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He had the dream job. The title. The access. LeBron. Kobe. Kevin Durant. And he walked away.

JURY spent years as a Nike director leading entertainment collaborations and Basketball apparel — one of the most coveted creative roles in the industry. Then he quit the dream job to rap.

But this isn’t a story about following your passion. It’s about what happens when the job that was supposed to be everything starts costing you everything else — your creativity, your identity, and the version of yourself you actually want to become.

In this episode of Going Up, JURY breaks down:

• Why he suppressed his music for years to “crush it” in corporate

• The moment he realized a dream job and a dream life are not the same thing

• How he turned his taste level into a business model — and what that actually looks like financially

• Navigating a major career leap with a spouse and a mortgage

• What ambition really costs (and why he thinks it’s worth it anyway)

• The LinkedIn take that will probably make someone’s feelings hurt

If you’ve ever hit a milestone that was supposed to feel like arrival — and it didn’t — this one is for you.

🎙️ Guest: JURY — Artist, Creative Director, Former Nike Director of Entertainment Collaborations

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Welcome back to Lunch Break, a weekly newsletter to help you create a work life that works for you. Brought to you by the Pivot With Purpose framework.

If someone forwarded you this email, go on and subscribe!

What do you get when you mix sales savvy, powerful relationship building, and an anti-authority streak? Ask TJ Bonaventura. After graduating with a degree in Sports Management, TJ joined the wild west of tech sales, working at startups and large firms you've definitely heard of. He sought out external education and checked off all of the boxes to grow through the ranks of the tech world... until it just wasn't fulfilling anymore. Sound familiar? TJ tells me about the billboard ad that changed his career trajectory, the new career strategy that was born from his enterprise acumen, and the specific steps he took to pivot out of Big Tech into media and entrepreneurship, founding his successful company StudioPod.

We talk about:

• Going above and beyond to move up in his role, only to realize it wasn't fulfilling anymore

• How TJ blended his past experiences to solve a unique problem in the podcast space

• Why decided NOT to get an MBA before pivoting

PS- Have you applied for the Fall cohort of Pivot With Purpose? You have 13 days left to lock in the Founders’ Rate and grab the Fast Track bundle packed with the templates, scripts, and expert sessions you need to make a meaningful career pivot ASAP. Click here to apply now! →

Janel Abrahami, Founder

📲 Screenshot & share your favorite part of this issue and tag @janelabrahami

🍱 IN THE LUNCHBOX (curated recommendations)

READ: When to Jump by Mike Lewis

Credited in TJ’s career pivot process, this collection of real-life pivot stories will pull back the curtain on what it takes to make a change. Featuring 40 examples of big and small career changes, from founders to athletes to doctors and travelers.

BRAINSTORM: Ideal Day Mad Lib Generator

I stumbled upon this unassuming generator during my “CEO Retreat” in Chicago earlier this summer. Essentially, you follow a series of bite-sized prompts to suss out what an ideal (yet realistic) day in your life can look like. You’ll get an email in six months with a reminder, helping you see how much progress you’ve made in pursuit of time well spent.

USE: Stalogy Editor’s Series Notebook- A5

Is there anything more satisfying than filling up a notebook? I just ran through my last page of this perfect notebook and should have planned further in advance to buy another one! Gridded pages, smooth paper, deliciously sleek exterior. 10/10.

🍿 SNICKY-SNACKS (more from Janel + team)

• Are you the system’s b***h? Here’s how to find out →

• Here’s what I loved (and didn’t love) about going to grad school in London →

• For anyone who’s stuck in Zombie Mode →

📌 COOL JOB

Title: Client Partner

Company: Course Studio

Location: Remote, North America

Description: Course Studio is looking for a Client Partner to support our efforts in creating the world’s best online learning experiences. In this position you'll work in tandem with our Project Management team to ensure that projects are delivered successfully, clients are happy, and our team is proud of their work. Relationships are at the heart of this role and you take pride in your ability to be a trusted advisor to clients. You will support the growth of Course Studio by nurturing key accounts, looking for future opportunities with existing clients, and strategizing ways to strengthen our service offering.

Apply here

Want to support this movement?

📲 Screenshot your favorite part & share on IG stories or TikTok tagging @janelabrahami

💌 Forward this letter to a friend!

☕ If you’re feeling super generous, you can buy the team a coffee!

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Welcome back to Lunch Break, a weekly newsletter to help you create a work life that works for you. Brought to you by the Pivot With Purpose framework.

If someone forwarded you this email, go on and subscribe!

The last week of the month means… Career Therapy is in session! This monthly series is dedicated to answering your burning career questions- from coworker drama to culture battles to the everyday existential crises. Nothing’s off-limits, so let’s dive right in.

✨ “I’m trying to move out of my current job and into something more meaningful, but I always feel like I’m taking one step forward and two steps back. What am I doing wrong?” -Anonymous

This just might be my most-asked question so far in 2022.

There are two main reasons you might feel like you’re not making progress in your career pivot: lack of clarity, or a weak strategy.

If it’s lack of clarity, know this: investing time upfront into pinpointing what you’re looking for in your next role and where your skills and interests intersect will save you much more time and effort in your job search- guaranteed.

If it’s a weak strategy hold you back, make sure these three pillars of a successful job search are always in flight:

Applications 🤝 Your Candidate Brand 🤝 Strategic Networking

Only sending out applications and hitting “Easy Apply” on LinkedIn is a super passive way to spend months of your life. But you want to be proactive about your career growth, right? Then you’ve got to flex your specific candidate brand on LinkedIn and tap into your strategic network to uncover the hidden job market (ie. the 70-80% of available jobs that are never posted online).

When you keep all three pillars in play, you’re never starting from scratch.

(PS: Want the career clarity blueprint and a personalized pivot plan? It’s waiting for you in PWP.)

✨ “I’m starting an interview process with multiple rounds- is it OK to use the same answer if I get similar questions? For example, if more than one interviewer asks a question about strategy, should I keep my answer the same to show consistency, or tweak it to show breadth of thought?” -Marlee

You’re right on track, Marlee. It’s totally OK to keep your responses the same for the most part. It makes sense, right? Your overall point of view shouldn’t change based on who you’re speaking with.

What does change, though, is the specific part of your POV that matters most to your audience. Your strategy roadmap doesn’t need to change, but the different features, benefits, and considerations you choose highlight will, depending on what the person you’re talking to cares about most.

Ask yourself: what questions would different cross-functional partners have about this strategy? Prepare for those diverse questions ahead of time, and you’re golden!

✨ “Are those websites that make your resume ATS-friendly worth it?” -Nathalie*

Honestly? Not in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, using job-specific keywords in your resume and LinkedIn is important. You can do this through my tried-and-true word cloud method: find 3-5 job descriptions for the role you’re applying for at different companies in the same industry, then copy/paste those job descriptions into a free word cloud generator (remember those from high school English class?). This will show you which keywords are used most prominently for your ideal role, and you can make sure those are included in all of your application materials.

That said, there’s an even more valuable place to invest your time and effort if you really want to land a better job ASAP- getting in touch with two or three “decision makers” on the team you want to join. Decision makers are usually the recruiter and hiring manager for the role you’re after. Find these folks on LinkedIn, send them a personalized email letting them know you applied, and ask for 20 minutes of their time to connect about the open role.

Connecting with a human is always more efficient than tinkering on your resume.

✨ “When I make a career pivot, is it normal to feel like a fish out of water for a bit? For how long?” -Keith

Of course it is! When you make a change into a new type of career, you’re like a lil baby deer learning to use their legs (wow, lots of animal analogies here)! A learning curve is to be expected. Looking around and feeling like everyone knows what they’re doing except you is to be expected. Little moments of “Oh crap, did I just do this?” are definitely to be expected!

Honestly, this is the reason most people don’t make the pivots they dream about. They’re afraid of being new at something at first.

But what if you considered this instead: Would you rather be bored, stagnant, and check-out of a job that you mastered years ago, or would you rather feel curious, engaged, and excited to unlock more of your potential?

Got a Q you want answered in next month’s Career Therapy? Respond to this email or send me a DM!

Janel Abrahami, Founder

📲 Screenshot & share your favorite part of this issue and tag @lunchbreak.letter and @janelabrahami

🍿 SNICKY-SNACKS (more from Janel)

• Are you interested in two different roles at the same company? Do this. →

• Why do airplane thoughts just hit differently? Here’s my recent lightbulb moment →

• This one phrase will keep you from falling down the comparison trap →

🍱 IN THE LUNCHBOX (curated recommendations)

READ: Brave Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani

In Pivot With Purpose, we talk a lot about overcoming perfectionism and getting out of our own way. One of our members, Amrita, recommended this book after taking imperfect action and scoring a crucial informational interview.

APPLY: First Round Startup Fast Track Mentorship Program

Venture Capital firm First Round are opening up the 13th round of their mentorship program for startup founders, matching them with experienced mentors across all industries. One big change to the program this year? It’s now open to any operators within a startup, not just founders!

LISTEN: The Honor Roll Hangover, Pivot Podcast with Jenny Blake

If you’re anything like the majority of my career coaching clients, you may relate to what Pivot podcast guest Melody Wilding calls “the Honor Roll Hangover”—a lethal combo of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overfunctioning. I appreciated this episode’s approach to writing your own “permission list.”

📌 COOL JOB

Title: Product Manager, Member Care

Company: Maven Clinic

Location: Remote US or NYC

Description: Maven is the largest virtual clinic for women's and family health, offering continuous, holistic care for fertility, pregnancy and parenting. Maven’s award-winning digital programs are trusted by leading employers and health plans to reduce costs and drive better health outcomes for both parents and children.

Maven’s product team is growing quickly to accelerate our mission of driving better health outcomes for our members through a human-centered product experience. We are looking for product managers at all levels to focus on the different user journeys we support — our members, clients, and providers.

Apply here

Want to support this movement?

📲 Screenshot your favorite part & share on IG stories or TikTok tagging @janelabrahami

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☕ If you’re feeling super generous, you can buy the team a coffee!

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Welcome back to Lunch Break, a weekly newsletter to help you create a work life that works for you.

*Brought to you by the Pivot With Purpose career clarity framework.

If someone forwarded you this email, go on and subscribe!

Welcome back to the Lunch Break podcast series!

What happens when a young marketing rockstar decides to pivot out of the corporate world… and then changes her mind?

This is the story of Desiree Booker, a former corporate go-getter who quit to start a career coaching business for job seekers of color, and then realized she still wasn’t on the right path. Today, Desiree leads ColorVizion Lab, an inclusive employer branding agency, but she had to navigate unsettling corporate roles in PR and Recruiting, plus the ups and downs of her first stab at entrepreneurship, to get here.

Desiree’s story of trusting her gut, battling imposter syndrome, and taking radical responsibility for her life path will help you rethink the question, “What if I make a pivot and it doesn’t work out?”

Press “play” above to listen now!

Janel Abrahami, Founder

📲 Screenshot & share your favorite part of this issue and tag @lunchbreak.letter and @janelabrahami

READ: Believe Bigger by Marshawn Evans Daniels

Reinvention strategist Marshawn Evans Daniels delivers a practical and inspirational guide for women ready to reclaim their lives and discover a higher purpose, demonstrating that through disruption, life can become sweeter than you ever imagined.

READ: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Best-selling personal growth author Gay Hendricks demonstrates how to go beyond your internal limits, release outdated fears and learn a whole new set of powerful skills and habits to liberate your authentic greatness.

USE: Asana

Asana is a personal management tool that helps you stay on track, keep projects organized, and hit important deadlines. You can see project progress, track individual tasks, plan sprints, and integrate with other productivity tools.

• Here’s what happened 12 hours after I tapped my network on behalf of a client →

• Three things you might be surprised to learn about my own career pivot →

• Do you think 16-year-old me would be proud? →

Title: People Operations Manager

Company: Dagne Dover (where I get my favorite work bags!)

Location: NYC, Partially-remote

Description: As the People Operations Manager, you will work with the Dagne leadership team to develop and manage four main areas: Recruiting, Total Reward and Benefits, Organizational Development and People Operations Programs. In reporting to the founders, this is a great opportunity for a go-getter HR star to develop and systemize our employee-manager feedback loop, DE+I initiatives, employee development programs and employee engagement initiatives.

Apply here

✨ ICYMI ✨

When’s the last time you gave your ~professional brand~ some TLC? Use our free guide to stand out and start attracting your dream career opportunities with a stellar LinkedIn profile!

Want to support this movement?

📲 Screenshot your favorite part & share on IG stories or TikTok tagging @janelabrahami

💌 Forward this letter to a friend!

☕ If you’re feeling super generous, you can buy the team a coffee!

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Welcome back to Lunch Break, a weekly newsletter to help you create a work life that works for you. Brought to you by the Pivot With Purpose framework.

If someone forwarded you this email, won’t you subscribe?

The last week of the month is dedicated to answering your burning career questions- from coworker drama to culture battles to the everyday existential crises. Nothing’s off-limits, so let’s dive right in.

✨ “I want to move out of the States and find a job in Europe (Sweden, specifically)! Do I go to the EU first and then find a job? Or find something before I make the move?” - Lindsay

Ah yes. I, too, would like to get out of the States, Lindsay! 😅

If you don’t have a European passport, there are two routes I recommend. One’s a more secure option, and the other is a little riskier, but could be more fun:

More Secure Option: Job search from the States and be upfront about the fact that you’ll require visa sponsorship from your Swedish employer. You never know how long the search will take, so hunting from home, where all other variables are known and familiar, can make the process more sustainable. As always, I suggest starting with strategic networking. Find anyone you know who currently works in Sweden or has ties to Swedish business and ask for their support in connecting with opportunities you’re curious about. Then, make sure you’re accounting for any EU-specific CV/application best practices when you’re ready to hit “submit.”

Less Secure Option: Get a residence permit (Swedish tourist visa for a stay longer than 90 days), find a long-term Airbnb, and search from Sweden. The pro’s here are on-the-ground networking, potential to set up in-person interviews, and head start on cultural acclimation. The downside? No guarantee that you’ll find a gig as quickly as you need to and potential heartbreak if you fall in love with the country but need to leave.

✨ “How should I approach making a career pivot now, knowing that I want to take time off to start a family later on?” -Clarissa

Doesn’t the saying go, “It is better to have done meaningful work for a limited time, than never to have done it at all?” Wait, maybe not, but that’s what I say!

I say: Why not make the intentional pivot now with one eye on what you have to gain in the near-term, and the other eye on the further-out future?

Move into something now that you’re excited about, something that will help you grow, something that will push you to unlock your potential. And enjoy it. Enjoy it while you’re in it.

Then, when the time comes that you choose to prioritize starting a family, move into that stage just as intentionally. And remember that you have permission to pivot once again later on. You have permission to prioritize your career again in the even-further-out future.

Who knows– you might find yourself pivoting into a career that allows for a style of family planning that you’d never imagined. When contemplating situations where the outcomes seem blurry, I’ve recently started asking myself, “What’s the best that could happen?”

So, Clarissa, what’s the best that could happen if you pivot into something you’re passionate about now, and trust that you’ll make the best decision for you in the future?

✨ “I feel like I’m doing everything I can to find a better job, but I’m not making any progress. Help?” -Matt

When it feels like you’re spinning your wheels yet staying in place, it’s probably time to zoom out. Here’s a quick exercise I learned from my own mentor to help me regain perspective.

It’s called The Circle of Control:

Draw one circle in the center of a sheet of paper, and label it “I Can Control.” Inside of this circle, write down everything about your job search that is within your control. Like, everything.

Then, draw a larger circle around the first, and label this one “I Cannot Control.” Now- you guessed it- write down everything that is out of your control when you’re job searching.

This exercise forces you to think critically about whether or not you’re pulling all the levers at your disposal, or if you’re frustrated by life just being… life. Here, I’ve started it off for you:

Got a Q you want answered in next month’s Career Therapy? Respond to this email or send me a DM!

Janel Abrahami, Founder

📲 Screenshot & share your favorite part of this issue and tag @janelabrahami and @lunchbreak.letter

🍱 IN THE LUNCHBOX (curated recommendations)

PROTEST: Roe v Wade Overturn Protests Near You

S**t’s dark right now. There are no words to make things feel better. So, use your voice to demand change instead, at a Rise Up 4 Abortion Rights rally near you in the coming weeks. Also: Ask your employer if they’ll match any donations you make to abortion funds.

CHILL: VYBES Stress Sticks

Stress? In 2022? Groundbreaking. While I love VYBES flavored adaptogen beverages, these flavorless sachets pack 25mg of plant-derived CBD and can be quickly dissolved into any hot or cold drinks! Stress-free PTO, sorted.

ORGANIZE: Calpak Tech Organizer

Adding the most unnecessary stress to my hybrid work routine? Trying to remember all of the tech gadgets, cords, and accessories I may need in the coworking space or coffee shop. Calpak’s tech organizer is a go-to home for all my accouterments.

🍿 SNICKY-SNACKS (more from Janel + team)

• Think you can’t land a better job in a down economy? Lauren and Emma said, “Watch us.”

• We’re crowdsourcing a growing list of companies that support abortion rights

• Liz felt like she had all of the puzzle pieces, but no clue how to put them together…

📌 COOL JOB

Title: Virtual Visit Coordinator (full-time role with benefits)

Company: carafem

Location: Fully remote

Description: carafem is a non-profit health center in the Washington, DC metro area that is dedicated to promoting family planning, reproductive and sexual healthcare. They offer caring, compassionate and confidential support for sexual, reproductive and family planning needs.

*Note: To be eligible for this role, you need to live in a safe state (where abortion is least likely to become illegal). Some background/experience in the medical field, particularly women's health and abortion care is preferred but not required.

Learn more about the role here

Want to support this movement?

💌 Forward this letter to a friend!

☕ If you’re feeling super generous, you can buy the team a coffee!

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“I've never liked a single job that I've had and I don't think I ever will… but I have an approach to being anti-corporate and succeeding in a corporate world…” -Evan Ruiz

In my own quest to create a meaningful career, I often take cues from the inspiring folks in my network who are living and working with intention. The ones who are prioritizing their own growth, finding creative ways to reach and then rest, and taking the opportunity to be proud of the work they do and the person they are.

Now, I’m bringing those folks and their lightbulb moments to you.

This podcast series, Lunch With:, will unlock how inspiring individuals create meaningful careers.

Kicking us off is Evan Ruiz, a Human-Centered Design consultant at a Big Four firm, leveraging his identity (and relative privilege) as a trans man to change corporate culture from the inside. We dish about how his disdain for the working world has actually led to exciting professional opportunities, being dead-named by his own organization, and where he finds inspiration off the clock.

You can listen (!) to my conversation with Evan up top, or read the interview down below, and peep Evan’s curated recommendations in this week’s Lunch Box.

However you like to take in inspiring convos, I hope you love this first installment of a value-packed series! Share your thoughts in the comments.

Keep going,

Janel Abrahami, Founder

📲 Screenshot & share your favorite part of this issue and tag @lunchbreak.letter and @janelabrahami

🍱 IN THE LUNCHBOX (Evan’s curated recommendations)

FOLLOW: Schuyler Bailar @pinkmantaray ON IG

Schuyler Bailar is the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team, swimming for Harvard until 2019. He’s an amazing resource for learning about all things TNB (trans non-binary).

LEARN: Unpacking

Unpacking teaches individuals and teams to be more responsible, empathetic, and accountable allies for underrepresented folks in their communities (Evan went through the course and became a contractor for Unpacking!).

DONATE: Whitman-Walker

This clinic in DC is focused on serving underrepresented communities, specializing in healthcare for LGBTQ communities & those living with HIV.

Interview: Lunch With: Evan Ruiz

*Interview transcript has been lightly edited for clarity

Before we dive right in, can you give us a snapshot of who you are and what you do? Sometimes I like to call this your professional power statement.

Well, I am a transgender, half-Mexican man. The easy way to describe my job is, I am a Senior Consultant for Human Centered Design at one of the Big Four.

I mostly work on projects where we are trying to redesign a system, a training, or a process based on the needs of the humans instead of the needs of the business.

When actually drill into that, usually the needs of the humans and the needs of the business coincide. That's why human centered design is so valuable. But it's a newer field where it’s really about the needs of the people using the tool or the people going through the training or, or whatever it is that we're building or making better.

Doing, so keeping humans the center, or the users the center.

And do you like what you do?

I've never liked a single job that I've had and I don't think I ever will.

You and I have talked about quite a bit. I've come to you, like, “How do I live Janel?!”

So no, I don’t like my job. And it has nothing to do with the company that I work at now, and it has nothing to do with any company that I've worked at previously. I’m neurodivergent, and I don't think I fit well in today's working world, but I have some skill sets that lead me to working well under certain circumstances.

I bring a perspective and ideas that tend to be valuable for companies, so I can find how I fit, but what I do enjoy is making money so that I can live the life that's important to me. One of the things that's important to me is saving animals. I really love adopting animals, and so I work jobs that allow me the flexibility to take my dogs out in the middle of the day, run them in the yard.

And I work jobs that pay me so I can afford to feed all my animals, a full, raw diet! They're spoiled!

You bring up an interesting point about not liking. Job that you've ever had and feeling like you may never will. You've been pretty open about being “anti-corporate,” and yet you work for one of the most corporate companies in one of the most corporate industries. How do you reconcile that?

Well, I did get my MBA, and luckily my studies of business ended up supporting a lot of my feelings. So while I'm anti-corporate, yes, I am pro-people.

And guess what?

All of these corporate machines run through people- people run corporations. That's just how it works. In my MBA, I learned that the way we work has evolved, and we've come away from focusing on the needs of the people, when actually studies have been done that show that focusing on the people within your organization affects your bottom line in a positive way.

So I can tell this story of me being anti-corporate. Do I run around to my bosses and say I don't care about the company? No. But what I do say “I care about my peers, and I care about the people that I work with, and I care about enabling them to do what they do best”, which ultimately impacts the bottom line of the company? Yeah.

So there definitely us that reconciliation that I've gotta make with myself. But luckily, studies support caring about people more than caring about the organization. And you know what? There are enough people that care about the organization that I can be OK caring more about the people.

But it was a lesson that I slowly learned. I was just so happy in my studies, getting my master's in Business to learn that the people do matter. So it really gave me some solid footing to stand on, and no one can really push against that. You know, like, “Hey, no, I'm, trying to improve the lives of the people at your corporation so that you don't have problems with burnout. So you don't have issues with this mass migration, right?”

I've got the experience of leading an extremely successful department where people don’t wanna leave, and I bring that experience wherever I go. Just bolstering those around me so that they feel like they're not gonna get burned out and they can live their best lives.

What a concept of caring about the people that you work with, and caring about the individuals who do the work to make your company successful! (/s) I hate that it is such a “mic drop” moment- it just should be the most obvious, top of mind thing. But as many newsletter readers and listeners can definitely relate to, that can get so lost in the day-to-day of working and doing business.

So can you tell us more about what you are actually doing to improve the experience of your peers in this corporate environment? What you're doing to make your workplace more inclusive and lift others as you're trying to navigate it?

Yeah, I've come to this epiphany of sorts of how I, Evan, can show up at work over time. And one of the things that has offered me some beautiful, beautiful perspective is my transgender identity. I have existed in the workforce being perceived as a different gender, and I was treated differently.

I am also a white-passing, half-Mexican individual, and I have felt what it feels like to be an other in these scenarios. Given that truth of what my experience has been, I decided to come to one of the Big Four because I figured, “If I have all these pillars that I'm standing on, these things that I wanna improve, what better place could I go to have the widest reach possible? To have the largest impact possible, than one of the Big Four? Where there are a lot of unhealthy ways of working, whether that be 70-, 80-hour weeks, or whether that’s not prioritizing yourself, or whether that's, “Oh, I'm just not gonna show up as me. I'm gonna conform.” So the way I handle that question, I have this sort of approach of like, “What do I wanna accomplish, and what do I wanna open people's eyes to at the different places that I go?”

So one of my goals is, specifically at my workplace, to train my workplace to be better for their transgender and non-binary practitioners specifically, but also people who, maybe their names are different than their legal name, or their preferred name is different.

A lot of folks with different cultural identities don't want their name to show up as it is legally, but they want a different preferred name. So I go in, and one of the things that I am doing at every place that I work is I'm taking a look at: “What are you doing for your transgender non-binary practitioners or practitioners who have a different preferred name, right?”

Like what are you doing for them and how are you, as the company showing up for them? So I'm trying to improve the experience for transgender, non-binary practitioners or humans, wherever I work.

Secondly, I am bringing the experience that I've had, being perceived in a different gender and knowing what that feels like to be a “woman” (in heavy quotes) in the room, and knowing what that feels like to have someone interrupt you, to have someone steamroll you, and I am taking my privilege as a mam]n, and I am saying, “Stop. You speak. Stop. I haven't heard you speak. Let's hear you speak.” And I am using my position to uplift others.

I actually just did a project where I realized that someone I was partnered with just hadn’t been encouraged. No one had said like, “Hey, you're really awesome at this. Do you wanna try and grab it and run?”

I could just tell no one had said that to her, but I could feel that she had this fire, like she was ready to go. Super organized was like gonna crush it. And so I was gonna go on vacation, and I was second guessing it. And I was like, no, I'm gonna go on vacation. I'm gonna call her before I do. And I'm gonna say “Girl, you take it and you don't ask me questions and you run.”

And that's what I did. So, I'm gonna come in, try to uplift those around me. That's one and two things that I'm doing.

The third thing is bringing this idea of, “Whoa, like what if we were healthy?!”

Like what if we did healthy things, and we cared about ourselves, kept ourselves invigorated, and then used that power and our good moods and we could come into work and be successful? So I see an opportunity- just because I don't love the way that it's working, I can still help change it for the better. And that's kind of what I see I could maybe do… who knows.

Not maybe do, that's what you are doing! For those keeping track: You are optimizing the way that folks are referred to by their preferred names, within your organization and even to external partners. You are using your privilege as a white-passing man in the room as a leader to advocate and elevate folks in the room who don't have that privilege. And you’re embracing your role as a mentor to other folks in your organization too,

And to go back to that second question you asked me- Some people, I hear, get intrinsic motivation from their jobs, right? I get intrinsic motivation from people coming to me [for encouragement]. I got a picture yesterday, a text of someone who sent me a picture, and was so proud because she left the office and she went and got a cup of coffee. She sent me a picture and said, “Evan, you'd be so proud! I went on a walk!”

And I was like, “Yes, I am proud! You went on a walk and you went and got coffee!” You know, that the fact that she is now adding healthy things into her day, that gives me intrinsic motivation. I had somebody reach out to me- the girl who I uplifted and was like, go run with that project- she was like, “Evan, no one has ever done that for me before. And now I feel like I have the strength to do that the next time.”

And that gave me that intrinsic motivation. So, there are different ways to get that. It’s just about finding what's gonna make it click for you.

And okay. Let's bring it back to my actual job. I work in human centered design.

Right, let’s not forget that word.

It is a very apt assignment for me, because I get to go in and look at a system which is usually designed for the outcomes, usually designed for the bottom line and say, “Okay, well, what about that people?”

So I've found a good little niche. And actually, I got reached out to today by the kind of Head of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion for the company that I work at, and they want to start an official project with me on it. Like, take me out of some of the client service that I'm doing and instead serve my company. To make the experience better for transgender, non-binary people at my company, like that's literally what they wanna pay me to do now, because I've been screaming about it for a year.

So now they’re saying, “Okay, come, come, you come do this now, please do this thing.”

That's on having an authentic personal brand! Your intrinsic motivation is really coming from, not necessarily the work that's in your job description, but the internal influence that you've cultivated, by being a really authentic leader in the values that you hold close, in the way that you can envision a better working world. You are creating impact and influence through how you are showing up, and the trust that you're building with your peers and your leaders, as someone who does deeply care about the people within your organization.

And even if that wasn't the job that you applied to online or, or were recruited for that “job”- and here, I'm using air quotes around job- is equally, if not more important as the output that your company can look at at the end of a quarter.

Absolutely. I realized I was doing it without saying it. And all of a sudden, I started to say, “Hey, beyond my job, this is what I'm doing.” And my coach was like, “ Write this down! You’re gonna go to all the leaders that you normally talk to, and you're gonna show them this.”

And so it, it's powerful. It’s heard. It’s impactful.

I'm also like trying to make these greater impacts, which is what I'm all about. We're all doing a lot of work, and we should be recognized for that. So when you are picking up extra, brag about it.

Folks who are in underrepresented groups at work often take on an unpaid burden of being diversity advocates or ambassadors for ERGs, which are often unpaid positions, unpaid extra work that they're doing.

How do you feel about that? The very real thing happening with your intrinsic motivation to keep bettering the culture, and the experience for those underrepresented groups?

I think that as long as there's something in it for the person who is doing that work and that they can reconcile within themselves, that's okay for them to do, but it should be a choice.

And if it, at any point feels like it's more of a burden than what it's worth, stop it. But if you are doing that work and you get a midyear review, an end of year review, these quarterly reviews, you should be screaming about that extra work that you're doing, because that's not just bringing value. That's not just looking good for you. You are changing the very foundation of your organization and you need to say it that way.

Don't just be like, “I'm doing this ERG,” like, no. “I am taking time out of my very busy work day to focus on X, Y, Z in order to have ABC outcome for the company.”

Make sure you're stating the work that you are taking on beyond your job. And you don't have to say, like, “I’m taking on this workout beyond my job, so reward me for it.” But you say, “This is what I'm bringing. This is what I'm doing. Look at the power, look at the outcome.”

Has it ever felt like a burden for you to do this work?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. But I also create a safe space with my fellow employees.

I'll give you an example. For my company, there's a lot of different engagements, and I was asked to be the chair for a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion council specifically for serving one state within the US. And one of the ideas that we had was a podcast, because I was really feeling fired up about DEI, but also respecting people's time thinking about how we could do passive learning.

We had this whole plan to record a podcast about code switching. It was very interesting. And that same week, one of the systems dead named me. And that means they referred to me by my name given to me at birth, and as a transgender person, that is not who I am.

And for trans people, that causes emotional harm to have that happen. That same week that I was supposed to record this podcast for my company, my company dead named me. I was so upset, and unfortunately, this happens a lot, so I have to react to this a lot. But that week I reached out to the people on the podcast. I said, you know what? This company is not making me feel okay this week. So I'm not in a place to record a podcast on diversity, equity and inclusion at this company right now. And everyone jumped right in, 100%. And I set a boundary of like, you know what, I'm not doing your DEI work this week, because you're not working for me.

And I just did my normal job that week, and I logged off and took the weekend, took a break, came back the next week and I was like, OK, ready. And that's when I took it on. So setting those boundaries, having a little internal temperature gauge of like, “Am I okay?” because it is a choice to do that extra work.

That boundary piece is truly essential. What are you curious about professionally?

Technology. Being involved in human-centered design has made me curious about how technology can work for us. And, I’ve gotten a lot more involved with DEI. There was a portion in my career where I was like, I'm not qualified to do Diversity, Equity and Inclusion work. I was like, I have a diverse perspective, but I'm not qualified to do this work. And I’m actually coming to the realization that I do maybe have some qualifications.

So I am interested in that work, too.

I would like to ask you one more question, because it is Pride month, and perhaps your response to this question could help someone else who's listening to or reading this. How did you come out to your professional network?

Oh man. It was actually really hard. I came out twice.

The first time I came out as gay, when I didn't realize my gender identity. I now, for the record, identify as a bisexual transgender man. But the first time I came out as gay, so I could date women, because women are great. And I didn't have to come out that first time, because I just went right into the workforce and I just was queer.

And so I didn't have to really come out to anybody. But I did have to come out as trans, and visibly go through a transition at work, which was wild. I was really afraid to come out, honestly, as trans. I really didn't want anyone to ask me any questions. I just wanted to like, not be perceived.

I wanted it to be like me saying, “I'm Evan” and everyone go, “Okay.” And then just everyone continue along in their life, because I was not even in a position for myself to celebrate, because I like felt like I needed to go through so much.

And so, coming out at work was actually a hurdle for me beginning my medical transition, because I just kept talking to my therapist and I'd be like, “I'm out to all my friends. I'm out to my family. I can't do this work thing. I just can't like, it's such a private thing.” And eventually it was the last hurdle that I had to jump over.

And I was like, “Am I seriously gonna hold myself back from living my authentic life?” To be honest, I was afraid that people were gonna be too excited for me when I was not in a place to be excited. I was nervous. I was scared. I was tackling this thing that was just terrifying.

I was not very open about being transgender. When I first came out, it was like a slow creep. I don't know, I was worried that someone was gonna be like “WOO, let’s talk about it!” And I just like, just, lemme, just let me crawl into my cocoon silently and let me crawl out when I have a baby mustache.

So it was hard to come out the first time. But, now I sort of stand in this truth, and when I meet people at work, I come out to them almost immediately. I make it like sort of a core pillar of who I am, because I see the power of representation.

But it took me a minute to get here.

It sounds like you have a lot of practice in flexing those boundaries that we talked about earlier.

Absolutely. Really well. Yeah. So it it's been a lot. It's been a journey, but yeah.

Thanks for sharing that with us, Evan. And thanks for having lunch with me! How can folks keep up with you?

Add me on LinkedIn. I got my pronouns on there- and shout out to throw your pronouns on everything!

The way that it feels when I show up to a [virtual] room and I'm the only person with my pronouns, or I'm the only person with my pronouns on my Instagram or whatever is, it feels like a spotlight, like look at this trans person.

So it's really cool for me when allies do it, like sometimes I go into a first conversation with someone at work, and I noticed that they already have their pronouns, and I come out to them right away. I'm like, “I'm queer, like so excited.” But I hesitate a little bit, you know, if I don't see them.

So it's like a safety signal. 💛

🍿 SNICKY-SNACKS (more from Janel + team)

• Why did I quit my dream job when things were just getting?

• A summer bucket list that has nothing to do with work

• Seeing a lot of layoff posts? Read this

Want to support this movement?

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takeyourlunchbreak 💚

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Did I ever tell you about the career move that totally backfired on me?

After a lot of deliberation, I’ve decided to talk about it more openly incase it can help someone else not make the same mistake.

It goes like this.

I was really bored at work, looking for a new professional challenge, and found an opportunity unlike anything I’d done before. It came through a sort-of-mentor of mine, someone senior in their career who I’d connected with a few years back. The idea of this job felt like a new window had opened and let in a gust of fresh air.

The job description was a little vague, but I made it through multiple interviews and finally had to put together a project presentation.

And that’s when the doubt starting creeping in.

I’m sure you know that interview projects aren’t meant to be a piece of cake, but if you’re passionate about the work and the role is a good fit, the end result should at least be rewarding. It should at least energize you the tiniest bit, get your mind buzzing with ideas and opportunities for this prospective new role. Get you thinking, “what if…”

This project experience was the opposite. I drudged through the finish line, asking myself multiple times along the way, “Do I really want to be doing this?” I felt burnt out already, and I didn’t even have the job.

After finally presenting the project to the interview panel virtually, I hung up the Zoom call, lay on my apartment floor, and thought “I don’t really want to do that again.”

Now, I want to pause here and point out- definitively- that the employees I connected with and who interviewed me were top-notch. So kind, warm, and impossibly bright. I wanted to work with them, to learn from them, and yet…

I knew the opportunity wasn’t right for me.

I knew I wouldn’t like it.

But I said yes anyway.

See, when the hiring manager called with the offer, I gently declined. I explained that I wasn’t 100% about the role.

The disappointment on the other end of the phone was palpable. “Would you take the weekend to think about it more?”

I was a little caught off guard by the request, but thought, “Okay, I guess I owe them that.”

So I took the weekend and started convincing myself that I needed to take the job now:

“They think I’m a good fit...”

“The work seems really interesting, and it’s what I said I wanted to do…”

“Maybe it’ll feel better once I get used to it…”

And when the hiring manager and I reconnected on Monday, I said yes- a very half-hearted, unconvincing yes- when, deep down, I knew I still meant no.

Long story short, I didn’t last long at the company. I hit my breaking point less than a year in. Despite all the support I received from my teammates, the extra guidance from my supervisor, the really strong effort to make it work from all parties- none of it could make up for a wrong fit. Simple as that.

And while I certainly don’t regret the experience, I learned the hard way to just listen to my gut.

People-pleasing has no place in your career journey. Only you know what’s really right- and wrong- for you.

Simple as that.

KEEP GOING

This newsletter project has brought me immense joy, and it seriously makes my whole year when you tell me that an issue resonates with you. To make sure this newsletter stays valuable to you, please consider leaving your feedback in this really short survey (like, 2 minutes short).

This week, I’m sharing the most popular issues of The Audacity from it’s inaugural year:

How To Be a Leader, Regardless of Your Title

Are You Having This Argument With Yourself?

More You

How I Got Back Up When 2020 Knocked Me Down

There won’t be a new issue next week, so I’ll see you in 2021!

Take care of yourself and take care of one another. xx

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During my December Career Strategy calls, I spoke to two clients who were both starting job searches and wanted to get clear on their directions and priorities. Both conversations focused on their desire for security and stability, each of them bringing this up within the first few minutes of their calls.

It makes sense, right? My first thoughts were, "Yeah, we could all use a steady paycheck and assurance that we won't get fired."

As an individual, it's easy for me to interpret the word "stability" as it means to me personally. But my job as a career coach is to understand what stability means to you.

So, I asked both of these clients, "What do you mean by stability?" And their answers were pretty different from each other.

One client realized that stability was actually a reflection of her home and family life. She wanted a job that would keep her close to her family and allow her to prioritize her loved ones. She even realized through our conversation that financial security, or a certain paycheck, wasn't high on her priority list. Stability meant the comfort of home.

The other client associated stability more with company culture- it meant support from her team, a culture of trust, and the permission to experiment and make mistakes without the fear that she'd get fired for one small misstep.

So, two pretty different definitions of the same word.

AND different implications for their job search strategies.

When you work with a coach, you get more language, a different vocabulary, to think about and articulate your values, which then inform your goals.

So, using the second client as an example- she could have held on to the word "stability" in her job search and gotten mixed results.

Instead, we focused on values that came out of that word stability, like trust, support, and permission to make mistakes. Then, we thought about how she might determine if the jobs and companies she was interested in aligned with those values. We workshopped specific ways she could approach company research and even specific questions to ask in interviews to determine whether a job would be "stable" by her standards.

So, I invite you to think deeper about what you're really looking for in a stable job. Is it financial security, or is it the ability to have more family time? Is it working for an established, reputable company, or is the freedom to break things and create your own role at a startup?

What would a stable job allow you to do at work at in life? What would it mean for your lifestyle? What are the products of “stability” for you? Write these answers down and use them as new criteria in your job search.

KEEP GOING

💼 Consider the “good enough” job. This article from Refinery29 explores those jobs that are “well-paid but not all-consuming”- you know, the ones that we didn’t grow up dreaming about but allow us to maintain some comfort and “stability”- and what they may or may not communicate about one’s priorities and ambitions. Commentary on inequities in the American workforce and the role jobs may play in our near-future makes this a compelling read.

💟 Learn from the regrets of the dying. I think I’ve seen this list of the top five regrets of the dying somewhere in the past, but the lessons are always poignant. From our attitudes about work, to friendship and feelings, they all stand to be reexamined often.

👯 Admit that adult friendship is just more complicated. Okay this one doesn’t relate to job stability, but the topic of navigating adult friendship has come up in so many conversations for me this month. And I bet 2020 has also made you reckon with the state of friendship ~right now~. The Cut tackles the daunting tasks of making new friends as an adult in a succinct and compassionate piece. My favorite reminder: it’s still about quality, not quantity.

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I’m starting a new type of diet this holiday season to get into the best shape I can for 2021.

It’s an elimination diet, kind of like the Whole 30 and Low-FODMAP trends I’ve tried in the past.

But this time, the goal isn’t to shed weight or even look “better.” The goal is to get into sharper mental shape.

See, I’m going on an input diet.

A What?

An “input diet” eliminates the unnecessary information that inundates us on a daily- nay, hourly- basis. It cuts out the figurative junk food of the internet, social media, and other marketing mediums. It frees up mental and emotional space, rather than trying to fill every moment with external stimuli.

Why go on an input diet?

To be intentional about where I spend my very precious energy and attention.

To be more focused on CREATING than CONSUMING.

To find more flow, act more consciously, and maybe- just maybe- be able to unwind at the end of the day.

How do you do it?

Just like a nutrition plan, no one “input diet” fits all. Here’s how I’m approaching this shift in consumption:

Unsubscribing: Cutting the digital cord from online communities I joined at the start of quarantine that no longer serve me or my goals, and from promotional emails for items and services I don’t need (this one was made easier during Thanksgiving weekend with all Black Friday emails in one place… delete, delete, delete.)

Unfollowing: Podcasts I no longer enjoy; irrelevant Twitter personalities; people I felt “obliged” to follow back for one reason or another; alerts and reminders that cause more stress than motivation.

Replacement: Choosing more nourishing behaviors in place of the noise. For me, this looks like journaling, walking, calling my family more often, and learning more coaching methods to better serve my clients.

With some big changes coming in 2021, I want to be as focused and present as possible. For myself, and for the people who count on me.

What information/input/stimuli can you minimize to make room for more focus and attention on what matters to you?

KEEP GOING

🙅‍♀️ Read: F*ck No! How to Stop Saying Yes When You Can't, You Shouldn't, or You Just Don't Want To, by Sarah Knight. Seems like I’ve been including lots of expletives in this newsletter section lately, but that’s 2020 for ya. Knight’s field guide for setting boundaries and finding the joy in saying “no” applies to my personal priorities for the coming year. She also offers insight on combating the guilt that can come from choosing what’s right for you, something so many of us can relate to.

⚡ Find your energy multipliers. After you’ve cut back on the energy drainers, fill your cup with energy multipliers. Anne-Laure Le Cunff, founder of the digital community Ness Labs (one that I’m keeping in my diet!) offers practical suggestions for activities and automations that can help refocus on your big-picture priorities.

🧭 Review your year compass. I love retrospectives, year-end roundups, and planning sessions. Maybe it’s the Cancer or 4w3 in me (if you’re into astrology and enneagrams), but reflection is huge in my book. So, I was very intrigued by Year Compass, a printable booklet which promises to “use questions and exercises rooted in psychology [to] take you through the past year [and] help you turn your dreams into achievable goals.” Cheers to that.

🚴‍♀️ ICYMI: Are you a Peloton fan? Here’s a surprising career lesson from your favorite Peloton instructors.

Happy Hannukah! All I want this year? For you to share this newsletter with your friends who are into personal and professional development. Thank you!

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Hi friends,

Exciting business update before we jump into today’s letter:

I’m offering 60min Career Strategy Sessions for those of you with specific career questions. While I’m keeping my 1:1 coaching practice small for the time being, I still want to help when you reach out with smaller-scope challenges.

What are smaller-scope challenges? Well, more clear-cut situations that we can feasibly tackle in an hour. Last week, I chatted with someone deciding between two job offers- within the hour, we arrived at a very confident decision and workshopped talking points for declining one of the offers.

Other examples: Navigating tough conversations; preparing for your end-of-year performance review; managing up (influencing your boss); giving feedback; asking for a promotion; job search advice; optimizing your LinkedIn… the limit does not exist!

Here are the deets:

I’m offering two 60-minute Career Strategy Sessions by phone each month

Find and book an available hour in December here

First come, first served

I’ll update the calendar at the start of each month- I’m only sharing it with newsletter subscribers!

Feel free to drop any questions in the comments below. I can’t wait to connect!

Now, time for a story.

I nervously adjusted the seat one more time, kicked off the ground with my right foot, pushed my left foot down on the pedal, and... felt the world spin sideways as I landed on my left hip in a flash of mint green.

I’d failed to move the bike again, and the frustration bubbled up in my throat and behind my eyes. What wasn’t I getting?

If you're imagining a five-year-old in this story, I wouldn't blame you, but you'd be wrong. No, this was a scene from just a few months ago, when I was 27.

That's right. I learned to ride a bike at 27 years old.

While not totally uncommon among adults, my lack of biking skills was a big insecurity of mine. I avoided social gatherings that included casual rides and sometimes used this as a self-depreciating “fun fact” on dates.

But in May of this year, while I was unemployed and living with my parents, I finally said “screw it.” I was over being shut out of an experience just because I didn’t have the skill- yet. So I searched for the cheapest bike I could find on Craigslist and picked up this “young adult” sized cruiser a few hours later.

I was more nervous to start than I expected to be. I seemed to fall by just standing next to the bike. It took more than a day for me to really get going. But I got going. And I spent the next month at home zipping around the neighborhood on what I can now admit was a child’s-size bike. I was proud and happy.

Fast forward a few months, and I spent most of this past Thanksgiving weekend on a bike.

I cruised along Ocean Beach and weaved my way through Golden Gate Park. I pedaled through the Marina, around the Palace of Fine Arts, and to the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was an experience so blissful, and one I would have never considered this time last year.

I’ve only recently started other things, too: a pivot into an HR Business Partner job; entrepreneurship as a career coach; writing consistently for the public.

It gets really frustrating sometimes. Not having the answers, not anticipating a bump in the road, losing your balance, people seeing you fall. But the journey is so rich, the view from the bike so beautiful, that starting is always worth it.

If this year has proven anything, it’s that it’s never too late to start something new.

So, what will you start?

KEEP GOING

⏳ Observe: 9 Successful People Who Made it Big Later in Life. Um, Vera Wang was an ice skater, then a journalist, before she started bridal design at 40? I had no idea that most of the folks on this list only got their “big breaks” long past their twenties. What if Samuel L. Jackson had been too scared to start acting in his forties? Would we know how to defeat snakes on a plane?! I shudder to think.

🙊 Read: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck, by Mark Manson. You know when my real bike-riding breakthrough began? When I stopped giving a fck about what it “looked like” for a 20-something woman to be learning for the first time. I ignored any neighborhoods who may have looked on in confusion, and held fast to the reminder that this was for me. “It’s cool that I’m teaching myself a new skill! I have agency over my life,” I’d think as I gripped the little white handlebars a little too tight. Manson’s easy yet humbling read reminds us that our opinion of ourselves is really the only one that matters.

💪 Remember:

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I need to tell you about this chick named Ingrid.

I met her a long time ago, at my first corporate internship in NYC. It was my first time working in a glimmering, glassy office building, with the first professional ID badge I got to swipe in the lobby.

Poised at my desk, with a view overlooking the Union Square farmer’s market, my supervisor had just given me my first solo assignment. I was buzzing.

Until I heard Ingrid say to me under her breath, “You’re gonna screw this up.”

Wait, what?

“You don’t belong here, and we both know you can’t do this.”

Her voice was low, but biting, and she spoke with such snarky conviction that I actually paused and thought,

“Maybe she’s right.”

I indulged in her words for a moment too long, starting to second-guess my abilities and whether I deserved this amazing opportunity. How did Ingrid know I’d spent that morning trying to avoid those very thoughts?

Somehow, I’ve run into Ingrid at every job since that first internship, even at grad school, and she’s always had something nasty to say to me:

“You don’t have what it takes to be successful.”

“People will never take you seriously.”

“You’re way too sensitive, it’s pathetic.”

Ouch.

Ingrid is my inner critic.

She may not be a real person, but “her” words certainly poke at my realest insecurities.

I gave these critical thoughts their own name in order to separate them from my helpful self-talk. “Ingrid” may think these things, but I know that I don’t really think them about myself.

Now, when I hear that cruel whisper in my ear- during the work day, when I’m falling asleep at night, even on a casual walk around the block- I recognize it and say, “LOL, that’s just Ingrid. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. BYE, INGRID.”

And I remember who’s really in charge of my thoughts and how I feel about myself in any given moment- me.

What name would you give to your inner critic?

KEEP GOING

📖 Read: I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), by Brene Brown. This book was my introduction to the goddess that is Brene Brown. Here, Brown shares the results of her extensive research on women and shame and how painfully common our deepest insecurities actually are. One caveat: I prefer to listen to Brown speak, as I find that her books can get too academic at times. This was true at some points in “I Thought It Was Just Me,” but it was still worth the read.

🌟 Revisit Your “More Me” Treasure Chest. Remember this gem from Issue 1? Open up that capsule of tokens and treasures that remind you of your you-ness, the real you, the you that you’re most proud of. I just updated my playlist this week, filled with songs that just make me inexplicably happy. I titled it “Trust” as a reminder to trust the timing of life.

⚙️ Play with potential career pivots. Did you catch LinkedIn’s new beta tool, Career Explorer? It’s the perfect starting point for those of us wondering where our current skills can translate to new roles. I put together a short how-to video for you here.

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Welcome back to THE AUDACITY, a weekly toolkit for putting your bold ideas into action. Subscribe, share, and join the conversation! Making your own audacious moves? Tell me about!

I’m trying something new this week- AUDIO! Press play above if you’d rather listen to this newsletter, and let me know what you think about future audio posts. I’m having fun with this, ya know?

This isn’t the newsletter I planned on publishing this week.

I had a different topic outlined and a draft sitting in my queue, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I was forcing words onto the screen and coming up short. Something else has been gnawing at me lately, and I just want to write about that instead. It feels more authentic to name what I’m really preoccupied with rather than sticking to the content plan I had for this week.

So. It all started with an area rug. Well, three area rugs, to be exact.

I’ve had the same 8’x10’ rug since I moved into my fist apartment in San Francisco, almost three years ago. I saw it in a catalogue (yes, a print catalogue)- a boho Moroccan print in cerulean blue, buttery yellow, and muted pink. The perfect foundation piece around which to build the rest of my bedroom decor, I thought.

Well, you could probably guess that it was less than perfect when it arrived. The yellow was more canary than custard, the pink much brighter in person, but it was good enough. But when that rug followed me to my next apartment, a studio, I started to really hate it. What I’d hoped would just be a strong foundation piece for other decor turned into the only thing I could focus on in my small apartment. It started to look too harsh and garish, and I’d think about replacing it at least once a day.

A few weeks ago, I finally ordered a new one. It was neutral but interesting, and I’d hoped it would bring out the soft sage green in my bedding. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing the Clown Carpet, as I’d affectionately started calling it, would soon be replaced.

I tracked the new rug’s shipping number eagerly until it arrived. I tore through the plastic packaging and rip cords, broke a sweat rolling out under my heavy furniture, and almost shed a few tears when I realized… it was the wrong size. About four inches short on all sides, the rug looked puny and sad in my studio, and I knew it would bother me more to look at it everyday than it would to just send it back.

That night, nothing was more important to me than finding a new rug. Nothing.

I spent hours on every home decor site out there, adding rugs to my multiple carts, comparing customer reviews, and triple-checking the measurements. I seemed to hate every single one- they were either super ugly, almost right but not quite, or just way too expensive. I felt my frustration growing by the minute, but I vowed to stay up until I hit “purchase” and knew that a new rug was on its way.

That night, it really hit me how uncomfortable I am with works in progress. With open-ended projects that need time to come together.

I just want to be done, to be there, to be in a finished state, that I often don’t appreciate the opportunity in being in-process. I tend to lose sight of what’s happening right now, at this very moment.

I just want my apartment to be “done,” that I forget to take pleasure in the act of making it a home.

I (sometimes) just want to be in a partnership, that I risk missing the valuable experience of exploring and meeting new people.

I just want to be off and running as a full-fledged career coach, that I take for granted the special process of creating a business from scratch.

It takes time to build something that lasts, something that is uniquely yours. A home, a relationship, a career.

You can’t rush through it. In fact, the most pivotal step in your process is always the one you’re in right now. Be gentle with yourself when you feel anxious about “getting there.” By doing your best now, the rest will fall into place.

By the way, I’m writing this newsletter cross legged on my new, lovely, correctly-sized area rug. Next is a bookshelf…

What is happening for you right now? What can you appreciate about this stage in your process?

KEEP GOING

⌛ Meditate on acceptance. That night, after rolling up the too-small rug and diving into an e-commerce black hole, I really wish I’d taken a beat to breathe. I let my anxious emotions drive, when I had the opportunity to sit with acceptance instead. I later searched for a guided meditation for when the need to control bubbles up again. This one did the trick. If you have a favorite guided meditation, please share it in the comments!

📖 Focus on your One Thing. What is the one thing, the one action, that would make everything else on your to-do list easier- or even unnecessary? Former real estate agents Gary Keller and Jay Papasan explore this question and propose a strategy for working smarter, not harder, in their book The One Thing. My trainer Alex recommended this book after I told her about my recent feelings of overwhelm, and I’ve been exploring Keller and Papasan’s other resources, too.

📍 Stand on this step. TBH, this post from The Assembly (a beautiful community space in San Francisco that had to close its doors this year) says it best.

P.S. If you’re reading from the US, please take care of yourself this week. Tell a friend if you need support. Respond to this email if you’d like. I care about you, and I’m here for you.

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