On The Shelf Podcast: Recent Episodes
Rachel Thannhauser, Emily Patten, Victoria Patten
We are Emily, Victoria, and Rachel - sisters and cousins, at various stages of our 20s and 30s. We’re all single and very much “On The Shelf”. None of us are quite where society says we should be, or where we would like to be, in our lives and careers but we keep on trying - with the help of wine, Disney singalongs, mild self-deprecation, and, of course, each other. These are our ramblings about single life, growing up, society as a whole, and whether or not we’re just a bit weird...
This week we discuss birthing baby bunnies and the associated logistics, the real lack of brunette representation in Disney films - which leads to a descent into Snow White porn and the discovery that Emily’s technology is censoring her… We also cover the complete anticlimax of both Richard Branson’s space flight and the Euros, but how awesome potential space adventures could be - but how much better a deep-sea Titanic experience would be… with a very, VERY vivid description from Em! We chat bucket list items - including the ones we do want to do, and the ones we really don’t - or are probably too old to attempt. Oh, we also cover Rachel’s most embarrassing story involving handstands and a male yoga teacher…
We are back! After a little break filled with sex, debauchery and... Oh, who are we kidding - we've been sat on the sofa eating and lamenting our lack of social lives, exactly the same as before! This week we cover flying cars, why Back to the Future is one of Emily's top 3 trilogies and, of course, #freebritney
A collection of moments that feature On The Shelf being, well, classically "On The Shelf"!
This week, the girls are diving back into the archives of their travels, leaving everyone once again wondering - how are they all still alive?!
This week the girls are discussing how you know when it's "The One". Potentially an interesting topic of conversation considering they're all single AF, but hey - it's why we're here. And once you hear how picky they are, the single thing might not be such a shock... Also discussed: how much coffee is too much, those nights where it's suddenly 4am and how important the love of food is in a potential partner...
This week, the girls are discussing facts about dating, sex and relationships. Covering everything from the origins of speed dating and pheromones to the original intentions of Mr Kellogg when he made cornflakes... A bit weird, a bit random, but it wouldn't be On The Shelf if it wasn't any of those things!
Ah well, this episode has been a long time coming... We've spent months talking about dates and partners, but have never gone to the deep end - breakups! The girls dive deep into their dating histories to bring you the good, the bad and the ugly ways they've dumped and been dumped. Bonus points to Emily for having what is quite possibly the worst breakup story in the history of breakups... This episode could be therapeutic or mildly traumatising, depending on how recently you've been dumped!
This week the girls are joined by Vic's friend Mike for a revisit of the Christmas Arguments - this time without the Christmas, obviously. We cover a whole host of topics including cats are better than dogs, musicals are overrated, Titanic is overrated (Em gets passionate) and the curve ball: Gordon Ramsey is sexy.... You've been warned, it gets pretty silly!
This week, the girls are discussing a whole host of firsts in an episode that has become the most revealing episode yet... First kiss, losing of virginities and embarrassing sex stories including an, ahem, ✨g l o w i n g✨ tale from Rachel! (We do not recommend trying any of this at home, or listening to this episode on loudspeaker in public...)
Does this episode feature dramatic renditions of the Adele song? Well, that would be spoiling it!
This week the girls discuss throwbacks from their childhood, including the downsides of reading a lot as a child, misleading assumptions about marriage, lies we were told, several embarrassing stories involving bodily functions (from multiple orifices) and our brief forays into criminality - including the kingpin of the infamous Gel Pen Cartel of Wimborne...
This week we're chatting about manifesting stuff - with varying levels of enthusiasm... We also cover being dramatic - and why we all need it, the inappropriate songs we used to belt out as children, the etiquette of drinking on Zoom...to make eye contact or not?!
With the end of Lockdown looming and it looking like there might actually be the chance to socialise this summer, the girls turn their attention to the topic on everyone's mind... Diets. Naturally, as children of the 80s and 90s, the girls are no stranger to a diet or two and share some words of wisdom, including why Slimming World is a force for evil, why the Cambridge Diet is the WORST idea ever created, and how disgusting the Aloe Vera diet really is - read: VERY. Also discussed: prostitutes that treat you like babies, sex dreams, and selling feet pics online....
With the UK deep into yet another lockdown, the girls discuss the highs, the lows, and why this lockdown is the worst sequel yet... Obviously, there's a few entertaining (read: embarrassing) stories thrown in too!
This week, the girls are discussing something which has played a big role in their lives - travel. This week they're doing a rundown of some of the best (and worst) accommodation, travelling friends and romances... and how they've all nearly died a worrying amount of times! Also covered this week: stripping, running to show tunes, TikTok filters and songwriting - settle down and buckle up, it's a random one!
Ahhh Valentine's Day... Whether you give a crap or not, it's still a day that single people have to endure each year. This week, we're talking about our best, and worst, Valentine's Days from years gone past as well as the rise of Galentine's Day and celebrating the single life - usually with wine. It's a good'un!
This week, in honour of Valentine's day, the girls are discussing romance... Do we like it? Are we good at it? Is Rachel too demanding? Why does Em awkwardly punch people when they buy her flowers?
Welcome back! We are here with season 2. Catching up after our Christmas break . We talk third wheeling in other peoples relationships and start sharing our overthinks and lockdown learnings.
We are back with the mothers!
In this weeks episode we have Emily's big fat quiz of the year and our 2020 awards!
This week we are joined by the Mothers! Linda, Emily and Victoria's Mum and Gill, Rachel's Mum.
In this episode we reflect on the uni years, childhood memories, 2020. Then make some confessions to the parents!
Tune in next week for the quiz and end of year awards!!
Merry Christmas!
This was recorded before Boris' most recent announcement - so some Christmas plans have now changed
In this episode, the girls discuss the benefits and downsides of seasonal dating and whether or not they're cut out for it. When do you start looking? When do you end it? Do you meet the family? Really, it's a dating minefield that we are all woefully inept to deal with...
This week on On The Shelf, we're getting down and dirty with some classic Christmas arguments - Do Brussels sprouts belong on Christmas dinner? Is the strawberry creme really the best quality street? Is Elf on the Shelf really just a dystopian tool to make your children more accepting of surveillance by the state?
We're playing fast and loose with logic in this Devil's Advocate game - good, wholesome, slightly alcohol-fuelled, festive fun!!
This week on On The Shelf Podcast, we begin our #dontbenaughtybenicechallenge ! Head over to our Instagram (@ontheshelfpodcast) for more information!
Obviously, that's not all we discuss. We talk about how our standards drop in winter (all the food please), how newly shaved legs sliding between fresh sheets make you feel like a naked dolphin, how upset we are that German markets aren't around this year and how we really really really need to go out out (we blame Confetti by Little Mix for igniting this). We explore the highs and lows of Christmas parties including the social acceptability of taking Spanx off in public and how drunk doctors dance "expressionatively" (it's a new word ok). Just to round off the festive fun, we talk about the best gifts we've ever gotten, Christmas movies, and when Christmas games go wrong - including a brief game of 2 truths 1 lie which reveals a lot about what Emily is like when she's travelling...
This week, the girls chat about body image and what it means to them. Rachel discovers the horrible truth about second puberty, Emily reveals which movie character she feels she looks most like (definitely not who you would expect) and Vic comes clean about her hair self-consciousness that may or may not have been caused by a young Emily.... Also, is it acceptable to go to bed with biscuits?
This week, the girls turn their attention to dating... Or lack thereof. We find out how Vic reacts to a minigolf date that isn't going her way (clue: not well), Rachel's formula to the best dates ever and Emily's technique for finding partners....and eating corn on the cob. Lots of fun (and wine) was had making this one - enjoy!
This week, the girls get onto the topic of the TV show that shaped their lives... And created so many unrealistic expectations! We discuss our favourite episodes, what characters we'd be, and whether or not Rachel (Green) should have got on the plane. Also featuring the other sisters, Louise and Katherine.
This week, you finally get to meet the last two cousins - Louise and Katherine! We discuss everything about Hallowe'en, from a brief history (thanks Kath) to whether we go scary or slutty... or both!
This week, we're talking about all things girl power! We get right to the heart of the issues facing feminists today... Do girls support girls enough? Can you be girly and still be "one of the lads"? Do you need a successful career to be a strong independent woman? Have Disney princesses changed for the better? Should we be travelling alone? What Spice Girl would we all be? Truly, this is cutting edge stuff...
In this episode, the girls discuss their careers and whether or not they think they're successful. They chat about what it's like to be working girls (not like that), meeting society's expectations of career success, passion projects and Rachel talks about her most, ahem, "unique" job interview...
Movies and TV obviously played a huge part in all of our lives, but what are our favourites? How do we think they've influenced us? And how have they changed from when we were kids to now? Find out now!
As you go through your 20s and into your 30s, it seems inevitable that people will start tapping their watches and making vague references to biological clocks... But what do we think about babies? Are we maternal? Would we freeze our eggs? Do we think we're responsible enough to care for a needy sack of potatoes? Find out now!
In this two-part episodes, we discuss our experience with the ongoing pandemic and the general shitshow that has been 2020 so far. We debate the best lockdown exercise (and how not to break your foot), Blitz spirit, lockdown loneliness, and whether or not the Nokia 3310 really is the best Nokia.
In this two-part episodes, we discuss our experience with the ongoing pandemic and the general shitshow that has been 2020 so far. We debate the best lockdown exercise (and how not to break your foot), Blitz spirit, lockdown loneliness, and whether or not the Nokia 3310 really is the best Nokia.
Welcome to On The Shelf! In this first episode, we introduce you to who we are and give you a taste of what to expect in future episodes.
Welcome to Episode 2 of On The Shelf! Get the first glimpse into our very exciting dating lives - sarcasm may be applicable here... Though we have three very different views, attitudes, and practices when it comes to dating, we are all undeniably, On The Shelf.