced me to them was never happy about me taking the position that he wanted. So I worked with him and communicated with him about what I needed to be done. In the end, it didn't matter but this was a big wake-up call for me as a high-ranking C-suite member.
I was the boss of the boss and the leaders of their teams. In the years that passed, we did become good friends and the animosity didn't last forever. They needed me and I needed them. The start was rough and the road was bumpy but the job got done.
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Employees want to do good.
Not many employees out there go to work to fail. They have responsibilities and commitments. Everyone wants praise over disapproval and criticism.
This includes the boss. The CEO or the COO will want praise from clients, investors and staff. The boss is the boss for a reason, they may be the owners or the assigned CEO of an organization. However, at some point, they may have lost the desire to lead or they believe they are above everyone else. This is where a major check is needed. If the company is not performing well it is most likely the fault of the leader/boss and not the employees.
The jobs
Scrolling through LinkedIn it seems that some job descriptions are so detailed that you seem to drown in responsibilities while others are so large that you do not know what the job at hand is.
Some are written out to cover all aspects of a job so that if the employee fails it's clear that they didn't or couldn't fulfil the role. It is designed to fail and is most likely written out by the HR department. While the other jobs are simply posted and the individual is going fishing, hoping to snag someone that may fit the role.
The personal touch.
Where is the Human Resource department? Many application processes are automated, the HR department may as well be a chimpanzee picking through a pile of bananas.
I have sorted through many resumes myself and while I try to be fair, we are all the same up to a point. We sort through the good and the bad quickly. Trying to look at more than the content oftentimes. The process of looking is to find that unicorn that fits perfectly.
Yet when all this sorting is done on paper you will be hard pressed to find that perfect individual. A salesperson sells, be that in person or via email. They should be a good communicator but they may be terrible writers.
Some people can sell you anything but they may not be able to sell themselves.
So what does it take to hire someone amazing? Communication is what is needed.
Communication.
This is where the real f*&k up happens. HR wants to hire someone to fill a role. Quick, we need someone for this job. Post an ad, sort and pick. Sometimes it seems as if it takes months to find someone... That is wrong, it means that you as HR do not know or do not have clear guidelines on whom you are looking for. Yes, there is and can be a major shortage of workers. However, your job is to pick the best of the bunch. Pick the one that has potential and nurture them if need be. Yet the buck stops right there. It comes to a screeching halt because of a lack of aftercare support. If you hired someone based on "this is the best we got" then you know they will need guidance and support. Think of it like this...
While an experienced photographer will shoot 100 photos because they know what they want to shoot. Your HR department may hire an inexperienced photographer and shot 1000 photos because they do not know what they want to shoot or have not been told what to shoot. It is because they shot and shot hoping to get the perfect shot.
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What do employees want?
So many employers seem to think that their employees or staff are lazy or do not want to work.
This is a complete misconception and one that needs to be addressed. When you as the boss believe that your staff is lazy or does not want to work, it is your fault.
There was a reason the person you or your HR hired is with you right now. You saw potential in them and now they are your responsibility.
The employee
It has been driven into us since childhood that your parents went off to work and earn a wage. That job puts the food on the table and pays for the house, the car and the gadgets we play with.
Why would someone go to work and do a bad job?
Why would someone make mistakes on purpose?
Why would someone call in sick when they are not sick?
You are the answers to all the why's. You did not hire a person because they were a bad worker, but your system may have created a bad employee.
How can this be you ask?
Easy... The main problem is you. This may be hard to swallow, but if you are not giving proper, clear instructions to your employee, your staff will be lost.
They will be confused and not be able to figure out the job/task at hand. A bad employee will have a bad boss. Argue this until the cows come home but it's the truth.
A good boss/leader will give clear and concise information, they will guide the team or individuals to create something great.
Give me a presentation on ________ so we can impress the client.
That is not a clear mission you are sending your staff on. An army sergeant will not send his/her soldiers out to battle without a plan. A detailed plan on the mission.
What is the mission?
Ah, this is what the very busy boss, with meetings all day, fails to see. The mission needs to be outlined clearly so that your staff knows the details and what the end goal is.
Armed with the knowledge of the mission, the staff can break out of the meeting inspired and ready to follow the instructions given. If the instructions are clear and the staff you have handpicked are qualified, you are well on your way to a good presentation.
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This morning...
This morning, I found myself in a very sombre mood. When I woke up, things were stagnant. I was a little unsure of what to do next. I didn't have instructions on the next steps of the project. I found myself wanting to do more.
Has this happened to you? Going to work but not quite sure about the role you play or the task that needed to be finished today?
This is not your fault. This is the fault of your employer. If you have finished your task, offer to help others. If you are unsure of what's next, ask your boss/leader.
Let's get to work.
So many people are looking for a job and are eager to work. They have so much to offer and they are full of energy. How can you as an employer tap into that knowledge and energy?
It is not as hard as you think. The power is literally in your hands. Surround yourself with people that compliment you and your needs. You have a CFO for a reason, you have a COO for a reason. You have them because YOU do not know everything.
If you think you know everything, get someone to kick you in the ass or slap some sense into you. You cannot be an expert at everything. You may know a little about many things, but you cannot be the best CFO and also a social media expert while being a brain surgeon.
You as the boss.
Look at your team and see if they are all as eager to work for you as the next person knocking on your door for a job...
There are so many people with great skills to offer. They do not all have to be young and fresh out of school with a degree. They may be seasoned professionals with incredible insight and experience that you may be able to pair with energetic eager fresh employees.
In many ways, you are gaining... Experience paired with a fresh outlook and tech-savvy individuals. You can be brewing a fantastic team. But... You need to take a step back and see the full team on your pitch.
The team you have assembled and set out to score the next point with, better be assigned to a good coach and that coach is you.
The coach.
This is where you come in. Do not look at yourself as the boss. Do not look at yourself as an owner. Look at yourself as a coach of the team.
You are assembling your players and filling in the positions. A goalkeeper, a striker and your CFO is your best defender. Think of filling in positions on your team.
Gather the team and assess the weakest link. Maybe they play better defence than the attacker role you have assigned to them. Maybe you need them on the creative team instead of the sales team because they have amazing ideas.
You are the coach, not the boss. You are not a leader if you cannot bring your team to the next level.
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For a full detailed account of the following, please read John Doe VS Evil.
The double standard.
What everyone needs to know is... The YB products are supposed to be the same and manufactured the same way to the same specs around the world. There are numerous CAD files, spec sheets and photographed documentation on every single YB product. From the grades of the wood to the foam and chemical makeup of paint, plastics, leather and thread counts for example.
The reasons for this are quite simple. The YB want all of their products to sit and feel the same way across the globe and to be manufactured the same way. This was all fine until we forced them to finally ship us a Klippan sofa that was made in China.
Guess they lied...
As it turned out, nothing in the upholstery division was made the same way around the world and never to the same specs. The whole idea of uniformity varied from country to country for numerous reasons. Some being lumber availability, the polyurethane grades varying from place to place and of course production setups and general operations vary from company to company.
Unfortunately, the lies keep going and going. The lack of information that is shared by each manufacturer and the mistrust between them does not help. Each manufacturer is there to protect its processes and tech.
We need to act as one.
Because each manufacturer has their own little secrets, rather than fully share them with the YB... They let everyone hide instead of telling each supplier how the other may have gained a benefit in production for example.
This was a major concern for us. We had automated gluing lines while in China it was manual labour. We needed to cut labour costs in Canada so we innovated. We needed to cut costs in the areas that cost us the most. Yet in China with the manual labour, they cut costs on foam and polyester wadding for example.
Slowly the approvals of different grades of foam and lumber crept in and we all crept away from the holy grail of the YB specs.
No one cared until...
Europe, Poland to be exact was the hub of development at the time and so they were the ones dictating the specs. Unfortunately, metric nuts and bolts were slowly being implemented in North America and cost more. There were several instances like this when forcing one supplier to fall in line with another caused a huge price discrepancy. We had to order metric bolts from Europe, right there was a higher cost because of shipping.
No one cared about the specs until it cost more money. This is the reality for a global company that did open-book price comparisons between companies.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09CDKY9BZ/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i2 Ikea, Sweden, Swedish, home decor, retail, furniture, business, manufacturing, Ikea supplier,
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For a full detailed account of the following, please read John Doe VS Evil.
What they won't do...
Amazingly people are blinded these days by incredible ads and social media coverups/payoffs and bullying. That is the way this YB machine operates.
What this company will not do is... Bring compassion, understanding and kindness to any table or meeting. There is a sly, sneaky and deplorable nature to doing business with the YB. Our dealings with them go back 25 years before they slashed our throats. This was not fun and as I outline in my book, I feel that someone got a bonus for taking care of the assassination.
The people.
From the ground up there is a sequence of brainwashing that takes place. Victims of a cult. The YB welcomes the new victims and then slowly manipulates each and every employee to the point of evil. The kind of evil that shines bright in everyone's eyes, yet deep down there is a plan, an evil plan.
Hence the title of my book contains those exact words. I didn't choose that title by accident. I chose it knowing full well that it is the truth. What other multi-billion dollar retailer will scour the earth for the cheapest prices and then slash those prices to the bone and watch their suppliers bleed out and die?
Employees.
When your bonus system used to be set up with bribes, kickbacks and incorrect specifications you need to clean house. This is exactly what happened to the people we knew. Out with the old experienced and well-greased people and in with the new green uneducated ones.
The ones we had to teach and then with the knowledge they come around, bend you over and screw you. This was and is the way. One for all and all for one as long as it benefits the bottom line. The ruthless machine that has been created is that of the YB.
Let's make stuff.
Everything the YB makes is cheap. Sometimes cheap to the point of a bad product. Designed by mostly inexperienced designers that have little to no experience in their field but passed some courses. The many new people we had to deal with over the years seem ridiculous. Even when things didn't make sense to them they had to follow IOS Ikea of Sweden. I called it the mothership in my book because they were people never seen, never heard... Yet the mothership always made decisions that trickled down to the people on the ground.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09CDKY9BZ/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i2 ikea, Sweden, Swedish, home decor, retail, furniture,
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The great Swedish retailer IKEA. Part 3
For a full detailed account of the following, please read John Doe VS Evil.
Oh, the fun we had.
Fun is a loosely used term here. I am calling it fun, very sarcastically because it sure wasn't. From product inspections to flaky inspectors and their notes... To very uneducated "in this field" business developers.
When you meet someone for the first time and they introduce themselves with their name and, "My job is to reduce your product cost by 20%" you want to punch and kick them on the spot. Welcome to the team you little shit... The team that will tear you to pieces.
Reducing costs.
The YB had implemented an open book policy. They knew every cost and every nook and cranny of savings. Now, these savings in the early days were split. If we found a less expensive source of fabric and the savings was 10% we used to split 5 and 5 so we both gained. This was quickly changed to their benefit of 10%.
Much like the travel points, the employees at the YB used to rack up. Now go to a group point system and the individuals lost out on the points.
I mean I get it from a company point of view. But boy, oh boy their employees were pissed off because they lost all their points. Just goes to show you. Greed rules them all.
Greed.
Gone were the good of days of happy employees. The bonus system internally was changed and the once happy YB employees were upset ones. To the point where they would take it out on their suppliers at every turn.
Slowly they became robots and lost the ability to think. Instead, they became soldiers and followed orders even when it was detrimental to the products and the company. At one point something went terribly wrong and the employees too lost faith in the YB. Greed wrecks us all. Thus it happened to the YB. The death of the owner didn't help. The old bastard left behind a company that he created and let it turn into a dictatorship. I assume he never outgrew his Nazi background.
With the massive changes...
The YB of the old days left and in came a ruthless head office in Houston Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas and so the assholes grew to an even grander scale.
An even worse regime ruled now at the hands of a woman called Hanna. I don't mind mentioning her name because if we were to take evil to the next level, she was it. A blood-thirsty woman who was fully brainwashed.
At one meeting we laid out how we could not operate at this level and need a 20% increase across the board. At the end of the presentation, she asked, "are you finished?" We nodded and expected a conversation and discussion of what we laid out.
Instead, the VP of YB North America stood up and said, "this is our plan for a further cost-cutting of 10% across the board." This is how the YB operates.
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For a full detailed account of the following, please read John Doe VS Evil.
You want cheap? We give you...
Everyone at one time or another, has associated cheap well-made, or not so well made furniture with this name. I will now refer to them as YB for the Yellow and Blue as I call them. I have a hard time saying that name. Mostly out of hatred and spite. Though I do use their name in #hastags and I will tag them in posts.
What most people are not privileged to know and see first-hand is the behind-the-scenes of the great YB. They also do not see the behind the scenes of why they are not so great.
Product development.
One thing the YB is supposed to be proud of is that they make great products that are cheap, but that's a bad word for them to use so they call it inexpensive.
How they achieve these prices is where the consumer needs to pay attention. They do not lower their profit margins. They do not take a pay cut so that you may have a great/cheap product. No, no, no...They do go to their suppliers and do product development to see where there are monetary savings and that process is also known as "Slowly killing the suppliers."
It's not murder.
It's not like a shot to the head of the suppliers. If they went that route, it would be far, far less painful and a hell of a lot quicker. Instead, they must have read up on the middle ages and purposely chose the torturous ways to maim and kill their suppliers.
You wouldn't like me coming to your house and rearranging your furniture and telling you how to live your life. Would you? You wouldn't like me coming into your house and telling you or instructing you on how to raise your children.
You wouldn't like me to come into your house and tell you how to spend your household income and "teach" you how to save more money by changing your lifestyle?
Bet you'd be angry.
Imagine if I did all that and told you that this, this change and this torture is for your own good and that I said I am helping. All the while you didn't ask for my help.
How do suppliers feel when they get caught up in the torturous ways of their clients. Like a snake wrapped around you and squeezing every last ounce of energy and money out of you for their benefit. Go enjoy your Ektorp, Klippan and Kivik sofas on the back of the pillaged suppliers. Until people know the truth, they will be ruthless killers and a wake of dead and injured suppliers in their wake will continue.
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Musk, saves the Rainforest?
Seriously, is there anything Elon Musk can't do? I am sure that he has many faults, as do we all. We all have talents. Then we are all pretty much useless at other tasks. But Elon has one thing that we do not all possess, that is money!
The question is, why does it take someone like Elon Musk to raise awareness? Has the world not created enough documentation and warnings about not having the Amazon rainforest around? Are there not millions of people on the planet that are aware of the mass clearing in the Amazon?
We all know it.
We all know the issues about illegal logging. The people of the rainforest cut down trees in one part to survive and another to have lumber. Does it truly take one man to do something more about it? It is only a matter of time until Elon Musk himself will throw his hands up in the air and say "screw it" There has to be a point where one bangs their head against the wall and says "I give up". At what point does the world wake up to the fact that we are all going to perish. For some of us, it will be sooner than later and if we do not do something today, we screw the future generations.
The planet is dying.
This fact is clear. How fast and when is the question. I am afraid that Mother Nature will get rid of millions of pesky humans far before we do enough to help her.
We will kill ourselves off by tearing at her resources, stressing the environment and causing droughts, deforestation and pollution to the point of no return.
The only way.
The only way Elon Musk can save us is by doing the impossible. It is possible to raise awareness to such a level that people must pay attention. Coming up with currently unexplored solutions to the problems at hand.
It blows my mind that a man like Elon Musk can treat presidents, dignitaries and the average person the same. He can address world leaders who beg for his business. Yet he can relate to the average human.
Is he the second coming? I mean seriously…I hope we give him a chance to fix the world. If aliens land here and say, take me to your leader. I am taking them to Elon Musk.
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Oh, baby baby!
What confused minds have invaded the country of America? America the great has had a questionable Trump presidency and is now in a fight with women, children and men over abortion rights.
Now to get things really going they decided to not go ahead and fund the baby formula initiative? What the hell have these simple-minded idiots been smoking in the USA? Do they not understand the sustainability issue here? You cannot have one without the other. I hope the diaper companies do not shut down. Otherwise, America will be in further shit.
Is this really where we are?
Where is common sense in the world? Oklahoma passes the nation’s strictest abortion ban! Rapists are now able to father children, and women in possible need of abortion are unable to have it. Risking their lives and the baby in the process? Oh, but wait, if it is reported to the police... Well, I assume after they investigate the rape and all they may allow it? What kind of a world do we live in?
Where is common sense here? The big question is... Who is pushing the agenda? Forget the politicians, forget the lawmakers. Who is behind it all? What simple-minded spinless old-world thinkers are running the "Most powerful/Most stupid "nation in the world?
Who?
There is no way that any educated, or even barely educated person will be part of all of this. How can any logical person allow a law to pass that can and will force women of rape, incest or others forms of life-threatening illness to keep the child?
No amount of arguing can rationalize the lack of thinking here. Is it something of a racist backing? Have children in America VS allowing immigration to America? What would be the difference? Allow people to enter or have kids within? Will they go as far as taking away children from their parents? I shouldn't say that, but they may go that route. This is not a communist country but it seems like more and more that the "free" America is a thing of the past.
Is it religious?
Is this a religious movement? Is the religious movement so damn strong that they can force their way into politics to this extent? If it is, we should all be very careful.
If God is real and sensible, he will stop this in its tracks because America is growing more and more divided over idiotic laws, terrible decisions and the simple-mindedness of the American lawmakers. Have babies, but do not have a way of feeding them, this seems to be a dumb-ass move. So let's kick some asses over there people and wake the hell up! No amount of education seems to be enough to stop this terrible agenda that someone has dreamed up. Whoever it is, I sure hope that they use their tiny little brains and see the big picture sooner than later.
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The great Swedish retailer IKEA. Part 5
For a full detailed account of the following, please read John Doe VS Evil.
The cost of goods.
The cost of goods and overhead is where the issue was. Colder winters? How can that be a problem? The heating cost per month in -20 is considerably more than a Mexican plant that is nothing more than walls and a tin roof. Oh the cost of the building, rented or owned costs more per sqft or per sqm. Slowly as you look into things like wages and overhead the cost of doing business differs greatly.
No, this is not rocket science and we can all figure out the cost of shipping in and out of countries, the duties and so forth. So the cost of goods, regardless of unfair specs will and must vary.
The people
It didn't matter and it doesn't matter in the grand scheme. Yet the impact on people and their loyalty to a company can be blinding. The fact that all the YB employees know full well how the YB treats companies and people is disappointing.
The fact that YB employees know that the suppliers are being raked over the coals and forced to bend forward and backward is a shame. Anyone who works at the YB should certainly look into the manufacturing companies and get the true story.
How did this all happen?
Well, it's a trap, it is a double edge sword. On one hand, the YB provides a steady income. Second, they pay on time and third they come in peace.
They come in peace, but the fact is they quickly turn on you and begin to assimilate you. Assimilation begins with I-way and Q-way. They are the YB bibles that everyone must adhere to. Oh, and it also states that they can ask any employee any question anytime. Sure this is easy. No one has anything to hide, not until they begin asking questions on wages and tell you that you need more washrooms and lunchroom space even though you are in line with local bylaws. All these little things begin to add up and put a strain on YB and supplier relationships.
The employee...
The employees suddenly feel they need to listen to the YB. Going against the owners because they were told to do something different by the YB. Who has the right to do this? Oh, the YB, of course.
This little parasite they inject the employees with suddenly becomes a problem for all of us. An amazing example was quality control. They implement something like the YB-way and suddenly we get hit with testing costs and extra quality control work that was decided without prior knowledge or consent of the management. The employee is trying to please both the retailer and the employer yet who is going to pick up the tab? These minor things make working with and for the YB an absurdly difficult task. Add to this their mind-numbing logic and greed and you have the YB in a nutshell.
Happy shopping...
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Outrage for others. Part 7
MenToo #domesticviolance
Johnny Depp... The name is instantly recognizable and depending on how old you are you may think of 21 Jump Street, Edward Scissorhands or Pirates of the Caribbean. No matter what, you most likely know his name. This makes you wonder how a man of his popularity and his fame could end up under the thumbs of an evil woman such as Amber Heard. Like in any abusive relationship it begins slowly and there are no recognizable signs. Mental manipulation and the ways to go about it could have been deliberate. Most likely it was a slow erosion of the relationship and Johnny Depp was a trusting soul.
Nothing to hide
When Johnny Depp testified he seems honest and comfortable answering all the questions asked of him. Amber Heard on the other hand was always on the defensive, in denial and manipulative. Right there, without further investigation, it is clear that she was the "boss". There is a manipulative, two-faced person on the stand and always on the attack. Rarely did Amber Heard ever answer a question openly and honestly. There was always an if, or a but with an explanation. She can be seen acting and hiding the truth. Johnny Depp is either a better actor or he is telling the truth. You decide...
Manipulative woman
Amber Heard and her team were not ready to deal with what was about to go down. Sinking the ship all by her lonesome with spotty and dodgy testimony. It is clear to see that she is not in control in the witness box, whereas Johnny Dep was and is. She is out of her element when she is not in control or losing control of the situation. She is on the run, but there is nowhere to run. Amber Heard is agitated and uncomfortable under pressure. Lies catch up to her quickly and this rattles her greatly. While he has nothing to hide and he is opening up to the world about abuse, Johnny Depp is still comfortable in a very unnatural situation.
Coming out
Imagine Johnny Depp coming out of the closet so to speak. Admitting to the world that you as a famous actor were abused in a relationship. This takes guts and a whole lot of effort from a person. Swallowing your pride and stepping out on stage as a victim. Admitting to the world that you were abused, taken advantage of and then made out to be the bad guy. Anyone thinking that is not a strong person would be deemed wrong. Johnny Depp has great courage and most likely good supportive people around him to pull this off. I am sure he asked himself a million times, "How did I get here?"
Moving on
With Disney cutting Johnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean what's next for Johnny Depp? If we had a crystal ball, we would know. He may need some counselling and time to regain his strength and momentum in the months to come. He was and is a victim of manipulation, abuse, torture and lies. Even if he never acts again and gets his shit together he should be able to adjust and return to society as a rehabilitated human. He should be given a chance by the many studios out there. Johnny Depp needs to redeem himself and be allowed to return to the world stage.
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Outrage for others. Part 8
The ultimate disgrace for Canada. Taking this bit from the CTV news website was heart breaking.
We were looked upon as inferior.
I cannot imagine how outrageous this bit of news has been. Look at the Canadian values, look at Canada's reputation and image on the world stage. Now we have been tarnished humiliated and degraded to a level of the USA and Germany? The Nazis of Germany and the slavery of the south are something that we now share in the news.
We not only tried to assimilate, change and brainwash children in the way of the "white man," Canadians tore apart families for the sake of religion and to create the white way of living.
Inferior?
How can one race deem another inferior? It has happened, it is happening and it will happen for as long as we walk this planet of ours. I doubt that racism will ever be eradicated from our vocabulary. I doubt that we as humans will be able to live in peace and life without war on our planet. There just isn't the need for it by the majority.
We can say we are trying but we are pissing against the wind.
How can we deem a native Indian to be inferior? How can we say that a black, brown, yellow or white person is unlike the other? Oh yes, it's the colour, yes the colour of our skin makes us better or worse, right?
Colour blind
I wonder what the world would be like if we could carry on our lives without seeing colour. Better yet how about not seeing colour and not knowing religion or race. If we had a way of blocking these traits, would we be at peace?
Would the world think of itself as one, rather than several different groups countries and ethnicities? We would find other differences to argue over... The language we speak, the food we eat or don't eat, and the various traditions that are part of one culture or another. If we could still see past those differences would we be at peace?
How can we be so brutal?
It is one thing to see murder, rape, and torture, on television. It is yet another to see it live and it is yet a totally separate act to be the one committing such atrocities. How can you be the one who committed such acts and how could you be so cruel? What right did you have to create such horrid things?
How cruel of a person can you be to do this in the name of religion and at a place of education? A place where you are supposed to teach and better yourself. Instead, you used it as a place of torture.
It changed me as a person.
That is one of the comments from the CTV documentary. I believe change is a very shallow word for this terrible act. But the worst part is that no one... Absolutely no one is being held accountable.
Is this the outraged society we live in?
How can we all turn a blind eye? How can the politicians live with themselves knowing that there is no one being held accountable? How can the crimes that the church has committed go unpunished in modern society?
This is what capital punishment is to be used for. Stonings, hangings and scalping should be the punishment for what they did to the families and the children of the native Indians. The Indigenous people as we refer to them now. Yet imagine the Indians and how they felt? The anger and the fear that they went through... Yet we hold no one accountable... But we do apologise and say "sorry" for the murders and crimes we committed. Try and kill a person today and get off with an apology... That is an outrage!
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Outrage for others. Part 6
This is the type of story that should cause outrage. When I came across this news story on Yahoo, I nearly flipped out! How come we are all up in arms over women's rights? The PM of Canada Justin Trudeau supports all movements regarding women's issues as he should. However, there sure isn't any stepping in on his part even in the case of Lyndsey Stocker.
The school's website states that students are prohibited from wearing short shorts or skirts, halter tops, visible underwear, low-riding pants, clothing that’s torn, and anything that shows “excessive” cleavage or midriff, among other banned items.
Why the double standard and why oh why is there all this talk about short shorts, cleavage, halter tops and visible underwear? The guys walk around with their asses hanging out in low rise jeans with their underwear visible, and nothing is said.
It's the girl's fault.
We gotta love how the rules in the school are directed at the girls. They can directly violate the rules with nearly any piece of clothing. Tops, bottoms, skirts and shorts. How about slapping any guy upside the head when he looks at the girls' legs or cleavage?
How about education, enforcement and rules on looking the wrong way? How about letting girls be girls and letting boys be boys in this case?
Teachers and schools are in the education business. Yet here they are at Beaconsfield Highschool doing the exact opposite. Rules are there for a reason, right? However, so is common sense? Who is walking around with blinders on here? Surely the school and the school board are out to lunch! Number one, there is a heatwave, no air conditioning and now no shorts?
Who are the rules protecting?
The rules are not in place for the students. No, no, no. Are they in place so the school can keep hormones at bay? No, the rules are there so the school can keep male teachers from getting in trouble right? Is it a temptation for the kids or the male teachers?
Can we cover that angle for a second? Oh, I stepped on some toes here by taking a different perspective. All male teachers are probably going to check out the same cleavages and asses as their younger male counterparts.
The rules are there to keep sexual harassment cases down right? Rather than teaching the kids right and wrong behaviour, we make rules to inconvenience others. One case of anything... be that littering, swearing, or sexual harassment will be suddenly covered by a blanketed rule because one person stepped out of line? This is the usual behaviour to cover up, rather than to educate.
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Outrage for others 5
We read the headlines.
We consume news by the headlines and not the full story behind it. We consume news in bits and pieces off of social media and not by reading the full article.
We consume the news that is tailored to us to read by the social media accounts we follow and that is all false. They are bits and pieces, words and headlines of the full "real or not so real" story.
The curated bits of information that are thrown at you are what get your attention. Communication that will send you into a frenzy and make you join forces with a like-minded but possibly wrong group of other individuals. This is what society is today. You may take bits and pieces of my blog and cause trouble for me... Yet given the whole story, I believe it makes sense.
Look around.
We look around the world today and see how we have evolved. We can bring in experts that will push their perspective and we listen because it makes sense. Yes, it makes sense and so we do not see the B side of the story. We look at the A side and agree whereas the B side also makes sense. There is no middle ground these days. People are only on one side of the fence and do not see the aerial view of the problem.
Look at Putin, right or wrong, (I am not on his side) he feels like he is caged and the world is against him. We DO NOT know the full story and we never will know of the agendas hidden behind this war. No one will ever know so don't even bother to try and explain. No one will ever know the real dark secrets hidden behind the support or lack of support for any of the uprisings. There are simply too many hidden secrets and underground movements that poke the hornet's nest.
We may need to change our minds.
We consume all this information on the war and other stories from millions of news sources owned by certain parties, pushing certain agendas. We consume this information to satisfy our beliefs and that those beliefs are ok.
We don't want to check the facts. It is too much work and embarrassing if we are wrong. We may be forced to change our minds and that may hurt. We may come up with other questions that we are not prepared for. Such is the way with many topics. We could talk about aliens, God or the way sugar affects our bodies.
Is God real?
The true answer is, that we do not know. No one knows. Some believe and some don't. The ones who swear there is a God rely on a certain amount of information that is deemed to be documented. However that it might not necessarily be factual. The ones that do not believe will rely on a certain amount of fact, like evolution. Both have a belief and both have a certain amount of documents and things believed to be facts.
The truth is, we will never know unless someone somewhere comes along and says, "I am God" Or some alien comes along and says "We created you, stop this nonsense"
Either way... Stay informed, stop the outrage and try to create peace instead of war.
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Outrage for others 3
Next!
Let's take the case of Eric Garner, "I can't breathe" was a perfect case for justified outrage. This type of thing should make news across the planet. Every nook and cranny of the world should be alerted that this is not ok. This needs to stop!
My question is... Why is this not the ultimate outrage? Why are we not jumping on this topic with millions of dollars raised and hiring the best lawyers in America to stop this brutal violence?
How come this continues and black people are being shot in the back and others are dying at the hands of police needlessly.
It is not enough!
Not only in the case of Eric Garner, but George Floyd and so many others... This type of behaviour is allowed because there are very few consequences. Slaps on the wrist are not enough. Why are laws not being passed against police brutality as fast as they are being passed for the newest abortion laws?
It's bullshit, to say the least. Where is the next outrage and why hasn't that one continued? It's because it is being suppressed and there is no money to continue the fight. The awareness is not enough. No one will retrain cops that are brainwashed by the white supremacy-based news cycle. Someone should continue the fight, but who?
This is the main problem.
We take up the fight on so many levels and yet there should be one united cause. Peace, fairness and common sense. We all know what is right and wrong.
Don't tell me that the idiots burning cop cars and rushing the Capital in Washington DC didn't know it was wrong. Sure they did. They may be followers, but they know. They all took a gamble and went and stood by their leader Donald Trump! Even he knows what's right and what's wrong. He only chooses to be the way he is because he knows that his followers will vote for him. Not everything Trump did was wrong. The way he went about doing it sure was.
Divide and conquer.
We all know it is the oldest trick in the book. Yet we as simple-minded humans fall for it every single day and every single time. Hook, line and sinker we fall flat on our faces.
Lack of reading, understanding and of course hear no evil, see no evil is the best way to live right? Absolutely not, yet that is how many choose to live. They choose to be ill-informed and uneducated about the topic they raise and the causes they support. This all leads to misinformation and further outrage.
Divide society and let them duke it out. Let them fight before you while you steer the ship in the direction you wish it to go.
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Outrage for others 4
We are but sheep...
Like sheep to the slaughter we go... Oh yes, we are all but sheep and follow the crowd. Unless you take a deep look into any topic and read both sides of the story, you are ill informed. Reading up on a topic is one thing. Understanding and reading with an open mind is the key. One can read the history of slavery with today's mindset but what about reading it from the mindset of the past? How did the slaves live? Where did they get taken from, and how were they treated as the white boss whipped them in the fields? Back then, like today, we stand by and watch shit happen. Governments pull the rug out from under us, the ones that fight back can only fight for so long. The rest sit back and behave like sheep. Tax money being pissed away appears in the news, billions to trillions of taxpayers' money are pissed away and the sheep stay as sheep. What can we do?
Would you do that?
Seriously, how was that an acceptable thing to do? Everyone knew this was wrong, yet it was accepted until it wasn't. Why can we not see things like this today? Why can't we as a society teach people to not hate? Because in certain households it is perfectly acceptable to hate.
Would you go and round up the Jewish family next door and kill them? No, you wouldn't. You may if they maimed or killed one of your family. You wouldn't if they didn't cause harm to you in any way. So why go kill a black man and shoot him in the back? Because you know you may just get away with it... Oh and you are a racist asshole, that's why!
In their shoes.
Question yourself about the topics and put yourself in the shoes of others. Instead of looking down on a homeless man, ask yourself the question of how they got there? Ask yourself how you could end up on the street and how you would wish to be treated?
Ask yourself what it is like to be whipped while cotton picking. Or today work as a slave in a mine in Africa. That is happening today as we drive around in our electric cars and talk on our mobile phones. Ask yourself how your clothes got on your back. All ethically sourced certified and traceable products eventually lead to higher prices. These are prices that no one wants.
General labour.
There is a difference between the labourers of today and the labourers of yesterday. Yesterday does not have to be a year ago or 10 years ago. It is going on today...
Forced labour is going on as you read this. Child labour is going on as I type this. There is a difference between labour and forced labour. Labourers, no matter how young or old in Indonesia for example, work so they can put food on the table. I have watched children rummage through garbage in Jakarta. They collect cans and recyclables to take home to be able to put food on the table. There was no whip to be seen, they did it to be able to eat. That is out of necessity because no one has been outraged enough to help put a stop to it. This is where we come in as not so innocent bystanders. We choose to participate in the outrage rather than to do something about it.
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Why is it that we can take up a cause for others? How come we can set up Go Fund Me sites for people in immediate need and yet we cannot look after our family, friends and neighbours?
The need to jump right in and hopping on a bandwagon is not a bad thing. It is however a need that seems to be filled way too often. We can standby or walk by a homeless person in need of help and never drop a penny in his hat. That is not seen as a Go Fund Me option. Yet when something happens in the world, we are all so quick to fix it.
A "caring" society.
It is amazing how we can standby and ignore the real problems and be blindly guided by the news and bits and pieces of information. We choose to be a caring society when we choose to care. This is such bull shit.
No one gives a damn about the immediate situation. Nevertheless, when you bring up a cause and outrage or tragedy for an unrelated cause we suddenly become "caring". We not only care, we create outrage and race to bring this new cause to the attention of everyone in the world for the next 5 days.
The next 5 days!
Sounds like a movie title for a romantic adventure or a doomsday movie. It may as well be, because that's all we care about. We create a tsunami of the information we have briefly consumed and dump it all onto the many social media platforms where others also do what we just did.
We pile on and pile on some more... Sometimes we realize that the information consumed had been false or not completely true. This is the world we live in. This is the world that consumes our daily lives. This is what drives more and more outrage. This is the distraction that politicians play on. Why do we not care about Jeffrey Epstein for the last 2 years? Where are the news cycles and the finders of the truth for that cause? No Go Fund Me was set up to dig deeper and deeper into every single lead. No, it's yesterday's news, too many hands are in the cookie jar and too many will be burned at the stake for the outcome.
It's all dead.
The news cycle rollercoaster has come and gone on so many levels. The whole world is now in Ukraine. Kinda wish the war happened sooner because it helped us forget about Covid.
That is not a joke, nor am I serious about it. It was the next big news event that released us from the mind-crushing, mind-numbing Covid news cycle and helped us be distracted by the war. This too shall pass, but not without tremendous damage to the people of Ukraine and the world economy. The news cycle is dead when people stop paying attention. So stop pouring gasoline on the fire. Stop the feeding frenzy of this type of news. Go help the little guy with his hand out on the street corner and take them to get a meal or buy them new clothes instead. Go local and make a difference to a friend, family or the local homeless guy.
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The outrage!
There is a problem here... Someone, please press the panic button! We have to start getting angry and we need to start mobilizing the troops. I mean we all have issues, but I feel that Starbucks is not doing enough for the homeless people in the arctic so we better start, immediately start boycotting them.
They also abuse and grind up every single coffee bean and steam the crap out of the milk. Oh, and they upcharge for vegan milk in North America!
WTF?!
Seriously people. When morons like James Cromwell crazy glue themselves to a counter at Starbucks because vegan milk has an upcharge in North America... Man oh, man...Wait is it "person oh person"? People, we have a problem! As a friend of mine has said…”If you can afford to go to Starbucks, you can afford the upcharge!”
Last I checked, no one twisted anyone's arm to go to Starbucks, McDonald's, KFC, Burger King, Wendy's, or Dunkin Donuts. So neither he nor anyone else has any right to complain about what's on the menu or the prices charged. There is no ARGUMENT here. As long as that establishment follows the guidelines laid out by the government and follows its company rules everyone else can shut the hell up.
My rules
The company runs their business as they see fit. Once more as long as there are no violations there is no reason to red flag anyone. If the staff and the customers are being dealt with adequately, you as the consumer or an individual have no say. Like it or not James Cromwell can express his opinion. However, he may as well have been hired by Starbucks...For the millions of dollars of free advertising. No one gives a crap...Or at least they won’t after the 24 hour news cycle is done.
Niche market.
This needs to stop! The same thing goes for Twitter and its new owner Elon Musk. If you don't like it, get off the damn platform. These platforms can be ignored, IF you choose to. The problem is we are fighting other people's problems by raising opinions like the one I am raising here.
This is my opinion and you do not have to like it or read it. If you like it, good, if you don't then go read another blog.
If our ideas align then we can spread the message together and raise awareness that Starbucks is not obligated to listen to assholes who want vegan-friendly options for the same price as dairy at Starbucks. If the niche is there, why shouldn’t they capitalize on it? Again…If you can buy your fancy drinks at Starbucks, you can pay the upcharge.
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The narcissist boss.
Why this happens to a person, I'll never know. These people are a breed of their own and live a very narrow-minded life. It seems that their reason for existing is to pick on and bully people.
From passive-aggressive comments to putting down employees both near and far is their way of life. Why is this? Are they also at home strangling cats and plotting the next murder? Or are they only like this at work?
Speaking from experience, a close friend of mine had a terrible boss that lived this sort of life. Her boss was nice to everyone in front of strangers and new acquaintances. But that stopped quickly.
The way we talk.
We all know, how to behave at work for the most part. Sure there will be words that may slip out that could be inappropriate or wrong. But the narcissist boss doesn't know or care and turns off all filters. This I assume is done on purpose. The belittling ways in which they talk to people to make them sound dumb and downright stupid.
Most of the questions they ask are questions or tasks they handed out with little to no information. When the task is complete they ask questions that only they can answer. It's a stupid game played by stupid people.
Hindering progress.
These types of bosses waste time and valuable resources because they do not know what it is that they are asking of their team. They are not clear and they are then the smartass in the meeting. Asking the team and employees questions that only they can answer. Think of the employees like robots. Worker ants in a way. There are special departments, HR, accounting, marketing etc.
If any of those teams are not given the proper input, how do you expect a positive output? If you need a greeter at Walmart and you tell someone to hire a general helper you cannot expect the general helper to know how a greeter behaves. This then becomes a training process and not a hired employee for a task. A narcissist boss will always be right, correct and on the attack.
Living in hell.
One thing to look out for in such a person is that they are vengeful, nasty individuals. It is best to leave whenever possible. This type of person will be nice in a group chat for example and nail you in a personal conversation for not playing by their rules. They will send personal messages or conversations and leave out vital information and burn you in front of your co-workers. Eventually, the employee begins to feel as if they are stupid and will question their every move. The company eventually only moves forward when every little detail is given because they are afraid to make a mistake. Mistakes equal being ridiculed and thus the company moves very slowly...
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With whom would you prefer to work?
What kind of a person are you? What kind of a boss do you or would you prefer to work for? I have not worked for many, but the ones I have worked for were very different. Not only personality wise, but from different backgrounds and wealth. Some truly started from the bottom up and some had old money.
One was a micromanaging a-hole and the other was a lost soul who got lucky in their business. Neither one was a team player and neither one could run the business on their own. By that I mean they had no patience for the small things. One of my former bosses could not be bothered to read a contract because they did not have the patience for it. Yet if something went wrong it was never their fault.
The narcissist boss.
This by far is my favourite topic. I always wonder if they were born this way or were they simply left to become this way. No one dared to teach them right from wrong or as the business grew did it let them get away with more and more until they turned out the way they are.
I feel it's definitely the latter. When you end up making enough money, you feel you can get away with anything and everything. You forget where you came from and you forget about others. You forget your manners and forget about your employee's feelings. You the narcissistic boss have become all-knowing and evil.
You are God?
It seems that when a boss gets this evil and this nasty/powerful in a company that many want to work for, there is no stopping. Yelling, screaming and belittling are the way things go. Bullying in the workforce is a negative and frowned upon behaviour. Yet when the all-knowing boss does it, the company HR turns a blind eye. After all, no one can discipline the boss. At this point, the boss is just that, a boss. A sometimes loved and sometimes hated person who knows it all no matter what and wants their way, no matter what.
You are not a leader.
A boss is a boss is a boss... There is no stopping a nasty boss, they are a boss and not a leader. Unfortunately, a bad boss will not make a good leader. A team captain does not need to be the best player on the field. They need to show competence, understanding and leadership by example. Doing the right things when no one is looking is the best way to describe a good person. Being understanding, caring and honourable to your employees is the best way to lead. A few nice words will go much farther than the harsh ones. This unfortunately is not clearly understood by many.
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Things you need to know.
What are we all chasing? Wealth? Happiness? Peace? Wellness? It could be one of those things or all of those things. Achieving all of that is much like wanting things done, good, fast and cheap. You can't have it all, pick two. The same principle applies to wealth, happiness, peace, and wellness. We can argue about the order of things but achieving all of those comes at a price.
The saying, we can't have it all rings true. With wealth, comes stress. Achieving wealth itself is stressful. With the focus on growth and money, peace and wellness will be put aside.
The stress.
Financial, business, personal, relationship and family stress as well will add up. Working long hours, and organizing and building a team itself is stressful. Things never go according to plan. People quit, leave, die, whatever the circumstance it is stressful.
Whether you are selling a product, a service or your knowledge there is always competition. Little things add up and if you are a newbie, your life will spin out of control. So what is the secret to it all? Sure the millionaires and billionaires all have help now. They went on the wild rollercoaster ride of business on their own. They have managed to take control and step back.
Needing help.
Everyone needs help. Those who say “I built this all by myself” are liars. At some point in the business, they had help. Maybe the help was free or paid for, but there was help. The person may be the owner, they may be the CEO, but they had a team.
When people say “this is my business”, I often get the sense that they are full of themselves. No matter what this is our business. The employees are an extension of you. The way you treat them is an indication of the results you will receive.
How do we do it?
CEOs that glorify themselves and put themselves on a pedestal will be the ones standing alone out in the rain when things come crumbling down. Yes, Steve Jobs was the face of Apple. However, someone had to design the phones and create the software. The same goes for Bill Gates and Elon Musk. They rely on thousands of people and could never say "I did it myself"
Often keynote speeches will open with, "we at..." we, not I. I may have a vision, that is solely mine. However, I needed you to read this and f
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Don’t be afraid to say no.
Being happy is not the secret. No one can be happy all the time. The secret to a happy life is not to be happy every single moment of the day. It’s doing what makes you happy for one and dealing with things in a somewhat selfish way.
Don’t be afraid to say no. No this or that does not suit me. This or that is not something I am comfortable doing. By saying no, you are not putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. By saying no, you are protecting yourself from possible triggers or situations where you do not feel safe.
If you say yes to something you don’t want to do., you are at fault. Take someone with you that knows you may be vulnerable and know that they have your back.
Know your limits.
If you are an alcoholic, going wine tasting is not going to be good for you. If you are going to go take along someone that can help you. In case you feel the need to drink you have that angel on your shoulder telling you guiding you to behave.
I have met recovering alcoholics that have the willpower to not drink. I have met a few alcoholics that cannot be anywhere near alcohol. This is but one example. A person allergic to peanuts should certainly not go to a peanut butter factory.
Why is it that we can differentiate a peanut allergy from a personal trigger? The same thing applies to your personal happiness.
Be aware.
There will always be happiness and sadness in life. Death of a family member. Car accidents, personal injury or job loss will always be the roller coaster of our life. It is how we deal with the situations and maintain our composure and know how we will react to that situation.
Knowing yourself and being aware of your reaction to those hiccups in life is where happiness and being content will be your new strong point. Do what makes you happy and not what others think will make you happy. This is not a recipe to follow because it is too vague. But the awareness that you can lean on will be your saviour.
What’s next? SWOT.
From part one to part thirteen this has been about you. Not the other person. By putting yourself and your needs first you need to find yourself. Identify the good the bad and the ugly. Do it for your partner as well. Let each other know your SWOT. Strength, weakness, opportunities and threats. While SWOT is used for business you can perform one on yourself. If you hate numbers and taxes and your partner is good at it you have a weakness and strengths within this. If they cannot boil water and you can cook you’ve got a good team. The idea is to make yourself and your life easier by getting to acknowledge yourself. This awareness will bring clarity and light to your life.
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No one will complete you.
If you don’t do it for yourself then who will you do it for? The saying “happy wife happy life” should be changed. Happy you, happy life should be the rework. Only because without your personal happiness your relationships and your life will not be happy. Your life will always be lacking something if you are not happy.
No one will complete you unless you are complete. This may not make sense because there may be a certain someone that makes you happy. That may all be true. But at the same time that is a patch. If you are unhappy from within no other individual will be able to fix you. Life is not a song by Coldplay. It is not a video clip where everything will be okay once you sing a song.
Be free as a bird.
Look for someone to compliment you and not to fix you. You can lead a horse to water… You don’t want to be the person leading and you don’t want to be the horse. You need to be you. Eventually, the other person may get tired of trying to fix you. Especially if you have identified your faults and you are not working on fixing those faults.
You need to feel free. Free as a bird so you can fly around and be free. Sing like a bird and be as free as one before you get stuck in a rut. Don’t be the bird in the cage. Don’t let anyone put you in a cage. Life is too short. Find someone you can be free with.
It’s ok not to be perfect.
No one is perfect. What we can be is aware. Be aware of your red flags and be aware of your triggers. Inform your partner. Let them know what you are okay with and what you are not okay with.
If one day you freak out because they brought a puppy home or a snake for example and you are terrified of puppies or snakes, how were they to know? The same goes for your feelings, vices and triggers.
There is no reason to tell someone. Every single detail of your life. But let them know and talk about the little things that make you special. If they can’t deal with you… If you cannot deal with them then be done with it. Soar together and enjoy life together.
Be happy together and alone.
I have known a few people in my life that cannot be alone. They freak out at the thought of being alone. So they latch on to people even though they are well aware that the relationship is a waste of time.
The drive to be in a relationship and being able to say that they have a partner outweighs the need for the right partner. This method does not work but the fear of being alone is the problem. This does not equal a stable loving relationship because it is a relationship based on the fear of being alone. Together or alone, the relationship is doomed.
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Make memories...
Buying shit is a waste of money. Buy what you need and not what you want. Accumulate amazing memories and not materialistic items. What you spend your money on will not make you happy. If you need a new phone, of course, you simply have to have one. It is the way of life.
A new Hermes bag is a pile of shit. Spend your money on vacations, weekends away and create memories not materialistic shit. Use your money wisely.
Watch the sunrise, and the sunset and stare at the blue sky when you can. Take a walk in a forest and observe life outside of your own. Live a little and spend time with your friends and family. That is what will make you warm and fuzzy not the selfie with the bag when you are old and grey.
Enjoy life while you can.
Because we never know when tragedy will strike it is important to have short and long-term plans. Both are needed to be able to work towards something and to keep you on track.
If you always wanted to write a novel, for example, go and write it. Do some research and go for it before you get old and senile. We never know what will happen. We can learn from the past but the future is yet to be defined. A split second here or there could be the end of us all. Short term and long term goals will keep you on track to those baby steps we talked about earlier.
Life as we know it.
Because the dinosaurs were wiped out billions of years ago, we too could be. Look at COVID and imagine if that was a virus that would kill on contact. The world would be a very different place today if that were the case.
It is a lesson for all of us on the planet earth. One, we cannot fix everything and two we don't know what tragedy can strike us. We don't know and we will never know what the future hold. Much like we have no idea how we got here. You can believe anything you like but we still do not know.
In conclusion.
Do what makes you happy. Leave behind what makes you sad, unhappy, angry and depressed. This sure is a hard thing to achieve. It is possible, you may or may not be able to accomplish it alone.
It is always hard to look at the glass as half full. It is always difficult to not always think that the grass is greener on the other side. Most of the time the grass is very much the same but your perspective may be different.
That is the key. Change your perspective and your life too will change. Don't be chasing the unicorn because you may never find it. But heck I am sure there are a few white horses around. The rose-coloured glasses cannot always be found either so it's best if you live your life to the best of your abilities and enjoy your life as much as possible without getting caught in the social media-driven frenzy we tend to get swallowed in occasionally.
Happiness is within... Not in the purse the home, the shoes or the car.
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Do what makes you happy. Part 10
Do you have a favourite place?
What place or memory of a place makes you happy? What memories can you recall from your childhood that give you that warm and fuzzy feeling? A comforting thought that you wished you could relive or pass on to your kids or partner.
We all have those feeling and I feel that striving to have that special attachment to a place is important. For me, it was visiting my aunt and uncle's 100-acre farm in the middle of nowhere. Being free as a child and having these long hot summer days wandering around in the forest and dirt roads.
A car would pass at a rate of maybe 1 per hour and we never had to be careful crossing the roads. We had two dogs that would accompany us and they ran around without a leash. They were country dogs that slept outside no matter what the conditions were. They were covered in snow and made little mounds as the snow fell on them. Only their noses would be visible.
Happy as kids and adults
Why is it that as we get older we grow grumpy and forget what it was like to be children? Why can we act like kids up to a certain age and then turn sour?
Is it life experiences that kick us around so much that we do not know how we used to be? Is it that our happiness has been chased away by all the bad we have experienced. Do we get sick and tired of life and forget how we were jackasses as well at one point in life?
We had to learn from our mistakes as much as our parents did. Our kids' will, you're kids will and their kids' will. It's the process of life. No matter what you say and what you do, we learn from experiences.
Somehow we lost it.
Look at the grumpy old men and women all over the world. We lost the meaning of fun because of the way the world has been shaped by our elders.
Some people we knew as kids have turned out to be lying politicians. Some people we knew as kids have turned into alcoholics or even passed away. Their life has been turned upside down by trauma or circumstances. The happiness we shared as kids is so far buried in them that they do not have the means of finding it.
How do we reset all this?
I wish I had an answer. For me finding happiness is one thing and for you, it is another. However, I feel that going back to some old memories and chasing those feelings is where it is at. Getting to know you and your past is one way of reconnecting.
It could be a favourite cottage you used to visit with family or a loved one. It could be a place... One of my favourite places is a diner we used to go to and to this day when I am in the area, I must visit it and eat there whether I am hungry or not.
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Mistakes we make.
We all make mistakes. Except when no one dares to tell you that you made one. This does not only apply to be narcissistic ex-boss but to all of us.
We all know right from wrong. We all know what we should and should not do. We all know we should put the dishes in the sink or the dishwasher. We all know that saying thank you to people is the right thing to do. Sometimes we think we do not need to say good morning to people. Is it because they don't deserve it? No, it is because we do not feel like it or forget. Those are all excuses, kids do it all the time. They take things without saying thank you. They only know what they have been taught.
Correcting a dog.
I am going to take flak for this one. However, one way of training a puppy is through correction, positive reinforcement and redirection. Correction is to make a puppy sit after they have told to and didn't. Positive reinforcement is to give a treat when the correct action is displayed. Or the redirection when they are on a leash and a quick turn is made by the trainer to redirect the dog's attention to the path ahead and not daze off into space.
This method works for kids and adults just the same. The prize may be a cookie or money. The result is the same. We are driven by input and output.
Praising a child.
Kids and adults all love to be praised much, much more than being disciplined. A friend of mine has a son that I really liked a year ago. Not that I don't like him now but he has changed. He has become a spoiled little kid that will cry at the word "no"
He was pulling a headboard back and forth in his room after he got bored playing with Lego. When he was told not to he looked at his mom and began screaming. Mom picked him up and cuddled the child. The same child behaved this way in public. It could be food, a toy or a ride in the mall. The child had his parents trained amazingly well and he knew it. I don't get it. He will have a rough ride in the world where he will meet the narcissistic boss and or some tougher teachers.
The child learned.
This child learned to get his way. He was given input in ways where his behaviour was rewarded and so his life will need a major reset.
This learned behaviour was enforced because he always got his way. As much as my ex-boss got his. The difference was that the parents are not going to be fired whereas the employee will be. The same affirmation of behaviour is what killed Michael Jackson and gets these big artists in trouble. No one dares to say no and that is wrong. We are all guilty of this type of behaviour. We let things slide and as parents, we may not be consistent enough as well.
In the end, however, this type of behaviour does not lead to a positive healthy and happy life.
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Zero happiness.
I can speak for an ex-boss of mine from experience. Happiness and joy are not in his vocabulary. The driving force behind him was to make the deals and to get his way. It is a very selfish and anxiety-driven way to live. Need to be right, to always be this narcissistic asshole. In meetings, it was always about his ideas and never listening to the team.
Pushing the boundaries of bullying at all times and putting people down in public, in meetings, in front of others. He thinks of himself as a trailblazer and a leader. In reality, he is a rich businessman who got to where he is because of a well-off father. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and horseshoes up his ass. Is he happy? No, he is never happy.
The face we put on.
To the outside world and in front of a camera, life in the business of entertainment is just that. It is entertainment and he is a good showman. However, behind the scenes is a screaming, overbearing and micromanaging individual that has no happiness in life. The drive for him is to be bigger and better yet he will leave this world without a genuine legacy.
Never giving back, never giving in and never appreciating anyone who contributes. I may sound like an asshole, talking about my ex-boss this way. Nevertheless, this is the truth of how he runs his business. The face he puts on for the camera is not the face he wears in the office. This is his problem and eventually, in life, he will pay for it.
How we live
How we live our lives and how we portray ourselves to others is as simple as the small example in psychiatry. The one where you name your favourite animal and then the second and so on. The first animal you name is the one you wish to be the second is how others see you and the third one is who you are.
This game we all play but we do not go full out to a level where my ex-boss was. He was powered and fuelled by money and could afford to always get his way so to speak. The company was one that people were dying to be a part of and not until later did they find out how the company was actually running.
Evil is contagious
Eventually, the staff began treating others the same way they were being treated. While teamwork was the goal, everyone did their own thing to look good or at least not look bad in meetings. Everyone in the company shied away from commenting and recommending ideas so they do not get singled out and yelled at. This trickle-down effect became the norm. Everyone yelled at and treated their subordinates the way they were treated.
This toxic environment was further poisoned by surrounding himself with a pile of "yes, yes, yes people" Never being told that you are wrong, is wrong.
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I wonder what...
I often wonder what makes Elon Musk or Bill Gates happy. One of my favourite movies is Pretty Woman. It may not be for the obvious reasons of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts's chemistry on screen. It is not only because of the great soundtrack.
It is the lesson in the movie that Julia Roberts's character teaches Richard Gere. Edward and Vivian are from very different backgrounds and yet a prostitute teaches a businessman to loosen up and relax. There is a scene in the park where Vivian removes Edward's shoes and socks. He feels the grass with his toes and in a way becomes grounded. His busy life is attributed to his hate towards his father. His vengeance is to prove himself to his dad who had passed away.
Proving yourself.
Sure there are times you step up and show the world what you are made of. There are times we go above and beyond what is needed. It could be as simple as helping a baby bird that fell from its nest to helping an elderly woman across the road.
I have done both and damn it felt good. My son and I helped an old lady across Yonge street in Toronto one day. It was a scene out of a movie. The old lady stepped off the curb about three times and stepped back because the cars kept on coming. We helped her across the road... No, we didn't record ourselves doing it. No, we didn't make a big deal out of it. It felt good to do good.
It feels good to give.
This is often said but rarely done. For me, even cleaning my closet and giving away the clothes to drop-off locations and thrift stores feel great.
Much like in Pretty Woman Edward learns that there is more to life than the hustle of 9-5 or in his case it was 6am to 11pm. Learn to enjoy the squirrels in the park.
People watch and learn about others. Learn to see the joy on the face of an old couple as they take their stroll in the park. Watch kids as they play and chase each other. Watch the dogs sniff each other's bums and laugh at the puppies as they roll and stumble.
Watch as the babies peek out of their strollers and wonder about the white clouds, the blue skies or the snowflakes.
To get back to what makes the rich happy? I cannot speak for those people, but...
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What motivates you?
What get's you up and out of bed in the morning? No the alarm clock, the cat, the dog or the smell of coffee does not count. What gets you up and makes you look ahead to the day?
If life is a constant struggle and nothing, I mean nothing at all gives you the least amount of joy in the day then you need to look inward.
Do your friends and family fulfill your life? No, the general problems do not count. We all have our taxes, our bills and headaches. At the same time, we all have the little things in life. Those little things give us purpose. If you feel that you have no purpose, then it is time to spread your wings.
Find your purpose.
With Covid, it has been hard to travel. Yet one of the best ways to grow as a person is by seeing the world. Sometimes it opens your eyes and makes you appreciate what you have.
I have often said that all politicians should travel before being in office. Millions of entitled assholes who complain about their coffee or being too hot and sue people over it should also travel and see how the other half live.
Many people in the world have nothing better to do than to seek out opportunities. Opportunistic idiots who do not have a life and need to stir up shit for self gratification for the hell of it. A person in a developing country would certainly wait a few minutes before drinking a hot beverage. Even if they were to burn their tongue, they would not sue, they would learn.
Learning.
This is a simple thing. Learning. We do it each day. Little things we learn may not even seem like learning. Something you hear about from a friend or on social media does not seem like learning. Because we are bombarded with information much of this information is in and out of our heads.
I personally love ancient Egypt. I love the Nazca lines. So I seek out such information. I learn about it because I want to. For you, it may be music, art, cooking or museums.
This goes right back to what interests you and what can motivate you. What you are passionate about and what can give you joy. Is this enough for a happy life?
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Are you depriving yourself?
What are you depriving yourself of? Do you crave chocolates? A vacation? A long walk or drive? Simple, small things that may possibly be dismissed by your partner? A board game or a trip to the cottage?
Maybe your life goals no longer match with your partner's? Maybe you are stuck in a loveless relationship because you are afraid? Afraid that you will be alone so you would rather stay unhappy than take a step and find happiness? Do not deprive yourself of having bacon and eggs if your significant other is a vegetarian. If you have constant fights about it... Rethink your relationship. You may not want 40-50 years of that. Or give in after 10 years of marriage when you know this is an issue. Goes back to personal happiness and joy and not compromises that you are unable to manage.
Your life is about you.
Your life is in your hands. It is not in the hands of your family, friends or your partners. If your partner does not agree then you need to do things on your own or find a new partner. You are not being selfish for doing things you want to do. Your life is your life. No one should control you or tell you what to do.
That being said, a healthy relationship is about caring, compromising and communicating. If... and that is a big IF. If you love your partner then compromise and being together are not looked upon as a form of giving in and giving up personal happiness.
Who is unreasonable?
Do not give in to unreasonable expectations. Do not make promises that you know full well you will only be able to keep for the short term. If you turn to be a vegetarian to make your partner happy and resent them for your decision... It's best to move on. Find a burger-loving bacon addict like yourself or a full on plant loving soul to live with.
There is nothing wrong with being you. Be the you, you want to be!
Why give in to unreasonable expectations even for the short term. If you know deep inside something is not right, or something feels off. Rip off the band-aid quickly and do not wait.
What is the point of waiting?
Waiting is procrastinating over the inevitable. Waiting will only cause anxiety, fear and pain. While carrying around a monkey on your back for the sake of dealing with the inevitable.
If you need to clear the deck so to speak it is best to clear it sooner than later. Do it before you sink under the pressure you are putting yourself under.
There is nothing wrong with saying no. There is nothing wrong with giving up something negative in your life. If it brings you pain and you are unhappy it is time to move on.
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Step into the unknown
Most people are so afraid of change that they would rather go to work 9-5 and stress over their lives than to do something about the stress in their lives.
They are afraid of what can, would or could happen to them. Step into the unknown and live a little. Shit happens in life whether you want it to happen or not. The only thing you are doing is going with the flow because we have been thought to do exactly that. The unknown is scary. The unknown is terrifying and that is why it is out of reach. Or is it? Do you always take the same route home? Do you ever go out of your way and take the scenic route? Small changes can and will lead to bigger ones.
Living in fear?
Are you living in fear? You are in fear of reaching your happiness because mentally you are incapable of crossing a barrier? If you are, then you should not complain about the lack of happiness in your life.
Much the same as the rich folks are masking their pathetic lives with materialistic happiness, individuals afraid of making the change are also finding band-aid excuses as to why they cannot achieve happiness. Living in fear is no way to live. What do you need to be a little bit happier? What baby steps can you take to improve your life by a fraction of a percent?
Is it that small walk around the block that you have been putting off as the start of your health goal? Is it embarrassment that is stopping you from joining a gym, an art class or dance classes?
What brings you joy?
Before you can take the steps to personal happiness and joy, you must identify what makes you happy. Maybe cuddling up on the couch with a good book does the trick. A run a cat or dog would bring you the greatest joy in life.
Find out what your passions are and reach out for them. If you cannot get a dog, go to a dog park or volunteer at a shelter. Get a part-time job as a dog walker. Get closer to your goal by taking an art class if that is what your passion is.
Do not be afraid.
We didn't pop out of mom's womb running, walking and talking. We learned all that and so we need to teach ourselves how to be happy. Maybe we were whipped into a way of living. We were moulded into shape by our parents. Our surroundings dictated certain things. Now is the time to find your way, your path and your happiness.
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What does it all mean?
What does life bring you? Does your life generate such amounts of stress that you could be a nuclear power plant? Does your boss aggravate you so much that you want to punch him on sight? Does your significant other stress you out so much that you think of jumping off the nearest ledge?
Obviously, if that is the case you need to make a change and not contemplate jumping, punching or hurting yourself in any way. You need to go and search for the next job the next partner or your next life.
What's killing you?
What is eating away at you on the inside? Is it stupid things like...
"I need that new iPhone and I cannot live without it, I need to be the first one in line at 1 am at the Apple Store?"
If that's your biggest problem, maybe jumping off the nearest ledge is your number one solution. Yes, that is sarcasm so no, don't go jumping off anything. But do give yourself a slap across the face for me, please.
Your level of anxiety and want for material things should be thrown out the window. You need a serious reality check and maybe a psychiatrist. As much as you think you need material things to achieve your happiness you are so wrong.
Retail psychiatrist.
I know a friend of mine that worked at Dior and now works at Hermes. Her life is filled with superficial people buying superficial material items.
Most of her day is spent on the phone messaging clients who "need" the purse that is unavailable or... The purse they need to work up to in monetary spending at the store.
Think of the absurdity of all of that... They are buying purses and clothes that are artificially limited to make them expensive. Hook, line and sinker. But my friend knows this, the brands know this and they play the game well.
However, the money in most cases is not a problem. People walked into Dior and dropped tens of thousands of dollars on purses. But to make the sale... My friend was nothing more than a bouncing board.
The listener.
My friend brings temporary happiness to the rich by listening to their problems. Listening to them complaining about their lives, their empty pathetic useless lives. After hours of complaining, they are sold an expensive item of some sort.
This purchase was not a purse or a dress, this purchase was a band-aid. This merely elevated a scratch that is leading to internal bleeding and a slow death.
So what does it all mean? It means that millions of people could be better off by changing their lives for the better.
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What is your life like?
I would dare to state we have everything we want and need. This does not apply to all people across the planet of course. But let's generalize for a moment.
Most people have a job, and most people have what they need, even if they don't have what they want. This is common across the world among people rich and poor.
The rich want to be richer and the poor would like to have more security, and a better life and may want simpler things to achieve happiness.
As we all know, the rich may be far sadder than the poor homeless man who begs on the street. Their level of need differs greatly. So the rest of the world falls somewhere in between all that.
What level of rich are you?
Are you the kind that considers themselves rich because you have a yacht? Are you the kind of rich that has penthouse condominiums in every major city of the world? Are you the kind that owns an exotic car and yet struggles to make the payments? Or are you considering yourself rich because you live in a massive house but stress over how to make the dollars meet to be able to afford that house?
Maybe you are rich because someone threw a 5-dollar bill in your hat at the side of the street. The level of expectations of happiness can vary greatly and in all instances, money can and does cause stress. To others, you may look rich, yet your level of happiness does not equal your richness.
Are you happy?
Many of the rich are much poorer than we think and many of the poor are far wealthier than they believe. This is certainly true and if you have travelled to any of the poorer countries in the world you would know.
Across India or Indonesia for example, the poor smile at you when you look at them. They greet people with a sincere smile because they are appreciative of the support you may bring to their establishment. This gives them their salary to take home to the family.
In India, I spoke to a man in Rajasthan. He was a waiter and worked 7 days a week. He lived four hours away from his place of work. Saturday evening after his shift he got on a bus and went home. He then spent the day with his family and returned in time to start his shift Monday morning.
Was this an easy life? Certainly not, but this man was such a happy soul. He talked about his kids and wife like they were everything to him. Because they were.
How happy are you?
Does your zest for life and your love for your family equal his? I will never know. However, this man that I met was a happy one for the sole reason that he had the means to provide for his family and that gave him pride as well as happiness. Can you achieve that? Can we in the modern world achieve that level of pride? Or are we the ones that are not capable of understanding that our wants and needs need a reality check?
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loveyourself #business #quoteoftheday #positivity #motivational #fitfam #mentalhealth #healthylifestyle #healthy #quote #yourself #inspire #selfcare #smile #weightloss #exercise #nature #gymmotivation #lifequotes
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Writing the impossible.
When I brought up these possibilities to this little girl, her mind opened up and her imagination was set free. Yes, the tree could have seen love, death and murder. Or it could have been an amazing place to tell the story of the tree’s inhabitants.
Suddenly the stories came pouring out of the children because they were led on and sparked by a few ideas. This brings me to writing the impossible. Any crazy idea, once thought through can be a fun ride. Killer sofas, killer cars and pumpkins sound totally off the wall, yet they have been made, created and shot. So why not your idea?
You have nothing to lose. Once you start something, finish it. Do not stop halfway. See it through so you can learn and see where you made your mistakes. Write a short story. Then go back and make it tighter, make it more exciting, mysterious or funny. If you don’t feel it can go the distance, find out why. Are you missing the backstory? Or you are stuck because you have no ending or middle to your story?
Go step by step, take your time, there is no rush. Did you describe every scene in detail or skim over the make and model of the car your villain drives? Or the brand of dresses your favourite girly character would literally kill for? Maybe one them has a hobby of collecting stamps. Don’t forget, you could leave DNA clues if the characters were to lick a few. So you see there are no bad stories. Only poorly planned ones.
You are the God of your story; you are the creator and you are the writer. Set your mind free. Go farming, have fun and don’t forget that in order to be called a writer, you need to do only one thing. Write…
If you are starting out, write short poems. Find out how you feel and how your writing makes you feel. If you add more and more to your poems, they will become short stories and short stories can become longer and longer until you have a chapter.
The next poem will become the next chapter and so forth. Do not be shy, do not be bashful. Don’t be afraid to join and read comments on Facebook groups and Twitter. Often, you will find good advice amongst the bad. Not everyone is a published writer, just like not every football player plays pro ball. With enough practice, you can or at least be the water boy or water girl.
There is no right or wrong way to write. There are good, better and best practices. But even with that, you can get help. Get a good editor and other professionals involved if you are serious about your craft.
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Let's go farming.
Okay, so no one goes farming. I have never heard that term used anywhere but here we go. We are going farming because of one of my favourite topics.
I have not talked much about “planting seeds” I am sure it is not an actual term but it should be if it isn’t. I refer to this as planting seeds because it is actually leaving clues throughout a movie script or your book. It’s the little things like Larry living on the streets. A man lives on the streets so he must have seen things, done things that could, would or should come back to haunt him or help him.
A rich man giving a homeless man money each day shows his character. The homeless man can come around in the future as a helper for your story. Same thing with a man giving up his seat on the bus. Or a woman helping a child that nearly gets hit by a car. These incidents give you the writer and the reader something to think about. The rich man may lose everything in the story and a homeless man teaches him the ropes on the streets in the future.
That is what I call plantings seeds. In my novel Indebted, I show the character of a recently released man from prison as he changes a tire for a woman in the rain. He just got out of prison and he does good. In the future, these characters can meet again. Give yourself an in or an out from situations and let those seeds grow. Sometimes you can revisit those seeds and see how they have changed or grown over the course of the novel or the script. This also works well for a story with multiple plots.
As two or three through lines connect and disconnect it can help strengthen the story. A mechanic who takes care of customers' cars can connect and disconnect in a story. The mechanic could have his own story of being an addict but he loves his job. He is, unfortunately, a bit troubled and a lawyer that he has helped out comes to his rescue or demise. Planting these seeds can come at any time in the story. If you watch most American movies, the characters are all usually introduced early. A big barbecue brings the whole family together. In a book, this could be tedious to explain to everyone at once. In a movie, we can show uncle Buck picking his nose and pulling out nose hairs. In a book, we would need to explain in a quirky way uncle Buck is a strange dude.
By explaining, we are giving hints and clues and at the same time, like the homeless man we can come back to uncle Buck and explain that he is a crazy inventor with millions and people are always trying to kill him for the inheritance.
This is why I love planting seeds. They are your helpers; they are your personal assistant in times of hitting that wall when you know that your brain may not be working at full capacity. It becomes fun to pull out those plants that have flourished from the beginning to the middle and it gives you characters to work with.
It has happened to me several times in a book and a script when a character grew on me. One such occasion was an old doctor in a soap opera and another was a couple that ended up getting a full-time gig on a soap opera. You love the characters and occasionally you fall for them and do not want to let them go.
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Painting yourself in a corner.
This is another term I like to use for myself when I am writing. It is exactly as it sounds. I go with the flow and sometimes on occasion I find myself with this scenario. I went with a great idea but ended up in some impossible situation that may or may not work. But because I like where it took me, I need to figure out how I am going to make this work.
Most of the time I think things through, but on occasion an idea takes me on a detour and I end up painting myself in a corner. This little hiccup is awesome. I don’t see it as a reason to panic. I see it as a reason to be creative. Assuming we go back to our serial killer situation with a father and a boyfriend and they meet up ready to kill each other… We love the situation as to how they got there, we love the idea of them meeting but we are not ready for the fight. We can use several mechanisms to relieve the stress and prolong this climatic moment.
We can use a planted seed or another character to pop up at the moment we need them to help us get unstuck. This could be a point where they need to temporarily work together to get out of a sticky situation. Comic relief is certainly one way to go. Even the most dramatic situation could be broken up by something interesting, funny or unusual. We could have someone flying a drone or practicing flying a drone. This could be a neighbour near the house and the two guys are caught on camera. It could be an annoying dog that comes and pisses on one of the characters.
The possibilities are endless and so we need to figure out the setting the time the place for all these incidents. If a man always says good morning to the elderly neighbour and it’s clockwork because the old lady is always on the porch. It would seem interesting if one day she is not.
· Routine
· Comedy
· Hobbies
· Vices
These are just some of the things we can and need to count on to make things fun and make it easier to write. Without these additional tools, it is very difficult to keep things alive and moving in a book or a script. Additionally, we can use pets or animals to add to the story. Kids too are a fun way to keep things moving because kids and pets are unpredictable.
I once did a small class for a Montessori school. A young lady asked a question. Her dad was a gardener, they owned a large business and she wanted to write a story about a tree. Well the tree itself could be boring. However, an old tree could have seen so much. It could have experienced so much. There is a story right there. If we took it a step forward and the tree would be cut down, would its life flash before its eyes?
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Falling in love with our creations.
The reason we fall in love with our characters is that we make up their story and raise them as our children. We can talk like them, act like them and love them for those reasons. In our case, Lucky is now much older now. Larry and Lucky are characters and we see that they both come from troubled backgrounds because we designed it that way. It is up to us to give them hope or continue trying to get better and stronger while throwing obstacles in their path.
If for example, Lucky is always late, she may miss her flight and, in the process, meet the man of her dreams that flew into town as a serial murderer. The two then begin a relationship. The plot twist here could be that Larry would pick up on the signs of a serial killer and begin to look at the new boyfriends' actions, and reactions and see himself in him also as a serial killer.
I may or may not have done much explaining here but that’s the way my mind works. Nevertheless, most of the time I brew things in my head with great planning for the throughline. I always know the beginning middle and end. The same as a movie script. I know where I want to be at what point in my story. This sometimes hinders me because I want to rush to the end of my book. It would be so easy to say Lucky meets Tim, they fall in love, Lucky finds out that her boyfriend is a serial killer. Confides in her dad about the fact and later finds out that they are both killers out to save her.
This gives us the outline and in most cases, I do not write this down. What I tend to do is this.
-
Characters
-
Traits and quirks
-
Through line
-
Details (I make notes as they come up)
-
Pain points (Give them problems to solve)
-
The framework or skeleton of the story
-
Hang the meat on the skeleton
-
Solve problems.
-
Hurt everyone.
-
Kill people.
-
Love people.
-
Make them cry
-
Come up with solutions
-
Keep the end in mind.
These things may not be 100% in order. They are things I keep in mind and work with to keep the story strong. A love story needs to have a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope, despair, tears and all, give the reader hope and doubt.
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It's not a sprint, its a marathon.
My mind wanders and jumps from place to place. I make notes and hang more and more meat on my framework. One thing to keep in mind is… My experience is with scripts and I feel this helped me to write my books only because of the strict beginning, middle and end structure of a movie.
What I like about writing the books is… I get to elongate those three acts into a book. Now when I sit down to write it all comes rushing to me in those three parts but I can pace myself. It is not a sprint, it is a marathon with shorts burst of sprints throughout.
- Beginning
- Planting seeds(next chapter/blog)
- Preparation
- Training
- Pace
- Content
- Middle
- Detours
- Obstacles
- Problems
- Resolutions
- Tragedy
- Loose ends
- Ending
I do these things on the fly so to speak. It’s all in my head and brewing all the time. I dwell on these things and make notes constantly. I have my phone by my side and when an idea comes I jot it down. Even if I wake up in the middle of the night I will make notes. These notes add to the story and make it more interesting as I go along. Sometimes I may go back to the last chapter and rethink what I wrote
One other thing to note and I am not sure if they teach this or if others do it is to re-read the previous chapter before you attack the next one. What I find, besides lots and lots of spelling mistakes, run-on sentences and general sfsfdfsdfff gibberish… Oh, lots and lots of gibberish. Is that the quick glance at the last chapter or the last two before you begin to write sets you up, and puts you in the mood.
I find this important because if you just left a birthday party and jump into a horror novel or script you would not be in the right mood. So a quick read and we are ready to kill, love or commit suicide. Now off to one of my favourite topics. Farming… Well…yah… farming so to speak.
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Now that we have these fun things on paper it is time to make a story. Pick your characters and let's go.
One of the best examples I can use for the above is the statement “writers' convenience”. We used this in scriptwriting. It applies to everything we write. It is easy to break someone’s heart in a story by having a partner cheat on them. It is easy to get into a fight in a bar by having someone hit on their partner. However, a very docile man will not fight, fighting is not in his personality and thus punching out someone would be writers' convenience but not believable.
If, however, his docile nature is due to spending years in Tibet as a monk after being in Afghanistan it may be believable. However, one person pissing him off will not send him straight back to being a killer. On the upside, we can push his buttons and even a docile man with the right amount of aggravation, anger and rage can turn a person into a killer. He or she can snap.
A funny thing that happened to me that is a great example of this is when I was 16. I was in Dallas Texas for a soccer tournament. I ended up in an elevator with a man and suddenly he crept closer and closer. I placed my hand on the emergency button on the elevator panel as he asked how old I was and where I was from. He came uncomfortably close and I imagine he was into young men as this was no joke. Now if my friends and I were just shooting the shit, we would say I would punch the guy, kick him or scream. But in that situation, I pretty much froze because nothing like that had ever happened to me before.
It was not in my nature to fight back because I was shocked. This applies to all characters and having “writers' convenience” we can do anything we want but it would not be believable. Especially in movies where we need to show and not tell this can be hard. But in books, we need to explain feelings, situations and small nuances in the story and the characters. An ex-boss of mine was very adamant about this. Yet he broke the rule whenever it suited him. This is something that should not be done. We cannot have unrealistic things happen. If we do not have the proper input, we cannot have the proper output.
While this got all technical all of a sudden it is important to understand the differences. Rocky couldn’t take on Apollo Creed without practice and without having his background and reasoning outlined.
This stuff I learned along the way of working in the movie industry and having written hundreds of episodes of soap operas. But in general, it works and the more we establish the background of a character the better and easier the writing becomes.
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Being a single dad 7
In the long run.
This dedication to being a single dad did come at one cost. At times I wish I had a break. At times I wish I had another person to bounce things off of and get a second opinion.
Did I make all the correct decisions all the time? Probably not. There was not much I could do. I made the decisions I made because that is what I thought would be right... Was our household perfect? No, but what household is. At least there was no arguing amongst the parents. This also meant I got to celebrate both Mother's Day and Father's Day. The kids always got a Mother's Day present for me. This was a bit of a joke and we still do on occasion to this day.
Loneliness
At times that word crept up on me... Not because I was lonely. Heck, I always had two kids around me and was busy all the time. But the sense of being alone did strike me often. It was a loneliness that is harder to explain. From what I recall it was the lack of having another adult around and in my life. This didn't last forever but picking someone to share my life became that much harder.
Watching for red flags. Establishing trust. Once bitten twice shy became a real thing for me. I am a single dad with two grown kids. 8 and 13 and 9 and 14 then 10 and 15 and on and on it went. How do you bring a woman into the family of two kids who are young adults?
Slowly...
Eventually, I got back out in the world and had no choice but to date with discretion. Only when I was very sure that this relationship was a long-term one would I introduce the kids. Was it nerve-racking? Sure was... It was worse than going on a first date. How will the kids react? What will they say? Will they say something wrong?
We always had a ton of sarcasm in our house. Puns and jokes were constant and while the kids knew how to behave they were kids. Luckily all this played out quite well. Of the few partners that were eventually introduced to the kids, they all got along. I always felt I had to reassure the kids that they will not be losing me. These little things as well as many other big things are only some of the challenges faced by single parents. I imagine this dating thing to be harder for single moms. But we all deal with it the best way we know how.
Conclusion: The best word to use here is patience. But to me the best advice is... Know what you do not want...
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We took two different strands of people we saw in the mall and let them come together as one. Now we have two different backstories and have come together as one. Many times I will add in character traits and go back to rewrite the story with that trait.
For example, in my novel Unit 12A-05, I wrote in the King. He was a bald man with a limp who is a real-life friend. He also uses a cane most of the time. He made a perfect character for my story.
The funny part is that the King in real life was a very silly man and not like the King in my story. But his general character fit. Once again, if you keep your eyes open and absorb these little key traits it can make writing much more fun and easier.
In my case, I flipped his very docile nature to someone who was a kingpin type of person. Talk softly but carry a big stick. However in the end a very seemingly incapable man could be a ruthless killer. For me, these little twists in the story are what make writing fun and interesting. This does not come all at once and certainly not immediately. The fun part of this is, to imagine your mom or dad being a serial killer. How would they get away with it? How would they hide their secret life?
But for now, let’s get back to Larry and Lucky. We picked out two characters and you can do the same. Pick a story you are working on, or let’s start one together… Start a love story, a horror story or a teen drama.
For me as I mentioned it started with poetry and picking up on feelings that I believe people had and writing them down works. You don’t have to make it up. The characters are out there in real life, in movies, in books or in newspapers.
We could add another twist. Larry could be a serial killer as well as a strict dad. But let’s pick two characters that work for you. Pick two people out of a crowd. Pick two of your friends and imagine them living a double life. A killer, a prostitute or a cheating boyfriend, girlfriend etc. Add to an already existing person and step it up a notch.
Larry can be a loving and caring father with a brutal past. He could have been abused and turned that into love toward his family. However, he is troubled and his past sometimes comes back and haunts him. Rather than taking it out on his family, he takes it out on others. Change the age of the character and suddenly you can have a teenager or a young adult with the same past and he falls in love for the first time in his life. These little things are where I like to start. Not having a story, a character or a background for your character is nonsense.
· Character
· Traits
· History
· Quirk
· Personality
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The characters in depth:
Once again this is just how I work. If you are writing a period piece, fantasy or a drama it makes no difference. People are the same wherever you go. They loved, they hated, they experienced love and jealousy the same as we did. They are the basics of the great novels of the past. I simply like thinking my way as far as characters go.
Just like we came up with one character, one needs to establish all the characters in your story, poem, blog, or article. Sometimes those characters are fictional and other times they are real living people that need to be addressed in proper ways.
Up to now I have never sat down and interviewed anyone famous but this assignment was given to me by the only person who ever coached me in writing and so I am passing it on. I have mentioned Larry in my blogs, but I do not remember his real name.
I have decided on his name so let's go. Larry himself was a unique character. He was a writer and had optioned a few scripts and made some good money. I don't know if any ever got made but it does not matter.
Larry had a few quirks and so I'll share them because it may help you. Larry worked full-time from home. This was way before work from home was a thing but let's assume most writers who work full time can or do work from home. Larry had one problem and I am bringing this up because I personally feel that for a character to be memorable they need to have some quirks.
We all have a quirk or a certain trait that makes us who we are. OCD, PTSD, Tourrettes, anxiety, fear, and so on. Well, Larry could only get work done when he went to work. So each morning he showered, shaved and put on his dress pants, dress shoes and a shirt and tie.
Without his routine, he could not work. Larry needed to go to work, dressed for work and be ready to work even though he was only a few steps from his office across the hall.
The point is, that Larry's character had depth. We can tell he was and is an organized person. If Larry were to commit murder, we could assume he would be very detail-oriented.
We get back to Lucky for a minute before we move on. This is something I love doing. Taking two different strands of the story and tying them together. Why don't we make Larry, Lucky's father?
Larry is a specific type of person and we know that from what little I told you about him. Larry would always get dressed for work, Larry is precise and we will assume clean-shaven and intelligent since he is a writer.
In the short time I have typed this we are giving depth and character to Larry and we can take a guess as to why Lucky is sad. Maybe, just maybe Larry is also a strict father who may or may not let Lucky sleepover at a friend's house and that is the reason Lucky was so sad. You see how this is all coming together now.
Stop
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Since this is not a class and there are no tests or grades, let's assume we have our first character. Let's assume we will write a poem about this little girl in grade 7.
If she was down because her best friend left her there all alone or her crush just trampled on her heart we could piece together a poem for her.
This could be a sad poem about her friend or a terribly sad poem about her crush since life as she knows it is over. The point is that we can have a dozen scenarios as to why she is sad and write a few lines about her immediately because we have established a few important things. Plus we have developed her character for the poem. Jot down a few things. Tears, sadness, anger, loss, alone and so on. All we need to do is put those keywords in a sentence to have a few lines of a poem.
You've already stopped to think about how those can fit. If you need to; put a few sentences together and see how you do. Keep in mind this simple exercise is just that. A way to get your brain to work.
We have established a few things and these are or these can be our foundation. After all much like a house, we need to build a strong foundation for our story and then build a frame, roof and so on.
Now that we established this, we can move to the next step. We have not given this girl in grade 7 a background or a backstory. All we have is a poem about a sad little girl. Where did this character come from, what is her name? Her name could be part of her backstory. A certain type of name can be a certain race, place or event. If we call her Lucky, maybe she was lucky at birth because she had her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and almost died.
Maybe her name is Violet, and she was unexpectedly born in a garden. The possibilities are endless and this helps us with the rest of the story. Assuming we are going to write about this little girl we need to establish her mom and dad. The same character breakdown is needed for them and with this, we give them personalities and characters.
We have all this from a single snippet of information, a little girl sitting at a table in a school cafeteria. We can run amuck with the rest of the info and I can see your wheels are turning. Not time to get rolling, not just yet.
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No matter what you can think of, others have written or experienced something much more surreal.
You must remember this point because it is very important. Now let's assume we are in a mall or the centre of a busy city. We have our snack and our cup of coffee.
Sit back and watch as hordes of people walk past all around you. Some are skinny, some fat, some are short while others are tall. Some have glasses, some are bald and some have crazy hair or a crazy outfit.
You can see where I am going with this. We need to pick a character. We need to establish who we pick as an actor in our head. I will go back to my grade school and let's assume I am in the school cafeteria and I see a girl from another class across the room.
She has long flat hair, and glasses and she is somewhat bored by her lunch and is picking at it and not eating. She looks sad and down or so I think she does. This is my perspective and my story, our story.
She could be having a bad day, not feeling well or something much more serious. Her mom or dad could be ill or her dog could have just passed away. Maybe she fought with her best friend or she is moving away from the school in the next few days.
We do not know the answer but... We have already gotten a few things established, she is sad, she is alone and we have gotten quite a lead into our story. You see very clearly where I am going with this right?
One other thing I love to do is to bring together separate stories. So please keep this in mind as we go on this journey together. I love to bring different trains of thought together. And I will explain this in further detail later.
If you need to grab a pen and paper… An iPad or jot things down on your phone, go for it. I only mention this because for the longest time I could not type a poem. I know, it sounds weird but to type with my thumbs on my brand new Blackberry years ago was not possible.
I guess this was a small quirk I had to work around and I did manage eventually.
These days I have the same issue with reading emails. I cannot read an e-mail on a phone. Ah… you cannot read on your phone you ask? Sure I can, but if it’s something important… I will only understand it properly on my laptop. On my phone, I glance at it and if it is important I pull out my laptop to understand it.
I assume we all have quirks and idiosyncrasies. We can be eccentric or we could call ourselves weird. Like the way I hate working and I feel trapped when I face a wall with my laptop. I need to see, my mind needs depth and long views to be creative.
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My number one thing. I love to people watch.
People watching:
Watching others tells the story for you. No need to think.
One thing I feel all writers should do if they don't do it already is people watch. Not through binoculars in your house or apartment but out in the real world. So if you don't enjoy sitting in a coffee shop or walking through a mall, you should.
I will bring this up later but this alone right here is all the inspiration you will ever need. There, class is dismissed and you can all stop reading.
However, please do not stop as we are just getting started. You see when I write my poems they are all about people. I get a kick out of finding out, of guessing how people are feeling. No, I do not go and ask them because they may think that is rather creepy.
What I do, do is this... I love to watch people come and go. I love to see how people interact with each other and strangers. I love to stereotype people and then add a twist to their personalities. To me, this establishes several things...
- Characters
- Character development
- Story arc/development
- Story creation
Let's assume you want to write a story. First, you need some sort of story idea and then the characters. By people watching you can achieve all those and then some.
The characters drive the story. The story is driven by the characters and so on... Now once more I remind you that there is no right way or wrong way to write. We are all very different individuals and so that should remain.
Now when I people watch and I am in the right frame of mind, meaning relaxed with a bite to eat and a coffee... I can simply observe and take in the above points.
This I used to do in school, this I did as a young adult and I still do as a slightly older adult. One thing you need to always keep in mind is this.
No matter what you come up with, real-life and real experiences will always outdo you.
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There is no one size fits all solution here. There is no magic wand to wave or a spell to cast. Nor do you need to sell your soul to the devil.
Will this work for you? I have no idea. As the old saying goes, "If I can do it, you can do it." I hope I am going to encourage you to write and encourage you to try and write something.
To start with a fun example here, I am going to go back to grade 7.
Yes, that is a long time ago for me and maybe even for you...
I remember my history teacher Mr. Elliot giving us the assignment to write about our experience at Midland ON. Sainte-Marie Among the Hurons. This was a historical trip to visit the Huron Indians in Ontario Canada. The place was interesting with many old and refurbished buildings and as a kid, in grade 7 I was not bored to death by the trip. The bus ride was long but the trip was worth it because I still remember most of it. It rained on and off for the whole trip and thus it was a bit soggy.
The assignment was simple, write about the trip. As a kid in grade 7, well let's just say the words didn't flow very well. I do not remember what I wrote on my assignment.
What I do remember is Mr. Elliot reading out loud to the class one statement... "Don't go in the rain, because you might get wet."
I laughed along with the class because Mr. Elliot had a fun way of delivering nearly all the content in his class. All was great until he told the class that I had written this incredibly insightful statement.
No this was not the amazing beginning of my writing career. But I did write and I did start writing poems around that time. While I thought the rain comment was meant to be somewhat sarcastic, everyone just laughed at me.
I was not the most outgoing kid, I would say I was an introvert even though I did join all the sports teams in school. Outside of sports, I was a bit of a loner and I did love to write my poems. My poems were not amazing or very good by my own admission. They did get better as I got older and I always carried around with me a small notebook that was usually hidden in my binder.
This takes me to our first lesson so to speak. Remember there is no test on this so all you need to do is read...
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Nice to meet you. My name is Zsolt Zsemba and I am a writer.
Insert your name in the blank below.
My name is _ and I am a writer.
It's not that hard to say, but for me to be able to say that took nearly two years. No, I do not, nor did I have some sort of impediment. I decided to wait a long time before I uttered those words. It was a goal I had set for myself and I was not about to curse myself by saying it prematurely.
My name is Zsolt Zsemba and yes, I am a writer.
Am I a good writer? Well, I hope I am decent, that would be a positive enough achievement for me.
First of all, I like to be upfront and honest. I was neither born to be a writer nor did I study to be a writer. Did I become a writer because it was my goal or dream to write? Absolutely not. The thought never entered my mind for about 27 years of my life.
My spelling is downright awful, just ask Janet, my editor. Does my train of thought make perfect sense? Once more, ask Janet. I tend to walk a path and make new ones but eventually, I do return to the chosen path. I feel that many times I go into great detail and other times I skim over things.
I am the writer; I choose my path and it is up to me to find my way back. I am the writer; I choose my characters. It is up to me to make things make sense and to make my story interesting.
Now, this can prove a few things:
- You can learn to be a writer.
- You can be a writer.
- You already are a writer, author or poet.
I am not going to hand out lessons and make you study them and then hand them in for grading. I am not going to make you read other books or my books to teach you how to write.
All I am intending to do is to tell you and discuss with you how I write. This is not a secret; this is not some amazingly easy thing to do but I'll tell you how I write. What I did and what I do to keep things interesting and fun for me.
Also, there is no catch, there is nothing to buy, or sell and no contracts to sign here. This is simply what works for me and how I write.
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As the kids grow up.
Honestly, it is amazing to see the kids growing up. To see them get on with life and do their own thing is something every mom and dad wants to see. Every parent wishes nothing but the best for their kids.
Being a single parent can be a struggle. But the satisfaction of having been able to do something such as raising children is an incredible achievement.
To be able to see a child adjust and cope with not having their mom around is incredible. Giving kids credit and trusting them is something many parents miss. Sure, kids can be kids and can do funny and stupid things. But to be able to entrust them with little things and build on that is one thing you need to give your child.
Building trust.
I must say that one of the funniest stories for me came from this trust. My son was at home as I stepped out for something. I got a call from my son and to say it was a panic was an understatement. My son tried to explain to me that our dog that was on the deck, removed a picket from the railing and wanted to jump down. Well, the deck was about 10 feet off the ground. But that was not the interesting part. The dog in the process of wanting to come down got his hip stuck between the two pickets... He was just hanging there. My son explained all this and I told him to go give the dog a shove. There was nothing he nor I could do at that moment. My son gave the dog a shove, he did a perfect landing and came running back up. Or the time the water softener pipe came off and sprayed water all over the basement. Of course, things happen, but how we and the kids react to these things creates character.
How do the kids turn out?
My son has a very even and calm nature about him. Very straightforward and reacts to things with ease. My daughter is the polar opposite and the sky is always falling. No, it's crashing down and raining cats and dogs. Let's say she takes after her mom? Yeah lets, just because I can. Don't hate, we are having fun here. Yup the kids turned out to be absolutely the opposite of each other. What can we do?
However, when it comes to trusting them with important things they are both trustworthy. Their personalities do not match and over the years they have grown apart. I will blame myself for this as well as their personalities. My son cannot put up with talking about the Kardashians and my daughter has the attention span of a goldfish. They are both gainfully employed but do not talk to each other much.
Where is their mom?
This question we ask ourselves at times... In many ways, I don't give a shit where she is. She owes about $100,000 in child support. University, child support payments and other expenses that I had to shell out on her behalf will never be repaid. My son and daughter both could have used a stable mother. But such is life and we cannot get what we want.
It is a shame to see a very intelligent and talented woman spiral down the drain. A best-selling author and scriptwriter. A person who is as gifted as she lost it all due to drinking. If nothing else it is a well-learned lesson. The kids watched their mother fall to pieces and learned not to fail as she did. I learned from the experience as well. Drinking is a red flag, not only for me but for the kids as well...
Conclusion: It is best to let negative things/people go. Set them free and let them be on their way. We cannot help people who do not want to be helped.
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The story of a single dad.
My story is quite simple. I managed and I put my daughter through university. My son finished high school and Covid hit so his plans were put on hold.
I have heard horror stories of divorced dads and single moms. Many didn't end well, many struggled and struggle to this day. Up to a point, I was lucky. I did an admirable job on my own. Yes, I had help but the most amount of help came from my kids. My kids were my greatest helpers. Once they were older we split chores. A quick dusting, vacuuming and a load of laundry here and there gave us the time to go on vacations, weekends away and time out for dinner and movies.
In the end, the most amazing thing in my story was teamwork. Or in this case, the family making things work rather than dwelling on the fact that we were a broken family.
How to survive as a single dad.
Surviving this was not hard. Dealing with many things along the way such as passports. Getting the paperwork together for lawyers and the actual legal aspect I would say was much more stressful than the single dad part.
The hardest part was trying to explain all the time how I managed full custody of two children. It wasn't my bad intention that gave me custody of my two children. Rather the lack of action on my ex's part.
I don't mind explaining to people the story. When I do they usually feel bad since they were expecting a different story I am sure. Survival on my part was sacrifice. I did what I needed and I was not selfish. The kids came first and I came second. People need to understand that.
How to manage time for kids and for friends as a single dad.
This was all rolled into one. Thank goodness that in the area I lived in, many of my high school friends also settled in. When the kids showed up at school, I bumped into quite a few friends that had kids going to the same grade school as my son.
This was a funny turn of events. I never would have guessed that when I was in high school I would be meeting some of my friends at the school playground. We chatted about this when our kids played outside or arranged playdates. Reminiscing about high school while our kids played felt strange.
Later the kids could come and watch me play soccer and hang around the playground or we could go to birthday parties. The point is that friends and kids came together.
Conclusion: All this was not easy. In the end, we all needed to stay strong. Being a single dad is not a death sentence. It is a series of compromises and making sure that the kid's needs come before yours.
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What is a single dad?
Being a single dad means... being responsible and being a good role model. My kids never heard me yell and scream. I treated others with respect and used common sense.
Was it hard to keep it together all the time? Sure it was... Sometimes between grocery shopping, laundry, cooking and driving the kids here and there I was tired. At least I knew why I was doing all the chores, I was a single dad. Whereas before I was doing all this and I still had a drunk to babysit and argue with on top of everything else. Did I mention I also had four dogs?
My ex was obsessed with dogs. So two kids and four dogs made for a fun household. The one plus side in all this was that the dogs were outdoor dogs and we had plenty of land for them to roam.
As soon as I could, I gave away one of the dogs to a purchaser of ours. The second dog ended up at the vet due to an injury and I luckily found a home for him. It is not easy to find homes for grown German Shepherds.
When my dad's dog passed away I was able to give him one of our dogs as well. This got me down to a manageable one large stubborn German Shephard. After I had him neutered, he too fit nicely into the well-adjusted family.
What are the single dad stereotypes?
When I mentioned to people that I was a single dad, everyone assumed I had done something evil to "get custody." For the courts to award two children full time to a man is rare. Naturally, everyone thought I was a part-time single dad. or that I shared custody. No, I had full custody of the kids because my ex ran away.
Often times people asked how and why. When I explained, it quickly became apparent that I was not in the wrong and I didn't tear away the kids from their mom. She didn't care and does not care to this day. For the first two years, she came and saw the kids once a year and kept in touch. However, in the past 10 years, she may contact my daughter a few times. My son and her do not talk.
What are the reasons a man ends up as a single dad? Well, it wasn't by choice. I didn't get married so that I could get divorced. Shit happens and shit happened. Life goes on.
What a single dad can do?
A single dad can do anything he wants, as long as he takes the kids with him. This makes dating hard. I didn't date until a year and a half or two years after my divorce was final. I had too many things on the go and I didn't need to complicate my life. Life was simple because there was only one goal.
Make sure the kids are happy. The house was in order, they were fed, healthy and well-adjusted individuals. This is all I could have hoped for. They were and are polite, well-mannered good kids.
Once I had all my ducks in a row, I sometimes had my parents help out on weekends and this gave me a much-needed break. Without their help and our family business that gave me flexibility my life would have been much harder.
**Concl
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Being a single, single dad.
Yes, being a single dad meant I was single. This also meant that I was single and unattached. Nevertheless, the first year was all about being separated, working on the divorce papers and taking custody of the kids.
No, I didn't steal the kids away from their mom. She was given plenty of opportunities to also have shared custody. She didn't show up to her court dates. Didn't pay her lawyers and so forth. This caused a longer divorce than it otherwise should have been. But eventually, I got the house and the kids, she got the villas in Bali.
In the first year of my separation/divorce, I had my hands full with the kids. I had to cook, clean and do laundry on top of taking kids to guitar, karate and singing lessons. Even if I wanted to, there was no time for dating.
The kids and work were my number one priority. This was not hard to achieve. As long as they were healthy and happy I was happy, it was that simple.
Dealing with a new lifestyle.
The hardest thing about dealing with the new lifestyle was nighttime. My son and daughter were asleep by 9 pm. I usually went to bed at about 11.
Once a week I played soccer and since the kids were responsible and trustworthy leaving them once a week until 10 pm or so was totally possible.
The evenings were quiet. I was either playing video games, watching a movie or writing.
At night I did what I wanted as long as it was at home. Besides, I always had a load of laundry to do. I had plenty of frustrations with my daughter pulling off her pants and underwear in one go. To be clear her underwear was rolled into her jeans as she pulled them off in one go. Eventually, it came to the point of teaching her how to do the laundry and having her do her own laundry.
Slowly her duties included cleaning her bathroom. She had and still has the habit of brushing her teeth in the shower. This meant that large chunks of toothpaste would dry on the bottom of the tub. Much like the laundry, she was warned... Comply to simple rules or do it yourself.
How do you cope?
This was not hard. It wasn't even so much as coping. It was as simple as managing a job or a project. Except it was ongoing and the consequences were much more problematic if things went wrong.
My daughter is older and took care of herself. My son and I had our evening routine and read many, many books... Garfield, Sesame Street, and Scooby-Doo books were what we read in those early years. This was not new. We have had this routine for years since my son would only go to sleep with me even before my divorce.
Coping was simply doing. Doing what needed to be done was my simple rule. If there were problems between the kids or myself, we talked about it, discussed and came up with solutions. Keeping a level head about all the situations and good discussions were all that we needed.
What does it mean to be a single dad?
To me it meant freedom. How can that be you say? It was easy... Not having to put up with an argumentative ex and having the two kids and I make all the decisions were so easy. To me, it meant that we did what we wanted to do and we decided what when and how.
It meant that life was busy... It meant that life was now fun once more. Even though I was going through a divorce, we were now separated. There were no more lies, backpedalling and it also meant that the kids ate healthier. I took it upon myself to make life better. Our lives would be fun, fair, inclusive and above all, we would be a family.
I didn't cut the kids off from their mom. She came as far as the driveway and was not allowed on the property.
Different challenges that come with being a single dad.
The challenges came from other areas. The kids were kept in the loop and were always told the truth. Mom's drinking and driving charges, the divorce and eventually her decision to return to Indonesia.
While all this took time, understanding and quite a bit of explanation at times it was all in the open. The challenge came from juggling several things at once. Cooking, laundry, dinner and lunches were to be done and prepared by me.
I made it a point to now have frozen dinners. I made it a point to not have crap food in the house. I cooked fresh meals with vegetables and experimented a whole lot. I cooked with the kids and even shopped with the kids. We decided what we wanted to eat. We shopped accordingly and cooked meals we agreed to eat.
Being a single dad to me meant one thing. Doing what the family decided to do. This included weekend plans, movies, sleepovers and other plans.
How to be a successful single dad?
While this is a broad question, my answer is simple. Make it all about the kids. We made all the decisions together and we had fun doing it. We ate dinner, and we spent quality time together. It was all about the kids and not about the individual.
To me, this accomplished several things. The kids and I didn't have any unwanted or unexpected surprises. We were a team. We decided on vacations and evening plans. Walks, basketball, bike riding or skateboarding.
Because of the age gap between the two kids, my daughter had more grown-up plans. Sleepovers and more time away because of her friends. She would need to go out and get picked up later from a friend's house or the movies.
For me, this left so much more time with my son. We became closer and closer and eventually grew to be more than just father and son. We never argued or fought and this to me is the single best advice.
Do not fight and argue with the kids. There is no point in huge arguments and yelling or screaming. Yes, it did happen, especially with my daughter. Her experimentation with weed and alcohol came at the age of 13-14 and we had arguments over all this. While both kids missed their mom at times, we didn't mis
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Becoming a single dad.
Topics that you have personally experienced are always easier to write about. When I was suggested this topic, I thought it would be easy.
However, when you experience certain things, the memories don't always equate to positive ones. Memories of being a single parent are all positive for me. How I became a single parent is much less positive.
In previous blogs of mine, I went through the challenges of living with an alcoholic. An alcoholic parent is very dysfunctional, unstable and a handful to manage on top of two children. Being divorced and having one less dependent so to speak was a blessing.
What it takes to be a single parent.
At the time I was handed the role of being a single dad. I would not have been able to go through a list of qualifications. It was not a checklist that I could go through and give myself a certificate of completion/qualifications.
Besides, the training part I had been through for years. As my ex's drinking got worse and worse, the more I had to pick up the pieces. I was already giving the kids their baths, clipping their nails, cleaning their ears and putting them to bed.
I did some of the laundry and while their mom was locked away in the home office, the kids and I did kid stuff. Lego, movies, reading, homework and general goofing around inside or outside with the dogs.
There is no true outline of what it takes. Much like reading a dozen books on parenting before having a baby. It is useless until you experience it. Practice vs theory, cannot learn to play football from a book.
What the challenges are.
This question alone could be a complete book and not a short blog entry. The challenges depend on the individuals, the kids and the upbringing of the kids.
My kids were good, that is a fact and to this day I cannot complain. Were they good because even in a slightly dysfunctional family they were raised well? I could pat myself on the shoulder and claim all the credit. I do not believe that one hundred percent. I give the kids credit... Kids learn by example and all I can claim credit for was that I set a good example for them. They learned by gauging the situation and understood that things were not as they should be.
How to stay sane.
My daughter was 13 and my son was 8 when I became a single dad. By then I had confided in my daughter and she knew the situation. My son and daughter were not ignorant of the fact that their mom was unwell.
This greatly helped me to stay sane and continue raising the children. At the point of divorce, I was terrified that if I lost custody of the children, they would be taken care of by an addict. A smoking, alcoholic that couldn't function as a "normal" person. Before you ask, I have a whole series of blogs on how we as a family dealt with an alcoholic mom and the struggles we went through before we got to th
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Slow down. We are all in a mad rush, traffic stops, traffic starts. Gas, brake, gas, brake and full stop. Racing from one red light to another. This is our life.
Get up, go to work, get up go to work and sleep, rinse and repeat. We all need routine, we all need a life that we can be and are comfortable with. As much as we would love to say that sitting on a beach sipping margaritas is the ideal life, that too gets boring. We do need to slow down our minds. The world has us so wound up, spinning out of control and manipulated that nothing makes sense.
Who to Trust? There is no one to trust in this messed-up world anymore. We are being turned inside out and taxed to death. Politicized to no end and being ripped off in the process. There is no one for the average human to turn to. No matter what part of the planet you live on, politics, government and social media will catch up with you.
The world is a mess and I see no way out. There is no turning back and therefore we are all screwed. The future I see is bleak, yet I want to hope for better times. I am not religious but a second wind about now would be a great change. Winds of change need to happen one way or another.
All Good but Who? There must be an honest-to-goodness person out there. Unfortunately, the one honest person will be dealing with crooks. This is the world we live in and since no one has seen a sign from God as of late we are sort of stuck. The world crumbles beneath our feet and we cannot stop ourselves from falling.
Please tell me where to go and who to look for. Who to support for a positive change in the world? It cannot be the government, a politician or a religious leader. It cannot be a businessman or woman. Cannot be selling snake oil and must be accountable.
Where do we go to get the boxes checked?
The world will end as we know it! Saddened by the world and the people in it. In light of events in Ukraine and Russia, we can see that the people have no power. Why? Why is it that a man waves his hand and people kneel, obey and kill without asking why?
Why do we not have the freedom we crave so much? Why do we not have the truth we desire? We are manipulated, intelligent stupid beings that want to be told what to do. We complain, whine and throw hissy fits.
History repeats itself, over and over and over and over and over! Why are we as humans so damn stupid? I am saddened and feel powerless over the current state of the world. Admittedly I am frustrated, lost and disappointed. Most of all I feel for my son, daughter and the young people of this world who are growing up in such terribly stressful times.
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The less fortunate.
As my rant continues, I am considering the future. When we look at the world, a very large percentage of the population lives in poverty. We have seen this shift of manufacturing from one region to the next. Cheap labour, cheap products seem to be the way of the world.
How about we switch this around? Why doesn't the industry switch from making cheap shitty plastic products in low labour areas? Why don't we give good jobs to the poor folks who are cutting down the rainforest giving them jobs in the renewable energy sector?
A game-changer ha? No, it is not, but it would be an improvement. Or how about we do the same in Africa for the poachers? Oh, I know, there I go being simple-minded once more.
Make the Change! But who?
I feel rattled and upset when I discuss this because we as average people are helpless. We do not know who to trust... Simple things such as the IKEA "Foundation" or the ME to We scandal in Canada. The only person I seem to trust at the moment is Elon Musk. So far he doesn't seem to stumble like Bill Gates. He does not seem to have a hidden agenda at the moment. Maybe he too will change, though I hope not.
Maybe he, being the richest man in the world could turn the tide and unite the world? Elon for world leader? His ideas are too advanced for the stupid politicians to grasp while their only concern is to get re-elected. That is the problem with the world. Short-sighted money-hungry individuals who do nothing good for the benefit of the constituents.
There must be a better way. is there?
Is there a more efficient way? Is there a better way? I am sure there is but it requires one simple thing. Or two simple things. Open-minded individuals and accepting individuals. We seem to be short on those things. Not to mention honesty, integrity and trust. There is no way a politician can be all of those things. Why the hell do we need them then?
We will never change the future because the above people cannot exist. They are all driven by money, power and lobbyists. There is only one way to achieve greatness in human society. Total destruction before we can rebuild society. So is this the end? I don't know. For all, we know we could be seeing the end of the world in days, weeks or months if no one steps up to take the lead on this planet!
The World 2. Stupidity!
How we pride ourselves on being an evolved and intelligent race... So, so smart that we are not planning our mission to Mars.
Humanity has been launching satellites into space since the 1950s.
On 1 January 2021, there were 6,542 satellites in orbit.
While that may sound like a lot, only half of them were active.
The rest are "dead" satellites that are no longer in use.
According to: https://www.the-sun.com/news/3589159/how-many-satellites-starlink-spacex-space/
Yet we cannot accomplish peace on earth? We rage wars, sanctions and in the process kill one another. We have a war on drugs, we have a war on humans, and for what?
Greed and Money. Rule the world!
We put all the rich people of the planet on a pedestal. We place the Kardashians as role models and praise Elon Musk for SpaceX and Tesla. I love what Elon Musk has done. (I am not hating on him, I am using him as my example.) What I am trying to get at is that we have highly intelligent people on the planet. We have incredible doctors and scientists. Can we not use them to help us?
Instead of finding ways to kill each other?
Come now, where there is a will, there is a way! Unfortunately, the willpower for destruction is greater than the willpower for good!
Why is it that people are so damn greedy? Why must we continue with ulterior motives and the constant hate? This hate includes racism of all sorts and any sort of discrimination. Why are we so stupid?
Old world thinking?
An experiment was done with rats. All white and all black rats grew up separately. When a black rat was placed into the white group the rat was picked on and killed. When the black and white rats grew up together they lived in peace.
Simple creatures such as rats can grasp this concept. The most intelligent species on the planet cannot! How is this possible? Is it the old-world thinking of the older elite? Is it the racists from all walks of life holding on to this misguided way of thinking? Maybe I am off my rocker, maybe I am too simple minded and under-educated to grasp all of this? Or could it be all the misinformation and propaganda keeping us all apart? Is it the wealth and viewpoints of a select few causing this divide?
The great divide!
So if we as individuals are not the cause of all this hate and killing then who is? It must be the divided media and the forced political stance. Certain parties take on issues and others don't, but no one will ever win!
In my simple and very hopeful mind... I am hoping that with the millennials and their free way of thinking we can alter our current course and make a difference. Once more, I may be, possibly proven wrong. Who can unite the world? Who can give us the world we strive to see but cannot achieve? What movement can possibly happen to help the human race?
Who can bring together the select few and mediate peace? While I am talking about world peace we may as well bring in some other possible ideas...
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We are so messed up!
I am saddened by the world of late...
Someone out there is having a major temper tantrum! I am disappointed by the actions of politicians, world leaders such as... Wait I don't have space to list them all.
Perhaps the best way to put this is that I am disappointed by every single leader and politician. Then I would say I am disappointed by the lack of action and common sense from all those people.
It seems to me that when I was a kid and really, really stepped out of line, I got a smack across the head. It didn't happen often. No, I was not an abused child. However, the couple smacks across the head were memorable. It seems like the current leaders all need a slap or two to get all of them thinking straight.
Does no one have the Balls?
Maybe we need to settle this in different ways. How about a good MMA fight, jousting, or a winner takes all round of chess? How about a polite round of golf? Could that bring these pouting, hysterical leaders together?
How about a couple of drinks and a dozen hookers as gifts for Putin? Could that divert his attention from the war? Maybe he is gay and we need to provide him with other types of amusement. Sorry, not meaning to hate or degrade anyone. This is getting way out of hand and my mind just rambles on and my fingers cannot keep up.
I am baffled by the lunacy of it all. I cannot comprehend that we are in the state that we are in.
We are in a tailspin. Hang on!
The world is in a tailspin because of Covid and now the war. Have we all lost our minds? A recession is looming and then we begin to think deeper. It has been said over and over that this war gathered more attention than the ones in the Middle East.
Totally true. How about we stop, just freaking stop the fighting between Israel and Palestine and we come to some agreement in Afghanistan... I mean seriously, the past is the past and don't go giving me a history lesson.
That is the problem... This thought, "you did this to me back 100 years ago, yesterday or 1000 years ago." Now you must pay.
We cannot bring back the dead, we cannot (unless you know something I don't) change the past. Unfortunately we also never freaking learn from it. We know what's fuelling this, right? We must stop dwelling on the past and look forward to a brighter future.
Money, greed and POWER!
There you go, I gave you all the answers. Money, greed and power drive the madmen of today. Growing more and mor
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What is Bali Truly like?
As a personal note here... I love to wake up to the sights and sounds of Bali! Normally the blue skies and the coconut trees make it all worth it. As Bali wakes up your enjoyment can be interrupted.
That local rooster that you feel like slaughtering. The cats' mating rituals can keep you up at night. The overly loud guy on a scooter or motorcycle wakes up the neighbourhood. These minor annoyances do not hinder your stay here on the Island of the Gods. The tourist places tend to have these problems solved. Private villas are usually quiet. However, you can hear kids playing, the occasional dog barking but it will not affect your stay. Once more, do some research.
Villa's, Resorts or Hotels?
This question is asked a million times and it depends on you. Villa rentals are great for families. They are private and you get the run of the house. Nearly all villas have local staff. They come and do the morning rituals and offerings at the villas. Staff will also come and clean the yard and the pool. A chef or cook can be hired and they will cook breakfast at the time you wish to wake up. If you need help with villa rentals please contact us at Power Property. If you are choosing a hotel or a resort, there are thousands of options and price points. Personal preference is the key. Keep in mind that the hotspots are all roughly one and a half to two hours from each other. Ubud to Uluwatu or anywhere in between is not that far away.
Research and Learn.
From villas to hotels and drivers alike, don't only rely on Google searches and reviews. Ask around, talk to friends and join Facebook groups to learn more.
Often, you will find great advice on food, lodging and sights to see. Hospital and even medical information are also easily accessible. Feel free to reach out to us at Power Property. This is especially important in today's world where Covid announcements and other political changes can adversely affect travel and world political situations.
Before you travel.
Several apps need to be downloaded before arriving in Bali. The local apps that are a must are available on the government websites. These are crucial to have and to be filled out for a smooth arrival.
The Android version is here.
Apple app store is here.
The Metaverse.
The insanity of the Metaverse and more virtual crap is nothing but a distraction. Yet it seems to be welcomed as the next big craze. It is pulling the wool over our eyes and creating more and more digital assets in the NFT world as well as the Crypto world. Everyone talks about decentralization and moving away from the government.
Did no one stop to think that the government is doing this behind your back? Giving you an inch and taking you for all you are worth. Getting you to sign up and work for a digital currency that can and will be tracked at every turn. The history of each transaction is completely transparent.
Why Would They do This?
We already pay with debit and credit cards that are totally trackable and traceable. Like your phone and digital devices, even your car. Every cell phone tower, every movement is trackable. Face recognition has you pegged. Now you will be trading crypto backed with all the blockchain tech to make you even more trackable.
Think about this. If the government was behind it, it would be the perfect tool for them to control everyone. The absurdity of digital art. "Art" that can be created by a 5-year-old backed by more and more digital assets all sitting there in the cloud.
People have been ripped off, stolen from and lied to. Many billions of dollars have been spent and lost and in the end, it ends up the same way as the stock market. The very thing you were running away from you became. It was a transfer of funds from the bank to Crypto.
New tech, new world.
Interestingly enough. When Canada was switching to cell phone chips, the chips have been around in Indonesia for years. As Bell Canada and Rogers rolled out the insertable chips, landlines were not even being created in Asia.
This skipping ahead of technology gave Indonesia a huge boost in the cell phone market. The current state in Indonesia is that everyone has a cell phone. No landlines. No one knows what a landline is anymore. Will this leap of crypto trickle down to other developing countries and be the adopted currency instead of cash? Are we leading the way to a completely cashless society? No, we are already in the middle of it.
I am no expert.
Look at all the TikTok videos on crypto. Look at all the videos on side hustles that are all digital as well. See the "influencers"? They have become a necessity for all businesses and marketing because we let them.
The same thing is happening with the world. We are letting it be all-consuming and all-encompassing. Letting rage, anger builds on all platforms, led by propaganda and button-pushers who poke us in the ribs and get individuals rattled up. Letting algorithms rule our existence as we are more and more attached to our devices. Yes, it gives everyone a platform. I am speaking to you on the same platform because it is the only way. At one point we need to ask ourselves...
Is it all worth it? We are killing our planet, our resources and ourselves. What can we do differently?
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The Travelers of Bali
There seem to be a few different types of travelers to Bali. The seasoned Bali travelers are the ones who know the island and know what they want to do. The other ones are the newbies, they are the most fun. The ones whose eyes are opened to a brand new world to explore. Then there are the ones that stay at the resort and enjoy the amenities of their establishment.
While there is no one pushing you to do any particular thing, I suggest you spend a little time exploring this incredible island. Bali offers so much and it would be a shame to miss out on the sights and sounds of Bali.
Backpackers and low-budget travelers are the next big thing in Bali. While there have been less and less due to the earlier restrictions they are coming back. The inexpensive food, lodging and scooter rentals are a fun way to explore.
What to Eat in Bali?
I am sure that most people reading this are not first-time travelers to Bali. First-time travelers to Bali will be blown away by the variety of restaurants. Abundance would be the word that comes to mind when I think of food in Bali.
A little time spent on Google will bring up the most amazing restaurants and resorts. But... the big but is there are incredible warungs and local places that serve up Babi Gulling or suckling pig for example. They may not be your first choice but you would be missing out on something special.
These small restaurants are usually not noticed by travelers. While these small places serve up delicious food they are not what one might consider at first glance. They serve good food and do not have the ambiance of a 5-star hotel. Either way, ask around and you will be given plenty of choices and an incredible variety.
First time here?
For the first-timers, there are a few pieces of advice. Besides being nice to the locals, do make sure you have medical insurance. Most medicine is far less expensive than in other parts of the world. General problems can be dealt with at a local clinic. Minor injuries are not very expensive. More importantly though, while hospitals and doctors are quite good, the prices do escalate when there is a serious medical emergency. I have seen severely injured surfers and witnessed several scooter and car accidents.
While these tend to be low-speed occurrences, burns or broken bones are common. If you come and rent a scooter, please follow the crowd and don't the crazy Bule person tearing up traffic. The people are used to their pace of driving. You may shave a minute off your arrival time but could also injure yourself or others.
The Best way to see Bali?
If you are going to stay in a villa or a resort and wish to enjoy your stay, hire a driver. Budget for a driver and let them deal with the headaches of parking, driving and traffic... The fun of walking around and exploring is enjoyable. When you get tired of walking tell your driver where you are and they will fetch you. Make sure you have WhatsApp since the world revolves around WA in Indonesia. Not many locals have iPhones. iPhones are pricey so Android and WA are the phone and communication of choice. Because of the pandemic, many places could be 100% capacity even though they are only 50% open. This could refer to hotels, restaurants and resorts alike. Due to the uncertainty, some places are not running at 100% capacity. Call ahead, once again most places are on WA and it is the customer service communication of choice.
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Bali, what does it stand for?
Ba... bannyak Li... libur. Banyak Libur means many, or lots of vacations/holidays. This has been a joke among the locals because there are so many Balinese holiday ceremonies. If it is not the major holidays it could be smaller local ceremonies. These ceremonies can be blocking or shutting down streets. They can also close down entire areas.
This time is also a great opportunity to take some photos of the processions and gatherings. Please do this with respect and admiration rather than trying to get the perfect Instagram photo.
Once more this is adaptation and a sense of belonging. Once you understand that you are a foreigner here you will fit in much nicer.
The Bali Life. Peace
All places welcome locals and foreigners alike. If you are green, you will be taken advantage of. If you are unsure, hang back and reassess the situation. There are good and bad people all over the world.
If you choose to be stupid you will get taken advantage of. I am sure it is a game for some to see what they can get away with. Don't be too overwhelmed and don't be too anxious.
The key to the Balinese is peace and patience. Smile often, speak nicely and you will be rewarded. If you tip extra, you will be rewarded even further.
Go about your business. Be kind.
This is something that should not need to be addressed but it must be. I have said this before but kindness goes a long way. Most local people will be respectful. They know that the Bule people may be lost, excited or ignorant of certain things.
In traffic, often locals will wave, smile, interact with you. They are happy to see you because you are their next meal. Not as in cannibalism but the tourism business. The Jet-ski rental, the small shop, restaurants, the hotels, villas and the malls where you will be supporting the local economy.
Many foreigners do not realize that there isn't much industry on the island. One thing to keep in mind is that the roads appear busy. The roadsides are filled with shops and small manufacturing facilities. However, if you zoom out on google maps along the roads you will see empty land. Except for small pockets of population, outside of Denpasar most areas behind the busy shops are empty.
Off the Beaten Path. Go Explore!
Everyone wants to go off and explore. With the advent of social media, ever
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Come and live with me in Bali. Virtually of course.
Why Bali? I cannot give you one straight answer. I can only guide you from my experience. I could say, "why not Bali," but what good would that do? The first time I arrived in Bali was December 1998 and have never looked back so to speak. From the moment I landed in Bali, I felt at home... There was a sense of peace from the moment my feet hit the tarmac.
Maybe it's the people, maybe it's the lifestyle but Bali is different.
I have visited Bali more times than I can remember. I have spent weeks, days and months in Bali and I knew, I had to make it my home one day.
How it all Came about? It was black magic.
No, it was not black magic. But then I wouldn't know if it was black magic or not, would I? I feel that the warmth and kindness of the Balinese people make Bali special. The magical places and beautiful scenery would not be as special if it weren't for them. What I do know is early on Bali was quite different. Even though it has changed, the world too has changed. Fortunately, Bali did not lose its charm, not for me anyway. In the early days, there were considerably fewer foreigners residing permanently in Bali. Now it has become many foreigners' permanent home. They too were put under the magical spell of Bali and the Balinese.
Bali Today. How is it?
For the most part, people come and go. Many tourists return frequently and cannot picture themselves living in Bali full time. It is a vacation spot that many will visit and return to. From what the majority of tourists say they have not grown tired of Bali. Making Bali a permanent place of residence requires a few steps. The steps to permanent residence have been made easier over the years. There are many steps to take and if you are interested, please contact us at Power Properties.
The pandemic sure has slowed things down a touch. The hospitality business took a beating. Slowly the property business, tourism and all are bouncing back. So the mass influx of foreigners coming and opening up shop is on the rebound as well as the property market.
Live in Bali?
Many social media influencers and wannabees make up their amazing stories of how they packed up and left for Bali. Sure, it is possible but unless you have money in the bank and do not need to work you can stay as a tourist. If you need to work, then it is a different story. Work permits and visa's all need to be taken care of, you need to be sponsored and all. But that being taken care of, life in Bali is the same yet different from other parts of the world. it is different from Jakarta for example. For me, the biggest difference is that you end up forming your little bubble and creating your own space. I used to listen to talk radio from Canada until it got too much and I cut that off. Then slowly as I merged into Bali life I got to live even though I worked. I feel that that is the biggest difference. No matter how hard a day is, you can head out to the beach, clear your head and move on. There is a sense of being able to disconnect.
How does one Adapt to Bali?
Adapting to Bali... How can you adapt? In simple terms, everyone that has been here knows how things work in Bali. Sometimes things can take a little extra time and sometimes things can be done very quickly.
The crux of it is right there. Sometimes, tomorrow or the day after things can be done. Other times you are blown away at how much quicker things are done in Bali or Indonesia in general. It seems that adapting to Bali life depends on you lowering your expectations and taking things in stride.
Bali life assimilates you and forces you to do adapt.
Adapting to Bali.
Putting it simply, sometimes things work in Bali and sometimes they don't. That can be your air conditioner, your hot water tank, your car or your credit card...
Things happen in Bali. Small car accidents that can and will be brushed off. Bigger incidents happen with locals and foreigners alike. This is not Australia, Canada, Germany or Europe. I am sure I missed a few countries, please do not be insulted. The point is things more often than not work well. When they don't it can be a confusing and a somewhat angering situation. This is where adaptation and good connections come into play.
The more you mingle, the more you will know. The more people you know, the more you will know and slowly you will adapt. Slowly you merge into Bali life and the next time you don't have hot water, you will laugh it off.
Things matter less. You are in paradise.
As you assimilate to the local standards you will realize how little something matters. Problems that may have driven you crazy back home suddenly do not bother you. Things such as toilets that are merged with showers were one of my irritants. Everything in the bathroom getting soaked used to piss me off. Eventually, I learned that it didn't matter. I do not go to the toilet at home with my socks or shoes on. If you are in a restaurant and the floor is wet, it's ok it won't matter anyway, there you will have footwear.
Little things that used to bother me slowly vanished...
This is the Bali and Indonesian way. The Bali way is to be polite, ask nicely and eventually, good things will happen. The key thing is, don't be an asshole, be nice... You can be upset but don't be a jerk.
Don't be a Jerk
There are many reasons to be upset in life. However, when you look back on it, you were most likely triggered by something. It can be the AC not working for a few days, or promises unkept. Let off some steam but do it with respect. Why be the raging lunatic in a lobby of a hotel when you can have much more impact when you are expressing your displeasure in an angry but quiet manner. Don't be the laughing stock of a hotel. Have respect, ask for discounts and apologies.
Bali is a place to chill. Visit y
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Career Changes, Part 10.
Why take Chances? Comfort Zone?
I was and still am an introvert when I choose to be. May not make sense but generally, I am quiet. I observe, watch and listen. I like to write about what I see and feel.
I like to take ideas to the next level and beyond. Much like a prototype car you see or a fashion show. Outrageous ideas, crazy stupid ideas.
I was taught this in Industrial Design and I love it. Take ideas way out there, out in the future. This goes for planning a house, a plan for a business and seeing where you may end up. Go way, way out, then come back as far as you need to but take the trip.
This gives you the chance to brainstorm and see where the mindset of others is at.
Play well with others. Don't give in.
Being on a team is an important part of anyone's career. Yet one cannot always give in. Every team needs a captain. But most importantly, no business will succeed if you try to be a one-man micromanaging boss or person.
Good business owners will hire staff to complement their weaknesses. We generally know our strengths and you know yours. Sales, presentations, photoshop, CAD, writing, accounting and so on.
Unfortunately, many intelligent people may not speak up because they are scared, afraid of being shot down. Don't be, be humble about it but have your say. Do not be pushed down, pushed aside, have your say.
Change Careers.
This blog ended up much longer than I thought it would be. I guess I had more to say than I thought I would. The point of this is that I am not a lifestyle coach, a motivational speaker, though I may like that... Next career, maybe...
Life throws so much at us and sometimes you need to take a backseat and observe. During your observation, you will learn to see, learn to listen. You will be amazed at what you will learn. You will be amazed at what new topics interest you and how your skills can be used for other industries.
Ask why? Why?
I was given a tour of a furniture factory in Poland. We were there for a meeting and spent a week at what I called IKEA Idol. A competition to make a full-size sofa as flat as possible. This factory was amazing and during our time there we were surrounded by designers and manufacturers. The competition basically became co-workers during this workshop.
Yet the company did so many things differently than us, even though the end product was the same. It was a great learning experience.
During the tour, we asked ourselves "why" a thousand times. Some processes were redundant to us. Others were innovative and smart. We thought we knew it all and we didn't. In the end, we won the competition and if you see the fold-down neatly packaged Ektorp sofa, well that was a Zsemba design.
We didn't get the credit, yet the presenter/designer who claimed he designed it got a standing ovation from Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA. I guess that hurt…
Sometimes life sucks... Our company closed and at that time I thought my world was over. Yet my life had just begun and took me on this amazing journey to selling/marketing villas in Bali.
Don't be afraid of the future, take chances be brave, be bold and have fun.
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Furniture, movies, skincare... To Property/Marketing
Yes, one more addition to the once blank resume of mine. I seemed to have gotten lucky once more. I had lined up an interview shortly after my arrival in Bali.
A little backstory to this... I love the property business and I had built several villas in Bali and houses in Canada. My background in Industrial Designs, CAD and so on was a perfect fit for this. I love going to see new places. I love the design and building aspect of it and above all I love Bali. I am passionate about the island and the people.
A fifteen-year gap. To an interview.
How can this be? Do not burn your bridges is the way this goes once more. I had plenty of experiences with different real estate companies during my nearly 30 years of coming to and living in Bali.
But keeping in touch over LinkedIn and the odd messages here and there kept this friendship alive to the point that we knew where were in life. My friend knew I was in Jakarta and where I was employed. About a year and a half ago we talked and entertained the idea of working together. I didn't need the job and he may not have been ready for me. But we connected again and I was in need of a job. This interview was 15 years in the making...
I got a new job! I got it.
As soon as we met we hit it off and I had already prepared a presentation to relaunch this real estate company. I prepared it during my two-day quarantine in Jakarta.
Needless to say, it is a complete makeover. New logo, new look, new blogs and so forth. A plan to create content and a plan to revitalize this company that fell behind a touch in the social media aspect of its marketing.
Being in marketing and content creation plus the knowledge of real estate gave me the perfect advantage. I rolled out my plan and over a coffee, we shook hands and I started my new position.
What I learned...
We always need to be learning. We cannot sit still and let life pass us by. Need to take chances, always reaching for the next milestone and the next level.
In the meantime, I kept at it with my books, you can see all of them on my website. I learned how to format, upload, price and make my book available on several platforms. Kobo, Apple Books, Amazon, KDP and I learned how to get a book ready for printing.
I learned how to run a studio, rent and customer service, plus project management for the 3 million dollar project we completed at the Jakarta Film Studios. We built the first-ever Dolby Atmos studio in Jakarta.
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Furniture, Movies, Skincare. More Learning.
Yes, you read that correctly. I applied for a few jobs in Bali and one of them was for operations and marketing at a skincare company. Fast Moving Commodities were something I knew very little of at the time. Business is business, the basics are all the same. What I didn't know, I could learn and the rest is mostly common sense. Weighing one decision or direction to another, taking calculated risks or no risks at all.
I was used to making deals with key opinion leaders, influencers and so on. The marketing end was incredible, much of the same except for a different audience. Not moviegoers but in this case individuals and skincare. Oddly enough the target audience was the same.
The Yearly Plan. To no Plan.
The skincare company was an interesting move. I was lucky enough to be able to work for my previous publishing company and the studio remotely. This made the transition and the risk much more manageable.
I worked in an office where I was the only male. Not that that was an issue. If you read my book John Doe vs Evil, all our supervisors were women at Zsemba. It was a fun working environment where the influencers worked like magic wands.
When their influence worked and paid off our sales climbed. It was almost as if we were in Vegas and rolled the dice. Hit the jackpot and the sales soared.
Now to get that to level out I implemented a yearly plan. With the information and knowledge that came from the team and some carefully calculated moves, we made a yearly plan. Unfortunately, I had a death in the family and in the process had to give up this position. I needed to return to Canada. At the same time, the government of Canada accepted the local Sinovac for travel purposes and it was time to go home. The business plan was in, my personal plan... Well, that was out the window.
The next steps. Who the hell knows.
I landed in Canada and surprisingly everything went well. A month and a half of catching up were much needed and overwhelming in some cases. While I missed my uncle's funeral, I was able to see my aunt and the rest of the family. Amazingly enough, it was fun to go back and without skipping a beat the family experience is the same as it was before my departure.
Spending time in Canada was great. However, I lost one job already in Bali, the remote position was not enough for me to get by on, long term. Do I toy with the idea of moving back to Canada? I didn't want to but it did cross my mind.
A Moment of Panic. Apply for Jobs!
It is not a simple task for a foreigner to get a job in Indonesia. Not legally anyway. First no matter what, a company has to be big enough and must have the right credentials to employ a foreigner. They then need to hire you and get you a work permit. This sounds easy but it's a process that often takes time.
Needless to say, I did apply and no the jobs I applied for didn't work out. So, I made some calls. Reaching out to friends in the tennis group and others in the industry I knew. But then I had a light go off in my head, and took a chance to call an acquaintance that I had kept in touch on and off with over the years.
Another drastic move. Because, why not?
I searched for the number on my phone and provided it was still the same I was about to take another chance. At the same time, I got the news that my remote gig with the previous company would be coming to an end as well. This was a shock, not expected by any means but what was I to do?
I sent a message to my acquaintance and within 30 seconds I was on the phone talking about a possible new job.
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Do People Hate Me? Maybe not Yet.
Being hated openly is one thing. Being hated secretly and being needed was a whole other game to play. In a work environment, we mix and mingle, especially before the COVID crisis. Work needs to get done, budgets need to be cut or adjusted. Targets, KPI and schedules need to be met.
People need to achieve targets and that included me. One common language around the world is the language of money. Everyone is greedy and like a drug, when they are hooked, they will go to great lengths to get the next hit. But the addicts still need to get things done. Taking sides with the CFO was not a political move, it was common sense. We were both conservative in spending and very much on the side of common sense. We were not liked because we saw through the bullshit. That was the bottom line. We saw the push and shove from one party because we knew they would get a kickback once their plan was given the green light.
Was This Career Move Worth it? It Remained to be Seen.
Once the dust settled and everyone slowly fell into the new roles and the new mould so to speak, we had a system going. I was the middle man to negotiate all financial requests and requirements from the different departments.
My new best friend, the CFO and I not only became close friends but we developed our way of operating. We carried a big stick but never used it. The stick was always the last resort and we usually plotted our next move over cups of coffee several times during the week. The experience of it all was more than worth the minor inconvenience of headbutting on occasion with other department heads.
In the end, Everybody Needs you. They do Need You!
At the end and I mean the end of it all, in the consequences of partnerships, we knew how to navigate the different departments. One of the best ways to achieve one's goal is to take on things that no one wants to do. More often than not, no one wants the jobs with the big risk or possible negative consequences. Those are the projects you take on.
In my case, I had help from none other than my CFO and others since we were not hated by all, only a few. I say that with a smirk on my face. In the end, the project or assignment that no one wanted was the assignment that held the most weight. This was one way of ensuring that even if you are not liked by all, you step up and show the haters that you are needed and you are important. Slowly the haters become friends, don't bite the hand that feeds you.
COVID 19. Changed Everything
This is not news to anyone. The company I worked for shrunk, wages were cut and we all worked from home. After several changes in the department and much of the staff being let go, we all had new roles.
This included me and others. I considered myself lucky even with position changes and a new role. Now I was stuck, I couldn't go back to Canada and I was not 100 percent happy in the new role. The world was turned upside down, so I made do. This is what pushed me into further career changes.
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Career Changes, Part 7.
Do More... Learn more.
I would not say I was handed a new position but I was transitioned into it. Or I could say it was this new role or go home. I didn't want to go home because I love Indonesia. It was time to learn and do more in the new role.
I was handed our struggling book publishing company and a film studio to run. In the middle of the pandemic when the malls were closed, gatherings were forbidden and I am to sell books and manage the rental space for a studio where no one could come to. I was up for challenges but was this biting off more than I could chew?
In the Meantime,... I was writing!
Being involved in the creative aspects of the movie business sparked me to write again. During all the time I was at the new position in Jakarta, before and during the pandemic I wrote. I wrote nearly every minute I had a chance. Weekends, evenings and when I had time during the work from home part of the pandemic.
I was inspired and bitten by a crazy bug to write. Up to now, 12 books/novels are completed and edited thanks to Janet, my editor. Janet encouraged me during the pandemic to get the books out there and at least put them online. There is a saying in Hungarian.
In everything good, there is something bad and in everything bad, there is something good.
How much good came out of the pandemic for the average person... I have no idea, most likely more bad than good. But for me, there was an upside and that was my love for writing, good or bad, you be the judge... But this was positive for me.
The new Roles. Expand Your Mind.
This was another entry into my quickly expanding resume. I ran a studio and a book publishing company. Before you ask, no, I didn't publish anything under the publishing company I was running. That would have been a conflict of interest and I would have been fired for that.
The new role was an excellent way for me to learn the world of editing, layouts, cover design, printing requirements and distribution of books. The other big aspect of this was the whole world of marketing, advertising and the book lovers' wants and needs.
The one big role I had to play was to bring this company out of a huge debt that it had amassed since 2017. The long and short of it is that we made the company profitable in 9 months. The studio struggled because of the on and off again restrictions. There was little one could do because when bookings are cancelled to COVID there was not much anyone could do. Needless to say, the studio KPI was not met.
Seeking new opportunities. Never stop learning.
I was not one to change jobs often. Heck, I never wanted to change jobs but such was life. As one recruiter told me.
You will change jobs quite often before you can settle down, you know too much.
I didn't know what she meant at the time until years later. People are afraid, companies are afraid to hire you because you were in their shoes. They are intimidated by the possible knowledge you have. This does not make sense; I couldn't make sense of it. It was much later when it began to make sense to me. When this also happened to my brother we began to understand. While I was happy at the studio, I decided I needed to work in Bali. Forget Jakarta, my end goal was always to live and work in Bali so I began looking.
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The Politics of it all. People are people.
It was an Elton John song, right? "People are the same wherever you go. There is good and bad in everyone" I wish this was not true but it is. I am sad to say that I encountered more office politics in Jakarta than I have ever had in my life. Now, this was something that I could deal with but the "behind your back," backstabbing was worse than North America for one simple reason.
The salaries in Indonesia are low compared to Canada. Many people even in what would be considered good positions may only make between $600 to $1000/month. There is a considerable amount of corruption that takes place. It is often in a person's interest to be able to accomplish something and get a kickback as a result.
How to Manage in a Backstabbing Environment. Carry a big stick.
Yes, that's a cliche but being a writer, I loved to people watch. This subtle art of people watching and noticing small changes in people's body language always comes in handy.
Sitting in a very large boardroom we often had more than 20 people in a meeting. When it came to decisions such as advertising or marketing meetings, this subtle art of people watching was the most fun a writer could have. It was much like watching a movie... We can pick out the characters that were backing each other and the protagonists that threw a stick in the spokes so to speak. Then we watch the general shit disturbers that say shit for the sake of causing an uprising.
I loved all of it, but the part I loved the most was what I call "planting seeds"
What is planting seeds? Why do I do it?
You may also call it planning or forming partnerships. One of the most feared and hated person in our company was the CFO. I didn't know why people hated him, besides the obvious reason that he was there to manage money. That is putting in in the simplest terms imaginable. The CFO was responsible for taking the company public and managing millions and millions of dollars.
However, I will say I planted friendship seeds. Watch people, learn and thrive. I trust everyone until there is a reason not to.
As more and more games began to play out, I realized that I had entered a very different world.
Keep your enemies very close. This is true.
I had a feeling that a few people were upset when I came in as COO but it didn't matter. I had no choice but to survive. A very demanding boss and managing several departments was not the difficult part.
It was the lobbying of the right people internally. Juggling the subtle clues and taking in the reactions of the people involved, was the hardest part of the new career I had chosen.
In the process, I made amazing friends. Slowly you get an idea of whom you can trust. One of them was the CFO. The most hated man in this company became one of my best friends. So that must mean that I too was hated.
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We are Going to Switch Countries. We are Going to Switch Careers.
If you have read my previous blogs, you will know that I love Asia. Indonesia to be exact. This comes full circle with Part one of career changes because I was about to enter the world of entertainment once more. A friend of mine from MD Pictures was doing a shoot in Toronto. They needed a hand with a few things but mostly production and to verify a few people before sending money over.
Well, this led me down a path that helped set me on my future. Once more, the reminder to never burn the bridges. My friend started up MD Entertainment and later on opened MD Pictures. I would never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would work with them again.
Another change. Off to Indonesia.
Business is business. I wish that many others could cross over into other industries as I did. I was hired as the Chief Operating Officer for MD Pictures. Many people would think that this is a far cry from what I was doing. However, what is it like to run your own business? My family and I worked with large companies such as Walmart, Costco and IKEA. We had the experience and the knowledge to run a business. We had the foundation and the knowledge to make things happen. My friend knew this and within two months I was on my way to Jakarta Indonesia.
What to Make of it all? I did it!
While this change was huge I was pleased to make a move. I was happy to be out of the furniture business and to be able to make a clean start.
This was by far the biggest career change. Was I nervous? I sure was, there was a lot to learn and a lot to take on. But, being in business we need to be diverse and we need to adapt. Something everyone needs to do is expand their knowledge. When I want to do something new I throw myself into it and immerse myself in the topics. Did I read up on what is expected from a COO? I sure did. Did I study up on what I needed to do? Yes, I did. Did I learn anything new?
Did I Learn Anything? I Surely did!
The number one thing I learned was that I can be a COO. How so you may ask? Well, all the main qualifications for a COO were deep inside me for decades.
I was not referred to as a COO but rather an owner. We looked after several departments. They all reported to the owners. Planning and forecasting, new product launches, managing financials were all part of our jobs. Our roles were broken up differently. Quality control, sustainability, hiring, firing and human resources were everyday things... What I had to get used to was... the politics of it all.
John Doe vs Evilhttps://www.amazon.com/John-Doe-Evil-J%C3%B6hn-D%C3%B6e-ebook/dp/B09CDKY9BZ
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Part 3. Working for an Ex-employee. Never burn Those Bridges.
Interestingly enough, my ex-sales manager went to work for a smaller manufacturer. The company happened to be an ex-employee of mine.
Goes to show you, never burn any bridges... Never leave a place with a bad taste in your mouth, or at least try not to. This new place was also furniture manufacturing. They were an old-fashioned manufacturer and not up to speed on the latest tech in this low-tech industry. I was happy to join them and happy to be away from a very toxic workplace.
Into the dark ages. But a better environment.
Working for nice people is amazing. This was now the third job I had in a very short time. I went from working in one place for nearly all my life to adding a few places to my resume.
As my son commented one day, "It was good to get paid for something I already knew." But working in a place that was not willing to progress was a bit frustrating and a little boring.
There were no specs, SOPs or any sort of order tracking here. Everything was manual and they needed quite a lot of help with spec sheets, CAD files and so on. I loved the challenge and the opportunity to make a positive change.
The more things change. The more they stay the same.
Having been used to working with CAD, Solid-Works and Gerber Accu-Mark systems. I was going back to the dark ages, people using solvent-based glues and not an automated machine insight. Going from automated hot-melt gluing lines to all manual gluing and cutting was a step backwards.
All that aside, it was wonderful to work with amazing, honest and hardworking people. Good people in a warm and caring environment was a nice change from the previous place I set up. The only difficulty was that they were set in their ways. The change they so desperately wanted, well, they didn't want.
Boredom at work. What to do?
What happens when you move backwards? The low tech of furniture manufacturing. Yes, there are updated automatic sewing machines. There are automatic cutters and CNC machines, there are automated gluing systems. It is not the same as automotive manufacturing. Every process is human-driven and while there are fully automated systems they only work for large-scale production. While all this was kind of boring and slow for me. A very old friend came calling.
I didn't know it yet but I was about to make a drastic career change...
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Why are we so Afraid to Switch?
The number one thing about work or job security is that we all need it and want it. We all like having a routine and a place to go to work.
There is a social aspect to it, pride and honour in being able to say "I have a job". The concept of having a job is bred into us by centuries of "going to work" The idea of being jobless and not having a place of work strikes fear into our hearts because we all have bills to pay.
Most people will go on to secondary education. Upon completion, they will need a job to settle that massive student loan. Step one, get a job in whatever field to pay back the loan.
Step two. Find the Dream Job!
My dream job was to be a car mechanic, I love cars. I fell in love with a red and white Mustang Shelby on the cover of a car magazine in 1980. I was bitten by the car bug...
My 1976 Volkswagen Rabbit always had an issue or another. I wanted to be able to fix it. I love cars and motorcycles to this day. My dream never came true because our family built furniture. Instead of being a mechanic, I built furniture. The dream of being a mechanic evaporated. The love of cars has not.
The only hobby I had besides my car was soccer. I dabbled in writing... I wrote poems and the occasional short story. The idea of writing full-time had never occurred to me. More on the writing bit later.
Accidental writer? Yes, writing came later.
After my first trip to Indonesia, I began to write. It was partly out of boredom. Spending a month in Bali, I could only eat and go to the beach so often. I would have eaten myself to death or turned into a lobster under the sun.
My girlfriend at the time was a writer. So, I picked up a few notebooks and began to write. Yes, I wrote the old-fashioned way because I didn't have a laptop. I wrote by hand in a notebook, several to be exact. The rest as they say is history. The intriguing part was that it all came very naturally to me. There you have it, my first career switch.
Furniture to writing. How could this be?
At the time it seemed to me that making furniture was all I knew how to do. Now this writing thing... Well, it took me by surprise. There I was writing movie scripts and making money being a writer.
Can you make a change as well? What could you turn into a job? What else are you good at? Are you good enough at it to make a living? I didn't know I would be until I tried. Going from furniture manufacturing to being a writer is a long stretch. However, it is not the only career change in my life.
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Imagine not having a Resume. I Never Worked for Anyone.
After about five years of writing movie scripts. I went back to the family business and also got divorced. This change back to furniture was not a big deal. It all felt normal, natural and easy. After all, it was the one thing I have done since I was a kid. Let's not start on child labour laws, but yes I helped out in the family business. We had nothing when we immigrated and my parents always shared our financial situation with us. Thinking back I wish they hadn't, but yeah my brother and I worked to put food on our table.
When our family business at Zsemba closed I realized that I did not have a resume. My LinkedIn profile was empty. I had one job at one company from 1979 to 2014. We had a separate company called V.P.T. Designs but that was mostly for tax purposes...
Time to Job Hunt. Oh, and the Resume...
After Zsemba closed, thanks to the kindness of IKEA (Feel free to update yourself in the link) I had to make a resume. "This was going to be interesting." I thought to myself... The fact that I have never have been employed by anyone else but family will surely make job hunting a pain in the ass!
Career changes. Resume Writing.
Sometimes you get lucky. After starting up my own business, Zanova Designs, I was overwhelmed by the lawsuit between us and IKEA. It was by far the most stress I have ever had in my life and luckily, I was able to sell the business. I focused on nothing but the lawsuit. On the upside, I did have an additional item on my resume. After all that blew over, I needed a job.
I had to get out of the house after months of scouring hard drives for information...
I made a few calls and within days, I came across some old friends who needed a foam fabricating shop set up. They hired me as a plant manager/consultant. They were a start-up with a clean slate. I got to set it all up the way I wanted to and train people. Once more, sometimes you get lucky.
Lucky Once More. Sometimes it Happens.
Working closely with people means you get to know them. I was not used to working with racist, pigs. Womanizers, liars and cheats were not my kinds of people. By the time the company was up and running, it was time for me to run as well. I consulted with a few recruiters and began to seek other opportunities.
Once more, luck was on my side. An ex-sales person of mine called me and asked me to join their company. Suddenly I had another opportunity and another addition to my resume.
https://www.amazon.com/John-Doe-Evil-J%C3%B6hn-D%C3%B6e-ebook/dp/B09CDKY9BZ
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In Conclusion: What I Learned about Addiction.
Having been through a considerable amount of crap both individually and with the family during these times... I learned a few things along the way.
Number one: Addiction in general, is terrible. I feel for every individual and every family dealing with it. It is a difficult thing to admit for both the family and the individual.
Number two: Admitting that there is a problem with the addict. We all tend to put up with way too much. We push things aside and rationalize the problem. It's this, it's that or it's something else.
Number 3: We put up with way too much because we think we can solve the problem. We can all solve problems. However, problems like these, concerning addiction and mental health are beyond our understanding and professional help is needed.
How can we help? Dealing with Mental Health
Seek help as soon as possible! I would suggest this at the first sign of addiction or mental health concern. We think we are strong and able, yes we are all strong and able. Unfortunately, this sort of thing creeps up slowly most of the time. We notice and yet we choose to ignore it.
Do not ignore it because it will eat away at you and tear you down to the point where you too will be in need of help. In my case, reaching out to Al-Anon was the one thing I needed desperately. Being able to share my experience is incredible. Living with an alcoholic or an addict is no walk in the park. We as family members especially can be affected very directly by the addict.
Questioning our mental health. It is ok to not be ok!
Like myself, I thought I was ok. I was strong and able. I was strong and able until I wasn't. Being in a family business, I was used to dealing with pressure, deadlines and 250 employees. Coaching them, helping them and guiding them was something I loved to do.
Dealing with an addict? Well, that was a whole different type of insanity. I mean this in the nicest and gentlest way possible... The games, the deceit, the lies and the mental toll the years took on me were incredible.
The excuses, arguments, fights and constant second-guessing were incredibly hard on the whole family. These were things I was not equipped for. This is where the professionals can help.
The Hardest Part. Get Help for the Addict.
Easier said than done. Sure it is easier said than done. However, you need to take the steps to seek help. The addict knows full well that they have a problem. Up to a point we all love to be in denial. For practical purposes, we can say we all want to ignore the problem.
We can all do research on Alcoholics Anonymous. We can all read up about addiction and mental health online. Search addiction centres and treatments, but the one thing we all ignore is approaching this problem head-on. I was scared, I didn't know how. I tried it in a way that I thought was right. But I was wrong!
Seek help from addiction centres and get professional help. The addict will deny the problem. Do not deny yourself the opportunity to help them help themselves. The worst thing we can do is procrastinate. Once you have done your part and guided your loved one, friend or family member in the right direction, support is what they need. Be there for the person in need, and have hope...
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Rehab and all. Did it work?
Being through all this with my ex and sending her off to rehab was extremely difficult. A month in a rehabilitation centre is also very difficult. To stop an addiction is a journey into the darkness with plenty of fear.
Slowly the rehab paid off. The phone calls home were less angry and more of a "sorry" tone. The simple fact of admitting to a problem is a step in the right direction. As the calls became more about a better life for us and her I felt that all this mess would come to an end. Yes, I was optimistic that I would get back a brand new human at the end of the month.
The New Human. Did it pay off?
After a month of calls and 30 days of peace, my ex returned home. Picking her up from the airport was an afternoon of mixed feelings. What do we expect to see and what was she like after the 30 days? Did she arrive home sober? Well yes, we assume she would be but will she be able to stay sober? Did this reset work? Did the 12 thousand dollars we spent on the rehabilitation centre come through for us?
These were questions that would have to wait. How long did we have to wait? Well not as long as we had thought. She returned with quite a few folders and assignments. We went through some of them and while they were interesting it was up to her to follow up on much of it... Keep things in check so to speak.
Life, moving forward. Staying strong.
This life we live is never easy. Not with things moving at the pace that they are. Sometimes we do not have time to think and reflect. Reflection as part of her therapy. Following up with it all we found out some interesting facts. My ex was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and being bipolar. Now this mixed in with alcohol addiction or alcoholism was a recipe for disaster.
Something like this can be avoided but I would not be able to tell you how. Going forward needed one of two things. Medication was the number one choice, followed by a strict routine of meditation and self-reflection and reading. Reading through materials that were handed out and keeping oneself in check.
Needless to say... It didn't work.
One major suggestion for any alcoholic or addiction was this. If you can change your environment do it. If you can move or leave the current location you are at do it. We had the luxury of selling our house and moving to a new one. It was a fixer-upper and this with the hope of being busy with the renovation seemed like a great option.
The point is to move out of the house where the hiding of booze, the drinking and the bad times had happened. This was to instil change and help with the healing. Help with moving on and not be around where the trouble had been taking place.
Well... It all failed.
The long and short of it is... A person's willpower is tested every day. An alcoholic is tested nearly every minute and this test is often not passed. With the coming weeks, things deteriorated quickly. She was caught drinking and driving with my daughter. She admitted to the construction people that she had been hiding her alcohol in the plastic laundry detergent bottles. Of course, she did this while drunk and they told me.
At this point, I was done and with many other complications, my ex moved out. After she failed to show up to her court hearing she left Canada and moved back to Indonesia. The divorce proceedings began shortly after that. In the end, she could not be helped and to the best of my knowledge, she is an alcoholic to this day.
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Off to Rehab. Peace in the House.
The time to say goodbye was now. After my ex booked her flight and despite to warning of my lawyer. I "allowed" for us to be altogether the night before my ex flew out.
This was not advised but I simply couldn't do it. We told the kids she is off to see a doctor and doctors to help her get better. Having said all this made all of us feel better. Technically these were not lies. She was off to see doctors and specialists who deal with this sort of illness. After spending a night together as a family, she was off early the next morning to Quebec.
The kids and I checked out of the hotel and headed back home to our partly empty house. Having to go to school the next day sucked for the kids. But the promise was made that we will be off to Bali when mom is out.
The Next Few Days. Peace...
Once more, having removed the problem from the household, brought joy to us. Not having to deal with a crazy person was bliss. No lies, no arguments, no yelling and screaming. We made all the decisions with the kids. We did what we wanted when we wanted and life was good.
We decided things as a family. What to eat, what to cook and what to do was now all in our hands... No one can tell us what to do! Having peace in the house was incredible. We rejoiced at the thought of making our own decisions and not having the negativity around us.
Meanwhile, in Rehab. Life was Not Pretty.
Checking into rehab is not fun. My ex was picked up from the airport and driven to a very secluded area of Quebec. She and her belongings were examined much as they would do in jail. As long as things were not harmful to her or others, she was able to keep her belonging. Every single item was checked and rechecked. Adhering to rules was not my ex's specialty. She always fought rules and regulations. No one can tell her what to do was a motto of hers. Well in rehab, that went out the window and hopefully, it was a path to wellness.
She was not able to call for the first few days and that made things hard for her and great for us. She was essentially blocked from us and that was a damn fine thing.
The First Call. Anger!
When she was able to make her first call, she was definitely angry. There was no doubt in my mind that she would have been very angry if we were face to face. Fortunately, calls are monitored and so she kept it civil. There was tremendous anger in her voice. I assumed that the realization of her being as close as she can get to jail was not pleasant.
After the second and third calls, she calmed down. In reality, she was there of her own free will. She could walk away from the center and take the next plane or train home. Luckily the center was way out in the country and a 20km walk from the nearest town.
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My devious plan Part 3.
The Plan Goes Ahead. No Stopping now!
On my wedding day, I never imagined that I would be going through such terrible things. Taking children away from their mom, having to make such choices in life is unimaginable.
I had to be strong, not to give in to the tears, the crying and the pain. Knowing I needed to do this for the family was my only consolation. I knew that for us to move forward as a family and to stay together this must be done.
The kids and I drove to a hotel, it was near the airport because my ex would need to fly out to the rehabilitation location of her choice and we would be close when she leaves.
Going Through with the Plan. No Stopping Now!
Going through this was not easy. I talked to my ex and made sure she understood all this clearly. Surprisingly enough she did. She was sober for the moment since it was early morning. She made the calls… I was shocked and surprised that she made the calls quickly. The places were ready for the call and to my surprise, she picked one, booked it and even bought a plane ticket.
She was to fly out the very next day. I was elated. It seemed to finally work. The only thing I could think of was… I should have done this so long ago.
We Don't Know… What We Don't Know…
We are all human.
-We cannot go to the service center and replace a part.
-A motherboard cannot be exchanged for a new one or upgraded in our brain.
-We think a lot and procrastinate a lot, especially over very difficult decisions.
Yes, this move I should have made years ago. It is a decision that did not come quickly. It took me several calls with my support person from Al-Anon to realize that the inevitable decision is to ask, send, force my ex to go to rehab. This takes time. Time on my part, that I have done every exhaustible thing from my end to fix things.
I had done everything. I failed.
I thought I had failed, I truly did. Sending her off to rehab was my failure because I couldn't fix her. This was a very wrong way of thinking. I knew this only after she had left and only after lengthy consultations with Al-Anon.
I thought I had failed. Yet in the end, I succeeded by accomplishing the impossible. Sending off a loved one, even a hated loved one was an accomplishment. I didn't hate my ex at the time. I hated what she had become. I didn't fail, I succeeded in trying to fix the family, doing my best to save the family. So, in the end, I succeeded. But how will all this play out?
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My devious plan Part 2.
The Shit Hits the Fan!
The morning of our supposed trip to Bali, I loaded up the car with all the luggage and the kids. I have had all this pre-arranged with the school and the principal, the kids didn't know that they were heading someplace else.
I had full custody of the kids, I had all the proper legal paperwork so child services would not be after me if the kids were reported, "kidnaped".
Never in my life would I have thought of such things. Never had I thought I would be involved in such things. Taking custody of the children and making plans to go off to a hotel and hiding was never in my plans.
Taking the Kids. A Terrible Goodbye.
This was not easy. The kids and the luggage were loaded up I pulled away from the house. I drove towards the school and then pulled over in an empty parking lot.
The kids knew that something was up. Of course, by now they were fully up to speed on the problems with mom. I turned to them and explained the situation.
Their biggest disappointment was that we are not going to Bali. This was a sad moment as you can imagine. The kids loved going despite the 24 hours of sitting on a plane.
The hardest thing ever. Mom cries and begs.
After explaining to the kids that we are off to a local hotel and that mom is now going to be forced to go to rehab they were somewhat happy.
We would be spending the next few nights in an undisclosed location they were not to divulge this information to mom. Explaining such complicated matters to kids is never easy. However, after telling the kids a white lie that mom will be off to see some doctors to help her and help her get better, they understood. Now came time for the phone call to my ex. I picked up the phone and called. I knew she would be upstairs and that she had not yet read my letter to her.
The Letter. All Hell Breaks Loose!
This call was by far the hardest call I ever had to make. I remained calm and asked her to go to the kitchen table and read the letter I wrote. She was immediately upset and demanded that I tell her what is going on.
So I did... I explained that the kids are in my custody and she cannot see them until she picks a place on the list and checks herself into a rehabilitation center.
This was easy enough to type but a crying and screaming mother in the background was a very tough thing to listen to. At first, it was lots of aggression, hate, cursing and yelling... Things calmed down after a few minutes.
Why did You have to do this? Because I had No Choice!
The big question was "why"? The overly simplified answer was, "because I had no choice"
After years of begging, pleading, arguing, fighting and constant nervousness, it was time to take action. She begged and pleaded with me... I was in tears, the kids were crying and my ex was sobbing as I have never heard anyone sob before. She was in pain. Partly because I had the kids... But she knew they were safe. She was in fear of what was about to happen to her. She was terrified about the demons she was about to face in rehab. Her voice was something that will forever remain with me during those moments.
The hardest thing I ever had to do... but it was not over yet.
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Mental Health and Addiction 16. My devious plan.
How to make alcoholics hate you! Step one.
After my initial plan not working out as I had hoped I had no choice but to force her hand in the matter. I had to know my rights with the kids. I had to know what I was able to take care of legally. After consulting with my lawyer, I had to follow through with my plan.
I had no idea about the legalities of it all, but I was about to find out. Here I was at the lawyer's office trying to come to terms with what I was about to do. I had to make sure that there were no issues with child services and the law.
Making Choices. It was not easy!
Upon being in love, getting married and having kids, no one expects such crazy things to happen in life. unexpected things come up all the time. Accidents, illness, death in the family and so on.
No one expects to fall into such unexpected problems such as alcoholism. To live with an alcoholic and try and navigate their thoughts and play their games is tiering. It is mentally exhausting and takes a terrible toll on the family. But there are things we must do and this plan of mine... Well, I had to follow through.
One bold move! Execute the plan!
As mentioned, we planned the trip to Bali as we always had. It was scheduled for early March and we had about a week to go. The hope for my ex to volunteer to go off to rehab didn't work. It was time to set the plan in motion.
After I consulted with the lawyer, I filed for sole custody of the children and acquired all the proper paperwork. I was legally taking the children into custody and this was step one.
It was Harder Than I thought. Step two.
With each step closer to my plan I became more and more nervous. This was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. Being in business and dealing with clients, employees and business associates had nothing on this. No deal and no negotiation was as hard as having to take away the children from their mom.
I waited until the last minute of our trip to Bali. We had all the bags packed and ready to load on the car. I decided that even though we would leave the kids should go to school. Though I knew I had other plans...
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Mental Health and Addiction 15. Happy Without me.
It is hard to forgive an alcoholic. On one hand, you know that this mess, this crazy situation came about slowly. On the other hand, all you can say in your head is... Stop, just stop drinking, stop thinking about it and stop consuming the booze.
This of course applies to every addiction. Obesity, drugs and so forth. Just stop damn it! Easier said than done, most people are seeking pleasure or satisfaction, one that hides or masks other underlying problems. In our case, I knew what the cause was, but my ex decided to take things into her own hands. In her case, it was a bottle. Her realization of the family being happy without her didn't go over well. But this was the truth and living without her and all the problems were far easier than living with her.
Loneliness. An alcoholic reflects.
After endless discussions and years of problems, things were heading even further towards hell. After what she thought of as attempted suicide and taking a bunch of Tylenol it was time for some serious chats.
It was March. Every March we went to Bali with the kids and this was to be no exception. Unfortunately going on holiday with an alcoholic is not exactly a holiday. At this time she reflected back on the good times and we started booking the trip to Bali. This was a positive thought but I had other plans. Her reflection on good times only made the family wish and hope for better times.
Time to Make a Move. We Must Find Rehab.
While we were planning the trip and finding flights and places to stay in Bali, I had planned her trip to rehab. I searched high and low for places that treat alcohol addiction. After sending emails and making calls from work I narrowed it down to 4 places. There were two places in Ontario, two in Quebec and I had all the information on them clearly outlined. The benefits of each and the contact person as well as the pros and cons of each rehabilitation centre.
This was no Wellness centre. Not going to be Easy!
One thing I knew was that the road ahead for her would not be easy. one month in a proper rehabilitation centre was not going to be a walk in the park.
The programs they had were serious, far more elaborate than the place she called her wellness centre. She needed serious help I was at my wit's end while the family suffered as well. Our mental health was in terrible shape. We didn't sleep well, the kids knew that mom had issues.
She had no idea. The end is near.
My plan was a simple one. It was to make her choose a place and check in on her own. Deep inside I knew it would not work so I had a backup plan.
One evening we sat down and I presented all the places to possibly check into. There were a lot of questions as to why and how. She knew all the answers, it was a delay tactic for her. A way to act stupid and in the end, she claimed she was fine. She didn't need to go and she was fine at home in her current state.
This time I was not going to give in. I had to make her go and so I set my devious plan into action.
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Is alcoholism a disease?
No, I don’t agree. Alcoholism is an addiction.
Even after all this time, I do not and cannot be convinced that alcoholism is a disease. It is a substance abuse issue the same as drugs. Anything that you do by your own free will is your own fault.
We can discuss it until the cows come home but that is my very firm stand. Drugs or booze get you out of your reality and into some other reality. Depends what you are hooked on and the level or strength of the drug. The point is you are performing the act and you are the one abusing yourself. Drug abuse, drug addiction and alcoholism are the same. Except alcohol is totally legal where as some drugs are not…
Push comes to shove. Mentally wrecked.
The week away from my alcoholic wife made me realize that my life without her was and could be fine. I knew that we had to give her a chance to get better. We had to do what needed to be done and give this a fair shot.
After our week off, the slightly better mom/wife returned. In her mind she gave rehab a chance. She claimed she went to a retreat but we all knew it was a wellness centre. However, if it helped we could call it anything we wanted.
Wellness centre. Change is hard.
After the return it seemed that there was a change for the better, but… This was a big, big but… In her mind she knew very well that we were happier without her. This led to more arguments because the kids didn’t rush to her when she came back the way she had hoped. She felt and knew that she was an outcast and she was right.
When she asked the kids questions, the answers were not to her liking and this led her to believe that she was not missed and needed. To tell the truth, she was damn right. The wellness centre didn’t fix her. She didn’t return as a new person and all it instilled in her was bitterness that she was not missed.
Alternative thinking. Off the Deep End.
Life tests everyone and what we make of these challenges defines us. It either breaks us, defines us or buries us. Such was the case for us in the coming months. Mental illness and alcoholism, depression and being bi-polar do not mix well.
We were not aware of all of these until much later but in this case I gave you a hint of what we were unknowingly dealing with at the time. After the wellness centre there was much resentment and lots of jealousy as well as anger and hate I am sure.
On a nice spring weekend the kids and I wanted to go to a conservation area in Mono Cliff Park. She didn’t want to come and so the kids and I went. We had a great time and enjoyed hours outside without stress. However when we got home we found a note saying, something along the lines of… Glad you are happy without me…
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I was broken, I didn’t know. Now about me. Kids were my happiness. After a few calls with the Al-Anon volunteer I had begun to change the way I saw things. I learned that mentally the alcoholic could not be helped until they hit rock-bottom. Problem was we had no idea where and when rock bottom was to be. We had to wait and see. I was tired, I didn’t know how tired I was and how worn out I was until we had that whole week to ourselves. Our mental health and our physical health was far better and we were happy.
Taking out that poison from our mix was exactly what we needed. This is when I started to think..
To be a single dad? Can I manage on my own? These thoughts only came to me once I had been able to think. When I was told that I didn’t put the bottle into the alcoholics hand. Once I was able to see that the problem is not me, not us.
This was a huge hurdle to cross. I understood that for me to be able to help, I will need to see all of this with a clear mind and a clear head and with a different perspective. The alcoholic and I are not related. I am not the cause and I am not the solution. But I must play my part in the game we are playing and the life we are living. I must try to help in any way possible. The only true light at the end of the tunnel was rehab.
I am me. Find yourself Easier said than done. I must give credit to Blue October-Foiled, a band and their song that I grew to love during this time. The song is called Hate Me. It too was dealing with drinking and a mother that cared about her son.
I used to play it full blast and sing along to it to give me strength and help me get through all of this. It was a way of releasing all the tension that tended to build up inside me.
This is part of the lyrics I always tried to relate to when I was down.
“I’m sober now for three whole months.”
“It’s an accomplishment that you helped me with.
“The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again.”
It made me feel that I can be the person that had helped.
Al-anon saved me. I could think. It didn’t take long for me to be able to understand what was happening and how it all happened. A few conversations with a person that understood what the kids and I were dealing with helped me.
All I know about her was that her husband was a drinker and relapsed a few times and had managed to gain control of his life and live with the knowledge that he must never go back to drinking. We both lived with alcoholics. Living with an alcoholic is stressful and not knowing when and how they may drink again is a bit of a toss-up. One thing I still do not agree with is that they say alcoholism is a disease.
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Were the Kids Affected?
Kids and change. Being alone.
When we take the negativity out of the equation, it equals change for the better. We didn’t know how badly this affected all three of us mentally until we all had a chance to be ourselves once more. The laughter and the smiles showed that both myself and the kids had changed. Our mental health was so low, having a negative person around, we too suffered.
The change was so slow that we got used to it. Mentally we were stressed, because of this walking on eggshells feeling our minds adapted to it and we didn’t know. It was all about not upsetting mom, letting her work, letting her be so we don’t argue and there is no aggression.
Why don’t I leave? Family is family.
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Plummeting into darkness.
More and More Games. Promises are Made to be Broken
It seems that promises are made to be broken over and over. As things were going, we were not going to get out of this ourselves. We needed help and this was to be the hardest part. Nothing in life prepares us for certain types of things.
The kids were missing their mom and the connection but slowly they got used to it. Their mom was either online, trying to work or drunk. In between, there were moments of fun and joy but mostly she was a drunk. This is hard to say and even harder to live through. The hiding places for the alcohol became much more creative. Shoe boxes, the laundry room, empty luggage in the basement and so on. I found them and poured them down the sink. She knew I am sure and when she would find out she would get angry. This was life…
Therapy. We need professional help.
Life could not go on like this and I had to seek help. One normal evening I had brought this up and we finally agreed to seek help. It was not a true rehabilitation centre but a wellness clinic near Kingston Ontario Canada.
This place was a weekend retreat of sorts that had certain types of therapy available and so we chose it because she agreed to go to this one. It was not what I had in mind but at least it was the right direction. Driving there with the kids we made up a story that the place is like a spa and that mom was going to spend a few days away. This was accepted by the kids and off we went.
Joy to the World. The Dark Could Lifts.
To drop off my ex was honestly pure pleasure. We all went, looked around a bit and left. The place was like a week-long spa/retreat. The moment I sped out of the parking lot, it felt as if the world was brighter, the birds were singing louder and the dark cloud dissipated.
I had a great time with the kids on the way home. We all felt the relief and all of a sudden, we were all alive again. This was sad in many ways. Let this be a lesson to everyone. If you do not feel happy in a relationship, if the other party does not bring you joy and happiness, it is time to talk and fix things or leave.
Life is too short for anyone to be unhappy. This goes for relationships, jobs, friendships and so on. Find your happiness and live a happy life.
Happy Wife, Happy Life. If only…
Not having negativity around in one’s life is of course a huge plus. The kids and I had an amazing week. We did what we wanted and not what was decided. From the parks to the movies and nights spent goofing around while cooking together we had fun.
The best and worst part of this was that the other person was not missed at all. This told me one thing… I can do this alone if I had to. There was no happy wife, happy life scenario here. Life as we knew it changed and if she was not going to, other changes were going to have to be made here. Our mental health and our lives depended on this. I do not know how the children were affected by this. Did the children’s mental health suffer because of all this? Yes, I was sure it had and this was not over yet.
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Can the Alcoholic make a change?
The Pull of the Booze. More games.
When I saw my ex pouring the wine down the sink in distress… Well, I had thought I won. I was filled with relief and I must say, I was damn excited. Partly to have my wife back but most of all, for the kids.
To have their normal life back and their “real” mom around for a change would be amazing. That night, many tears were shed and I was sure that this moment right here was the turning point. From this moment forward we could work on getting our life back on track and get things in order.
The next few days were nice and peaceful. All seemed well, from what I could see I didn’t find and alcohol in the house. I looked everywhere and I mean everywhere. The Tom and Jerry game was back on for me because I had to make so damn sure.
More Games. Family Should Come Before the Alcohol.
After the kids were put to bed, we had a normal night. By this I mean a peaceful night, one that I didn’t go to bed in resentment and anger. A night that seemed like things were changing. But in the back of my mind all I could do was think of where she could be hiding the next day’s drinks.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was thinking. All I knew was that I had to be careful and still feel as if she were a loaded gun. Treat her with great care and hope that nothing sets her off. Nothing gives her a chance to go running to grab that drink in hopes of solving the next big problem.
Accidents can Happen. Garage doors.
Well, we have all done this… We have opened remote control garage doors many times. We have closed them the same number of times we have opened them. This particular morning, we were leaving and we had to take two separate cars.
I opened up both garage doors and I had strapped the kids in the car seats in her car. I proceeded to go to my car and get in as did my ex. I was looking in my mirror and backing out, I heard a loud crash, bang, boom!
It so happened that she didn’t see that I had opened the garage door. She had pressed the garage door remote and proceeded to back out since her mirror showed the outdoors. Except when she looked the garage door was on its way down and she backed her rear window right into the downward garage door.
Blame, Argument and Fight. How can this be?
This was clearly my fault, it had to be because she said so. It was my fault because I should not have opened the door. The rear glass shattered into a million pieces all over the kids in the back seat and the car interior. Luckily no one was hurt or injured and other than a brief scare, all was good.
The damage had been done. The last few days of peace were now over and the whole day had been ruined. This was a turning point for the worse. Even though she was in the wrong, I was in the wrong and her reason for drinking tonight would be because I was kind enough to do what needed to be done. Where does life go from here?
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Mental Health and Addiction 9. For the Safety of the Family
We Must talk
So often we have conversations with ourselves. We think about what to say, how we are going to say it and when we should say it. Often enough those words we rehearse in our head are never heard and never spoken.
Why do we hold back our thoughts and bottle them up while they eat away at us? We wait until we hit the boiling point and then in a sudden spark it all comes out in a terrible way. I used to love going to work because it got me away from home. It got me away from the house and my ex. However, each day on my way home I dreaded the thought of entering the house and entering the unknown.
It was unknown because I was unsure of what I would find. I was unsure if there would be an argument, yelling or screaming. The knot in my stomach and the feeling of actual fear was always there. A mystery box of sorts right up to the point when I opened the door.
The Principal speaks. Drinking and Driving, the end of the Road.
This evening was no exception, except for one major thing. I had a call from the school principal and she confirmed my suspicions. My ex was picking our children up from school under the influence. She told me she clearly smelled alcohol on my ex’s breath. The whole day and of course the drive home, this was all that was on my mind.
I would most likely never have stayed with my ex if the kids were not a factor. However, now this was the one and only factor for me and that was their safety. Living with an alcoholic is not fun. Not when they turn mean, aggressive, argumentative and pure evil. But today was very different, today was about the kids.
Save the Children. The BIG Argument
We all have arguments, if you don’t then God bless you because you are an angel. But this was big. After dinner I had to confront my ex about the information without giving away how I know that she had been drinking so early on in the day.
I decided to just go for it. I asked if she had been picking up the kids from school while drinking. By this time she had already had a few glasses of wine and she was ready to argue but I cut in. I asked her bluntly… How would you feel if the kids, or others were killed because of your drinking and driving? How would you feel if you got into an accident and killed the kids and you survived?
For once I seemed to hit a nerve. This was a clincher and another time I thought I had a win. I quickly continued and added that no one is putting the bottle in her hands and especially not at 3:30 to 4:00 PM in the afternoon. The silence that filled the room was amazing. There was no rebuttal, no screaming and yelling from her. I left before she could say a word.
Guilt? Can anyone actually change?
Looking back I feel I can honestly say people can change but there is one catch. They need to want to change. They need to see that there is a problem even if they don’t fully admit it. They need to know that something is wrong and that their behaviour is not acceptable to others. An alcoholic sees this and knows but they are struggling and the lure of the contents of the bottle is stronger than their will power. The family of an alcoholic knows that living with an alcoholic is terrible. Yet they are both stuck.
In this case I had another small win, it made my ex think and do a little soul searching. Was it enough to make a change? Can an alcoholic change?
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How I began to write. Part 10
When someone tells you that you can't do something, you have two choices. One, you don't do it and two you prove them wrong and do it anyway.
That is the way this all started. We were working on a story for a series. It was technical with doctors and all and I made a comment that...
"I couldn't write that..." When my boss replied, "That's because you are not a writer!"
Well, if I would have had a blood pressure meter hooked up to me, I am sure it would have blown! All because this was the same boss that relied on us for three complete series when he started the company, the same one that I ended back up at years later. He conveniently forgot that small detail.
That weekend I decided that I was going to prove him wrong. I began a story and it ended up as being Scars. It is a drama based on the premise that two long-time childhood friends will be tested on their love for each other. The small twist is that the boy will have an accident and his face will be mangled. The girl will love him unconditionally and he will not believe her.
I began to write. The story unfolded very well and a short while later, working on the evenings and weekends the book was done. Now somewhere in here is where my editor Janet came into the picture. I am not sure if it was this book or the next one, but things began to take on a life of their own as I got more and more into writing.
The main point was, that I had already proved my boss wrong. I proved that I was a writer.
What he didn't know was that I was going to take this to another level.
The books kept on coming...
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The Mental Health of us All
The Blame Goes to The?
Everyone says that there must be a turning point for everyone. There was a turning point for my then spouse to begin drinking. There is a turning point when one hits rock bottom and then there are turning points to recovery.
All of these pain points boil down to one thing, cause and effect. Also, there are issues that need to be raised from the past and the mental state of a person. Does mental illness play a part in all of this? The short answer for my story is a resounding yes!
How do I know this? Well, the total diagnosis of my spouse was rather surprising in the end but I did know the source of all this. Unfortunately, it was all after the fact.
Two Worlds Collide. Indonesia vs Canada.
Amazing how so many people from the East, want to go to the West. Many of them are in for a culture shock and don’t know how to handle it. This was part of the downfall in my situation. A good mix of culture shock, with a dose of long winters and an eccentric spouse who would go out in shorts during the winter to show Mother Nature that she was not going to give in to her ways and that she is stronger than the cold.
Go figure, it didn’t quite go that way. These little things played into the mental aspect of her behaviour. The fact that when there is a massive snowstorm and the busses, cars and planes are cancelled it is not a good idea to keep your plans. There was a certain amount of stupidity and stubbornness that came along with her mental issues. Canada was and is a different country. The people, the culture and the weather all played a part in her downward spiral. In cold countries people go out less, there are fewer activities and her drinking began during winter.
Turn for the worse. The Drunkenness Continued.
Everyone has a tipping point… Mine came when the fire department came to the house as a pot was left on while my ex went to get the kids from school. Things like this can and do happen. Luckily nothing was set on fire and after we aired out the house things were back to normal.
This however was not the big problem. The big problem came when I had the thought that she may have been drunk, and picked up the kids while intoxicated. This was a big problem. Endangering and abusing yourself was one thing, but when the kids are involved and you are a threat to the public because you are drinking… Well, this, this bit had to stop.
Drinking and driving. An Alcoholic lies?
This was a moment of confrontation. Some arguments are big, some are bigger and some are gigantic. This falls on the point of gigantic! I was on good terms with the principal at the Montessori School and after our very heated argument over driving drunk, being drunk and denial I asked for help. I was amazed at how hard it was for me to admit to an outsider that my wife and our family was dealing with an alcoholic. The admission alone was killing me but didn’t hurt as much as losing a family member. The thought of my wife and the kids hurt or worse was enough for me to overcome my pride. The next day our plan was to see if my wife at the time was picking up our kids under the influence or not…
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Mental Health and Addiction 7. Bottles Tell a Story to an Alcoholic.
The Mental State of an Alcoholic?
The bottles from behind the plywood were a win for me. As mentioned in part 5 these little things were coming together to form a clearer picture. The alcoholic within the family was being slowly forced to admit the problem.
The visualization of the bottles had an impact. I felt that this was now a mental war for her because there was no denying the fact. Her mental state had been challenged and there was a war between admission and guilt. With admission and guilt came the next step and that was to deal with the problems head on.
Two Steps Forward one Step Back. Doing a Drunk Tango.
This personal inner admission was seen by me. There was confusion in her face and behaviour. There was something going on and yet, there was no solution. There was nothing left now but to wait and to offer more solutions.
There had to be a way to move forward and seek help. There was one thing missing, one key element and that was hitting rock bottom. Everything I read and heard, alcoholics need to hit rock bottom.
I felt we were far, far away from rock bottom and she became a functional alcoholic. Keep in mind you are reading this on expanded time. My steps took days, weeks and months and then years. This journey was slow, painful and draining both emotionally and mentally. We all suffered, mostly in silence and sometimes verbally.
Things Deteriorated. Alcoholism and Fights.
The simple truth is that alcoholics need a reason to drink. They are happy, it calls for a drink, they are sad, it calls for a drink. If they are angry it calls for a drink and then comes the arguments.
This is where we headed down a very tough, long, winding road. As much as I thought we were heading in the right direction, things took a turn for the worse. Since my alcoholic was a drinker and a smoker, she slowly locked herself away each evening in the bathroom and began a brand new form of therapy.
The Smoking Drinking Alcoholic.
When things went sideways I knew we were in for a rough ride. The new cycle of drinking and smoking rose to another level. Each evening by about 5 or 6 pm I had a drunk spouse who barely held herself together.
She was working from home and usually had dinner ready by the time I got home. Some days she had dinner and other days it was frozen dinners or no dinner. This was fine for me but not so much for the kids. The nightly chat with her friends resulted in segregation from the family and this was hard on the kids. Where is mom, why is mom crying or yelling? Why is she fighting with you? Why didn’t she take us to my friends and the amusement park as she had promised and so on.
These were rough days, and even rougher was the fact that I hated to come home. I came home for the kids. They made me happy, call me selfish and any other name you would like, but if there were no kids involved… Well, I would probably have ran like hell. It was about two and a half years in at this point and let’s say our mental health was not good.
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Addiction and Mental Health 6. Confronting The Alcoholic?
How do You Intervene with an Alcoholic?
After I got a call from my ex’s boss that her work was suffering, I realized I needed to say something. This was easier because it was not coming from me. Someone else outside the family had noticed.
Always good to get a little support from outsiders and talking to others helps one realize that they are not in the wrong. This was to be a different conversation because it was work related.
Discussions such as this are difficult and starting such a conversation, you find yourself talking to yourself and going over it in your mind. Like asking out someone for a date, you are afraid of rejection or in this case another fight.
The Emotional Aspect. Confronting a Drunk.
Being called a drunk seems much harsher than an alcoholic but it’s the same shit, different pile. When I finally got around to this important matter, I had pulled together all the collective knowledge from the internet and set off.
Trying to make this about the family and work and how this is going a bit deeper than we had anticipated we need to talk. It was all about caring and support and how we can help. Well, the talk went exactly as predicted. The chat went nowhere because the admission was not there. She claimed it was a mix-up and she would fix it. But the cat and mouse game went on and the bottles lined up two by two now behind the plywood. It was incredible to see how alcohol can be consumed at the same rate as water.
Our Daughter Knew. Alcoholism Affected the Family.
Since our daughter was about 9, she knew that her mother was not well. She knew that the alcoholism in the family was a real thing. She knew that the lies or miss use of words from mom were because of her drunkenness and so I decided to have a chat with her.
We had a long chat and as I explained things, it was evident that she knew. She knew from the behavior of her mom and I that things were not ok. I showed her the line of bottles behind the plywood and by this time I knew I needed her to know and to be on my side.
I know it seems selfish, but I had two kids and a drunk wife to deal with nearly every evening now. These things all came together, and things slowly became worse. The dark clouds still loomed over us, and the thunderstorms came more often. More arguments, fights, disagreements and so on.
Showing my daughter the bottles was a plan for me… May not have been a good one but it was my plan.
Guilt and Admission. Alcoholics Lie.
My absolutely brilliant plan was to guilt her into admission as my daughter and I confront her. The plan I thought was simple and effective. But as luck would have it, it was not. The confrontation was a flop. We are all crazy, yes, she drinks a little too much, but all is well. It’s just wine and there is nothing wrong.
Not what we wanted and no positive outcome at all. There was guilt and there was admission, but the lies… Well, back we went and this time it grew into a massive fight. My ammunition was the bottles, the dozens of bottles in the garage.
Unfortunately, we were both mentally exhausted and dealing with issues of our own now. Mine was the family, doing nearly all the housework and taking care of the kids. This confrontation with the bottles was a win for me.
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Part 15
What I had realized in this relatively short journey of mine at the time was this. Even though I was not a fan of horror movies in general. I would fall asleep at The Conjuring no matter how scary it was. But I was drawn to the genre and most of my work in the back of my head was telling me I need to write horror.
Honestly, I was reluctant to enter that world because I was not a fan. But as things would have it, I went down the rabbit hole and eventually began to scrape away at the horror idea and I was having fun with it.
Most of the time, as I mentioned before I brew ideas in my head and these ideas were brewing...
I would have several ideas and plots in my head it was not hard to keep them separate. These plots were brewing in my head I continued with a teen story titled Four Letters. This too was a strong female lead and involved some bullying and revenge.
The revenge part of the book... Well as I look back I was most likely writing it with a touch of horror in mind.
Now I feel it was a setup for the next book. But at the time I was totally unaware of the horror aspect. But the way the main character acts and feels I will assume the horror genre was coming through. Four Letters is a teen-based story that deals with everyday life but with a twist.
"What would you do to a cheating ex if there were no consequences?"
Well, this story took a bit of a turn. About halfway through I took a turn. Though the book stayed true till the end it does have a touch of anger, revenge and hate in it.
But I was almost in a hurry to finish Four letters since I had this other crazy idea already bursting at the seams. I am sure that we all feel a sense of accomplishment when we finish a book or even a project.
There is a sense of satisfaction and joy mixed with relief and sorrow. When the numerous characters no longer play. In Elax and the White Witch, it was the kids. Lina in Four Letters and so on. They are all an extension of you, us and our thoughts. So how I became a writer... Well in many ways it was accidental, it was choices and chances mixed in with much effort and determination.
But above all, what I learned and what the takeaway is, is that if you like to write, write.
It doesn't matter what it is actually, if you like something, just do it. If it makes you happy, just do it.
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Addiction and Mental Health 5. Who Suffers More? The Family or The Alcoholic?
Suffering With an Alcoholic. Do Something?
Do something, so easy to say, so much harder to do. Being in the middle of a thunderstorm you can seek shelter, hold up an umbrella but that does not stop the rain. All we can do is seek shelter. We shield ourselves from the darkness that has set upon us and while the alcoholic suffers the family suffers equally.
However, I feel that the mental stress is harder on the family because they feel powerless. Like when your child is ill. You cannot take away the pain or the fever. As much as you want to help, we all know that as an alcoholic, the individual needs to see and understand that they have a problem. Slowly they get it and often still do not admit it.
It’s a strange situation when both parties see the issues and yet they are at a stalemate. The alcoholic knows that the family sees and yet it’s all masked and hidden in plain sight.
Talk about it? No This is Not Okay!
The first admission is the hardest. As I had mentioned in the previous episodes the recycling box was my friend. If you live with an alcoholic there will be games. Fun ones at that. I had been keeping an eye on the bottles in the recycling bin. I noticed that the number of bottles had gone down.
I was very pleased with myself and thought that some of our conversations must have been heard. I patted myself on the back and took the garbage out. It was not until a few weeks later I noticed that when I put the garbage bags on the road that I heard a clunk.
To my surprise there were bottles in the garbage nicely hidden in other garbage. The bottles of wine had not reduced. Instead, they were disguised. So much for feeling good about myself. I had failed and so had she.
What to do Next? It is All About Documentation
The games had begun. I said nothing and neither did she. I don’t know if she knew that I knew, and she didn’t know if I knew or not. I went through the garbage each week and placed the empty bottles behind a large full-size piece of plywood in the garage. The cat and mouse game was now on.
We were Tom and Jerry of the household as this game went on and on. Slowly I noticed the very large row of bottles growing larger over the weeks and saw that the consumption of alcohol was on the rise.
Confirmation Came. Can an Alcoholic work and function?
The short answer is yes but my answer is no. One day I had a call from the person my ex was writing for and asked if everything was alright. I had no reason to tell the truth, so I lied and said yes.
Unfortunately, being a writer and drunk didn’t pair well. The writing of scripts and the episodes that were sent were incoherent and nothing made sense. She was known as a fast writer that needed little to no editing. Ready to shoot scripts was what we were known for. This was now a problem, and it was high time we had an intervention of sorts because she was now having problems with work. It is not easy to confront anyone about personal matters, but it was time.
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Part 14
When Covid hit, I was working from home. When the commute was cut down and we all went to Zoom meetings it gave me more time. I was able to focus even more on writing. This was a blessing in disguise. Though I would rather that Covid didn't happen it sure gave me a boost to start writing even more.
Working at home became a great way to intensify my writing. I was able to focus more. No need to worry about going to the office. Put on your shorts and T-shirt and head to the laptop.
The days began earlier than usual since all I had to do was go to the laptop and start.
My routine was simple. Up at about 6 am. Eat breakfast, get ready and talk to family and friends, answer some emails and off I went. (This was the benefit of living in different time zones.) I had a local radio station, Female FM that I always had on since my beloved 97.3 Toronto station stopped transmitting to Indonesia one day.
I am sure that my drive and obsession had some positive effects on my writing.
I was showing up to work, it was my work and my passion to write. My storytelling was well on the way by 7:30 to 8:00 and this was my most productive time.
I am always on my game between 7 to about 12. Those few hours are much like a sprint and after lunch is more of a jog. By the time my afternoon coffee rolls around at 2 pm, I was walking and I would usually stroll to the finish line by 3 pm.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09CGCZK4R/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i9 After that, I usually look over what I had managed to pound out on the keyboard and touch up things. However, if I felt good, I would stay and write until 5 to 6 pm. On days like those, I felt as if I was hit by a truck. I would be sore; my muscles would ache and need some severe stretching.
After all this, I realized that getting the thoughts out of my head during the process was important. It allowed me to feel as if I had accomplished something.
Organ House, Scars and Elax and the White Witch was a huge accomplishment.
But what would come next would be terrifying...
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Addiction and Mental Health 4. We Were Living With an Alcoholic How Does one Live With an Alcoholic? The simple answer is you don’t. You slowly but surely end up coexisting with them. However, you don’t know this. It happens so slowly that the family pulls apart and with a few fun moments in between, the good can overshadow the bad. It’s a terrible situation and recognizing alcoholism is not easy. One reason is that we do not want to see it and recognize it. We do not want to see the negative in a loved one. We do not want the problem in our household. This, mess this cannot be happening to us. This mess became a mental health issue for both of us. On one hand, one spouse had a problem. It was both physical and mental. On the other hand dealing with an alcoholic also drains the other partner physically and mentally. Help? No this Alcoholic Does Need Help yet. At this point the drinking and the inconvenience of drinking did not seem to hinder the family. Seem to is the key word, because it did, but we didn’t seem to notice. We didn’t seem to notice because we didn’t want to, but we did. We make excuses and we make up stuff to the extended family when we see the over drinking and the signs of drunkenness. Deep down we know that alcoholics can be embarrassing. This also depends on the type of alcoholic you have. The quiet drunk one that falls asleep. The funny one who is hilarious when drunk. Or the angry, upset, abusive one that I had to deal with. Which Alcoholic did you get? ? Angry? Happy? Abusive? Luck of the draw I guess. Either way the short straw has been drawn and you got an alcoholic. The next step is which one. In my case I lucked out and got the abusive one. I am making light of this but this was no joke. I had a good friend and when she drank she was hilarious. It all added up to good times and it didn’t happen often. Now I was living with an angry, depressed alcoholic who was not physically abusive but we all know that words can hurt equally, if not more. So here we go, when things went wrong it was time to drink. Therefore, I did everything I could to make sure things didn’t go wrong. These were amazing things I found out much, much later in the process of living with an alcoholic. The subtle changes in behaviours and the subtle changes in the lifestyle were all but invisible at the time. “All of a sudden” are not words I would use to describe any of this but it was a sudden change in the timeline of it all. The Subtle Changes. Too Blind to See the Alcoholic. Like horses with blinders on, we see what we want to see. Not seeing and knowing the alcoholic was much better than dealing with it. So anyone not confronting is enabling. This is a hard pill to swallow but we don’t know what we don’t know. We don’t know how to deal with this and even experts have various degrees of opinions. As non-experts and uneducated individuals we turn to the internet and look up various things to see if we are doing the right things or not. The topic of alcoholism is quite an in your face one. The topic of mental health and mental illness for me go hand in hand. One has begun to drink because something is a little off. In my case after my spouse went to rehab, this was confirmed so I only know what I know. But something caused the drinking and something was being numbed at the time of drinking. Life with an alcoholic causes suffering for both the alcoholic and the family of the alcoholic. Who suffers more?
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Addiction and Mental Health 3. The Change Takes Place Slowly
Noticing The Signs to Alcoholism
At first it began with dinners. This is when I first took notice of real change.
One that I could pinpoint but still I was not convinced. It became a thing to have a glass of wine with dinner. I never drank, I have never been a drinker so I cannot speak for myself. Looking back this was the first sign of what was coming.
The need to have a glass of wine for dinner was almost like, “Why, why can’t I have a glass of wine?” in a passive aggressive tone was how it came across. This little sign was not obvious at the time and as the answer was “Sure you can have a glass of wine, but every meal?” That is what I had in my mind and as many marriages go, who needs an argument or a fight. A glass of wine was fine with dinner, who would argue that.
One Glass of Wine, Two Glasses of Wine
During this time my ex was home alone with the nanny and the kids. The time alone and the time spent writing was probably conducive for her to get worse. At the time this was unknown to me or probably her.
Also we noticed a change in her mental state. Back in 2003 mental health and mental wellbeing was not something in the media or on top of mind. Looking back at all this it was clear that something was wrong and something was brewing. The one glass of wine slowly turned into two and because she was home for most of the day, the rest of the day there was no one monitoring the consumption of alcohol.
It was thanks to the recycling program that I had noticed one day that several bottles were in the trash.
Recycling? How Did this Happen?
After a few bottles in the trash, I began to very quietly monitor the alcohol consumption. Turning into an alcoholic didn’t happen overnight. The family was not affected immediately by the drinking. I didn’t rush to Alcoholics Anonymous at the first site of a bottle. I should have, but I didn’t know any better.
During this time other small signs showed up and that dark cloud that hung over us was letting out more and more rain. Small arguments here and there sprouted up out of nowhere and this right here was a telltale sign but at the time I didn’t know. I didn’t know how argument and drinking were related but this is something to watch out for.
Understand the Alcoholic. Think Like an Alcoholic
Slowly the triggers became smaller and smaller and arguments became fights. Life around the house changed bit by bit. I spent more time with the kids, especially at night. Getting them ready for bed, showers, bed time stories were all slowly passed on to me. I didn’t mind because we argued less when we were apart.
While these changes seem simple and these changes were over months and not overnight, it didn’t matter too much. Life went on as it does in most households and things didn’t change too much from this state. It was as if we were in a stalemate. I think we both knew something was wrong but she had something to hide and I wanted peace. With the kids around it was easier for me to tip toe around then to cause more arguments and fights. Something was wrong, the family was living with an alcoholic. However at the time we didn’t know.
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Addiction and Mental Health 2. A Slow Transition Into Darkness My Story. Speaking from personal experience… My ex-wife and our family went through a transition so to speak. This transition was not a welcomed one but it happened. We moved from Indonesia to Canada and started a relatively new life. Before working remotely was even a thing, we worked remotely, writing from Ontario Canada to Indonesia. It was a fantastic opportunity, writing scripts from home AND making a living was amazing. At this time we had a son and all was going amazingly well. After my son was no longer breastfeeding, the change began. This change was very slow and only in hind sight can I now comment on the events. Slow Transition. When you are in the thick of things, many small changes can go unnoticed. This was such a case. Watching grass grow or paint dry is how these things creep up in real life. The small changes in behaviour go unnoticed and only when you look back can it be clearly seen. Being a somewhat eccentric writer, my ex did not like being bothered at all while writing. This is understandable and acceptable. No one wants to lose their train of thought. These changes were taking place. She was becoming more irritable and little things were now big things. Little by little she was changing and the family didn’t notice. How Did This Darkness Creep in? How Did we Not See it? A dark cloud rolled in and hovered over the house for a long time. At first this dark only brought a few problems. It was more aggravation and a little bit of anger, and some misunderstandings. Unfortunately in a relationship, these little bits and pieces of behavioural changes go unnoticed until one day you wake up to bigger problems and darker clouds. These darker clouds only brought sporadic precipitation and all seemed normal. Dealing with this was manageable but stressful. These were the signs of trouble, but as we all know, we tend to overlook and even make excuses as to why these little things are ok and hopefully temporary. Looking back, they were the telltale signs of how things were going to really accelerate. Understand the Signs and The Slow Change. The irritability and unsettled behaviour of my ex in this situation was completely understandable to me at the time. Pressures of deadlines, pressures of having changed countries and a new life was the issue. Or so I thought. Having had two children and work can add up. Except that I took care of the kids most and we had a nanny during the day. So these pressures were far, far less than on a family who didn’t have the luxury of working from home and having a nanny. Shortly after this I took another position that my ex convinced me to take and looking back this was a terrible turning point where the small bits of precipitation turned into rain. Having to leave for work every day was now a time for other things to occur and take a turn for the worse. This is not to blame anyone, these changes came on slowly and the very slow attraction to alcohol began to come through. Once more these were so slow and so subtle that only after the fact was this all crystal clear.
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Mental Health and Addiction. 1
How It Affects You or People Around You.
Introduction: What is Mental Health?
When a person cannot deal with the everyday… When a person is angry, frustrated or saddened by seemingly mundane things in life. A person who may not find happiness even when they seem to be trying very hard, nothing seems to fill that empty hole. At times the new road, the new adventure is full of hope and optimism. However, that positivity is quickly destroyed by negativity, self-doubt and sadness.
When going out seems like an amazing idea, yet mental illness quickly sets in to create a state of mind that prevents a person from going.
How to Improve: Check your Mental Health
Sometimes mental health tips can help and quickly improve one's state of mind. Other times they can do more harm than good. Not everyone responds the same way. This is what happened to a very close family member of mine. He did his best to cope with the struggles of every day but the negativity that hovered above him like a dark cloud was too much.
Resorting to eating for temporary happiness was one way of coping with the sadness, frustration and whirlwind of emotions that accompanied him. Frustrated with himself, terrible drivers and slow cashiers were some of his aggravations. Not being able to deal with stupid people was a whole other level of anger and negativity.
All these seemingly little things turned into big things. There didn’t seem to be a way to improve his mental health. The so-called tips to improve mental health didn’t work.
Mental Illness and the Workplace
Mental health at work was on another level. The immense amount of frustration was at a boiling point every day. Nothing worked out. There were no positive steps in any direction, a micromanaging boss and kiss ass yes-men were not helping his fragile mind. Workplace mental illness and work-related stress were at a breaking point. This may or may not have had something to do with him being let go from a very good position. We will never know if it was COVID related or not, but the end result was a dismissal,
Mental Illness in the Family
The worst part of all this was that there was no support from his bossy, entitled and emotionally unavailable spouse and very little support from friends. A very close sibling and a family dog were the only sources of happiness and laughter. When going home from work is worse than staying at work, what escape does someone have? Having a family member around with mental illness or depression is no fun for anyone, including the depressed person.
Conclusion: The Importance of Mental Health in Everyday Life
There is no quick fix here… The end result was to sign into a facility for a month that was ready to help and assist with his mental health. Heading into a place where one would be closed off from the outside world was very distressing. No cell phone, very little computer and telephone time was stressful. Smartphones are much the same as a numbing agent or a painkiller.
Endless scrolling numbs the pain and like drugs, it helps one’s mind disconnect from the stress of the moment or the day. It is a Band-Aid and being buried in it is nothing but temporary. The mental health, the depression and anger all come crawling back bit by bit and slowly it all takes over as it did before.
The importance of good mental health and a healthy coping mechanism is something people take for granted. Sometimes one needs to take drastic measures in life to get better and to seek help before it is too late. If you know of someone dealing with mental health issues, please reach out and help as much as you can.
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The Present State of the World – A Look into the Future
Introduction: What is the Present State of the World?
Today, we have Russia at the borders of Ukraine. In Canada and many other parts of the world, we are facing riots and gatherings over pandemic restrictions. In the past few years, we have been consumed with anger and rage. Politicians and scientists scratching their heads over what to do not to do next.
The straight answer is… They do not know. The complicated answers are the ones they have been giving to appease us and the masses. We go back to the present state of the world being in one gigantic mess! Once more, we have done nothing good. We have done nothing to help others and nothing to make our future look brighter.
Going to Mars and launching the James Webb Telescope are all but minor distractions and will not help us. No matter what anyone tells us they are good, fun explorational games played with private and tax dollars. I love exploration and have seen all the Star Trek movies. I am a huge fan, but we are not there. We are not even close. The present state of the world and the global trends are not helping us better our future. The future of children growing up today looks downright terrible.
The Current State of Technology and How it Affects Society
The state we are in is sad. Nothing we do makes sense. Scrolling aimlessly and mindlessly through TikTok, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook only numb us to the pain of life as we try and escape it. Get a hit of TikTok, a dose of Instagram and go back to work.
Kids are growing up on tablets, phones and not television. This may not be a bad thing. They are educated much earlier, but their brains are being rewired. They are going to be growing up even faster with the information being streamed to them. Their developing brains will be governed by the technology trends and apps of the present and the future. Future trends will surely have more research behind them to further reel in their little minds. My technology predictions could be very far off simply because I only know what I know. Technology predictions aside, I feel we need to get the kids out and about, away from the phones and tech to teach them to live.
This cannot be done when their parents are consumed and surrounded by technology. When the very thing that babysits the children is the one brainwashing all of us, we are in for a terrible next few decades.
The Current State of Health Care and How It Affects Society
With the present state of healthcare, mental health and all-around obesity issues followed up by pollution and garbage… How will the future humans cope with all of that? Less and less money will be available for the things we need the most.
At the same time, people are living longer thanks to the advancements in medicine. Longer does not equal healthier and longer. This and other issues will be bringing society and mankind closer and closer to destruction.
Conclusion: Is the Future Bright for Humanity
The bottom line is an upfront No. Everything that we have done boils down to greed. Nothing we have done has been for the good of society. Everyone claims good, do good, be good and show corporate responsibility. Lipstick on a pig. All show and very little action. Government taxes, the people do everything in their power to avoid it.
Same merry-go-round over and over until we have nothing left. This is the future? Save the whales, save the oceans, stop overfishing and stop cutting down the rainforest. Nothing ever stops… Nothing ever improves and we are standing by watching it all fall to pieces. Not one, not a single person and not even a massive group can stop this because we are the cause…
present state, state, of the world, global, trends technology trends, future trends, technology predictions health care trends, future health care predictions
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The World Doomed to a Future of AI and Automation
Introduction: The Future of Humans, AI and Automation
So as the world crumbles before our eyes, we can slowly see that the future is looking worse and worse. With the piling up of garbage, the emotional state of humanity is slowly but surely coming to a very large upheaval.
The gap between the haves and have-nots will grow. The future as laid out by the scriptwriters in Hollywood will all come true on this lovely spinning ball we live on. To make things worse, not only will we not have our freedom, our houses and our identities we will also be dealing with more and more AI.
I am not afraid of AI, but I am afraid of the people that control it. The pace of technology and the rate that we are moving forward is much too fast. Many people are being left behind and the ones that are keeping up are living much more complex lives.
The artificial intelligence that we already use, can be programmed for so much more. Alexa, Siri and Google assistant can and already do listen in on us. The future of automation and humans may not be a pretty one.
Automation, humans and the Future of Work
While I have beaten to death the shortcomings of “humans” on the planet, I feel it needs to be repeated. We have done very little “good” on earth. We have done nothing but destroy, kill and further ruin the planet for personal gain.
I cannot think of a positive thing we have done to Mother Earth. We try and plant trees but consume more than we replenish. We suck her dry of oil and other natural resources. Now with the pandemic, we have consumed even more. More online ordering, more Uber Eats and so on. With the future of the workplace and the future office being reimagined, we will continue this. Sure, we go to the office less but order more goods to be delivered. This is where AI, automation and the further degradation of humans will occur.
Here comes the Metaverse and there is currently no education in school about this. No education or information on AI and how this will affect us in the future. The future office will continue to be virtual. Now it will be in the Metaverse as we run around as small digital avatars. We will wave at each other virtually from our small rental apartments.
Automation of tasks, virtual assistants and lack of human contact will not make us better. Relationships will suffer, families will suffer. Is there a way to turn this mad rush to AI, automation and technology to do good?
AI and the Future of Humanity
The world is a pretty beautiful place. Look around and you can see amazing places and thanks to Google Maps we can visit so many places virtually. Due to the pandemic, travel is at a standstill, but you can still travel virtually.
However, the people that have invented this technology are also employing more and more AI into everything and tracking you while you do whatever it is that you do. This is all well and good but when Boston Robotics pairs AI with the robotic dogs and human-like robots… Well, we will have issues. When robots take on a life of their own and Tesla autonomous trucks run down people, we will se
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1
Random thoughts. 12
If the governments of the world were "honest". Ouch, that even hurts to type. But If the governments were honest, they would make sense in the decisions they make. Unfortunately, they rarely do. It costs money to make decisions. Someone will make money, and someone will lose money.
It is the way of the world and nothing we do will ever change unless we barter for everything. If the governments looked within themselves and were not worried about the votes and the government employees, they would make rational decisions to cut staff. Cannot cut staff since the staff are part of the voting majority.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com Cannot rock the boat, cannot cut staff because we will be voted out. Maybe, just maybe we need to start somewhere?
Assuming that the governments were honest and transparent, we would see the mass embarrassment on all parties and politicians' faces. Exposed would be all the lies, the misleading and excess spending.
That is only the beginning and if mass executions could take place, we would see heads rolling down the street past all the government buildings.
While I am glad we have not resorted to that I also wish we had capital punishment... Only for lying politicians. I wonder how many politicians would be left.
The world is a mess in thousands of ways. We all need to make a list... Oh, but the list would be debated for years... Silly me. Anyway, assume we had a list and we worked on solutions and not the problems that come with each possible solution. We move forward in productive ways and not only pay expensive consultants but truly move forward.
The progress we could make would be able to bring forth a positive result in a relatively short time. Maybe in enough time, we wouldn't need to take a pile of people to Mars to preserve the human race.
We have seed vaults for a reason, right? We have prepared bunkers to preserve seeds so when we destroy what we have, we can start over. A plan has been made to restart the human race sometime in the future, but nothing is planned for the present.
Everyone is in it for the money, greed rules the world and what will stop this insanity?
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Slow down a touch and collect all my thoughts. I am painting a very sad and grim future. Why? I am a positive person and I positively know that the future will suck.
Destruction is the only way we can move forward.
The only way we can rebuild is through reconstruction and new ideas. Avant-garde ideas that are always presented in places like Ted-Talks. How about we start claiming back the desert instead of billions and billions of dollars spent on a space telescope. To look into the past, the past? Let's look into the future.
I love space, I love, love, love looking at the stars and wonder what happened on all the other planets. But I am so much more concerned about what is happening and not happening on this one.
We have as many excuses as to why we need to look into the past as we have stars. Are you all hiding something from us? Is there something we need to know? If yes, tell us. If not, then look into the future and use all those brilliant minds to help us here and now. Is it all about astronomy fame and naming a nebula after you? No, then get your head out of the stars and use your brilliant mind and help us here now.
There will be no reason to look anywhere when we are all suffering. Could we make a plan? Could we take a look at the real state we are in? Would it be so hard to be realistic and open-minded so we can all face the future with positivity and excitement instead of doom and gloom? Could we pump some good news into the bad news?
You know mix it up a little and see how that goes? Maybe even a few amazingly good bits from politicians. Why is it that taxes and inflation are always out of control?
I ain't no economist but I bet there are really good ones out there. I am no environmental expert, but I am sure I can find a few.
There you have it... If we could only agree on a plan and a direction and repurpose all our brilliant people, we could see a much brighter future and we would all be able to see the stars...
Right now, all I see is pain and misery on this tiny marble we call home... Can we fix it?
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Random thoughts. 11
The planet can only sustain so much before we decide to do something. We as humans procrastinate and the governments are only in it for the self-preservation of each individual and not as elected officials by the people.
By the people, for the people... yeah right. Lies, lies and more lies. Lipstick on a pig I say. They are the pigs and the lipstick they wear is there to cover up the lies they feed us. The people will eventually revolt as the truckers did. The people will revolt, and the government will call it a small fringe movement.
SC. 1 INT. DAY. Parliament
People: Government, please do something.
Government: We are, we got this, go away, little person.
People: When are you going to do what you said you would do?
Government: We are doing. We need to do an assessment.
People: You are not doing anything...
Government: We are. We spent billions on this...
This is a vicious circle... Nothing gets done while money is flushed down the toilet. WAKE UP AND DO SOMETHING!
However, we need to start revolting now. By 2070, we will be under so much pressure to fix things that desperate measures will need to be taken. Right now, we could take small steps and build specialized industries to deal with what is to come. But... But if it's not profitable and people cannot make a quick buck it will not happen.
The specialized industries that are around today are already failing. The amazing effort to recycle plastic, paper and metal is not what it should be. Waste of such materials is ending up in the animal feed, landfills and the ocean.
Going back to earlier blogs, what have we done and what has improved for the human race? What have we fixed and conquered so we could put that all behind us and say, "we did it.”? We are building amazing, fast and beautiful electric cars. Maybe we need to have the battery replacement and service infrastructure in place. How will we dispose of all the said batteries?
We have created more problems and no backup is in place.
There are facilities to deal with dead or damaged batteries already but there will be a flood of such problems coming to a town near you.
No one in the government has the balls to come forth and be straight up with the masses.
No one because that is not legit politics. If it were, it would go something like this...
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Random thoughts. 10
We are a greedy hypocritical bunch of humans. We say one thing until it nips us in the butt and then we quickly change. We will say we want; demand and we will fight for things. Up to a point when someone says...
Take the bus or the train, don't fly and don't you dare make plans for vacation because the carbon footprint is too high.
Hell no, I wouldn't want that and that is only an example. We could save billions by outlawing fast food. Make people lose weight and while we are at it, let’s tax fast food at a higher rate. Oh, but then it is no longer alright even though we would save billions in healthcare. Healthy people would no longer be a burden on the healthcare system.
But then if a politician ran on such a platform... They would never get elected. People do not want to hear the truth. People are hypocrites through and through. The problem with the government is that they are ruled by unseen, unexposed people. The lobbyists, the businesses that thrive in having the "in" with the people on higher levels.
Could we not completely outlaw food colouring? Maybe stop the production of all non-recyclable plastics? Many countries and municipalities have managed to stop the use of plastic bags and straws. Yet we continue with millions of other harmful and toxic substances that hurt us every day.
We are all at fault. We support McDonald's, KFC, Coke, Burger King and so on. Sure, it's a free country but no one regulates the shit that goes in our food. They say they do but we all know there are hormones and other chemicals going into our meat. Why can't we outright outlaw all of this?
Greed, profit and business. I am not against business, growth or profits. Go Google me and see what I have done and been involved with. But this needs to stop and the only time this will stop is when people truly care...
But people will never care until it is too late... Why wait till it's too late you ask?
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Random thoughts. 9
Look at the recycling programs around the world. Look at the illegal logging, the overfishing, the plastic problems and so on.
All these problems boil down to one thing. Our very basic inability to see anything through to the end. The constant headbutting over issues that will just never be resolved. The stupidity of political parties' constant badgering of each other will not bring the world back to normality. Instead, it slows down the little progress that would or could be made.
This is not progress, trash talking and name calling in government will not save the planet. We all know what needs to be done. We all know that to get things done, people need to make good solid decisions.
A local member of Parliament can announce and promise good things in all areas. However, as we all know, those things are mostly bullshit to get elected. They cannot fight traffic, pollution and garbage problems alone. It needs to be all of us and hence, it never gets done. Opposition parties will bicker, fight and argue everything, even good solid ideas.
Isn't it time for all of these people to get the heck out? How about we get rid of all of them or replace them with a proper system and hold them accountable.
Elections over and over will not fix the issues at hand unless action is taken, and promises are kept. Get rid of war, get rid of hypocrisy and make a difference. This is the reason we will never get ahead. The constant backlash of business owners and the lobbying of parties will not end because it is all about greed.
The businesses will only support politicians that are doing beneficial things for the businesses at hand. Not the local stores, not the mom-and-pop shops that help the local community.
We are talking big companies who deal in billions of dollars and need to make money for the shareholders. In the end, we are driving the companies to be greedier because we are the shareholders.
If we stopped using Google or stopped buying iPhones, the companies would lose out. If no one purchased a Tesla they would lower the price, the shares would drop.
This mentality could work for all the things we need to fix. But in the end, we are all nothing but greedy humans. We all want what's best for us until it is no longer the best for the individual.
What we need to fix is greed...
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Random thoughts. 7
I am going to take you to a small island in Indonesia. You may or may not have heard of Bali. This is a small island with about 3 million people give or take a few. Probably less now because of Covid 19.
A very simple example of the garbage problem on this island starts as such. For one, it is always overrun by tourists that mostly do not give a damn. Then there are the locals that will hurl their garbage into the river, so it disappears out of sight.
Poof like magic the plastic bottle is gone and ends up downstream at the beach where someone will either pick it up or it washes out to the ocean.
I have had a few discussions with people in different NGOs. Here is the big problem. There are many people involved in cleaning up Bali. Many NGOs do amazing work but guess what? They all have their own mandate, their own agenda on what they wish to achieve.
Let's think of this little island named Bali as our world, our planet. All the people living in relative peace are surrounded by NGOs, government, religion, industry and politicians.
Let's suppose here for a minute that I am very simple-minded and believe that we can work together with everyone. Let us all climb on top of the tallest volcano in Bali, Mount Agung. Let's all go 3000 m above sea level and work our way down. Collect the garbage from top to bottom and educate the locals, tourists and visitors alike on the harm of garbage and trash.
Simple, how simple this would be right? Set up all the trash bins, set up recycling and certain local stations along the way. Teach locals to live sustainably and provide ways for them to profit by these methods.
While we are there, we could set up battery stations powered by solar panels and so on. This would be a dream. Bring Bali back from the trash-filled little island to the green natural paradise it once was.
Yet here are the problems we would face...
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Before we get to the politics of it all and the minutia of it all we would need a plan. Let's for a minute that part 7 of Random Thoughts is the plan, we have made a beautiful outline and it has been shared with 3 million people on the island. I am not going to bother about the first problem of receiving back 6 million suggestions or more from the 3 million people so that is problem one solved.
Assuming we have pushed through a plan and nearly 5 years have passed since the presentation of the plan we need to start organizing everyone on the island to be part of "Restore Bali" So therein lies the problem.
There is no way that I or anyone else would have the power to bring this little island back to paradise. The government and the politicians would all have a say. Assuming we go to the highest power in Bali, he, she or they would need to decide. They would need a committee and of course a local in charge. With all the "minor" things out of the way let's mandate that all NGOs would need to or must take part in the cleanup. This would surely eradicate a dozen or more NGOs on the island.
Soon the bickering would start. People will lobby the local politicians to have things done their way and not the other. Politicians that had their wheels greased would stand up and go against the plans that have been outlined.
Some will line up to get the business of hauling trash and further greasing of the wheels would take place. This is how the plan would slowly be erased and any funds that may have been raised would be wiped out.
Too many hands in the cookie jar would prove to be nothing but a waste of resources. The garbage would pile up and another movement would need to come along and try the same thing all over again.
This is the problem with the planet. The people cannot and will not agree on anything that makes sense. People and politicians will succeed in their own town in making changes on a small scale. Nothing bigger will ever come of change because it is impossible.
Prove me wrong but before you do, look around carefully and see what movement succeeded worldwide. Not a craze, a phase or anything temporary.
All we need to look at is one simple example...
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Random thoughts 6
If you ask me... We are doomed.
Since the invention of weapons, the wheel and electricity we have made such advances that I am surprised we have not completely blown ourselves to smithereens already.
I know, I am painting such a rosy picture here that it is hard to see the silver lining. I do not have an agenda. All I see is how we are slowly evolving to devolve. Take an airplane view of the world around us. Mother nature is amazing and when we end up creating our demise she will thrive.
Mother nature can fix this if we let her. Mother nature will shake us off this planet as a dog shakes after a bath. She does not need is to rip her, dig her and blow her up as we rape her of natural resources so we can build cars and smartphones to scroll through TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Send pretty little selfies and dick pics around the planet for our entertainment.
The only bright light at the end of the tunnel here is... Wait I do not see the bright light at the moment. No, it is all dark and gloomy. The one and only thing I can hope for is for people like myself and others to realize that there is hope.
What hope can I see right now? Well, there are amazingly smart people who create, make and discover new things each day. We can hope that something great happens from some amazing discovery. Something that can outshine the invention of the lightbulb and electricity. Something or someone that can come forward to help us.
We think we are so advanced, but we are not. We are fools to think so. Look at the Amish community and how living off the land and living in peace and harmony with mother earth is far less stressful.
Is that the answer? Let's go back to living in harmony with the planet. Back to living off the land in small groups. Sounds good to me, sign me up.
The challenge? Here is this...
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Random thoughts. 5
People talk about the big reset that is coming or the reset that needs to happen, but it won't. No one is willing to lose money, not even the billionaires, so how can it happen?
Think about Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos and all the other less wealthy billionaires and millionaires on the planet.
Please do enlighten me...
What is all that wealth doing? Is it quietly fixing racism, poverty, starvation, global warming, devastation, droughts, extinction, waste, education and so on?
Oh, you will argue that those people are giving back. Yes, no doubt, but I often think that they do not know how to go about fixing anything that requires such a monumental task because of pre-judging by haters and the like.
Even the billionaires cannot trust governments, politicians and the low life scummy bottom feeders that surround them. If you throw 100 billion dollars at a problem it would be sucked up, faster than a hooker could give a blow job on a street corner. Because it is how the system runs.
I am very sure that someone with the intelligence of Elon Musk would have done something extremely positive for the world. Look, he already has, the giant battery systems helping and yet he too is faced with and faces challenges. It is a positive step despite the negativity and his haters. Pardon the battery pun but at least he is putting his profits to good use. He is expanding his agenda in hopes it helps us in the future.
Can't trust everyone... Face it, we need help, understanding and open-mindedness to move forward.
We puny little humans need to smarten up, open our eyes and ears while we shut our mouths and evolve. The so-called smartest on this planet, we are also stupid and ignorant little pieces of flesh. We are greedy self-absorbed attention seeking monsters that need to calm the f&#@ down.
How can we fix this mess we are in?
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Random thoughts. 4
In my humble uneducated, uninformed opinion, it is going to be rather gloomy. The forecast I see is a troubling one. I propose that by 2070, we will be in such a mess that only an invasion of friendly or maybe very unfriendly aliens can bring us out of our God-forsaken lives. (no, I am not religious, but maybe I need to be)
A friendly bunch of visitors could give us all the solutions and cures that we need. They would unite the human race. But you can see the problems rising as you read this, I am sure.
A bad bunch of aliens could try and wipe us out and as humans of all colours, we would unite against the new common enemy. There you go, you see the issue already, right?
Then let's forget about the aliens and get back to the divides, diverse human race and the future. Why can we not fix our problems? Oh, yeah? Only because we are split, divided and conquered by our closed-off reluctant minds to see reality. We do not want to hear any argument that does not fit our pre-judged uninformed decisions.
We are prejudice not only in the colours of the skin we wear but ideas.
Many believe that prejudice is only referring to race, racism, equality and so on. Well, yes, and no it's not. Anytime you judge something or someone without fully knowing, understanding, and informing yourself, you are prejudiced.
How dare I call you prejudiced, right? You may be judging me for my blog. I am only telling you what is real. I am not judging you or anyone else.
You and I may read the same article and understand it differently or have different background information. Hence, we are ill-informed, judgemental and ignorant. If you judge me after reading the above as a raving lunatic, then so be it.
I am giving you my view on the future. I am giving it to you without smothering it in whip cream and putting a cherry on top. It is all in plain sight and all in full view. The planet and the people on this little marble are going to destroy themselves, ourselves and we need to stop it, but how?
How do we get off this freight train that is going full stop and the brakes are nonexistent?
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Random thoughts. 3
As a father of two children and hopefully one day, grandchildren I worry about their future. How can I help, how can we help when nothing is as it seems? The whole world feels like damn good CGI in a movie.
Here and there, you see that it's CGI, fake and all of this is a curtain to hide the truth...
Life as we know it.https://zsoltzsemba.com/blog/ The scripts are written by the left, the right, the politicians and the governments and so on. We are all but pawns in a deadly game of chess. The sooner we realize this the better the world will be. Unfortunately, by 2070 or so the world as we know it will drastically change. In 50 years, we will no longer recognize ourselves. The planet will have been terribly scarred. Life and mental health will have been robbed of rational thought and we will be swimming in garbage and soot.
Oh damn, I hope not. I don't want to look forward to a future like that. I don't want Mad Max to become our reality. Regardless, we are but a stone's throw away from such a terrible future. We are all savages. We are all selfish and this needs to change.
Don't try to argue that we are civilized. Humanity has proven it over and over and over and over that we are not.
Humans are built and designed to survive. Our instincts kick in and we get angry, upset and vengeful. We fight over parking spots for crying out loud. People get in fistfights for rolls of toilet paper.
See, no point arguing about human nature. We are animals at heart and our brains no matter how intelligent will only make you an intelligent beast.
So, what is the future going to look like?
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Random thoughts 2.
Growing up from 1980 to today life has changed drastically. Many will argue that it is for the better, but I politely disagree. What has improved? Think really hard and come up with a few things.
Has the quality of life improved?
Have we saved the rainforest?
Maybe poverty got resolved?
Or the education system?
Did we eradicate racism?
Did we improve childcare?
Maybe the waste and garbage?
How about our divorce rates?
Did our healthcare system get better?
Did we fix the traffic congestion?
How about the air quality?
Maybe global warming?
Did we save the animals?
What have we done? We have had advances in medicine and technology in ways that we dared never to imagine. However, there is no advancement if we didn't improve the BIG things.
So, we are left with what?
Living in tiny homes, with little income and, Millennials that will never own a real house.
Is this how we will fix the world? A world filled with microplastics, garbage and other waste we do not know what to do with... This is the future we are passing on to the next generation. The Millennials will be left with shit. A shitty planet ran by greedy, money-hungry billionaires and filthy rich corporations that could, but don't make a difference.
What are all the billions and billions of dollars going to achieve in the hands of these corporations? Or even the individuals that own some of these large companies?
I am not hating on them if that's what you think. No, I am questioning the individuals, the corporations and governments. What and when will we put real effort, not just fluff but true, real concrete effort into fixing our world?
I tell you when...
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Random thoughts 1.
We need to make the world a better place. Our mental and physical health depends on it. Yet we sit back, complain, post a few or a whole bunch of things online and nothing changes.
Look around, things are not getting any better, things are not improving. Our lives are not being enhanced. Our lives are not enriched by anything real.
We are now in the Crypto age, entering the metaverse, NFT's and further deepening our antisocial "social media"...
What are we hoping to achieve with all of this? How will our lives get better? How will our lives improve with more and more virtual interactions instead of real in-person contact?
For now, forget COVID, forget the reality of today and think ahead to no COVID, or at least a time when things are more manageable. Think of where we are headed and think of the kids growing up in this arena of virtual ownership of content linked to the virtual world. Reality as we Gen X know it will be a thing of the past.
Did we go from the fax machine and brick cell phones to virtual meetings in 25-30 years? Give or take a year it makes no difference. The point is, we are headed down an irreversible path to further isolation and further mental illness.
The reason I am tying this together is simply that we can see it coming.
FOMO or fear of missing out, fear of getting left behind we scroll aimlessly through our phones.
What are we hoping to find? Are we mining for crypto? No, we are giving away data, we are creating more and more virtual worlds for ourselves and for what?
On one extreme I feel we should all live in peace and leave the virtual world behind. On the other, we need to fight the idiotic governments that do nothing but piss away money. The only way to combat a problem nowadays is online. It seems like we have trapped ourselves with global trading, the race for cheaper products and global outreach. Yet we have inflation and out of reach property prices.
Looking back, we only have ourselves to thank for it. We all created the virtual world of happy people on social media and the miserable realism of sad, depressed, oppressed mentally ill people.
Our mental health was less of an issue decades ago, why?
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Part 13
I was a single dad for about 10 years by this time. I had plenty of experience with kids, it made sense to write about kids.
One thing we need to love and understand about kids is that they are a blank slate.
Their imagination is young and wild, they know no boundaries. When I decided to write Elax and the White Witch. I had 2 kids in mind along with a wizard. This was not new. But then again this was not about being new, it was about my imagination creating something with the characters.
This was another challenge I made for myself. Let's do a fantasy story and see what happens. Elax and the White Witch was about letting my imagination roam. After writing Scars, a drama and jumping into a fantasy book felt weird. Mostly because I was not a writer. I was far from being a writer. I was at most a storyteller and never having published anything, I couldn't think of myself as a writer.
Yet here I was writing and pounding on my keyboard. The spite I felt on Scars was gone. I made my point and I proved that I could write. This was more of a personal challenge.
What made this easier was, living in Jakarta Indonesia. I had a helper/maid... That means, no laundry, no cooking and no cleaning for me. My meals were ready at about 6, 12 and 6. Coffee came at 6, 9 and 2.
I am quite regimented and this helps break up a long day of keyboard pounding and also helps my brain a little. Short pauses and timeouts give my brain a little rest and also help with stamina. This was a luxury I rather enjoyed in everyday life, not just when I was writing.
As I wrote about this in Changes, life in Indonesia was very different. Not having to cook and clean was a definite bonus. Living alone also helped.
When Covid hit, I thought I would have problems, but instead...
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Part 11
As I began to write, I didn't think of myself as a writer or an author whatsoever. I was writing stuff... I was writing and writing and to be honest I lost myself in the stories I was creating.
The weekends became a blur and before I knew it, it was Monday and back to work.
Time flew by and the pages filled with words...
This was not easy, I would spend all day at my desk. Every waking minute spent not writing was a waste. I wanted to take breaks but my mind would not let me.
From 8 am to 3 and sometimes 4 pm, I would be writing and pounding away at the keyboard of my laptop. The weekends were a sprint within the marathon of writing my books. The stories and the dialogue came quite easily. Not easy but easier than I thought it would when I first sat down to write.
"Scars" was my first book after Organ house. This book was a series or made for TV movie in my head.
I took all the things that were happening around me in a teenager's life and piled them into this book.
I had plenty of experience with kids. Being a single dad for 10 years will do that to you. Putting myself inside my kid's shoes and thinking how they may react to things was fun.
One boy, one girl to raise gave me plenty of experience to relate to the made-up characters. I had some crazy chapter names like "Saved by ice cream." "Here comes the slut" and so on. I was having so much fun with the book and began to love the process.
My way of writing feels like I am a storyteller. As if I could sit with you and tell you this story. I am still unsure if I would consider myself an author. I still feel I am telling a story and involving these characters I came up with. All the while telling to about their lives and the drama I am spinning around them.
But this was not all fun and games...
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How I became a writer. Part 9
The process of writing has not changed for me. I will have several trains of thought in my head at one time. These thoughts brew and finally, something emerges as a story. A story that makes sense from the beginning, middle and end and can leave my head. This process sometimes involves putting two stories together.
I love it when I can start as one story, mix in another and create a new more comprehensive story. I love this for two reasons. One, one story gets to escape and two when the second one merges with the first, I have more free space in my head. Crude but that's how it feels at the time.
After the stories begin, I eat and sleep the story until it's done. I go to sleep thinking of the next chapter, the next day how I can make the story better.
It becomes an obsession and until it's done it pretty much takes over my life.
I don't know how JK Rowling or Stephen King work, nor do I know their methods. For me, it's a light skeleton or framework that I hang the meat on as I go. I stick to the story and the main plot. I do deviate quite often, especially when I feel that a U-turn or a sharp left feels good.
I am sure I am the same when it comes to rewrites as everyone else. Everyone hates it. One thing I tend to do is sometimes when I am not feeling it 100%, I will review a chapter here and there to make sure that it is what I want. I would rather check and make changes on chapters at the time rather than afterwards and I need to change the whole damn thing.
Also, I tend to pace myself. I would rather say I'll have something done later and not be disappointed than to promise myself something and not deliver. We all play little mind games with ourselves, I am sure.
It is with this mindset I tend to write. But the writing didn't quite begin smoothly. In a related blog entitled Changes (15 parts). I outlined the way I had managed to head back to Indonesia. It was in this new job, back in entertainment was where the real writing began.
All because my boss said I couldn't do something.
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Part 10
When someone tells you that you can't do something, you have two choices. One, you don't do it and two, you prove them wrong and do it anyway.
That is the way this all started. We were working on a story for a series. It was technical with doctors and all and I made a comment that...
"I couldn't write that..." When my boss replied, "That's because you are not a writer!"
Well, if I would have had a blood pressure meter hooked up to me, I am sure it would have blown! All because this was the same boss that relied on us for three complete series when he started the company, I ended back up at years later. He conveniently forgot that small detail.
That weekend I decided that I was going to prove him wrong. I began a story and it ended up as being Scars. It is a drama based on the premise that two high school sweethearts will be tested on their love for each other. The small twist is that the boy will have an accident and his face will be mangled. The girl will love him unconditionally and he will not believe her.
I began to write. The story unfolded very well and a short while later, working on the evenings and weekends the book was done. Now somewhere in here is where my editor Janet came into the picture. I am not sure if it was this book or the next one but things began to take on a life of their own as I got more and more into writing.
The main point was, that I had already proved my boss wrong. I proved that I was a writer.
What he didn't know was that I was going to take this to another level.
The books kept on coming...
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How I became a writer. Part 8
Having handwritten 13 episodes for a series off the cuff in a different country with a different culture was my great big start. Having sold the scripts about 3 months later made me a professional writer. A paid one for that matter.
It was quite a shock at the beginning and something I would never have ever dreamed of.
Writing scripts were so far removed from manufacturing furniture that when I told my parents they didn't believe me.
Writing them and being paid for them, well... That was something amazing indeed. But that was far from writing books. The creativity jump from poetry to short stories was pretty simple.
Short stories to scripts was a far-fetched idea that did work out. In the years to come my then-wife told me that she thought I was absolutely off my rocker for even attempting to write a script. Just goes to show you that when you do try, you can succeed. The scripts went on and on and we wrote thousands of episodes over the years.
It was amazing to be thrown into the depths of creative writing. To create characters from thin air, or from people we saw on the street. For me, it was always important to know who would play what character. Real or someone off the street with a made-up background worked to keep me going. A man with a tattoo who would play a mean-ass guy but be a loving dad. A washed-up model who comes back and gets her life together. Or the prostitute that was supposed to be killed off in episode three becomes a character that people root for.
That character was very memorable. I forget her name, but she was to be in three episodes along with her boyfriend who was also to die. I loved them, but more importantly, I loved the two real actors who played them. We met them so we grew to like them. They were super happy because their contracts got extended and two nobodies became somebodies. That is how life goes, you just never know...
I stopped writing scripts around 2003 or 2004 and went back to a thriving family business. That sort of drew the curtains on that part of my life.
But not to the poetry and the short story writing. It became easier when we could all whip up a storm on Blackberry and then the iPhones and so on. It was all digital and there were so many days I would pull over the car and type up something that popped in my head.
The brewing process continued...
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How I became a writer. Part 7
I never thought I would ever be a published writer. Never in my life did I think I would have books/novels to sell.
It all started in 1998-1999 in Bali Indonesia. Not getting into relationships and all, I took some time from the business that my family owned and went on vacation to Bali to see a woman I had met. This was before the time of Google and simple searches, so I found out she was a model and a writer once I arrived in Bali. She had written a few novels and many movie scripts over the years. These scripts and novels were made into big-screen movies and soap operas.
Bali was and is beautiful, but one cannot hang out at the beach or eat all day. She had to work; I could only relax so much before I needed to do something.
I bought myself a few hardcover notebooks and began to write how I thought scripts should go.
Int. Scene 1 day. John’s house... Well, it started out something like that and the rest followed. It was a simple story about three families and one about a father and his daughters. I wrote and wrote by hand in this notebook. I rather enjoyed it. Slowly the notebook filled up and what I thought was one episode was finished.
I had no idea how long it was because I didn't count the words and I was printing in the book by hand so counting the pages was somewhat unrealistic as the pages were not full size.
I still remember the cover of the notebooks. They were shiny black with white lines and a red sort of tape covering the spine. They were smooth to the touch, they had a white label on the front where I wrote "Episode 1, Four Seasons" Yes that was also some famous book at the time, but I didn't know.
I finished episode one and went on and on. One episode turned into 13 episodes until my vacation was over. Not because I was so fast but because my two-week vacation turned into a six-month one and in between, I learned to write. Oh, and I also purchased a laptop.
The best part was, months later I was able to sell the scripts. But would they produce it?
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How I became a writer. Part 6
All that said, I never set out to be a writer. I dabbled in writing a book many years ago. The book was more about life about people from Asia, in this case, Indonesia wanting to move to Canada or North America.
The book was not very long. Whatever I had written was stolen by my ex-wife when she took off with my laptop. That was then and this is now.
I had a script written for a book titled Organ House. Now in the process, I lose the script somewhere. I most likely saved it wrong or deleted it, but the book remained. This was my first book and admittedly it was a rather strange 3 chapter book. It is more of a movie script-style beginning, middle and end type of things that later I broke up to five chapters I believe.
Not the norm but then who cares. It is what it is, it was my first shot at writing a real novel. It is also the shortest novel I have. This was due to the fact that I didn't write the book on the fly. It was all done from the beginning, middle and end in my head. I was impatient and just wanted to get it done and out of the way.
This was a sprint and not a marathon and it showed. Everyone must start somewhere. This was my somewhere and I have never looked back.
Organ House was one of many and when the lockdown happened this was my escape.
At the beginning of the three novels, I mention the fact that these books were written during the lockdown. The lockdown itself and working from home gave me an opportunity to focus on writing.
The interesting thing is that the writing began much farther back in time, back in 1998/1999 December/January in Bali.
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How I became a writer. Part 5
I left the last blog off with… My editor...
My Editor is Janet, Janet Graham. An odd connection on Instagram happened decades after high school on a piece of poetry that I had posted. After I wrote my book, I believe told her about it and somehow with her encouragement, we did it. We got the first books done and the rest is history.
If you need an editor, look her up on Twitter @JanetGr69919838
The point here is that I write and continue writing while Janet tries her best to make sense of what I wrote. Our connection may be very different than with an editor that you find online... Regardless, keep writing and keep going so that you do not get stuck in the mud somewhere.
The writer’s block I mentioned earlier… I keep writing and writing and on occasion, things tend not to make sense after the fact. Janet does her best to understand my train of thought while writing and picks up on the clues and crumb trails I left along the way.
The point is that you can always edit what you wrote and make sense of things after you are through a chapter, a page or lunch. But it is often easier to let someone else read it. There have been countless times I wrote something and I don't even know what I was trying to say. Someone with experience reading your work as Janet does for me finds the beginning of that crumb trail and follows it to the end.
It's an assembly line process where the words come to my head faster than my fingers can keep up. I believe I type quite quickly, and I really should take some typing classes as the speech recognition just does not cut it.
I need this slight delay from my brain to my fingers. I cannot speak the words and create a story. I am not sure if this is something that happens to others. Maybe it is the way we are taught in school.
Writing and thinking for me only works with a keyboard and not a microphone.
I cannot seem to create a story from speaking, only through typing. Maybe I need more practice and maybe it works for others but not for me.
Usually, when I have something brewing in my head it feels like making tea. I have the idea, so the tea and the pot are there, I just need to add the water. That colouring of the water and the way the tea leeches out and creates branches is where the story is for me.
All that brews and brews until the story all makes sense and becomes a book. The darker the tea gets, the deeper I get into the story.
One story/novel, Dormant was a dark story where I was in a dark place with a dark book. The story had me so much that I was lost in it. It was an amazing feeling to be so in-depth with my own story.
When I am so entrenched in the story, punctuation, spelling, run-on sentences and so on shine brilliantly.
Editor’s note: Although I tease him about his run-on sentences, I find them amusing.
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How I became a writer... Part 4
Writer's block. We hear it often. I am stuck, I don't know what to write and I don't know where to go with this character and so on. The trick I learned from Larry in Connecticut is to not stop writing. But you have nothing, your mind is blank...
I have nothing, my mind is blank
Write what is on your mind said "Larry" write down the fact that you have nothing on your mind and that you are stuck. Put it on paper that your character Joe is dead in your head, he cannot seem to find a way to kill the dog next door without getting caught.
Larry said that no matter what you write, you write. It is all because you are now at work in the office. Your office could be a coffee shop, your bedroom, your kitchen table. Do your job or you will be fired. In part three I mentioned that Larry needed to get dressed to go to work because it is the only way he could write. Writing was his job.
So, write because you are your own worst enemy. Write because then you cannot say you had writer's block.
You may not like what you wrote but at least you were not blocked.
This was what worked for Larry and, to be honest, it also works for me. You will think about this and say, "But my problem is different". No, your problem is that you are stuck, your mind needs a kick in the ass to get your fingers moving.
Write, because you are a "writer". Write because you are an author, a poet, a blogger, a scriptwriter, a journalist or whatever you want to call yourself. Content is needed, content does not create itself so get your ass in gear and get ready to go to work.
Those few weeks of phone calls and chats with Larry were well worth it and the advice he gave me I still remember very well. As a writer, you are no different than the person on the assembly line. You have a job to do and while you do not have a line of cars to assemble, you must link the story together so it works. The cars are the words, the words are the machine that drives you. Sometimes the car may not start but it can be fixed. Much the same applies to the words and thoughts that come out of your head.
You may not like them... That is why you need to edit or have an editor make sense of it all for you.
Speaking of which, my editor...
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How I became a writer... Part 3
People watching...
People speak to me.
I love to people watch.
Their feelings speak to me.
Their body language speaks to me.
Their look and emotions speak to me.
These simple tools are all available to every one of us. There is no such thing as not having enough content. There are billions of us on the planet and therefore there are billions and billions of stories.
I did say that I had no formal training in writing. I did however take a course online from an individual in Connecticut. Now, this was not an online course as we know it today.
This was by no means formal schooling of any kind. This was a teacher so to speak who I bumped into online back in 2003. I was writing scripts and soap operas for Indonesian Sinetrons. Sinetrons are like soap operas with much fewer complications and for a simpler audience.
But as I was doing this, I came across Larry. I have no idea what his name is, I forgot, so let's call him Larry. Larry was a script coach and not so much a writer of books or poetry. But I did learn a few very insightful lessons from Larry.
This was decades... Oh my God, yes decades ago and years away from the term "Work From Home" But as writers, we worked from home. Now Larry had a few quirks and one of them was that even though you work from home you need to go to work.
For Larry, words struggled to come out of his head unless he dressed for work. Thus, Larry would get dressed and go to work. He would put on a nice shirt and dress pants along with dress shoes and off he went. Across the hall from one room to another was the office. Once he crossed the threshold to the office, he was ready to work.
This was Larry's motivation and his need to put words onto paper. Without it and dressed in shorts and flip-flops the words didn't appear on the page.
I am fortunate enough that for me a cup of coffee and peanuts are motivation enough.
What works for you? I don't know. What I do know is that for me people-watching brings out emotions. Look at the homeless guy on the streets or the mom and the two kids buying ice cream.
At first glance, the two are totally unrelated. But what if the mom is a single mom because her husband took off. What if the homeless dude is the father who couldn't deal with the pressures of life and decided to disconnect from the world?
This is the exact reason that there should never be writer's block. If you are stuck on a page or stuck with your character... take a break and look out the window or go to a coffee shop.
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How I became a writer... Part 2.
Poetry became an outlet for me, a way to deal with growing up, school, everyday life and all the drama of life. I also played a lot of sports, so between writing and physical exercise, I will assume it helped with the more difficult teenage years of my life.
Poetry is a game. Do your best to write down how you are feeling in the moment without making it seem too random. Without making each thought feel like a single emotion.
Put it all together with a bit of drama and pain. With a touch of rhyme and reason so the words come together as one train of thought.
Once again, I have no prior education in writing and at the same time, I strongly feel that none is needed. No one should tell you how to write because they are your thoughts and your feelings.
Write what you want, when you want, it is your outlet of emotions. No one can or should teach you. How words come out of your brain and onto a piece of paper or to the screen is all you.
While I am not particularly a fan of rap music, I admire the way they spin words. It is an art in itself and no one should critique the lyrics of their songs.
Sometimes I may be talking about a dead puppy, you may assume it is a poem about someone. Other times... I write about how certain people or certain scenes from a movie make me feel.
Songs and lyrics in general come together as feelings or can be sparked by a single line one hears or comes up with. So many times we hear of writer's block and how words or thoughts are not appearing on a page.
This has fortunately never happened to me. I will cover this in future blogs because for me there is a method to the madness.
Writing songs, poetry or rap is all the same to me. Especially for your own words to appear on a piece of paper, set your mind free and let it flow. Things do not have to make sense to anyone but you. If you feel it needs more structure or things need to rhyme, go for it, adjust or fix your thoughts in a more organized fashion.
Poetry was my way of starting to write. It allowed my thoughts to form sentences and put my emotions on paper. This method slowly led me into longer poems that were more than single lines trying to fit together.
Slowly the words came to me, they became a page or two. The poems became longer and the next thing I knew I had a short story. Poems led me down a path to longer stories. The poetry filled the page until it took on a life of its own.
Soon after characters appeared in the short story...In reality, the characters were already there. Not there before me but in my head. They had a different voice now and they had things to say.
This leads me to how the voices appeared, and no they are not voices in my head but voices of people I encountered... It is all because I love to people watch and people speak to me.
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How I became a writer. Part 1.
Like many things in life, so many things come to us in unexpected ways. I never studied to be a writer. It probably shows but so be it. I write the way I want to, and I think of myself as a storyteller more than a writer.
The truth of the matter is that my background is in Industrial Design and manufacturing. The writing? Well, it happened this way...
I had written poems secretly for years. When I say years, it all began about the age of 12. I used to write in notebooks, it was mostly poetry and had nothing to do with books or short stories.
The writing came somewhat naturally. I enjoyed writing poetry. I filled notebook upon notebook and wrote every day. I assume it kept me sane while I was growing up.
After years and years of writing in secret and hiding my little notebooks, we had a death in the family. I was in my twenties, my beloved grandfather passed away. I would not be able to attend the funeral. My brother and mother were going to Hungary to attend the funeral. All I could think was...
I had to say goodbye to my grandfather...
I decided to write a letter to him, to be read at the funeral. This letter was somewhat of a story, a poem, and my way to say goodbye.
When my mom read it, she of course cried and asked how I was able to write this letter. At that time, I finally told them that I had been writing for years. I guess that was the start of something. But that was only the beginning.
The poems sometimes grew into short stories and the short stories broke up into poems and so on.
None of this was learned nor did I have much interest in writing or reading at the time. I did what I wanted, how I wanted. To this day I despise people analyzing poems that others wrote. I have my reasons but mostly it is because you have no clue what I am thinking. Even if you tried to guess you could be wrong. If you like the poem, enjoy it.
If you relate to it and feel emotionally touched by it, that is amazing. But don't try to get inside my head...
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Part 15
One major thing people often forget about Indonesia is that while there is much poverty and inexpensive labour, there is also a tremendous amount of wealth.
The current state of business is not at its peak due to the pandemic, however, the future looks bright for Indonesia. Overall, the mindset of the politicians and people involved seems positive.
Being in a large company gives a very different outlook on the overall state of business. Mostly because the outlook is not to tomorrow or the day after but much further down the road.
Most businesses have adjusted to the pandemic and made things work one way or another. If they have not, they most likely closed. This new mindset not only weeded out the weak but made business planning an art in itself.
New creative ways of gaining customers and new ways of advertising online have changed business. Today we must think differently, act quickly to make up for lost ground.
The roles of people in business have also changed. While we all adjusted, hopefully, we all learned a great deal about life and ourselves.
"For me, the change in industries, the change in life and lifestyles have been amazing."
So in this part 15 of "Changes," I have somewhat outlined my road to a new country, a new life and a new way of living. Anyone that has ever thought of taking a leap of faith... I would encourage them to take it sooner rather than later.
While not all stories will end the way they have for me, the lessons learned and the knowledge gained will be with you forever. The thought of regret will not linger in one's mind. The "what if" and the "I wonder" type of questions will not be driving you crazy because you chose to deliberately step outside your comfort zone and grow.
No one could have predicted the Covid pandemic and while we all took it in stride we also adjusted. For me, the adjustment came by writing and more writing.
I would never have written the novels and the books if it were not for the lockdown. Stay tuned as to how I became a writer...
changeyourlife #career #careerchange #advice #ptsd #mentalhealth #blog #bloggs #goals,#work #health #life #indonesia #bali #canada #family #son #daughter #books #author #writer #published #work #religion #muslim
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Part 14
Living on the opposite side of the world had many advantages. As I covered in previous blogs, having domestic help is amazing. It is not slavery; it is not done by force. While there are plenty of terrible bosses, I hope most are decent.
Many of the workers come from outside the city. Referred to as “kampung” or villages the workers are often uneducated or not well-educated people. They may finish grade 8 and know very little about the rest of the world. They come to the city from various exotic places around Indonesia to work in Jakarta. It is far from a glamorous life and most women end up ad helpers or nannies while the men as drivers or construction workers.
My Books Many others will find fruitful employment in their fields if they happened to get into better schools or universities. The gap between the rich and the poor is evident but not visible at first glance. At first look the office staff or staff in general, no one would stand out as...
“Oh, that one there, yah a village person for sure”
The incredible part is that they come to the city from places that are green, lush areas or farms. Places we may think of as paradise or exotic are normal to them. They grew up in a jungle or a farm and seek jobs in the city so they can earn money and send it back home. This is very common and not only done in Indonesia but with many workers that travel abroad for work.
Indonesians take care of the elderly themselves. Old-age homes are non-existent. The old are taken care of by the young and care will depend on how much they can afford. Taking care of the elderly is very different from what it has become in North America. This is somewhat of a foreign concept to a Canadian. In Canada, older people hope to have saved up enough to be able to afford a good retirement. Maybe go to an old age home and so on. Though this too depends on the individual circumstances.
In Indonesia, a small moderate house may have been in the family for generations and even with one or two members of the family working the family can get by. I feel there is plenty to learn about the way people live. Family is slightly different from the typical North American family. Some of this must be seen, felt and experienced to get the true sense of being Indonesian.
Working with and being around Indonesians is... Shall I say “fun”? These people that I have grown to like, understand and work with are different. They are quick to laugh and joke around and while many lack the education that we pride ourselves with they are amazing people. Many are very well-educated and often go abroad to universities and further secondary education somehow, they always remain “Indonesian”
The food, the lifestyle and the way of living need to be seen felt and experienced. From the small vendors to the big malls, the modest men and women who call Indonesia home makes Indonesia an exciting place to be. The most intriguing part of Indonesia though is the wealth of the country in general and the gap between the rich and poor.
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Part 13
One major thing that needs to be said about Indonesians is that they are proud. No matter how small the salary, no matter how tough their circumstances, they all smile and seem happy.
No matter how poor the staff was or could have been they dressed nice and were always very hygienic. They all have such great pride in being Indonesian and I loved this. They are not as gung-ho as Americans and their pride comes from within regardless of how the governments treat them. Their pride is not worn on the outside with banners, guns and trash-talking.
Often, I get asked as to why I love life in Indonesia versus Canada for example. The answer is simple. The people here seem more genuine, they appear to be happy even though many have very little. Yes, nowadays most people’s heads are buried in their phones and devices. But when you see a group of Indonesian men smoking, just chatting and laughing it all makes sense. Another big question asked of me is…
“How is it, living in a Muslim country?”
The simple answer is, I do not know what you mean. Because it seamlessly falls into daily life and goes unnoticed. Once you learn the time of prayers and acknowledge the location of a Musollah, it gets worked into daily life.
“Ok, we will get to it after the prayers…” Is a common answer.
Personally, I never had a problem with any Muslim person whatsoever. If they had a problem with me, I was never aware of it. Many years ago, I had a driver named Bagyo. Bagyo was a very nice family man with a bit of a gambling problem. What are drivers to do when I enter a meeting and stay for 4-5 hours? Some smoke, gamble and pray. Maybe not in that order. Now gambling is illegal and goes against religion as well. But it happens and it happened to Bagyo.
One time he asked for his salary in advance and told us why. When we confronted him, he promised us he would stop. When we asked him one day about his prayers and such, he said he prayed when he could because he felt that he was given a job by "God or Allah" to provide for his family and that came first.
That was his perspective and while other Muslims are very strict, they will not even enter a restaurant that has pork on the menu… it is their choice. The one big surprise I had about the Muslim women and the women wearing a hijab or a burka was they are people too.
That sounds terrible and does not mean I didn’t think of them as people before. What I mean is that I assumed them to be quiet, religious and timid. But I was very wrong. Under the head covers, they were just the same as any other woman.
This may come as a shock and to some, it was not a shock, it made me understand that the hijab didn’t prevent them from being fun, funny and dare I say “normal” Once more I put my foot in my mouth, but these were things I didn’t know. These were things I was never aware of even though I worked with so many different races and so many people of different religions in Canada. This is why it is so important to keep an open mind and to be accepting of others.
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Part 12
Living and working in Jakarta Indonesia is not as big a difference to North America as one might think. In general, offices move at a slow pace in a fast-paced environment. Many meetings are about topics that don’t need to be a meeting and so on.
Much the same waste of time as they are in anywhere else in the world. Keep in mind I am talking pre-Covid at the moment. The pace of life in Jakarta is as fast as traffic is slow. However, the big difference is the people. The staff is so much more respectful and much more polite than what I am used to. Sure, there is general gossip and backstabbing…
It is a place of business and a place of advancement as much as anywhere. Interestingly enough, the staff, in my opinion, work harder and stay at the office much longer than their North American counterparts. I wondered about this for a long time until I got to know our staff. Asking co-workers where they lived was a simple question for me. When I got similar answers, I began to piece things together. This may seem simple to any person in Indonesia, but it was new to me.
When most people said, “oh, I live just behind here and just over there.” It slowly made sense. A small rental unit called a Kos, is a cheap rental for the most part. $150 CAN will get you a place to stay with air conditioning, a washroom and maybe a small kitchenette. Now things began to make sense. It was far more beneficial and fun to hang out with friends at work and go out to eat than for us North Americans.
We value our family time and love to punch out so to speak and go home. Many of the people I worked with were from outside the city. Some as far as an hour and a half away. The distance in Jakarta is not covered nearly as fast as it is on many highways. Here a 5 km route from home may take you an hour.
Public transport will not move any faster in the congestion. Now I was able to figure out why the malls were a place of gathering and occasional shopping and not the opposite. People, family and friends go to the mall to chill and have a good time. Then they go home to sleep in the small rental and repeat the process. Many people get around on scooters and not cars. Cars are a luxury, parking and space are at a minimum. It is advantageous to have a scooter. A deeper dive into the way people act and behave revealed so much to me.
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Part 11
Being a foreigner in Indonesia I have always found that it was as if there was a "reverse" discrimination. Because you were a foreigner many assumed that you were smarter. I had felt this many times and didn't agree with it.
I think that being different did not mean being better. It only meant that our experiences and backgrounds gave us a different insight into things. My kids being mixed was noticed immediately by all Indonesians. They know and love mixed kids. Once again it is this strange feeling of being different but in a positive way.
Sometimes to get into certain events they have the local price, tourist price and then back to the local price if you have a work permit. A few times I was going to be charged the tourist price until I pull out my BCA Bank-issued debit card.
Ah, that meant that I worked here and so I got the local price.
This type of thing was super strange. It often happened in Bali, for example at the Festival of Lights in Nusa Dua. Admission is this much but oh, you work here, thus you are now local...
Sometimes at the bank, the security would guide me to the front of the line. But this sort of thing didn't sit well with me so I waited as I should because it was embarrassing.
This type of behaviour is normal I assume because they want to be friendly.
Many do take advantage of such respect, but I would rather blend in than stand out. I stood out enough already as a foreigner. I didn't want to make enemies.
As time passed it became clear that my move to Jakarta Indonesia was a good one. I learned so much and continued learning a brand-new language, business and culture.
With support from friends and family, the switch to a new life and a new job was a good one.
I would encourage anyone and everyone to take opportunities and chances when they come along. Of course, there are plenty of details that need to be looked at, but the experience alone is worth it.
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Part 10
The first night alone in my apartment was not a pleasurable one. The place was empty, I was feeling very alone. After 10 years of being a full-time businessman and a single dad, it was very quiet. I was used to doing the laundry, cleaning and cooking. Always running here and there with the kids. All those things were now replaced by my helper or maid named Anna.
Ironically, the person looking after me had the same name as my late mom. Anna did the grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking.
The first night, all the little plusses my new life and job had brought felt insignificant. I was able to talk to my family and keep in touch, but I was very alone. Now I never had an issue being alone. I was never one to feel lonely. I buried myself in writing, work and soon after I was able to join the boys at the apartment and play tennis and I enjoyed going to the gym.
The hole that was left by my son at that moment was a big one. I was not sure how to go on and it mostly bothered me at night. During the day work kept me busy enough and the late nights at MD Pictures didn't bother me.
Being in opposite time zones worked out quite well and always gave me ample opportunity to chat with my friends and family. My mornings consisted of grabbing a coffee at the Starbucks in our building and chatting with whoever was available. Having been a regular and going to the office each day became fun.
All the security and staff in the lobby, Starbucks and BCA bank got to know me and I got to know them. Every morning I was greeted by smiling faces who knew me by name. I was never one to snub them or to be rude. It was great to see their smiling faces each morning.
Many foreigners or even locals tend to look down on the staff and not say hello back when they opened the door. Or looked down on them because they were the cleaning staff and so on.
I was used to working with all kinds of people with various cultures and I enjoyed getting to know them. Being a foreigner or a "bule" a white guy in Indonesia does not mean that others should be treated differently.
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Part 9
Saying bye to my son was a very sad moment in my life. I had no doubt that he would be alright. Deep down, I felt very guilty for leaving a young adult on his own. Most parents say that their kids are good, well-behaved and responsible. But my son was and is a good kid. He stayed out of trouble and nearly every waking moment he was either making, editing or about to shoot something new.
I have always been involved with both my kids, encouraging them to follow their passions. Now he was encouraging me to do the same.
We were both growing as people. But for him, this was an accelerated learning and growing opportunity. For me, it was a life-altering, life-changing experience. We were both going to be out of our comfort zones and I felt it was a great experience.
I may take a hell of a lot of flak for doing what I did but I had to do it. I had to have a lot of trust in my son to live his life responsibly. My daughter was already an adult. Even though she was moving to Toronto and I was leaving, it was less dramatic. She already had her life together in Ottawa and worked in sales after university.
It was all a coincidence that I was moving away from Toronto and my daughter was moving to Toronto. Such is life and there is not much we can do about it.
As I watched my son walk through the doors at the Jakarta airport and I saw him walk out of sight, I must admit I shed a tear or two...
It was a bittersweet moment for me. I was following my dream and yet I felt awful about it. Not much I could do now as my new life was about to begin. My son was on his way home and only when I got home, did I truly feel alone.
This was not the loneliness one feels after a breakup or after a loss of a parent etc. This wound was self-inflicted.
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Part 8
Jakarta today is very different from the Jakarta I knew, or we knew from 20 years ago. 20 years ago, it seemed dark and dingy and now it felt brighter and happier. For my son and daughter, it was all a foggy memory because they were little. My son was with me, so it opened his eyes a little and he too realized that the move to a developing country was not as bad as it seemed.
Developing, third world, whatever phrase you want to use. It sure didn’t feel third world. The changes made by the previous government were obvious. Indonesia is known for being corrupt, but some of the money sure made it to infrastructure.
Traffic was much the same, maybe a touch lighter than before. Jakarta will never be New York or Toronto. It shouldn’t be and no one should expect it to be. The scooters run rampant; the vendors are all over the side of the road. This is what gives character to the city.
It was definitely cleaner. Not only because the sun was shining most days but because it was cleaner. The malls and buildings were even more amazing than before. No matter what time you enter a mall, the coffee shops are full, business is being conducted and people are meeting. The malls are a hub for gathering and socializing unlike in North America. That said, malls in Jakarta put many malls to great shame compared to North America. The malls, just like the city have a very international flavor to them. If you were dropped in the middle of the Jakarta business district you would be hard-pressed to know where you are. The same old skyscrapers and the same old downtown core. Looking out of my corner office window, the view could have been any downtown business district in the world. Was I happy and positive about my move? It was too early to tell. What was crystal clear was that this was going to be a wild ride.
MD Pictures was and is one of the largest, if not the largest production house/studio in Indonesia. Being part of a team that produced big screen movies for the public was exciting. What was going to happen in the next few days, weeks and months was unclear. I was willing to give it a year and see how things go.
Now there were more pressing matters at hand. I had thought about this moment for months and now the time to say bye to my son had come. Imagining saying bye to my son was one thing, but the thought of having to do it, well that was much harder than I thought.
Time seems to stand still until it passes by at light speed and suddenly that second you dread is here.
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Part 7
The first conversations with my maid were very primitive but one that I recall to this day was a humorous one. She took my pyjamas every day to be washed. I quickly ran out of clothes to sleep in, and I knew the words for clothes and floor. So, we came up with a rule. "If the clothes are on the floor" she needs to wash them. This short clothes on the floor equal "wash" was rather funny but it worked and to this day it was the rule.
Learning the new language was not going to be easy but the Indonesian language is quite simple. Words are one thing but the last time I had to learn a new language I was 10. Not counting learning French in school, which I hated, this was almost 40 years later.
I learned and did lessons on an app as much as I could in preparation but living and learning in the country are always better.
Picking up the very basics was great and because I spoke Hungarian, English and a touch of French pronunciations and all were quite easy. The rest was all about memorization and being involved in conversations.
Because nearly everyone at the office spoke English the communication aspect was not a difficult one. Even in the short span of two weeks my son too picked up a few words.
The two weeks would pass quickly and so much quicker than we both had imagined. I dreaded the days as the time to say bye drew closer and closer. We made the best of our time and went as much as we could around the city. Malls, restaurants and so on were so different than Canada, or even North America for that matter. The malls are a place of gathering. Shopping does take place but as I found out much later there are many reasons for this and slowly things began to make so much more sense.
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Part 6
After we both adjusted to jet lag and work began and my son mostly hung about the office while I met up with everyone. Having been a single dad for 10 years in Canada, I did the cleaning, cooking, shopping and laundry with help from the kids when possible. Not having to cook, clean and do chores was amazing.
In Indonesia, it is still very common to have maids, drivers, gardeners and so on. This was one part of my life I would not miss, that's for damn sure. Not having to deal with traffic, lineups in the store and cleaning was definitely a good thing.
I made sure that my son knew how to do all that from an early age. That was not going to be a problem for him. I had complete trust in him. I believe I raised him well, he was smart, responsible and 100 percent trustworthy. I knew I did not have to worry about how he was going to get on with his life.
He would go back to the Toronto Condo that overlooked Lake Ontario and he would be home. The only thing that would be different; was the fact that I was not there. For me, it was a completely different life.
I had plenty of conversations with my dad and my brother about all this. Yet the most important person for me was my son. I had to make sure he would be alright, and we both felt that all would be well.
Having these conversations prior to this trip with the family was important. My dad and my brother supported my decision, this was a great help.
The first few days of settling in sure were different. Everything from the simple things like not drinking out of the tap to the split air conditioning units was a change.
Having coffee and breakfast served to us was also a very unusual type of thing but quite easy to get used to…trust me on this one.
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Part 5.
Moving countries and places were not new to me. 35 years in Canada and we only lived in one place longer than 5 years. I remember coming to Canada from Hungary through Germany very clearly even though I was only 9 at the time.
When I landed in Jakarta with my son, we had a plan. We were going to be settling in for 2 weeks in the apartment we had been provided with. We had a driver, a maid and a place of work.
When I first attended school in 1979 in Canada, the year was halfway done. Entering class after the Christmas break, I distinctly remember my first day of school in Canada. This was just that sort of feeling when I entered the MD building, I had much the same feeling.
Strangely enough, my son was with me on the first day at the new office. Why would we do anything normal, I thought to myself. At this point it was all good, we were together as we have been for the last 10 years.
We had always made decisions together and this was also such a decision. We decided to see this through and here we were. Life was about to change for both of us. I am sure my son was a tad bored and yet excited as well. The first two weeks at the end of July 2018 were all about adjustment.
I wanted to make sure that my son knew where I was, how I was going to live and that he knew what I would be doing. He had been to Jakarta about a year and a half earlier and because he was half Indonesian, he loved being in Jakarta and being with me. This was a learning experience and also an adventure.
We went out to places as much as we could and explored Jakarta as much as we could. I dug up and learned as much Indonesian as I could, but it was not much to get by on for the moment.
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Part 4.
Moving countries and places were not new to me. 35 years in Canada and we only lived in one place longer than 5 years. I remember coming to Canada from Hungary through Germany very clearly even though I was only 9 at the time.
When I landed in Jakarta with my son, we had a plan. We were going to be settling in for 2 weeks in the apartment we had been provided with. We had a driver, a maid and a place of work.
When I first attended school in 1979 in Canada, the year was halfway done. Entering class after the Christmas break, I distinctly remember my first day of school in Canada. This was just that sort of feeling when I entered the MD building, I had much the same feeling.
Strangely enough, my son was with me on the first day at the new office. Why would we do anything normal, I thought to myself. At this point it was all good, we were together as we have been for the last 10 years.
We had always made decisions together and this was also such a decision. We decided to see this through and here we were. Life was about to change for both of us. I am sure my son was a tad bored and yet excited as well. The first two weeks at the end of July 2018 were all about adjustment.
I wanted to make sure that my son knew where I was, how I was going to live and that he knew what I would be doing. He had been to Jakarta about a year and a half earlier and because he was half Indonesian, he loved being in Jakarta and being with me. This was a learning experience and also an adventure.
We went out to places as much as we could and explored Jakarta as much as we could. I dug up and learned as much Indonesian as I could, but it was not much to get by on for the moment.
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Moving back to Asia/Indonesia felt like a good reset. It is a different world living in Jakarta. The people, the lifestyle and the place are so incredibly diverse and very far from Toronto and Canada…
How would this play out, the different culture, different life, different job and being all alone? I was not sure how it would all pan out in the long run. Thank goodness for social media, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Facebook and Instagram. While I am usually not a fan of social media, it sure helped me shrink the distance between my friends and family.
The job opportunity came about from my friends in Jakarta who own MD Pictures. They were going to go public with the company and had to fill a few positions. While having lunch in Toronto on their visit for a film shoot, we got talking, that is where the opportunity arose out of the blue.
My goal was always to live in Bali… After all, it was the destination of choice for the kids and me. Now it would only be a short flight away and not the usual 24 hours from Toronto. In my mind, most retirees want to live in Florida, Costa Rica or wherever their hearts desire.
This way I felt I would be a step ahead of where I eventually wanted to be. The thought process for me was simple, do something different in a different place.
After being in the same business, dealing with the same problems and the same customer. I was looking forward to what I thought and truly believed to be a much-needed change.
It wasn’t because I didn’t like the people or the industry. I was tired of it and after the closing of our business, I gave this so much thought. I came to the conclusion that this was done, it was a bit boring, monotonous and I needed more. I didn’t know what I needed until the opportunity came up.
Most people may have simply let this slide, but one the thought entered my head… The thought of the opportunity didn’t seem to want to leave. Also, there was one other large factor…
I didn’t want to overthink this…
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Changes... part 2.
Often times career changes are a topic of conversation, the "Walter Mitty" dream. If you have not seen the movie then do check it out. To take a leap of faith and do something you have not done before. How many of us take those chances? Do any of us ever take those chances?
https://youtu.be/u_KRFeoemUg
A career change is one thing but, how can it change your life? Can you switch careers and are you willing to make that change in your life? The million-dollar question is just that...
When our family business closed and the rug was pulled out from under us, we all had to make a change. It was not a welcomed change but a change nonetheless. I had to do things differently and readjust my life, we all had an adjustment and not just me.
Having been in the furniture industry literally since the age of 10, I felt I needed a break. It was the same industry, the same suppliers and the same business. I worked and helped out a few people in the industry after we shut our doors, it was the same old thing.
When an opportunity knocked, I had a chance to work in Asia again. Precisely it was back to Jakarta Indonesia where I had to spend a few years back in 1998-2003. Getting back into the entertainment business was something different and yet familiar. Having been a writer for a few years of my life it was something I enjoyed doing. Getting back in the movie business was exciting...
This was a change I needed in my life and initially, it was an easy decision to make. However, as I thought about it the actual step to say yes was harder. I had my daughter and my son in Toronto Canada, leaving them was the hardest decision. I had raised my children as a single dad for 10 years. Not having them around was the absolute hardest part of the change. My daughter was off in university so I had grown accustomed to not seeing her regularly. My son on the other hand, well, we have been best friends and never been apart.
My son is half Indonesian, we have visited Jakarta and Bali quite often and it was our vacation destination of choice. Indonesia is part of us and both of my kids loved it. With my son's support, I decided on making the change.
“Change is hard, but not making the change seemed harder.”
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The first part of how I made some serious life-changing decisions. Take a listen and let me know what you think.
https://youtu.be/_33UZQbD6mo
changeyourlife #ptsd #mentalhealth #blog #bloggs #goals,#work #health #posttraumaticstressdisorder #life #indonesia,bali #canada,family #son #daughter #books #author #writer #published #work
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Ones passing is always sad and terrible. We mourn the one that passes and reflects on them in a positive light. List off their achievements... Explain to the attendees at the funeral why this person was so special to us.
My uncle was a teacher, an engineer and a businessman. He touched many lives throughout his life. He was a wonderful caring husband to my aunt for over 60 years. On and on the list could go...
The one that passes however is no longer aware of the pain. Be it a disease or an accident, we can only guess and hope that they are feeling no pain. Some pray... Some don't... But we all hope that the person that passes can see and feel that they are missed.
We are the living. As much as we try to imagine and research death, no one knows what awaits us on the other side. We take educated guesses and read religious texts. The truth is we do not know.
"What we do know is how it feels to be the ones mourning the passing of another..."
This is not about my mom, but my mom and I said goodbye over and over when she was in the hospital. She knew she was not going to escape death. We said what we wanted to say, we relived the memories we wanted to relive and yet her passing is saddening. We all dealt with death. Nevertheless, when my aunt spoke about her husband she had a different tone.
Yes, she missed him and wished he had not left her of course. This is where she felt let down. She knew he wanted to pass as I mentioned in parts one and two of this Blog. They were both aware and well prepared for their passing. My uncle made sure that all the details were taken care of right down to the opera he wanted everyone to hear at his funeral. My aunt and uncle even lived in separate apartments in the old age home so they would get used to living alone if either of them had passed on.
No matter what though my aunt only said, "I fought so damn hard." By this, she referred to her days at the hospital. She spent her days fighting to stay alive and to stay in this world with her beloved husband. I cannot be certain but she felt let down by my uncle's lack of fighting spirit.
There was one thing that my aunt didn't quite grasp and that was that for six months my uncle did everything in his power to help my aunt survive and recuperate. Six months at the age of 86 is not a small undertaking. Taking care of my aunt at home, then went to the hospital every day to support his wife during covid.
"All the while dealing with (unknown to us a the time) mental health issues of his own."
This was the key factor to my uncle's death and one that my aunt and us as a family will never fully comprehend. None of us knew what was going through my uncle's head.
"All we know is, that near the end when my aunt recuperated, he fell to pieces."
This falling to pieces didn't happen overnight. We slowly learned that he prepared very well for this after my aunt was safely at home, he too became ill. Was it the pressure? Was it his duty to make sure that his wife gets better before he could give up the fight? It sure seemed that way.
Thus we are left with his passing, my aunt is left with emptiness. A few boxes of items to remind her of a lifetime with a great man. I hope my uncle is now swinging a golf club on the most incredible golf course he could imagine.
Goodbye, uncle Joe, you are missed.
seniors #old #oldage #care #oldagehome #health #wellness #seniorliving #living #family
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Uncle Joe passes away
Our first true memory of uncle Joe is from the day we landed in Canada on a cold December evening. Aunt Livia and uncle Joe picked us up in a Lincoln Continental. It was the biggest car we have ever seen, burgundy with a white vinyl top and it rode like we were on clouds.
We may as well have been on clouds since it was unbelievable that we made it to Canada. We made it to Canada because of Aunt Livia and uncle Joe. From then on not only did our lives change but so did Aunt Livia and uncle Joe’s.
Suddenly off the plane came two little rugrats that added a little flavour to the 100-acre farm aunt Livia and uncle Joe occupied all alone. Along with the rugrats came mom and dad and suddenly the quiet secluded farm was no longer so quiet.
Uncle Joe had an office behind the dining room and I am sure that there were many days he wished that we would be quieter and more adult-like. But we couldn’t, we were kids and on the weekends and during the summer we took over the farm. Swimming, bicycling and spending hours on end wandering the massive property.
As kids, uncle Joe and we were not close… Not because we didn’t like him or he didn’t like us but because he was not used to kids. Aunt Livia and “us kiddos” got along well. Heck to my dad’s horror aunt Livia gave my brother his first beer at the age of 10 or 11 and he has not drunk alcohol ever since.
Aunt Livia got us right from the get-go but not uncle Joe. He was distant and not fun. He was serious and we always dreaded the “how’s school going” questions on the weekends. Uncle Joe was serious and cold, to be honest for most of our childhood.
It was not until later that we got to know uncle Joe and understand him. As we got older or shall I say more mature, is when we had meaningful conversations with him. Uncle Joe was smart, educated and very accomplished in his life. With so many degrees, awards such as man of the year at Humber College.
Later on, we got to know the real uncle Joe. When we were kids he didn’t know how to relate to us but as adults he did. In many ways, he lived the American dream. He kept up to date on all the news the politics and the world economy. So once we had topics to catch up on and debate him he was engaged.
These were things that didn’t interest us as kids. However, as we got to know uncle Joe there was more to him. He seemed to soften up, or got tenderized and beaten up a little by the two rugrats over the years. He watched us grow and we watched him grow old.
This leads us to today. Uncle Joe was a character… He was smarter than most people we knew, and he was also kinder than most people even though he showed that in his way. He had a great smile and you always knew when he genuinely smiled at you that he cared deeply. As with most men, especially from his generation, showing feelings didn’t come naturally until later on in life.
We wished that this showing of feelings could have come earlier, however such is life. Uncle Joe achieved more than many of us dare to dream. It is sad that his last few years with us were in lockdown and not on the golf course as he would have preferred. If there is a golf course in heaven… Uncle Joe, you better be swinging that club every day because you deserve it. And like the cloud-like ride of the Lincoln, you picked us up with… We all hope you are at just as much peace and restfulness as we were when we landed in your care on that cold December evening. Thank you for taking care of us and taking us in.
Rest in peace uncle Joe.
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Part one of my aunt and uncle's struggle with old age and Covid.
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