Andrew's Crap: Recent Episodes
Andrew J Rivers
Writing a joke is like taking a selfie, it takes 1000 attempts before you have 3 worth posting. Comedian Andrew Rivers is writing down (or speaking onto a podcast) his worst ideas. As creatives, we can be our own worst enemy. We come up with an amazing idea, write it down. 3 minutes later, we hit a dead end and throw the joke away. That could have been the new closer!
This will be a place where I test new joke ideas, riff a couple stories and try to have some fun.
https://linktr.ee/andrewjrivers
Another little teaser episode. My dad saw Flava Flav and thought of me. I wish he wasn't dying so we could be potheads together.
patreon.com/andrewjrivers for full episodes and exclusive comedy content.
chatting about a very interesting weekend in IDaho! Just a little ten minute sample. For the full podcast and unreleased videos and stuff, tune in on Patreon.
Patreon.com/andrewjrivers
Sorry - I forgot to hit publish. This is from last week.
The last free episode. Will be uploading full episodes to patreon. Get early access to videos before they go public and behind the scenes stuff.
patreon.com/andrewjrivers
Andrew’s 4 steps to success. Trademarked.
Step 1. Post your "talent" on the internet
Step 2. get millions of views
Step 3. ????
Step 4. Profit
Catching up with ya. :)
I recorded a new special, now what do I talk about? Politics, Drugs and Sex. So same old crap. Podcast will move to Patreon whenever I decide to set it up.
Grand Opening weekend at the comedy club, and some other fun stories. I had a headache but it was mostly from hearing myself talk.
My mom said she'd love me no matter what, as long as I don't drink Bud Light if you know what I mean.
The IRS is after me. Can you get arrested because of song lyrics? or jokes?
Show love - Tell people you love them.
Bombed real bad at a pizza joint, this is a fun story podcast but not like a "Andrew wrote some jokes" podcast. Still a good one worth listening.
Getting ready to film the special, how many jokes about being a loveless piece of shit should I have in a row before the audience gets worried?
A lot of Chris Rock jokes and Jay Z jokes and some fun times but a look at some deeper questions. Can a machine write something better than humans? Sitcom? Sure. Art? Doubtful. Robots can't experience heartbreak. What is stealing? Good episode. This is the 1 out of 3 :)
Some hockey jokes. Mediocre episode. Worth a skip. :) Also talking about Kentucky. Lime scooters. AGT audiences are confused by comedy. It's never my fault when I have a bad show. What do you want me to tell you. It's just the road.
Oh man this episode is bad, Why are you listening.
I think I solved all of the worlds problems. This episode was heavily medicated.
Had a great weekend in Ohio. Wrote some really fun jokes about the train thing. TBD if I can get them to work in front of real crowds. Audiences are the worst part of comedy. Anyway. Welcome to my joke garden. THBTT FARTS
Well since my tarot joke went viral ish, I decided to write more about tarot this week without actually learning anything about tarot. So here we are. I'm from the Future and this is a good episode. :)
https://linktr.ee/andrewjrivers
Catching up from a week in Montana. My cover is blown. ABORT ABORT. This was a livestream episode.
I blew it in LA, and not my manager. I wish he would sexually harass me, then I'd have some heat in the industry. All good. Fun stories. Who knows what I talked about. Don't listen. It's boring. Alright. There's a few, but just rambling about my days.
Everythings bigger in Texas. Even the failure.
Driving in Texas reminds me of their response to covid. Very selfish. but I get it. You think nothing is going to happen to you but I promise if you just use your blinker, a few less people might die and they are like NO!
A little behind the scenes on the economics of comedy. A lot of rambling. I didn't smoke pot for a few days in a row. Are you proud of me, mom? See? I'm not addicted. I just really really like it.
Andrews Crap. Enjoy
Going half and half today. A little bit about Texas and Valentines day.
I accidentally stumble upon my old repressed memories of a teacher talking about my penis. I get 100 text messages in the middle of the show even though I turned my ringer off and I got a hot date so look forward to more jokes about that failing in 2 or 3 episodes. enjoy
https://linktr.ee/andrewjrivers
Recovering from a crazy kooky weekend with Kelly and Katie. I had to play host as I showed these ladies all the waterfalls and book stores and cats. Maybe that's why I'm stick. We went to a cat store with books. Or a used bookstore with cats. I think the cats are used too.
Great time, great shows, I'll be bombing it in Texas this week with Cory. Expect lots of fun updates. Also I bought A DSLR to use as a webcam so now my videos will look a little better. So hit up youtube!
Sorry I'm late. You didn't notice. That's ok. I recorded the episode on time and then ran out of time to even hit upload. lol. So I barely remember what I talk about. I got my dick tested, more dick trauma talk and footballs.
Brett requested I tell the story about getting a blow job in the woods in Oregon during a show. That's fun.
Can you pick up girls with a Jordan Peterson Quote.? How about a Gary V Quote.
Flirting tips I've learned. Take advice from me.
There was a shooting after one of my shows. I have security camera footage go watch youtube!
My friend told me he enjoyed my podcast until I started endorsing cheating, so I spent about 20 minutes going over the pros and cons. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. There you go. Nuanced discussion at it's finest. At least if you cheat and your wife finds out she can blame it on the sex. If you want to get a divorce, she's going to know you hate EVERYTHING about her.
Anyway, I ramble about my dad and maybe joining the radio. I share some old stories about the first time ever on stage and the early years with Dave Dennison. I'm headlining Laughs Comedy Club in Seattle this week. Come get some JIGGLES.
Lots of dirty talk this episode. I mean it. Don't listen. and if you do. Don't tell me about it.
Is it the pot or is the universe lining things up? Who cares?
I almost ruined my friends career, I talk about visiting my uncle and hanging with his kid. Should you do sex jokes in front of your aunt and uncle?
and I talked about why it might be tough for me to have kids. It's not that big of a deal.
How's that for clout chasing? haha. Please don't click this. It's not good comedy.
I'm joking I think I'm hilarious. But ya know. All the blogs are talking about it and rightfully so. She's planting all these fake stories in the news. That has to be the only way. Who is consuming this stuff? I don't get it.
Um. I've moved on from wanting to be a midwest stepdad. I can't buy land in iowa. You're going to get swept away by a tornado and I also tell you why dying in a wind storm is bad.
We close with a history lesson about Christopher Columbus.
Holy hell episode 7. It's getting real bad in here. An ice storm cancelled Christmas and my family tired to guilt me into coming anyway. I don't buy it. Nobody has any real serious conversations in this family.
I have 2 pairs of yeezy's from when they were cool? Should I sell them? Is that bad? am I passing on hate? or inspiring the next youtube star?
Comedy pep talks and how it relates to my upbringing maybe. Stories about my father the Christmas man himself. F Weird al. JK. but only a little. Tee Hee. Thanks for listening.
If you love something, let it go. If you hate something. Shut up about it.
Drag Queens are reading books at the local library? Thanks for the heads up. Kids are allowed to pretend. Adults aren't? You're allowed to play dress up as an army man when you haven't seen your dick in ten years and wear camo to go fishing, but this person can't read a book?
Had a great time in Oregon. Lots of hecklers and I play a clip of the new Glory Hole joke I worked out this weekend. The goal is to document jokes from concept to completion so I finally get to share a decent one with ya.
Thanks for listening. Remember, if you hate this podcast. Don't tell anyone.
Andrew explains the podcast format for the hundredth time.
I had my car window busted in Victoria. I might have a new Canadian girlfriend. Do you let the algorithm influence what you think of a joke? Does the algorithm mess with your self esteem? A couple sex stories. I'm ghost writing a couple jokes for my friend. My dirty inner monologue is much more mature. Went to a Seahawks game and dropped off some stuff at Goodwill. :)
I got new teeth and am trying to learn how to talk. I woke up at 6am for a flight and recorded this on no sleep once I got home but I wanted to test my teeth for the weekend telling jokes. The flu is back, Riffing about my show in Bellingham, and how I have to train audiences better. The creative process. Isn't it weird the audience gets to decide if we're funny. and finally the story about my friend with a fake husband. allegedly. Ok, I know it's not true but it could be a fun joke maybe.
Andrew gives the meaning behind the name of the podcast. The joke compost!
Episode 3.5 - I tried to do a livestream and that's still up but I re recorded because I had some audio issues.
We talk about Kanye. OHH NO.
Family thanksgiving. Moms dating advice. Just touch it once in a while.
I have a torn labrum so that affects me every day and the benefits of hanging with
In this Episode, I launch into a rant against his HOA. They threatened to tow my car! I show empathy to the vaccine passport protestors. Should you meet your neighbors? I go into too much detail about the porn I like to watch. Why are you not buying my merch? I ramble about more failed love rendezvous.
https://linktr.ee/andrewjrivers
Andrew Rivers is a comedian from Seattle. The process of creation is often stopped before it begins due to self doubt and insecurity and all those things, right? Andrew has a great idea, writes it down, 3 minutes later, reaches a dead end and says "this joke sucks" and throws the paper away. Well NOT ANYMORE. Titus' comedy advice was to not be afraid to not be funny and boy I'm going to live it!
This podcast will be a combination of joke ideas, and funny thoughts, or general life updates and rants that Andrew will put down in podcast form. The name is Andrew's Crap so the bar is set so low, even I can get over it. Adjust your expectations accordingly. This was test episode 1 and I thought it went well so I think we'll keep going. Tag along if you'd like :)
I think in this episode we talked about the Seattle Mariners being in the playoffs, sports memories. A Seattle Mariners Player followed me on Instagram. That's a lot of pressure. Is the Metaverse worth 14 billion dollars? I almost had a threesome in Hawaii but I gave up at 2am. and then I discuss tipping etiquette.