Inner Momologue with Ash Kelsch

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It took me 20 years to realize that when I was 17, I was given the most important, healthy bit of advice about sex and orgasms that I would ever receive.

Ironically, I knew about sex, but very little about orgasms. The message was completley lost on me. This should come as no surprise because most the messaging we as a culture have cultivated around sex and pleasure for women has been there is none, shameful and disempowering.

Have you considered that it was only in the 1960's that people thought it was 'weird' to workout and run. To eat 'right'. Vs today, it's considered mainstream. Our sexual well being and pleasure is no different. It’s on the fringes at the moment, but we are seeing real empirical, scientific and spiritual data that shows the impact it has on all domains of our lives.

We are at the beginning of a sexual revolution. Who's coming with me?

The behavior is beginning to change, but the ancient beliefs are deeply rooted. Today I am challenging societal norms and expectations about women's sexuality and advocating for self-empowerment and self-acceptance through a pleasure practice.

I want you start with yourself. Solo.

Join me this week as I disucss the importance of orgasm and why having a pleasure practice; a practice where you work with your erotic, sexual energy and pleasure consciously for higher development and growth of self and sexuality.

You will discover: Practical tips for starting a pleasure practice, emphasizing relaxation, breath, sound, movement, mindfulness, and energy. This practice is not just about getting off but also about regulating the nervous system, nurturing oneself, and rewiring neural pathways.

You will learn the importance of self-pleasure and sexual well-being, and the physical and psychological benefits of orgasm.

To embrace your own sexuality, challenge societal norms, and prioritize your sexual well-being the same way you do your workouts and diet. It's equally, if not more important.

The Pleasure is All Yours

For Full Show Notes Click Here

Follow and Subscribe to Ashley’s column, The Sex is Great, for a weekly dose of dating advice, her personal and uncensored experiences along with worksheets and videos to help you navigate the high’s and low’s of modern dating, sex and relationships.

If you are a woman who feels stuck and stagnate in her current relationship, unable to have the conversations to either repair it or end it, can’t stop seeking pleasure from other men and martinis and feel hungover with guilt, unsure how to untangle yourself from it all, head on over to www.ashleykelsch.com to inquire about working 1:1 with her.

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Did you know that there are only two industries that refer to its consumers as users? Can you guess what two those might be?

The digital and the drug and alcohol industries.

On this weeks episode of The Sex is Great, I’m taking a little detour to discuss alcohol consumption and addiction, particularly in women. For the first time in history, women are narrowing the gender gap in deaths from alcohol or related to alcohol. A few factors play a role in this. The ever pervasive normalizing and promoting of drinking culture. Physiological factors such as hormones and women’s bodies lacking the enzymes to properly aid in processing and metabolizing alcohol. And of course, dopamine. Our chemical desire and drive in seeking rewards for survival.

The negative effects of such substances and the challenge of breaking the cycle of desire are just the beginning.

Join me today and listen in as I explain the deeper pain body we are experiencing as women who are socialized to be the primary caregivers, not to complain or ask for help and to put everyone else first.

We are conditioned to compact our feelings or suppress them. Instead of going inward to solve for them, we are easily reaching out for a drink, anti depressants, or desserts.

What You Will Discover:

The problem is not you.

Dopamine's role in desire and its impact on behavior are explained, showing how alcohol and drugs can override the brain's natural dopamine regulation.

How the marketing and social normalization of alcohol consumption, particularly among women is targeted at making you believe it’s the answer to a successful life and the way to de-stress.

Your stress is coming from a much deeper pain body than you are aware of.

How you can begin to overcome the urge to drink, change your reactive patterns and slowly start integrating your shadow side into your whole being.

For Full Show Notes Click Here

If you are a woman who feels stuck and stagnate in her current relationship, unable to have the conversations to either repair it or end it, can’t stop seeking pleasure from other men and martinis and feel hungover with guilt, unsure how to untangle yourself from it all, head on over to www.ashleykelsch.com to inquire about working 1:1 with her.

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This week on the Sex is Great, I’m talking to dating and relationship coach, Angela Wetzel. Join us as she delves into the complexities of attachment styles, dating anxiety, and the journey towards self-soothing and empowerment. Learn how recognizing and addressing your emotional triggers, developing healthier patterns, and fostering self-compassion can lead to more fulfilling relationships and personal growth.

The more time I’ve spent studying my own attachment style and the theory in general, the more understanding I’ve had not only for myself, but the other people I’m dating or in relation to.

I joke that having this information is like having a Dating for Dummies Guide book.

And that it may decrease your chances of becoming DickMAtiZeD!!!! or No, don’t say it…., CunTStruCk!!!

Ahhhhhhh for Fox Sake!! Make the drama end, but let the sex be great!!

Distinguishing normal dating anxiety from hyper-vigilant behaviors is crucial for healthy emotional regulation.

Let today’s teaser be all you need to dive a little deeper into exploring Attachment Theory.

It IS like having a cheat sheet in the wild that shows you your blind spots!

Angela Wetzel who specializes in helping high achievers and purpose-driven people resolve the blocks that keep them from having the love they want with her knowledge of attachment theory, trauma, relationship strategies, masculine and feminine energy dynamics, polarity and neuroscience.

Aside from being a giant relationship nerd reading and studying all the things while studying with the industries top experts…she was a former Korean Linguist and Sergeant in the US Army, worked as a government contractor for the office of naval intelligence, has been an actor and writer pretty much all of her life.

Click here to find out more about Angela's programs or to follow her instagram.

For Full Show Notes Click Here

If you are a woman who feels stuck and stagnate in her current relationship, unable to have the conversations to either repair it or end it, can’t stop seeking pleasure from other men and martinis and feel hungover with guilt, unsure how to untangle yourself from it all, head on over to www.ashleykelsch.com to inquire about working 1:1 with her.

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On this weeks episode, I’m sharing with you how you can process your authentic, albeit painful emotions, without judgment.

Emotions are neither right nor wrong, but simply a part of being human.

To actively engage with our emotions and literally move them through our bodies, I’m introducing a practice created by Mama Gena called "swamping" – a powerful tool that allows oneself to deeply feel and physically express without judgment, and fully release your emotions.

To learn more About Mama Gena Click Here

For Full Show Notes Click Here

Corresponding Worksheet and Guide for Supporting Subcribers Can Be Found Here

Follow and Subscribe to Ashley’s column, The Sex is Great

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On this week’s episode, Dating May Include Side Effects, I’m discussing how the process can feel like emotional rollercoaster and the side effects that come with it, like feeling rejected, embarrassed, or addicted to checking messages, may leave you wanting to quit altogether, or worse, make the outcomes mean something negative about you. You are going to feel stretched. However, I want to reassure you that such feelings are normal and linked to the brain's natural response to discomfort and the unknown.

I was reminded of a podcast episode I recorded almost exactly two years ago, Be Your Own Best Date and how it set off my journey to ditch all the self imposed rules I had around dating and become more open to the process.

What if there was a different way to go about it? A more rational approach to dating that focuses on facts and circumstances rather than getting caught up in emotional drama.

I've noticed the people in my life that end up in partnership, are not only mentally resolved, but have adopted what I call an “All Math, No Drama” mindset.

Additionally, don't let societal expectations and pressures related to being in a relationship or married be an indicator of your self worth or value. Focus on your own healing and self-love, rejecting the notion that you have to in "something" to be worthy of love.

Dating may include side effects, but there is a way for you to treat them: A Pleasure Practice! Solo sex, self touch, self pleasuring, turn on and orgasms are the best way to rewire the brain, remove limited beliefs and blocks, and integrate new ways of experiencing not only yourself, but the world.

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What if there was a different way to go about it? A more rational approach to dating that focuses on facts and circumstances rather than getting caught up in emotional drama.

I've noticed the people in my life that end up in partnership, are not only mentally resolved, but have adopted what I call an “All Math, No Drama” mindset.

What we are exploring: 🍯

The Motivational Triad: Our Human Design is to Seek Pleasure, Avoid Discomfort, Be Efficient
Feeling overwhelmed and wanting to quit is a normal response to the challenges of dating
Learn how to go inward and focus on your emotional experience, rather than on what the other person is doing
All Math, No Drama: To dial down the emotions, adopt a new way to approach dating where you focus on facts rather than drama
Societal expectations about relationships and marriage can impact one's self-worth, but self-love is crucial
Explore a "pleasure practice" of solo sex and orgasms as a way to rewire the brain and promote self-love

For the Sex is Great Supporting Subscribers…. Let's Go Deeper 🦹🏻‍♀️📚🤼

To receive the video of this podcast recording and the corresponding worksheet that offers the questions and journal prompts mentioned + additional ones for you to use as prompts for deeper inquiry subscribe as a supporting member ❤️

Let’s learn to lose ourselves in the moment, not the (hu)man

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

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I was just talking on my Instagram stories the other day about an experience that I was having and I felt, you know, all these thoughts swarming. At first I thought, Ooh, I think I have a new column or podcast coming up. I can feel it gathering. And then I was like, wait a minute.

This all sounds really familiar in my mind. These feelings… these thoughts. FAMILIAR!

I thought damnit! I already wrote this column. LITERALLY.

I am right back where I was. How does this happen? How do we continue to repeat some of the things, actions, emotions, feelings, what have you, despite having been there. With new thoughts, like… Not doing that again. Figured out a way! I have awareness now.

And then, ooh, I'm back.

I'm doing that thing again. What happened? This weeks #notyourdatingguru moment is one that I think we've all experienced. I think we've all had this happen. I think we've all done it to people. But how I handled it…. well, maybe not what everyone would do.

I'm gonna tell you something and I don't want you to tell anyone.

This is just between you and me. It's our little secret.

But you will have to listen to this weeks episode to find out what happened and even better (or for worse) what I did. Below is the column I wrote last year for Tribeza. Almost a year to date 🥴

WHEN MY KIDS entered their high school years, I adopted this motto as a mother: “I’m really f*g cool… until I’m not.”

It was born from commentary made by others directly to me or my children. People said things like, “I bet you are/have the coolest mom,” and our response was, “Yeah, until I’m/she’s not.” Depending on the day, it might come with a laugh or awareness that I was in a not-so-cool moment. Such is parenting.

MORE: Ashley Kelsch: Looking for a Partner? Avoid the Unavailable

My kids often resorted to wondering how they were supposed to know when I was going to respond coolly or not. And how could I be cool one minute and then, like a flash, not cool at all?

I can empathize with their confusion.

The only retort I could give them was to say, “It’s a fine line and you have to learn how to tread it.” It turns out, this metaphorical line was not only reserved for my kids, but also for the people I date. Although, I’m only just now realizing this. Thanks to Instagram.

It’s not uncommon for me to have people sliding into my DMs to compliment my work, a message I shared or an outfit I put together.

Messages like, “You seem like you are so fun — the way you think is so open minded and different,” or “I wish you were a stylist. I’d hire you,” and “You’re so easy going.” (This is where I started to question what they were saying.)

Other messages like, “A guy stood you up? You get ghosted?! How’s that possible? He wasn’t interested in you? Whaaat?” This is what inspired me to share my dating stories with the hashtag #NotYourDatingGuru.”

It’s an odd moment when you realize this is what people think of you, and yet…

Last month, a guy left me a message telling me I was beautiful, kind and smart. I later joked with my buddy Josh that clearly this guy didn’t know me. Literally NO ONE says I’m kind. Unless you consider being clear as being kind. Josh said that it’s not that I’m not kind, but of all the things one might list, “kind” would be ninth or tenth on that list. “Sweet” might follow it.

The truth is, as a friend, I am pretty laid back. You can cancel plans. Hang up and not call back for six months. Be late picking me up. Ask me why I talk about sex so much. Challenge my work by saying, “Do you think people will want to hear about those topics?” I invite all of it, but this attitude ends the second we are potentially dating.

That “I’m really f*g cool … until I’m not” feeling activates, and suddenly, most everything you do is being scrutinized or analyzed.

Is it fair? Absolutely not.

“If you’re going to come into my world… I’m going to expect you to do the same. The bar is not low. This is my life I’m talking about.”

This is precisely why I’ve been letting people know when they express interest in wanting to date me, before they’ve gotten to know me, that maybe they don’t. What they want is to be my friend. It’s a much more enjoyable version of me for them.

The second I let you into my dating orbit, your words and actions are non-negotiable.

You can’t invite me to a concert and then not follow through. I’ll never forget that time and it will underscore not only every future invite, but I’ll privately question if you can keep your word. Sure, it’s a concert invite now, but later it could be a bill you said you’d pay, or making out with someone else because you “forgot” we made plans to only make out with each other. You can’t arrange to spend time with me, cancel a couple of hours before and then invite me to your event the following day because you’re worried the numbers might be low and throw in “can you bring 6 of your hottest friends?” without me heading to Instagram to question WTF is happening. And by the way, I am the hot friend…

But I would never do that to a friend. I’d probably be relieved that they canceled and would roll in with as many people as possible to their event the following day.

Like I said, I’m really f*g cool… until I’m not.

My friends don’t affect my personal life the same way a potential partner does. I can’t help but get the feeling (based on over a decade of dating) that most people will want to come in, mess with you and your life and not offer you much in return. And I’m not here for it. (Kids are included in this and I probably have mine to thank for learning to hold boundaries without emotion.)

If you’re going to come into my world, a world where I prioritize my people and commitments, you better bet I’m going to expect you to do the same. The bar is not low. This is my life I’m talking about. I’m a believer that we are all adults and people get to cancel plans and change their minds. You can do it all day. It just won’t happen with me if we are dating.

I’m not naive that as soon as I start dating someone, I become very thoughtful and considerate of their needs.

MORE: Ashley Kelsch Shares Her Ideas for the Perfect Date

I must be an acts of service kind of person, with material gifts running a close second. I hear them make mention of wanting or needing supplements and I’ll send that stuff to their door. It’s who I am and want to be in a relationship, so when I’m dating someone, this behavior turns on instantly. I’m not resentful when it’s not reciprocated. The dating scene is not for the faint of heart and can be incredibly disappointing if you just let anyone in. It can jade you, and we don’t want that.

Being really f*g cool… until you’re not means being authentically you — protective of your time, priorities and people and knowing how to advocate for yourself. Try it.

I promise it will show you very quickly if someone is taking you seriously or not.

The Sex is Great by Ashley Kelsch is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

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The Sex is Great by Ashley Kelsch is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

It’s no secret that I’ve been actively dating. I’m on an app, that I’ve been terrible about checking since I met one person, but then again, I do treat instagram as a dating app and met someone on there, I’ve been meeting people out to go on dates, having the conversations when I don’t see things progressing, staying open to those who I do find an attraction to while being honest about my intentions; I’m just looking to have fun.

This has all been a very empowering positive experience this time around. Until recently… I had one of those experiences that I would refer to as RARE. I had one of those visceral chemical, pheromone-like- primitive body reactions to another person. The whole thing has caught me off guard.

It’s not the usual, this person is fun and attractive and sexy and the sex is great…

It’s this thing my stomach; summersaults when I think about them; when I get a text and my face grins in a way that reminds me I need botox because it’s stretching far and wide; the real tell all? Nothing can solve for how turned on I feel except them. Not even my vibrator. I need this person to be in the room breathing next to me. Talking. Touching Me.

I’ll be the first to say, I have entered very dangerous terrain. I know that. I see exactly what is happening.

I’m under the influence. I mean, I don’t know this person and yet, I’m making plans in my mind to do the ‘normal stuff’.

It makes me think about someone I dated and neither of us was in a place to make it serious. After me, he met someone. He and I laugh about the s**t he has done to be with her. Major life changes! I’m been like dude… come on. You can choose love, get your head straight… but today I’m like dude… I totally get it.

CHEMISTRY!

Babes, we can not turn our lives upside down. I had to glean some advice on how to manage my mind and emotions so I dug into the archives for ‘CRAZY STUPID LOVE’.

I listened to it earlier today and found myself quite proud that I’ve been using technical terms like dickmatized and cunstruck since at least May of 2021 when this episode originally aired.

I’m also proud to hear me dive into the hard wiring of your brain- the reason you have this drive and feel the way you do. You’ll be pleased to find some prescriptive advice that you can use. I know I will be!

It’s spring y’all. Sex is in the air. We need to keep it together… I mean, don’t get me wrong; have the sex, follow the feelings, but don’t lose yourself or your mind.

Tune in and turn on to Crazy Stupid Love…

Today we are talking about your brain, emotions, and love. And I’m not just talking about any kind of love, I’m talking that kind of love that makes you feel crazy and out of sorts, and no longer recognize yourself. That love that makes you crazy just thinking about them, that every love song ever written was about you, where you can’t begin to imagine how you could possibly ever live without them.

There’s a collective belief that love is out of our control, that we can’t choose who we find ourselves attracted to and it’s happening to us. But it is possible to have a deeply passionate love without feeling powerless and crazy. You can learn to acknowledge what is happening and dial it down.

Join me this week as I’m exploring why we need to question our emotions and showing you how to become empowered by learning what’s going on in your brain. By knowing what’s going on chemically, you can manage the process even if just a little bit, and learn to lose yourself in the moments – not the human.

What You Will Discover:

Why we get obsessive and euphoric over love.
How to stop feeling consumed when dating.
Why your emotions are not hardwired.
How to be mindful of what’s going on in your brain when you feel crazy.
Why pain doesn’t have to be devastating.

Resources Mentioned:

Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

The Sex is Great by Ashley Kelsch is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

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I was recently out by myself having dinner and happened to be next to a man and woman on a date. It became glaringly clear that she didn’t want to be there, but didn’t have the nerve to leave until they had finished eating.

We’ve all been there. Maybe we forget that we have agency and can leave if we feel like it. Or maybe the idea of leaving sounds rude or impossible. So we ‘stick it out’…

On todays episode I am offering you some advice on how to change your experience from miserable to pleasurable.

Yes, it’s possible. You just have to do one thing…

I’m also giving you 2 ideas to spark some fun conversation and get to know the other person across from you. I think they are brilliant and one of them has already been proven to work on a date!

But first, a ‘not your dating guru’ moment from yours truly.

Enjoy!

xx,

ash

The Sex is Great by Ashley Kelsch is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

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Last week Austin was presented with a winter storm that took the power out leaving hundreds of thousands people displaced, in the dark and cold. The events, though not as extreme as the storm we experienced in 2021, has been another series of stress, triggering events. that

It reminded me of two episodes I recorded in response to those events. Trauma is Trauma and Let’s Talk About Stress, Baby.

Tune in to learn how we process traumatic events and why even though several people share an experience, they will deal with it very differently. I discuss what is happening in your brain and body when in trauma, how to process anxiety and why it’s important to not just breathe, but the chemicals you need to create to counteract stress.

In the second half, Let’s talk about Stress Baby, I address a question sent in by a listener.

“Why don’t I feel like having sex when I’m stressed out?”

something that I experienced as well.

As women, we're taught that we must take care of others first and put ourselves last. We’re used to sacrificing ourselves and our pleasure to make those around us happier, and we've been raised to compact any feelings of depression, resentment, and exhaustion. But there’s a solution, a way to feel better, and it may sound radical, but it’s exactly what we need right now.

You might think that feeling turned on is not a priority when life is challenging and turning upside down on itself, but I want you to consider that maybe this is the answer to difficult times. The idea of sex and orgasms during stressful times may sound hard, but saying yes to pleasurable moments will produce the feel-good chemicals required to keep us alive.

Join me this week as I share why more people are more likely to reach for a drink or dessert before they reach for an orgasm, and why this needs to change. I’m explaining why it’s important to get into your body and out of your mind, and why stress affects our sex drives, but orgasm can be the answer.

The Sex is Great by Ashley Kelsch is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

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WELL, DEAR READERS, it’s official. In just a few short days, 2022 will be the year of our past and 2023 our present future.

As I sit here reminiscing about the year, I will admit that it wasn’t my strongest dating season. It was an endless series of dating disappointments — from one man not wishing me a happy birthday despite not being able to miss that it was my birthday to the guy that asked me out on a date only to cancel a few hours before, but then inviting me to an event along with “six of my hottest friends” — and a little bit in between.

Today, I can laugh at moments like these. At the time, I felt like I had lost all hope. In fact, I was rendered speechless. I believe I started dating a woman after all of this, but it didn’t take long to discover I’m not actually a lesbian or bisexual. This also proved disappointing because it meant I was back to where I started.

Throw in some identity theft that resulted from my purse and wallet being stolen, followed by the loss of my mother and I was happy to just allow whoever stole my identity to have my life. “Here… you manage all of this,” I thought.

Oh, did I mention the guy I dated who showed pictures of me to his friend, only for him to tell me they talked about how big my “cans” were? At first, I thought he said “hands” so I was confused. “What do you mean your friend thinks I have big hands?” I asked. Once he clarified, I was left feeling even more confused that I was talking to someone who would even say the word “cans” in the first place. For weeks, I interrogated myself. How did I let this happen?

I could go on and on with anecdotes like those I just shared. I could lament and spill tea about all the nonsensical romantic experiences I found myself in, but it would be pointless — with the exception of laughing so hard we would cry.

MORE: Ashley Kelsch Offers Advice for the Complicated Holiday Season

A few days before my mom passed away, I was in New York City for the marathon. I had seen that she called and returned her call from an Uber, unaware that she had also left me a voicemail. We were catching up about Faith and I running the marathon and the subject of my dating life came up. “I heard the excitement of possibility in your voice, Ashley,” said my mother. “I didn’t know you still had it in you.”

“Let’s try together. Shall we? Reflect and collect all you can that was good.

I joked with her, saying, “Mom, I’ve spent most of my adult life dating unavailable Taurus men. (Note: my mom is a Taurus.) I’ve decided to put a pin in it and just work stuff out directly with you.”

We laughed because it was true. That was the last time we talked on the phone. A week later, I saw that she had left a voicemail and listened.

She talked about how she’d be riding on my shoulder and be on the tip of my heart. She told me how proud of me she was and that she was with me in spirit. She finished by saying, “So do what you’re doing. Keep doing what you’re doing. And never look back… Well, just for a break because there are some pretty damn good things to look back on.”

This is actually what comes to mind as I think about 2023. Keep doing what we’re doing and never look back, except to find some pretty damn good things to take with us. Let’s try together. Shall we? Reflect and collect all you can that was good. I’ll go first.

I reconnected with the man I believed I would always end up with and who promised me no one was going to love more than he does. A story that started 20 years ago concluded with an understanding and ending neither of us predicted — we don’t work. Before that truth settled in, we found ourselves living out the things I always dreamed would happen between us.

I got to see and get to know my mother again, albeit briefly. I let down all my guards, and for the first time since my childhood, I received her and her love, which is a love that grows stronger each day. This also opened up a relationship with my grandmother. I’ve yet to find the words to describe what she and I are sharing but I know it to be healing and transformative for both of us.

I experienced unconditional friendships. Mark my words — I have the most beautiful, supportive, loving friends in my life. I don’t know what I would do without them. These relationships continue to grow and strengthen, even when challenged. I may not know how to pick men, but damn, I’ve got the friends thing figured out.

I could keep going. My mom was right. We don’t need to look back too long and for too much. Just grab those precious gems and go.

There’s no amount of dating douchery that’s going to take away from a year that also offered me deep connection and healing with myself and others — romantically, relationally and familial.

Though some of that left me with some major vulnerability hangovers, it also left me knowing that I didn’t leave anything in the margins.

The Sex is Great by Ashley Kelsch is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

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Hey Mother Lovers,

Tune in to this weeks episode where I’m explaining exactly what ‘quiet quitting’ is, how it might be showing up in your life and how we as humans are designed to do it.

It’s this thing called the “Motivational Triad” and you need to know all about it.

Plus, a few reminders about social conditioning and lessons you’ve been taught about quitting and being in relationships, that are driving your actions.

In (m)Other Words, this message is going to let you in on what’s going on, on the inside, causing you to shut down but show up and/ or jump ship all together.

You don’t want to miss it.

xo,

ash

PS. If you’re enjoying Inner Momologue and In (m)Other Words, please feel free to share it with a friend. And if you listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere else, I would be very grateful if you would rate, review and subscribe.

In (m)Other Words is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit inmotherwords.substack.com/subscribe

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Happy Wednesday Mother Lovers,

The navy seals when asked why they train so hard always respond with the same answer:

“we train hard because under pressure, you don’t rise to the occasion, you sink to your level of training”

The saying is actually, “we don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training” as said by a greek philosopher.

I think about this saying often and refer to it while I’m training for marathons.

But when it comes to life and it’s challenges, can we train our brains to react and respond in new ways? Raise our level of sink and create a higher baseline?

Especially if we aren’t prepared, let alone wired to respond optimistically?

The answer is yes.

The last few weeks have presented me with circumstances that have been out of my control. Most are, I know.

However, it’s caused me to pause and reflect…

The way I used to react vs now are two very different experiences.

It’s the difference between reacting emotionally and remaining in victimhood to honoring my emotions but choosing my responses, repairing and moving on.

I’m sharing the tools I’ve been using, how I’ve applied them to what’s been coming up and how I even taught my teenagers to use them in their formative years. ( I share specifically how I did this and why)

Teaching our brains how to think critically when under pressure is a skill set that can be learned, but we have to practice ahead of time.

It doesn’t end there; we may be able to develop the skill of handling our stressors, but are we dealing with the stress that builds up in our bodies and actively releasing it?

Tune in today for my Mother Approved process and learn:

A simple 5 Step Problem Solving Solution you can use next time you have a problem
What Fear Setting is and how to do it
Why your life depends on you releasing stress. I’m giving you 7 ways as taught by Emily and Amelia Nagoski from their book Burnout.

Forward In (m)Other Words to your friends & share on social. We could all use a little mother loving coaching.

If you’re enjoying Inner Momologue and In (m)Other Words, please feel free to share it with a friend. And if you listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere else, I would be very grateful if you would rate, review and subscribe.

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Hi hey hello,

Welcome to Episode One of Inner Momologue. Tune and learn about the ONE Practice that changed my life, why I insist all my clients use and understand it and how you can start practicing it today. And of course, some real life story telling about mom life and dating. It's the motherlode ;)

Thank you always for your support.

xo,

ash

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Thank you for listening to our podcast, Inner Momologue! This post is public so spread the sexy word! Be sure to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite listening platform.

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This week Lauren and I wanted to take a moment to share with you how we met and why we chose to work together on this podcast. However, after hearing the news of the Uvalde Elementary School Shooting we felt the need to talk about the impact guns are having on our communities, overall psyche and the feeling of helplessness.

I have to believe that we as a society agree on more than we think, starting with our wellbeing and protection. Listen in as we discuss why we feel like we are being held hostage, the hypocrisy in thinking and that despite our different beliefs, we can do better for our children.

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In this episode, Lauren and I talk about rape culture, rape myths, and how we can educate people to take responsibility for their actions. We discuss the problem with saying “boys will be boys,” the harmful patriarchal messaging passed down for generations and ingrained into us as a society, and how we might be subtly contributing to this messaging.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/09

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Join us this week for an informative conversation about sex and consent with Dr. Jennifer Litner of Embrace Sexual Wellness. Hear why there is not a one-size-fits-all for sex education and kids, what age parents should start having these conversations with their kids, and some suggestions to help you do so.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/08

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Listen in this week as Olivia shares her journey of using plant medicine to reconnect with her disassociated body and reclaim her story. Hear her experience of healing her relationship with herself and her body, how her relationships with her family and friends have changed since doing this work, and her advice to people feeling stuck and frozen after experiencing assault.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/07

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This week, Shandi Nichelle, Founder and CEO of FREEWELL, shares her experience of sexual assault, the shame that comes with assault, how she’s healed, and how she’s helping others heal as well. We discuss substance abuse among survivors and her passion for helping survivors of human trafficking, and Shandi shares her advice to anybody listening who feels shame after sexual assault and is afraid to speak up.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/06

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This week, hear Alicia’s experience of being intersex, how her childhood and the rest of her life has been affected by this, and what we can do as allies to support the intersex community. Hear Alicia’s advice to parents and caregivers of intersex children or intersex children who are unsure of how to have the conversation, and some incredible resources available to intersex people.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/05

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This week, spiritual coach and LGBTQ advocate Chris Tomkins shares some practical tips, tools, exercises, and advice to help you teach your kids about inclusivity. We’re uncovering the blind spots we may face as parents and caregivers, discussing the importance of educating our kids on bullying and queerphobia, and showing you how to talk to your children about LGBTQ+ people and matters.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/04

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Join us this week as we explore people’s perceptions around gender and identity, where they come from, and how to stop placing things in binary boxes. There is a lot to unpack here, but the key is staying open, so we're showing you why you don’t need to understand the inner details of somebody’s identity but you do need to be respectful.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/03

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This week, Faith shares their coming out story and the reason they were apprehensive about coming out to their brother, and we discuss the experiences of people coming out and the consent you have to share this with others. We’re talking about the importance of pronouns and labeling, other people’s judgments, being an ally, and dealing with people’s reactions to coming out.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/02

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In this episode, we’re talking about labels, identity, sexual preferences, and the gender spectrum as a whole. The identities we discuss have existed for thousands of years, but there wasn’t the terminology or space in society to acknowledge and understand them, so Faith and Lauren share their advice to parents about their children’s gender identity, coming out, and sexual preferences.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/01

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Hey Renegades, Ashley here from House of Other. After experiencing my child coming out a couple of years ago as non-binary I opened up to understand what this meant for them and I found myself unlearning and learning a lot about human sexuality. There was a world of terminology and education that I wasn't taught growing up.

I didn't know how to handle the conversations that arose but through my own self-coaching, new education, and interest to understand what they were going through, I discovered sex positive parenting.

If you find yourself not understanding what the younger generation is talking about when it comes to gender and sexual diversity, intimate justice, and human sexuality, it's okay. You weren't taught, it's that simple. The truth is that the landscape has changed. And your kids need people in their lives who can communicate and educate them.

They need you.

The House of Other podcast is here to help those caregivers who want to take responsibility for educating their children on sexual wellness. We’ll help you give your sex education a modern update and teach you how to have those conversations with your kids.

So if you’re committed to creating a conversation and space for your children that empowers them and their overall sexual wellbeing this show is for you.

Be sure to hit that follow button and together we’ll move from confusion and conflict, to curious and connected through intentional, present, and positive sex parenting.

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One chapter ends and another one begins... Stay tuned for my new chapter coming soon.

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Learn about Adele’s beautiful, handcrafted objects and how she advocates for sexuality and sensuality while speaking to gender and racial inclusion. We discuss the challenges she has faced being censored on social media and public platforms for her work, and how her work is so much more than simply creating sex toys.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/86

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I’m sharing my thoughts on dating and showing you the importance of being your own best date before attempting to find a partner. The One will come when it’s time and not a minute sooner, so I’m showing you how to listen to your inner wisdom and strengthen your inner sense of self and the liberation available to you when you trust and surrender to this process.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/85

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Tune in this week and hear a candid conversation with Faith as they share their journey with self-love and feeling intense love for another person as well as the concept of learning to express who you are as a person. We discuss social constructs, feminism, patriarchy, and love, and Faith walks me through some concepts I am somewhat unfamiliar with.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/84

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This week, Jane and I have a candid discussion about menopause, aging, and learning to love ourselves and our bodies. Jane shares her advice to women entering their 40s who are concerned about the aging process and shows you how to embrace, accept and find joy in the everyday moments.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/83

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Tune in to hear my thoughts on Sex/Life and the narratives and messaging it perpetuates around gender roles, sexual intimacy, relationships, and love. You know I don’t hold back, so I’m sharing why it left me feeling so pent up and some questions I’d encourage you to ask yourself if you still want to watch it.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/82

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People have been emailing, calling, and texting me asking things like where they should go on a first date, what lube they should use with their partner, what toy would be best in the bedroom, how they should communicate their sexual desires, and more. You're curious, I get it. So I'll give you what you want.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/81

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Dr. Alexandra Solomon and I are having an explorative conversation around consent, clarity, and what we’ve been taught about heteronormative relationships. We discuss consensual sex, polyamory, BDSM, and being Queer, and I am very excited to share today’s conversation about what consent is at the very core. There are so many nuances around consent, and we’re diving deeper into them this week.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/80

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I’m diving into the super sexy topic of consent and communication. Consent is sexy. Advocating for yourself and your boundaries is sexy. I’m sharing how you can step up your communication skills to ensure you and your person are on the same page so you can feel free to connect even deeper.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/77

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Find out why worrying about your relationships, dating, and future is distracting you from your life and how to intentionally focus on all you have right here and now. If it’s meant to be for your greater good, it will be, so I’m showing you how to trust in this and learn to be present with your life exactly as it is.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/76

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Find out why I’m taking 90 days of celibacy and what I hope to achieve at the end of it. It is said that if you can harness your sexual energy and channel it to your creative sources, that you can possibly create on a genius level. I’m looking forward to directing my energy elsewhere and giving you some inspiration to consider your own sex life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/75

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It may not seem like it, but it is possible to have a deeply passionate love without feeling powerless and crazy. I’m exploring why we need to question our emotions and showing you how to become empowered by learning what’s going on in your brain. By knowing what’s going on chemically, you can manage the process even if just a little bit, and learn to lose yourself in the moments – not the man.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/74

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Listen in this week as I explore why no matter how famous we become, it is always possible to choose to remain humble. I'm sharing some stories of people who have inspired me with their treatment towards others, and why regardless of our status, we must remember that we are all human.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/73

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In this episode, I’m exploring how to find solutions to problems in relationships, the importance of being open to hearing other peoples’ thoughts and feelings about you, and how to view problems as opportunities to grow and learn. Can you hold space for questions and answers, focus on the facts, and find solutions? Of course you can, Renegades, it’s what we do. Explore more with me in this episode.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/72

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Join me this week as I share how your actions of playing it cool might actually be gameplaying and how to start being honest about what you want. Life is going to happen regardless, yet we can still decide how we want to navigate it. Learn how to stop playing it cool and start taking responsibility for your emotions.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/71

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Tune in this week to hear a candid conversation with my son, Nick. Nick shares what it was like being raised in a female-dominated household after losing his father early on in his life, why his dating life has been incredible in the last year, and I’m sharing what I’ve learned from my son and other people of his generation.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/70

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In this episode, I’m telling you why developing awareness of your thoughts enables you to talk back to your brain and rewire your thought processes. I share some questions to ask yourself that will enable you to deconstruct what your brain is telling you, and why your thinking is optional so you can choose to think in a way that serves you.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/69

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In this episode, I’m sharing some steps to help you flow more freely through your new beginnings, and why the only person you can figure out is you. I’m showing you the importance of tending to your needs and nurturing yourself, and how to process pain while remaining present in your life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/68

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In this episode, I’m sharing why we tend to want to rush through dating, and why we should pause and think consciously about what we want to feel, and what kind of person we want to be attracted to. I’m encouraging you to slow down, take a breath, and ask yourself whether you really need to move so quickly in a new relationship, and how slowing down and reflecting will transform your experience of dating.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/67

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Join me this week as I share why your needs and expectations have very little to do with the other person and everything to do with yourself. These expectations disconnect us from the other person, Renegades; they turn us off. I’m proposing a new idea to consider when it comes to dating and encouraging you to be bold enough to ask for what you want.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/66

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Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/65

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In this episode, I’m discussing how we process traumatic events such as the storm in Texas, and why even though several people share an experience, they will deal with it very differently. I’m contemplating my own actions during this disaster and sharing how inspiring it is when people come together during traumatic events.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/64

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In this episode, I invite you to dive deep with me and begin peeling back the layers of your own conditioning. What if you were the coping mechanism, the solution, the way home? What if getting to know who you are is not just an act of love, but necessary for survival? This is what I’m exploring today, Renegades. I hope you’ll take this journey with me.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/63

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In today’s episode, I lift the goddess’ veil to show you that your femininity, girlhood, and womanhood are all intrinsic parts of who you are. This is my valentine to you, Renegades. I hope this episode helps you find the courage to express your femininity regardless of who society has told you to be in relationships. Let this message of love carry you through this weekend.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/62

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In today’s episode, I’m showing you why spending time going back in your mind and playing out what happened last time doesn’t serve you and how to approach things from now on. I explain why things aren't happening to you - you're choosing them, and why getting brutally honest with each other will serve you in the long run, whether the relationship works out or not.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/61

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Listen in today, Renegades, to find out why the stories your brain has on repeat might not be your truth anymore. This experience of seeing my stories for what they are is what brought me home, and what let me finally start writing new ones. In this episode, I’m sharing how you can also examine your stories and decide if you want to keep holding onto them or finally let them go.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/60

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In today’s episode, I’m using this cautionary tale to show you how powerful your thoughts and beliefs are, and showing you how to decide if you want to choose new ones. What would happen if they weren’t “the one” and you didn’t feel rejected? Tune in to unveil what your beliefs are creating and start imagining a more erotic reality.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/59

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In today’s episode, I reveal why it’s so hard to advocate for yourself in most situations, but especially in relationships. Pretending you don’t care when you desperately do does not get you what you want. I’m sharing what does help you get what you want and need, and how it starts with using your voice.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/58

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In this episode, I’m exploring what it means to be an expert and why we hold onto beliefs that weren’t even ours to begin with. I’m inviting you to look inside your mind at your beliefs so you can decide if you want them to stay there. Dating doesn’t have to be draining or dramatic; let me show you how.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/57

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Listen in today to discover what it means to live an erotic life and why 2021 is your year to abandon the shame. This year, I invite you all to join me in feeling turned on by the simplest things in life and writing our own guidebooks. Let’s learn from 2020 and continue living our best Renegade lives.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/56

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In today’s episode, I challenge you to imagine a health warning before your mind drama takes off. What would happen if you weren’t so quick to believe the text on the screen or the thoughts in your brain? I’m sharing how when you pause to become aware, inquire, and seek, you actually reveal the truth. Shift happens, Renegades. It’s up to you what you choose to believe.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/55

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In today’s episode, I’m teaching you how to have complete agency over your feelings and what you create in your life. It’s called emotional adulthood; learning to manage your mind through awareness. I’m sharing my experience with believing hard, and how you, too, can choose beliefs that guide you to a life of beauty, resilience, and compassion.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/54

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In today’s episode, I show you why the person you’re obsessed with thinking about isn’t the problem. The problem is your brain on dating; that you haven’t learned to become aware of your thoughts and then choose them consciously. I’m sharing how you can start doing this with compassion and curiosity, and therefore, take back control of the volume dial.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/53

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In today’s episode, I’m sharing a throwback episode that keeps being relevant as time goes on. You may have heard it before, but today, you’ll hear it from a new viewpoint. I’m sharing how I taught myself to date consciously, break up consciously, and how you can start practicing the art of managing your mind and emotions right now.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/52

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In today’s episode, I’m diving into why so many of us have commitment issues and why we’d rather live with those issues than find a solution. Society supports our commitment issues, so why shouldn’t we? I’m exploring what it means to commit and some ways that you can choose with intention what you want to commit to.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/51

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In this week’s episode, I’m sharing where I find purpose and meaning in my life and why I continue to show up for this podcast week after week. I’ll be pulling back the veil on the think-feel-act cycle, the decision to find meaning, and some lessons I learned over 50 episodes of this show that I think will help you inquire, seek, and reveal for yourself.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/50

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In today’s show, I’m sharing some of the arguments for having an affair and some of the reasons to consider wanting and not having. When you indulge in horizontal renewal, your vertical renewal and path to your essential self suffers. We all love a quick hit of dopamine, but sometimes doing the harder thing is what leads to more growth.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/49

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Renegades, in this episode I’m here to tell you that no matter how big your bank account is or how hot your man is, life is not about the climax. There is no summit, only an endless journey of exhilarating passion. Sounds good, right? Listen in as I share how to become a lover of the build-up and work on your biggest obstacle: your mind.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/48

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In today’s episode, I’m sharing what happened when I started to understand the upper and lower minds for creating a wider perspective and a cleaner storyline. We tend to swing from one extreme to another, but learning how the two minds, two perspectives, work has helped me find peace. Renegades, I want you to find that peace too and the exercise in perspective I share today will help you get started.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/47

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Tune in today where I’m sharing why avoiding rejection is both normal and common, and why it doesn’t have to mean anything about you. Renegades, you spend so much time questioning if you’re good enough and making rejection mean you're not. I’m inviting you to inquire and seek so you can reveal your own thoughts about rejection.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/46

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In today’s show, I’m sharing why I believe a bottom up approach to self-love is much more successful than a top down approach. We know that society encourages this aggressive self-loathing, but I want you to see a much cleaner approach that will help you build a strong foundation. I plan on spending the next 40 years looking inwards, from the bottom up, building a foundation I can lean on and grow from. What about you?

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/45

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Join us this week where we’ll discuss why sometimes in life, there is an inherent recharge and healing that needs to happen to elevate you to where you need to be. I’ll share my journey to motherhood and becoming a life coach, and the importance of respecting everybody’s boundaries and emotions. It was great to catch up with Page, and I hope you enjoy this episode!

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/44

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In today’s episode, I’m exploring how your manuals for how others should behave could be hurting your relationships and be giving your power away. When we believe that our feelings come from others’ behavior, our expectations for them get greater and greater. I’m sharing how to take your power back, let the adults be adults, and start meeting your own needs. Look at your relationships and see if you operate this way. Then, Renegades, the choice is yours.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/43

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Today we're exploring how to bring conscious awareness to our past pain so that we can heal and love again. Get to know this new person and fully enjoy the discovery process without bringing past experiences into it. To leave your ghosts of lovers past behind and step into your essential self with someone new, you need to walk into the light like a moth to the flame.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/42

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Tune in today for a quickie on how to neutralize your thinking when you reflect on past relationships. As Buddha says, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I’m sharing how to use the Model to reveal the problems with your thinking so that you can feel the way you want to and get the results you desire. When we neutralize our thinking, we suffer a little bit less.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/41

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I’m sharing what I learned about my brain in past relationships and what happened when I channeled my time into things that gave me delayed gratification. I want you to consider what would happen if you channeled the time you spend finding that dopamine hit in love into pursuing whatever else lights you up. That’s what I did, and renegades, it’s been my best love affair yet.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/39

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I’m talking about the chemical of desire, the one that has us reeling in anguish over romances mistaken for true love. It’s one thing to love the chase and the build-up, but it’s a whole other thing to love what you have in the present. I’m sharing how you can enjoy the juicy, intoxicating feeling of chemistry without throwing yourself into a heartbroken dead-end role. You may be addicted to love, but I’ll show you how to ditch and delete the thoughts that are keeping you addicted.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://modernrenegades.com/38

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Listen in this week to discover how you can start considering a new operating system for yourself. We all have this work cut out for us as the process of changing the architecture of our brains’ wiring isn't a fast and easy feat. I’m sharing an exercise you can practice to start watching your thoughts, so you’re can inquire, seek, and get familiar with your essential self and the legacy you want to leave behind. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/legacy-of-thinking

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In today’s episode, I’m shining some light on why our brains interpret boundary setting as scary and what happens in your dating life and relationships when you set them. It is possible to date without disconnecting from yourself and your needs. What would happen is you started practicing saying “no” and questioning why you’re not getting the results you want? Amazing things. And it all starts with setting boundaries and loving yourself first. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/boundaries-part-deux

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I’m talking about why setting personal boundaries are so important. Not to keep others out, but to be aware of how you are treating yourself. Setting these types of boundaries is an act of self-love. I’m sharing why being “cool” isn’t cool to your essential self and how you can become aware of where you need boundaries

Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/set-boundaries

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In today’s episode, I’m sharing how I manifest good feelings and create the results I want in my life. It’s not about resisting down feelings, but about focusing on how you want to feel in the future like it’s happening right now. Both manifestation and meditation can bring something that doesn’t yet exist into existence, and thought work keeps you aware and in the present. I share the exact ways I use manifestation, meditation, and thought work to create a better future for myself so you can too.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/manifesting-good-feelings

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In today’s episode, I’m sharing how my experience of anxiety has been lately in hopes that some of you can relate and we can move through it together. I’m giving you some steps you can follow when you’re in anxiety as well as some simple mindfulness practices you can add to your self-care routine and start to better manage your anxiety.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/got-anxiety

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In today’s episode, I’m sharing how one intense, eye-opening experience showed me my anger and its wisdom. I learned that it’s okay to be angry and it’s okay to work through it. Right now, many of us are experiencing very heavy emotions. I think that makes it a beautiful time not to spiritually bypass, but to ask your emotions what they are trying to teach you. I’m sharing how you can befriend your anger and find out what it has been trying to tell you.

Get full show notes and more information here:https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/anger-trying-tell-you

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In today’s episode, I’m sharing my thoughts on becoming anti-racist and how I plan on showing up as a life coach. Your brain and your thoughts are not fixed. You can choose what you want to think and believe about race. Thought work isn’t always pretty, but it’s so worth it. Join me in doing the thought work to rewire our brains so we can become more whole.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/post/thought-work-white-people

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For me, it's a time to listen and unlearn

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This week I'm talking about imagination. All of my life I thought imagination was used to play make believe and pretend, but for fun. To create a fantasy land.… like we did when we were kids. And that it was only for kids.

I googled the definition of Imagination: it’s the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. the ability of the mind to be creative or resourceful

It never occurred to me that I was using my imagination to CREATE stories that caused me to worry and spin the f**k out. That as an adult I have been using my imagination to create a world of worry.

I've decided to access my imagination to help me navigate my way through Covid19, the economic fallout and all the other obstacles that are coming with it.

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Renegades,

On todays episode, I compare my emotional experience of being in a pandemic vs my first divorce and then his his death. There is no guide book on how to grieve, but avoiding, resisting or buffering definitely isn't the way. It took me 10 years to make surrender to the beauty in our loss. I don't want to lose that kind of time ever again. So instead, I choose to feel the pain; all the grief, fear, uncertainty, one wave at a time.

I'll explain how the biggest difference between the two is that I’m fully here for the pandemic, quarantine and economic shutdown situation we are in. I’m riding all the waves and feelings that are coming up. It can feel a little manic at times. There are some days that I’m like, I’m not experienced enough for this wave… it’s to big. Are you f*g crazy? Then there are other days when it’s flat and I have the urge to paddle in and go look for another spot, but I stay. I wait. Then there are the days when the waves are choppy. I want to complain- but I don’t. I’m just riding the waves.

This was not my experience after my divorce or when Chris died. That was more like paddling out while a massive set of waves was rolling in during a storm- and then trying to bail, but it was too late. I'd get wrecked. I'd be underwater and not knowing what direction was up.

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Today I open up with how I’m trying to be compassionate and patient with my kids during this time around the coronavirus and how witnessing their minds see their worlds shrink in front of them while their questions around ‘what does this mean for my future?’ and ‘what’s next?’ grow with the uncertainty. And how these questions and reactions are no different than the ones coming from us, the adults.

It’s a welcomed reminder that I can practice this same patience and compassion for myself and others. I can have grace. I can let us all be human.

I do make it a point to say, we have a choice to look at this and remain positive, but I’m not going to recommend feeling good or positive. Instead I share with you the tools on how to lean into what you are feeling. Today’s episode is about how to become aware of what you’re feeling and how to process it. Part of the process is getting friendly, even intimate with the emotions and allowing them, Renegades.

I talk about my personal experience of resistance in surrendering to the grief I was feeling around becoming an empty nester as well as how I channeled my fear last week into being productive.

We are all experiencing similar thoughts and feelings right now; fear, guilt for going out, confusion, uncertainty.

It’s okay to feel those things. To lean into that discomfort.

You don’t have to resist or avoid feeling. And you definitely don’t need to beat yourself or judge yourself feeling the way you do.

I will give you a few tips on how to identify and allow your feelings - if you’re not sure what your feeling is ask Alexa for a list of emotions 🤣 no but seriously, I’ve noticed my friends and I are all pretty limited with the the words we use to describe our emotions. I’m trying to expand my emotional vocabulary… but I digress. Tune in and turn on today - I will give you solid focused steps on how to process your emotions and when you’re ready, create new ones.

The beauty of the human brain is that you can experience processing your emotions and still move forward- you only need to pay attention and manage your minds.

This is how we evolve. This is how we come home.

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I want to explore decision making today… and why it’s important that you get present when doing so.

If the only person you ever were was the person you are right now a podcast listener -and you had no history or way of defining yourself or how you behave- how would you base your next decision.

If you had no past experience to inform you, how would you date? Or respond to a text? Or parent your kids?

Do you know how freeing that would actually be - to decide from a clean and clear space? Informed only by this moment right here and now?

You’d have no excuses. You’d be responsible for your decisions... And you wouldn’t be able to blame anyone for your actions.

There’d be no I did this because my mom was or I’m this way because I once saw or I was raised to believe this so that’s why…

This though, is NOT how we are going about it. And let me tell ya why that is with a little brain science, Renegades.

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It's storytime, Renegades!

Remember when you were younger and someone would do something and it would hurt your feelings? But, instead of being hurt or sad you would get angry, mad or hateful? And you would look for all the reasons why you were so pissed.

How you had every right to be?

Well, that was me a few weeks ago. It was kind of amazing really. Not the anger or rage, but the absolute absence of awareness around the entire situation.

I'm going to share with you how I not only played the role I was raging against, but how I looked for any external thing to justify my story rather than focusing on processing my emotions.

I also leave you with a few grounding tips you can use when you start spinning out.

Tune in and turn on!

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I want to talk to you about Future Focus and WHY this concept is vital to your growth and creating the life you want- and how, when you combine this thinking with FEELING you can get things done. things like lose weight, make money, open a business, train for marathons, or you know, make out with strangers. It doesn’t matter the WHAT.

Future focus is the required tool for you to overcome your biggest challenge-

You and Your very own brain.

The human brain wants proof of concept - to know how to accomplish the goal in order to go to work. and quite frankly- you’ll never get it referring to your past. You’ve never been this person before. There is no evidence that you can do it- but there is f**k ton of conditioned beliefs and recycled thinking informing you that you can’t.

You have to be willing to overcome your biggest obstacle: Your brain. In order to chase your goals and create the life you want you have to be willing to overcome yourself and your thoughts. You have to be willing to let go of the beliefs you have about yourself. The identity that you’ve created.

We as humans do everything we do because of the way we think it will make us feel… It’s not the external material item. It’s the feeling we get from buying the house or losing the weight or crossing the finish line that we are doing it for.

Everything we do is because we want to feel a certain way. AND our feelings drive all our actions making sure we get the results we are after.

Of course, I share more about my make out sesh with a stranger and how I'm shattering my own beliefs about casual encounters ;)

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I’m adopting an attitude of zero f***s given because for the longest time i’ve cared far too much about what everyone else was thinking. I lived the life doing what I was supposed to do… I’ve let it hold me back, but not anymore.

I’m going to use my voice. I’m going to share - I’m not going to let other people and their idea of controversy be my excuse to not be me. I’m willing to feel what it’s like to not be liked by everyone, or approved of…

I’m willing to be judged and lose followers.

What I’m not willing to do is use other people as a reason to not be me. To not use my voice.

I know one of you needs to hear you’re not alone; you’re not alone in your shame, the things you fear, or even your ideas or ambitions.

So with that, I’m going to talk about everything in 2020, my wins my losses. my goals -When I fall on my face… I’m not going to hide behind ‘what others may think’.

This year, I’m going to proudly talk about all the travel I plan on doing.

I’m going to talk about how big I want to make Modern Renegades. I might even throw around the numbers of dollars I want to make. I’m going to share with you more about my dating life and maybe gush about a new bag that I want… I’ll reference my affairs, my drinking, whatever the hell I feel inspired to, so you can see what’s possible. I’m going to continue to unravel and expose myself - and teach you the tools and concepts I’ve learned that have helped me along the way. ZERO SHAME.

ZERO self-judgement.

For some of you, this information won’t be new or relevant. But for others, it will be just the perspective you need.

I know the voice inside your head. I know the voices from people standing around listening, watching and waiting for you to f**k up so they have something to talk about. I know what it’s like to have everyone think you have it all figured out. You and I are the same. You're the reason I’m here. I want you to know that it’s possible to overcome these blocks.

That CHANGE is possible.

That your past doesn’t need to define you. That you can let it go. That you don’t have to be this person forever. How freeing is that y’all?

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Today I want to make a toast to 2019!

And do you know why? Cause y'all can't stopping bagging on it!

But instead of talking about my year and experiences and why I'm choosing to see the good, I want to refer to Dr Edith Eva Eger.

In her book, The Choice, she documents her time before during and after Auschwitz- the mindset she chose to have to survive each day in the holocaust and how her relationship with parents and siblings, her first love and her husband, children, herself were all defined by this horrific year.

and the reason why I feel so compelled to share some quotes and insights from her book is because I think all too often, we forget we have a choice.

A choice to look at our life, its circumstances, and know that even though we can’t always control what's happening around us, we can control how we think about it.

And you may be thinking I’m using a holocaust survivors story to tell you that if she could survive the holocaust you can survive 2019, but that’s not why...

Dr Eger shares her story not only on how she survived that year, but the denial that followed, the trauma that she stored in her mind and body and how she took it out on those around her.

How she felt that her childhood was taken from her, that it was too late for her to go to college in her 40’s and that it was her husband's fault she was so miserable… all the beliefs she had and then compassion. So much compassion and forgiveness…

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I’m going to talk to you about the art of managing your mind and your emotions. It’s more than a tool, it’s a fg super power.* I’ve needed a full mental makeover this last week ;) as you may or may not know, my life was going one way, and then we took a hard f***g turn. Which is great. I was scheduled to talk about personal boundary setting this month and now I have some REAL examples to show you just how I’m practicing what I'm preaching.

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Kicking Monday off and going straight for your jugular. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why you believe what you believe? Have you ever questioned these beliefs? Looked at them from a different angle? Considered the opposite? I'm challenging you to do that today. Let's choose our belief systems with purpose, on purpose. #modernmondays #modernrenegades

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On today's episode I cover the importance of being aware of what you are thinking... Thoughts, y'all. They are sneaky little f*s! Here's the good news: YOU get to decide what you want to think. Here's the better news: I teach you a few tools in this episode that you can start practicing today to start shifting not only how you think, but the neuro-pathways that are engrained in your brain. Shift Happens, Renegades. Let's party.

More About Your Host:

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https://www.ashleymkelsch.com/dressing-room-confessions

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This week we dive deeper into how your brain works and identify why it's imperative to have your priorities and boundaries in place. We explore why and how we keep showing up, reliving the same patterns and emotions - subconsciously - and I explain how our behavior systems are mapped out in our bodies before we are able to walk and talk.

For more information about the host, Ashley -->

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Today I'm talking about our brains and dating. I explain how your brain operates and how you can get authority over it. Yes, it's 100% Possible.

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Today I interview my daughter, Faith. She is 15 going on 16, and has been learning to live with depression and anxiety. She shares with us what it's like to have the tendency to cut, how she and her friends don't feel like they have anyone they can talk to about it and also the stress she places on herself to succeed.

On the flip side, I share with you what it's been like for me as a parent- one who was in denial and one who *still doesn't always have the answers.

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Today I talk about my Usual Suspects- The things our brains go after to avoiding feeling, say, sad bored or lonely- because that may be like death and the safer, better options would be; have a drink, check social media for likes, go buy something- eat deliciousness.. any outside experience that will reward us with dopamine and remove us from our river of suck.

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Since I started studying and practicing awareness around my thoughts and mental fitness in general, I’ve learned quite a bit about my thinking and the direction my thoughts tend to go. I thought a skill that I could start to use and apply was one in which I would allow me to practice reframing how I see my past (memories, after all are just thoughts we hold about events in our past) and how I’ve viewed some of the people I was involved with

This practice, in particular, is not about reframing the events to tell me a better story, but instead, looking back at the people involved and only seeing the good that happened with them. I spoke of this on my podcast last week with Laurel and when I brought it up, I truly believed that the benefit of this work was simple: it would take my mind off the negative- that I would no longer think poorly of the people in my past or carry the burden of what I thought were negative experiences. Truth be told, I’m finding that I’m carrying these stories about my past with me like a large tote- loaded with bricks - I thought if I could start remembering all the good positive times, the reasons I was originally drawn to these people that I could fill my large tote full of fluff, love and sparkles - you know, of all our good times.

Practicing this work opened a hidden door and behind it, a side of the story that I never knew existed … Their side. By entering, I was able to go deeper into who I was.- Spoiler Alert: turns out I have no-one to blame but myself for my failed relationships.

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SLACK for Modern Renegades

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SHOW NOTES: You’re wondering what Dressing Room confessions is all about? here’s a bit of the skinny- for the last 10 years I’ve owned and operated a women’s bra fitting / lingerie store called, Teddies for Bettys, in Austin Tx. It will come as no surprise to you that i’ve spent most of the 10 years - you guessed it, in the dressing rooms. with women. listening to them reveal their most intimate secrets about their lives; from parenting, relationships, losses, sexual experiences, health concerns, drug and alcohol use, body image perceptions - you name it and how they’ve navigated their way through all of it.

I learned quickly that what was being revealed to me, wasn’t even being revealed to the people closest to them; be it out of embarrassment, shame, or fear of being judged and rejected…

Imagine the sense of relief when you realize you are not alone in your experiences. The relief of knowing that we all go through life and it’s struggles. That life, well, it’s pretty textbook and no experience is unique. Which if you ask me- is the part worth celebrating. okay, but If you asked my therapist, he’d tell you I was insulted when he told me my problems were textbook. I couldn’t imagine that anyone had ever been through what I had… or that they could feel the way I do… I honestly had to question his credentials and our client patient relationship until he broke it down.

And so I’ve learned We aren’t alone.

and By sharing our experiences/ stories, we can connect, heal and move on.

Now that my friends, is a f*g relief.

which is WHY we are here! Each week I will be sharing confessions from my life and yours. there will be interviews, stories read, there will be voices heard. I want to hear your confessions- both tragic and hilarious- the ones you swear no one will understand - the ones you are convinced shaped you for better or worse- I’ll be like a high priestess listening. sacred style. and our listeners will vow to hold space, not judge but imagine what that might be like. What do you think? You ready to confess? Let's do it…

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Inner Momologue with Ash Kelsch: Recent Episodes

In (m)Other Words