I Can Do That!: Recent Episodes
Gem Fadling
I Can Do That! is hosted by Gem Fadling, spiritual formation coach, author and founding partner of Unhurried Living. With 30 years’ experience in spiritual formation, Gem helps people grow by combining grounded optimism with practical spirituality. This effective dynamic will guide you onto the path of discernment so that you can transform your desires into habits. In each episode Gem will share one practical idea, with one simple takeaway. Together, we’ll grow at the pace of transformation, and you’ll move into your day, saying to yourself, “I can do that!”
http://unhurriedliving.com/gem
Gem is on the move... the move to the Unhurried Living Podcast. Have a listen as she explains the reasoning behind this move of podcasts.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
I want what Jim has.
This is the phrase 17-year-old Alan, my husband, uttered as he made one of his first moves into the Christian life.
I have always loved hearing Alan share about the first time he went forward in a church to receive Christ. I’ve heard this story multiple times and I’m always struck by how simple and heartfelt Alan’s desire was. We’ll talk more about this today…
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
It’s near the beginning of the calendar year and, for some, it feels like a fresh start. Most of us are long past making resolutions. We’ve come to see that they don’t last and are followed up by shame and guilt. I haven’t made resolutions for years.
But I thought it might be good to share with you a few simple ways you could plan for some soul care in an ongoing way. These ideas are bottom shelf and that’s good. It’s always wise to begin small and build habits.
I mention a couple resources in this episode. Here are those links:
- An Unhurried Time with God guide
- Annual Examen guide
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Breathing. It’s as natural as, well, breathing. We breathe all day long without giving it a thought. It’s just one of the many astounding aspects of our God-given bodies. I’m grateful for all the processes that continue to keep me healthy and alive, aren’t you?
Today, using the word BREATHE, I’m going to guide you in a spiritual practice that you can use in the middle of any given day. We’ll make the unconscious, conscious and give our souls space to breathe.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Almost everyone I speak with these days is tired or stressed in troubling ways. Not only do we carry our regular burdens and concerns, but we also carry around our knowledge of what is going on in our country and around the globe.
While it is true that we cannot psychologically bear up under the weight of all that we see and hear in the information age—we do want to have a basic knowledge of world events.
But how do we hold all of this without becoming overwhelmed? How can we be a healthy member of our planet without crumbling beneath the weight?
My guest today is radio host, Carmen LaBerge, and she is going to help us make our way.
Carmen LaBerge is an author, speaker and host of the Christian talk radio show Mornings with Carmen LaBerge, across the Faith Radio Network. On air, live each weekday morning, Carmen demonstrates civil conversation as she and her guests bring the mind of Christ to bear on the headline news of the day.
Carmen has conducted thousands of interviews with widely respected influencers, reporters, authors, and leaders. She is author of Speak the Truth: Bring God back into every Conversation and blogs at www.carmenlaberge.com
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Many of you have likely heard of a way of engaging scripture called Lectio Divina. It is a kind of “Divine Reading.” What I love about Lectio Divina is that it is a slow and formational way of engaging the bible. It can help us move from our heads to our hearts. Lectio Divina is reflective, meditative, receptive and responsive.
Let’s begin with a little Lectio 101, and then I will guide you in the practice as we experience Psalm 73:23-26 together.
The four movements of Lectio Divina are:
- Read (Lectio)
- Reflect (Meditatio)
- Respond (Oratio)
- Rest (Contemplatio)
With Lectio Divina, rather than gathering information, we seek to allow God to meet us in our hearts and minds in a spirit of transformation. We allow ourselves to sink into the passage…to linger…to think, yes, but also to feel and to experience.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Today I’m talking with Joanna Meyer, the author of the recently released book Women, Work and Calling.
No matter what title you have or don’t have, we are all working women. People, tasks, and schedules fill our days and we all have influence in these spheres.
How do you respond to God’s calling? How does God grow our soul through our work? How do we tap into our vocational power?
Joanna Meyer is director of public engagement at the Denver Institute for Faith & Work, where she leads public events, hosts the Faith & Work Podcast, and founded Women, Work, & Calling, a national initiative that equips Christian women for godly influence in public life. Prior to joining the Institute, she worked in global telecom, nonprofit consulting, and campus ministry with Cru. Joanna served as associate faculty at Denver Seminary and completed a certificate in Women in Leadership through Cornell University. She contributed to Women & Work and has written for Faith Driven Entrepreneur and various Denver Institute publications.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
A few years ago I read Thomas Kelly’s A Testament of Devotion. He put into eloquent prose a dynamic that I had experienced, but had not yet found words to describe.
There is a way of ordering our mental life on more than one level at once. On one level we may be thinking, discussing, seeing, calculating, meeting all the demands of external affairs. But deep within, behind the scenes, at a profounder level, we may also be in prayer and adoration, song and worship and a gentle receptiveness to divine breathings. . . . In a deeply religious culture people know that the deep level of prayer and of divine attendance is the most important thing in the world. It is at this deep level that the real business of life is determined. . . . Between the two levels is fruitful interplay, but ever the accent must be upon the deeper level, where the soul ever dwells in the presence of the Holy One.
Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion (San Francisco: Harper San Francisco, 1941), 9.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Transition. How do you feel when you hear this word?
For some, transitions are welcome because it’s a movement from one place to another.
For others, transitions are unwelcome for the same reason. Change can be disconcerting.
But whatever you feel about transitions, that’s where we’re headed today in our conversation.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Today we're talking about being a mentoring presence, or wise woman, in the lives of others. This really is an encouragement to any woman listening to think of herself as a wise woman in the life of another.
The actress, Julia Louis Dreyfus, has a new podcast called “Wiser Than Me.” She is 62 and she interviews women who are older than her. She asks questions so that she can glean life wisdom from other women’s life experiences.
So our question today is this: how am I living my life so that, over time, I can become a wise woman. And how am I offering myself to others in this way…all along the way.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Are you now, or have you recently been, in a difficult situation? Most of us have at least one circumstance in our lives, at any given point, that isn’t going the way we had hoped. Today I’m sharing a personal story of climbing a mountain at high elevation. Together, we’ll look at it literally and metaphorically.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
In preparation for co-leading a pilgrimage for women to Italy last month, I spent some time getting to know St. Catherine of Siena and St. Clare of Assisi. These two female saints were quite formidable in their passion and love for God—and what that meant for their own souls and those around them.
In Ilia Delio’s book, Clare of Assisi, I found a snippet Clare wrote in a letter to her sister, Agnes.
“O most noble Queen,
gaze upon [him].
consider [him].
contemplate [him].
as you desire to imitate [him].”
Four words leapt off the page:
- Gaze
- Consider
- Contemplate
- Imitate
These four dynamics are compelling invitations in my relationship with God. And, if followed, could lead to “much fruit that lasts” spoken of in John 15.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
The day this episode releases, I will be in Italy with 15 wonderful women. We will be on a pilgrimage.
People have been engaging pilgrimage for centuries. Yes, it is a physical journey but it's also an inward exploration of the soul. Pilgrimage is a chance to connect with your inner life, your deepest held beliefs, and your relationship with God in a focused and intentional way.
So how can you embrace the idea of pilgrimage as an element of your lifestyle?
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
You may have heard me announce here that we now take the month of July each year as a mini sabbatical. I engage no work, no work-related email, and no social media. It is a much-needed way of disengaging that allows body and soul to rest at a deeper level.
One benefit of extended time like that is that I can get in touch with ideas, longings, dynamics and desires that typically stay buried underneath the flurry of activity in my day-to-day life. I’d like to share with you one such “get-in-touch” moment from my time away.
Let's dig in to the problem with discontent.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
A while back I had a conversation with a group of leaders. We were talking about spiritual practices and the need for refreshment and refilling. (As you can imagine, I talk about this a lot). One of the people mentioned that this was all fine and good but what about REAL life.
I’ve heard this comment many times before, and I typically leave it alone. But more recently I’ve begun to pause the conversation (whether with an individual or a small group) to take a closer look at what “real” means.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Growing up on our small six-acre farm in Washington was wonderful. As a child, I enjoyed many hours and days of leisure. This was back in the day before the information age. One phone connected to a wall and five channels on the TV (and I was the remote control). I had a pogo stick, a skateboard, a bike and a horse. What else could you need?
One of my favorite memories was rolling down a small hill in our front yard. It was probably only a four-foot incline, but for a young one like me it was a delight. I spent hours lying in the grass, watching butterflies and bees, looking up at tall pine branches hanging overhead, or simply watching the sky.
Today we’re going to think about enjoying the little, and sometimes unexpected, aspects of life.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Today I’m sharing a timely replay from the Unhurried Living Podcast. I interviewed K.J. Ramsey on her book This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers.
The entire episode will play, including an introduction of K.J., so for now, I’ll leave you with this. You are not alone in your suffering and K.J. is an expert on this, having suffered physically for years. Listen and take heart.
K.J. Ramsey is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor and author whose work offers space to see every part of our souls and stories as sacred. She holds degrees from Covenant College and Denver Seminary and is the author of This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingersand The Lord is My Courage: Stepping Through the Shadows of Fear Toward the Voice of Love.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
I recently had the pleasure of spending a weekend with my friend, teacher and leader, Jodie Niznik. We talked about fruitfulness inspired by God, as compared to productivity inspired by me…which can sometimes lead to over-giving.
We often think we need to accomplish things by direct action. But fruitfulness works a little differently. Jodie and I dig into that and I trust you’ll find some nuggets to tuck away as well as some new action steps.
Jodie Niznik, a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, helps people create space for God in their lives through her Scripture meditation podcast entitled "So Much More", and equips them to take another step with Jesus through her Real People, Real Faith Bible studies and teaching. She served in pastoral ministry for over twelve years. Her calling and passion is to equip people to create space for God in their lives and take another step in their journey with Jesus. Jodie is married to Tim. They have two adult daughters and a very poorly trained Yorkie-poo. You can connect with her at jodieniznik.com and on Instagram.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
What is the purpose of a sabbatical and how is it even possible? Great questions that I answer today as Alan and I prepare for our 3rd annual monthly sabbatical in July. Listen in as I share how we plan for, engage in and promote this kind of soulful rest. Our categories of our engagement include:
Rest. Play. Relationships. Reading. Prayer. Unplugging. Beauty. Refilling.
A few months ago a semi-prominent newscaster made a flippant comment about women over 50 not being in their prime. He gave examples from a google search that said women in their twenties and thirties are in their prime. Of course, being a woman over 50, I had some very strong feelings about this dismissive statement.
I wanted to say something via social media or email in real time about his comment, but decided not to enter the fray of reactive dialogue.
But time passed, and I forgot about the newscaster’s comment, until recently when I saw a movie in which a man spoke endearingly to a woman over 50, “You look like you’re in your prime to me.” A sweet and heartfelt statement at just the right time in their story.
So I thought about the word “prime” again. What does that even mean? I looked it up. This is where we’re headed…
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
During the first few months of this year I was in a season that one of my pastor’s helped me to name as “reset.” Prior to that I was rumbling along at an accelerated pace and I came to realize it was too much for me. My body and soul spoke loudly at the same time and said, “Enough!”
A while back I was sharing with my spiritual director about this reset, a big shift I feel occurring in this, my 59th year of my life. The big 6-0 is looming ahead of me in early 2024 and it's giving me pause.
I still feel young and vibrant inside, and I know that age is just a number, and yet there is no doubt about it--I will be entering the final third of my life.
So this week we are talking about the quality of our life. Have we lived how we want to live - both for ourselves and for God.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Every once in a while, I like to reflect on all God has taught me over the previous few months or years. In many ways, that‘s what both my books, What Does Your Soul Love? and Hold That Thought are—a gathering of life lessons learned at the feet of Jesus.
Recently I journaled my current, central paradigms. I am grateful for the grace of God shining a light on these important areas. Each of these informs how I view God, myself and others. Over time, I long to grow in love in all three of these relationships.
______________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
It is easy to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders these days because we can see and hear what is going on in most corners of our planet. Psychologically, emotionally, relationally and even physically, this is too much to bear.
Postlethwaite’s poetic invitation is to create a clearing inside our own dense forest, and…wait. Wait as a song is given to us (I would add “by God”). Then we will know how to serve.
This is an unhurried invitation isn't it? The temptation is always to keep moving forward, mostly at breakneck pace. There is so much to do! There are so many needs! How will it ever get done?
But unhurried leadership takes on a different view. Unhurried leadership knows that we must fill up with what we would pour out.
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
Welcome to this bonus episode of ICDT. Today I’m sharing a conversation I had with my husband, Alan, on the UL Podcast. We are talking about PACE our new certificate in leadership and soul care.
We’ll share our experience and passion with walking alongside leaders for many years. We care very much about the sustainability of our influence over time…spiritually, relationally and vocationally.
I think you’ll find lots of encouragement and reminders within our dialogue. Of course, I’m inviting you to consider PACE, but more than that, I’m inviting you to remember what it is to be an unhurried leader. We are on this journey together and I want to inspire you as much as I possibly can.
Today we are pondering the idea of the heart. And, for this conversation, I’m defining the heart as the inner person, that deepest place within ourselves where we interact on the central aspects of life in connection to God. This is an important idea and I’m so glad you are engaging with me today.
I’m Gem Fadling and it’s time for ICDT.
___________________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
When it comes to difficult circumstances, we’ve all heard the platitudes: “No pain, no gain.” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But if we spend our lives trying to be “the strong one,” we become exhausted, burned-out, and disconnected from our truest selves.
What if it were different? Could there be a different way to be strong? Could strength mean more than pushing on and pushing through pain, bearing every heavy burden on our own? What if, instead, true strength were more like the tide: soft and bold, fierce and gentle, moving together as one powerful force?
Today I am talking with Aundi Kolber on her latest book, Strong Like Water as we look at strength and pain and where our strength truly comes from.
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
If we were to only believe the 24-hour news cycle, we would think there is very little peace in the world. Yes, there are dramatic and traumatic things going on around the planet. But right in the middle of all that, many people are simply living their lives--loving their families, working hard and serving others.
We can choose to be people of peace right in the middle of a contentious, distracted and overwhelmed culture. And I would argue this is absolutely necessary.
Today we’re looking at a scripture passage that gives us beautiful counsel for extending peace to everyone, no matter the circumstance. And there’s a surprising twist that generously benefits us as we do.
I’m Gem Fadling and it’s time for ICDT.
________________________________________________
Follow Gem on Instagram and grab a copy of her new book Hold That Thought. You can also join her in the Replenish Community.
We begin with a reading from 1 Thes 5:14:
“And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thes. 5:14)
It would be easy to simply gloss over this, ignoring the relational nuances or to turn it into some rigid formula for the control freak within. Rather than either of those, I like to think of this as wise counsel for truly seeing others and responding in ways that might actually help them make their way.
We’ll simply take each phrase on its face as we move through the verse.
Connect with Gem on Instagram or visit her at the Unhurried Living website.
Awhile back, during an overnight retreat, I chose to peruse the notes from my first spiritual direction training. I had two folders with worksheets, practices, and handwritten notes from multiple lectures.
My plan was to read through everything, so I could remember and glean from the spiritual wisdom contained in those pages.
I made it through only half of one handwritten notebook. I barely scratched the surface. Reading through my notes in a soulful way turned out to be a much slower process than I had anticipated.
That time was so rich. I was able to soak in the goodness of God and reflect on how he had used those teachings to carry me through the next ten years.
The lessons I reflected on were like a rototiller, cultivating the soil of my soul’s garden. I was ready to receive what was offered, and it truly prepared me for all of the work that followed over the decade since then.
I thought I would share with you ten seeds of wisdom from my notes. My hope is that one or two of these ideas will connect with you right where you are.
Connect with Gem on Instagram or visit her at the Unhurried Living website.
Today I’m talking with Dr. Kristi Gaultiere and we’ll be discussing our journey toward emotional and spiritual growth.
I’ve known Kristi for many years. She and her husband have a ministry called Soul Shepherding and their mission is similar to Unhurried Living. They care for and train Christian leaders with a focus on pastors and spiritual directors. Kristi and her husband are both therapists and authors and I’m delighted to share this conversation on transformation over a lifetime.
Gem shares lessons learned from taking a break from Podcast recording and what's in store for I Can Do That! Podcast.
Most of us have no idea how others see or process their experiences. And that can make relationships difficult. Understanding the motivations and dynamics of our different personality types can be the key that unlocks sometimes mystifying behavior in others―and in ourselves.
Suzanne Stabile’s book, The Path Between Us looks at the nine Enneagram types and how they behave and experience relationships.
Today I’m sharing a portion of my Replenish conversation with Suzanne. We all desire healthier relationships and Suzanne can help point the way.
The question I asked Suzanne for this I Can Do That! Podcast episode is this: What is a unique challenge for each Enneagram type in relationships?
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website and the Replenish Community.
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
As was typical of a season long ago, there was a pile of little boys in the back of my red minivan. We were driving down the street toward our home when I noticed some unusual dark grey storm clouds in the sky. Behind the clouds was a glowing blue sky, with splashes of pink and gold.
It was the beginning of sunset, and, evidently, my then 4-year-old son had never seen a sky exactly like that before.
“I never saw today!” he exclaimed as he peered out the van window, reacting to the sky.
The wonder in his voice floored me. The only way he could think of to describe this amazing sky which he had never seen before was, “I never saw today!”
What did his exclamation do for my mama’s heart? We’ll that’s where we’re headed.
I’m Gem Fadling and it’s time for ICDT.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website and the Replenish Community.
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
As a part of my living room décor, I have two bowls of rocks. Of course this is lovelier than it sounds. The bowls are glass antiques from my Aunt Ruth’s collection and the rocks are all polished and colorful.
But these aren’t just rocks. They represent a bowlful of treasured memories created with my dad. Markers of time spent together.
I’m Gem Fadling and it’s time for ICDT.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website and the Replenish Community.
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
In our book, What Does Your Soul Love?, I shared a few nuggets of wisdom from one of my mentors, Abbot David Geraets. But there’s one nugget I didn’t put into the book, and I’d like to offer it to you today. A nugget about silence.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Today I’m talking with my sweetheart and husband of 37 years, Alan Fadling, and we’ll be discussing unhurried spiritual leadership. This is Alan’s expertise and I want you to learn from the best.
Alan’s message has been forming over decades. And I’m sure you’ll hear echoes of things I’ve shared with you before. That’s because we’ve taken this journey together, and I count this as a great grace.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website and the Replenish Community.
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Connect with Alan and his latest book, A Year of Slowing Down.
I’ve enjoyed the treat of having many mentor-like people in my life who were ahead of me on the journey. They knew more than me and readily shared their knowledge and wisdom. They believed in me and my potential, and were willing to help draw me into the next season.
Maya Angelou once said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
It is certainly true that my mentors taught and trained me, but just as Ms. Angelou stated, what I remember the most is how they made me feel. Although there have been many who poured into me throughout my life, today I'm sharing with you three important people who touched and changed my life:
- Perla Warren
- Hal Clark
- Ellyn Cowie
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Here in the states, it’s Thanksgiving week. And it’s easy to become stressed or overwhelmed during the holidays. Every year we tell ourselves that we won’t get caught up in the scurry of the season, but difficult relationships and over-extended schedules press in. Then we find ourselves enduring the season rather than enjoying it.
Wrapped up inside all this is another lovely dynamic: decision fatigue.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Today I’m talking with Dr. Alison Cook and we’ll be discussing how to discover the BEST OF YOU (also the title of her latest book).
Dr. Alison delivers life-changing strategies for helping women develop their voices, forge healthy relationships, and embrace the holy, sacred work of becoming their true selves in God.
I’m sharing with you a portion of the conversation I had with Alison for our Replenish Community. She shares about the difference between selfishness and selfhood, which leads into a conversation about following the example of Jesus in the area of boundaries.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Have you ever experienced a moment when scripture came to life? More than just words on a page or a passage that you memorized, I’m talking about a time when reality-wisdom bowled you over. Well, today I’m sharing a time when scripture leapt off the page and overwhelmed me with the felt reality of its truth.
This week on I Can Do That! Podcast, I share how a reading in church changed how I view and receive scripture.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
A few years ago I was reading a book by Mary Pipher, entitled, Women Rowing North. In it, a notable epiphany is had by a woman named Sylvia, whose life took some unexpected turns. Pipher writes, “Sylvia in Austin has learned that she is in control not of life, but of the story about her life.“
The same time I was reading this book, I ran into some very unexpected and unwelcome travel issues. And I had to chance to try on this new insight. I have my own story to tell today, one about crafting renewed narratives.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
The voice of the inner critic is another voice from my new book Hold That Thought. The inner critic has an opinion about everything and she will be sure to tell you. The inner chatter produced by this voice leads to thoughts that can feel judgmental and can even lead to resentment. Here are a few of her choice thoughts: Why can’t you get this right? Couldn’t you have done better than that? Why do you always keep me waiting? Things could be so much better than this. You don’t look-sound-smell right. Fix it! Do better. Be more. And it had better be perfect!
Today, I’m talking with my friend, Marla Christian. She has a long history with the voice of the inner critic and I’m so glad she’s here to share with us today. We can glean a lot from her story.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
The voice of the stressed achiever has much to do. She likes to focus on accomplishments and she cares about the opinions of others. Never allowing a break, the stressed achiever keeps you driving forward. She’ll have nothing to do with laziness. But what hums underneath is a fear that she doesn’t exist apart from her accomplishments. These are her mantras: Staying busy proves my worth. The more I produce, the more I am. Someone must push this thing up the hill. Let’s get going!
Today, I’m talking with Morgan Northway. She has a before and after story of dealing with her inner stressed achiever and it is truly inspiring.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Most of the women I connect with have an interesting connection with their bodies. And that’s putting it mildly. It seems we either love her, hate her or ignore her. (Notice I didn’t call my body an it, but rather her). I know I’m playing around with semantics, but personalizing my body helps me not keep her at arms distance…like an object. Our bodies are God-created and given.
Many of us have suffered various forms of trauma over the course of our lives. And our bodies store the memory of these traumas inside. This is why we don’t want to ignore her messages.
Today I’m talking with Sarah Jackson and we’ll be discussing the idea of attuning to our bodies with awareness, understanding and care.
The connection between our minds and our bodies is undeniable. And even though the scientific world confirms this, practically speaking, we don’t always know how to make the most of this God-designed connection. Sarah is quite skilled at helping us make that connection.
Connect with Sarah on Instagram.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Today I’m sharing with you a very special story. It’s actually an excerpt from my new book, Hold That Thought. It’s my description of a pivotal scene from the movie Wonder Woman. I know…what can you learn from a superhero movie, right? Well, it turns out you can learn a lot. When you are open, aware and willing, there is no telling from where your next life lesson might emerge.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
On today’s podcast episode I’m sharing a little bit about each of the seven unhelpful voices that sometimes take the steering while of our lives.
At its core, each voice does not believe it already has what it needs. So, it finds a way to whisper (or yell) in your ear to get your attention. When they feel backed into a corner these voices may lash out. Here’s an example from each voice. See if you recognize any of these:
- Stressed Achiever - You haven’t achieved enough yet. You haven’t proved yourself. Get on it!
- Positive Thinker - You can’t possibly have everything yet. But I know how to get it. Let’s go!
- Inner Critic - It’s not perfect yet. We are going to get this right if it’s the last thing we do.
- Anxious Controller - You don’t have enough control. What if things go awry? What will happen then, huh?!
- Complaining Victim - That other person is keeping you from being happy. If they would just change, then you’d have what you need. Until then you are stuck.
- Passive Spectator - And you don’t know how to get it. You only have so much energy and we’ve got more important things to do like hide, be scared, and remain unfulfilled. That way you never have to be disappointed.
- Unsatisfied Heart - How could you possibly fill that giant void in your heart? There is no way to fill up this space, and even if you try there’s no way it will happen any time soon.
Seeing the voices this starkly can make us either laugh or cry. But when these unhelpful thoughts circle around in our brain, they seem very real—and they feel like the truth.
But remember what we said before, you are not your thoughts. These voices come from any number of places inside of us. Past traumas, unhealthy relationships and more cause us to self-protect. And these voices are really trying their best to keep us safe.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Today, my guest is Jennifer Dukes Lee. Jennifer’s most recent book is entitled, Growing Slow. I placed her here right up front on purpose. Her message is one I deeply believe in. How could I not? We are Unhurried Living after all.
The excerpt I chose for you this month is about wintering. If you think about the seasons of the year, most people don’t appreciate the view of a leafless tree, standing alone in the frozen tundra. But as you hear Jennifer describe what happens to farmland in winter, I hope you will feel encouraged deep down inside your soul. Even when you think nothing is happening…so much is actually taking place deep within.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Today, I’m sharing with you one of the mentor conversations from the first month of Replenish. You’ll get to hear from me, Brenda Renderos and Larissa Marks as we talk about some of the central paradigms of the formational life. This is the kind of content you can expect each month in Replenish. Real life conversations about important and profound matters.
Brenda Renderos is a soul care coach, and Larissa is a spiritual director and formation coach. They are both quite wise and gracious and I know you’ll hear this shine forth as we move through our conversation.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
I first want to talk to you about the word Replenish and why I love it so much. There are a lot of “R” words that I could have chosen: Rest, receive, recover, refill, or restore.
Replenish stands out because within it is the connotation of refilling that which was poured out. It assumes you are giving, serving and working. It is important for us to remember that these dynamics are concurrent. We keep ourselves fresh and replenished as we continue to serve and give.
No matter what your age or stage, I know you are engaging lots of output. Friends, family, work responsibilities--there is much to do. But if you’ve been listening here for long, you know me well enough to know that I believe deeply that you cannot continue to serve from an empty cup.
Replenishing is the idea of the pitcher and the cup. Imagine God as a pitcher of cold, refreshing water and he is constantly pouring. We, the cup, remain under that replenishing stream as we live our lives. John 15 would call this abiding.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Notice, discern and respond (NDR). Three simple words. And yet they take time and intention. Today’s I Can Do That! episode is like a mini-workshop. I’m not just going to chatter away at you. Instead, you can take action on a thought right now, as we move through this together.
This is about telling ourselves the truth. Critical, shaming or numbing thoughts do not help us mature the way we desire. We are simply becoming more aware of our thoughts so that they don’t run the show and keep us from engaging life the way we want to.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Over the last few years I’ve been consoled many times by this phrase: you already have what you need. It comes straight from 2 Peter 1:3 and the Spirit reminded me of its power during a particularly stressful season. It’s now an ongoing life-paradigm for me.
I thought it might be nice if we spent a little time in 2 Peter, lingering over these words slowly. Savoring them like a fine chocolate.
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. (2 Peter 1:3) .
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book,Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
In the early part of my life I'd like to think that I was a relatively functional and intelligent participant in my own life. And I was. I got married, I held down a job, and we began a family. I enjoyed a large community and a wonderful life.
However, under the surface, I didn't really have access to my own, individual voice. There was a kind of holy confidence missing. Self-doubt and anxiety often ruled the day. And I knew little of boundaries.
I now enjoy a major shift of focus. I know who I am in God and a holy confidence has emerged. I feel more solid inside because I stand more firmly on who God says I am. My confidence comes from him. This holy confidence feels like being in flow most of the time.
Sure, I still struggle just like all of us do in day-to-day ways. However, in a central place inside myself I stand in this holy confidence. And I move forward in flow.
There is obviously more to the story here. How did I get from there to here? Well, I unpack all of this more in today’s episode.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website
Learn about and pre-order her new book,Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads
Today we are talking about thoughts. We begin with "You are not your thoughts. You have thoughts."
The first time I heard this I, of course, understood every single word. And yet it seemed like a foreign concept to me. What do you mean I'm not my thoughts? They're in my head, it's my voice, of course it's me!
Another way of saying this is: You are more than your thoughts. You have thoughts. But you are not your thoughts. This is such a freeing insight. Because it means you have the choice to move toward objectivity when you notice certain thoughts floating through your brain. Especially the unhelpful ones.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that has unhelpful thoughts. Anxiety-producing, control-enacting, fear-inducing, judgment-oriented thoughts. These are not my best move, but isn’t it easy to slide into these dynamics?
Once I understood that I was not my thoughts and that I have thoughts, I realized I was able to make a choice. But this is harder than it looks. Sure, I could make a choice, but there are many steps between where I am now and a whole new way of behaving.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
Picture this...you are at the gym and you’re getting ready to lift some weights. It’s been a while, but you’ve decided to go for it. The barbell is in your hands and you are prepared to lift it up over your head.
But before you do so, a guy walks over to you and says, “I bet you can lift more than that. Here, let me help you.” You protest, but he insists and then he proceeds to add 20 more pounds to each side. And then he just walks away, no cheering you on, and no coaching.
You try to lift the barbell but it won’t budge. What you thought was going to be a profitable time of exercise just turned into a dead-weight hit and run that stalls your workout.
The dynamic of control is like those extra 40 pounds--extra, unnecessary weight. Control can take an otherwise regular situation and turn it into an un-liftable challenge.
And the irony is that we are that guy who added the extra weight. We do it to ourselves!
Bearing up under the weight of control takes its toll. We find we are unable to keep going while carrying the world on our shoulders. Much of the stress in our lives is caused by expectations, as well as trying to control situations so they turn out the way we think they should.
What would it look like to give up control?
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
We are living at a time when rampant contempt and disregard for humanity fill our daily newsfeeds. This is not limited to North America or Western culture; it’s occurring worldwide. We don’t even hear all of the terrible things that are happening, but what we do hear is now beyond unbearable.
Like so many others who are speaking out about this problem, I don’t have easy answers. So, from my heart, I am asking that we continue to be people of blessing.
We can be present in our own very real lives. Day by day. Moment by moment. We can bridle our own tongue, monitor our own anger, and guard our own heart. And we can will the good of another—one person at a time.
Dallas Willard has said that a “blessing is the projection of good into the life of another. It isn’t merely words. It is the actual putting forth of your will for the good of another person. It always involves God. Only God is capable of bringing good to another. We naturally say, ‘God bless you,’ and that’s right. You bless someone when you will their good by invoking God on their behalf. This is the nature of blessing. God wants us to receive blessing from Him and extend it to others.”
- Right now, recall and savor one way God has blessed you.
- Out of gratitude for that blessing, what might it look like for you to put forth your will for the good of another person today?
God is present. He loves you. Let that overflow, and be a blessing.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
If you are in the middle of a season of change, you likely feel out of place, neither here nor there. You feel the need for some fresh air, some energy to keep going.
If you are at the end of a season of change, you may be tired. You desire to celebrate, but you can’t keep your eyes open. Plus, the next project is looming before you and you don’t know if you have time to celebrate.
Here is a passage on which you can hang your hat no matter what stage of your process you are in. It’s from Isaiah 26:7-9, The Message…
The path of right-living people is level.
The Leveler evens the road for the right-living.
We’re in no hurry, God. We’re content to linger
in the path sign-posted with your decisions.
Who you are and what you’ve done
are all we’ll ever want.
Through the night my soul longs for you.
Deep from within me my spirit reaches out to you.
When your decisions are on public display,
everyone learns how to live right.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
Over the years, as I engaged in various forms of group exercise, I’ve collected some helpful tips from many fitness instructors. I’ve been able to narrow some of these ideas into an acronym that may help you formationally.
Many of the same principles that grow us physically can also be translated into our formational inner work.
So let’s take a look at ARC: Ability, Rhythm and Core.
- ABILITY - Start where you are.
- RHYTHM - Engage healthy rhythms.
- CORE - Let your believing become knowing through practice.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
What would it look like for you to slow down your inner pace as you converse with someone else? Here are five ways you can practice being present and listening to another person:
Begin to quiet your mind as you listen. We all have distractions, but begin to practice setting aside your own inner whirlwind for a bit. Let the life of the person in front of you come to center stage. Quiet your own mind and tune in to what they are saying. Be at rest in their presence.
Let God’s love for the person enter into your heart. This is the time for empathy. Remind yourself that this person is loved by God exactly as they are. Let God’s reality become yours. As you listen, let your heart fill with love for them. Whatever they share, you know that God is already there. God is accomplishing His work in their life. You can become a conduit for God’s love by opening yourself to God as you listen.
Resist the temptation to problem-solve. It is easy for us to move directly into problem-solving or advice-giving mode. Watch out for this tendency. Most people truly just need to be heard. As they are talking things out, they often stumble upon their own solution. Even if they don’t, your humble, listening ear is still a gift they may not find anywhere else. Don’t rob them of the beauty of simply sharing their life.
Think about what God might have on His heart for the person. Listening to the person and at the same time listening to God—this is an art form we can learn. As you listen, remain open to the heart of God. How might God feel toward this person? What might God desire for their life?
Respond with invitations and questions. When you respond, try to do so in a way that shows you really heard them. Let your response be filtered through the question “What would God desire for them?” For example, you could replace “You know what you should do…” with “What is God inviting you to in this situation?” Give them space to thoughtfully respond.
Listening can help us learn that we do not always have to be “on” or fix other people. The Lord Himself is working His own processes in each of our lives. We can learn to be true friends, mentors, & influencers as we cooperate with Him.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
"So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t." (Romans 12:5, MSG)
"Love one another from the center of who you are…" (Romans 12:9, MSG)
I now often use these verses as I prepare I speak to a group. I remind myself to embrace and to be who I am, without qualification.
I get to be exactly who I was made to be.
And I remember that I get to love those in front of me from the center of who I am. What a treat. What a privilege! And, to borrow a phrase, I can do that!
This is an Unhurried Living way of serving. I serve from my authentic self and I love from the center of that place.
So much freer than trying to pretend I am something I am not and trying to impress those I am teaching.
I prefer authenticity and love over pretending and impressing.
If you are suffering from situational anxiety today, remind yourself that you are loved, that you get to be exactly who you are, and that you can love from the center of your deepest place.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
You, too, do not have to pretend or impress. You can give your best and leave the outcomes to God.
In our book, What Does Your Soul Love?, I shared the story of how I was learning photography at the same time as I was in the midst of a dark night of the soul.
At the time, and to this day, I carry within me the principles and metaphors of photography as a paradigm for my life. There are many connections here between photography, presence and perspective. I’d like to share three with you now.
-
Look for the light.
-
Remember the rule of three.
-
Choose where to focus.
Listen to today's I Can Do That Podcast as I unpack all three of these dynamics.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
I’ve been a spiritual director and coach for many women over many years. There are common themes that have arisen in that time.
One prevalent theme I bump into over and over is this: Women tend to think there is something wrong with them if they are not progressing quickly through their current situation.
Whether it’s a difficult work situation, a troubled relational issue, a period of extended grief, or any formational dynamic, most are convinced that quickly is the only reasonable and truly healthy way forward. This is usually an unconscious bias that goes unnoticed until you say some things out loud and look at them a little closer.
What’s the rush? Let go of the need to get over it and to continue a production-line mentality. This takes courage and hope, but in the long run you will have participated in your own transformational process.
You are being shaped more and more into the image of Christ. How long might that take? Breathe. Feel. Cooperate with the invitations set before you. It’s counter cultural, but this isn’t a race and no one is grading you.
Allow yourself the gift of grace. Grace of pacing. Grace of process. Grace of permission.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
As a person of influence, you may be tempted to move ahead more quickly than your people can move. Be sure they sense you are with them in their journey, that you aren’t trying to drag them forward at your pace.
If you are accompanying someone on their journey right now, notice if you are allowing them the dignity to set their own pace. Are there any adjustments you need to make as you accompany them?
Relationship is more important than achievement.
And, if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone else’s grace, it’s ok to receive that gift from them. If you need more time, that’s ok. The fact that you are still pedaling means something. You aren’t giving up and you will get to your destination.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
Often, when I talk about Unhurried Time with God, I offer that the reason we do it is because Jesus himself did it. Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray. He got in touch with the Father so he could find out what to do, and more importantly, who he was.
Jesus said that the works he did were the Father’s works and the words he spoke were the Father’s words. How else did he know what to do and say except for time spent in God’s presence?
Wouldn’t it be great for someone to look at your life and work and exclaim, “Wow! That looks exactly like Jesus. I can’t distinguish between the two of you because you are so much alike.” How might we copy our Master so that our work is indistinguishable from his? What amount and kind of time does that take?
Ask yourself: What sorts of practices are conducive to receiving the love, mentorship, and guidance of Jesus? What does apprenticeship to Jesus look like in your current season?
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn even more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.
A few of our deepest needs are to be seen, known and heard. Some of us can share our hidden spaces directly with God. Others may need to make their way to God with the help of trusted friends, spiritual directors, coaches or counselors. Either way is beautiful because it means you are becoming more whole.
So…show it all to God. Tell it like it is. It’s already happening and God knows about it. You are not hiding just because you have your hands over your eyes. That toddler game of peek-a-boo is cute with a little one, but it is exhausting for us if we continue to play it as an adult.
Find the freedom you desire. Take that next small, simple and gracious step forward. The one that you can see. Don’t worry about all of the other steps. The grace for each of those will be there when you get there.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her programs at the Unhurried Living website.
“Unnatural, frantic, anxious work, work done under pressure of greed or fear or any other inordinate passion, cannot properly speaking be dedicated to God, because God never wills such work directly.” (Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation, p. 19)
These words are a direct blow to my anxiety. Frantic work is never God’s invitation. Simply being reminded of this can be enough to quell the low hum of anxiety.
If I know anything about myself it’s this: I want all that I do to be dedicated to God. And if anything stands in the way of that, I want to stop doing it as soon as I am able.
So I’ll sink further into this reality: “The Lord is my shepherd. I have everything I need.”
The ways of Jesus are found in the Great Commandment, the Fruit of the Spirit, the Sermon on the Mount, Psalm 23, and more. We do not see Jesus moving frantically or anxiously.
Even with all of his interactions, he always shared underlying dynamic: “I do what the Father is doing. I say what the Father is saying.” He always knew what he was about and he felt no need to push or to burn the fuel of anxiety. Jesus was not frantic.
Identify an area of your life in which you are moving frantically or anxiously. Remember, as Merton said, God never wills such work. How might you make an inner shift that leads to working from a non-anxious heart?
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn about her at the Unhurried Living website.
Wherever I go, do I act as though I should be there or am I held back by self-doubt? Do I enter with holy confidence or am I hamstrung by fear? Do I engage with assured presence or am I pressed down by anxiety?
What if a “Beloved child of God” ticket was in my hand and I could use it at will. Like an eternal park hopper pass at Disneyland. Or like a never-ending entrance to the Cathedral in Florence.
Of course, I don’t need to wonder—because I am a beloved child of God. Jesus assures me of this. It isn’t in question.
How about this: the next time you stand on the threshold of a new opportunity, and fear raises its ugly head, look down into your hand and see your “Beloved child of God” ticket. Then proceed to enter in like any ticket holder would.
The next time you need to set a healthy boundary, look down into your hand, see your ticket, remember you are loved, and then continue to make your way.
The next time you want to enter more deeply into an unhurried way of life, and anxiety about your value-apart-from-production pops up, notice the ticket in your hand, and move forward.
Confidence in my belovedness can be at least as sure as when I hold a ticket to a concert and I know I’ll get in the door.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn about her programs at the Unhurried Living website.
Over the years I have grown tired of my own inner dialogue—whether I am doing the right things, being the right things, saying the right things, accomplishing the right things. And not simply in regard to my outer work life but also my inner spiritual life. I have worn myself out with shoulds and ought-tos.
What my heart truly seeks is peace. What it truly seeks is love. My simple, sighing prayer is, “I just want to be in Your love.”
Might that be your prayer too?
How does your heart long for God’s love?
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her on Unhurried Living Website.
God is saying that even if a mother were to forget her children (which she won’t), God will never forget us. God is doubling down on how much he wants us to know that he will never withhold his love for us. God’s compassion is sure and you will not be forgotten.
This is important for us to hold onto as we continue to make our way through our lives. Life is difficult enough, let alone the last couple of years with the added strain of the pandemic. The weight has been, at time, unbearable for many.
In the midst of this is this vital message: You are not forgotten.
Which means that you are remembered with compassion. Let’s hold onto this truth and let it change us from the inside out.
Connect with Gem on Instagram or learn more about her at the Unhurried Living website.
If you are in deep pain and are waiting in the process, Holy Saturday is the day on the church calendar when you are deeply, lovingly acknowledged. Waiting is real. The loss is real.
The disciples did not know about the resurrection to come the next day. They only knew their grief and loss.
We are here and now. We know how the story continues. Resurrection did come. But today we will sit in the unknowing, the loss, the confusion.
Let yourself be seen in this place. Give yourself permission to grieve. It's ok to await resurrection, but don't miss the beauty of the waiting.
Since this is Holy Week, I’m walking us briefly through the three movements of this weekend.
Dying. Waiting. Rising.
You can read and download this episode on the Unhurried Living blog so you can follow along and reflect on each day Holy Week.
I wonder if you, like me, had a small handful of childhood dreams. It might time to reflect back on them. See if you can uncover your heart’s desire inside a child’s wish. You may just find your next steps in the hands of your inner child. Tucked within may be keys to how you might want to express yourself even now.
Here’s your “I Can Do That!” for this week:
Take a few minutes this week to reflect on your childhood career choices, or even just any memories you have of childhood dreams. Notice if there is an aspect of that in you right now. How might you want to express that more fully here and now in your adult life?
Remember, you’re making your way forward one small, simple and gracious step at a time.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your life? Do you ever feel like you’re under a pile and there is no way to dig out? At this point, these are silly questions because we’ve been under a lot of strain the last couple of years. Many people feel pushed beyond their limits.
I’ve noticed that my own negative thoughts and expectations can add another layer of weight when things aren’t going well. I burden my already heavy heart with should’s and self-judgments. This is easy to slide into when we are sick or when life throws a curveball or something unexpected at us. We lose our bearings and grasp for a lifeline.
If you find yourself feeling stressed or overwhelmed, let me offer you an image. I don’t want to preach about this or give easy advice about how to make your situation better. I simply want to offer an invitation to soak in the reality of being surrounded-- of finding refuge.
Listen now on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app.
Connect with Gem on Instagram @gemfadling or learn more about her on the Unhurried Living website.
Your first tooth…
Your first day of kindergarten…
Your first car…
Your first kiss…
Your first home.
Life is full of firsts. We spend our lifetime taking first steps that lead to growing up and maturing into functioning adults.
Along the way, our souls are taking first steps as well. The first time we heard about God. The first time we heard the name of Jesus. The first time we saw an answer to prayer. The first time we acted on His behalf, in the care of another. And, yes, the first time it all came crashing down around us.
Today, I’d like to share with you three of my firsts. Turning points in my relationship with and understanding of God.
Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her coaching and community groups.
When was the last time you had a leisurely conversation? Do you find yourself talking fast, and cutting people short so that you can get on with whatever you were doing? It’s not your fault, it’s in the cultural air we breathe.
We may assume that others are busy and we are likely in their way. Or we think the same about ourselves: I don’t have time for this!
Most people these days don’t have someone who just simply listens to them. Many are over-connected on tech gadgets and yet are starving relationally. Listening is one very practical gift we can give to our fellow travelers that may soothe their soul.
Connect with Gem in a variety of ways:
Instagram
Facebook
Unhurried Living
Replenish Community
Hebrews 11:1 says, “The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living.”
So, if you are in a place of ongoing inner healing:
- How might you honor and respect where you are?
- What does waiting look like for you in this season?
- What are some ways your “faith roots” can sink even deeper into God in the midst?
And, if you are walking alongside someone else who is in a place of ongoing inner healing:
- How might you honor and respect where they are?
- How might Hebrews 11:1 inform how you pray for them?
- How might you be a listening (with a non-fixing) ear as they process their not-yet state?
We invite you to connect with Gem Fadling via Instagram and Facebook, or learn more about and connect with her Replenish community.
One of my favorite Dallas Willard quotes is this:
“The path of spiritual growth in the riches of Christ is not a passive one. Grace is not opposed to effort. It is opposed to earning. Effort is action. Earning is attitude. You have never seen people more active than those who have been set on fire by the grace of God.” (CHRISTIAN HERALD (U.K.) 14 APRIL 2001.)
That’s good stuff, isn’t it?
People often mistake an unhurried life as one of shorter to do lists and greater passivity. That is absolutely not the case. We continue to point to Jesus as our WAY of life. Jesus engaged a full and active life, but he was not hurried. Likewise, we can be outwardly active and inwardly unhurried.
This gets to the idea of “effort as action” that Willard suggests. We need not earn anything. This is the grace about which Willard speaks. The wider context of this quote is grace, but I’d like to focus for a moment on the specific idea of “effort” under grace. What does that look like?
Connect with Gem on Instagram or visit her at the Unhurried Living website.
If you’ve walked in snow you know the feeling of being the first to step in the untouched wonder. As we enjoyed our winter walk, we came up on a patch that felt a little unwieldy to me. So I asked Alan if he would go ahead of me and test out the path first. That’s a great wife move, right?!
As I looked down at the path that Alan was creating for me with his big boots, a random thought about leadership slipped into my mind. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was the spirit sharing with me an early life lesson.
Enjoy this episode of I Can Do That!
Follow Gem on Instagram or learn more about her at Unhurried Living
In episode #2 of this podcast I introduced the posture of transformation: open, aware and willing. (Or OAW for short). Today I’d like to look at the humble way of transformation. And it’s three words you hear me say at the end of every episode: small, simple and gracious.
When it comes to change, herculean moves rarely keep us on the path. Sure, we may have some audacious goals. I know I do. But how do you reach a goal? You take one step at a time.
Especially if you are working on your inner growth process. Changing old patterns is a long and, at times, arduous road. That’s why we go slow and we keep it small, simple and gracious.
Today I’m offering five simple dynamics to engage as we move into 2022. And, I know, I’ve used a corny rhyming pattern for them, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m hoping this helps you retain what I’m sharing.
It’s time to…
Feel
Get real
Kneel
Heal
Make a deal
I told you it was a corny rhyme. But there is nothing corny about taking care of yourself, body, mind and soul.
Follow Gem on IG @gemfadling or learn more about her work at Unhurried Living (maybe even join her in a community or coaching group).
Well, we’ve made it through 2021. I don’t know about you, but this year seemed to fly by compared to 2020. Time is funny, isn’t it. It’s actually moving along at the same pace all the time, and yet our perception of it shifts.
We haven’t figured out how to stop time…yet, but I’d like to offer a practice that can help you capture more meaning out of the time you have. This is a great end of the year process and it’s very simple.
A few years ago I was listening to an interview with public radio personality, Ira Glass. He was talking about the process of good storytelling. And it all came down to two words:
ACTION and REFLECTION
This makes sense, right? We do something and then we reflect on it. We act and then we ponder the action’s meaning. But here’s the thing…we aren’t a very reflective society and most of the time reflection falls by the wayside.
Learn more about Gem on the Unhurried Living website and follow her on Instagram.
Love is our focus as this is now the fourth week of Advent. I trust over the course of our Advent weeks together you have enjoyed sinking further into the love of God, the grace of Jesus and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Is your heart a little more ready to celebrate the birth of Jesus?
Today I simply invite you to enjoy another imaginative prayer. We’re going to picture ourselves at the beach, my favorite place. And we’re going to engage the invitation to drink deeply of God’s all-encompassing love.
Learn more about Gem on the Unhurried Living website and follow her on Instagram.
We’re in the Advent week of joy. This is our third week of sinking into the season by experiencing a spiritual practice together. Let’s keep ourselves grounded in our Wonderful Counselor, mighty God, everlasting Father and prince of peace.
On today’s episode I’ll guide you through the Carry Prayer as you bring your need for healing to Jesus.
Learn more about Gem on the Unhurried Living website and follow her on Instagram.
This is the second week of Advent and our focus is peace. Over the course of Advent I’m sharing one helpful spiritual practice per week to help us stay centered on the season.
Today we are going to try on a practice called SLOW. SLOW stands for stop, linger, observe and wonder. You can use SLOW right there in the middle of a busy day. This idea first came to mind when I would catch myself feeling stressed but didn’t really know why. Sometimes it’s just a habit I carry. So I would stop, drop my shoulders and try to become present in the moment. SLOW emerged from my own need to choose a different way to make my way through my day.
As we focus on peace this week, I do pray that SLOW will help you lower your shoulders, as again, we learn to let go and receive what the Prince of Peace offers to us.
Let’s try SLOWing together.
Learn more about Gem on the Unhurried Living website and follow her on Instagram.
This is the first week of Advent and for the next few weeks, we’ll walk together toward the birth of Christ, culminating on Christmas Day.
For this season of Advent, I thought it would be good to share a few helpful spiritual practices. So we’ll engage hope, peace, joy and love in this way for the next four weeks. More than teaching these practices, we will experience them together.
On today’s episode we’ll experience the Practice of Unpacking.
Enjoy this and the entire Advent series. I also invite you to connect with me via social on Instagram and at the Unhurried Living website.
Today, on the I Can Do That Podcast, we’re talking about the symptoms of exhaustion.
It’s easy to miss hints that you might need to ease up and rest. So today I wanted to briefly list a few symptoms that may reveal your level of tiredness.
- You find yourself complaining a lot. You’re bugged by everything.
- You have a decreased ability to concentrate. Brain fog is diminishing your focus.
- You have a shorter fuse. You notice your angry outbursts are increasing or intensifying.
- You find that your creativity is waning. The well feels dried up.
- You find that your numbing habits are increasing (eating, drinking, shopping, media).
This is not an exhaustive list and these ideas are merely anecdotal and are not prescriptive. Even though there may be a cluster of reasons why you are experiencing these dynamics, tiredness is usually one of them.
Listen to today’s episode which includes 11 very practical ideas for bringing a bit of rest or refreshment into your days.
You can connect with Gem at unhurriedliving.com/gem and on Instagram @gemfadling
Sometimes we imagine that the in between parts are unimportant. We only live for the big and notable moments. And, typically, these are the moments we post on social media. Social media can be a place where we curate our own version of quick transitions, showing the best and moving our story along.
But most of our life is in the in-between. That’s why presence and being in the moment matters. It can be easy to waste time or numb ourselves in those moments if we think they are just filler.
Rather than doing quick transitions through life, remind yourself that every moment matters because every moment is a moment
with
God. The in-between matters. The in between is where the people are and it’s where life happens.
This is a continuation of the conversation we began last week. So, let’s return to the word I mentioned in the last episode…receptivity. Receptivity isn’t discussed much these days. We are typically more concerned with activity - what we’re producing or how much we’re achieving more often rises to the surface of our conversations.
But receptivity is critical for the work of the soul. Openness, listening, letting go, embracing, presence: these are all more accessible in unhurried time with God.
For me, this looks like setting aside time and going somewhere conducive. I prefer to walk or sit in nature. Nature helps me naturally slide into receptive mode as I enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of the ocean, or the tree covered paths of a local park. Then I drop my agenda and move through the time with open heart and open hands.
Let’s make our way through planning and engaging Unhurried Time with God. These ideas are as practical as it gets.
Without question, there is one spiritual practice that has been the most central to my soul’s formation. In fact, I have been engaging this practice for over half my life and I have not experienced it the same way twice.
Here at Unhurried Living we call it Unhurried Time with God. But it is classically known as solitude and silence. I realize the term solitude and silence might sound a little daunting or intimidating. But really, it’s simply a matter of setting aside some extended time (one or more hours) to place yourself into attentive, receptive mode in God’s presence. It's a time to remind yourself you are a human being and not a human doing. But mostly it’s a time to be open to God’s love.
Next week I’ll offer part two of this conversation so I can share with you the nuts and bolts of how you might engage Unhurried Time with God. But today I just want to share a personal story of one encounter I experienced, how it unfolded, and the insights I gained. It’s good to remember that no two Unhurried Time’s with God are the same. The agenda is not ours to determine. We simply make the time, choose the location, and remain open to God’s presence. This is simply one story of many I could tell as I did just that.
Today I’m introducing the process of Notice, Discern, & Respond (or NDR). NDR is a supremely helpful progression for change, especially in terms of our thoughts. Once you become familiar with this simple idea, it can be an underlying way of life as you engage your own thoughts and feelings as well as your transformational journey.
The beauty of NDR is that it helps you make the move away from reacting and into the more helpful mode of responding. Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, says it this way:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
I’m suggesting that NDR is one process you can engage in that space.
Hope is a deep and strong dynamic. I believe that deep down, we all have access to this gift. However, for many of us, it gets buried underneath the hard knocks of life. And yet hope gets uncovered, over time, as we make our way through our circumstances. Hope is that beautiful combination of two more life-giving dynamics: with and through. And, more importantly, it’s with and through with God.
Today, on the I Can Do That Podcast, I’ll be sharing some of my personal stories of loss and how I made my way to hope THROUGH the circumstances.
Today, on the I Can Do That Podcast, we are talking about love. I realize it’s pretty audacious to think I can discuss this subject in a 10-minute podcast. Let me assure you, I am in no way covering the depths of God’s love or what it means to give and receive love. I am simply layering another part of our foundation.
But I’m not going to talk about a prancing through the daffodils kind of love. I told you that we’re combining grounded optimism with practical spirituality and I meant it. This means, in part, that we try to explore as best we can (even large topics like love) and then take appropriate action based on our current understanding. Is this a perfect science? No. Is this a work in progress? Definitely yes.
I’d like to propose an idea right up front here. Can we acknowledge that 100% of the time we do not know 100% of the story? I know this may be jarring to some of us. I, personally, like to think that I always know what’s going on. I’m an excellent mind-reader and an astounding predictor of outcomes. I hope you can tell that my tongue is firmly planted in cheek.
We don’t actually know 100% of any situation, do we? After we settle into that level of humility, a beautiful dynamic can emerge: curiosity. Curiosity then leads to asking good questions, broadening our view and deepening our understanding.
Today, on the I Can Do That Podcast, we’re talking about curiosity.
If you could see me right now you would notice that my hair is at least four different colors. I tried easing into my grey hair last year about three months into the pandemic. “This is the perfect time,” I thought. But then, as it grew out, I began to doubt the aging process and decided to color again.
Well, last November I decided to go for it one more time. So about four inches from my roots down is a wonderful mix of white and black, and the rest is a couple of shades of brown. Fortunately, from the front, it works and I look like I have some nice white highlights on the edges.
What does my hair color have to do with anything? Well, today, on the I Can Do That Podcast, we are talking about transition. I hope you’ll join me.
Picture this. I’m in Hawaii enjoying some wave jumping near the shoreline. It’s all going fine until a sudden, rogue wave comes in behind me and sends me into a spin. Arms and legs are now flying and my prescription sunglasses are knocked off and lost forever. A moment of play turns into a nose full of water and an unexpected scare.
Do you ever feel like this in your life? You’re just out there trying to enjoy the waves of relationships and responsibilities. And all of a sudden, a big one rolls in and crashes into you. But…with water up your nose, and a little discombobulated, you gather yourself and head back out, ready to try again.
Today on the I Can Do That Podcast we are talking about overwhelm and how we might come up for some air.
“I don’t have time for this!” I gritted my teeth and barked at my then 5-year-old son. I was in a hurry to get somewhere and my son had forgotten his shoes in the house. He ran to get them as I fumed.
As I pulled out of the driveway, my exclamation haunted me, I don’t have time for this? I was a stay-at-home mom at the time. If I didn’t have time to care for my sons, what in the world did I have time for? That moment began a work in my heart to change my orientation to time.
Today, on the I Can Do That Podcast, we’ll gain a refreshed vision of time…one that doesn’t leave us feeling pressured.
In our book, What Does Your Soul Love?, in addition to the 8 powerful questions, I offer a Process for Transformation, nine simple dynamics for change. Today I want to talk about the first three dynamics that make up the Posture of Transformation.
The Posture of Transformation is about your inner stance toward change itself. It’s good to check in on this because it’s one thing to want to grow and change in general, or in a particular area of your life. It’s another to be truly open to all of what it takes to engage the change.
Welcome to the first episode of ICDT! I’m glad you’re leaning in right from the beginning! I’m looking forward to growing together!
The energy that gave birth to this podcast really emerged from my own need for keeping things simple. Life can, of course, be complicated. But we can learn to nurture an unhurried heart. We can adjust our inner pace so that we become responders rather than reactors to the flurry around us. I’m so looking forward to walking with you week by week as we explore this together.
So, let’s begin at the beginning, with the very title of this podcast: What does I can do that mean and how will it help?
Introducing I Can Do That! with spiritual formation coach and author, Gem Fadling. As a founding partner of Unhurried Living and with 30 years’ experience in spiritual formation, Gem helps people grow by combining grounded optimism with practical spirituality. This effective dynamic will guide you onto the path of discernment so that you can transform your desires into habits. In each episode Gem will share one practical idea, with one simple takeaway. Together, we’ll grow at the pace of transformation, and you’ll move into your day, saying to yourself, “I can do that!”
The first three episodes drop on Monday, September 13. Follow I Can Do That! right now so you’ll get every episode as soon as it releases. And text this to a friend so they can join you on the path of transformation. Listen for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.