After the Kids Go Down: Recent Episodes
Bona and Eileen
Bona and Eileen are friends and SAHMs who share a love of writing and honest conversation. From this, the podcast was born. They aim to kick perfectionism in the ass with courage and vulnerability. What eats at us? What drives us? What are we afraid to admit out loud? They’ll let you in on their thoughts and expand on them together. They’ll talk about their identity as Asian-American women, their communities, the systems we all live in, things they’ve been struggling to name, haven’t had a real moment to process, and of course, relatable daily experiences that help us laugh along the way.
Eileen encounters a social situation revolving around the idea of “cool moms” and some inner turmoil ensues. Your hosts try to dig deep into their honesty about what they think of as cool, whether or not they feel cool, and what it might reveal. Bear with them through some cringey moments lol.
Stan and Andrew take over an episode and talk about what's on their minds. The topic du jour? Fatherhood. Enjoy this episode and the ladies will be back soon!
Perfectionism has plagued us in many ways. We explore what it looked like in our youth and how it shows up for us these days.
Bona and Eileen revisit their headspaces at the beginning of summer vacation. All that intentionality and vision… so, did it all go to plan? What have we got lined up for fall?
Bona and Eileen talk about their experiences with entirely Asian American friend groups. Why do these relationships sometimes feel fraught with difficulty? It's a complicated love story.
Bona and Eileen invite their husbands on as guests, and the four of them talk about how they dealt with any kind of conflict growing up. How did these experiences and stories translate over time? Your hosts lived to tell the tale.
A trip to New York brings up some thoughts and questions for Bona around the casual use of profanity.
Summer 2025 is here! We’re readying ourselves for slower mornings, humid adventures, and, yes, even the chaos and boredom. How about you?
Do you consider yourself a competitive person? What makes this true or untrue for you? What lies beneath the narrative we tell ourselves? Your hosts turn over some rocks, and (at least with this episode) are prepared to leave it all out there. No regrets.
We’ve made it to 50 episodes! Here’s what we’ve been thinking about lately…on growth and what brings us to this moment.
A fun little “Who’s more likely to...” and “Would you rather…” during this grind of an April! Join us for some laughs sprinkled in with some moral dilemmas (of course!).
This episode may include sensitive and triggering content related to toxic relationships and some violence.
What were some of your long held beliefs that have changed over time? Bona and Eileen share a few of theirs, both the silly and serious, and cheers to some new thoughts!
Bona and Eileen attended the StoryWork Conference (Uncover the Healing Power of Your Story) so you don’t have to! No, jk, you really should though. Your hosts recap why they went and some things they learned. Eileen examines a few stories with renewed perspective.
Resources:
The Allender Center Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-allender-center-podcast/id936250143?i=1000685309594
The Place We Find Ourselves
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-place-we-find-ourselves/id1373926216?i=1000698281996
This episode was recorded a little while ago, after we did an episode on beauty, Sephora tweens, and our ideas and expectations on appearance. That was episode 37 if you want to check it out. We thought it would be great to talk with Dr. Allison Wang, a dermatologist and also Bona’s sister-in-law, about her professional take on beauty and skincare, some myths, and what you may want to prioritize for your skin if you don’t want to do the 12-step regimen! And a little PSA from auntie Allison: wear your sunscreen and study hard!
Whooo is that girl I seeee, staring straaaight back at meee? 🎵🎶 Your girls are back together, and how sweet it is! We are walking into 2025 and Season 3 with fresh eyes and open hearts. Join us as we reunite to share some key self reflections from the past year.
What elusive feeling are we trying to capture during the holiday season? If it's not wrong, why doesn't it feel right? Eileen is still trying to figure this one out and brings in her husband, Stan, for some back up. (She only mentions the Christmas cards once. A tiny millisecond mention. Promise.)
Eileen and Stan (a special guest filling in for Bona) talk about their time in Chicago and being part of an Asian American church plant — a mini rise and fall, if you will. They go into the need for healing, namely healing in community, and what it actually means to live as Christ lived. We hope you enjoy this one. Merry Christmas!
She’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s a lady! Well, two ladies. Bona and Eileen talk about their styles through the years, how body image has been intertwined with it, and how their perspectives have shifted over time.
The ladies chat about how they’re feeling during this season — the good, the bad, and all the in between — and the things they’re feeling thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.
It’s Election Day! And your hosts talk politics…(cringe)…well, sort of. What they really talk about is the story behind the story. It’s about the idea of certainty and how it plays out in beliefs and opinions — both of which we know can be staunch and unwavering these days. What does being certain mean and how can it be detrimental to our openness to one another? What does it feel like to lay them down? Why does it matter? LFG 🇺🇸❤️🤍💙
Reference: Trauma, Fragmentation, and the Soothing Certainty of Dogmatism (Adam Young, The Place We Find Ourselves)
Are you Team Halloween or Team Christmas? Eileen and Bona give their reasons as to which is the better holiday (Halloween, duh lol jk). Sprinkle in some costume ideas, spooky vibes, favorite candies, a “which seasonal vibe” are you profiling, and you’ve got yourself their annual Halloween episode!
The hosts talk about their ideas of beauty and the messages they received about it when they were young. Who gets to say what is and isn’t? These Sephora tweens?! Bona and Eileen wonder aloud how their kids will approach the ideas and expectations on appearance. Here’s hoping that the kids will be all right!
The hosts take another dive down into the abyss of motherhood, worth, and identity. Some new little lightbulbs have popped up since episode 6 of ATKGD, and they’re here to shed some light on what they’ve been thinking about.
This conversation is very near and dear to the hosts. They talk about what they did prior to becoming stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) and what all of it meant or didn’t to them. Is there a difference between the societal perception of what they do now as SAHMs vs. the real experience? Buckle in with us as we take a rocky ride through the notions of career, achievement, fulfillment, and most importantly, our inherent worth. Anyone else on this struggle bus?
Summering is officially over for the both of us, and we’ve opened up our crisp new planners to shoot the shit while we also get our shit together. This episode has a smattering of it all. Our ick lists, some brain farts, a chilling story to prepare us for someone's favorite holiday, some big life updates, and other things on our minds as we step into a new season. We’re setting goals and farting them. I mean crushing. Crushing them!
In this special guest episode, your hosts chat with Eileen’s sister, Jessica Chong, all about enneagrams! They do a deep dive into what it’s all about, how they feel about its legitimacy, and what their own results are.
The girls are girlin’ today and letting out all sorts of thoughts on friendship as of late. Some key players in the conversation are authenticity, connection, and Phienna Varaon lol (iykyk). Some questions we ponder: Is it taboo to talk about the state of friendships? What are we truly looking for in friends? Can you outgrow these relationships? Also...can anyone let us in on the secrets of the girl code?? Anyone??
Listen to how Bona and Eileen ended up watching the latest popular rom-com (after Bona previously stated how she disliked them) and their beef with “mommy porn.” They talk about the movie “The Idea of You” and other works included in this purported genre. And, of course, they get into some of the nitty gritty stuff underneath the surface. Get ready for an amateur hour movie review where Eileen forgets every celebrity’s name lol.
How do you react to your child’s anger? Does it make you angry? Does the crying send you over the edge? Why does it do that?! In this episode, we talk about our reactivity, intolerance, and hypervigilance to the very normal emotion of anger, especially with our daughters. We explore where we think it’s coming from, and how we’re trying to push through to connect with our kids as well as ourselves in the process. Spoiler alert: It’s hard af lol.
Back at it for round two of our summer series Q&A! We’re keeping it light and fresh here! Except this book list (see below). This book list be thick. Enjoy!
Bona’s Reading List:
- Jesus I Trust in You, by Sister Faustina Maria Pia, S.V.
- Risen Motherhood, by Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler
- A Celebration of Vulva Diversity, by Hilde Atalanta
- How Much of These Hills Is Gold, by C Pam Zhang
- Minor Feelings, by Cathy Park Hong
- See Yourself Through God’s Eyes, by Marie Paul Curley, FSP
- Good Inside, by Dr. Becky Kennedy
- Uncommon Type: Some Stories, by Tom Hanks
- Smart but Scattered, by Peg Dawson, EdD, and Richard Guare, PhD
- An Ignatian Introduction to Prayer, by Timothy M. Gallagher, O.M.V.
- Mom of the Year, by Anderson Liu
- The Seven Storey Mountain, by Thomas Merton
- Permission to Come Home, by Jenny T. Wang, PhD
- The Bible
Eileen’s Reading List:
- Origins of You, by Vienna Pharaoh
- Parable of the Sower, by Octavia Butler
- The Bonfire of the Vanities, by Tom Wolfe
- Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay
- The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir
- The Book of the City of Ladies, by Christine de Pizza
- Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero
- Hold On to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld, PhD, and Gabor Mate, MD
What was our first impression of each other? What are our current hot takes? What do we do when we’re stressed out? Get to know us a little more this summer! ;)
Meet Bona’s little [but not so little anymore] brother! Dr. Damian Dongho Gwak is board certified in adult psychiatry, and board-eligible in child and adolescent psychiatry. He lives in the Chicagoland area. In this episode, he talks with us about his field and what most interests him. He also shares some practical parenting tools and strategies he’s learned from the job and working with families in his clinic. Lord knows we could all use any and all reminders to keep our chill while parenting our own littles this summer break! Join us for this special guest episode!
What do you do for fun? What did you think was fun when you were young? And what do you think is fun now? Are there things people typically find fun that you don’t? Bona and Eileen dance, laugh, and breeze their way through this one after the kids go down. They also take a page from Catherine Price’s work on The Power of Fun and talk about what she defines as “true” fun: a combination of playfulness, connection, and flow. Summer is comin’ up —and they’re ready for some F-U-N!
The husbands are back on! Our families went on spring break together to the beautiful mountains of Blue Ridge. What better to do than make ‘em record an episode with us after the kids went down about tryna keep up with it all? With the Joneses, Lees, and Kims of our world? Join our aggressively whispered, slightly uncomfortable, yet crucial conversation.
TW: This episode contains conversations around body image disturbances, body dysmorphia, and self harm.
Bona and Eileen talk about their memories and experiences with disturbed body image and body dysmorphia. They go in depth about when and how it started, the influence of peers and family, and the complicated process of recovery. What is it like for them now? How much has social media changed things for everyone? Will it continue in the next generation?
Eileen and Bona wrap up Women’s History Month with this little beauty of a conversation — what they think of feminism these days, who they are as women, sexism, patriarchy, and how they're navigating the mess of it all personally and in their families. It sure as hell ain't easy, but they believe it's important nonetheless. After all, we're all in this together, right? Right?! They're not too sure, but let's talk about it some more anyway. Cheers!
How do you react to your child’s anger? Does it make you angry? Does the crying send you over the edge? Why does it do that?! In this episode, we talk about our reactivity, intolerance, and hypervigilance to the very normal emotion of anger, especially with our daughters. We explore where we think it’s coming from, and how we’re trying to push through to connect with our kids as well as ourselves in the process. Spoiler alert: It’s hard af lol.
We all have our shit to deal with. The stuff on the counters, the closets, the garage, the attic. The stuff we’ve had since high school, since the last move, since it stopped being used and collecting dust. This is what Bona and Eileen do with their own shit. Is it healthy? Is it normal? Is there more to all of this than meets the eye? Probably not and probably so. Let’s muck around together and find out!
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, we thought it fitting to have our husbands on for a little Q&A sesh! Get to know them with a peek into our relationships - all the silly, the serious, and maybe even some salacious deets. This was a fun episode that we hope y’all enjoy. We’ll list the questions down below if you want to follow along to ask your partner as well! Spend time with your loved ones everyone. 💕
Questions we asked:
- How would your friends describe you?
- What is first memory of your spouse?
- Who said I love you first?
- What was your first fight about?
- What do you want to feel more appreciated for?
- What is your spouse’s most annoying habit?
- What’s your favorite trait about me that you hope I never lose?
- What’s the first word that comes to your mind when you think of the current climate of your relationship?
- How can you guys tell when your spouse is angry? And what’s it like for you?
- What’s the most physically attractive thing about your partner?
- What is something small that really makes your day?
- What activity makes you feel alive?
- Is there a song you listened to growing up that you never tire of?
- What sights, tastes, or smells can instantly transport you back to your childhood?
- If you could host a dinner party with 5 famous or influential people, dead or alive, who would they be?
- What’s a personality trait that I possess that you wish you had?
- If you had 5 extra hours in the day, what would you do?
- What’s one thing you view as overrated?
- Going in for a hug, where do you normally put your hands?
- If your partner was a wild animal, what would they be?
- Do you guys have a favorite podcast?
Blair Kim, fellow Asian-American podcaster and host of “When I Grow Up,” joins us on this episode! She opens up on how the postpartum experience affected her and the relationships in her life. Each of us share glimpses into our first months of motherhood and about navigating the blues, depression, and anxiety surrounding it. As we weave through our individual stories, we see how much of it is connected through pain, laughter, and everything in between. Don’t miss this one!
References:
Podcast: When I Grow Up / Blair Kim
IG: @whenigrowup.podcast
Podcast: I Hope They Hear This / David Shin
IG: @ihopetheyhearthis
The hosts welcome in the new year with a reading of their horoscopes…which Bona may or may not go to confession for later. 🫣 It’s TBD, but what they do know is that this year will be a good one. 😎 They determine what goals are “in” for them as well as what habits are “out.” Join them as they kick off this 2024 year of the dragon!
We’re rounding the corner of another year, and our first year of the ATKGD podcast in the books! In this episode, we revisit the Christmas card controversy from episode 1, share a new perspective on the nativity scene, and discuss what advent is really about. See if you can hang onto the ride while we make a connection from Elf on the Shelf to generational curses. Lol. Sometimes, we surprise even ourselves. Happy holidays, everyone! Be sure to catch us in the new year! Cheers.
What were we like as first-time parents? And then as we added more to our broods? In this episode, we share stories and experiences on what our lives were like as our families grew. Stay tuned for the end when we talk about some of the best/worst parenting advice we got along the way!
C’mon in and listen up as ya girlies spill the tea! (Is that something people still say?! Are we on trend?!) What’s on their bucket lists? Which phone apps do they use the most? What are their quirks? How would friends describe them? In this episode, you’ll find out some interesting tidbits — both ridiculous and intimate — about your two hosts. As always, thank you for your support!
Eileen and Bona are back just in time for Halloween and talk about what raises the hair on the back of their necks. Join your hosts for some creepy fun (and a special appearance by Pennywise?!?) — just don’t look behind you. Joking, joking! But, seriously, listen if you dare… 😜🎃👻🧙♀️💀🧛♂️🐦⬛
We went into this wanting to dive into stress and the gender divide, but this episode kind of threw us for a loop. It started with Eileen talking about a busy day preparing for a trip without her family, but ended with us pulling some skeletons out of the closet. Join your hosts as they bring some deeply recessed thoughts to light, and cheers to keeping the conversation going!
*Trigger Warning: This episode includes content about violence towards women.
*Spoiler Alert
Who has seen the Barbie movie?! What started as a moms’ movie night turned into a firework of thoughts, and this duo dares to share them with you. They’ll talk about the eye candy of Barbieland, its social commentary, and where they see themselves in it.
Welcome to Season 2 of the ATKGD podcast! Your hosts are back behind the mic and rarin’ to go. What happened over the summer?! Bona and Eileen recap their breaks and highlight some fun things to look forward to for this new season.
Wow, y’all, it’s the finale to our first season! We can’t believe it’s been 5 months since you’ve tuned in and a year and a half since we began this journey. Join us as we share how it felt starting out, our most memorable episodes, and the ways we feel like it’s impacted our lives. For us, summer with kids means lazy mornings, poolside, ruddy cheeks, sweaty hair, and dusky evenings lit with fireflies. Perhaps the occasional meltdown as we’re all melting in this ATL heat. But after the kids go down, you better believe we will be getting ready for our next season and are so excited to come back with more content and perhaps some new tricks up our sleeves. Thank you to everyone who listened along and supported us in our inaugural run. 👊🏻✌🏻 TTYL!
It’s the eve to the season finale! In this episode, ya girls Bona and Eileen are talking about 💘friendship💘. They reminisce on what friendships were like in the past and dive into what they look for today. Join them for some stories and a lot of ridiculousness. Enjoy the conversation, friends!
Hey there, all you listeners! Some of you have been asking about our skin care routine…. Well, no. No one’s asked. 😂 What we ARE going to talk about is our love/hate relationship with social media. We’ll talk about it all! Spill all the freakin’ tea. What are the benefits? And the risks? It’s a part of our reality, but why doesn’t it feel real? Is it just a field day for our senses, or does it also “feed” our vanity, self-doubt, and loneliness? You guys, it’s so great. I mean, it’s so much fun! Use our code: GRANNIES if you want nothing more than to throw your phone into the ocean. 😭😂 But seriously? Give us a listen, rate and review us while you’re at it. Signing off! 🫰🏼 AznAnge180 and ~lemonflower~
Eileen and Bona discuss and critique Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play — a book, card game, and documentary that has been touted as “a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities.” Who wouldn’t love to create a massive “Shit I Do” list for their partner to see? But…and this is a big but…what are these frustrated feelings really about? Is it fairness? Or is it fear and mistrust? What then? The hosts dive into what fair even means in terms of relationships and what they believe it means (or doesn’t) inside their own marriages.
Here we go. This conversation is very near and dear to the hosts. They talk about what they did prior to becoming stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) and what all of it meant or didn’t to them. Is there a difference between the societal perception of what they do now as SAHMs vs. the real experience? Buckle in with us as we take a rocky ride through the notions of career, achievement, fulfillment, and most importantly, our inherent worth. Anyone else on this struggle bus?
Bona picks her husband’s brain at Taco Mac. Who doesn’t talk about code-switching over a basket of wings and beer? Come along with us as Bona regales you with a snapshot of her story in formative years. From South Korea to America, back to Korea, and then back stateside again — how does one shuttle between cultures at a tender age and survive? Well, here’s a woman who lived to tell the tale.
The hosts chat about their daughters and sons. They find themselves questioning gender roles, social inheritance, inner voice, and where our genes might play a role. Both of them elaborate on some painful and funny (or painfully funny) parenting stories. And mice… what about the mice? Stay tuned until the end for some extra tidbits you might find fascinating!
The hosts expand on their thoughts from the first episode (“Crazy White Asian?”), and Eileen clarifies her feelings on whiteness and the nebulous immigrant story. They attempt to materialize the ghosts of a minority experience and peel back the layers of social norms, HOA, status quo, and the systems we’re all a part of. Just some easy pillow talk after the kids go down.
After the horrendous mass shooting in Monterey Park this Lunar New Year weekend, we hesitated to post this week’s episode. Truly, it is not to add insult to injury. Rather, it is a rallying cry. Let's dig in a little deeper while holding each other a little tighter.
In this episode, Bona and Eileen talk about their experiences of being “churched.” They conversationally camp out at the intersection of their faith backgrounds, fellowship (not the Lord of the Rings kind), behavioral norms, and the complexities of the Asian-American church. Grab a glass and get comfortable! Unless you're driving, then, ya know, don't.
Eileen gets on a soapbox about holiday cards. Bona grapples with her love of seersucker and monograms. And what does HOA have to do with white supremacy? Hear it all on this episode where they consider how much white influence has impacted their Asian-American identities. (This episode was pre-recorded some time ago. No, Lizzo is not in town.)
An introduction to your hosts, Bona and Eileen. They'll share a little about themselves and their hopes for the podcast!