Pillow Talk with Grant and Stephanie: Recent Episodes
Grant and Stephanie
Helping couples engage in intimate, authentic, and unguarded converstations. Empowering marriages to create a purpose focused mindset while reigniting passion and connectedness.
Join Grant and Stephanie as they discuss marriage and how if you want to put icing on the marriage cake you must add the proper ingredients and be twilling to apply the heat. A special thank you to Pastors Darin and Lynette Gleghorn of Northern Colorado Cowboy Church "N3C" for inviting us to share!
Being a ladder for your spouse starts with character and taking responsibility. Grant and Stephanie discuss in this episode how to take control of ourselves by being inside minded. Learn to identify triggers and develop the right mindset to help your marriage soar to new heights
This week we finish our interview with special guest Brad and Lisa Valencia. They discuss their pain and how that pain can work for you and not against you if we choose the right mindset and let God work in us.
In this podcast we are joined by special guest Brad and Lisa Valencia of Unrelenting Pursuit. Join us for part 1 of Dealing with Pain in Marriage. This is from our series 15 Ways to Thrive in Marriage
We were Designed by God on purpose for a purpose. As a spouse it is our duty to help our spouse live and fulfill their Design.
Consistency - Behaving always in a similar way. Today Nick and Amy of Ultimate Intimacy discuss the importance on our Intimacy to remain consistent especially when we are stressed and anxious.
Are you creating the right environment for your marriage to thrive? If you are not doing it on intentionally, then you probably are not. Today Grant and Stephanie discuss what we can do to create the environment to attract the marriage we want.
Based on the 15 Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell
We got to attend the Ultimate Intimacy Retreat and what a time we had. This retreat was flooded with excellence from the check in at the hotel to the food, to the training. Everything exceeded out expectations.
Reflection turns our experiences into insight. This means we need a time and place to think in order to expand and enrich our thoughts.
Questions to ask yourself and spouse / conversation starters.
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What is my biggest asset?
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What is my biggest liability?
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What is my highest high?
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What is my lowest low?
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What is my most worthwhile emotion?
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What is my least worthwhile emotion?
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What is my best habit?
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What is my worst habit?
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What is most fulfilling to me?
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What is my most prized possession?
To experience growth in a specific area in life, we must ask specific questions to that area of your life.
John C. Maxwell 15 Laws of Growth
It is vital to excel in life to have a good self image. However, many times our self image lies in the hands of our significant others. It is a spouses responsibility to hold, nurture and protect their spouses heart. Today Grant and Stephanie discuss how not to put a lid on our spouses self image.From John C. Maxwell 15 Laws of Growth
Our awareness greatly affects how we communicate with our spouse. Awareness Principles1. Committed2. Consistent3. Purposeful4. GratefulJohn C. Maxwell 15 Laws of Growth
Today Grant and Stephanie discuss how Marital Awareness begins with individual growth.
In order to Grow we must
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Know our Strengths
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Know our Weaknesses
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Know what our Interests are
From John C. Maxwell's book 15 Laws of Growth
Marriage isn't to be survived. Marriage is meant to thrive. The 15 Laws of a Thriving Marriage will help you do just that.
1. Where do you want to take your marriage?
2. What direction do you see your marriage going?
3. What is the farthest you can imagine your marriage going?
4. How long will it take if you work a little each day?
Reference 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell
Our spouse needs to know we support, admire, respect and offer grace towards their goals. When we communicate properly, our spouse can rest in our love and support for their individual and your connected goals.
Taken from Work together to achieve your goals by Les and Leslie Parrott
Feb 14• 21:24
Communication is the process of digging the foundation of a successful marriage. Core values are the rebar and concrete that we build our marriage on. God has a plan that we access through understanding and growing our core values.
Communication is the process of digging the foundation of a successful marriage. Core values are the rebar and concrete that we build our marriage on. God has a plan that we access through understanding and growing our core values.
We live in a difficult time and during times like we're in intimacy can take a backseat to all the pressures of life. Today we discuss what to do in these times. Today's podcast based on Les and Leslie Parrot's blog 8 WAYS TO DEEPEN YOUR INTIMACY DURING DIFFICULT TIMES
foreverwithpurpose.com
https://www.symbis.com/blog/8-ways-to-deepen-your-intimacy-during-difficult-times/?mc_cid=d2ae8c3f1c&mc_eid=[de959d3309]
Greg and Julie have helped thousands of couples, individuals, and organizations maximize their potential and embrace life to the fullest. They believe who we are is how we do everything … which is why they’ve built on the core values of excellence, integrity, and authenticity, the same values they carry in life and marriage.
Not only have Greg and Julie helped thousands of couple, they are now training others to do the same through their Married for a Purpose Certification.
The Married for A Purpose Certificationprogram provides leaders with the tools they need to effectively help couples lead their homes. The certification provides a systematic, replicate-able process for coaching that leads husbands and wives towards greater unity and a shared desired outcome. What if we united together, to restore the family? It’s possible! Every person holds power to RESTORE THE FAMILY.
https://marriedforapurpose.com/
Today on Pillow Talk we talk with Couplepreneurs Kyle and Ariel Tresch. Kyle and Ariel Help entrepreneurial couples rapidly grow their service-based businesses online with digital mark while maintaining and excelling in their relationship along the way.
www.facebook.com/thecouplepreneurs
https://www.instagram.com/couplepreneurs/
https://l.instagram.com/?u=http%3A%2F%2Flinktr.ee%2Fcouplepreneurs&e=AT0uMroNPsAzsGOa2xUDuPstW8VtvvRvj0AFTesozX18R2UMEW1XCrMXJ9xnQgtcIU1cWbR8mncSxt_kC7bn5t5nJotpu6hyPL2Kg
What are your expectations for 2023? What are you leaving in 2022 and what are you bringing with you?
2022 was a great year and our series on the 4 Pillars of Intimacy with our special guests was the highlight.
Julie Gorman of Married for a Purpose interviewed us and we got to interview,
ultimateintimacy.com with Nick and Amy founders of the Ultimate Intimacy app
Art of Spousing's James and Lisa Duvall
and Mark and Adena Delaney of markdelaney.me
4 PILLARS OF INTIMACY
PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES OCT 19 ,2022 EMOTIONAL INTIMACY PT 1
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God.
Today Grant and Stephanie finish the season and the series as they discuss the importance of being stimulated intellectually in marriage.
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God.
Today we discuss the 4 Pillars of Intimacy, Physical Intimacy, Intellectual Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, and Spiritual Intimacy. Call 4 pillars are built upon the foundation of good, authentic and open communication.
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God.
Intellectual Intimacy is a key component of a Healthy Marriage. Feeling challenged, affirmed and captivated by our conversations builds a healthy marriage.
In a healthy marriage it is vital that in our vulnerability we are still able to be challenged in our belief without being repressed.
Communication bridges the gap and in this episode, we discuss with James and Lisa Duvall (Art of Spousing) how understanding ourselves and our spouse can guide us towards healthy intellectual conversation.
James & Lisa Duvall, and together, we pastor and lead the Ministry to Married People at Christ Fellowship Church in South Florida. We’ve been married for over 30 years, with most of that time spent serving at Christ Fellowship in various roles and leadership capacities. They’ve learned over the past 30 years in their own relationship, marriage is much more of an art than a science.
Your can find and follow James and Lisa Duvall at https://www.instagram.com/artofspousing/ and on their webpage artofspousing.com
Mark and Adena Delaney are on a relentless pursuit to help people live their best bold life. All of us are threatened to spend our lives studying our past or focusing on our problems. They help people be restored to the power of their purpose so they can have a different perspective on their past and have power to face their problems.
Today Mark and Adena discuss the pillar of physical intimacy and the importance of making our spouse the priority in our lives.
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God. However, as married couples the bedroom is important. This week we discuss another Pillar of Intimacy - Physical Intimacy and the importance of having a strong love life in marriage with Nick and Amy McKinlay. The Ultimate Intimacy brand and app is the product of a Christian couple that is on a mission to strengthen marriages. In 2017 Nick and Amy’s marriage was transformed because of some of the things they started implementing and doing in their marriage. They thought there were probably MANY other couples that could improve their marriages as well and they wanted to share the things they learned and experienced with others, so they decided to develop the Ultimate Intimacy App and brand to help couples find “Ultimate Intimacy” in their marriage. Since then, several hundreds of thousands of couples have downloaded the app, purchased products, and listened to their podcasts. Nick and Amy are so passionate about helping others, they even quit their “other jobs” to focus on the business full-time. https://ultimateintimacy.com/
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God.
Being vulnerable as a couple is important in growing in emotional intimacy. But , we often shy away from being emotionally exposed for fear of being hurt or misunderstood. When we can begin to understand how to work as a couple in a safe space and view vulnerability not as weakness but as potential for growth- a strong connection develops.
Today, we unpack how to embrace feelings of uncertainty and risk and turn them into opportunities to nurture personal growth and emotional connection.
· Do you view vulnerability as weakness? Risky?
· How can you create a safe space in your individual marriage to allow emotional exposure to move toward courage and security?
· What habits of speaking and/ or body language are you conveying to your spouse? Are they life giving or are they creating uncertainty and risk?
QUOTE: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable , but they are never weakness” Brene Brown
PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES OCT 19 ,2022 EMOTIONAL INTIMACY PT 1
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God.
Emotional l Intimacy is a key component of a Healthy Marriage. Feeling a sense of significance and Individual Completeness over seeking feelings of happiness creates the foundation for emotional health.
Relying on the idea of marriage to make you happy and emotionally healthy is not a realistic expectation and will create ongoing frustration. It is an individual responsibility. However, becoming aware of your spouse’s level of emotional health at a deep level allows support and empathy to enhance their level of significance and completeness.
Communication bridges the gap and in this episode, we discuss four awareness markers that can be used to open dialogue and help better navigate understanding each other’s emotional health.
· How do you talk to yourself? Are you primarily critical and problem focused?
· How do you handle past negative events? Have you developed blind spots around them?
· What is your current level of self-awareness?
· Are you able to exhibit empathy toward your spouse in this area?
QUOTE: “Begin to focus on building a healthy marriage more than focusing on making each other happy.
A marriage with strong emotionally healthy partners will produce happy!”
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God. Community plays an important role in spiritual intimacy for a couple. Learning from others and sharing perspectives together in the space of spiritual growth opens doors for powerful communication and insight. In each evolving season of marriage, we not only nurture and grow in God together but also as an external model of these three powerful areas. Make God Known Bring God Pleasure *Demonstrate God’s unconditional love Although essential community begins within the four walls of marriage and family, it is designed to enhance and strengthen those beyond our home. Whether that be in gatherings, networks, churches, or other realms of growth. 1) What is the level of the average of your community connections? 2) Is the average more toxic than strengthening? 3) Are you intentional in finding other couples you are encouraging and couples that can encourage you in a new season? 4) Are you managing for higher levels of connections?
Intimacy is more than sex! Intimacy is knowing each other and knowing each other begins with knowing God.
Spiritual Intimacy is an open dialogue. Communication about spiritual things in the context of a trusted relationship is foundational to a strong pillar of intimacy in marriage.
God, in unifying two individuals in the sanctity of marriage, continues to empower each to grow in individual uniqueness. We may come to different conclusions on certain topics. But, we can still recognize the profound journey we are on TOGETHER. This space to grow separately together maximizes Spiritual intimacy within marriage as communication flows.
How can we intentionally nurture our spiritual intimacy in our communication?
· Make your spouse the first in communication!
· Communicate with eye contact to optimize value in sharing an experience
· Explore spiritual lessons together (within a safe, non-judgmental space)
· Learn how to express and receive feedback in the personal style specific to each partner.
· Communicate to nurture a spiritual awakening within each other.
· Learn to love your spouse as you love yourself. If we cant experience Gods love toward ourself then we wont be able to express His unconditional love to our spouse.
QUOTE: “ The ability to take spiritual questions to your spouse without judgement is true spiritual intimacy in marriage”
Although sex is important in marriage, it isn't the foundation. True intimacy is more than sex. True intimacy is built on the foundation of our spiritual conection not only with ourselves but also and more importantly with God. Intimacy is: 1. Spiritual 2. Emotional 3. Mental 4. Physical
Home Alone
PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES August 29, 2022 Part 3 Leaving a Legacy
Divorce among couples over the age of 50 with an empty nest has double since 1990 and constitutes 25
percent of the entire divorce rate. Couples invest decades in marriage and building a family legacy only
to be confronted with the inevitable empty nest. The What is Next? and Who are we now? questions
can create turbulent waters. But this can be one of the most fruitful and exciting seasons if we prepare
on the approach and not as we are landing. We want to help you avoid a crash landing!
Over the course of time, our family culture is created that will endure for generations. Divorce can
splinter and interrupt what we have been building for decades. The legacy becomes fractioned, and
growth is stunted. Our marriage should provide hope not a false illusion- a foundation our children and
children’s children can continue to build on.
QUESTIONS:
1) Do you have an awareness of the legacy created for your family by your marriage?
2) Are you and your spouse a united source of support for your family, encouraging their wins?
3) Can you see the power of an intact legacy beyond the hard seasons?
QUOTE:
“Your family legacy carries a piece of Gods Dream to make Him known, bring Him pleasure and
demonstrate His unconditional love.”
“If you can’t be the beneficiary of a legacy, be the starter of a legacy!”
Home Alone
PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES August 22, 2022 Part 2 The Art of the Pivot Divorce among couples over the age of 50 with an empty nest has double since 1990 and constitutes 25 percent of the entire divorce rate. Couples invest decades in marriage and building a family legacy only to be confronted with the inevitable empty nest. The What is Next? and Who are we now? questions can create turbulent waters. But this can be one of the most fruitful and exciting seasons if we prepare on the approach and not as we are landing. We want to help you avoid a crash landing!
In this episode, we unpack the importance of investing in your marriage and learning to embrace the pivots as your marriage continues to find new seasons of change and growth. To pivot takes courage. But with intentional shifts and investments into each other, you can experience the most exciting, vibrant, and fulfilling season of marriage. Make the Pivot TOGETHER by serving and supporting each other in this space.
QUESTIONS: 1) Have you invested in your marriage? 2) Do you value the power of committing to the investment even in the stale and slow seasons? 3) What do you and your spouse find exciting separately and together that will increase your personal and marital growth? Does this pivot create fear or excitement? QUOTE: “When we don’t continue to invest during the down seasons, we are spending the gain of our good seasons.”
Home Alone in The Gray Divorce
PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES August 14, 2022 Part 1 CHOOSE YOUR HARD
Divorce among couples over the age of 50 with an empty nest has double since 1990 and constitutes 25 percent of the entire divorce rate. Couples invest decades in marriage and building a family legacy only to be confronted with the inevitable empty nest. The What is Next? and Who are we now? questions can create turbulent waters. But this can be one of the most fruitful and exciting seasons if we prepare on the approach and not as we are landing. We want to help you avoid a crash landing!
In this episode of the series, we discuss what the gray divorce is and a few keys to avoiding this trend.
Choose your hard. Because divorce is not the guaranteed easy way out and working on your marriage will require commitment. It is all about moving on together as you grow and explore individually.
We are going to make a choice: either on purpose or by neglect. So make the choice- choose your hard-that will create the outcome that you want.
QUESTIONS:
1) Have you and your spouse ever discussed the empty nest expectations?
2) Are you intentionally experiencing life together beyond the nest before it empties?
3) What hard choices are you prepared to commit to?
QUOTE:” “ Couples are now viewing their lives in separate chapters instead of one full story together” ~ Chris and Jamie Bailey, Expedition Marriage. https://expeditionmarriage.libsyn.com/rss
Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God's Best for Your Next Paperback – August 6, 2019 by Jill Savage https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802419283/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Today's podcast was recorded earlier on our good friends Pastor's Darin and Lynette Gleghorn's Facebook Live video cast Table Talk. "Yes it is where we came up with the idea for Pillow Talk!" Join us as we are interviewed by our dear friend Pastor Lynette as we discuss building a marriage foundation by knowing your values and taking responsibility.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING? 5 Communication Choices PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES JULY 30, 2022 Part 5 CHOOSE TO DIALOGUE Couples communicate at some level every day. But, how can you know what your spouse is really saying? Becoming aware and choosing to apply a few key practices can elevate the effectiveness of communication from merely a conversation to a dialogue that will build common ground and end frustration. In the final episode of the series, we discuss the choice of DIALOGUE and the importance of continual communication in providing context in a marriage. Layers of dialogue produce depths of purpose that build the narrative of your unique marriage story! QUESTIONS: 1) What topics in your marriage have evolved into a healthy dialogue? 2) Name past or present sound bites that can sabotage your dialogue? 3) How is trust expressed for your spouse/ your teammate? QUOTE:” A dialogue leads to connection, which leads to trust which leads to engagement”~ Seth Godin
BUT WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING? 5 Communication Choices PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES JULY 24, 2022 Part 4 CHOOSE RESTRAINT Couples communicate at some level every day. But, how can you know what your spouse is really saying? Becoming aware and choosing to apply a few key practices can elevate the effectiveness of communication from merely a conversation to a dialogue that will build common ground and end frustration. As married couples, there are seasons and situations that demand greater attention and focus. But, sometimes, we need to pause in the dialogue and practice restraint. What do you do when you catch on fire? In this episode of Pillow Talk, we STOP. DROP. And ROLL. QUESTIONS:
Do you recognize when you are no longer able to control the emotion? Are you able to divide what you believe to be right and when you demand you are right? What does it look like in your marriage to roll through and not be rolled over?
QUOTE:"Restraint is the better part of beauty." Frances Gray Patton
BUT WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING? 5 Communication Choices PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES JULY 17, 2022 Part 3 CHOOSE YOUR EMOTION Couples communicate at some level every day. But, how can you know what your spouse is really saying? Becoming aware and choosing to apply a few key practices can elevate the effectiveness of communication from merely a conversation to a dialogue that will build common ground and end frustration. You have a FEELING: You wear an EMOTION. What is your spouse seeing? In this week’s podcast we will uncover the difference between feeling and emotion and how to properly assign each in the context of how the energy is communicated -negatively or positively- to our spouse. Feelings will cause an energy to rise up inside us. We choose how we express that feeling. Emotion then becomes the energy in motion.
QUESTIONS: 1) What emotion do you regularly express? Anger? Depression? Excitement? 2) How can you wear that emotion differently? 3) How could this positively affect your marriage communication?
QUOTE:” Emotions originate as sensations in the body. Feelings are influenced by our emotions but are generated from our mental thoughts.” Rachel Allyn Ph.D.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING? 5 Communication Choices PILLOW TALK PODCAST SERIES JULY 10, 2022 Part 2 CHOOSE TO LISTEN Couples communicate at some level every day. But, how can you know what your spouse is really saying? Becoming aware and choosing to apply a few key practices can elevate the effectiveness of communication from merely a conversation to a dialogue that will build common ground and end frustration. Listening is a choice; Hearing is a function. Today we discuss three ideas that can shift our posture from HEARING our spouse in order to respond to LISTENING in order to understand our spouse. If we are only hearing our words of response, we are not truly listening to the heart of our spouse.
QUESTIONS: 1) Does silence demand words from you in a conversation? 2) Are you able to repeat back what your spouse said? 3) How can you avoid resisting feelings of attack and remain present in the dialogue? QUOTE: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey,
Couples communicate at some level every day. But, how can you know what your spouse is really
saying? Becoming aware and choosing to apply a few key practices can elevate the effectiveness of
communication from merely a conversation to a dialogue that will build common ground and end
frustration.
In this episode we unpack EMPATHY and how to engage the HEART of your spouse.
We believe feeling validated, supported and understood by your spouse is one of the most important
gateways to effective communication.
QUESTIONS:
1) Do you currently use Empathy as a positive engagement with your spouse?
2) What are some key words you could offer to touch the heart of your spouse?
Here a few of our favorites!
*I support your position here…
*I am on your side
*You are in a lot of pain, I can feel it…
*It would be so good to be free of this, wouldn’t it?
*What I admire most about what you are doing in this hard thing…
QUOTE: “Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening,
holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly
healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’ ~ BRENÉ BROWN
Today we discuss how a part of sharpening each other is by listening and not assuming our spouse understands or is interpreting our intentions.
We must choose to use our differences to sharpen each other instead of letting those differences divide us.
Join Grant and Stephanie as they wrap up If you want better answers then ask better questions.
Grant and Stephanie discuss the importance of aking better questions to get better answers.
Boundaries are important in our marriage. However sometimes our mind will not allow us to set them or follow through with the boundaries we've set.
Almost all disagreements occurr when our values are violated. When we set up boundaries we are actually protecting our marriage by reducing the frustration by limiting the opportunity for violation. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Marriage need to be filled with good times and great memories. In this episode Grant and Stephanie recall a fun time in California with their good friends Greg and Julie Gorman.
Today we are discussing how sometimes we try to use prayer not necessarily to help our spouse, but as a tool of manipulation.
We’re Grant and Stephanie Gardner
After almost 38 years of marriage, we’ve discovered how to assign meaning to expectations
communicate for better understanding, and yoke our differences to pull stronger toward a common purpose
As certified marriage coaches We want to help married couples re-ignite passion and connectedness through Intimate, Authentic and unguarded conversations.
We believe frustration is the gap that exists between Expectation and Reality.
And our desire is to help bridge this gap while providing a fresh, simple perspective.
We would like to invite you to leave a comment.
Visit us on Facebook Forever with purpose
Instagram Grant_Steph_foreverwithpurpose
And foreverwithpurpose.com
We’re Grant and Stephanie Gardner and this is Pillow Talk.
After almost 38 years of marriage, we’ve discovered how to assign meaning to expectations
communicate for better understanding, and yoke our differences to pull stronger toward a common purpose
As certified marriage coaches We want to help married couples re-ignite passion and connectedness through Intimate, Authentic and unguarded conversations.
We believe frustration is the gap that exists between Expectation and Reality.
And our desire is to help bridge this gap while providing a fresh, simple perspective.
We would like to invite you to leave a comment.
Visit us on Facebook Forever with purpose
Instagram Grant_Steph_foreverwithpurpose
And foreverwithpurpose.com