The Tightrope of Acceptance: Recent Episodes
Arran Patel
On February 17, #AcceptYourself will be released.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
For the final episode of the Tightrope of Acceptance, Arran reads an excerpt from his debut book 'The Tightropes', out on May 17, 2023 on Amazon.
For this episode, Arran discusses burnout, self-compassion, Tapping and EFT (emotional freedom technique) with Sinead.
Sinead opens up about how she first encountered the early signs of burnout and how Tapping has helped her to accept herself whilst helping other people to begin to process their pain or trauma through EFT.
If you'd like to learn more about Tapping and EFT, please message Sinead on Instagram at @sineadeft.
In the past, I often ran away from situations that would be difficult to face. I soon became an expert at avoiding things which just meant the issues that were causing these emotions were never dealt with. I would spend so much time running away that I did not stop and enjoy the present. During that time in my life, I looked like I was having the best time from the pictures on my camera roll, but I cannot remember those moments. I was so out of touch with myself that I couldn’t allow myself to fully have a good time.
When I first came to this realisation, I had to find a way to embrace the version of myself that I was at that time and learn to make myself be present. Otherwise, life would just continue to pass me by in the blink of an eye.
Whenever, I would find myself in situations with difficult people, I’d swiftly plot my escape. Nowadays, I challenge myself to face it rather than running away. I had to consciously practice radical honesty. At first, I thought I was punishing myself and continuing to make myself suffer. But as time went on, I started to become more in touch with my truth. Although I had to find a balance between the two. I sometimes wished that I could forget it when things became difficult. However, I had to remind myself that when temptations would surface, to focus on the amount of work I have already put in.
In my past, I would hide myself from so many of the closest people in my life that I was living in a false reality. This generated a lot of anxiety and self-shame, because I was embarrassed of the heavy emotions I was experiencing. The more lies I told to myself and to others to cover up the truth, the more I became a stranger to myself. I thought I would never be able to accept my truth. I just wanted to be happy and be able to form a deep connection with someone else. However, in order to do that, I had to form a connection with myself first, after eleven years of being mostly disconnected from myself and my reality.
When you constantly tell people that you are fine, but the truth is you’re not. You are lying to yourself and denying yourself the chance to process the pain you are feeling. By doing that, and continuing to suppress your emotions, you just begin to feel worse in the long run. It can be scary to face yourself, but avoidance has consequences. Take it from me, that it’s not worth it. You deserve to be loved and to be happy. If you keep denying yourself happiness, love and acceptance, you will prolong the suffering that you are the maker of.
Be Happy. Show yourself compassion. Try to feel good about yourself even when you feel like things are hopeless. Hope is always there. You just have to try to believe in yourself and your worth.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When you feel like you are about to spiral into self-judgement and self-shame, remember how far you have come. Remind yourself of how strong and capable you are, instead of mindlessly focusing on what you don’t have. Take a step back and think of everything in your life that you are thankful for.
When a friendship or relationship becomes mentally and emotionally draining, it can sometimes start to feel like self-betrayal. If you are going through a particularly turbulent time where you don’t see yourself in a positive light, we can often struggle to form mutually fulfilling relationships.
You may struggle to see your own worth, but you are more likely to attract individuals who will seek to take advantage of you, especially when you have low self-esteem. You do not need to prove yourself to anyone so try to stop worrying about other’s people perceptions of you. It’s not worth it.
If saying no or putting an end to behaving in a way that only pleases other people results in someone withdrawing and distancing themselves from you. They didn’t appreciate you and all of the times you showed up for them. They only appreciated what you did for them. There is only so much you can do. Not getting the result you hoped for after showing your authentic self to someone, can leave you feeling defective.
We try our best to believe in our self-worth, but we are often caught up in a battle with the part of us that is sensitive to the judgement we make based on their reaction. Prioritising others over yourself when you lack time and energy can be damaging to your health and it begins to put you out of touch with your own needs. People will try to guilt or shame you for creating boundaries because you are a reminder that they may be stuck in the dysfunction or chaos of their own making.
Remember you can be kind and compassionate to those that are struggling while upholding your boundaries. Only you know if something doesn’t sit right with you. If it doesn’t, divert your energy into something fulfilling. Don’t enter situations where you might be left feeling defective. You deserve better.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Why is it acceptable in the early days of dating to continue to hook up with other people? We constantly complain about our loneliness while being single, but we are increasingly scared of commitment.
Is it fair to mess someone about just because you do not know what you want. It is no surprise that so many people are stuck in situationships. Situationships is a kind of relationship that is defined by being undefined. Its lack of clarity and direct communication creates unnecessary confusion and anxiety for all parties involved. If you fear labelling things, ask yourself why that might be the case. It has become yet another vicious cycle that we have become stuck in. You just waste so much time and someone always ends up getting hurt.
A relationship has to be built upon mutual respect and trust. How can you expect someone to want to be with you if you continue to sleep with other people? If you want something casual, then why advertise that you want a relationship?
You may have already met The One but a lack of respect and patience that are required to get to know someone will forever prolong your search for something long lasting and meaningful. It takes time to build something with someone but self sabotaging it from the start will not help you find it any faster. No, one person will ever be enough if you continue to do this.
Try to establish boundaries and expectations. Don’t suppress your real feelings.
Be Kind to yourself and others. Treat someone you are dating with the same level of respect as you would expect from a partner. If you feel stuck, communicate how you are feeling. Don’t make yourself suffer in silence. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and does not use labels as an excuse.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Arran sits down with a close friend, Matthew Chew whose voice you may find familiar.
They discuss what the word Pride means to them and how they have learned to accept themselves while navigating the LGBTQ+ community.
We are living in a time where we are all feeling the lows of the cost of living crisis with meeting loved ones becoming increasingly infrequent. Daily life can seem harder than it used to be.
I’ve been trying to find moments of joy in the everyday. Happiness is not smiling or laughing all the time as that is just unrealistic. Difficult emotions are a natural part of life. For me, happiness goes deeper. It is being grounded in connection, purpose and hope, but allowing yourself the spacer to feel and process heavy emotions like sadness and anxiety. I used to allow myself to foolishly judge myself when I wasn’t as busy as friends or the people I see on social media. Nowadays, I embrace the joy of missing out. I sometimes would rather be alone than being in a room with people that don’t care about my wellbeing.
Much of what we have experienced in the past has left an imprint on the mind, which has a direct impact on how we show up in the present moment. Healing is a combination of getting to know ourselves and letting go of the old behaviour patterns that keep us in a vicious cycle that repeats the past.
Times of deep release can leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed for a long while. Breaking out of the past by saying no to old patterns and channelling our energy to form new habits can sometimes make us doubt ourselves or fear what is to come. As you venture into a new era and the unknown. Recognising these moments and trusting the process will help you ride the waves of healing.
You may think that what I say does not work for you. Positive affirmations can sometimes lead to more self-doubt and self-judgement. The reason is due to your internal dialogue. You can say to yourself that you love yourself and that you forgive yourself. It means more to actually believe in it.
By saying something you don’t feel is true, you are giving power to your inner critic to find all of the reasons why you are not lovable. Life is too short to be the maker of your own misery.
Instead of always trying to start an inner battle fuelled by chronic overthinking, give yourself some credit. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Feeling difficult emotions makes you human. To truly trust yourself, you have to learn to be your own coach, your own biggest fan rather than your own worth critic.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Every day, we encounter difficult people that trigger us. We cannot control how others treat us but we can remove their effect on our mental health. They may enjoy inflicting harm on you, whether that be gaslighting or just taking advantage of you. You are strong. You do not deserve that. Let go of the need to make everyone like you. Embrace the versions of yourself that you may not align with now, and accept what happened in your emotional history. You may of reacted harshly at the time but you are human. Not everyone is capable of forgiveness. You were there. You know what happened. Do not allow them to walk all over you. Believe in better.
Forgive yourself for those instances where you didn't speak up and blamed yourself. I did the same thing so many times, that I have lost count at this point. For almost a decade, I allowed people to treat me like a doormat. People pleasing is not worth it.
It's easy to blame yourself, but the only way to move forward is to forgive yourself. You don't need to be perfect. Perfection is a social construct. Everyone on this planet has imperfections, no matter what they say. Imperfections are what makes us rare. Your differences make you the person you are. Life is too precious to be constantly trapped in your head and overthinking every decision you've ever made.
Live your life. Love yourself. Don't allow false narratives to run wild in your mind. Forgive yourself. Embrace everything you have done. Be Kind while upholding your boundaries. Know your worth, and ignore the difficult people that try to tear you down. Be careful with who you vent to. Don't give power to someone that might stab you in the back one day and not regret it.
Find people that wholeheartedly respect you and show support for you. Friendships and relationships are a two-way street. Don't allow people to disrespect you by expecting too much from you. Communicate your boundaries to them so they can show some respect to you.
You deserve to be able to be yourself.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When a desire combines with your mental tension, it transforms into a craving. Attachment is craving for things in your life to be a certain way. When it doesn’t go the way you hoped, you feel like you have lost control.
Why do we crave approval and validation from all of the wrong places? Do we fear being alone? Is it the anxiety-inducing nature of meeting new people that deters you from going out and finding people that you truly deserve?
Everyone has their motives. Genuine people are able to make plans that please all of the interests of those involved. When someone has the wrong attitude and expects you to always make the effort, it can leave you feeling exhausted and used.
From my upbringing, I always felt like I had to apologise even in circumstances, where I was not at fault. This created a long-term habit of unnecessarily apologising, that allowed former friends to continuously get what they wanted. As they knew, I would always be the one to compromise. With time, I have realised that these one-sided connections were a waste of time. By detaching myself, I made space for people that are capable of being authentic as well as respectful. Not everyone in your surroundings will understand you, but respect is key.
If you made a mistake and apologise for it, the decision to accept your apology is up to them. You have done all you can to make peace, but their lack of self-awareness may mean that they continue to mistreat you. Everyone makes mistakes but some enjoy holding a grudge and using it against you. If you are having to convince yourself to meet them, isn’t that proof enough?
When it comes to family, we often crave the validation and approval of them when making life choices. However, we may not always receive it. You cannot live your whole life to meet the expectations of your family. You are an individual and sometimes their perspective may not align with yours. You cannot choose your family, but you can stop living your life on other people’s terms. Their intentions might not be as pure as you originally thought. At some point, you have to draw a line when this has a negative effect on you, especially if it leads to self-doubt and self-judgement. It can be very damaging when you willingly give other people the power to ruin your mental health. You deserve happiness and you do not need to prove yourself to anyone other than yourself. Make yourself proud instead of leaning on people that may be seeking to sabotage you.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Do you sometimes feel as though you have no control over your life?
This sense of powerlessness can be immensely frustrating. No matter how powerless you feel. You can always make choices that will reclaim your control. Don’t suffer in silence. You are entitled to be wanted. You deserve people that make the effort and offer you more than their bare minimum. You are allowed to say no to things that are not aligned with you.
People will want you to be the ‘old you’ to facilitate their bad habits even if it is not good for you. They don’t like that you’re changing because it highlights their lack of discipline. Don’t feel guilty for making choices to break out of your old patterns. Take pride in the inner strength that you hold to change yourself for the better. Strive for growth, not perfection.
There are people in your life that will use you to get through their own trauma. However, when the time comes where you need someone, they are nowhere to be found. Some friends just do not possess the emotional intelligence to help you, like you do for them. This is completely fine. You have to realise that there are different levels of friendship that exist in your surroundings. In modern times, you have the friends who are acquaintances. Conversations are very rare and usually happen online. You have the friends that check in on you every so often to see that you are okay. There are those that you hold close to you, and they are part of your chosen family. The effortless, loving connections where you are able to depend on each other in any scenario.
When a friendship or relationship ends, it cuts deep. If we empower the love that already lives within us, it can blossom and make us feel more whole than any other relationship or friendship ever can. For me, I empower myself by journaling. Instead of reacting harshly like I would in the past, I write down my progress and raw emotions in order to process them. To truly empower yourself, you have to turn your intention into action. Many people walk through their lives saying that they want to change their life. Actions speak louder than words. You might fear what may happen if you act. Nonetheless, it’s better to try than never try at all.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
I hope you are happy. I hope you meet people that make you smile. Find joy in the simple moments. It is easy to take things for granted. Look around and be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Embrace the present, instead of over-analysing the past. I hope you learn to live life on your own terms. Set boundaries while allowing yourself to have fun. Surrounding yourself with people that love all of you. The ones who see you and your flaws and just want you to be yourself. Soak in the solace of your solitude. Rediscover your inner landscape and bask in the stillness and calm.
I hope you feel inspired by the constant chatter in life. I hope that you never feel like you do not have a voice. I hope that you feel like you matter. You have a voice. You are beautiful inside and out and your emotions are valid. Do not give anyone else the power to undermine that. If they take it upon themselves to make you feel bad, it says more about them than it does about you. They are just projecting their unprocessed emotions onto you.
I hope that you do not allow people to bring you down. I hope you find more love. I hope that you can let go of love and feel your emotions when things feel heavy. There was a whole you that existed before them and there will be a whole you after them. It feels heavy because you are consciously carrying their extra weight. I hope you can let go of the emotional weight to feel lighter. Be transparent with yourself instead of romanticising what happened through rose coloured lenses. See it for what it was. Closure is not something that they give you, it is something that you give yourself.
I hope you can let go of the body image you think society wants you to have. Take it from someone whose weight has been like a yo-yo for most of their life. I hope you love what you see in the mirror.
Hope used to be a dangerous thing for a man like me to have, but I still have it. I’m a hopeful person. I used to be too dependent on others in my life, but I felt like a burden. I have been working hard on being able to support myself by letting go of all of the emotional weight that I was carrying.
I hope you are able to awaken your most authentic self. I hope you can finally feel at home in your body.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When I was 18, I used to thrive off of the thrill of living life at 100 miles an hour. As I approach my 27th year, I am embracing a slower pace of life.
After eleven years of trauma, my mind is more familiar with turbulence than it is with peace. But truthfully, healing has allowed me to rebuild my relationship with myself. Whether I am having a good or bad day, I am able to consistently be myself. Letting go of the attachment of how I used to be, has sometimes been a struggle. I have been focusing my perception of myself on the present instead.
Hanging on to the remnants of the past will only delay your arrival into the present moment. If you want to truly move on, your only option is to let go. Learn to prevent your past emotions being brought into present situations. Lifting yourself up when your life feels turbulent and reminding yourself of how far you have come, will keep you on the right trajectory. During turbulence, your ego falls into the habit of viewing some people as less than others. Turbulent times does not warrant being unkind to another person.
I have been distancing myself from situations that would feed old patterns that I have been working on breaking. I have been drinking less alcohol and stopped going out to bars in Soho and Vauxhall. I am grateful to the people in my inner circle for supporting me. Alcohol is a central component in the social lives of most British people. I was shamed for wishing to make this change. Drinking less does not mean I am boring. People often stigmatise others that do not drink. By taking this change seriously, I continue to meet people that respect this new boundary. Meeting for a cup of tea or coffee instead of a cocktail has been more enjoyable.
I have been walking on the fine line between healthy and binge eating. I would often reach out for food for comfort, when feeling overwhelmed during stormy times. After a time of focusing on gaining weight while recovering from bulimia nervosa, I am instilling greater discipline in my dietary routine. Saying no to eating out as I prefer to cook for myself. Improving my ability to be honest and vulnerable with my inner circle has deepened our connections. I let go of the egocentric habit of trying to weather storms on my own. When I feel overwhelmed, I reach out to them.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Even if what you seek is a complete transformation, the best way is to get there is to find some stability. Reaching a balance between the love that you offer to others and self-love will ensure that their personal happiness will be supported as well as your own. A lack of selfless communication is usually to blame when things go into disarray. When we do not listen to the other person and do not take on board their needs and boundaries, we are allowing our ego to take control.
By appreciating the perspective of another person, you are being mature. When your ego is too dominant, you can become difficult and inflexible. Life is complex but multiple truths can co-exist. The society that we live in is obsessed with speed. When it comes to healing, a quick fix will not be good enough. It takes time to consciously become the person you will be proud of. Progressively giving yourself hard truths over time will allow you to feel balanced in yourself. Letting go of your impatience and embracing the journey is crucial. Otherwise, you will fall into old habits of self-doubt & self-judgement. There will be a moment of victory when you start to take your personal growth and healing seriously.
Every day is not a great day and that is okay. You will begin to realise that tough emotions no longer take over your actions the way they did in the past. In instances where you do react, it will no longer leave you feeling discombobulated or overwhelmed. You are not perfectly happy all the time, but who is? You do not need to prove yourself to anybody.
Listen to your intuition and your body. We often know we are doing something that we may later regret at the time, but we do it anyway. By realising and putting your foot down, you are expressing love to yourself. Communicate your needs and boundaries to the people in your life so they can be respected. You can’t expect others to respect you if you don’t set any boundaries to start with. Treating yourself well is imperative. When putting a state of balance first, you will feel a sense of calm and harmony in your day. A day where you are capable of putting yourself first while honouring the needs of others at the same time. You should never please someone else at the detriment of your own wellbeing.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Choose Yourself is an episode where Arran invites his friend Faith, to have a conversation.
They discuss self-love, listening to one's intuition and letting go of society's expectations of how one's life should be. Faith opens up about her love for sleep, Muay Thai, Frosties, and how she makes time for herself alongside her hectic work schedule.
My life was not working. I had to find a way to reset it. I consciously began to take a step back and reflect. I had to clean my slate and cut off all the extra weight I was carrying through healing.
Difficult decisions in life are necessary in order to prioritise one’s own happiness.
We used to be close. Inseparable. We spent so much time together. The usual friendship things, sending each other memes, songs, funny tweets, sharing coffee and catch ups over brunch and cocktails.
In life, people can go from people you know to people you don’t. I felt like there were so much time wasted where things began to feel fake & forced. Their lack of interest and effort became all too clear with time. The warning signs became to appear. They never messaged me off their own accord, I was always the one messaging them. They never made plans, I was the one to initiate it. Friendship should be based upon mutual respect and effort. It shouldn’t feel like a chore.
I let them go because I couldn’t pretend anymore. I had to be honest and I couldn’t be there for them as I would have liked to be. On my journey of healing, I began to notice their bad behaviours as I was trying to stop myself from falling back into them.
When I went through a dark time, their advice was not helpful. Upon reflection, I feel as though they had ulterior motives. They enjoyed drama, but it is unkind to try and cause chaos in another’s life. My goals in life did not align with theirs, and we were walking down very different paths. I will always care about them, but I had to be the one to make a difficult decision instead of continuing to devote time and energy to a friendship that was not reciprocated.
Feeling like you are stuck or trapped in your life is completely normal. Take it upon yourself to change it. Change can be difficult to acclimatise to. However, the rainy days will pass soon enough and you will feel the warmth of the sunshine. Embrace change. Don’t fear it. Being comfortable does not mean it is the right path for you. Life is for living, not suffering.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
When you're feeling down, and you are searching for reassurance or validation from others, ask yourself what kinds of reassuring words you are looking for. Sometimes, a tight hug is all that's needed or a reassuring smile.
Remember that all of your emotions are valid. It's normal to feel sad, upset or overwhelmed. No one is constantly happy and social media is just a means of showing the version of one's self that is most attractive or interesting. Don't compare yourself to everyone's highlight reel.
It's important to accept where you are in your life. Think of all of the things in your life that bring you happiness or pure joy. Acknowledge and celebrate all that you have achieved instead of fighting with yourself or questioning what could have gone better.
All of the choices that we make in our lives are based upon love or fear. There has to come a time where we draw a line and stop allowing fear and insecurity to shape how we see ourselves. I think it's crazy that we live in a time where we do things for the likes, followers and approval from complete strangers. We are living in an uncertain time at the moment. There's nothing wrong with staying at home & doing nothing.
Earlier in the week, I was feeling quite insecure and anxious. I decided to find a way to soothe myself. I made one of my favourite dishes at home, watched one of my favourite all-time movies and had an early night. When things feel heavy or overwhelming, I prioritise the simple things that bring me joy like having coffee in bed on a cold morning or having a bath and embracing a state of calm. Letting go of the past takes time, but noticing when you're being tempted by old patterns of behaviour and pulling yourself back into the present moment, is a sign of how far you have come.
There is still a long way to go, for me. However, I am learning to enjoy the journey because I am learning a lot about myself. I remember that everything is okay and even when life feels shit, the storm will pass soon enough.
In my past, I was constantly doing things for the approval and validation of the people in my surroundings. The truth is, they didn't even bat an eyelid for the thought and effort I was putting in.
Prioritise yourself. Don't feel guilty for taking the time and space to be alone when things feel heavy or overwhelming.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We all think about what we have done in our past, present and what we will do in the future. It consumes us and it’s all we can think about. It is unwise to judge yourself during turbulence. You shouldn’t make any drastic decisions during a turbulent period. Take a step back and face things slowly while the stormy times pass through you. Use the time to change how you perceive yourself.
There is nothing wrong with giving yourself the space and time to focus on yourself. In my past, I dealt with turbulence from a place of deep trauma and pain. Now, I deal with stormy times from a place of calm with greater patience and understanding. I don’t seek validation from the people in my life as it is often temporary. Tolerating yourself during the downs of your life and actively trying to stop over-analysing the things you cannot change, will allow you to see things with greater clarity.
We often dwell on the past because we regret the way we did something, or we notice a behaviour or relationship that doesn’t align with who you are now and what you stand for in the present day. Our identities are constantly changing, and we have to accept and validate what we cannot change so we can move forward. If you have learned from your mistakes, then it is a character building experience. However, if you continue to make the same mistake time and time again, then you will continue to feel shame or regret. Instead of wishing you could change something in your emotional history, refocus that energy into making a change now.
I try to pay attention to the things in my life that I dedicate my energy to. I surround myself with people that are good. Just kind, lovely, & real people. They tell me when I am being stupid, or if I am being a pain. They put me in my place and keep me grounded and present. They remind me that I have to be patient and value each step because it is important even if it is a small step. I don’t need fake niceties. It is important to just feel safe, comfortable and have a healthy environment to be your most authentic self for others. Treat yourself with the same kindness, patience and compassion that you show to other people.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It is now the norm to psychoanalyse every single thing that you do. Should I reply to them? Should I ghost them? Are they good enough for me? Am I good enough?
Red flags. Green flags. We are all human beings. No one is perfect. Good people do things for other people. That's the end of that.
I don't blame what happened in my past on other people. I recognise the role I played in it and have taken responsibility. I have learned to treat myself with the same respect as I show to others. It's easy to allow heated moments to ruin the beautiful moments. It might temporarily ease the pain. However, turning someone you once loved into an enemy won't make you feel better.
Don't allow your memories to start to feel like weapons.
If you had an exhausting week at work and just want to sleep away the weekend, be honest. Don't make yourself knackered, just to post on Instagram. Get comfy, stick on some tele and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Hold yourself in higher regard. Stop shaming yourself or making yourself suffer, for no reason. Life can be shit, but it will be okay one day soon.
Be patient with yourself. Enjoy life. Be there for you. No one can love you better than you.
Remember to always: Respect Yourself.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In the past, I was constantly spending time with others to avoid myself because my trauma felt too heavy to carry. It was a common escape as I didn’t know then how to manage my emotions. My deep attachment to pleasure was the central catalyst to my past problematic behaviours.
When I began to build my self-awareness, I noticed how superficial a large number of my friendships were. I chose to devote time to those that are genuinely there. Instead of those that were there only when it suited them. Self-awareness is wasted if it does not result in accepting yourself.
Allowing yourself the space to grow and transform, to build positive habits, develop new perspectives and to let go of the old ways of your self is vital. When going through stormy times, it can feel like it will be easier to fall back into your old ways. However, staying strong and committed is easier than you think.
Embrace change and love yourself with each and every step you take. Facing yourself in order to be the real you is not easy. The majority spend their whole lives making the same mistakes time and time again. It takes courage and maturity to be a cycle breaker. Let go of the monotony, and the fear of missing out. Letting go will allow you to clearly see the moment without the past messing up your perception of reality. When you put yourself first instead of others, you gain greater access to the present.
Be patient with yourself. There’s nothing wrong with saying no to difficult people and putting yourself on a path to long term happiness. Don’t shame yourself for what happened. You cannot change your history. Stop making things hard for yourself. You have the power to be happy and create a better future. You’ve got no reason to be afraid.
Be Yourself.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We are each people pleasers in one way or another. We all know what it feels like to be wanted by others to accept or approve us. However, it becomes a problem if you are neglecting your own needs to do things for others.
It’s impossible for people to respect your boundaries if you have never set any in the first place. It can easily turn into a lose-lose situation. It’s easy to believe that earning approval is the only way to maintain friendships and relationships.Real friends don’t offer blind support. It is crucial to have people in your inner circle who are not afraid to tell you when you are moving in the wrong direction.
Stop constantly apologising or taking the blame even though, it wasn’t your fault.
Stop feeling guilty when you say no.
Stop reacting instantly.
After eleven years of mostly disassociating, I am now able to fully experience every moment I am in. I was always hiding and trying to be somebody I wasn't, my true life was a secret. A life that was never connected to the present.
To ground myself, I have had to become more self-aware. Respecting my boundaries and not feeling guilty for cancelling plans has made a difference. I am aware of my self-judgement. I now recognise that I am being hard on myself and give myself a break.
Treating others with kindness is so important. We are living in a time where the media spreads so much misinformation about the minorities in society. This produces so much unnecessary hate. Spread love and kindness.
In life, it’s easy to lose sight of the presence of a gaslighter. No one tells you that a good person can consciously seek to hurt you, whether that be a lover, friend or a colleague.
A relationship should be an extension to your existing life, but they became obsessed and possessive. If they couldn’t have me, no one could. When the darkness began to lift, I channelled all those emotions into working on myself. I couldn’t make it go away by turning them into a villain. I reclaimed the power from what happened.
Notice gaslighting when you hear a mental fire alarm. People pleasing will just make you suffer.
Self-Love is love. Happy Valentine’s Day! Spread love and not hate.
I’ve had a hard time moving on from my bulimia. It has felt like I am running around a running track each day, trying to jump over hurdles that are triggers. Getting dressed where all my clothes are too big, seeing the painfully thin reflection in my mirror and striving to see the weight gain as a good thing.
There is inequity in society based on the body type you have. The purpose of life is to enjoy each and every moment. I don’t have time to constantly stare at my reflection in the mirror and point out all the flaws. I don’t feel the need to go to the gym 7 days a week. I don’t need to calorie count or write down what I eat like all those influencers tell you on Instagram and TikTok. As long as I am healthy according to a medical professional, that’s all that matters.
Since then, I have kept my food down for three months. I am thankful for the patience of those closest to me.
I have been so vulnerable because I like to think I didn’t go through all of it for nothing. My body weight has been like a yo-yo since I was 15. I have struggled with how I look & my past trauma and unkind messages definitely contributed to this.
As a gay man in 2023, everything seems so superficial. All I am to some is my exterior. What about my interior? What happened to just having a conversation and being friends?
Why do you have to have sex with me to be my friend? I am a human being.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
I felt like I was living undercover, while recovering. In September last year, I released my story into the world and was met with so much support that I did not expect. However, psychotherapy in autumn last year made me remember things I had forgotten eleven years ago. This remembrance of lost trauma triggered the third period of bulimia nervosa in my life.
I now allow myself confidence. Confidence brings you acceptance. Accepting myself helped me to heal. Just Be Yourself. I started prioritising my long term happiness instead of people pleasing. I dress how I want. I embody everything that makes me me.
We live in 2023. There is no need to conform to stereotypes. Just be you and express everything that makes you you.
I will allow myself more time to embrace my sensual self. I love leather & life is too short to be vanilla. I am sapiosexual. I am attracted to the intelligence & personality of another. I am not willing to write off romance & chivalry. I was brought up to treat others with respect and always be a gentleman. The simple things bring joy to others. I’ll always be an old soul.
I have to allow myself the space to recover & prioritise health over anything else. I became comfortable in my own company. There was beauty in the simplicity of solitude, it allowed me to grow as a person.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Healing made me feel like I am living.
If you have been affected by the content of this episode, please contact NHS 111 or seek support from Beat, the UK's Eating Disorder charity. You are not alone. Reach out to a friend, teacher or loved one.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
I thought I was fine.
Upset & staring at the ceiling.
Sipping gin, whisky & wine
& Eating to avoid my feelings.
Dancing the nights away to Beyoncé, JLo & Taylor,
To feel less like a failure.
I chose disco lights over darkness.
I was a hot mess.
Grinding to R&B on the dancefloors of Soho,
Embracing being that hoe
Over there.
We were young, wild and free.
No one could see
my reality.
It’s a pity that life in the capital city,
Became a terror.
I wish it could have been fairer.
I never want to feel how I felt on those nights.
My foresight was unclear.
There was an abundance of fear.
I dreamed of living there,
It became too much to bear.
I left because it felt right,
In the middle of a winter night.
I became so frail.
Dreaming of hiking on rural trails.
The people were mean,
But the grass isn’t always greener.
I didn’t want to leave,
I had to stop wiping away my tears with my shirtsleeves.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We live in a society where we give those with the most the power to change how we feel.
After years where social media was intertwined with every aspect of my life, I realised that it was damaging my mental health. Scrolling through my Explore page on Instagram, seeing all of the better bodies made me feel like I am not good enough.
Constantly trying to meet the beauty standards that come with being gay and a millennial.
The rejection and shame because of my body. Radio silence from ghosting.
Life has become just like Amazon Prime. You can get what you want, when you want it but at the detriment of the mental health of the ones you neglect.
Value Yourself. Know when it's time to walk away. Save yourself from the anxiety, fear & trauma.
Congratulate yourself. Every step you take on your journey of healing is a success, whether big or small. Wake up and see each day as one of unlimited opportunities to value and respect yourself. Know your capacity.
Say No. Respect your boundaries and mental, physical & emotional wellbeing.
I travelled to honour the promises I made to my younger self. The dreams I wrote down in my journals when I was a boy to go to countries that are far far away.
I found solace in my solitude. After a long eighteen months of therapy, I was ready for it.
I found it difficult to love what I saw in the mirror. I get told by friends or men that I looked hot, but I didn’t feel hot. My constant search for external validation fuelled by ratings by strangers just led to unlimited self-judgments & self-loathing. I can neither prove myself to be a good nor a bad person. The wisest thing I can do is to simply accept & validate myself.
I sometimes feel like a burden. I don’t bother to reach out because I do not wish to add to the concerns of those closest to me. I always felt like I never fitted in.
I used to allow friends and others to walk all over me. I just let them put me down. I didn’t want to say anything. I was brought up to be a good boy, to only speak when spoken to. I thought it would be disrespectful to express my emotions. I was embarrassed of my feelings.I was running away from so many emotions that a false reality became my reality day to day.
I remember those nights. Sitting on my sofa after a busy day, scrolling through Grindr or Scruff looking for a way to temporarily ease the feeling of being lonely. I started this process because I had to stop feeling the way I felt on those nights. Those nights surrounded by fake friends sipping champagne, sniffing cocaine and witnessing them being vain. I am no longer that person anymore. Healing takes time and I am learning to take pride in each step I am taking.
I learned to love myself. The simple things that made myself happy like running a bath and applying a face mask and listening to my favourite playlist or podcast. I have lost many friends during this process of healing. As a former people pleaser, I had to prioritise my long-term mental wellbeing over the wishes of former friends who only wanted convenience. Friendship is based upon mutual respect and effort from all those involved and I felt as though I was forcing things. So I stopped.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It was a weekend in mid-October in 2022. I was having multiple mental fire alarms. I was a parcel being passed around the former friends in my life in a game of Past the Parcel. I cut them off and I did not overthink it. I left London.
It is a new year. 2023. Good vibes only. There is no longer space for toxic people. After experiencing what felt like a disaster storm at times, the ones that truly love me showed up and were there.
I am happier. I feel beautiful, and I am proud of what I have achieved so far. I wake up each day with a sense of gratitude. I stopped punishing myself and accepted myself after never fully doing so in the past.
I had to reconnect with my younger self. I had to hold him close and make him feel safe and comfortable.
On February 17th, I will be launching the first episode called Accept Yourself. This podcast will be different. New episodes will be longer and released once a week. I look forward to sharing more with you very soon.
You may remember me from my past podcasts like The Tightrope of Survival & The Tightrope of Happiness.
On February 17, I will launch the first episode called #AcceptYourself.
This podcast will be different. New episodes will be longer and released once a week. I look forward to sharing more with you very soon.