Therapy Thursday with Cecilia Mannella: Recent Episodes
Eterna Counselling & Wellness
In today's Therapy Thursday video, I am sharing some tips & tricks on how to navigate grief.
In today's video, I am talking to you about New Year's resolutions and why they do not work! This 2023, I want to encourage you to set an intention, not a resolution. And I explain why in today's video!
In today's video I want to provide tips and tricks to help manage all the chaos that December brings. You can opt-out of the December chaos if it is not feeding your wellness!
On today’s Therapy Thursday I want to talk about how gratitude can transcend into relationships and how to create safety in relationships.
This month we are talking all about gratitude. Why it is important to each of us and why we are focusing on it this month. On today’s Therapy Thursday I want to talk to you about how gratitude relates to comparison.
This Therapy Thursday, I am talking about finding the courage to say no. That every yes you hand out is a no for something else.
Today's Therapy Thursday, I am talking about having the courage to stop playing small and what it means to play bigger.
This month we are talking about courage. And I want to start us off with some words from Brene Brown. Words that have helped me to redefine failure as an act of courage.
Today, I want to talk about resentment. Resentment is this thing that puts a barrier between our hearts and another person. It creates disconnection and builds walls around ourselves to punish those we resent. I am giving you three steps on how to navigate resentment.
We live in a time where we power through things, stay busy, strive for happiness, and have a constant positive thinking perspective. But what happens when a relationship ends, a death happens, or a big change in your life occurs? Your heart breaks and you wonder how to live with a broken heart. Today, I want to share some tips on how to live with a broken heart that will help you get through this difficult time in your life.
There are so many ways our hearts get broken. In my own experience, it has felt like a lot of pain, through my body and in my mind. We can physically feel a broken heart, it takes up a lot of energy and space.
Here are 3 tips on how to live with a broken heart:
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Acknowledge it. There is power in just saying it, saying "yes, I feel broken-hearted". By claiming and naming it you are owning it. This is your truth, this is your story, own it. Because having this inner conflict, keeping it in, and walling yourself up can create anxiety and depression. It is SO much better when you can say it out loud - either to yourself or someone who supports you.
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Figure out the emotions attached to it. Grief, sorrow, loss, disappointment - what emotion is attached to your broken heart? There could be a lot of emotions attached to a broken heart but when we identify those emotions we are contributing them to the sensations of our broken heart. Claiming these emotions is important because then we can sit with them and identify with them rather than avoid them.
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Be patient. We can hold a lot of expectations of ourselves about where we should be, how we should feel, or how we should be reacting. But let me tell you, grief and heartbreak are lifelong things. There is no timeline! We need to be patient and understanding of ourselves, our process, and our journey.
Just remember that having a broken heart is a human experience. There is no way to protect ourselves from it. And if we try to protect ourselves, we end up walling ourselves up and robbing ourselves of joy. Acknowledge that this is a part of the human experience. Remember that when we grieve, it is a sign of how much love we were able to give in that relationship or to that person.
"A broken heart hurts, but it is a consequence of the ability to love."
Give yourself some patience and compassion. Accept this as a part of your journey and your life. Instead of trying to positive talk yourself through it just acknowledge that it hurts, and that is okay.
This month, the Eterna team has dug deep into writing about why we started this career in counselling and how we show up with heart in our work. Today, I want to talk to you about how to use your heart as a guide for making decisions in your life.
This month we have been talking about harmony! We talked about how to create harmony in our daily lives and how to create harmony within our bodies. Today we are talking about how to create harmony in our environment. Connecting with our spaces is what we do and bringing harmony to our spaces can really improve our mental health.
Last week we talked about how to create harmony in your life. Today I want to talk about creating harmony with your body. I'm not just talking to women but let's face it, women are the ones who struggle the most with body image issues and beauty standards. What does harmony mean? It is about being able to work in an ebb and flow, it is this rhythm that is loving and connected; that is the foundation of harmony.
This month in July we are talking about Harmony! And on today's Therapy Thursday I am talking to you about why harmony is better than having balance in your life.
Integrity is a state of being whole. But what does it mean to have integrity within your own mind, within your own thought process? We tend to believe that every thought we have we must believe. But that is just not true. Our brains will always come to judgments and conclusions; they will come up with things to say to us all the time, things that are threatening and fearful. This is what the brain is meant to do. We tend to be very critical of our thoughts, we think "if I am thinking this, and I am scared of this, then it must be true." Our brains are always looking for threats; relationship threats or social belonging threats. Your brain will create a story, a fear story of what could go wrong and how it will go wrong. And we have a physiological reaction to these stories if we spend a lot of time thinking about them. That is how powerful our thoughts really are. And they don't always represent our true self.
Strengthening relationships is a common goal among a lot of us. Communication is key when it comes to building relationships. But how can we build these strong relationships in communication? Through integrity. Today on Therapy Thursday I am telling you 3 ways that communicating with integrity can strengthen relationships.
Can you have integrity in today's digital world? And if so, how? It is so easy to reinvent ourselves or to have multiple versions of ourselves in today's world. We decide who we are at work, at home, online, and all these other places. When you can be whoever you want in so many different places, how can you hold on to your integrity? How can you be authentic in holding on to your integrity?
June is here and this month's topic is integrity! On today's Therapy Thursday, I want to talk to you about the meaning of integrity and how to develop and preserve integrity. This month we will be discussing a lot about integrity. Stay tuned for our blog posts and videos! We will be talking about integrity in relation to yourself, in your relationships, at work, as a parent, mentor, etc.
Today on Therapy Thursday, I am talking all about connection to self and why it is so important to gain self-awareness.
In relationships, there is this anticipation of hurt and disappointment. This is normal, this is a normal human thing to feel. It's neither good nor bad to feel like we need to protect ourselves from anticipated hurt. But, there is always room for improvement and improving our connection with others. There are two major causes of disconnection and today I am sharing how to create change and stronger connections in all relationships. Keep listening to learn more!
This month (May) we are talking all about connection. In therapy, we talk about connection all the time. We love to share our ideas and thoughts around connection, specifically on why it is SO important to have connections in your life. Today, on Therapy Thursday I am sharing 3 reasons to build more connection in your life. Especially after the last few years of living through a pandemic, connection is extremely important to your physical and mental health. Continue listening to hear the 3 reasons to build more connection in your life.
If you're interested in learning more about growth vs. fixed mindset I highly recommend reading #caroldweck 's book "The New Psychology of Success". It will expand your thinking and change the way you view the world around you. Keep listening here for a brief introduction to what it means to have a growth mindset and what you can do to create one for yourself. #growth #mindset #growthmindset
Growth requires you to push perfection away. Perfection wants you to stay in this controlled perfect ideal that is couched in the idea of control and fear. Growth is about moving into places of courage and bravery, they are not controlled, they are full of emotion. Continue listening to learn more PLUS gain some insight into how to journal about this!
This month our focus is on the topic of Growth. Every week I am going to come on here and talk about various topics surrounding Growth. I want to start off the month by talking about how hard growth actually is. Growth is messy but we can embrace the messy!
Is curiosity a better partner to you than control?
It's hard to sit in curiosity in times of change because it can feel like an illusion of a sense of control.
But sitting with curiosity in times of change can actually give you ideas on how to move forward, it can open you up to greater possibilities and options.
When you sit in a place of curiosity you're less reactive, you're being more curious about how you want to react, or how to get to the other side of this change.
In control, we just do things, we react immediately and try to take control of the situation. But in reality, control is the illusion.
Today, I am talking to you about curiosity that comes from within. Getting to know yourself better for the purpose of personal growth.
On today’s Therapy Thursday, I am talking to you about curiosity, what it means & why you want to cultivate more curiosity in your life.
Cultivating curiosity will bring you more joy in your life, it will improve all your relationships, and help you communicate effectively with the world around you.
Curiosity is all about sitting in a place of wonderment rather than judgment and assumption. I hope to encourage you to bring more curiosity into your life so you can feel these benefits of wonderment, joy, and love.
Have you ever felt an overwhelming sensation of anxiety, a feeling that something just wasn’t right?
That would be your central nervous system kicking in.
It’s an important part of ourselves, something that is not conscious, something that was designed to keep us alive, well, & safe.
In today’s Therapy Thursday I’m providing you with some guidance around how to navigate the central nervous system of our little ones.
Oftentimes, when they come to us with their worries we attempt to relax them by saying things like “don’t worry” or “there’s nothing wrong”. And although we do this with love and care in mind, it’s actually not helpful.
Continue listening to learn more about the central nervous system and how we can manage it within ourselves and in our children.
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Quitting has been defined as a bad thing. That if we quit, we are less. All because we didn't follow through to the end. But what if we redefine how we look at quitting?
What if you considered quitting something to be a conscious decision you made to move towards wellness in your life?
When I was in university (in my 20's) I floated around studying psychology, criminology, and sociology. I quit a lot of different things during that time. Had I stuck it out and finished criminology (something I didn't enjoy) then my life trajectory would be totally different. I wouldn't have gotten into social work (which is where my life is now) all because of a fear of quitting. Quitting is not bad, it's something where there is A LOT to learn from. Embrace quitting as a conscious choice towards wellness.
🌟Make a list of all the things you want to quit & why.
🌟Write about all the things you've quit in the past & reflect on how they have directed you towards wellness in your life.
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Humans are complicated.
Sitting in this complexity is uncomfortable.
But, within this complexity is compassion, understanding, and empathy - all the good things.
Today, on Therapy Thursday, I encourage you to practice getting curious rather than simplifying your experiences. Siting with curiosity opens us up to different perspectives & possibilities.
Which ultimately builds more connection 💙
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Instead of setting a goal and setting up all the strategies that go along with it; be really intentional about the identity you are creating for yourself.
Think about how you are talking to yourself about yourself.
✨ What are labelling yourself as?
✨ What words are you using to describe yourself?
✨ Do those labels and words align with the identity you want?
If not, think about the identity you want for yourself.
✨ Who do you want to be? ✨
In what ways can you begin talking to yourself that reflects the person you are trying to become?
What labels and words can you use that will get you closer to the identity you want?
When you start to do this, your behaviour will shift.
The way you interact with the world will shift.
And you'll realize that every choice you're making is a vote for the person you want to be.
PS. this isn't the magic sauce to making change happen right away, it will take time, and it will take work.
Tell me, what's one word or phrase you can start using today that will help you to become the person YOU want to be?
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There are three things to know: 1️⃣ Perfection is not motivating, it is not an identity - it is something we engage in. 2️⃣ Perfection & shame are lifelong partners & you cannot separate them. 3️⃣ Comparison is part of our brain's functioning, the problem is who we compare ourselves to - we have control over who we compare ourselves to. Keep watching for more!
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Today, on Therapy Thursday, Cecilia is talking to you about expectations and how they connect to the experience.
When we hold any expectation in any situation or with any person, that will determine how we experience said situation or experience.
Being capable of communicating our expectations to ourselves and others will improve our mental health and wellness.
Keep listening to learn more!
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Today, Cecilia is talking about Men's mental health. She talks about how women and men are socialized differently and how that has impacted the mental health of each.
Keep listening to learn more and grab some tips & tricks on how you can have conversations with the men in your life to help improve their mental health & wellness.
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During this pandemic, a lot of us have been wavering between stress & burnout. Today, on Therapy Thursday I want to give you some tips & tricks that will help reduce the two!
The tips & tricks in this podcast come from #AdamGrant who is an organizational psychologist.
Here are the 4 tips to help reduce stress & burnout in your life:
➡ focus on reducing demands
➡ focus on the things that you CAN control
➡ increase your support system
➡ name your emotions
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Today, I'm sharing some inside knowledge around how therapists help you create change in your life. It's based on systems theory, which is essentially knowing & understanding that every part of your life is connected & interconnected.
Understanding how systems theory works is a powerful tool for you to have & implement in your life.
Keep listening to learn more! And then ask yourself, what is one part of your life that doesn't have many barriers where you can start addressing some change? Where you feel some power & control to create change & see where it goes from there.
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Eat the buffet! A new approach to reconnect with your partner that will radically change the way you approach intimacy.
In this week's Therapy Thursday, Cecilia Mannella talks about a metaphor to use when approaching intimacy in your relationship. A must-try with your partner, that has been raved about in her practice with real clients
𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐂𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚? A therapist & the director of Eterna Counselling & Wellness. She believes that people have the ability to live the life they want and change is always possible. Counselling is not about getting advice from a counsellor on how to live your life, but more about being asked different types of questions that help you discover the answers that fit and work for you and guide you to the life you dream about. Self-discovery and personal change can be a scary place to enter alone. Counselling is a safe place where we build a relationship together so that you are not doing the work alone. She also believes that smiles and laughter are key ingredients for happiness and can light the way towards solutions for even the darkest, most difficult of problems.
Learn more about Cecilia & her approach here: http://www.eternacounselling.ca/our-team/cecilia-mannella/
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Do you know why anger comes up?
Today, Cecilia is talking to you about anger - understanding why it shows up & what you can do to discover what is beneath anger. She explains how anger is a secondary emotion, it is not the first emotion that comes up in certain situations. There is a primary emotion hidden beneath that anger and one way you can rediscover it is to reflect & dig deep.
A great example of this is what happens for parents when (or if) a child runs across the road - fear is what could fuel the anger in this situation.
Continue listening to get the full picture!
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This week on Therapy Thursday, Cecilia wants to talk to you about divisiveness and how we can move from a mindset of "either-or" to "this AND that". By opening up to the idea that two very opposite views can actually be true at the same time allows us to improve not only our mental wellness but also our relationships with others and ourselves. Continue listening to get the full idea!
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When did we learn to hate ourselves?
Welcome to our newest series! Therapist thoughts with Cecilia Mannella. Cecilia wants to talk about what's on her mind and she wants to hear what's on yours! Leave your comments below as well as any topic suggestions!
Today, Cecilia is talking about body image, body shame, and the idea of body positivity. She goes in-depth with the question "when did we learn to hate ourselves?" she gives her perspective on the issue and her opinions on the root cause!
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This is a replay from an old "coffee talk" series that we wanted to reshare with you! #throwbackthursday 🎉
As important as it was then, it is JUST as important today!
It is a quick reminder of how 'being busy' all the time is NOT a badge of honour! It's time to step back & look around!
Do you need a break? Watch for some great tips & tricks on how to take a break and rest.
Because, YOU deserve it! 💙💙
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It's back to school! How are you holding up?!
Today, I want to share with you some tips & tricks for the parents who are managing the many emotions that arise with heading back to school this year.
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Values are the things that are important to us. And values, themselves are very important for our mental health and wellness.
Why? Because our values show others what kind of person we are and what matters most to ourselves. BUT, they also remind us of ourselves. There can be a lot of anxiety in the world and a lot of uncertainty - our values are what help bring us back to who we are, to remember what is in our minds and our hearts.
And that is really important for our mental health and wellness. Because reminding ourselves of who we are can make us feel calm. In today's Therapy Thursday I am talking all about values - how to choose them and how to show up in them!
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If you have ever experienced someone telling you what you 'should' be doing, it's likely that it didn't make you feel good or maybe you responded with another 'should' ... "you SHOULDN'T be telling me what to do".
We are 'shoulding' ALL over the place.
The word should is powerful. It is full of shame, guilt, and low self-esteem. But it's not the only powerful word. Keep listening to find out how you can turn your shoulds around! For yourself and for the relationships in your life.
𝐉𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: What would happen if you changed your 'shoulds' to 'coulds'? Write your should statement in the comments, follow it with a could statement. Notice the difference you feel when you change that should into a could. Notice how that could statement opens up opportunity, what could happen?
I'll start... "I should wake up earlier" VS. "I could wake up earlier" - waking up earlier could allow more time for myself before the day begins.
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In therapy, we ask A LOT of questions. It's how we problem-solve with you.
One of the biggest and usually most difficult questions that come up in therapy is 'why?'
➡ Why do I do this to myself?
➡ Why did I act that way?
➡ Why do I stay?
➡ Why is this happening to me?
But here's the thing, those 'why' questions are only powerful if you have answers to them that will propel you forward. If you don't have the answer to those 'why' questions then you are falling into a trap.
Continue listening to this week's Therapy Thursday where I talk to you about what questions you can ask yourself instead of 'why', how to get curious about yourself and learn more about the person you are in order to get your answer to those 'why' questions!
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Stress is one major contributor to the lack of intimacy in a relationship.
This week (on social) has been all about relationships & ways to improve intimacy. We thought it would be great to reshare Cecilia's talk on how to rebuild intimacy in your relationship!
Listen to learn the three tips Cecilia says will help improve your relationship during these tough times.
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You have big emotions for a reason, but do you know why?
Today, I want to talk about a concept we refer to often with adults & children when managing our big emotions.
It's called name it and frame it.
This concept will help elevate your emotional connection & ability to see what's happening in your life from a different perspective.
𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭: Name an emotion you (or your child) have had recently? How would you frame it?
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Allyship with the LGBTQ+ community doesn't have to be acknowledged & celebrated one month a year...
It can be something we practice daily. Showing our support as an ally can look like unlearning all the heterosexual assumptions we have grown up to know.
It can be something as simple as asking "who are you seeing these days?" instead of "do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?"
It's about being open to questioning & examining your own assumptions, thoughts, and beliefs. Are they grounded in the assumption that heterosexuality is the norm?
Continue listening for more ideas to guide you in your allyship with the LGBTQ+ community...
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We typically avoid hurtful things, emotions that are difficult & uncomfortable. And that is 100% normal, it's what we do to protect ourselves from harm.
BUT, I want you to look at it from a different perspective. Notice that when we avoid the hard things, we are putting greater energy into the avoidance than we would be if we just dealt with it.
Keep listening for my explanation & why stepping into the hardness of that difficult thing is worth it.
Join the conversation: What do you think is the hardest or most difficult part about dealing with the emotions or things you would rather avoid? What would happen if you actually dealt with it? Can you picture a weight being lifted off your shoulders? Find us on IG (@eternacounsellingwellness) or FB (@eternacounselling) to join in on this conversation!
Your body's response to anxiety can be a multitude of things from heart palpitations to sweaty palms, nausea, or that pit in your stomach. All of those signs & symptoms serve a purpose.
It is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong, that there is a threat to your wellbeing.
A lot of us, when we get anxiety we tend to wish it away or think that we are broken in some way. But the problem isn't with you, having anxiety is not the problem. The problem is the circumstances creating the experience of anxiety in your body.
🌟 Continue listening to learn how you can resolve anxiety when it arises.
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By getting rid of the idea of a 'failed' relationship you are helping yourself move forward.
When a relationship comes to an end we usually fall back on the idea that "the relationship failed" or "my marriage was a failure".
It's this idea that relationship success is measured by longevity - how long it lasted.
But today, I want you to think about how you can redefine this idea. Because longevity is not a measure of a successful relationship.
There is SO much more to take away from it instead of disregarding and labeling it as a failure.
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Do you remember the so-called "Honeymoon phase" with your partner?
You know, the phase where you actually dedicated time to hang out & get to know each other intentionally? What happened?
Some might say life happened, but life is always happening no matter if we are in a relationship, dating, or doing the single thing. What happened, was this assumption that once we were in a relationship intimacy would just keep happening.
But here's the thing, intimacy doesn't just happen. To have intimacy there has to be intention. And the problem with intimacy in most relationships is that it's not happening with intention. There is no scheduling, there is no mindset around "I'm giving my full attention to you", it's kinda left in hopes of managing and building itself.
My biggest tip to you, if intimacy is an issue in your relationship, is to schedule it in!
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Toxic positivity refers to the movement around everything being positive no matter what. It's when we take our challenges, hardships, and struggles & turn them into this positive always learning opportunity.
But the problem with this is that we aren't sitting in our own vulnerability & acknowledging the depth of the pain & hurt we are going through.
We aren't allowing reflection & rest to happen.
In today's Coffee Talk I encourage you to shift your perspective. To avoid the saying "everything happens for a reason" & instead think about your life in seasons.
And remembering that what is hard right now, does not mean it is going to be hard forever.
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The victim OR drama triangle is an important tool we can use in communication.
It can help us establish communication roles, where we stand, and how we can step out of certain situations that try to pull us into a certain role.
Keep listening for a detailed explanation.
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Growth requires leaning into discomfort. It requires you to have hard conversations with others & with yourself.
Growth & change have NEVER occurred by remaining stagnant. By doing the same thing over & over.
Yes, it's hard, yes it's uncomfortable. But that is the point. In discomfort, we learn more about ourselves & about others, about the world around us. And from that, we can learn to grow, change, evolve.
We were made for discomfort because we were made for growth. Lean into the discomfort & see what the potential learning & growth there might be.
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Conflict in a relationship doesn't need to be unhealthy, with fighting fair rules in place you can actually have healthy conflict conversations that help the relationship grow, help bring trust into the relationship, and help each person grow as individuals.
As humans, we all have different views, different opinions, values, and beliefs. This is normal. It's not about who's right or wrong. It's about hearing each other out and learning more about each other. Have these conversations about conflict, not in times of conflict but in times of peace.
Start by saying "let's set up some rules of engagement around fighting fair"...
- What's below the belt for you? (Something you think would be unfair, a cheap shot, hurtful for your partner to do/say in conflict - share those thoughts with each other)
- What does respect look like to you? (what does it mean, look like, sound like to you? What do you need for a conflict to feel respectful?)
- Stick to one topic - don't fight to just fight, you want a resolution.
- Set up rules on walking away - when is it appropriate to walk away, when things get too escalated, too many below the belts, etc.
- The goal is to come to a resolution. Not necessarily an agreement but an agreement to compromise and feel that you have been heard and understood in the conflict/conversation.
*Remind yourself that feelings take time to resolve. After a conflict has been resolved those feelings may still be there or they may go away quickly - it depends on the person, everyone is different. If you need space or time to resolve on your own tell your spouse or partner this.