Yes or Yes: Recent Episodes
Margarida Baldini
Welcome to the Yes or Yes podcast, join Margarida Baldini while we discuss real people, stories and advice. Margarida is a former flight attendant with immense life experience, humor and empathy.If self improvement and real advice is something you’re interested in, this podcast might just be what you’re looking for. Margarida is not a doctor, licensed therapist or life coach. Just a 25 yo girl that gives some bomb advice (maybe?)
Studies and articles:
On todays episode we're going to discuss weaponized vulnerability, toxic people thrive on exhorting others vulnerabilities. It is both their love language and their victory speech. This kind of dynamic is extremely unhealthy and traumatizing for whoever is on the receiving hand of this kind of treatment, so to prevent that I’ll be talking not only from personal experience but also from data I gathered from the studies bellow.
And remember that the majority of people who end up personally involved with toxic people have not learned healthy boundaries in their upbringing. They view “not sharing” as “withholding” but that's not true, in reality, they shouldn’t be sharing deep emotional thoughts with anyone other than your closest confidants.
(Excuse my squeaky chair)
Studies and articles:
You probably think this paper's about you: narcissists' perceptions of their personality and reputation
A Critique of Vulnerability
When is too soon to be vulnerable? — Dear John, MD
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0016338
Vulnerability to Bullying: Teacher-reported conduct and emotional problems, hyperactivity, peer relationship difficulties, and prosocial behaviour in primary school children: Educational Psychology
Adult attachment style and narcissistic vulnerability.
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On todays episode we'll be discussing Reverse psychology, SSA is used as a general persuasion tactic that we are exposed to daily. SSA doesn’t work on everyone but it tends to be extremely effective on a specific demographic. This manipulation tactic is done in a covert manner, so today I’m going to break down some of the most common ways manipulators use it to exploit your weaknesses in order to get their desired outcome.
Studies and articles:
Is There Such a Thing as Reverse Psychology?
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Rudrani-Sharma-2/publication/356726784_Impact_of_Narcissism_on_Sexual_Coercion_in_Young_Adult_Women/links/61a8d76550e22929cd3ee03f/Impact-of-Narcissism-on-Sexual-Coercion-in-Young-Adult-Women.pdf
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233021679_Do_people_use_reverse_psychology_An_exploration_of_strategic_self-anticonformity
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On todays episode we’ll be discussing power plays and the power dynamics in interpersonal a relationships. Power is a driving force for many people and it plays a vital role in relationships. Understanding common power dynamics can help you resolve conflict and create a more balanced and emotionally secure relationship.
Studies and articles:
Communication in Abusive Relationships: Cognitive Constructions of Interpersonal Power - DAPHNE BLUNT BUGENTAL, 1993
Power Strategies in Interpersonal Relationships: The Effects of Expertise and Gender - Lynda M. Sagrestano, 1992
A Review of Theoretical Approaches to Interpersonal Power
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On todays episode we’re going to talk about victim blaming, victim blaming is generally frowned upon in todays society as a result of human evolution, however people that engage in this kind of behavior are still out there so I just wanted to touch on this to make sure the victims of wrongdoing don’t feel shame for someone else's intolerable behavior.
It’s never your fault, you can’t control anyone or anything outside of yourself.
Studies and articles:
Sexual Objectification Increases Rape Victim Blame and Decreases Perceived Suffering - Steve Loughnan, Afroditi Pina, Eduardo A. Vasquez, Elisa Puvia, 2013
An intimate relationship in the shadow of narcissism: What is it like to live with a narcissistic spouse?
The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence
Why Narcissists Are Unwilling to Apologize: The Role of Empathy and Guilt - Joost M. Leunissen, Constantine Sedikides, Tim Wildschut, 2017
Why Do People Blame the Victim?
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On todays episode we'll be discussing boundaries, toxic people view themselves as uniquely gifted and therefore feel entitled to take advantage of other people. They do not possess healthy boundaries, nor do they like it when others set limits against their intrusions so today I'll show you how to set boundaries and limit your exposure to these types of people.
Research shows that toxic people and the people they target share a common ground of not setting boundaries, so if you tend to attract toxic people you definitely should work on your boundaries.
Studies and articles:
Narcissistic Temptations to Cross Boundaries and How to Manage Them - Stanley J. Coen, 2007
Boundaries and Structure in Love Relations - Otto F. Kernberg, 1977
How to Set Boundaries with TOXIC People - Sharon Martin, LCSW - Narcissist Abuse Support
How to Set Boundaries with TOXIC People - Sharon Martin, LCSW - Narcissist Abuse Support
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On todays episode we'll be discussing Bait and Switch. There are various types of baiting and a lot of them overlap with one another, they are used to elicit some sort of emotional response or reaction out of you. Chances are, you’ve fallen for them many times before, but not anymore. Education is the best prevention against manipulation so here we are lol.
Studies and articles:
Determining coercion: A qualitative study of online reactions to sexual assault
"Bait and Switch" as a Form of Manipulation in Relationships.
Intimate Partner Violence - PTSD
Psychological therapies for women who experience intimate partner violence - Hameed, M - 2020 | Cochrane Library
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On this episode we’ll be discussing love bombing and I’ll be giving you a couple of warning signs that show that you might be dating a love bomber. While it sounds idyllic, this behavior can be a huge red flag as it is a pattern that can be associated with underlying abuse and a potentially toxic relationship, it seems innocent however this effect is always followed by devaluing and discarding.
The best defense against these attacks are and forever will be a very high self esteem, education and a secure attachment style.
Studies and articles:
"Love-Bombing: A Narcissistic Approach to Relationship Formation" by Claire Strutzenberg
Love Bombing: What It Is and Signs to Look For In a Partner - The New York Times
Combatting CULT MIND CONTROL - STEVEN HASSAN
Love bombing: a simple self-help intervention for parents to reset the
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On todays episode we're going to talk about gaslighting. This is a term you've probably heard before, but the signs can be confusing so I’ll be sharing with you some ways to identify this form of emotional abuse. Learning the meaning of gaslighting was the beginning of my liberation and maybe it can be yours too, they can’t shake your confidence, lower your self-esteem, and make you dependent on them if you know exactly what they are doing. The best defense against any kind of manipulation is education.
Articles and studies:
The Sociology of Gaslighting - Paige L. Sweet, 2019
Controlling behaviours: Gaslighting strategies that are developed at a school age
How To Tell If Someone Is Gaslighting You | Newport Institute
Your Reality | Award-winning short film on Gaslighting
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On todays episode we’ll be discussing how toxic partners control you and your relationship dynamic. Fist of all your partners control over you is not for your greatest good, they simply want this control over you because they want to dominate you and have their needs meet **without any regard for yours. Yes, they might be extremely self serving and selfish, it’s most definitely giving napoleon complex. This kind of dynamic is extremely unhealthy and traumatizing for whoever is on the receiving hand of this kind of treatment, so to prevent that I’ll be talking not only from personal experience but also from data I gathered from the studies below.
Articles and studies:**
https://connect.springerpub.com/content/sgrvv/26/2/208.abstract
Psychological Abuse and Depressive Symptoms in Dating Women: Do Different Types of Abuse Have Differential Effects?
Do You Believe Your Partner is Capable of Killing You? An Examination of Female IPV Survivors’ Perceptions of Fatality Risk Indicators - Laura Johnson, Julia L. Cusano, Kristina Nikolova, Jordan J. Steiner, Judy L. Postmus, 2022
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In this episode we’ll be discussing “the silent treatment”.
Many of us have dealt with emotionally manipulative partners and we’re unable to fully identify the manipulation because it’s done in a covert manner, so today I’m going to break down one of the most common ways we get mistreated by our significant others or even our friends and family.
Alienation and ostracization can lead to physical illnesses and mental instability, and it’s safe to say that none of us should have to endure this type of behavior from our inner circle.
Studies and articles:
The Attachment Project (quiz)
(PDF) A Meta-Analytical Review of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Interaction and its Associations with Individual, Relational, and Communicative Outcomes
https://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/
https://www.jstor.org/stable/25691253
Effects of attachment style and relationship context on selection among relational strategies - ScienceDirect
Silence that speaks: The local inferences of withholding a response in intercultural couples' conflicts - ScienceDirect
Humiliation, Manipulation, and Control: Evidence of Centrality in Domestic Violence Against an Adult Partner
The Silent Treatment: Perceptions of its Behaviors and Associated Feelings - Kipling D. Williams, Wendelyn J. Shore, Jon E. Grahe, 1998
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In todays episode we’re going to discuss procrastination, what it is exactly and how to stop it.
We’ve all dealt with procrastination at one point in our lives, but I can say for sure that I struggle with it almost every day, yet I still find a way to push through it, So today I’m just going to share some of the tactics that work for me.
Hope they work for you too bestie.
Studies and articles:
Procrastination: When good things don’t come to those who wait.
Positive Effects of "Active" Procrastination Behavior on Attitudes and Performance: The Journal of Social Psychology: Vol 145, No 3
Virtue, self-mastery, and the autocracy of practical reason
New study finds links between meditation and brain functions
(PDF) Meditation Experience Is Associated with Differences in Default Mode Network Activity and Connectivity
People would rather be electrically shocked than left alone with their thoughts | ScienceDM me for some big sister advice: https://www.instagram.com/margaridabaldini/
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In todays episode we’ll be continuing the “How to guard your heart” saga.
There are all kinds of people in this world, some will pour into you and some will leave you out to dry. The big challenge is knowing who’s who, so today I’ll give you a couple of ways you can identify those that don’t have your best interests at heart.
Studies and articles:
Southwestern Business Administration Journal (SBAJ)Volume 13 Issue 1&2, 2013: pp. 1-22
The Dark Side of Power: The Dark Triad in Opportunistic Decision-Making
Alimony Panic, Gold Diggers, and the Cultural Foundations of Early Twentieth-century Marriage Reform in the United States - Brian L. Donovan, 2017
17 Signs You're Being Used In A Relationship & How To Fix The Problem
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In this episode we will be discussing how to let go of resentment and forgive those that have wronged us. We learn from a young age that life is unfair and sometimes we will go through things we didn’t deserve to experience, but we still have to be strong enough to move on, so I’ll be sharing a couple of tips that might help you (just like they helped me) forgive and forget.
Mid revenge song (don’t do it though): www.youtube.com/watch?v=84liTaXVLGw
Studies and articles:
http://130.63.180.190/xmlui/handle/10315/35832
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01973530802375094
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9280.00320
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-73992-001
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In this episode we’re going to talk about the red pill community and the lack of proper guidance young men have when it comes to dating in 2022. This is a commonsense approach to the gender war we’re currently living in.
Article: https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/asap.12308
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In todays episode we’ll be discussing manifestation, subliminals and love, my three favorite subjects.
I know some of us struggle with finding love so I thought it would be a good idea to tell you how I managed to always be taken in the last 7 years of my life.
Song of the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj4-SIa9bbk
Studies:
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/mar.4220050403
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.542454/full
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnins.2021.654170/full
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/mar.4220050406
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1995-15618-001
https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/abstract/document/8468681
Here comes part 2 of this fascinating little saga about manipulation. On this episode I dive into what a manipulator looks like to the keen observer.
As always this is based on my experiences, and I’ve been in a nostalgic mood lately so I thought why not mention a couple of stories from my teen years. I know it might seem like a no brainer to get away from these people but I remember being more fascinated than anything, like “how can you not care at all about other peoples emotions” it was mind boggling to me and it really opened my eyes to our reality.
People aren’t always as innocent as they seem.
Books I read as a teen:
https://www.amazon.com/Statistics-Behavioral-Sciences-Martha-Stout/dp/B00ZT0KVQY
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Confessions-Sociopath-Spent-Hiding-Plain/dp/1447242734
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In this episode we’re going to talk about some manipulation tactics employed by the most cunning individuals in our society.
Being on the receiving end of manipulation tactics in a relationship can have an impact on your mental health, so it’s important to identify these tactics before we get too attached or invested in the relationship.
P.S. Not everyone who manipulates is actually aware they do. They may think that’s how relationships work or even believe you manipulate them too and they need to respond. So be kind and don’t diagnose anyone.
Studies:
Power strategies in intimate relationships.
Sex, power, and influence tactics in intimate relationships.
https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1348/135532509X433151
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In honor of this year's cuffing season we’ll be discussing whether your new partner loves you or is obsessed with you.
Love is filled with good intentions and pure feelings while obsession is a selfish attachment based on ownership.
This episode is based on my personal experience. I've done minimal research, consider it a common sense piece.
Obsessed: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcUDK4kAUIw
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In this episode I’ll be giving you my personal opinion when it comes to marriage, shacking up and divorce.
I know we all like to think that we’ll figure it out when the time comes but it’s important to keep in mind that this decision is not only going to impact you but your children if you decide to have any, so choose wisely.
This opinion is not only based on data but my personal experience as well, I hope you don’t get offended if you don't agree bestie (and even if you do this is my platform idc bye).
Articles, studies:
http://boydetective.net/docs/Peterson-Weitzman-Peterson%20-%20FullASRDebate.pdf
https://read.dukeupress.edu/demography/article/55/3/769/167891
https://opentextbc.ca/introductiontosociology/chapter/chapter14-marriage-and-family/
Future faking:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxdKz_W-9ec (real life example)
https://louisawatt.com/2021/08/21/future-faking-people-pleasers/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886919307329?via%3Dihub
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In this episode we’ll be discussing some basic questions you should be asking your partner before considering marriage. Regardless of how much you may love someone, love isn’t always enough and I learned that the hard way, I want you to listen to my advice so that you won't have to go through the same things I had to go through.
Remember, communication is key for a healthy relationship, marriage or no marriage, avoid making assumptions at all costs.
Articles, studies and books:
https://static.aminer.org/pdf/PDF/000/327/940/beyond_success_and_failure.pdf
https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Mirror-role-of-mother-and-family-in-child-1-Winnicott/1dbffc512ceeb9b5b16f5eaa90cc42f8a1cd0ce3
https://institutedfa.com/leading-causes-divorce/
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-69205-001
https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2009-01435-003
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-00352-001
https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Fieldings-morality-humanities-Literature/dp/081737311X
https://www.simplypsychology.org/oedipal-complex.html
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-014-9976-6
https://louisawatt.com/2021/08/21/future-faking-people-pleasers/
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In this episode we’re going to talk about how lack of self worth creates toxic attachments.
Cuffing season is upon us so I thought it would be appropriate to keep the love theme going. We’re going to break down how self esteem and self worth have an impact on interpersonal relationships and how it affects not only our view of ourselves but also how we view those around us.
You have to love yourself before you love someone else.
Articles and studies:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167218802837
https://observatorio.campus-virtual.org/uploads/13636_Gallagher_AP1999_Thomas.pdf (includes religious text)
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167201274004
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407590072001
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2013.868368
https://www.jstor.org/stable/3595532
Advanced
https://www.pdcnet.org/msp/content/msp_1978_0003_0035_0061
https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/epdf/10.1086/233898
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10001998018538686
Ultimate break up song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udNdKi77tKo
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In this episode we're going to talk about toxic relationships, break-ups and betrayal.
This episode is basically a monologue on why you should never double back, don't "spin the block" literally moving on is the only sane choice when you find yourself entangled in a toxic relationship. The best thing we should do is drop the illusions of what was and what could have been and just move on to bigger and better things.
You're deserving of healthy love.
Studies and articles:
https://www.theroompsy.com/psychology-theraputic-practice/how-to-identify-a-toxic-relationship-amp-why-you-always-want-to-save-it
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2003-04013-006
https://www.mdpi.com/2227-7390/9/18/2258
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0306624X211049187
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In this episode we’re going to talk about self sabotage! Everyone does it sometimes. Some more than others— to be our own worst enemy or put obstacles in our own path. You self sabotage when in attempting to cope with a problem, it instigates new problems that end up interfering with long-term goals, and damaging relationships.
Studies:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J294v06n03_29
https://www.proquest.com/openview/716ba242c487e88f24792f64e4f220d2/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=47829
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On this episode we will continue the saga on “How to reinvent yourself” let me take you on this journey of self discovery and improvement that I’ve been on this past year, I’m sharing some of the resources I used to became a better me so you can extract value and use this information for your own journey if you see fit.
Studies:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-38364-001
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.2466/pms.1974.38.3.763
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550611418535?journalCode=sppa
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On todays episode we’re going to talk about how to reinvent oneself. I’ve reinvented myself numerous times throughout my life and I just wanted to share how I managed to do it.
This is part one of this little saga and we’ll be going over how to explore your subconscious mind in order for you to truly know yourself so we can improve our way of being.
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In this episode we will be talking about codependency. I’ve been a codependent person for the majority of my life and only recently have I broken that pattern. I want to share with you how you can break that pattern too. You don’t need people places and things to be happy as long as you’re happy with yourself, sure this process isn’t easy and you’ll experience some growing pains, but everything in this world worth having doesn’t come easy.
DM me for some bid sis advice:
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In this episode we will be discussing how to cope and in the best case scenario overcome anxiety.
I’ve dealt with anxiety for the most part of my life and I’ve developed tactic to cope with it and those tactics work, so much so that I’ve overcame anxiety completely (sure there are still situations that trigger some fear in me, but I still actively chose to deal with them head on).
This is just me sharing some tips and tricks for you to change your life if you deal with crippling anxiety as I did.
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In this episode we will be talking about how to deal with a major loss that turns your world upside down.
Eventually most of us will go through situations that rock our foundation, and all we can do is choose how we handle them, some situations are out of our control but that doesn’t mean we are inherently powerless.
We always have power over ourselves and our choices so today I’ll be giving you some advice on how to turn a bad situation into a good one by avoiding stagnation and choosing growth.
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In this episode we will go over a couple of bullet points on how to stop caring about how people perceive us.
Yes, it is important to be respected and admired but wouldn’t you rather be accepted for who you truly are? Besides might as well be who you want to be, remember fulfilling societies expectations of you will not pay your bills at the end of the month neither will it help you sleep better at night, au contraire it can actually give you sleepless nights if it stops you from following your dreams.
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