The Silent Why: Recent Episodes
Chris & Claire Sandys
Can hope be found in every type of loss? Join Chris & Claire Sandys, a childless (not by choice) couple, using their experiences of loss to explore where, and when, hope emerges and joy returns in every journey of grief. This is a mission to find 101 different types of loss, and you can expect: first hand experiences with grief, inspiring guests, honest conversation, tears, laughter and plenty of Hermans. For the official 101 list, weekly blog posts and more about the hosts, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com.
153. Let's chat... about where we place our focus in grief.
Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I (Claire Sandys) sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.
In this episode, I’m joined by Karen Sutton from Cheltenham in Gloucestershire, England (just a few miles down the road from me!). Karen is the UK's first widow coach and an Intuitive Psychology Coach.
Karen's husband, Simon, died suddenly in 2016 after suffering a cardiac arrest while out on a bike ride, leaving her to navigate life as a widowed mum to their two children.
Together, we talk about Karen's own experience of grief and the lessons she's learned along the way. We explore the powerful role that focus plays in the grieving process - why it's so easy to become consumed by our pain, how gently shifting our focus can help, and the difference it can make over time.
This conversation is packed with practical insights for anyone living with loss, including ways to refocus without denying your grief. Plus, Karen is a big advocate of hope - so you know we're going to bond on that topic!
For more about Karen, her social media, and her podcast, visit:
https://www.karensutton.co.uk
https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-widow-podcast/id1576872824
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
152. How can a metaphorical chair and a blanket help us in grief? Let's find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Welcome to my brand-new series of episodes - The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’m visiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
And in this episode, I’m looking at how a chair and a blanket (given to us by Kriss Kevorkian, in her Let’s Chat episode about environmental and ecological grief), can help us prepare for, and get through, grief.
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Listen to Kriss' full episode, Let’s Chat… Environmental and Ecological Grief, here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7e424efd/lets-chat-environmental-and-ecological-grief-with-dr-kriss-kevorkian
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the episode I put out introducing this new series, ‘Introducing… The Grief Toolshed’:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
151. I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but a little while ago I decided to record my musings as I wander round them.
So that's what these Graveyard Musing episodes are, just me and my phone, in a graveyard. And sometimes I go international (but not this one) and sometimes Chris joins me (like this one).
Anyway, welcome to another Graveyard Musing from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why podcast).
In this musing, Chris (husband) and I are wandering around the Glasgow Necropolis in Scotland - a city of the dead.
So, come with us to hear our impromptu musings as we explore this fascinating place.
For the photos that accompany this episode, so you can visualise what we're talking about, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyard-musings-goes-to-glasgow
If you want to hear more episodes like this, check out:
Graveyard Musings, Oxford, JRR Tolkien's grave:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7ded9daf/graveyard-musings-wolvercote-oxford-grave-of-jrr-tolkien-author-of-the-lord-of-the-rings
Graveyard Musings, Tyne Cot & Ypres, Belgium: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7f63d7e9/graveyard-musings-tyne-cot-and-ypres-belgium
Graveyard Musings, Moorslede, Belgium: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/episodes/15249654-graveyard-musings-moorslede-belgium
Graveyard Musings: Llanfair Talhaiarn, Wales:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7e418cc4/graveyard-musings-llanfair-talhaiarn-wales
Graveyard Musings: Gloucestershire, England (Part 1 of 3):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76b3f1f7/graveyard-musings-gloucestershire-england-part-1
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
151. How can metaphorical Baby Bio and a hand fork help us in grief? Let's find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Welcome to my brand-new series of episodes - The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’m visiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
And in this episode, I’m looking at how a hand fork and Baby Bio (given to us by Lis Whybrow, in her Let’s Chat episode about end of life and grief coaching), can help us prepare for, and get through, grief.
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Listen to Lis' full episode, Let’s Chat… End of Life and Grief Coaching, here:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c8f94d8/lets-chat-end-of-life-and-grief-coaching-with-lis-whybrow
The blog I mention: 'We all have triggers, but did you know you have glimmers too?':
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/triggersandglimmers
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the episode I put out introducing this new series, ‘Introducing… The Grief Toolshed’:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
If you want to hear more from Lis, she was also Loss 25 of 101, talking about the loss of a professional accreditation:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7b4d6c4b/loss-25101-loss-of-a-professional-accreditation-lis-whybrow
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
150. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and the lapping of the sea in Singapore that I recorded when we were there.
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.
Less than 9 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you (and you alone) - join me (Claire Sandys, podcast host) and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.
And for this episode, I'm asking you to sit on the rocks of Sentosa, as the water laps below, and just take a moment to pause.
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
149. What is it like to choose hope in the dark? To face the grief of losing your sight?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #66 of 101: Loss of eyesight
In this episode, we spoke to Yahya Pandor from Wiltshire, England, an advocate for the blind, para-athlete (runner), qualified counsellor, and World Record holder.
Yahya lost his eyesight in 2021 at the age of 25 years old, due to a combination of Macular Degeneration and Toxoplasmosis. In just 10 months, he went from enjoying life with vision, to finding his way in a dark world.
Yahya shared the unique challenges of being blind, what this kind of grief was like for him, what he misses most, and what sighted people probably take for granted the most.
For more about Yahya, visit:
https://www.instagram.com/yahyapandor94
https://www.insight-counselling.org
https://www.youtube.com/@the_blind_runner
https://www.tiktok.com/@isapandor
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
148. How can a metaphorical telescopic tree pruner help us with grief? Let's find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Welcome to my brand-new series of episodes - The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’m visiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
And in this episode, I’m looking at how a tree pruner (given to us by Jared Altic, in his Let’s Chat episode about being a Police Chaplain, can help us prepare for, and get through, grief.
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Listen to Jared's full episode, Let’s Chat… Police Chaplains, here:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/79748b98/lets-chat-police-chaplains-with-jared-altic
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the episode I put out introducing this new series, ‘Introducing… The Grief Toolshed’:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
If you want to hear more from Jared, he was also Loss 56 of 101, talking about dealing with loss, grief and death daily in his role as a Police Chaplain:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b8bb873/loss-2101-loss-of-both-parents-to-dementia-katie-elliott
Plus, he has a fantastic podcast called 'Hey, Chaplain': https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
147. How can a metaphorical Swiss Army Knife help us with self-awareness? Let's find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Welcome to my brand-new series of episodes - The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’m visiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
And in this episode, I’m looking at how a Swiss Army Knife (given to us by Katie Elliott, in her Let’s Chat episode about Self-Awareness), can help us prepare for, and get through, grief.
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Listen to Katie's full episode, Let’s Chat… Self-Awareness, here:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7b7d32af/lets-chat-self-awareness-with-katie-elliott
Amiko cards and poster:
https://www.littlechallenges.com/store
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the episode I put out introducing this new series, ‘Introducing… The Grief Toolshed’:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
If you want to hear more from Katie, she was also Loss 2 of 101, talking about the loss of both parents to dementia:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b8bb873/loss-2101-loss-of-both-parents-to-dementia-katie-elliott
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
146. I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but a little while ago I decided to record my musings as I wander round them.
So that's what these Graveyard Musing episodes are, just me and my phone, in a graveyard. And sometimes I go international (but not this one) and sometimes Chris joins me (like this one).
Anyway, welcome to another Graveyard Musing from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why podcast).
In this musing, Chris (husband) and I are wandering around Wolvercote Cemetery in Oxford, England - because there was one very special grave there that we wanted to see... that of the author, JRR Tolkien.
So, come with us to hear our impromptu musings as we explore where one of the world's most famous authors is buried.
For the photos that accompany this episode, so you can visualise what we're talking about, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyard-musings-goes-to-oxford
If you want to hear more episodes like this, check out:
Graveyard Musings, Tyne Cot & Ypres, Belgium: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7f63d7e9/graveyard-musings-tyne-cot-and-ypres-belgium
Graveyard Musings, Moorslede, Belgium: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/episodes/15249654-graveyard-musings-moorslede-belgium
Graveyard Musings: Llanfair Talhaiarn, Wales:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7e418cc4/graveyard-musings-llanfair-talhaiarn-wales
Graveyard Musings: Gloucestershire, England (Part 1 of 3):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76b3f1f7/graveyard-musings-gloucestershire-england-part-1
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
145. How can a metaphorical bag of compost help us get through grief? Let's find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Welcome to my brand-new series of episodes - The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’m visiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
And in this episode, I’m looking at how a bag of compost (given to us by Dr Colleen Crary, in her Let’s Chat episode about PTSD), can help us prepare for, and get through, grief.
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Listen to Colleen’s full episode, Let’s Chat… PTSD, here:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/772c3bcd/lets-chat-ptsd-with-dr-colleen-crary
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the episode I put out introducing this new series, ‘Introducing… The Grief Toolshed’:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
144. How can a metaphorical spade help us get through grief? Let's find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Welcome to my brand-new series of episodes - The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’m visiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
And in this episode, I’m looking at how the spade (given to us by Sue Brayne, in her Let’s Chat episode about mortality), can help us prepare for, and get through, grief.
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the intro episode I put out first:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Listen to Sue’s full episode, Let’s Chat… Mortality, here:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4c89d4f7/lets-chat-mortality-with-sue-brayne
If all this is new to you, and you have no idea what’s going on, listen to the episode I put out introducing this new series, ‘Introducing… The Grief Toolshed’:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dad62e8/introducing-the-grief-toolshed
If you want to hear more from Sue, she was also Loss 1 of 101, talking about the loss of her marriage:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4bbf824b/loss-1101-loss-of-a-marriage-sue-brayne
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
143. How can we make sure we have the right tools when we face grief?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
After a short break, I’m back with a brand-new series of episodes. It’s called The Grief Toolshed.
In this series, I’ll be revisiting the garden tools shared by our Let’s Chat guests (from my metaphorical toolshed) and turning them into practical, supportive tools we can use when we face grief. One per episode. Together, we’ll unpack them and explore how to actually use them when grief shows up.
Think of it as building your own toolkit - ready for whenever you need it most.
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
142. Well, it's finally here. Another new year.
How are you feeling as we head into 2026?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.
New Year's aren't easy for many people, so wherever you find yourself emotionally, this short episode is here to offer you a bit of hope and encouragement for the days ahead, and remind you that you're not alone if your year hasn’t started as you hoped.
Plus, I share about a recent loss we've been going through, and explain why there might be a bit of a delay before the next episode is released.
And here are the links to read, or listen to, the blogs I mention:
Know Hope:
https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/episodes/14113284-blog-my-why-know-hope
We've all got triggers, but did you know you have glimmers too?:
https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/episodes/12776245-blog-my-why-we-ve-all-got-triggers-but-did-you-know-you-have-glimmers-too
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
141. Struggling with the festive season? You're not alone. It's not an easy time of year, and it’s been a season of both highs and lows for us too over the years.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.
Each year, we share a Christmas episode where we check in with how we’re really feeling about the festive season, childlessness, and everything that comes with it. Some years, we’re coping well. Other years, not so much. So where are we in 2025?
You'll have to tune in to find out, but a sneak peek would tell you that we chat about; what it's like being back in a cold, wintery, Christmasy UK (after 8 weeks in Australia), how we're both feeling about being childless, what a visit to our local cathedral was like, and, of course, the vital importance of Christmas food.
If you’d like to explore our previous Christmas episodes and blogs (as mentioned in the episode, plus more), you’ll find them all here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/christmas
Our past Christmas episodes range from 'Chris' Loss of Christmas Spirit' (2021), to feeling hopeful and joyful (2024) and everything in between, plus, there's bucket loads of tips for gently rebuilding hope if the season feels a bit heavy this year.
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
140. How's our big trip 'Down Under' going? This is where you find out. Again.
Welcome to The Silent Why - usually a podcast with a mission to open-up honest conversations around grief and explore whether hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. But right now, things are a little different!
Take a listen to the previous episode to get a better idea what this one is going to be all about.
We (Chris & Claire, your hosts) are on an adventure halfway around the world, spending some time in Singapore and Australia. In this episode, we update you on our trip up the coast of Western Australia.
This episode includes what's surprised, shocked and delighted us about the Aussie people, what wildlife we've seen (and held! 😉), what it's like to visit some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, and... flies!!
Plus, you know we love to share the deep stuff too, so we also chat about how our expectations of this holiday have had to change, how being childless has affected us while away, and thoughts about the podcast in general and who it's really for.
Check out our Facebook and Instagram to see the cool kangaroo video we chat about.
Send us Fan Mail
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
139. How's our big trip going so far? This is where you find out.
Welcome to The Silent Why - usually a podcast on a mission to open up honest conversations around grief and explore whether hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss - but right now, things are a little different!
If you've heard the previous episode, you'll have a good idea what this one is going to be all about.
We (Chris & Claire, your hosts) are on an adventure halfway around the world, spending some time down under. In this episode, we update you on our trip so far via Singapore to Western Australia.
And since recording (just a few hours ago), we've already remembered plenty of things we forgot to mention; like how warm the sea was in Singapore, the unexpectedly delicious ice cream sandwiches (thanks Mel!), the luge rides, the different Maltesers, and the glorious abundance of Earl Grey tea over here.
No doubt those stories, and many more, will make their way into a future episode.
So far we've seen and experienced some amazing things, but we've also had some disappointments, and you know us - we love to share it all with you, so tune in, and join us.
Plus, for videos of the kookaburra and bobtail lizard we mention, find us on social media.
Send us a text
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
138. We're off on an Ozzie adventure!
But, first things first, as promised, the all-important anonymous form: 👉 https://forms.gle/LmFrrd4xvvnEhG5R9 👈 (it'll make sense when you've listened to the episode!)
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
This episode is a little different, because we recorded in an unusual location about a very unusual topic!
We (Chris & Claire) are embarking on an adventure. For the rest of this year, we won’t be releasing our usual fortnightly episodes - primarily because we’re heading down under for a while - but this doesn't mean we'll be Silent. Why?
Listen to find out.
Oh, and about that ticking clock… no, you’re not going mad - I don't think you can hear it!
Send us a text
Support the show
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Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
137. Can losing a friend be overlooked in our culture? What happens when the friend who knew you best is gone? And why are there so few resources to help with this kind of grief?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #65 of 101: Loss of a friend
In this episode, we meet Hannah Rumsey from Chicago. She's the founder of Friends Missing Friends, a community she created for people navigating the loss of a friend. And Hannah’s work grew out of her own story, when in 2015 her best friend Lauren died suddenly.
Hannah shares about the deep bond she and Lauren had, Lauren’s incredible zest for life, and the devastating way she first learned of her death - while posting a birthday message on Facebook.
Together, we explored the unique challenges of grieving a friend, and why this grief can feel invisible or minimised, how few resources exist for friend-loss grief, despite how common it is, and the surprising ways healing, and hope, can unfold over time.
This is a heartfelt and open conversation about a form of grief that isn’t often acknowledged, yet touches so many lives.
And for listeners who enjoyed my behind-the-scenes episode on how to make a podcast - there's a little bonus in this episode - some unedited audio that shows just how in sync Chris and I are with our questioning. 👌
For more about Hannah, Friends Missing Friends, and her podcast:
https://www.friendsmissingfriends.com
https://www.instagram.com/friendsmissingfriends
https://www.facebook.com/friendsmissingfriends
http://friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup
Podcast: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/friendsmissingfriends
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
136. (We'll... we've actually done 226 episodes in total. You'll hear me talk about the annoying decision around episode numbering in this 226th episode!)
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
This episode is a little different. No blog, no interview, no Chris, and no focus on loss. It’s just you and me, pulling back the curtain for a behind-the-scenes peek at how I create this podcast.
I often get asked:
- What does it really take to produce an episode?
- Can podcasting make money?
- How do you find guests?
Today, I’m answering those questions (and more) while walking you through my own process of hosting, producing, and publishing a show.
Plus, if you’ve ever thought about starting your own podcast, this episode will give you a real sense of the time, effort, and resources involved. As well as some lessons I’ve learned along the way.
A huge thank you to everyone who supports this podcast and helps keep it going.
Special gratitude goes to our “I Love The Silent Why” members and above, on Buy Me a Coffee, who not only get a shout-out on the website but deserve a mention here too: Evelyn Calaunan, Peter Ellis, Jackie Waring, Diane Fopp, Greg Williams, and Emily Luckham. You’re amazing, and I’m so grateful for you.
Thanks also to those who support through one-offs or other levels on Buy Me a Coffee, and of course to everyone who tunes in each week. I truly couldn’t do this without you.
To learn more about the show, about Chris and me, our childless journey through loss, Herman, and everything else, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
135. How do we accept, and live with, a life we never really wanted?
Welcome to another My Why Blog episode - where I share the audio version of my latest blog post. But in this case, it’s actually a re-release of the most popular blog episode I’ve ever put out (to my surprise!).
If you’ve been listening a while, you’ll know I usually pause podcasting in August to focus on writing and other projects. But this August is a little different, and I explain why in the intro.
If you’d rather read the blog, you’ll find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/acceptingalifeidontwant (with the video and song links included).
This post grew out of a rather heavy Easter weekend, when I found myself asking questions like:
What if life never turns out the way we hoped?
If acceptance feels impossible, how do we ever begin to heal and move forward?
I suspect more people than we realise are quietly wrestling with these same questions. Grieving the life you imagined, and learning to accept the one you have, is not easy. And while I don’t claim to have figured it out yet, I’m convinced it’s a vital step if we want to keep moving forward.
You can explore more blogs to read, or listen to, here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/blog
A few examples:
What happens if I let go?:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/whathappensifiletgo
Disappointed with life:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/disappointment-with-life
You're not the only one:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/yourenottheonlyone
Navigating Mother's Day when you're childless:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7a23238b/navigating-mothers-day-when-youre-childless
Lost Inside, where am I? (my experience with PMDD):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/lostinside
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
134. Let's chat... about finding hope after feeling hopeless as a young widow.
Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I (Claire Sandys) sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.
In this episode, I have the pleasure of talking with Rachel Powell from Colorado. She’s a life coach, speaker, author, and founder of Hope Speaker, where she supports widows in moving from a place of hopelessness and loneliness to one of healing, and confident steps forward.
Rachel lost her husband, Andre, to suicide in June 2019, and she was left raising four children: their two-year-old daughter and three of her biological nieces and nephew.
In this conversation, Rachel shares how hard this journey was for her and the darkness that led her to attempt to take her own life.
But as a person who's passionate about hope, we also talk about how she found hope again, what part her Christian faith has played in her healing, and why she now speaks so passionately about her experience.
Rachel’s faith has been a big part of her healing, and while we don’t often delve into religion on this podcast, it’s important to see the different ways people find hope through grief. This episode is a powerful reminder that faith in God doesn’t guarantee an easier path.
Rachel offers wisdom and encouragement for all of us — whether you’ve experienced partner loss or are simply wondering what that journey might look like.
For more about Rachel, and the resources we mention, visit:
www.hopespeaker.com
Faceboook: https://www.facebook.com/HopeSpeakerRachelPowell
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hope_speaker/
Free Resources: www.hopespeaker.com/library
If you are interested in working 1:1 with Rachel for widow support, learn more at www.hopespeaker.com/coaching
To contact Rachel: Connect@hopespeaker.com
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
133. “Grief isn’t sad – because it reminds you to make the most of today.” Curious about how Richard has reached this conclusion after losing his wife? Hit play and find out.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #64 of 101: Loss of a wife
In this episode, we meet Richard Smith, whose wife Heather died of breast cancer in 2014, leaving him as a solo parent to their three children, aged 15, 14, and 11.
Recorded on the exact anniversary of Heather’s death, Richard opens up about the past 11 years of navigating his grief as a widower, the evolving nature of loss, and how he keeps Heather's presence alive in a way that continues to shape his life today.
In this conversation, we explored the emotional journey of losing a partner (while raising grieving children), how grief has changed for Richard over the last decade, the difference between sadness and grief, and why Richard sees grief as a meaningful part of life.
This episode is a profound reflection on love, loss, and resilience, offering comfort and perspective to any of us facing grief.
More on Richard:
His blog about telling his children their mum is dying: https://www.sueryder.org/blog/richards-story-telling-our-children-their-mum-was-dying/
The Pensions Dashboard: https://www.dashboardideas.co.uk/about/
Richard's straight line walk across the UK in 2019: http://www.52inbritain.co.uk/
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
132. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and the beautiful sounds of the Mediterranean Sea that I recorded when we were in Cyprus.
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.
Less than 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me (Claire Sandys, podcast host) in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.
And for this episode, I'm asking you to sit on the beach with me in Cyprus, in front of the Mediterranean Sea, as the water laps at our feet, and just take a moment to pause.
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
131. Let's chat... about where the love goes when someone dies. Can you still be 'in love' if it's not reciprocated? Does it eventually fade? Or die?
Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I (Claire Sandys) sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.
In this episode, I have the pleasure of talking with David Kelly from Hertfordshire, who works as a Community Engagement Coordinator at Rennie Grove Peace Hospice Care.
David reached out after a previous conversation Chris & I had on the podcast about love and grief. We’d asked: Where does the love go when someone dies? David offered such a thoughtful response on an Instagram message that I invited him on the podcast to explore it further.
David shares from both personal experience - having lost his wife, Beverly, to cancer - and his deep understanding of grief models. Together, we unpack questions around love after loss: Does it stay the same? Can it fade? What does it mean to continue loving someone who’s gone? How does it work when we find new love? Can you love two people with all your heart?
This is a thoughtful, moving conversation about grief, love, and how we try to make sense of both.
Links from David for more information on what he shared:
Dual Process Model: https://whatsyourgrief.com/dual-process-model-of-grief/
Tonkin’s ‘Grow Around Grief’ Model: https://whatsyourgrief.com/growing-around-grief/
Continuing Bonds Theory: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-concept-care-continuing-bonds/
Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding diverse grieving styles by Kenneth Doka & Terry Martin - https://amzn.eu/d/et82Zgh
Grief and gender: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-gender-a-preamble/
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
130. Not all losses are bereavements. Sometimes they follow a diagnosis and impact someone for the rest of their life, like with our guest in this episode.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to explore grief, asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #63 of 101: Loss through chronic illness - Lupus
In this episode, we meet Olivia Abousaid - a grief coach based in Los Angeles who lives with the autoimmune disease Lupus. Olivia shares the lesser-seen grief that comes with chronic illness - losses that don’t always get named or acknowledged.
We explore the impact of Lupus on daily life and identity, the challenging task of letting go of independence and learning to ask for help, navigating invisible grief as both a coach and a patient, the mental weight of “shoulds” and societal expectations, and finding agency and hope amidst physical limitations.
From missing out on sunny afternoons with friends to facing the fatigue that alters routines and dreams, Olivia’s story speaks to anyone who has experienced loss through ill health, medical diagnosis, or an unexpected change in life’s trajectory.
This is a powerful conversation about learning to grieve what’s gone, while choosing to hope in what remains.
To find out more about Olivia, visit: www.pact-coaching.com
www.instagram.com/pact_coaching
https://linktr.ee/pactcoaching
Send us a text
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
129. What are the most valuable things we've learnt - or think really matter - after 20 years of marriage?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
On 26 May 2025, we celebrated 20 years of marriage! It's a big deal for us as we love being married and find we don't have that much to celebrate in life! So we decided to sit down and discuss what we've learnt over the past two decades, and share what we believe have been the most important ingredients in keeping our marriage as healthy and strong as possible.
And since we host a podcast, we thought 'why not record it for you to hear too?'
So that's exactly what we did. No editing (just the music and usual polish), a Sunday afternoon chat - published on Monday night.
In the build-up, we each wrote down our top five things we think have made the biggest difference in our relationship, but we didn’t share them with each other in advance. Were there overlaps? Surprises? Disagreements? You'll have to listen to find out!
If you’d like to hear more about us, especially our story around infertility and childlessness, you can hear us open up in a similar way in Loss 3: Loss of Fertility - https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
128. Did you know you can build mental muscles, as well as physical ones? And that you can start that any time - no matter how weak you might feel?
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are audio versions of my latest blog post.
If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/how-to-build-mental-muscles-when-you-re-feeling-weak
Flexing your mental muscles is like training your body - it takes time and consistency. But once you start, they grow stronger and more reliable. In this episode, I’m sharing the tips and tools that helped me through tough times, including practical ways to stay grounded and protect your sanity and your relationships.
Think of this as a mental workout: exercises to support you when your mind feels hormonal/confused/frustrated/depressed/griefy [you fill in the gap].
If you’re aware that you’re not always your best self - snapping at loved ones, stuck in negative thought spirals, or simply struggling to cope with your own mind - this episode is for you.
(And if you’re supporting someone who’s feeling that way, it might help you too.)
For more on the Amiko Cards I mention: https://www.littlechallenges.com/store
Send us a text
Support the show
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What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
127. Think menopause is just a physical change?
What if we told you it can also bring grief, loss of identity, and a hit to your mental health?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #62 of 101: Loss through menopause
In this episode, we welcome Diane Danzebrink, advocate, educator, and author of Making Menopause Matter. Diane experienced surgical menopause following surgery related to a potential ovarian cancer diagnosis in 2012. What followed was a mental and emotional decline that she never expected, and a battle few talk about openly.
This topic is especially close to our hearts. In 2019, Claire (your host) was also thrust into surgical menopause following a total hysterectomy, so we’ve been waiting to find the right person to speak to about the unique grief and loss tied to menopause. And we definitely found her!
Diane brings both lived experience and professional dedication to this conversation. She works tirelessly to support women through the often-invisible losses of menopause while campaigning for improved education, awareness, and support.
In this heartfelt episode, Diane speaks openly about the loss of identity, confidence, stability, and mental health, and how she ultimately transformed her pain into purpose.
Whether you’re going through menopause, supporting someone who is, or simply want to better understand this transition, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and hope.
To find out more about Diane, her book and her work:
https://dianedanzebrink.comhttps://menopausesupport.co.uk/
My blog on PMDD: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/lostinside
Our story with loss of fertility & childlessness: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1
Sadly, since the podcast aired, the group I mentioned, Together in Surgical Menopause, had to close as a group.
Send us a text
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
126. Let's Chat... about seeing grief as an adventure.
Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.
In this episode, I (Claire) have the pleasure of talking with Bianca Neumann, the Assistant Director of Bereavement at Sue Ryder – a charity dedicated to providing the right support, at the right time, for people who are end of life or grieving.
We explore the idea of grief as an adventure - what it is, what it isn’t, and how we can navigate its unfamiliar terrain. Bianca shares insights on how grief is often misrepresented, the power of support groups, and why learning to self-soothe in sorrow matters.
We also talk about the idea that while we can’t choose our losses, we can choose how we respond. And we reflect on one powerful question: What do you want from life?
Also, Bianca adds a tool to my metaphorical shed, which is bursting with resources to help us grow through grief.
For more about Bianca and Sue Ryder's work (including their Grief Kind Spaces), visit:
https://www.sueryder.org/authors/bianca-neumann/
https://www.sueryder.org/our-campaigns/grief-deserves-better/
https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/
Send us a text
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
125. What impact can possessions have on grief? The lack of them, the loss of them, too many of them etc.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #61 of 101: Loss of possessions
In this episode we welcome Naomi Westerman, a playwright, screenwriter, and author from South East London. Naomi's experienced profound loss from a young age, and with that, the difficult task of sorting through her loved ones’ possessions.
Naomi shares about the emotional weight of dealing with a parent's belongings after they die, the unexpected and sometimes painful discoveries made during this process, and how our personal experiences, relationships, and circumstances shape the way we interact with these items.
She also talks openly about her two-year journey to sort through her mum’s house and the surprising childhood object she still treasures, and the special jumper she chose for her dad’s burial.
Naomi has also wrestled with the difficult "why" questions that can arise in grief – Why me? Why did this happen? So, she shares with us what has helped her find healing, connection, and hope.
To find out more about Naomi and her book, Happy Death Club, visit:
http://www.naomiwesterman.com
http://www.happydeathclub.org
http://www.instagram.com/naomi_writes_death
Send us a text
Support the show
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com
Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
124. Let's Chat... about how writing and running can help us through grief.
Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I sit down with guests who have personal insight into different aspects of loss.
In this episode, I (Claire) have the pleasure of talking with fellow podcaster and writer, Justin Creps. Justin is a teacher based in Ohio and co-hosts the podcast Writing in Progress, which is how I first discovered him.
Justin and I share a deep love for podcasting and writing - though he’s also an avid runner, which is where our similarities take a sharp turn! But when I learned how both writing and running helped him process grief, I was keen to chat about it.
Justin had shared a powerful blog post with me, one he wrote in 2022 about navigating the grief of his wife’s miscarriage. His story is a moving reminder that we all process loss in our own ways, and it sparked an important conversation about the role of creativity in grief.
In this episode, we explore writing as a tool for processing grief (fiction or nonfiction), how life’s hardest moments shape us as writers, the unexpected ways helping others can also help us heal, and how running plays an important role in Justin’s journey.
This is an honest, heartfelt conversation about grief, resilience, and the power of storytelling. I can’t wait for you to hear it.
Find out more:
Justin and his writing: https://www.justincreps.com
'Hey Logan' blog post: https://jmcmarathon.blogspot.com/2022/02/hey-logan.html?view=flipcard
'"Why did it matter?" - My final thoughts to the class of '22' blog post: https://jmcmarathon.blogspot.com/2022/06/why-did-it-matter-my-final-thoughts-to.html?view=flipcard
'The Red Line' blog post: https://jmcmarathon.blogspot.com/2021/04/the-red-line.html?view=flipcard
Writing in Progress podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1124339 https://www.instagram.c
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123. Can hope be found in 101 different types of loss?
We're well on our way to finding out, as we reach another milestone!
We've hit loss number 60 on our mission to explore 101 different types of permanent loss, meaning we only have 41 (!) to go. Now over halfway to our goal.
In this episode, we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss life in general (something new we thought we'd try!), the last batch of losses (51-60), and what nuggets of wisdom we've taken from each guest.
We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own grief, whether childlessness, pets, relatives, friends, health, or even just the day-to-day losses we sometimes face.
And the not-yet-famous-but-might-be-one-day 'Hermontage' is back! As we, once again, mix together the last 10 guests' Hermans. If you don't know what a Herman is, check out the link below.
Huge thanks to Thea Rickard, Mark Field, Laura Burns, Lisa Newman, Kay Backhouse, Jared Altic, Rachel Hart, Dannie-Lu Carr, Ken Anderson and Bex Eyles.
If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.
Full list of our 101 losses: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses
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122. Let's Chat... about how the Covid pandemic reshaped important death rituals.
These 'Let’s Chat' episodes are conversations with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss.
In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Natasha Mikles who is an assistant professor at Texas State University.
Natasha is a scholar of stories about death and what happens next, and researches traditions related to death and grief around the world (especially in Tibet and the Americas). Her most recent book, ‘Shattered Grief: How the Pandemic Transformed the Spirituality of Death in America’, examines how Covid-19 affected the spirituality of death and the grieving rituals surrounding it.
Grief is not just a personal experience, it is a community journey shaped by rituals that connect us to the dead and each other. This conversation reveals how Covid-19 drastically altered the rituals we rely on during loss, redefining our understanding of mourning.
We explore the fascinating world of death rituals across different cultures, including the Tibetan sky burial ceremony. Natasha and I reflect on how the pandemic forced religious communities to innovate, balancing tradition with contemporary needs, often using technology as a bridge to maintain connection in times of isolation.
This episode discusses the vital role of community in mourning, the psychological impact of Covid-related deaths, the importance of ritual, how other cultures and religions honour and recognise death, and how Covid-grief can differ from other forms of grief.
Plus, how you can have your body eaten by vultures in the US ...legally!
For more about Natasha: www.hellscholar.com
For her book:
https://cup.columbia.edu/book/shattered-grief/9780231558921
Amazon: https://gogl.to/3Mzd
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121. Go on, be honest, can you understand why someone who's getting remarried, or celebrating a miracle pregnancy, or beginning a new job, might be experiencing some unhappiness alongside the cheer?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring whether hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #60 of 101: Loss in happy life transitions
In this episode, we meet Bex Eyles from Berkshire in England. She's a professional counsellor who joined us to talk about the sneaky grief that can weave its way into life’s celebrations.
And we feel it’s important to say that just because grief can show up in these moments it doesn’t mean joy and gratitude aren’t there too. Bex, like so many others, has felt immense happiness and gratitude in her life’s changes, but she’s also honest about the unexpected emotions that surfaced at the same time, and we're really grateful she was happy to explore these with us.
Bex has navigated bereavement, divorce, fertility struggles and loss of time, and opens up about the unexpected emotions like fear, loss and guilt, that came with suddenly being pregnant after believing it might never happen. She talks about the joy, the fear of finally having what she longed for, and how, as a counsellor, she navigated her grief and processed these complex feelings.
Acknowledging the emotions of loss in a joyful life transition doesn’t diminish the happiness or gratitude felt in those moments. Both can coexist, and that’s okay.
For more about Bex visit: www.pineforesttherapies.com
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120. Well, after our 'looking ahead to Christmas' episode, how did it go? Were our festive hearts filled with joy? Or were there tears?!
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.
Every year, we dedicate an episode to sharing our thoughts and feelings about the Christmas season - before, and after, it happens. Now that the holiday buzz has settled and a new year has begun, we’re back to reflect on how Christmas 2024 unfolded, whether our intentional choices helped us enjoy it, and how we’re stepping into 2025.
Includes; Sherlock Holmes, cinnamon buns, advent calendars, and Chris' meat monologue explaining Meat Chicken!
And if you want some questions to reflect on as you enter a new year, here's the 10 we mention in the episode:
- Personal high moment/experience for you individually this year.
- Personal lowest moment of the year.
- Joint best memory
- Joint hardest memory.
- Biggest personal dream you have for the future.
- Biggest fear you have for the future.
- Something you don't want to take into next year.
- Something you really want to take into next year.
- 3 things you want to achieve this year.
- 3 things you want to stop/be better at/improve on.
To listen to our pre-Christmas episode, 'Chris and Claire's Chatty Christmas Catch-up', visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/793f6bd9/chris-and-claires-chatty-christmas-catch-up
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119. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and the beautiful sounds of a distant thunderstorm that I recorded in Belgium.
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.
Less than 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me (Claire Sandys, podcast host) in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.
And for this episode I'm asking you to sit by a window with me and watch the beautiful storm on the horizon from our Air BnB in Belgium. Listen to the rain and thunder, watch the lightning and take a moment to think about things as you enter a new year.
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118. Struggling with the festive season? You're not alone. As a childless couple, we've been there too, especially when family is at the heart of so many celebrations.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.
Every year we release an episode where we chat about how we're feeling about Christmas. We started with an episode in 2021, talking about how hard it felt and Chris' loss of Christmas spirit, then we did another in 2022 (Finding Comfort at Christmas - which included other podcast guests' experiences), and in 2023 we had 'Chris & Claire chat Christmas and Childlessness', and now here we are again with all things Christmassy, Chrissy and Clairey.
In this episode we chat about how we're finding the lead up to Christmas this year, how we feel about being childless and how that's changed over the years, what our hopes are going forwards, and lots of other stuff that pops up.
Including, a flu-inspired Chris yelling 'Mistletoe' a few times!
All the other Christmas and New Year episodes and blogs we mention, that you might want to check out if you're struggling this year, can be found on one page:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/christmas
And don't forget, if you're feeling alone, we're always here and we love to hear from you.
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117. What do you do when the career you love is gone, and you're barely staying afloat? And why is helping yourself so much harder than helping others?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #59 of 101: Loss of a police career and self worth
In this episode, we meet Ken Anderson from York, England; a retired police officer whose life took an unexpected turn after a nearly 20-year career as a response officer, firearms officer, and trainer.
Ken's front-line career came to an abrupt end after a serious car crash, during a police chase, which left him injured. What followed was a deeply challenging period of his life. In July 2023, Ken hit rock bottom as he struggled with depression, self-doubt, and the heartbreak of losing the "police family" he cherished.
But this isn’t just a story about loss—it’s about hope. Ken shares how three simple words—“Are you OK?”—were a turning point that prevented him ending his life.
Today, he’s transforming his pain into purpose, advocating for mental health awareness and meaningful connection.
This conversation is a raw and honest look at:
- The emotional toll of emergency service careers
- How to navigate the depths of depression and loss
- The power of reaching out and supporting one another in times of need
We also explore how Ken is finding new purpose and meaning after such a profound life shift.
And of course, we wrap up with our signature question: What’s your Herman? Curious to learn more? Visit thesilentwhy.com/herman.
For more about Ken visit:
www.phoenix-rises.co.uk
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ken-anderson-8842b0313/
And for more about Andy's Man Club (mentioned in the episode), visit:
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
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116. Let's Chat... about what it looks like when we use social media to show and share our grief.
These 'Let’s Chat' episodes are conversations with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss.
In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Rebecca Feinglos in North Carolina who is a certified grief support specialist and the founder of Grieve Leave - which offers grief support, education and training for workplaces.
By the age of 31, Rebecca had lost both her parents and was dealing with the end of her marriage, these losses led her to take a year off to process them all, which is what she called her Grieve Leave.
During this time, Rebecca started blogging about her grief and its popularity eventually led her to set up Grieve Leave as an organisation in 2021 to help others. This online community now has an impressive 30,000 members worldwide, who all share their grief, or are looking to help others who are grieving, particularly through the use of social media.
With her experience of seeing and sharing grief online, I was keen to talk to Rebecca about grief in the online world. Does it help or hinder us? How has the internet opened up new areas of grieving for us? And how do we accept those? There's a lot of ground covered in this chat, including raccoons (!) and a question I've never asked before in a Let’s Chat episode (for you regular listeners, see if you can work out what it is.)
For more about Rebecca and Grieve Leave:
https://www.grieveleave.com
https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave
https://www.instagram.com/rfeinglos
Viral video of Rebecca & Adele:
https://www.tiktok.com/@rfeinglos/video/7177076659344919850
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115. Have you ever considered the losses that might be encountered by going through puberty early? Have you even heard of precocious puberty? Let alone think about it in the context of grief.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #58 of 101: Loss of agency over your body through precocious puberty
Meet Dannie-Lu Carr, who lives on the south coast of England in St Leonards-on-sea, and is an executive coach, author, singer-songwriter, actor and director.
Dannie-Lu went through precocious puberty (or early puberty) at the age of 8 years old, and she shares the subsequent losses she's encountered in her life since.
This is a very valuable conversation about an area of grief that people might not consider or know much about. We're hoping it will be a useful tool to help adults who might have children they know going through, but also to help anyone that went through it themselves and who is still processing what was taken from them through that experience.
Dannie-Lu shares about why it's only now, in her 40's, that she can talk about it, what she's learnt from it, how it's shaped how she sees herself (especially her body), and what she's gained from it.
For more about Dannie-Lu, visit:
https://dannielucarr.com/
https://portfoliodlc.com
https://flamingleadership.co.uk
Social media:
https://www.instagram.com/dannielucarr/
https://www.instagram.com/dannie_lu_carr_music
Music:
https://dannielucarrmusic.com
Podcast:
https://complicatedpod.co.uk/
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Thank you for listening.
BONUS EPISODE TIME!
... and this episode contains something that I've never shared on the podcast before.
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Many of you will know that I (Claire Sandys, host) enjoy podcasting (of course!) and writing, and drinking Earl Grey tea and eating marzipan, but what you might not know is that I also occasionally speak at church gatherings.
This year I was asked to share something at the annual All Soul's service, which is specifically for people to come to remember those who have died. This usually takes place the week of Halloween, or as it used to be called All Hallows Eve.
So my remit for the talk was 10-15 mins on grief, loss, and the hope we have through our faith (you're starting to see why I was asked to do this, aren't you?!)
And because it was SO similar to what I also do on the podcast, and because maybe you are remembering a loved one you've lost, I thought I'd share it with you as a bonus episode.
So here it is...
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114. How does the grief of losing someone to suicide differ from other deaths? What emotions and questions does it raise? And what if it's your spouse who's died, and you're five months pregnant with his child?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #57 of 101: Loss of a husband to suicide while pregnant
Meet Rachel Hart, from Liverpool, who recalls the time she was five months pregnant and the police knocked on her door to tell her that her husband had been found dead. She was later told he had died by suicide.
Rachel is no stranger to grieving, having lost both her parents before her mid-30’s, but this kind of grief took her to a whole new level.
In this episode, Rachel shares about the blessing that the Covid lockdowns turned out to be (with a new baby), how she managed new emotions like anger that were tied in with her grief, and what people can say (and avoid saying!) when faced with a story like hers. Plus, she shares how and when hope returned to help her look to the future.
And we send many congratulations to Rachel (and her newly wed husband), because they got married within days of us recording this episode.
Charities and organisations Rachel wants to share links to: https://www.instagram.com/calmzone/
https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/
https://uksobs.com/
Nora McInerny books Rachel mentioned: https://noraborealis.com/
For help on language around suicide: https://shiningalightonsuicide.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Language-guide-for-talking-about-suicide.pdf
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113. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and the beautiful sounds of the Eternal Forest in Wales…
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
These new, very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.
7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.
And for this episode I'm asking you to come for a stroll with me down the peaceful paths of the Eternal Forest natural burial ground in North Wales, listen to the birds, the quiet, and nature just doing it's thing around you.
Send us a text
Support the show
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Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
112. What is it like doing chaplaincy work on the frontline with the police? Or experiencing the worst humans can do to each other up close?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #56 of 101: Loss in the role of a Police Chaplain
Meet Jared Altic, a returning podcast guest who is here to talk to us about what it's like to work as a full-time Pastor, voluntary Police Chaplain at his local police department in Kansas City, and podcaster.
Jared Altic has over 25 years of experience serving and counselling military and law enforcement families, responding to families of crime victims and working long term with police in areas of wellness. And we spoke to him over 2 years ago in a Let's Chat episode, and now he's back as part of our list of 101 losses.
In this episode Jared shares why why he does this kind of work, the challenges it can bring to his own wellbeing, how he makes sure his work doesn’t always get the best of him, and the toll being around death can take.
Yet, despite all the horrendous things Jared has witnessed, he’s still a strong believer in hope... for everyone.
To listen to Jared's podcast, ‘Hey, Chaplain’, visit: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/
And we specifically recommend an episode we mentioned on compassion fatigue and you can listen to that on any podcast player or through his website: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/1792621/10314453-025-what-is-compassion-fatigue-richard-hartman
To read, or listen to, Claire's top tips on how to speak to people who are grieving, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
111. So, is grief selfish? I mean it's largely about something we're sad about. It's something we've lost or miss. So, is it a selfish thing?
Let's open up this can of worms, shall we?!
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are audio versions of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/is-grief-selfish
I overheard a conversation in a charity shop, and it really made me chew over this question all the way home - is grief selfish?
Does that question make you feel uncomfortable? Is it grief-podcast-suicide to suggest it might be selfish? Do we make grief all about us when we shouldn't? Is it possible to get stuck in grief in a selfish way? Do you assume the definition of selfish is always bad? Will people throw shocked faces at me just for posing this question?
Join me to find out.
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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110. Do you find the summer hard, painful, a reminder of things you don't have?
Whether you have children, don't have children, go on holiday, don't go on holiday - things do shift a bit in this month, and because of that, things are a bit different at The Silent Why HQ too.
Welcome to another episode from me, Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast. This one is a bit of an update on what's happening over the next few weeks, and why.
I've decided to repeat what I did last year and take some time to focus on my writing over August, and I'm very excited about it. So this episode tells you a bit more about that, and just generally catches you up with all things Silent Why-y.
If this is a month you struggle with, then check out the blog I mention: The Season of August. Listen on any podcast player or here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76de59b8/blog-my-why-the-season-of-august
Read: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofaugust
And the favourite blog I mentioned: Listen: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4da01fa4/blog-my-why-meet-my-friend-the-moon
And don't forget you can support the show (and ultimately fuel my tea drinking while I'm writing over the summer) by visiting Buy Me A Coffee or buying a Herman to send to someone (links below).
And to follow Herman on Instagram go to: www.instagram.com/thehermancompany
Thank you so much for listening to The Silent Why, may your hope-tank never be empty because of it.
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Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
109. What if your loved one doesn't have a 'good' death? How do you cope with the trauma of witnessing someone suffer at the end of their life?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #55 of 101: Loss through a bad/complex death
In this episode we chat to Kay Backhouse, in Morecombe, Lancashire, about the death of her youngest brother, Syd, to neuroendocrine cancer in 2019.
Kay was living in Australia with her family when her brother was first diagnosed, and one day she received some unexpected communication from him that started a chain of events that led her back home.
Sadly, a couple of years later, in a hospice, with his family, Syd suffered a 'bad death' or 'complex death' which added an extra, very painful, level of grief and trauma to Kay's loss.
This is a subject you don't often hear discussed, so we're very grateful to Kay for chatting to us about her experience.
Kay believes that if she’d been better prepared, or educated, about deaths like this, then maybe the way her brother died wouldn't have been so traumatising.
She's now passionate to help others learn more about death, and we believe it's an important topic we should all be willing to learn about - not only in case we go through it, but also to help others.
And Syd's death has had a profound impact on Kay's personal and professional life; the way she views death, sees hope, spends her time, and views the future. This is a conversation that is anything but sad and depressing, it is a story of hope.
For more about Kay, and her book, 'Losing You, Finding Me', visit: https://www.kaybackhouse.com
Listen to our other episode with Kay & Maddy: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c8f6445/lets-chat-life-in-a-hospice-with-maddy-bass-and-kay-backhouse
Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, if you don't have an Apple device: https://podmatch.com/blog/how-to-leave-an-apple-review-for-a-podcast-from-your-iphone-ipad-or-from-your-computer
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
108. I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but a little while ago I decided to record my musings as I wander round them.
So that's what these Graveyard Musing episodes are, just me and my phone, in a graveyard. And sometimes I go international (like this one) and sometimes Chris joins me (like this one).
Anyway, welcome to another Graveyard Musing from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why podcast).
In this musing, Chris (husband) and I are wandering around Moorslede Communal Cemetery in Belgium.
Come with us to explore how different graves are in Belgium, and hear our thoughts as we look around a very crowded cemetery in Moorslede, but also a beautiful one we find on the other side of the road.
For the photos that accompany this episode, so you can visualise what we're talking about, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusingsbelgiumagain
If you want to hear more episodes like this, check out:
Graveyard Musings, Tyne Cot & Ypres, Belgium: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7f63d7e9/graveyard-musings-tyne-cot-and-ypres-belgium
Graveyard Musings: Llanfair Talhaiarn, Wales:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7e418cc4/graveyard-musings-llanfair-talhaiarn-wales
Graveyard Musings: Gloucestershire, England (Part 1 of 3):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76b3f1f7/graveyard-musings-gloucestershire-england-part-1
Support the Show.
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107. Let's Chat... about what day-to-day life is like working in, or visiting, a hospice.
Let’s Chat episodes chat to guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Maddy Bass (Director of Nursing) and Kay Backhouse (Clinical Administrator) who both work at St John's Hospice in Lancashire.
Maddy has wanted to work with people who are dying all her life and is passionate about her work and providing the best possible care, and Kay has experienced the death of her brother in a hospice and since then has started volunteering at St John’s. So they’re the perfect pair to give us an insight into what life is like working in a hospice, but also what it’s like as the family members of someone who is having end of life care.
In this episode we chat about how it works when you need a hospice, who pays for it, what the atmosphere is like, why they’re so important, what’s their role compared to hospitals, what would they want people to know about hospices, and how working around grief and death affects their own dealings with it personally.
For more about St John's Hospice in North Lancashire & South Lakes, and some of their own podcast, visit: www.sjhospice.org.uk
For more about Kay, and her book, 'Losing You, Finding Me', visit: www.kay.backhouse.com or www.instagram.com/kay_backhouse
And for the episodes I mentioned about our time doing work experience in a Funeral Directors:
'Wales, work experience, bitey flies, chips and Dave': https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78783914/wales-work-experience-bitey-flies-chips-and-dave
Blog: Seeing my first dead body: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7af9430b/blog-my-why-seeing-my-first-dead-body
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106. Ever felt the grip of serious addiction? Drink and drug addictions can destroy life, but what about the person in recovery who's celebrating being 'clean' while also having to accept the loss of the many things ruined by years of misuse?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #54 of 101: Loss through addiction
In this episode we chat to Lisa Newman from the beautiful (and now very sought after) town of Stroud in England. We've known Lisa for a few years and she agreed to come and talk to us about the loss and grief she’s experienced through addiction to alcohol and drugs.
Addiction entered her life when she was around 10 years old, and in the following decades it took her to some dark places which later saw her homeless, in prison and in-and-out of hospital.
Lisa shares her journey with us including; the grief of now being single and childless, the pain of watching friends have grandchildren, the precautions she has to take to use pain medication now, the loss of friends, the pain and confusion for those around her, what recovery has been like, and the challenges of rebuilding a life while also mourning the loss of the life you thought you’d have.
This is a very honest and important conversation about the power of addiction, the power of being free/clean, but also the live-changing power of hope and gratitude.
Lisa now spends her time helping other people come off drink and drugs, for more about her, visit:
www.recalibrate-recovery.com
www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-newman-recalibraterecoverycoach/
www.instagram.com/lisadoesyoga
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BONUS EPISODE TIME!
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
In last week's episode (Loss 53) we spoke to a friend of ours, Laura Burns, about alopecia and coming to terms with the loss of her hair, but she wasn't the only one sat in the podcast studio for that in-person interview.
Quietly perched in the corner was husband, Jonathon (a friend of ours, which is how we met Laura in the first place).
In the episode last week Laura shared about losing her hair at the age of 22 years old through alopecia (in 2011) and the challenges this can raise when dating and choosing what information to tell people and when.
[And you might want to hear that episode before listening to this one, link below].
So, we decided we wanted to chat to Jonathon as well, what's it been like from his side of things, and how has he navigated this with his own health challenges.
Both Laura and Jonathon have had more than their fair share of health conditions. Jonathon was born with renal failure and later had a kidney transplant, and Laura has had brain surgery more than once, so they're not strangers deep, difficult conversations.
In this chat, Jonathon shares his side of the 'wig flying off story', how he's managed his own health challenges, how they communicated about their health when dating, how they've found their way in marriage together, and what part faith has played in that.
How this couple are, and see life, despite all their health challenges, is truly inspiring.
Loss 53/101 Episode (Loss of hair through alopecia): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7a41eed1/loss-53101-loss-of-hair-through-alopecia-laura-burns
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105. What's it like to suddenly start losing your hair at the age of 22? How open should you be about it when start dating?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #53 of 101: Loss of hair through alopecia
Meet Laura Burns, a social worker for an anti modern-slavery charity, but also a friend of ours who lives in The Black Country. Laura married our friend Jonathon in 2022, and we had the privilege of being at their wedding.
This is only our second in-person interview, after nearly 200 podcast episodes! So it was very exciting to chat face-to-face with Laura in our podcast studio.
Alopecia first appeared in Laura’s life in 2011 when she was 22 years old. Alopecia areata is a disease that happens when the immune system attacks hair follicles and causes hair loss, and Laura explains the different types and which ones have affected her over the years.
Both Laura and Jonathon have had more than their fair share of health conditions. Jonathon was born with renal failure and later had a kidney transplant, and Laura has had brain surgery more than once. But it was only recently Laura told us she has alopecia, so we asked if she'd come and tell us about her experience, and she agreed. This was the first time we were hearing her story, so it was a real honour to record it for the podcast to share with you.
Laura talks about what kind of loss alopecia is, the journey to finding the right wig (pop over to our social media to see how gorgeous that is!), how she found the right man 😉, and how it's not always been easy to know what to share with others and when.
She also shares some of the more humorous moments, e.g. when her now-husband Jonathon first saw her without her wig - well worth tuning in for.
This is a very honest conversation about a very visual and complicated loss, especially because identity can be so closely connected to our hair. Laura shows us how hope can find a way in and how important gratitude has been to her.
For more information and support with alopecia: https://www.alopecia.org.uk/
PLUS: Tune in next week for a bonus material episode, because after this interview we recorded a chat with her lovely husband, Jonathon Burns.
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104. What's it like to handle a human heart? Or to operate in that small space between life and death? And is there grief for a surgeon when a patient dies during, or after, surgery?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #53 of 101: Loss of a life for a heart surgeon
Meet Mark Field, a cardiac surgeon from Liverpool (in the north of England) who joined me (Claire), in-between commitments at work, to talk about life, death and loss in heart surgery.
Now, this isn't a subject that's discussed much with surgeons, and you'll hear Mark say that even he had reservations talking about it, but it's such an important area to highlight. Just because you work in a career that encounters death, doesn't that mean you find it any easier to face than people in other jobs. And, like many other careers we've covered on the podcast, it's once again surprising how little training is provided to medical professionals when it comes to delivering the news of a patient’s death. Especially when people's responses to bad news are so varied.
I was introduced to Mark through the Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust, and knew this was a man I wanted to speak to when he sent me the best excuse for being late to a Zoom call ever. I received an email just after the start time had passed that simply said: “Sorry Claire. 5 minutes! Trying to prevent death!!”
In this conversation you'll hear about how hard it is when major operations don't end with a healthy recovery, how surgeons control (or don’t control) human emotions, the privilege of working with such a valuable organ, and why hope plays such an important role in Mark's job.
And because trying to co-ordinate the diaries of a journalist and a heart surgeon got really tricky, Chris wasn't able to join me in this episode, so I was flying solo for the first time in 53 losses.
If you want to hear how other careers handle dealing with death, visit www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat and scroll down to 'Jobs working with loss, grief and death' for a full list.
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103. When a close family member dies, like a parent, it's easy to assume there was love there, but what if you're not sure if you loved that person, or even if they loved you, what does grief look like then?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #51 of 101: Loss of a dad ('that I don't know if I loved')
And yes, this means that as we've reached Loss 51 - we're officially over halfway through our 101 loss list! Exciting! Check out all previous episodes online at www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses or see our last episode where we reflected on the previous ten stories of loss and grief. But there are also many more to go, so back to today's guest...
In this episode you'll meet Thea Rickard, from Bristol in England. Thea's in her twenties and lost her dad, Jonathan Rickard, when he was in his sixties in 2018. About a year ago she produced a short audio documentary called Our Dad (link below) which Chris listened to and then shared with me, because something she said caught his attention: 'Grieving for somebody, or the idea of somebody, who you’re not sure if you loved, is the hardest thing I’ve ever encountered.' Keen to explore what it's like to grieve someone you don't know if you loved, especially a parent, we invited her to talk about it with us on the podcast.
As Thea has reflected on her dad’s life, his relationship with alcohol, his dream to be an actor, the terrifying and the tender moments she's seen in him, she's had to explore what it's like to grieve for a man she wasn't sure if she loved, or even if he loved her. Like she said in her documentary: ‘It would be easier if he was “the villain” of the piece, but he’s not the antagonist in a story, he’s a human being.’
There is so much wisdom and empathy in this chat, well beyond Thea's years, so we know you’re going to appreciate this very honest conversation.
To listen to Thea's 15 minute audio project, 'Our Dad', where she talks about her father with her siblings, visit: https://soundcloud.com/thearickard/ourdad
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102. I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but a little while ago I decided to record my musings as I wander round them. So that's what these Graveyard Musing episodes are, just me and my phone, in a graveyard (and sometimes Chris!).
Welcome to another Graveyard Musing from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why podcast).
In this musing, Chris (husband) and I are wandering around Llanfair Talhaiarn Cemetery in North Wales.
Come with us to hear the sounds of the Welsh countryside (a.k.a. sheep!) and hear our thoughts as we look around a beautiful cemetery in a valley in the gorgeous Welsh countryside.
If you want to hear more episodes like this, check out:
Graveyard Musings, Tyne Cot & Ypres, Belgium: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7f63d7e9/graveyard-musings-tyne-cot-and-ypres-belgium
Graveyard Musings: Gloucestershire, England (Part 1 of 3):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76b3f1f7/graveyard-musings-gloucestershire-england-part-1
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
101. Another milestone reached! We've hit loss number 50 on our mission to explore 101 different types, meaning we only have 51 (!) to go. So we're just half an episode away from being halfway through all 101!
In this episode we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss the last batch of losses, 41-50, and what nuggets of wisdom we've taken from each guest.
We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own grief, whether childlessness, pets, relatives, friends, health, or even just the day-to-day losses we sometimes face.
And the not-yet-famous-but-might-be-one-day 'Hermontage' is back! As we, once again, mix together the last 10 guest's Hermans. If you don't know what a Herman is, check out the link below.
Huge thanks to Losses 41-50: Lisa Kolb Ruland, Harry Kind, Chris Lord-Brown and Jonathen Harty (double guest episode), Samantha Langford, Margaret Reed Roberts, Jody Day, Jeanette Koncikowski, Julia Trehane, John Cronin and Catherine Fowler (another double guest episode), and Stephen Downes.
Plus, we end this episode with something very special - The Herman Song, sent to us by an avid Silent Why listener and supporter - John Cunningham.
If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.
To listen to the full episodes go to: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses.
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Thank you for listening.
100. When you lose your dominant arm, what's worse, the emotional toll, or the physical loss?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to chat about grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #50 of 101: Loss of a left arm and shoulder
Meet Stephen Downes from Cornwall, who was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma at the age of 22 when he found a lump in his neck on Christmas Day, 1997. After intensive radiotherapy that seemed to be it, until he felt another lump in the same place in 2022.
Diagnosed as a myxofibrosarcoma (a rare malignant, cancerous, tumour) Stephen was told he would need to have his left arm, shoulder and three ribs removed or the cancer would kill him. Just weeks later he had a 14-hour operation to remove it all in Derriford Hospital (a teaching hospital with an integrated Ministry of Defence Hospital Unit).
This is a very honest conversation about a very big, and very recent loss. Stephen talks about how others have responded to his amputation, when he does and doesn't need help, whether he minds people asking about it, why this hasn't been the hardest loss he’s had to face, and what mentality keeps him going and persevering to do the things he loves - like surfing.
For more about Stephen:
https://www.instagram.com/the_onearmedsurfer/
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100087628640542
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557078361569
https://www.linkedin.com/in/onearmedsurfer/
His Podcast: 'Chopped: Strength through Vulnerability': https://open.spotify.com/show/25U9PwuZPoHMzEmqklrten
Plus, the episode we mentioned about the loss of an arm, and a career (Loss 4/101 with Dan Richards): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4a76699e/loss-4101-loss-of-a-right-arm-and-shoulder-dan-richards
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Thank you for listening.
099. Here it is again - Mother's Day.
As many mum's across the UK will be glowing with pride at the presents their children offer, other women will be wincing a little (or a lot) every time they see these words. Well, as a childless-not-by-choice (cnbc) woman I know how they feel, and I'm here to share how I'm learning to mark it without letting it mark me.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. It's hosted by me (Claire Sandys), with husband Chris joining in for the '101 loss list' episodes.
For this episode, I'm re-releasing a recording I did last year just after Mother's Day (with a newly added intro for you this year). I had decided to do things a little differently in 2023 and I just switched the microphone on and winged it! Working from a few notes I made on my Supernote, I chatted about why Mother's Day is a challenge, who struggles with it, how I get through it, how we can refocus it, and what I've found to be helpful along the way.
And don't forget if you know someone that really struggles with Mother's Day, why not send them a Herman? It doesn't have to arrive on the day, and it might be just the boost they need: www.thehermancompany.com
For more about our childless journey listen to Episode 3 - Loss of fertility - where we chat in more detail about our experience: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1
For the full blog post by Amy Young that I read from: https://www.messymiddle.com/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/
And if there are certain losses you'd like to learn more about from us, or our guests, scroll down the 'Let's Chat...' page on our website to the list of topics and you can see some of our episodes categorised there: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat
Or you can see our full list of 101 losses so far here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses
Support the Show.
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Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
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How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Are you struggling at the moment? Do you feel lonely in what you're facing? If you answer "yes" then this episode is for you.
However, if the answer is "not at the moment" then I also think it's for you too.
And if life is just peachy keen right now, then you might still want to lean in, to be able to help those around you who are finding life tough.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/yourenottheonlyone
If I said to you 'you're not the only one going through this' you might think I was stating the obvious or being a bit insensitive, but the reason a lot of us suffer for longer than we need to in grief, loss, ill-health etc is because on some level we DO believe we're completely alone in what we're going through.
This way of thinking is lonely and isolating, and can be more detrimental us that we realise. But when we really acknowledge that we're not alone in our grief, loss or pain, and start to connect with others in similar situations, it can be a powerful step on our way towards healing.
And that's what I want to help you with today - helping you feel less alone.
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
098. Let's Chat... about the amazing part that colour can play at a funeral.
Let’s Chat episodes are with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to the very lovely Jen Watson, a Funeral Celebrant in Kent.
I first heard about Jen on our Funeral-Director-Work-Experience trip to North Wales. Back then she was known as Jen Wilkinson, but now she has a new name, a new patch to work on, and it was great to finally connect with her.
Jen setup JW Celebrancy in 2021 after qualifying as a Funeral Celebrant and has cultivated a very vibrant way to brand her services - which I was eager to chat to her about.
Jen offers empathetic and colourful services for bereaved families to help them share their loved one’s final life-story. She has a beautiful way of involving colours in a funeral (which leaves you desperate to get a glimpse at her wardrobe) and shares how she's developed this, and why she's never led a service in full black.
It's a great conversation that will make you smile and well-up, and inspire you when it comes to funeral planning, as well as give you a whole new take on how other people celebrate their loved ones when they die.
For more about Jen, visit her website or social media:
https://jwcelebrancy.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/JenWatsonFuneralCelebrantJWCelebrancy
https://www.instagram.com/jenwatsonfuneralcelebrant/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jen-jwcelebrancy/
And Jen is also the proud owner of Herman and did this great video on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C2KIfpXs4dA/
For my previous chats with Funeral Celebrants & Funeral Directors, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat
For Loss 43/101: Loss of life for a Funeral Director:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7abc6ce6/loss-43101-loss-of-life-for-a-funeral-director-jonathen-harty-and-chris-lord-brown
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
097. When someone dies in hospital there's the loss of a patient, but there's also the grief of the family, so how does dealing with that grief differ, depending which side you're on?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #49 of 101: Loss in an Emergency Department
In this episode, you'll meet two guests, each telling their side of the story about the death of a patient after emergency surgery.
Our first guest is Catherine Fowler, the daughter of Tim Fleming, who died of an aortic dissection in 2015 after being admitted to the Emergency Department in Dublin (where he was visiting on a work trip).
We’re also joined by John Cronin, a consultant in Emergency Medicine, who was on duty the day Tim was admitted, and aware of colleagues’ attempts to diagnose his condition.
However, our guests' paths didn't cross the day Tim died, they met much later as they both searched for answers about how aortic dissection is diagnosed and treated.
Seventy adults, of all ages, every week in the UK & Ireland, suffer an aortic dissection (when the aorta, the major artery in the body that carries blood from the heart, starts to tear). And sadly, only around half of these people survive.
What Catherine, John, and many others at The Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust have been working on since Tim's death is something we should all be thankful for, because it has massively changed the approach to diagnosing aortic dissection.
For more on The Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust, visit:
https://aorticdissectioncharitabletrust.org/
https://www.facebook.com/AorticDissectCT
https://www.instagram.com/aorticdissectct
https://twitter.com/AorticDissectCT
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-aortic-dissection-charitable-trust/
Sasha Bates episode mentioned: Loss 23/101:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7bb3198e/los
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Many years ago, in 2021, The Silent Why podcast launched with one specific last question it wanted to ask all its 101 loss guests - What's your Herman?
Since then, it's been an exciting journey collecting Hermans (answers to this question). However, this year, in January 2024, I launched The Herman Company and all of a sudden (after a year of hard work!) Hermans became a real thing.
So, how and why did all this come about exactly? Well, that's what this episode is going to tell you.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/thestoryofherman
If you're new to the podcast and have no idea what a Herman is at all, then you might want to listen to/read this (super short) episode first:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b7bd2bc/whats-your-herman
(you can also search on your podcast player for 'What's your Herman?')
This episode is about filling you in on how we got from just a question about Hermans to the real, live, little fellas being out in the world. It's the story of Herman.
To find out more about Hermans: https://www.thehermancompany.com
To buy a Herman: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/product-page/herman
To listen to our guest's Hermans you can listen to any of our 101 loss episodes:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses
Or check out our Hermontage episodes where every now and then we put them all together:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7b969faa/blog-my-why-hermontage
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/79337336/blog-my-why-hermontage-ii
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
096. It's not just Christmas that can be a tough, heading into a New Year can be tricky too. And this year, even though we were very intentional about navigating a childless Christmas (and it went well), we hit New Year and for some reason the wheels fell off the apple cart!
We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan (that's mostly Claire).
We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to some of the popular family times of the year, and so we understand those that aren't fully engaging with the excitement of another year ahead.
In this episode we discuss together (for the first time since New Year) why we thought our New Year's Eve might have been a bit of a disappointment - and you get to listen in with us 😉. We also talk about how Christmas went, and introduce you to something very exciting that was launched by The Silent Why yesterday (8 Jan 2024)!
Yes, Hermans are now a real, physical thing, and they are available to pre-order (at a special price for this week only) from the website: www.thehermancompany.com. More on this in the episode but also on our social media (links below).
Pre-order your Herman now: www.thehermancompany.com
Pre-order 'Praying Through Infertility' (as mentioned in episode): https://sheridanvoysey.com/prayingthroughinfertility/
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Sometimes our hope feels particularly weak or unstable as we head into a new year, especially if we've have a hard year behind us, or face a tough one ahead.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope
So because New Year isn't easy for everyone in 2021 I gathered together 10+1 Knows (taken from the Herman's our guests have shared on the podcast), to help you find something to hang your hope onto as the clock strikes midnight. And because we need hope every year I thought I'd share them again as we head into 2024.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
095. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?
Welcome to the fifth small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year.
Hopelet 5 is all about cherishing our hope and why it's worth even bothering to invest our time, and heart, in hope at all.
On our social media hand illustrations this one gets the thumbs up. Literally.
These are the two YouTube video's I mention in the episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PluaPvhkIMU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLFEvHWD_NE
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
094. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?
Welcome to the forth small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year.
Hopelet 4 explores how our hopes don't just guide us, but other people as well.
Plus, we invited Winston Churchill into the studio to read one of his quotes for us 😉.
And because you can literally count all the hopelets on one hand, I've illustrated them all on social media for you. Check out the links below to see them.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
093. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?
Welcome to the third small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year.
Hopelet 3 explores the blessings and the danger of having high hopes.
And because you can literally count all the hopelets on one hand, I've illustrated them all on social media for you. Check out the links below to see them.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
092. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?
Welcome to the second small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year.
Hopelet 2 explores what to do when you feel like your hope is weak, damaged or neglected.
And because you can literally count all the hopelets on one hand, I've illustrated them all on social media for you. Check out the links below to see them.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
091. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?
Welcome to the first small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year.
Hopelet 1 explores what to do when you feel like your hope is small.
And because you can literally count all the hopelets on one hand, I've illustrated them all on social media for you. Check out the links below to see them.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
090. Christmas can be a tough time, right?
If your response is 'absolutely not' then this festive episode might not be for you. But if you sense a sad little 'yeah it is' voice deep within, then we're hoping this opportunity to hear from a mix of our previous (and future) podcast guests might bring you some comfort.
We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan (that's mostly Claire).
We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to this special time of the year, so we understand those that aren't full of the festive spirit, and so do many of our guests, who have been through all kinds of grief and hardship.
Our guests have recorded snippets for us about what makes Christmas hard for them, but also how they draw comfort through the season.
Thank you to Sue Brayne, Virginia Solomons, Lori Alcorn, Alina Mavis, Sasha Bates, Lisa Newman, Peter Ellis, Elizabeth Leon, Jennifer Bute, Lis Whybrow, Stephen Downes, Greg Williams, Samantha Langford and Sheridan Voysey.
Plus, a beautiful piano rendition of In the Bleak Midwinter recorded especially for this episode last year by the very talented - Jon Sandys.
We know not everyone's Christmas will be happy, but we are finding we can all have hope, so we're wishing you all a very Hopey Christmas instead.
And we've got small episodes of hope coming out on the podcast every day this week, to help you know that you're not alone.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
090. Life is hectic. Christmas is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and my brother-in-law's beautiful piano playing of one of my favourite carols.
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.
Just under 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me in for a few minutes of peace and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.
And for this episode I'm asking you to stay where you are, rather than join me in a different location, and listen to the piano as you allow time to find out what you want, and need, this Christmas.
Thank you to Jon Sandys on the piano for 'In the Bleak Midwinter' (by Gustav Holst and Harold Darke).
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
089. Christmas can be hard, and we've experienced that ourselves as a childless couple, especially at a time of year when family seems to be at the heart of most festivities.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.
Every year we put out an episode where we chat about how we're feeling about Christmas. We started with an episode in 2021, talking about how hard it felt and Chris' loss of Christmas spirit, then we did another episode last year (Finding Comfort at Christmas - which included other podcast guests' experiences), and now here we are again.
In this episode we chat about how being intentional over the last two years has helped us face Christmas 2023, why it will always be a little sad, and what we're putting in place to try and regain our Christmas joy (even if it's just between the two of us).
We mention lots of other episodes you might want to hear, here are the links:
Chris' Loss of Christmas Spirit (2021): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit
Finding comfort at Christmas (2022):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c519304/finding-comfort-at-christmas
That weird time between Christmas and New Year: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-christmas-and-new-year
Another New Year? Why?!!: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c36974a/another-new-year-why
Blog: A weary world rejoices: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b228ac5/blog-my-why-a-weary-world-rejoices
Blog: The Season of December: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78557ecc/blog-my-why-the-season-of-december
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
So, Christmas. Your friend or your foe?
As this is a question most of us ask each year, I thought I'd republish this episode/blog that I put out in December 2021, to help us find the friend in Christmas when it's feeling more foe foe foe than ho ho ho.
Welcome to another My Why blog from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe
I really want to like Christmas but it's hard some years, especially when you don't have children, you're going through a hard time or it brings sad memories. It's a time of year that many people dread because of that. So I'm looking at how we can reignite our friendship with this season.
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Find Christmas tough? We're here for you.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Some hosts put out less podcast episodes over Christmas, but not me, I'm going for more!
In this episode I (Claire Sandys, host) am going to give you an idea of previous Christmas and New Year content you might want to listen and give you a run down of what to expect from us this year over Christmas and New Year - and there's lots to choose from.
As promised, here are the links to the episodes I mention:
Chris' Loss of Christmas Spirit (2021): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit
Finding comfort at Christmas (2022):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c519304/finding-comfort-at-christmas
That weird time between Christmas and New Year: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-christmas-and-new-year
Another New Year? Why?!!: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c36974a/another-new-year-why
Blog: A weary world rejoices: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b228ac5/blog-my-why-a-weary-world-rejoices
Blog: The Season of December: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78557ecc/blog-my-why-the-season-of-december
Let's Chat Food and Grief, with Lisa Kolb Ruland: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dcf6269/lets-chat-food-and-grief-with-lisa-kolb-ruland
Loss 48/101: Loss through anorexia & orthorexia eating disorders, with Julia Trehane:
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
088. When it comes to eating disorders and losses, you might find you immediately think of ‘loss of weight’, but there’s so much more that can be lost through disorders linked to food and eating.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #48 of 101: Loss through anorexia & orthorexia
In this episode you'll meet Julia Trehane, from Bournemouth in England. She's an Eating Disorder Recovery Coach and podcaster, and she lived with Anorexia Nervosa for 40 years. Julia has learned first-hand about the dangers of living with an eating disorder (ED) and tells us why it was so powerful in her life for so long.
It’s an honest conversation about a very serious (and not often spoken about) condition, but Julia is also a beacon of hope for anyone battling with a similar disorder because she's found her way to recovery - "I have complete food freedom, I don’t struggle with any eating disorder thoughts any more, I am fully recovered as far as I’m concerned."
And amazingly Julia told us she actually used to make Hermans (the original Herman that inspires our final question in every loss episode)! For more about those, if you don't know what they are, visit the Herman link below.
To find out more about Julia and her work, or to contact her, visit: https://juliatrehane.com/
Or find her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliatrehane
Or listen to her podcast - 'Fly to Freedom': https://open.spotify.com/show/0EuUm7VHWmLIBhyrQ0HuD4?si=9a7333ea2fc843db
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
087. Let's Chat... setting up your own funeral business, personalising funerals, and everything funeral directing.
In these Let’s Chat episodes, I (Claire Sandys) chat one-to-one with a guest who has experience/expertise in a particular area of loss.
In this episode I’m chatting to Adrianne Hickey, a Funeral Director in North Wales. I met Adi on our trip to North Wales to get some work experience at a funeral directors. She took the brave step of starting her own Funeral Business with no prior experience.
I was very curious to hear about what a role like this is like, and we covered all sorts of areas around funerals, like the traditions we feel we have to adhere to, why sometimes it's appropriate to get creative with funerals but not always, and what it's like setting up a funeral business from scratch as a female.
When I listened back to this chat I realised it also encourages us not be afraid to give things a go, follow our dreams, and have the courage to go and get what you want.
More about Adi: http://www.tirionfunerals.co.uk
Social media:
https://www.facebook.com/tirionfunerals
https://twitter.com/adi_tirion
https://www.instagram.com/tirionfunerals
RELATED EPISODES:
Loss 43/101: Loss of life for a Funeral Director:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7abc6ce6/loss-43101-loss-of-life-for-a-funeral-director-jonathen-harty-and-chris-lord-brown
Previous conversations with Funeral Celebrants: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat
Blog: Seeing my first dead body: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/seeingmyfirstdeadbody
The Eternal Forest:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78cf470e/come-for-a-walk-around-a-natural-woodland-burial-site-the-eternal-forest-in-north-wales
Time in Wales on w
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Could we BE any more sad about this loss?
Welcome to another My Why blog from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theonewherewesaygoodbyetomatthewperry
Like many people, the sitcom Friends was a huge part of my growing up in my late teens and early twenties. So when the world heard on 28 October 2023 that Matthew Perry (aka Chandler Bing) had been found dead, there was a collective sadness that spread across the news and social media, and I found myself pondering on this situation and felt led to explore those thoughts in a blog post.
I also found out that grieving someone you've never met has a name - Parasocial Grief. It can be a confusing thing to experience, so I thought I'd unpack it a little for you, and what it felt like to me with the loss of a character that was one of my all time favourites. My hope is that it might also help you grieve the loss of someone you never met.
To watch the song I mention that was played at Matthew's funeral, Don't Give Up, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc
You can find the episode with Mary-Frances O'Connor, Let's Chat... Grieving Brains here:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7bd90faf/lets-chat-grieving-brains
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
086. We'll all face grief and loss, but what happens when big losses come one after another in quick succession? How do we grieve them when we're barely through one loss before another one hits us?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #47 of 101: Loss through cumulative grief
In this episode we're welcoming back Jeanette Koncikowski from Buffalo New York, who experienced five big losses in just over four years.
In 2010 Jeanette lost a pregnancy in her second term, then in 2012 her mother was diagnosed with cancer and died later that year, in 2013 her best friend died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 37, and in 2014 she lost her grandma and then her husband of 21 years through epilepsy (leaving her widowed at just 36).
For most of us, we will go through the big griefs one at a time, with the space to think, process and grieve what we lost (if we choose to). But sometimes they come close together, barely giving us time to process what's gone, before something else is taken, so how do we deal with that?
In this conversation Jeanette shares her wisdom on getting through the trauma of not only losing close family, but also losing the people that would have supported her through the other losses. This chat is full of useful advice and hope for how to deal with multiple losses and the support you might want to seek out if you're going through it yourself.
For more about Jeanette you can visit her website: https://www.thrivecommunityconsulting.com/
Or her Widowed Parent Project Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/580595715466580
Or find her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/widowedPP
You can also hear Jeanette's Let's Chat episode on how to parent as a widowed parent here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/77dffebe/lets-chat-parenting-as-a-widowed-parent
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
'What's wrong with clouds?' you might ask, and that's exactly what they want you to think!
Welcome to another My Why blog from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/meetmyfrenemiestheclouds
Over the past year I've taken one photo every day of the same tree (I explain more about that in the episode), and I was largely focusing on the tree, but something else has grabbed my attention, and changed my opinion of it. And pondering on this thing further, I've realised how much it also has to teach us about loss and getting through grief and other tough times we experience.
For the particularly stunning cloud photo I mention in the blog visit: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnw3qzpN_EJ/ (or the written blog for more examples).
Daily Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/aviewobserved
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
085. This episode contains podcast updates, exciting new ventures, an invite to a grief panel I'm appearing on, and general news about The Silent Why.
Welcome to another episode from me, Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast.
This one's an update on why I've decided to continue releasing podcast episodes every other week, and it's all linked to an exciting new venture I'm planning, so tune in to find out a little bit more (but not too much, because my Buy Me A Coffee supporters get to find out first - although there is an offer in the episode to get yourself on that list).
I'm also going to start a mailing list which I talk about and I'll let you know how to sign up to that when it launches.
To register for grief panel discussion I mention - 'Grief. One size fits all' - just fill in your details here:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScA3SJennwkC6HfQalsmiD1AC6oK96j1p7eaGPaOBjIX2yRkw/viewform
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
084. Let's Chat... facing loss and a life-threatening illness, and the effect it can have on your faith.
In these Let’s Chat episodes, I (Claire Sandys) chat one-to-one with a guest who has lived experience or expertise in a particular area of grief.
In this episode I’m talking to Matt McChlery who is a worship leader, podcaster, author, song-writer, father and husband (among other things), from East Anglia in the UK.
In 2016 Matt and his wife lost an unborn child in an ectopic pregnancy, and then he was diagnosed with cancer; Stage Four Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. These traumatic experiences led him to write the book ‘Standing in the Storm: Living with Faith and Cancer’.
Matt openly talks about what it looks like to balance faith with a devastating cancer diagnosis, the questions he grappled with, and how his faith was stretched but also grew through his illness.
This conversation opens up some big subjects; Where is God when we suffer? What does it look like to believe in a God even when things are falling apart? Can you have a relationship with God? Is He more than a big, mean judge? Why does He allow these things to happen in our lives?
I’ve spoken to a lot of people about loss, and it's only natural that faith and God crop up a lot in the most tragic times we face, whether that's having faith, losing faith, no faith, don’t want faith, wish you had faith, or confused by faith. There's an inherent urge in us when we face something awful to reach to something bigger for help, to want to plead to a higher being for ourselves or on behalf of others. Why is that? Join Matt and me to find out.
For more about Matt, his speaking, books, songs etc, you can visit: https://www.mattmcchlery.com
For his podcast, Christian Book Blurb: https://www.Christianbookblurb.podbean.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mattmcchlery
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mattmcchlerymin
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
083. In this episode I'm looking at one of our favourite TV programmes ever; the British comedy, Detectorists.
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.
I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes (exploring 101 types of loss) I like to share another love of mine - fictional storytelling, particularly involving grief and loss. This means occasionally I dissect specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particular way and share my musings with you.
The programme I'm looking at today is a comedy that launched in 2014 on BBC Four - Detectorists, and I'm looking at the Season 2 finale, Episode 6 - You are gold!
So join me as I detect loss in Detectorists and how Mackenzie Crook handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast).
SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 7 mins 15 secs onwards, basically after my husband's impromptu piano rendition of the theme tune (a regular feature that's always worth hearing!).
Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgN7z0SD8v8&ab_channel=SeriesFest
Theme tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q58Gm18-IMY
Where to watch Detectorists (in UK):
iPlayer: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/b06l51nr/detectorists
Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/80065658
Previous Silent Why episodes exploring loss on TV:
Grief in Ghosts: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7d0da791/grief-in-ghosts-the-bbc-sitcom-observed
Loss in Ted Lasso: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/799203f6/loss-in-ted-lasso-a-sports-comedy-observed
Support the Show.
thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter
How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
082. Have you ever felt like you didn't have the right to grieve something/someone? Or been through a loss that felt unacknowledged by social norms? Or maybe your loss was minimised or not understood by others. If so, that's disenfranchised grief.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
And as it's World Childless Week we thought we'd tie this week's loss into a subject that's also very close to our own hearts as a childless couple.
So loss #46 of 101 is exploring what's felt through disenfranchised grief and childlessness.
Our guest is Jody Day from rural Ireland. Jody is a well-known name in the world of involuntary childlessness, she wrote the book 'Living The Life Unexpected', started Gateway Women, is a psychotherapist, TEDx speaker (The Lost Tribe of Childless Women), World Childless Week ambassador and so much more (just Google her 😉).
In this conversation Jody shares the losses she's been through, why she's so passionate about speaking on subjects like disenfranchised grief and childlessness, how her childlessness broke her open more than her divorce, her long-term relationship with grief, and some of the healing moments she's had along the way for losses, like abortion.
Jody explains why she's a fan of grief, how she's learnt to recognise it when it appears, why she now partners with it, and how amazing it can be for transformation.
She also shares why she's a World Childless Week ambassador and what benefits weeks like this can have to help educate and create awareness. To find out more about that, and for all the free webinars they're offering this week visit: https://worldchildlessweek.net/whats-on
For more about Jody, her books, Gateway Women and all the other projects she's got on the go, visit: https://gateway-women.com/.
And find her on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/GatewayWomenUK
https://www.instagram.com/gatewaywomen
https://www.instagram.com/apprenticecrone
https://twitter.com/gatewaywomen
Support the show-----
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
081. Let's Chat... how to find your way with parenting as a widow or widower.
In these Let’s Chat episodes, I (Claire Sandys) chat one-to-one with a guest who has lived experience or expertise in a particular area of grief.
Today I’m talking to Jeanette Koncikowski, a writer, consultant and grief advocate from Buffalo, New York.
In 2014, when she was just 36 years old, Jeanette's husband - Mark - died very suddenly, leaving her with a nine-year-old and a five-year-old to parent. In the four years before this tragedy, Jeanette had also lost a second-trimester pregnancy, her mother, her grandmother and her best friend.
Through her own experience of grief, Jeanette has become passionate about helping other widowed parents, launching the Widowed Parent Project in 2016 as an online resource and support group to connect other young widowed parents. She also has a background in child welfare and family counselling, she's studied trauma counselling and received a Masters degree in Education from Harvard. As well as providing life coaching to widowed people, she's written her forthcoming memoir; Shipwrecked. So she's super qualified for this conversation.
In this chat she honestly talks about the ups and downs of parenting through such a loss, but also shares heaps of practical and theoretical knowledge for those going through it. We also touch on meeting a new partner. In fact, this episode was so full of useful information I couldn’t bring myself to cut it down to the usual episode length! So enjoy all Jeanette has to offer - whether for yourself, or to help you draw alongside others going through this kind of traumatic loss.
This episode is a reminder of the importance of teaching any children about death and learning how to speak to them truthfully about this natural part of life, rather than living in fear of it.
For more about Jeanette you can visit her website: https://www.thrivecommunityconsulting.com/
Or her Widowed Parent Project Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/580595715466580
Or find her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/widowedPP
The book Jeanette recommends, The Group by Justin Yopp: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Group-Seven-Widowed-Fathers-Reimagine-ebook/dp/B077H2985K
Support the show-----
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
080. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and the beautiful streams in North Wales…
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
These new, very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.
7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while.
And for this episode I'm asking you to come and sit with me by the peaceful waters of a stream in North Wales, as the water trickles over the stones, and nature does it's thing around you.
Support the show-----
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
August can be a tricky month.
Whether you have children, don't have children, go on holiday, don't go on holiday - things do shift a bit, and there's a few things happening at The Silent Why HQ that are a bit different too.
Welcome to another episode from me, Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast. This one is a bit of an update on what's happening over the next few weeks, and why, but it also contains some encouragement for you in this funny old month we call August.
I've decided to take some time over the next few weeks of August and September to focus on my fiction writing and I'm very excited about it. This means that I'll be putting out episodes every other week, rather than weekly, until mid-September.
I'm not the only one doing this, I've seen other people choosing August as a time to step back a bit from the day-to-day work and focus on other areas that get neglected - maybe that's an idea for you too if you run your own business or do a lot of content creation?
However, in September I'm back with some great topics to look at for our 101 losses list, and you hear a sneak peak of what they are in this episode.
And this episode isn't just an update, I've also included the blog I did on The Season of August, to encourage those who might be struggling with, or daunted by, the month ahead.
And if you'd prefer to read the original blog post, you can find it here:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofaugust
Don't forget you can support the show, and ultimately fuel my tea drinking while I'm writing over the summer by visiting Buy Me A Coffee (link below).
Support the show-----
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Have you ever seen a dead body?
I hadn't, until just a few weeks ago.
Welcome to another My Why blog from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/seeingmyfirstdeadbody
A few weeks ago I did some work experience at a Funeral Directors. One of my many reasons was to get up close and personal with death. Why? Well hosting a podcast on grief and loss was a major factor, so when the opportunity presented itself, I took it.
In this blog/episode I reflect on what it was like to see a corpse, what thoughts and feelings it stirred in me, and what bigger questions it raised in my mind.
I have to say, the thoughts I've brought away with me are very different from what I expected.
To hear Chris and me chatting about our work experience listen the episode 'Wales, work experience, bitey flies, chips and Dave':
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78783914/wales-work-experience-bitey-flies-chips-and-dave
And to find out more about what it's like to work with loss and death on a daily basis in the Funeral Industry, listen to Loss 43/101: Loss of life for a Funeral Director: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7abc6ce6/loss-43101-loss-of-life-for-a-funeral-director-jonathen-harty-and-chris-lord-brown
Support the show-----
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
079. Let’s Chat… how to deal with grief and loss in the workplace.
In these Let’s Chat episodes, I (Claire Sandys) chat one-to-one with a guest who has lived experience or expertise in a particular area of grief.
Today I’m talking to Samantha Langford, from Lincolnshire in the UK. She's a workplace health and wellbeing consultant, through Gaia Workplace Wellbeing Ltd, helping businesses maintain good health, wellbeing and productivity.
If you're an employer, you might think you’ve got a tidy process for basic bereavement leave, but would your team know how to handle someone going through the grief of infertility, divorce, child loss, or a death involving a police investigation or the media...? Who in your workplace would be equipped to have these conversations?
It's a complex area for businesses, but as Sam points out - the minute you employ even one person, you’re going to have to deal with grief as everyone experiences it. So it's vital that workplaces know how to handle it. The good news is that there's lots of ways, for all budgets, to get this support and there are people out there to help you.
For more about Sam, visit: https://www.gaiawellbeing.org
For resources Sam has provided these links to help:
https://www.letsimproveworkplacewellbeing.org
https://www.hospiceuk.org/compassionate-employers
https://www.natgba.com
https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/bereavement-information/grief-kind
https://www.childbereavementuk.org
https://training.sands.org.uk/bereavement-in-the-workplace
https://www.thelosscollective.co.uk/for-workplaces
And for my previous conversation with Sam about the death of her brother, visit:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/80418204/loss-44101-loss-through-autoerotic-asphyxiation-samantha-langford
Support the show-----
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
078. Have you heard of a natural woodland burial? Or considered what it is and how it works? You're going to find this episode fascinating.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
On our recent trip to North Wales we didn't just do some work experience with some funeral directors, we also visited The Eternal Forest - a natural woodland burial site in Boduan, Pwllheli (and yes, I also had no idea how to pronounce a word that starts with 'pwl'!).
There we met Julia Everett, the manager, and recorded a conversation with her as we walked around the most beautiful woodland.
The Eternal Forest is a beautiful and peaceful place to visit and if we lived nearby we'd have been tempted to book a burial plot straight away!
Have a listen and let us know how your views on burial are challenged or changed.
You can follow along with the transcript in a blog post on our website, where we've included images and video of our time there to help you visualise it: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theeternalforest
For more about The Eternal Forest visit: https://www.eternalforest.org/
And to listen to our previous episode about our time in Wales - 'Wales, work experience, bitey flies, chips and Dave' visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78783914/wales-work-experience-bitey-flies-chips-and-dave
Support the show-----
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Ever been wiped out by grief? Left bashed, bruised and gasping on the shore? Is it possible to survive these huge waves of grief?
This is a subject I'm blogging about because of the lovely Evelyn Calaunan.
One of the 'rewards' for supporting me monthly through https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy is to choose a blog topic for me to mull over and write about, and this one was inspired by Evelyn.
(Thank you, Evelyn, for your support - it means a lot to me.)
So, welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/bigwavegrieving
Evelyn was a guest on Episode 46 talking about her work as a Funeral Celebrant in Australia, so I was interested to see what she'd ask me to blog about. Evelyn has been through some very tough grief recently, but also experiences waves of it over the loss of her father 25 years ago. She told me that she really struggles with the unexpected waves of grief that appear and wipe her out emotionally and she'd like to explore that more - why do they come? will they always come? and how can we navigate them?
We might all find ourselves telling others that waves of grief are normal and part of the journey, we have the head knowledge of that, but when we experience them, when we are wiped out completely by one, it can be incredibly hard to understand and process.
To find out more about Evelyn listen to Episode 46 - Let's Chat Funeral Celebrants:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76a65230/lets-chat-funeral-celebrants
Or visit her website, where you can also check out her podcast on exploring the narratives of people's lives and courageous conversations :
https://bluemountainscelebrant.com.au/
For more of my audio blog episodes on navigating grief, visit the blog page on the website and click on the category: 'Grief' or 'Loss' - https://www.thesilentwhy.com/blog/
And for the original post by GSnow that I mention: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/
Support the show-----
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
077. In this episode, we (Chris & Claire) talk about our one-week break from the podcast recently and what we were up to - and it involved everything from fish to funerals, bodies to bitey flies!
Welcome back to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
For Loss 41/101 (Loss of life for a Funeral Director) we interviewed two Funeral Directors and this got me (Claire) thinking. Having never seen a dead body or been around death in that way, I thought it would be educational to learn more about this side of death and grief and put myself into some specific situations to see how it felt. So I did. And I took husband Chris along with me.
What was it like? What did we do? What did we see? How did it feel? What content have we recorded for future use? Find out in this episode as Chris and I offer some reflections on our time in North Wales.
To hear the previous episode with the two lovely Funeral Directors that hosted us and Lord-Brown & Harty: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7abc6ce6/loss-43101-loss-of-life-for-a-funeral-director-jonathen-harty-and-chris-lord-brown
Support the show-----
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
076. Let’s Chat… about the ups and downs of life as a Funeral Celebrant in North Wales.
In these Let’s Chat episodes, I (Claire Sandys) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss. Today's topic is funerals.
Here I’m talking to Sarah Boalch, a Funeral Celebrant from North Wales. Sarah runs ‘Ceremonies with Personality’ and helps families by creating bespoke ceremonies that cover every life milestone we might go through. But she didn’t set out to be a funeral celebrant, and in this conversation we talk about how her career took an unexpected turn.
Sarah and I explore how she copes with funerals and grieving people (when she's someone that cries easily with others), what the process is when she initially meets with a bereaved family to get information for the funeral, and what has her best experience been at a funeral?
For more about Sarah visit her website or social media:
https://www.ceremonieswithpersonality.com
https://www.facebook.com/ceremonieswithpersonality
https://www.instagram.com/ceremonieswithpersonality
And with each Let’s Chat guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss, so far I've acquired spades, clamps, rakes, spirit levels, shears, forks, gloves, glasses and even compost and a chair. And Sarah adds something new to my growing bundle of tools - tune in to see what it is.
And for my previous conversation with Funeral Celebrant, Evelyn Calaunan, in Australia, visit:
Episode 46 - https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76a65230/lets-chat-funeral-celebrants
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What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
I've always loved graveyards, which led to me to create the Graveyard Musings episodes, and now they're back, only this time we've gone international.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my blog posts. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusingsbelgium
This episode contains the musings from my walk around Tyne Cot Cemetery in Belgium (the largest cemetery for Commonwealth forces in the world, for any war) and the beautiful Menin Gate in Ypres (one of four memorials to the missing in Belgian Flanders which cover the area known as the Ypres Salient).
Visit the blog link to see images and videos of our trip, including boarding the train to go through The Channel Tunnel, Menin Gate Last Post Ceremony, beer shops, marzipan shops, unexploded shells by the road, Tyne Cot Cemetery, and more: thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusingsbelgium
To support the podcast, but also future trips to Belgium to fuel my marzipan habit, visit buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about.
Oh, and birdsong…
Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope.
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
074. Imagine being diagnosed with something that brings a huge amount of relief, but at the same time - a huge amount of grief.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #45 of 101 - Loss through a late diagnosis of ADHD
Meet Margaret Reed Roberts from Cambridge, England. Margaret was diagnosed with ADHD (a neuro-developmental condition and stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) at the age of 48 years old.
Although this provided an answer to a lot of what Margaret had been struggling with, like why ordinary tasks seemed so much harder for her, she describes the diagnosis as coming with ‘relief and grief’ - the relief of finally knowing why she felt so different, but also the realisation of a lot of loss.
Since then, she has learned to recognise the strengths and abilities that being neurodivergent offers, the importance of the right environment around her in order to thrive, and the importance of not seeing ‘different’ in a negative way.
For more about Margaret, you can find her on social media and through the following links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/margaretreedrobertswriter
Twitter: https://twitter.com/geordiereed
Menopause and ADHD:
https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/menopause-and-adhd/
God, Me and ADHD:
https://www.womanalive.co.uk/god-me-and-adhd/13207.article
When ADHD collides with perimenopause - podcast episode:
https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/164-adhd-and-perimenopause-with-margaret-reed-roberts/
For more about ADHD from a medical viewpoint, listen to - Let's Chat... ADHD with Dr Ned Hallowell:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7d60344a/lets-chat-adhd
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
073. Let’s Chat… Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (a.k.a. ADHD)
These Let’s Chat episodes are for me (Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast) chat one-on-one to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this episode, I’m talking to Dr Edward Hallowell (a.k.a. Ned) from Boston, a child and adult psychiatrist, Harvard faculty member and graduate, and world authority on ADHD.
Ned has spent the past four decades helping thousands of adults and children live happy and productive lives through his strength-based approach to neurodiversity.
He’s written many books including his Driven to Distraction series and his latest book ADHD 2.0, he’s been featured on many media channels including; 60 minutes, Oprah, CNN, The Today Show, The New York Times, Time Magazine and much more. He has ADHD and dyslexia himself and is the founder of The Hallowell ADHD Centers in across America.
In this conversation we talk about what ADHD is, why Ned refers to it as ADD, the impacts it can have on a daily life, what treatment options are available and why he believes it can be a special superpower.
And with each Let’s Chat guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Ned adds to my growing list of tools.
For more about Ned and his books visit: https://drhallowell.com/
And you can also find him on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/DrHallowell
https://twitter.com/drhallowell
https://www.instagram.com/dr_hallowell
https://www.tiktok.com/@drhallowell
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
We all have triggers, but did you know that there are glimmers out there too? If you didn't, I'm here to help you discover them.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/triggersandglimmers
Now, if someone had said to me ‘do you know what a glimmer is?’ (before I saw a post on Instagram last week), I’d have thought about a small faint, beam of light, but it turns out it’s a lot more. It’s also used in another context by a lady called Deb Dana - and if you don't already, I think you need to know about them.
So join me, as I explore the other side of triggers... glimmers.
And if you just need a boost today, this episode is for you.
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What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
072. How much harder is it to mourn the loss of a loved one when sex is involved? We're all for honest and open conversations, but how do you have them when multiple taboo subjects are part of the same story?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #44 of 101 - Loss through Autoerotic Asphyxiation
Please note this episode discusses some very adult themes around sex and death, so please use discretion where and when listening.
Meet Samantha Langford from Lincolnshire, England, who’s speaking publicly for the first time about her 21-year-old brother who tragically died in 1997 when practising autoerotic asphyxiation.
‘Erotic asphyxiation’, also known as ‘breath control play’, is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. This can be done through strangulation, suffocation, or neck or chest compression. The term 'autoerotic asphyxiation' is used when the act is done by a person to themselves, rather than in a couple. It’s a very dangerous practice that can lead to accidental death, which is sadly what happened with Sam’s brother.
As with many accidental deaths in the home, the coroner recorded a verdict of ‘Death by Misadventure’. An accident or mistake. But one that left his family with two difficult subjects to deal with: sex and death.
In this episode Sam opens up about something that’s taken her many years to know how to speak about, she talks about what it’s been like sharing on a subject that’s so sensitive, the impact on her when the topic is just a joke to others, the dangers of such practices, the loneliness of not knowing anyone else that's been through the same grief and what good has come from it in her own development as a person.
For more about Sam visit her LinkedIn profile: www.linkedin.com/in/samanthabloomfield
To read the LinkedIn article Sam wrote about her brother in June 2022 visit: www.linkedin.com/pulse/death-sex-double-taboo-samantha-langford-msc/
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
071. Michelle Fishpaw, a mother and teacher, is passionate about National Child Abuse Prevention Month, which falls worldwide in April. In these next 30 minutes you'll find out why.
Let’s Chat episodes are where I (Claire Sandys, host) chat one-on-one to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area of loss.
And my guest here is Michelle, joining me from her home - where she lives with her husband and two daughters - in Rhode Island, USA.
In 2000, her baby daughter Claire - two days before her first birthday - was shaken by a sitter, resulting in Shaken Baby Syndrome. Against the odds Claire survived and has just turned 24 years old, but she will always live with the long-term effects of that abuse.
We explore what this trauma was like for a newly married couple, how they have advocated and changed legislation to speak up against such a preventable action, and what advice is given out to new parents.
And with each Let’s Chat guest I'm building a whole shed of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Michelle adds to my growing list.
For more about Michelle and her book (including requesting a signed copy by her and Claire) visit: https://michellefishpaw.com/
'Because I said I would' YouTube video of Claire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM_tKy1z_l0
Social media links:
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075803932248
https://www.instagram.com/claires.voice/
https://www.twitter.com/michellefishpaw
https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-fishpaw-a59978226/
National Child Abuse Prevention Month: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/
National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome: https://www.dontshake.org/
The power of sharing your story: https://www.groundworkohio.org/post/the-power-of-sharing-your-story-elevating-claire-s-voice-for-change
Claire’s Law: https://odh.ohio.gov/know-our-programs/shaken-baby/shaken-baby
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What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
How do we accept, and live with, a life we didn't really want in the first place?
Welcome to another My Why blog from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/acceptingalifeIdontwant
The way I see it, we can end up on two different highways when we get handed a life we didn't want or plan for:
Highway One - The Acceptance Accepted Highway.
Highway Two - The Acceptance Not Accepted Highway.
As far as I can tell, you don't really choose which, it just happens, and lately I've had a few moments of wrestling with the fact I'm clearly on Highway Two - and that was not how things were supposed to go. I wasn't supposed to be childless, in an unpaid job with health issues. So how do I go about accepting that?!
This episode shares more about my slump of an Easter weekend, how this blog came out of it, and why it's sort of a sequel to the last My Why blog/episode - What happens if I let go? [https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/whathappensifiletgo].
Turns out there's more work to be done after the letting go, there's actually coming to a point of full acceptance. Sigh.
Other links mentioned:
Episode: Navigating Mother's Day when you're childless: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7a23238b/navigating-mothers-day-when-youre-childless
Blog: Lost Inside, where am I?: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/lostinside
Blessings, by Laura Story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xRNrnh__SE
The Shack scene with Mack and Wisdom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUiW7bOqGPA
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What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
070. This week I'm reading your words, instead of mine.
If you're anything like me, telling others about the kind words and compliments we receive is uncomfortable. So when I've had lovely feedback about the podcast, instead of making it public and reading it out on the episodes - like a lot of other podcasts do - I've kept it to myself. But no more!
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. A podcast with a lot of really lovely reviews and feedback! Well, I say a lot - we could definitely do with some more.
Over the 18 months I've (Claire Sandys) been podcasting, I've heard my name or words a few times on other podcasts as they read out feedback or comments I've submitted, and it always makes me smile and feel recognised and appreciated. And this week I thought to myself, 'Why don't I do that more often on my podcast?!', because I LOVE hearing from those who listen.
So I'm trying it myself, and I'm starting by sharing some of the comments and reviews you've left me.
A huge THANK YOU to you for listening, sharing the podcast and getting in touch.
To help us further there are links to review the show and support the show further down. Or visit www.thesilentwhy.com/support to see the many other ways you can do this.
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
It can be tense living with hopeful expectations for the future but also unfulfilled expectations in your past. Do you ever feel the strain of holding those in tension and wonder - what if I just let go?
This is a subject I'm blogging about because of the lovely Peter Ellis.
One of the 'rewards' for supporting me monthly through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy is to choose a blog topic for me to mull over and write about, and this one was inspired by Peter.
(Thank you, Peter, for your support - it means a lot to me.)
So, welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/whathappensifIletgo
Peter was a guest on Episode 47 talking about loss of physical abilities after a stroke, but he also struggles with being childless and the loss of expectations he had about having a 'proper family' one day, as well as the loss of children behind him to leave a legacy to.
Although our paths are very different, a lot of what Peter feels I can identify with. So I decided to delve into why we have expectations for the future and the past, how short-term and long-term thinking can help or hinder us, and what happens if we try to endlessly wrestle with these pains. Is there a right time to just let go of what we hoped for? And if we do, what happens exactly?
To hear more about Peter's story:
Visit his blog: https://mystrokejourney.health.blog/
Or listen to:
Episode 47 - Loss #32 of 101 - Loss of physical ability after a stroke:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78922fa6/loss-32101-loss-of-physical-ability-after-a-stroke-peter-ellis
Episode 66 - Let's Chat... Living with loss (Peter is one of two guests):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/798b30fa/lets-chat-living-with-loss
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
069. Where there's loss of human life, one person will often be found in the background - the funeral director. They quietly go about their business with discretion and dignity, engaging with families to provide support and care in their greatest time of need. But how do they personally shoulder the burden of working with loss every single day?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #43 of 101 - Loss of life for a funeral director
Meet Jonathen Harty and Chris Lord-Brown, funeral directors in Llandudno, North Wales. Between them they have more than 50 years of experience in the funeral industry, setting up their own funeral business together in 2020 - Lord-Brown and Harty Ltd.
We've been eager to speak to a funeral director on the podcast since it started, to learn what it's really like in a role that deals with loss, death and grief on a daily basis. Is there an occupation that has more dealings with death? How do they cope with that and the scars it can leave, and is there hope to be found in among all the coffins?
In this episode, Chris and Jonathen share what it’s like dealing with people fresh into their grief, why Jamie Oliver visits regularly, and what place hope has in the funeral business.
For more about Jonathen and Chris visit: https://www.lbandh.co.uk/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LordBrownandHarty
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lordbrownharty
To see Jonathen talking more about Jamie Oliver, the therapy dog that visits them: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-wales-58204737
And if you’d like to see those beautiful Hunter Bears: https://www.facebook.com/BabyHunterBears
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
68. Many mum's across the UK are likely still glowing after a day of being celebrated, but maybe for you Mother's Day (or Mothering Sunday, to use the proper name) makes you wince a little (or a lot). Well, as a childless-not-by-choice (cnbc) woman I know how you feel, and I'm here to share how I'm learning to mark it without letting it mark me.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
For this episode, I - Claire Sandys - decided to do things a little differently. Instead of an interview, or a prepared blog, I just switched the microphone on and winged it!
I worked from a few notes I made yesterday (on Mothering Sunday, on my Supernote), and I just shared whatever felt right to share.
[I also videoed it to make a 'Reel' on Instagram, so let's see if I manage to pull that together this century!]
As a childless woman, and half of a cnbc couple, I know how tricky Mother's Day can be. However this year it was actually a good one for me, so I thought it might be valuable to share a little about why and how (after 10 years of struggle) that's come about.
Join me as I explore why Mother's Day is a challenge, who struggles with it, how we can refocus it, and what I've found to be helpful along the way.
For more about our childless journey listen to Episode 3 - Loss of fertility - where we chat in more detail about our experience: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1
For the full blog post by Amy Young that I read from visit: https://www.messymiddle.com/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/
And if there are certain losses you'd like to learn more about from us, or our guests, scroll down the 'Let's Chat...' page on our website to the list of topics and you can see some of our episodes categorised there: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat
Or you can see our full list of 101 losses so far here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
067. We’ve all thought through the scenario; what items would I grab if the house was on fire? But what is it actually like to live through that at the age of sixteen, and lose all your possessions?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #42 of 101 - Loss of possessions in a house fire.
Meet Harry Kind from South London, he’s a consumer rights expert with ‘Which?’, a comedy writer and you’ll also see him on TV and radio every now and then. In fact, he was on the TV when we sat down to each breakfast the other morning, prompting a shout: ‘Look! There’s Harry!’
Harry grew up in Wales and when he was 16 years old, the house his dad had been renovating for many years caught fire very late one night. Fortunately, no one was hurt and Harry, his parents, and two siblings, all got out safely. However, almost all their possessions were lost or damaged to either fire or water damage.
In this episode Harry tells us what it was like to lose everything he owned as a teenager, how he reflects on that time now, what his parents must have been going through, the additional pressures the family had around that time (including Harry being diagnosed with cancer), and also the positive impact it’s had on him as an adult and the kind of person he is now.
For more about Harry you can follow him on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/harrykind
To see photos of the house fire and the newspaper clipping about it visit this Twitter thread or visit the episode artwork: https://twitter.com/HarryKind/status/1587797430224953348?s=20
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Having blogged about every month of the year for the last 12 months (see series: 'To every thing there is a season'), I'm now reflecting and wondering if it's possible to find hope in all seasons.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/istherehopeineveryseason
Our podcast is largely about loss and getting through grief, but it's also about hope. So, I'm on the hunt for it in every subject I tackle. The latest area I've been focusing on is months of the year and the seasons (literal and metaphorical), so having blogged about each month I'm now assessing - was there hope to be found in every month? Even the hardest, greyest, wettest ones?! Let's find out.
To read/hear all my season blogs visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/blog/categories/seasons or search for a month name among our podcast episodes.
And if you haven't been with me on this seasonal journey, why not start with either of these blogs and read/listen your way through the year...
To everything there is a season: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/toeverythingthereisaseason
The season of March: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
066. Let’s Chat… about the complexities of living with a wide variety of losses; how we face them, share them, compare them and get through them.
These Let’s Chat… episodes are for me (Claire Sandys) to chat one-on-one with a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area of loss.
However, in this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to TWO guests for the first time.
Peter Ellis (Loss 32 - Loss of physical abilities after a stroke) has returned with his dear friend, Katrina McNamara. They spend a lot of time chatting about loss and grief, not just because they've experienced it in different ways but also because it was embedded into their professional lives. So when they approached me to see if I'd record an episode with them chatting about loss - I said a big fat 'yes'!
Katrina has faced loss through breast cancer, the sudden loss of her husband and shortly afterwards the loss of both parents. Peter has faced complicated grief over his parents, the loss of a career after retirement, and the loss of physical abilities following a stroke he had not long after he retired.
Their very different losses, as well as working in hospice care for children, have led them to have many fascinating chats about loss and grief and they wanted to find a way to share these with others. Especially for those looking for ways through loss and the hope that can be found within it.
Between the three of us we've experienced loss through childlessness, cancer, stroke, bereavement, loss of parents, pets, health, jobs, abilities and much more. We talk about the effects of social media, expectations, the impact others can have on us, comparison between losses, triggers, and helping others in their loss.
There is so much wisdom and experience in this conversation, so we hope it will help you wherever you are on your loss journey.
To read more about Peter’s story and follow his blog visit: https://www.mystrokejourney.health.blog
To listen to Peter's full episode (Loss 32 of 101: Loss of physical ability after a stroke):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78922fa6/loss-32101-loss-of-physical-ability-after-a-stroke-peter-ellis
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Peter and Katrina add to my growing list of tools.
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
065. How is grieving the loss of a loved one different when there's no physical body to bury, cremate or identify? How is getting 'closure' impacted when a body of a loved one isn't recovered?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #41 of 101 - Loss without a body
Meet Lisa Kolb Ruland, from Washington DC, a former New York Prosecutor, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America’s baking and pastry program, and now a food writer and editor of the website - Unpeeled Journal - where she also writes about grief and loss.
Lisa married the outdoors-loving Eric in 2012, but less than two years later he died in a mountain climbing tragedy - along with five other climbers - on Mount Rainier near Seattle. Although three bodies were later recovered, Eric's body was sadly not one of them.
In this chat Lisa helps us understand the complexities of grieving through, not only sudden loss, but also ambiguous loss. She talks about the importance of the rituals following death and how their absence for her only added to her grief. She also shares very personal things she did to try and feel like any part of Eric was near her, and shares her experiences of finding love again, with her now-husband, and also widowed, Brodie.
Lisa's story is one of horrific sudden loss - in more ways than just the bereavement itself - but it's also a story full of hope, love and wisdom.
This is Lisa's second interview on the podcast, her first 'Let's Chat... Food and Grief' Episode (#59) can be found on any podcast player or at: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dcf6269/lets-chat-food-and-grief
For more about Lisa visit: https://www.lisakolbruland.com
You can find her food writing and Food + Grief Project at: https://unpeeledjournal.com
And to read about how the second year of being a widow can actually be harder, visit this link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/11/04/when-the-second-year-of-widowhood-is-harder/
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Do you need a bit of love and hope this Valentine's Day? Wondering what love is and where to find it? Want to hear why it's better to define our lives by love, and not loss?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/letsbelove
As this episode goes out on Valentine's Day, a tricky day for some, I wanted to offer anyone feeling a bit fed up a boost of hope and some podcast love.
We often focus on one type of love, especially on Valentine's Day, romantic love (or eros), but there are many types, and this episode explores why it's so important to remember the other forms that love can take.
You might say: 'What's love got to do with it? Where is the love? I wanna know what love is.'
And I will answer 'This crazy little thing called love? Love is all around us. Love is in the air. A groovy kind of love. Endless love. I believe in a thing called love. Can you feel the love tonight?'
And you will say: 'You give love a bad name!'
There's no escaping love, it's in our culture, our literature, our art, our music. People have been obsessed with it for years. Tune in to find out why it's so important, and how it might just help you, not hurt you, this Valentine's Day.
Links referred to in the episode:
Let's Chat: Grieving Brains with Mary Frances O'Connor' episode: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7bd90faf/lets-chat-grieving-brains
See the love, by The Brilliance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9dBcE4A6l8
The Gravity of love, by The Brilliance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCFQfakZGKc
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
February is here, the last month in my year-long series ('To every thing there is a season...'), so what can this short, love- and pancake-filled leap year month teach us about life?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonoffebruary
This My Why is the final month in my series looking at all the months of the year and what each one is teaching me about life, loss, love, hope or hedgehogs. Since March 2022 I've been using the first blog of the month to assess what I can learn or love about the month ahead, and I have to say - I'm going to miss it.
It seems fitting to end on February because it was also the last month to be added to our calendar year, so it's been patiently waiting, once again, for me to get to the end of my series and take a look at what it has to teach us. And did you know it was once called Mud Month?
So if you want to know why we sometimes skip leap years, why February's so short, why we make pancakes, why we celebrate love, why I mention purple, or why you should like this month at all? This one's for you.
And if you want to continue with the series or start again, you can read/listen to 'The season of March' here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
064. Another milestone reached! We've hit loss number 40 on our mission to explore 101 different types, meaning we only have 61 (!) to go.
In this episode we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss what we've learned so far on this journey. What are the takeaways? What has encouraged us? What will we try in the future? What's most memorable about the last 10 losses we've explored?
We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own childlessness grief.
And because we ask every guest 'What's your Herman?', we've mixed together the last 10 guest's Hermans - so tune in for the not-yet-famous 'Hermontage' to hear what they want to share to help you in your loss.
And if you don't know what a Herman is, visit the link below.
Huge thanks to Losses 31-40: Vlad Korotkov & Irina Karaseva (our first couple interview), Peter Ellis, Hui-wen Sato, Greg Williams, Edy Nathan, Mary Turner Thomson, Mark Riddles, and Sheridan Voysey.
If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
063. What is actually going on in the brain when we grieve? And how do grief and science work together?
This Let’s Chat episode explores the affect of grief on the brain and whether science can help us understand grief and love, or even prepare for loss.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead our 101 loss episodes, as I (Claire Sandys) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat I’m talking to Mary-Frances O'Connor, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona, and author of the book 'The Grieving Brain: The surprising science of how we learn from love and loss'.
Mary-Frances conducts studies into understanding the grief process from a psychological and physiological point of view.
Last year, a friend sent me an interview with Mary-Frances for The British Psychological Society and the headline was - 'You can't really study grief without studying love' - I instantly knew I needed to talk to Mary-Frances on the podcast about this, and when I asked her, she said 'yes!' (my favourite answer).
Interview link: https://www.bps.org.uk/volume-35/may-2022/you-cant-really-study-grief-without-studying-love
Mary-Frances brings a new perspective to loss, the part love plays in grief, why going through love and then loss is still better than not loving at all, and the distinction between grief and grieving, as she chats from from a viewpoint we haven’t really tackled yet on the podcast - science.
For more about Mary-Frances and her book visit:
https://www.maryfrancesoconnor.com/
To buy 'The Grieving Brain': https://amz.run/6Jno (paperback due out Feb 2023)
And you can find her on social media at:
https://www.twitter.com/doctormfo
https://www.facebook.com/maryfranceso
https://www.instagram.com/doctormfoconnor
https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryfrancesoconnor/
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Mary-Frances adds to my growing
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
I love the comedy-drama Ted Lasso and so it was always going to be next on my list of TV programmes to explore on the podcast. Specifically around how the programme approaches loss and grief in Season 1.
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.
I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes looking for 101 types of loss, I've decided to share another love of mine - commentating on fictional storytelling. And to remain on theme I'm going to explore specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particularly good (or maybe even bad!) way.
The programme I'm dissecting today is a comedy-drama that launched in 2020 - Ted Lasso (Apple TV+).
SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 5:40 onwards, basically after my husband's impromptu piano rendition of the theme tune (which is always worth hearing!)
So join me as I take a closer look at the themes of grief and loss in these episodes and how the writers and producers handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast).
Oh and it's impossible to do this review without swear words in the quotes (you'll see why, courtesy of one character in particular), but don't worry, I beeped them out, just be aware if little/sensitive ears are nearby.
Watch the Ted Lasso Season 1 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u7EIiohs6U
Ted Lasso Season 2 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reP1gVGpFKo
Watch Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ or look into a free trial here: https://apple.co/_TedLasso
More trailer links: https://www.apple.com/uk/tv-pr/originals/ted-lasso/trailers-videos/
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Announcement Episode
In this short episode we want to let you know about some changes to the podcast from next week, and why.
From Tuesday we'll be releasing one episode a week instead of two, and this is for a few valuable reasons we've outlined in this episode. To quote the wonderful Olaf from Frozen - "All good things, all good things."
We'll be providing all the same kind of content - in fact, we're hoping it'll get even bigger and better.
If you'd like to support the show with your time, money or encouragement, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com/support to see how to do that.
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
062. Ever felt the pain of a broken dream? Those great expectations which turned into even greater disappointment? Hopefully this episode will restore some hope that new beginnings can be found, whatever the dream you lost.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #40 of 101 - Loss of dreams
Meet Sheridan Voysey, a writer, speaker and broadcaster who moved from Australia to England just over a decade ago, pursuing a new beginning with his wife, Merryn, after finally accepting their dream of having children was not to be.
Their decision to move across the world and start again was to be the making of Merryn and her career, but for Sheridan it also meant the crushing end of a dream career he'd been cultivating and pursuing for many years.
In 1995, Sheridan conceived the idea of the Open House show, a talk radio show that interviewed guests from around the world on issues of life and faith. It was a further 10 years of work before that dream became a reality and even longer before Sheridan got to host it. And it was this dream career and blossoming reputation that he had to give up to start again on a new continent where he was unknown.
Sheridan speaks openly and honestly about his experience of childlessness, identity shifts he had to come to terms with, grieving broken dreams, facing new beginnings (even when they involve sad endings), and the unexpected blessings that he's unearthed along the way.
For more about Sheridan visit: https://sheridanvoysey.com
For his books and projects:
Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams Into New Beginnings - https://sheridanvoysey.com/resurrectionyear/
The Making of Us: Who We Can Become When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned - https://sheridanvoysey.com/themakingofus
The Creed: https://sheridanvoysey.com/thecreed
Friendship Lab (new project in development): http://www.friendshiplab.org
Merryn's acceptance speech: https://sheridanvoysey.com/an-invitation-to-buckingham-palace
Sheridan's statement about leaving Open House:
https://sheridanvoysey.com/my-open-house-announcement
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Well, January is here, another marmite-month for many (in England that means you either love it or hate it), so what can we learn from the first month of the year?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofjanuary
This My Why is number 11 of 12 blogs in the series ‘To every thing there is a season’, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year (which I started in March for some reason) I'm sharing lessons I’m learning from each month, and I've reached January.
January gets a lot of bad press and I can see why, but I'm finding it has a lot to teach me about choice, beginnings, endings, contradictions, extremes and getting safely through doorways.
So if you're keen to see what you can learn from January - this blog's for you.
If you've got the January blues - this blog's for you.
If you're just a nosey creature that wants to know how on earth you can find anything good in January - it's also for you.
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More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
061. Dislike New Year's Eve? Don't get it? Don't want to be a part of it? Hate it even?!
Well allow us to show you how you can turn it from foe into friend.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
We (Claire & Chris) know New Year is hard and disliked by a lot of people, but as it's technically only a calendar change we also know a lot of these feelings actually stem from personal hurts and pains people have around their previous New Year experiences.
So we've got 6 top tips on how to find ways to enjoy New Year and make it into something helpful instead of hurtful.
We've also got 20 questions you can ask yourself and work through if you want to assess where you are right now and where you want to be next year. You can copy and paste them from the podcast transcript if you want to work through those (https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/11953644-another-new-year-why).
And here's the link to the New Year song we mention and quote from - 'For all that you have done' by Rend Collective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYelp1pMpVs
Wherever you are, however you're feeling, we wish you a New Year filled with hope, because... 'Hope is being able to see that there is light, despite all of the darkness.' Desmond Tutu.
For more of our content on New Year check out these episodes/blogs:
Blog: Know Hope (read/listen):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope
Episode 13 - That weird time between loss of an old year and start of a new year:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-loss-of-an-old-year-and-start-of-a-new-year
5 short hopelet episodes for bursts of hope:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4c222f81/hopelet-1-when-your-hope-is-small
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
The Silent Why podcast is on a mission to seek hope in 101 different types of permanent loss.
We (your hosts, Claire and Chris Sandys) also love a good spin-off.
In this short episode Claire helps you find what you need.
Links to episodes/blogs mentioned...
Episode 13 - ‘That weird time between loss of an old year and the start of a new year’. (Chris & I chat about that weird time between Christmas and New Year): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-loss-of-an-old-year-and-start-of-a-new-year
My Why: Christmas - friend or foe foe foe?:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe
My Why: A weary world rejoices:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/awearyworldrejoices
Episode 12: 'Chris’ loss of Christmas Spirit':
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit
My Why blog - Where’s the rest?:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/wherestherest
My Why blog - What’s the worst thing about grief:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/worstthingaboutgrief
My Why: The season of December:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofdecember
Where’s your hope at? (5 short Hopelet episodes):
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/wheresyourhopeat
My Why: Know Hope:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope
And lots of other blog topics available on the blog (www.thesilentwhy.com/blog) like:
Permission to grieve
What is loss?
Living in the bittersweet
Are you lonely?
Disappointed with life
Sunshine doesn’t fix everything
When did we all get so fearful?
And one of my favourites - Meet My friend, the moon.
Episode 3 - Loss of Fertility (our personal experience with loss and childlessness):
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Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
060. Christmas can be a tough time, right?
If your answer is 'absolutely not' then this festive special might not be for you. But if you feel a sad little 'yeah it is' voice inside, then come with us as we chat through why some find it hard and how we can find - and share - comfort through it.
We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan.
We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to this special time of the year.
This time last year we recorded a similar episode (Chris' loss of Christmas spirit) and since then we've had a year of chatting to people who have been through loss, and found it has massively helped us to find our own ways to navigate and cope with grief, especially at tricky times like Christmas. So in this episode we reflect on that and how we're feeling about this Christmas.
We're also joined by a host of special guest voices, from previous Silent Why episodes, who share something short about what makes Christmas hard for them, and then something sweet about what is bringing them comfort.
Thank you to Sue Brayne, Virginia Solomons, Lori Alcorn, Alina Mavis, Sasha Bates, Lisa Newman, Peter Ellis, Elizabeth Leon, Jennifer Bute, Lis Whybrow, and Greg Williams.
Plus, a beautiful piano rendition of In the Bleak Midwinter was recorded especially for this episode by the very talented - Jon Sandys. Thank you, Jon!
We know not everyone's Christmas will be happy, but we are finding we can all have hope, so we're wishing you all a very Hopey Christmas instead.
To listen to our 'Chris' loss of Christmas Spirit' episode from last year:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
059. What is the relationship between food and grief?
This Let’s Chat… episode is exploring the relationship between food and grief. Does it help or hinder?Heal or hurt?
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to Lisa Kolb Ruland, a food editor, writer and young widow who divides her time between Washington, D.C. and Brooklyn, New York.
Lisa was a full-time food editor when she went through her own very sudden loss; in 2014 her husband Erik was in a group of explorers who died in a mountain climbing accident.
Lisa manages the food website Unpeeled Journal and the ‘Food + Grief’ project that you’ll hear us speak about. She has a unique insight into both areas from a personal and professional standpoint.
With Thanksgiving just gone and Christmas ahead I thought it was a good time to explore the relationship we can have with food when we, or others around us, are grieving.
Food plays a huge role in our lives, and therefore in our grief too, whether it’s eating alone for the first time, big family meals, taking other 'griefy' people food, under-eating, over-eating, cooking recipes that link us to those we’ve lost, or avoiding foods too connected to those we’ve lost, there’s so much to explore.
For more about Lisa visit her website:
https://www.lisakolbruland.com
Or the Unpeeled Journal: https://unpeeledjournal.com
Or her Food + Grief project: https://unpeeledjournal.com/category/features/food-grief-project
Or her amazing food photos: https://www.instagram.com/unpeeledjournal
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Lisa adds to my growing list of tools.
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Because it is an art, not a science. Have you got someone coming to your family or group gathering and you're not sure how to include them and make them feel welcome?
Maybe they're single, childless, divorced, grieving, unemployed, or just having a really tough time and you're keen for them to fit in.
I'm here to help.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theartofmakingeveryonewelcome
As a childless woman I know it's hard in gatherings, especially with families. And not only for those of us that don't feel like we fit in, but also for those that are trying to help us fit in. So I thought I'd offer some tips on how to include someone in your gathering and make them feel truly at home.
Now, bear in mind this is only for those that want to expend time and energy on helping someone that might find fitting in a bit difficult at the moment. It's not really for people who don't have trouble socialising or feeling like they belong, or for those that don't want to invite people round and try to go the extra mile to make sure they enjoy themselves.
I'd also say that this isn't meant as a way of encouraging you to invite others round just for the sake of it either, that can do more harm than good.
But if you really want to help a friend or family member feel like they fit in this Christmas, or at a gathering another time, and you know they find it difficult because they're the only single person, or the only childless couple etc, then these tips will help you do that.
You can find the other blog I mention here - 'How to talk to the grieving': https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
058. How do you grieve a loss that others might be happy about?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #39 of 101 - Loss of riding a motorbike
Meet Mark Riddles, from Northern Ireland, who was hit by a car while out riding his motorbike in 2021. Despite only going 30-40mph the collision was enough to end Mark’s motorbiking days, a passion he’d had for as long as he could remember.
Mark had two (very nice!) motorbikes and loved everything about the biking life. However, like many family members of bikers, not everyone was as encouraging of his potentially dangerous hobby, so when he had to give it up it wasn’t just sympathy he got but also a bit of ‘I told you so’.
This episode opens a fascinating conversation about how sympathetic we are to other people's losses if we can't understand the love for what they lost. How we might put our own spin on their loss because of our opinion of what happened. An important example of how all losses contain grief.
In this episode Mark talks openly about his experience of losing something he loved, how he might have responded differently if he didn’t have a family, why he hadn’t really thought of it as a loss to grieve before, and what he wants others to know in similar situations.
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Well, December is here - love it or loathe it - we're in it, and what does it want to teach us this year?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofdecember
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and I've reached December.
December is a painful and busy month for lots of people, and I get it, being childless we've found this season particularly hard over the years, but as well as a season that can be hurtful, I've found it also has the power to heal too, and I'm going to share share why, and how, through this blog.
If you're dreading this month and season - do not fear (as the angel said) - I'm here to tell you there are things you can do to make it better.
If you want to that is.
As with so many things in life, I've found it's all about choice.
Other blogs and links I mention or you might want to check out at this time of year:
Blog: Christmas - friend or foe, foe, foe?
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe
A weary world rejoices (for the weary ones)
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/awearyworldrejoices
The season of October (a.k.a Scragglepie's debut)
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofoctober
My new daily photo Instagram account
https://www.instagram.com/aviewobserved
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
057. Imagine what it might be like to lose everything around you - husband, house, car, money, financial security, and even your trust in people. Now imagine what that would be like if it was all because you met and fell in love with a psychopath.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #38 of 101 - Loss of a reality
Meet Mary Turner Thomson, from Scotland, who has an incredible story about the loss of her whole reality when her world - as she knew it - fell apart in 2006.
Mary met Will through internet dating, got married and had children, but six years later she had a phone call from another woman that shattered everything Mary thought she knew about her life. The man Mary had married turned out to be a serial bigamist, con man, convicted sex offender and a psychopath (by the true definition of the word).
In this episode Mary talks openly about her experience of multiple losses including the devastating loss of her wonderfully supportive mum to cancer, just months after it all happened.
Mary has used her experience to help many other women in similar situations and wrote an amazing book telling the full story (The Bigamist - https://amz.run/6C6Y). Her experience has since led her to study and write about psychopaths, which added a fascinating layer to our chat and prompted her second book (The Psychopath - https://amz.run/6C6Z).
In our fascinating chat Mary talks about what it’s like to process so many losses in one go, her desire to help others and not be a victim, the difficult loss of her mum which still affects her greatly, what the term ‘psychopath’ really means and why she doesn’t vilify the man who conned her.
For more about Mary Turner Thomson and her books visit: www.maryturnerthomson.com and for more about her new social enterprise The Book Whisperers visit: www.thebookwhisperers.com
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Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods
More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com
What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman
Tips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Episode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
I've berated November in many of my previous 'Season of...' blogs, so now it's here, do I still feel the same about this grey month?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofnovember
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and I've reached November.
November is known in the northern hemisphere for being fairly dull, grey and wet. It's not got great autumn colour, it's not Christmas - what is it?! Is it just a depressing start to winter? Or is there more to November than meets the eye? Is it angry or passionate? Is it full of depressing grey loss or helping us face our own losses?
Let's find out...
And to follow my new Instagram account that I mention pop over to - www.instagram.com/aviewobserved
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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56. Grief can be hard enough to talk about, but throw 'sex' into the same sentence and you've got the makings of an intriguing conversation that many people will willingly side-step. But it's a conversation that needs to be had.
So what is 'sexual grief'? And how do we know if we've encountered it?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #37 of 101 - Loss through sexual grief
Meet Edy Nathan, a licensed therapist, certified sex therapist, public speaker and published author. Edy is currently working on her second book, based around the area of sexual grief which is an area not openly discussed.
We explore it in this conversation, as well as who it impacts and why it's important.
It's important to note sexual grief doesn't just relate to the act of sex or sexual abuse, it also includes the loss of touch and physical contact (something Covid has greatly affected), the loss of affection which every human needs from birth, and also incorporates damaging belief systems that say you don’t deserve these things, or you were unwanted as a child, or detached from parents.
Edy speaks as an expert but also someone who has experience, having been the victim of sexual abuse as a child and also having watched cancer take the life of her partner, Paul, when she was in her twenties.
For more about Edy and her book, 'It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery Through Trauma and Loss', visit: https://edynathan.com/
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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I love the BBC TV sitcom Ghosts and so when I watched an episode in the latest series that revolved around grief and loss (the very themes my podcast is based on) I just had to re-watch it. Twice. And then I thought, why not share my musings with you too? And so a new addition to The Silent Why family was created.
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.
I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes and my audio blogs, I've decided to share another love of mine - commentating on fictional storytelling. And to remain on theme I'm going to explore specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particularly good (or maybe even bad!) way.
The first programme I'm dissecting is a recent episode of one of my favourite British TV sitcoms - Ghosts, from the BBC. Specifically Episode 4 of Series 4, called Gone Gone.
SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 5:40 onwards, basically after our piano-playing attempt at the theme tune (which is well worth hearing, and really hard to play!).
So join me as I take a closer look at the themes of grief and loss in this episode and how the writers and producers handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast).
BBC iPlayer link to episode:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0d0mkkc/ghosts-series-4-4-gone-gone
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055. Let’s Chat… about you, me and personality.
More to the point, how can a personality tool lead us towards knowing more about who we are and how we can better navigate loss, grief and stress.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I welcome back Lori Alcorn, from Manitoba in Canada.
Lori spoke to us in Episode 24 about the loss of multiple pregnancies, infertility and childlessness. It’s from her experience in this area that she’s created ‘At a Loss Infertility Supports’ to provide resources like Life Coaching, therapeutic art journaling, grief gifts, and her book; The Pregnant Pause.
She's also a certified Enneagram Coach and uses it in her life-coaching.
The Enneagram is apparently “one of the most powerful and insightful tools for understanding ourselves and others. At its core, the Enneagram helps us to see ourselves at a deeper, more objective level and can be of invaluable assistance on our path to self-knowledge.” It has nine basic personality types, but as you’ll hear it goes a lot deeper than just those.
Lori and I explored how it can be of use to us in everyday life, but also when we’re going through stressful times like loss and grief.
For more about Lori, her website and social media visit: https://linktr.ee/AtALossInfertility
For more about The Enneagram:
The Enneagram Institute: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
Free basic Enneagram test: https://personalitypath.com/
For an easy place to start your Enneagram journey, try the book, ‘The Road Back to You’ by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile
Available on Amazon:
https://amz.run/62yW (.co.uk)
https://amz.run/62yX (.com)
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Lori adds to my growing list of tools.
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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I’m back with another episode full of hope and encouragement from our podcast guests.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/hermontage2
Yes our podcast is about loss but it's also about hope. And the biggest dollop of hope we've received so far comes from our guests and their answers to the final question we always ask - "What's your Herman?"
For a full explanation visit: thesilentwhy.com/herman.
The question offers our guests a way of sharing something that has helped or encouraged them on their journey through grief.
Today I'm sharing a few more with you in the hope that wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, something speaks to you in a way you need.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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054. What’s it like grieving the loss of your child’s child? How does the grief of a grandparent differ from that of a parent?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #36 of 101 - Loss of a young granddaughter
Meet Greg Williams from Cayuga, Indiana, where he lives with his wife, Marsha. Greg has been an English Teacher for 40 years, and he and his wife have five children and twelve grandchildren. Sadly, their first grandchild, Reagan, died in 2006 at the age of just two years old, and in this episode Greg shares his grief journey with us.
Reagan’s death was diagnosed as Shaken Baby Syndrome, also known as Abusive Head Trauma or Shaken Impact Syndrome, and her death was the result of being shaken violently by her mother’s boyfriend.
We've spoken to several parents who have faced the grief of losing a child, but this is the first time we've spoken to a grandparent about what the grief feels like from their perspective.
Greg openly and honestly talks to us about the grief of losing a granddaughter he was very close to, the frustrations with the DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) system, the complexities of grief when the death is at the hands of someone else, the feelings of guilt, the challenges of trying to help in the area of preventative abuse, and setting up their charity Reagan’s Rescue.
For more about Greg and Reagan’s Rescue visit: www.reagansrescuefund.com
And you can buy Greg’s book, which includes his equally beautiful and heart-breaking journal entries, on Amazon:
https://amz.run/62NC (UK)
https://amz.run/62NE (US)
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Loneliness is a huge thing in our society today and I'm learning how closely linked it is to loss.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/areyoulonely
Mother Teresa said: "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
In our society today, where we are more connected than ever, we are also more lonely than ever. I hate the idea of anyone feeling alone, so I'm here to tell you that you're not alone, even if you feel lonely, and how you might be able to start to change that.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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053. We've all done it haven't we? Lost, damaged or deleted important photos and videos with absolutely no way of retrieving them. There's that sinking feeling followed by a knot in your stomach as you realise what just happened.
Loss #35 of 101 - Loss of photos
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
This week, we (your hosts, Chris & Claire Sandys) are back to share a personal loss we went through last year.
Damage to our back-up hard drive ended up with us losing thousands of photos from a four year period, including holidays of a lifetime, our 40th birthdays, a 100th birthday, special memories and many zoo animals.
As it's very important to us that ALL losses are covered in our 101 losses (not just bereavements), this week is an example of how the pain of grief can occur even in situations we might be likely to try and dismiss as a 'lesser loss' that we should just 'get over'. Yet all losses affect us and need processing, on any level.
Join us as we tell the story of what happened, how we've come to terms with it (if we have!) and why it's important to share these kinds of losses too.
To find out more about our mission, our story, or our guests visit: www.thesilentwhy.com
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Last October I wrote a blog/episode called 'The Autumn Fall' about how autumn teaches us how beautiful it can be to let things go. I was fully expecting to be writing along the same lines this year, but to my surprise I was feeling very different.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofoctober
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and two thirds of the way through, I've reached October.
October is known for autumn colour, Halloween, the Cheltenham Literature Festival and the entrance way to winter, but I'm also throwing in lumpy hedgehogs, scraggly magpies, ruffled crows and why this October feels a bit sadder for me and my grief than last year.
I also coin the new phrase 'my grief is on the bubble'.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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052. Imagine working with sick and dying children, where feelings of loss are all too familiar. How would you prepare for going to work everyday?
In this episode we chat to Hui-wen Sato, a Paediatric Intensive Care Unit nurse at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #34 of 101 - Loss of health and life in paediatric patients
Hui-wen lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young daughters and two tortoises. She has worked as a Paediatric Nurse since 2010, after changing careers from working with the elderly. Since starting this work she has truly seen the best and the worst of humanity, and through this journey she has developed to talk about the ‘inner heart experiences of nurses’.
We wanted to chat to her to find out what it’s like to work in a job that involves facing constant loss of health and life in children and their families. What drives her to do it? What can you find to enjoy in work like this? How does she protect herself from compassion fatigue? And what has she learnt about grief through her role?
Hui-wen has a beautiful way of expressing how grief has taught and shaped her, and her view of life, faith and family. She shares wisdom to help us all when facing loss and grief, but especially those who face it in their workplaces on a daily/weekly basis.
She also shares a fantastic text response her friend sent, that we should all remember when dealing with friends and family who are grieving.
You can read more from Hui-wen on her personal blog: http://heartofnursing.blog and AJN's blog Off the Charts: https://ajnoffthecharts.com.
Hear her Tedx Talk; ‘How grief helped me become a better caregiver’: https://www.ted.com/talks/hui_wen_sato_how_grief_helped_me_become_a_better_caregiver?language=en
Follow her work on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Huiwen.Alina.Sato
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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A lot of people are curious about how to create your own podcast, so on the first anniversary of The Silent Why I thought I'd share my advice with you. This is my brief overview of what it takes to create and launch a podcast, and why we called ours The Silent Why.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/howicreatedapodcast
For some people podcasts are these slightly confusing things that appear on their podcast app and they have no idea how you would actually get one on there. Well, I'm here to demystify all that for you and explain how the process works, what an RSS feed is, and how you get from a podcast idea through it being available on somewhere like Apple Podcasts, Spotify etc.
I also wanted to explain a bit more about why we chose this name for the podcast and why I've recently added 'because shhh happens' to our podcast artwork.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Announcement and update!
Chris & I are having a short break from releasing podcast episodes, but we didn't just want to do that without some kind of explanation, so this episode is just a short one to explain why there won't be any new Silent Why episodes appearing on your feed over the next couple of weeks.
Putting this podcast out takes a lot of time, effort, energy and mental space, so just occasionally I've realised a short break from it allows me to catch-up with other things I'd like to focus on (like my writing), as well as looking at the podcast as a whole and making sure I'm focusing on the right areas, because there's so much more I could be doing but I just don't have the capacity.
Plus, it's also important to focus on our own loss at times and check-in with that. So that's what the next couple of weeks are about.
We'll be back soon with some amazing interviews we've already recorded, but in the meantime, if you'd like to support the show with your time, money or encouragement, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com/support to see how to do that.
With thanks to Chris Sandys and www.zapsplat.com for the sound effects!
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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051. Let’s Chat… about the challenges of returning to work for teachers after pregnancy loss and infertility. Educators don’t just have adult colleagues to navigate when going back to work after loss but also classrooms full of students.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I chat to Jackie Mancinelli in New Jersey, a high school English and ESL teacher, and founder of Start Healing Together - an organisation dedicated to supporting educators and teachers experiencing pregnancy loss and infertility.
Jackie is passionate about advocating for rights in the workplace, to educate others on how to discuss pregnancy loss and infertility grief, provide helpful resources, and support educators when they return to work.
She shares her own experiences of returning to teaching high school students after the loss of her son, Richard, as well as the different challenges when returning to teach younger age groups.
In this chat you’ll hear about all the areas Jackie works in to help parents, including updating contracts for bereavement leave, developing individualised plans for returning to work and support services for students, as well as what employees and colleagues can do to help those around them in the workplace.
You’ll also hear her written answer to the one question I wanted to know the answer to but forgot to ask during our chat.
For more about Jackie and Start Healing Together visit: https://www.starthealingtogether.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/starthealingtogether/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/starthealingtogethersupport/
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Jackie adds to my growing list of tools.
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Follow The Silent Why on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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'Funeral's are for the living, not the dead.' They're also an important stage in the grieving process, but the days afterwards can be very hard, so in this episode I'm sharing my top tips for survival.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/feelingthefuneralfeelings
The early days after a funeral are very painful. As everyone else goes back to normal, you find you have no 'normal' to go back to. In this blog I explore the value and pain of funerals and those affected by them, why this country is going backwards when it comes to mourning, can you be sad about the loss of someone you never knew personally, and how to get through the immediate days and weeks after a funeral.
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050. For this special episode we (your hosts, Chris & Claire) shared some thoughts and reflections while watching the live televised state funeral of Queen Elizabeth II at Westminster Abbey in London (a mere few hours drive from where we live in England).
For this episode there's no script, no editing of what we say (partly because there's music in the background a lot and that makes it nearly impossible!), no prior discussion, just us pressing record on our phones when we had something to share or capture.
Following 10 days of national mourning in the UK and 4 days of the Queen's coffin lying-in-state (with hundreds of thousands of people queueing for hours to walk past and pay their respects), we have arrived at the funeral. Predicted to be potentially "the biggest live TV event in history", with viewing figures estimated at up to four billion people across the world. This is an event of a lifetime for many people.
Loss and mourning on this scale throws up a lot of questions, debate and interesting insights into how comfortable our country is with grieving. Since we've been discussing it a lot at home, and how it relates to our own personal journeys with loss, we thought it would be good to record our thoughts, comments and reflections while we were watching it live on television.
So, welcome to our lounge, with the funeral in the background, and our thoughts on the loss of our Queen, the pomp and ceremony, the Royal family and female bishop's haircuts.
Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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As the UK remains in a period of national mourning following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, there’s a lot we can learn about our own response to it. And what does national mourning actually look like when you swap a Queen for a King?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/griefisontheheir
It struck me as I was watching a long silence in Westminster Hall, just after the Queen’s coffin arrived to 'lie in state', that in the busyness of our capital, at the very heart in fact, there was a reverence and a silence. And whatever you thought of Great Britain's Queen, or our new King Charles III, the decision to stop and reflect on loss is never a bad thing. Whether a monarch, or someone/something else you've lost - it is always good to pause.
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049. Reflections and tributes to our longest-reigning monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.
Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022
We never considered that in the short time we'd be exploring 101 losses, we'd need to hastily prepare an episode on the loss of our Queen. Yet here we are.
Loss #33 of 101.
At 7pm on Thursday 8 September 2022 the UK was stunned by a statement from 'His Majesty the King'.
Just 30 minutes earlier, news had officially been shared that HM the Queen had died.
For his first words as the UK's new monarch, King Charles III wrote this:
"The death of my beloved Mother, Her Majesty The Queen, is a moment of the greatest sadness for me and all members of my family.
We mourn profoundly the passing of a cherished Sovereign and a much-loved Mother.
I know her loss will be deeply felt throughout the country, the Realms and the Commonwealth, and by countless people around the world.
During this period of mourning and change, my family and I will be comforted and sustained by our knowledge of the respect and deep affection in which The Queen was so widely held."
Meanwhile on BBC TV, senior presenter Huw Edwards was making an announcement he knew would be making history: "A few moments ago, Buckingham Palace announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II."
As our country enters 10 days of official mourning, we wanted to stop and reflect on our thoughts and memories of the Queen, what this sort of loss might look. So we both wrote down three particular aspects of the loss we'd been thinking on to discuss and share with you. These include; media coverage, the impact of one little life on the world, wording, a life of service, the past influencing the future, and the importance of mourning. Plus, you can hear tributes and reflections from those we know (that's what makes this the longest episode we've released to date, they were too good to cut down).
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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The UK’s longest-reigning monarch has died. A ripple-spreading loss to a grieving world, a history-changing loss to a grieving nation and an inwardly-shattering loss to a grieving family.
This special My Why is dedicated to the memory of Queen Elizabeth II:
Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022
Rest in peace ma'am, for your peace has been well earned.
I’m Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast, and My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/thankyouyourmajesty
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048 If you're feeling any pain with the words 'back to school' - this episode is for you.
This last-minute Let's Chat... episode was inspired by a very honest Instagram video that I saw posted by a previous guest about the pain of ‘Back to School’ week. I know it’s a hard time for a lot of people, because it is for me too, so I reached out to this person to see if she’d return to The Silent Why to chat to me about it. And she said 'yes!' So I’m putting the episode straight out for anyone else that finds September hard - you’re not alone.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this episode I chat to Elizabeth Leon from Virginia, US, about back to school pain.
Whether you’re facing the excitement, nerves, fear and heartbreak of sending a child to school for the first or last time, or fed up with the holidays and counting the seconds to the first peaceful cup of tea, or silently watching it all play out wishing you were part of it (and all the other emotions!), this conversation is a safe space to explore those feelings.
Elizabeth went live on Instagram last week because it was the first time for 22 years that she wasn't part of the back to school week. The shock came about partly because her two high school children aren't living with her this year, but she's also aware that her son, John Paul (who was born with Trisomy 18 and only lived for 28 hours) would have been starting school next year.
So I invited her to explore what a conversation might sound like between a mum-of-nine experiencing ‘back to school pain’, a loss mum, an empty nester and a childless woman.
I ended up throwing out all my questions part-way through this interview because our heart-to-heart was so natural it didn’t need them.
Hear more about Elizabeth in Episode 26 of The Silent Why (Loss 19 of 101). Loss of a newborn baby: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78784b16/loss-of-a-newborn-baby-elizabeth-leon
You can visit her website for more about her and her book, Let Yourself Be Loved; https://www.elizabethleon.org/
Or follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/letyourselfbeloved1690/
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Elizabeth adds to my growing list of tools.
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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September, seemingly a season of holding things in tension, or that's what's come to mind for me when ponding on this month.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post, and if you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofseptember
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a year I am sharing lessons I’m learning from each month, and we’ve reached September.
So tune in to hear my thoughts on the month of 'Septem', why it is often dominated by two other things beginning with 's', and how being able to hold things in tension can make us better, deeper, more mature humans.
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047. Peter had big plans for his retirement. But within months of his career ending, while gardening at the Georgian house he was renovating with his husband, he felt a pain like a bee sting shoot up his arm. This turned out to be the first sign of a massive stroke which would see his retirement dreams being cruelly torn away.
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This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #32 of 101 - Loss of physical ability after a stroke
In March 2018, not long after he’d retired, Peter Ellis from Norfolk, England, was in the garden when he felt the effects of the start of a massive stroke caused by a brain bleed.
Peter spent six months in hospital and is still continuing rehab four years later. Despite regaining some mobility he still suffers with paralysis of the left side of his body which impacts his mouth, left arm, and foot. He's also been diagnosed with epilepsy and has had falls resulting in fractures of the hip, pelvis and shoulder.
And because a stroke affects the brain it can change emotions and behaviour too, and Peter also has to deal with emotionalism, which results in bouts of crying. Something he rarely did before the stroke.
Peter has faced an enormous amount of loss and is still coming to terms with, not only the physical abilities he’s lost but also the loss of his retirement plans and dreams, loss of independence and loss of control.
Peter’s experience is a challenging one, especially for any driven, motivated man with big plans for their retirement. Peter, and his husband Duncan, were looking forward to renovating their Georgian house together, and Peter has also had to watch the effect his stroke has had on the life of his partner too as he cares for him at home.
This conversation is an honest look at how a stroke can impact someone’s life and the complicated list of losses that follow. Peter is using writing as a way of processing this journey through his blog, and is relearning the joy of small achievements and a new appreciation for those with disabilities that he’d previously cared for himself. It’s a testament to how even in some of our darkest days there are still some things that just insist on rising to the surface to get our attention, and it’s not just hope (like we focus on on the podcast), but faith, love, and a sense of humour.
To read more about Peter’s story and follow his blog visit: https://www.mystrokejourney.health.blog
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/askyfullofscars
Last Saturday (20 August 2022) Chris and I went to see Coldplay at Wembley Stadium in London, part of their Music of the Spheres World Tour. It was an amazing experience.
Watching some people being interviewed about their favourite Coldplay songs on social media beforehand I realised how many people connect with their songs when going through grief and loss. So I thought, what if I took the lyrics that speak into love, loss, grief and hope (can't forget about hope) from twenty-two of their songs and put them all together, in a Coldplay mashup about loss and love?
So I did.
It's called A Sky Full of Scars.
Enjoy.
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046. Welcome back to Let’s Chat…
These episodes pop-up every now-and-then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I speak to Evelyn Calaunan about being a Funeral Celebrant.
Evelyn lives in the Blue Mountains in Australia, where she’s lived for over 20 years, but her accent reflects her earlier years spent growing up in US Army bases around the world. Her father’s sudden death and becoming a funeral celebrant have profoundly changed her life and I was very curious to hear more about what a role like this does, and what she’s seen and experienced in the world of funerals - and I was not disappointed!
She shares her world of leading funerals, funeral planning, memorable experiences, practical tips for thinking about how we want to be remembered, stories of saying goodbye to old and young, and an infectious zest for life and her job.
And with each Let's Chat guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Evelyn adds to my growing list of tools.
Evelyn has her own podcast where she explores the narrative of people’s lives by having courageous conversations that tackle compelling topics to help us expand our minds, gain perspective and inspire us to do things differently.
For more information visit: Life’s Rich Tapestry - https://lifesrichtapestry.com.au/.
And you can find out more about Evelyn’s work via:
www.bluemountainscelebrant.com.au
www.facebook.com/bluemountainscelebrantfunerals www.instagram.com/bluemountainscelebrantfunerals
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/askingformoney
I'm plagued by the word 'monetization' at the moment. Not only can I not work out if I should spell it with an 's' or a 'z', but as one of my only hopes for income through the podcast I've been trying to learn about all the different ways this can work, and it's terrifying. Why is asking for money so flippin' hard?!
I've worked out it's partly because I viewed this concept as people expecting to jack in their paid job and seek money from others so they can do some thing they love, and yet when I really sat down and opened it up I realised I'd got it all back-to-front.
It turns out those asking for support weren't just expecting anyone to give them money - there's more to it than that. And if we wrestle with all this, it actually says a lot about us than others. So, if this is something you struggle to get your head round, I hope my thoughts and (rather brilliant, if I do say so myself) analogy will help you understand monetization a bit more.
And thank you to www.zapsplat.com for the free sound effects.
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045. Meet Vlad Korotkov & Irina Karaseva, a married couple from London who had the typical dreams of parenting when they got pregnant with their first child in 2019.
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Early on in their parenting journey Vlad and Irina had suspicions that everything was not as it should be, and when their daughter, Emily, was 1 year old, she was diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome.
Loss #31 of 101 - Loss through parenting a child with Angelman Syndrome
Angelman Syndrome is a genetic condition that affects the nervous system and causes severe physical and learning disabilities.
This episode is the first time we’ve interviewed a couple and had four people chatting together. When Irina asked if her husband could join us on this chat we replied with an enthusiastic ‘yes!’, because just like she’s experienced, we’ve found it’s often the women that are found to be speaking out about the losses faced in parenting, infertility, childlessness etc.
In this honest chat, Vlad and Irina share what it was like to find out their daughter wouldn’t be the healthy child they were expecting and what losses and griefs are involved in raising a child that may not see the typically expected milestones. They also share about the unique traits associated with the condition, including extreme affection and fascination with water.
For more about Vlad & Irina you can follow them on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ira_karaseva/
To support their Just Giving fundraising to cure Angelman Syndrome donate here: https://www.justgiving.com/page/goemily
For more information on Angelman Syndrome and F.A.S.T UK visit:
https://cureangelman.org.uk/
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/softorspiky
Around our village this week we've seen a lot of soft, spiky things floating around (I can even see one now out of the window!), and being a curious person I set off to find out where they're coming from and what they're up to. To my surprise the mission actually led me to a few places, including a verge down the road as well as Scotland, poetry and then back to good old grief.
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044. Another milestone reached! We've hit loss number 30 on our mission to explore 101 different types, meaning we only have 71 (!) to go.
In this episode we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss what we've learned so far on this journey. What are the takeaways? What has encouraged us? What will we try in the future? What's most memorable about the last 10 losses we've explored?
We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own childlessness grief.
And because we ask every guest 'What's your Herman?', we've mixed together the last 10 guest's Hermans - so tune in for the not-yet-famous 'Hermontage' to hear what they want to share to help you in your loss.
If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofaugust
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a year I am sharing lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and we’ve reached August.
As far as I can see, in literature, poetry and quotes there are two main themes about August - heat and holidays. Which tells me two things - a) they're mostly written by people living in the northern hemisphere, b) it's not going to be the easiest month for a childless woman living in England!
Join me as I ponder August and all the questions (that I don't want to answer) that it so kindly throws my way.
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043. Dr Jennifer Bute is a retired medical doctor from Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, and she is also our first in-person podcast guest. Exciting!
The Silent Why is our podcast mission to open up conversations around loss and grief, and to see if hope can be found in 101 types of permanent loss. Someone recently described us as “collecting stories of hope” and we liked that!
Loss #30 of 101 - Loss through young-onset dementia
In 2009, in her late 50's, Jennifer was diagnosed with young-onset dementia, which ultimately caused the loss of her much-loved career as a GP. Since then she relocated with her husband, Stanley, into a retirement home for extra care, but sadly and unexpectedly he died just four months later.
In this episode Jennifer opens up about the challenges of living with dementia, her passion for helping others with the same condition, her hope for the future of dementia care, her strong faith in good coming from bad, and why they prefer 'young' onset rather than 'early' onset dementia.
Jennifer is a beacon of hope despite facing a number of previous losses including what she describes as 'the totally avoidable' death of her husband, a last-minute end to an engagement, loss of sleep for two years after her daughter’s birth and the death of her mother when she was 4 years old.
For more about Jennifer, her book and the resources she has created for all areas of dementia care (including end of life, travelling, melt downs, restoring speech and much more) visit: https://gloriousopportunity.org/
Or follow her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gloriousopportunity
To buy her book visit: https://amz.run/5ohO
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Strap yourself in, because I'm on my soapbox this week!
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/itsnotmevsyou
Over the last few years I’ve had an increasing number of discussions with people on topical issues and subjects. Through these I've noticed how many people are feeling the pressure to pick one side, and tear apart the other side. When did we stop allowing space for doubt, discussion, or individual interpretation? Or even the journey from one viewpoint to the other? Life is so much richer with diversity of thought, it's not me vs you.
My fear is that this culture is starting to leak into how we deal with our grief, and this might actually do us more harm than good.
Tune in for my soapbox moment, why I'm concerned about how we deal with grief in front of others, a new take on dealing with grief that next week's podcast guest has challenged me on, a dollop of hope, and a whole lot more.
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043. Welcome to Let’s Chat…
These episodes pop-up occasionally instead of one of our 101 different losses, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… we hear from Dr Kriss Kevorkian about Environmental and Ecological Grief.
And I'm building a toolkit, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help us face loss. So I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
Kriss lives in beautiful Gig Harbour, Washington, and holds a doctoral degree in Thanatology and a Masters in Social Work, but she also specialises in Eco/Climate Thanatology.
Kriss is an expert in grief, death and dying and has worked hard to become a leading authority on environmental and ecological grief. She is no stranger to loss and grief in her personal life, and since seeing them on a seventh grade field trip, has a great passion for whales which has led her to study and research the decline of the Southern Resident Orcas in the Salish Sea.
We chat grief, nature, whales, how we can all do our bit, why it’s important and lots more.
For those who haven't heard of the Salish Sea, it's an inland sea of the Pacific Ocean located in British Columbia, Canada. It's 440 kilometres (270 miles) long, contains more than 400 islands, has a very active marine ecosystem, diverse community of kelp species, glass sponge reefs, 253 fish species and 172 bird species.
To find out more about Kriss visit: https://drkkevorkian.com
Or for the other organisations she mentioned:
Rights to Nature: https://legalrightsforthesalishsea.org
Earth law centre: https://www.earthlawcenter.org/
The Global alliance for the rights of nature: https://www.garn.org/
Movement rights: https://www.movementrights.org/
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
On the hottest day ever in the UK it seems appropriate to finally introduce you to my biggest fan.
He's tall, got a big head, a lazily chosen name, and has been my editing colleague all day, but he’s also sparked thoughts about the importance of embracing my uniqueness, and I want encourage you to do the same.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/mybiggestfan
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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041. In this episode we talk to David Richman, an author and motivational speaker from California. Since his sister’s life was ended by cancer, he’s been on a transformational journey from ‘sedentary, overweight smoker in an abusive marriage’, to an endurance athlete boasting such feats as 18 Ironmans …and an 85 mile rollerblade race!
The Silent Why podcast is on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 types of loss, or as someone described us recently; “collecting stories of hope”.
Loss #29 of 101 - Loss of a sister to brain cancer
David had a tough childhood. His mum was 21 years old when he was born (“not equipped to have kids”, David said, “and didn’t want them”) and his dad was aged 59 (“too old to have kids”). Following the death of his sister, June, he became very aware he'd lost the one person who fully understood his challenging upbringing.
David began a mission to talk to people about the emotional trauma that goes alongside a life touched by cancer. This resulted in a 41-day bike ride, covering 4,700 miles solo across America, visiting 15 people he featured in a book called Cycle of Lives he had published in 2020.
David has so much wisdom and experience to share, stemming from conversations with hundreds of people that have been through cancer, or had someone they love go through it. We chatted about what led him to change his life so drastically, how he coped with the death of his sister, the pain of being on a bike for 41 days, how he copes mentally with endurance sport, why it’s important to talk about the emotional side of cancer and loss journeys, and so much more.
For more about David and the Cycle of Lives book and project visit:
www.cycleoflives.org
www.instagram.com/cycleoflives_davidrichman
www.facebook.com/cycleoflives
Cycle of Lives was also recently made into an audiobook with actors reading each of the 15 participant’s stories: https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Cycle-of-Lives-Audiobook/B09KHLQQBB
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/griefstroke
So, as it hots up here in the UK for summer, I decided that the symptoms of heatstroke are pretty similar to that of grief, or griefstroke if you will, but are the remedies the same? Plenty of water, wet flannel, moving to a cool place, cold packs in the armpits... Let's find out.
For more help on talking to the grieving and knowing what to do around 'griefy people', read or listen to this previous blog: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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040. Meet Carol Tyler, an award-winning and self-described ‘cartoonist and comics-book person’ from Cincinnati, who is known for her autobiographical comics.
Loss #28 of 101 - Loss through art and the death of a cartoonist.
The genre of autobiographical comics is completely new to us. This genre is all about telling personal stories in the form of comic books or comic strips. Carol and her husband Justin Green have been at the forefront of the movement to create these since the 1970s.
Claire first connected with Carol when she reached out to say her latest comic book was on a similar 'mission to explore grief' as The Silent Why. Her new, unique, comic project explores the landscape of grief set in a place she has called Griefville. Sadly, between our initial connection and recording our conversation Carol’s husband, Justin, died of cancer; adding another element of grief to our chat in this episode.
Justin Green is described as “an American cartoonist who is known as the ‘father of autobiographical comics’," best known for his 1972 comic book: Binky Brown Meets the Holy Virgin Mary.
We feel very privileged to share her story of loss through her own bereavements (eg. losing eight people in four years, including her parents and two sisters), her art (especially Griefville), and more recently losing her husband, which she is processing in public alongside many admirers of his work.
Throughout this conversation you’ll hear Carol refer to a number of published works, and we’ll post images on our social media too, such as:
- The Hannah Story: currently out of print
- Soldier’s Heart: https://amz.run/5lG7
- Fab4Mania: https://amz.run/5lG8
- The Job Thing: https://amz.run/5lG9
To follow Carol and her Griefville progress, including the trees she mentioned, visit: https://www.facebook.com/carol.tyler.18
More about Carol:
https://twitter.com/CarolComix
https://womenincomics.fandom.com/wiki/Carol_Tyler
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carol_Tyler
https://www.fantagraphics.com/collections/carol-tyler
More information on Justin Green:
https://www.tcj.com/remembering-justin-green/
https://www.tcj.com/justin-green-1945-2022/
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/30/arts/justin-green-who-put-himself-into-his-underground-cartoons-dies-at-76.html
For anything else we’ve missed, an internet search will help you out.
To follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post, but this one is a bit different as I'm using this episode to catch-up with a previous Silent Why guest who has been through extra losses since we met her in early 2022.
Chris and I interviewed Katie Joy Duke in Episode 25 of the podcast (Loss 18: Loss of a full term baby), where Katie shared her story about the death of her daughter Poppy on the day she was due to give birth.
Sadly, four days before we released her episode Katie was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. So I wanted to catch up with her to find out how this experience compared to previous losses she'd faced in the past.
Join me and Katie as we chat cancer, chemo, Uncle Fester, false eyebrows, staying healthy, sharing this kind of information with others, physical losses versus bereavements, and much more.
For more about Katie and her book, 'Still Breathing' visit:
https://www.katiejoyduke.com/
Support the show: www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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039. Welcome to Let’s Chat…
These episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat episode I chat to Lis Whybrow about End of Life and Grief Coaching.
Lis lives in our neighbouring county in Worcestershire (like the sauce!) and was a solicitor for over 30 years, dealing with all legal aspects of death and dying, before moving into a new career of life coaching, specialising in end of life and grief.
In this conversation we talk about the difference between coaching and counselling, fear of death, how coaching can help when facing death or loss (either for yourself or friends and family), what is a death doula, what does a coaching session look like, and lots more.
And I'm building a toolkit through these chats, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and process loss, so listen in to see what latest addition Lis wants to add my tool shed.
To find out more about Lis visit her on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lis-whybrow-1483771b6/
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofjuly
This My Why is the next instalment of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year. Well, we’ve reached July.
July is apparently the pinnacle of the good weather in the northern hemisphere, the mountaintop if you will, and there’s a lot we can learn from mountaintop experiences, and valley experiences. Where would you rather be?
There’s also a personal reason I'm especially fond of this month.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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038. England meets New England in the US, as we talk to Clarissa Moll who lost her husband Rob during a family adventure across America.
Loss #27 of 101 - Loss of a young father and husband
In the summer of 2019, Clarissa and Rob took their four home-schooled children on a 3,000 mile coast-to-coast vacation across the United States. Visiting national parks, camping, and seeing old friends. One morning, with a friend, Rob went on a long ridge-line hike, high up in the mountains in one of the most beautiful national parks on the West Coast. It was supposed to be a highlight of their trip, but sadly Rob never returned and Clarissa was informed by two police chaplains that he had fallen and been pronounced dead.
This life-shattering news began Clarissa’s terrifying encounter with grief, and not only navigating it herself, but also parenting four young children through it too.
Clarissa openly talks with us about the pain of losing her husband so suddenly, practical tips for parenting different aged children through grief, dealing with the public attention, sacred boundaries, her relationship with hope, the book Rob published in 2010 on ‘The Art of Dying’, her forthcoming book, and so much more.
For more about Clarissa and her book, Beyond the Darkness, visit: www.clarissamoll.com or follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/mollclarissa
You can purchase Rob’s book in many places by searching for: ‘The Art of Dying: Living Fully Into the Life to Come’ by Rob Moll.
And if you’re new to the podcast and have no idea what a Herman is, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com/herman
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/sunshinedoesntfixeverything
As summer arrives in the UK there's the temptation to assume everyone will be living life to the full, but sunshine doesn't just fix everything for everybody.
Join me to find out if you're a Sunny or a Moony, what patience has to do with the longest day, plus a bit about the struggles of having patience with your own mind and how to get through it.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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037. On 13 March 1996, a 43-year-old man walked into Dunblane Primary School near Stirling, Scotland, and shot dead sixteen pupils and one teacher. Fifteen others were also injured before he killed himself. It remains the deadliest mass shooting in British history.
Loss #26 of 101 - Loss of a daughter in a school shooting
The outpouring of loss and grief that follows a school shooting is vast and wide-reaching. In the wake of the recent school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, we have taken the opportunity to speak to someone who's been at the heart of such a tragedy.
Mick North is the father of Sophie North, one of the five-year-old girls shot and killed in Dunblane. And sadly, this wasn't the only loss Mick faced in the 1990's as just two-and-a-half years earlier, Mick's wife died of breast cancer. While coming to terms with this, Mick also stepped back from his successful academic career, driven to campaign work for tighter gun laws in the UK.
Mick shares with us about the ups and downs of having to grieve so publicly, the challenges of dealing with two huge losses so close together, his memories with his family, his work campaigning in gun control to prevent further tragedies happening, and how he feels every time there’s another school shooting somewhere in the world.
And we end with a special quote which explains why this week's episode artwork has a snowdrop in it (check out our social media to see that).
For more about Mick, Sophie and the Sophie North Charitable Trust visit: https://www.facebook.com/SophieNorthCharitableTrust
Here's where you can buy Mick's book; Dunblane: Never Forget:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dunblane-Never-Forget-Mick-North/dp/1840183004
To watch the Dunblane families and survivors read their letter to Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, as described by Mick, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-nEzMbfyNk
And if you’re totally confused by the word Herman: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/herman
To see our images of our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/livinginthegoodolddays
Increasingly I find myself, with age, looking back to the 'good ol' days' of my youth, where life seemed simpler, easier and less hassled. I find myself starting to utter statements my grandma used to use like 'when I was young...'.
Not having my own children I also find there was so much from my childhood that I was subconsciously storing to pass down to the next generation, which now has no where to go.
It's very easy to think the best days in life are either behind us or ahead of us, and not take any appreciation for today. In this My Why I explore how we can live in the 'good ol' days' now and what I think might be the key to having this mindset.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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036. Introducing Lis Whybrow, a former private client solicitor who spent in the region of 40 years supporting individuals with wills and probate (among many other things).
Loss #25 of 101 - Loss of a professional accreditation.
You might think it was hanging up a 30-year law career that made Lis feel the emotions of loss, but the sadness surprised her when the automatic renewal reminders began pouring in for an accreditation she had with the professional body she’d helped launch decades ago.
As Lis was no longer practising law it was a sensible decision to withdraw her membership of STEP (Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners), but this was more than just not renewing. She was leaving behind something she'd invested heavily in, with her head and her heart, which would be a substantial loss - one she would recognise at a later date.
Lis has now retrained as a life coach, specialising in helping people face the end of their life, as well as other losses and grief. She is back supporting people individually, only this time without any pressure of billable hours.
She opens up on what this transition has felt like, where her identity is rooted, the difference between good and bad losses, as well as planned and unplanned losses, and how losses in the professional world need processing and grieving too.
For more about Lis visit her LinkedIn profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lis-whybrow-1483771b6/
To see our guests and hear more from us, you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/gardenramblings
This week I was struggling a bit with the dreaded 'brain fog', so instead of sitting down to write a blog to read for the My Why I decided to take my phone (and it's fuzzy hat to cut out wind noise) into the garden and share with you how I like to take life lessons from the nature around me.
With so much happening in the garden, at every time of year, I always find there's something there to encourage me, motivate me, comfort me or inspire me.
So come with me into the garden and see what spur-of-the-moment lessons I took from nature to help me this week.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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035. In this episode we (your hosts, Chris & Claire) chat about our recent trip to the big city - London.
Having visited the capital for the 'new international festival for podcasting' - The Podcast Show 2022 - with thousands of other podcasters, we share a bit about what we've learnt, what we saw and what we did.
Listen in for some fun chat about undergrounds, escalators, Hamilton, podcasting things we learnt, £12million flats, Jubilee celebration preparations around Buckingham Palace, and of course, where loss might fit into all of this.
To see our guests and hear more from us, follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofjune
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for the next year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and we’ve reached June.
June is often a month about reflection apparently, and being halfway through the year I can see why, but as I was reflecting last month for me June feels more about movement - no matter how small. Join me as I muse over the Jubilee celebrations here in the UK, whether June is actually spring or summer, marzipan, and how to move forward - even if it feels like moving through treacle for you right now.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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034. Welcome to Let’s Chat…
These episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.
And I'm building a tool kit, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and get through loss. And I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
In this Let’s Chat… I spoke to Jared Altic about Police Chaplains.
Jared Altic has 25 years of experience serving and counselling military and law enforcement families, responding to families of crime victims and working long term with police in areas of wellness. He’s a full-time Pastor and voluntary Police Chaplain at his local police department in Kansas City.
In this episode we spoke about the kinds of situations a Police Chaplain might be able to help with, what does Jared do on a 'ride along' or at a crime scene, why it's important to have chaplains in a job like this, and what Jared has to put in place to avoid compassion fatigue himself. Plus, what does he wear to a call out? And does he actually get sirens on his car?!
To listen to Jared’s podcast, ‘Hey, Chaplain’ visit: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com
Or find Jared on social media:
https://www.facebook.com/Hey-Chaplain-Podcast-103865705279275
https://twitter.com/JaredAltic
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/hermontage
Our podcast is about loss, but it's also about hope. And the biggest dollop of hope we've received so far comes from our guests and their answers to the final question we always ask.
At the end of every Silent Why conversation we ask our guests: What's your Herman? In this My Why I briefly explain why and what it means (for a full explanation visit: thesilentwhy.com/herman) and share with you what each of our guests wants to say to you from their loss, to bless you in yours.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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033. In this episode we chat to Steve Keogh, a former Scotland Yard murder detective.
Steve retired from London's Metropolitan Police in 2021 and since then he's earned a following for his written work and YouTube live videos about his time solving murders.
This episode looks at what it’s like working with loss through murder on a daily basis, as well as the loss of a personal life to a vocation like working as a police officer and detective.
Loss #24 of 101 - Loss of life through murder
We had lots of questions for Steve around such a fascinating area of work and wanted to know if it’s anything like the exciting chase for a murderer that you see on the TV. He told us about what it’s like being the first on the scene for the 7/7 London Bombings, dealing with the families of victims, moments in court after long chases for a conviction.
For more about Steve visit his website: https://murderacademy.com/
Or his social media channels:
https://www.youtube.com/c/MurderAcademy
https://www.facebook.com/MrStevenKeogh
https://www.instagram.com/murderacademy/
And you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcripts available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/disappointedwithlife
Expressing I'm disappointed with life is a new thing for me, but I'm learning it might be a healthy thing too. Maybe even the way forward.
Mo Gawdat says humans are born happy. So what happens when we're thrown into situations in life that disrupt that happiness, and disappointment eases its way in? Can we live a life retaining happiness while weathering the storms? And can expressing our disappointment with life actually help us move towards happiness again? Just a few thoughts I'm mulling over in this episode.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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032. In this episode we hear from Sasha Bates who lost her husband suddenly in 2017 after he suffered an aortic dissection - a tear in the main blood vessel which runs from the heart.
Sasha is a writer and psychotherapist from London, and was married to Bill Cashmore, an actor, director, playwright and perhaps more importantly, a best friend to Sasha. Together their relationship had deepened through experiencing childlessness and also the loss of Sasha’s father.
Loss #23 of 101 - Loss of a husband and best friend
Sasha shares how the losses she’s been through have impacted her, how they've shaped her view of the future and how she can remember Bill and carry on his beautiful approach to life and people. Also, even in the most heart-breaking and unexpected deaths she shares how it has been possible to find positivity in the grief.
For more about Sasha and her books (Languages of Loss & A Grief Companion) or to follow her on social media (@sashbates) visit: https://sashabates.co.uk/
For more information about Bill's life and The Bill Cashmore Award visit:
https://lyric.co.uk/young-lyric/next-generation/the-bill-cashmore-award/ http://www.billcashmore.co.uk/
And you can follow The Silent Why podcast on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/mywhythesilentwhy
This My Why is an overview of The Silent Why podcast, the different types of episodes we put out and why, what's a herman, what's in the tool shed, the top countries and cities listening, how many downloads we've achieved and how you can support us in our mission and passion to help people facing loss.
For our 101 losses list visit: thesilentwhy.com/101losses
To find out what a Herman is visit: thesilentwhy.com/herman
To support my work with the podcast and helping others in loss you can donate via: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Follow The Silent Why on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
031. In this episode we chat to Grant Morgan, from London, whose son Jack tragically passed away from a very rare form of cancer in 2019 .
Loss #22 of 101 - Loss of a 22-year-old son
Grant tells us what this kind of grief and loss looks like for him, how you cope and support a child going through such a horrible disease, if he's ever struggled with asking why it all happened, and why he prefers not to use the ‘D word’ when referring to Jack’s passing.
Grant has taken on the mantle to continue the work Jack started in many areas and is passionate about sharing all his son achieved during his two year fight with cancer.
Jack charted his cancer treatments and journey on Instagram, where thousands of followers drew comfort from his story and experiences, you can still see the account here:
https://www.instagram.com/itsme_jmo
To watch or hear more of Grant talking about Jack's story visit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ1if_C3qOk
https://pod.link/1553363870
Grant also kindly shared this video of Jack for you to see:
https://vimeo.com/451247071/15a9228481
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmay
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for the next year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and we’ve reached May.
May is a beautiful month for nature and in this episode I talk hedgehogs, birds, nature, marzipan (of course!) and reflection. I’ve found May has made me really stop to ponder and reflect on life this year, and it’s a whole mix of feelings from sorrow through to joy.
Plus you can hear what I managed to record of the bird’s dawn chorus, like I promised in the March episode.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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030. In this episode we chat to Alicia Williams, an unexpected TikTok and Instagram sensation from Bedford in Virginia.
Alicia is known as Lady Taphos on social media (Taphos being Greek for 'grave') and has been seen by millions of people cleaning gravestones, but the hidden losses that led her into a local cemetery in the first place were what we wanted to talk to her about.
Loss #21 of 101 - Loss of childhood.
After a traumatic childhood, followed by a difficult divorce and high-conflict custody battle, Alicia felt at war with the world as she saw the childhood she’d wanted to protect for her children also slipping away. And then she entered the cemetery and found peace among the remains of people who could not talk back.
It was during this trauma that Alicia found herself drawn to grave cleaning and the process of restoration, which became metaphorical for her. Once she started she just couldn’t stop.
To see Alicia's work and find out more about her:
https://www.tiktok.com/discover/ladytaphos
https://www.instagram.com/ladytaphos/
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post from the website:thesilentwhy.com/blog. But this week is a bit different because I decided to share my story of infertility instead, as part of National Infertility Awareness Week. And to boldly step into the future, I did it in video form!
Not every story of infertility ends with a baby, and that was sadly our story too. Having decided not to pursue medical intervention or other means of 'getting a child' we are in the category of people that can be hard to understand for some people - 'if you wanted a baby, why didn't you do everything you could to get one?' Well, life's not that simple. To find out more about our 'whys' and 'I don't knows' this episode will give you a small insight into that journey. So you can either listen to it in this episode or view this as a video on YouTube via this link:
And for more about our journey with infertility, you can hear Chris and me chatting all things 'childless' in Episode 3 of The Silent Why:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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029. We've reached number 20 on our mission to find 101 losses, leaving a mere 81 to explore.
In this episode we, your hosts - Chris & Claire, are pausing to briefly explore what we've learned so far on this journey of exploring loss. What are the takeaways? What has encouraged us? What will we try in the future?
We're loving every second of talking to others on the podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own childlessness grief.
And because we ask every guest 'What's your Herman?', we've also gathered together the last 10 guest's Hermans, to hear what they want to share with you to help you in your loss.
Plus as part of a trial we're posting our episodes onto YouTube (audio only) for people who listen there, so you can check that out via the link below or searching YouTube for 'The Silent Why Podcast'.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/thinkorswim
Chris and I recently got back from a holiday in Tenerife. Holidays are important parts of our childless life, and in this episode I explain why, but also look at one of my favourite parts of this particular holiday - the sea.
I really believe you can prepare for some aspects of grief and loss, and since no one avoids it, when it comes your way you could either sink or swim, or maybe, you can think on it before it happens, to enable you to swim better when it arrives.
Follow The Silent Why on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Thanks to Zapsplat for sound effects.
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
028. Welcome to Let’s Chat…
These episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.
And I'm building a tool kit, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and get through loss. And I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
In this Let’s Chat… I spoke to Katie Elliott about Self Awareness.
We featured Katie in Episode 2 of The Silent Why. She lost both of her parents to dementia before reaching her mid-forties. She has so much wisdom and insight around the grieving process and how to stay mentally healthy that I was keen to invite her back to gain some tips and advice on how we can prepare and equip ourselves for loss.
Katie is the founder of Little Challenges, born out of her own time of recovering from a personal crisis, and she loves to help others with the ways she's learned to turn her life around.
One of the areas that Katie has learnt a lot about, in her own experience and helping others, is self awareness and the vital role it plays in coping with what life throws at you.
And the cards Katie talks about which enable you find simple things to help you cope in tough times, are the Amiko cards I mention in the outro.
For more about Katie and her work visit her website, where you can also get a free download of her Amiko poster: https://www.littlechallenges.com/poster
Amiko cards and posters are available to purchase here: https://www.littlechallenges.com/store
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/godheartlessorheartbroken
This episode is the first recording after my bout of Covid, so I'm afraid you can still hear it in my voice a little, I hope it won't distract you in any way.
As this episode goes out on Good Friday I thought I'd theme this week's My Why around the Easter story, but what actually came out when I wrote it was the whole subject of God and suffering. Nice easy, non-contentious subject there then!
I've never really struggled with the whole 'how can there be a God when there's so much suffering?' question, and in this episode I've tried to explain, in my own way, why. I find it fascinating that suffering pushes some people away from the idea of a God, and some people towards Him. Why is that? I think a lot of the answers are found in the Easter story, so when better to try and explore it, than on Good Friday.
Which side of the fence are you on? Is God heartless and impervious to our suffering? Or is he heartbroken as he suffers with us?
And it's a big topic, so it's a slightly bigger episode, so you'll get further in your car, more ironing completed and more washing up done while listening to this one.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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027. In this episode we chat to former soldier Shaun 'Johno' Johnson from London.
Loss #20 of 101 - Loss of veterans to suicide.
Shaun is no stranger to loss. When he was just six years old, his mum died while she was giving birth to his sister. Shaun and his siblings were left with a military dad who, himself, struggled to cope with the death of his young wife.
Years later Shaun followed the familiar footsteps into the military but was discharged with a crush injury 12 years into his intended 22-year career. Another loss. Sadly, Shaun was ill-prepared for his sudden return to Civvy Street, spiralling down and down until a failed attempt to end his own life,. This is sadly not a unique story for military veterans.
However, after a further loss - this time of his dad - and then falling in love with his wife, Shaun chose to regain control of his life, deciding it was worth fighting for. Since then he has dedicated loads of energy to family life, art, music and supporting veterans as they leave the military. He now works for The Poppy Factory and, having lost three ex-military friends in 18 months to suicide, is passionate about raising awareness of the suicide rates among veterans.
To find out more about Shaun visit:
https://twitter.com/Shaun5195
https://twitter.com/OnParadeUK
https://www.youtube.com/OnParadeUK
https://www.shaunjohnson.org
Sadly, the UK loses about 70 to 80 veterans to suicide every year, over one a week, and in the US the statistics are significantly higher, with multiples lives lost per day.
If you need someone to talk to, the Samaritans are always available by phoning 116 123 or by texting ‘SHOUT’ to 85258.
And the National Suicide Prevention Helpline is available on: 0800 689 5652 (UK) or 1-800-273-8255 (US).
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to... well, it's not an episode, but more of a 'notification' from The Silent Why.
We're sadly not sharing a normal episode this week because co-host and producer Claire got Covid!
So here's just a little note from Chris to let you know what happened, what's coming next, and what you can do in the meantime to support the podcast.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, or want to see the photos I refer to, you can find it all here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofapril
👀 - 9 min read
🎧 - 12 min listen
This is the second episode in my 'To every thing there is a season' series, looking at what each month of the year can teach us.
As April arrives in the UK, so does the birth of springtime, and this month teaches me more and more about the value and importance of hope.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
026. In this episode we chat to the amazing Elizabeth Leon, from Virginia.
Loss #19 of 101 - Loss of a newborn baby.
This episode is the third in a small series of three, exploring the different stages that can all fall within 'loss of a baby'. From childlessness through to the death of a newborn, loss of a baby is tragically the story of many people, but the experiences, and types of loss attached, vary greatly. Although in this podcast we don't normally focus too much on one area of a loss consecutively, we felt it was important to show just how many different experiences can be bundled together, in what most people would group as one type of loss.
Elizabeth and her husband brought nine children into their blended family when they married, and then discovered they were expecting their own baby. But they also found out fairly early in the pregnancy there was a chance their baby might have a rare but serious condition called Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards' Syndrome. This diagnosis affects how long the baby will survive and most Trisomy 18 babies will die before, or shortly after, being born.
Sadly their son, John Paul, did have Trisomy 18 and Elizabeth did all she could to meet her son before he died, while facing questions and decisions she never expected to have before her.
Elizabeth and her family got 1,690 precious minutes with John Paul before he died, yet those moments were not filled with the fear and dread you might expect at such a moment.
Through Elizabeth's experience of loss, with the death of John Paul, and her previous divorce, has come a story of beauty, faith and precious words, culminating in the release of her memoir, 'Let Yourself Be Loved', earlier in 2022. This book is a testimony to her journey and the power that such a short life can have.
She also teaches us all about the value of a smash pile!
For more about Elizabeth:
https://www.elizabethleon.org/
https://www.instagram.com/letyourselfbeloved1690/
https://www.facebook.com/letyourselfbeloved
To purchase Elizabeth's book in paperback, hardback or ebook:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Let-Yourself-Be-Loved-Lessons/dp/1646635736/
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are usually weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post, but this week is different as - for the final time - I take you down to the local church graveyard with me, where I record a few of my musings.
I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but as I wandered around our local one I recorded my thoughts out loud to share with you. And as they were 30 minutes long, I split them into three shorter episodes - with this being the final installment.
I've also added some photos to the blog, and a video of my walk up to the churchyard, if you'd like some help with the visual aspect:thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusings
And if you're curious about this Buy Me a Coffee thing I mention, or want to support me, visit: www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
And to see Alicia Williams cleaning gravestones visit: www.instagram.com/ladytaphos/
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
025. In this episode we chat to the lovely Katie Joy Duke, all the way from north of Seattle.
Loss #18 of 101 - Loss of a full term baby.
This episode is the second in a small series of three, exploring the different stages that can all fall within 'loss of a baby'. From childlessness through to the death of a newborn, loss of a baby is tragically the story of many people, but the experiences, and types of loss attached, vary greatly. Although in this podcast we don't normally focus too much on one area of a loss consecutively, we felt it was important to show just how many different experiences can be bundled together, in what most people would group as one type of loss.
Katie unexpectedly went from being a girlfriend, to a fiancé, to a pregnant mother in 72 hours, caught up in a magical whirlwind of suddenly getting married and preparing for the birth of their daughter, Poppy. After an uneventful pregnancy, and labour starting exactly when it was supposed to, Katie and her husband headed to the hospital, only to hear the awful words no parent wants to hear - 'Katie, we can't find a heartbeat.'
Although Katie got to meet her daughter, she sadly wasn't alive, and Katie has done all she can over the last six years to give Poppy's short life meaning.
Poppy's life has taught Katie more than she ever thought it could about forgiveness, the beauty and power of a life never lived outside the womb, and the complications of initial grief and secondary loss.
Katie has processed a lot of her grief journey through writing and is keen to share that with others, especially other mums who will also hear those heart-breaking words. Her memoir, 'Still Breathing: My Journey with Love, Loss, and Reinvention', is due to be published in May 2022.
For more about Katie and to sign up to her author newsletter visit: https://www.katiejoyduke.com/
Or find her on social media:
https://www.instagram.com/katiejoyduke
https://www.facebook.com/katie.duke.351
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiedukecoaching/
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post, but this week is different as I take you down to the local church graveyard with me, where I record a few of my musings (through some loud wind noise, that I've found a way to correct for next time!).
I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but as I wandered around our local one this week I recorded my thoughts out loud to share with you. And as they were 30 minutes long, I've split them into three shorter episodes.
I've also added some photos to the blog, and a video of my walk up to the churchyard, if you'd like some help with the visual aspect:thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusings
And if you're curious about this Buy Me a Coffee thing I mention, or want to support me, visit: www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Follow The Silent Why on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
024. In this episode we chat to the joy filled Lori Alcorn, all the way from Winnipeg in Canada.
Loss #17 of 101 - Loss of multiple pregnancies.
This episode is the first of a small series of three, exploring the different stages that can all fall within 'loss of a baby'. From childlessness through to the death of a newborn, loss of a baby is tragically the story of many people, but the experiences, and types of loss attached, vary greatly. Although in this podcast we don't normally focus too much on one area of a loss consecutively, we felt it was important to show just how many different experiences can be bundled together, in what most people would group as one type of loss.
Lori's dream of being a mother started very young, even being nicknamed a 'baby whisperer' for her natural love and ability with children. She never dreamed she'd be faced with a diagnosis of 'unexplained infertility' after multiple early stage miscarriages left her without the family she dreamed of.
But Lori's determination to cling to hope, despite the rollercoaster ride it dragged her on, and her commitment to her marriage and faith, have led her through the hard times, to a path of joy she never expected from the childless life. And she's published a book to help others stuck in the infertility space, feeling like they have no answers.
Through Lori's beautiful writing she published 'The Pregnant Pause; Finding positivity when all the results are negative', in 2019, charting her journey through uncertain times with infertility.
For more about Lori:
https://www.thepregnantpausecoach.com/book
https://www.instagram.com/the_pregnant_pause/
https://www.facebook.com/thepregnantpauseII
Blog: https://pregnantpausecoaching.blogspot.com/
Purchase Lori's book in paperback or ebook:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pregnant-Pause-Finding-positivity-negative/dp/1772802409
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are usually weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post, but this week is different as I take you down to the local church graveyard with me, where I recorded a few of my musings (with added wind noise, which I've found a way to correct for next time!)
I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but as I wandered around our local one I recorded my thoughts out loud to share with you. And as they were 30 minutes long, I've split them into three shorter episodes.
I've also added some photos to the blog, and a video of my walk to the churchyard, if you'd like some help with the visual aspect:thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusings
And if you're curious about this Buy Me a Coffee thing I mention, or want to support me, visit: www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy
Follow The Silent Why on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
023. In this short episode we're introducing you to the next three episodes which will form a series around one particular area of loss.
Loss #17, #18 and #19 will explore loss of a baby, and what experiences at different stages can look and feel like.
In December 2021 we released Episode 10 (Loss of a young son), after which we were contacted by women who wanted to share their experience of losing a baby to help others.
And whereas we wouldn't normal focus too much on one area of a loss consecutively, we realised (again) how one type of loss can have so many different stories within it.
This episode gives a short introduction to the next three, explains the order they'll be released, talks about where childlessness fits in, and looks at why it might not always be helpful to brand loss of a child as the 'worst grief'.
Is it possible to keep hold of joy when you realise your dream of being a mother is over?
Can there be joy in the hospital room after your newborn baby has died?
What happens when you manage your grief too much and squish it deep down?
What on earth is a 'smash pile'?
Find out over the next three weeks.
Other episodes including loss of a child:
Episode 10 - Loss of a young son
Episode 18 - Loss of a family (Inc. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, or want to see the photos I refer to, you can find it all here:thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch
👀 - 11 min read
🎧 - 15 min listen
Just as there's a lot we can learn from the four changing seasons, I believe each month of the year also has stuff to teach us about life. So I'm excited to share the first blog in the series; 'To every thing there is a season.'
On the first Friday of every month I'll be sharing thoughts, musings and inspiration I've gained over the years, specific to that particular month.
I'm kicking off with March - a month of daffodils, chocolate, pancakes, the beginning of spring, and one particular shrub in my garden that's teaching me to lift my head more in the winter seasons of life.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
022. Welcome to Let’s Chat…
New for 2022, these episodes will pop-up every now and then.
In these episodes, I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.
And I'm building a tool kit, well - actually - a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and get through loss. And I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
For my second Let’s Chat… I spoke to Dr Colleen Crary about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, known as PTSD.
Colleen was diagnosed with a complicated type of PTSD called C-PTSD at the age of 40, and became so fascinated by the condition it became her passion. She now has a Master's Degree in Victimology and achieved a Doctorate in Psychology specialising in PTSD. Her journey is a fascinating insight into this mental condition and having been through over 40 therapists to find the right help, studied Criminology, and partied with homicide detectives, she has a very unique insight on a condition where people experience a permanent alteration, and loss, of self.
However, she also told me there are ways for people to emerge from trauma with more resilience than they had before, and some people have even described it as a positive, life-changing event that brought a greater sense of depth and beauty to their lives.
Colleen shares valuable insights about what PTSD is, how it’s not just something military veterans suffer with, how you can recognise it, why it occurs and what you can do about it.
For more about Colleen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/colleen-m-crary-ph-d-7582a9118/
For more information and symptoms of PTSD:
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Follow The Silent Why on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/toeverythingthereisaseason
The four seasons can teach us a lot about life, but so can the individual months of the year. In this blog I share the details of a new monthly series I'll be starting next week.
And if you're not familiar with the British calendar year, and the feelings and seasons that go with it, you're in for a treat.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
021. In this episode we chat to Diana Tohar, who lives in beautiful Calgary, Alberta, in view of The Rocky Mountains.
Diana is originally from Israel, but moved to Canada (for a second time) with her family in 2018. Sadly, not long after their move their youngest child, Dean, was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer, Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis. He was only 17 months old.
Loss #16 of 101 - Loss of self through parenting a young child with cancer.
Diana’s world and sense of identity was thrown upside down as she was plunged into the world of childhood cancer. Over the last three years she has been grieving the loss of the person she once was, and the faith she once had.
When she came across our podcast she bravely reached out to share to her experience for the first time and help others who will also be experiencing feelings of the loss of self.
Even though 4-year-old Dean is in remission right now, the loss and grief stay fresh, as the family live with the constant fear of another relapse and endless scans.
It’s stories and bravery like Diana’s that made us want to start this podcast in the first place. To share conversations of those grieving that others might find hard to understand, hear, or know about. Diana hasn’t had time beyond her loss to reflect, so this chat is full of the immediate realities of grief and the complexities of processing and walking through it.
Yet through all the pain, Diana is cultivating a coping mechanism of thankfulness and hope. She shares where she grieves, how she grieves, and how being creative through her art has been one of the things that’s saved her.
To see her amazing artwork follow: https://www.instagram.com/oridea_creates/
To find out more about Diana visit: https://www.instagram.com/writer213/
If talking to people who are grieving is something you struggle with, check out our 'How to talk to the grieving' My Why episode or blog for some tips and advice.
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/triggerwarnings
This year the words ‘a weary world’ in the carol O Holy Night ring truer than ever - the world is so weary. So how can we still rejoice this Christmas?
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
020. In this episode we chat to the brilliant and inspiring Maurillia Simpson.
When Maurillia was seven years old, living in Trinidad & Tobago, she told her mum ‘One day I will be a soldier and live where the Queen lives’. Aged 19, Maurillia left home for England and enrolled to be a British Soldier, but had no real idea of what life would look like on the frontlines.
Loss #15 of 101 - Loss of a dream career.
Veteran Lance Corporal Maurillia Simpson completed three operational tours of Iraq, during which she encountered enemy fire, saw comrades killed, drove through minefields and on one occasion was buried alive for 20 hours after a mortar attack. But it was an accident in 2013 which led to her being medically discharged and exiting the army without the full use of her left leg and wanting to end her life on top of a building.
Thankfully "the wind didn't blow" and Maurillia is still with us today, spreading her message of hope and endurance.
As a military veteran, Maurillia has reached incredible heights; drafted as a reserve player for Team GB Paralympics, won gold and silver medals at the Invictus Games in 2014, sang the National Anthem at the NFL in 2021, was part of The Choir for the Invictus Games, sang on Songs of Praise 2020 and BBC Sports Personality 2016, is a member of the Gosp-Ability choir formed for the celebrations of Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding, and has been on BBC R4's Woman's Hour. Her enthusiasm for life is infectious and we feel privileged to share her story with you.
Maurillia singing 'Flesh and Blood' as part of The Choir for the Invictus Games with Gareth Malone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt6pIYmHuBs
Singing 'Just Be' on Songs of Praise with Laura Wright: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgn-Hj3yBlg
Interview on BBC Woman's Hour (from 28 mins): https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0000swb
Meeting Prince Harry:
https://www.zimbio.com/photos/Maurillia+Simpson/R3rSUrTHrUW/Prince+Harry+Competes+Warrior+Games
To find out more about Maurillia Simpson - just Google her :)
Follow us on social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/withoutaclaireintheworld
There is only one version of you in the world, and your uniqueness is worth finding and living. In this blog I share a bit about my passion for writing and the journey I'm on to try and see it in print one day. I hope it will inspire you to find your unique passion and keep pursuing it.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
019. In this episode we share our experience of losing pets.
In our 18-year marriage we’ve loved, and lost, three incredible pets: a Weimaraner dog called Buzz, a giant rabbit called Alan, and a panther chameleon called Murray Green. Each one leaving too early, but also teaching us plenty about grief, loss and ultimately ourselves.
Murray died in 2021, just before we started the podcast, and an hour after he died we decided to record what it felt like, in that moment, in the middle of loss. In this episode you can hear that audio of us processing what it felt like.
Loss #14 of 101 - Loss of a pet.
As hosts, we want to sometimes share the personal losses we’ve experienced because they’ve all played their part in shaping how we’ve seen and dealt with grief, and been our inspiration to launch this podcast.
Visit our social media for a few pet pics. Or for photos and video of Murray in all his glory, you can visit his Instagram feed which is still live: www.instagram.com/achameleonobserved
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving
Not everyone finds it easy to chat to those that are grieving or recently bereaved, so I've put together some tools and tips to help you feel more confident next time you're faced with this situation. And don't forget, grieving people aren't just people who have had someone die, there are many different types of loss.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
018. In this episode we chat to Alina Mavis, in Massachusetts (and that’s not easy to spell for a Brit!).
When we first spoke to Alina she told us she was fairly confident her situation and losses were unique, and that she might even be the only person on the planet who’s faced this situation, and after hearing her story - we had to admit she might be right.
Loss #13 of 101 - Loss of a family.
In September 2020 Alina and her then-husband welcomed their first child into the world, a beautiful baby boy called Quinn. However, in January 2021 Alina’s world was changed forever when her husband came out as transgender, and then a couple of weeks later Quinn died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome at the age of 3 months and 27 days.
This is one of the freshest griefs we’ve explored so far on the podcast (speaking to Alina before the first anniversary of Quinn's death), but Alina’s inspiring way of navigating her grief (with the right help and therapy) has allowed her to verbalise her experiences in a way we know others will benefit from, and we wanted to share that with you.
(And if you're one of those people who just wouldn't know what to say to someone going through a situation like this, Alina gives some great advice to help you.)
Alina co-hosts the podcast, As Long As I’m Living, with another bereaved mum: https://www.instagram.com/aslongasimlivingpodcast/
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/heartsonsleeves
Is it a good or bad thing to wear our hearts on our sleeves? What if they actually were attached to our sleeve? What would that look like?
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017. Welcome to Let’s Chat…
New for 2022, these episodes will pop up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss.
In these episodes, I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us either deal with, or prepare for, loss.
And I'm building a tool kit, well actually, a whole tool shed, of equipment to help you face and get through loss. And I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
I'm kicking off this new series chatting to Sue Brayne about mortality.
Sue Brayne hosts a podcast called Embracing your Mortality where she speaks with guests about why engaging with our mortality matters. She’s a speaker, an author and has been involved with end-of-life research, and years as a therapist working in bereavement and grief, and now she hosts Death Cafes too.
I spoke to her about why facing our mortality and knowing we’re going to die one day is a useful tool when preparing for, or going through, loss. And asked her what actually happens at a Death Cafe?!
For more about Sue visit: https://suebrayne.co.uk/
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/permissiontogrieve
I don't know about you, but I still feel like I'm waiting for permission to grieve at times, especially with the more hidden, complicated, or long term losses. Today I share some more of the losses I've been through and discuss the importance of recognising that only you will walk your journey, so only you can decide how and when you need to stop along the way to grieve.
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016. In this episode we chat to John Platt, an environmental journalist covering endangered species, and Editor of The Revelator. We approached him to find out what the loss of a species looks like to our planet, but also to him as a passionate expert.
John shares with us the ups and downs of covering such an enormous area of loss, the things that bring him to tears and the hope he has for the future, all while watching the very best and worst of what mankind can do to other living species. And we even touched on a new subject for us - the extinction of experience.
Loss #12 of 101 - Loss of a species.
As people who are fascinated by the natural world, we were very excited to chat to John and hear about life on the frontlines covering species extinction and if there’s any hope to be found for our animals, birds, plants and other creatures in the current climate crisis.
And there’s the potential for you wordy types to learn a new word this week - solastalgia.
22 American Species probably extinct article by John: https://therevelator.org/species-extinct-2021/
For more about John you can find him at:
https://therevelator.org/
https://therevelator.org/author/john/
https://twitter.com/johnrplatt
https://www.instagram.com/johnrplatt/
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/bittersweet
Is it possible that everything in life has the ability to be bitter or sweet? If so, how can we live well in the bittersweet?
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015. For our first loss of the year we’re chatting to Virginia Solomons in South Africa, who was badly burned by fire when she was almost two years old.
Virginia tells us what it’s like to live with scars and a loss that is impossible to hide. As well as a loss of self, Virginia felt her main loss was the loss of beauty because of how the world viewed her and the comments she had to endure growing up, but she’s found true acceptance and happiness through her scars and now has a beautiful story of redemption to tell.
Loss #11 of 101 - Loss of worldly beauty.
For more about Virginia visit:
https://www.facebook.com/virginia.solomons
https://www.linkedin.com/in/virginia-solomons-59407931/
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Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/fearful
In the words of Emeli Sandé, when did we all get so fearful?
Is it just age? Is it being female? Why do we let our fears take the reins and steer us in life? And how can we change that? Join me as I explore fear and how we can face it head on.
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Episode #014. Well, here we are in another year, and who knows what 2022 will bring?!
In this episode we’re chatting about how far the podcast has come, why we're even doing a podcast in the first place, what we hope it will achieve in 2022, and how you can help us.
If you want to try a different podcast app, visit this page on our website: www.thesilentwhy.com/listentoapodcast
To read our weekly blog visit: www.thesilentwhy.com/blog
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope
Sometimes our hope feels particularly weak or unstable as we head into a new year, especially if we've have a hard year behind us, or face a tough one ahead. So we've gathered together 10+1 Knows, taken from the Herman's our guests have shared on the podcast, to help you find something to hang your hope onto as the clock strikes midnight and 2022 arrives.
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Welcome to the fifth and last small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why). We've decided to put something out every day between Christmas 2021 and New Year, and five of those episodes will be small audio shorts of hope alongside the usual Friday My Why's and Tuesday The Silent Why episodes.
Hopelet 5 is all about cherishing our hope and why it's worth even bothering to invest our time, and heart, in hope at all.
On our social media hand illustrations this one gets the thumbs up. Literally.
These are the two YouTube video's I mention in the episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PluaPvhkIMU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLFEvHWD_NE
Transcript available: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com.
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Welcome to the forth small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why). We've decided to put something out every day between Christmas 2021 and New Year, and five of those episodes will be small audio shorts of hope alongside the usual Friday My Why's and Tuesday The Silent Why episodes.
Hopelet 4 briefly explores how our hopes don't just guide us, but other people as well.
And because you can count all the hopelets on one hand, literally, we've illustrated them all in this way for you on our social media.
Transcript available: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com.
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Episode #013. This isn’t one of our official loss episodes, it’s Chris chatting to Claire about what it looks like to put one year behind you and see another ahead, and that strange time between Christmas and New Year.
Who’s responsible for the amount of hope we have for a new year? How does it feel when another year arrives and life hasn’t got any easier?
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to the third small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why). We've decided to put something out every day between Christmas 2021 and New Year, and five of those episodes will be small audio shorts of hope alongside the usual Friday My Why's and Tuesday The Silent Why episodes.
Hopelet 3 briefly explores the blessings and the danger of having high hopes.
And because you can count all the hopelets on one hand, literally, we've illustrated them all in this way for you on our social media.
Transcript available: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com.
Social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to the second small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why). We've decided to put something out every day between Christmas 2021 and New Year, and five of those episodes will be small audio shorts of hope alongside the usual Friday My Why's and Tuesday The Silent Why episodes.
Hopelet 2 briefly explores what to do when you feel like your hope is weak, damaged or neglected.
And because you can count all the hopelets on one hand, literally, we've illustrated them all in this way for you on our social media.
Transcript available: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com.
Social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to the first small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why). We've decided to put something out every day between Christmas 2021 and New Year, and five of those episodes will be small audio shorts of hope alongside the usual Friday My Why's and Tuesday The Silent Why episodes.
Hopelet 1 briefly explores what to do when you feel like your hope is small.
And because you can count all the hopelets on one hand, literally, we've illustrated them all in this way for you on our social media.
Transcript available: https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com.
Social media: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/awearyworldrejoices
This year the words ‘a weary world’ in the carol O Holy Night ring truer than ever - the world is so weary. So how can we still rejoice this Christmas?
Episode includes the very rare, very basic, piano playing skills of the host.
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Episode #012. This isn’t one of our official losses, because, technically, it's something you could get back again, but it’s a topic we know many will identify with at Christmas.
For us we’ve found the excitement of Christmas as an adult has dwindled even further as a childless couple, knowing we'll never have our own children to share it with.
In this episode Chris chats about a loss he's felt keenly over the past 15 years of marriage - the loss of Christmas spirit.
Over our Christmas' together we've become very experienced in trying to find our own joy through this season, and share where we've succeeded, and where we haven't.
Oh and, this is the image Chris refers to when chatting about our Christmas' as a two: https://www.instagram.com/p/BdH9HxLhBst/
Big thank you to https://www.zapsplat.com for the additional sleigh bell sound effects to make the episode sound extra Christmassy.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe
So, Christmas. Friend or foe of those that are grieving and facing loss?
I really want to like Christmas but it's hard when you don't have children and it's a time of year that many dread. So how can we reignite our friendship with this season?
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011. We've reached number 10 on our mission to find 101 losses, leaving a mere 91 to find.
In this episode we, your hosts - Chris & Claire, are pausing to briefly explore what we've learnt so far in this exploration of loss. What are the takeaways? And what can we use to prepare ourselves for future losses? Because, let's face it, there will definitely be future losses.
We're also gathering together our first 10 Hermans which offer little shots of life-changing hope for all of us as we bumble along in this strange old world.
And Claire's Know List? Watch out for that on the blog around New Year.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
This week I'm talking about the worst thing about grief. But do not fear (as the Christmas angels say) it's not as depressing as it sounds, because I reckon the worst thing about grief, is actually also the best thing about grief.
Intrigued? Just hit play.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/worstthingaboutgrief
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010. We've reached double figures in our search for 101 different types of loss.
And although all losses can be life-changing to those going through them, if you stopped people on the street and asked them what they might assume the ‘biggest’ loss to face was - a lot of people would probably answer with the one we’re chatting about here.
Loss #10 of 101 - Loss of a child.
In this episode we chat to Anna Whiston-Donaldson, who lost her 12-year-old son, Jack, a decade ago in a freak flooding accident in Virginia, US.
How has she found joy and healing over the last ten years? Is it the biggest loss a person can face? And what’s her link with Brood X cicadas? Hear her answers in the podcast.
For more about Anna and her books visit: https://annawhistondonaldson.com.
You can find her author page and blog link here: https://www.facebook.com/aninchofgray
Or follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annawhistondonaldson/
And for those that want to know more about cicadas, or hear their sounds, we recommend reading this article: https://www.cnet.com/how-to/brood-x-has-emerged-in-full-force-now-when-will-the-cicadas-go-away/
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/wherestherest
This week I've been forced to rest by a nasty little British cold (as you'll hear in my voice), so what better to do while resting than think about rest and write a very short blog on it?
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009. Assya Shabir is in physical pain, day and night. She lives with a disorder called severe Junctional Epidermolysis Bullosa, also known as E.B., or Butterfly Skin. A couple of weeks ago, she popped up on our Instagram feed and we invited her share her journey with the loss of her skin on our podcast.
EB causes Assya's skin to tear or blister at the slightest touch, but she's also dealing with alopecia, pigmentation changes in her skin, osteoporosis and hand deformities.
Yet there's something amazing about Assya, despite her heart-breaking losses, and that's why we got in touch with her. She is filled with an overriding message of hope, joy, and faith. Her strength and endurance was so inspiring we just had to share her story.
Loss #9 of 101.
For more about Assya visit her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/assyaebqueeen (content warnings are used on more graphic images of her condition).
Or visit these links to see her interviewed and skydiving:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-39632829
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-39350922
To learn more about EB visit: https://www.debra.org.uk
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/comparison
This week I'm exploring the subject of comparison. It gets a lot of negative attention because of social media and is even said to be the thief of joy, but can it also be the provider? And is it sometimes more about what's going on inside us, rather than what we're comparing ourselves to?
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008. In this episode we meet podcast host Melissa Bright.
Melissa is passionate about helping others to learn to deal with everyday worry, self-doubt and self-worth issues, by changing the way you think. The journey that brought her to this point involved giving birth at 16 years old and then losing her main support system, her mum, just under 10 years later. With the loss of other family members, loss of a job in the travel industry to Covid, and the death of her father earlier this year, Melissa is no stranger to grief and navigating the various stages.
She talks honestly about losing herself, pushing her grief down, her relationship with her mum, not fully having the conversation she wanted with her dad before he died, feeling abandoned on the planet, and how it wasn’t until she found her purpose and started her podcast that she truly started to find herself again. Melissa is a great advocate for therapy, and medication when needed, to help with anxiety and unpicking emotions we don’t fully understand.
For more about Melissa and her podcast visit: https://www.thebrightsideoflifepodcast.com. And to hear her story in more detail from a young age look for her podcast episode ‘My Story: Part 1’ in October 2020.
Loss #8 of 101.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/themoon
This week I'm introducing you to a friend of mine - the Moon. Yes, he's a little distant at times, comes and goes a bit, and balloons and shrinks down in size monthly, but I'm going to share with you why I believe he's a great example for me, and you, when we're struggling.
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007. Meet our good friend, Hannah. When we started this podcast journey and were starting to search for potential guests, sadly we didn’t have to look far for this loss, and Hannah kindly agreed to share her story with us.
Hannah is married and lives in Liverpool with her husband Jon and two cats. In 2016 her dad died very suddenly when a cerebral haemorrhage took his life as he was driving home from work. Processing this grief over the last five years has led Hannah to a new appreciation for therapy, family, her dad’s parenting, the time they had together and the blessing of even opening your eyes in the morning.
Loss #7 of 101.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, instead of listen, you can visit:thesilentwhy.com/post/lostinside
This week I’m talking about how it feels to lose a sense of who you are inside - whether due to a medical condition, grief, loss or anxiety. I share a blog analogy I wrote while in the middle of a condition called PMDD, which took away my clear mind and sense of self for months (into years) leaving me riddled with anxiety and a general sense of blue-ness. Plus a whole heap of antsy! I also offer my top tips for survival.
“Of course it's happening inside your head Harry. Why should that mean that it's not real?” — J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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006. Meet Trevor Griffiths; author, philosopher, international speaker and founder of Emotional Logic. A man of science, and a man of faith.
Trevor studied medicine at Oxford University and was a pioneering Medical Practitioner for 25 years with an interest in family dynamics and mental health, before he left clinical medicine to prevent illness rather than treat it.
Trevor had a traumatic childhood, surrounded by chaos on every level, part of which involved living with a violent brother who suffered with severe mental health issues - later diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenia. At the age of thirteen he was contemplating suicide, when he had an experience that showed him there was more to life, leading him on a path of exploration.
After some rough years, navigating many unhealthy experiments including drugs to explore consciousness, Trevor found a way to see the beauty under the ugliness of life and founded Emotional Logic. A personal development tool used make sense of unpleasant emotions and loss, helping people to face life’s challenges, build emotional resilience, embrace change and renew life.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode including: mental illness, exploring consciousness with drugs, understanding the not so nice emotions, how loss sits behind depression and anxiety, Post Traumatic Growth instead of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and those pesky but destructive hidden losses. Plus how Emotional Logic is helping children in schools and traumatised communities in South Africa.
Loss #6 of 101.
For more about Trevor visit: https://relatedness.net/dr-trevor-griffiths/
And to find out about Emotional Logic visit: https://www.emotionallogiccentre.org.uk/
Trevor’s book (Emotional Logic: Harnessing Your Emotions Into Inner Strength - by Dr Trevor Griffiths & Dr Marian Langsford) is available on Amazon or via the Emotional Logic website under ‘Buy Resources’.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, instead of listen, you can visit: thesilentwhy.com/post/hellodarkness
This week I read the poem 'Grief' by Gwen Flowers, talk about what it looks like to incorporate the dark little stranger of grief into your life and share clips from podcast guests past and future about their take on the grief journey.
"Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."― C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair
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005. A few weeks ago a social media post, by someone we’d never heard of, went viral and popped up on Claire’s LinkedIn feed. And that was our first introduction to Emily.
The image and what was written underneath prompted Claire to immediately get in touch to ask if Emily would be willing to share the story with us - and she said, yes!
So we’re excited to introduce you to Emily Rodger; Canadian, Sportsperson, Executive Coach, Athlete (2 x UCI GF Cycling World Champion), and keen angler.
Emily’s social media post was an honest image and explanation of the loss of her front tooth, which resonated with thousands of people who flooded to ‘like’ it and leave comments.
However, Emily’s journey with loss involves a lot more than a tooth, and has been far from smooth. Involved in two nasty cycling accidents while a professional cyclist, Emily has had to endure mental and physical traumas, and her reaction to the latest loss - her tooth - took even her by surprise.
See her original LinkedIn post here: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6846786912502497280/
Loss #5 of 101.
Emily’s honest, and heart-warming, social media post has already resonated with many people, now hear the full story as she expands on finding an abundance of life and true joy in some of life's darker places.
For more about Emily you can follow her on Instagram: @erodger or visit: https://emilysrodger.com/
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
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Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, instead of listen, you can visit: thesilentwhy.com/post/theautumnfall
The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go. — Unknown
What can autumn teach us about how to deal with loss? Should it be 'autumn' or 'fall'? And is there such a word as 'autumnity'?
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com.
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004. In this episode we chat to Dan Richards; amputee, cyclist, army veteran, Naked Beach host on Channel 4, model, Invictus Games competitor and "full-time goal getter".
Dan was involved in a near fatal motorbike accident in 2009, resulting not just in the amputation of his right arm and shoulder, but also the end of his long-awaited military career.
His journey towards body confidence, and on to acceptance, took him to some dark places before he reached a point of believing that losing his arm was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Loss #4 of 101.
Dan shares his inspiring life approach of breaking things down into small achievable goals to become whoever you want to be. Plus some great cycling tips for riding with one arm!
For more about Dan you can follow him on Instagram: @theonearmedwonder.
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, instead of listen, you can visit: thesilentwhy.com/post/guardyourheart
This week I look at what it means to 'guard your heart'. And why is it so important when facing loss and grief?
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
003. Part 2. This second part of Episode 003 is just us again, the hosts, as we continue our chat about being a childless couple.
In Part 1, we spoke about our story with infertility over the last 11 years and turning down medical intervention, before drawing a line in the sand.
In Part 2, we answer questions anonymously submitted by friends. Questions they’d like to ask a couple without children, or things they’re curious about. Such as:
How do you feel when people close to you continue to have babies?
How do you find ways to fill the gaps left by childlessness?
How do you deal with the insensitive questions, graciously?
In what practical ways can friends and family best support you?
Loss #3 of 101 continued.
For more about our journey, including photos of our Line in the Sand moment, visit the blog post on our website: thesilentwhy.com/post/alineinthesandys
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For weekly blog posts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Welcome to the first My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, instead of listen, you can visit: thesilentwhy.com/post/whatisloss
This week I explore how you even begin to define a word that can be used to describe extremes from genocide, to the theft of a handbag.
What is loss exactly? Join me to find out.
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.com/post/whatisloss
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For more weekly blogs, the official 101 losses list, podcast episodes, and contact details, visit:
thesilentwhy.com
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003. Part 1. This episode is a bit different, because for 44 wonderful minutes you just hear from us, the hosts.
Chris Sandys: Radio producer, craft beer lover and full-time extrovert.
Claire Sandys: Writer, baker (...not yet a candlestick maker) and full-time introvert.
In this episode, we share our journey over the last 11 years with infertility and childlessness, discussing the choices facing couples like us, turning down medical intervention, fitting into our wider families, whether we are enough for each other as a two, and what our pivotal Line in the Sand moment looked like.
We also asked some of our friends to anonymously submit questions they’d ask a childless couple if they were feeling brave, and they did not hold back! However, the questions were so good we ended up multiplying the episode into two parts. So check out Part 2 next week.
Loss #3 of 101.
Can hope be found when you’re grieving the loss of something you never actually had in the first place (namely, children)? Find out here.
For more about our Line in the Sand moment, including photos, visit the blog post on our website:thesilentwhy.com/post/alineinthesandys
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
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For weekly blog posts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
002. In this episode we chat to Katie Elliott, speaker, content creator, coach and podcaster.
She shared with us what it was like to face the rare situation of losing both parents to Vascular Dementia combined with Alzheimer's, before she was 41 years old. She speaks about having her first breakdown at the age of 12, grieving the loss of loved ones while they are still with you physically, the importance of still connecting with that person, and the invaluable advice of how being kind to yourself also helps those around you. She also tells us how her 'breakthrough came through a breakdown'.
Loss #2 of 101.
Can hope be found when you've experienced both your parents not knowing who you are any more? Listen to this amazing interview to find out.
For more info on Katie, Little Challenges, Little Gatherings, her podcast, or to sign up to her newsletter, visit:littlechallenges.com
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Follow us on social media @thesilentwhypod: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts, the official 101 losses list, or to contact us, visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
001. In this episode we chat to Sue Brayne, author, speaker and podcaster, who describes the end of her marriage as 'one of the great shocks and sadnesses' of her life. It was this, coupled with surviving a light aircraft crash, that led her on a journey to discover what it feels like to properly grieve your losses and accept your mortality. Plus she shares her powerful Herman with us (check out our short Herman episode if you have no idea what that means).
Loss #1 of 101.
Can hope be found through the breakdown of a marriage? Listen and find out.
For more info on Sue, her books and her podcast (Embracing your Mortality) visit: suebrayne.co.uk
Visit the website for official 101 list, weekly blog posts, about us, and all other episodes: thesilentwhy.com
Transcript available on our website or at: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Follow us on social media @thesilentwhypod: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn
For the weekly blog, more about the hosts and the official 101 losses list visit: thesilentwhy.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Meet Herman.
You're probably thinking:
What on earth is a Herman?
Why do I care?
What on sweet earth does a Herman have to do with a podcast about loss?
Even if you don't think you have, you probably have heard of a Herman, but to be sure, tune into this episode for a mere 4 minutes (ish) and find out what it is and why we're asking every guest on our show - 'What is your Herman?'
To read this episode you can visit our blog on the website or view the transcript (links below).
Transcript available at: thesilentwhy.com/post/herman
Visit the website for official 101 list, weekly blog posts, about us, and all other episodes: www.thesilentwhy.com
Follow us @thesilentwhypod: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | Pinterest
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)
Can hope be found in every type of loss?
Join Chris & Claire Sandys, a childless (not by choice) couple, using their experiences of loss to explore where, and when, hope emerges and joy returns in every journey of grief.
This is a mission to find 101 different types of loss, and you can expect: first hand experiences with grief, inspiring guests, honest conversation, tears, laughter and plenty of Hermans.
Visit the website for official 101 list, weekly blog posts, about us, and all other episodes: thesilentwhy.com
Follow us: @thesilentwhypod
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | Pinterest
Or email us: thesilentwhy@gmail.com
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy)