Shooting the breeze with Clement

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Following the Men, Hardship and Triumph series of podcast interviews, this is the second series of Shooting the Breeze with Clement podcast called Men, Parenting and Triumph.

In this series of interviews, Clement talks to different people to get their understanding of the difficulties that they encountered with regard to the subject of male parenting and how they handled the situation.

In this episode, Clement speaks with Mateo who hails from Manila, the Philippines. Mateo moved to Sydney in 2016 to pursue and complete an Economics degree. During university he was involved with the Economics Society where he had his own podcast series, College Life. After university, he spent time doing PR consulting work in Malaysia and the Philippines, returning to Australia in 2019. Mateo currently works with a major bank, helps with the operations of a dance school, and is completing an acting course. In his free time he reads philosophy, humanities/modern history, science fiction, working out at the gym and spending time with his lovely girlfriend.

Mateo discusses growing up in a household with domestic violence, sensing conflict from a very young age, walking on egg shells, the shattering of his concept of an ideal family and his adultification. He discusses what he learnt from his parents' relationship and what he would do differently. He also discusses the healing of the relationship with his father as an adult.

Summary of discussion:

children can sense conflict at a very young age, much younger than the parents think and the danger of adultifying them.
the difficulty of breaking intergenerational cycle of violence.
the importance of his father's acknowledgment of his behaviour in his later years as a way to help Mateo achieve closure.
Mateo's ideas of how he would parent his own children after learning from his father's mistakes including

i. creating an honest and open connection between father and child where the child can feel safe enough to express his needs without fear of repraisal

ii. understanding that each action has long term implication to the child therefore requiring more thought than just impulsive action based on emotions and

iii the need to "build your house to your advantage".

To listen to other podcasts in the series, go to clementdjaja.com or type "Shooting the breeze with Clement" on your favourite podcast app.

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

In this summary episode I’ll be discussing the recurrent themes that were mentioned by a few of the guys in the series. The way I look at it, if different people come to the same conclusion about a strategy that they found helpful to navigate this tough world, surely this tool would be useful for another person, right?

Today, I am shooting the breeze with Robert Merrett, an Adelaide based Counsellor, Mental Health Coach and author of two books. Rob has also managed many programs such as Alcohol and Other Drugs, low-intensity CBT and an Aboriginal Post-Released programs. He is currently the Service Delivery Manager for a not for profit organisation called Skylight Mental Health. I have known Rob for quite a few years and have always found him to be a very thougthful and wise man. I brought him in to hear his wise councel on the strategies that the gentlemen mentioned.

The points we discussed:

To surround yourself with good people
To always create an appreciation of what you have
To learn to accept help/reach out when you need it
To push through the difficult periods because there is usually hope/opportunities/purpose at the end of it
To hit crisis or rock bottom can make you stronger
To only worry about what you can control
To not have regrets, instead, use the past to learn from
To generate acceptance from within, to worry less about what others think and to not compare self to others
To have a good therapist to work through your difficulties
To extricate yourself from unhealthy environments
To look for resources mental health problems. There are plenty of resources out there!
To never be complacent, it's good to have some fear
To be honest with yourself
To accumulate a life toolbox
To be adaptable to changes/uncertainties of life
To focus on the positives and not use hard times as an excuse
To do what is right regardless of how hard it is (maintain a sense of honour/integrity)
To persevere and be consistent in your approach to life
To capitalise on opportunities that come because they are rare

Rob also mentioned his own toolbox which contains some of the points above;

Appreciate beauty
Be on purpose
Resist enculturation
Welcome the unknown
Be highly enthusiastic
Have inner directedness
Be detached from outcome
Be independent of the good opinion of others
Have no need to exert control over others

The books mentioned in the discussion:

Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
Tao Te Ching / Dàodé Jīng by Laozi

3.Elements in Being by Robert Merrett

This brings me to the end of the Men, Hardship and Triumph series. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I did creating it.

Feedback/comments: clementcounselling@gmail.com

Website: clementdjaja.com

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Reverend Bill Crews AM. Bill is the founder and chairman of the Exodus Foundation, a charity that assists homeless and abandoned youth. The foundation ran the Loaves & Fishes free restaurant in Ashfield, NSW, which feeds 1000 people each day until it closed due to COVID March last year. It now provides free meals through food vans as well as providing dental, medical and welfare services for the homeless and needy. The foundation also run an outreach program for homeless youth.

Bill has received many recognitions including being voted Father of the Year, Humanitarian of the year, being included in the National Trust of Australia's 100 "National Living Treasures", named as one of Australia’s 100 most influential people, and was appointed a member of the Order of Australia (AM) for his over half a century of tireless work with the disadvantaged and with homeless youth. He was the subject of a documentary film titled A War of Compassion that came out last year, and he is currently hosting the radio program Sunday Night with Bill Crews on Sydney radio station 2GB the largest Sunday night listening audience in the history of Australian radio.

Bill has a book titled “12 Rules for Living a Better Life” which is a very honest, frank book about his life. A must read for people to understand his philosophy of Do as well as Reflect!

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

To have a good psychotherapist to clear the baggage we carry from the past
To forgive because it frees and allows him to move forward
To have mentors because they give him additional ways of looking at the world
To surround himself and to cultivate friendships with good people because they help him grow
To let go of what he loves because if he held on to what he loves, they will go away
To discover himself so that he could become strong in himself
That pain and suffering is just the other side of love
To meditate on the temptations that are around
That crisis can either break you or break you open!
To learn to say “yes” to everything
To own up to his mistakes and be willing to apologise and listen to the harm he's done with his mistakes
To push through the darkest hour because there usually is a dawn at the end of it
To always appreciate what he has

To listen to other podcasts in the series, go to clementdjaja.com or type "Shooting the breeze with Clement" on your podcast app search box.

This brings me to the end of the Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series. I will do a final short episode tying up all the points that were mentioned by multiple guests which show that while individual people may have some ways of surviving difficult times, there are also some ways that seem to be quite universal.

I really would appreciate any kind of feedback from you so that I can improve these podcasts. You can email me on clementcounselling@gmail.com.

My next series of podcasts will be titled “Men, Parenting and Triumph” discussing issues that men deal with while parenting. Hopefully, like in this series, the interviewees in “Men, Parenting and Triumph” will have some good strategies they used that listeners can also use to make their lives easier and more meaningful.

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

It is also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance, as well as for men who grew up in less-than-ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents hence breaking their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Josh Creasey, a friend and an ex-colleague from their work together delivering a CBT coaching program for Beyond Blue a few years previously. Josh was also a personal trainer and a student of Exercise Science at university who enjoys mixed martial arts.

In 2018 Josh was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which included multiple periods of being placed in mental health facilities due to having thoughts of suicides and having attempted suicide. At that time, Josh also struggled with alcohol addiction.

Josh discusses his journey through managing his alcohol addiction, being suicidal and receiving a diagnosis of BPD, going through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to treat it. He touches on some of the differences between DBT and CBT, on learning to discard black & white thinking and lastly, on the negative impact of social media.

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

To delay the starting time when the drinking is to start to develop resistance to the urge to drink
To plan ahead in the week, so that free time can be used to do more constructive things such as seeing friends, instead of just drinking
To have a sense of responsibility/rule for his clients which stops him from drinking before the last client of the week
To change the function of drinking from being an escape to being a social one
To surround himself with good people as his support network
To understand what his drinking triggers or drinking patterns are
to accept help from others when he needs help
To take the time and effort to find a therapist that’s a great match for him
To look for resources or programs to suit his Mental Health needs
To extricate himself from environments that are not good for him
He advises that if you need help to not be afraid to reach out! There is a lot of help out there
To not compare yourself with others, especially with what you see in social media.
To generate acceptance of yourself internally, not to worry about opinions of others, especially from strangers

To listen to other podcasts in the series, go to clementdjaja.com or type "Shooting the breeze with Clement" on your podcast app search box.

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance, as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Ian Seggar who owns and runs The Learning Experience International, a successful boutique global management consultancy firm. Ian is an experienced international facilitator and conference speaker who consults in leadership and personal and business effectiveness. He has authored award winning training courses and seminar content over the last 25 years for clients across the world, with an audience that ranges from board level to junior staff.

Ian discussed surviving through moving to Australia without his family, having to rebuild his business from zero to what it is today and the experience of losing most of his life saving through a trusted person.

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

to see times of turmoil as the times when you experience your greatest growth
when going through difficult times, put your head down, keep fighting, and look for opportunities
to ensure that you don’t catastrophise the worse-case scenario (which is easier if you live a simple, fulfilling life)
to not get your identity hung up on having the spoils of wealth, what’s important is camaraderie (relationships)
to understand that success is only important because it gives you options
to focus on and appreciate what you have, as opposed to always chasing what you don’t have
when facing difficult decisions, imagine that you are somebody else and give that person advise on what decision to make. This is because it is easier to give good advice to others than to yourself
to have a confidant, somebody who you can bounce fears/concerns with
to never be too complacent. Some fear is necessary and good
to reframe/reposition a difficult situation, don’t allow it to define you, then find the positives in the situation
do not lie to yourself, be real to yourself. If you are real with yourself, you’ll know when you are in a low point
to always have a purpose/goal because this gets you through tough times
adversity gives you purpose!
if you do not know your purpose, explore and find it
to know that there are always people out there who care
to differentiate between success and purpose. One can be successful but still be unfulfilled because they have not found their purpose

If you are interested in Ian's book Ten Minute Tactics please register your interest on tenminutetactics.com

FB: www.facebook.com/tenminuteman/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/the-ten-minute-man-476b291b1/

Instagram: www.instagram.com/tenminute_man/

Twitter: twitter.com/tenminute_man/

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Raf Sanchez, the director of Go Dance, a latin dance school in Sydney, Australia. Raf talks about growing up in a family with domestic violence, leaving home at the age of 15 and relying on life as a parent. Raf also discusses his strategies for dealing with mental health issues, drug and alcohol, and his dream project to break the cycle that turns today's victim of domestic violence into tomorrow's perpetrator.

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

to expose yourself to more people so you can learn alternative ways of approaching life that can be healthier and more productive
when things are bleak, deal with it one day at a time
to identify what you can control
to occupy your time with things that can help propel you forward such as reading, exercising and talking to a friend
to have a crazy goal that really motivates you to create hope for a better future, also to imagine the best possible version of yourself and start to fight to become that
to research where or how you can get support because support may not be as expensive or as scarce as you think! He recommended a book titled “How to stop worrying and start living” by Dale Carnegie
to fill your “life skill tool box” bit by bit so that future hardships will become less scary and more manageable
to not focus so much on your end goal that you are not appreciating the present
to hit rock bottom is a gift that shows that what you are doing up to that point is not for you and that you have a clean slate to rebuild any direction you like

To find out more about Go Dance, go to https://www.godance.com.au/

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with Ash Rhodes, former Western Suburbs Magpies and Catalans Dragons great. Ash talks about growing up in a small country town, playing football in Sydney and France, and the horrific injury that almost cost him his football career before it began.

Ash also talked about his parents' influence on his character, and the importance of having honour and integrity in everything that he does.

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

to not take what you have for granted
to not dwell on your losses
to adapt to changes in your life
to always be hopeful
to have a “I’ll prove you wrong” attitude when told he couldn’t do something
to use your support network and take time to heal or grieve when life gets you down, but know when to get back up and fight again
to have a sense of honour and integrity
to not cut corners no matter how hard a situation is
to not become cynical or pessimistic after failures
to always be willing to get up and try again
to approach life with as much positivity as you can

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The Men, Hardship and Triumph podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode of Shooting the Breeze with Clement, Clement is joined by Ian Morris from Morris Performance Basketball. Ian is a performance coach and model from New York, USA who now lives in Sydney, Australia. Ian reminisced about growing up in a broken home in a tough neighbourhood, being an African American, his college days, migrating to Australia and now having created a thriving basketball community in Sydney.

A summary of his strategies and what he learnt are listed below;

to be able to create happiness from within
to learn to be as independent as early as possible
to learn self-defence
to experience as much as you can and to have a diverse group of friends to be a well rounded person
to be constantly on guard
to know how to not be conspicuous, blend in and be low-key when necessary
to channel the energy of anger to strengthened resolve and self-motivate
to always be grateful with what you have
to learn financial literacy
to understand your negative intergenerational patterns by studying history and to break it
to be humble enough to listen and learn from others
to not be afraid of change. Following that, to not be afraid to try something different to change an unsatisfactory life circumstance which may include removing negative people from your life
to surround yourself with good people who’s not afraid to tell you what they think of you
to behave immaculately because you are always representing more than just yourself. You are representing your community also
to be accountable, don’t blame others for things that you could control
to do things that make you happy AND to do things that make you better

For information on Ian Morris, https://www.morrisperformance.com.au/

For information on Kelly Tapp Makeup, https://www.kellytappmakeup.com/

For information on Clement Djaja, https://www.clementdjaja.com/

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The Men, Hardship and Triump podcast series is a series of interviews with men as a resource for other men navigating the minefields of modern life. The men interviewed in this series talked about the difficulties of their lives, how they got through them and looking back, what strategies they used to survive the hard times.

Also a resource for men who are suffering from being separated from their children so that despite their suffering, they will still be able to do what is right by the children regardless of their circumstance as well as for people who grew up in less than ideal family conditions to not repeat the mistakes of their parents to break their intergenerational cycle of suffering.

In this episode, Clement shoots the breeze with his high school friend Steven Prescott, discussing their friendship, the hardships he went through in life and the strategies he used to not only survive, but to triumph against them.

Steven discusses arriving in Australia in the early 1980s as a young teenager with little English, difficulty with being unemployed and being married early and the subsequent marriage breakdown and how he got to where he is today, a very contented man.

Shooting the breeze with Clement: Recent Episodes

Clement Djaja