The Vodka Tonic Therapy Podcast: Recent Episodes
Andria Gaskins
Having faith that our lost loved ones are with God and that as believers we will see them again can be a comfort while we grieve. But having faith doesn't take away the pain of grief. Faith doesn't change the trauma, and it doesn't eliminate the anger, blame, guilt, regret, or the many other feelings that come up following a death.
Grief should not be a question of faith. Grief is a normal response to a devastating loss, and it can coexist with the comfort and security of one's faith and spiritual walk.
In this episode, I am joined by returning guests Becky Brenier and Jennifer Johnson for a discussion about the incorrect notion that people of faith should not be grieving following the death of a loved one.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
Grief can be expressed in a variety of ways. Being aware of different grieving styles can help us deal with your grieve better as well as help others understand the best way to support us. Grief is not linear. It is a process that ebbs and flows and not measured in timed stages.
We all grieve differently, and there is no set model that is an exact fit for the individual. The grief response has many dimensions that stem from emotions, thoughts, behavior, spirituality, and physical reactions. Grief requires a nuanced approach when coming to terms with our loss.
In this episode, I am joined by clinical social Jennifer Johnson for a conversation discussing expressions of grief and how instrumental and intuitive grieving affect our behavior.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
With all the ads and promotions about love, romance, and togetherness displayed EVERYWHERE, it can be a constant reminder of our loss. If Valentine's Day is a trigger for you, I'm sure sure you just want Feburuary 15th to get here fast. Unfortunately, February 14th has to come first. So, what can we do to make this time a little more bearable?
Many blog posts online talk about coping with loss if you're grieving, they don't talk about action steps we can take to get through Valentine's Day. There is an article by Eleanor Haley that focuses on reframing how we think about Valentine's Day.
"Valentine's Day ought to be about giving and receiving love of ALL kinds." -Eleanor Haley
Listen to the episode for some simple ideas that can help us embrace Valentine's Day differently, so we can celebrate it as just a simple day of love.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
Choosing a guide word for the year instead of making resolutions is a positive way to anchor intentions. Guiding words focus on how you want to feel at the end of the year, not on trying to achieve some vague or lofty accomplishment.
As we try to deal with grief and loss, choosing a guiding word can help us concentrate on what's within our control and help us seek out something positive after a negative situation.
A guiding word can help you find peace during a challenging moment.
Listen to Part 2 of my conversation with author Louise Pistole and learn the benefits of choosing a guiding word for the year.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
Journaling is a simple, inexpensive way to help us heal as we grieve. It promotes positive changes in both the physical and psychological effects of grieving. Journaling serves as an outlet for our true feelings, and it doesn't require perfect prose or structure to be effective. Just be honest and express yourself from the heart.
Join me as I discuss the benefits of journaling through grief with Louise Pistole, author of Discover Your Joy.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
We just had Thanksgiving, and now it's time for us to brace for Christmas. This time of year is like getting a 1-2 punch in the face when you're dealing with grief and the holidays. There's no recovery time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but with a little thought and preparation, we can endure this prolonged holiday season and maybe find a bit of cheer.
Listen to this episode for some tips on how to get through the Christmas season while experiencing grief. Maybe even try the cookie recipe below to help you find a moment of Christmas spirit.
Italian Butter Cookies
Makes about 36 cookies
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
½ teaspoon kosher salt
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
¾ cup sugar
3 eggs
2 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ teaspoon almond extract
½ teaspoon orange extract
Glaze
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon orange zest
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
Pinch kosher salt
3-4 tablespoons warm milk
¼ cup rainbow nonpareil sprinkles
Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt until combined.
Beat the butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Mix in the eggs, vanilla, almond, and orange extracts until well-blended. Lower the mixer speed and gradually add the flour mixture. Mix until just combined.
Use slightly wet hands to roll 1 tablespoon scoops of dough into balls. Place the dough balls 2 inches apart on the baking sheets and chill in the freezer for 20 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Bake the cookies until the edges are lightly browned, about 10 minutes. Set the baking sheets on wire racks and cool the cookies completely.
To make the glaze, whisk the powdered sugar, orange zest, vanilla, salt, and milk in a medium bowl until smooth. Dip the top of each cookie in the glaze, then top with sprinkles. Allow the cookies to sit for at least 1 hour before serving.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
Thanksgiving is the first Surviving Holidays episode. Surviving Holidays will be shorter episodes designed to encourage you through the anxiety of experiencing holidays without your loved one(s). In addition to Thanksgiving, I will also touch on Christmas, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day, birthdays, and anniversaries along with other special occasions that will not be the same. But with a little preparation and some grace, holidays don't necessarily have to be all bad.
I usually get through holidays by cooking or baking something special. Since food is my love language, I want to share the love by passing on my self-proclaimed,
world-famous cranberry relish recipe with you. I hope this will help you focus on something other than grief for a little while.
I hope you have a happy moment this Thanksgiving.
Cranberry Relish
Makes about 2 cups
1 (12-ounce) bag fresh cranberries, rinsed
1 cup sugar
2/3 cup brown sugar, packed
1 cup water
1 Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored, and chopped
1 cinnamon stick
Zest and juice of 1 orange
1/4 teaspoon allspice
Cook the cranberries, sugars, and water in a medium saucepan over medium heat until the skins begin to burst, about 5 minutes. Stir in the apples, cinnamon stick, and allspice. Cook until most of the cranberries have popped open, about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove the pot from the heat and cool the cranberries to room temperature. Transfer the relish to a bowl, cover, and refrigerate until chilled.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
Scott and I began our life together on April 4, 1992, and it came to a tragic end
April 21, 2022. He died unexpectantly from a Covid-related pulmonary embolism. I want to share with you the events leading up to his death, and my need to honor him by telling our origin story at the memorial service.
We had a great life together, and I will always be grateful for that.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio
Welcome to The Vodka Tonic Therapy Podcast. I'm Andria Gaskins, and I'm trying to figure out life without my husband. Establishing a new identity isn't easy, and I'm learning as I go. Despite my grief, I'm willing to pursue joy with purpose, laughter, and the occasional cocktail.
I invite you to join me as I start over.
Instagram: @vodka.tonic.therapy
Instagram: @andria.gaskins
Music: Uneven by Coma Studio