Create Your Own Rules For Life: Recent Episodes
Heather Whelpley
Let’s face it. You’ve been surrounded by messages your entire life telling you to DO more, WORK more, and BE more. Over time, those messages become rules you follow, often without even knowing it. Those rules make you believe everything will fall apart if you slow down. They tell you it’s your job to be responsible for everything and take care of everyone. They make you feel guilty for saying no. They tell you to prove, please, and perfect your way through life. It's time to stop. It's time to break those rules – and create your own rules for life. Join speaker, award-winning author of 'An Overachiever's Guide to Breaking the Rules', and recovering perfectionist Heather Whelpley as she shares honest conversations that will empower you to stop performing your life and start LIVING it. If you're tired of burnout, hustle culture, and the weight of “should” and “supposed-to” and want more joy, impact, and freedom in your life, this podcast is for you. Learn more at www.heatherwhelpley.com
The Grounded Wildness podcast is taking a break over the summer - and possibly beyond. I wanted to make this episode to talk through why I'm taking this break because the reasons apply to everything in your life as well, from how to spend your free time to the job you have to the friendships you maintain.
We'll get into:
- How to take your life of autopilot
- Clues to determine if you want to keep doing something or not
- Creating spaciousness in your life
There are MANY other ways to stay connected outside of the podcast! Here's what you can do:
- Join my email list - This is the best and most reliable way to stay up to date on everything and get resources delivered right to your inbox. You'll also get the Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries, which goes right along with the theme for this episode!
- Connect on LinkedIn
- Email me directly at heather@whelpleyconsulting.com
- Go to my website, https://www.heatherwhelpley.com/, for information on speaking engagements, leadership development, coaching, books, and the blog
What do you do when fear, worry, and discomfort get in the way of you doing the thing you really want to do? That could be something big, like a career change, or something little, like going to an event where you don't know anyone. How do you take action even when fear is there?
It's not about getting rid of the fear. It's also not about trying to force yourself to be 100% confident. Instead, there is a question to ask that will give you an answer that's unique to you and your specific situation. I've used this key for MANY years and it always gives me the motivation I need to move forward even when it's scary.
In the episode, you'll get this key and how to apply it to different situations in your life, like:
- Setting boundaries and saying no (which can be so uncomfortable!)
- Imposter syndrome and questioning if you really know enough and have enough experience
- Projects, decisions, and career choices that people may not get - or may actively upset them
Links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker and her sessions on imposter syndrome, discovering your authentic voice, and setting boundaries: https://www.heatherwhelpley.com/speaking
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Heather's books on her website and the audiobook, ebook, and hardcover of Grounded Wildness on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
We're diving into two topics on the podcast today: How to stop apologizing when you have nothing to apologize for AND getting unstuck in your work and life. Shira Miller is an expert on both! She's also a TedX speaker, certified coach, author and the Chief Communications Officer at National DCP. Let's be clear - there are reasons you apologize ALL THE TIME. And there are also consequences - on your career, how you're heard, and how you feel on the inside (it's not good for your soul to constantly apologize for yourself!).
We dive into:
- Recognizing your own "apology speak" - it goes way beyond just "sorry" (I learned a few new things with this one!)
- How to increase your confidence so you can share your ideas without apologizing for them
- Strategies to decrease chronic apologizing
- Shira's definition of "stuck" - and how it can help you get UNstuck
- How forgiveness plays a role in getting unstuck - both forgiving others AND forgiving yourself
Links:
- Get Shira's book Free and Clear: Get Unstuck and Live the Life Your Want
- Shira's website: https://shiramiller.com/
- Connect with Shira on LinkedIn
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Heather's books on her website (and links to get them on Amazon, too!)
Today's episode is an inspirational lesson in how to be a positive force for change in your workplace – and in our world as a whole. Carliss Miller, our guest today, is an organizational transformation architect, changemaker, and dedicated Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) leader on a mission to drive positive change in organizations powered by employee engagement. She wants to bring people along with a shared vision of hope. This work is not without its challenges, though! In our conversation, Carliss shares the barriers and doubt she's experienced – and how she has found continued motivation and courage to advocate for change.
We also dive into:
- What to do when you doubt yourself or your voice
- How to take care of yourself when things are hard
- Leading change when things are complex and nuanced
- What's challenging in DEI right now and what's giving Carliss hope
- Giving yourself permission to reschedule important conversations when you know you don't have the energy needed for them
Links:
- Connect with Carliss on LinkedIn
- Connect with Heather on LinkedIn and join the conversation about this episode!
- Learn more about Heather's keynote on Discovering Your Authentic Voice - And How To Use It To Lead Change (and her other speaking topics, too!)
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Heather's books on her website and the audiobook, ebook, and hardcover of Grounded Wildness on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
Big emotions. We all have them. Sometimes they're hard, sometimes joyful, sometimes just plain overwhelming. So what can you do with them?
In today's episode we dive into just that, including:
- The rules and feedback that can get in the way of feeling and showing our emotions, like being told you're too emotional or that you need to be polite and not show anger
- How to create space for your emotions and welcome them in, even when it's uncomfortable
- Practices to move with your feelings and release them
- How to use your emotions as information about what's important to you, what needs to change, etc.
Links:
- Learn more about Heather's keynote on Surviving To Thriving - A New Way To Manage Burnout (and her other speaking topics, too!)
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Grounded Wildness on Heather's website and the audiobook, ebook, and hardcover on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
How do you get heard in meetings? And how do you do that in a way that is both authentic AND effective? Because, let's be honest, a lot of advice given to women about how to get heard is based in bias and discrimination. It emphasizes all the ways you are "supposed to" show up vs. what is authentic to you.
The same holds true for meetings and I know you are most likely in A LOT of meetings. They are a place to be heard and a place where it's easy to be overlooked, interrupted, and generally NOT heard.
In the podcast, we'll cover four super practical tips that you can apply in your upcoming meeting to ensure your voice is heard:
- Taking up space and how to do that in virtual, hybrid, and in-person meetings
- Reclaiming an interruption and steering the conversation back in your direction
- Setting team norms that minimize interruptions and maximize people getting heard
- Getting an ally to support you in getting heard (and how you can support them, too!)
Links:
- Learn more about Heather's keynote on Discover Your Authentic Voice - And How To Use It To Lead Change (and her other speaking topics, too!)
- Email Heather directly about speaking or with feedback on this episode: heather@whelpleyconsulting.com
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Grounded Wildness on Heather's website and the audiobook, ebook, and hardcover on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
Today we're diving into how to design your life with certified Design Your Life coach, Katie Selby! This is a great episode if you're considering a big change in your career or life -- or if you simply want to evolve in small ways. Katie will show you how to design a life aligned to your values, energy, and what works for you at this particular point in your life.
We discuss:
- What does it mean to design your life and what are the specific steps you can take to start designing YOUR life?
- A powerful exercise you can do today to start envisioning a different future for yourself, even if you feel stuck (Katie and I have both gotten a ton out of doing this!)
- Feeling like you're not allowed to make a change and how to break that rule
- Giving yourself permission to take "electives" as an adult
- The moment that touched me deeply and brought immediate tears to my eyes - and I think it will hit you right in the heart as well
Connect with Katie:
- Katie's website for coaching, speaking, and retreat info: https://www.quarterlife.coach/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katieselby/
Additional links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get Grounded Wildness on Amazon and Heather's website
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
This is a POWERFUL conversation about unhiding. If you've ever felt the need to hide parts of yourself or your story, whether it's related to your family background, education, finances, relationship status, or anything else, then this episode is specifically for you.
Ruth Rathblott, an esteemed TEDx speaker, author, and former leader in the non-profit sector, bravely recounts her twenty-five-year journey of concealing her limb difference. Discover how she courageously embraced authenticity, fostering deeper personal empowerment and meaningful interpersonal bonds. Ruth's story is entirely unique and her message applies to every single one of us. Hiding often brings feelings of shame and isolation, yet it doesn't have to be this way. That's why this conversation is incredibly important. In the episode we dive into:
- Why we hide parts of ourselves and our story (shame and fear of judgment play a big role)
- The value of unhiding in small, safe spaces (you don't have to get on stage and tell your story to audience to unhide!)
- The four steps to unhiding, even if you've been hiding something for a long time and aren't sure how to stop
Connect with Ruth:
- Website
- TEDx talk, When I Stopped Hiding, I Found Freedom
- Ruth's book, Singlehandedly
Additional links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Heather's book, Grounded Wildness, on Amazon and her website
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
How often do you do something because it's "good?" Do you avoid the cookie or cocktail because you're being "good?" Do you stay quiet when you're angry, hold back your feelings to protect someone else's feelings, save money, get up at 5:00am to work out, or are just generally polite and responsible all because it's "good?" And here's the real zinger -- how much of being "good" involves denying yourself?
But here's the thing - I don't know about you, but don't want to be "bad" either! That simply doesn't resonate with me. Instead, it's time to redefine what it means to be good so you can be true to yourself and gain freedom from all the little constrictions that being "good" has given you. I'll share my list of qualifications for being "good" (which, oh my lord, was WAY longer than I ever anticipated) and then we'll talk through your rules for being good, what you get out of being good (there's always something you gain!), and how to redefine good on your own terms.
Links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Grounded Wildness on Heather's website and the audiobook, ebook, and hardcover on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No and Setting Boundaries At Work!
It's the new year! Like many people, you might be evaluating what you want and thinking about making a change. In that spirit, the episode is all about the exact moment I knew my job had to change (which also happened on my birthday!) - and what I did next to figure out the right path forward for me.
We dive into:
- How to recognize your full-body no (you've probably heard about a full-body yes – the full body NO is real, too!)
- The three actions I took to explore my next career move
- How I ultimately decided to leave my corporate job and start a business
- Choosing to listen to your intuition over fear
If you're feeling a nudge towards change, or even career transition, and want guidance to find greater clarity and confidence for what's ahead, check out Where Are You Being Called! This is a unique six-week virtual program designed to uncover where your path is calling you in work, relationships, home, or any other aspect of your life. Not the path of expectations. Not the path of "should" and "supposed-to," but YOUR path. Get all the details and register here. We kick off January 18th!
Additional links:
- Join my email list for updates about all the fun things happening this year – and also get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No!
- Learn more about hiring me as a speaker
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Heather's books and journal on her website and the hardcover, ebook, and audiobook of Grounded Wildness on Amazon
I hosted three Grounded Wildness book launch events last month and got the BEST questions at all of them! I'm taking the top questions from those launch events and answering them all in the episode today! Some are about Grounded Wildness - and some have nothing to do with the book. Here they are, in order:
- What's the difference between An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules and Grounded Wildness? Do I need to read An Overachiever's Guide first?
- The word "wildness" can have a negative connotation. What made you chose that word and what does grounded wildness mean?
- How much of what you talk about in Grounded Wildness is just natural maturation as we get older? Like, isn't breaking the rules we were handed just a part of growing up for all of us?
- What's your relationship to social media? Do you set boundaries? Do you find yourself performing on social media?
- What does it feel like to be in grounded wildness, whether that's in your body, mind, heart, or spirit? How do you know when you're NOT in grounded wildness?
- What do you wish could have gone into the book that didn't make it?
- Did you always want to be a writer?
- Are all the rules gone for you now or are some still around? If so, which ones?
- What's next? Are you writing another book?
Links:
- Learn more about Heather's speaking topics and hiring her for an event at your organization in 2024!
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Heather's books and journal on her website and the hardcover, ebook, and audiobook of Grounded Wildness on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list to learn about new programs for 2024 - and get the Ultimate Guide To Saying No!
Sara Letourneau is our next guest on the pod! Sara is the book editor, writing coach, and workshop instructor at Heart of the Story Editorial & Coaching Services. She's also publishing her first collection of poetry, Wild Gardens, in 2024. We talk about WAY more than just writing in this episode!
We dive into:
- Sara's journey to let go of perfectionism
- How Sara learned to recognize her own beauty
- The simultaneously simple and mind-blowing way Sara set clear boundaries for work-life balance in her corporate career – and her advice to you to do the same
- Letting go of forcing and allowing things to happen instead
- Releasing all the "shoulds" when it comes to running a business – and listening to yourself instead
Sara also reads In The Bath, a beautiful poem about fully accepting yourself that touched me deeply (link to read the poem is below.)
Links:
- Read Sara's poems, In The Bath and Wild Gardens
- Sara's website with editing and writing coaching services
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Grounded Wildness on Heather's website and the hardcover, ebook, and audiobook on Amazon
- Join Heather's email list to learn about new programs for 2024 – and get the Ultimate Guide To Saying No!
You are in for a treat with this episode! Jill Saunders is a mom, creative, corporate facilitator, and believer in something bigger. Her life changed when she started paying attention to life's whispers, which is exactly what we're talking about in this episode!
You'll hear:
- How Jill reconnected to her confidence after getting feedback that she needed to change her natural style and strengths
- Jill's four steps to listen to the nudges and whispers of your life – without meditating for hours or going on a silent retreat
- What Jill means by "Silent Cracks" – and how to create them for yourself
- How to deal with it when you want an answer NOW – and you aren't getting one
Links:
- Get Jill's gorgeous journals on Amazon!
- Grounded Wildness holiday sale is happening Sunday, November 26th - Wednesday, November 29th! Use the code HOLIDAY23 on Heather's website to get 20% off all orders over $100. Signed copies of Grounded Wildness, the Grounded Wildness Journal, and An Overachiever's Guide to Breaking the Rules are all available – including a gift pack with the book, journal, and bonus "Grounded and Wild Woman" sticker!
- Get the Grounded Wildness ebook and audiobook on Amazon
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
This is one of my favorite podcast episodes we've ever done!
Part One in this series was all about identifying the barriers that get in the way of asking for (and even knowing!) what you want and how to ask for the little things.
Part Two is about the big things. Asking for a compensation increase. Asking a partner (or parent, child, friend, etc.) for what you really want and need. Asking a manager for what you desire in your career. This episode cuts across the personal and professional and goes DEEP.
You'll hear more about:
- How the traditional negotiation tactics taught to women can work – and how they're also based in rules, bias, and discrimination and are, frankly, incredibly frustrating (have you ever been told to smile more to get what you want?!?)
- The question to ask yourself to get clear on the big things you want in your career, relationships, and every aspect of your life
- How knowing your worth allows you to ask for what you desire – and not just in monetary terms, but with everything in your life
- The one thing that will make receiving what you want SO MUCH easier
- The mindset flip anyone can use that gave me the motivation to negotiate for a raise in my corporate career and hold firm to my fees in my business
Links:
- Get signed, hardcover copies of Grounded Wildness on her website
- Get the Grounded Wildness ebook and audiobook on Amazon
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Do you struggle to ask for what you want and need? Or to simply state it directly, even without asking?!? You're not alone.
So many women have a hard time asking for what they want in their career, in relationships, even requesting a unique order for something as small as a coffee! Your wants can feel selfish, burdensome, annoying – or a whole slew of adjectives that typically aren't true (but feel oh so true!)
In today's podcast episode, we dive into:
- The barriers that get in the way of even knowing what you want
- Prompts and reflections to get clear on what you desire
- How to start asking for what you want in small ways
Come back next time for part two, when we dive into asking for the big things you want in your career and life!
Links:
- Grounded Wildness is here! Get signed, hardcover copies on Heather's website now!
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Schedule a speaking consultation with Heather to discuss your next event
Today's episode marks a totally new series for the podcast – interviews with women living in grounded wildness!
In each episode, we'll be discussing the rules different women have unraveled, how they've dealt with the challenges that have come up along their journey, and how they've created their own rules for life. These are going to be real conversations with real women. No pretending or performing – we're diving right into life.
Dara Beevas is the perfect first guest for this series! She is a writer, the co-founder of Wise Ink Creative Publishing, and my publisher for both An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules and Grounded Wildness! Dara is also a change-maker, full of joy, and living her own journey to grounded wildness. We dive into a wide-range of topics on the podcast, including:
- Unraveling the religious rules Dara was taught growing up and evolving them into a spirituality that works for her now
- What it means to be a "lady" and "good" – and letting go of those definitions to rediscover yourself
- The messages we got growing up to be attractive and desirable for boys
- Dara's key to creating space for herself (we can all use this one!)
Links:
- Learn more about Wise Ink Creative Publishing
- Get more info about Dara, her books, and her speaking on her website
- Order Grounded Wildness – coming October 17th!!!
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Dara Beevas' Bio:
Dara Beevas is the co-founder of Wise Ink and works with authors on a mission to share powerful stories that ignite change, tolerance, and growth. She's worked with more than 400 authors to publish their books, including both Grounded Wildness and An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules.
Dara is also an author herself! She's authored The Indie Author Revolution, Social Media Secrets For Authors, Buzz: The Ultimate Guide To Book Marketing, and Amina of Zaria, a children's book that inspires li'l queens everywhere, especially Black and Brown girls, to fight for what they believe in.
She's a recipient of the Bush Foundation Fellowship, Woman in Business Award, Emerging Leader Award, and Emerging Writer Fellowship granted through the Given’s Foundation.
Grounded Wildness is coming your way on October 17 - woo-hoo! You can pre-order your copy at www.heatherwhelpley.com/groundedwildness.
Because we're getting so close to YOU getting your hands on Grounded Wildness and feeling its freedom, today's episode is all about the single key to freedom from proving, pleasing, and perfecting. You might hear different tactics and strategies out there to get through perfectionism and let go of people-pleasing, but this one key will cover them all. It goes deeper than any tool. It is the life-giving, soul-loving core of your freedom. In addition to that key, you'll also get:
- How Heather held back her voice at work and performed for so many years -- and how the key you'll get in the episode helped her to share her authentic voice and make a bigger difference with her work.
- What that single key gives you the freedom FROM - and also what it gives you the freedom TO do, like say no, make a job change, disagree with your boss, and be joyful - among a million other things.
- How to apply this key to your entire life–in all the places you feel behind, like you're not doing enough, or are a little bit broken. This key cuts right to the heart of all of that.
Links:
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming October 17th!
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules - Heather's first book that is basically a part one to Grounded Wildness!
- Join Heather's email list and get the Ultimate Guide To Saying No At Work
Do you ever have a bigger reaction than the situation calls for? Like your level of emotion is out of proportion with what is actually happening? Or maybe you realize that logic has completely left the building and you're just all reaction and emotion? That happened to me last week. A small error (in an admittedly big thing - my upcoming book, Grounded Wildness), sent me into a tailspin. We're going to dive into all of that on today's episode, including:
- What was REALLY going on behind my perfectionism breakdown – because it was about way more than just an error
- What I did to get through the breakdown – and come out the other side
- What the perfectionism was trying to protect me from
- What to do when you have a big reaction so that you can go through it and let it go – whether related to perfectionism or not
Links:
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness – coming soon!
- Read the introduction to Grounded Wildness
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
We've covered proving, pleasing, and perfecting in the last three weeks and now we're down to the final way we perform in our lives: Rebelling.
That might not sound like performing. Rebelling might sound a lot like wildness, which is part of what I preach! But rebelling isn't GROUNDED wildness - it's just wildness. It's breaking the rules ON purpose; not WITH purpose. It's pushing against expectations and doing things differently just to do them differently - not because they actually feel good and authentic to you. Rebelling has a bit of a "Screw you, I can do what I want" kind of attitude. You probably know that feeling!
In today's episode we'll cover:
- Examples of rebelling so you can recognize it in your own life - and take yourself back from this unique kind of performing
- How to tell the different between rebelling and grounded wildness
- The next step when you're TIRED of all the performing (we'll be diving into this in more detail in the next episode, so be on the lookout for that one!)
Links:
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming this fall!
- Read the introduction to Grounded Wildness
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Today's episode is all about perfectionism! It's the third way we perform in our lives - and definitely the one I hear the most about.
You know the feeling of perfectionism. It's those unrealistically high standards and expectations that you feel like you MUST reach – and the inevitable stress, anxiety, shame, and worry that shows up when you don't. That's when the inner critic swoops in, berating you with a barrage of commentary: You should have worked harder. Done more. Why did you do THAT? Haven't you learned anything?!? You should know better by now. Are you stupid?
Yep. It's all really fun. And almost everyone I work with experiences perfecting.
In today's episode we'll cover:
- The REAL definition of perfectionism (it might be different than what you think)
- The root causes of perfecting and why it has absolutely nothing to do with you
- An antidote to perfecting you can use immediately to starting quieting the self-judgment
- We'll also talk about Barbie – and the best speech ever that encapsulates exactly why you perfect
Links:
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming this fall!
- Join Heather's email list
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Today is the second in our four-part series on the ways we perform in our lives - and we're digging straight into people-pleasing. It's SO common. People-pleasing rules make you feel like you can't disappoint anyone, have to say yes to everything, and must take care of everything and keep everyone happy. They make you worry about what other people will think and can hold you back from following your own path and living your true, not to mention putting yourself anywhere on the list of people you take care of!
In today's episode, we'll cover:
- How Heather realized she had some people-pleasing tendencies - and what she's doing to unravel those rules
- Why disconnecting from pleasing is different that proving and perfecting - and why it's okay if it's harder for you to let people-pleasing go
- How pleasing rules sometimes stop you from doing what you desire -- and how sometimes you do the thing anyway and THEN the rules show up causing stress and worry
- All the ways we please so that you can recognize your own patterns - and start to break free from them!
Links:
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming soon!
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get An Overachievers Guide To Breaking The Rules on Heather's website or Amazon
Today's episode is the first of a four-part series to help you uncover where you are performing in your life. We'll talk about how you move from your youthful wildness where you aren't impacted by the rules into the years of performing, where you feel the weight of "should" and "supposed-to" and all the rules and expectations that make you feel behind, like you aren't doing enough, or that some part of you is broken. These rules tell you to filter yourself, hold back, and chameleon your true self to fit what is expected.
Then we'll dive straight into the first way you perform: Proving.
We'll hit on:
- Heather's story of proving and how it relates to overachieving, productivity, her body, dating, and men - and the somewhat embarrassing (but maybe totally normal?) ways she worked to prove herself to men, even well into her 30s
- A different way to look at worthiness that changed Heather's whole perspective (this one will especially resonate with you if you're confident in many parts of your life, but feel behind, broken, or less than in other parts)
- How to recognize proving in your own life so that you can start to break the proving rules and reclaim your freedom
Links:
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming soon!
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules on Heather's website or Amazon
What do you need to give yourself permission for? To slow down? Do less? Say no? Change jobs? Say a thing that needs to be said even though it’s going to make someone uncomfortable? Or maybe it’s something super tiny, but not tiny at all, like take a nap or eat exactly what you want to eat for dinner.
Whatever it is, you can’t do anything you want to do without giving yourself permission first. And if you’re waiting for someone to come along and hand you a permission slip, you’ll probably be waiting a really long time.
On today's podcast, we’ll dive into:
- Where you need to give yourself permission right now
- What’s getting in the way of you giving yourself permission to do what you want
- A report from the messy middle of what I’m working on giving myself permission for in my life
Links:
- Get all the details about Heather's speaking topics, speaker reel, testimonials, etc.
- Schedule a speaking consultation with Heather
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming Fall 2023!
- Get An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules on Heather's website or Amazon
Uff-da. I got a ROUGH review of An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules on Amazon. Like a completely scathing, take-you-by-surprise, punch-in-the-gut kind of review.
While you may not get reviews of your work on Amazon, you still get criticism. That one negative thing on your performance review or comment from a colleague can swim around in your head for days, weeks, even months (or years?!?), causing worry, stress, and anxiety.
Fear of getting criticized can also hold you back from putting yourself out there, speaking up, and sharing new ideas, as well as making decisions about your career and life that you know are right for you, but you're afraid others won't understand. I don't want any of this for you - and I don't want it for me either! So let's talk about a different take on criticism - and how to let it go.
In today's episode we're going to dive into:
- The book review that left me reeling
- Two strategies I've been using for years to help you let go of criticism that isn't helpful -- and learn from criticism that is useful without it ruminating in your head forever
- A brand-new, HUGE realization I had about criticism that completely shifted everything I felt about this bad book review and allowed me to not just let it go, but make it EMPOWERING - it can work for any piece of criticism you get too
Links:
- Get An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules on Heather's website or Amazon - and write a review on Amazon!
- Pre-order Grounded Wildness - coming Fall 2023!
- Learn more about Heather's keynotes and hiring her as a speaker
Your intuition is a force guiding you towards the best decisions for you -- and most of us aren't taught how to even listen to it. And if you are connected to your intuition, a million rules and "shoulds" can get in the way of actually following it, like worrying you might disappoint people if you do what your intuition is telling you or thinking you already made a commitment so even though everything in your body is telling you to backpedal, you HAVE to follow-through on that commitment.
Today's podcast episode is going to change all of that for you. We're going to unravel the biggest blockers to following your intuition so that you can hear it, trust it, and make the right decision for YOU, whether that's a tiny decision like how to spend your Saturday afternoon or a big decision like whether to accept a job offer.
You'll walk away with two big things you can use for any kind of decision in your life:
- What to do when the "shoulds" show up so that you can make decisions on purpose instead of just automatically going along with the should
- A quick and easy hack to know what your intuition is telling you, even if you feel totally disconnected from it now
Links:
- Get An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules on Heather's website or Amazon
- Get Heather's new book, Grounded Wildness - on pre-sale now!
- Learn more about Heather's keynotes and hiring her as a speaker
Today's podcast topic is a surprising one: Our clothes. In particular, being afraid to wear bright colors and patterns, especially at work.
I'm no fashionista, but when this topic came up in MULTIPLE conversations in just the last few weeks, I knew we had to talk about it on the podcast. Because it's about so much more than your clothes. It's about shrinking yourself to fit in and be more palatable to others. When you mute your literal colors, there's a good chance you're muting your voice and energy as well.
We'll dive into everything from Birkenstocks to red lipstick to Halloween costumes that strangely make you feel MORE like yourself in this episode!
Key points include:
- Understanding where you're containing yourself at work and in your life as a whole - in your clothes, voice, energy - all the things
- What to do about the "What will people think?" fear that comes up when you put your bright, bold, full self out there
- Knowing what to wear that makes you feel FREE and POWERFUL
Links:
- Watch Heather's speaking reel (click on the orange tab near the top that says Watch Heather In Action)
- Learn more about Heather's keynotes and hiring her as a speaker
- Order Heather's new book, Grounded Wildness - on pre-sale now!
When was the last time you asked yourself what you were LONGING for? Not just what you WANT, but what you are truly LONGING for?
Longing comes from deep inside you. It's part of your truth - and that's why we're talking about it today on the podcast.
You'll walk away knowing how to identify your longings - as well as the voices that get in the way of hearing, listening to, and following your longings. You'll also discover:
- The longing that took Heather 14 years to follow - and the gap that was immediately filled once she listened to it
- The damage that happens when you shelve your longing
- Why longing is more important than simply asking "What do you want?"
Pre-sale for Grounded Wildness is on now!
Get your copy here: www.heatherwhelpley.com/groundedwildness
Here are all the bonuses when you get the book in May:
- 10% of all book sales donated to the Women's Empowerment Conference for high school girls in Colorado
- You'll be entered into a drawing to win a free 60-minute, 1:1 coaching session with me. Three winners announced in June!
- You'll get the book a full two weeks before anyone else when it comes out in the fall
- Invite to an exclusive Q&A/interview with me after the book comes out
Additional links:
Learn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
Get Heather's first book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Here it is - the introduction to my next book, Grounded Wildness!
This book is for you if you feel the weight of "should" and "supposed to" and want to break free and release the guilt and worry and overthinking. It's for you if you've ever felt like you didn't live up to some standard of how a woman is supposed to look, speak, dress, and generally show up in the world. If you felt like your body wasn't thin enough, curvy enough, or "good" enough in any way. If you've gotten feedback that you're too direct or aggressive and you started to pull back your voice. If you've ever felt like part of you was too much -- or not enough.
If you feel any of this, Grounded Wildness is for you. It's about breaking the rules that have broken you - and the inevitable freedom that follows.
Go to www.heatherwhelpley.com/groundedwildness to get your copy of Grounded Wildness.
When you buy during the May pre-sale, you'll also get:
- 10% of all book sales donated to the Women's Empowerment Conference for high school girls in Colorado
- Entered into a drawing to win a free 60-minute, 1:1 coaching session with me. Three winners announced in June!
- The book a full two weeks before anyone else when it comes out in the fall
- Invite to exclusive Q&A/interview with me after the book comes out
Additional links:
Learn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
Get Heather's first book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Woot-woot! The pre-sale for my second book starts May 2nd and today we're diving straight into the writing process that took the book from idea to something you'll be able to hold in your hands. AND you'll get the TITLE REVEAL.
I've been working on this book for 2 1/2 years and I haven't publicly shared the title with anyone. You are the first to be in on it! You'll also get an insider look at writing a book — the ups and downs, the vulnerabilities, the come to Jesus talk I had with myself — all of it.
This episode is for you if:
- You want a sneak peak into my second book
- You've ever felt the weight of perfectionism in trying something new (writing or anything else!) - and want a strategy to break free from it
- You're curious about what it's like to write and publish a book
Links:
- Join Heather's email list and be the first to get all the details about the upcoming pre-sale for her next book!
- Email Heather directly about bulk orders for her book (or speaking! Or anything!): heather@whelpleyconsulting.com
Why is it so hard to own what makes you amazing? To step into your strengths and share your radiance with the world without feeling like you're bragging, arrogant, or too much? And what can you do about it so that you can take up space, have a deep confidence in yourself, feel free - and create impact? We're going to dive deeper into all of this in this episode, as well as:
- My struggles with the worry that owning my strengths is arrogant - and what I've done to get through those worries
- How women can be judged for stepping into their glory and the "Just who does she think she is?" sentiment
- Three approaches to get through the discomfort and truly own what makes you amazing
Links:
- Join Heather's email list to get the Ultimate Guide To Saying No and all the details about the upcoming pre-sale for her next book!
- Learn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
It's time to bring this conversation forward and get real about the lies women are told about their worth. There are many, but here are the three overarching lies I see women handed - that your worth is dependent on:
1) Your body
2) Motherhood
3) Being likable
You are fed these lies by subtle and not-so-subtle messages from magazines, TV, social media, and real people in your life - who were also fed these lies. When you don't live up to the standard of this lie, you feel bad. Shame ensues. You think you're doing something wrong. You think part of YOU is wrong.
It's not. Nothing was ever wrong with you. The lies are wrong - not you. Your worth was never dependent on anything outside of you. It doesn't matter what your body looks like, whether or not you're a mother, how "likable" you are - or anything else. We'll dive into all of this in today's episode, and:
- The shame I felt in my body - and in myself - because I couldn't lose weight and get thin
- The annoying, frustrating, and angering message we get that motherhood is the highest calling and purpose for a woman - no matter what your motherhood status is
- What likability bias is - and how we can start to break it down
Links:
- Join Heather's email list and be the first to get all the details about the upcoming pre-sale for her next book!
- Learn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
When something goes a little awry, do you automatically feel like you must have done something wrong? You must have said the wrong thing, offended someone, or hurt someone's feelings? You must have made a mistake or missed something? Your rational brain is saying, "No, it's not your fault" - but your inner critic is saying, "It's totally your fault! You must have done something terrible!"
I had this experience recently. I went down the inner critic rabbit hole thinking it must be me. After stewing there for a while, I took a different approach -- and that made all the difference. I wanted to share my takeaways with you, including:
- How to decipher between the inner critic and the rational brain
- When the inner critic tends to step in -- and how to notice that for yourself
- The #1 key to quieting the inner critic when you feel like it's all your fault
Links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
- Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
How do you advocate for yourself? Not on behalf of your kids, partner, team, or friends, but just for you?
I started asking myself these questions a few years ago after I realized nearly all the stories I heard about women speaking up and advocating for the first time had one thing in common: They were doing it on behalf of other people. They set boundaries with family members on behalf of their kids. Advocated for better work-life balance for their teams. Fought their school district for better resources for their child with special needs. Spoke up against injustices for a colleague. Went to bat for a pay increase for a direct report. This is all good. PLEASE advocate for your teams, kids, colleagues, and friends.
But it made me think...where are the stories of women advocating for THEMSELVES? Because you also get to advocate for yourself. Just for you. On behalf of nobody. You get to say no and set a boundary for your own wellbeing. You get to negotiate a pay raise just for yourself. You get to tell someone what is and is not okay with you JUST FOR YOU.
In today's episode we're going to dive deeper into all of this and more, including:
- How the rules women are taught about being likable and agreeable get in the way of advocating for ourselves
- The place I recently stood up and advocated for myself after being agreeable for a LONG time - and the very entertaining reaction I got!
- Four steps to start advocating for yourself today
Links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
- Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
We usually talk about saying no and setting boundaries with OTHER people - and this is SO important. But what about when you need to set boundaries with yourself?
What about those times you overdo, overachieve, and over-perfect even though no one else cares at all - or even knows that you're doing it?
This self-imposed overdoing can show up in every area of life, from putting pressure on yourself to get a task done at work right away even though it doesn't need to be done until next week to feeling like your weekend to-do list needs to be finished before you're allowed to have fun.
There are concrete, tangible ways you can start to set boundaries with yourself - and that's what we're going to cover in this episode.
You'll walk away with:
- Approaches to setting boundaries that decrease guilt
- The place I'm spending money to set boundaries with myself - and why it's worth every penny even though I also think it's ridiculous
- The deepest key to setting boundaries with yourself
Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The RulesLearn more about hiring Heather to speak at your organization
Have you ever heard a little voice in your head saying, "You don't know enough. You don't have enough experience. You're not ready. Just who do you think you are to go after that job?!?" If so, you have been impacted by imposter syndrome! These fraudy thoughts influence how you show up in your career, from sharing your ideas to speaking up in meetings - and especially during any kind of career development or job change.
You might feel totally confident and then imposter syndrome shows up out of nowhere telling you that you don't have the skills, knowledge, and experience to apply for that job, change departments, be a leader, go after that promotion, switch industries, start a business - whatever it is for you. I don't want imposter syndrome to hold you back from the career you desire and the impact you can make with your work - and it doesn't have to.
In this episode we'll cover:
- The experience that inspired me to start speaking on imposter syndrome in the first place
- How I've been impacted by imposter syndrome as a business owner
- Four concrete tools you can use the next time imposter syndrome shows up to quiet the inner critic and regain your confidence
Links:Learn more about hiring Heather to speak on imposter syndrome at your organization
Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
How do you make a change in your life when nothing is really wrong? When you have what you thought you wanted and everything is fine - and yet you want more than fine? Is there a longing inside of you for something different? Maybe you know exactly what that longing is for or maybe it's a general yearning you can't pinpoint, but there's a nudge inside you telling you to pay attention. If you're feeling any of this, then today's episode is for you.
We'll cover:
- Paying attention to mini break-downs that can point you in the right direction - without having to hit rock bottom
- How to figure out what those nudges, yearnings, and longings are telling you
- The key to taking a leap and making a change. It's something you already have inside you right now!
- How to trust yourself so you can move towards what you truly desire
Sign up now for my brand-new workshop RECLAIM YOURSELF and rediscover your freedom! The workshop is happening Saturday, February 4th, 2023 from 9:00-11:00am Mountain Time and will be recorded if you can't make it live. Get all the details and sign up here.
Links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Sign up for Heather's email list for resources, tools, and updates
- Register for Reclaim Yourself
2023 is going to be YOUR year to break the rules you've been handed and reignite your fire. It's the year to rediscover your wholeness, radiance, and true confidence that have always been living inside of you, but, let's face it, have been dampened by crap messages handed to you throughout your life.
You've received messages about how you're supposed to show up, speak, work, parent, and love, what your body is supposed to look like, and how you are supposed to live your life. It's time to recognize those rules, reconnect to your true self, and reignite your fire. It's time to stop shrinking yourself to fit into the box of should and supposed to and rediscover your freedom.
My brand new virtual workshop, RECLAIM YOURSELF, will show you how to do this. It's happening Saturday, February 4, 9:00-11:00am mountain time. The workshop will be recorded if you can't attend live. Get all the details and sign up on my website. Use the code RECLAIM20 to get $20 off when you register by Tuesday, January 17.
Links:
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
- Register for Reclaim Yourself
We're going in hard on the DEEP realization I had recently about perfectionism and vulnerability. It all started with sending my next book out the beta readers and having people read it for the first time. The inner critic came in out of nowhere, first telling me that I should read it another time and work on it just a little more before letting anyone read it. Then it later sent me all these questions, like "What if people don't like it? What if they think it's self-indulgent or blaming? What if they don't think it's any good?" Really, though, below these questions was a deeper question. The REAL question that was driving my perfectionism and vulnerability - and I'm guessing that question will hit home for you as well.
Additional resources:
- Join my email list to get updates about workshop and other 2023 offerings (and get the Ultimate Guide To Saying No!)
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
The holidays. They're wonderful in so many ways (I LOVE Christmas!) - and they can also be stressful. They can be a time when everyone else's needs get put ahead of your own - which is exactly why I wanted to do this episode.
We'll cover three ways you can practice self-care this holiday season. I promise, they have nothing to do with food, alcohol, or exercise! Instead, they are especially for women - and even more so for us perfectionists and overachievers. You'll walk away knowing how to:
- Put yourself on the list and fulfill your needs during the holidays,
- Set boundaries and stand up for yourself against annoying, angering, or even hurtful comments from family members (like what do you say when ANOTHER aunt asks when you are finally going to have kids?!?),
- Allow yourself to feel all the feelings that come up for you - and the unexpected moment that made me emotional while recording the podcast,
- Let go of perfect and embrace presence - this one has made hosting SO MUCH more enjoyable for me!
Additional resources:
Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Are you a people pleaser? I didn't think I was for a long time - and recently realized I was totally wrong. I have some deep people-pleasing rules running through my veins. So deep I didn't even know they were there! People-pleasing is a real thing for so many women - and the consequences are NOT good. It causes burnout and resentment. It quiets your voice from speaking up and challenging things that NEED to be challenged. Most of all, it takes YOU away from YOU. It's hard to bring your full, authentic self to the world when you're more focused on pleasing others than showing up in a way that's true for you.
This episode is for you if you've ever felt like you have to be polite, can't disappoint anyone, aren't allowed to say no, can't make anyone mad, have to take care of everyone, are selfish to follow your own desires, or that everyone has to like you. We'll dive into:
- The people pleasing rule I'm learning to break right now (I bet you've been told this one!)
- What you can do to let go of people pleasing behaviors - no matter how engrained they are
- How to reclaim yourself and live in your truth
Additional resources:
Holiday book sale! Get up to 30% off signed, hardcover copies of my award-winning book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules. Ends November 20th. Get the sale codes and order here: https://www.heatherwhelpley.com/book
Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
We're diving into a topic I've felt a lot lately - FEAR. But this isn't the inner critic, perfectionist, imposter syndrome kind of fear. Instead, it's the fear that happens when you're stepping into a bigger space. It's the fear that comes along with reclaiming yourself, taking risks, and moving towards your goals and dreams, whether that's taking a new job, starting a business, moving, taking a relationship to the next level - or anything else big in your life. It can still be overwhelming and require some deep breathing to get through it, but it's also a light forward. It is a fear to FOLLOW.
In this episode we'll cover:
- What caused this big fear to come up in me recently
- How to tell the difference between inner critic fears to quiet and big fears to follow
- What to do when big fear hits so you can move through it - and towards what you really desire
Additional resources:
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Join Heather's email list and get ten journaling prompts to reconnect to your true self
Do you feel like you're being pulled in a million different directions? Like you have way too many priorities and they all feel important and you aren't sure what to do about it?
In this episode, I'll share insights from my own experience and concrete steps you can take to get off the hamster wheel, recover from burnout, and create some space to just BE. Because it's not fun to feel like you're always running from place to place without enough time to even take a breath. You CAN create a different way of living.
We'll cover:
- The deep belief that needs to change in order to say no and do less
- How to make the hard decisions about what needs to go when everything feels important
- Dealing with guilt and fear when you start setting boundaries
Additional resources:
Get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
In the last episode we talked about feeling like you're TOO much. Today we're flipping to the other side of the spectrum - feeling like you're not enough. This feeling can show up in so many ways in your life - feeling like you're not doing enough at work or in your community, like you're not a good enough mother, wife, friend, daughter, like your body isn't good enough, thin enough, or desirable enough, like you're not making enough money or growing your business fast enough. When you feel like you're not enough in any part of your life, you're on a constant hamster wheel of proving, pleasing, and perfecting to show your worth.
In today's episode we'll discuss:
- How not being a mother led Heather to feeling like she's not enough
- Why you are always worthy, lovable, and enough
- How to really believe you are enough
Additional resources:
Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Have you ever felt like you're too much? Like your emotions, energy, or presence is too much for other people to handle? Were you taught to make other people feel comfortable at the cost of being yourself? NO MORE. If you're tired of shrinking, quieting, filtering, censoring, and minimizing yourself and want to break free and let ALL of you out into the world, you need to listen to this episode.
We'll cover:
- Why so many women feel like they're too much
- The feedback Heather got in her corporate career that caused her to hold full self back
- What you can do to embrace your too muchness and be FREE
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Connect on LinkedIn
Do you have a hard time saying no? Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No At Work!
You know that little whisper at the back of your heart guiding you to start a business, write a book, take time off and travel, go live at the beach, enter your art into a gallery show - or whatever it is for you? We all have it. Sometimes you know what your secret dream is - and other times it's been buried under the rules you've been handed, like worrying about what people will think if you pursue that dream, fear of failure, or feeling like it's selfish to go after what you want. Either way, that secret maybe attainable dream is still alive within you. In this episode, we'll start to uncover your dreams, goals, and desires - and take steps to explore moving towards them.
We'll dive into:
- A Facebook memory from 13 years ago that absolutely FLOORED Heather - and inspired this entire episode
- Overcoming the barriers that stand in the way of exploring your wishes, dreams, and desires
- Dealing with the inner critic that tells you it's too risky, not possible, you're not good enough, etc, etc, etc
- Getting curious and taking steps towards your dreams without having to jump and hope a net will catch you
More resources:
- Ten Journaling Prompts To Reconnect To Yourself
- Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
- Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
- Connect on LinkedIn
Is it hard for you to slow down? Uncomfortable to do less? Do you feel a guilty pull back to your to-do list when you try to relax? Or like you have to be productive all the time? If you're nodding your head right now, this episode is for you.
We'll discuss:
- Why it's so hard to slow down
- Three strategies to start doing less
- The life-changing epiphany that allowed me to do less with greater ease
You can use these approaches to recover from burnout, set boundaries, create space for creativity, and just FEEL GOOD - in your body, mind, and spirit. It's time to give yourself permission to do less.
More resources:
The Ultimate Guide To Saying No At Work
Learn more about hiring Heather as a speaker
Get Heather's book, An Overachiever's Guide To Breaking The Rules
Welcome to the very first episode of Create Your Own Rules For Life! On today's episode, I share my story of going from exhausted overachiever and perpetual over-doer to creating my own rules for life.
We'll dive into:
- The root causes of my perfectionism and overachieving
- The unlikely connection between my weight, body, and overachieving
- How I broke the rules telling me I always had to be productive and successful - and took on a new rule that changed my life
My journey has been imperfect - and it continues today! At the same time, I experience a level of freedom and joy I didn't know was possible just a few years ago. I want the same for you. I want all of us to recognize the rules we've been handed that keep us burned out, tight, and tucked in so that your full self can step out into the light. It's time to stop should-ing and start living.
Signed copies of Heather's book: www.heatherwhelpley.com/book
Audiobook and ebook available on Amazon
Speaking info: www.heatherwhelpley.com/speaking
Join Heather's email list and get The Ultimate Guide To Saying No At Work!