SHE LOVES HER, CO.: Recent Episodes
Tosha Terpilowski
Commit to heal. Doing the work on YOU is where your life changes. Digging into old programming, uprooting bad habits and getting honest with ourselves through self compassion and fierce love makes it all happen. I’ve been on a healing journey and I would love to share what I’ve learned and am still learning on this twisty and beautiful path. It’s an audio journal where I’ll get real intimate and talk about our hearts and what it’s like to live in this human experience. This is a place to share, connect, heal and grow....together. Join me. You are welcomed here.
For too damn long time, I have held onto the belief that I had to have all my shit together before I could contribute anything meaningful to the world. Before I could be open. Before I could share my thoughts and ideas. I believed that I had to be put together before I could be taken seriously. Before I could feel like I was enough and worthy as I am.
I falsely thought that I needed to reach a point of complete overcoming, of being an expert, of never messing up, and a point of knowing more than I do in order to be worthy of sharing myself with the world - let alone with my family, friends, and myself.
This feeling has kept me playing so small for YEARS. It has made me really afraid of being noticed or truly seen for who I am, for far too long.
I realized that when I hold myself back, I do myself a disservice. I also take away the ability for others to learn, from me and through me.
We all can be so caught up in our own thoughts and feelings and perspectives that we become story tellers, crafting narratives and viewing through lenses that limit us with our own narrowly-constructed ideas about what we’re capable of, about whether or not there is room for us to show up, about whether or not we can do the things we passionaltely dream about doing.
It’s exhausting.
Guess what? I will never have all of my shit together. I will never reach a point where I have it all figured out and do everything I’m “supposed” to do when I’m “supposed” to do it and how I’m “supposed” to do it. I have a ton of tools in my toolbox, and I will not use them all in the right moments. I will fall. I will make mistakes. I will FUCK IT UP. Why?
Because I am human.
I am learning and embracing that I don’t need to reach a certain point in order to show up and let myself be seen. I don’t need to wait to share who I am. I am learning that I am restricting myself when I believe that I need to be “perfect’ before I can share my voice in this world. That my life has to look a certain way. That my relationships have to be a certain way. That I have to look a certain way.
I forget how extraordinary I already am.
Hell, no. I am not doing that anymore.
I am learning to show up just as I am…..the beautiful, worthy and loved human being that I am. I am learning that I don’t need to have all of the answers, or be without blemishes, bruises and bumps. I am learning that I don’t have to hold myself to the impossible standard of never making mistakes in order to show up, in order to change my part of the world, in order to help others, in order to share my truth, perspectives, and goodness.
So, I am here to tell you that you are a whole, worthy and imperfect human who doesn’t have all your shit together, who makes mistakes, who isn’t always sure about how to handle what life throws your way. And that is more than OK.
I encourage you to keep showing up anyway.
I implore you to keep taking up space and sharing your light.
I want you to keep allowing yourself be.
Just as you are. xx
HEY!!
Happy New Year you guys!!! Hello 2022! I start of the brand new year with letting you know some thoughts on how I would like for my year to go and how She Loves Her, Co. fits into that. And I also talk about a subject that A LOT of us struggle with and don't talk about it - conflict in relationships. After taking an amazing relationship course in 2021, I am determined to have better relationships in my life, especially my close ones (romantic, family and friends). We're going to talk about it here, starting with my new series called "Real Life". You can read the first installment here: Conflict in Relationships, Part I.
You’re normal. Going through periods of high conflict is completely normal. It happens to almost all couples, and you and your spouse are probably no worse or better than others when it comes to conflict in relationship. So many couples ask: “Is this normal? Do other couples struggle like us? I didn’t know that it would be this hard.” Even though we never really know what goes on behind closed doors, there’s a very high probability that the couples in your social circle argue as often and as intensely as you and your spouse do, and maybe even more. I share how conflict has impacted my own relationship....guys, this was hard, but we do vulnerability around here. We show up in truth.
Unfortunately, one of the biggest causes of divorce is conflict. So many marriages end because of a breakdown in communication and because the repair of conflict in the relationship isn’t handled well.
Know that conflict in relationship is absolutely normal and should not be viewed as wrong. Conflict occurs in every relationship, which only provides us with opportunities to share concerns and feelings and resolutions involving negotiation and collaboration. Conflict can be healthy, if done correctly. Please don’t avoid it, think that that it’s bad, or even think that it fits one look….an all out, drag out screaming match. Not all conflict looks like that. Conflict can be silent as well.
So let's talk about it and learn together.
A letter from a listener in Germany! This was hard and really scary to share. I share a gross, unhealthy and shame-filled side of myself and how I am acknowledging it, owning it and working to change it. I’m sharing this because I want to be more honest with myself and hold myself accountable. This is life long work. Mess up, fall down, own your part. And then get up, forgive yourself, make amends and move forward.
Whew! We made it to the last episode of She Loves Her, Co. for 2021. I can't believe it but here we are. Today I will share with you my most favorite thing to talk about and learn the last several months.....the Enneagram. I have the pleasure of sharing an awesome episode of another podcaster, Dr. Jessica Higgins, and her show, Empowered Relationship. She interviews the two teachers of the enneagram that I have learned so much from, Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes. They are rockstars in the enneagram world and they provided so much insight and wisdom into the episode and I am honored to share it with you. With an intro from me and my thoughts, continue to listen for a very awesome interview with Beatrice and Uranio. "Friction and differences are breeding grounds for real conflicts, especially for couples. Because of one's environment, upbringing, situation, and other factors, we develop different personalities which can all contribute to our reactive patterns and biases. Personality is such a complex psychological concept but what if we can bring understanding to what’s going on? See where these perspectives are coming from? That would be a real game-changer! In this episode, they briefly talk about the nine personality types in the Enneagram, the habitual patterns around these types, and essentially how this can be a powerful tool in improving relationships." Beatrice Chestnut, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist coach and business consultant based in San Francisco, and Uranio Paes, MBA is a world-renowned Enneagram teacher and business consultant. They are the founders of Chestnut Paes Enneagram Academy and the hosts of the Enneagram 2.0 Podcast. They are also the authors of the book, The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up: Find Your Path, Face Your Shadow, Discover Your True Self (I highly recommend this book! -Tosha) In their work around the world, Beatrice and Urano focus on using the Enneagram as a tool for personal and professional transformation.
Connect with Beatrice Chestnut Website: beatricechestnut.com Facebook: facebook.com/beatricechestnutphd Instagram: instagram.com/beatrice.chestnut LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/beatrice-chestnut-0493602/ Connect with Uranio Paes Facebook: facebook.com/uranio.paes Instagram: instagram.com/uraniopaes/ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/ur%C3%A2nio-paes-624129
Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins
You guys!!
Head over to listen to part two of my Enneagram Type 2 chat. I apologize that the audio is NOT fabulous on this one.....I'm not sure what happened but it's going out anyway. because, we don't do perfect around here. It's good enough.
On a basic level, the Enneagram is a system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions. The Enneagram describes nine different personality types and maps each of these types on a nine-pointed diagram which helps to illustrate how the types relate to one another. This map/model/tool describes 9 different enneagram or personality types, and each one possesses certain core beliefs which are what drives them. These beliefs drive each type and also can be limiting at times, which is why understanding them is so important. It isn’t meant to lock you into those weaknesses or limitations, instead it is meant to help you improve and find ways to maintain a sense of healthy balance in your life. It also helps to gain a deeper understanding of what motivates the people around you, and helps to comprehend why they contradict themselves at times.
The Enneagram tells you the motivations behind your behavior. It tells you why you do the things you do. It’s more of a tool for self-growth, change, and transformation.
You guys!
Today I am talking AGAIN about the Enneagram. I will not shut up about it because it is AWESOME and I want you to know about it. I share with you my type. I'm a Two, otherwise known as The Giver, The Helper or as I like The Befriender. I share with you the four core motivations of the Enneagram and how they affects you and your life. and then, I share my personal journey with you and I am open and honest about my trip ups. There was some sweating behind the scenes on this one, but that's OK. I am all about truth around here.
So, simply said: The Enneagram tells you the motivations behind your behavior. It tells you why you do the things you do. It’s a tool for self-growth to use instead of Meyer Briggs, which just tells you what you do. The Enneagram is a journey of self discovery, It’s not just a test that you take for free online. No no no.
The Enneagram is not a comfortable thing. It will not make you feel good about yourself. It draws out characteristics about you that are not always really great. A few of us will take the test and will be willing to go further with the results, but a lot of people won’t. I am not one of those people.
I am all in baby!
The Enneagram is about change. It’s supposed to be used for growth, change and transformation, and not about putting yourself in a box. You’re not stuck in that box. The Enneagram is a tool to use to help you get out of that box. The system is not meant to box you in. It’s actually meant to free you. How wonderful is that?
I am all about everyone owning their stuff. Including me. To be honest and to really look at ourselves and think about what we bring to the table and what is serving us, those around us and the world - we need to acknowledge and own that. The Enneagram basically asks you to do that directly. It can help you break unhealthy and harmful cycles, find healing, and have deep and intimate relationships and come into your full, beautiful and whole self. I absolutely believe this. Because I have seen it make some changes in my own life.
You ready? Let's do this.
Thank you so much for listening.
xx
You guys!! Today I share with you a basic description of the Enneagram As you know, I LOVE Enneagram and am currently studying it and integrating it into my life. I was first introduced to the Enneagram in January 2018 and put it away for a while because I didn’t like the “dark and unflattering” side of my type. I’ve always been interested in personal development but this system seemed too accurate and honestly, it scared me. On my journey I have decided to use it in my healing and crack it wide open to understand myself. Little did I know, it would become an obsession into digging into myself and learning so much more about others. The enneagram is a complete game changer for your development, for your relationships, how you parent and how you work.
What if you're not wrong? What if they're not wrong? What if we had a tool to help us grow our self into more of who we are? To help us heal our relationships and interactions with our loved ones? What if we had help to help us love ourselves and others better? The Enneagram will help you do that.
Enjoy!
"What is the Enneagram?" "What books do you recommend?" "Thank you so much for talking about this. I am just learning about it and it the most amazing model I've come across in my self discovery journey!" I am so excited to hear that some of you are just as excited about the Enneagram as I am! Today, I read a little passage from the book, "Personality Types, Using the Enneagram for Self Discovery." I recommend this book as it's cracked wide open a desire for learning more about myself and those around me, using the enneagram as a solid (and scarily accurate) foundation. "We will discover that we cannot really know anyone else, until we know ourselves, and we cannot really know ourselves until we know others."
Emotions are part of being human. But they aren’t always the best indicator of how we should live our life. It helps to understand that sometimes our emotions may not be telling us the truth. At times, we can get a feeling that isn’t real. We may think that it’s real, and it may feel very real. And based on this how real it feels, we may truly believe it’s real. But….it’s just a feeling. So, it’s helpful to remember that, as important as our emotions are, our feelings aren’t facts. Mistaking emotions for fact causes us to live in patterns that can cause counterproductive behaviors and really significant internal conflicts. And that sucks. After my nightly journal session, I share what my thoughts are on this subject and maybe they can give you some insight and a different perspective as well. xx
Hey guys!
Today I pop in to share with you about my learning more about the Enneagram and relationships and how I know it'll help me be a better life coach. I share some of what I've learned and give you some insight into how diving into the Enneagram has been absolutely life changing. It is a growth tool that will (if you let it) enable you to have better relationships with those around you. I am OBSESSED with the Enneagram and will talk all the day long about it. I see where it has played a huge part in my life, without me knowing it, and learning what my shadow parts are and how I can be healthier now that I have a better idea on my inner workings. It has also shown me parts of others and how they have shown up according to their enneagram. Talk about eye opening.
This Enneagram tool......It is WORK. It can and will get ugly and uncomfortable to face those denied, repressed and unconscious autopilot parts. But at the same time, holding space for accountability, having an open heart and the willingness to be teachable will take you a very long ways. And if you ever want to talk about the Enneagram, I am your girl!
Join me! xx
Enneagram books I recommend:
The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut (MY FAVORITE)
The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up by Beatrice Chesnut and Uranio Paes
The Enneagram Made Easy by Renee Baron
Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self Discovery by Don Richard Riso
Enneagram podcasts I recommend:
Understanding Your Enneagram with Rob and Veronica Noble
Typology with Ian Morgan Cron
The Art of Growth
Enneagram 2.0 Podcast with Beatrice Chesnut and Uranio Paes
Enneagram tests: I've taken a few but like these the best.
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com
https://www.truity.com
Whew. I’m am IN my feelings on this check in and there is NO SHAME. It’s just me, some tears, words of encouragement and honesty from my heart to yours.
LOVES! Hi there! I just finished a few hours of my coaching program and was inspired to share with you quickly what we talked about about today. It's one of my most favorite things to talk about and one for the most challenging things I have personally worked on myself....limiting beliefs. It's a topic that I feel needs to be talked about more, learned about and taught how to overcome. It's life changing stuff. While coaching does not include or involve therapy, it is nice to be aware of this and how it shows up in the people I will be helping next year. It's good stuff. Take a listen! xx
Hi loves, It's Sunday and I wanted to pop on and leave you with a little message for your new week. I hope that these words leave you feeling encouraged, loved, seen and inspired. From my whole heart to yours. xx
Hi loves! It’s been a minute, right? Today I share a letter I wrote to myself late last year and wanted to share it with you. Also, I share what I’m up to next. I can’t wait for 2022! Talk soon!
I share a part of my history that I've held in my heart so tightly for years.
I was raped when I was 18 years old on the night of my high school graduation by someone I was really great friends with.
Today, I tell my story and how I am beginning my healing journey after being able to talk about this for the first time in 27 years.
Now I am figuring out how to heal, process and move forward and no longer allowing that night to define me.
A lot of what we think we “know” about sex as a society is based on very outdated research and false cultural assumptions. People lose their marriages over sexual issues and loss libido that can cause pain, hurt, and rejection in their relationships. This chaos can have you questioning your marriage and whether you're with the right person or not. There is blaming, accusations, hurt, pain and most of the challenges that couples face in long term relationships with sex can be met with compassion, given space for expansion and learning and repaired if we understood one thing: how sexual desire works in relationships, especially long term relationships. I’ll be sharing what I’ve learned in my own sexual education this past year. I’m not an expert but I have been affected by sexual issues in my own long term relationship and I know that I am not alone. I am normal. And so are you. Listen in and educate yourself in the resources that are becoming more available to us all that will help us flip our sexual relationships around and make for more connection, better understanding of one another and a satisfying sex life that can span decades. OMGyes/Love this site. Women’s sexual pleasure has hidden in the shadows for too long. It’s time to get it all out in the open. Dipseastories/An awesome app! Feeling turned on is more than a wind up to sex. It’s a way to feel more alive, understand yourself, unlock confidence, and enhance intimacy. Dipsea empowers you to tap into those feelings whenever you damn well please! Getcoral.app/More pleasure. Less stress. Deeper intimacy. RECOMMENDED READING: I absolutely love these book and highly recommend. Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life The Come as You Are Workbook: A Practical Guide to the Science of Sex Mind The Gap: The Truth About Desire and How to Future Proof Your Sex Life Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire PODCASTS RECOMMENDATIONS: Sex With Emily Doing It! with Hannah Witton Cosmopolitan: All the Way With..... Fix Yourself First w/ Dr. Kristie Overstreet The Sexual Wellness Sessions w/ Kate Moyle ManTalks with Conner Beaton
You guys! Today I am sharing my article that I am writing for Motif this month. It’s me sharing a very vulnerable part of me and my story around sex. Sex and sexuality is such a huge part of being human and it is so often ignored when we talk about spiritual healing and awakening. I learned that sexuality and spirituality go hand in hand.
On my journey from the start, I wanted to heal my spirit and my soul. My trauma, my wounds and my pain. Little did I know that the healing I was doing would intersect with my sex life and sexuality. That it would lead me to finding myself, loving myself completely, rediscovering my sexuality and who I am as a woman. That it would give me confidence in myself, my body and redefining what sex means to me and how I want it to be a part of my life…..
We can give a lot of thought to what we dont want. The list can be long. But have you given thought to what you DO want? For me, I hadn't. Not until this past year. And while it's been a new way of thinking for me, it's been a path that I am curious about and an learning to stay on as I find more of myself. I am finding that as I meet more of myself, I am becoming more aware of what it is that I want and how I want my life to look. Being complacent, living on autopilot and past patterns and conditionings are not where its at for me. I share a few things that I want in my life on today's chat. xx
I just had a great conversation with some friends via zoom…a check in of sorts to see how we’re all doing and what our goals are for this month.
We got on the topic of healing and growth as we often do and I told them that I have been reflecting on something that I can finally put into words and I wanted to share them with you.
Healing opens you up. Like, all the way. It cracks you wide open.
I’ve noticed that my healing journey has led me to more compassion, empathy and to being more kind. To myself and definitely towards others. I have noticed that I feel a different kind of love towards others. A deep intimacy that is blossoming in a way that I have never, ever experienced before. It can feel uncomfortable and scary at times because I’ve never been in this place before and instead of pushing it away (like I have done in the past), I am really leaning into it. I am curious about it. And the more curious I am, the more I have opened. The more I soften.
It’s been a beautiful thing to experience and witness in myself. I look forward to more growth and softening. More intimacy and healing as I walk this path.
Blossom on, love.
Well, this one gets personal and was out of my comfort zone to share, but we don't let fear stop us around here! Today I take about some things I used to do before I began my healing journey. The shame that accompanies the looking back on the person you used to be can be hard face, repair and walk away from, but it can be done. I aim to choose to fill that space with love, forgiveness, compassion and accountability It does make the healing and growth a little bit easier. I ramble in this episode, but that is OK. I am here for the ramblings, reflections and saying what I need to say. I hope you can take something away from this chat as you continue your walk. Also, forgive yourself. Love yourself. Honor yourself for showing up anyway, even when it's hard to do. xx
Don’t listen to the haters. People will try to tell you that you can’t change. That you can’t be different and I say bullshit. I drop in for a quick chat after a walk with a friend in the sunshine and wanted to tell you that I support you, believe you and a little bit more about my own healing and growth journey.
Today, I’m sitting at the lake and writing in my journal. I decided to bring you an episode that shares a little bit of my story and how I started my healing journey. A listener reached out and asked that I share a bit about my healing background so I decided to deliver.♥️
What are you running through your mind, that you absolutely believe to be true and live your life according to that belief? You know what? If it's negative, you have no proof of it being true, and it's damaging your self worth, hurting others, sabotaging you, and making you show up so small in your world? Then you have a limiting core belief. Limiting core beliefs are not facts. These deeply ingrained "beliefs" can be mistaken as fact. These "beliefs" are often just conclusions and assumptions you have made based on your childhood experiences or events and experiences in adulthood. In this episode, I talk about what limiting beliefs are, where they come from and how to clear them from your psyche and life. I share some of the core beliefs that I have worked on, am currently working on and go off on a tangent telling you to believe in yourself.
The Work by Byron Katie suggests asking yourself these 4 questions when working with clearing your limiting beliefs. Use a journal to write out your answers. Question 1: Is it true? This question can change your life. Be still and ask yourself if the thought you wrote down is true.
Question 2: Can you absolutely know it's true? This is another opportunity to open your mind and to go deeper into the unknown, to find the answers that live beneath what we think we know. I'm not sure there is much in this world where we can say "Yes, I am absolutely sure and I know that to be absolutely true."
Question 3: How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought? With this question, you begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that when you believe the thought, there is a disturbance that can range from mild discomfort to fear or panic lashing out, confrontational, etc. What do you feel? How do you treat the person (or the situation) you've written about, how do you treat yourself, when you believe that thought? Make a list, and be specific.
Question 4: Who would you be without the thought? Imagine yourself in the presence of that person (or in that situation), without believing the thought. How would your life be different if you didn't have the ability to even think the stressful thought? How would you feel? Which do you prefer—life with or without the thought? Which feels kinder, more peaceful?
Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity and Joy, by Dr. Shauna Shapiro
Let's start the week off with a little talk about affirmations. How do you feel about them? Do you use affirmations in your life? Affirmations have been a big part of my life over the past year and have made a huge difference in my mindset and healing journey. Today, I'll share some of my own personal affirmations with you. Enjoy!
It's the first episode of She Loves Her Co. It's real, authentic and has a lot of "ums" in it, but THAT IS OK! I am happy, excited, nervous, scared to do this but it's something I've wanted to do for a while. So, here we go! In this trailer I’m giving you a little peak into what She Loves Her, Co is about. Thanks for being here and thanks for listening! xx