Mistress Wellbeing: Recent Episodes

Leila Davis

Perfectionism? Imposter Syndrome? Anxiety? Workaholism? These are often the price for successful women. Come join me as I explore all aspects of psychological wellbeing so that you can overcome the 'four horsemen' signalling the road to burnout. Together we will do more than feel better, we will learn how to find joy and aliveness in every moment, so that work, family and relationships become vibrant, rich and rewarding.

EnglishHow many of us have blocked our creative flow because of a negative experience decades ago?

The singing teacher who told you to mouth the words. The art teacher who told you cows weren't green. The English teacher who pulled apart your essay.

Today I'm inviting you to rekindle your own unique creative flow, because it is a deep store place of wellbeing.

Self-expression in any form can be expansive, uplifting and exciting, when we can work with awareness through the deeply held, negative beliefs which hold us back.

How much time do you spend in solitude, silence and stillness?

I don't spend much. In fact I've been actively seeking community over the last few years.

But when I do allow myself to get quiet, something happens where I feel more connected to my Self and to Nature.

It's a quandary because stillness always invites the messy bits of my life to emerge front and centre.

I can't hide from the difficult emotions of sadness, grief, and guilt in the quiet. But I know there's a sweet spot on the other side of them.

Come explore solitude with me today.

I’ve had a growing epiphany over the last few months about the effort required to create joy.

Joseph Campbell is famous for saying, “Follow your bliss”, and I took it to be simple and easy.

It’s not.

It takes effort, will, determination and often the ability to work through dark emotions like despair, frustration and doubt.

I guess that’s why Campbell also wrote so much about the hero’s journey.

So today, join me as we journey through what it takes to find your bliss and how you might make those first steps.

This is not a new age meme.

It’s highly practical, logical and very real.

Stay with me!

Would you like to unlock a secret way to make shift happen in your life?

Start visualising what you want with feeling and engagement. Really bring it to life. In your mind.

Because your thoughts and feelings are powerful creators of reality.

So next time your mind wants to slide into worry, regret and fear, stop.

Imagine the opposite, the outcome you could only dream about, and build that possibility in your mind.

Make it a practice and watch your life change towards the reality you set for yourself.

Sometimes comfort zones are not so comfortable.

They're just familiar.

It's easy to go on in an uncomfortable, familiar way for years and even decades, but when you look back there might be sadness, regret, anger or resentment.

Today I'm exploring my own recent transformation, shedding parts of my life which had become heavy and uncomfortable, embracing new, lighter ways of being, and giving myself permission for more joy.

After all, my life is about me as well as other people!

How do you do life?

How do you show up most of the time?

Our Psyche is an interesting, complex thing which yearns for integration and wholeness, and today I'm exploring the concept of 'parts'.

It is liberating to recognise that I choose to show up as the caring doctor most of the time, but there are other parts of me longing for expression.

Integrating all aspects of the self is a lifelong, rewarding process which you can start right now!

I used to feel that I was indelibly stamped with sadness and grief. I didn't even know where it had sprung from. All I knew was a deep pain and the shame that accompanied it.

This is what I hear from my clients very often, and as I reflect on my twenty years as a therapist, it's clear that my healing was linked directly to the healing of my clients.

When I started the long journey of healing - which is never finished- and realised what my story offered me, I opened to its richness and understood this counterintuitive notion that my woundedness was my giftedness.

The metaphor of the lotus rising through mud helps us understand our situation, and to seek the cool water, which is the right condition for flourishing.

I used to power on at the expense of my wellbeing all the time.

I was handy with a mental whip to lick myself into shape and get the job done.

But here's the thing.

My productivity was poor when I engaged in this behaviour because at its core was self denial and harshness.

It was a barren desert.

Thankfully, the last twenty years have taught me so much about self compassion, and how to become more creative and productive while also enjoying the journey.

Find out how to be kind and joyful while powering to the top with this mindset shift.

Each of us formulates a set of unconscious 'rules' or beliefs about ourselves and the world, which shape behaviour and, ultimately, the outcome of our lives.

Here's a powerful experiment for you to try at home, to release yourself from the limiting beliefs about yourself and the way you show up in the world.

If you want to unhook from rigidity and desensitisation, and build more lightness, joy and fun in life, this exercise is a great start.

How do you shift from lack to abundance?

It's easier than you think, and it has nothing to do with physical things.

It's a mental attitude first, and the things come second.

Join me to explore abundance mindset, and try a short guided visualisation at the end which will support your shift from lack to plenty.

Does anxiety blight your life? It can take hold like a weed and build momentum so easily.

Today, I have a powerful anxiety interruption tool to share with you.

Anxiety is like allowing what you don't want to grow and flourish in your mind and consequently, in your life.

But it also gives you a clue about what you DO want!

I'll bet what you want is the exact opposite of what you worry about, so here's the hack.

When you notice yourself worrying, stop and ask, 'What is it I want?'

Now repeat what you want in the present tense as if it's actually happening.

There's your mantra, and if you use it every time you worry, life will unfold differently.

How life evolves is a direct expression of our feelings, beliefs, and thoughts.

That's a scary idea!

Especially as our conscious mind only contributes to 5% of what we feel, believe and think.

What I think of as 'Me' is just the tip of the iceberg Freud described, and underneath is the greater 95% of the unconscious mind.

This is where conditioning from our life experiences resides, in ideas which rarely rise to the surface of conscious awareness, yet influence everything from our attitude to money to our day-to-day health.

And not just our experiences live here.

Also, the experiences from at least three generations before us have taken up residence and are impacting the way our contemporary life unfolds.

Interested?

I am, because these epigenetic changes in our DNA which affect gene expression and give rise to the stories we tell ourselves can shift when we work with them.

I refer you to Mark Wolynn's excellent book, 'It Didn't Start With You', which is eminently readable and may just change your life.

So today on the pod I'm exploring this idea, and giving you some tools to work with this unconscious imprinting so you can liberate yourself from the limiting beliefs and stories from the past.

I've been practising yoga at home for the past three months, and today I'm exploring the variety of ways this can support you.

During lockdown, I completed a 200 hr yoga teacher training and I teach on my retreats and one to one.

I really enjoy teaching, and have created my unique way to create classes which support inward turning and reflection, while moving the body through poses which allow it to decompress.

The after effects of yoga never cease to amaze me!

I feel calm and energised, centered and still, strong and balanced.

So today I'm exploring how my home practice has become a varied delight to suit how I'm feeling and what I need each day.

Between meditation, mantra, pranayama, yin, restorative and vinyasa, there's a lot to choose from, so let's dive in and see how a home practice might support you too!

Are you holding onto an identity that no longer serves you?

Often it's a part of your identity which has taken a lot of time, effort and money to win.

Like me with my Medical Registration.

I graduated in 1987 and Ive been registered as a doctor ever since.

Till now.

The time is upon me to release this part of my life, so that other, new, exciting opportunities can flood in.

Today I'm exploring how to do this with self compassion and kindness, so that life can flow and emerge organically in the true direction of your desire.

Have you ever become really excited about an idea for a creative project, a business, a holiday, or an adventure, and then come crashing down because it all becomes too overwhelming?

It's a thing, and I call it, 'The Speed Wobble'.

Today I'm exploring this phenomenon and how to ground yourself so that the speed wobble doesn't derail your excitement and drive.

Because when you can hold the energy of excitement in your body, you can do great things!

Knowing how to ground your energy will support you to have those wild ideas and take them to fruition, so you can be all you may be.

🔸 Don't Be a Hostage of Your Mind 🔸

I often find my mind chasing what I desire and avoiding what I fear, causing a lot of suffering.

I want to break free from this cycle and experience peace, love, and joy, but my mind is very persistent!

It's programmed to seek pleasure, attaching itself to what I like, and trying to avoid anything unpleasant. It's like being trapped in a loop of craving and aversion, where I never feel satisfied, and really, there is no peace.

When I allow my desires and fears to rule my mind, it creates a sort of "hell realm" within me, where I miss out on fully experiencing life. I end up burdened by unfulfilled desires and unsubstantiated fears.

Psychotherapy is a powerful way to understand this judgemental, grasping, unsatisfied nature of mind and gently stepping away from its grip.

If you want to break free from the mind's stronghold, gain clarity, and experience profound tranquility and confidence, psychotherapy can be a powerful step on the journey.

Embracing experimentation. Getting unstuck A year ago, I took up ceramics. In a very experimental way. I had little belief that there was much artistry inside me after years of giving myself the message, “I can’t draw”. Has anyone out there had a similar experience? Here’s what happened. I felt driven but lost. 😱 I wanted to achieve and realised it was about playing. I turned a joyful light thing into work 😂 (there’s a pattern!) I pressed on and explored new things. I felt down hearted as much as uplifted by the process of birthing a new part of me. I found a community to share the struggle and the failures and the success.

Wellbeing Myths explored in this episode, 🌻Your happiness is entirely within your control. 🌻It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you make meaning of those events. 🌻 It’s not betrayal to move beyond your family story 🌻 You’re not destined to be depressed/anxious because it’s in your family 🌻 Giving feels better than receiving. What can you give that feels comfortable, easy, and fun? 🌻 Those sad, negative self views may not be true 🌻 If a thought isn’t helpful, you can replace it with a more uplifting one.

It’s completely free. 🥰 What am I talking about? Nothing is completely free!! But this is. A sense of inner wellbeing. And when it’s topped up and fizzing over, life is so good. It builds momentum in an upward spiral. When I feel good, I choose a healthy lunch, go for a walk, do yoga. When it’s on empty, not so much. I’m having a nearly empty day today. It happens. But I know how to fill up my tank. It’s completely free and just requires my awareness and a few minutes of time. What do you do when your well-being gauge is negative? Here are my go-to tips.

Hit your mid-forties? Maybe even fifty? Are you noticing that building career, wealth and status is no longer satisfying, and you’re hungry to reconnect with your values and bring meaning to your life? If so, I’m excited for you. Because midlife is the time for making exactly this shift, it’s a different season of life. The change involves recognising that you’re done with ego building, you’ve explored the economics of enough, and you’re ready to incorporate a new metric into your life. It’s the metric of wellbeing and creating what brings you joy. Because Mother Nature isn’t messing around. You won’t be here forever.

I turned on a light instead of cursing the darkness. Every day for the last 28 days I’ve committed to a short practice of yoga, chanting and breath work. On my own. In my room. To create abundant wellbeing for myself and my family. You see, as I arrived home at midnight from five weeks overseas, one of my boys had a seizure. He’s epileptic, but normally well controlled. It means he can’t drive for three months. He can’t apply for jobs needing a licence. It could be a big impediment, just as he’s finishing his studies and venturing out into the world. So I decided I needed to reframe and turn towards the light. I'm exploring this on the podcast today.

I did something last week that made me excited and scared. I offered a mantra evening at my local yoga studio. I sang. Played guitar. Held the space. In a group of twenty-five people, most of whom I’d never met before. I did it because I wanted to share something I love, which I know can touch others deeply. I really connected with my fear of being seen in the beginning - heart racing, breathless- but I managed to stay and breathe, and gradually the energy shifted to a calm, enjoyable place. Fear and excitement have exactly the same physiological signature. Developing my fear tolerance allowed it to transform into excitement, vitality, and aliveness. Have you had this experience of stepping out of your comfort zone and transforming fear? It's on the podcast today!

Over functioning women and under functioning men. I have my own story of this AND I see it all the time in my work with professional women. I know how easy it is to become trapped in a situation which causes so much resentment and pain, and I also know how to bring change to the situation gently and safely. It’s really one of the biggest issues for many professional women. It can start small, but the gap becomes wider and wider if you don’t address it. You do all the housework You do all the cooking You have the homework under control You both go to work. The conversations can be difficult, and often start from the POV of asking for help. But actually, these are conversations which build intimacy and trust in your relationship while inviting him to do life better. Join me for more.

Are you a professional woman experiencing an emotional crisis? Low mood, anxiety, a sense of despair and no way out. If this is you I want to tell you two things 1. You’re not alone. The demands of work and family combined with your drive for perfectionism creates an impossible strain. It’s entirely human, and not a sign of weakness or vulnerability. 2. Use this experience wisely. It’s inviting you to withdraw, do a piece of awareness work and find support to move your life forward to a much better place.

The French have a term for it. Withdraw to jump better. Listen in to today's episode for more.

I threw coins in the Trevi fountain. I visited the Villa San Michele. I drank lemon cello spritz in Amalfi. I had a holiday! Italy and France were wonderful and I’m so glad to be home after five weeks away. And I've been reflecting on how the past doesn’t have to define us. And it doesn’t create our future unless we let it. I heard a great story recently originally told by Alan Watts. If you imagine your life as a boat, and you stand at the back looming down into the water, you will see the wake. It’s where you’ve been, but it doesn’t drive the boat. What drives your life is the present moment energy and direction you give yourself. Like the motor of the boat. If like me, stories form the past sometimes engulf and threaten you, it’s good to remember this, and I'm exploring it on the podcast today.

‘I should be a better mother.' 'I must keep my house tidy and clean at all times.' 'There must always be home cooked cake.' 'I should work harder.' 'I should eat only nutritious food.' 'I should exercise every single day.' 'I should try harder.' 'I should be better at marketing my business.’ There’s a few of mine to be going on with. Writing that list is strangely relieving and also gut clenching. All these principles are active in me, and they’re not unworthy goals, it’s just that they constantly reaffirm that I’m not ok as I am. I somehow need to ‘earn’ worthiness by performing each of these tasks. Every day. It’s psychologically exhausting. What are your rules? Take a moment and write them down. The musts and the must nots. It’s eye opening, and sometimes a little shocking. Join me for more.

When I first came across Martin Seligman and his ideas about happiness it was a game changer as I was so deeply mired in my own negative thinking styles. I thought it was how I was wired 😂 Here’s the good news! We can change. Our minds are infinitely neuroplastic. Mind gym is possibly more important than body gym 😱 Rare in the world of psychology, there is good quality evidence for the practice of, ‘Three things that went well’. When we do it we feel better. Life becomes lighter and we increase our mental wealth. So I invite you into the practice of overturning the minds negativity bias and spending five minutes (or more) every day searching for the positive.

Doe you sometimes leap to the worst possible outcome for a situation?

Does your mind like to scare you with exaggerated and terrible possibilities?

MIne too.

It's called catastrophising, and it's very common.

Naturally, anxiety is fuelled by this type of thinking and mood is also affected, resulting in a perfect storm for further catastrophising.

Medical students know this syndrome well, as I read pathology books I had every disease described...or at least the beginnings of them....

Join me today as we dive deeply into what it is and how to interrupt the process.

Undoing these thinking habits will make you happier, emotionally healthier, and more joyful. Here's my example of magical thinking... Some aspects of my perfectionism about work had a magical quality to it, I realise now. If I dressed correctly (like doctors do), had good hair and always turned up on time, nothing could go wrong. I’d somehow be making myself safe. It made me anxious and harried every morning getting to work. I was tense and tight inside as I dressed and brushed my teeth, not noticing the beautiful morning light, rushing to get on my bike, counting down the minutes it would take me to get into town. I’m not suggesting that you go to work in your pyjamas or turn up an hour late. But I am advocating for being professional from a different place. Joy. Join me on the podcast.

I’m no CBT advocate, but thinking which fuels anxiety and misery is a real thing and an easy place to shift. When I read about ‘cognitive distortions’ years ago, I could relate to most of them 😂. Happily, psychotherapy provides a compassionate container for change at a deep level, which also affects rumination and all these unhelpful thinking styles, and I’ve done a lot in my time, with success! Here’s an example of black and white thinking in response to a poor outcome. ‘I never get things right. Things never go well for me. I always fail. There’s nothing I can do about it.’ As I write these statements, I feel a clenching in my gut at the finality and negativity involved. As well as the lack of self compassion. (I’ve learned!) They give us nowhere to go, no way out. Join me on the podcast as we explore how to build awareness and shift to more supportive thinking.

I'm off today to Nice, where I'll spend a week with my family before joining my retreat ladies in Villefranche-sur-Mer.

It's very exciting and uplifting to be at this point.

I came up with the idea of adventure-wellbeing retreats a while ago and started off going to Bali every six months.

I know that many of you are hungry for adventure, and also hungrey to travel with a group of like-minded women.

We will be exploring sights, museums, restaraunts together while also doing a serious piece of wellbeing work.

I'd love to invite you into my community so you can experience the joy of adventure while looking after yourself with yoga, meditation and music.

Join me today for more.

Personality has huge of momentum.

The stories we tell ourselves have often been running for decades, and consolidate into who we think we are.

But actually, they're just that.

Stories.

Which arise from experiences and meaning-making when we're small, vulnerable and prone to another of our unhelpful thinking styles, personalisation.

This is where we make the event all about us.

I'll be exploring this in more detail in a few weeks time, but for now, let's feel into the momentum these stories develop, and how they can come to feel rigid, stuck and inescapable.

'I'm just a depressed person'

'People don't like me"

'I don't belong.'

These are some of the fundamental beliefs which can arise from our meaning-making and the repetitive stories we choose to tell ourselves.

The good new is, this can change.

Join me today on the podcast to hear more.

How did you spend your Easter break?

How often do you do what lights you up?

Whether walking in nature, camping on a deserted (except for 1000 4WD's) island, making music, playing sport; how do you find pleasure in life?

I can hear the sharp intake of breath.

Is it ok for us to take pleasure or should it be all hard work?

It's not an uncommon belief that taking pleasure is too much, too lax. It will make us soft and it will lead to failure.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

So today I'm exploring how do you find fun and enjoyment in life and how often do you make this a priority?

Come join me.

Yoga calms the fluctuations of the mind. Today I'm talking about 'Poser', a novel about life in 23 yoga poses. It's a joy to read, and really sets out the benefits of yoga during difficult times of growth and learning. I relate to many of the experiences Claire had as she developed her practice, and I'm sharing this over the Easter weekend because you might just have time to read the book! PS It's available as an ebook on Libby

Joy is a simple thing. I experience it every day when I let myself. And there’s the rub. Most of us are actively pushing joy away. I know I did, for the longest time. 😱 Our houses are bigger, cars are better, fridges are fuller. Yet we are the most unhappy we have ever been. Child and adolescent suicide and mental illness is through the roof. Anxiety disorders are rising. We’re paying all our attention to making outer circumstances better, and expecting that to translate into inner happiness But it doesn’t. It just makes us hungry for more external stuff without ever quenching our deep need for happiness and joy. Meanwhile, our inner lives are neglected and atrophied. And that matters, because Joy arises inside you. And it can’t arise unless we water and fertilise the ground within us. Join me on the podcast as we explore how to grow joy!

Self-judgement and shame.

It's a potent dynamic. I know it well first-hand and see it a lot in my work.

Are you quick to judge yourself when you have a 'difficult' emotion, like anger, fear, rage, jealousy?

Do you rush to hide them away where no-one will ever know you could be so out of character?

I would answer yes and yes to both those questions, and today in the podcast I'm exploring how to exchange this self-judgement with curiosity.

Because all our emotions are information towards growth. They are emergy which is supposed to move us. Our challenge is to allow them and find a skillful way fro them to move us!

When we hide them away we make ourselves stuck, becoming rigid and uncomfortable.

One way to work with this is to take a step back, examin the whole situation and engage your interest and curiosity instead.

A healthy dose of self compassion can also be helpful!

Join me for todays episode.

I made a boundary this week, and it feels so good.

It's one reason this episode is 'late'.

Today I'm exploring how I made the boundary and why, as well as how I'm feeling afterwards - spoiler alert - I feel good!

Our boundaries shape our lives. If your life isn't looking the way you want it, where do you need to make a better boundary?

Sometimes the boundary is with yourself. Exercise daily, eat better, walk in nature once a week. Sometimes it's with other people or screens or social media.

We are bombarded with data, like never before, and good boundaries with the digital world have never been more needed.

How many of you would flinch if I suggested checking facebook once or twice a day instead of 1700 times a day?

No judgement, I've been there too!

I'd love to hear where in your life you've made a fresh, shiny, sparkling boundary, and how thats working out for you!

Here's the link to the webinar replay on boundaries.

I have a secret 😳 Nobody can read your mind. Not your partner, your boss, your friends or even your kids. If you want them to know how you feel, what you need, and what’s acceptable or not acceptable, you have to tell them. I know it can be hard. Pushing our needs away is the super power of most professional women. It’s served us so well to power on and get ahead. But it’s also creating a world where you feel frustrated, resentful and overwhelmed. Because everyone thinks you’ve got this. You’re strong You’re always available You’ll do all the work. You’re invincible. All that is true, but there’s also another side of you. A side that needs a little gentleness, support, encouragement and kindness. If you’d like to get better at asking for what you need, developing your voice to tell others what’s acceptable and what’s not, join me at the webinar. 'AHow to Make Boundaries like a Badass' Free webinar Thursday 9th March, Midday https://www.subscribepage.com/a8r2n0_boundaries

‘Absolutely no problem at all. I’d love to help you with that.’ Internal groan. 😱 When will I find time? I feel overwhelmed. I’ll have to not sleep. I can get up at 4am. It's time to learn how to make better boundaries, so you can improve relationships, stop working 60 hour weeks and earn the money you are worth. Come and learn how to tolerate the brief but difficult emotions that go with creating good, protective boundaries so you can dedicate your time to what you really love. There’s an enormous personal cost to agreeing to others' demands. A cost in time, energy and trust that you can keep yourself safe. Now is the time to start valuing you and your precious, limited time and energy. Saying yes against your will, so others don’t get angry or disappointed is the quick fix to avoid difficult emotions, with a long-term payment plan in resentment and overwhelm. I know your conditioning is powerful. To always be nice, always be amenable, never disappoint. To be a good friend, a fabulous wife, the best mother, a hard worker. But it’s not sustainable or possible or even desirable. This webinar is perfect for you if you want to stop, 🌻 Saying yes when you mean no 🌻 Sacrificing your time and energy to other people’s projects 🌻 Feeling spread way too thin over your commitments, fueling overwhelm 🌻 Avoiding short-term pain for long-term discomfort How you will benefit, 🌻 Understand the dynamics which keep you stuck in people pleasing, and make change. 🌻 Align your time and energy according to your values and purpose. 🌻 Connect with your big why, which will support you to make those boundaries and keep them 🌻 Protect yourself and your loved ones as you shape the life you desire. 'How to Make Boundaries like a Badass' Free webinar Thursday 9th March, Midday

Running on empty? I know how hard it can be to truly allow yourself to rest. 🌻 And here’s a last chance to join the self compassion retreat this Sunday. One place remains 🥰. If you want to stop, ☀️Punishing yourself to get work done ☀️Listening to your internal velociraptor ☀️Never feeling you’ve done enough ☀️Being at war with yourself Come join a remarkable group of women committed to, ☀️Working from a place of spaciousness and ease ☀️ Recovering inner calm ☀️ Finding courage to make change ☀️ Uncovering their own inner, gentle power. Link below to find out more. We would love to have you with us! Day Retreat, Sunday 26th February, 10-4, Bardon. How to Shift From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion. Here's the link to find out more, https://www.subscribepage.com/day-retreat

Vibrant happiness anyone? 🌻 I spent much of my early life in very negative, painful mental states. Joy was hard to find Contentment impossible. Even though externally I had it all. Here’s what I know now. Happiness is not something that only happens if you’re lucky. You don’t just trip over it one day. It’s not for the fortunate few. It doesn’t come from outside circumstances. Join me on the podcast, and in the Facebook group,' Creating Vibrant Happiness for Midlife Women'.

I want more connection in my life, and I'm taking steps to make that happen.

Good quality connection.

Where we come together around a common cause or interest.

Where everyone is present and engaged.

Where there is an excitement about creating growth.

Because something is afoot in our society, which is creating isolation. The loneliness epidemic is upon us. Australia and the UK now have a minister to tackle it.

Lack of social connection is the new smoking.

It carries a greater health hazard than smoking 15 cigarettes a day and can decrease life expectancy by 15 years.

Join me on the podcast and in the Facebook group, Creating Vibrant Happiness for Midlife Women

The road to success is up and down, not a straight line.

Today I'm sharing a little about my process in the lead up to tomorrow's webinar.

How I've had to really stay 'present at the edge' with my anxiety and use the breath to turn it into excitement.

I've forced myself into this interesting, alive place between my critic and my inner mentor for the past two weeks and it feels awake, alive, stretched, and exciting.

I feel I'm growing and glowing!

I've also started a private Facebook group called,

'Creating Vibrant Happiness for Women in Midlife'.

Do come over and join me there.

Here's the link to the webinar,

Thursday 2nd February, 12 pm. AEST How to Shift From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion.

Self-compassion means not beating yourself up about ‘failures’ and understanding that they are learnings. It means being gentle with yourself when things don’t go well instead of shouting at yourself when you’re down. It means opening your heart to yourself instead of being perfectionist, demanding and unrealistic. It means appreciating your unique, vulnerable humanity and the vulnerabilities of others. It means being kinder to yourself and others. It means staying connected to yourself and believing in yourself instead of abandoning and punishing yourself. I'm exploring this and the support I've needed to make big shifts in 2023. Here's the link to the Day Retreat!

Crushing self-criticism, spiralling anxiety and superhuman standards. Does this sound familiar? It’s what I hear from many clients in my practice, and it’s my passion to support a new narrative so that you can stop using pain as a motivator and create a vision which propels you instead. Allowing self-critical internal talk to run unchecked creates a downward spiral of mood and self-destructive behaviour, which can eventually result in serious mental illness such as panic disorder, generalised anxiety and depression. These conditions show up with much higher frequency among professional women than in the general population. This is why I'm offering my first (courageous) free webinar of 2023 on this topic. I'd like it to be a conversation rather than a tutorial, so come and join me for a discussion and learn some real life tools to use. Sign up for the free webinar here Thursday February 2nd, 12 pm

Welcome back to Mistress Wellbeing for another year of adventure, growth, and connection.

Last weekend I attended a Dao Cultivation meeting and was interested to find much of the teaching echoed the journey of psychotherapy I experience with my clients.

So today, I'm exploring the concepts shared in the teaching about how we are tempered by difficult emotions and challenging experiences.

This speaks to the heart of my beliefs about my work.

That challenges are actually gold dust for learning, growing and finding peace, contentment and inner calm.

That we all have access to a true self, a bigger self, the Big S Self that Jung described, beyond ego.

Why do this work?

Because being a better human means less suffering for you and for everyone you encounter!

Emotions can seem messy and overwhelming.

Better kept at bay and preferably never seeing the light of day.

Emotional expression can feel a little like washing your dirty linen in public.

But keeping ourselves in an emotional straitjacket has consequences which I'm exploring today, along with some tips about how to access emotion safely and create stability in your system so it can allow emotions to pass through.

Emotions last 30-90 seconds when they arise, yet we spend a lifetime defending against them.

So today, let's jump in and start the process!

(Please note that extreme trauma is the exception, where expression can re-traumatise, and this needs to be held much more tightly.)

How many times do I hear this from the mouths of amazing women?

"I should stay small, in the background, looking after others and not expect recognition for my work".

It's a common belief that stems from conditioning in family, religion and culture, and it leads to resentment, anger and burnout.

So, what to do?

It's counterintuitive to ask you to step into your magnificence when this belief is rampant.

But what if we changed the narrative, chewed up the concepts and rearranged them?

Today I'm exploring this, and the multiple polarities of staying small, being good, and unseen.

This may seem controversial, but your happiness is right next to you, waiting to be seized.

The thing is, it gets drowned out by the incessant negativity bias of our minds, and the ease with which we reach out for not enough, not good enough and not ok.

So today we will explore exactly how to reach out for that deep wellspring of joy which is literally at your fingertips.

You can build this muscle over time and it will take you to a much better place!

Imagine having a deep river of contentment available to you.

Imagine feeling wholly ok about yourself, your life, your kids.

Imagine being relieved of the not ok, not enough, not good enough, just for five minutes a day!

It's a gift and it's waiting for you to unwrap it, so I hope today's episode lands for you!

I've had a heck of a year in 2022.

Six friends have passed away unexpectedly, and it's sent me on a deep dive into how to make sense of death.

Today I'm talking about the Top Five Regrets of the Dying, a book by Bonnie Ware.

I know it sounds a little maudlin, but actually, death has made me plunge wholeheartedly into life, taking risks and finding courage to launch my biggest rockets of desire.

The Provence retreat 2023 is happening thanks to these experiences, and I now have a group of amazing women to take on a 10 day retreat in Provence next May.

That's what I call living!

If you want to join us, there is one place remaining and the early bird rate expires today!

Sometimes the way forward in life is to take a leap. A careful, supported leap, that will transform the way you see your life and who you have been for decades, so that you can create a vibrant, potent way of being in the world, and realise your genius. I explain it as an upgrade of the operating system, just like a phone or computer. Most of us are operating from a set of beliefs which arose in childhood and adolescence, it’s called conditioning, and it consists of limiting beliefs which keep us safe, small, and limited. I have a few beauties of my own which I’ve been undoing this last weekend at the Brisbane visual arts pop up where I sold much of my ceramic work to people who responded to, and loved it as much as I do. It was so affirming! And blasted my belief that, ‘I don’t do art’ and ‘I’m not creative’, into the stratosphere. Today I'm exploring this and more on the podcast.

I'm reading a book called 'How to be Miserable'. It's by a Psychiatrist! I wish I'd written this book. It's so much easier to encourage people into their bad habits than to take the teachy-preachy position of showing what actually works to make us more happy. Spoiler alert, the book is an unholy poke at the way we live, to demonstrate just how sick it's making us. There are gems like this: Sleep less, eat what the supermarkets and advertisers tell you eat, avoid exercise at all costs, drink alcohol every night, preferably to excess and practise 'Three bad things that happened to me today'. I guarantee these will speed you along the superhighway of misery. Let's be clear, cultivating good habits won't cure the trauma of childhood abuse or bereavement, or whatever flavour you endured. These need to be worked on separately. But you can sure make your misery worse easily. I'm taking a small boutique group of women to Provence in May 2023 to practise all the good things. Adventure, connection, and growth. Early-bird is available till the end of November and flights are cheap now! Let me know if you'd like to chat about getting off the hamster wheel, making a stand for yourself and creating change in the most delicious way I know!

Who's been to Provence?

It's an amazingly beautiful place, also full of history, art, food, and perfume. Nice has the second most museums in France after Paris.

I'm taking a small group of remarkable women on retreat in May 2023, and I would love one of them to be you! So if you'd like to know more, this episode is for you.

Today I'm talking about my love affair with France, and explaining how the concept of a French wellbeing retreat started and has expanded.

I go into detail about what to expect from a French adventure and 'inventure', where we will explore the fabulousness of the region while also taking a deep dive into what impedes joy and how to cultivate it.

I plan my retreats so you come home with a healthy routine to fit into your everyday life, lots of wellbeing tools to maintain your momentum, as well as the memories of an amazing adventure in the south of France.

Let the adventure begin!

Have you ever looked back over your life to realise that the slightest event changed the path you took?

It can be quite humbling, especially when I realise that a few people and experiences have been so instrumental in altering the course of my life.

Today I'm telling the second part of my life story. There were some fabulous, exciting times, and some difficult, sad times.

All of them required courage and support, and allowing life to flow around me as much as trying to chart my trajectory.

I know it's useful to hear the experiences of others. It often gives permission to live according to your own true north.

I hope this episode works that way for you.

We often vilify psychotherapy as being 'navel gazing'.

I've heard that a few times! 'I don't have time to wallow in the past.'

But Gestalt therapy works powerfully to explore how the past shows up in the present, and how it continues to impact thought and behaviour negatively unless we intervene with awareness.

Today I'm sharing the first part of my life story, because I'd like you to know me better, and also because it's a beautiful way to show how beliefs arise and persist.

Psychotherapy can release these past creative adjustments, which served very well at the time but have outgrown their usefulness.

You have an internal guidance system which directs you towards a life that lights you up.

I call it my sparkle. It's like an exciting little flame that lets me know when I'm on the right path in life.

When difficult things happen, loss, diagnoses, or the anxiety of living out of alignment with your sparkle,there is a way to allow the process and find change.

That's what I'm describing today, the cocooning process which allows you to listen to your true self, your guide, your inner voice.

Awareness is not mindfulness. There has been a rising tide of mindfulness teachers and practices over the past ten years. Awareness is different. It's about our internal world, and it's about physical sensation within the body. Let me try to explain it today as well as I can, because it came up as a big topic on retreat two weeks ago. Thinking is often the place where attention flows, but there is a world of information coming to us from our body. Listen in to find out what secrets awareness can bring.

Recorded in Bali the week after my Finding Your Joy retreat, this episode is inspired by the time we spent together in group.

In the lead up to Bali I had an internal dialogue about creating a 'manifesto' and managing every moment of our week... or not.

My fear told me to organise, while some bigger part of me reasoned, 'You have everything you need. Be transparent, respond to what arises, feel into the group and give them what they need.'

Happily I trusted my gut feeling Instead of giving in to fear, and what arose was a deep understanding of how safety leashes potential, leading to genius and growth.

I'll be back in Bali with a retreat in October 2023, places are limited so get in touch now if you would like to join me.

Hello from the Finding Your Joy retreat in Bali. I’ve recorded a special podcast episode this week to capture the essence of our remarkable time together in group. Its my delight to be with others as they begin to drop the contractions of old limiting stories and behaviours, softening and expanding into wholeness and opening to their possibilities. Expansion is exhilarating, and it’s joyful and fun to be around. Like taking a really deep breath for the first time, exhaling all the stale air and drawing fresh, energised oxygen into your body. And the process never gets old.

I’m on a pre-retreat in Bali, and I spent the morning having a full body massage.
I didn’t feel particularly stressed to begin with but I make it my practice to have a massage every day.

The effect always surprises me, as if my body is holding onto stress like a magnet holds paper clips, effortlessly, unconsciously.

So I started thinking about the healing power of deep rest, the ‘Bali Glow’ we all take on after a week of group connection, yoga, singing and massage.
The surprising thing is just how much stress floats about in my body even when I feel relatively relaxed!

Yin yoga has taught me during the pandemic just how relaxed I can get, and how good that is for my mood and my body.

Today is all about the healing power of deep relaxation.

Do you feel pulled inexorably into the external world of bad news and overwhelming humanitarian crises?

This trend has increased massively during the last few years, with pandemics, war, energy crises and climate change all featuring large.

It influences your equilibrium, mood and general sense of wellbeing.

So how can you look after yourself and find a point of refuge and power in the tumultuous world we live in?

By turning within and cultivating your own garden.

I'm exploring this today, how to build awareness and tend your own heart so you have a solid, secure place within.

You will influence the world in this way.

If you feel stuck in life, lacking passion and excitement, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks is a good read.

Today I'm sharing my process as I took my leap, out of the world of Family Medicine where I had security, kudos and skill, into my wellbeing business which feels so much more vibrant and alive.

At the time it felt uncertain and terrifying, and I was most definitley following my gut not my head!

It's an ongoing huge piece of personal growth to search for and find my zone of genius, especially as I wasn't really sure I had one to begin with...

My sense of expansiveness arises from facing so many fears to get here. Those fears never completely go away, they still raise their heads, I'm just better at dealing with them!

How many hours do you spend at work?

My coach asked us this in a group meeting once and one of my colleagues started to cry.

It's a good metric to know and be deliberate about.

How many hours are reserved for play?

How do YOU play?

I'm sharing my own story here of all the ways I've pursued the joys of play in the past few years, as I've really stepped up to play more expansively.

Life is a rich tapestry of fabulous opporunities for fun, laughter and joy.

If that doesn't ring true for you, how can you bring more of it into your life?

I give you so much permission and love to go after what lights you up!

Do you want to age vibrantly and joyfully?

It is possible to feel better at 50 than you did at 40?

My vivacious guest this week is doing exactly that, and she shares some of her movement medicine with us today on the podcast.

Tracey has developed the Reshape Method specifically for peri and menopausal women who want to age without pain, look terrific and feel great, without spending endless hours at the gym.

Likewise, my Empowered Women program offers mental and emotional vibrancy without spending endless hours in therapy.

Here are the paralells,

Over the years we accumulate the emotional baggage of negative meaning making associated with life events, just as we collect sprains and injuries.

These will weigh you down and keep you from allowing joy, lightheartedness and fun into everyday life in the same way that physical injuries develop into chronic pain.

This is why making adjustments is essential as we age, so we're not carrying around a bag of arrows to shoot at ourselves in the dark of the night.

Hope you enjoy our chat!

I've been on many retreats over the last few decades, and each one has offered an opportunity to connect with myself, reflect and redirect my energy, as well as enjoying the influence of teachers and other students.

Opening myself to retreat has been a huge learning opportunity, as well as a rest and reset, and of course, the unique retreats I offer have grown out of these experiences.

I'm sharing a little of my own journey on retreat today, and also letting you in on how my first Bali retreat came in to being.

It's a good story!

Being bold and trusting my gut really paid off. I had faith that my own excitement would be communicated to those who could hear it and who wanted a similar growth experience.

I can say that it worked, and I'll be in Bali with my sixth Bali retreat, Find Your Joy, in a few short weeks.

I can't wait for the healing space we create together and the heart-opening that occurs for all of us.

To hear Trish and I exploring the concept of Gestalt group play in the context of retreat, click here.

Are you an Olympic Worrier?

😳

It's a cliche, but it's very real. Anxiety can affect you and me in so many ways, with one main outcome - it makes life unbearable.

Which one is you?

The 2 am anxiety spiral.

Hiding under the table at work fighting off a panic attack.

Nausea on the commuter train.

Hyperventilating on the phone with demanding clients.

Free floating anxiety that attaches itself to the next thing as soon as the first issue is resolved

And so many more.

My event is the 2am spiral, (I came first in the heats😂).

But I've learned to work with it and you can too.

I'm exploring two simple tools for switching on the light in the dark night of worry in today's podcast.

Burnout is epidemic in the Australian workforce.

Deloitte recently published their women at work report for 2022, and almost half of the women interviewed describe burnout symptoms.

So my LinkedIn newsletter this week is all about how to recognise and work with burnout. Subscribe so you don't miss any of the tools and tips I share weekly to support wellbeing.

On the podcast I'm sharing my experience of burnout and beyond.

I hope it will support you to recognise and take action if you are one of the 45% of women who rate their mental health as poor or extremely poor.

On my webiste you can find free tools to support your wellbeing

Why do we want change?

Couldn't we just stay the same for ever? That would be simple!

But it would be against nature. It would become dull and stale and boring.

Nature is in constant flux and so are we, when we are healthy.

Energy is meant to flow in and out of us, through us. And we flow, like a powerful river, responding to life as it emerges.

This is healthy self process, alive, responsive, available, spontaneous and joyful.

If you could wave a magic wand, what would you like to change in your life?

Join me as I explore the secret ingredient for change on the podcast today.

To access your free gift, click here

Do you feel you're meant for better things?

Or that you're just not using all your gifts?

You want to play bigger but something holds you back?

Today I'm exploring the two forces at work during the making of change, and how they can act like a foot on the accelerator and a foot on the brake.

The force for change, and the force for sameness.

What I know is that change is a process, a verb, not a noun. It takes time.

It can also be understood and supported so that you can step out into a bigger version of yourself and do those wonderful things (like starting a podcast).

So how can you support the force for change AND work creatively with the fearful and often harsh, critical voice for remaining the same?

When you recognise these two parts it becomes easier to work with them.

The counter-intuitive piece is that the voice for sameness, despite it's harsh, shouty nature is fearful and trying to keep you safe. It's protecting you from shame.

It needs kindness, self compassion, self acceptance and encouragement so it can be brought along for the fabulous ride and you can be strengthened by integrating it instead of banishing it.

If you would like support for change, check out my program for empowered women here.

How is adversity showing up in your life? Do you need support to manage it well? Not just to get through, but to work creatively with it so that it can lead to growth and wisdom instead of shutting down. I notice that responding to adversity can take many forms. Compartmentalising, avoiding or being overwhelmed are a few that I see a lot in my work. This makes so much sense in the immediate face of illness, bereavement, career crisis or other challenging experiences, but they are not good long-term solutions. I know that therapy offers a way to process and allow emotion instead of leaving it stuck in the body, usually in the heart, where it can lead to illness and discomfort. Together we allow, process, and heal. We build a safe container where emotion is released and understood, and the heart can rebuild. Over time, there is a flowering which is the product of the work we do. Acceptance blossoms, there is a softening, warmth, connection and expansion which leads to more joy, love and intimacy. To find out more about the Bali retreat, click here.

I've had the 'flu and been sick for t he past five days, so here I am a day late with the podcast.

It was so lovely to wake up this morning and feel that my sparkle is back!

Yesterday I tried to convince myself that I 'HAD' to put out an episode, and pretty quickly turned from that critical, demanding, unreasonable voice towards a more self-compassionate, understanding one which said, 'Tomorrow you'll feel better, you can do it then.'

I've been practising self compassion for some time now, and these are the fruits of my labour.

Contrary to popular opinion, being self compassionate does not turn me into a complacent, self-satisfied layabout.

It actually encourages me to show up, be visible and share my gifts with the world.

In self-criticism land, there are no gifts.

So I hope the podcast today encourages you to make this delicious shift in your inner talk so you can become the encouraging ally of your inner world.

I've recoorded a special self compassion meditation which you can access here

I'm just back from five weeks in France where I had an amazing holiday, and offered a bespoke adventure retreat to one of my clients.

We walked in the hills, swam in the Mediterranean and saw unbelievable ancient monuments like the Roman Pont Du Gard and the Templar city of La Couvertoirade in the Cevennes.

It's been a while since I've ventured overseas on retreat, and this is my first experience of hosting in France, a country where I lived for a year and fell in love with the language and culture.

My usual retreat venue is Bali, I've been going there since I was fourteen and love the people, culture and environment. I'm excited to announce a Bali retreat fro September of this year and hope to meet you on retreat soon.

How good are you at receiving?

Giving seems to be a lot more comfortable for most women, yet we need to allow things in if we are to truly thrive.

Today I'm exploring a world view that goes with allowing your good to flow to you, it may be different from the world view you hold.

There is an experiential exercise in allowing which will start you on your journey of expanding, breathing in and more consciously receiving.

Let me know how you get on!

Check out my free meditation library here.

What drives our behaviour?

Sometimes we live according to unconscious beliefs which we took on board very early in life.

Today I'm exploring this Gestalt concept of introjection, and how it can work against us until we develop the power of awareness.

When introjects become conscious we have options to choose, but when they are operating out of awareness, they can have a powerful negative effect on thinking and behaviour.

Here I offer a journalling technique to support you to bring the introjects into consciousness where you can start to work with them.

Check out my free meditation library here.

Do you know what you need at any given time?

Often our needs can become so buried away that we have no idea what we really need.

There re two big reasons for this that I see,

First, women are often conditioned out of attending to our own needs in favour of caring for the needs of others.

Second, a need-shame cycle has been set up in early childhood.

This second concept is what I'm discussing here today, the way unmet needs become linked to shame and the buried even further out of awareness.

To support you on your awareness journey I have a free gift for you.

Check out my free meditation library here.

Third in the series, I'm exploring the consept of presence.

This is when you are relaxed, alert and ready for whatever is about to arise. An energetic availability in the present moment.

This again involves dropping over-identification with the mind and its endless repetitive thoughts and accessing a deeper sense of self, usually situated somewhere in the body, though the actual site shifts constantly.

Cultivating presence is a cornerstone of mental wellbeing.

Check out my free meditation library here.

Second in the key concepts series, awareness is the life blood of Gestalt psychotherapy.

Unlike psychoanalysis, Gestalt seeks to build awareness within the client, and within the client/therapist dyad. This deeper knowing of the self is available to all of us but sometimes needs a little help to quiet the mind, process emotions, and acheive.

Like mindfulness, awareness creates space. Space to be, to reflect and to replenish.

Unlike mindfulness, awareness is a whole body experinece, not a mental activity.

When the mind becomes quiet and awareness is available, we become powerful and purposeful in our lives.

Check out my free meditation library here.

The first in my mini cast series about key concepts in wellbeing and mental health.

How satisfying is the contact you make with the world? Sometimes it can be intensely satisfying and sometimes not. The key is how much of you is available at the contact boundary.

We limit our availability when we get caught in the mind. So developing the abilty to step beyond thinking, and witness our own mind is how to develop your capacity for contact.

Mental overdrive is so common currently.

How do you quiet your mind so you can make deeper contact with yourself and the world around you?

Meditation, yoga, exercise, prayer.

These are some of the ways to allow deeper contact to arise.

Check out my free meditation library here.

You are so powerful. You can start making choices today that will positively affect your mental health, and none of them require a personality transplant!

I hope you find something in todays episode to add into your daily habits to help you make that 1% change which leads to a lighter, more contented life.

Let me know!

If you would like some support with setting up a healthy daily routine, heres the link to my free gift.

Do you find that life has become predictable? You know exactly how things will turn out before they even happen?

It can make for a monotone life where novelty and spontaneity have gone overboard.

There's a reason for this, and today I'm exploring a little around how to shift from reactive to creative thinking.

If, as we often hear, our inner world creates our outer world, it's easy to see how the pattern begins with us.

Changing from reactive to creative thinking can revolutionise your experience.

Here's the link to the meditation library.

I watched The Social Dilemma last night and recorded this podcast in response.

I don't have any answers for the frightening association between the rise of social media and rates of adolescent and tween mental illness and suicide, other than turning off all notifications to stop that dopamine rush we all seem to become so addicted to.

This episode explore the link between experiences and beliefs, which then drive thinking and behaviour towards experiences that are similar, and so the cycle embeds.

Psychotherapy is a powerful tool to intervene in this negative cycle, and I discuss this.

To access my free meditation library, click here

Do you listen to your deep inner knowing?

Katie Grehan has been many things, she's a courageous leader and problem solver, and she know how to listen to the voice inside and take guidance.

Today we're chatting about how to know when enough is enough, how to shift direction, and how to ride the wave of your life and career so that you end up where you want to go.

Call it your inner guide, the universe, your higher self, God. We all have access to our deep voice of intuition which tells us when our path is correct or not. The question is, are we listening? Are we willing to take action?

Check out my free meditation library here.

Here's a little bit of group magic explained.

I often hear from clients that the idea of group is intimidating, but when they take the leap to join, it's the most magical thing they've ever done.

This is because all groups echo family dynamics, and a safely held, contained group is an opportunity to heal old patterns.

Gestalt group is about authentic meeting, and connecting with trust and vulnerability, while learning to create boundaries do things differently with the support of the group. There is no advice giving or problem solving.

The group supports awareness building and encourages you to be exactly who you are, and strengthen your voice in relationship with others.

New groups form in February and July in brisbane. For more information check out the website

There are two exercises I recommend for all my clients and which I also practice myself. Today I'm sharing them with you and exploring why they work so well.

Both of them create a powerful sense of wellbeing and accustom the mind and the body to a new, improved state of being.

Our negativity bias can keep us locked in painful rumination about our problems and difficulties which affects our overall health and is not productive.

Knowing how to create a calm, clear mental and physical state improves your effectiveness, problem solving, immune function and so much more!

Check out my free meditation library here.

Maria Model is a remarkable leader.

She has had multiple careers which have spanned three continenets and various languages, and is currently a leadership coach and workplace wellbeing expert.

We had a lot to explore!

Here we dig into how to develop your career and live a wholehearted life, as well as how to choose a workplace that works for you.

You can find her at www.flexiwell.com.au

Today is the last in our series on Imposter Syndrome, and I have a generous interview from Niti Nadaraja about life, lawyering and how she works with imposter thinking.

Niti was recently named a LinkedIn Top Voice, in recognition for her contribution to conversations on the platform.

Together we explore getting visible, how to work with imposter feelings and thinking, and how to get beyond them.

I was recording microcasts about Imposter Syndrome, but this morning, it seems, I had an awful lot to say!

I'm giving you all the tips I know about how to work with imposter thinking, so it doesn't spiral into full blown Imposter Syndrome.

It can be a hard ask to do this alone, and I've referenced the free page on my website where you can find all my free offerings to help with this process.

This is good work to do! Be gentle with yourself.

Does imposter syndrome impede your progress? Like a big red stop sign in the middle of life, screaming, “Danger, Will Robinson!” It can keep you small, not applying for that job, working long hours, unrecognised, frustrated and screaming inside to be released from this prison. I have a story for you, and some tasty imposter syndrome morsels to support your growth and blossoming, so stay with me if you want to befriend imposter syndrome and soar to new heights.

Anxiety Recognition and Management Part 2

This is a more in depth, across the board exploration of the management of anxiety, which has exploded during the time of Covid.

Recognising Generalised Anxiety is the first step.

Next,I will explore a three-part management plan.

A full 50% of those with an anxiety disorder never seek help. They suffer in silence, adjusting the course of their day, avoiding situations and putting up with symptoms.

This is unnecessary.

Anxiety is readily treatable.

Check Beyond Blue for more information

Anxiety is the other pandemic of our time. I've recorded a microcast to give you some anxiety first aid tools which you can learn and use in under 6 minutes.

To access the guided meditations I mention, access the meditation library

You can manage anxiety with simple tools.

Let's create a calmer, kinder world together.

Hi, I'm Leila and I'm a retreat junkie.

What?! You too??!!!

Tell me more about your retreat fantasies while I take you on a journey...

I've teamed up with my beautiful colleague,Trish, to design weekend retreats that will nourish your body, soul and spirit, give you time to reflect deeply on life and plan your future direction.

We warmly extend an invitation for you to join us!

I want you to be clear about what you're signing up for, so here we discuss our point of difference. We are offering not just yoga, meditation and down time, but also an opportunity to deeply connect with yourself and others in the safe container of Gestalt group.

Connection is our raison d'être.

Connection with other living, breathing human beings, instead of a screen or a zoom room.

It's a healing, biological imperative which is being eroded daily by pandemics, fear and overwork.

I can't wait to be with you on retreat!

Many of my high performance clients struggle with the idea of support. It feels weak.

Vulnerable.

Not OK.

So here is my exposition, my exegesis, on support. It's more complex than we might think.

If you're ready to lay down your sword and shield for a few brief moments, let the drawbridge down and feed those voracious crocodiles in the moat, here's your opportunity.

Viktor Frankl is one of my heroes.

If you haven't read Man's Search for Meaning, it's a short, beautiful read that will touch your soul.

The enigmatic piece of wisdom we're exploring today is this:

In the gap between contact and response is where we find choice and freedom.

Finding the gap is often the issue, and awareness is the key.

So let's explore how to find the gap.

Where is this gap and what does it look like? Is it the gap between the trains on the underground, is it the gap between my two front teeth, or is it the delicious gap between contact with the world and my knee jerk response of fear, overwhelm, frustration or anger?

Join me in the experiential homework and let me know what happens.

Welcome to a slightly different format fpr the month of January - Microcasts.

I'll be sharing short, sharp 5 minute podcasts about topics which are central to my work and which I think are mind-blowing, simple, awareness building tools.

Today we're visiting the Paradoxical Theory of Change.

Put simply, growth and change happen effortlessly when we stand on the firm platform of self acceptance and self love.

New Years resolutions don't work because they come from a place of self hatred.

If you know what I'm talking about, then listen on as you avoid stumbling over last year's elliptical, which now acts as a pot plant holder in a corner of the living room....

It's not easy speaking out about 'This Subject'. 'The Great Unspeakable'. 'The Predicament Whose Name Shall Not Be Mentioned Despite Suicide Rates Soaring' By listening to the podcast, you are creating what I call 'The Threshold Effect'. This is the remarkable improvement in mental health that occurs when you decide that enough is enough, and make that appointment, book that GP, see that therapist, buy that best-friend-for-life-when-nobody-loves-me dog, and make a bid for freedom. And in doing so, in taking action, you remove the stopper from the pressure cooker that is your mind, with its 60,000 thoughts a day, mostly negative and largely repetitive. You invite the possibility of change. I'll say that again, You invite the possibility of change. Because having kids, working in a responsible job, being a daughter, wife and most excellent mother, can create a prison, which makes Alcatraz and the Chateau d'If look like a play date in the park. Here's the thing, are you thinking your own thoughts or society's thoughts? I'll let you ponder that one over the Christmas break, and leave you with my newly minted Bio, one that I feel truly expresses the essence of who I am and what I'm about. My very best wishes for you and your dear ones this Christmas.

Marja Koivisto is a specialist career coach from Finland.

Today I'm interviewing Marja about how she works her magic with her clients to uplift and support them to make change.

She shares her three questions, which I find uplifting to contemplate,

"What inspires you and brings you joy?'

"What matters to you?' And,

"What are your skills, the obvious and the more tacit, hidden skills?"

This interview was a delight, we both felt uplifted and excited by the possibilities available to us all as we build awareness and create change.

The missing key to this process often, is support.

How do you thrive in the high stress environment of Law?

Join Chantal McNaught and myself as we explore her experiences navigating a career in Law.

Beyond Panic attacks under the desk to the self compassionate process of allowing emotions, becoming interested in what they have to tell us, and making deliberate choice towards wellbeing and success.

Instead of reaching for the Scotch, we open up the ways to work positively with stress, anxiety and emotional discomfort so that we can take positive action and make change.

Apologies for the poor quality of this recording!

It's December and I'm asking you to rest.

Seems crazy, right?

Today I've deliberately chosen this highly contentious subject to explore because I see the world around me going mad.

Linkedin is full of posts about working all day Sunday, sleeping at the office etc etc.

If you feel like laughing at me when I suggest that you carve out some time to rest, please take a look at how you've structured your life so that you can do it differently!

And listen in about how rest can refresh and open you to a whole new take on life, filled with vibrancy, radiance and joy.

Making contact with ourselves is one of the biggest gifts of therapy.

It can be easy to get distracted from our own values and prioritise the values and expectations of the external world over our own deep inner knowing.

Life can become dull, flat and stuck.

Today I want to give you permission to do you. I'm exploring how to connect with your precious internal world and the vitality and delight which flows into life when you do.

Let me know what you think.

This is a bonus episode I've created to give you a taste of my meditation library which is freely available here

When we deliberately generate an elevated emotion combined with a strong intention, shift happens.

Repeat this meditation often, come to recognise how elevated emotions feel in your body and give yourself this fuel to create the vibrant, exciting life you desire.

As always, let me know how you get on!

I coined this term recently, it describes those of us who feel we must be able to do all the things, on our own, without support, to an incredibly high standard.

When it goes unchecked it can lead to a specific cocktail of emotions - feeling alone, disconnected, unsupported, isolated, prickly and angry.

Today we're exploring wonder woman syndrome and what we can do to side step it so that we can do all the things while also feeling supported, connected, stable and confident.

What's your inner talk like? Do you engage in the 'shame and blame game' and give yourself a hard time, or do you lovingly soothe and accept yourself?

I'm going to guess for most of us it's the shame and blame game, we have become experts at self abandonment and self annihilation.

Today I'm exploring the roots of our negativity towards ourselves and what effect it has on our mental health.

Spoiler alert - it's not good.

We then take a dive into the heart of self compassion, doing a complete 180 and learning a simple and effective tool for everyday - multiple times a day- use.

It's easy to get caught in shame, blame or anger about the past.

I've been there myself and I see it all the time with my clients.

A mark of wellbeing is the ability to let this emotions rise up, flow through and be released. Sometimes many times over before they have done the work they need to do.

Once a feeling of tender self compassion starts to arise around our past experiences we're on the super highway of healing.

In this episode I explore how we get stuck and how to get unstuck.

Amanda Ewin is a life coach who supports high achieving women to bounce out of bed in the morning.

We explore our common theme of using eclectic methodologies to create contentment, joy and ease in the high stress world of corporate women.

Along the way, Amanda shares her own journey of realisation and how she transformed her life after a series of difficult experiences.

The alchemy continues in this episode!

Find her at https://thelilaclounge.com

Have you had a difficult experience in life which exploded your sense of meaning, purpose and groundedness?

I have, and it's usually where I meet my clients.

This can be a hard time to navigate, and it is also a time of enormous potential for transformation when we learn how to work with it.

There is an alchemy which occurs here, where base metal really can be turned to gold!

Today I explore the many ways to work positively with this experience when it arises.

Having a supportive therapeutic relationship during this time can be invaluable so please reach out if this episode speaks to you.

Todays interview with Miranda Watkins from Evolve Psychology explores the difference between psychotherapy and psychology.

I enjoyed our wide ranging discussion about what to expect on the therapy journey and what often stands in the way of our seeking wholeness and wellbeing.

Miranda shares her own story of healing which brought her to becoming a psychologist, and how that played out for her.

Join us as we explore the healing nature of deep contact and the allowing of vulnerability required to achieve it.

I've had a very eventful 2021 and today I'm sharing with you how I've navigated some choppy waters in the past few months. There have been some really life changing events for me.

Difficult things happen to all of us and it's certainly been a year of walking my talk.

Here's the thing, I wouldn't ask anyone to do things I haven't tried and tested myself!

One of the cool things about being in the wellbeing space is learning new and powerful tools I can use myself when the going gets tough.

As one of my teachers said, "Psychotherapists are no different from anyone else, we're just more interested in it.'

Today I'm speaking with Kelly about her experiences of juggling a hectic work schedule as an attorney, with a young family.

This is a common issue for remarkable women who are high achievers in Law and we explore how this situation can evolve and what supports you might create for yourself.

It can be easy for the demands to become overwhelming and before burnout kicks in, making change can mean the difference between surviving and thriving.

I'm delighted to offer this interview with James Brown around his personal experience of burnout.

James is a clinical psychologist and university lecturer currently completing his PhD. He ran a busy group psychology practice in Brisbane for many years. He now lives in Toowoomba with his wife and four children.

We hear in the interview how overwork affected him both psychologically and physically, and how he made radical changes towards a way of life which has suited the whole family better.

James shares the symptoms of burnout, which I find valuable as many of us overlook these symptoms in a bid to keep on going.

I hope you find it helpful, let me know in the comments, Im always delighted to hear from you.

I'm talking with a long term client today about her journey from work induced illness to wellbeing.

This story has many features which as women lawyers you may recognise in yourself, people pleasing, perfectionism, the work hard ethic.

I'm grateful for the honesty of sharing in todays interview.

Let's find out what happens when a high achieving, brilliant, passionate, caring lawyer finds herself in a work environment which doesn't support her, and the wellbeing journey she subsequently took.

What happens in the psychotherapy room?

If I told you it's a three step process of reconnecting to yourself, building awareness and making better choices, does that seem too simple?

Therapy is a wonderful supportive tool to get unstuck in life and to live well.

It opens doors that we didn't even know we had firmly locked shut, it builds expansiveness and it builds safety.

It can be one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself, to dive more deeply into how you do life and start to make choices about what you want to keep, and what you no longer need.

With support.

Here's my take on the process.

We are experiencing an epidemic of stress and anxiety.

Amongst professional women rates are as high as one in two.

Today I'm exploring the high cost of anxiety, how it impacts our lives in so many ways, robbing us of enjoyment, presence and confidence.

I also share my quick tips for the self management of anxiety and the meditation I mentioned is in my meditation library at https://leiladavis.com.au/freebies/

Vicarious trauma (VT) is a very real issue amongst professionals dealing with highly charged, emotional cases.

Lawyers are not exempt from this and today I'm excited to bring you an interview with David Heilpern, a former magistrate who has been vocal about his own journey with vicarious trauma.

This is a three way conversation between David, Amanda Mead and myself.

We explore the signs of VT and how to minimise and work with it.

Today I'm chatting with Tayla, who is early in her law career, about all the things that keep her sane and functioning well, while working in family law.

We explore setting good habits early, being deliberate and resourceful about what supports your physical and mental health.

There is also an interesting discussion around choice, choosing your work environment and colleagues so they support you toward a fulfilling career.

My hope is that these interviews will allow you to reflect on your own choices and whether they are serving you.

Women face a unique set of challenges in the practice of Law.

Running a family and a law firm can be daunting, and if you're not careful, it can be an easy path to burnout.

I'm delighted to be interviewing the courageous and authentic Amanda Mead today, who has done all of the things, had her own practice, had a family and become an entrepreneur.

We discuss Covid, working from home, the pros and cons of setting up your own firm and how she has found a wellbeing journey to transform life from meh to joy.

She shares her experiences with characteristic openness and generosity.

Do you spend too much time at work? Do you spend too much time thinking about work, worrying about work and stressing about work? Work can easily fill the time available, and that's a one way ticket to burnout. I've seen it over and over in my clients and supported them to build awareness and make much better choices. I have my own story of being lost in the haze of work and losing track of what is precious and juicy about life. Here are my tips 1. Stop and take time to honestly reflect on the quality of your life right now 2. Do the wheel of life exercise and notice the areas where you score poorly 3. Decide on two small and doable changes you can make today and start making them.

Let me know how you get on, what small direction will you change today to end up in a different port in ten years time?

Do you have good boundaries? What difference would it make in your life if you did? Boundaries with yourself and with other people, with work, family and friends. Boundaries keep you safe when they’re clear. And when they’re not, you can feel overpowered, angry and small. Here’s the thing, Boundaries are a choice, but most of the time they’re just a habit. We are all choosing every minute of every day, only it often doesn’t feel like we are. The choice not to make a boundary usually stems from wanting others to like us, feeling afraid of going against another person, scared of disappointing them or not being liked. It’s also usually a familiar way of behaving. Not comfortable, but familiar. So, how to make good boundaries? First recognise that you have choice Next, tune in and acknowledge where the boundary needs to be ( hint, if you’re feeling angry, small or resentful the boundary isn’t in the right place). Now practice taking one small step towards creating your boundary. Give yourself permission to be interested and curious rather than judging, and start with small things. Starting with boundaries within yourself is the easiest place, what are your boundaries with digital technology, alcohol, exercise, food and sleep? The more difficult ones can be with family, work and friends. But remember this mantra, “I choose. Every day I choose. What will I choose today?” How will you choose powerfully and wisely today?

Arriving at the top of your profession is a great achievement. Well done! I know how much hard work and sacrifice went into it. Your passion and desire to help others moves me. But what about you? You also deserve to live well, and that doesn’t mean just driving a flash car and having the trappings of success It means prioritising your needs, developing self care, feeling supported and much less stressed, overwhelmed and irritable. Pouring every minute of your time and energy into your job is a recipe for burnout and ill health. It can be hard to get perspective when you’re at the top. There is pressure to behave like your peers. And it’s hard to seek help when it’s not working for you. There is a way to be a dedicated and excellent lawyer AND have time and space for you and your loved ones. The change needs to happens in you. Developing good boundaries Knowing when enough is enough. Prioritising the people and things you love. Making better choices which put you first. It’s not selfish, It’s a win win outcome, because when you’re happy and well, everybody benefits. You’re a better friend, mother and lawyer. You won’t turn into an unmotivated slacker. You will work hard because you want and choose to, be more present and engaged with people (including your family) and start to look after yourself.

Are you living in the trance of unworthiness? It’s like a negative brainwashing that we do to ourselves. The inné r critic having a field day. Tara Brach coined the term and calling it a trance is useful because it gives the flavour of it. We actually hypnotise ourselves into believing our own negative self stories. Too fat, too short, too unloveable, not enough, nothing to offer. I know my own trance well! Working with the trance requires first that we recognise it. Turn up the volume. Next allow it, “Ah, here I am doing what I do, that old story!” You can investigate why the trance has been triggered, somebody said something, did something, I looked in the mirror etc. And the final piece is to nurture yourself. Ask yourself what you need, how can you find support for this difficult place? The acronym is RAIN, the rain of self compassion. Let me know how you get on!

Vicarious trauma is real. Those of us who engage with others who are in crisis, traumatised, abused or vulnerable will experience it. Here's the thing, the more empathetic you are, the more likely it is to occur. How does it show up? I still have vivid, visceral recollections of my own more heartbreaking experiences as an intern and junior hospital doctor. That was thirty years ago. I can recall faces, diagnoses, deaths. The feelings and memories are no longer invasive, but they are also not gone. Other symptoms are anxiety, irritability, insomnia, nightmares. Feeling overly responsible and being unable to shut off from work. It can be a short step to disconnection, isolation and withdrawal. Vicarious trauma is linked to burnout, and here are some ways to manage it before it does, 🌻 Reach out and talk with friends, family or better still, a professional trained to handle these issues. 🌻 Make good boundaries around your own self care - exercise, rest, sleep. 🌻 Do fun things, that you love, just for the fun of it and to feed your soul. Avoid self medicating and see withdrawal as a signpost for action. Enjoy today's podcast!

Do you feel as if you are just coping with what life throws at you?

Being in constant fright or flight is not good for your physical, mental or spiritual health.

In this week's episode I'm exploring how to switch off the Sympathetic nervous system's overdrive and move towards thriving.

I also invite you to consider what thriving looks like for you.

It's different for all of us, setting your compass to your true north is the first step on the journey!

Today is something a little different.

Gestalt therapy is all about experimentation, and a guided meditation is a great experiment!

So today's episode is more experiential and less mind-based.

Come join me for a gratitude meditation.

To access this and other free meditations, sign up to my meditation library here

Sleep is the absolute kingpin of wellbeing, which is why I'm dedicating a whole episode to this bedrock of wellness.

I give all my tips for how to make sure you sleep well and wake up refreshed so that you can make good choices, exercise well, boost your immune system and improve your mood.

Willpower will only get us so far. Today I explore the paradoxical theory of change and how you can harness up the power of self acceptance to create lasting change.

Identify the stresses in your workplace so you can begin to remedy them and create greater wellbeing.

Stress comes in many forms, not only emotional stress but also being sedentary, eating a pro-inflammatory diet, lack of connection and running a sleep debt.

You can intervene at many points once you connect with yourself, build awareness and start making choices.

This episode offers a short practice of the heart coherence technique.

I was invited to present at the Women in Law, Wellbeing Conference in April 2021.

I believe that when women take exquisite care of themselves everyone benefits

This talk is designed to address the issues facing women in stressful workplaces, and how they can create wellbeing.

Chronic stress is the epidemic of the 21st century, and in this episode I explore building awareness as we begin our wellbeing journey.