Art of Non-Conformity: Recent Episodes

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Greetings! Depending on how we’re connected, you may or may not have heard much from me lately.

On January 1 this year, I moved most of my online writing over to a new newsletter, where I share three times a week on mental health and purposeful productivity:

–> YearofMentalHealth.com Most of my original subscribers (150k+) moved over with me, but not everyone did. If you haven’t been receiving the new mailings, I thought I’d check in with some updates.

Here are a few posts I’ve written recently –>

Why Buying a Couch Can Make You HappyOr, “Buy more things this year, it’s okay.”

Unhelpful Life AdviceWhy I won’t be telling you to meditate, find an accountability partner, or hire a virtual assistant.

The Trauma of Adult Undiagnosed ADHDHow ADHD affects millions of adults, and what they can do about it.

Those are just a few of the new posts—there are more than 30 so far in the archives, with more being added every week.

If you haven’t signed up yet, I’d love to have you around! It’s where I’ll be doing most of my online writing this year.

If you’re not into joining a new newsletter, however, I get it! I’ll try to check in over here once in a while as well.

I also post almost every day on LinkedIn, Facebook, and (less often) Instagram.

Hope you’ve been well—and I hope we can be in touch more in the near future!

P.S. A few more new posts if you’re interested (fair warning, these are kind of personal):

Lessons from Your Six-Year-Old Self
How I Use (and Don’t Use) Adderall to Help with Focus
Is It Always Best to “Do What Makes You Happy?”

Happy New Year! Big announcement time:

For all of 2024, I’ll be writing three times a week on a new newsletter hosted by Substack. You can subscribe now in both free and paid versions.

Many more details are below, for those who care. But in short: I would love for you to be part of this experience. Everyone is welcome.

A Year of Mental Health with Chris GuillebeauThe new newsletter will focus on ADHD and purposeful productivity, along with entrepreneurship. I’ll be writing in real-time and sharing some personal stories I’ve never told before.

How will this be helpful to you? And what if you don’t have ADHD? Read on!

Why This Topic?In short, I wanted to do something new, and I love year-long projects. (Sometimes they turn into 7+ years, like my podcast…).

As for this topic, well, mental health is relevant to many of us right now! The pandemic caused an enduring shift in much of modern society.

I wrote about the economic side of this in my last book, Gonzo Capitalism. But the shifts we’ve been through have affected a lot more than just money—we’re also thinking differently about wellness.

So that’s why I chose A Year of Mental Health. We could all use more wellness, right?

I’m going to write in a very nonjudgmental way, while still proposing clear solutions to problems. It will be independent, organic, and ad-free.

Who Is It For?It’s for anyone who wants to live and work differently!

You don’t have to have ADHD or identify as neurodivergent to appreciate it.

The fact is that almost everyone struggles with mental health in some ways—AND almost everyone is getting bad productivity advice. I want to provide something better.

Cool, So What Happens to the Existing Blog?It’s still here! I’ll still be sending occasional newsletters to this existing list, at least for people who don’t migrate over. But for 2024, my focus will be on the new one.

I’ll do my best to make things as seamless as possible, given the limitations of technology and my lack of an IT dept.

A lot of my friends are on Substack—Emily, Jen, Jenny, Melissa, Brian, Justine, Jodi (among others)—and there’s a real sense of community there.

Also, I love how simple Substack is for readers. In other words, I hope it will be easier for you.

Please let me know if I’ll see you over there—I really would love to!

How Subscriptions WorkIf you’re already subscribed to my blog by email, we should be able to auto-magically add you to the new platform, with no action required on your part. (We’ll find out soon if this actually works.)

For everyone else: you can subscribe over here.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I’ll publish a new post at 7am Pacific time.

You can count on it! Read along at the site or in your inbox if you’re signed up.

I miss old-school blogging (), so most posts will have comments enabled. Yay! Come join the conversation, or just lurk if you want—that’s cool, too.

Note: there’s not a lot of new content on the site yet, since this is week 1. Stay tuned; I promise more is coming soon.

Is It Still Free?Yes—mostly. I’m going to make almost everything free.

There will be some special things for paid subscribers, but I want the project to be as accessible as possible for everyone.

Basically, if you can pay $6/month to support it—that’s great and will allow it to be free for others. But it’s really up to you. Good vibes only, no pressure.

Not into it? Too many emails?Don’t want to receive an email with every post? I totally understand. You can easily unsubscribe anytime.

Of course, whenever you unsub, it will immediately start to rain and the traffic will be worse on your commute.

Just kidding. It’s cool.

Finally, a Personal NoteI’ve been writing The Art of Non-Conformity for almost 15 years now! And some of you have been around for much or even all of that time.

I really do make these things for you. Let’s have some fun and do something new this year.

I hope to see you on the other side.

To your 2024,

Chris

P.S. In case you missed it: yes, there’s a paid option, but most of the content will continue to be free. I appreciate those who are able to support the project, but please don’t feel any pressure at all to do so.

*Big news: I’m making some changes! Starting January 1, a new yearlong project will take the place of the weekly newsletter.

If you already subscribe by email, you’ll be automatically invited to the new platform next week. If you don’t, check the next post on the blog for details. See you on Jan. 1 for the full rollout!
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Happy holidays, everyone! I went for my Annual Review, and all was well. That’s always nice.

In fact, let’s just start with that. In addition to the “What went well / what didn’t go well” lists that I compile during the review, I also wrote a short gratitude list that’s more general.

At the top of that list, I wrote:

Did not feel in despair

Did not feel increasingly anxious as the day draws to a close

So, as I said—nice start! Whenever you’re not in despair or increasingly anxious throughout the day, count your blessings.

To Begin, a Quick DisclaimerJust a quick disclaimer at the outset of this year’s recap: if you start thinking “Why do I care about this guy’s experiences?”—well, you don’t have to care!

I’ve been sharing like this every year since 2008 for those who are interested. Mostly, though, I hope the process of the review can be helpful for people.

Over the years, many readers have modified the review in their own way to create templates of their own—which is great! In fact, that’s kind of the goal.

Remember that there are dozens of posts in the AONC archives about the Annual Review. Everything is free and I hope something is useful.

Okay, with that out of the way—let’s get into this year’s highlights.

2023: What Went Well (An Abbreviated List) Published a new book and went on tour (14 cities) for the first time in several years! That was fun. In recent years I’ve really missed getting the chance to connect with readers in different stops. * Published 52 AONC posts and newsletters, every Tuesday morning without exception (thanks for reading them!) * Finished another 365 episodes of Side Hustle School (currently 2,500+ days total), my daily podcast * Completed another 365 days of my Apple Watch streak (currently at 1,731 days of consecutive running) * Remained consistent in my commitments, continuing to focus on wellness, fitness, and harmonious relationships * Began a new service commitment and completed it twice * Began sharing consistently on social media for the first time in years (didn’t expect this one! It’s a new thing but I’m going to keep it up) * Went to Croatia, Austria, the UK, the Netherlands, and India*, in addition to numerous smaller trips. Travel is a smaller part of my life these days, but I still enjoy a few adventures throughout the year

Like I said, it’s an abbreviated list—but it was also a pretty good year all-around!

What Did Not Go Well (An Abbreviated List)I’ll share in a bit more detail for the first two items on this part of the list:

Okay, so last year I had a secret goal and theme for 2023. I didn’t tell you about it in last year’s post because I wanted to just do it.But guess what? Not only did I not tell you about it, I also didn’t do it! Oops.

Well—that’s how it works with goals sometimes. If you don’t ever fail, you’re not aiming high enough. Weirdly, I actually feel okay about this failure.

Other things came up and I shifted the goal. So perhaps the lesson is: don’t be afraid to set or change goals. * Next, the Gonzo Capitalism rollout was … chaotic. It’s great to have a book out, but some things definitely could have gone better.I wrote about it more in this post. It’s kind of a bummer, because you usually only get one chance to debut a book. If things go wrong that are outside your control, too bad!

That said, I also think an important lesson is that I trusted too much in a process that was outside my control. (Authors, I say this with all due respect for everyone else who’s involved in publishing: no one will care about your book NEARLY as much as you do. So YOU need to speak up, take over the plans, and make things happen.)

Naturally, I’m regrouping. I also have a new book I’m working on, and I look forward to telling you about it when the time comes. * I planned to live in New York City for at least a month, but didn’t follow-up and make this happen * I didn’t build any additional revenue source. I’ve intended to do this for two years, and it hasn’t happened. Really need to get on that for next year! * There are no cats in my life these days, and that makes me sad. I really need access to more cats, or at least one.

Looking Forward: 2024 NarrativeAlright, so let’s look ahead! I’m going to be making some big changes in what I write and how I share it, so I’ll make a FEW notes about that here—but it will make more sense next week when I debut a new project.

At the end of 2024, I’ll have completed a full year writing a new newsletter series (150+ posts) on mental health and purposeful productivity. This work, combined with a new emphasis on consistent sharing online, will be my primary focus for the year.

I also hope to finally develop a new source of income, which may come in one of several forms (it’s in the works).

I’ll finish 365 episodes of Side Hustle School, again providing a foundation for other things without taking too much of my attention.

I’ll maintain my commitment to wellness and positive relationships, an underlying value of my life since 2018.

Once again, I’ll complete another 365 days of the Apple Watch streak. I’ll also run my first marathon in several years, this time with a specific goal in mind.

Coming NEXT WEEK: An All-New Project for All of 2024!Okay, so I’ve unintentionally done a bit of previewing here, without telling you what the new project is about.

Sorry about that—I had to figure out how to share openly about my review without giving everything away yet.

But in short: in 2024 I’m going to make the biggest change to my small publishing operation since 2017, when I started the podcast.

Until then, I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday week, or at least a tolerable one. Remember, if this time is difficult for you, you’re not the only one.

Thanks for being out there! The best is yet to come.

This week I’m heading off-the-grid for the 2023 Annual Review trip.

It’s a tradition I’ve held mostly without fail every year since way back in 2006. I’ve also written about it almost every year since 2008, the first year of the blog.

The limited failures include a) 2020 (the world was closed) and b) a year when I was too depressed to look forward. Otherwise, though, it’s been one of the few things that are consistently present in my life. (Also, I’m not super depressed these days, so, yay!)

Here’s how it works.

You can do more than you think—but if you’re like most people, you also tend to over-plan your days. By working on a longer time-frame (12 months), you’ll be able to accomplish a series of big goals while also being true to your values.

In short: to live better, live more intentionally.

More than anything else, this practice has helped me become who I am now, as well as make progress on projects that are important to me.

(Therefore, I offer it to you as well! One of my favorite things over the years has been hearing from readers who’ve adopted a version of this practice for themselves.)

If you’re new, you might want to check out these posts:

How to Conduct Your Own Annual Review (original post from 2008)
Return of the Annual Review
Annual Review 2021
What Is Your Personal Moonshot?
Decide Now How You’ll Evaluate Yourself Next Year

Those are just a few highlights; there are 50+ additional Annual Review posts sprinkled through the AONC archives. Seek and you will find.

I’m always happy to share the outcome of my Review, or at least a version of it, with readers. I hope that this process is helpful to you in your own planning.

In fact, this year is extra special: I already know I’ll be making some BIG changes for 2024, and I’m excited to share them with you soon.

Therefore: onwards! I’ll say more next week about how it went.

Are you doing an Annual Review this year?

Images: 1, 2

The lesson of this post can be condensed into ten words: having a life purpose is better than not having one. When you have some sort of compass point to refer to as you go through life, you tend to feel better. Being able to point to something you’re working towards also helps.

I’ll use that phrase—life purpose—but you can also think of it as a mission statement, guiding value, or whatever you prefer.

What should yours be? I’ll give you some suggestions and examples, but the best advice is “don’t overthink it.”

Simply choose something—anything. Tell yourself that you can change it any time you want. (You probably won’t end up changing it too often, but by giving yourself permission to do so, you won’t feel as much pressure in choosing something.)

Even if your life purpose seems somewhat generic, merely choosing a sentence or phrase can help. While it’s usually better to have specific goals that can be measured, something as overarching as a life purpose can be expressed more generally.

“He made everything better for everyone.”One of my favorite phrases came from a newspaper headline I saw the day after Bill Russell died.

Russell was an early basketball star, chosen second in the 1956 draft. He played throughout the 1960s, leading the league in rebounds and setting an example in more ways than one.

It wasn’t just his basketball skills that stood out. Russell was also a civil rights activist, speaking out forcefully against the discrimination that Black Americans regularly experienced. Barack Obama later awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

I confess I didn’t know much about Russell until after his death, and it was the headline in the paper that stopped me in my tracks as I was walking out of a 7-Eleven store. “He made everything better for everyone,” it read, and I thought about that statement for days.

I loved the idea of spending as much time as possible on making something better for someone wherever I could.

I even added the phrase to my work diary, so that I’d think about it each day as I reviewed my projects.

Other ExamplesThat phrase—“He made everything better for everyone”—is the perfect example of a life purpose.

It’s not overly wordy, like a corporate mission statement. It leaves the expression open to many different interpretations, while still providing clarity.

If this was your life purpose (and feel free to use it for yourself; I don’t think Bill Russell owns the copyright), it could give you comfort when you make choices and decide on priorities.

Here are a few other examples:

“She loved, always.”
“To improve the quality of life of my patients.”
“To live without resentment.”
“Find the strength to do both.”
“Be the person I needed when I was a child.”
“To learn at least one new thing each day.”
“To help as many elderly people as possible.”

All of these pass the same test as Bill Russell’s phrase. Each one is broad and open to interpretation, yet clear enough to provide guidance. They’re also easy enough to refer to when you’re feeling anxious about the future.

If your life purpose is “To learn at least one new thing each day,” there’s a built-in next step, as well as a pretty obvious way to measure your life.

At the end of the day, you could simply ask yourself: “Well, did you learn something today? And what will you learn tomorrow?”

My choice: “There is another way.”As much as I liked the Bill Russell phrase (“He made everything better for everyone”), I wanted to find something different for myself. I settled on four words: There is another way.

This concept is a clear through-line for my life. It has served me well time and time again. I was never the smartest student, but I learned to work hard and look for alternative paths when I got stuck.

It also connects to my individual goals—what I hope to do for myself—as well as my overall wish to help people live unconventionally, in whatever way is best for them.

When I feel frustrated or discouraged, I return to this concept. Maybe the best answer is to try something different, I tell myself. What have I not considered?

Remember, having a life purpose (anything!) is better than not having one. I went with “There is another way” because it felt most true to myself.

What about you? Choose something today, without overthinking it.

You can always update it if you change your mind—and until then, being able to point to a grounding principle may help you feel better.

Last week I posted a message on Facebook and LinkedIn about how working for yourself is less risky than working a regular job. I’ll excerpt a version of it here:

People think being self-employed is risky, but the much bigger risk is working a traditional job.

A friend of mine got laid off this week. I told them “Congratulations!”—they’re a smart person and will be totally okay. But it also made me wonder: why do people think working for YOURSELF is risky?

Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Just think about it: when you work for someone else, you can be fired or let go at any time. Or the company could go out of business. Or you could get a new boss that sucks. Or any number of other things could go wrong that are totally outside your control.

Things go wrong being self-employed too, but it’s different. If something goes wrong in your business, you fix it. Or you change it—you try something new.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying “Everyone should be self-employed.” I’m just saying, don’t work a traditional job unless you’re comfortable with risk!

Those of us who work for ourselves are taking the safe path.

Think about this and make whatever decision is best for you. And if you do have a job and like the idea of building more security for yourself—what’s your plan? What’s your next step?

One idea is to create a new source of income without quitting your job.

Might be good to work on that today!

The greater point is much more than just traditional vs. self employment. Yes, working for yourself is safer than having a job—but trusting yourself is even better.

If you learn to trust yourself, your circle of opportunities becomes much larger.

Not sure how you’ll make it if someone isn’t looking after you all the time? Great, an opportunity! Has something come along that throws you off course? Awesome!

And if you don’t trust yourself to figure things out, you’ll never take any risks—which might be the greatest risk of all.

Because that’s the thing about change: it’s hard. It’s much easier to keep trucking along, doing the same thing you’ve always done.

But as they say: not making a choice is making a choice. Also: nothing changes unless you do.

Paying attention seems like a simple thing, doesn’t it? But if you’re like me—even a little bit—it can actually be quite hard.

These days, it’s actually much easier to NOT pay attention to anything of importance.

What do you pay attention to instead? Anything that comes along! You get in the habit of reacting, sometimes responding—but rarely noticing.

The modern world is designed to discourage you from paying attention. If you want to counter the norm, you have to be intentional about it.

Standard advice consists of the following:

Practice mindfulness: Meditate—or use other tools to develop the habit of being present and fully engaged in the moment
Reduce distractions: Identify common distractions in your environment, such as smartphones or social media, and take steps to minimize them
Prioritize tasks: Create a to-do list or set clear goals for your day to help you stay focused on what truly matters

And hey, that’s not terrible. If these tips work, great. There are many other blog posts about those topics.

But if you’ve tried mindfulness and are still struggling—here’s another idea.

Put another way: Here is what you do when those things fail.

First, start by focusing on what the real problem is. (Hint: it’s probably something you’re ignoring.)

Smartphones and social media can be overwhelming and drain your attention—but maybe the real problem is a lack of purpose.

If you aren’t excited about something, if you don’t wake up thinking about what you’re going to do today—maybe that’s part of the problem.

Next, here’s a radical idea: Craft your own attention manifesto. Take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you, what you want to pay attention to, and what you want to ignore.

Remember, paying attention is a skill that can be honed. Try attention training exercises like journaling, deep reading, or anything that absolutely requires your full attention.

Indeed, learning to pay attention is both the cure for being distracted AND the benefit of being focused. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

As always, I write from experience. I’ve lost my way many times, but I know how to find it again.

Have you ever noticed that some people are unhappy all the time? No matter what, they find a reason to be negative. They’re the people who write one-star reviews of national parks (“The Grand Canyon didn’t have air conditioning!”) and just aren’t much fun to be around.

Similarly, some people seem incredibly resilient. Even when the circumstances cause most of us to feel discouraged or upset, these people always find the silver lining.

These examples, the constantly happy or unhappy person, are the extremes. Most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum in between—and for the most part, we don’t shift too much.

There’s a concept in the social sciences called hedonic adaptation. It basically means that most people have a relative baseline level of happiness that they tend to revert to.

The interesting thing is that major life events tend to not change this baseline, at least fundamentally.

A new relationship or major promotion gives it a boost for a while, and a major trauma or significant loss lowers it for a while, but over time we tend to return to a baseline.

One of the most telling examples of hedonic adaptation comes from a classic study of lottery winners. It turns out that if you look at people who’ve won hundreds of millions of dollars, just a few months after winning they have roughly the same happiness level as they did before cashing in. Hedonic adaptation is a powerful force!

Why is this relevant? First, it shows you that outside circumstances are not nearly as important to your wellbeing as you think. We tend to attribute more importance to those things—which, after all, are outside our control—and less importance to self-development and understanding how we can make better decisions (which is at least somewhat within our control).

Second, it might be helpful to know that sometimes you just get sad or anxious. There’s not always a reason for it, and that’s okay.

Best of all, even though each of us has a happiness baseline of sorts, understanding this fact can help you raise yours.That’s a bold statement, but I’m pretty sure it’s been true for me. (And if you really believe something about your own happiness, then it is true. Whether it’s placebo or perception, it’s still real enough for the person experiencing it.)

I know that I have a baseline level of happiness/unhappiness.

I know that sometimes I will get sad or anxious.

Once you’re aware that you have a baseline level of happiness—and that sometimes you’ll be sad or anxious—you can work proactively on elevating your baseline.

How? Start by identifying the activities and habits that bring you joy and contentment.

These might be small, everyday actions like reading, spending time outside, or whatever else you enjoy. It could also involve larger goals like pursuing a lifelong quest or making meaningful connections with others.

The key is to integrate these activities into your routine. Regularly engaging in actions that uplift you can gradually shift your happiness baseline upwards. It’s like exercise—the more you make it a habit, the stronger you become.

Remember, this isn’t about avoiding sadness or anxiety, but about enhancing your overall wellbeing.

When you increase your happiness baseline, you’re not just temporarily happier—you’re building a foundation that makes you more resilient to life’s ups and downs.

How might your life change by raising your happiness baseline?

Once in a while, you walk into a place and experience an odd sensation. What is this feeling?

You might be tempted to call it déjà vu, but that’s not quite right. With déjà vu, (“already seen”) you have the sensation of revisiting somewhere you haven’t actually been, at least not in this world or life.

But this feeling is different, because you have been here—in this life, in this same earthly realm. It’s just that something was different back then: you were. Now, even if the physical environment is exactly the same, you being different means that your experience of it has changed.

Most likely, you catch this feeling in a very ordinary place. Not a special place, a secret place, or fancy place at all. Maybe it’s a place where people come and go, and life passes in all its usual forms.

For me, this place was an airline lounge I recently visited. As soon as I walked in, I had that weird feeling. What’s so strange about this? I wondered. Oh. That’s right. Six years ago, I was here during a very difficult time in my life.

Back then, I was afraid and terribly anxious. But I couldn’t talk about it! I kept it to myself.

In fact, I had to do other kinds of talking: that day I was on my way to give a public talk. I had to do my best to serve the audience, to focus less on myself and more on what I could offer them. Which was fine! That’s how it works! But I was also struggling.

And that, in a nutshell, represents the two versions of me that I continuously juggled.

I want to make people happy even though I am not happy myself.
Something is blocking me from being true to myself. (I’m letting it block me, of course. I knew that even then; I just didn’t know how to fix it.)
Eventually this will all be okay and so will I. But I don’t know when or how.

So now, all these years later, I was back. The lounge had been renovated—and not to put too clichéd a point on it, but so had I.

The lounge had received a lil’ facelift: an upgraded coffee machine, refreshed seating areas, a new shared worktable. The writer and compulsive traveler was older, or at least “less youthful.” But despite the effects of age, he too had been upgraded and refreshed!

All around the lounge, people passed by, oblivious to the transformation of space and visitor. Other travelers came and went. Friendly lounge employees tidied up and said hello. Day-drinkers drank, questionable service animals roamed, a man took a phone call on speakerphone as if he were the only person in a public area. The usual.

But I just sat there, thinking, Well, look at that. Something sure is different around here.

When you come to such a place, you have a few options of how to respond. You could do nothing, of course, and just go on with your life. Fair enough.

On the other end of the spectrum, you could have some elaborate ritual organized around recognizing your new life as a reborn phoenix. Break out the tarot, light the incense, etc.

But if you’re like me, you opt for somewhere in the middle. No elaborate ritual, no tarot, no excessively dwelling on things. But no ignoring them either! The state change should be acknowledged.

You have changed, you have grown, and you can acknowledge the person you were back then. You can feel compassion for the pain they were experiencing at the time. You can feel proud of how far you’ve come.

So should you find yourself in such a strange, reverent place, I encourage you to observe the experience. Pause as the other travelers rush through. Reflect on who you were and who you are. Imagine who you might still become.

And then, of course, it will be time to move onwards.

Two months ago I published my first book in three years, the longest gap I’ve had since I began this career. I also went on tour for the first time in … well, it seemed like forever!

It was a lot of work, a lot of fun, and it also came with a number of “lessons learned.” I’ll focus here on the lessons, since the first two (work and fun) are somewhat obvious.

So what did I learn? As is my practice in these situations (there are many earlier posts about wins and losses in the archives) I’ll try to give an honest reckoning here.

Highlights: What Went WellI wrote a book! I mean, that’s something. I did get a little stuck on this one and ended up rewriting it at least four different times. I would have preferred to avoid some of that pain, but nevertheless I’m glad I persevered and I do think the rewriting made for a stronger book in the end.

I think I told the story well. It was hard to tie in a few different themes, but with all the rewriting (and some legit help from my friend and editor Talia Krohn), we got there.

In reflecting that belief, I really appreciated Arlan Hamilton‘s blurb:

“For the first time in history, the people in power no longer get to decide who has the chance to make money off their ideas: we all do. Gonzo Capitalism will inspire you to find creative ways to add new income streams and build new wealth using the tools you already have access to.”

That’s what the book is about: a) the people in power don’t get to decide everything for you, and b) you need to take the right kind of action to thrive in this economy.

I also had a lot of good reviews from readers, which is always nice. Ultimately I write for readers, after all. So the fact that many of you seemed to enjoy it is greatly appreciated.

View this post on InstagramA post shared by Chris Guillebeau (@193countries)

Translations will be coming out in different markets for a while. These usually follow the original edition by 6-12 months, though some don’t get done until years later. I love hearing about people finding my books far away and in their own language.

Last but not least, I went on a tour! This tour was a little different, as I’ll explain shortly, but it was also a lot of fun. I got to connect and reconnect with readers in 15 cities.

I felt nervous and anxious in the beginning, no doubt because it had been so long, but I soon found a rhythm. (Thanks so much to everyone who came out to an event.)

Okay, Some Lessons!Book tours are different now. In short, it’s hard to get people to come out now! Much harder than pre-pandemic. I still had good crowds in several stops, but several others were a lot smaller than I’ve seen for other books.

My friend Jon Acuff mentioned this to me as well, noting that he previously saw crowds of 200-300 people for his tour stops, and the turnout dropped a lot on his first post-pandemic tour. I think it’s just kind of the new reality? But it did require some adjustment on my part.

A lot of small things were unnecessarily difficult. To take one example: for three weeks leading up to launch, the description for the audio version of the book was for a completely different book (and not one of mine!). It was a weird error that should have been quickly fixed, but for some reason it persisted until many people complained to Amazon and my publisher.

Speaking of the audiobook, for more than a week after launch there was another weird problem. In short, the audiobook sounded terrible. We’re still not sure what happened on the production side to cause this issue. The publisher eventually fixed it (or at least improved it), but this too was pretty stressful.

In case you got an early version of the audio, you should be able to re-download it and you’ll get the much better update. Sorry about that.

These and (sadly) several other snafus reminded me of a timeless rule of publishing: You’re on your own, kid! In fairness, this is not a new lesson. Every author should know this already—and if an author is expecting their publisher to do a lot for their book, that’s a mistake on the author’s behalf.

But for this time, I think it’s fair to say that I’d forgotten some of the lesson. I’ve now internalized it once more for future books.

Again, to take responsibility of my own: I haven’t always kept up well with the times. I’ve known this for a while too, but the effects really kicked in for this book launch and tour. Even though this book is largely about the creator economy, in some ways the creator economy is now consumed by viral content.

While I’m proud of Gonzo Capitalism, I think it’s not immediately clear who the single, ideal reader is. Given the short attention spans out there these days, knowing that answer right from the start is more important than ever. If you want to write a book, make sure you have this answer! Write for one person—the exact person who needs to hear what you have to say.

Everything is easier when you think about a single, ideal reader as opposed to some sort of target market or, worse, everyone.

Have You Read It Yet?This time around, I learned a few lessons and would have done some things differently—but I’m still happy about it.

I’m very grateful to be able to write books, see them go out into the world, and travel to meet readers. It’s the best!

If you’ve followed the journey so far but haven’t yet gotten your hands on Gonzo Capitalism, I’d love for you to check it out! It’s a culmination of my observations, experiences, and insights in the new world of power and money.

Whether you’re a creator, an aspiring entrepreneur, or someone just interested in taking control of your financial destiny, the book can help you with practical, actionable ideas.

I’m now busy writing my next book. But of course, this one won’t be ready for some time—so check out Gonzo Capitalism or perhaps an earlier one for now.

The internet is filled with productivity advice. From YouTube videos to social media threads, you see it all the time: Follow these 37 tips to write every day. Get up early and cold plunge. Fast “intermittently” before eating a cow for breakfast. For a long time, I’ve believed that most productivity advice—while usually well-meaning—is misguided.… Continue reading A Collection of Productivity Advice That Is Actually Useful

You did this for the first time long ago. You wrote a book and went out to talk about it. It was new and fresh and exciting. You weren’t sure how to do it—any of it, from the book writing to the talking to the logistics—but you figured it out.

It was also grassroots. The publisher helped very little, if at all. You went anywhere and everywhere: to independent bookstores, Barnes & Noble, Borders (RIP), co-working spaces, startups, yoga studios—wherever the people were.

Lots of things went wrong along the way, but most of the time you figured them out. The mishaps made for good stories: the time you did an event in a Minneapolis grocery store, with shoppers weaving through the crowd with carts. The time you unexpectedly had to buy $800 in drinks for an afterparty at a Pasadena restaurant. The times (more than one of them!) when the book talk venue forgot to order the books.

You learned to give talks and got somewhat good at it. You did embarrassingly bad radio interviews and slowly improved at those too.

But mostly it was about the people. The people that came to the events were special.

Sometimes it was a lot of people! Sometimes it wasn’t. But the people were always special, and they often came with a story. They drove for hours, they brought friends, they arrived with cupcakes for the group. It was special for them, and it was special for you, too.

Now, years later, you go back out on the road. In some ways it feels closer to the earlier years than it did to the middle ones.

You write a new talk and practice it every day, making small changes to improve it each night. You go back to your favorite stops: Book People, Powell’s, Changing Hands, Seattle Town Hall (et al). You encounter the joys and frustrations of author life. You eat dinner late and sometimes not at all.

Mostly what matters is this: The people who come out are still special. Sometimes it’s a lot of people, sometimes it isn’t. But the people are always special, and they often come with a story. Among many others:

The Vietnamese reader who read your early books in translation while living in Saigon, and now reads in English while living in Nevada
The person who came to your stop at Book Soup in West Hollywood twelve years ago and is back once again, sitting in the same seat (“How have you been for the past twelve years?” you ask)
The guy who was featured on episode 150 of your podcast, six years and 2,350 episodes ago
The people who tell you about the businesses they’ve started, the changes they’ve made, the travel they’ve taken

Some things are easier now. Some things are harder. Some things are the same. Lots of people have books out these days, everyone has a thing, it’s more difficult to “break through.” The social media algorithm is never your friend. But sometimes, something works.

You have media interviews in most cities, where you try to share your message and be somewhat interesting for viewers or listeners. Some of them are amusing, others are surreal. Sometimes you’re disappointed in your performance; once in a while you feel like you crushed it.

People who don’t know how book tour works ask about the travel: What do you do in each city? You answer: Nothing. Or maybe the best answer is the same thing as every other city.

You’re not there to be a tourist, though you do run every day and try to find new routes in each spot. But the point is, you’re there for the event. Not the nice restaurant, the cool coffee shop, the seven natural wonders of Omaha or Burlington.

No! You are there for one specific reason. You’re there for the two hours every evening when you get to visit with the special people.

In the end, you feel nervous before every talk, but only a little. Mostly you hope to do a good job for everyone who shows up.

You want to help them learn something, to laugh, and to meet someone. After all, as you say each time, the best part of the experience is everyone else who shows up.

That’s what matters, so that’s what you do. Five cities down, eleven more to go this time. But you won’t be done after the sixteen. You know you’ll be doing this for as long as you can.

In a previous post I wrote — The law of average states that the operating system of life is designed to work for as many people as possible. Possessing this knowledge allows for infinite modifications. This is perhaps the great game of life—to understand when to modify the operating system and when to go with… Continue reading If You Want Average Results, Follow the Rules of Average

Buy Now: Amazon | BN | Audible | Apple Books | Bookshop.org Greetings, friends and readers! My new book Gonzo Capitalism is out today! 💰 It’s all about how we can capitalize on new tools and platforms and find unique ways to turn our time, talents, and creativity into income—on our own terms. I hope it will help people who are navigating difficult financial times,… Continue reading Big News: GONZO CAPITALISM Is Out Today!

I’m writing these notes on a SkyWest commuter flight to Santa Rosa, California. It’s a small plane en route to a small airport. Two women seated behind me are having an extensive discussion about prosecco versus champagne. One insists she would never consume prosecco because it’s terrible and also “She’s not 19 anymore.” (She appears… Continue reading Before Beginning, Prepare Carefully

Before we had the title GONZO CAPITALISM, we thought about calling my new book The New Rules of Money. Overall, Gonzo Capitalism is much better—the book is about more than personal finance, and no one likes to read about rules. 🙂 Still, I had the working title for a while because one of my goals… Continue reading The New Rules of Money

An instruction manual is a written guide that provides step-by-step instructions on how to use, operate, or achieve something. You might not always need it, but it’s nice to have around just in case. Think about some of the things you own that come with instructions: electronics, kitchenware, board games, and so on. Even your… Continue reading An Instruction Manual for Yourself

In the process of making something you hope to share with people, two contradictory messages compete for our attention. One message is all about how nothing you make will ever be perfect, so you should move forward at all costs. You are getting in your own way. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of… Continue reading The Big Picture and the Small Details

You might have heard of the famous “marshmallow experiment,” where social psychologists attempted to measure the long-term effects of practicing deferred gratification. In the classic version of this experiment, first conducted in 1972, young children were offered the choice between eating one marshmallow immediately, or two marshmallows if they could wait fifteen minutes. It’s also… Continue reading Rethinking The Marshmallow Experiment

Years ago during a visit to Singapore, I walked straight into a closed glass door while attempting to exit a coffee shop. When I say walked into, I mean I crashed into it. It was not subtle. I didn’t see it coming at all, until the moment of collision! The whole situation was incredibly awkward… Continue reading Feeling Embarrassed Is Part of Traveling

I’ve written before about how important it is to change your mind. The ability to consider new information and update your beliefs is hugely underrated. I’ve tried to get better at this in recent years, especially as the world becomes more and more enveloped in conspiracy theories, and “shared truth” becomes elusive. But it’s also… Continue reading When In Doubt, Change Everything

AKA a case study in indecisiveness — Back in the day, I used to write a lot of posts on how to book plane tickets. Guess what? Here is how NOT to do it. Last week I spent an average of two hours a day, every day, looking at various options and putting together itineraries… Continue reading How Not to Book a Plane Ticket

This week I’ll be traveling to Europe, though it’s been more of a challenge than usual to get there. Perhaps I’ll write a post on how not to book plane tickets, because that’s what my life has felt like as I’ve tried to plan what should be a very simple trip. But that’s okay! I’ll… Continue reading Readers: What Would You Like to Know About?

Did you know you can start your own holiday? Not just a made-up holiday for yourself, but one that may eventually get noticed and talked about by others. This is an example of something you’re allowed to do that most people never think of. Perhaps you don’t want to make your own holiday—that’s fine—but what… Continue reading Unusual Things You’re Allowed to Do

Everywhere you go, you encounter messages about the importance of dreaming big. As a kid, you’re told you can become anyone you wanted. As an adult, influencers and celebrities encourage you to dream of the life you want, then set out to make it happen. Specifically, you’re told to follow these dreams of yours, whatever… Continue reading Follow Your Boring Dreams

Consider this concept: if you’re not getting better at something, you’re getting worse at it.

Maybe it’s not universally true for everything, but it’s an interesting general principle. It has many applications, from all types of skills and knowledge to just how you show up as a human in the world.

Ever since I first heard this idea, I’ve been thinking about it. At some point I made a list of what comes to mind for me on each side, reflecting on what I’m better at and what I’ve worse at compared to a few years ago. There are some definite patterns.

Let’s start with the “worse” column. Again, the concept is relative to a baseline—I’m not saying I’m amazing or terrible at any of these things, just whether I’m better or worse than I was before.

Things I’m Getting Worse AtSpeaking at events. Public speaking is something that definitely fits in the category of “if you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.” Once you learn a few basic skills and get comfortable with speaking, you begin to notice a big difference in performance from experience to experience.

In my case, I used to speak at 30-50 events a year. In the past year I’ve spoken at something like 3-5. Big difference!

When I was speaking regularly, it would be physically noticeable (at least to me) if I took a few weeks off. I suspect that public performance of most kinds draws on a muscle that needs to be exercised if you want to truly be good at it. Without use, it atrophies.

Fortunately, this is going to ramp up again later in the summer, with an upcoming tour for my new book. I look forward to improving again!

Social media. To hear more about this, follow my latest posts on … nowhere. Yeah. I don’t really post on many networks these days, at least not consistently. Among other reasons, social media has become algorithm-driven and saturated. Like many people, I consume more than I create these days, at least on the networks that belong to large tech companies.

I also just kind of “got over it” in terms of feeling the need to post all the time, especially for anything promotional. This might change in the future, or it might not. But I decided to focus much more on writing books (more on that in the next section), my daily podcast, and not stressing out about consistent social media for now.

At the same time, I do respect people who use social well without turning into weird influencers or allowing it to adversely affect their mental health. If that’s you, good work! But be careful.

Most business growth and optimization. Simply put, I don’t have the same businesses or revenue streams I did several years ago. I’ve focused almost all of my work on the books, blog, and podcast, without selling much of anything.

For the most part, that’s okay and it feels right for now. But just as with social media, I respect people who’ve gone hard in growing their business. Maybe I’ll return to it more in a year or two.

One more small thing that’s gotten worse for me: penmanship and journaling. I used to carry a notebook with me everywhere and would write in it every day, including notes for blog posts and even book excerpts. These days I still carry the notebook, but I write in it far less now, in favor of my computer or phone most of the time.

Things I’m Getting Better AtBook writing. After publishing The Money Tree in early 2020, I got stuck. I workshopped a few concepts with David, my longtime friend and literary agent, but we never really got up and running with something new. At some point we almost sold a proposal for a book, before pulling it off the market and taking another look. After a shift, we sold the concept for what would become Gonzo Capitalism, which I then got stuck writing for another six months.

In eight books so far, I’ve only been stuck once before, so it was unexpected and depressing to find myself there again. I eventually wrote my way out, and then a funny thing happened: I found a flow that worked really well.

I’m now writing something else that I’ll talk about much later (one book at a time!) but overall I’m very much back on track in the book-writing department. It would be nice to do everything, but all things considered, I’d rather have a smaller business and suck at social media but keep writing books and doing it well.

Lifting weights and nutrition. I’ve been running every day for several years, but I also increased my strength training to four or five weekly sessions instead of the two I used to do. At the same time, I began tracking my macros more carefully and paying more attention to nutrition. Because I’m fairly active, I eat a lot: at least 3,000 calories a day on average, and more like ~4,000/day during weeks of heavy workouts.

I still like running better than weight lifting overall, but it’s been fun to change up the focus a bit. I’m thinking that I might do some version of this a few months a year. Don’t worry, I don’t plan to start posting any workout progress photos! At least probably.

Attention to meaningful relationships. Every day I write down my five goals, one of which is “Cultivate harmonious relationships.”

Technically this is more of a value than a goal, but it’s measurable in a way that I can simply ask myself “Did I do that today?” I try to touch base with the important people in my life, spend time with friends and family, and generally be helpful when I can. It’s one of those areas where you intuitively know if you’re paying attention to it or not.

Over the past few years I’ve made this much more of a priority. Among other benefits, prioritizing relationships is good for mental health. Though nothing is a cure-all for depression or anxiety, it’s always nice to be helpful or do something good for someone when you’re feeling down.

You Can’t Improve EverythingThere’s an important caveat to the rule of “if you’re not getting better at something, you’re getting worse at it.” The caveat is: you can’t get better at everything!

Life is about choices, you know? Gotta let go of stuff to thrive elsewhere. I try to keep this in mind when I’m feeling frustrated with myself. I’m writing books, exercising every day, and being purposeful in relationships. Those are three very good things.

Still, it might be nice to actively notice what you’re getting better and worse at. Then you can decide if there’s something you want to change, or if it’s just a matter of acceptance.

What are you getting better and worse at?

Thanks to my friend Nick for inspiring the idea for this post.

I understand why some people don’t like airports. Really, I do.

But speaking for myself, I love them. I spend extra time in airports, not because I’m worried about missing my flight (that happens once in a while) but because planes and airport terminals are my happy place.

I often think of a story about a Dutch guy named Jan Mul, who spent every Wednesday flying from Amsterdam to any number of European airports. He’d then spend a couple of hours in the terminal, turn around, and fly back.

No doubt some people would find that silly, just like some people don’t like airports or flying. But I get it.

An interesting fact I try to remember is that most people fly very little. On American Airlines, for example, something like 80% of passengers fly only once a year. Do you find that fact surprising? I do, but maybe it makes sense when you see all the in-flight meltdown videos these days. So I try not to judge all the people carrying around pillows and checking baggage.

Here are a few of my favorite airport tips and tricks. I tried to focus on advice that’s different from what you hear everywhere else:

Some airports are a series of “mini-airport” terminals that aren’t connected airside. When you fly through JFK or LAX, say, your experience is often limited to (and determined by) the airline you’re flying. Another terminal might be much more peaceful or have better amenities, but you’d never know if you stick to just one. In most domestic airports, you can go through security at a different terminal than the one your flight leaves from. So if you have extra time, go somewhere else to explore! You’ll just need to clear security again in your “real” terminal when it’s time to actually fly.
As I wrote about in the Ultimate Travel Superpower, the best travel hack is to be able to go anywhere, anytime. Admittedly, this is getting a little harder (or at least more expensive) these days. Most airlines are moving to a system where award ticket prices are tied directly to cash sale prices, and with flights being so full, there are fewer deals to be found. Last weekend I spent more than two hours booking a flight to Croatia for next month, a task that would have taken me 15 minutes a couple years ago. But of course, I was still able to book a good flight.
If you need help from an airline and hold times are long, try pestering them on social media. Most airlines have Twitter support teams, though some are better than others. One note: they usually want to “take it to DM” to address the issue, which can produce mixed results. Sometimes this is helpful! Other times they just want to stop you from complaining publicly without actually solving your problem.
Uber and Lyft (and taxis, if anyone still uses those) often charge more for airport pickups, but hotel shuttles are free. When prices are insane, hop on a shuttle to a nearby hotel, then have the rideshare driver pick you up there. Related: many airport hotels are situated close to each other. When waiting for your hotel’s shuttle (which always seems to be the last to arrive, no matter where you’re staying) check the map to see if another one is close by. Then, get on whichever shuttle comes first. Always tip the shuttle driver, of course.
I have a 1,500+ day exercise streak that mostly consists of running every day, but some days I also need to do a good bit of walking or other workouts to hit the goal. If it’s a long travel day that involves changing continents, I might need to do a lot of walking in the terminal. Some airports are great for this. London’s Heathrow Terminal 5, for example—there’s a huge underground passage where you can walk for close to a mile in one direction. I like to think of it as a secret passage, because even though it’s clearly signed, almost no one uses it. I leave my bags in the lounge (unattended! living on the edge) and go walk for an hour or so. Hong Kong (HKG) is also great for this.
Speaking of lounges, these days I tend to avoid them as much as I use them. That is, I’ll usually go in for a while, see what’s available, eat something if there are any reasonable options, but then I end up spending more time in the terminal itself. This is different for the really nice international lounges, but for most domestic ones, the juice is not worth the squeeze. Everyone has Priority Pass now, and even the “nice” Centurion Lounges by AmEx can get super crowded these days.
So what’s better? First, keep lounge expectations reasonable. Second, find a quiet place somewhere in the terminal—and more often than not, this is easily possible, even in the busiest of airports. Since I’m often walking a lot anyway, I head down the corridors to the farthest possible gates, often where fewer flights are scheduled from.
Sometimes there’s a truly secret spot somewhere: a room that no one goes in because they think it’s not open, a shoeshine station that’s unoccupied for the day, a zone for pets that contains no pets or pet owners, or something else. (An idea I just thought of: Even airport Chick-fil-As are closed on Sundays. Hmmm.)

The point is that you can usually find a space to find your vibe. If you hate flying, treat it as a game the next time you travel and see what you can do to make it fun.

That’s what I try to do. I’m writing you these notes from the airport—of course.

Studies show that many office workers would benefit from standing up at their desk, walking outside, and never returning.
A powerful life hack is to stop caring about what other people think of you. This one neat trick will allow you to feel incredibly free, able to become whoever you want.
Wanting something to happen is not the same as making it happen.

These and other insights come from the release of data sets related to new research. In an especially surprising development, mentally fixating on an unfinished task has been shown to have little effect on completing it. No matter how many hours are spent in mental obsession, the physical world proves largely immune to change without preemptive action.

To their dismay, aspiring authors tend to discover that books do not write themselves. This is true even when they stare at the blank page or screen for long periods of time.

It remains true when they talk about the book they are writing, when they carry around a notebook for “research,” and when they update their social media bios to claim the role of Writer.

In fact, only the act of writing itself—repeated over and over, in hundreds of sessions—leads to writing a book.

By contrast, researchers have uncovered several effective strategies for achieving nothing at all. Remaining paralyzed by indecisiveness, waiting for “someone else” to do something, and repeatedly analyzing a situation without doing anything about it are all successful approaches for achieving nothing.

Complaining about being busy is also effective almost 100 per cent of the time, at least when it comes to preventing forward motion from occurring.

These are not the only actions you can take to remain stuck. There is an entire catalog of things you can do to avoid doing the one thing that matters. Starting new projects, cleaning the house, running errands—the list could go on and on.

In summary, studies show that very little progress occurs unless you do something to set it into motion. Nothing changes unless you do.

P.S. It is our ethical duty to note that the consequences of throwing your computer out the window have not been fully considered in a peer-reviewed study. Side effects may occur.

Images: 1, 2, 3

In my early days of blogging, I wrote a post that had a good amount of impact. It was called How to Be Unremarkably Average, and it featured a list of suggestions. For example:

Go to college because someone said you should get a degree, not because you want to learn anything.

Go overseas once or twice in your life, to somewhere safe like England.

Work at a job you don’t like for the majority of your professional life. Sit at a desk 40 hours a week for an average of 10 hours of productive work.

Believe in and actively defend “the way things used to be” even if your memory is hazy about when that actually was.

Never be the voice of dissent. Support your country’s foreign policy when it is popular and reject it when it is unpopular.

Gavin Aung Than, the artist behind Zen Pencils and now a series of children’s books, illustrated a version and sold it in his shop.

Most of the post still holds up, but in the aftermath of the Great Resignation, I’ve been thinking about the opposite idea: are there times when it’s actually good to be unremarkably average?

I’m thinking in particular of the workplace, at least the generic corporate workplace that many people spend the majority of their working lives in.

Why be exceptional all the time? Why give more than the bare minimum? Why strive while others are slacking?

That line of thinking seemed to make sense, and quiet quitting is still popular, after all. But then, as I thought about it some more, I realized a problem with the logic: If you mentally check out of the longest part of your day, it’s not just your employer who’s harmed. You might end up dulling your own senses, which are worth much more than any job.

The Bargain of Corporate SpeakingI know several authors in the business-career space who make a good living by speaking at corporate events attended by company employees.

There’s an implied Faustian bargain in this relationship. From the company’s side: we pay you lots of money (the going rate is $15,000 or more per talk), you speak to our employees and make them feel good about themselves, but just make sure they end up working harder for us.

I have a moral objection to that kind of contract, and I also don’t like to be told what to do, so I don’t get many of those gigs.

But guess what? Maybe the speakers are right to encourage employees to show up more, at least in a way. If you decide to mentally opt-out of your day job, the greatest risk isn’t that you’re somehow cheating your employer. It’s that you’re shortchanging yourself.

I’ve never had a corporate job, but from what I hear, many employees tend to go through the motions, do what needs to get done, but always in a “working for the weekend,” semi-detached sort of way. Some of them even actively rebel, finding ways to stretch out tasks into longer amounts of time and generally disconnecting from any sense of mission.

This seems to be the very definition of unremarkably average. It also seems … unhealthy?

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not as though I think every corporate employee should give their best energy to their employer all the time. I actually think it’s more interesting when someone works an extra, secret job while they’re supposed to be on the clock somewhere else. Or when they start their own business, decide to learn a language on company time, or any other meaningful activity.

Merely passing the time, though, watching the clock, watching the metaphorical paint dry—I dunno. It just seems uninteresting and more soul-crushing than any bad job itself.

So if your job sucks, you should quit—quietly or otherwise. If you continue to just put in the bare minimum, you’ll find yourself wasting away.

Ultimately, we want to do something we care about and are motivated by—without an artificial, “be all you can be” pep talk. We don’t want to be unremarkably average. We want to be, in fact, remarkable.

I recently watched a documentary on the making of Aja, the seminal work by Steely Dan. In case you’re not familiar, Steely Dan is the band name for two songwriters and musicians, Donald Fagen and Walter Becker.

Even if you hate Steely Dan, this documentary is fascinating for anyone interested in music or creative work in general. Their process was much different from how pretty much everyone else did it at the time.

Specifically, Fagen and Becker worked with dozens of studio musicians, repeatedly changing out the lineup. For some records, including Aja, they recorded the same songs over and over with different musicians. In fact, in some ways Steely Dan wasn’t a band at all; it was a series of compositions that were then assembled in pieces through many hours of studio work.

For Aja in particular they were looking for something special. All of the rehearsals led to a finely tuned group of performers, who were all in top form. It was as close to perfect as possible—and then they kept working on it, making it even better.

My favorite anecdote in the documentary came from one of the rotating band members: “They went further than just perfect. They made it natural.”

Further Than PerfectIt’s not a direct analogy—and I haven’t yet made a classic rock album—but it made me think of the book tours I used to do. (Side note: my new book, Gonzo Capitalism, is coming this August. And yes I’ll be touring! More info soon.)

When I was on the road giving talks, I developed a pattern of trying to improve one thing every night. It helped that I visited a new city almost every day, so there were plenty of chances to iterate. I’m not saying it was ever perfect (far from it!) but I did get better and better.

Usually by the fourth or fifth time I gave a talk, I was able to settle in and focus on what was actually happening instead of mentally trying to remember what to say next. This is why I actually like giving the same talk over and over—instead of getting boring, it feels better and better because I’m more easily able to feel present with the audience instead of always thinking about the next thing I’m going to say.

With repetition comes comfort, which is better for both speaker and audience.

Perfect Versus “Just Ship”One more point on the Steely Dan model: I couldn’t help but think that this method is directly contrary to the popular method of “Just ship.”

This method argues that whatever you do is never going to be perfect, so just focus on getting things out there. Do the best you can, but then move on and do something else. Don’t spend ages and ages refining something.

Most of the time, I think the “Just ship” method is superior—if for no other reason than most of the time, what you ship isn’t going to be perfect. Far from it, in fact.

Also, you don’t always know that what you’re going to ship will be a hit. Thinking back on book talks, I’m pretty sure one of my best talks ever was for my fourth book, Born for This. The talk for that one almost always went over well—yet for whatever reason, that book sold far fewer copies than the one before and the one after.

These two methods represent a natural tension in making creative work. Again, generally I prefer moving forward for the sake of progress, instead of trying to find “perfection.” There are tradeoffs to everything.

Still, there’s a time in which you want to settle in on something, go deeper, and make it as perfect as possible. Then, you want to go beyond perfect, and make it natural.

As I wrote last week (How to Practice Disappointing People), there’s a built-in conflict between pleasing other people and pleasing yourself. The conflict might not come up all the time, but it occurs often enough to be a real challenge.

Furthermore, it’s not something you have to figure out just once! Over and over throughout life, you’ll be faced with choices over whether you should accommodate someone else’s wishes or stand firm.

The conflict is particularly intense when you’re young and making Big Decisions about your future. Some choices matter more than others, and you want to get the crucial ones right.

What I can tell you is that there IS a best answer.

Too often, we hear that it “doesn’t matter” which path you choose. Well, of course it does! Sure, there’s more than one option, but that’s not the same as saying “all roads lead to the same place.” Some roads are boring. Some roads take you places you don’t want to go. Worst of all, some roads lead you away from a more meaningful and fulfilling choice.

Let’s call this the brave choice, the life you want to live. The stirring you feel, the calling, the inner voice—something is guiding you to the brave choice.

Then of course, you have all the other voices as well—the self-doubt, the well-meaning parents and friends, the people in your life who should understand you the most but somehow don’t understand you at all.

So that’s why it’s hard.

The Life You Want – What you know in your heart is best
The Life You’re Supposed to Lead – What you constantly feel nudged toward

In these situations, it might help to think about costs and benefits. What do you gain and what do you lose with each choice?

Often, we overestimate one side of the ledger. For example, we think that everyone will hate us if we pursue a more self-focused path. In reality, most people won’t think much about it at all! They have their own lives to lead, their own problems to worry about. (This is good to keep in mind.)

Meanwhile, some other people might actually admire us for choosing that path; it could give them hope for their own choices.

It’s also helpful to think about the possibility of regret. Simply put, as you’re considering options, which choice will you regret more? It’s not usually that hard to discover the answer.

In between the life you have now and the life you want, there is a third area to be mindful of. This is the life other people want you to lead.

This is usually a life you want to avoid.

It starts with this: Generally, people like you to fit the mental model they have for you.

Mental models make life easier for everyone. They make it easier to avoid thinking too much about every little thing that comes along. They allow us to simplify decision-making.

But we also use mental models to guide our relationships—so when you operate outside the model that someone has for you, it can cause distress or discomfort. Not only is it inconvenient (because you’ve disappointed them), but now they have to do the emotional labor of revising their model.

So in short, whenever you behave in a way that is unfamiliar to someone, it poses a risk of disappointment.

You might think disappointing people only involves choices or behavior that directly affects them—but no! Weirdly, many people will be disappointed in your actions even when those actions have nothing to do with them. Crazy, but true.

This is key to properly understanding disappointment: it’s them, not you. But it’s also you.

Setting boundaries for yourself is a sure-fire way to generate disappointment from others. It will also elicit surprise at the realization that your life does not exist entirely to please people.

A few specific tips —

Set realistic expectations: Clearly communicate your intentions, abilities, and limitations. No one likes this—they generally prefer for you to be able to do anything they ask at any time. Note that this is not a “set it once and forget it” type of action; it’s more like an ongoing process that sometimes requires revision as you go along.
Be honest and assertive: Express your feelings, opinions, and needs openly and honestly, even if they may not align with what others want. (Bonus: when people ask what you think about something, tell them the truth instead of trying to figure out the answer they want to hear.)
Learn to say no: not a tentative, halfhearted commitment, not “maybe,” not saying yes now and looking for an out later, but simply “no.” No is a complete sentence that does not require elaboration. Inevitably, however, saying no in many situations will cause disappointment.

It is often said that “trying to please all the people, all the time” is a recipe for failure. This is true, but rather than just trying to please “fewer people, some of the time,” perhaps you should focus most of all on trying to please yourself.

This too might disappoint some people. But guess what: in the end, they might also be impressed! Not everyone realizes it’s possible to go through life without worrying about disappointing others, so your positive example will be good for them.

Recognize that people’s disappointment often stems from their own unmet expectations or desires. By understanding this, you can better manage your reactions to their disappointment and focus on what truly matters to you.

Remember, practice makes perfect.

A laboratory mouse who lives in a cage can be expected to behave in fairly predictable ways. In short, the mouse wants food.

If you teach the mouse to work in exchange for its food, so it will work. It will pull levers, solve puzzles, run on wheels—whatever task it’s taught, it will happily perform.

When he learns to work, the mouse thinks he’s cracked the code of mouse life, connecting his daily meals to his rigorous athletic output, but this is merely something it has been taught. It’s all a setup.

The mouse never knows what’s really going on! Unless—and until—there’s a breakout in the lab and other mice enter the cage to pass along a coded message (“It’s all a setup!”), the mouse remains in the dark.

This is all he knows. These are the rules of order in the lab. Not since birth has the mouse understood there to be any sort of alternative.

One more thing about mice experiments: much of the time, the mice are stand-ins for humans.

Researchers aren’t usually trying to solve problems for the future rodents of the world. For various reasons, it’s not nearly as easy to experiment on humans as it is mice (there are, among other things, ethical considerations to take into account, as well as institutional review boards to appease).

Instead, the mice are our proxies, and we could make all sorts of comparisons about how humans go about their lives in much the way as mice in a cage.

Ultimately, we might say, many humans are just like the lab mice who learn to run on wheels to produce rewards of cheese.

There is, however, one difference between mice and men (and women!). This difference is consciousness. We are not unenlightened mice.

Whereas the mouse on the wheel can live out his days without knowing anything different, we know better. This is a blessing and a curse.

The mouse, after all, might not want to be enlightened. Given the choice, he might say (just imagine that a mouse can talk), “Well, okay—Nietzsche was right, life is meaningless. But what else am I going to do? Might as well just keep running on this wheel.”

So that’s mouse life. But our lives are different—or at least, they can be.

It’s easy to go through life like a mouse in an experiment, blissfully unaware of life outside the cage. We do what’s in front of us. We do what we see others do. If we have enough food (and other resources, in our case), we tend not to complain or look for alternatives.

But every once in a while, like the fictional lab breakout scenario, we get a warning that something better is out there.

When that happens, we face a choice: will we choose to seek it out, or will we keep spinning on the wheel?

At this point someone will bring up free will, and whether we’re living in a simulation, and so on. But here’s the thing: while it’s interesting to consider the simulation concept, the reality is it would have to be a very, very big simulation—and one that allows its subjects a very, very broad range of options to pursue.

When we begin looking outside the cage, we may discover that many of the things we spend our time on—including many that feel like progress—are actually quite meaningless.

Meanwhile, the few things that have meaning can be elusive and hard to identify at first. That’s why it’s so easy to stay in the cage! But remember, you’re not a lab rat. Something better is out there.

Images: 1, 2, 3

Want to play a game? It’s an easy one. All you need to do is look at these three lines and identify the longest:

A ————————

B ——————————————————

C —————

The longest one is C, right? Wait … you don’t see it? Look again. I’m sure it’s C. So are most of the people who are reading this post. If you think it’s something else, you must be mistaken.

If you’ve ever taken an entry-level psychology class, you might know where this is going … at least at first. The three lines come from a classic psychological experiment known as the Asch Conformity Study. In the original study, subjects were brought into what they were told was a “focus group.” In reality, every other member of the group was playing an assigned role. Only the subject was being monitored.

A researcher then presented a series of cards to the group. Each card had three lines on them, just like the ones shown above. The researcher would then go one-by-one through the group, asking each person to say out loud which line one that was longest. The real subject was usually the last person asked.

The experiment started off simple enough, with everyone giving the correct responses. But at a predetermined time, the group broke off, with everyone but the real subject insisting that one of the shorter lines was actually the longest.

This is where it gets interesting. How would the subject answer?

Some subjects held their ground and correctly identified the longest line, going against the consensus opinion, but not many. More often, they wavered, wondering at first if their eyes were misleading them. But then they had to answer, and many of them agreed with the rest of the group.

The study has been repeated with similar results. Over and over, a high percentage of subjects will go along with the collective opinion, despite the obvious visual evidence that points to another conclusion. They will look at the three lines, consider what everyone else has said, and repeat the incorrect answer that everyone else gave.

This brings us to the summary of how the experiment is usually presented: a group consensus is so powerful that individuals will believe what others say more than what they can clearly see for themselves.

But hold on … is that really the takeaway?

I’ll be honest: I always wondered whether this study was accurately reported. It’s a fascinating hypothesis, and there’s video footage that proves over and over that many subjects do indeed alter their responses based on the answers of the group.

Still, are so many people really that susceptible to the influence of their peers? Many classic studies that are frequently cited end up being debunked later, yet continued to be treated as gospel truth in various books and articles.

It turns out that the Asch Conformity Study is legit … but most of the time it’s recounted, the wrong conclusion is drawn. It’s not as though all of those subjects changed their mind under the influence of the group. In fact, most of the ones who conformed to the group’s flawed analysis didn’t actually believe the group was right.

In post-experiment interviews, it was revealed that the subjects who went along with the group usually knew they were providing false answers. They weren’t completely duped. But this leads to another question: why would so many people fail to report what they really saw?

The answer is that they didn’t want to go against the group’s unanimous opinion. “I knew it wasn’t the right answer, but I just didn’t want to cause an argument,” one subject said with a shrug. This was the power that was so powerful—not the ability to change someone’s perception (what they believed), but rather the ability to influence their behavior (what they did).

In other words, people were deliberately lying when they went along with the consensus of the group. It’s tough to go against the crowd!

Then the researchers wondered if there was anything they could do to get subjects to be more truthful. It turned out that there was. All that was needed was to introduce a couple of “allies” into the group—group members who would give the correct answers, in opposition to the majority who provided incorrect answers.

Introducing allies seemed to change everything. All of a sudden, most people would be willing to be in the minority. They just didn’t want to be totally alone. They didn’t want to be the only one.

There are a lot of lessons you can take from this story. One obvious one is that when something doesn’t seem quite right, maybe you’re on to something. Maybe other people notice it as well, but they’re afraid to speak up and go against a larger group opinion.

Another obvious lesson is “Maybe you can be an ally.” In these situations, maybe there’s someone, somewhere who doesn’t want to be the only truth-teller, or at least not the first. So that’s your job: to point out that the wisdom of the crowd is not always wise.

The consensus of the group is not always right, no matter how emphatically it is repeated. Be that truth-teller today.

When I’m feeling sad, I like to do a few things. The first thing I do is nothing—meaning that I don’t believe you should always try to “fix” the state of feeling sad. It just happens sometimes!

It happens to everyone, or at least to most people, even if you aren’t prone to depression or another clinical diagnosis.

The next thing I do is ask myself a couple of questions:

How am I feeling?*

What do I want?

*Well, obviously I’m feeling sad, but it can be helpful to get more descriptive than that.

I often emerge from that thought process with something to do, which is nice. It doesn’t mean that this thing will fix the problem, but since that’s not (usually) the goal, I’m not going to be terribly disappointed if I go and do it and still feel sad.

After all, you need something to do, right? So you might as well do something that will be helpful or useful later on, even if it doesn’t clear up your immediate state of being.

With that in mind, here are a few suggestions. I’ll include them under the heading “ways to improve your life,” which is fair enough, but for me I think of them as “things to do when I’m feeling discouraged and want to do something positive.”

Use or modify them as you see fit:

Pursue “eulogy virtues”: Focus on the qualities that people will remember you for, such as kindness, integrity, and empathy, rather than resumé virtues like career achievements. In other words, instead of working toward the next achievement, do something nice for someone else. (Shoutout to David Brooks, who has advanced this concept in his columns and books.)
Practice lifelong learning: Stay curious and open-minded by continuously learning new skills and seeking new experiences. This can help you adapt to change and maintain a sense of purpose. From time to time I like to ask myself: “What am I learning right now?” … and if I can’t think of a good answer, that’s a sign that I need to do more reading, take a new course, or otherwise educate myself.
Embrace the power of intention: Set clear intentions for your actions and thoughts, as they can shape your experiences and reality. If you can do one thing today, what should it be? One note: be careful about using intentions strictly as a productivity hack. Sometimes the best intention is to take time off work and go for a walk! Or whatever the equivalent is for you.
Discover your most underutilized sense: This one is hot off the press, as Gretchen Rubin has a new quiz out based on the Five Senses. (She also has a new book devoted to the topic.) I just took the test and am still thinking through how my results apply to me.
Plan for deep work: Set aside dedicated time for focused, undistracted work on tasks that require deep thinking and concentration. This is work that’s truly important but rarely urgent. Setting aside time will help you produce higher-quality work more efficiently. (Shoutout to Cal Newport.)
Make or update your will. I try to do this once a year. It feels good to think about gifts you’d like to leave behind! (Side note: thinking about death is usually a good way to improve your life in general.)
Connect with nature: Simply put, get outside. Spend time outdoors to ground yourself and draw energy and inspiration from the natural world. For me this often involves running, but just going for a walk is great, too.
Evaluate your day: At the end of every day, answer the question, “Did today matter?” Most people can answer this question for themselves intuitively. You know what matters to you! Over time, you’ll learn to align your behavior to have more “YES” answers.
Practice active listening: When engaging with others, fully focus on what they’re saying, instead of using the time to think about what you’re going to say next. (Side note: this is especially important when you’re hoping to persuade someone of something, or when you’re in any type of argument.)

Time Passes Anyway, So Do Something UsefulThis list could be much more extensive. The point: no matter what else is going on, there’s always something you can do to improve your life.

These things (and many others—think of what you might add) can also help when you’re feeling sad or discouraged.

Go do something! Pick one of these today, and get to work.

Friends and readers, I’m happy to announce my first book in three years, GONZO CAPITALISM: How to Make Money in an Economy That Hates You.

It comes out on August 22nd, and you can pre-order now:

Amazon (US)
Barnes & Noble
Bookshop
iBooks

These links are (mostly) for readers in the U.S. If you live elsewhere, pre-order from your local bookshop or Amazon site.

And yes! There will be audio and ebook versions.

Pre-orders help authors a great deal. If you’ve enjoyed my work in the past, please reserve a copy!**

What It’s AboutHere’s how my publisher describes the book:

Welcome to the age of “peak marketplace,” where everything you can imagine (and many things you can’t) can be bought and sold.

Millennials and Generation Z are rewriting the rules of making money. Burdened with debt, stagnant wages, and the ever-rising cost of living, today’s young people know that the traditional ways of earning a living are outdated, if not outright rigged. Equally disillusioned with the outdated models of work and the grueling entrepreneurial lifestyle, they are instead turning to the decentralized ecosystem of fast-moving virtual markets to pursue a host of previously unheard of ways to pay the bills.

Join New York Times bestselling author Chris Guillebeau on a fascinating tour of this brave new world where novelty and creativity are currency, and the creators are in control. From the community of gamers getting paid to play, to the armchair pundits beating the bookies in online prediction markets, to TikTok “Sleepfluencers,” AI artists, and the band of renegade investors upending the rules of finance, in the world of Gonzo Capitalism, anything goes.

Along the way, Chris shows how we can all capitalize on the new tools and platforms at our disposal to discover unconventional ways to turn our time, talents, and creativity into income—on our own terms.

Of course, those descriptions are always a little promotional-y (they want people to buy the book!), but I also think it does a good job of explaining what it’s about.

As for me, in writing the book, I wanted to accomplish two things. First, to describe the world of “new money”—the post-pandemic economy, how the world has shifted, and what it means for most of us.

Second, I wanted to explain how people can take advantage of this new world order. For too long, many people have had the sense that the economy is rigged against them. Well, if that’s true—how do we take the power back?

And of course, there are a lot of fun stories. I enjoyed talking with TikTok stars, OnlyFans “creators,” and at least one billionaire.

Return of Book Tour! (Where Should I Go??)One of my favorite things about writing books is meeting readers … and a book tour is long overdue!

For my last book, The Money Tree, I had planned an extensive tour throughout North America. Unfortunately, I had the awesome timing of publishing the book in April 2020, just as the world decided to take a nice long break for two years.

Well, good news: the world has returned! And so have I, or at least I will in August.

I’m planning to visit at least 14 cities in the U.S. and Canada to start, and most likely a trip to London (you know, the one in the UK). If all goes well, I can plan additional stops and a more international tour from there.

But first: we need to get the initial tour set up, and for that, I’d love to hear from you. Where should I go??

Comments are open on my Instagram (I’ll try to start posting more soon…), Twitter, and of course by email.

It’s Been a Long Time…This book took me longer to write than any other, and I think the detailed rewriting and editing helped a lot.

I also undertook a series of experiments, from making AI art to playing video games for money, to betting on political elections, undertaking a series of premium mattress trials, and many other things that you’ll read about later this year. It’s unlike any other book I’ve written—and I’m excited to get out and talk about it more!

If you’ve been reading for a while, thank you for being on this journey with me. I feel very fortunate to be able to write and travel. Let’s do something fun in August and beyond!

If you check into a Marriott hotel as a Platinum or higher member, you’re supposed to be given a nice room. There are various restrictions to this benefit, and of course it all depends on which rooms are actually available—but most of the time, if a suite is for sale, the hotel is supposed to assign it to elite members.

That’s what’s supposed to happen. In principle, many Marriott hotels ignore the promised benefit and simply leave the suites unsold.

If you have the right status level and you know how this works, you know to inquire about the room type at check-in. When the associate informs you that you’ve been “upgraded” to a smoking room with two beds overlooking the parking garage, you can respond by thanking them and politely asking, “By the way, are there any unsold suites tonight?”

I’ve had Platinum status with Marriott (previously Starwood, RIP) for more than ten years, and I’ve had similar interactions dozens of times. No kidding, about 50% of the time, a suite magically appears in the reservation system!

But of course, you have to know to ask. If you don’t ask, you don’t receive. (This isn’t like asking for an upgrade on a flight, by the way—except for the few times when it is.)

This example leads to a greater metaphor. All parts of life feature magical questions, which, upon being asked, can open up all sorts of fun rewards.

Many of these magical questions are like the hotel example: it’s a specific question you need to know. Others, though, are fairly general. They apply in lots of situations!

If you prefer, you can think of them as power questions. Learning to ask them gives you, in effect, a new superpower.

Here are three of them.

1. “Is there any other way to…?”This is probably my all-time favorite question. You can phrase it lots of ways in many different situations. In effect, you are rejecting a proposed offer (rule/guideline/norm/etc) and looking for alternatives.

Notice that you aren’t necessarily suggesting a particular alternative at this point—you’re merely asking about options. In fact, you’re not even asking what those options might be. You just want to know: is there any other way?

Very often, of course, the answer is yes, there’s at least one other way to accomplish pretty much everything. Probably even several other ways at minimum. Once that point has been established, everything else tends to get easier.

2. “Can you help me with …?”Another general question with many use cases, this question makes things personal by directly appealing for personal help.

Side note here: in all of these scenarios, it’s important to be respectful of another person’s time and energy. You want to ask for intervention when it genuinely matters, and when it doesn’t create an unfair burden for someone else.

Still, it’s generally true that most people like to be helpful. So don’t overuse it, but do give them an opportunity to be helpful!

3. “What would you suggest here…?”A bit less personal than the previous one, this question invites the other person to brainstorm with you. Maybe they know something you don’t. Maybe they know the specific magical question that would change everything—but they’re not just going to volunteer it without being asked for input. So, ask.

As you go through life, pay attention. Most situations allows for magical questions that can open up entirely new pathways.

Ask and you shall receive—but first, think carefully about the right question to ask.

Images: 1, 2, 3

I used to write a lot about travel hacking, the creative use of frequent flyer miles and points to see the world. For a while I even had a business that recommended the best cards and opportunities.

I still keep up with the industry and earn lots of points, but it’s less of an obsession for me these days. Partly I’m just traveling less than I was, and otherwise exploring other topics.

But there’s one other reason why I think about it less than I used to: it’s because more than any other strategy, the best travel hack is to be able to go anywhere, anytime.

Just think about it: if you were able to travel on a whim, a whole world of possibilities would be open to you—literally!

So how do you achieve this miraculous power, short of having infinite money and a private jet at your disposal?

Good news: it’s not impossible, and really not that difficult. Accomplishing the goal of “travel superpowers” consists of making improvements in two areas, one entirely practical and one mostly about your mindset.

The Practical: You Need a Diversified Portfolio of Miles and PointsSimply put, you want to be able to book a free plane ticket whenever you need it. Technically, it’s more like “nearly-free,” since you have to pay for taxes and surcharges on an awards ticket, but still.

This doesn’t mean you’ll book a new free / nearly-free ticket every day—it just means that you can.

The diversified portfolio is key. You don’t want to earn miles with only one carrier: you want options! Earning points in a flexible spending program, like Chase Ultimate Rewards or American Express Membership Rewards, allows you to keep them in those accounts and transfer them to travel partners whenever you’re ready to book something.

Like I said, I used to be super obsessed with these things. I’d earn a couple of million miles a year across all programs, mostly through bonuses and promotions. These days, I pay far less attention to it, but I still jump on enough opportunities to earn 500,000+ miles and points a year on average. Over time, I found the bigger problem to be putting all the points to good use!

For most of my domestic (US) flying these days, I’m on Alaska Airlines. It’s great for the west coast, less so for anywhere else, so mostly I earn miles with Alaska and redeem them for partner travel to more exciting destinations.

By having miles and points in many different accounts, you can think about any potential trip in terms of what would be best, not just what you normally do. This can make a big difference in opening up your travel superpower.

(And of course, you don’t need to use miles and points for every trip. You can also just get better at booking paid flights, which is another important skill.)

The Mindset: You Need to Think Differently About TravelMostly, you need to decide: if there’s something I want to do, I should just do it. And when it comes to travel: if there’s somewhere I want to go, I should just go.

Once you’ve done the logistical legwork, you have the miles or points. On any particular day that you want to travel, you’re able to book a free ticket.

If there isn’t a good award ticket option, then you buy it with cash. Sure, this means you might not be able to buy something else, but life is all about these choices.

When I went to Vietnam for my birthday last year, I didn’t know where I was going until a week before the trip. I finally decided by looking at award availability on an airline I wanted to fly, then choosing the destination from there.

Of course, you could do it the other way as well: decide where you want to go and then find a way to get there. The point is to start with the assumption that if you want to go somewhere (and soon!), there’s a way to make it happen. You just need to, well, do it.

Again, mindset is important. It’s super easy to get stuck on this, as you’ll see in the next section.

A Few LimitationsAs powerful as this ultimate travel superpower is, it does come with a few limitations. For example, “fast travel,” where you simply warp to a new city or country of your choosing, is still only possible in video games. Alas! Someone should work on that.

When traveling on a whim, you still have to deal with connecting flights, layovers, delays, and so on. But those are hardly the worst things in the world, especially compared to the ability to go anywhere, anytime.

A much more difficult problem is that the ultimate travel superpower doesn’t make decisions for you.

In fact, you could argue that it makes some decisions more difficult. Once you can go anywhere, you might find yourself going nowhere.

More than any other reason, this is why people who are otherwise well-off (and have the means to travel) end up getting stuck. They fall into patterns of over-planning and putting off experiences into the future that could easily be available to them much sooner.

Still, unlocking the overall superpower is something to celebrate!

So here’s a tip. If you’d like to cultivate this superpower, it helps to approach it from both tracks, the practical and the mindset. Practically speaking, you need to build up that portfolio. In terms of mindset, you need to nudge yourself forward.

Onwards.

Long ago, perhaps on my first book tour or at some other early event, I took a risk in a public conversation. It was during an audience Q&A, and someone began their question by mentioning that they’d recently lost their job.

In these situations, of course, most of the time the other person will offer their condolences. But I had a sense that something else was better, so I went for it.

“Congratulations!” I told them. “That’s great.”

Ever since then, some version of this interaction has repeated itself many times over.

I know, it might sound like a terribly insensitive response, but I assure you that nearly every time I receive the same reaction: Thank you for saying that.

Sometimes the person is also a little surprised, because they’re so used to hearing, “Oh, I’m sorry. That must be so hard.”

The fact is that much of the time, they’re glad to be out of that job. Either they knew it wasn’t right for them and just couldn’t bring themselves to make a change, or they realize later that the hardship was a blessing in disguise.

The response—“Congratulations!”—can also apply to someone going through a breakup. Again, it might sound heartless, but sorrow is only one part of a separation. Even if the breakup is painful, the outcome is the same: a set of plans is now rendered obsolete. You’ll need to start with a new set.

Over and over in these conversations, I’ve heard the same common stories.

It was a shock at first, but once I accepted it I realized it was exactly what I needed.

I was miserable in that situation; I just didn’t know it.

It forced me to think about what I really wanted to do.

I’m not suggesting that losing your job or being rejected is easy or enjoyable. Change is hard, loss is real.

But that’s not really the point. In those situations, the event has already occurred. The job loss, the breakup, whatever it was—it has taken place.

That thing was something that happened TO you. Now you have to decide what you’re going to do.

And here’s what I’d suggest: if someone has decided on your behalf that there is no longer a job for you, or that you are no longer welcome in their life, they are doing you a tremendous favor. They are giving you the opportunity to stop living on autopilot and start making your own decisions.

If you find yourself in this situation, my suggestion is to see it for the gift it is. You’ve been fast-tracked, moved straight to the front of the line. You’re now ahead of countless other people who will make it there eventually, but only after having wasted far more time in the process.

You can also decide to take on this new life for yourself without any external motivation.

You don’t have to lose your job, fail at an important goal, or be rejected in a relationship to rewrite the patterns and habits of your life.

Maybe you’ve been thinking about a new life for a while, but feel stuck and unable to change. This is a common experience. The sense that’s holding you back is inertia, and the feeling that prevents you from constructing a new reality is fear.

That’s okay, though. What doesn’t kill you might make you stronger. It just won’t happen automatically.

So while I don’t wish you—or anyone—any hardship, I also know that it can sometimes bring us the boost we need. If that’s you… perhaps congratulations are in order!

What if you wanted to walk across the United States, or perhaps some other large country—how would you do it?

For such a massive project, you might want to do some research in advance. It could be helpful to get advice from other people who’ve done such a thing. There are, after all, lots of write-ups of exactly that experience.

You might want to prepare a packing list, spend some time thinking about the optimal route, and get in as much training as possible before your day of departure. Even if you’re in good shape, most of us aren’t used to walking twenty miles a day or more, day after day.

All of those things would be helpful. Perhaps even wise!

But to get to the point, and the title of this post: what if you just started walking? What would happen then?

I’d argue that if you just started walking, you’d eventually get to your destination. The beginning would probably be rough, you might struggle to adapt, and so on—but as long as you didn’t stop too soon, you’d get there!

Compare this to another scenario, the one where you do you everything possible to prepare well, but then never start the walk. In this scenario, all of that diligent research ended up being a means of deferral, rather than a confidence-booster.

You know people who’ve done something like that, right? They spend all the time in the world talking about some thing they want to do, but never get around to actually doing it. Perhaps you’d done that yourself at some point.

Naturally, the wisest path in many situations is to figure out the right amount of prep work and bold action. Fortune favors the prepared, as the saying goes.

When walking across America, some of that research would be undoubtedly helpful. It could save you time and hardship.

But if you find you’re repeatedly getting stuck on the action side, you should cut down (or even cut out) the prep work.

Just start walking. What would happen? Eventually, you’d get there.

This mindset doesn’t apply to everything in life, but it applies to a lot. Consider the many things you could do if you decided to “just start walking”:

Write a book (simple, right? just start writing…)
Learn a language (pick one day a week where you use only that language—the only way out is through…)
Make an app (if you don’t know how to code, just start learning…)
Perform on-stage at a concert (better start practicing! and, simultaneously, find a way to book a venue for your debut)
Make a YouTube or TikTok video every day for a year (don’t go to bed until it’s done every day)

(This is, of course, a highly abbreviated list. What would be on your list?)

Cool, So What About that Research?You might think, okay, this sounds good, but how do I know when the preparation would be useful and not merely a means of deferral? Great question! And there’s an easy way to know the answer: by asking yourself.

The next time you find yourself contemplating a big idea that you feel drawn toward, first ask if you really want to do it. If you’re not sure, figure that out first.

Then, consider: does the research make you feel more excited and confident? As you increase your knowledge and proficiency of a subject, do you feel your departure date drawing nearer?

If so, great. Keep preparing in earnest.

But if not—if the research, training, or other prep work simply reinforces your fears and hesitancy—well, that’s a clear sign that you need to just start walking.

It’s simple, right? Overall, I find the model of just start walking to be highly underrated.

Images: 1, 2

Happy Valentine’s Day to you.

Have you ever stopped to think about what it really means to love yourself? For some of us, the idea of self-love can seem like a foreign concept, something that we don’t fully understand or that we struggle to put into practice.

Yet it is critical to survival! The reality is that loving yourself is one of the most important things you can do—both for yourself and for those around you.

So let’s say you agree with this premise. Now what? If you read the typical advice on how to love yourself, you might go away thinking that all you need to do is book a bunch of massages. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with spa appointments.

True self-love, however, is more about self-acceptance than self-care.

In a post from last year, Learn to Depend on Yourself, I wrote:

When I look back at some of the hardest moments of my life, I see a common thread: I always hoped that someone else would come along with the solutions to my problems.

In fact, I didn’t just hope, I expected this person or people to appear. I assumed that if I just tried hard enough, all while waiting impatiently, sooner or later everything would work out the way I wanted.

This is in fact a true story. And I did in fact get better, at least once I learned to stop looking externally for my own validation.

So if you too want to practice self-love in the form of self-acceptance, I have a couple of suggestions.

First, embrace solitude. Make peace with who you really are, not the version of yourself you adapt to others.

Second, pursue self-care in a way that makes sense for you. I learned long ago that what makes me happy is not necessarily the same as what other people enjoy. I also learned that some of what might be healthy for others is unhealthy for me, and vice versa.

Third, allow yourself to feel negative emotions. Rather than trying to suppress or ignore these emotions, allow yourself to fully experience and process them.

Why is this so important? Because emotions don’t just disappear if you push them away. One way or another, they’ll resurface, and often in ways that can hurt you. So give them space in the first place! Just tell yourself you’re allowing these hard feelings to come up because you care for yourself and need to process things well.

Fourth, offer yourself compassion. Recognize that perfection is an unrealistic goal. Try to be better, sure, but try more to accept yourself now.

Learning to love yourself more may lead to you loving others more, too. But don’t think of it as a means to an end. Think of it as: you are worth loving, for no other purpose besides the existential one.

Images: 1, 2, 3

On a surface level, being different is valued and prized. Many popular TV series, from Wednesday to Stranger Things, demonstrate the benefits and “cool factor” of being different.

Yet these shows (and books, songs, games, and so on) point to a curious distinction: we like the idea of difference, but we don’t usually want to be different ourselves.

The fact is that to truly be different is hard. By the time it’s cool to be different in any meaningful way, whatever is involved in “being different” has become ordinary.

People form opinions and make judgments based on what is commonly accepted and familiar. The outside world—and not just some people, but almost everyone—tends to resist change and prefer familiar things.

So what can be done? For the vast majority of people, who will never really be different, there’s a simple answer: take the benefits of being different without paying the cost.

Don’t Want to Be Different? That’s Okay!You can achieve 90% of the benefit of “being different” without actually doing it!

The desire for recognition and validation, along with the comfort of conformity, often takes precedence over the desire for true independence. And guess what? This is fine. Nothing wrong with avoiding discomfort and exclusion if you’re not truly committed to the cause.

But of course, there’s just one problem. The problem is: what if pretending doesn’t work for you?

Ah, well, that’s where it gets tough. If you don’t want an unremarkably average life, if you truly want to chart a course of independence and originality—you have your work cut out for you.

Simply put, you must be prepared to be misunderstood. You must learn to be comfortable with rejection. You will not “have it all,” the way some life coaches promise, and you certainly won’t have “balance.” You will not be able to take it easy in the same way others do.

To be clear, it’s not as though everything in your life will be terribly difficult or that you won’t enjoy anything. Quite the contrary: some things will be easier, and you’ll have many moments of happiness and joy.

It’s just that you’ll experience these things in different ways than other people do, which can be isolating. Furthermore, you’ll have higher highs and lower lows.

Is that worth it to you? Most people will answer no, either directly or through their lived experience of being un-different. A select few will answer yes, not for any perceived (and fleeting) status, but for the true and lasting benefit of difference itself.

To be different in any significant way is to be in a minority. Once a large group of people embraces difference (whatever it is), it’s no longer unusual, and therefore much easier.

Therefore, if you want to be sort-of-but-not-really different, it’s easily done. You can even tell yourself that you’re different, deriving the benefits of perceived difference while rising above the criticism or exclusion that comes from actually being different.

But that’s, well, different. To be different means you stand alone, or at least you stand apart from the crowd.

Being different brings new perspectives and creativity to the world. People who change the world are—inevitably—different.

There are two ways to plan an outdoor run: in a loop, or out-and-back. You could also call these methods by their practical names: quit early or keep going and see it through.

Nine times out of ten, when I run more than a few miles, I try to do out-and-back. Why? Because I know myself, and if I give myself an escape route, I might take it.

If I’m running six miles, I run three miles in one direction, then three miles back. For longer runs, I especially want to do it this way. An eighteen mile run consists of two parts: one way for nine miles, and then the other way back for the second nine.

But on many days I run shorter distances, typically a few miles around a nearby park that makes a loop of about .75 miles (1.2km). On these runs, the lazy part of me is always tempted to cut it short and go in early. When I finish even a single loop, I want to go in.

When doing an out-and-back run, and as long as you run half the distance without turning around, there’s no way to cut it short. You simply have to get back!

Therefore, many years ago I learned an important lesson: whenever possible, this is the way.

Instead of adding to the pressure, I find this practice actually makes it easier. On out-and-back running, I rarely wish I could get back sooner—even when it’s longer than running a loop. This knowledge leads to the same conclusion: I should run out-and-back whenever I have a choice.

How Else Could You Live Like This?It’s easy to extend the metaphor to live an out-and-back life. Consider a few examples:

Book non-refundable tickets and deposits. Once you’ve paid, you’re in! Or at least, you’re on the hook for the cost, which dramatically increases the odds that you’ll take the flight or go to the show you might have skipped if you could pay at the door.

To be fair, obviously it’s better in lots of ways to have a refundable or cancellable option. But for those situations where it’s not possible, try to see the benefit in pre-committing. With pre-commitment comes … commitment.

Make public promises. Struggling to finally start that business or write that book? Tell everyone it’s going to happen! And tell them when it will happen, and make a schedule to report your milestones.

Honestly, one of the reasons I enjoy traditional publishing for my books is that it comes with built-in accountability. There are deadlines, pub dates, and a long list of steps in the process that involve many more people than me. Whenever I miss a deadline that affects other people, I know I’ll feel bad—so I try to prevent these situations from occurring, perhaps more so than I would if it was just me.

Note: public commitments work better for some people than others, depending on their level of external vs. internal motivation. Experiment to find what works best for you.

Live life as a series of streaks. Even more than out-and-back running, the #1 thing that’s helped me remain committed to fitness every day is my Apple Watch streak. In some ways, it’s a silly and arbitrary thing—yet it works. After 1,300 days in a row, the cost of stopping would be much greater than the cost of seeing it through. So I keep going!

On “Discipline”Some people say they aren’t “disciplined,” but I find that discipline is a practice, not an attribute.

In the situation of running out-and-back, I guess it takes a certain amount of discipline to not turn back early. But keep in mind that your greatest fatigue occurs in the second half of the run—so that’s when you’re likely to cut it short. If you’ve headed off in one direction, however, somehow you have to return.

It doesn’t take discipline to get back. You get back because you want to eat, you need to get on with your day, and so on. Not getting back is not an option, so you keep going.

The beauty of out-and-back running lies in its simplicity. It teaches us the importance of pre-committing to a task, and to see it through to the end—because there’s no other option!

It’s also a reminder that discipline is a practice, something you cultivate and develop over time. By applying this concept to our daily lives, we can do more than we think. The next time you head out for a run—or whatever the equivalent is in your life–pre-commit to seeing it through.

Make it so you can’t quit before you’ve accomplished the goal, and embrace the out-and-back life.

Images: 1, 2, 3

When I think of “how travel changed me,” most of what comes to mind is fairly typical. I learned more about the world, I gained a wider worldview, I felt more creative, and so on.

I don’t mean to dismiss those things at all. They are real benefits! They matter.

Still, if I think about the unexpected benefits of world travel, specifically my eleven-year quest to visit every country, two things stand out more than any other.

These benefits affect me every day, even now that I’m not traveling as far afield and as often. They are: increased empathy for others, and increased confidence in myself.

Empathy for OthersSimply put, until I gained experience through living and working abroad, my perspective was pretty limited. It’s one thing to read about how people live in China or the Middle East, for example. It’s quite another to experience it first-hand.

My understanding of religion came mostly through my own beliefs and a series of churches I’d been brought up in. I had a degree in sociology and was fairly open-minded, but still: reading about other cultures is different than experiencing them.

In Damascus, Beirut, and Abu Dhabi, I visited mosques, often accompanied by a local friend or guide who explained the history and significance of each location. Wow! All of a sudden I understood Islam much more than before. Of course, you could argue that was still a surface-level understanding, but the change wasn’t so much about knowledge as it was about respect and empathy.

In some ways, knowing that you don’t know so much is an important key for cross-cultural understanding. It unlocks a pathway to learning more, or if nothing else, towards having fewer preconceived ideas about a topic.

Similar stories played out elsewhere, as I toured temples in Burma and Bali, visited the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, and saw Coptic ruins in Egypt.

I’m sure it’s possible to experience such things and go away without being changed, but it seems difficult. Over and over, travel has the ability to humble you, to make you realize that whatever you thought you knew or believed at one time was largely a product of your surroundings.

You could say the same about physical attractions as well: it’s one thing to see images of the moai on Easter Island, it’s another to visit and go on hikes where you see them up close and personal. The Pyramids … are big! The Taj Mahal … is impressive! And so on. For the rest of your life, whenever you see a picture or video of one of these iconic sites, you’ll remember the time you were there.

Perhaps most of all, the conversations I had with people around the world had the effect of making me feel both enlightened and ignorant.

In Mumbai I toured Dharavi, one of the largest slum areas, in cooperation with a local organization that works in the area. At that point I’d already lived on a hospital ship deployed to West Africa for several years, so I was pretty familiar with poorer cities, but of course, India was different in its own way.

Taxi drivers everywhere were a bountiful source of information and insight. Many of them were helpful and I learned how to ask questions about the local government and economy without sounding too intrusive. (A good starting point: “So how are things in _____?”)

In short, I learned to be much more respectful, less judgmental, and overall more interested in cultures that were different from my own. This never would have happened, at least not without the same level of depth, had I stayed at home or just stuck to traditional routes and adventures.

Self-ConfidenceThe second unexpected benefit of travel for me is self-confidence, specifically an internalized belief that I can overcome challenges that come up along the way—in both travel and life.

I think I was always inclined towards this belief, having a childhood that consisted of many unusual adventures (living in the Philippines from age 6-8, getting arrested more than once as a teenager, dropping out of high school while simultaneously enrolling in college, etc.). Still, my travels as a young adult took this belief to a new level.

Like I wrote in The Happiness of Pursuit, the missteps and misadventures I experienced proved far more memorable than all the times where everything went as expected. I’ll never forget sweating it out in the Riyadh airport, wondering if the authorities would let me enter the country without a visa. (They did, although they kept my passport the whole time and kept calling my hotel to check on me.)

The time I misjudged the timing of the flight out of the Seychelles (missing the only option to get to Barcelona where I was speaking the next day), leaving Libya a few days before Gaddafi’s regime was toppled and other foreigners were evacuated by sea, the time I lost a Land Rover in Spain—all of these memories and more are deeply embedded.

Together, they helped me trust myself, and to believe that most of the time, I could find my way out of situations that would have intimidated me years earlier.

These days I’m traveling less, and I feel—wait for it—less confident! Or maybe it’s just less decisive. When I flew 300,000+ miles a year, I didn’t hesitate when booking plane tickets. Now I sometimes find myself second-guessing while refreshing the options, wondering if I’m choosing the right days, flights, seat assignments, and so on.

On the ground, I don’t take many taxis because Uber and Lyft are in most cities I visit. They’re much better in terms of price and convenience, but I do sometimes miss the random taxi conversations that don’t happen the same way now.

It’s also a world that feels less safe in some ways. There are a bunch of countries I simply wouldn’t go to these days. Some lack basic law and order, which is hardly a “new” feature of countries, but it just feels different to me than it once did. Other countries are so tightly controlled by the government that the state itself can be a threat to visitors. (Again, not new, but feels different than it once did. Maybe it’s just that the stakes feel higher now that my quest to visit every country is over.)

—

These skills, empathy and self-confidence, aren’t one-and-done. On the contrary, I think it’s important to keep them activated. I haven’t been anywhere terribly excited recently, but last year when I went to Vietnam for my birthday, I sensed the reemergence of “travel mode.”

Oh, right, I remembered: things are different in Japan (even in Narita airport, where I passed through en route to Saigon). And if I happen to show up in Vietnam without the required visa, well, what’s the worst that can happen? Surely I can figure it out … and of course, I did.

Then I went on a series of long walks through the city, stopping more than once for delicious iced coffee, and occasionally visiting with people as much as the language barrier permitted. I should do this more often, I thought. And I was thankful for everything I’d been able to do so far.

What have you learned through traveling? What unexpected benefits have emerged?

Images: 1, 2, 3, 4

We often hear statements like “time is money,” or “time is your most precious resource.” How, though, does this translate into action?

I’d suggest the following: many of us will say that time is important, yet so often we live otherwise. Of all the gaps between belief and behavior, this has to be one of the greatest.

Over the past year I’ve been writing a book about money. One of the starting points for the book is the principle that money isn’t real. (And that’s just the starting point: the more interesting questions begin with, “Once we accept that money is a social construct, what do we do about it?”)

Anyway, money isn’t real, but time certainly is. Or at least, if you lose money, you can get more of it. Money is a renewable resource. When you lose time, however, it’s gone forever.

Ignoring inflation for the sake of this argument, money in the future is worth the same as it is now. But time in the future has a far different value. Simply put, the older we get, the less time we have left, and the more we should value it.

Time is uniquely valuable: this point should be obvious. Yet for all of the talk about how important time is, most strategies to protect it either miss the main point or don’t go far enough.

Having control over your time is paramount. In a world in which so much is out of your control, owning your time is the single best choice you can make.

For me personally, I would give up almost anything else in favor of control of my time. If I was forced to choose between time and money, for example, I’d readily agree to less money. I would give up any physical possession or material good. I’d even give up status or power for time, if such a choice had to be made. Your ego can adjust to having less status, but time adjusts to no one.

When you own your time, it’s like having equity in a business or home—but even better, because time is worth more than money!

Next StepsIf you accept the principle that controlling your time is supremely important, what can you do?

1. Big picture first: above all, seek purpose and meaning in your life. Are you doing something that matters? (You are the one who decides “what matters,” by the way.) How much of your time is spent in that way—are you comfortable with the ratio?

If you’ve never closely examined this question before, you might be surprised to find that the amount of time you spend on self-identified “important things” is shockingly small. It’s happened to me many times, and I’m supposed to be good at this!

2. If something major in your life isn’t working, make a change. This includes: jobs, relationships, housing, education, hobbies, religion—you name it. And before you make a list of things that are off-limits for changing, why not first consider the question with nothing off-limits?

More often than not, I’ve found, the costs of not changing will exceed those of making the change. There are exceptions, of course. But why not start with prioritizing progress? Another way to say that is “prioritizing yourself.”

3. For all the small pockets of time that come up during the day, be ready with small things to do. “Looking at your phone” easily becomes the default for so many of us these days. What else could you do?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe the point of life is to hyper-optimize every moment. That way lies madness, and a lot of typical productivity advice can be counterproductive.

Still, it’s true that the average day includes lots of unscheduled time that can (sometimes) be put to better use. I never go anywhere without something to do: my journal, manuscript pages to edit, my Kindle for reading, and usually my laptop. If I’m meeting a friend who’s late, no problem! I can occupy myself without feeling stressed about the time.

4. Set boundaries and learn to say no to requests that don’t align with your values or goals. Setting boundaries is not being rude or selfish, it’s a way to protect your time and energy for the things that matter most to you.

When tempted to compromise, you must remember: I cannot get this time back later. Is it really worth sacrificing to someone else’s whims? Keep that in mind, and be clear and direct with your communication.

5. Prioritize self-care and take time to relax and recharge. If it’s hard to make this a regular habit, schedule it! Do you have anything on your calendar that relates to self-care? Maybe you should.

One more thing: if you’re always worried about how to spend your time—well, that’s another issue. I made an entire course about time anxiety last year because I think it’s the great undiagnosed and unrecognized problem of our lives.

But this is different. Regaining control over your time—owning it, in fact—is a highly-rewarding goal that’s worth striving for.

Images: 1, 2

The Auckland Islands are not advertised as an ideal honeymoon location. Consisting of an uninhabited archipelago with arctic tundra and barren conditions, they aren’t good for much at all—and they aren’t usually home to anyone other than seals.

In 1864, a parallel survival story took place when two shipwrecks occurred on different ends of the main island. Despite being marooned and isolated for an overlap of more than a year, the two groups never had any contact with each other. Only later were researchers able to piece together the remarkably different experiences they had.

The first shipwrecked group was a case study in survival. They banded together, constructed a shelter, and even crafted a forge in which they could hammer out makeshift tools and weapons. After a year and a half of waiting in vain for a ship to come for them, the captain and two crew members sailed for help on an unsteady sailboat that the group constructed from timbers they had saved in the original shipwreck.

Navigating five days of rough waters, they were taken in by another vessel, then transported to New Zealand. The survivors raised funds and returned to collect the rest of the crew, who were no doubt overjoyed to see them, since they literally had no other option to hope for at that point.

All told, the saga lasted more than six hundred days in precarious conditions—and every crew member lived to tell the tale.

Unfortunately, the outcome for the second group was much worse: out of nineteen shipwrecked sailors, only three survived. These three lived on the island for more than a year until a chance visit from a Portuguese ship led to their rescue. The others all met harrowing deaths from starvation, drowning, and even murder as all sense of humanity broke down among the group.

So what was the difference?

No doubt there were several variables that factored into the final outcome, including luck. The first group had landed in the southern hemisphere summer, when temperatures were “only” −10 °C and not even colder, as they were during the winter. They scavenged more materials from the initial shipwreck, and made several more visits to gather as much as they could before it sunk completely.

Moreover, leadership mattered. The captain in the first group held fast, assigning tasks and dividing rations as if they were all merrily sailing along on a Caribbean cruise. After the immediate crisis had passed, they settled into months of foraging whatever food they could, several times approaching near-starvation. Yet they did whatever they could to keep their spirits up. The captain made a serviceable chess set and instituted an evening storytelling time. The first mate found a way to ferment his own microbrew, which in addition to providing some variety from seal’s blood, helped to ward off scurvy.

It’s not how you’d choose to spend six hundred days of your life, but given the alternative of a slow, painful death, every man from the first shipwreck chose it.

The captain of the second group, however, effectively abandoned his charge to lead on day three, causing the others to scatter and fend for themselves in smaller units.

But in addition to these factors—or, to be fair, perhaps because of these factors—journals that were kept and preserved by members of each group pointed to a key factor: the group that survived was determined to do so. Sadly, much of the other group just gave up hope and waited to die.

At a certain point, several members of the second group discovered an abandoned settlement. Fifteen years earlier, settlers from New Zealand had attempted to establish a colony, before giving up and going home.

When the shipwrecked sailors from the second group found the settlement, they briefly rejoiced. Maybe someone lived there! Sure, the settlement was empty and run down, but perhaps the residents were just out for a walk.

After a day or so, their spirits fell again. The settlement was the arctic equivalent of a desert mirage. It was obvious that it had been abandoned long ago, and there wasn’t anyone coming back.

Still, some of the crew refused to accept this reality. They just didn’t move, even though there was no source of food anywhere nearby. Two of them sat down in a drafty shelter and refused to get up.

Weeks later, two of the other sailors came back to find that their shipmates had died in the same spot, not having moved from their shelter in the abandoned village. No doubt they hoped for a different outcome right until the very end—but they didn’t do anything, so reality soon caught up to them.

Exposure TherapyLearning to see situations as they really are—not how you might want them to be—can be painful at first. Yet here is a hard, beautiful truth: the much greater pain is to remain stuck by denying reality.

Exposure therapy is a psychological treatment that is used to help people confront their fears. At its most basic level, it can be helpful in treating a phobia. Afraid of going outside? Begin going outside, and instead of fleeing for the comforts of home right away, push yourself to adjust to the environment for as long as you can. Similar treatments can be used for fear of flying, heights, snakes, or any number of phobias.

Beyond the basics, however, exposure therapy (I’m using it as a general term here, not a clinical one), can help with much more than just snakes and needles.

In a future post, I’ll say more about how confronting your fears (aka truly facing them) is powerful for dealing with regret, loss, and grief of all kinds.

A few years ago, I learned to do this with much more accuracy than I’d ever done before. At first, it was painful and difficult. Soon thereafter, however, I realized how incredibly effective it was.

The stakes don’t get much higher than they did for the two groups of sailors in the arctic. The group that survived did two things very differently from the group that perished: first, they faced the facts. No one was coming to rescue them, at least not for a long time, so they had to take matters into their own hands instead of clinging to false hopes.

Second, they had to TAKE ACTION on this reality. They had to find a way to live no matter how difficult the conditions were, and eventually find a way off the island.

Which group would you like to be in? What does it take to face reality in the most difficult of circumstances?

*The full story of the shipwrecked sailors can be found in the book Island of the Lost: An Extraordinary Story of Survival at the Edge of the World.

New year, new you: time to set some intentions and fail to achieve them, then feel guilty about it. You know the drill, right?

If that doesn’t appeal to you, here’s an alternative: make this your year of giving up on dreams.

Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it sounds. In fact, giving up on your dreams can have the odd effect of leaving you feeling much more excited about your future, due to the sudden appearance of all-new dreams.

This is because you can only have a limited number of dreams. I mean, sure, you can make a 100-item bucket list, but chances are many of the items on the list will be somewhat random or repetitive. It’s more likely that the number of active dreams you’re pursuing at any given time is much smaller.

In Which I Decide Never To Fly … As a PilotFor example, I once thought about taking flying lessons, with the goal of getting a pilot’s certificate. I love to fly, or at least I love being up in the air, moving between cities and watching the world go by.

So when I first had the idea of learning to fly, I thought it was a logical fit. I like planes, I like being in motion, I like adventure in general. Makes sense, right?

The more I looked into it, though, the more I realized what was involved. The training would take a long time. It would be expensive. Most discouraging of all, at the end of the process, all I would ever be able to do is fly very small planes short distances.

The research process led me to think about what I really liked about flying. What I liked most about being up in the air was daydreaming on an Airbus A380, or perhaps a Boeing 787, drifting across the ocean while a flight attendant brought me coffee and sparkling water.

It turns out that’s not quite how it works when you fly tiny planes on your own! You actually have to pay close attention and keep the daydreaming to a minimum.

Worst of all, there are no flight attendants offering beverages and snack packets. The space is a little cramped, with no lie-flat seats or AV consoles offering 80 different movies on demand. Maybe there’s room to bring a cooler of La Croix up in the air with you, but it all seems a little too close for comfort.

Of course, don’t misread the analogy: lots of other people enjoy taking flying lessons and getting their pilot’s certificate. For me, thinking about the idea taught me more about what I really wanted. I’m happy for someone else to fly the plane so I can relax!

Most People Should Never Write a BookNow let’s take the opposite example, where something really is my dream—but I think most other people should choose something else. This example, if you haven’t already realized, is about writing a book.

Personally, I love writing books. I didn’t write my first book as a marketing tool; I wrote it because I had something to say. And then I kept going, writing seven more books, learning about the industry as I went along, going on tours, trying out different ideas, experiencing both failure and success in different ways—more or less the typical route for a very atypical career.

So that’s me, but most people who say they want to write a book, I’m convinced, probably shouldn’t.

Let me be clear: this isn’t because they’re dumb or couldn’t figure it out. I’m sure they could! It’s just because, well, there are more reasons NOT to write a book than there are to do it.

Such as? Well, number one, it’s easy to start writing a book, but you have to overcome a lot of inertia to finish. This seems logical enough. Yet I’d guess that a great majority of people who start to write a book fail to understand how daunting this fact can be.

Number two, even if you do finish the book, then you have to figure out how you will get your book to people who want to read it. The reality here is: THIS IS HARD. Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

Even if you write a bestseller, the number of people who will actually read your book is shockingly small. If you’re all about “capturing attention,” you should spend more time on TikTok.

I don’t mean any of this sarcastically. I love books and am very glad I kept pursuing the path. At the same time, I really do believe that most people who dream about writing a book will probably be happier if they decide to do something else instead.

So, who knows, if you’ve been trying to write a book forever and it’s not working out for whatever reason—maybe give up on that dream?

And don’t feel bad about it if you do. There are many other, better dreams out there for you.

ConclusionThere’s a difference between giving up on something because it seems hard, and wisely moving on because you know you can only do so much at one time.

I used the examples of taking flying lessons and writing books because, well, it’s me. You might not relate to either of them. Do yourself a favor and think about your dreams. Really think about them!

If you aren’t actively working towards those dreams right now, maybe they’ll end up serving someone else better. And then, all of a sudden (or perhaps in short succession) you’ll discover something really cool that was previously hidden from view, afraid to take up space in your dream-world that can only contain a finite set of items.

That’s my suggestion for you today. During this “New Year, New You” season of merriment—consider giving up on your dreams. You could certainly do worse, and it might lead you to something much better.

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As the year draws to a close, I thought I’d look back at the most popular posts from this blog, The Art of Non-Conformity. I chose seven, which is close to 12% of the total.

These posts either received the most traffic, the most engagement (likes / sharing), or the most email replies from my newsletter. I’m not very analytical and very rarely look at any numbers like that, so for the most part I base the response on a broad feeling more than anything else.

36 Ways to Live Differently

This was the most shared-post, perhaps because it’s lengthy and insightful and offers lots of jumping-off points. I usually avoid writing posts in this style because it be overdone (see: virtually every post ever made on Buzzfeed) but once in a while there’s a place for it.

A good question to ask as a writer is “Is this helpful?” And if you can honestly answer yes, then you might as well use whatever form brings in readers!

What Does Capitalism Mean to You?

This one set off a small firestorm in my inbox, mostly of the thoughtful and insightful kind. The biggest takeaway I took from it was that a lot of people think differently of capitalism now—but I think part of this is because they define it quite differently than ever before.

There are a lot of fascinating contradictions and interactions to this subject. I’ll be writing about it more in next year’s book, Gonzo Capitalism.

Does Commercialized Meditation Do More Harm Than Good?

I got a lot of feedback about this one too! I originally thought about titling it “Is meditation slowly killing you?” but decided to soften it a bit. (Once in a while I take the high road…)

Overall, the response was more positive than negative, but there was definitely a range of perspectives. Which is great, of course—I’m always happy to hear from people with thoughtful opinions of all kinds.

Life Lessons from Sylvia Plath

This is one of my personal favorites. Until recently, much of my adult life has been negatively impacted by regret and obsessing over counterfactuals—all those things that “could have been.”

Of course, this thinking is both harmful and illogical. It’s harmful (well, speaking for myself at least) because it can send you into a downward spiral of fixation, and it’s illogical because you never really know the counterfactual history of something. What you know is merely your own imagination, a projection of sorts that is informed by inherent bias.

One way or another, you need to find a way to let go.

More Is Not the Answer

I’m no minimalist, but it’s clear that “more” is not the answer to “too much.” Like capitalism, there’s a lot of irony in how many people deal with feeling overwhelmed. As I wrote in the post:

Feeling overwhelmed is a common condition—yet in trying to deal with the problem, we often end up compounding it by adding more programs, systems, and solutions.

In other words: we need more purpose in our lives, not more productivity tips.

Did You Do Everything You Could?

The true story of my last book launch and tour, which (sadly) did not result in the sale of 500,000 copies. In fact, it did not result in a tour at all, thanks to that little pandemic we’re all familiar with!

Alas. But—as noted in the post—in these situations, I think the best thing you can do “try your best.” I don’t always accept that as a personal evaluation, but when things are completely out of your control, it’s a better choice than continuing to beat yourself up.

Change Your Narrative in a Believable Way

Now that I look at them together, this post is similar to “Did you do everything you could?” because it’s also about self-talk.

I’m often skeptical of positive thinking just for the sake of itself. You need something to be positive about! And it’s certainly possible to find something in almost every circumstance, but the answer is to truly find it instead of just lying to yourself.

If that doesn’t make sense … read the post. Oh, and also see “Change Your Future to Rewrite the Past.”

ConclusionThere were many more posts this year—more than 30, in fact. I tried to make most of them evergreen in the sense that they will remain relevant for a long time. To browse them, head to the blog and click on a heading for Life, Work, or Travel.

Many posts are interlinked, so there are multiple ways to read depending on your preferences. Everything is free and I hope you enjoy the blog. More to come in 2023!

Happy New Year’s, everyone.

I recently filled out a medical form where I was required to answer this question:

“Do you have any special powers that most people don’t possess?”

This question came from the form’s mental health subcategory, and I suppose what they were really asking was, “You’re not totally delusional, are you?”

Against my strong inclination, I answered no. I didn’t want to create unnecessary delays that required explanation and even more form-filling-out.

But that also meant that I had to lie. Because I do have special powers! They aren’t powers that are inaccessible to other people, but most people simply don’t claim them. They are, therefore, special.

Just to be clear, I’m not the only person in the world with special powers. I’d bet that you might possess some of these powers as well, because (I assume) you are different from other people you know.

What kind of powers? Here are a few of the most special of special powers.

Special power #1: The refusal to accept at face value whatever you are told.This is also known as “thinking for yourself.” Be aware: this makes many people uncomfortable! Which is, of course, why it’s special—because in a lot of ways, it’s easier to just go along for the ride.

Maybe you were told as a kid that you ask too many questions. Many adults would no doubt be happier if you simply accepted what you were told. Well, you might already know that this never changes.

Your whole life, people will expect you to accept whatever they tell you without questioning it very much. But that’s okay. Just because someone wants something doesn’t mean you need to give it to them.

Special power #2: The willingness to change your mind.This is another underrated power that is widely accessible, yet rarely used. Simply put, most people are stuck in their ways!

It’s hard to change your mind, which is why it’s important to cultivate the practice. Maybe you were wrong about something you once believed, or maybe that belief just no longer serves you as well. In this common situation, you can dig in (what most people do), or you can shrug it off and march forth with your new understanding.

March forth! Changing your mind in response to new information, or even just your own personal growth, is worth the effort—even if it’s considered strange and unusual among people who don’t have special powers.

Special power #3: The ability to forge a path of your own (for anything).Often in life you will be presented with pseudo-choices. It’s a classic parenting trick: “Do you want to read book one or book two before going to bed?” (The parent is just trying to put the child to bed. The smart child responds: “I don’t want to go to bed, this is Fascism!”)

The trick carries over into young adulthood, where you can choose between a list of approved subjects to study in school. Then, of course, you’re allowed a limited range of career choices, and so on.

The special power is to ignore all of these things and go your own way. Wherever options seem limited, refuse to settle. Forge a path of your own instead.

ConclusionThough these abilities are available to everyone, they remain elusive in the wild.

Most people prefer it the other way: to accept what they’re told, to remain stuck in their ways, and to follow the course that’s been set for them. Sadly, they opt-out of their special powers.

You, of course, are different. You know how to think for yourself, and to go against the grain whenever it proves necessary or desirable.

No doubt there are other special powers, perhaps some that you possess and I don’t. Use them today!

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Vote on book covers! My next book, GONZO CAPITALISM, will be published in August 2023. I’d love to get your input on some cover art options.

This past week I had seven days for my 2022 Annual Review, but it felt like only two.

What happened? Well, a book needed editing … my next book, specifically. Because of a combination of circumstances, I ended up spending 4+ hours a day on edits last week, and that pace will continue for the rest of the year.

Though surely there will be a much better rollout at some point in 2023, I’m now happy to say that I will have a new book out next year for the first time since THE MONEY TREE was published in March 2020.

Otherwise, of course, I did manage to do some reflection on the year that’s ending and planning for the year ahead. Here are a few notes on the experience.

2022, Looking BackLooking back this year was a little unusual, and not just because of the book edits taking so much time. It’s also because—at least on the one hand—I had a lot of failures.

Simply put, several of the things I hoped to accomplish this year simply didn’t happen. In fact, it wasn’t until day three of the review that I realized something important: I’d either failed or significantly revised all three of my major goals for the year. Yikes.

Was I trying to do too much? Maybe that was some of it. Other years, however, I’ve accomplished most (or even all) of my major goals and still ended up feeling deeply unsettled. This time I felt, well, mostly good! It was strange.

So that was … interesting. Normally the realization that I’d failed to achieve much of what I’d set my mind on would be pretty discouraging, but for whatever reason, I mostly shrugged it off this time.

The one-sentence summary: 2022 wasn’t quite what I planned, but it went fairly well anyway.

A few highlights from the year…

1. WDS X was strong! This was the tenth and FINAL World Domination Summit, the culmination of a cultural experience I founded back in 2011. (We did nine years in a row, then postponed the 2020 and 2021 events for obvious reasons.)

The weeklong event was worth the long wait. Among other things, we set a world record—smashed it back into the stone age, to be precise.

WDS is one of the greatest things I’ve ever been part of, and I feel proud of it in a way I don’t feel about almost anything else.

Accordingly, It’s been hard to leave it behind. I didn’t want it to end! I really didn’t. (And I still don’t, to be precise.)

Even so, it was also right to close that chapter. Endings are hard, but so is refusing to end. There’s probably a lesson there for all sorts of things.

2. Side Hustle School continued through the year (every day)I completed another year of Side Hustle School, my daily podcast on making money without a job. (Or at least, I’ll soon have completed it—just a couple more weeks to go.)

We’re now well past 2,000 consecutive, daily episodes. Five years!

Back when I started in 2017, I had no idea I’d still be doing it all this time later, but it’s proven to be remarkably resilient. The team and I have gotten into a groove with working ahead and keeping it fresh.

3. Almost finished writing a new book (finally!) I’ve almost finished writing my first book in two years, Gonzo Capitalism. I’ll say more about it soon, but for now: it feels good to be nearing the end.

I got a little stuck on writing it (the original due date was several months earlier), and I’m very glad to have gotten back on track.

The book will come out in August 2023, and I can’t wait to share it with you.

4. Health, wellness, and relationships are strongStarting four or five years ago, I began prioritizing my mental and physical health much more than I’d done in the past. I also began paying closer attention to important relationships with friends and family.

This year, all of those things continued to go well. Aside from some minor injuries and illness, I was healthy the whole year. I’ve continued my Apple Watch streak, which is now at 1,300+ days. (It’s the equivalent of running about six miles a day, so on the days I don’t run, I make sure to plan other workouts).

This was never really a goal aside from “do it every day for a year.” But when the year ended, I just kept going … and now it’s been close to four years.

That’s the funny thing about habits! They’re harder to stop than it is to keep going.

5. I stopped taking Adderall and WellbutrinThis deserves its own mention in the category of wellness. A few months ago, I wrote a post about Getting off Adderall. I’d taken the medication almost every day for five years (!), but now I’ve gone something like four months without it.

Somewhat unintentionally, I also stopped taking Wellbutrin (bupropion), another medication—so I’m not on that anymore either.

As to how that happened with the second one … uh, I just kind of forgot about it? I used to take Wellbutrin the same time of day I took Adderall, not quite first thing in the morning but usually when I sat down to work after exercising. Once I stopped Adderall, I didn’t automatically remember to take the Wellbutrin.

For the first week or two, I’d remember every other day on average. After that, I just, well, stopped. The only other time I’d tried to go off Wellbutrin (I’ve also taken it for around four or five years), I felt really sad a week or two later and resumed my prescription. This time, I just kept going and all was well.

The combination of stopping both meds feels somewhat momentous. It wasn’t really a goal, either at the beginning of the year or ever. I thought I needed them and I’d accepted that it might always be that way.

But apparently I don’t, at least for now! So that’s cool.

Obvious disclaimer: be careful about going on or off medication. Talk to your doctor, don’t just read random articles online, etc.

2023, Looking ForwardI have a few goals that I’m not ready to share just yet, so this section will be a bit abbreviated. But here are the obvious things I can say for now:

Book publication + 30-city tour (it’s been too long!)

Having to cancel the Money Tree tour right at the start of the pandemic was necessary but disappointing. I was supposed to go to 40 cities (!) and in the end I went pretty much nowhere.

I can’t wait to get back out there next summer! Watch this space for more details.

Side Hustle School continues (365 more episodes!)

Yep, we’re going into Season 7! Once again I’ll be doing the show again next year, every single day. And of course, it will continue to be completely free. Subscribe or stream wherever you listen to podcasts, as they say.

If you’d like to be part of it, here are a couple of opportunities:

Submit your story

We paused the story episodes a month or two ago, but will be bringing them back for 2023. If you’re a side hustler or a non-traditional entrepreneur (our listeners like the bootstrapping approach, not the VC money method), let me know and include as many details as possible.

We’ll feature as many stories as we can! You can also download the complete show archive here (warning: it’s a big file!):

Side Hustle School 2,000 Episode Archive

Two other big projects!

Isn’t that exciting? I know, I know, it’s super vague. But I promise to share more when I can.

Conclusion: An Emotional Week!I’ve had a lot of emotions this week, some from the manic sessions of book editing, some as I processed the Annual Review, and some from just feeling more present than usual.

I shipped a printer ahead of my trip so that I could work on the book edits. (Yes, I am the kind of person who brings a printer on “vacation”—desperate times, desperate measures.)

At the end of the week I left the printer behind and said “Thank you, printer!” while I was walking out the door.

Even more than a disposable printer, I’m thankful for everyone who reads The Art of Non-Conformity. I’ve now been writing this blog for close to fifteen years, and I love knowing that there are people out there who look forward to new posts.

If you’re one of those people—thank you! The best is yet to come.

And no matter how we’re connected, I hope you enjoy the rest of the year.

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This week I’m heading off-the-grid for the 2022 Annual Review trip.

It’s a tradition I’ve held mostly without fail every year since 2006. The limited failures include a) 2020 (you know what happened then) and b) the year I was too depressed to look forward. Otherwise, though, it’s been one of the few things that are consistently present in my life.

So! Here’s how it works.

You can do more than you think—but if you’re like most people, you also tend to over-plan your days. By working on a longer time-frame (12 months), you’ll be able to accomplish a series of big goals while also being true to your values.

In short: to live better, live more intentionally.

More than anything else, this practice has helped me become who I am now, as well as make progress on projects that are important to me. (Therefore, I offer it to you as well! One of my favorite things over the years has been hearing from many readers who’ve adopted a version of this practice for themselves.)

If you’re new, you might want to check out these posts:

How to Conduct Your Own Annual Review (original post from 2008)
Return of the Annual Review
Annual Review 2021
What Is Your Personal Moonshot?
Decide Now How You’ll Evaluate Yourself Next Year

Those are just a few highlights; there are something like three or four dozen additional Annual Review posts sprinkled through the AONC archives.

I’m always happy to share the outcome of my Review, or at least a version of it, with readers. I hope that this process is helpful to you in your own planning.

Therefore: onwards! I’ll say more next week about how it went.

Are you doing an Annual Review this year?

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In search of a small change from my running routine, I went to spin class over the weekend. If you’ve never been, give it a try. It’s tough! But also very good. As we were getting started, the instructor said something that was maybe the best exercise advice I’ve ever heard. Or if that’s hyperbolic,… Continue reading Don’t Cheat Yourself: A Lesson in Exercise and Life

The other day Joel Runyon asked me if I still have my duplicate passport. Not only did I let that lapse, I told him, but these days I often go two months or more without leaving the country. 😳 Even though I don’t need a second passport anymore (it’s mostly useful when you need to… Continue reading What It Feels Like to Stop Traveling

Tehching Hsieh is the most remarkable performance artist you’ve never heard of. Unlike more famous peers such as Marina Abramović, whose The Artist Is Present exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art attracted large crowds and celebrities, Hsieh has been relatively unknown outside of the art world. Perhaps this fact isn’t surprising given the fact… Continue reading The Man Who Worked 24 Hours a Day for a Year

You’ve heard the inspirational sayings about getting started: The perfect time and opportunity never comes. Start now. A year from now you may wish you had started today. Your dreams can come true, if only you have the courage to start. The key to success is to start before you are ready. As generic advice… Continue reading 3 Good Reasons to Change Your Mind

When I was sixteen, I went to work as a telemarketer for a company that sold photo sessions. The job lasted two days. I did no selling whatsoever during those two very long days. Not only was I terrible at the sales process, I was reluctant to talk on the phone for any reason. I… Continue reading The Counterfeit Self

Here’s something to think about. It doesn’t require you to spend money or join anything. It’s just a thought exercise. It starts with the observation that life consists of a series of choices. You can do this or do that, you can choose this project or that job or that person. You move forward in… Continue reading “I Wish I’d Made That Change Later” -said no one

This is the story of three people: Nick, Sara, and Taylor. Each faced the common challenge of deciding what to focus on for their life and work. The challenge was complex and involved lots of variables. What was best for one person might be the wrong choice for someone else, etc. etc. Ultimately, however, all… Continue reading The Specialist, the Generalist, and the Non-Conformist

In many ways, Sylvia Plath did not have a charmed life. She suffered from severe depression and was treated with early forms of electroconvulsive therapy, a method that has come a long way since first being introduced in 1940. In The Bell Jar, a semi-autographical novel she wrote the year before she died at the… Continue reading Life Lessons from Sylvia Plath

There’s a saying, “comparison is misery.” Until fairly recently, I knew that was true, but I didn’t really know what to do about it. Most of the advice I heard was in the vein of, yeah, that’s a problem, don’t compare yourself to others. This was, of course, unhelpful—just like most advice that simply says… Continue reading To Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, Decide in Advance What Success Looks Like

The law of averages states that outcomes and events revert to the mean. Over time, if you roll a pair of dice that are properly made, the result will be random. Even if a low number has come up ten or more times in a row, to believe that the next roll of the dice… Continue reading The Law of Average, or How to Stop Settling for Systems Designed for the Masses

In the days before smartphones, a map was something you’d use when going on a trip. Gas stations sold them, or sometimes gave them away with advertising included. Maybe these still exist for people who don’t have phones? Who knows. These days, roadmap is more of a startup word. A company (or a team of… Continue reading How to Make a Personal Roadmap

At times in life you come to a crossroads. You have to make a key decision, and you feel conflicted. You’ve made a pros/cons list, you’ve asked a close friend for advice, and you’re still stuck. Let’s assume for the sake of discussion that there’s no way to split the difference. You simply have to… Continue reading The Little Voice in Your Head

Ten days ago, I stood on a stage in downtown Portland, Oregon and looked out on a sea of inflatable dinosaur costumes. Over the next two hours, the Dino Czar (more on him in a bit) and I facilitated a program that culminated in a big achievement: a World Record! Three days later, it was… Continue reading The T-Rex Takeover: How We Smashed a Guinness World Record